# Horsehunting but am I trying to find the impossible?



## Milly Molly 1966 (27 December 2013)

The advice on here is great so I am hoping to get some too!

I have been looking for a horse to purchase since August and have so far been unsuccessful. 
I am looking for a mother and daughter share. I used to have my own horse up to the age of 26 (am now 47) but am returning to riding after a long break. My daughter is 16 and a novice and we are both currently taking lessons at a riding school.  I am extremely nervous now and up until last April would not have thought I would get on a horse again but slowly I am trying to get over this. We started sharing a lovely ID and my confidence went up...now we cannot ride this horse anymore so started looking for our own. We started having riding lessons again to keep our riding up....but while my daughter is progressing well, I seem to have confidence issues again (It didn't help though that the cob I was riding bucked every time I tried to get it into my first canter - I have now changed horses!)

We would love to find a horse of our own but I am trying to find something suitable for both of us. It would need to be very calm and laid back and confidence giving. We have been to see a few but now feel a bit like giving up. 

You first have to look at the ads - so I go for the ones suitable for a novice. I ask the right questions and the owner thinks it may be suitable (bearing in mind they want to sell the horse so you are never sure if they are telling you the truth). You tell them that you are nervous (but they have no idea normally as they have never been like that themselves)
You try and narrow down your search area but they are generally 1-2 hours away so we are limited to a Sunday only due to school and Saturday commitments.
The ones we have been to see have been unsuitable for different reasons but I feel like trying to find a horse is so time consuming and scary. I have tried the wanted ads but am mainly offered very old horses or from mums that have daughters that go off to uni but they don't really know if the horse is suitable for  novice.

Does anyone have such a horse? Is it an impossibility?   And any hints on what I should be looking for from the ads? I have found a great yard but just need the horse!  
Thank you


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## luckyoldme (27 December 2013)

its risky buying a first horse.
The one thing I would advise is to google the sellers name and phone number.
Might sound silly and sorry if im teaching you to suck eggs, its just that I could have saved myself a lot of trouble if I had done that.
the other thing is that evan the calmest most bombproof horse can become very unsettled when moving to a new home......... and a nervous new owner can make them think they have reason to be nervous themselves!
The fact that you have taken so long looking means you must be a lot more carefull than I was though!
Once I had bought my horse I found that I got to know more that were for sale.......so would you be able to spend some time around the yard speaking to horsey people?


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## Meandtheboys (27 December 2013)

What area are you in and what is your budget - what you are looking for will not be cheap and people on here might be able to advise whether your budget is sufficient enough.


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## highlandponygirl (27 December 2013)

Speak to your riding instructor and ask for her help in looking for something suitable for you. She'll know your capabilities and confidence level etc and will be able to help you find something to suit you or might know of a horse for sale that might be ideal. Sometimes these types of horses are moved on through word of mouth as there are always people looking for safe/ confidence giving horses/ponies.


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## Milly Molly 1966 (27 December 2013)

Hi...thanks for the reply....I did just that.... a few weeks ago we arranged to view a horse (over an hour away) and it said it was suitable for a nervous/novice and we exchanged several emails so was getting confident that this horse would be suitable...I googled the phone number and found that a few months previously she had an ad for a share which stated the same horse needed an experienced rider as it had been out of work for a while. We decided not to go....
You just don't know who to trust.....


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## Milly Molly 1966 (27 December 2013)

sorry..you are far too quick! my reply was for luckyoldme


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## Milly Molly 1966 (27 December 2013)

Meandtheboys said:



			What area are you in and what is your budget - what you are looking for will not be cheap and people on here might be able to advise whether your budget is sufficient enough.
		
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I am in High Wycombe, bucks. First of all my budget was 5k but then people told me this was too high as this was for the more competition type horses. Ideally would like to spend around 2.5 - 3.5k


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## ihatework (27 December 2013)

Milly Molly 1966 said:



			I am in High Wycombe, bucks. First of all my budget was 5k but then people told me this was too high as this was for the more competition type horses. Ideally would like to spend around 2.5 - 3.5k
		
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I would say to be flexible on your budget. If you can stretch to 5K then this will open up more options to you.
A competition horse and a mother/daughter saint are completely different horses for different markets and often what you seek could be priced higher than a competition horse.

