# WWYD cat vs partner....



## Wozpril (25 February 2013)

Ok, not a horsey post, but my partner doesn't come on here and I need opinions!
Wwyd if your partner, well fiancé hated your cat?
He pretends to like him but actually really hates him!
Now to be fair, I do love my cat to the point of being a bit obsessional about him, but he's been really ill in the past, and needs looking after. Also it probably doesn't help that the cat loves me too, he follows me around waiting for me to sit down so he can have a cuddle, pushes things off of my lap, so he can have a cuddle, meows loudly when he comes in the house to check I'm there..... You get the picture!
He also comes up to have a scratch and cuddles at various times during the night.
My partner just about copes with the rest, but he really hates this! He's taken to chucking the cat off the bed when he thinks I'm asleep. 
I love having the cat on the bed .... Occasionally he sneaks under the duvet .... And am a bit miffed that he doesn't. 
I mean, who finds a little purring cat offensive? 
It may not help that the cat purrs quite loudly and then sucks the end of his tail making quite loud slurping noises...
But. The point is, I'm used to it! It doesn't bother me.
Will partner ever accept it? Or are we dooooommed....!!!!
The wedding's in a few months so I need advice quick! Lol
(Disclaimer, post is ob tongue in cheek, but would still like your thoughts . )


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## RLS (25 February 2013)

chuck the fiance, marry the cat.


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## Montyforever (25 February 2013)

Ditto rls ^


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## noblesteed (25 February 2013)

My fiance didn't like my horse, they really don't get on at all. But I still married my fiance and still have my horse!


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## tallyho! (25 February 2013)

If you love someone, then surely a cat cannot come in the way... if you are having to ask then the human relationship is doomed. 

I mean... how could any woman choose a man over a cat???!!!!


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## Wagtail (25 February 2013)

I think there is a compromise here. The cat does not HAVE to sleep on your bed, and I don't blame your OH for disliking this. I love animals. All kinds of animals. I have lap dogs that I love nursing on my lap, but do I let them on my bed when I want to go to sleep? No way! My husband and two sons do. But I have my own room that is dog free. (Hubby and I sleep separately because we have a much better nights sleep that way. Maybe this is an option for you? It does not have to mean the end of romance and hanky panky )


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## WelshD (25 February 2013)

I agree with keeping the cat out of the bedroom

The cat doesnt have to come in to the bedroom. If you can provide one guaranteed cat-free space your OH may feel better about things

Beyond that I wouldnt pander to the OH, its not like he is badly allergic to it or anything

He needs to choose his battles, when (god forbid) later on you have no cat you can have the discussion about a new one but this one is here and now and I wouldnt rehome it for my OH


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## CobsGalore (25 February 2013)

I think a compromise has to be made - you agree to keep the cat out of your bed, if your fiance agrees to give the cat a second chance!

If that doesn't work... ditch the hubby, cats are way better


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## Catcus (25 February 2013)

I let me old cat sleep on the bed as he slept quietly out of the way, but current one is banned from bedroom cos he insists on sleeping on legs and waking us up constantly. I can understand where your OH is coming from, I love my cat but getting a rubbish sleep nightly due to him is just not on.


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## Suelin (25 February 2013)

Ditch the fiance.  Wouldn't hesitate.


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## ebonyallen (25 February 2013)

I do not think that you should have to get rid of the cat, but as others have said perhaps keep it out of the bedroom. I asume that you had the cat before you met your partner so he really should accept that the cat is part of you and what you are, if you take away the cat which is a big part of your life then he has not got the real you. Good luck with it and I really do hope that you can sort something out that you both agree on.


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## Copperpot (25 February 2013)

I don't like cats so would get rid of it


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## risky business (25 February 2013)

Not a cat, but my ex partner didn't mind the dog but he hated her on the bed at night.

I thought that was fair enough as she does snore and lays in the way, I may of been used to it but it meant he got a bad sleep.. So the dog when he was over had the run of the rest of the house and she didnt suffer for it. 

I would just keep the cat out the room, I think not having him in the room at night isn't really a big deal .


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## Elsiecat (25 February 2013)

I think family counselling is a route that you should consider.


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## basilbrush2009 (25 February 2013)

I was in a similar situation with my partner, he didnt very much like my dog, big hairy slobbery disobedient hyper golden retreiver, AKA my beautiful baby boy  he previously slept on the bed, sofa... basically whereever i was, he was, well i put my foot down, no way im getting rid of him but, did compromise on the bed thing, and did brush him more regularly to minimise hairs dropping and now my BF loves him, (although he would never ever admit it) dog is also much more obedient... 

