If you’ve ever been completely put off someone or something at the yard, chances are you’ve fallen victim to the equestrian ick. Once caught, it’s difficult to remedy – it might just be simpler to commiserate with the rest of us.
The equestrian ick: what is it?
For those not in the know, “the ick” is a dating concept first coined in US TV comedy Ally McBeal, but its popularity reached new heights when it was popularised on UK dating show Love Island. In its purest form, an ick is something – often a mannerism or personality trait – a person does that makes you cringe. In the dating world, icks can be so extreme that they completely turn you off someone, even signalling the end of the relationship.
Dating icks can be obvious, like chewing noisily or being rude to serving staff, or a little more buoyant, banal and downright bizarre. Examples include a romantic prospect struggling to find the end on a roll of Sellotape, or dropping something that gets caught by the wind, forcing them to chase after it all hunched over.
Icks have taken on a variety of different genres. Platonic icks apply to friends, you can give co-workers the ick by labelling your food or leaving crumbs in your keyboard. Increasingly, horse folk are coming forward with their own brand of equestrian ick.
So, how might we define an equestrian ick? From our point of view, it’s anything that repulses, puts off or makes an equestrian cringe and could encompass a saying, and action, even a feeling – as long as it relates to horses.
Equestrian icks: what makes us cringe?
Icks debunked, it feels only right to list some of the most ear-burning examples we can think of. Mind you, icks can be personal – so, if you don’t feel “seen” reading this list, do let us know what we’re missing.
1. Riding without a hat
Let’s start with a serious one. This is an absolute no-no and possibly the cringiest thing someone can do on multiple fronts. Firstly, the sheer second-hand embarrassment that the rider in question thinks this is a good move. Secondly, the uncomfortable knowledge that their head is unprotected. Bonus ick if the person posts a video of hatless riding on social media…
2. Saddle pads not being pulled up at the wither
Have you ever looked down and noticed your saddle cloth isn’t neatly bordering the pommel any more? Oh no. We pity your horse’s withers.
3. People being precious about horse poo
More frequently griped about from the comfort of social media by beleaguered local residents tired of a few lumps of chewed-up grass adorning the road. However, this attitude can be seen in real life when un-horsey relatives shimmy away from any suggestion of manure when visiting a yard. No one told you to wear your white Adidas!
4. Untucked leather straps
Girths. Nosebands. Stirrup leathers. It just hurts to see these flapping about!
5. An (un)helpful helper
We dream of training up non-equestrians friends, relatives and partners to be useful, but frequently do they fall short. Jobs like yard-sweeping and poo-picking, surely no one can get them wrong, right? And yet, when they proudly show you their handiwork, all you feel is dismay. The droppings are only half picked up and the yard is somehow messier than when you left it. Their delight in such meagre results only serves to magnify this ick. Next time they ask for help with washing dishes, be sure to leave them half done – and see how they respond!
6. Forelock tucked into browband
Usually spotted in the arena mirrors if you’re the one riding. For the observer on the ground, this equestrian ick may be intensified by the rider reaching forward to release said forelock.
7. “Horses are so majestic…”
Usually uttered by the uninitiated and directed at the most run-of-the-mill-looking nag you’ve ever seen. Why is this the go-to descriptor for horses when they regularly spook at their own farts? Baffling.
8. Riding with hair untied
Getting to the yard and realising you haven’t brought a hair tie? Gutting. Check your horse’s grooming box to find no plaiting bands? Soul-destroying. You resign yourself to the discomfort of riding with loose hair, hoping the matronly yard owner doesn’t spot you and tell you off. That said, the feeling of pulling a plaiting band out of your ponytail is an equestrian ick in itself.
9. ‘But doesn’t that hurt him?’
What, having him shod? Gently pulling the girth up? Putting his headcollar on? No, it doesn’t. But I might hurt you, if you keep asking.
10. Not having your horse caught up for the farrier
We’ve all tutted at the one livery who’s turned up to find the farrier sitting in their truck, waiting for a horse grazing merrily half a kilometre away. But don’t be so quick to judge – you too have felt the white-hot shame of keeping them waiting at some point!
11. Someone pestering to feed your horse and snatching their hand away…
… as soon as his lip makes contact with their palm. Practice makes perfect, especially if you’re not used to a giant creature taking food from your hand… but still.
12. When you don’t get the canter transition spot-on
Cue the horse’s legs going a mile a minute and you barely holding on in hyper-speed sitting trot for the entire short end. For shame!
13. “That’s a lovely bridle!”
Thanks. It’s actually a headcollar and I feel like I never want to speak to you again, but thanks all the same.
14. Skull caps with no silk
RIP you when you discover a wayward branch has plucked it from atop your hat while hacking.
15. And finally, spectating at shows in full competition gear
Not to go all Trinny and Susannah – people only need wear what they feel most comfortable in – but turning up to Olympia in boots and jods? Comfort doesn’t even come into it.
You may also be interested in…
23 of the most embarrassing comments we’ve ever seen on a dressage sheet
9 little white lies all horse riders will tell from time to time
The non-horsey partner’s guide to the summer show season
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