You aren't too far from me.

Have you decided on a yard yet? Have you involved any professionals to try and help you find the right horse?


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## Milly Molly 1966 (27 December 2013)

ihatework said:



			I would say to be flexible on your budget. If you can stretch to 5K then this will open up more options to you.
A competition horse and a mother/daughter saint are completely different horses for different markets and often what you seek could be priced higher than a competition horse.

You aren't too far from me.

Have you decided on a yard yet? Have you involved any professionals to try and help you find the right horse?
		
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We have found a yard with experienced owners and instructor. I have just found a local horsehunter who said they will help but will be limited to 1 hour driving from their location. Someone just told me about safecobs so have phoned them....but they have a long waiting list!


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## ihatework (27 December 2013)

Milly Molly 1966 said:



			We have found a yard with experienced owners and instructor. I have just found a local horsehunter who said they will help but will be limited to 1 hour driving from their location. Someone just told me about safecobs so have phoned them....but they have a long waiting list!
		
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Have you seen horsequest advert 58383?
Local enough to be worth a viewing? (I don't care much for the gushy advert!)


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## Girlracer (27 December 2013)

Where are you looking? (I.E what websites etc?)


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## Milly Molly 1966 (27 December 2013)

ihatework said:



			Have you seen horsequest advert 58383?
Local enough to be worth a viewing? (I don't care much for the gushy advert!)
		
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thank you....I have seen this one but wasn't sure if was a bit small for us....I am 5ft8 and 14st and daughter 5ft 9 and about 11st


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## ihatework (27 December 2013)

Milly Molly 1966 said:



			thank you....I have seen this one but wasn't sure if was a bit small for us....I am 5ft8 and 14st and daughter 5ft 9 and about 11st
		
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Hmmm, possibly a bit small for you.
You probably need a chunky 15.3/16hh type - and safe easy versions of those don't come cheap, so I would budget to spend your original 5K (and if you find one cheaper consider it a bonus!).
Other dealers that seem to have a reasonable rep for this type are Stubely hollow and clip clop traders


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## luckyoldme (27 December 2013)

Milly Molly 1966 said:



			sorry..you are far too quick! my reply was for luckyoldme
		
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im sorted now! my nightmare horse and I kind of came to an agreement. 
He accepts that im not the best rider in the world on account of the fact that im the one with the food.
If I was to do it again though I would really like to avoid the trips to a and e and said horse galloping flat out down a very busy a road followed by me in my jeep!


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## Cortez (27 December 2013)

A first horse is always a difficult one! I really think you should reconsider the older horses; anything under 10 is unlikely to be steady enough to compensate for your inexperience, and even 20 year olds could give you many years of wise council. And be prepared to travel; you may be lucky and find what you're looking for on your doorstep, or you could have to go much farther afield.


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## Suec04 (27 December 2013)

My daughter and I are in exactly the same position as you! in fact your post could have been written by me too! 

I also feel your pain. I  have travelled up to 3 hours away to see a horse suitable for a nervous novice, only to find that she hadn't been ridden for 8 weeks and was spooking, bucking and half rearing when they rode her. I refused to get on and there was no way I was going to allow my 13yr old to get on it. buying a horse is terrifying and my budget is around the 2k mark. I have opted to look for an older horse for us now. I had previously dismissed these but have decided to take the advice of some posters on here and look at these now. not only will they hopefully have been there got the t-shirt, but providing they are sound and have good legs/feet, will last us a few good years. plus they will be more in my price range.  I have been passed the name of someone local who will hopefully be able to help us. Good Luck in your search and let me know if you come across anyone who was helpful in your search. We are not so far from you either  x


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## Lgd (27 December 2013)

I would happily recommend Stubley ( http://www.stubleyhollowhorses.com/ )
They found two horses for a friend of mine and both were exactly what it said on the tin. They were very upfront with A when she was looking for her first horse - they had nothing suitable at the time but took her details and contacted when they found something. 10 years on she still has the same mare. She was in her late 40's, only started riding at 45yo and quite a nervous nellie. When the mare had sidebone a few years ago and needed time off she bought another from them and then sold it on no bother when the mare came sound and back into work. A doesn't ride now due to arthritis but the horse is such a saint her trainer has leased her to use in the riding school as a schoolmaster.


