# Liking the "theory" of competing... But "reality" is different?



## wench (23 April 2014)

Been thinking today at work. As I'm sure most of us do I generally dream about riding my horse instead of being at work, and possibly going on a nice hack, or having a really good productive lesson. 

I'm currently only riding at the weekends due to me working away from home. Horse is kept at yard near home, miles away from where I work. When I had my horse near work, and had oppertunity to do something with horse every evening, I felt I had to, and was becoming very tierd and sick of it. (It didn't help that the facilties at the yard weren't quite right for me and my horse at the time, but a wonderful yard!) 

Now horse is back at home, I can ride twice a week, possibly three times if I get home at a suitable time Friday evenings! Unfortunately this hasn't worked out quite yet due to me being ill and having been in and out of hospital, been on my horse three times in the past month.

Anyway, so here's the point of my post really. I dream about riding my horse at a competition and having a nice day out. (I like eventing), so a nice settled warm up and test, then followed up by a nice clear show jumping round, and a smooth easy ride around xc... Happy all round, horse has enjoyed his day out, and I've had a nice time. Brilliant in "theory".

However in reality this never happens to me. The horse won't load. The horse isn't in the right mood that day all the toys come out of the pram. Won't settle in the warm up, and then goes nuts in the sj warmup and then deciding it's not going xc that day and bogs off back to the lorry park whilst your still on him.

All of the above have happened to me, not on the same day, not on the same horse, and not with the horse I have now. I know you have to prepare for events, and I'm starting lessons shortly.

However I don't know if I can really be bothered with the actual competing, as all I want is a nice day out to enjoy myself, and every time I seem to go anywhere it all goes wrong, I get stressed, and may as well just have set fire to the entry fee money!

Any comments?


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## MagicMelon (23 April 2014)

Thing is OP, to get a nice day out you have to expect the odd dodgy one to begin with until you've been out enough that the horse is experienced enough to give you a nice day out    If you only go to an event very occasionally then no wonder your horse is a bit mental. The more you go out, the nicer it'll get  

I'm getting my new horse out to lots of in-hand events as we speak, I'm just in the process of backing her so hopefully by the time I'm ready riding-wise to go out competing, she'll be totally chilled out about it as she'll have already been to lots of parties.  That's the plan anyway...!


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## wench (23 April 2014)

If you read my post it says that no matter which horse I've had, or where I have been something will go wrong...


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## Valo (23 April 2014)

How about doing some pleasure rides in between? They're really fun, they get you out and about and help with fitness too but the pressure is totally off.


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## wench (23 April 2014)

With one of my old horses that could well have been a possibility... I did actually do some endurance pleasure rides on him, and he managed to throw a tantrum on those when he was convinced that he knew the right way and I didn't. (I was right he was wrong!)

Wouldn't be so keen on taking current horse on one!


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## Moomin1 (23 April 2014)

How about you and a friend heading off to a farm ride where you can also hire an arena to do some schooling before you head out onto the ride - it would sort of simulate a competition to a certain extent, but without the pressure and time constraints.


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## Prince33Sp4rkle (23 April 2014)

If you want a nice day and moderate success you have to be prepared to work your butt off in ****** weather, when you're tired and ill and just plain don't want to and to spend endless time and money getting things right.
It doesn't just happen.
If you just want a fun day, farm rides, hunting etc?


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## humblepie (23 April 2014)

I think it depends.  First of all you need a horse that is easy to do, loads itself, no hassle type of horse.  That makes the day enjoyable.  The reality is more in the work that goes on to get to that point.    Perhaps do things like riding club clinics etc to get into the swing of going out and above and then move onto competing.


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## slumdog (23 April 2014)

I sort of get what you're saying. I work my a** off, spend a fortune on entry fees and lessons etc and then usually have 4 faults or most recently forget where the hell I'm supposed to be going. (Yep, twice. Brilliant) it can be the most frustrating and soul destroying hobby. 
But do I have fun? Yeah course I do. I'm the most competitive person in the world (husband calls me Ridezilla) but at the end of the day I do it because I love it. Whether I've been dumped at the first fence or I've come home in the money, that's the name of the sport. I pick myself up and try again.

My son has just got a go kart for his 9th birthday, it starts when you tell it to start, stops when you tell it to stop, goes where you point it and doesn't mind being loaded into the van. Maybe you should get a go kart  haha!


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## glamourpuss (23 April 2014)

But having the crap experiences is also fun....honestly it is! 
Last year I had a disaster of a day at a BE90. I sobbed for 2 hours in my trainers lorry, whilst her dog tried to lick my face. She couldn't walk her her showjumping course because she was too busy telling me that I wasn't the worst rider in the world. We roar with laughter about it now.
 & that's not the end of it. I could tell you 101 stories where I didn't ride brilliantly & I got a crap competition result & each one of them would now be accompanied by a little giggle.
It's just a competition, a bit of fun. Yes, I train my hardest & do my absolute best but sadly my horse didn't read the rule book so of it doesn't go to plan I. 'Exercise my chimp' then crack on with the next one.


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## marmalade76 (23 April 2014)

Yep, I keep dreaming about getting out to comps again with mine (only small ones, though) then I think of all the work it will take, time and money..

No choice ATM anyway as pone has tweaked something after some serious hooning around the field so is off work


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## MadJ (24 April 2014)

Is it possible your health and hospital visits have had an impact on your way of thinking? Stuck in a bit of a negative rut maybe? Negativity breeds negativity. You need to look at the positives and turn your thought process around.


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## Queenbee (24 April 2014)

glamourpuss said:



			But having the crap experiences is also fun....honestly it is!
		
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I couldn't agree more.  Now, showing not competing, but as some of you will remember I put tons of effort into two showing outings last year.  One as a warm up (was disastrous, stressful and complete nightmare) frm which I came home disheartened and ready to give up, but when I saw the photos of how he looked, it spurred me on to the big county show.  I've never been a 'showing person' and I will always be a sj / xc person at heart, but the county show experience, staying away overnight, £100 for travel alone, let alone hiring a stall, entry fees, cleaning products etc (and I'm by no means flush) coming last out of five... Was simply the most amazing and fun experience of my life with horses, Ben looked the business, he looked like he belonged there, behaved wonderfully, we had people from the forum come and watch us.... We came nowhere, weeks and weeks of preparation, so much cash haemorrhaged, and for me, I was walking on the moon for weeks from that, I still get a tingle when I look at the photos.  This year we are working on jumping, aiming at a few local shows, my hope is that we will perform a serviceable round at 2 ft 3, I have no aspirations of getting a rosette, I hope we will go clear at some point and that this becomes more and more consistent, but that's it, that's all I want, is to make it out there and make it around in an ok fashion.  Knock downs are fine in my book, as long as my boy goes over them and doesn't stop.... Those are my targets this year.


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## showpony (24 April 2014)

Strip it back op... If you can't physically commit the time to prepping for a big comp who cares?? Take pressure off... Maybe aim for an unafillated dressage test or even a spot of clear round jumping... Rome wasn't built in a day


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## Marydoll (24 April 2014)

You take the rough with the smooth,one day youre riding high and qualifying for something,and it all falls in to place,  the next your like a meerkat on the xc course, stopped, standing up in stirrups wondering where the hell youre going next, or in the ring done a great round, to find you went before the bell !!
Best one so far is driving 60 miles to a hunter trial and forgot the key to the tackroom on the trailer, in the end we asked to go later, asked around, got a screw driver and took the door off to get our tack, nightmare at the time but pee ourselves at it now


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## Lolo (24 April 2014)

Prince33Sp4rkle said:



			If you want a nice day and moderate success you have to be prepared to work your butt off in ****** weather, when you're tired and ill and just plain don't want to and to spend endless time and money getting things right.
It doesn't just happen.
If you just want a fun day, farm rides, hunting etc?
		
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This, or spend good money finding something that's uncomplicated, willing and relatively talented. But they don't come cheap by a long shot!


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## Firewell (24 April 2014)

To be fair I have a talented, nice,  relatively easy horse (who didn't cost much btw). BUT I also try HARD. I ride EVERY day. Rain, shine whatever. I have a 10 month baby and I still ride even if it is at 5am. I plan my rides. I work on the flat and over jumps. I work on rhythm and straightness. I do pole work and lateral work. Even when I lunge I expect my horse to behave, track up and work in an outline. Out hacking I expect him to be bold and forwards, I do hill work and shoulder in along the road. I took my horse to clinics and training shows and treated every one like its Badminton. I do yoga 3x per week and pilates once a week just to make sure I'm fit to ride. Before a ODE I have walked the course twice,  practiced every type of fence 10x over and fallen asleep reading Lucinda Green XC book, in my head I know the perfect coffin canter and in real life I have ridden it a dozen times. My dressage is a level higher and so is my SJ. I leave no stone unturned. My horse is fit, he is shiney and my bank account is empty from paying for umpteen lessons, correct saddles, back men, the best farriers and nutritionists, the livery bill is more than most peoples mortgages and even then we only just scrape above average at local competitions. I don't enter affiliated competition unless I KNOW we will do well and I have put in the leg work and I do do well for only that reason.
It is HARD hard work and I don't blame you if you don't want to do it. Take your horse to the beach, or for a gallop over a field! Ultimately it is about what makes you happy!


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## wench (24 April 2014)

I'm not actually aiming for anything at the minute (I keep on eyeing stuff up!)

It was more if anyone is actually in the same sort of "boat" as me... The theory is great but the reality is it's to much like hard work, or when you get there everything goes wrong, which I can well be doing without!!!


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## VRIN (24 April 2014)

I think this domes it all up and made me think 'yep thats why i do it too'


Firewell said:



			To be fair I have a talented, nice,  relatively easy horse (who didn't cost much btw). BUT I also try HARD. I ride EVERY day. Rain, shine whatever. I have a 10 month baby and I still ride even if it is at 5am. I plan my rides. I work on the flat and over jumps. I work on rhythm and straightness. I do pole work and lateral work. Even when I lunge I expect my horse to behave, track up and work in an outline. Out hacking I expect him to be bold and forwards, I do hill work and shoulder in along the road. I took my horse to clinics and training shows and treated every one like its Badminton. I do yoga 3x per week and pilates once a week just to make sure I'm fit to ride. Before a ODE I have walked the course twice,  practiced every type of fence 10x over and fallen asleep reading Lucinda Green XC book, in my head I know the perfect coffin canter and in real life I have ridden it a dozen times. My dressage is a level higher and so is my SJ. I leave no stone unturned. My horse is fit, he is shiney and my bank account is empty from paying for umpteen lessons, correct saddles, back men, the best farriers and nutritionists, the livery bill is more than most peoples mortgages and even then we only just scrape above average at local competitions. I don't enter affiliated competition unless I KNOW we will do well and I have put in the leg work and I do do well for only that reason.
It is HARD hard work and I don't blame you if you don't want to do it. Take your horse to the beach, or for a gallop over a field! Ultimately it is about what makes you happy!
		
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## Flame_ (24 April 2014)

I feel that way about hunting. My first thought about it is always the smartly dressed riders having their port and nibbles in front of the pub then popping hedges in the sunshine. The reality is having your arms pulled out all day in the rain and mud, dicing with death climbing through silly ditches. No thanks, I gave up trying years ago but I still always say if I had plenty of money I'd get a lovely hunter for the winter.   If you know the reality doesn't match up to whatever romanticised idea you have in your head why do you still bother? 

Ps It helps a lot to have the right horse for whatever it is you want to do.


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## TGM (24 April 2014)

Everyone has days when things don't go right, but if disasters happen almost every time you compete then I think you need to analyse the reasons why.  As most of your problems seem linked to horse behaviour, are you perhaps choosing the wrong type of horse for your own circumstances?  Would you be better with a calm, unstressy type who you can pick up and put down, even if it is not the most talented horse?  Is it perhaps your mental attitude at competitions that is causing the problem - do you get stressed and wound up which transmits to the horse.  Are you choosing competition levels that are at the limit of your comfort zone, or could you choose a much lower level of competition which might allow you to be more relaxed? Are you sure you really want to compete, or do you feel pressure to do so because it is the 'done thing' or because you feel you need something to aim towards?  Do you just like having an outing, in which case can you look for non-competitive activities which you might enjoy more?

PS: I rarely compete these days because I recognise I don't really have the dedication any more - I like to ride once or twice a week and have a sharer for my mare.  I have the odd spurt of motivation where I do a bit more, but I have a been there, seen it, done it type who takes it all in her stride.  So I can understand the viewpoint of liking the idea, but not wanting to put in all the required effort!


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## meardsall_millie (24 April 2014)

wench said:



			The theory is great but the reality is it's to much like hard work, or when you get there everything goes wrong, which I can well be doing without!!!
		
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Well behaved horses and good days at competitions (clinics, lessons, fun rides, hunting, etc, etc) don't happen by magic, they take hard work and dedication.

If you don't want to do it then don't do it.  It's not compulsory.


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## montanna (24 April 2014)

Firewell said:



			To be fair I have a talented, nice,  relatively easy horse (who didn't cost much btw). BUT I also try HARD. I ride EVERY day. Rain, shine whatever. I have a 10 month baby and I still ride even if it is at 5am. I plan my rides. I work on the flat and over jumps. I work on rhythm and straightness. I do pole work and lateral work. Even when I lunge I expect my horse to behave, track up and work in an outline. Out hacking I expect him to be bold and forwards, I do hill work and shoulder in along the road. I took my horse to clinics and training shows and treated every one like its Badminton. I do yoga 3x per week and pilates once a week just to make sure I'm fit to ride. Before a ODE I have walked the course twice,  practiced every type of fence 10x over and fallen asleep reading Lucinda Green XC book, in my head I know the perfect coffin canter and in real life I have ridden it a dozen times. My dressage is a level higher and so is my SJ. I leave no stone unturned. My horse is fit, he is shiney and my bank account is empty from paying for umpteen lessons, correct saddles, back men, the best farriers and nutritionists, the livery bill is more than most peoples mortgages and even then we only just scrape above average at local competitions. I don't enter affiliated competition unless I KNOW we will do well and I have put in the leg work and I do do well for only that reason.
It is HARD hard work and I don't blame you if you don't want to do it. Take your horse to the beach, or for a gallop over a field! Ultimately it is about what makes you happy!
		
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Again, think this pretty much sums it up. Funny how the harder you work the luckier you become !


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## Vodkagirly (24 April 2014)

wench said:



			Anyway, so here's the point of my post really. I dream about riding my horse at a competition and having a nice day out. (I like eventing), so a nice settled warm up and test, then followed up by a nice clear show jumping round, and a smooth easy ride around xc... Happy all round, horse has enjoyed his day out, and I've had a nice time. Brilliant in "theory".
		
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We all dream about this - in reality you have either worked amazingly hard or are amazingly lucky to get this.

I've had my horse 3 years and try my best. 2 years ago at an ODE he spooked in the dressage and I almost came off then refused to go back down that end of the arena. Eliminated at 3rd fence show jumping. Went XC and spooked and dumped me before the first fence. He then took 2 hours and lots of tears to load.... I almost gave up. I didn't and booked more training and analysed our issues.
2 years on, at same event we got 25.5 dressage, clear sj then in the xc got 2 stops so ended up no where. We aren't there yet and I was gutted but we will get there - days are much more pleasant now but the more you work the "luckier" you get.
If you want a nice day out, pack a picnic and go to a clinic or a training day with no pressure. If you want to compete there will be lows and sometimes you need to adjust your expectations to be in line with what preperation you have (or haven't) done.


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## RunToEarth (24 April 2014)

That's why I enjoy showing & TCing these days - jolly social day/weekend out with a little bit of competing squeezed in around the edges


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## wench (24 April 2014)

Tc - team chasing?


