Dear diary,
My name is Hovis and I am a horse. But I am no ordinary horse. I am a horse with the healing powers of a super hero, an artificial lens, X-ray vision and mutated blood. I am Hoverine.
Only a few weeks ago I was as blind as a bat. Then Chris the Veterinary Vision sight wizard performed surgery and voila, I could see again. But then fate dealt me another bum hand and I developed a massive legion on my new eye which was nearly as big as the original cataract had been. Everyone was concerned, I was taking more drugs than a banned US sprinter, boss lady and mum were working around the clock to shove so much fluid into my eye I permanently looked like Halle Berry doing an Oscar acceptance speech and I was seeing Herman’s less German assistant pretty much every day.
All discussed the weeks it could take for me to heal, how big the legion was and just how big a hill I had to climb. Piffle. How dare they doubt the Hoverine? In my usual inimitable style I have defined the odds once more and have got rid of the legion. I am sure this is due to the powers now surging through my manly frame. Mother thinks it the vast amount of expensive drugs they’ve been forcing into every known orifice. But then she also thinks she’s a passable rider so let’s face it her grasp on reality has never been that great…
So I am now legion-less and was hopeful last week of tube removal but alas the dastardly duo of Chris the vision wizard and Herman’s much more glamorous assistant decided that I should have steroids for the next week or so and as such my Hannibal Lector tubing has remained. Along with Madonna’s under-garments on my face. I mean seriously people? I have a new X-ray eye with the ability to see through rugs and all of this is in vain because no mare is going to come near me when I have a bra on my face making me look like the unfortunate result of a massive wardrobe malfunction. All I can say is that when I get issued with my cape the same fate better not befall me as it did her…
So today is hopefully TRD (tube removal day) which will result in me being sent to la-la land but hopefully this time I shall wake up without my own irrigation system behind my ears and down my face. I do worry that there are so many holes in my face that once all these tubes come out I shall leak every time I take a mouthful of water like some sort of overgrown novelty watering can. I am assured that I won’t be scarred for life but a boy does worry — I mean looks like mine don’t come for free — bog brush manes take work…
Continued below…
Hovis’ Friday diary: mother has written my for sale advert
So keep all crossed for me — if I can actually get all these stuff out of my face etc. I might actually allow mother to take my photo again without my batman bra on. Maybe.
Hopefully see you laters,
Hovis