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## Pearlsasinger (27 December 2013)

I, too, would say don't rule out older 'been there, done that' horses.  I would also consider ride and drive horses as they have very often been bred/broken/brought on by real old-fashioned horse people who know what they are doing, so the horse knows its job inside out.  Personally I try to avoid 'home-bred' as I never trust one foal breeders to do the job properly (sorry if I've offended any-one, just personal experience).


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## AdorableAlice (27 December 2013)

There is a lovely 13 year pure ID mare on the Irish Draught (GB) website.

I would just be a little cautious with the irish cob importers.  These young cobs come over in the rough and 'made' by the importers very quickly.  They are then sold out as quiet and easy.  Indeed most are pleasant tempered types but once they are rehomed, fed and not worked will often prove to be a little 'Kevin' like, and more than able to take advantage of their new novice owners.


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## rach1 (27 December 2013)

Have you tried contacting the local hunt/pony club/riding club? The secretaries can keep an ear out for something local. Quite often good local horses will be sold by word of mouth alone and you may find a gem on your doorstep.

Good luck!


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## SHCC (27 December 2013)

I know someone who might be able to help you in your search, or have a suitable horse for sale.
She is not a dealer, and I bought my horse from her in 2010.
PM me if you'd more details.


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## EmmyMD (28 December 2013)

I would totally recommend the older, been there done that sort. http://www.fec-me.com/horses-for-sale/ a few of these look suitable, or horse quest 87849

What you are looking for is in fact, few and far between and usually cost a bit. 
I have two totally bombproof horses, who i think are nice, straightforwards rides, but i'd not put a nervous novice on them in 10000 years, because they've only ever had professional jockeys/work riders on them or (poor them) me, i've not a clue in hell how they'd react. Because i think there are very few horses i'd like to guarantee are nice mother/daughter saints at all times, and often these horses don't get advertised, they are sold long before the owner needs to advertise, there was a STUNNING cob (this is coming from someone that can't deal with anything chunkier than a NH type thoroughbred) on my yard owned by a novice totally nervous rider who had a 4 person long waiting list for when he got sold, and i think he was about £6k. Granted not all safe horses are as stunning as he was but what you want costs money. There are thousands of horses that aren't 'difficult' or spooky but still wouldn't be suitable for a novice or nervous rider. In my back catalogue of ex racehorses i had a lovely gelding who was bombproof, and pretty genuine but such a big horse just took such a lot of 'riding.' And i imagine these sort of cases are what you've had so far. 

If you really want a horse, scrap the travel distance, you're going to have to really look high and low, OR find a good, reputable dealer who has a track record of finding what you are looking for, i.e. a saintly family horses, and tell them what you want and see if they can help


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## Booboos (28 December 2013)

I'll give you a different opinion: if you lack confidence on RS horses and your daughter is a beginner do not buy your own horse. Even if you find a horse that seems suitable now things may well go down him without someone experienced schooling the horse regularly and lessons for both of you. Stay with a good RS until you feel confident schooling and hacking all of their horses, even the more challenging ones, e.g. the ones that may put in a buck when asked to canter - trust me that is nothing compared to the kind of behaviour you may get from your horse as a private horse owner, if you don't believe me just check out any of the many threads on here of people dealing with different issues. Give yourself some time to build your confidence up and your daughter some time to learn in the safest environment possible before you take the risk of owning a horse.


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## Milly Molly 1966 (28 December 2013)

Girlracer said:



			Where are you looking? (I.E what websites etc?)
		
