# I have to sell my pony



## Leo Walker (9 May 2019)

Bobbie has to be sold. I'm losing my sight and I cant find any way I can keep a pony when I'm blind. I thought I had more time, but I lose my driving licence in 3 weeks and the prognosis for my vision is beyond poor. I'm suicidal with grief and misery and having a very hard time coming to terms with this, but it has to be done. The only thing keeping me going right now is focusing on getting her into the right home. I cant loan her as I cant have her coming back from loan at a future date when I cant physically cope with it which makes it harder. How do I find the right person? I dont care about money, I just want her in a long term home with someone who will love her and appreciate her. 

I dont think I can cope with advertising her, I'm so heartbroken I can barely write this and theres no way I could speak to someone on the phone about her. I'm worried if I send her on sales livery I lose control of who she goes to, but maybe I'm just making excuses. I dont know what will happen to me once shes gone, I suspect I'm heading for some sort of breakdown as my life is pretty miserable with pain and mobility issues and I've relied on the horses to keep me going. I just dont really have anything else, and if I cant see there arent many things I will be able to do. Life barely feels worth living a lot of the time now but without the pony I have nothing and the thought of it is unbearable. 

There is no help available from the NHS. They feel very sorry for me and dont know how I am coping, but there is no resources other than a community outreach nurse, who will be in touch in approx 8 weeks. I've not been able to go to work and quite frankly I dont care anymore. A few more weeks of working isnt going to make much difference. I'm in no state to manage it right now.

My friends are trying to support me but its not helping me having people say "oh you cant sell her, you love her" etc, etc. I've had to deal with lots of well meaning offers of help which dont change anything and just leave me saying thank you and having to explain it all over again upsetting me more and more every time. My partner also feels very sorry for me, but seems to be in denial that its happening. He seems to think this is because I dont really fancy going back to work after I've been on holiday I've tried to talk to him about money and how we are going to manage with one wage but hes avoiding it and i'm struggling to be able to talk about it. I think we will probably manage to keep the house, but its going to be a massive struggle financially so whilst I dont care about the money I get for her, I probably should. 

I just dont even know where to start or how I can possibly do this.


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## Cinnamontoast (9 May 2019)

Iâ€™m so sorry to read this, love. I thought it was all stable and not going to deteriorate. I canâ€™t help, I wish I could, but I reckon you could find her a beautiful home via someone on here. Sheâ€™s the type that loads of people are looking for. Big hugs, Iâ€™m GUTTED for you. ðŸ˜¢


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## Peregrine Falcon (9 May 2019)

Oh my god, I am so sorry. You have already been through so much since I have been on the forum. 

I sincerely hope that someone on here is able to help you find a great home for Bobbie. 

((HUGS))


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## bonny (9 May 2019)

Iâ€™m just so sorry to hear your news, nothing anyone can say is going to help with your predicament but I just wanted to offer my sympathy x


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## chaps89 (9 May 2019)

I'm so so sorry this is happening for you. 
If selling her is your only option then you have really set her up for success and a good chance of finding a good home.
For getting a horsey fix going forwards is the RDA able to help? 
Have you been in touch with any of the charities like RNIB about going through this, I'm sure they must be able to offer support and/or advice.
Please be gentle on yourself, this must be a horrendously hard time for you.


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## albeg (9 May 2019)

So sorry to read this LW. 

I hope someone on here is able to help find Bobbie a new home.


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## Snitch (9 May 2019)

Awe Leo, Iâ€™m so sorry.  It all sounds incredibly difficult.  Iâ€™m sure your friends donâ€™t intend to make you feel worse.  Itâ€™s hard to know what to say that will help you to feel a bit better.  
Really horrible situation and Iâ€™m sorry.


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## kinnygirl1 (9 May 2019)

Really sorry to read this and I don't know that anything I can think of to say will help but I can't read and run. Life is terribly unfair at times. Your girl seems so lovely perhaps word of mouth alone will find her a special home? Maybe if you just mention at your local pony/riding club or where you take her driving? Finding her the right home may give you some peace of mind but I hope you can still find a way of spending some time with horses to help you cope with everything. Thinking of you.


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## GreyMane (9 May 2019)

So very sorry to read this.
Sending a hug (( ))  and best wishes
This page is for the RNIB Sight Loss Counselling team, maybe they could offer you and your partner some support
https://www.rnib.org.uk/services-we-offer-advice-and-support-services/sight-loss-counselling-team


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## Celtic Fringe (9 May 2019)

My heart goes out to you.

I'm sure that other people here will have good suggestions but is it worth contacting one of the charities e.g. WHW to see if they could help re-home Bobbie for you? She sounds like the sort that would be fairly easy to place and that way a charity would retain ownership and you could be reassured about her future? It may be a long-shot but at least worth an email?

I'm sure it is the last thing on your mind at the moment but don't assume this is the end of your contact with horses. I've known a couple of adults who lost their sight but rode regularly with the RDA, and of course there may be opportunities for driving if there is a suitable centre near you.

Thinking of you.


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## oldie48 (9 May 2019)

Oh my dear girl I wish I could put my arms around you and give you a big hug, but I can't so just try to imagine it. Life is so bloody unfair and i can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling. I guess your partner is really struggling too. when really difficult times hit us, it brings both the best and the worst out in us and we all flounder around trying to find a way to cope and keep our head above water. If you need to find a new home for Bobbie, then you will. From what i have read about her she is a nice pony and a credit to you and you will have given her a doorway to a good life and that is really important. The future looks bleak to you at the moment but it could well feel very different in the future. My thoughts and good wishes are with you. xx


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## Lammy (9 May 2019)

Awww Leo Iâ€™m so sorry to hear this â˜¹ï¸ I will keep my ear to ground if I know of anyone looking for a nice sane pony, youâ€™ve stood her in good stead for the rest of her life you need to remember that. 
A friend at work was looking for a LWVTB which Bobbie might fit, Iâ€™ll talk to her to see if sheâ€™s in a position to buy.

And if really needed I would be happy to ask if I could have her at my place and look after her until the right new home is found x


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## Pearlsasinger (9 May 2019)

I am so sorry to see this.  I wish I could offer you some practical help but I can't think how.


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## TPO (9 May 2019)

I'm really sorry to read this post LW, I had no idea what you've been going through.

I'm sure you've already considered this option but would your local RDA take her on as a driving horse? Carriage driving is really popular at the local RDAs here. That way you could still visit her and have horses in your life. I'm positive they will have strategies in place for partially sighted/blind equestrians. 

Is there an organisation that you can contact about the financial aspects? I know Marie curie provide access to financial advice for their patients so do hope there was something similar from others. 

If there is anything that I can do to help please PM. Not just words, if I can help I will. Thinking of you


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## Leo Walker (9 May 2019)

Celtic Fringe said:



			My heart goes out to you.

I'm sure that other people here will have good suggestions but is it worth contacting one of the charities e.g. WHW to see if they could help re-home Bobbie for you? She sounds like the sort that would be fairly easy to place and that way a charity would retain ownership and you could be reassured about her future? It may be a long-shot but at least worth an email?

I'm sure it is the last thing on your mind at the moment but don't assume this is the end of your contact with horses. I've known a couple of adults who lost their sight but rode regularly with the RDA, and of course there may be opportunities for driving if there is a suitable centre near you.

Thinking of you.
		
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I've looked into it, it would just be me sitting in a carriage being driven around and sometimes being allowed to drive with false reins and someone else sitting next to me holding the reins. It sounds really petulant but I couldnt bear it. I'm not overly keen on driving out and plodding along now, I just do it as a means to an end.


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## Leo Walker (9 May 2019)

Shes not experienced enough to do RDA work. Shes a good pony but she hasnt been driving long and they need to be rock steady in any situation no matter what, and while I think she would be, I couldnt guarantee it, and thats not good enough when they have people strapped in in their wheelchairs and similar, or I would have liked that for her.


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## Pearlsasinger (9 May 2019)

Leo Walker said:



			Shes not experienced enough to do RDA work. Shes a good pony but she hasnt been driving long and they need to be rock steady in any situation no matter what, and while I think she would be, I couldnt guarantee it, and thats not good enough when they have people strapped in in their wheelchairs and similar, or I would have liked that for her.
		
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No horse can be guaranteed to be 100% safe, RDA groups have procedures in place and special equipment to mitigate any problems.  It would certainly be worth talking to local groups if you would like her to go there.


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## Jules111 (9 May 2019)

I'm so sorry to read this.  I don't know your history so I apologise if i'm covering things you've already tried, I promise i'm only advising this because so many people do not take up the support they are entitled to.

1, Your disability does not mean you should loose your job. Your employer is obliged to actively work with you to try to find reasonable adjustments that could help you to remain in work. There is no real legal definition of "reasonable" but there is a great deal of disability support available out there that might help to keep you working in a way that is comfortable for you. Software such as JAWS can keep people who with severe sight impedements in work for many years. There are often options and your employer must work through them with you.

2, There are benefits available for people with disabilities. PIP is available for disabled people and there is a way of completing the application that can make the process much easier. If you haven't already claimed please do so and if you'd like more help feel free to PM me and i'd be more than happy to give advice. It is not means tested, you can claim this even if you are working full time. Once PIP is in place there is also Carer's Allowance available if there is anybody who could support you with care.

3, It may be (it is for so many) that by claiming the benefits that you are entitled to you have more choices, for example having more money available could enable you to pay for help for you to keep Bobby.  God knows the horses who give us so much stress are also our greatest source of therapy.

If you'd like benefit advice feel free to get in touch and big hugs, you must be going through such a difficult time.


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## HiPo'sHuman (9 May 2019)

I don't want to sound insensitive but all isn't lost re horses - a lady who's blind has been having lessons at a local riding school and is even jumping and hacking out!  I know a guy who's blind and he owns a Shetland, has also had a cob too. He does have some help from people at the yard but does a lot himself, even goes out to shows etc. 