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## Prince33Sp4rkle (24 April 2014)

Firewell said:



			To be fair I have a talented, nice,  relatively easy horse (who didn't cost much btw). BUT I also try HARD. I ride EVERY day. Rain, shine whatever. I have a 10 month baby and I still ride even if it is at 5am. I plan my rides. I work on the flat and over jumps. I work on rhythm and straightness. I do pole work and lateral work. Even when I lunge I expect my horse to behave, track up and work in an outline. Out hacking I expect him to be bold and forwards, I do hill work and shoulder in along the road. I took my horse to clinics and training shows and treated every one like its Badminton. I do yoga 3x per week and pilates once a week just to make sure I'm fit to ride. Before a ODE I have walked the course twice,  practiced every type of fence 10x over and fallen asleep reading Lucinda Green XC book, in my head I know the perfect coffin canter and in real life I have ridden it a dozen times. My dressage is a level higher and so is my SJ. I leave no stone unturned. My horse is fit, he is shiney and my bank account is empty from paying for umpteen lessons, correct saddles, back men, the best farriers and nutritionists, the livery bill is more than most peoples mortgages and even then we only just scrape above average at local competitions. I don't enter affiliated competition unless I KNOW we will do well and I have put in the leg work and I do do well for only that reason.
It is HARD hard work and I don't blame you if you don't want to do it. Take your horse to the beach, or for a gallop over a field! Ultimately it is about what makes you happy!
		
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yes.exactly! no baby here lol but i work an office job and teach nearly every evening atm and ride 5 days a week and go swimming with NMT twice a week and there are days i just want to sack it all off and crawl back in to bed but the desire to do well over rides it all and i just suck it up and get on with it. If you want it bad enough you will make it work.



wench said:



			I'm not actually aiming for anything at the minute (I keep on eyeing stuff up!)

It was more if anyone is actually in the same sort of "boat" as me... The theory is great but the reality is it's to much like hard work, or when you get there everything goes wrong, which I can well be doing without!!!
		
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cant we all.......



meardsall_millie said:



			Well behaved horses and good days at competitions (clinics, lessons, fun rides, hunting, etc, etc) don't happen by magic, they take hard work and dedication.

If you don't want to do it then don't do it.  It's not compulsory.
		
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agree 100%. luck is not given its made (by blood sweat and tears)



montanna said:



			Again, think this pretty much sums it up. Funny how the harder you work the luckier you become ! 

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again, agree 100%.

you need the right horse for the job and if you cant afford it you have to work even harder making the one you have the *right*one. such is life.


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## smja (24 April 2014)

I find it helps me to focus on one small thing that I can do each competition. Last weekend, it was to ride the xc properly - I had a wibble last year and basically rode like a plonker every time out. There's nothing like seeing blips on your lovely horse's BE record that you know are your fault to spur you on!

Anything else is just a bonus, if you achieve your set task. Nothing ever goes entirely right on the day, but don't let the little things take away from enjoying what you're there to do.


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## PaddyMonty (24 April 2014)

Success at comps always comes at a price. Mainly hardwork plus taking decisions that you know will detract short term from the enjoyment of the competition but will give longer term rewards.
Last night I was out schooling the horse I compete (dont own him) in pouring rain despite me having a chest infection and suffering from asthma. Currently on high level of steroids just to make it through the day. Why did I do this. Simple, I have my first lesson on him friday and want to get the max out of it so he needed to be worked.

Between now and June 1st all our BD comps will be in the training section because I cant afford to get points on him prior to the winter champs qual date opening. This really is not going to be much fun at all. I have a horse that on most days can win. Also have a very competitve nature so going non-competive is against all my instincts. However, horse is green and needs to get out a lot before the regionals in August so I just have to suck it up and get on with it if I want a shot at the bigger prize.

Simple answer is competing successfully costs and most of the time it's not the money but the effort required.

If it really matters to someone they will put in the work no matter what.


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## chestnut cob (24 April 2014)

Lots of good replies on this thread.

OP, look at why you want to compete.  Because you think you should?  It certainly doesn't sound like you actually enjoy it.  Why not take off the pressure, do some hacking and fun rides.  Nothing comes easily - all of those people you see out there having lovely days and winning, are doing so because they worked their backsides off to achieve it.

Are you sure your horse enjoys the job you are asking of it?  And are you preparing the horse sufficiently?  If you are continually having bad days with a horse who misbehaves then you need to look at why - and as you're saying you don't want to put the hard work into preparing the horse then that's your answer.

I had a horse who was a PITA before the one I have no - terrible loader, generally pretty ungenerous, nappy.. it's no fun.  Now I have a fabulous little horse who loves to work, to go out in the trailer, tries his heart out at whatever you ask him to do (whether it's hacking, DR, eventing, hunting...), loads himself into the trailer because he can't wait to go out somewhere new.  Competing a horse like that is a totally different experience!  I had a wobble at the end of the winter when I was utterly fed up, didn't want to put the work in, was frustrated that things weren't going as well as I wanted them to.  Got a right b*****king from my instructor about nothing coming without hard work, spent a few days having a tantrum then got my a££ in gear.  

I've just started BE and it is EXPENSIVE.  I am not spending that kind of money to have cr@p days.  We have a lesson once a week at least, often 1x DR and 1 x SJ.  I pay for my instructor to school my horse once a week, and several times if I'm away.  I do the hill work, the fast work and intervals, the extra schooling competitions (popping down to local RS to do a couple of SJ classes etc) in the week or on a weekend when I want a lie in, travel 2 hours in the trailer for XC training at a good venue with a decent trainer, do my work without stirrups that I detest, now force myself to ride when I don't want to, make time to hack before or after a lesson so that horse is getting sufficient work.... and it pays off, because (although I'm only doing 80s ATM), our first BE80 felt easy.  It felt like schooling around, because at home we are jumping and schooling a level higher, in XC training he's jumping 90s and 1m with ease.  We had a fantastic day at our last event, because I've spent a fortune in time and money preparing us for it.


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## JFTDWS (24 April 2014)

Part of me sympathises, OP.  I just want one good day - I've worked hard with F for years, I've put so much into him (literally blood, sweat and tears!), I've accepted his limitations, adjusted my own aspirations and repeatedly kicked myself up the arse about it.  I just want one day where we go out and don't mess it up.  I'm naturally competitive and I just want to win - something, anything, just once! - to make me feel like it's not been an absolute waste of time.

But life isn't like that - horses aren't like that.  You take what you're offered, and sometimes that's being happy with a more modest success (decent %, clear round, whatever) or just looking at how your horse is going and realising that it has been worth it, regardless of competitive success.  And ultimately, if you keep working at it, by the law of averages one day you'll have a good day (unless you're doing something wildly wrong  ).

But that all hinges on knuckling down to do the work, in the first place.  Getting on and working through even when you feel like death / it's peeing down / you'd rather be in the pub.  Going running / swimming / to the gym instead of watching tv with a bag of donuts because you need to sort out your own fitness too.  Paying through the nose to compete because you need the experience.  Because ultimately, if it was easy, it wouldn't be worth doing.


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## vam (24 April 2014)

Firewell said:



			To be fair I have a talented, nice,  relatively easy horse (who didn't cost much btw). BUT I also try HARD. I ride EVERY day. Rain, shine whatever. I have a 10 month baby and I still ride even if it is at 5am. I plan my rides. I work on the flat and over jumps. I work on rhythm and straightness. I do pole work and lateral work. Even when I lunge I expect my horse to behave, track up and work in an outline. Out hacking I expect him to be bold and forwards, I do hill work and shoulder in along the road. I took my horse to clinics and training shows and treated every one like its Badminton. I do yoga 3x per week and pilates once a week just to make sure I'm fit to ride. Before a ODE I have walked the course twice,  practiced every type of fence 10x over and fallen asleep reading Lucinda Green XC book, in my head I know the perfect coffin canter and in real life I have ridden it a dozen times. My dressage is a level higher and so is my SJ. I leave no stone unturned. My horse is fit, he is shiney and my bank account is empty from paying for umpteen lessons, correct saddles, back men, the best farriers and nutritionists, the livery bill is more than most peoples mortgages and even then we only just scrape above average at local competitions. I don't enter affiliated competition unless I KNOW we will do well and I have put in the leg work and I do do well for only that reason.
It is HARD hard work and I don't blame you if you don't want to do it. Take your horse to the beach, or for a gallop over a field! Ultimately it is about what makes you happy!
		
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This really (but without the baby and yoga lol) as it is the journey and training that I really enjoy, the actual comps I enjoy regardless of how I do because I now that I will have something to work on after. That I can focus on something and work and train for the next comp. I know how frustrating it can be when it all goes pear shaped at a comp but that pushes me to work harder.

Current horse is broken, I havent ridden in over seven months and if he comes back into work in the next few months he will only be a hacker. Gutted is an understatement. Ive worked my butt off to get a horse that was far too good for me and had more talent than I knew what to do with, into a horse that I could ride well and I felt would jump anything I put in front of him, the feel he gave me on a good day was breath taking. Now I'm at a point where I'm climbing the walls for lack of a horse to ride, for not having a focus and comps that I can train and work towards, I miss the hard work. I will get another at some point when I have got current one in work and probably loaned out because I'm not the sort that will hack for the next 10 years, its just not in me to have nothing to aim for, I need that focus that comes with riding and competing.

I'm of the opinion that if it takes the right horse and hard work to make competing enjoyable, for it to live up to our imagination. We all sit there and think about that perfect show jumping round, dressage test or xc round, but that only comes from the work you put in. I have seen a number of people who go to shows and get upset when their horse doesnt get past the 3 jump, they cant understand it when they are ok at home, blame the horse for not wanting to do it when actually a lot of the time its because they dont put the work in. Jumping once every now and again at home over a single jump is not training, having a quick walk trot and canter in the school is not schooling. Buying a horse that has been there and done it doesnt mean it will keep doing it if you dont put some work in either.
I guess you need to work out what you do want from owning a horse, not being able to ride every day or not able to put the work in so I can go and compete, wouldnt be an option. No matter how much i like galloping on the beach or hacking on a sunny day, if I couldnt compete regardless of how well I do, I'm not sure I would have a horse at all.


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## palo1 (24 April 2014)

I have a lot of sympathy with your position OP!  The problem is that competing is just that; it's not really designed to be a nice day out (though one hopes that will be a part of it) and horses, unfortunately don't really care about 'results'!  I have had similar experiences to yourself in some ways and have come to the conclusion, like many others that if you want a nice day out whilst you compete then a huge amount of work must be put in beforehand.  Even then, you are not guaranteed a nice day out but you are far more likely to get round whatever competition you are at and go home in one piece, feeling like at least something has been achieved!  These days I try to be realistic about what may be achieved at a competition as I have a job and a family and don't always want to school/train in filthy weather....so I am happy to put the work in to ensure horse is happy with busy atmospheres/variety of situations and travelling etc, as well as schooling to a level I am happy with - even if I believe my total genius of a horse could be working at a higher level.  Then when I do compete I know that horse is sensible enough for it not to be dangerous and fit enough/well schooled enough to compete at the level that I have chosen - even if that doesn't quite reflect 'the dream'.   I have to say I don't always enjoy the 'competitive atmosphere' - particularly where other riders who are not so focussed on enjoying themselves and actually want to win/get a result can be stressed/selfish/adrenalised etc but I just tend to stay out of the way and get into my own 'zone'.  The fact that I have chosen to be there is my problem really!!  There are lots of ways of having fun with a horse but if eventing is your thing then it is going to require lots of hard work and discipline.  Going for a lovely ride and having a picnic with friends isn't quite so demanding and more likely to be a nice day out but for some folk of course, that would be nightmare.  Decide what you like, set realistic goals according to your horse, your time, your motivation and finances and then only do it if you enjoy!  Only the professionals in this game have to compete - for the rest of us it is supposed to be for pleasure.


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## Bernster (24 April 2014)

Been interesting to read this.  A combination of being a total wuss, a bit of a perfectionist, and hating being so nervous, means I don't compete at the moment although horse is perfectly capable of it (and in my more positive moments, I am too tbh).

So right now I am enjoying the journey without necessarily having a final destination (of competing) and really enjoying lessons, clinics, course hire, fun rides etc.  There's no need to compete unless you want to and feel ready to.

As I do more of the fun stuff, I am starting to feel like maybe I do want to do a low level comp or two, cos I have an annoying streak of always wanting to challenge myself and improve, and actually the adrenalin and sense of achievement afterwards is fabulous, and (almost/definately?) outweighs the awful sicky nerves beforehand!

And I love reading the comp reports on here and wouldn't it be nice to be able to write one


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## ester (24 April 2014)

Surely half the enjoyment of a 'good' day is that you have had to work hard to get it- oh and that they are rare enough that you have to make the most of it when it happens. A friend has a saint of an easy horse, pretty much always top 10 BE I think even though imo she barely rides him at home - never schools or jumps unless going elsewhere for an occasional lesson. But equally compared to the one who tries very hard and has plenty of blips doesn't really seem to enjoy it that much!


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## Wheels (24 April 2014)

I haven't competed properly for a number of years for one reason or another - I really miss it, the ups and the downs.

My current horse is a 5yo, we are just starting to get out and about to clinics to get him used to new places and meeting new horses etc.  I am aiming to take him to his first dressage test towards the end of June, I'm pleased to have something concrete to aim for

Everything now is geared towards this - I've made a list of everything I need to do, have learnt one of the tests already, spent many an hour teaching him to load properly over the last few months, gradually introducing him to indoor and different outdoor arenas, new horses, new environments yet I still expect that we will have issues on the day and may well do for some time to come.  That's just horses I'm afraid.

OP - do you really want to compete?  There is nothing to say that you have to and if you don't find it fun then I can't see how you will put your soul into it and how you will truly be prepared etc.


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## TPO (24 April 2014)

From a slightly different angle I can sort of see where you are coming from OP. 

I had a big strop to myself last night that was all my own making because I was anthropomorphising my horse. He's on week 10 of box rest following surgery (and countless weeks before that) but he's been hand walked/grazed and out in the summer field for short periods of time to get a leg stretch. He was put out last night with a "friend" and spent the whole time screaming his head off and galloping about having blown his tiny peanut brain. I was so mad at him because I just wanted him to have a stretch and a measley one hour of peace to get his stable sorted as it was he was estatic to be brought in 15mins later.

I know he's late cut (was 5 or 6) and can be extremely hormonal hence the screaming for his friends (all geldings on this yard apart from one very old pony mare) and to be out isn't part of his routine. He's not a food orientated horse so grass doesn't hold as much appeal to him as it would with others. There is no reason for me to be so blindly mad/upset at him for his behaviour as he was. 

After everything I've done for him, the thousands he's cost me (original vet practice majorly screwed up so insurance ran out at the start of 2013 so everything that has lead to a proper diagnosis, surgery and his recovery has come out of my pocket and is about 5x more than he'll ever be worth on paper) and that I've never given up on him couldn't he just for once please be normal and "pay me back". 

Completely irrational, all my fault for having stupid expectations and all in all just a blip but in short, yes I can understand your feelings that your horse "owed" you a good outing.

But... and this is when I'm slightly less empathetic

You had the opportunity to ride daily, if you wanted, but felt too pressured to "have" to ride. Obviously given my situation I have a different point of view but I'd literally do (and am doing) everything to have a sound, fuctioning horse. Don't get me wrong some folk don't want to be riding regularly and that's grand, there is no law to it, but at the end of the day you get out what you put in.

If competing, and training/practising, to compete isn't your bag then fair enough (it's not really mine either) but you can't complain when it goes wrong.

I think PS, MM and FW, amongst others, have hit the nail on the head. Yes it would be lovely for all our 4 legged dependents to load first time, travel well, behave immaculately, produce nice ridden work and for the sun to shine while all of this is happening but that's not life and it's definitely not life with horses!

I'm sure you were just having a mini rant/off load but perhaps when it's passed and you read your OP back you'll see where (most) of the respondents are coming from. 

Nothing worth having comes without work.


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## nikkimariet (24 April 2014)

meardsall_millie said:



			Well behaved horses and good days at competitions (clinics, lessons, fun rides, hunting, etc, etc) don't happen by magic, they take hard work and dedication.

If you don't want to do it then don't do it.  It's not compulsory.
		
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TPO said:



			Nothing worth having comes without work.
		
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Amen.