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Everywhere......horsequest,horsehunter,preloved, horse and hound. dealers. facebook, advert in local tack shops, emailed rda, local groups, friends


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## Milly Molly 1966 (28 December 2013)

Booboos said:



			I'll give you a different opinion: if you lack confidence on RS horses and your daughter is a beginner do not buy your own horse. Even if you find a horse that seems suitable now things may well go down him without someone experienced schooling the horse regularly and lessons for both of you. Stay with a good RS until you feel confident schooling and hacking all of their horses, even the more challenging ones, e.g. the ones that may put in a buck when asked to canter - trust me that is nothing compared to the kind of behaviour you may get from your horse as a private horse owner, if you don't believe me just check out any of the many threads on here of people dealing with different issues. Give yourself some time to build your confidence up and your daughter some time to learn in the safest environment possible before you take the risk of owning a horse.
		
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I know what you mean but having a lesson each week at £50 each a time is costing a fortune.  I can basically ride (although very rusty) but its the nerves that are stopping me (i.e I am leaning forward in trot and canter as I am tense). Its more about dealing with the nerves and having a lesson once a week walking, trotting, and cantering  around a school is not enough. I feel like I need to get out in the real world and tackle any issues and build trust with my horse. We have a good instructor at the yard we are going to keep the horse who has been helping me with the issues on our shared horse. We were doing really well until the horse couldn't be ridden any more. 
For me it is more about the looking after the horse(I am at that stage in life when I have lots of free time now so its the right time) and I really want my daughter to have the same outdoor lifestyle that I had when I was growing up...not on a computer!  I would love to get a horse that I can enjoy the countryside on rather than worry about what my horse is doing...or is this just a dream! I am sure there are other oldies out there that know what I mean!


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## Meowy Catkin (28 December 2013)

its the nerves that are stopping me (i.e I am leaning forward in trot and canter as I am tense). Its more about dealing with the nerves and having a lesson once a week walking, trotting, and cantering around a school is not enough. I feel like I need to get out in the real world and tackle any issues and build trust with my horse.
		
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If you are leaning forward with tension in trot in a school, how will you cope when a pigeon or pheasant flies up from a hedgerow spooking your horse when you have traffic in the equation too? I use this as an example because my experienced, fabulous in traffic schoolmistress spooks every flipping time this happens.


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## Milly Molly 1966 (28 December 2013)

Faracat said:



			If you are leaning forward with tension in trot in a school, how will you cope when a pigeon or pheasant flies up from a hedgerow spooking your horse when you have traffic in the equation too? I use this as an example because my experienced, fabulous in traffic schoolmistress spooks every flipping time this happens.
		
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My share horse used to jump to one side when a pheasant jumped out but once I knew that was all he was going to do it was fine. Its about trust and knowing what he will do in certain situations. I don't understand myself why I get so nervous...honestly its so frustrating I get so far then back to square one again...But my daughter is the opposite...shes not nervous but just lacks experience.


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## Meowy Catkin (28 December 2013)

I feel for you, I'm disabled after a riding accident and had major nerves mounting when I first started riding again. Luckily I was Ok once on. My mare is brilliant, I've had her for many years and I've never had confidence issues with her, but she sometimes does far more than just jump to the side at a pheasant, but she will then walk calmly past a rattly skip lorry a few seconds later. 

All I'm trying to say, is that even with a fab horse, incidents can happen that can destroy a rider's fragile confidence. I once was riding past a tall hedge, when a chainsaw was started (the operator was other side of the hedge wearing ear defenders and didn't hear or see us) and CM galloped about 200 yards down the road in a split second before I regained control. There was also the time I discovered that she's **** scared of alpacas after she whipped round in the blink of an eye when we met some for the first time. I then had to put a lot of training into working on the problem and giving _her_ confidence, so we now have no issues riding past fields with alpacas. Plus the various lose and out of control dogs that we've met over the years on bridleways. It's not fun when the dog is crouched, growling and the owner can't get the dog to respond to their calls.

