The mother of two children under the age of three who has carried on riding and competing despite others’ doubts wants her fellow parents to know “you don’t have to give up your dreams”.
Katie Reilly’s son Francis was two on 12 January and her second son, Alfie, is three and a half months old. She told H&H she wanted to share her story to show what is possible.
“I was made to believe that I’d have to give everything up because it would be impossible to carry on with children,” she said. “That led to a bit of a decline in my mental health, and it was a case of either pick myself up and carry on, or let it overtake me.
“I want people to know it’s ok and you don’t have to give up your dreams, and what you want to do, just because you’ve got children.”
Katie, who has ridden since childhood, has her own part-bred Friesian Grayson, and also competes Grayson’s sire Hessel, who is owned by her uncle.
“The comments when I had Francis weren’t all negative, but it was all ‘You won’t be able to do that’, and it built up,” she said. “It had a massive effect on my mental health because I went from being 24-7 outside and competing to nothing, it was like I’d lost my freedom. But one day, I thought ‘Whose choice is it?’”
Katie got into a routine of taking Francis to the yard, where some of her fellow liveries would usually be happy to keep an eye on him while she rode.
“I started just taking him, in his pram, while I did the horses, which got us out of the house,” she said. “Then I realised I could still do this. People are happy to watch him while they’re grooming or whatever. Some days it isn’t possible, but I grasp the chance when I get it.”
“There are lots of us here and I think it’s women empowering women,” she added. “There’s a lot of us are or have been in the same boat. I’ve got a friend who’s got a little boy too and was really struggling with child care so I said ‘Bring him here; I’ll watch him while you ride and you do the same for me’, and we made that work.”
Now, she will take advantage of days she has childcare and go out for a ride, and at other times, is grateful for those who will keep an eye on the boys. Katie acknowledges that every mother’s situation will be different, but believes that it is mindset that is crucial.
“If I felt what I did, I’m sure there are others feeling the same,” she said. “It’s about convincing yourself that you can manage. It’s easy to think people are right and you’ll have to give up; I had to snap out of it and find out how I could make it work.
“Francis is obsessed with the horses now and happy to be with them, and Alfie’s been asleep in his car seat today while I’ve been plaiting for a show tomorrow.”
And, Katie added, her situation has had a positive effect on her riding and competing.
“It gives me more determination to do better,” she said. “If I’m doing less shows, the ones I do, I make count. Before, I might go and if I did well, or not, that was it. Now, I put in the practice and push myself out of my comfort zone, and prove I can do it.
“And I’m more determined to ride; the weather might be bad but that might be the only day I get to ride, so I go for it. I just want women and girls to know they don’t have to put their lives on hold. I’m going to a show tomorrow – and I’m going to do well. Don’t start to believe you can’t do it because it is still possible.”
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