Please take care, really sorry that you're going through this.


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## GreyMane (9 May 2019)

Have you heard of Barry Hook in Andover, Hants?
Maybe he could help you search for a new owner - if that is what you decide. 
If I was in your situation I'd be calling him for sure.
http://www.horsedrawnpromotions.com/


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## honetpot (10 May 2019)

There is someone near me that seems to do a really good job carraige driving, they post videos of FB of what they are doing with them, they take ponies for training, and the ponies look happy and willing. If you really feel you must sell perhaps someone like that would find a suitable home. You are not that far away from me to come and collect and take her there. 
  I have been talking to a friend today who is in the depths of dispair through the consquences of ill health. There is nothing anyone can say to 'cheer you up' and I can understand you not wanting to be nannied. Having had one of my ponies broken to drive you have more bottle than me.
  Perhaps once you get your slate clear you will feel more settled. So if you need any help just shout, even if just putting her in a paddock to give you a bit of breathing space.


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## Leo Walker (10 May 2019)

Jules111 said:



			I'm so sorry to read this.  I don't know your history so I apologise if i'm covering things you've already tried, I promise i'm only advising this because so many people do not take up the support they are entitled to.

1, Your disability does not mean you should loose your job. Your employer is obliged to actively work with you to try to find reasonable adjustments that could help you to remain in work. There is no real legal definition of "reasonable" but there is a great deal of disability support available out there that might help to keep you working in a way that is comfortable for you. Software such as JAWS can keep people who with severe sight impedements in work for many years. There are often options and your employer must work through them with you.

2, There are benefits available for people with disabilities. PIP is available for disabled people and there is a way of completing the application that can make the process much easier. If you haven't already claimed please do so and if you'd like more help feel free to PM me and i'd be more than happy to give advice. It is not means tested, you can claim this even if you are working full time. Once PIP is in place there is also Carer's Allowance available if there is anybody who could support you with care.

3, It may be (it is for so many) that by claiming the benefits that you are entitled to you have more choices, for example having more money available could enable you to pay for help for you to keep Bobby.  God knows the horses who give us so much stress are also our greatest source of therapy.

If you'd like benefit advice feel free to get in touch and big hugs, you must be going through such a difficult time.
		
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I've  not been able to say anything as it was going to a tribunal but I wont be able to do that now. Work discriminated against me for an extended period of time, a grievance was ignored and they failed to engage with ACAS and refused mediation via early reconcilliation. The next step was a tribunal as they are trying to push me back into a job analysing graphs for 9 hours a day. They know I am physically not capable of this and dont care. I am pretty sure being on the sick again now will trigger the absence procedures and I will be sacked. I know its not legal, but that hasnt stopped any of this happening so far.

My legal cover has refused to pay out so I was going to try and represent myself as it was really important to me. Quite frankly I dont care anymore. The stress of it all has contributed the issues with my eyes. Hindsight is amazing, but I should have walked away the very first time they did this to me. I didnt and all that time I wasted is gone now. 

I cant see how I can possibly manage to work anyway. I struggle already but with sight loss in both eyes which is what is happening now, I'm blind in the right and the left is deteriorating, on top of everything else, even if I could force them to keep me on, I cant do it anymore. 

I understand about PIP and have got the forms here, but I cant bring myself to start the fight with them for a couple of hundred quid a month. My friend had her interview a month ago and was utterly traumatised by them, and was then turned down anyway! Benefits and PIP combined wont come to a quarter of my salary anyway.

I have people who will help me with her, but to what end? Im far too fat to ride her and I get no pleasure from riding as it causes me such a lot of pain, thats why I started driving. I cannot drive blind, its not safe. I'd be paying to keep her for other people to look after her. I wont be able to afford to keep her anyway so its a moot point.

I've been over and over and over and over all the possible scenarios and options. I am so very desperate I would have done anything remotely feasible, but I'm out of options. 

Now I just need to focus on the things i can control, which is getting her into the right home. I dont care about anything else right now. I very much doubt I will ever care about anything else ever again, but I do care about this and I just dont know how or even if I can do it.


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## Leo Walker (10 May 2019)

Cinnamontoast said:



			Iâ€™m so sorry to read this, love. I thought it was all stable and not going to deteriorate. I canâ€™t help, I wish I could, but I reckon you could find her a beautiful home via someone on here. Sheâ€™s the type that loads of people are looking for. Big hugs, Iâ€™m GUTTED for you. ðŸ˜¢
		
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The consultant told me it was stable and discharged me, which is why I bought her. From December onwards I knew it wasnt and kept going back and being sent away. In February my right eye severely hemorrhaged. No one cares. They told me it wasnt related to the issues I'd had since December. They are lying but theres nothing I can do.

They treated the left eye again and now that cannot have any more treatment. The right eye still hasnt healed and its unlikely it will now. They arent interested in treating it in any way. A small bleed has now started in the left eye. Nothing can be done about it. There are no treatment options. I've had a second and third opinion, none of whom seem to care or agree on anything other than I am going to go blind.

Ironically I pass the tests for driving but I only have a 3yr restricted licence on medical grounds. It runs out in 3 weeks and wont be renewed. Once the sight starts to be impaired in the left eye I wont be able to see enough to drive anyway.


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## DabDab (10 May 2019)

Oh LW, I'm so sorry, life is so desperately unfair xx
You sound (understandably) completely a sixes and sevens atm, so you need to find a way to take the pressure off. There are people who will help you write an advert and field phone calls if you're finding it all too much, or alternatively could you get in contact with the people that broke her to drive and ask them for help?

If you're resolved to walk away from your job and just draw a line then do it quickly so that it's one less thing to stress you out. But you need to find the strength (or accept help from friends who can be strong for you), to claim every benefit that you are entitled to and get in contact with charities that can offer you support, even if that is just in the form of someone who understands what you're going through.

Thinking of you xx


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## ozpoz (10 May 2019)

I'm so very sorry to read this.
 Now, you have to tackle one thing at a time. Start by contacting the Advocacy Society - they will have someone to help you before and through the tribunal - it is just a process and is about your employer more than you.

The RNIB is also a very good idea. Take up Jules111 offer of help with benefits and just go through the process. It is much easier to do with someone knowledgable.

Bobbie is a gorgeous pony and you have done so well with her - you'll be able to pick the best of homes for her. 
I know it feels very bleak now - everyone here is willing you on past this horrible phase. xx


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## Shay (10 May 2019)

You could try contacting FRU - The Free Representation Unit.  http://www.thefru.org.uk/  They provide free representation for Tribunals etc.  And I would echo contacting the RNIB and the RDA.  The RDA may still be able to take Bobby if you want - just talk to them.


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## Sandstone1 (10 May 2019)

Im sorry you are in this position.   Maybe look in to taking some advice as others have said.
guide dogs may be able to help as they do much more for visually impaired people than just guide dogs.
It may be worth contacting them.
As for your pony, blind and partially sighted people do ride and drive too.
im not suggesting it would be easy but maybe a share arrangement with someone might work?


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## Rumtytum (10 May 2019)

I feel for you from the bottom of my heart


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## Red-1 (10 May 2019)

I am so sorry to her this, just when we thought you were on the up. 

I would say to take a breath for a period like 2 weeks. You won't be in any position to make any decisions right now. Just leave the details and have a bit of time to draw breath. It my give you space to process the information so you can make decisions once the 2 weeks are up.


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## Chappie (10 May 2019)

I'm devastated for you, LW. 
I've not posted much on the forum but you've replied to my queries and are always so kind, helpful and are obviously massively knowledgeable. I love reading your posts as your girl looks very much like my loan cob.
I wish I could help you practically - if I lived nearby I'd offer in any way I could, but unfortunately I'm in the northern wilds.
I feel desperately sad for your situation - like others have said you'll have no problem finding the most excellent of homes for Bobbie, that doesn't bring comfort to letting her go I know but it's good to know you can take your pick carefully, and it's thanks to your investment in her that you can do that. As mentioned the centre who broke her to drive could help, or folks on your yard - members on here too possibly. 
I can only imagine how much pain you are in right now and there seems no way forward, but please do make contact for support, because there will be help available. Your GP and those on the medical side could advise where to get help with benefits and get you started with that, and the charities mentioned above are there to help you. Once practical help is in place you will feel a bit more secure. I know it's too much to think of just now but you could possibly get involved with guide dogs and have that in your life, or the RDA in future if you felt like it.
I've had some dark times in my life but am still here, trundling along my path; I'd say just take it day by day and take help that is offered. Thinking of you x


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## meleeka (10 May 2019)

I feel for you and agree with the above,  take each day as it comes and then one problem at a time. I know It doesnâ€™t feel like it now, but you can do this and will Iâ€™m sure x


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## teddypops (10 May 2019)

No advice or help but Iâ€™m really sorry to hear your situation.


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## OldNag (10 May 2019)

I am so sorry LW.  

I hope someone on here will be able to help find a home for Bobbie.  There are quite a few driving bods I think. 

Honestly, please keep on with the tribunal if you can. You might need whatever settlement you might get from it - and you have been treated so badly. 

Massive hugs to you xx


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## On the Hoof (10 May 2019)

I am so very sorry to hear of your situation Leo and am absolutely gutted for you, you have been through so much already. Life really isn't fair.   I am useless on giving advice and don't know enough to even attempt to proffer it but there have been some good suggestions on here and all of us will help however we can.  I understand how black everything must feel right now and I don't want to say that all will be ok, but you will manage and you will find a good home for Bobbie.  I honestly don't know what else to say, I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better for you.


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## Surbie (10 May 2019)

Leo Walker said:



			Shes not experienced enough to do RDA work. Shes a good pony but she hasnt been driving long and they need to be rock steady in any situation no matter what, and while I think she would be, I couldnt guarantee it, and thats not good enough when they have people strapped in in their wheelchairs and similar, or I would have liked that for her.
		
