Dear diary,
So I can finally announce my BIG news! Admittedly those on my Facebook pages already know but only because my mother is a social media tart bucket who can’t keep her mouth shut.
So two years ago I made my debut at the cult event “Your Horse is Alive” and hung out with Mary King, Carl Nester and Nip and Tuck-Shop (that boy’s subsequent improvement in performance is totally down to the pep talks I gave him at night when stabled next to him).
Back then I think I was invited to balance out all the prancing that Mr Nester and his horses were doing and this year is no different — only this time the prancing is in the form of Charlotte What’s-her-face. Mum said people would pay money to see Charlotte Something-to-do-with-a-garden ride me so I’m am mildly panicking that I’ve been set up. Aunty Becky says I haven’t and that the most prance thing I’ll be doing is flying around the big posh warm up arena in a morning for a leg stretch before I go to meet my fans. Don’t get me wrong, being in the limelight in that arena showing off to legions of worshipping women has its appeal but jumping over things is much more my forte…
So on the 12th and 13th November I shall be at Stoneleigh Park waiting for cuddles, kisses and carrots — not necessarily in that order. Please come and say hello, if only so that it makes mother think people like her…
Stay posted to my Facebook pages for more news over the next few weeks.
So things up at the yard have calmed down as all the high maintenance ginger prancing drama queens seem to have untwisted their knickers — at least for the time being. Well I say that. They had up until yesterday when my old friend Evil Army Man came to visit.
Now for those of you who haven’t followed me from the start (and seriously people why not?) you might not know that Evil Army Man used to teach mum and dad to ride. He’s a scary ex Army man who could reduce even my big brother Poof bags (all 17.2hh of him) to a veritable nervous wreck with a twitch of his eyebrow. He knows every trick in the book and was always three steps ahead of all of us. He however stopped teaching and carried on with the other side of his evilness – dentistry – and has been playing with my teeth ever since.
Because I am an all round amazingly cool dude I can have power tools in my mouth and I don’t so much as bat an eyelid so Evil Army Man will quite happily come to do my teeth when mum’s away and Aunty Emily stays with me. The chilled out vibe I have going on is not shared with the other equine wimps on the yard with one even having to be sedated to allow EAM within 15 feet of him.
Continued below…
Read more from Hovis:
Hovis’ Friday diary: ‘Mother suggested more than once my dam might have been a harlot with the morals of an alley cat and no taste’
Hovis’ Friday diary: ‘Mother grabbed my Hovis sausage with the vigour of a dieting woman grabbing a bacon baguette’
Hovis’ Friday diary: ‘We were drenched in sweat and both considering murder’
Anyway EAM now has a trainee Evil Army Lady with him so she did my teeth while EAM did the little ginger dudes and the small prancing ginger dude. I did of course take this very personally and made a mental note to start becoming more high maintenance at the soonest opportunity so I can actually get some attention. Seems to work for my mother…
So now I have sparkly clean teeth, an invite to the cult event, an opportunity to meet my fans and hobnob with some lesser celebrities than myself including Charlotte-What’s-her-face. What an amazing opportunity! I just hope she manages it with the professionalism that Mary King displayed when in my presence — I can’t cope with hysterical females, I have enough in my life already…
Laters,
Hovis
