# Hunting types



## tootsietoo (4 January 2011)

I know this was done by Snaffles (or someone similar) in picture form, but this was keeping me entertained on a quiet mornings cubbing a while back when, in the absence of hounds, I was watching the people standing around me and catching snippets of conversations.  As you can tell, I am trying to put off doing some actual work!

Please add your own at the end!

The gung-ho chap

Riding up short on a speedy thoroughbred, he only talks to you to yell kick on, theres a ditch the other side! in front of something that looks like Bechers, or at 4pm when he realises that maybe you have some stamina.  When not hunting, team chases and point to points and manages to run his organic pig farm/estate agency/import export business which somehow (considering he is hunting 3 days a week) funds his ever changing string of horses (because they get crocked so quickly).

The gossipy women

To be found  in groups at the meet discussing last nights dinner party, how many layers they have on and, obviously, the latest in hunt politics.  Several divorces and a horde of teenage children between them, all away at school which means they hunt twice a week on weekdays.  Stay out no later than 2pm.  Do not cross them, or your name will be mud for at least a season!

The newbie man

Took up hunting to keep up with the girlfriend/wife or because his mate dared him to have a go.  Very quickly became addicted and poor girlfriend/wife now to be found mucking out 3 hunters in addition to her own and bringing him a second horse.  Usually an adreneline sports fiend too, and carries on with his skiing/surfing/rallying as well as hunting.  Will point his horse at anything, and each season he turns out with something more quality than last.  Will be a master in about 5 years.

The matriarch

Has hunted for about 70 years.  Wears a bowler and is always to be found in the middle of the action despite not jumping a stick because she knows precisely where each fox will run.  Keeps everyone in check, makes sure gates are shut and crops not trampled, but her bark is much worse than her bite.  The field would be chaos without her.

Mothers with hairy ponies

To be found in a gaggle at the back of the field dragging along a menagerie of native ponies.  Children variously complaining about being too cold/hungry/slow.  Pockets bulging with chocolate to ward off hungry whinging.  Talk almost exclusively of where to find the next pony for little Sophia/Archie and how much to pay for a 15hh cob to lead from.

The elegant lady

The woman we all want to be.  Rides immaculately turned out ¾ TBs, very slim with a beautifully cut very old coat and boots.  Sometimes a former lady master, impeccable manners, always friendly and helpful.  Rides like a dream, jumps everything.

The keen teen

Makes us all feel inadequate by staying out until the end of the day on one pony, always up with the fieldmaster, pony is an absolutely galloping and jumping machine.  Terrifies his/her mother who is car following and cant keep up with her offspring.  Often rides with the whip, opening gates and generally being indispensable.  Knows every hounds name.


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## houndsplease (4 January 2011)

haha very good

the master whip

who has to be made welcome although spends most of his time lost in a covert or in another days country. will do anything to help anyone but regularly ends up not knowingly galloping over the line in an over excited manner. while the huntsmen goes bold for pulling his hair out but at the same time has to keep smiling and carry on as he was.


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## Maesfen (4 January 2011)

Lol, you're so right, think we must all have them!  As I read them I was nodding and thinking, 'yep, that's ??'

Our 'keen teen' became a very good jockey and now trains but still gets out whenever he can and the others are easily identifiable too.


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## tootsietoo (4 January 2011)

see now I want to know who you hunt with houndsplease!  who could this bumbling master be??

I forgot one:

The old hunting farmer

Mounted on a 17hh raggedy bony TBxshire type thing, which is probably so because it is kept in with the cows so only gets to eat silage and cattle feed.  Horse may be clipped if he is lucky, by daughter or despairing neighbour.  Inexplicably, horse keeps hunting season after season despite total benign neglect.  Do not get in his way because he will not stop for you and will cut you up in front of a fence, although you can't get cross with him because he hasn't a clue he's doing it.


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## irish_only (4 January 2011)

The cheerful one. Truly is never horrible about anyone. Even when the chips are down she finds something to laugh about. Tinkling laugh can usually be heard and is instantly recognisable. Will help anyone, is so nice that anyone will help her, and is generally mounted on a nice, easy, go anywhere horse.


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## tootsietoo (4 January 2011)

I've been trying to work out who I am when I'm not "Mother with hairy ponies", and I think I want to be the cheerful one!  I have the easy horse anyway


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## JenHunt (4 January 2011)

oh dear... I fear OH is in the early stages of Newbie Man...  still... could be worse!

The elderly chairman.
A relic of the colonial age, grew up hunting in india or southern africa. frequently considered to be over-horsed, and typically rides up front of the field despite knowing that his horse won't jump at first attempt. Regulars know to either get in front of him before a fence, or to hang back until he's over! Somehow never falls off despite a slightly unstable, erratic riding style. Should probably have given up riding about 3 seasons ago.


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## tootsietoo (4 January 2011)

I'm not sure about that BDH, I think you're in trouble!  Keep them well away from horses I say!


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## JenHunt (4 January 2011)

i think i'll be ok until he decides he has time for a horse tootsietoo!


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## tootsietoo (4 January 2011)

yes, don't fall into the trap of doing it for him.  I have seen it happen!


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## irish_only (4 January 2011)

Oh God just thought of another one.

The Military Man

Overweight as he has a desk job now. Talks in a VERY LOUD VOICE. Chats ALL the women up, even though his wife is out in the field. Incapable of getting his own horse ready. Blames HER when a knee boot slips/hasn't got his gloves/arrive late/loses a shoe/horse stops. Usually mounted on an absolute saint of a horse that doesn't mind what he does.


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## AML (4 January 2011)

The City Gent

Arrives at the meet in his top of the range car. Stands about chatting until his horse is presented at the ramp for him to mount, hiding the fact that he doesn't know his own horse and can't get on from the ground. Mostly stays on by a mixture of pure luck and a horse that kindly catches him after each jump. Dispenses good cheer and good whiskey, whilst only having a vague idea of what hounds may be doing.
An excellent opportunity to network with other City Gents.


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## tootsietoo (4 January 2011)

I am enjoying these!  The Military Man reminds me of the younger versions from the Household Cavalry who occasionally turn up in various places round the country on their very beautiful, all identical dark bay horses.  They are mostly good looking, always charming and add a bit of glamour to the field!

I haven't seen many of those City Gents, we must be too far from London!