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I am so so sorry to read this. Please can you contact me - I know the driving RDAs in my region are looking for new ponies and I know they take inexperienced ponies to train. Typing fast cos am on a train...Again am so sorry, it's heartbreaking to read.


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## eahotson (10 May 2019)

Red-1 said:



			I am so sorry to her this, just when we thought you were on the up.

I would say to take a breath for a period like 2 weeks. You won't be in any position to make any decisions right now. Just leave the details and have a bit of time to draw breath. It my give you space to process the information so you can make decisions once the 2 weeks are up.
		
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I would second that.However if you do decide to go down the selling livery route can I say it worked well for me.My reasons for selling were different but the cob in question was well loved.I could visit him whenever I wanted, I never had to give notice and he seemed well looked after and happy.I was told when there was interest in him and could have gone to the showing if I had wished.I actually chose not to.When an offer was made for him I was told about the people who wanted to buy him.I could have refused if I hadn't thought them suitable.As it was they were a lovely family and I am sure he is having a lovely life.


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## ycbm (10 May 2019)

You must be utterly devastated. I'm so sorry. 

Could the people who broke Bobby to drive sell her for you?


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## Regandal (10 May 2019)

Very sorry to read this LW. I second contacting the RNIB, my brother is registered blind (retina pigmentosa) and they have been very helpful.


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## jhoward (10 May 2019)

A friend of mine recently gave aher pony to a rescue, she didn't want to loan, or sell him actually as it turned out the charity snapped her hand off, as they said they don't have many ponies come in that DONT have issues and he'd be kept with them and used as a riding pony but to promote the charity,.  Perhaps it's worth you speaking to the horse trust etc to see if they would help you out


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## poiuytrewq (10 May 2019)

As you know Iâ€™ve lived and followed Bobbies progress throughout and I can only say how truly gutted I am for you, really devastated.


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## Meredith (10 May 2019)

So sorry that this has happened. I canâ€™t think of anythng to say that hasnâ€™t already been written.
Please accept and apply for any support you think is right for you and hoping that a way forward can be found for you all.
With love.


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## Merrymoles (10 May 2019)

Desperately sorry LW. I agree with Red, give yourself a couple of weeks before you make any decisions. Sometimes a bit of breathing space can make all the difference. If you don't think about things actively, ideas can just randomly pop into your head and the solution presents itself.

I know it sounds impossible, but try to focus on something else for a while, even if it's something less emotional like how you are going to cope with the cooking etc.


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## milliepops (10 May 2019)

jhoward said:



			A friend of mine recently gave aher pony to a rescue, she didn't want to loan, or sell him actually as it turned out the charity snapped her hand off, as they said they don't have many ponies come in that DONT have issues and he'd be kept with them and used as a riding pony but to promote the charity,.  Perhaps it's worth you speaking to the horse trust etc to see if they would help you out
		
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Just in case you do decide to go down the charity route. A lady on my yard has had a marriage breakdown and can't keep the ponies she bred, she's going through the Blue Cross and they do a scheme where the ponies will be re-homed from the yard rather than going in to one of their centres.  So she gets to meet the prospective loaner and see how they are with them etc.   Don't know if that would be preferable.

I'm so gutted for you, LW, you've really been through the mill and there really are no words that seem adequate x


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## Rosemary28 (10 May 2019)

Oh LW, I am so sorry. I can't imagine how you are feeling now. I don't know where you are based but if I can help at all with finding Bobbie a nice driving home I'll do my best, just ask.

Sending you lots of big hugs and thinking of you xx


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## dogatemysalad (10 May 2019)

I'm so sorry that you're having such a hard time right now. There has been some helpful advice and support in the posts but I know it's hard when you're reeling from the shock of the news. Don't rush into taking action about work or selling your horse until you've had time to take a deep breath and find out what solutions could help you.


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## ponyparty (10 May 2019)

Oh jeez LW, what a blow. I canâ€™t even begin to imagine how you must be feeling at the moment. Please, please take the advice of some of the others on here and seek help in coming to terms with your loss of sight, it must be absolutely devastating. Your partner really needs to step up and help you to face this - he is probably feeling daunted by it all too and, as people do, has stuck his head in the sand. He most likely needs support in how to support you. 

Re: your pony, as others have said RDA could be a good option. Whilst horses need to be of the right temperament, thereâ€™s no use in RDA centres only getting the older horses, as their working lives may not be as long and theyâ€™re more likely to have potentially expensive health issues. So you many well find that is an option. Perhaps contact the National Office to find out more - I know a few people there, I would happily do this for you if you canâ€™t bear to do it yourself. 

Other than that I have nothing really additional to add, just that Iâ€™m dreadfully sorry this has all happened to you. Lifeâ€™s a bitch, it really is. I wish I could do more to help; canâ€™t afford another pony at the moment and sheâ€™d be wasted with us anyway, she needs to go to a good driving home. Youâ€™ve done amazingly with her, you should be so proud. Sending love xxx


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## scruffyponies (10 May 2019)

So sorry to hear this.  I too have enjoyed your posts, and I really feel for you. 

Trying to be practical; I live near Barry (mentioned above) and would also recommend him as a route to finding a good driving home.  
I have also had a good experience (albeit some years ago) with Clare Wigmore at Carriagelink.  She may be able to help without having to advertise on the open market.


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## southerncomfort (10 May 2019)

Absolutely devastated for you. This is awful news.

I've no real advice other than take your time and don't rush in to anything.  You are in a very dark place right now but if you give yourself a bit of breathing space you may find a way through this.

I truly hope you can find a way to keep Bobbie as I know she means the absolute world to you.


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## Meowy Catkin (10 May 2019)

Leo Walker said:



			I understand about PIP and have got the forms here, but I cant bring myself to start the fight with them for a couple of hundred quid a month. My friend had her interview a month ago and was utterly traumatised by them, and was then turned down anyway! Benefits and PIP combined wont come to a quarter of my salary anyway.
		
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Your friend's experience appears to be absolutely typical unfortunately. 

If you ever do decide to go for it in the future you will need a strong advocate to be in the assessment with you. I would strongly suggest a mental health professional, preferably one that is treating you and knows you well. You will need their support as you are a vulnerable person (quite understandable with all that you are going through) and they (the assessor) will see that weakness and will show no mercy. You will also need their (the mental health professional) support afterwards, especially if they (PIP) turn you down and you decide to go for a tribunal.


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## G&T (10 May 2019)

So very sorry to read to read this. I donâ€™t post much on the forum but have always noticed your posts on here, and your lovely pony. You seem such a bright and sensible individual I am sure you will find the strength to cope with whatever life throws at you, crap and hugely unfair as it is. Depending on what you want for Bobbie Iâ€™m sure someone on here would be able to help with a home (I absolutely could, but iâ€™d probably be the wrong set up as she wouldnâ€™t be driven anymore and would just do lots of eating!).
I donâ€™t know your individual sight problems so forgive me if this isnâ€™t right for your circumstances, but my cousin is blind and he is very hopeful about some of the amazing medical advances in this area being able to help him, stem cell treatments, bionic eyes and other options. Again Iâ€™m so sorry if thatâ€™s just insensitive - I obviously donâ€™t know what options youâ€™ve explored or if youâ€™ve spoken with the best specialists already. 
Since becoming blind my cousinâ€™s life has changed but he has set up a really successful stand up comedy night that he also performs at, so although there are losses and changes to what you can do, he is really thriving in other ways and although heâ€™s had some dark times he is happy. Easy to say I know but please donâ€™t despair that everythingâ€™s coming to an end, you need some time to process the information youâ€™ve been given about your sight but you will be ok x


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## Annagain (10 May 2019)

I'm so sorry you're facing this. Bobbie seems a lovely pony and I'm sure you'll find her a lovely home as she's had a good grounding and is very trainable.

I don't mean this to sound flippant but am afraid it might so apologies in advance. There is a guide horse association that trains miniature ponies to do the same job as guide dogs. If you reach the stage of needing a guide animal in future, could this help you scratch the horsey itch? I know it's not the same as doing something active but you may well develop that same bond - or an even greater one? I know having a guide horse isn't without its challenges (they need to live outside for starters so you'd need a very large garden at least) but it might be worth exploring?


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## scats (10 May 2019)

LW- I donâ€™t really have anything else I can add other than to say I am really sorry to hear that you are in this situation.  Life is so unfair.  Sending you a hug x


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## Gloi (10 May 2019)

That's terrible. So sorry you are having to go through this. All best wishes.


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## Horsekaren (10 May 2019)

I am so sad to read this, my heart breaks for you. 
Be positive that perhaps Bobbie came to you to be a short but wonderful distraction and she is a very lucky girl to be in safe hands that will ensure she goes to a wonderful home as heart wrenching as that will be. 
You seem like a great passionate person and just remember there will be good things to come out of this awful situation. 
Sending you a big hug and the best of wishes in all of this xxx


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## MotherOfChickens (10 May 2019)

I am really sorry LW, all of it is just shite and your employers beyond awful. There's been some good advice here. I've nothing to offer except that from family experience PIP will be worth going for when you feel up to it but they seemingly routinely turn people down on the first (and sometimes second) attempt. My brother did not have to go and be assessed in person (mobility issues) although that was a couple of years ago and so it might have changed or might change in different authorities.


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## cobgoblin (10 May 2019)

So, so, sorry that you have to cope with this LW.... xx


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## bubsqueaks (10 May 2019)

Oh no Im so very sorry LW how very sad.
I have loved reading your posts about Bobbie & your progress - she is adorable - I wish you lived somewhat nearer as I would be very tempted to come & see her to offer her a home whereby you could still come to see her etc.  Im sure somebody will be biting your hand off LW as she sounds a sort very hard to find & very endearing - sending good vibes to you all X


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## Bartleby. (10 May 2019)

Very sorry to hear this LW. Very sad that it's come to it, but I'm sure this forum will help in some way to find Bobbie a good home.