I just wonder if it would be prudent to work on your confidence now and buy a horse once you can trot and canter confidently?

Also I know how hard it is to buy that 'perfect' confidence giver as they don't really exist. I did find the right horse for me but I have put a lot of training (and had weekly lessons on her for several months, then fortnightly lessons, then every nown and again lessons) into getting her that way and I have seriously worked on my weaknesses too.


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## EmmyMD (28 December 2013)

I think if your nerves are so bad you can't trot and canter properly then I'm afraid i'd not be buying a horse either. That really is the very basics of riding, and if you are struggling to have confidence doing that i think that's a poor idea. 

Can you not look for another share? I'm sorry OP but I really don't think getting a horse with you as nervous as you are and your daughter getting a horse as novice as she is is a good idea.


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## Booboos (28 December 2013)

Milly Molly 1966 said:



			I know what you mean but having a lesson each week at £50 each a time is costing a fortune.  I can basically ride (although very rusty) but its the nerves that are stopping me (i.e I am leaning forward in trot and canter as I am tense). Its more about dealing with the nerves and having a lesson once a week walking, trotting, and cantering  around a school is not enough. I feel like I need to get out in the real world and tackle any issues and build trust with my horse. We have a good instructor at the yard we are going to keep the horse who has been helping me with the issues on our shared horse. We were doing really well until the horse couldn't be ridden any more. 
For me it is more about the looking after the horse(I am at that stage in life when I have lots of free time now so its the right time) and I really want my daughter to have the same outdoor lifestyle that I had when I was growing up...not on a computer!  I would love to get a horse that I can enjoy the countryside on rather than worry about what my horse is doing...or is this just a dream! I am sure there are other oldies out there that know what I mean!
		
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With your own horse you are going to have loads more expenses plus regular lessons anyway, so re-check your sums before you commit.

From what you say you are a very novicey rider (not intending this as a disparaging remark, we were all beginners at the beginning!) and getting a horse now is likely to be a major disaster.


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## vickyb (28 December 2013)

OP, having read what you've said about your nervousness, why don't you and your daughter have a riding holiday together before you buy a horse? This would give you many more hours in the saddle out and about, and thus more chance to learn to relax a bit, also you could learn some stable management as well. I too think that committing yourself to horse ownership at this early stage could end badly. Even the saintliest of horses will push the boundaries to some degree - it's not just horses spooking for fun when ridden, for example, it's also them discovering that ground rules aren't being applied and that they can walk all over you in the yard/field/stable.


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## Milly Molly 1966 (28 December 2013)

vickyb said:



			OP, having read what you've said about your nervousness, why don't you and your daughter have a riding holiday together before you buy a horse? This would give you many more hours in the saddle out and about, and thus more chance to learn to relax a bit, also you could learn some stable management as well. I too think that committing yourself to horse ownership at this early stage could end badly. Even the saintliest of horses will push the boundaries to some degree - it's not just horses spooking for fun when ridden, for example, it's also them discovering that ground rules aren't being applied and that they can walk all over you in the yard/field/stable.
		
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Thank you.....we did that last year and have been having lessons on and off for a couple of years....I have owned my own horse previously and we have been sharing for the last year. We did more when sharing than we have done having riding lessons. I think they are great for the basics but you never really learn until you get your own. I know how to look after a horse as I am doing that now. My problem is just the nerves when riding...I don't know whether to just give up on finding me a horse and concentrate getting one for my daughter.


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## Suec04 (28 December 2013)

Milly Molly 1966 said:



			Thank you.....we did that last year and have been having lessons on and off for a couple of years....I have owned my own horse previously and we have been sharing for the last year. We did more when sharing than we have done having riding lessons. I think they are great for the basics but you never really learn until you get your own. I know how to look after a horse as I am doing that now. My problem is just the nerves when riding...I don't know whether to just give up on finding me a horse and concentrate getting one for my daughter.
		
