# Too much horse for me to handle.... what are my options?



## hannahfletcher (23 November 2013)

Hello. 
I have a bit of a problem and need advice on how to deal with it, there are allot of factors contributing to the problem so thank you in advance for taking the time to read this.

I am a 22yo female 5'3 and around 11st. I have been riding for 16 years from riding school horses, youngsters and problem horses. Working at a hunting and eventing yard within that time. 

I started to loan a Hack horse for a very lovely family who didnt have the time to ride him before it gets dark in the week, but I also believe the daughter who owned the horse was scared of him and only wanted to walk and trot on roads with him. He is a 17hh Irish draught horse at 8yo. He has a very babyish mind but was a nice horse to hack out only occasionally would be quite silly with me. But he also threw quite a massive buck in canter. So I began to work with him to improve his canter transitions. Without having a ménage to school him in there was only so much I could do. But despite the fact I did get some nice work from him. I started to ride out with one of the family members and her pony who my horse is sharing a field with. Only to discover that when they are out together that they are practically inseparable. Also when we went for a canter he would become very silly and buck and bronk with me. I did get anxious with him so we kept to walking and trotting.

I was asked if I would like to take him out hunting with the girl and her pony. We went with a friendly hunt that was split into 3 levels. As I have never been hunting we went in a lower level and I was so looking forward to going. I was very apprehensive as to how he would act, as I thought being with the other horses would excite him. My suspicions confirmed he was a very naughty horse. Kicking out at a couple of horses bucking, bronking, refusing to go forward ect... but not leaving the ponies side. We were asked to go for a canter around a large field so me and the girl I was with set off.  He was a bit silly and bronked half way through the canter. I believe I let my guard down as he had started to settle down. I however didnt fair too well and fell from his movement. Falling off and dislocating my shoulder in the process. The hunt team were very supportive of me. And an ambulance was called and I was taken to hospital. The owner of the horse didnt leave my side apart to get her daughter and pony that had carried on in the hunt with friends.

The hunt master said he was a "dangerous horse" but has very kindly accepted him for a month to do some training with him. He way come back form he hunt master with better manners and be a changed horse. but unfortunalty  I am off work for 3 weeks causing me too loose allot of money and having a house, car ect.. To pay for. I I got back on the horse I dint believe things would ever be the same.

This is now why I have a dilemma. I fear that my confidence is shatted due to the fall and I now belive Im far better off just looking after horses and bonding with them, than riding. I do believe I need to get back on the horse even if its just a walk on the lead rein as I was always taught to get straight back on after every fall or you will never get back on. I have been offered my friends fell pony to take me back to the basics and enjoy having fun with ponies rather than schooling. But how do I tell the owner that I do not wish to carry on riding her horse? I also believe her horse would be far better suited for a huntsman rather than a woman who can take allot more then I can off him. So he is being wasted in a field with owners who are scared to ride him and no one to take him on to his full potential. 

Help... I have plenty of doors to go through but where do I go from here?

Thank you for reading; I will take any advice on board.
  Hannah


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## alainax (23 November 2013)

Sometimes there is just some horses who you will not get on with. Its not your fault, but certainly dont give up riding or think you are rubbish because of it. I was always an uber confident rider, working with "project" horses etc, until my last horse really knocked my confidence. Like you he was a young, huge Irish draught. After a few bad falls I began to dread riding him, and it was a downward spiral, I would get nervous, made him tense, which made him worse. Eventually I had to make the decision that I was no good for him, just as he was no good for me. 

I got my new horse around 8 weeks again, and literally feel my confidence pouring back in, like a cup filling up with water again. I love him to pieces and cherish every moment with him, but more than that I really look forward to riding him. For the frist few times I got on him my heart was in my mouth, adrenaline pumping, forgetting to breathe. But each time he never put a foot wrong, began to make me realise that there was nothing to fear with him. 

So, don't feel you have to continue with this ID if you no longer enjoy riding him and feel he is knocking your confidence, there will be the right person out there for him, its just not you ( which I found hard to admit! but so glad I did in the end). However DO NOT feel like you are a bad rider and should not ride, you have just taken a sharp confidence knock, and it will take a little time to build that back up again.


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## TrasaM (23 November 2013)

I was in a very similar position to you with a share I had. Long story short horse spooked -spun -lost footing on Tarmac and fell on me  nothing broke but my shoulder is still only about 60% after 8 weeks.  Up till then he'd been very good so I'm not blaming him. However like you I've had to think about what I want. The share wasn't actually helping me or my riding and I was going to let it fizzle out. But I've spoken to his owner and said that I probably won't be able to ride him again as I'm not going to be around. 
In your case I'd just be honest. You're not in this to get hurt or injured. Give it time and recover and then think whether you want to ride again. Have to admit that I'm not too happy about riding on roads when the horse is shod now.