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## Goldenstar (10 May 2019)

This is terrible news .
Get your most sensible horsy friend and sit her down and lay it out straight .
Get her ( or him ) to contact your local driving group and get them to help you find the pony a driving home .
Where abouts are you ? I know several well connected driving people who might be able to help but I donâ€™t know where geographically you are .
My heart goes out to you .


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## Horsecrazy721 (10 May 2019)

So sorry to read this, devastated for you. If you have to sale her, there are some lovely people out there still who I am sure could offer her a lovely home, you could visit etc its all about finding the right person. 

Best wishes
x


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## phizz4 (10 May 2019)

I haven't had time to read all of the responses so if this has already been suggested I apologise, but can you donate the pony to the RDA and then you can go and ride the pony when you wish, with the excellent support that the RDA provide?


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## SpringArising (10 May 2019)

I'm so sorry to read this LW. But I really want you to know that Bobbie is the sort of pony who is going to end up in the most fantastic home because she's the sort that everyone is after! I really bet you that she's going to be snapped up. The amount of times I've been worried about my horses going to the right home (including the ones who have been buggers that I thought I'd never see that back of...), thinking no one will love and care for them like I do, only to be proved wrong, is daft. No normal person sets out to buy a horse only to not take care of them properly. And there's nothing to say you couldn't visit her. I wish you all the best.


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## SamBean (10 May 2019)

I've not been around on here for long but just wanted to say so sorry to read this, it's all heartbreaking.  I can't offer any advice unfortunately, just hoping for now Bobbie finds a good home and sending best wishes to you.


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## GreyMane (10 May 2019)

For what it's worth, a friend of mine who's long term ill has been through the whole PIP process and has just had a Tribunal.
The DWP will try and get you off their books any way they can, as those are their orders from above; however at the Tribunal stage you are dealing with a very different (and more impartial) set of people. My friend got all her benefits reinstated. 

There is a very good site called *Benefits and Work* which can help you get what you are entitled to.
Recommend this if you are filling out forms etc. There is a subscription (Â£19.95 a year) but it is worth it as you get really accurate info about EXACTLY how wording and scoring etc works.
https://www.benefitsandwork.co.uk


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## Clodagh (10 May 2019)

I'm so incredibly sorry. I completely understand you prioritising Bobbie and her new home. I hope if you can get her sorted then you will feel able to battle on and sort out what you are entitled to. 
Take one day at a time.


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## Orangehorse (10 May 2019)

Hi Leo
Contact Blue Cross, in your circumstances they should take your pony and rehome or keep.  When I visited Blue Cross in Oxfordshire they had a horse there that had come from an elderly gentleman unable to keep the horse any longer.  They will probably want some money too, but they retain ownership even if they mange to rehome.

Best of luck.


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## LaurenBay (10 May 2019)

So sorry LW, life is s**t sometimes and very unfair 

Big hugs xx


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## Leo Walker (10 May 2019)

Having cried non stop for about 3 days I woke up this morning to find my hen has hatched some chicks which is the most amazing thing. It distracted me long enough to get myself together a bit, I think the worst of the shock has probably abated now which helps.

My friend has spoken to my boss and I'm taking some time off work. although there have been horrendous issues at work, my current role and particularly my boss have been amazing, the issues are that I am on secondment and they, they being the generic they, are trying to send me back to a job I cant do. I couldn't ring him myself as he would have been incredibly kind to me and I would have been in hysterics, so I got my friend to call, cringing slightly, but I couldnt do it. Hes been brilliant and has assured me that I will be able to come back to my current role and I'm not to worry about any of it right now.

I dont particularly enjoy working but having a tantrum and walking out is a very selfish and childish thing to do, so I'm glad I caught myself in time to stop that. I've had a couple of people out to assess my desk etc previously  and there are already things in motion to allow me to do a job with some specialised software. I wont be very good at it and I will be slow, but you know what? tough!

I've got an appointment next week with the eye consultants and I'm going to have it out with them. I understand options are limited and they are doing what they can, but they arent really telling me anything and they need to. Theres a difference between completely blind and partially sighted and where exactly I fall on the scale will make an enormous difference. Last time I kicked off I got a second and third opinion, but no one can agree with anyone else other than it doesnt look good. I saw the Moorfields consultant but cant actually remember what she said now, it was about the time they discharged me last year, so I dont think there was any real issues at the time. I dont remember being particularly impressed to be honest, but I'm going to look at sending the scans etc over for them to review just to make sure theres nothing being missed or not done.

There is a course of injections that can stop the blood vessels forming, the blindness is caused by them forming and bursting and damaging the structures in my eye, in very basic laymens terms. They keep telling me I dont qualify for them, but its literally the only thing that could help now. The course is 20k. I dont have 20k but I need them to tell me if it really would help before I start to worry about that. I just dont get any information from them, just sad faces and "poor prognosis" and thats not bloody good enough! I end up waiting to be copied into the letters to my GP and finding things out that way.

I still think Bobbie will have to be sold. I cant see a way round it, unless I keep some sight, if I can see shapes and colour just not detail, then I can drive and I'll make it work. If its total black out blindness then I just cant. I'm torn between doing it now and having it resolved and sorted or hanging on and hoping its not as bad as predicted, but thats setting me up for massive disappointment further down the line. The sensible option is to do it now, its going to be so difficult once my driving licence is gone and I'm dreading it. I can cope with it if I have to, but when things progress and if the end result is total blindness then I've put myself through weeks or months of hassle for it all to be over anyway.


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## Blanche (10 May 2019)

I'm so very sorry to hear this. What a overwhelming time for you. There is so much info here but I can see it will be hard to see the wood for the trees at the moment. 

I would get all the help you can to deal with your boss at tribunal, harness all your anger, bitterness, sadness, frustration and use it against them.

Someone has already mentioned this but I will repeat about charities rehoming directly from you.

Make sure you claim every benefit you are entitled to. I have no experience of this so have no knowledge to pass on. 
https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/benefits-check/
https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/make-sure-youre-getting-the-right-entitlements
I do know someone who went to Citizens advice when she couldn't work due to her disabled child and they helped her claim various different benefits. They maybe a good place to start.


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## atropa (10 May 2019)

LW, I have read your posts on this thread with tears in my eyes, Iâ€™m so very sorry that this is happening to you, that you have been treated so badly and are feeling so lost. Really glad to hear a note of positivity creeping back in with your latest update. I really hope you can find the strength to keep fighting â€“ with your job, the doctors and for your involvement with horses. Iâ€™ve had crap times (nowhere near as crap as yours, mind) in my life where I thought things were never going to get better, but inevitably they always have eventually. I know that it is so, so difficult to believe that when youâ€™re in a place as dark as yours.


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## Lindylouanne (10 May 2019)

I am so sorry Leo, it must be a hell of a lot to take in at the moment but I'm glad your lovely new boss is on your side. Lots of useful advice already but I am another who would try the Blue Cross at Burford, Redwings at Oxhill or your local RDA driving centre.


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## Sandstone1 (10 May 2019)

If I were you I would take someone with you to your next  hospital appointment.
if sounds like you are so  overwhelmed with everything that you  are possibly not taking everything in properly.
With driving,  if you can see well enough to drive I would have thought that you could continue to look after your pony if you wish to keep her.

I am sure ive read another post from you last year when things looked really bad for you but then seemed to improve.?
Hopefully things will improve again and it wont all be as bad as you think.
Id take all the help you can get regarding your job.


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## Cowpony (10 May 2019)

So sorry to read this LW, but your latest post is more upbeat, so hang in there!  It's not easy, but fight for everything you want/need and accept help where you can. If you need that 20K treatment let us know. I'd contribute and I'm sure many others would too.


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## Clodagh (10 May 2019)

I think if you have any doubts at all about selling B then don't do it. Someone higher up said about RDA taking on novice ponies, could they loan her? I am sure that if she did have to come back and you were unable to deal a friend would sort things out for you.
Selling is irreversible so if there is hope, hang in there.


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## G&T (10 May 2019)

Leo Walker said:



			I've got an appointment next week with the eye consultants and I'm going to have it out with them. I understand options are limited and they are doing what they can, but they arent really telling me anything and they need to. Theres a difference between completely blind and partially sighted and where exactly I fall on the scale will make an enormous difference. Last time I kicked off I got a second and third opinion, but no one can agree with anyone else other than it doesnt look good. I saw the Moorfields consultant but cant actually remember what she said now, it was about the time they discharged me last year, so I dont think there was any real issues at the time. I dont remember being particularly impressed to be honest, but I'm going to look at sending the scans etc over for them to review just to make sure theres nothing being missed or not done.

There is a course of injections that can stop the blood vessels forming, the blindness is caused by them forming and bursting and damaging the structures in my eye, in very basic laymens terms. They keep telling me I dont qualify for them, but its literally the only thing that could help now. The course is 20k. I dont have 20k but I need them to tell me if it really would help before I start to worry about that. I just dont get any information from them, just sad faces and "poor prognosis" and thats not bloody good enough! I end up waiting to be copied into the letters to my GP and finding things out that way.
		
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Kick off big time! I do think medical services are sadly very overstretched so you absolutely need to make some noise so they can't ignore you. All medical professionals are not equal and your treatment and condition is obviously not easy routine stuff, so you have to have the very best specialist advising you, and advice on how to argue your case for the best treatment, even if it's expensive. As you've said, there are degrees of good/bad outcome for you which will have huge life consequences, so the NHS should to be all over this for you.

FFS it makes me so angry to think someone losing their sight 'doesn't qualify' for a potentially helpful treatment. What the hell are we all paying our taxes for if not this??


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## TPO (10 May 2019)

Glad you're feeling a little better this morning and congratulations on your new chicks!

Hopefully that's a weight lifted now that your boss has assured you that your job is safe and that the wheels are in motion to make things more comfortable for you on your return. 