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## wench (24 April 2014)

I'm not saying you dont have to practise before you go to competitions. Previously when I was going out to competitions I was a lot less knowledgable than I am now, although arguably my riding was possibly better as I had been doing it more. But horse asides, no matter how much I seemed to plan the day, SOMETHING would go wrong (and yes all of these have happened):

>Someone parked in front of my trailer then gone out for the day so I was very later and missed half of what I was supposed to be doing
>Hitched trailer up to my truck, drop the ramp down ready for horse, some idiot goes and parks right at the bottom of my ramp so I cant get my horse in.
>Someone had helped themselves to my trailer and left it full of *****, leaving me to clean it up before I went to the show
>Friend/helper (who knew what they were doing with horses) tacking my horse up entirely wrong at a competition and horse wasnt best impressed and left me eating dirt
>Same friend read insisted that they were calling out my dressage test, and missed half of it out. Horse was going really well and still ended up with a rubbish score.
>Mother deciding that just as I'm about to leave home she's got a load of jobs for me to do before I go. Making me massively late.
>Needed to test the brakes on my trailer; it needed hitching up to my truck and seeing if it was ok. My dad was using the truck the weekend before the competition, so asked him to drop by the yard with the truck (it wasnt that much out of the way), and see what happened. He wouldnt. Came to hitching the trailer up next weekend, the brakes were stuck on. No competition for me.

My points with the above is, and along with original post, is that nothing ever seems to go right, no matter how much planning and preparation I do; either the horse behaves and everything else goes wrong, or the horse misbehaves and everything else goes right.

I do find towing horse and then riding quite stressful - its much easier when you tow the horse there then hand it over to someone else to ride!


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## Dizzle (24 April 2014)

I felt like that when I had my horse...

...feel the total opposite now I  have my pony, we got to stuff, no dies whilst we travel, I have fun, I relax and very occasionally we get placed in something!

The thing I love most is being able to tack up with her tied to a trailer, not trying to tack up whilst they trot round thinking they're warming up for the 13.30 at Aintree!


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## Flame_ (24 April 2014)

In relation to yet another cancelled endurance ride, I worked out the other day The challenge isn't winning a competition, it isn't completing a competition, its not even getting a fit, sound, healthy, prepared horse, rider and truck to the competition, it is now, apparently, there even being a competition to get to. Don't let it get you down.


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## wench (24 April 2014)

TPO said:



			You had the opportunity to ride daily, if you wanted, but felt too pressured to "have" to ride. Obviously given my situation I have a different point of view but I'd literally do (and am doing) everything to have a sound, fuctioning horse. Don't get me wrong some folk don't want to be riding regularly and that's grand, there is no law to it, but at the end of the day you get out what you put in.
		
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Realised I forgot to quote on this! Riding every day always seems so appealing when you can't do it... (as I am now!) however earlier on this year, as per my original post, the facilities were not quite what my horse and I needed, it was a huge drag, and I really, really didnt want to get on, as I knew I wasnt going to get anything out of the session.

Years ago with tantrum horse I was forcing myself to ride most evenings to get him ready for competitions. He was generally good to ride at home and didnt have many tantrums, but I was exhausted from work, and wasnt enjoying it that much...

...which interestinly leads me on to the next point. In one of my previously stressful jobs, I'd have entered tantrum horse into a competition... spend all week at work dreaming about it, and how much I was looking forwards to taking tantrum horse out and riding him (he was a special horse to me!), but then Saturday morning would come, and rather than being "buzzing" about going to the competition, I was worn out from work, and all I wanted to do was stay in bed.


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## stilltrying (24 April 2014)

wench said:



			I'm not saying you dont have to practise before you go to competitions. Previously when I was going out to competitions I was a lot less knowledgable than I am now, although arguably my riding was possibly better as I had been doing it more. But horse asides, no matter how much I seemed to plan the day, SOMETHING would go wrong (and yes all of these have happened):

>Someone parked in front of my trailer then gone out for the day so I was very later and missed half of what I was supposed to be doing
>Hitched trailer up to my truck, drop the ramp down ready for horse, some idiot goes and parks right at the bottom of my ramp so I cant get my horse in.
>Someone had helped themselves to my trailer and left it full of *****, leaving me to clean it up before I went to the show
>Friend/helper (who knew what they were doing with horses) tacking my horse up entirely wrong at a competition and horse wasnt best impressed and left me eating dirt
>Same friend read insisted that they were calling out my dressage test, and missed half of it out. Horse was going really well and still ended up with a rubbish score.
>Mother deciding that just as I'm about to leave home she's got a load of jobs for me to do before I go. Making me massively late.
>Needed to test the brakes on my trailer; it needed hitching up to my truck and seeing if it was ok. My dad was using the truck the weekend before the competition, so asked him to drop by the yard with the truck (it wasnt that much out of the way), and see what happened. He wouldnt. Came to hitching the trailer up next weekend, the brakes were stuck on. No competition for me.

My points with the above is, and along with original post, is that nothing ever seems to go right, no matter how much planning and preparation I do; either the horse behaves and everything else goes wrong, or the horse misbehaves and everything else goes right.

I do find towing horse and then riding quite stressful - its much easier when you tow the horse there then hand it over to someone else to ride!
		
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The majority of that still sounds like lack of prep though.  Dont get me wrong, I too have had many an issue.but all pretty much avoidable. 

Examples: 

Discovering on morning of comp that my boots had been next to a leaking pipe for 6 months and were full of water..answer: get boots out prior to morning of comp.

Having a friend call a test and get lost half way through and go silent.answer: learn the right bl**dy test so you dont have to rely upon someone else to call for you.  

Going XC after half a bottle of cherry brandy (nerves), horse slid over and I peed my pants (literally) in front of the photographer.  The ground was very hard.  Anyway.answer, use the loo before your round. 

I could go on.but I feel I may have said too much already.  If I had spent the time and effort suggested by some on here to still go out and have crappy days, then yes Id be feeling pretty short changed.  But the fact is Im winging it most of the time.  Thats what makes it fun!  I have first comp this weekend in ages.  Have I ridden my test yet??...or looked for my boots??...or my show shirt?!  : )


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## ester (24 April 2014)

wench said:



			I'm not saying you dont have to practise before you go to competitions. Previously when I was going out to competitions I was a lot less knowledgable than I am now, although arguably my riding was possibly better as I had been doing it more. But horse asides, no matter how much I seemed to plan the day, SOMETHING would go wrong (and yes all of these have happened):

>Someone parked in front of my trailer then gone out for the day so I was very later and missed half of what I was supposed to be doing
>Hitched trailer up to my truck, drop the ramp down ready for horse, some idiot goes and parks right at the bottom of my ramp so I cant get my horse in.
>Someone had helped themselves to my trailer and left it full of *****, leaving me to clean it up before I went to the show

Big signs on your trailer  
>Friend/helper (who knew what they were doing with horses) tacking my horse up entirely wrong at a competition and horse wasnt best impressed and left me eating dirt
I think you only do this once then always tack your own horse up, I know I always do and let others do it when I am helping them, or at least the important bits 

>Same friend read insisted that they were calling out my dressage test, and missed half of it out. Horse was going really well and still ended up with a rubbish score.
Never trust them, always learn the test anyway (mum did this to me too!) 
>Mother deciding that just as I'm about to leave home she's got a load of jobs for me to do before I go. Making me massively late.
say no? as you are an adult and all that
>Needed to test the brakes on my trailer; it needed hitching up to my truck and seeing if it was ok. My dad was using the truck the weekend before the competition, so asked him to drop by the yard with the truck (it wasnt that much out of the way), and see what happened. He wouldnt. Came to hitching the trailer up next weekend, the brakes were stuck on. No competition for me.
hammer and a big lump of wood usually sorts that  
My points with the above is, and along with original post, is that nothing ever seems to go right, no matter how much planning and preparation I do; either the horse behaves and everything else goes wrong, or the horse misbehaves and everything else goes right.

I do find towing horse and then riding quite stressful - its much easier when you tow the horse there then hand it over to someone else to ride!
		
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I do also think the more you go out the less stressful you find all the 'other stuff' as trailering your horse about just becomes normal and what you do - same with plaiting and other prep.


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## wench (24 April 2014)

I used to go out a fair bit... it always seemed to go wrong though!

The people that parked in front/behind my trailer wouldnt have taken any notice even if I had put a sign near it saying "do not park here", and I couldnt have sorted out the brakes on the day of the competition, as there was no way of checking the brakes were stuck until it was actually hitched up to something.

I do not have to worry about my friend/groom anymore, as I do not speak to him anymore (not horse related), I dont have to worry about a wrong tacked up horse, or incorrect test. (I do actually learn the tests, it was more for backup that he was calling, but I'd had some bad news a couple of days before that comp, and my mind wasnt really focused, him calling for me was a huge help.)


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## glamourpuss (24 April 2014)

I love all these posts about how hard people work to be able to enjoy their competing.

I decided to bite the bullet with regards to my training last year. I approached a new trainer. One of the first things she said to me is 'No one ever regrets giving it all they've got'
It really struck a chord with me & over the last 12 months I've really changed my whole attitude. 

Ironically I recently had a real succes at a comp, something I was really proud of....a so called 'friend' was discussing it with someone else I know & said
" well I should bloody well hope she did get placed, all that time & money she spends on training. It's embarrassing for her how hard she has to work at it"
What an awful thing to say! But actually I'm not embarrassed in the slightest about how hard I work. Yes as I stated before I can (eventually) laugh off mistakes but I learn from them & keep going.

Sometimes I think there's almost a reverse snobbery with regards to effort. Unless you've dragged your horse in from the field & gone on to win at Badminton then somehow success isn't 'valid'


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## Prince33Sp4rkle (24 April 2014)

wench said:



			I'm not saying you dont have to practise before you go to competitions. Previously when I was going out to competitions I was a lot less knowledgable than I am now, although arguably my riding was possibly better as I had been doing it more. But horse asides, no matter how much I seemed to plan the day, SOMETHING would go wrong (and yes all of these have happened):

>Someone parked in front of my trailer then gone out for the day so I was very later and missed half of what I was supposed to be doing
>Hitched trailer up to my truck, drop the ramp down ready for horse, some idiot goes and parks right at the bottom of my ramp so I cant get my horse in.
>Someone had helped themselves to my trailer and left it full of *****, leaving me to clean it up before I went to the show
>Friend/helper (who knew what they were doing with horses) tacking my horse up entirely wrong at a competition and horse wasnt best impressed and left me eating dirt
>Same friend read insisted that they were calling out my dressage test, and missed half of it out. Horse was going really well and still ended up with a rubbish score.
>Mother deciding that just as I'm about to leave home she's got a load of jobs for me to do before I go. Making me massively late.
>Needed to test the brakes on my trailer; it needed hitching up to my truck and seeing if it was ok. My dad was using the truck the weekend before the competition, so asked him to drop by the yard with the truck (it wasnt that much out of the way), and see what happened. He wouldnt. Came to hitching the trailer up next weekend, the brakes were stuck on. No competition for me.

My points with the above is, and along with original post, is that nothing ever seems to go right, no matter how much planning and preparation I do; either the horse behaves and everything else goes wrong, or the horse misbehaves and everything else goes right.

I do find towing horse and then riding quite stressful - its much easier when you tow the horse there then hand it over to someone else to ride!
		
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really?! im sorry but???????

being blunt, thats just lack of organisation and lack of prep.

lock your trailer, dont lend you towing vehicle to people, get there earlier and tack up your own horse,learn your test, move your trailer the day before the show etc etc!

i really dont think any of these things are stuff that could not be sorted by being PREPARED.

some people on here cant even ride due to horse injury let alone compete and here is a list of completely sortable things?!

my mind is boggled.

make laminated lists and tick stuff off in the week and days before the show.


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## wench (24 April 2014)

What a rude response


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## HotToTrot (24 April 2014)

Oh hello, welcome to my world.  I'm overdue a disaster-report for HHO, maybe I'll write one in due course.  

Yes.  I like the theory.  When the reality goes well, I like the reality, too.  

However.  The reality can go very wrong, and when it does, it is soul-destroying,  I sympathise.  Yesterday, I told my trainer that I was considering giving up, because I am too rubbish to be doing this any more.  He laughed a bit and said I was over-dramatising it, that I was making a few mistakes, that Vito is a good horse and I ride him well enough to put this behind me and just move on.  Then he told me it was supposed to be fun.  Honestly?  I wanted to slap him and scream "IT IS NOT MEANT TO BE "FUN".  DON'T TELL ME IT IS MEANT TO BE "FUN".  IT IS MEANT TO BE A SUCCESS.  I DON'T WANT TO GO ON A NICE HACK WITH MY HORSE AND HAVE "FUN".  AND DON'T TELL ME IT'S JUST A FEW MISTAKES.  IT IS THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT.  WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THERE ARE CHILDREN STARVING TO DEATH IN SYRIA AND HALF THE FORMER EASTERN BLOC APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN ANNEXED BY MOSCOW?  THESE THINGS ARE TRIVIAL.  THE REAL DISASTER IS HERE.  IT'S ME." 

But I didn't.  And now that I have hopelessly hijacked your post and responded about myself (because, in addition to being a terrible rider, I am also inately selfish), I agree with you.  It's hard, it's tough and things do go wrong.  It sounds as if sometimes they go wrong for you quite often.  But I also think you want them to go right, you don't want to give up which is why you've posted.   

So, plan.  Allow more time that you should need.  And be a bit pushy.  If something goes wrong once, why?  How do you stop it from happening again?  Don't park with your trailer brakes on, put a chock by its wheels to stop it from moving.  If you do get its brakes locked on, then drive backwards, forwards, backwards, forwards, on a hard surface (not gravel) until they wang off.  If someone parks by your ramp, stick ramp up and pull fwds.  There are an infinite number of things that can go wrong, but at least if the same thing doesn't go wrong twice, that's fewer things to potentially go wrong.  Focus on the good bits.  A good DR, a nice SJ round.  Grit your teeth and accept that sometimes, you wish you hadn't bothered.    

You dream about a good day.  If you even get part of the dream in reality, then remember it.  Then remember the next time that part of it becomes reality.  And the next time.  Your dream day might never come in totality.  It's possible.  Maybe it will, maybe it won't.  But if you stop trying, then you can be sure that it definitely won't come. You have the frustration now of things going wrong.  If you stop, you'll have the disappointment of knowing that, though things won't go wrong any more, your dream will never come, either.


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## Prince33Sp4rkle (24 April 2014)

wench said:



			What a rude response
		
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....................there are no real barriers to you doing better than planning better and prepping better and being more on the ball.

none of the things you have listed are un-preventable (if thats even a word) so this just comes over as a bit whiney and woe is me!

i dont even think theres any practical advise anyone can give here because the answer is so obvious!

good results, fun, and success are the reward for planning hard and working hard and this is about the 5th thread ive read today where people want the former without putting in the latter!


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## humblepie (24 April 2014)

My earlier reply was a bit tongue in cheek but for what it is worth from personal experience :

in days gone by I show jumped.  I had an ex racehorse, lovely to handle, always loaded, always tried. Was kept at DIY livery. I had no lessons.   I also had very little money but we competed regularly up to Foxhunter.  It was great fun.  I don't think I even had to work very hard at it - obviously I was lucky to have such a lovely horse but it is possible to have a lovely easy horse!

Preparation does go a long way but there are other factors which can and will always affect particularly when they are outside of your control.    Whilst you say that towing and then doing the riding is stressful, perhaps (and obviously I don't know what experience you have) get more comfortable with the towing so that is nothing to worry you.  In some ways doing it all yourself negates some of the problems you have had though of course doing it on your own means you do need a horse that is easy to do. 

I hope you get your comp mojo back if you want it - if it not just enjoy your horse for what he is.  I am a lot less competitive than I used to be and really enjoy my retired horse for what he is and am happy to have someone far more talented compete my other horse for me.