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## hannahfletcher (23 November 2013)

Thank you for your support. I&#8217;m glad you have found your special horse. So perhaps it would be best for me to be honest with the owner about my situation and hope they understand so I can do what&#8217;s best for me. And take on this fell pony and learn to enjoy riding again.
 I&#8217;ve only once ever felt a bond with a pony I used to ride and she was at my riding school for a couple of weeks and then sold on. I was absolutely gutted and have never bonded with anything else. I just need to keep looking. I wish you luck with your horse, he sounds a dream =)
Hannah


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## hnmisty (23 November 2013)

If you're not enjoying it, there's no point carrying on with the loan, and there's absoluty no shame in telling the owner that, nor in admitting it.

Take the pressure off yourself and look for something nice and steady, that will be happy to go for nice hacks.

Bonds can take time to form. I got Barry in may, and he's a very nice chap, but I just need to trust him more I think! He's actually been pretty good with everything we've encountered (including the double decker bus of death). I had my old girl for almost 12 years though, and I knew her inside out and trusted her with my life. I got her 14 years ago, so I can't remember how long it took for us to "click". I remember the girl who had her before me visited a couple of times and rode her. They cantered up this track and I remember thinking "wow, she's so brave!". Yet in no time, we were flying up that track ourselves!


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## hayinamanger (23 November 2013)

Hannah, you poor thing, what a horrible injury, I hope you mend soon.  

You battled on with this huge and difficult horse far, far longer than most people (I for one) would have.  A horse that size and build is a big horse to keep together even when it's behaving, particularly for a small rider.  There is nothing to be gained by you getting back on this horse, his owners are afraid of him and he needs to go to a pro and learn how to do a useful job.

Yes, ride the Fell and believe in your ability, it's supposed to be fun and you have nothing to prove.


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## hannahfletcher (23 November 2013)

What a lovely message for you to write to me "hayinamanger" thank you. i need to re teach myself why i enjoy horses and not to worry about schooling and looking smart. i seem to be getting a lot of the same messages about taking it back to basics and enjoy myself. so i guess its back to fluffy pony fun for me. I still need to get back on a horse and I'm sure if i have people i trust around me it wont be long before I'm back in the saddle. Thank you
Hannah


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## Magnetic Sparrow (23 November 2013)

FWIW I agree with the posters above. Having a horse as a hobby is supposed to be fun. I get the impression you don't want to get back on the horse, you can give him back to the owners and know he has a good home and move on to something which you genuinely will enjoy riding. I hope you find the horse that you are looking for.


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## henmother (23 November 2013)

Just to add to everyone elses posts, I had a pretty bad accident June this year that has left me paraplegic. I will say to you what I say to my family and friends that don't want me to ride, not all horses are the same, you accept some horses have their "moments" but you just choose to not ride the horses that have dangerous, life threatening" moments." riding a horse that you're nervous about is counter productive, you should enjoy your time in the saddle instead of worrying about a nice canter through the woods turning into a rodeo session. It isnt that you are a bad rider, nothing of the sort. Tell the owner you dont want to ride their horse and get on the fell. I Can't wait to get some pony squashing done after riding an ID, same as you. Get your confidence back up, fall in love with riding again. Good luck and enjoy!


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## Frumpoon (23 November 2013)

I love big stroppy horses, love a challenge!!!! There are lots of kids like me out there who'd relish the challenge, also don't rule out something like missing spines, this turned my beautiful schoolmaster into an unpredictable loon....horses for courses, you'll find your solution


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## henmother (23 November 2013)

I used to love a challenge too, a hack wasn't a ride without some drama to report when we got back to the yard  don't have that option now, and would never ever think bad of anyone for choosing not to get back on the one that did the damage. Sounds like the horse was always a bit spooky, but indeed, horses for courses.


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## alainax (24 November 2013)

henmother said:



			Just to add to everyone elses posts, I had a pretty bad accident June this year that has left me paraplegic. I will say to you what I say to my family and friends that don't want me to ride, not all horses are the same, you accept some horses have their "moments" but you just choose to not ride the horses that have dangerous, life threatening" moments." riding a horse that you're nervous about is counter productive, you should enjoy your time in the saddle instead of worrying about a nice canter through the woods turning into a rodeo session. It isnt that you are a bad rider, nothing of the sort. Tell the owner you dont want to ride their horse and get on the fell. I Can't wait to get some pony squashing done after riding an ID, same as you. Get your confidence back up, fall in love with riding again. Good luck and enjoy!
		