If you are ok to drive just now and things have stabilised currently would it be a good idea to renew your license just now? 

It's hard when it goes against the grain if you're just not that type of person but I do think you have to kick off a bit to get answers. Get the doctors/consultants to write everything down so that you can take it away with you. It's so hard to retain information in stressful situations and having something in writing is more useful for ensuring that they follow through on what they have said. 

Is there anyone on the yard that could help with B short term until you know for sure how you feel and what is practical rather than making a decision when emotions are fraught and running high? If B helps you just now then, as long as you feel able, I'd keep her on as part of your support system for your mental wellbeing. She's a cracking wee horse and if that is the decision you come to I'm sure you'll have no bother finding her the best home for her.


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## Tarragon (10 May 2019)

Leo, I am so so sorry to read this and really feel for you.
I haven't got much more to add that others haven't already said other than I wouldn't be in a hurry to sell your lovely pony.
I have a good friend whose health really isn't good and not going to get any better. A while ago they had to admit to themselves that they were unlikely to be able to ride any more but decided to keep the horse on DIY livery in retirement and kept going for a few years happily looking after her horse, even though she had lost her licence and had to depend on public transport to get to the yard and back. This arrangement eventually became too much for her and she had to make another huge decision and admit to herself that DIY wasn't working so now the horse is in full livery and my friend gets to see her a few times a week when she can get a lift and feels up to it, but knowing that the horse is being well cared for when she can't get there. My friend gets a huge mental boost knowing that she still has her horse and is part of the horsey world that she loves and every visit is like a tonic to her.
This forum is amazing when it comes to things like this. I hold my hat to all you lovely people.


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## Surbie (10 May 2019)

Leo Walker said:



			I saw the Moorfields consultant but cant actually remember what she said now, it was about the time they discharged me last year, so I dont think there was any real issues at the time.
		
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I have found with difficult appointments that recording the discussion on my phone is really helpful - I've done it several times with my cousin's daughter (her mum lives in Africa so the detail was really helpful for her to hear) and with my Mum most recently when both of us were a bit upset and didn't necessarily 'hear' all the things we needed to. The staff are usually fine with it. 



Clodagh said:



			I think if you have any doubts at all about selling B then don't do it. Someone higher up said about RDA taking on novice ponies, could they loan her? I am sure that if she did have to come back and you were unable to deal a friend would sort things out for you.
Selling is irreversible so if there is hope, hang in there.
		
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That was me I think - my RDA certainly takes loans and I'd assume the other groups do too - I'm on the regional committee so can find that out from the driving groups if it's of interest to you LW. I wouldn't want to put any pressure on you to move Bobbie on, I think lots of people have said very sensible things about taking time for this decision and finding the right home for her if that's what you choose to do.


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## Fransurrey (10 May 2019)

I can't add to the advice already given, but I do hope you're able to fight the tribunal and get the treatment you need. Life has dealt you some rather large poop. :-(


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## SEL (10 May 2019)

LW - I've just read all of this and I'm absolutely heartbroken for you. This disease is **** and you deserve so much better. Can Diabetes UK help at all getting you the NHS support you need? Will your GP or consultant sign off another extension on your driving licence right now or will it definitely be withdrawn?


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## Equi (10 May 2019)

I know it feels like youâ€™re just in a big bubble of despair at the moment and it will for a long time but do remember there are thousands of blind people who lead a perfectly happy life. My uncle is 99% blind with a small tunnel of vision thatâ€™s barely worth being there he also has mobility issues and mild learning difficulties but he lives a full life on his own and yes he needs help but itâ€™s still a life worth living. This will be a long hard road, but itâ€™s a road you can travel I promise <3


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## Leo Walker (10 May 2019)

The driving licence is a bloody joke. I currently pass the standard sight tests. I will almost certainly fail a field of vision test due to the amount of work. However being a responsible adult once I found out I tried to book one, with the intention of stopping driving and rescinding my licence if I failed it. The optician has refused to do it. Apparently the DVLA would deem it practicing. Its pushing a button when you see flashing lights in your vision, not algebra! But I cant do it so I've had to fill in all the forms and return them to the DVLA and now I have to wait however long it takes for them to arrange it. Its not a quick process according to them. Ridiculously they will let me swan about in the car until they finish doing medical reports etc.

Its irrelevant really given the deterioration thats now under way but before I knew about that I was really annoyed. I can legally drive completely blind in one eye, but I cant drive if any of my peripheral vision is impaired. And I think its incredibly irresponsible to not be allowed to take the test myself.


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## Leo Walker (10 May 2019)

equi said:



			I know it feels like youâ€™re just in a big bubble of despair at the moment and it will for a long time but do remember there are thousands of blind people who lead a perfectly happy life.
		
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I'm not sure thats true. The stats are appalling with something like 90% of blind people rarely leaving their homes and reporting social isolation. I stopped reading after that as I'd rather not know, but it doesnt sound like very many people are living happy lives with serious sight issues sadly.


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## Equi (10 May 2019)

I wonder how many of them have a guide dog/guiding help though. I hear great reports about guide dogs helping to bring people back out.


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## Sandstone1 (10 May 2019)

I would argue that many blind people live miserable lives.


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## Asha (10 May 2019)

I don't know what to say LW, it must be incredibly hard to get your head around this. I don't doubt for one minute, that once you've given yourself some time you will find a way through this. Your previous posts have shown how strong you can be when the poo hits the fan. Thinking of you x


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## Bellaboo18 (10 May 2019)

Sending love and hugs xx


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## ester (10 May 2019)

I was going to mention the recording appointments, it was suggested to me last week and it wouldn't have even crossed my mind that it might be ok to ask to do so.


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## windand rain (10 May 2019)

Leo Walker said:



			The driving licence is a bloody joke. I currently pass the standard sight tests. I will almost certainly fail a field of vision test due to the amount of work. However being a responsible adult once I found out I tried to book one, with the intention of stopping driving and rescinding my licence if I failed it. The optician has refused to do it. Apparently the DVLA would deem it practicing. Its pushing a button when you see flashing lights in your vision, not algebra! But I cant do it so I've had to fill in all the forms and return them to the DVLA and now I have to wait however long it takes for them to arrange it. Its not a quick process according to them. Ridiculously they will let me swan about in the car until they finish doing medical reports etc.

Its irrelevant really given the deterioration thats now under way but before I knew about that I was really annoyed. I can legally drive completely blind in one eye, but I cant drive if any of my peripheral vision is impaired. And I think its incredibly irresponsible to not be allowed to take the test myself.
		
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My opticians do a field of vision test as standard so changing optician and paying for a test might work. I am heart broken for you I am diabetic so know the problems it brings with it Also pretty sure they can heal aneurisms with lazer but you may already have had that done


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## tristar (10 May 2019)

oh leo, have no words,.

glad you could find joy in the chicks,  thank you so much for offering to put up pics of warrior, i have not got good ones yet, waiting for winter coat to come off, and not been able to do much with him for a few weeks.

thinking of you all the time, hope a solution can be thought of regarding your pony that works for everyone, and you can find some peace in the knowledge she is safe and happy, whatever you decide to do

please keep us updated


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## Leo Walker (10 May 2019)

The problem is theres nothing to record. They dont say anything. I push them a bit and thats when we get the "poor prognosis" stuff which usually shuts me up. Theres always a fair bit of information in the letters to my GP. That is genuinely how I know any specifics. The only time I was really told anything was when my right eye hemorrhaged and I went mad at the complete hash 2 separate hospitals made of dealing with it, and thats when the 3rd opinion was wheeled in, who went out of her way to tell me that the hospital hadnt screwed up and despite the one hospital saying I needed an operation and injections they werent doing that and operations were bad etc etc.  The hospital who said I needed the operation wont treat me and just refer me back to the other hospital.

Dont get me wrong, I know the underlying condition, I know that I'll be having PRP lasers on x day etc but thats it. 

The senior eye consultant treats me and to be fair about the time of the second hemorrhage did try and get me some help by referring me to a different diabetes consultant, who did nothing, but at least he tried.


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## Leo Walker (10 May 2019)

windand rain said:



			My opticians do a field of vision test as standard so changing optician and paying for a test might work. I am heart broken for you I am diabetic so know the problems it brings with it Also pretty sure they can heal aneurisms with lazer but you may already have had that done
		
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Ok so now I am absolutely furious! the optician lied to me. Flat out to my face lied. I am such a mug for accepting that on face value. It also means that I passed the test 4 months ago. I thought it was something special they did but having looked into it, its flaming well not.

I think I was just so fed up and disillusioned by it all I accepted it and just came home.

It doesnt matter in the big scheme of things now, I know that, but its been worrying me sick that I might be driving round when I shouldnt even though I felt fine doing it. I swear to god, one day its going to get too much and I am going to snap and go on a killing spree!


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## Ambers Echo (10 May 2019)

So so sorry LW. The only advice I can give is to echo Red-1 - never make big or irreversible decisions when in despair. eg quitting work, selling Bobbie.

Having worked for years in clinical practice and having been involved investigated complaints for the NHS I know that verbal kicking off is ineffective - all in a days work - but formal written complaints HAVE to be independently investigated. It is important to be clear what you are complaining about - specifically. 

For  example things like:

Lack of information
Lack of appropriate treatment in December
Lack of vision sparing treatment now
Unacceptable delays in receiving care.

Do you know or can you find out if the treatment they are not giving you is NICE recommended for your condition? If so, they should offer it. Your own doctors will not be able to fob you off - once it is official 
they will have to follow the complaints policy. You may get a call asking if you want to address this informally but just say no to that. Say the phrase 'I want to make a formal   complaint' in the letter so they can't pretend they did not understand that you are not just asking for info or expressing an opinion.