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## lauraandjack (4 January 2011)

The out-of-control pony club child.......

Saffie has been allowed to bring her (usually saintly) pony Star to the children's meet.  Star can usually barely be raised out of a shuffling trot, but give her the sound of the hounds and horn and another 30 ponies, and she's like a thing posessed.

Unfortunately Mummy didn't think that perhaps an eggbutt snaffle and a cavesson noseband might not prove enough to provide brakes in the excitement of the hunting field, so poor Saffie spends the entire day careering around at a speed of Star's choosing and slamming into the back of all the horses every time there is a check!


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## solitairex (4 January 2011)

This is actually amazing! I think I will save this aha! I think I am sort of the keen teen aha! x


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## TJP (4 January 2011)

The One @ Home 
To be seen banging her head off a wall as she can't keep him sound enough for long enough to get him fit enough to get a days hunting done - or maybe I'm a one off.


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## RunToEarth (4 January 2011)

BoxingDayHunt said:



			i think i'll be ok until he decides he has time for a horse tootsietoo!
		
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And before you know it, you have to swap horses with him because his has lost a shoe, or doesn't feel right etc etc. God I love my OH when he does that...


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## houndsplease (5 January 2011)

haha tootsietoo now that would be telling


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## cobgirlie (5 January 2011)

The elegant lady

The woman we all want to be. Rides immaculately turned out ¾ TBs, very slim with a beautifully cut very old coat and boots. Sometimes a former lady master, impeccable manners, always friendly and helpful. Rides like a dream, jumps everything.

This lady befriended me my first hunt years ago...I still remember her and will be forever grateful for her being so kind to me!! She intimidated the crap out of me when I first saw her cos her horse and her were stunningly beautiful and there was a fat red faced terrifed me on my hairy fat cob and she came trotting up beside me and didn't leave my side for the whole day!!! She encouraged me to jump, she shouted at me to carry on and I'll catch up when my cob decided a flat out gallop was in order, and she kept herself graceful and amazingly spotlessly clean all day!! She disappeared before I could find her at the end of the day and I've never seen her again because I moved and changed hunts but she was amazing!!


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## Rosie Round The Hills (5 January 2011)

There's also the green-faced newcomer who's contemplating the folly of starting out hunting on a horse that has also never hunted before.  She tries to be polite to everyone, fails hopelessly to remember anyone's names especially when meeting people off horse-back.  She frequently gets something wrong (crossing the trail, talking at the wrong point, not talking at the wrong point) and tries very very hard to apologise for all failings on her and her horses part.

By the end of the season she will not be green faced anymore, and her horse will have acquired a modicum of manners.  She will FOREVER be grateful to The Matriarch, The Elegant Lady, and the Kindly Master who have welcomed her, looked after her and frequently urged her to Kick On!


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## tootsietoo (5 January 2011)

cobgirlie, she sounds like the horsey girl's equivalent of a fairy princess!  if only........

I think I will aspire to be "the cheerful one" it's a little more within reach!


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## cobgirlie (5 January 2011)

tootsietoo said:



			cobgirlie, she sounds like the horsey girl's equivalent of a fairy princess!  if only........

I think I will aspire to be "the cheerful one" it's a little more within reach!
		
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Lol! She was. Think I'm a cross between the cheerful one and the 'Just having a fun day out' woman!! I'll jump if I feel safe, but happily spend the whole day avoiding jumps if I'm having an off day!! I'll always go out of my way to welcome new comers and usually find myself on the first line surrounded by 'newbies' who think my cob looks sane and safe (ha they learn) and I look a motherly decent sort!!! Usually by the second line they realise my cob is a nutter who bounces the whole day (but doesn't have the speed to keep to the front!!) and I'm a wimp who won't jump but have the language of a navvy!!  So the brave leave me for the front of the ride, and the really nervous drop back to the back!! Leaving me with the like minded middle aged ladies who enjoy a good gallop and can't stopped telling their horses 'whoa' and screaming like banshee's!!!

Every time I leave the hunt I'm grinning from ear to ear and grateful for my horses who enjoy the day as much as, if not more, than I do!!!


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## MissySmythe (5 January 2011)

cobgirlie said:



			Every time I leave the hunt I'm grinning from ear to ear and grateful for my horses who enjoy the day as much as, if not more, than I do!!!

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And that is fabulous to read and what it is all about isn't it? This thread is so much fun I think H&H ought to publish it! Wish I was feeling inspired...........


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## Pipkin (5 January 2011)

I really need to go hunting!!!!! *saunters off to try and grow a pair of balls*


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## irish_only (5 January 2011)

Ayla84 said:



			I really need to go hunting!!!!! *saunters off to try and grow a pair of balls* 

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Are you really sure about this? I gather that can be a source of pain of indesrcribable pain when you get that fence wrong ......................


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## Pipkin (5 January 2011)

irish_only said:



			Are you really sure about this? I gather that can be a source of pain of indesrcribable pain when you get that fence wrong ......................
		
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They`d have to be so big to get me to go hunting i wouldnt get over a fence anyway


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## tootsietoo (5 January 2011)

I think we need some foot follower types.  Do you know any of those Missy Smythe?

I can think of one:

The mad quaddies

Often blokes in their early twenties with a blonde girl on the back, or older men in camo gear.  Usually a terrier perched somewhere too.  Drive their quads lethally fast, scaring the people on horses, who they think are mostly a waste of space.  Why would anyone spend time and money on a horse when you can get everywhere on a quad and you can stick it in the shed and ignore it between hunting days?

I have realised I am more of a people watcher than a hound watcher!

Is this drag hunting cobgirlie?  I should go.  Sounds fun, none of the middle aged ladies I see out are screaming like banshees


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## RunToEarth (5 January 2011)

The Master on foot: 
Spends most of his day in his range rover, with a car full of other people and a large basket of booze. Drives around frantically making a mess of the grass verges and generally going the opposite way to hounds, no one else in the vehicle is remotely interested in the hounds, but occupied by the rounds of port and stilton being passed about. The master on foot spends the majority of the day contradicting just about everything the fieldmaster does and giving lost mounted hunters the wrong directions.


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## MissySmythe (5 January 2011)

Oh that's brilliant, Tootsietoo! Good idea. How about.....