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Don't give up Milly! . There will be a horse out there for you both. It is more difficult to find one that will suit you both but there will be one! I feel exactly the same as you. I am knocking on 40 this year, owned, ridden and worked with horses for many years until I had my daughter 13 yrs ago. I am nervous too but only because I have been out of the game for so long. I believe the same as you in that you only learn to ride properly on a 'normal' horse. you just need to be patient to find the right one. If it takes me a year to find ours, then I don't care. He/She is out there somewhere. Keep having the lessons in the meantime to build up your confidence, as am I. I too, want to get my daughter outside instead on behind a computer screen all day long.  x


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## EstherYoung (28 December 2013)

I'd agree with many of the previous posters.

1) Don't rule out the oldies. A 'been there done that' horse will have a lot to teach you, is more likely to be the reliable bombproof horse hat you are looking for, and a sound horse in its late teens or early 20s could well have another 5-10 years of active service ahead of it.

2) Don't underestimate what there is left to learn at a riding school. As someone else mentioned, try and ride as many horses at the school as you can. It will boost your skill and confidence level, and it will also give you a feel for the type and build of horse that you enjoy riding. Plus riding schools are the only way you will get guaranteed riding. If you just have the one horse of your own, they have an inconvenient habit of being off games just when you need them 

3) Don't underestimate what your own horse will cost. You'll enter an endless feedback loop of saddle fitting, physio, vet fees, livery charges, farriers, and you'll still have to pay for lessons...... And after all that there's not even any guarantee of riding (see point 2).

Personally, in your situation I'd get as many lessons in as possible over the winter, and then maybe look at getting your own in the spring. That way, you'll be doing the searching in daylight, and when you do get one you'll have the summer to get to know each other before the ming of the winter sets in.


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## oldie48 (29 December 2013)

I started riding very late in life and have owned a number of different horses over the years. I've learned a huge amount and still have a way to go but generally I've found that despite being very careful to buy "suitable" safe horses and being prepared to pay a proper price for them, I've never really found that confidence giver that so many of the ads talk about. Every horse I've owned has been easy and well behaved when I've felt confident and in control, if I wobbled a bit, so did the horse! I've never found the first few months easy and have always invested in lots of lessons and still do. Personally, I'd invest in more RS lessons, when I bought my first horse i really thought I could ride, 15 years on I realise i was pretty much a passenger!


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## Primitive Pony (29 December 2013)

Aside from all the other responses, I would say that yes, there are horses out there that you can just enjoy hacking without worrying about what the horse is doing - I've just bought one! 

It wans't quite my intention to find a 'bombproof' horse but he is, regardless, and it is such a pleasure - so don't give up, from that point of view. But look for something older, schoolmaster-type perhaps. I'm not too far from you so will keep my eyes open!

I also have another that will need a loan home soon but might not be quite what you're looking for as is prone to the odd spook, but PM me if you might be interested.


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## 1life (29 December 2013)

Have you thought of advertising for a suitable share horse, maybe in a local tack shop or at a equestrian competition venue? Getting a horse for yourself, if you are having confidence problems, would be a huge step. A share would take the pressure off and if it doesn't work you don't have to worry about rehoming etc.


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## WeeBrown (31 December 2013)

When I was in a similar situation - new horse required, nervous rider - I sought out a dealer I trusted to find me a horse.  They can do all the hard, horse hunting work for you once they know what you require and your level of riding. 
I'd also reconsider finding another share option, not everyone is trying to palm off their nutty horses.  It's a shame you're not near to me as I have a lovely cob I'm putting up for share in the new year as I'm not having time to ride all mine at the minute.  Also don't rule out age.  I got him at 12 years old (he's nearly 17 now) and we've done tons together including xc this year and he doesn't seem a day older in his way of going.  You might find, if you do share on a large yard, that you hear about other horses for share/loan/sale.  Don't give up!


