Driving skills
Why you should…
The Jeremy Clarksons among you cannot fail to be impressed by the driving skills of the average equestrian. Watch us reverse an Ifor Williams trailer half a mile up a single-track country lane, or nimbly fit a lorry through a space that doesn’t look big enough for a Mini.
Why you shouldn’t…
Once we’ve lured you into a relationship, it’ll be you driving that trailer or lorry. Forget lazy Sunday mornings slumped in front of Match Of The Day, you’ll be blearily bumping round the Wiltshire countryside at the crack of dawn most weekends, trying to find the lorry park for your beloved’s latest one-day event.
DIY fiends
Why you should…
The opposite of damsels in distress, we’re pretty nifty at all sorts of DIY from fixing torn rugs to mending broken guttering. And we possess near super-strength from lugging giant sacks of chaff from the car to the feed-room.
Why you shouldn’t…
If you’re looking for a partner who’ll boost your ego, mop your brow, and listen to your endless stories about how unfair it is that Jeff pipped you to that promotion at work, you’re barking up on the wrong tree. It’s not that we’re unsympathetic, it’s just that you haven’t really known stress until you’ve been up all night with a colicing horse, or experienced the panic of a random stranger ringing to tell you that Snowy has got loose and is charging up and down the A33. We don’t mean to sound harsh, but grow a pair!
Competitive streak
Why you should…
As well as being athletic, with great muscle tone, many of us are extremely competitive. We probably don’t need to spell out to you how, exactly, this can be an advantage…
Why you shouldn’t…
Spending a whole day driving to an event, competing, then driving back, mucking out and sorting out the horse is pretty damn exhausting. You’ll be lucky if we stay awake long enough to eat dinner after all that, let alone spend the night swinging from the rafters.
Tight white breeches
Why you think you should…
While the uninitiated may believe there’s a certain sexy frisson about the whole dressage look — tight white breeches, black coat, knee-high boots and of course, whips and spurs…
Why you shouldn’t…
But in reality, we are unlikely to waste these on entertaining you in the bedroom. You’re far more likely to find us falling into bed after dispatching the holey two-tone jodhpurs and hairy fleece — or even the onesie worn to turn out the horses because we were in too much of a rush to get dressed — which is rather less of a turn-on.
Cheap dates
Why you should…
We’re cheap dates. Without much time to socialise, one sniff of the barmaid’s apron is enough to get us sozzled.
Why you shouldn’t…
Many equestrians consider 10pm to be a ridiculously late night — and if you had to be up at 5.30am every day, you would too. But it doesn’t exactly make for a romantic evening… And while we’re on the subject, yes, Paris in the springtime is a wonderfully romantic idea, but have you any idea how much it costs to put a horse on full livery so we can go on holiday? How about a day trip to Blackpool instead?
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