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## soulfull (24 April 2014)

I think this happens to us all
over the last 6yrs all I have wanted to do is compete my horse and do ok and have fun
so far i have had 4 lots of surgery, 2 stays in hospital for phuemomia 

reoccurring lameness with horse 1
lost my 8yr WB after surgery

had terrible times at shows with horse 3 as he was so naughty
fractured my hand

new horse was bought as a been there done it. (and competitve)  Took her to first RC show on sunday and she behaved like a toddler on too many E mumbers, bouncing around everywhere

show I was going to this sunday has been cancelled (no reason given)  So I will now do DR on saturday instead, not what I wanted but hey

I could not begin to remember all the smaller things that have happened like, lost shoes, forgotten tests, naughty horses, transport problems

Wench please don't take this the wrong way, but are you perhaps feeling very low in life in general too  (hugs)


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## SaffronWelshDragon (24 April 2014)

Really interesting stuff about preparation. I've just made my list for my first show of the year, agree about needing to be super organised. I don't think I've ever put as much effort into preparing for a test as I have this time (want to do things 'properly' now). Lots of work on various test movements etc. I have gone into unaff tests previously without properly practicing trot to halt (crazy I know!) I agree with everyone saying to try to compete regularly (I'm aiming to go to my local venue once a month). 

Since this is the first one of the year, I really want this to be as stress free as possible. We're hacking down as no transport and to reduce stress. We'll probably be soaked on arrival as the weather looks a bit shocking, but I'm determined to enjoy my morning. I'm aiming to get there in good time, mooch about, show Saf around, do my test, bacon sarnie, mooch some more, then hack home. That's the theory anyway!

So, boots cleaned and polished, saddle cleaned, bridle clean tonight after my ride. Then getting all my gear together, need to put everything in the car tomorrow night as it's at the garage today.


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## ester (24 April 2014)

TBF like PS I was thought your list of issues was a bit bizarre.....


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## montanna (24 April 2014)

ester said:



			TBF like PS I was thought your list of issues was a bit bizarre.....
		
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Same here. Without offending you (which is totally not my intention, as I am just as capable as having a toys out the pram woe-is-me type strop believe me!!!!) it sounds like you need a bit of tough love *cough* a kick up the a*se *cough*. I don't think PS was rude, just realistic! Your problems ARE totally preventable by being prepared aren't they? And you CAN be prepared! Come on, think about it, you don&#8217;t have any problem with your horse, which at the end of the day is the only real thing that is unpredictable &#8211; you know, the thing with a mind of it&#8217;s own!!

Your post does come across as a little annoying... My last gelding was FANTASTIC, he used to win nearly every time out BS. I used to have people come up to me saying how lucky I was to have such an easy horse and win all the time! It used to REALLY grind on me. No I wasn&#8217;t lucky! He was a little b*gger to shoe, clip, handle , hack, stand on the lorry etc etc  &#8211;  wouldn&#8217;t stand still &#8211; needed trotting straight from the warm up to the ring or he would create &#8211; needed to be led/shooed/chased in - basically a complete nightmare. I had to go to shows with him alone half the time as I didn&#8217;t have anyone to come with me! It wasn&#8217;t luck! I used to work blimmin hard!! I made it work and didn&#8217;t complain about &#8211; as I ENJOYED it. It sounds to me like you just don&#8217;t enjoy it?

To echo almost all posters above, if you want to compete and want to be successful you just have to be prepared! That&#8217;s all it is. Whether that be through training, foresight, or just plain learning from your mistakes! If you want to be successful, you can, but you MUST put your mind to it. If you aren&#8217;t in the right frame of mind, you certainly won&#8217;t be able to compete with people that are&#8230;

Sorry if this came across as harsh, I really don&#8217;t mean to offend you, just think you need a bit of a reality check.

Good luck


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## SaffronWelshDragon (24 April 2014)

montanna said:



			Your post does come across as a little annoying... My last gelding was FANTASTIC, he used to win nearly every time out BS. I used to have people come up to me saying how lucky I was to have such an easy horse and win all the time! It used to REALLY grind on me. No I wasnt lucky! He was a little b*gger to shoe, clip, handle , hack, stand on the lorry etc etc    wouldnt stand still  needed trotting straight from the warm up to the ring or he would create  needed to be led/shooed/chased in - basically a complete nightmare. I had to go to shows with him alone half the time as I didnt have anyone to come with me! It wasnt luck! I used to work blimmin hard!! I made it work and didnt complain about  as I ENJOYED it. It sounds to me like you just dont enjoy it?

To echo almost all posters above, if you want to compete and want to be successful you just have to be prepared! Thats all it is. Whether that be through training, foresight, or just plain learning from your mistakes! If you want to be successful, you can, but you MUST put your mind to it. If you arent in the right frame of mind, you certainly wont be able to compete with people that are

Sorry if this came across as harsh, I really dont mean to offend you, just think you need a bit of a reality check.

Good luck 

Click to expand...

LIKE


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## palo1 (24 April 2014)

Oh crikey, now I am panicking that my preparation for the next event is a bit lacking!!  Horse is very sensible and polite - loads and travels easily and is sensible enough for me to be able to manage everything on my own - which is what I have to do.  Horse is also fit enough - I am pretty confident about that, I know where the event is, how to get to it and my start time, I even have a game plan, but....I have hardly had time to ride this week because my small children are on holiday and we have had another of our horses poorly, I still have a few minor tack alterations to make and to clean and pack my competition stuff.  Sadly I am unlikely to have enough time to wash/clean the very hairy travel kit horse will need or do anything to make sure that I can look anything other than 'correct' (would love a bit more time to glamourise horse and I but that's just not going to happen!)  To a certain extent I will be slightly winging it - I cannot plan for every eventuality or I will go bonkers/neglect the children/lose my job so I would hope that my experience and gut instincts will help 'fill in' where necessary. 

 I am not expecting to 'win' or even be placed but will enjoy the challenge of seeing how we get on and whether training has resulted in improvement in my quite young horse. The other thing, of course, is that if I spend too much time thinking about the succeeding element (as opposed to the preparation element) then I get terribly nervous and that has never actually helped me as it completely takes my mind off the practical preparation which is the bit that makes the difference.  So now, I try to get into a zone where I know that I have done all that I can (there are a number of limitations on me - job, family, time, money etc etc) and try to be confident that Horse and I will manage the pitfalls as we meet them.  To me, some of the problems you have had sound as if they could be remedied/avoided/dealt with but only if you are feeling generally confident and happy about going to a competition.  For the vast majority of riders, competing has its stresses - some people deal with them really well and others find it harder.  

Sorry if this sounds blunt or unsympathetic as its really not meant to but dreaming about a lovely day out with your horse is not actually preparation for the reality! If you like the idea of competing, give yourself the best possible chance to enjoy it and remember to stay positive about the small problems that are sent your way!


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## nikkimariet (24 April 2014)

OP... Despite popular belief, goods things do not come to those who wait. Good things come to those who go out and earn it!


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## wench (24 April 2014)

I appreciate the comments about being prepared, and as I have previously stated I know NOW where things have gone wrong, and how to prepare to avoid them. However I seem to be one of those people that if it can go wrong, it will go wrong, and this really, really stresses me out, especially on competition days. This is an example of one day that I think was possibly the worst I&#8217;ve had.

I planned on taking my horse to an XC clinic. Nice easy height jumps (approx. 2ft), well within our capabilities, and a straight easy drive to get to the venue (a god send when most of the venues I go to involve towing down horrid bendy roads). The times came through, I think it was approx. 2 or 3 pm (I&#8217;d taken the day off work), so thought this was  great; time for a lay in, and pack my truck in the morning. (All of my show stuff baring mounting block, hat, BP, horse, saddle and bridle were always prepacked in a large plastic box so no need to worry where anything was.)

Went to yard evening before checked my trailer was ok for next day and noticed the number plate had vanished. Someone had borrowed trailer earlier on in the week (and this was a person I couldn&#8217;t say no to before anyone says anything!); rung them up, and apparently the number plate was still on it when trailer was returned to the yard. Slightly annoying, but plenty of time to get a new numberplate in the morning.

The morning arrives, and I needed a few bits of shopping, so nip into my local town. Get the shopping, then went to Halfords for a new plate. Queuing for about ten minutes only to be told by a very rude woman that I couldn&#8217;t get a number plate until 1pm, which was no use to me. The day just didn&#8217;t get any better. I went around about three or four more shops to get my number plate, and eventually got one, but this had delayed me by at least an hour, meaning my timings for the day were all completely out.

Got to yard, stuck number plate on with gaffa tape, fortunately horse was a good boy and loaded. The organiser of the clinic had given wrong directions of how to get into the venue, and the wrong directions of where to park. (I had doubled checked these with them, as I thought they were rather strange, but was assured that they were correct.) Ended up going down an access track, that you could only get through the gate if you had a code. I didn&#8217;t have the code. Fortunately there was someone who lived in the vicinity who let me through the gate; getting rather stressed by now! Followed directions to the parking, and ended up going down a farm track that was a dead end, and the wrong way. Ended up having to turn my truck and trailer around by reversing into a field entrance, which was no easy feat. More stress!

Finally got to where I was supposed to be parked, although I was late, I wasn&#8217;t too late, the others were just unloading and tacking up. Unloaded my horse (who was still being a good boy), and tacked him up. Got myself sorted and got my mounting block out. Put my foot on, and crunch, crack, my foot went right through it. I then also realised that I didn&#8217;t know what I had done with my car keys. Tried looking for them, and couldn&#8217;t find them. At that point I&#8217;d just had enough and was knelt on the ground next to my horse crying as I had just had enough of everything going wrong in one day.

Someone very nice came to help me out, and we got sorted in the end. Horse was very good when I was riding him that day; but it&#8217;s a day I never, ever wish to repeat (and yes it really all did happen before anyone accuses me of telling fairy stories), and the only possible thing that could have been avoided by planning was the number plate debacle by having a spare.


If anyone can beat this for a stressful day out I'd like to hear it!


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## montanna (24 April 2014)

wench said:



			I appreciate the comments about being prepared, and as I have previously stated I know NOW where things have gone wrong, and how to prepare to avoid them. However I seem to be one of those people that if it can go wrong, it will go wrong, and this really, really stresses me out, especially on competition days. This is an example of one day that I think was possibly the worst I&#8217;ve had.

I planned on taking my horse to an XC clinic. Nice easy height jumps (approx. 2ft), well within our capabilities, and a straight easy drive to get to the venue (a god send when most of the venues I go to involve towing down horrid bendy roads). The times came through, I think it was approx. 2 or 3 pm (I&#8217;d taken the day off work), so thought this was  great; time for a lay in, and pack my truck in the morning. (All of my show stuff baring mounting block, hat, BP, horse, saddle and bridle were always prepacked in a large plastic box so no need to worry where anything was.)

Went to yard evening before checked my trailer was ok for next day and noticed the number plate had vanished. Someone had borrowed trailer earlier on in the week (and this was a person I couldn&#8217;t say no to before anyone says anything!); rung them up, and apparently the number plate was still on it when trailer was returned to the yard. Slightly annoying, but plenty of time to get a new numberplate in the morning.

The morning arrives, and I needed a few bits of shopping, so nip into my local town. Get the shopping, then went to Halfords for a new plate. Queuing for about ten minutes only to be told by a very rude woman that I couldn&#8217;t get a number plate until 1pm, which was no use to me. The day just didn&#8217;t get any better. I went around about three or four more shops to get my number plate, and eventually got one, but this had delayed me by at least an hour, meaning my timings for the day were all completely out.

Got to yard, stuck number plate on with gaffa tape, fortunately horse was a good boy and loaded. The organiser of the clinic had given wrong directions of how to get into the venue, and the wrong directions of where to park. (I had doubled checked these with them, as I thought they were rather strange, but was assured that they were correct.) Ended up going down an access track, that you could only get through the gate if you had a code. I didn&#8217;t have the code. Fortunately there was someone who lived in the vicinity who let me through the gate; getting rather stressed by now! Followed directions to the parking, and ended up going down a farm track that was a dead end, and the wrong way. Ended up having to turn my truck and trailer around by reversing into a field entrance, which was no easy feat. More stress!

Finally got to where I was supposed to be parked, although I was late, I wasn&#8217;t too late, the others were just unloading and tacking up. Unloaded my horse (who was still being a good boy), and tacked him up. Got myself sorted and got my mounting block out. Put my foot on, and crunch, crack, my foot went right through it. I then also realised that I didn&#8217;t know what I had done with my car keys. Tried looking for them, and couldn&#8217;t find them. At that point I&#8217;d just had enough and was knelt on the ground next to my horse crying as I had just had enough of everything going wrong in one day.

Someone very nice came to help me out, and we got sorted in the end. Horse was very good when I was riding him that day; but it&#8217;s a day I never, ever wish to repeat (and yes it really all did happen before anyone accuses me of telling fairy stories), and the only possible thing that could have been avoided by planning was the number plate debacle by having a spare.

If anyone can beat this for a stressful day out I'd like to hear it!
		
Click to expand...

Erm - don't lend out your trailer, make sure you know the directions beforehand, check your mounting block, put your car keys in a place where you can find them?

All of these problems came about because you were disorganised/unprepared? They are nothing to do with competing, they are things that could happen in every day life? Maybe have someone else drive for you and totally organise everything (pay an instructor if needs be!) if you get nervous/can't concentrate on anything else but riding/competing.

If you are expecting people to turn around and say 'poor you' I don't think they will. There are people out there who have SERIOUSLY bad days - thinking life changing/horse injuring etc etc.

You make your own luck I'm afraid.


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## HotToTrot (24 April 2014)

wench said:



			I appreciate the comments about being prepared, and as I have previously stated I know NOW where things have gone wrong, and how to prepare to avoid them. However I seem to be one of those people that if it can go wrong, it will go wrong, and this really, really stresses me out, especially on competition days. This is an example of one day that I think was possibly the worst I&#8217;ve had.

I planned on taking my horse to an XC clinic. Nice easy height jumps (approx. 2ft), well within our capabilities, and a straight easy drive to get to the venue (a god send when most of the venues I go to involve towing down horrid bendy roads). The times came through, I think it was approx. 2 or 3 pm (I&#8217;d taken the day off work), so thought this was  great; time for a lay in, and pack my truck in the morning. (All of my show stuff baring mounting block, hat, BP, horse, saddle and bridle were always prepacked in a large plastic box so no need to worry where anything was.)

Went to yard evening before checked my trailer was ok for next day and noticed the number plate had vanished. Someone had borrowed trailer earlier on in the week (and this was a person I couldn&#8217;t say no to before anyone says anything!); rung them up, and apparently the number plate was still on it when trailer was returned to the yard. Slightly annoying, but plenty of time to get a new numberplate in the morning.

The morning arrives, and I needed a few bits of shopping, so nip into my local town. Get the shopping, then went to Halfords for a new plate. Queuing for about ten minutes only to be told by a very rude woman that I couldn&#8217;t get a number plate until 1pm, which was no use to me. The day just didn&#8217;t get any better. I went around about three or four more shops to get my number plate, and eventually got one, but this had delayed me by at least an hour, meaning my timings for the day were all completely out.

Got to yard, stuck number plate on with gaffa tape, fortunately horse was a good boy and loaded. The organiser of the clinic had given wrong directions of how to get into the venue, and the wrong directions of where to park. (I had doubled checked these with them, as I thought they were rather strange, but was assured that they were correct.) Ended up going down an access track, that you could only get through the gate if you had a code. I didn&#8217;t have the code. Fortunately there was someone who lived in the vicinity who let me through the gate; getting rather stressed by now! Followed directions to the parking, and ended up going down a farm track that was a dead end, and the wrong way. Ended up having to turn my truck and trailer around by reversing into a field entrance, which was no easy feat. More stress!

Finally got to where I was supposed to be parked, although I was late, I wasn&#8217;t too late, the others were just unloading and tacking up. Unloaded my horse (who was still being a good boy), and tacked him up. Got myself sorted and got my mounting block out. Put my foot on, and crunch, crack, my foot went right through it. I then also realised that I didn&#8217;t know what I had done with my car keys. Tried looking for them, and couldn&#8217;t find them. At that point I&#8217;d just had enough and was knelt on the ground next to my horse crying as I had just had enough of everything going wrong in one day.

Someone very nice came to help me out, and we got sorted in the end. Horse was very good when I was riding him that day; but it&#8217;s a day I never, ever wish to repeat (and yes it really all did happen before anyone accuses me of telling fairy stories), and the only possible thing that could have been avoided by planning was the number plate debacle by having a spare.


If anyone can beat this for a stressful day out I'd like to hear it!
		
Click to expand...