Re the benefits: PIP is a joke and they will probably turn you down initially. But a very large %age get that overruled on appeal. If you view it as a 2 stage process (apply, then appeal) it may be easier mentally to fight the good fight.

I am so, so sorry. It's heart-breaking facing these issues anyway -without the financial hardships, work related stress and concerns about Bobbie on top. Hugs. x


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## The Fuzzy Furry (10 May 2019)

LW, I've only just caught up with this, hugs x 

Now, you know I've got similar, am over 95% blind in my right eye (light and dark only).  It's an opticians entertainment on the scan they do, as so much has lovely dots from all the NHS laser work. No, it doesnt restore sight, but it stops the bleeds.
I had a right scare 2 to 3 weeks ago when noticed red through my sight, hustled from opticians to hosp for the usual zillions of tests,  temp stopped driving,  lazer next day after more tests and currently its stable. 
I'm not saying there is any cure at all, but worth checking the laser out. 

As to Bobby? What's your thoughts now, explore rda  or blue cross, or do you really need money coming back in for your future (yes, some of us do, I get it x)

Its s scarey place you are in at present,  sending love x


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## DD (10 May 2019)

So sorry, sending big ((((HUGS))))).


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## blitznbobs (10 May 2019)

Leo Walker said:



			Bobbie has to be sold. I'm losing my sight and I cant find any way I can keep a pony when I'm blind. I thought I had more time, but I lose my driving licence in 3 weeks and the prognosis for my vision is beyond poor. I'm suicidal with grief and misery and having a very hard time coming to terms with this, but it has to be done. The only thing keeping me going right now is focusing on getting her into the right home. I cant loan her as I cant have her coming back from loan at a future date when I cant physically cope with it which makes it harder. How do I find the right person? I dont care about money, I just want her in a long term home with someone who will love her and appreciate her. 

I dont think I can cope with advertising her, I'm so heartbroken I can barely write this and theres no way I could speak to someone on the phone about her. I'm worried if I send her on sales livery I lose control of who she goes to, but maybe I'm just making excuses. I dont know what will happen to me once shes gone, I suspect I'm heading for some sort of breakdown as my life is pretty miserable with pain and mobility issues and I've relied on the horses to keep me going. I just dont really have anything else, and if I cant see there arent many things I will be able to do. Life barely feels worth living a lot of the time now but without the pony I have nothing and the thought of it is unbearable. 

There is no help available from the NHS. They feel very sorry for me and dont know how I am coping, but there is no resources other than a community outreach nurse, who will be in touch in approx 8 weeks. I've not been able to go to work and quite frankly I dont care anymore. A few more weeks of working isnt going to make much difference. I'm in no state to manage it right now.

My friends are trying to support me but its not helping me having people say "oh you cant sell her, you love her" etc, etc. I've had to deal with lots of well meaning offers of help which dont change anything and just leave me saying thank you and having to explain it all over again upsetting me more and more every time. My partner also feels very sorry for me, but seems to be in denial that its happening. He seems to think this is because I dont really fancy going back to work after I've been on holiday I've tried to talk to him about money and how we are going to manage with one wage but hes avoiding it and i'm struggling to be able to talk about it. I think we will probably manage to keep the house, but its going to be a massive struggle financially so whilst I dont care about the money I get for her, I probably should. 

I just dont even know where to start or how I can possibly do this.
		
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 Where in the country are you?


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## Leo Walker (10 May 2019)

The Fuzzy Furry said:



			LW, I've only just caught up with this, hugs x

Now, you know I've got similar, am over 95% blind in my right eye (light and dark only).  It's an opticians entertainment on the scan they do, as so much has lovely dots from all the NHS laser work. No, it doesnt restore sight, but it stops the bleeds.
I had a right scare 2 to 3 weeks ago when noticed red through my sight, hustled from opticians to hosp for the usual zillions of tests,  temp stopped driving,  lazer next day after more tests and currently its stable.
I'm not saying there is any cure at all, but worth checking the laser out.

As to Bobby? What's your thoughts now, explore rda  or blue cross, or do you really need money coming back in for your future (yes, some of us do, I get it x)

Its s scarey place you are in at present,  sending love x
		
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I've had laser, lots and lots of laser. Thats the problem, there is no room for anymore in the left eye. Theres one more session in about a week for the right eye then thats it. Game over.That would all be fine but the right eye has an existing hemorrhage from February which is still bleeding and has actually torn my eye, and the left eye started a tiny bleed a couple of days ago. Theres more new vessels growing all the time. My blood sugars are reasonably controlled. They arent perfect but I work so, so hard at keeping them stable. it seems to be making no difference though. 

I did complain to PALs which is where the third opinion came in. I havent actually looked at the NICE guidelines for this, every other flipping thing wrong with me, but not this. I'll do that now. Thats such a good idea I cant believe I didnt think to check!

If/when shes sold I need the money from her. I dont care about it, but I'm not the only one involved in this. My partner actually bought her and contributed heavily to having her broken so its not really my money.


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## Ambers Echo (10 May 2019)

Leo Walker said:



			I did complain to PALs which is where the third opinion came in.
		
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Did you ask PALS to make a formal complaint? They can help people to complain or they can offer advice/liaison which is a step before formal complaint. It may differ round the country but IME the only thing that really got things moving was a formal complaint or a letter from an MP. If you have an active local MP would they write on your  behalf? 

In our NHS trust we had a policy that an MP letter required a written response within 48 hours - that was never enough time to actually investigate whatever the issues were so the upshot was basically give the patient what he/she wants if at all  possible! I don't agree with this approach but it is the way it is. 

In your situation I would use every protocol and procedure but you need to know how to trigger them. Going to the press is pretty effective too. Trusts don't like that very much either and will generally try to avoid that if possible.


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## babymare (10 May 2019)

I have read all the comments and I'm shell shocked. You show yourself so strong. I have no advice to give that's already given but I stand in awe of you. You are a fantastic person xx


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## SEL (10 May 2019)

Leo Walker said:



			My blood sugars are reasonably controlled. They arent perfect but I work so, so hard at keeping them stable. it seems to be making no difference though.
		
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When I was on the medical trial the consultant told me some people are more susceptible to problems even with exceptional control - others can have fluctuating blood sugars for decades and have no issues. He compared it to those 90yo who have smoked since their teens and never get a hint of lung problems. It's the genetic short straw.

I hope they can find something to help you keep your sight. Even a small amount. We'll crowd fund if it needs to be private.


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## siennamiller (10 May 2019)

Leo, Iâ€™m so so sorry about this. Thereâ€™s nothing I can really say, but I wanted to send you a hug.


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## EventingMum (10 May 2019)

Big hugs from me too. 

PIP is a joke, I'm disabled and after many years caved in recently and applied. I couldn't walk from the car park to the assessment centre so was in a wheelchair but they turned me down for the mobility benefit but granted me the other part (I forget what it's called) on the basis I have weak hands and a tremor so can't cook meals from scratch (sharp knives are a no go) and because I self cathaterise. As far as I'm concerned my biggest hindrance by far is by mobility and when I do walk I need two crutches and yet someone I know who walks further than I can unaided but has some arthritis gets mobility payments. There seems no rythme or reason to the decisions.


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## Leo Walker (10 May 2019)

Its knowing how to work the system and not giving up. I guess when the couple of hundred quid is that important to you that it changes your quality of life, you keep fighting. It would be useful for me, it would pay for the osteo and physio and contribute to taxis etc, but while I'm working I can do without it, and I'd rather that than go through it. But I'm in a place now where I need it in place and its almost certainly going to take months, so I best get on with it.

I've had a screaming row with the neighbour this evening. I'm not proud of myself and I should not have done it, but hes a vile little man who has been sticking anonymous threatening letters through the door and coming round after my partner goes to work, and tonight he stuck his head over our fence and started and I'd had enough. All over some tiny, fluffy little chickens. You'd think I had pet velociraptors in the garden the way he carried on.

I'm feeling remarkably cheerful now though, I think its done me the world of good to tell someone to do one and leave me alone!


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## PeterNatt (10 May 2019)

I am very sorry to hear of the situation that you are in.  May I suggest that if you have not already done so that you get a referral to Moorefield Eye Hospital in London.


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## Remi'sMum (10 May 2019)

LW, Iâ€™m so sorry to hear all, I truly am. What a b*tch life can be. 

Please donâ€™t take this the wrong way but your mental state at the moment (very understandably) doesnâ€™t sound good. You sound more upbeat now but your first post was quite frightening to read, you sounded so desperate. 

A friend sent me this link only tonight. I know that not everyone takes kindly to the suggestion that â€˜talkingâ€™ might help you feel better, but these people are trained to help in a crisis and it sounds like youâ€™re at crisis point. You canâ€™t figure out whatâ€™s best for Bobbie with your head all over the place. 

Forgive me if any of that ^^^ sounds patronising, thatâ€™s totally not my intention. Iâ€™ve got no practical advice for Bobbie or benefits or tribunals or anything like that. But sending you MASSIVE virtual hugs.

https://www.giveusashout.org


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## Leo Walker (10 May 2019)

ok, so I am trying very, very, very hard not to lose it. My consultant has flat out lied to me. He has told me that there are no further options for treatment. They just shrug their shoulders and sadly tell me its a poor prognosis and theres nothing else they can do over and over.

I saw the optician in the autumn and he panicked and sent me straight back. He said my retina was in the process of detaching and all sorts of other things and it was an emergency. The hospital made out like he was being dramatic and told me nothing was wrong. They told me the scarring was holding the retina down, everything was fine. So I went away. I went back 3 more times I think as it wasnt right and I knew something was happening. They sent me away everytime. In Feb my right eye effectively spilt open internally and caused a huge bleed. 

