Do any of the following ring a bell? Or do you have other traits that set you apart from those who have not yet been bitten by the horse bug?
1. You are never without minor bruises you can’t precisely explain — most probably the work of barn door hinges, wheelbarrow handles and pitchforks.
2. You can only assume that when others talk about “spare income” they’re referring to their “equestrian kit/shows budget”.
3. You’ve been known to use Kaolin as a facemask, and Mane n Tail in lieu of conditioner, while vetwrap is better for securing dressings than any human bandage you’ve ever tried.
4. You’re yet to see a physio about your sciatica and back pain. Your horse, however, has monthly visits from his.
5. You have a dustpan and brush for your horse’s stable, but none in the house.
6. At least one of your limbs is set slightly funny — a subtle reminder of a childhood fall (which absolutely was not the pony’s fault).
7. Your equine has at least 17 rugs. You, meanwhile, have one yard coat that is no-longer waterproof, and two non-yard coats — both of which have holes in the lining. NB: if you fancy improving your yard coat situation, then don’t miss this great deal on an alternative to the EquiDry.
8. You happily pay to get your horse clipped, but can’t remember the last time you went to the hairdressers.
9. Similarly, you reckon anyone would have to be some sort of primadonna to buy themselves a new pair of shoes every other month at around £100 a pop. Dobbin, on the other hand, obviously can’t go longer than five weeks.
10. If it’s about to hammer it down with rain mid-afternoon, you rush out to get your horse in so he stays dry, while you end up resembling a drowned rat.
11. Last Christmas, your loved one bought you a super-duper wheelbarrow. (Other halves take note that this could well be rated as the best gift ever by your horsey partner.)
12. On arrival at a party, you’re every friend’s go-to person for reverse-parking their car into the most unfeasibly small of spaces – they’ve seen you at the helm of that huge lorry.
13. You look at your Dorset Cereals and think: “My horse would love this!”
14. That annoying itch behind your knee, under your tights, is actually a stray piece of hay.
15. You can’t remember a time before horses. And you can’t imagine life without them.
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