I sympathise - I really do.  This kinda s*** happens to me ALL THE TIME.  I've had to unload horses in petrol stations to change flat tyres, get rescued because I've put the wrong fuel in the car, I'm always late, normally lost, have generally forgotten something vital, and am plagued by sicking babies and dirty nappies.  Just keep going.  Keep ploughing away.


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## smja (24 April 2014)

Take a deep breath.

I know what it's like when everything just mounts up. But, you need to put this behind you. It happened; you sorted it in the end; you had a good ride. Focus on the positive aspects, not the negative ones, or you're just setting yourself up to feel awful.

I used to call my dad after dressage when eventing. Why? So he could give me a (sometimes metaphorical) slap round the head, tell me that horrible DR is not the end of the world, and that I have a good horse who will jump whatever I ask him to, as long as I do it properly, so I'd best get on again to go and do SJ.
Now, I've reached the stage where I can do that myself.

Pick yourself up, tell yourself that you *can* and *will* do something. Make the best out of your day.


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## TGM (24 April 2014)

montanna said:



			If you are expecting people to turn around and say 'poor you' I don't think they will. There are people out there who have SERIOUSLY bad days - thinking life changing/horse injuring etc etc.

You make your own luck I'm afraid.
		
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Ditto this.

Wench, I can't believe you even asked the question whether people can beat your stressful day - surely you must realise that people have been seriously injured when competing or have returned without a horse at all or with a seriously broken one!  Getting delayed, lost and mislaying the car keys is nothing by comparison.  You need to start seeing that your glass is 'half full' and not 'half empty'.


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## wench (24 April 2014)

palo1 said:



			Oh crikey, now I am panicking that my preparation for the next event is a bit lacking!!  Horse is very sensible and polite - loads and travels easily and is sensible enough for me to be able to manage everything on my own - which is what I have to do.  Horse is also fit enough - I am pretty confident about that, I know where the event is, how to get to it and my start time, I even have a game plan, but....I have hardly had time to ride this week because my small children are on holiday and we have had another of our horses poorly, I still have a few minor tack alterations to make and to clean and pack my competition stuff.  Sadly I am unlikely to have enough time to wash/clean the very hairy travel kit horse will need or do anything to make sure that I can look anything other than 'correct' (would love a bit more time to glamourise horse and I but that's just not going to happen!)  To a certain extent I will be slightly winging it - I cannot plan for every eventuality or I will go bonkers/neglect the children/lose my job so I would hope that my experience and gut instincts will help 'fill in' where necessary.
		
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I agree - you cannot plan for every eventuality. I learnt my lesson by allowing someone else to tack my horse up, and they got it wrong. Will I do it again, no? If I ever have the luxary of someone coming to a competition that can tack up, I will check it myself.

In regards to the incidences with my trailer, could I have planned for those? No not really in two instances. When the person parked in front of my trailer, they had a whole empty car park to park in, and they parked in front of my trailer. I couldnt have moved my trailer anywhere else, as thats where the YO wanted my trailer parking. A "No Parking" sign wouldnt have worked either - trust me on that one! 

The second instance where someone had parked accross the bottom of my ramp was annoying in the fact it delayed me by about 15/20 minutes in setting off, which then, as my previous post, really stresses me out, and I find it increadibly difficult to stay calm. Horse was kept at a riding school at the time, it was a Saturday, so likelty to be a few people about. Got truck and trailer positioned in such a way that meant I could load up, but not be an obstruction to anyone else in the carpark, nor get in anyone's way should horse decide not to load. Brought the ramp down. Went and got my horse ready, lead him around to the car park, to find someone had wedged themselves behind my trailer, when there was loads of room elsewhere in the car park. So had to turn horse around, take him back into the stable, try and find the owner of the car to get it shifted, then take horse back round.

I dont think either of these instances could really be "planned" for, and you probably wont even think about them until it happens. So I'd suggest if either of the above are likely to happen to you on your event, put loads of traffic cones around your trailer/box so your not blocked in/out!


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## burtie (24 April 2014)

A wise horse person once advised me that any show/event you do with a horse, that you get to and get back again with all the same limbs you left with should be considered a perfect success. This was totally serious and a testament to how much work goes into just getting a horse to a competition fit and ready to compete, never mind actually getting round the whole event or getting a rosette! I like others have said prepare, prepare and prepare more. I go hoping to do well but if I return with me and the horse intact I consider it a success regardless of whatever else the day may throw at me.


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## chestnut cob (24 April 2014)

wench said:



			If anyone can beat this for a stressful day out I'd like to hear it!
		
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Sorry but I don't think that is a particularly stressful day, just the result of being under prepared.  Don't lend people your trailer.  If it is your trailer, why didn't you already have a number plate for it already?  Why wait until the day of your clinic to buy one?  All of the stuff that happened could have been avoided if you'd a) got up earlier instead of having a lie in, and b) done basic things like getting your number plate on a different day.  You got lost - that happens to everyone and if you leave enough time to get to a venue, plus about an extra half an hour to allow for getting lost or traffic, there's no reason to arrive in a flap.  I know it's perfectly possible for roads to be closed or get stuck in motorway traffic, but you have to bear in mind that rural postcodes often land you about a mile away from where you need to be, so you always need to leave extra time to find the exact place.  You wouldn't have lost your car keys if you hadn't been in a flap because you were late and lost....

When you are going to a competition or clinic, plan your day in advance.  The last time I just winged it was to a local SJ comp and I had a rubbish day because I was late getting up, horse was a bit of a s*d to catch which I hadn't accounted for, took longer to get there, etc etc... you arrive in a flap then and have a rubbish day, and to top it off those are the days you usually find your class is finishing and you have to jump the bigger one!!


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## palo1 (24 April 2014)

Well, its not a competition but...1 week before 'big' (for us) competition, horse seemed a bit off so week spent resting horse, consulting vet & worrying.  Horse apparently fine 2 days before competition.  Main towing vehicle then decided to have a sensor fail resulting in unpredictable cutting out, the day before comp.  Vehicle 2, known to be old, but fairly reliable given a test run and pressed into service.  Number plate for trailer now not appropriate but no time to change it.  (lesson here is to always have a number plate for any vehicle you may tow with) Comp day dawns.  Horse sound, loads fine, everything necessary on board.  Plenty of time to get to venue which was 2 hours away.  Encountered massive roadworks resulting in having to take trailer round tiny bendy lanes full of other traffic using this crap and frankly unsuitable diversion.  One hour before venue, just as we hit motorway and now cutting it very fine timewise, vehicle engine warning light comes on.  No way am I planning to stop on motorway with horse and trailer unless absolutely vital.  Limp towards venue.  Sat nav loses me.  Now getting later and later and nearer my start time.  I had allowed loads of time for travelling and for when we arrived.  Anyway, finally arrive at venue to find a very long queue of traffic leading to poor towing vehicle getting hotter and hotter and less happy.  Finally park.  10 mins till vetting and horse nowhere near ready.  Sprint to secretary tent, pick up number, find I am confused about where horse and trailer now are.  Slightly panicky now!!  Horse vetted & tacked up somehow.  Find the start & set off.  At near the end of course horse goes lame.  Now have broken vehicle, broken horse, miles from home and found actual course quite 'boring'!! 

 Somehow got horse and vehicle home very very slowly and feel I may have wasted a whole day of my life!  Did I enjoy it?  Nope.  Could I have prevented any of it?  Probably should have considered scratching our entry when horse and vehicle both appeared dodgy, but then success loves a trier!!  Did I learn lessons about preparation?  Loads.  I just hope I never have another day like it, but these things happen and actually horse was fine after a few more days and we both got home in one piece.  Sometimes you can avoid stuff happening, other times you just have to deal with it I guess.  I am not saying that your day was not awful, but just to reassure you that most people have days like that too.


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## wench (24 April 2014)

I owed the person who borrowed my trailer a large favour, so I didnt have much of a choice.

As for the directions, thats why I said I doubled checked them to ensure that they were correct, as I didnt think the ones given to me were right. I was assured the directions given were correct, and they were wrong. 

And no I'm not expecting "poor you"... it was merely to highlight that I appear to be one of those people that if it can go wrong, it will go wrong, no matter how much planning and preparation you put in...


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## leflynn (24 April 2014)

wench said:



			I owed the person who borrowed my trailer a large favour, so I didnt have much of a choice.

As for the directions, thats why I said I doubled checked them to ensure that they were correct, as I didnt think the ones given to me were right. I was assured the directions given were correct, and they were wrong. 

And no I'm not expecting "poor you"... it was merely to highlight that I appear to be one of those people that if it can go wrong, it will go wrong, no matter how much planning and preparation you put in...
		
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Try thinking positive and maybe less will go wrong for you?  Sometimes if you expect it to go wrong it will.... (Sods law and all that jazz!)


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## wench (24 April 2014)

CC - the trailer did have MY number plate on it. I was lucky I checked the trailer the night before (at 8pm), so at least I knew I needed a new plate, but there was no way I would have been able to purchase one anywhere at that time at night. 

My day was planned for "lay in", read 8am,  spend 20 mins putting my stuff into the truck, into town and back by 10-1030, then down to the yard looking to set off for 12 - 1230, which was more than enough time for everything. As it was I was lucky that I had just about set off early enough to allow for the travel delays. The missing keys wouldnt have mattered any other time, but I was just that stressed out it was the icing on the cake.


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## wench (24 April 2014)

leflynn said:



			Try thinking positive and maybe less will go wrong for you?  Sometimes if you expect it to go wrong it will.... (Sods law and all that jazz!)
		
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I was really looking forward to the xc clinic I described - it was a lovely day, the timings were great, plenty of oppertunity to get there and get me and the horse sorted; I wasnt stressed at all before the event, and was thinking how much I was looking forwards to it!

But now in reflection, lets say I picture my new horse and I flying around a small XC course and coming over the finish line all happy and smiling. I'm not stupid enough that I think that I could do this tommrow, and it would end how I wanted, it wouldnt. I know what work I need to put in to make this achiveable; but then you think I really hope I never ever have to go through another day like that XC clinic ever again, do I actually want to take my horse anywhere!


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## Moomin1 (24 April 2014)

wench said:



			I was really looking forward to the xc clinic I described - it was a lovely day, the timings were great, plenty of oppertunity to get there and get me and the horse sorted; I wasnt stressed at all before the event, and was thinking how much I was looking forwards to it!
		
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We all have days like that.


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## slumdog (24 April 2014)




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## nikkimariet (24 April 2014)

wench said:



			do I actually want to take my horse anywhere!
		
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Bruce the Unicorns sharer died yesterday. Enjoy it while you can.


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## meardsall_millie (24 April 2014)

nikkimariet said:



			Bruce the Unicorns sharer died yesterday. Enjoy it while you can.
		
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How very sad, I'm sorry for your loss.

Puts it all into perspective doesn't it?


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## burtie (24 April 2014)

slumdog said:










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This ! ^^^^


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## soulfull (24 April 2014)

Like others have said what you describe, they are not extra bad days too most of us. Damaged horse/friend/us are really bad days

Maybe you need to manage your stress levels?

First show with my new horse was also a new venue to me. I got postcode.  Did as route planner and took sat nav

Set off well in advance. Got to where post code was and realise I had gone to the postal address. A tiny tiny cottage down an even smaller lane.   Lorry was fairly new to me too. ditches and cottages right next to road. Had to reverse for ages. Then really struggle to turn it around

Got new postcode. Which was another hour in opposite direction

Off I set as thought would still have time

Got to where sat nav said it was. Nope!!  Not there. No one to ask even though I went up and down the road. No answer from AnY of the numbers on the website. 

Gave up and came home

ALL MY OWN FAULT.  I should have checked, driven the route in car the week before if need be Gutted, annoyed. YES. Wo is me No!


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## wench (24 April 2014)

Gosh what a nightmare. Were you ever in the vicinity of the show.

I always like to have a drive to the event centre beforehand in car to know where I'm going. (The example I gave above, hard to describe, but basically I was on the right farm, I'd just been sent down the wrong farm track. I couldn't have driven in too start with to check it was right as all private land )


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## HuggyBear (24 April 2014)

Hey OP,

I think a lot of it is to do with perspective. I will be honest and say that what you described to me wasn't that bad, but then I am not you and everybody deals with everything differently. We all might receive the exact same issue, it is just how we deal with it that will be different.

Someone once said it often takes you experiencing true loss for you to understand what 'bad' actually is- Perhaps take a breather, look at where you are and where you want to be and try and put it into perspective. 

I am grade A stress head. I plan to the Nth degree to alleviate my stress levels. I would rather leave super early than risk any chance of being late, etc. However, when things go wrong, just take a breath. What is stressing and crying going to help you with? Nothing at all, it will just make you feel even worse.

Laugh at yourself- Have you died, is someone or your horse dying? No. Then there is no reason to cry. So you miss a training class because you are trying to find your car keys- laugh. You'll have a fun story to tell at the pub.

I love Hottotrot's accounts, because half of the fun is reading about her roller coaster experience. It happens to everyone, it is just working out how you can best deal with it afterwards.

I really hope you can go back to enjoying your horse and do get that one great day out competing. Be careful that you don't miss realising you had a great day because you were too caught up looking for what was the bad.

Most importantly, put the effort in but don't take yourself too seriously.


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## soulfull (24 April 2014)

wench said:



			Gosh what a nightmare. Were you ever in the vicinity of the show.

I always like to have a drive to the event centre beforehand in car to know where I'm going. (The example I gave above, hard to describe, but basically I was on the right farm, I'd just been sent down the wrong farm track. I couldn't have driven in too start with to check it was right as all private land )
		
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yep it was part of a statelu home, sat nav and aa sent me to one gate but it was closed, no one around anywhere, I drove further 3-4 miles nothing, no sign of the place

turns out if I had carried on round one more bend there was a sign lol and 2 mins away


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## JFTDWS (24 April 2014)

If you really want to play "rubbish day out" top trumps:

Last time I took Fergus out, it resulted in a nigh on £600 vet bill, including emergency call out and a full set of x-rays on one leg.  I had to abandon Fergus at a yard 50 miles away for the better part of a week, which I spent mostly worrying that I was going to have to have my beautiful, fabulous horse shot.  Not to mention the diesel I spent going up there, the full livery bill for his stay, the re-arranged work that week or anything else.

I may have cried into his neck a bit, but I'm pretty sure I didn't collapse onto my knees in self-pity at any point :rolleyes3:  And even that is nothing - it's a piddling inconvenience, because at the end of the day I got to take my horse home alive (and ultimately sound).  

You just have to learn to deal with the little things, the inconveniences, because they're a part of life and you can't wail and weep about them forever.


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## MagicMelon (24 April 2014)

wench said:



			If you read my post it says that no matter which horse I've had, or where I have been something will go wrong...
		
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Then perhaps have less expectation - rather than hoping the entire day goes great just focus on one thing like, you'll be happy if the particular horse behaves in the warm up etc.

I think most days are "acceptable" as long as I haven't fallen off or got eliminated


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## TPO (24 April 2014)

wench said:



			Realised I forgot to quote on this! Riding every day always seems so appealing when you can't do it... (as I am now!) however earlier on this year, as per my original post, the facilities were not quite what my horse and I needed, it was a huge drag, and I really, really didnt want to get on, as I knew I wasnt going to get anything out of the session.

Years ago with tantrum horse I was forcing myself to ride most evenings to get him ready for competitions. He was generally good to ride at home and didnt have many tantrums, but I was exhausted from work, and wasnt enjoying it that much...

...which interestinly leads me on to the next point. In one of my previously stressful jobs, I'd have entered tantrum horse into a competition... spend all week at work dreaming about it, and how much I was looking forwards to taking tantrum horse out and riding him (he was a special horse to me!), but then Saturday morning would come, and rather than being "buzzing" about going to the competition, I was worn out from work, and all I wanted to do was stay in bed.
		
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I did write out a big reply but what's the point. "Woe is me" isn't really my bag. Yes we all have down times and hard times, when nothing goes right and it's soul destroying but there's something that keeps you hanging in there.