The Fossils

Mr and Mrs Fossil have been stalwart supporters of the hunt since forever. Since giving up riding (him due to gammy leg known as 'the war wound' and her due to the waiting list for hip replacements - they can't afford BUPA anymore, sadly) they have taken to following in the ancient Subaru. Mrs F prepares an extra flask of warm soup and a few extra chipolatas to hand round while Mr F tends not to remove the field glasses from his eyes from moving off to goodnight. Mrs F wishes he would offer to take the wheel once in a while..


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## tootsietoo (5 January 2011)

Spot on!  It's always an ancient Subaru!


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## tallyho! (5 January 2011)

TJP said:



			The One @ Home 
To be seen banging her head off a wall as she can't keep him sound enough for long enough to get him fit enough to get a days hunting done - or maybe I'm a one off.
		
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Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! This is me toooo!!!! Big hug xxxxxxx


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## cobgirlie (5 January 2011)

tootsietoo said:



			Is this drag hunting cobgirlie?  I should go.  Sounds fun, none of the middle aged ladies I see out are screaming like banshees 

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Yes I live where it's always been drag hunting so it's extreamly organised and very well supported by farmers and riders alike. It's a great day out and generally we're all a bit worse for wear at the end of the day and the kids have to drive us home (those with kids over the legal age of course!!!). I've never hunted other than drag so not sure what the major differences are, might just be us Welsh ladies that like to express ourselves!!! Lol!


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## Doormouse (5 January 2011)

Car followers:

The human equivalent of the '2 Muppet Men'

Both drive old small 4x4's and park one behind the other in every gateway the field needs to get through.  Keep up a running commentary on the woeful inadequacy of the huntsman, hounds, whipper in, field master and the field throughout the day and frequently refer to how they would have done it (not that they ever have).  In days past when we were still allowed to chase a live quarry these were the 2 who headed it every time!

The enthusiastic father

Dressed exclusively by Cato & Carter (red trousers and all) he walks and runs most of the day with his camera in one hand (in hope of catching a shot of his offspring leaping a hedge) and thumb stick in the other (the latter he sometimes catches in a gate that he is helpfully opening causing a slight hold up for everyone).  Never seems to loose heart however far behind the action he gets and is ready and waiting with the trailer at the end of the day to ferry his offspring home.


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## TJP (5 January 2011)

tallyhohoho said:



			Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! This is me toooo!!!! Big hug xxxxxxx
		
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Soooo annoying  - I try to tell myself theres always next season but I am frequently heard dropping increasingly loud hints about maybe needing a 'fit wee cob' lol


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## RunToEarth (5 January 2011)

The Farmer
Follows in his old toyota hilux/old land rover. Is perfectly happy to attend meets and knock back fellow followers tipples but his aim is to whinge about everything he can find. Primary objective is to flap, swear and point at every member of the field that goes on grass margins, goes too far into crops, rides along his mown verges or jumps the wrong bit of the hedge. Calls the field master every name under the sun but undoubtedly will have her sat on his knee with a Whisky at hunt supper, telling her what a wonder job she has done.


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## A1fie (5 January 2011)

'The Old Man'  A man of indeterminate age, usually found with a stick and 4 assorted terriers, 3 on leads/baler twine and 1 old one off the lead bringing up the rear.  

Astonishingly to be found wherever the hounds are despite being on foot and always the first one to arrive at the meet where he eats most of the sausage rolls and as much Port as he can get away with!


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## MissySmythe (5 January 2011)

Hehey, this is terrific! Anyone any good at cartoons? LOL


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## MissySmythe (5 January 2011)

Back to mounted (!)

The Fifth Marchioness of Skittlesham

Roo Skittlesham is actually the fifth version in the current Marquess' line of consorts, but had been passed over some years ago (as had her predecessors) for a younger model. Nevertheless, with a handsome financial settlement enhanced by the proceeds of her once-well known clothing line, Roo still attracts the eye of various well-heeled male suitors, and in between interests she finds the attractions of the huntsman quite suitable for the odd interlude or two. While Roo's skills in the saddle are not quite a match for those of the legendary Skittles, there have been several huntsman at the Blankshire since Roo moved into that country..............who have been known to give voice after a few pints at the Fox and Hounds....


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## TJP (5 January 2011)

The Local Doctor

To be glimpsed, on occassion, galloping at break neck speed on a psychotic TB ex racer.  Never seems to bring the same horse twice but it is hard to be sure as he always packs in early due to exhaustion from trying to get the b****y thing stopped.


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## JenHunt (5 January 2011)

The Young Whip

Usually a lad of about 13/14, who was put through pony club by his (obviously) Pony Club Mother, but has now managed to persuade her that what little Smartie needs before they sell him now that Alfie has gotten out of Prince Phillip Games is a few days hunting to "sharpen him up" and "make him more forwards". Within about 3 days of hunting Alfie is telling his mother that Smartie needs a few more days to make sure he's settled then they can sell him as a hunting pony. By the end of the season Alfie has told his mother that he's not going back to the pony club, he doesn't want to event any more and he wants to be a huntsman when he grows up. The pony club mother is of course horrified.


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## tootsietoo (5 January 2011)

Very good!  Although I think we may be running out of stereotypes.  I've just remembered of course that H&H does a "social stereotypes" type column every week.  We must keep our eyes peeled for the hunting ones!

I'm looking forward to the day my children can drive me home after I've had a few!


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## cptrayes (5 January 2011)

The given-up-eventer

Rides with real balance and feel and looks down on other people who "can't do" all three disciplines or who drop their horse in front of a hedge. But she hasn't the guts for fixed 4ft timber fences any more and will only jump hedges that she can brush through the top of, looking impressive, preferably after a couple of glasses of port. Hunts to ride and couldn't give a damn what the dogs are doing! Insists on keeping her yellow BE hat tag visible so that everyone will know she events, even when it's now so old it's barely yellow any more. 

Takes one to know one


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## MissySmythe (5 January 2011)

tootsietoo said:



			Very good!  Although I think we may be running out of stereotypes.  I've just remembered of course that H&H does a "social stereotypes" type column every week.  We must keep our eyes peeled for the hunting ones!QUOTE]

Hehey! We ARE the hunting ones...(oops, well, we've written them) we should claim copyright!

And three cheers for Tootsietoo for starting it....hip hip!
		