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## Tobiano (31 December 2013)

Hi OP - hope you find what you need.  I have a LOT of experience of buying the wrong horse for me (3 times now - all in good homes now) - and if you are trying to get something that is suitable for your nerves and your daughter's ambition I really urge you to aim for the former.  Your daughter will develop far more skill and confidence on a horse that is 'too quiet' than the opposite, and you clearly need something that is very forgiving and quiet.  That is not a criticism, its what I need too!  Aim to under-horse yourself rather than over-horse.  It's easy to say and speaking as someone who has made the mistakes many times I know it is far far harder to do, but in the long run it is definitely the best thing.  If you get something that shakes your confidence now it may well put you off riding in the future.  I also agree with those who say it is a whole different ball game owning your own when you are an adult with responsibilities (though I know you have in the past).  Its no fun setting off for a hack wondering who will look after your daughter if you spend 2 hours lying unconscious in a field before someone finds you.  Somehow I find riding my own far more stressful than anyone else's - i think for me it is the responsibility thing and feeling that if things dont work there is a huge amount of effort to put it right.  Whereas with a borrowed horse you can just get off, hand it back, and go and try another one.  Also i wonder if it is worth, whilst looking, finding some more ways to work on your confidence?  I would highly recommend lunge lessons as they develop your balance and will help you not to tense up if you feel a bit unbalanced.  also there are lots of people who specialise in helping with confidence issues - a lady i have never used but really like her blogs is Cathy Sirett - Effective Horsemanship if you google her.  Good luck!


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## Milly Molly 1966 (31 December 2013)

tobiano said:



			Hi OP - hope you find what you need.  I have a LOT of experience of buying the wrong horse for me (3 times now - all in good homes now) - and if you are trying to get something that is suitable for your nerves and your daughter's ambition I really urge you to aim for the former.  Your daughter will develop far more skill and confidence on a horse that is 'too quiet' than the opposite, and you clearly need something that is very forgiving and quiet.  That is not a criticism, its what I need too!  Aim to under-horse yourself rather than over-horse.  It's easy to say and speaking as someone who has made the mistakes many times I know it is far far harder to do, but in the long run it is definitely the best thing.  If you get something that shakes your confidence now it may well put you off riding in the future.  I also agree with those who say it is a whole different ball game owning your own when you are an adult with responsibilities (though I know you have in the past).  Its no fun setting off for a hack wondering who will look after your daughter if you spend 2 hours lying unconscious in a field before someone finds you.  Somehow I find riding my own far more stressful than anyone else's - i think for me it is the responsibility thing and feeling that if things dont work there is a huge amount of effort to put it right.  Whereas with a borrowed horse you can just get off, hand it back, and go and try another one.  Also i wonder if it is worth, whilst looking, finding some more ways to work on your confidence?  I would highly recommend lunge lessons as they develop your balance and will help you not to tense up if you feel a bit unbalanced.  also there are lots of people who specialise in helping with confidence issues - a lady i have never used but really like her blogs is Cathy Sirett - Effective Horsemanship if you google her.  Good luck!
		
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Thankyou ....I agree with everything you said. The only thing is it took me nearly a year to find the share horse so think it will be just as hard again to find another share. I have a great instructor at the yard we have arranged to keep our new horse and they are happy to get us through any issues we have with the new one. We are still looking after the one we had been sharing just to keep our hand in as I remember how hard it was before getting back into horses after being out of it so long. We have all the support we need but we just need the horse. 
I have been considering all your feedback and even my husband said I need to tackle the nerves bit first. I think your right...lunge lessons would be good to relax me and concentrate on my position.  Its funny but I feel confident on some horses but not on others and I rode a dutch warmblood and could walk trot and canter without any nerves but then I get on a cob and as soon as it bucks I tense up.  The problem I have is that my tb used to buck and when I was in my teens and early twenties I would just deal with it ...then I had children and would not ride him anymore. He got so bad that if I got near his tail end he would boot me across the field. He was quite old by then and he went to a retirement home but then this was the last experience I had with a horse until a couple of years ago when I tried to get back into it. This experience has become embedded in my brain and getting over it is hard. Perhaps I hypnosis may help...so will look into this. I will also have a look at Cathy Sirett website.
Thank you everyone for their input, it has helped a lot.


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