Since you've quoted me the most I've had at a time is 3. I worked full time, DIY/rented field, stables and no facilities and done them all am and pm through all the highs and lows including ultimately losing 3 of my mares one after another each year from 2007-2009. In between I took on 2 neglected horses that cost a fortunate and was knackering with one trying to kill himself (just missed an artery) and had serous issues that took a year of training to resolve. I was the only person that could safely handle him so I had no "time off". 

It was heartbreaking and soul destroying and It's not much fun right now doing what I do for my gelding. As well as the stress and worry of something being wrong I've been through the ringer with untruthful vets and pretty much outright lies. But you suck it up and keep on keeping on... 

So your story doesn't overwhelm me with sympathy. I'm not saying that you have to ride or compete, it is meant to be enjoyable and more than that I think horses is something that is in you (or not) whether you compete or simply enjoy just being. I wish my worries were that I didn't have a good day out with my sound horse because I failed to prepare.

The "problems" you've used to illustrate points are pretty much all self inflicted and relatively easily remedied. Yes they are a big deal at the time but you pick yourself up, dust yourself, suck it up and get on with it. I don't really know what you want to get from this thread? I opened it thinking it was going to be a discussion about theory vs reality but sadly it wasn't.

I haven't seen one example of your given issues that aren't pretty straightforward to resolve?

NMT & PS; so sorry for your loss. Thoughts are with you and your sharer'a family


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## el_Snowflakes (24 April 2014)

When you go to events & see well behaved horses &  talented riders it because they have worked very hard rain or shine to achieve it. Having said that, everyone has their good and bad days......you just need to focus on the good. Normally I have a stress free journey, & horse jumps everything when we compete at RC level. The most  we normally ever get is 4 faults however last time she was a ****** to load...& I came off when she stopped at our last fence! You just have to put t down to experience. That's the good thing about being a member of the RC, you see the same bunch of competitors so you see that everyone has their good and bad days. Chin up & give yourself (& your horse) a boot up the backside!!


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## Caol Ila (24 April 2014)

I quit competing more than ten years ago due to it being more stress than fun.  Nothing really terrible ever happened -- we just couldn't get the scores or make the progress through the levels that I wanted.  Perhaps a more talented rider on my horse could have done, but that wasn't me.  Had I decided to devote my life to dressage, ride more horses, get lessons three times per week, buy the talented dressage schoolmaster, do more stints as a working student, that might have changed.   But I knew that for various reasons, none of those things were going to happen. I mean, I rode the horse (and still ride her) 4-6 times per week, but improving our dressage in any significant way would have taken some serious training.  

I spent about a year being really unhappy and down about it all, then I had an epiphany where I decided I had to accept my horse and myself as we were and cease and desist going to competitions.  Best decision I ever made.


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## el_Snowflakes (24 April 2014)

montanna said:



			Again, think this pretty much sums it up. Funny how the harder you work the luckier you become ! 

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haha I can relate to this......Ive seen me going around like a zombie after sitting up every night til 2am watching youtube videos of charlotte dujardin & valegro training!


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## SaffronWelshDragon (24 April 2014)

JFTD said:



			If you really want to play "rubbish day out" top trumps:

Last time I took Fergus out, it resulted in a nigh on £600 vet bill, including emergency call out and a full set of x-rays on one leg.  I had to abandon Fergus at a yard 50 miles away for the better part of a week, which I spent mostly worrying that I was going to have to have my beautiful, fabulous horse shot.  Not to mention the diesel I spent going up there, the full livery bill for his stay, the re-arranged work that week or anything else.
		
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I think this trumps mine. October 2012, hour and a bit hack to a hunter trial. Bitterly cold north wind, my inexperience meant i didn't bring a rug (moron) and was poorly run so had a huge wait for my go. Just about to go in, Saf was a little odd but couldn't put my finger on it. Suddenly laid down whilst i was mounted, i was terrified, i thought it was her heart. So many helpful people sorted me out, got her saddle off and fetched rugs. New friends suspected colic. Vet was an agonising hour away but bless Saf she was so calm despite the pain. Lovely friends from my RC lent me their lorry to get her home. Sometimes bad things happen, makes you appreciate the wonderful people out there.


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## JFTDWS (24 April 2014)

SaffronWelshDragon said:



			Sometimes bad things happen, makes you appreciate the wonderful people out there.
		
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So very true.

YM and groom on F's holiday yard were amazing - looked after him so well and were absolutely great about the whole thing.  Dafthoss and Jesstickle - the former held the horse for vet and came up on x-ray days, JT offered to bring him home with me; both kept me sane while it all went tits up.  And on a less practical level, everybody I know from here on fb who were all rooting for pus (Dianchi's pus song!)...

You really have to focus on the positives!


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## nikicb (24 April 2014)

wench said:



			I'm not saying you dont have to practise before you go to competitions. Previously when I was going out to competitions I was a lot less knowledgable than I am now, although arguably my riding was possibly better as I had been doing it more. But horse asides, no matter how much I seemed to plan the day, SOMETHING would go wrong (and yes all of these have happened):

>Someone parked in front of my trailer then gone out for the day so I was very later and missed half of what I was supposed to be doing
>Hitched trailer up to my truck, drop the ramp down ready for horse, some idiot goes and parks right at the bottom of my ramp so I cant get my horse in.
>Someone had helped themselves to my trailer and left it full of *****, leaving me to clean it up before I went to the show
>Friend/helper (who knew what they were doing with horses) tacking my horse up entirely wrong at a competition and horse wasnt best impressed and left me eating dirt
>Same friend read insisted that they were calling out my dressage test, and missed half of it out. Horse was going really well and still ended up with a rubbish score.
>Mother deciding that just as I'm about to leave home she's got a load of jobs for me to do before I go. Making me massively late.
>Needed to test the brakes on my trailer; it needed hitching up to my truck and seeing if it was ok. My dad was using the truck the weekend before the competition, so asked him to drop by the yard with the truck (it wasnt that much out of the way), and see what happened. He wouldnt. Came to hitching the trailer up next weekend, the brakes were stuck on. No competition for me.

My points with the above is, and along with original post, is that nothing ever seems to go right, no matter how much planning and preparation I do; either the horse behaves and everything else goes wrong, or the horse misbehaves and everything else goes right.

I do find towing horse and then riding quite stressful - its much easier when you tow the horse there then hand it over to someone else to ride!
		
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I'm sorry, but virtually every single one of these things that have gone wrong are being blamed on someone else.  Some may be issues that you had no control over, but tack your own horse up, learn your test and then you won't need to rely on someone else.  I have competed for years on my own.  My old mare couldn't even be tied up by the box for a minute so I had to work around that.  Now I enjoy going out on my own as it is time for me to spend with my horse away from children/oh etc.  Not that they are bad, but it's nice to get 'me' time.  Personally I love competing, it is the culmination of many weeks/months work and mental/physical effort.  I'm probably not a good example though.  I tend to have a better handle on my horse's training plan than my children's homework.  Oh well, they'll sort it out eventually.


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## BBP (24 April 2014)

Op, I'm a bit like you, I find the travelling etc pretty stressful and I suffer from horrible nerves. These generally kick in the moment I lead him towards the lorry and he decides to morph from chilled out to fly bucking his way across the road. Instantly my mind fixes on all the things that could go wrong. So I took all the pressure off, I know I'm not ready to compete yet, it's not his fault he gets a bit mental at events, he's barely been any where so why should I expect laid back? So this spring I am dedicated to taking him somewhere every weekend, other yards for lessons, hacks from other locations, XC schooling and one eventer trial where I warmed up by going for a hack as I knew I'd get nervous if he leapt around in the collecting ring. And guess what, my hot buzzy little pony is being just awesome. Yes he has a wee bounce around sometimes, I'm still learning what type of warm up suits him. And yes we got eliminated in both phases at the eventer trial but it was because I hadn't done the prep work, I used it as experience, carried on quietly and came home with a huge grin because of the things that went well.

My horse is a joy to ride at home and I'd love to show the world what he is capable of, but it's more important to me that we have fun, learn something each time out and make the most of every minute together. Bottom line for me is I love riding him so much i could happily never compete, just play, competition is a choice, it's not forced on me. Horse and human life is fragile and I'd hate to waste a second of it feeling dissatisfied (and I suffer severe depression at times so I know how tough it can be to see the positives).


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## Bernster (24 April 2014)

KatPT said:



			Horseand human life is fragile and I'd hate to waste a second of it feeling dissatisfied.
		
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Wow, that bit really struck me KPT.


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## TarrSteps (25 April 2014)

glamourpuss said:



			I love all these posts about how hard people work to be able to enjoy their competing.

I decided to bite the bullet with regards to my training last year. I approached a new trainer. One of the first things she said to me is 'No one ever regrets giving it all they've got'
It really struck a chord with me & over the last 12 months I've really changed my whole attitude. 

Ironically I recently had a real succes at a comp, something I was really proud of....a so called 'friend' was discussing it with someone else I know & said
" well I should bloody well hope she did get placed, all that time & money she spends on training. It's embarrassing for her how hard she has to work at it"
What an awful thing to say! But actually I'm not embarrassed in the slightest about how hard I work. Yes as I stated before I can (eventually) laugh off mistakes but I learn from them & keep going.

Sometimes I think there's almost a reverse snobbery with regards to effort. Unless you've dragged your horse in from the field & gone on to win at Badminton then somehow success isn't 'valid' 

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Your 'friend' is an idiot.  I don't know any successful riders who don't work very hard and, frankly, spend masses of money. Including everyone at Badminton. 

I never understand why people are proud they don't get the best help they can find. Do  they genuinely think good riders just fall from the sky?


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## TarrSteps (25 April 2014)

As to the original point . . . Yes, lots of people don't compete. I know some amazing riders who never go near a competition arena, some who used to win at the highest levels and gave it up, others who never felt competing was for them, others who are still involved as owners or trainers or support staff but have no interest in actually competing themselves. I know other people who have walked away from riding entirely when they couldn't compete anymore. 


Compete, don't compete, whatever. No one is really that bothered. You're a grown up, do what you want. If you change your mind, do something different. If you do choose to compete, accept that even the most basic level of "success" is going to take what it takes and maybe you won't get to be the amazing person for whom it all goes easily wonderful every single time. (And who is this person???) 

If you enjoy riding and don't want to compete  ride and don't compete. If you enjoy competing but like the drama (there are some people who clearly DO like to be doing it by the skin of their teeth, usually complaining otherwise) then accept that it's always going to be a drama. I don't think competing has to be "fun" - I've had plenty of un-fun days. But you must be spending all that money for a reason. If you aren't getting return on your investment that seems worth it, invest elsewhere. If you genuinely feel that you are doing everything to the very best of your ability (which is not the same thing as "working hard" by the way - you can work very hard doing the wrong things) then perhaps you need fresh eyes on the situation? 

Nothing on your list of "disasters" strikes me, frankly, as all that disastrous. As someone said earlier, I know people who have come home with empty trailers and even people who haven't come home. Not to mention all the people in the world who have REAL problems and could no more dream of going to a horse show than of flying to the moon. I realise other people's problems don't negate your own but if it's all such a burden, don't do it. And be grateful you're able to stop easily, that you're not hating something that feeds your kids or keeps your family off street. 

Everyone has crap days. Everyone. Do you think the rider who was spun at the first Rolex trot up is having a good day? How about the person whose horse blew up in dressage? Or the person with the broken leg watching his horse go with someone else? Or the person who planned to be riding her phenomenal new horse that all her supporters scrambled to buy her, except it died? Horses are ups and downs. Life is ups and downs.


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## slumdog (25 April 2014)

I know I've replied before but just thought I'd add, I went to my first away show in September at Arena, Billy (as my previous posts about him) can't manage a clear round and we had a pole in every class. However the poor girl in the stable behind me blew her horses tendon in the warm up on the second day, I remember mucking Billy out and I could hear her sobbing her heart out and telling him how sorry she was in the stable behind me. To the point that her being so upset made me upset and I didn't even know her or her horse!
Life is too bloody short to stress and worry about anything. If you get lost/ forget something/ fall off just chalk it down to experience and start planning the next one. And be grateful that you're both here with a leg in each corner and able to compete. I'm the biggest stresser in the world but at the end of the day it's a hobby, not a chore


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## popsdosh (25 April 2014)

Im with TS if you are not enjoying it just dont do it its as easy as that! I gave up eventing completely last season as I was not enjoying owning horses others were riding and all the crap that came with it. I have now gone back to my roots which is how I got into BE in the first place breeding youngsters.
Do I miss BE ? not at all!!!


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## Ali16 (25 April 2014)

TarrSteps said:



			Nothing on your list of "disasters" strikes me, frankly, as all that disastrous. As someone said earlier, I know people who have come home with empty trailers and even people who haven't come home. Not to mention all the people in the world who have REAL problems and could no more dream of going to a horse show than of flying to the moon. I realise other people's problems don't negate your own but if it's all such a burden, don't do it. And be grateful you're able to stop easily, that you're not hating something that feeds your kids or keeps your family off street. 

Everyone has crap days. Everyone. Do you think the rider who was spun at the first Rolex trot up is having a good day? How about the person whose horse blew up in dressage? Or the person with the broken leg watching his horse go with someone else? Or the person who planned to be riding her phenomenal new horse that all her supporters scrambled to buy her, except it died? Horses are ups and downs. Life is ups and downs.
		
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Exactly this.... Well put TS.


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## RunToEarth (25 April 2014)

I just don't really understand the halfarsed attitude? 

A few years ago, we left the yard in the lorry, picnic packed, gin in the cooler, 12 hooves really for a great day teamchasing. Great results, all clear, came home with 8 hooves.  Was just one of those horrible horrible accidents, and what was a very good day on paper, was just the worst journey home ever. 

Horses are unpredictable and mine tend to give me the best and the worst days of my life in equal share - but your "worst day ever" sounds like a case of previous preparation prevents p*ss poor performance.


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## khalswitz (25 April 2014)

I check, check and double check because I know if I don't I have situations like yours OP!!! I pack everything the day before, I give myself an extra hour of prep time than I need, I give myself extra travel time, pack more things than I think I'll need...

And I HACK to comps, I don't have the luxury of travelling!!! When you're sitting holding a hay net and a bored horse for an hour and a half between tests with no where to tie, when you fall and twist and ankle/hurt shoulder but have to ride home anyway, when you get so rain-soaked just hacking there that your phone IN YOU INSIDE POCKET of the tweed UNDER YOUR RAINCOAT gets so waterlogged it dies, and your horse decides a hissy fit is required when asked to wait at traffic lights even though he has a hay net and saddle bags on and this makes the balance-while rearing issue worse, when you DO get offered a lift to a comp, but your lift runs so late that you miss both your classes, get emotionally blackmailed into jumping the higher height and break your ankle at the first fence....

And I still do it. And smile. And hop off to comps with people watching me and my pack donkey with surprise. And nine months later, we had our first piddly win at a piddly unaff comp. And we were OVER THE MOON.


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## Wheels (25 April 2014)

RunToEarth said:



			I just don't really understand the halfarsed attitude? 

A few years ago, we left the yard in the lorry, picnic packed, gin in the cooler, 12 hooves really for a great day teamchasing. Great results, all clear, came home with 8 hooves.  Was just one of those horrible horrible accidents, and what was a very good day on paper, was just the worst journey home ever. 

Horses are unpredictable and mine tend to give me the best and the worst days of my life in equal share - but your "worst day ever" sounds like a case of previous preparation prevents p*ss poor performance.
		
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That is just so sad


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## Jango (25 April 2014)

If the good bits don't make the c%ap bits worth it then don't bother! Either just ride for enjoyment or keep your horse as a pet, no harm in that. Everyone has disasters and bad days but like everyone else has said if you come home with a sound horse (who makes you smile) and a sound human nothing else really matters.

Last week I had a nightmare coming home from a show, we we're stuck on the motorway moving a few metres every couple of minutes, between 2 junctions for 3 hours with no hard shoulder to stop on. A journey that should have taken us 3 hours took 6! My 4th time driving a horse box! It was awful at the time, I felt so sorry for my horse and I had terrible cramps in my leg and I was sooo tired, but the day after all I could remember was how fab my horse was, the rubbish journey was at the back of my mind and just one of the those things that happen. 