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## Doormouse (5 January 2011)

The 2nd Whip

Often better known as 'Lollipop Man' is to be found on all major roads and railway lines looking faintly worried and praying that hounds don't run his way.  Usually very well turned out (for fear of almighty *******ing from his huntsman if not) he can also be seen galloping at great speed across country desperately looking for hounds as they ran out of the opposite side of the cover to him.  Being too young to have got his lorry test he looks forward to the whiskey at the end of the day.

The Roadbasher

Gone are their days of galloping about wildly and jumping everything in view, the roadbasher now takes the easy route by road.  Riding a very sensible (but still quality) animal, upon seeing hounds go they head off at a smart trot along the road and invariably end up with hounds far quicker than the field.  Early on in the day they look a little like the Pied Piper with a stream of very small children behind them.


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## tootsietoo (5 January 2011)

I thought your description sounded a little close to home cptrayes!

Why thank you Missy Smythe!  Hunting people are endlessly fascinating I think.  I would like to be able to spend as much time getting to know the hounds as much as the people but unfortunately never seem to get close enough on a horse in the field!  Must see about puppy walking when the children are a bit older.

a friend just tagged this on her facebook page.  who needs cartoons - here are our hunting types.  btw, check out number 64 on the wynnstay album! http://www.photoboxgallery.com/gallery?vendor_id=3017010


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## tootsietoo (5 January 2011)

love it Snow Tiddley!  I did a lot of road bashing on Saturday, twas great, I saw ALL the action and stayed out most of the day with my not so fit horse!  Perhaps I should be a roadbasher?


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## Ditchjumper2 (5 January 2011)

The Point to Point Rider

Rough, scrawny, skinny male in old hunting clothes. To be seen on equally rough skinny TB. Horse usually dark bay, very hairy and to be seen spinning round and backing into everything whilst he sits calmly smoking a roll up and laughing. Rest of field try to avoid him at all costs especially when horse throws itself on the floor. Secretary happy as she is safely in her car and has already banked his cheque and is no danger of getting kicked. Rest of field can't wait until he has been out required length of time and goes home.


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## pipsqueek (5 January 2011)

irish_only said:



			Oh God just thought of another one.

The Military Man

Overweight as he has a desk job now. Talks in a VERY LOUD VOICE. Chats ALL the women up, even though his wife is out in the field. Incapable of getting his own horse ready. Blames HER when a knee boot slips/hasn't got his gloves/arrive late/loses a shoe/horse stops. Usually mounted on an absolute saint of a horse that doesn't mind what he does.
		
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wonder who you're talking about...just can't guess hehehehe!!

anyway my one is...The Other Half

works with horses all week & avoids at all costs at weekends but begrudgingly comes out once in a while (with camera as instructed).  mysteriously disappears into nearest pub as soon as we move off claiming he could not see where we went.....


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## houndsplease (5 January 2011)

tootsietoo said:



			Spot on!  It's always an ancient Subaru!
		
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now i really do think we miht be from the same pack a green subaru by any chance?


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## MissySmythe (5 January 2011)

houndsplease said:



			now i really do think we miht be from the same pack a green subaru by any chance?
		
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As that's Tootsietoo quoting me...haha...... I think there are more than a few about! LOL


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## immoralorchid (6 January 2011)

JackyandRosie said:



			There's also the green-faced newcomer who's contemplating the folly of starting out hunting on a horse that has also never hunted before.  She tries to be polite to everyone, fails hopelessly to remember anyone's names especially when meeting people off horse-back.  She frequently gets something wrong (crossing the trail, talking at the wrong point, not talking at the wrong point) and tries very very hard to apologise for all failings on her and her horses part.

By the end of the season she will not be green faced anymore, and her horse will have acquired a modicum of manners.  She will FOREVER be grateful to The Matriarch, The Elegant Lady, and the Kindly Master who have welcomed her, looked after her and frequently urged her to Kick On!
		
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the begging bit sounds like i will be just hope i can live up to the last bit although i think my horse has hunted before im going to my first proper meet in feb cant wait a good friend that has hunted a lot is going with me and looking after me


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## Happy Hunter (6 January 2011)

Loving these!  - We have a suburu too 
What about the

'Happy Hunter'

Who used to have long good days on her perfect mannered Pony Club pony, only to come back from university to find her self riding a 17hh green lump of a horse with who gallops about very well, but standing isnt great - the HH apologuises a lot, and upon drawing attention to her self is instantly recognised again for the old pony and or old pony club results.
Goes home grinning for days  everytime for sucessfully lasting another day!


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## HoHum (6 January 2011)

This is fabulous and I only wish I could think of any to add, but most of our "types" have been covered I think... 
Would anyone mind if I copied and circulated at our next hunt supporters meeting?... we could do with something more light hearted than our usual fund raising concerns!


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## tootsietoo (6 January 2011)

Not at all!


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## tootsietoo (6 January 2011)

And one more!

The twenty-something who runs the show

Grew up hunting, disappeared for a few years to uni, now living back at home or in teeny cottage, either working on family farm or in nearest town/city as trainee solicitor/vet or something similar.  Single, and can barely afford to keep one horse, so oodles of time to ORGANISE.  Pretty much runs the hunt ball, gathering together at least 3 tables-full of mates every year.  Mounted on ageing pony club eventer or green ex-racer (because it was cheap).


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## LizzyandToddy (6 January 2011)

Happy Hunter said:



			Loving these!  - We have a suburu too 
What about the

'Happy Hunter'

Who used to have long good days on her perfect mannered Pony Club pony, only to come back from university to find her self riding a 17hh green lump of a horse with who gallops about very well, but standing isnt great - the HH apologuises a lot, and upon drawing attention to her self is instantly recognised again for the old pony and or old pony club results.
Goes home grinning for days  everytime for sucessfully lasting another day!
		
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That will be me then  Although I note we are missing a description for the hedge hunters  Simply out there to boast about jumping the biggest hedge and ditch they can find!


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## JenHunt (7 January 2011)

me too L&T!! He's not that bad really, just a bit over excitable!


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## xspiralx (7 January 2011)

How about...

The outsider

Normally showjumps or events but has reluctantly come out for a days hunting to freshen up a stale horse. Identifiable as the horse is booted up to the eyeballs wearing a close contact saddle and a blingy bridle, and rider's gear is expensive but totally out of place. Very little idea of hunting etiquette and absolutely horrified [and secretly terrified!] at the prospect of cantering on the roads, in thick mud, and jumping natural fences at speed without a perfectly manicured take off and landing - what about their legs!!  - but nevertheless pelts along at the front of the field as has no hope of stopping wildly excited and completely over the top horse.