It can work little compromises then hopefully your other half will start to see what you see in your lovely kitty


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## Bigginge (25 February 2013)

Have you had your partner's back, teeth and saddle checked? This is probably what is making him bad tempered. I would definitely make him go barefoot too, I haven't looked back since taking my boyfriend's shoes off him. Are you being consistent with his boundaries? if he pushes your cat off the bed again then growl at him, followed by a sharp no.


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## Floofball (25 February 2013)

Bigginge said:



			Have you had your partner's back, teeth and saddle checked? This is probably what is making him bad tempered. I would definitely make him go barefoot too, I haven't looked back since taking my boyfriend's shoes off him. Are you being consistent with his boundaries? if he pushes your cat off the bed again then growl at him, followed by a sharp no.
		
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^^^   ^^^


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## Scotslad23 (25 February 2013)

Compromise and have a cat free bedroom. We dont let the cats in the bedroom at night and we insist our mid week lodger never lets them sleep in his room either.

You do need to explain how you feel though rather than bottle it up. I think you can easily achieve and compromise here and have the best of both worlds


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## maree t (25 February 2013)

has he got some siamese in him ?.
i had a siamese cross that was my cat before I met OH. They hated each other until the day I lost him.
He would stroll in and pee on his leg, he would sleep in the bed with his back against me and just push OH away with his paws. He used to wake up and throw him out of the bed so Kato used to just wait until he went to sleep and then sneak back in. I am a bit of an insomniac so welcomed the company. I dont let the dogs on the bed and the current cats dont tend to sleep with us but the door is open.


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## cheeryplatypus (25 February 2013)

I guess it depends who you want in your bed more...OH or cat!


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## Dogrose (25 February 2013)

Our only compromise is no cats in the bedroom at night, anything else would be a total deal breaker, no one gets between me and my cats. I wouldn't want anyone that intolerant in my life anyway.


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## touchstone (25 February 2013)

tallyho! said:



			If you love someone, then surely a cat cannot come in the way... if you are having to ask then the human relationship is doomed. 

I mean... how could any woman choose a man over a cat???!!!!
		
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  Omg - this!


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## Carefreegirl (25 February 2013)

Bigginge said:



			Have you had your partner's back, teeth and saddle checked? This is probably what is making him bad tempered. I would definitely make him go barefoot too, I haven't looked back since taking my boyfriend's shoes off him. Are you being consistent with his boundaries? if he pushes your cat off the bed again then growl at him, followed by a sharp no.
		
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ULCERS - you forgot ulcers


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## lazybee (25 February 2013)

Copperpot said:



			I don't like cats so would get rid of it 

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^^ Like^^ It's a known fact that all cats are vermin. You're saying you let vermin in and on your bed???????????? disgusting. Your fiancee is normal for not wanting mangy, flea ridden, tail slurping (gagging here) vermin on the bed.


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## Supertrooper (25 February 2013)

OH is more soppy over the cat than I am in our household, cat sleeps on the bed with us but neither of us mind. However if it really bothered one of us then we'd shut him out. 

If this is the main thing that is upsetting your OH about the cat then that's what I'd do TBH xx


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## FfionWinnie (25 February 2013)

I would chuck him over it all apart from the cat on the bed thing. That is ridiculous and I'd be throwing the cat off whether you were asleep or not!   Shut the cat out the bedroom.


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## amandaco2 (25 February 2013)

Does the cat suck your other halfs tail...;
Cat sounds adorable. Keep the cat defo.


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## Bubbles (25 February 2013)

Wozpril said:



			Now to be fair, I do love my cat to the point of being a bit obsessional about him, but he's been really ill in the past, and needs looking after. Also it probably doesn't help that the cat loves me too, he follows me around waiting for me to sit down so he can have a cuddle, pushes things off of my lap, so he can have a cuddle, meows loudly when he comes in the house to check I'm there..... You get the picture!
He also comes up to have a scratch and cuddles at various times during the night.
My partner just about copes with the rest, but he really hates this! He's taken to chucking the cat off the bed when he thinks I'm asleep. 
I love having the cat on the bed .... Occasionally he sneaks under the duvet .... And am a bit miffed that he doesn't. 
I mean, who finds a little purring cat offensive? 
It may not help that the cat purrs quite loudly and then sucks the end of his tail making quite loud slurping noises...
		