I went to eye A&E at a different hospital for a second opinion. The second opinion doctor told me I would need an operation to fix the hemorrhage in the right eye and to do more laser treatment while I was unconscious so they could reach different areas etc and probably further ops down the line. They wouldn't treat me and referred me back to the original hospital where I made a fuss and a 3rd opinion consultant was found. He agreed with the original one and told me that no such thing was needed and I could have another round of laser treatment and that would sort it, so I let it go. They were very convincing although thinking back they did keep correcting me when I was saying it was the same as the previous hemorrhage, which was caused by a burst blood vessel.I just never clicked until a few minutes ago

Then the left eye started bleeding and we went right back to "poor prognosis" and "no further options" Which I accepted again

Until I looked up the NICE guidelines and in the process came across this from Moorfields




			In proliferative diabetic retinopathy, bleeding can occur in the retina and gellike fluid that fills the eye. This blood usually clears on its own within six months. If this fails to clear you may need surgery to remove the blood. In advanced proliferative diabetic retinopathy, scar tissue can form in the retina. This causes the retina to pull away from the back of the eye (retinal detachment). Surgery will be required to remove the scar tissue and repair the retina.
		
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I have extensive scars, the scarring has pulled the eye apart internally and caused the bleed in the right eye. The scarring also means I cant see fine details as I cant focus my eyes properly. They told me nothing could be done. 

What the hell do I do now? I am not going back there, the other local hospital wont treat me and just refers me back to them. I cannot believe I havent checked this and I cannot believe I just found out now at nearly midnight on a Friday night when I am own with no one to talk to, and cant do a damn thing until Monday. I suspect most of  this post doesnt even make sense, I just needed to get some of it down before my head exploded.


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## Leo Walker (10 May 2019)

PeterNatt said:



			I am very sorry to hear of the situation that you are in.  May I suggest that if you have not already done so that you get a referral to Moorefield Eye Hospital in London.
		
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I've seen the consultant from Moorfields, she came to my local hopsital to see a few people back in the summer. She didnt seem particularly interested to be honest, so now I'm a bit wary of them as well


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## Remi'sMum (10 May 2019)

It sounds like a very frank conversation with your GP may be a place to start. Wrote down what you just wrote above in bullet points so youâ€™ve got an idiot-proof timeline of events. Take that to your GP and demand to know what is going to be done. CAB may also be able to advise. I wish I had more/better advice, but I donâ€™t. I really really feel for you x


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## Michen (10 May 2019)

Leo Walker said:



			I've seen the consultant from Moorfields, she came to my local hopsital to see a few people back in the summer. She didnt seem particularly interested to be honest, so now I'm a bit wary of them as well
		
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Disappointed to read this as my mother also has some serious eye issues, just in one at the moment and moorfields have been wonderful. Though the op wasnâ€™t successful. 

So, so sorry. Xxx


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## G&T (11 May 2019)

Leo Walker said:



			ok, so I am trying very, very, very hard not to lose it. My consultant has flat out lied to me. He has told me that there are no further options for treatment. They just shrug their shoulders and sadly tell me its a poor prognosis and theres nothing else they can do over and over.

I saw the optician in the autumn and he panicked and sent me straight back. He said my retina was in the process of detaching and all sorts of other things and it was an emergency. The hospital made out like he was being dramatic and told me nothing was wrong. They told me the scarring was holding the retina down, everything was fine. So I went away. I went back 3 more times I think as it wasnt right and I knew something was happening. They sent me away everytime. In Feb my right eye effectively spilt open internally and caused a huge bleed.

I went to eye A&E at a different hospital for a second opinion. The second opinion doctor told me I would need an operation to fix the hemorrhage in the right eye and to do more laser treatment while I was unconscious so they could reach different areas etc and probably further ops down the line. They wouldn't treat me and referred me back to the original hospital where I made a fuss and a 3rd opinion consultant was found. He agreed with the original one and told me that no such thing was needed and I could have another round of laser treatment and that would sort it, so I let it go. They were very convincing although thinking back they did keep correcting me when I was saying it was the same as the previous hemorrhage, which was caused by a burst blood vessel.I just never clicked until a few minutes ago

Then the left eye started bleeding and we went right back to "poor prognosis" and "no further options" Which I accepted again

Until I looked up the NICE guidelines and in the process came across this from Moorfields



I have extensive scars, the scarring has pulled the eye apart internally and caused the bleed in the right eye. The scarring also means I cant see fine details as I cant focus my eyes properly. They told me nothing could be done.

What the hell do I do now? I am not going back there, the other local hospital wont treat me and just refers me back to them. I cannot believe I havent checked this and I cannot believe I just found out now at nearly midnight on a Friday night when I am own with no one to talk to, and cant do a damn thing until Monday. I suspect most of  this post doesnt even make sense, I just needed to get some of it down before my head exploded.
		
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Iâ€™m really sorry, that is truly terrifying to hear. Itâ€™s awful to say, but it actually doesnâ€™t surprise me any more as doctors seem to be so unaccountable. My mum was left disabled for two years from badly executed surgery for a leg break, again and again we were told no this is all normal everything was done correctly youâ€™re just one of the unlucky ones. Eventually, only after a strongly worded written formal complaint (which another poster mentioned earlier) she got an appointment with the senior consultant who said oh yeah I can just do another operation to remove some metal and sort that out, a month later she was almost 100% better. If she hadnâ€™t fought tooth and nail though sheâ€™d just have been left to suffer. 
Keep the pressure on them, a written complaint, demand answers. good luck x


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## Jinx94 (11 May 2019)

Leo Walker said:



			I've seen the consultant from Moorfields, she came to my local hopsital to see a few people back in the summer. She didnt seem particularly interested to be honest, so now I'm a bit wary of them as well
		
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Sorry for not replying to your pm yet, exams coming up this week..

I know it would be a bit of a trek, but is there any chance you could get a referral to Walsgrave (university hospital)? Whatever they're dealing with, they tend to be very, very thorough. Might be worth a shot? Xxx


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## ozpoz (11 May 2019)

How can anyone be upset over tiny chickens! Twit! Send them to me! I love pekins.
Take it all slowly and methodically. 
While I think the RDA is a fabulous organisation, the last one I visited made me feel quite sad for the ponies. (Several had no muscle, were lame and looked unhappy and uncomfortable).


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## Spottyappy (11 May 2019)

I havenâ€™t read all of the posts to this Leo.
However, I volunteer for Bucks Vision, who employ blind people, as well as supporting them.
Iâ€™m not sure if youâ€™re able to get help from them (and maybe a job when one becomes available), as I think you are in Northampton. 
However, if they canâ€™t help, they likely will find someone who can. 
Hereâ€™s their website https://www.bucksvision.co.uk/
I would imagine Northampton has similar too. 
At this stage, I know you will be incredibly frightened, and upset. However, the activities offered by Bucks Vision show that sight loss is not the barrier we all think. They have organised events, and the lady Who is blind herself but â€œin charge â€œ of volunteers even does cycling. 
Pm me if you would like, as I think you know Iâ€™m (struggling with it too)  facing the same future as you .


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## gunnergundog (11 May 2019)

Have visited this thread a few times and wanted to post something but not really known what to say.     I have no contacts or experience that may help you.  All the usual platitiudes are trite. Life stinks at times.  

Fingers crossed for you.


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## RHM (11 May 2019)

I am so sorry to hear this LW itâ€™s a terrible situation to be in. I just wanted to jump in as you stated that the treatment they are refusing has NICE guidance. If it has NICE guidance funding is MANDATED. They cannot refuse treatment due to cost. If the trust refuse to pay for it they just need to complete an individual funding request form. Donâ€™t let them palm you off the right treatment because of its cost, quite frankly not only is it unethical it is illegal. You can also ask for a referral anywhere in the country, it might be worth asking your consultant to refer you to a tertiary specialist centre. I wish you all the luck in the world getting this sorted! Sod the neighbour! Sometimes letting off a bit of steam does the world of good!


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## The Fuzzy Furry (11 May 2019)

LW, if you can get a referral to Prof Taylor at Moorfield,  he really is the man to see (no pun intended!) He is the one who actually listened to me, sorted quick treatment and saved my only working eye. I'm very lucky, he comes down on a Friday to my County hospital for consultancy on specialist cases.
Worth trying xx


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## blodwyn1 (11 May 2019)

Moorfield have  a 24hr a and e dept for emergency treatment of imminent sight loss. You are not supposed to use it for second opinions but it might be worth a train ticket to London.


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## ycbm (11 May 2019)

LW you have understandably lost faith in the judgment of the two consultants who have told you that nothing more can be done. Is there any possibility that you can pay for a private consultation with someone else, who at least will take half an hour with you to explain exactly why nothing can be done if that is the case,  and not be time pressured and rushing. If something can be done, they can then  prescribe NHS  treatments. 

It shouldn't be necessary, but it's available for people who are lucky enough to be able to afford it, and this is an emergency.

Cost around here seems to be Â£200-250 for a consultation.


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## Ambers Echo (11 May 2019)

I echo what YCBM says - my daughter started having seizures. NHS consultant after seizure 4 said 'epilepsy' - medicate and live with it. But I knew that seizures are meant to be investigated. Epilepsy was the most likely answer but not the only one and other more sinister possibilities should have been excluded which meant expensive investigations. We paid Â£300 for a private consultation with someone who was also a top NHS doctor (some fully private docs are rubbish and went private because they are unemployable on the NHS - you need to make sure you have a consultation with someone whose credibility can't be questioned) - and he wrote a letter  with his list of recommendations which the NHS  consultant  then carried out. Grumpily and grudgingly but that did not bother me! I also echo SEL's suggestion for crowdfunding at least for an initial consultation if the Â£300 or so is just not findable.


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## sunshine100* (11 May 2019)

Just caught with up with reading all this LW.So sorry to hear about your eyes and the worry about Bobbie. Can we you all crowdfund for you to get you the best private eye surgeon?
I know your concerns about getting the right home -they will be no one good enough, all the work you have done with her,you don't want her going to someone who keeps her cooped up in stable all day. 
So one thought I did have and its only a suggestion is putting out with your retired one that way you know where she is and she will be looked after.