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## MissySmythe (9 January 2011)

Great stuff!!! Keep 'em coming!


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## I*HM (9 January 2011)

I've no idea what I would be called . . . 
Turn up on a gleaming 15hh connie cross, that all the mother say ''now that's what I need to lead the little ones from'' and all the worried parents tell their little darlings to stay behind me (because he looks sensible). Soon as we meet the first stubble field my guy explodes in a mad gallop, little darlings on 13.2hhs in tow, parents give out stink because I had all their darlings behind so should have been more responsible, turns into a vicous circle, parents banish me to the back, horse charges to the front as soon as anyone moves. I like a controlled enviroment, especially when jumping so turn into a scary person with a tank under the saddle. End the day thinking I must be already dead with a horse wired to the moon for weeks after. When I meet regulars out and about they sigh in relief when I say I won't be out at the weekend, with the exception of the mad, scruffy TB riders who tell me I should hunt more regualrly and the field master (who I bought my horse from) and one of the whips (who hunted my lad a bit, but rode like a looney and so now he just looses the plot)


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## JenHunt (9 January 2011)

then of course there's the Masters Son...

Little Edward is 9, and slightly over horsed on his sisters hunting pony (as he's outgrown his dartmoor, and it won't jump anyway). The pony is good as gold, but likes to be up front, which is fine with Edward as he's been told by Mother to keep up with Father all day, and she'll see him at second horses and take him home. As the field appraoch a line of big hedges the Master tells his son to go with the non jumping field as these will be too big for him. The Master turns around 2 minutes later to find that Edward has followed him, putting many of the field to shame, and grinning like a good'un! By the time second horses comes around Edward is exhausted, and the pony is still buzzing, but happy to call it a day.


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## natalia (9 January 2011)

PMSL at some of these,
A bit further on from the masters son-
The Kamikaze Child- Normally mounted on something that closely resembles a Whippet the Kamikaze Child is ALWAYS right at the front, or can often be seen being sent off to help the Whip, as the Kamikaze Child will happily jump over anything that looks half jumpable and give anyone a lead. normally encouraged by half cut members of the field the Child delights in charging round even when hounds are drawing and everyone else is stood still and finding as many hedges, ditches and gates to jump, much to the amusement of the rest of the field who egg them on with great gusto wishing they could do so themselves.


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## EAST KENT (11 January 2011)

The Terrier Boys..usually in three`s or fours,clad in smartish pale green shooting jackets ,terriers on huge brass couples.Always up where it matters,either on quads terrier boxes strapped aboard,or striding extremely fast accross country; they are ever on the alert for antis ,so they can have "a quiet word" well away from witnesses.


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## MissySmythe (11 January 2011)

EAST KENT said:



			The Terrier Boys..usually in three`s or fours,clad in smartish pale green shooting jackets ,terriers on huge brass couples.Always up where it matters,either on quads terrier boxes strapped aboard,or striding extremely fast accross country; they are ever on the alert for antis ,so they can have "a quiet word" well away from witnesses.

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Perfect! We couldn't be without the terrier boys!


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## Simsar (11 January 2011)

irish_only said:



			Oh God just thought of another one.

The Military Man

Overweight as he has a desk job now. Talks in a VERY LOUD VOICE. Chats ALL the women up, even though his wife is out in the field. Incapable of getting his own horse ready. Blames HER when a knee boot slips/hasn't got his gloves/arrive late/loses a shoe/horse stops. Usually mounted on an absolute saint of a horse that doesn't mind what he does.
		
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Oh sounds like POLO!!!!!


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## Orangehorse (11 January 2011)

How about the Keen but Poor

Who works extremely long hours to fund horse and hunting and turns up towing a trailer with his work van. Never has time to plait his light boned TB that he bought cheap from the sales.  Born and brought up on Newmarket Heath, it was astonished to be expected to go down dingles and scrabble up bramble  sided hills and then jump a scraggly hedge.  But, he does it because his rider expects him to. He jumps, scrambles, gets to the other side regardless and stays out to the end of the day. And he knows where the hounds are heading and is always up there at the end.  His owner is also in great demand at hunt fund raising as electrician, plumber, carpenter and can turn his hand to anything.
Snooty members of the field look down on his accent and turn out but the Huntsman, Master and Secretary know his real worth.


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## MissySmythe (11 January 2011)

ORANGEHORSE that's a lovely one....wish we had a 'like' button!


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## tootsietoo (11 January 2011)

Oh yes, I knew one of those when I was hunting about ten years ago.  Towed his trailer with his sign-written white transit and turned out pretty much in wellies and anorak the first time he came!  but he was keen as mustard and out EVERY saturday (and still is I think).


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## Enfys (11 January 2011)

Loving these 

...and now feeling very "lost a pound, found a penny" as my nearest mounted pack is 40 miles away, it's too cold to hunt and I have nothing suitable except a diva of an ancient arab who doesn't 'do' English anyway. God I miss all of it. 

No idea what classification I would have come under, other than a ride to hunt type mounted on a very small, very fizzy, ayrabby thing.


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## TGM (11 January 2011)

Ditchjumper2 said:



			The Point to Point Rider

Rough, scrawny, skinny male in old hunting clothes. To be seen on equally rough skinny TB. Horse usually dark bay, very hairy and to be seen spinning round and backing into everything whilst he sits calmly smoking a roll up and laughing. Rest of field try to avoid him at all costs especially when horse throws itself on the floor. Secretary happy as she is safely in her car and has already banked his cheque and is no danger of getting kicked. Rest of field can't wait until he has been out required length of time and goes home.
		
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Ha, ha, ha - I know him very well!


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## obiedoobie (11 January 2011)

how about poor but keen out hunting for a rich hubby???


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## tootsietoo (12 January 2011)

You don't want one of those hunting ones oobidoobie, they'll never be rich cos all their money will be spent on horses!


