From Broomstick, the skinny thoroughbred who liked to take off, to a Treasure who was anything but, some funny horse names are so bad, they’re unforgettably good…
1. Houdini
Obvious reasons, often found wandering around the stable yard.
2. Bunny Killer
Real name Murphy, but nick-named Bunny Killer after he trampled some rabbits to death in his field.
3. Badly
Always amusing to hear: “next in, we have Jo Bloggs riding Badly”…
4. Clear So Far
That’s how to jinx every jumping round and be condemned to a life of always having the first fence down.
5. Prudence
She opened gates, her stable door, untied ropes, went into the feed room and flipped up lids, and even climbed through electric fencing. But she always weighed up the pros and cons of her actions so she never got hurt.
6. Bandit
A Shetland pony. He was very naughty and always up to mischief. A perfect match for his name.
7. Hannibal Lector
Used to kill rats in his stable. Also one day turned to the horse in the stable next door and bit its tongue out.
8. Snoreen
He actually snores when he’s asleep. It’s hilarious.
9. Puff
This little grey pony farted a lot at Pony Club.
10. Wotsit
We could never remember his name. We’d say “Y’know, what’s his name”, and eventually Wotsit stuck.
11. Lucky Strike
Turned out to be a ringer. Not such a lucky strike!
12. Trauma
He had a difficult birth. Life was always a bit of an uphill struggle for him with that name.
13. Heidi
A 12hh Welsh mountain pony. She was palomino with long blonde locks.
14. Nipper
A 14.2hh New Forest/thoroughbred who used to mistake hair for hay.
15. Spirit Of Independence
She was born on 4 July… Independence day. But she was certainly a ‘free spirit’ and would ditch her rider at any given opportunity.
16. Pants
His actual stable name is Smartie, but somewhere along the line this evolved into Smartie-pants, then just Pants. Cue funny looks calling his name at shows.
17. Broomstick
A bay thoroughbred who liked to take off.
18. Treasure
A 12hh Welsh chestnut mare and a total pain in every way possible. Banned from Pony Club. Not a Treasure in any way, shape or form.
19. VIP
Which has, bizarrely, been elongated for his stable name into Very Important Peanut — or Peanut if we’re feeling lazy.
20. Hoarse
A horse with a minor respiratory problem. Bit of a cruel name, but also, in its own way, inspired.
21. OP
He’s ginger and it stands for Orange Pony. He is even freezmarked OP.
22. Horsey McHorseFace
A racehorse named after Boaty McBoat Face. He is now in training in Australia.
23. Massey
She was hugely fat when she arrived, so she got called Massey (as in Fergurson) before anyone checked the name in her passport.
24. Fab
She isn’t. She’s just generally angry about life and likes to make her feelings plain.
You might also be interested in:
If you glance at the cob entries in a show schedule you’ll probably find yourself smiling. But what is the
50 funny dog names to raise a smile without embarrassing your canine friend
Cobsmopolitan anyone? Why show cobs have such brilliant names
14 of the most haylarious horsey puns you’ve ever herd (get it?)
Subscribe to Horse & Hound magazine today – and enjoy unlimited website access all year round
Horse & Hound magazine, out every Thursday, is packed with all the latest news and reports, as well as interviews, specials, nostalgia, vet and training advice. Find how you can enjoy the magazine delivered to your door every week, plus options to upgrade your subscription to access our online service that brings you breaking news and reports as well as other benefits.