If I was you I'd give it a few more tries seriously leaving triple time for everything and taking some kalms tablets for a few days before to try and de-stress yourself. Do some low pressure stuff, a SJ clear round or a farm ride for example. And then re-assess how you feel about it.


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## avthechav (25 April 2014)

wench said:



			If anyone can beat this for a stressful day out I'd like to hear it!
		
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....went out for a lovely day bloodhounding with my friend. I am very safety conscious (some would say wussy!)and do not take unnecessary risks. Having watched the whole field go over a wide bridge with no rails I went over with my horse of a lifetime, (who I worked my arse off for to turn her from a stubborn ex racer who wouldn't jump round a 70 to BE100)...for some inexplicable reason she panicked and ran backwards falling off a bridge into the river.  She managed to get out and a kind person boxed me back to my trailer where I was met by my friend who had hacked back.  We took av straight to the vets and they operated but unfortunately the damage was too great and they pts on the table.  This makes me feel sick and panicy to type this and it was now 3 years ago.  6 days later my dad died.... Try that for stressful!

However I am eternally grateful that I also did not end up in the river as I am not sure I would have got out.  I am very grateful for my lovely friend for just being ace, I am very grateful for my lovely friend who lent me and then sold me her wonderful homebred gingie who has taught me how not to be a complete pleb showjumping.   Gingie is now rehabbing from an injury which may or may not work... So I have bought a 5 year old to play with alongside gingies rehab.  I am extremely lucky and have them at home but I have no facilities whatsoever....I cannot even ride in the field as it is too wet or too hard....this makes bringing on the 5 year old harder but I'm having a lot of fun doing it!

I am not telling you this for sympathy or to play the 'who's had it harder game', but rather (to put it bluntly) to tell u to get some perspective.  You have a horse, you have a job, you have opportunities.  It is meant to be fun so if you are not having fun, don't compete but appreciate the bits that you do enjoy, or get a new hobby.


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## kez1001 (25 April 2014)

I agree with Tarrsteps and PS largely.

It takes a phenomenal amount of hard work with horses, it's not a hobby it's a lifestyle.  If you don't like your lifestyle you change it. You find what makes it work for you, you look at what you really want out of it and work out how to get it.

If you feel exhausted all the time maybe it's you and not the horses? I mean this in a nice way but maybe your own health needs some TLC. 

It's hard to see sometimes but all of us who have the pleasure of being involved with horses are really very privileged. Perhaps that sound idealistic but I believe it's true. We've all poured blood sweat and tears into something for it to not work out. But you never look back and regret doing something you love. I work in palliative care and it's the highs and lows people laugh and talk about at the end, if it all ran smoothly there would be no story. Even if you think everyone else has an easy day out and seems to do it easily you never know what that person has got through to be where they are. Everyone is fighting there own battle.


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## Honey08 (25 April 2014)

OP it sounds as though you could do with a buddy to do competitions with, to make it a shared day out and less stressful. If you're the nervy and stressful type that it only takes one thing to push you over the edge (I am!) it helps to have someone to share with and de stress with.  I can understand you getting upset.  Other people are right, more preparation would help a bit, although I don't agree that all those things were your fault.  (I would have made a cardboard numberplate and run around later to get a real one).


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## Mike007 (26 April 2014)

Oh gosh (does anyone still say that) .Theory of competing. I know from my own self ,but also from the two young ladies I am involved with (only on an eventing basis sadly) .One ,let us call her A ,is high maintenance,very stressy, and very very capable ,(pony club A test and rides the odd one star event and has brought her horse up to this through so many problems (including grass sickness,jeez ,not many come back from that let alone do 1*.The other ,let us call her miss P is totaly laid back, Showjumping and dressage are a bit hit and miss ,(5 minutes before dressage test, oh,shes gone wrong , oh no I learned the wrong test , learns it and gets it right). Both riders are equaly tallented , yet both approach it in a different way. Oddly enough ,the totaly laid back rider seems to get away with murder with my horse. He seems to like her attitude . But the other rider keeps him sharp and on his toes and is more able to correct stride showjumping and of course the nemesis of all Irish draughts ,the dressage. Do both riders have fun , I hope so but with one ,A, we get a lot more tears of frustration. Yes preparation is important , but ones frame of mind is far more important.


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## VRIN (26 April 2014)

Strangely, I have 'enjoyed' reading this thread. I am going through a 'difficult' time at the mo but am determined to keep smiling and keep positive - who wants to spend time with someone who is moaning all the time???

In reading this thread I realise I am 'not alone', there are a lot of kindred spirits out there ... and a common theme running through many of the posts is 'the more you put in the more you get out'. Its hard work being happy but the end results make the journey worthwhile!


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## TarrSteps (26 April 2014)

See, now I took away, 'Do what you want to do, there is moarean one way to be happy with horses.'  (With the proviso that results take work, however you define them.)

Shows how two people can read the same advice and take it very differently.

I was thinking about this yesterday, hacking a young horse in the rain. He's on an intensive 'get hacking' program because, despite having him a year, his people have struggled to get him out consistently and his owner has not been finding it fun at all. So he's been out 8x in under 3 weeks and I would say yesterday was the first time he was even a little 'fun'. Plus we got to work on clambering through the mud, which is something he struggles with. So a good day all 'round! No work, no rewards. 

So much of this is how you think about the situation. If you're expecting the universe - and the horse - to play ball just because that's what you want, you will be constantly disappointed. If you keep trying to raise your game and progress in the areas you CAN control, then it's much easier to be satisfied.


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## kerilli (26 April 2014)

I can honestly say that my competition days rarely go absolutely 100% to plan (that's horses + infinite variables!) but that doesn't mean they're not really enjoyable and educational for both. 
Factoring extra time in means that if there is a bit of a screw-up somewhere, I don't end up in a rush (which I hate). I'd rather get out of bed an hour earlier and then swan through the day with spare time, works for me. 
Being mega-organised is a definite asset, make sure everything is as sorted as you can possibly get it. 
You seem to have lots of trailer-getting-blocked-in dramas, I'd probably find some road cones and keep them in the trailer and stick them out to prevent people from blocking you in! 
Working well within your comfort zone until you are bored and want to step up should take the pressure off. I'd probably just do a local W&T test and/or minimus at first to get your competing mojo back. 
Also, trying not to care what anyone else thinks... it's your horse, you do what you want with it!


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## siennamum (26 April 2014)

I am an absolute master of disaster - as my friends will confirm. Even in my professional life (that's a personal oxymoron) I will leave important jobs to the last minute for reasons best known to my psyche and then panic & perform.

I have been competing since I was a small child and it just makes me complacent I think, I also like to get a rosette, but increasingly I am just going for the fun, and so a few mishaps along the way add a bit of spice.

I know plenty of people who are fantastically well organised, do really well (in normal, mortal person terms) and who don't seem to really have fun. I suppose they compete because they want to do well, which is fair enough. 

Some of my most successful days have involved forgetting important stuff - like saddles, johds, boots, venue, money, test. Appaling lateness, terrible turnout, mild inebriation and general bad behaviour (equine and human).

One day I think I will be organised, but from experience, those are the days when I fall off on the XC having led the class, so I'm not sure it should be encouraged.


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## MrsMozart (26 April 2014)

If you don't like the fact that things go wrong, don't compete. Simples 

We've decided that competitions are days out. The pressure is off. If we get to compete, get a frilly, manage to stay on board and not end up in A&E (horse or human) then all is good with the world


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## Blythe Spirit (26 April 2014)

i have not read every reply but i do understand to a degree what OP is talking about. i don't compete much simply because I don't enjoy doing so significantly more than training at home or going XC schooling. But whether for competition or for schooling at home i do believe if you want a nice ride you got to put the work in and sometimes that means pushing on through times/rides/days/weeks which are not at all nice. Also for me the sort of horse I like to ride at home is probably a bit too sharp for me to want to take to say a hunter trial but the kind of lovely school master I would need to get going competitively XC would bore my socks of day in day out at  home.  so its also about choices - because I know I enjoy the daily ride as much if not more than the competition I choose horses who I will enjoy schooling not ones I think will bring me back frillies every weekend (though my lot have collected a few its not my main joy in them)


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## palo1 (26 April 2014)

Brilliantly put Blythespirit & more or less sums up how I feel. The daily ride and training are great in themselves, competing doesn't necessarily bring greater reward, though it's great to have specific points to work toward.


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## Mike007 (27 April 2014)

Whilst I do agree that competition is a take it or leave it thing,I cant agree with Blythespirit. Yes a sharp fun horse is great at home but he should be no different and no less rideable out at a "party". If he cant do a hunter trial, he cant hunt, he probably cant do a fun ride, and probably cant do endurance trec and a whole host of other stuff. In short , he is just one stage up from a paddock ornament. This is my opinion ,others are entitled to disagree. This post is all about our different attitudes.


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## TarrSteps (27 April 2014)

Mike007 said:



			Whilst I do agree that competition is a take it or leave it thing,I cant agree with Blythespirit. Yes a sharp fun horse is great at home but he should be no different and no less rideable out at a "party". If he cant do a hunter trial, he cant hunt, he probably cant do a fun ride, and probably cant do endurance trec and a whole host of other stuff. In short , he is just one stage up from a paddock ornament. This is my opinion ,others are entitled to disagree. This post is all about our different attitudes.
		
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To be fair, I don't think Valegro, Big Star or Quimbo (not even mentioning Dances With Wolves, Hickstead - I know but you can't deny he's one of the best jumpers of the current generation - or Nereo who all look a lot less ridable) would be cut out for those gigs and I bet they are all super fun to ride. 

But, as you say, it's what people want to get out of it. Super sensitive horses can be fantastic to ride when they are relaxed but exhausting and not much fun when wound up. More phlegmatic types, who can keep their heads in your average fun ride may not always be the most exciting at home. If you want to compete and have an easy life, it does help to have the "right" horse for the job, which is part of that "perfect preparation" people are talking about.


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## avthechav (27 April 2014)

TarrSteps said:



			To be fair, I don't think Valegro, Big Star or Quimbo (not even mentioning Dances With Wolves, Hickstead - I know but you can't deny he's one of the best jumpers of the current generation - or Nereo who all look a lot less ridable) would be cut out for those gigs and I bet they are all super fun to ride. 

But, as you say, it's what people want to get out of it. Super sensitive horses can be fantastic to ride when they are relaxed but exhausting and not much fun when wound up. More phlegmatic types, who can keep their heads in your average fun ride may not always be the most exciting at home. If you want to compete and have an easy life, it does help to have the "right" horse for the job, which is part of that "perfect preparation" people are talking about.
		
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I agree but I also think that the preparation, organisation and attitude that you have to your riding and your horse can affect how suitable your horse is for any job.  The more I see of different horses the more I am amazed how adaptable they are, and I know that there are some extreme individuals who are only suitable for certain disciplines/ types of riding, but I do think that the majority can be moulded by consistent work.  For instance my friend had a super hot, sharp warmblood who in a professional yard would have made an excellent dressage diva and yet she kept it in a cow shed from the word go and evented it.  Retrained racehorses can be turned from highly strung performance animals in to sensible chilled happy hackers with correct management.  I still think that this thread basically comes down to you get out what you put in, and if it's not working for you and the management restrictions that our lifestyles dictate, then you either have to change your goals, change your horse, change your management, change something because it is meant to be fun not stressful! (God I'm in teacher mode, apologies!)


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## lme (27 April 2014)

Wench, you sound a bit like me, only maybe with higher expectations. I have a fairly long hours, high stress job where I have to be organised. Outside that, I'm the most disorganised person ever. And I'm a rubbish driver who hates towing. My solution is to go out often, to a variety of things, where I know the venue (and the parking) with no real expectations. Most of my outings are with daughter and (incredibly tricky) chestnut mare. We usually have no idea what she will be like on the day but always try and have fun. 

Yesterday's outing (daughters first SJ after one last year where, after 2h wait to compete, she was eliminated at fence 2) was not untypical. Got to the yard to find space to turn trailer was tight and spent 10 minutes doing a 99 point turn. Mare didn't want to load, but did eventually. Realised that the bridle we wanted was at home (no big problem as venue we had chosen was very near home and husband met us there with bridle). Mare warmed up beautifully but, once she got into the ring, refused to go anywhere near fence 1 and reared repeatedly. Daughter entered her in a tiny class HC and (despite more rearing / toys out of pram moments) got her to jump 2 fences nicely in succession, at which point she patted her and finished. So, not exactly what we'd hoped for, but we had a nice day, I did manage to manoeuvre the trailer, daughter didn't fall off,  there are some amusing photos up on the photographers website (including a series of mare having a complete strop and then sweetly popping over a fence, ears pricked as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth) and the bacon rolls from the catering van were delicious.

I think it is all a matter of perspective. Prepare as well as you can but, if things don't exactly go to plan, focus on the positives and don't get stressed. It is supposed to be fun.


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## MrsMozart (27 April 2014)

lme said:



			Wench, you sound a bit like me, only maybe with higher expectations. I have a fairly long hours, high stress job where I have to be organised. Outside that, I'm the most disorganised person ever. And I'm a rubbish driver who hates towing. My solution is to go out often, to a variety of things, where I know the venue (and the parking) with no real expectations. Most of my outings are with daughter and (incredibly tricky) chestnut mare. We usually have no idea what she will be like on the day but always try and have fun. 

Yesterday's outing (daughters first SJ after one last year where, after 2h wait to compete, she was eliminated at fence 2) was not untypical. Got to the yard to find space to turn trailer was tight and spent 10 minutes doing a 99 point turn. Mare didn't want to load, but did eventually. Realised that the bridle we wanted was at home (no big problem as venue we had chosen was very near home and husband met us there with bridle). Mare warmed up beautifully but, once she got into the ring, refused to go anywhere near fence 1 and reared repeatedly. Daughter entered her in a tiny class HC and (despite more rearing / toys out of pram moments) got her to jump 2 fences nicely in succession, at which point she patted her and finished. So, not exactly what we'd hoped for, but we had a nice day, I did manage to manoeuvre the trailer, daughter didn't fall off,  there are some amusing photos up on the photographers website (including a series of mare having a complete strop and then sweetly popping over a fence, ears pricked as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth) and the bacon rolls from the catering van were delicious.

I think it is all a matter of perspective. Prepare as well as you can but, if things don't exactly go to plan, focus on the positives and don't get stressed. It is supposed to be fun.
		
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This ^^^!!!

D1 said she didn't want to compete any more. I thought it was because Grey Mare goes like an Exocet missile and locks onto anything she considers could possibly be a jump (this is despite a tonne of lesson, vet, physio, pro riders, etc). Turns out it was because of the expectation I put on her! My bad! So now, when D1 is back from Uni, we'll go just for fun. The partnership is capable of winning and moving up the ranks, but it really doesn't matter in the great scheme of things; so long as all come back in one piece, then it will be a nice day out


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## indie1282 (27 April 2014)

I haven't had time to read all the post but from what I can gather, it sounds like you don't want to compete really and you are trying to justify that by giving out the long list of things that have gone wrong! At the end of the day, like everyone on here has said, its all about preparation, training and a bloody lot of hard work!!! I've got 2 homebred youngsters coming out this year. I do have good facilities but no transport so have to hire someone at 60 - 80 quid a time (depending on venue) then pay entries, food ect.... probably to just do one intro class and maybe a prelim. One of my horses is sharp as hell and will be a like riding an grenade with the pin out BUT they will never learn unless they go out to lost of parties settle. 

Sometimes I leave work and think I can't be a*sed to ride but I make myself and usually feel better after, and when its raining and windy and going in the school is the last thing I want to do, I still do it!! 

I buy the gear, pay for lessons, have the back person, vet, dentist, spend a small fortune on feed, put the hours in because I want to go out and do well at the end of the day. 