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Oh dear, it sounds as if you and your puss cat might have dependency issues - he's too reliant on you! It's nice for them to be that attentive, but I bet it's making him anxious. My three have the run of the house, at night we sometimes have two on the bed, they're allowed to stay as long as they're quiet and they're not in the way stopping us from sleeping properly. Otherwise they get pushed off  Waking you up for a scratch or a cuddle in the night, no wonder your OH is miffed. My big boy is allowed to get in my side with me, IF he creeps on quietly and doesn't wake me up (he doesn't, he's learned). The tail sucking would bother me, especially from a behavioural point of view. 
I'd be careful shutting him out of the bedroom if he's used to being given free reign, if he's already anxious, he might start toileting inappropriately...


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## alainax (25 February 2013)

As the others have said, compromise. No cat in the bed at night. 

I have two darling little monsters who would do anything to get the bed at night, but its just a no no. 

He should never ask you to get rid of the cat though. Ive been in that situation before, bf is no more and I  still have the cat


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## Star_Chaser (25 February 2013)

my pets have always come first over OH even hubby  but then they have been there before the relationship started, picked up the pieces when it finished and welcomed the next one so on the face of their performance over that of the OH's???  pets win hands down   Compromise of booting cat out of the bedroom though is acceptable none of mine are allowed upstairs anyway.


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## Fransurrey (25 February 2013)

Shut the cat out of the bedroom? Oooh! That's an insane suggestion! My OH would sympathise with the noisy purring, but even when my old cat started with his kidney problems and was yowling in the night, getting anxious and scrabbling in wardrobes, he wouldn't have dared suggest shutting them out! I'd rather have a separate bedroom to OH. The cat's farts are less toxic and at least he doesn't steal the duvet or launch into bed like he's bombing into a swimming pool after a midnight wee!!

When my old cat was alive, I started putting a furry pet blanket over the duvet, which did limit the disturbances, as there was a warm and fluffy thing for the kitty to sleep on. I also had a towel on my pillow, which somehow made it more attractive than OH's pillow (and I got buried in cats, whilst OH snored and farted unaware).

My OH struggled to understand how much I loved my kitties at first and I wondered how much he liked them really. However, when my cat was pts in August last year, OH took it really badly. I think you'd be surprised how much your OH likes the kitty really.


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## cloverleaf1985 (25 February 2013)

Another vote for a cat free bedroom. My OH tolerated my old girl in the room as she slept on a radiator bed and was good as gold. 
However, since getting another cat (after she passed away) he yowls at stupid o clock in the morning and my other cat started to copy him. OH was getting very frustrated and so was I to an extent, so now they are shut away in the kitchen/diner at night with a litter tray and harmony has been restored


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## Wozpril (25 February 2013)

These replies are great! 2bh reading my post back, I do sound a little weird about the cat, but...... He is totally gorgeous, jet black, looks part Main ****, fabulous coat you just want to rub your face into.... 
I can't help it! I know he's a naughty attention seeking monster, but I absolutely love him to death, and maybe he is too attached to me, but I'd be gutted if he turned into a typical aloof cat. 
He's always sucked his tail. When he was a kitten he would go to sleep holding my finger in his mouth, and just kind of progressed to his tail.
He has suffered really badly with bladder crystals, due to, shall we say 'mechanical' problems with his bits, so I really don't want to stress him out. He is so habitual that shutting him out the bedroom would definitely upset him, and if that effected his bladder again... Well after the best part of 4k to fix him last time, he's no longer covered for it in my insurance as it's now a pre- existing condition 
But, I am aware that I'm so mindful to not make him stressed and ill again that I let him get away with murder!!
But I don't mind as he can do no wrong in my eyes lol
Cat is 3, partner has been moved in 2 weeks. 
To be fair, partner was fully aware how much I totally love the cat before he moved in!
He loves the dog tho and would let her sleep on the bed any day! She just doesn't want to


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## Wozpril (25 February 2013)

Have you had your partner's back, teeth and saddle checked? This is probably what is making him bad tempered. I would definitely make him go barefoot too, I haven't looked back since taking my boyfriend's shoes off him. Are you being consistent with his boundaries? if he pushes your cat off the bed again then growl at him, followed by a sharp no.
This is brilliant!!