Click to expand...

Great post, and *hugs* about your accident


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## henmother (24 November 2013)

Thanks alainax, accident didn't kill me so cant complain


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## Biska (26 November 2013)

You really must not worry about telling the owner that you no longer wish to ride their horse. He doesn't sound like a lot of fun if he keeps on bucking, and if their own daughter was scared I am sure they will understand. No one should ever be afraid to admit that they are over horsed. Take the offer of the Fell pony, enjoy yourself with him and get your confidence back, please don't knock it any further by riding a horse that makes you feel worried. Good Luck.


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## Penumbra (28 November 2013)

If you are unhappy, definately tell the owner you do not want to carry on with the loan. It won't matter to the horse if he never reaches his full potential, either. I'm sure he will be perfectly happy sitting in a field for a while! That's one of the advantages of a loan, after all!

Confidence is a really fragile thing, and it only takes one incident to lose it. If you want to have a sit on the fell pony, do that, but don't put pressure on yourself to ride at this stage. I am sure a time will come when you want to try getting back on a horse, but it doesn't have to be straight away.


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## FoxBuster (29 November 2013)

Great to hear that you are OK! However do not let this destroy your confidence, you had the guts and determination to take on a difficult horse. That takes a lot but it takes more to admit defeat especially when you take on a challenge. I know as ive done it before. 

IMO, It sounds like the horse knows his size and strength. It also sounds like hes getting too much feed to me (a common problem with hard to handle horses getting too fizzed and exerting additional enegry in throwing its self around) do you know what he is/was fed? 

Move on from this and learn from it but for goodness sake pick yourself back up and remember how you felt about riding before your time with this horse. Nothings changed in you, its the horse that is the issue. You say the huntsman/field master? took the horse and seemed to sort it out however i bet he was getting a hell of a lot of work and rationed feed at that.

Obviously not all problems stem from feeding issues but i think people tned to assume big horses need big feeds and lots of protien, they dont! 

Sorry if this has already been covered in earlier posts (not had time to read them all)

Good Luck, you know you can do it!


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## dogatemysalad (29 November 2013)

You have lost your confidence with this horse but it doesn't follow that you have lost your confidence with all horses. You just need a horse that you click with. The one that makes you feel you've come home when you get in the saddle, it doesn't have to be a staid, boring horse, but one that you feel wants to keep you on board at all times. 

Be honest with the owner and tell her it hasn't worked out. Its the best thing for the horse, and you.


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## soulfull (30 November 2013)

Huge hugs. I'm sure the owners are already expecting you to tell them you don't want to ride anymore.  No one should put them selves in danger and especially not for someone else's horse

 I was in a similar position except the horse was my own. I had just come off and fractured my hand 
So I found some bottle and sold him at a great loss

Lots of people misunderstood and advised me to get a plod.    Argh I am disabled and suffer ill health not a novice and not ready to give up competing

I have now found myself a 15.1 welsh cob. She is amazing, very forward going loves going fast. But she is exceptionally well behaved both to ride and handle
Within a day I was galloping her round our huge indoor 

I get so excited at the thought of riding her. Only had her a month and already taking her out competing on my own


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## JLD (3 December 2013)

hi, I owned a 16.3 idx for 7 years, who behaved very much like the horse you describe, even down to the same behaviour in company. i am also 5'3 and totally overhorsed. i stuck with him and eventually he totally eroded my confidence. due to a change in circumstance he went out on loan to a lovely home. sadly he was put down due to arthritis and it seems likely in retrospect that some of his behaviour was pain related from early on even though he was regularly vet checked. I opted out of horses for a while but was persuaded to take on a 13.2 welsh x in need of a home. I reluctantly agreed and have totally rediscovered my love of horses. He is too small for me to ride, my daughter does a little lead rein stuff with him but mostly we go for walks in hand and I love it, we have an amazing bond and i love being with him one day I may ride again but right now I dont miss it at all, Do what feels right and dont feel pressured into getting back on a horse that scares you. i persevered for 7 years too long and nearly lost horses from my life for ever as a result.


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## Kelly9512 (3 December 2013)

There is no point in putting yourself in danger if you feel he is too much for you. If you carry on with the loan, he will be able to tell that you are nervous and that could make him nervous too or he may even take advantage of the situation. 

There is no shame in admitting that a horse is too much for you, it's better to say I have tried and walk away rather than put yourself in more danger.

You could loan a quieter, older horse that will give you your confidence back or go to a riding school for some lessons to build it back up. 

The owner should understand how you're feeling. I would get back on just to have a walk around just to say that you did, that could boost your confidence hugely. 

Good luck with what you decide!


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