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## Leo Walker (11 May 2019)

I'm a bit calmer now. Finding out something like that in the middle of the night on a Friday is just awful as I could do nothing and my partner works nights so I couldnt even tell any one in person. Its probably a good thing as I was so angry I was shaking, whereas now I am angry but not slightly deranged with it.

I clearly need to go to Moorfields. I'm about 1hr20 mins away so its not even far. I drive 40mins for work at the minute. One tired and bored looking consultant being farmed out to other hopsitals clearly isnt representative of everyone there.

I'm speaking to my GP about an urgent referal on Monday, I'm only giving that until lunchtime as I dont have time to waste with this now. They do a call back system so I should be able to speak to someone and find out if they will do it and if so how long it takes. 

If thats not an option I'm going to speak to Moorfields direct and get some advice. If they can get me a private appointment in 48 hours or so then I'll do that, one consultation isnt an issue. Otherwise Monday night when the roads are quieter I'm going to walk myself into eye A&E there. 

I cant go about the right eye really as thats been there since Feb, however even through the 80% blindness i have started having flashing lights which is classed as an emergency and almost certainly means the retina is lifting. The left eye is having tiny bleeds on and off and again. Either of those things is enough to legitimately walk in off the street as an emergency. 

If they cant do anything, they cant do anything and thats fine but i want to know in detail why not so at least I know.

I didnt want to post any of this thread, I just hoped someone would have some ideas for Bobbie as I couldnt stop crying and shaking and knew I couldnt deal with it myself. As it happens I've got a solution I think I would be fairly happy with via Surbie, but actually thanks to Ambers Echo everything just changed.


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## Leo Walker (11 May 2019)

ozpoz said:



			How can anyone be upset over tiny chickens! Twit! Send them to me! I love pekins.
Take it all slowly and methodically.
While I think the RDA is a fabulous organisation, the last one I visited made me feel quite sad for the ponies. (Several had no muscle, were lame and looked unhappy and uncomfortable).
		
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She would be going as a driving pony, I have the same concerns as you about the riding ponies. The driving bit seems to be a much, much happier life for them


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## Leo Walker (11 May 2019)

sunshine100* said:



			Just caught with up with reading all this LW.So sorry to hear about your eyes and the worry about Bobbie. Can we you all crowdfund for you to get you the best private eye surgeon?
I know your concerns about getting the right home -they will be no one good enough, all the work you have done with her,you don't want her going to someone who keeps her cooped up in stable all day.
So one thought I did have and its only a suggestion is putting out with your retired one that way you know where she is and she will be looked after.
		
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Actually thats a genius idea. I hadnt thought of that. They are talking about getting something to drive as it is. I cant believe I didnt think of that either. Everything just went so horribly wrong, so quickly and I lost my mind for a bit, and didnt think of any of these obvious solutions!

I have never been more glad I posted something in my life


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## blodwyn1 (11 May 2019)

Moorfields a and e is open 24hrs 7 days a week I think. Go now if you think it is bleeding.


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## blodwyn1 (11 May 2019)

Also as it's a weekend it justifies you going!


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## cobsandbassets (11 May 2019)

GreyMane said:



			Have you heard of Barry Hook in Andover, Hants?
Maybe he could help you search for a new owner - if that is what you decide.
If I was in your situation I'd be calling him for sure.
http://www.horsedrawnpromotions.com/

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Sorry but I wouldn't trust Barry Hook with a pet wasp.


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## rabatsa (11 May 2019)

Every RDA group is different.  It is a pity you are not in my area as I have had a 100% blind driver driving from the bit in full control.  His biggest problem was my not allowing his guide dog on the carriage. Those who can see colour follow a tabbard through cones and along tracks. Obstacles are special occaision jobbies but the driver gets to choose the route to take and the runner does that route.

Some RDA driving groups would jump at the chance of a pony like Bobbie and have the skills and time to work her until she is ideal for the job, but not all groups are able to do that.


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## Leo Walker (11 May 2019)

blodwyn1 said:



			Moorfields a and e is open 24hrs 7 days a week I think. Go now if you think it is bleeding.
		
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Its been bleeding since February so its nothing new unfortunately.


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## Rosemary28 (15 May 2019)

How are you getting on LW?


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## Reacher (16 May 2019)

Ditto, how are you getting on? Have you got an appointment at Moorfields?
Re Bobbie I was thinking don't make any rush decisions, but sounds like you've found a solution?


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## Leo Walker (16 May 2019)

I've just had conformation that I've been referred to Moorfields. My GP agrees with me that I need a decent second opinion at this point. Its just taken until today to get to speak to her and that was only over the phone. She has also agreed to see me in person at 12pm so we can talk about how I feel and see if anything can be done. I'm not holding out much hope as its normal to feel like this with what I'm going through. apparently going blind is up there with bereavement. 

I've been quite calm for the last few days. I've been painting fences and building a chicken run so its kept me occupied and then I've been utterly knackered and able to sleep a bit more which has helped. Its still awful but I'm not crying hysterically all the time so its a step forward

Bobbie is staying put for now, the kids at the yard fuss her and ride her for me so shes perfectly happy, and now I know theres RDA that only do driving and that she would be suitable, I dont feel like theres an awful relentless pressure to do something NOW anymore. 

I didnt really understand that there are levels of blindness until I posted this. I thought blind was blind and that was it, but its not the case at all. So now I'm really hoping even if my sight cant be saved, that I retain enough to see shapes and colours as everything is perfectly manageable then and I can keep Bobbie and get on with my life.


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## windand rain (16 May 2019)

That all sounds a bit more positive. I hope with all my heart you can get as good an outcome as possible. I certainly hope the hospital can slow the rate of deterioration to a managable level and you get more years of some sight being blind in one eye is doable and if the other can be treated quickly and without setbacks they should keep it monitored so any changes can be seen, dealt with and prolong the time you have good sight.


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## Lurfy (16 May 2019)

You have certainly had a very tough time LW. I really hope you retain some sight. I grew up with a girl who was legally blind by about age 15. She could still see shapes and colours and continued riding her horse until her late 20's. Her horse was brilliant, she knew her rider very well and looked after her on all our rides. When the mare passed away my friend stopped riding because she could never replace her. If you can hang onto Bobbie, she may become even more precious to you than she is already. I wish you all the very best.


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## Rosemary28 (16 May 2019)

You sound more positive today LW, I'm glad you are managing to keep yourself busy. I really hope you can get a positive outcome from this, and I'm glad you have found a solution for Bobbie if you need it.


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## Follysmum (16 May 2019)

Sending you lots of hugs


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## TPO (16 May 2019)

Thinking of you

Happy to hear that you have a referral and can talk to your GP face to face to discuss everything.

Glad that the pressure has been removed with Bobbie and that you have a back-up plan that will hopefully go unused.

I hope seeing the doctor today helps further. Take care x


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## Chappie (16 May 2019)

Been thinking of you too, LW.
Glad to hear there's a bit of positive news for you and you've got an appointment. And that you've been busy making a run for your chicks 
I really hope it will work out that you can keep Bobbie. Having a good back-up plan will hopefully take a bit of pressure off.


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## Pearlsasinger (16 May 2019)

That sounds a bit more positive all round.  I'm glad that you now have an appointment at Moorfields and that the pressure is off as far as Bobbie is concerned.  Do keep us updated when you have met the consultant.  All the best


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## conniegirl (16 May 2019)

You sound much more positive today and it is much nicer to read. I'm crossing fingers that you get a decent result from moorfields.

I will say, from my experience with the DVLA and driving licenses, don't expect them to get back to you any time soon.
they took 6 months to give me the decision to revoke my HGV license due to black outs. In the mean time I was told to follow doctors advice, my doctors advice was to inform the DVLA! so legally I could have kept driving during that time.


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## Jill's Gym Karma (16 May 2019)

Just wanted to note that we have very high expectations of modern medicine that can't always be met. Not everything can be cured, or managed, and senior doctors may still interpret data differently.

Medical staff should always be honest, upfront, use clear language, properly listen to the patient and be open to new approaches of course.

It's very bad that you've been left to stew and assume you'll be living in 100% blackness. Whatever happens I think it's worth writing a letter to the relevant trust, outlining your experience and how this prognosis could have been much better explained.

Wishing you and Bobbie all the best.


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## Surbie (16 May 2019)

Am so glad to read that you've had some progress. And that you are feeling less desperate about future options. I really hope that Bobbie does stay with you and you keep driving. But if it ever comes to it, you know she is sought after and you could find her a fab home.

Hope you find some clearer answers via Moorfield and am keeping everything crossed here.


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## ycbm (1 July 2019)

Can we have an update LW?  I see from other threads that you've moved Bobby and are putting new shafts on your cart, so, thank goodness, you've been able to keep her and keep driving, and also still, for the moment, got your job.   Did you lose your driving licence as you expected to?


.


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## sunshine100* (4 July 2019)

ycbm said:



			Can we have an update LW?  I see from other threads that you've moved Bobby and are putting new shafts on your cart, so, thank goodness, you've been able to keep her and keep driving, and also still, for the moment, got your job.   Did you lose your driving licence as you expected to?


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yes would love update too


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## MotherOfChickens (4 July 2019)

ycbm said:



			Can we have an update LW?  I see from other threads that you've moved Bobby and are putting new shafts on your cart, so, thank goodness, you've been able to keep her and keep driving, and also still, for the moment, got your job.   Did you lose your driving licence as you expected to?


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You have been repeatedly asked by the poster to not contact or engage with her.  While I know you consider posting in her threads your right, blah blah why not try to have some common decency, respect her wishes and rack off? Because however you justify it, your denial of LWs wishes looks a lot like bullying from where I'm sitting.


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## ycbm (4 July 2019)

You are absolutely right. I should not have asked for an update on Monday. I apologise that I did.


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