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## Alexart (25 February 2013)

I'd ditch the bloke!!  If he can't cope with one little cat then what is he going to be like with kids when all your attention is on them and they are up screaming all night etc - assuming you want kids that is!!  I'm always very wary of people who don't like animals!!


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## Supertrooper (25 February 2013)

I do sympathise with you though OP, suggesting shutting him out of the bedroom is very very different from doing it!

Mine would create merry hell if we did that! Basically he runs our household ;-)


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## Supertrooper (25 February 2013)

I am talking about the cat by the way ;-)


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## sarahann1 (25 February 2013)

Tell your OH to like it or lump it. Your cat has had his routine for years, not fair to ask him to change it now. 

So lucky my hubby is a cat person, he did used to get freaked out when she slept in his back in bed, but he soon got used to it


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## ILuvCowparsely (25 February 2013)

Sorry but I would say to him.

 We come as a package take and me and cat or neither.
 If he gets his choice then what next will he control????

 plenty more fish in the sea.


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## ILuvCowparsely (25 February 2013)

Copperpot said:



			I don't like cats so would get rid of it 

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I prefer cats to men so rid the man. .  A partner should not tell  yes TELL their girlfriend to get rid of her pet. Albeit cat  dog fish  horse.  Period.


 My man took me and my animals  if he made me choose he would see the door.


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## tallyho! (26 February 2013)

Leviathan said:



			My man took me and my animals  if he made me choose he would see the door.
		
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Ayyyyymen sistah!!

This lady came with a horse and a cancerous cat. If you don't like it... Sling yer hook mate!


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## Honey08 (26 February 2013)

Wagtail said:



			I think there is a compromise here. The cat does not HAVE to sleep on your bed, and I don't blame your OH for disliking this. I love animals. All kinds of animals. I have lap dogs that I love nursing on my lap, but do I let them on my bed when I want to go to sleep? No way! My husband and two sons do. But I have my own room that is dog free. (Hubby and I sleep separately because we have a much better nights sleep that way. Maybe this is an option for you? It does not have to mean the end of romance and hanky panky )
		
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I agree - no animals sleep in the bedroom.  I love mine to bits, but the only day they are allowed on beds is Sunday lie ins when they are dry and we are all having coffee in bed!


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## ILuvCowparsely (26 February 2013)

Honey08 said:



			I agree - no animals sleep in the bedroom.  I love mine to bits, but the only day they are allowed on beds is Sunday lie ins when they are dry and we are all having coffee in bed!
		
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coffee in Bed mmmmmmmmmmm the thought . Our weekend lie ins involve sleep till 9am then up dressed yard and breakfast when we have finished the yard.

 our cats sleep where they want


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## Clodagh (1 March 2013)

I suspect there is a lot of man hating singletons on here!
Humans are more important than animals... End of discussion!
You want to die an old hermit in a house full of cat wee? Go for it!
Mind you my dog bit my OH on our first night together at a somewhat crucial moment, but he (sort of) forgave her and she was allowed to carry on sleeping in the bedroom but not on the bed.


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## Tiffany (1 March 2013)

Get OH some ear plugs and blinkers then he won't see or hear your cat


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## Mrs B (1 March 2013)

Clodagh said:



			Humans are more important than animals....
		
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Humans in general? Not in my world, nor my husband's.


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## Clodagh (1 March 2013)

Mrs B said:



			Humans in general? Not in my world, nor my husband's.
		
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They are in mine, I'm afraid. Our dogs, horses and chickens want for nothing but the children and each other come first.


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## Django Pony (1 March 2013)

Cat was there first! Throw him out of the bed next time he wants a cuddle and see how he likes it!!


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## Mrs B (1 March 2013)

Clodagh said:



			They are in mine, I'm afraid. Our dogs, horses and chickens want for nothing but the children and each other come first.
		
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Ah - but they are not humans in general. 

Having said that, even close humans don't always come first with me.


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## Clodagh (1 March 2013)

We shall have to agree to disagree. I wouldn't put any animals ahead of my OH amd 2 boys though. Extended family can lump it! (and the rest of the world)


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## mperson01 (2 March 2013)

Ongoing war of attrition in our house; OH decrees which pet should live where. I try to enforce and come up with all sorts of clever plans to keep said pets in place. All fail abysmally, pets end up where ever they want; today had a spaniel asleep on my clean washing, hens capering in kitchen at the dog food and rabbits in the hen  house. I give up


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