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## Apercrumbie (12 January 2011)

Similar to one done before but here it is anyway:

The mad group of tiny children
There is never only one, normally a group of at least five, all on tiny ponies who never stop galloping once.  Whenever a gateway approaches they go hell for leather to squeeze through the gap, only to find that they are all as fast as each other and they have to go through at the same time.  They have no respect for any other member of the hunt, the occasional exception being the Master, but still put everyone to shame with their guts and their ridiculous ability to stay on.  The ponies are invariably tiny, wired and generally nuts and their parents croon about how well they do to manage them.  

Can you tell they annoy me?


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## Ditchjumper2 (12 January 2011)

Apercrumbie said:



			Similar to one done before but here it is anyway:

The mad group of tiny children
There is never only one, normally a group of at least five, all on tiny ponies who never stop galloping once.  Whenever a gateway approaches they go hell for leather to squeeze through the gap, only to find that they are all as fast as each other and they have to go through at the same time.  They have no respect for any other member of the hunt, the occasional exception being the Master, but still put everyone to shame with their guts and their ridiculous ability to stay on.  The ponies are invariably tiny, wired and generally nuts and their parents croon about how well they do to manage them.  

Can you tell they annoy me? 

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Don't get me started on kids!!! Having said that I did jump one once complete with pony when it did a u turn as I was taking off!!!


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## JenHunt (12 January 2011)

Ditchjumper2 said:



			Don't get me started on kids!!! Having said that I did jump one once complete with pony when it did a u turn as I was taking off!!!
		
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I too have done this! ^^ serve them right for turning across the fence I say!


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## SamuelWhiskers (12 January 2011)

These are totally fantastic!

I think we've forgotten "Arabella IT girl .....

She works in London, had ponies as a child, usually plays polo these days (the guys are so fit!), but knew a chap who hunted so thought what the hell, i'll give it a try this w'end when i visit him in the country.  Usually on a hireling/latest boyfriends horse, has big blonde hair fashionably styled, sticking out under her hat, old jacket from the pony club days on, boyfriends ties and shirt, fashion long riding boots that she wears in London and fully made up with loads of blusher and eye make up.  She loves the meet as you can get "totally hammered" before you start, usually falls off after too much hip flask, but thinks thats quite cool, the mud messy look.  Always ends up back at the pub they met at, stating that was "totally awesome" whilst ordering champagne/sloegasms and thinks its going to be her latest hobbie......  (which will probably last as long as the boyfriend!) She is sooooooooooooo now in with this hunt!


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## EAST KENT (13 January 2011)

The car follower..extremely old and decrepit,equally so his means of transport.Wife,probably called Doris,stays sitting in the car all day,with the fat jack russel ,whose tail is docked so short as to be a mere bobble stuck onto it`s fat little bottom. 
  He spends the day watching intently beside the dripping covert hoping to see some action,and rarely does..he is however censorious of the incumbent huntsman whose entire fault it is that he and Doris are having such a dull time.
  However ,dull it may be,but he and Doris are out every day of the season.


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## MissySmythe (14 January 2011)

EAST KENT said:



			The car follower..extremely old and decrepit,equally so his means of transport.Wife,probably called Doris,stays sitting in the car all day,with the fat jack russel ,whose tail is docked so short as to be a mere bobble stuck onto it`s fat little bottom. 
  He spends the day watching intently beside the dripping covert hoping to see some action,and rarely does..he is however censorious of the incumbent huntsman whose entire fault it is that he and Doris are having such a dull time.
  However ,dull it may be,but he and Doris are out every day of the season.
		
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They must know the Fossils! (see prev. post)


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## MissySmythe (14 January 2011)

SamuelWhiskers said:



			These are totally fantastic!

I think we've forgotten "Arabella IT girl .....

She works in London, had ponies as a child, usually plays polo these days (the guys are so fit!), but knew a chap who hunted so thought what the hell, i'll give it a try this w'end when i visit him in the country.  Usually on a hireling/latest boyfriends horse, has big blonde hair fashionably styled, sticking out under her hat, old jacket from the pony club days on, boyfriends ties and shirt, fashion long riding boots that she wears in London and fully made up with loads of blusher and eye make up.  She loves the meet as you can get "totally hammered" before you start, usually falls off after too much hip flask, but thinks thats quite cool, the mud messy look.  Always ends up back at the pub they met at, stating that was "totally awesome" whilst ordering champagne/sloegasms and thinks its going to be her latest hobbie......  (which will probably last as long as the boyfriend!) She is sooooooooooooo now in with this hunt!
		
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HAHA! Roll on the hunt ball she thinks!


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## solitairex (14 January 2011)

SamuelWhiskers said:



			These are totally fantastic!

I think we've forgotten "Arabella IT girl .....

She works in London, had ponies as a child, usually plays polo these days (the guys are so fit!), but knew a chap who hunted so thought what the hell, i'll give it a try this w'end when i visit him in the country.  Usually on a hireling/latest boyfriends horse, has big blonde hair fashionably styled, sticking out under her hat, old jacket from the pony club days on, boyfriends ties and shirt, fashion long riding boots that she wears in London and fully made up with loads of blusher and eye make up.  She loves the meet as you can get "totally hammered" before you start, usually falls off after too much hip flask, but thinks thats quite cool, the mud messy look.  Always ends up back at the pub they met at, stating that was "totally awesome" whilst ordering champagne/sloegasms and thinks its going to be her latest hobbie......  (which will probably last as long as the boyfriend!) She is sooooooooooooo now in with this hunt!
		
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I want to meet this girl, she sounds funnnn! xx


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## EAST KENT (15 January 2011)

MissySmythe said:



			They must know the Fossils! (see prev. post)
		
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Oh ,they do on nodding terms only, he and Doris have never ever been astride a horse and their parsimonious little wreck of a car does fifty to the gallon,being more of the "lower" order in hunt society they are not on the invite list for the Puppy Show.
  They are the backbone of the cause ..but The Committee have yet to realise this. Sadly.


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## Trinity Fox (15 January 2011)

Ditchjumper2 said:



			The Point to Point Rider

Rough, scrawny, skinny male in old hunting clothes. To be seen on equally rough skinny TB. Horse usually dark bay, very hairy and to be seen spinning round and backing into everything whilst he sits calmly smoking a roll up and laughing. Rest of field try to avoid him at all costs especially when horse throws itself on the floor. Secretary happy as she is safely in her car and has already banked his cheque and is no danger of getting kicked. Rest of field can't wait until he has been out required length of time and goes home.
		
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This made me laugh as you are describing my dad although he doesnt smoke and you would have to add ancient on to the list describing him, but the spinning backing in to everything and the horse throwing itself on the floor are spot on you could aslo add jumping in to the middle of ditches falling backwards and sitting like a dog and the ultimate horse jumping in to a cattle grid getting all four legs down and having to call the fire brigade to remove.

But he is just as keen to get the whole thing over with and for him to go home as even he says fit pointers dont make the best hunters.


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## Ranyhyn (16 January 2011)

Great thread!!


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## MissySmythe (19 January 2011)

EAST KENT said:



			Oh ,they do on nodding terms only, he and Doris have never ever been astride a horse and their parsimonious little wreck of a car does fifty to the gallon,being more of the "lower" order in hunt society they are not on the invite list for the Puppy Show.
  They are the backbone of the cause ..but The Committee have yet to realise this. Sadly.
		
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Oh yes EK that is so true.....Lavinia Fossil would only telephone Doris with regard to the church cleaning..........


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## PortwayPaddy (26 January 2011)

The "WTF" Rider.

Super looking horse "proper stamp" as described by Field Master. Jumps anything at home or anywhere else. Except, she discovers, out hunting! 

Has been spoilt by too many nice surfaces and feels that hooves and mud should never meet. Rider hunted for years, but had to stop for a very long time due to work and injury. So middle aged glad to be back in the field.

Horse is  mannered etc etc just refuses to jump, is chased and encouraged over post and rail 3 times by the "Elegant Lady" MFH to get the so and so going. Rider ecstatic.

Promptly loses a shoe,  so has to hack 3 miles to box instead of being able to keep horse going, cussing all the way, calling down curses upon head of said horse.  Arrives home wet, filthy and beaming as she still had a fabulous day.  Is already checking meet card.

Paddy


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## tootsietoo (26 January 2011)

Paddy, have you been watching me???


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## PortwayPaddy (27 January 2011)

tootsietoo said:



			Paddy, have you been watching me??? 

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That was my days hunting on Tuesday 

We shall crack it, like everything else.  If I buy a horse just for hunting I'll be in the "looking for rich hubby" Type as mine will have legged it!

Hope yours starts getting the hang of it.  The Elegant MFH said he was taking the .......

So I shall continue in my endevours - the rest of the field of the MSSH will cringe every tuesday/thursday - as we hove into view.

Paddy


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## TJP (27 January 2011)

PortwayPaddy said:



			The "WTF" Rider.

Super looking horse "proper stamp" as described by Field Master. Jumps anything at home or anywhere else. Except, she discovers, out hunting! 

Has been spoilt by too many nice surfaces and feels that hooves and mud should never meet. Rider hunted for years, but had to stop for a very long time due to work and injury. So middle aged glad to be back in the field.

Horse is  mannered etc etc just refuses to jump, is chased and encouraged over post and rail 3 times by the "Elegant Lady" MFH to get the so and so going. Rider ecstatic.

Promptly loses a shoe,  so has to hack 3 miles to box instead of being able to keep horse going, cussing all the way, calling down curses upon head of said horse.  Arrives home wet, filthy and beaming as she still had a fabulous day.  Is already checking meet card.

Paddy
		
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Paddy this made me lol


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## MissySmythe (27 January 2011)

Absolutely Paddy - cracking up here! Keep 'em coming guys, we have not bottomed this yet!


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## Holloa (29 January 2011)

Don't forget.......   'The Thruster'.....!!!


Anyone want to write the description....!?!?!?!? :-D


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## tootsietoo (29 January 2011)

I think the Thruster is pretty much my "gung ho chap" - see OP.  There may be variations though if anyone has any!

Portway Paddy - I hope you do crack it!  It's not much good if he jumps everywhere else as that means there's not much you can do about the problem other than hunt, and we've only got a month-ish left of the season.  I prescribe as much hunting as possible then.....

My problem is not quite the same in that last season my "super looking proper stamp" (acquired after my 4 year lay off) performed like a star, but this season everything has been going downhill, so much so that I'm taking him to the vet on Tuesday for a check over .

But I have had the day where I lost both front shoes at 1pm and had to walk several miles back to the box, leading horse, then drive an hour and a half home and STILL came home smiling, I was so glad to be out again!


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## PortwayPaddy (31 January 2011)

Sorry to hear that Toots. Hope every thing works out ok.

We are now getting heavy frosts again, Saturday was cancelled.  Blooming Winter, how dare it snow and get frosty .

Paddy


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## pony_junkie (31 January 2011)

The old hunting battleaxe.
Every hunt has one 
Descrie yours!


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## Flying_Filly (31 January 2011)

JackyandRosie said:



			There's also the green-faced newcomer who's contemplating the folly of starting out hunting on a horse that has also never hunted before.  She tries to be polite to everyone, fails hopelessly to remember anyone's names especially when meeting people off horse-back.  She frequently gets something wrong (crossing the trail, talking at the wrong point, not talking at the wrong point) and tries very very hard to apologise for all failings on her and her horses part.

By the end of the season she will not be green faced anymore, and her horse will have acquired a modicum of manners.  She will FOREVER be grateful to The Matriarch, The Elegant Lady, and the Kindly Master who have welcomed her, looked after her and frequently urged her to Kick On!
		
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This was/is me!  only my horse had hunted before, but was still rude. I was clueless and then a wonderful Elegant lady gave me some wonderful advice.


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## Flying_Filly (31 January 2011)

Ditchjumper2 said:



			The Point to Point Rider

Rough, scrawny, skinny male in old hunting clothes. To be seen on equally rough skinny TB. Horse usually dark bay, very hairy and to be seen spinning round and backing into everything whilst he sits calmly smoking a roll up and laughing. Rest of field try to avoid him at all costs especially when horse throws itself on the floor. Secretary happy as she is safely in her car and has already banked his cheque and is no danger of getting kicked. Rest of field can't wait until he has been out required length of time and goes home.
		
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Fantastic love it


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## A1fie (31 January 2011)

The Silly Middle Aged Woman - to be found on an unmannered horse who she frequently refers to as her baby despite the fact that it's her fourth season hunting it.  Has a green and red ribbon on it but never sticks to the back and just laughs at it's naughty behaviour.  

Always complains about the hunt and frequently threatens to move to a neighbouring one but despite everyone's fervent wish that she would, never actually does.  

Rude to people who she thinks are below her notice, fawning to those who are not and flirts and giggles with ALL the men apart from the foot followers who she patronises!!


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## EAST KENT (31 January 2011)

The rider qualifying a PtoP. Hangs around quite a bit,smoking and sometimes chatting,he wears a skull cap sans silk,might have a hunting tie but more of just a collar and ordinary tie combined with a very worn hacking jacket, His boots are either rubber or leather ones that are about to expire from wear.He will ride a trifle short ,and rather slouchy backed in position,toes very often pointing vaguely down. His horse is a rangey bay ,on it`s toes and occasionally shakes hands with it`s back leg for no apparent reason other than to relieve it`s boredom.It`s neck and chest are covered in foam from it`s agitated mouthing and snatching at the bit and most of the time it flashes it`s dentures whilst doing so.
    Come the moment to get his "card" signed both of them are off to the box toute de suite in time to finish Saturday stables by six PM. The horse does not risk his future PtoP runs by engaging in any jumping or mad gallops..legs are far too precious.He has strict instructions to "just get the bloody tickets signed" and protect it`s owner`s investment.
  Oops.sorry,a bit of a repeat,these guys must be of a kind countrywide!


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## Herne (31 January 2011)

*The Stalwart Car Follower:* On the principle that there are two types of people in hunting: those who know exactly how things should be done properly and those who are actually doing them; the SCF is one of the leaders of the first section. He has a comprehensive knowledge of hunting and is always willing to share his expertise on what the Master and Huntsman of the day are doing wrong for the benefit of others. 

In the days before the ban, his fox sense was so perfect that he had an almost uncanny knack of being able to park his car in just the right place to see the fox run right up to him, stop, turn around and run off in the other direction. He is also blessed with superlative eyesight. He could tell with absolute certainty the age and sex of a fox that to the rest of us mere mortals was merely a little orange blob in the distance  and no matter how many foxes there were around on the day, he could always position himself in such a place that the one that he saw was unquestionably the hunted fox.

Prior to 2005, he was always able to reassure the faint-hearted at great length that there was no need to do any political campaigning on the grounds that theyll never ban that! Now, he is equally able to wax lyrical on why we dont need to repeal that! Either way, the unshakeable strength of his conviction that there is no need for anyone, particularly him, to do anything even remotely arduous or inconvenient is most reassuring to the rest of us in these times of confusion and unrest.

Finally, he is a massive boon to the Hunt Supporters Club. He bought a Life Membership of the Club for two shillings in 1955 and has reluctantly reconciled himself to the knowledge that successive Masters have been debauching themselves on the interest accrued on his hard-earned money ever since. He is always happy to assist the organisers of Hunt Supporters' Club events with comments about why the tickets do not represent value for money, even though he is not actually able to attend them himself. 

What would we do without him?


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## tootsietoo (31 January 2011)

Ouch A1fie!  Have come across one or two of those....

Love it Herne!


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## combat_claire (1 February 2011)

The Bike Follower

The hunting field's equivalent of the springer spaniel with far too much energy that can really only be burnt off by following hounds on a bicycle. 

Normally dressed in layers of practical waterproof clothing and sometimes a flash helmet more suited to the Tour de France, they are as anxious to leave the meet and get going as the flightiest thoroughbred and can sometimes be observed irritably tapping their watch and tutting under their breath if they think the master might be spending too much time waffling on at the meet and eating into precious time hunting.

They believe that they are superior to both the car followers and indeed the mounted field who rely on an engine or a horse to cross country. resigned to the fact that every hound in the pack will have to pee on their bike at least once during the meet they are incredibly proud of their transport and never cease from extolling the virtues of a metal steed to take hunting, after all you can't plait a mountain bike and the master would look damn ridiculous ticking you off for having a dirty frame! 

Usually they are in the right place more by luck and kamikaze speed than judgement and can often be observed sitting casually on their crossbars whilst regaining their breath, looking sage and claiming they always knew the huntsman was going to draw this way. 

Secretly we quite admire the mounted field bounding over jumps, but would never admit this or our dread of being carted off to A & E before the huntsman has blown for home and casually take our own risks with the odd unscheduled dismount over the handlebars and the very real chance of being impaled on one of those running fox bonnet ornaments which seem so popular locally.


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## JenHunt (1 February 2011)

haha!! Love it CC!


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## tootsietoo (1 February 2011)

Ah, but you are few and far between CC, I'm not sure if you quite qualify as a "type"!

There was a lad who hunted, with the pack I used to hunt with, on foot!  I don't think I ever saw a bike, although he might have had one.  But he always used to suddenly appear with the mounted field, at some random spot in the middle of the afternoon, and he'd got there without the aid of car or horse!!  Amazing!


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## combat_claire (2 February 2011)

tootsietoo said:



			Ah, but you are few and far between CC, I'm not sure if you quite qualify as a "type"!
		
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There are loads of us bike followers round here. We used to regularly get up to 6 in our mounted field at popular meets, so many that we nominated the former Amateur whip to act as our unofficial field master of bikes! Our numbers were further swelled when the Cottesmore were coughing and their followers came along on their metal steeds to make it a joint-meet!


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## tootsietoo (2 February 2011)

I guess it is a bit easier to bike around flat Cambridgeshire.  Although it is pretty flat round here and I haven't noticed any bikes.  If only dh didn't need to look after the children when I am hunting he could join us on his bike, he would love that.


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## Herne (4 February 2011)

combat_claire said:



			... and can sometimes be observed irritably tapping their watch and tutting under their breath if they think the master might be spending too much time waffling on at the meet and eating into precious time hunting...
		
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Yeah, right. Like that's ever likely to happen...


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## JenHunt (8 February 2011)

The Hunting Widow

Mrs Quaintly-Rural has two days a week to herself for about half the year, which pleases her no end - she can spend her Saturday going round the farmers market at a leisurely pace, having a natter with her ladies what lunch over the price of turnips, and gathering her supplies for the week ahead. Then she spends her Tuesday at lunch with the ladies or preparing shooting pies for Thursday's shoot. The rest of the week passes in a blur of cleaning boots, washing endless breeches, shirts and stocks, brushing jackets and chivvying the groom to have the horse ready on time. Except on a Sunday when He has nothing better to do than moan about the state of the house and how little time he has to do anything about it!


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