Just to pay also, it doesn't make you any less of a rider if you don't compete. If you want to ride 2-3 times a week for leisure then do it! Horses are supposed to be an enjoyment at the end of the day - for some that's competing and for others it's just spending time with their horse


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## Auslander (27 April 2014)

You really don't sound like you're having fun! I don't compete at all, because I don't enjoy it. Doesn't mean I don't work as hard at home as someone who is out competing every week - I get great personal satisfaction from achieving what i set out to achieve, and I regularly get off my horse on a high, even though he is very limited in what i can do with him at the moment. I love going to clinics/having lessons, and I love spectating at competitions - it all helps me out with what I'm trying to achieve, but I don't feel the need to go out and compete myself. Ironically, I'm really competitive, and that's got a lot to do with why I don't compete - because i get so cross with myself if I ride badly through nerves!


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## LPL (27 April 2014)

I completely agree with you OP. I work my absolute arse off day in day out with my horse. He is hot, sensitive and honestly an absolute arse but the most talented horse I have ever ridden. I have regular lessons, I prepare well, I educate myself I'm absolutely obsessed. This horse is the only horse I have ever owned and I have had him for 5 years. In that time I have always and only ever wanted to event. Every time we ever got close in the past he either went lame, had colic surgery or I went to university. Last year we finally managed 2 BE events until his feet fell apart. This year we have done one unaff ODE and Northallerton BE today. He pulled a shoe off XC schooling last weekend taking half his foot off with it. Farrier came and shod him on wednesday then just as I got on for the dressage today he pulled it off again. He is awful to handle at shows and destroys anything within a 5m radius of him. I get so stressed out at shows because he is so awful on the ground, and I am just so desperate to compete after I spend MONTHS preparing, obsessing, Paying out all the time (with money I don't  have lol) sacrificing everything else in my life to do this that yes it really does upset me when I get there and it all goes to pot. It's clear I put too much pressure on myself as I am never mad at his performance it's my crap riding that lets us down and his awful behaviour makes it all 100000 times worse. Would I ever quite? No. but to those of you saying its purely hard work and dedication have obviously got lady luck on their side!!!!


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## meardsall_millie (27 April 2014)

LPL said:



			to those of you saying its purely hard work and dedication have obviously got lady luck on their side!!!!
		
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That's not what we're saying, it's not just about hard work and dedication, if it was there would be a lot more Olympic gold medallists amongst us.  It's about relevant hard work, a careful management system (as Tarrsteps often points out 'it takes a village') and a whole heap of other stuff - and yes, you're right, probably a good old dollop of luck in there as well.

What it isn't, is sitting dreaming about it, hoping it'll all work out, and then getting despondent when (surprise surprise) it doesn't happen.

And just to repeat the old quote (can't remember who said it off hand) - "The harder I work, the luckier I get"


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## MrsMozart (27 April 2014)

meardsall_millie said:



			That's not what we're saying, it's not just about hard work and dedication, if it was there would be a lot more Olympic gold medallists amongst us.  It's about relevant hard work, a careful management system (as Tarrsteps often points out 'it takes a village') and a whole heap of other stuff - and yes, you're right, probably a good old dollop of luck in there as well.

What it isn't, is sitting dreaming about it, hoping it'll all work out, and then getting despondent when (surprise surprise) it doesn't happen.

And just to repeat the old quote (can't remember who said it off hand) - "The harder I work, the luckier I get" 

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This ^^

It's about doing it all and not aweeping and awailing when things go wrong; or, at least, having a weep and a wail and then cracking on for the next time . If someone doesn't have it in them to keep giving it a go (no detriment, that's just how they are), then stop doing it.

I speak as someone who knows it all only two well! The short story, for me, is in six and a half years-ish: two horses, huge vets bills, the two horses put to sleep; a broken back, a bleed on the brain, a cracked elbow, a broken wrist (these last four were me); a hubby close to throwing in the towel because he kept seeing me crying/hurt/broken/broken hearted; the £££ I'd spent on buying the horses. All to get me around Hickstead. That was my dream, not four unaffiliated dressage tests. Now so much older in all ways, I have a horse from the market away being backed by one of the best guys around, and y'know what, I'll just be over the moon if the horse and I get to grow old together. Acknowledge, accept, adapt, move on.


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## loobylu (27 April 2014)

LPL said:



			I completely agree with you OP. I work my absolute arse off day in day out with my horse. He is hot, sensitive and honestly an absolute arse but the most talented horse I have ever ridden. I have regular lessons, I prepare well, I educate myself I'm absolutely obsessed. This horse is the only horse I have ever owned and I have had him for 5 years. In that time I have always and only ever wanted to event. Every time we ever got close in the past he either went lame, had colic surgery or I went to university. Last year we finally managed 2 BE events until his feet fell apart. This year we have done one unaff ODE and Northallerton BE today. He pulled a shoe off XC schooling last weekend taking half his foot off with it. Farrier came and shod him on wednesday then just as I got on for the dressage today he pulled it off again. He is awful to handle at shows and destroys anything within a 5m radius of him. I get so stressed out at shows because he is so awful on the ground, and I am just so desperate to compete after I spend MONTHS preparing, obsessing, Paying out all the time (with money I don't  have lol) sacrificing everything else in my life to do this that yes it really does upset me when I get there and it all goes to pot. It's clear I put too much pressure on myself as I am never mad at his performance it's my crap riding that lets us down and his awful behaviour makes it all 100000 times worse. Would I ever quite? No. but to those of you saying its purely hard work and dedication have obviously got lady luck on their side!!!!
		
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Now, I'm not saying that you should do this, but I'd guess that many of the people out doing what you want to do will have sold/ retired a frustrating ride who they couldn't make progress with, or bought another to run alongside if money available.


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## Prince33Sp4rkle (27 April 2014)

LPL said:



			I completely agree with you OP. I work my absolute arse off day in day out with my horse. He is hot, sensitive and honestly an absolute arse but the most talented horse I have ever ridden. I have regular lessons, I prepare well, I educate myself I'm absolutely obsessed. This horse is the only horse I have ever owned and I have had him for 5 years. In that time I have always and only ever wanted to event. Every time we ever got close in the past he either went lame, had colic surgery or I went to university. Last year we finally managed 2 BE events until his feet fell apart. This year we have done one unaff ODE and Northallerton BE today. He pulled a shoe off XC schooling last weekend taking half his foot off with it. Farrier came and shod him on wednesday then just as I got on for the dressage today he pulled it off again. He is awful to handle at shows and destroys anything within a 5m radius of him. I get so stressed out at shows because he is so awful on the ground, and I am just so desperate to compete after I spend MONTHS preparing, obsessing, Paying out all the time (with money I don't  have lol) sacrificing everything else in my life to do this that yes it really does upset me when I get there and it all goes to pot. It's clear I put too much pressure on myself as I am never mad at his performance it's my crap riding that lets us down and his awful behaviour makes it all 100000 times worse. Would I ever quite? No. but to those of you saying its purely hard work and dedication have obviously got lady luck on their side!!!!
		
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Bull.
Sound like he needs to go to more shows without competing and thus learn not to be a jerk...and get his feet sorted out.
Two things you can work on that will make life less stressful.

You make luck happen, it doesn't just land on the privileged few!


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## JFTDWS (27 April 2014)

Prince33Sp4rkle said:



			You make luck happen, it doesn't just land on the privileged few!
		
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I don't know...  I think some people are luckier than others.

Or rather, as a scientist I believe that there is a normal distribution of the frequency of good things happening to an individual - some people have a high frequency, most people are in the middle and some poor sods are at the bottom left hand side of the bell shaped curve...


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## TarrSteps (27 April 2014)

Here's the thing about hard work and luck. The former doesn't guarantee the latter. But if you don't do the work you definitely can't capitalise on the luck if and when it comes.

If you really believe the world has it in for you and nothing will change that, go to bed and stay there because there isn't any point in trying, is there? 

Re the horse not staying sound to do the job, then it's not the right horse for the job. You have to decide which is more important, to keep the horse or do the job. That may sound harsh but we all know you don't get everything you want in life just because you want it.  If it's a case of training then we're back to the work conversation. I don't personally believe every horse can or even should be trained to do any job but your choice has to be governed by your own opinion.

Also, luck is often in the eye of the beholder. Something like going off to school isn't 'unlucky', it's. . .life.


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## Lolo (27 April 2014)

JFTD said:



			I don't know...  I think some people are luckier than others.

Or rather, as a scientist I believe that there is a normal distribution of the frequency of good things happening to an individual - some people have a high frequency, most people are in the middle and some poor sods are at the bottom left hand side of the bell shaped curve...
		
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This. I do think hard work makes good luck, but some people do start off with an advantage- if your parents earnt good money and you're from an affluent family or a very horsey family you start several rungs higher than the pony mad child scrapping for riding lessons once a week. 

But things like that you can't change so there's no point in dwelling on them. It makes you bitter and I think ultimately limits success because how can you really move forwards when you spend all your time looking sideways? 

I was thinking about how lucky Al was to be where she is because of this post. She was very lucky to find Reg, and very lucky that his owner is as perfect as she is. She's lucky that she found someone who has connections in the eventing world. And she's lucky that our parents are as supportive as they can be, and that my brother and I have fairly cheap aspirations! But beyond that she has made her own success, no matter how small the scale. 

We've all had shockers of days where no one got hurt and everyone got home, but really you'd rather they never happened. We had one where the front of the lorry fell off going over the Orwell bridge in gales, Al fell off in the water, I forgot my jumping bit so did both jumping phases so fast I can only remember the absolute certainty I had that I was going to die going XC. We broke two headcollars, Al forgot her test and I broke my gaiters getting ready. And then we had to wait for hours to get home because the front of the lorry was still in the River Orwell. And on the way home we got diverted, sent down a country lane despite saying we couldn't do that because we were in a horse lorry, got stuck and caused what felt like the world's biggest traffic jam. 

Didn't return to that venue for a few years...


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## TarrSteps (27 April 2014)

Lolo said:



			We've all had shockers of days where no one got hurt and everyone got home, but really you'd rather they never happened. We had one where the front of the lorry fell off going over the Orwell bridge in gales, Al fell off in the water, I forgot my jumping bit so did both jumping phases so fast I can only remember the absolute certainty I had that I was going to die going XC. We broke two headcollars, Al forgot her test and I broke my gaiters getting ready. And then we had to wait for hours to get home because the front of the lorry was still in the River Orwell. And on the way home we got diverted, sent down a country lane despite saying we couldn't do that because we were in a horse lorry, got stuck and caused what felt like the world's biggest traffic jam. 

Didn't return to that venue for a few years...
		
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I know it's mean, but I laughed. It was a rueful laugh though because we've all had those days. It's all part of the experience and they do give you perspective! I remember one weekend alone that encompassed, in no particular order: 

 A loose horse running down the side of a highway. Twice.

Being honked and jeered at as I chased said horse down the side of the highway. Have I mentioned the horse flies the size of Renault Clios?

Being pulled over the breast bar of the trailer with such force my hand was bleeding and my shoulder ceased functioning. Then having to ride a dressage test with said bandaged hand and being berated by the judge when I asked to be excused from wearing a glove.

A flat tire. No spare.

Being one of only half a dozen entries to do my dressage while xc was running in a ring directly adjacent to the start. Average +20 pp for our special little group.

One horse washing out so badly it collapsed.

My trainer getting into a fight with the the dressage judge.

One horse expanding his temporarily stable over night. 

Getting completely run off with xc (see above note of non functioning hand and arm) being scared witless and coming in 45 sec under time, which gets you about a million TFTPs.

Opening the trailer to find one horse had managed to rub every last plait out. The horse that basically never stood still at an event and went vertical if you tried to force him. 

Over hearing two of my fellow competitors discussing how lucky I was to have my very nice horse (true!) and all my family support (so far from the truth as to be delusional) and how happy they were to see me have a crap day. 

Having to find rides home for two horses because said trailer was still broken and said trainer hadn't sorted it by the time we had to leave.

NOW I laugh about it. At the time, not so much. 

I've never had this elusive 'perfect' day. Some have definitely been luckier - and better planned and executed - than others but, with horses, you can almost guarantee glitches. It's up to you whether one is worth the other.


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## khalswitz (28 April 2014)

LPL said:



			I completely agree with you OP. I work my absolute arse off day in day out with my horse. He is hot, sensitive and honestly an absolute arse but the most talented horse I have ever ridden. I have regular lessons, I prepare well, I educate myself I'm absolutely obsessed. This horse is the only horse I have ever owned and I have had him for 5 years. In that time I have always and only ever wanted to event. Every time we ever got close in the past he either went lame, had colic surgery or I went to university. Last year we finally managed 2 BE events until his feet fell apart. This year we have done one unaff ODE and Northallerton BE today. He pulled a shoe off XC schooling last weekend taking half his foot off with it. Farrier came and shod him on wednesday then just as I got on for the dressage today he pulled it off again. He is awful to handle at shows and destroys anything within a 5m radius of him. I get so stressed out at shows because he is so awful on the ground, and I am just so desperate to compete after I spend MONTHS preparing, obsessing, Paying out all the time (with money I don't  have lol) sacrificing everything else in my life to do this that yes it really does upset me when I get there and it all goes to pot. It's clear I put too much pressure on myself as I am never mad at his performance it's my crap riding that lets us down and his awful behaviour makes it all 100000 times worse. Would I ever quite? No. but to those of you saying its purely hard work and dedication have obviously got lady luck on their side!!!!
		
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My horse used to be a barsteward to handle/warm up/ride full stop at shows, as he was so stressy. It took lots of regular outings to small shows where he wasn't expected to really perform - ie 60cm/cross pole classes, intro dressage, etc - before he started to settle down and behave. It's taken six months of going out at least three weekends out of four, and sometimes going out twice in one weekend, as well as having lessons at venues etc.

If I hadn't put all that time and money into getting him settled without really 'achieving' anything, I would still be in tears after he bucked me off in the warmup AGAIN at almost every show. I agree luck is a big part, but I do believe you make a percentage of your own luck.

When I started working in horses my old boss told me that getting to the top takes hard work, money, and luck - and that to achieve at any level you need at least two of the above. I can't guarantee the luck, so I work blooming hard (and hard on the right things with a good plan) and spend as much money as I can afford.


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## LPL (28 April 2014)

He has had a hell of a lot of exposure to shows. I work hard to prep in all 3 phases. We don't haut trundle along to the odd show and expect to win. I have to be economical with outings as well I still have to rely on my dad for lifts and he certainly does not want to go out every weekend. I spread my time between lessons, comps and practice. 

He is just a dick on the ground just bargy rude and never stands still as soon as you sit on his back he is a lamb. I could really do with a spare person to sit on him whilst I get ready. And also it isn't all the time - just most of the time lol - 2 weeks ago he stood quietly for 5 hours at an unaff ODE whilst we waited for sj to start. But that was a real rarity. 

His feet did get sorted he had 3 months off without shoes and very careful management through winter and unfortunately pulled off a shoe and took half his foot off with it last week whilst we were xc schooling for a last practice before this weekend. It got fixed but UNLUCKILY it just seemed to flick off before the dressage. Nothing happened it just seemed to sling off. 

I must be coming across as a dreamer but when finances are so limited, time is limited and you still have to rely on your non horsey dad to take you to and help at shows (when he absolutely hates it) it is really hard work. I'm not saying I don't love the hard work. I'd jack it in if I couldn't be arsed believe me. But it doesn't mean I can't be frustrated when our hard work isn't paid off because of stupid circumstances. 

Buying a new or another horse to run alongside this beast just is not an option I literally have no money. The horse I have isn't worth anything to any one else. It's put up with it (and have a grumble) or don't do it at all which is just not an option. 

JFTD I love that and certainly agree haha.


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## TGM (28 April 2014)

I don't think anyone would claim that luck doesn't play a part at all.  Of course there are times when you do all the preparation, put in all the work, make the right choices and still things go wrong.  Some things are genuinely down to bad luck - being stuck on the motorway for hours due to an accident when you are on the way to a competition, for example.  However, when you then add preventable problems onto the unpreventable ones, then the day gets even worse.  For example, let's say you are unavoidably delayed on the way to a competition, and arrive with only minutes to warm up.  If you then can't find your gloves because you haven't packed the lorry in an orderly fashion, you get even more delayed and stressed, then your horse picks up on that and plays up when you try and get him ready, and then you forget to tighten the girth properly because you are in such a rush, so the saddle slips as you get on, so horse even more stressed, you have to get off and redo the saddle, and the day goes from bad to worse.

So basically, if you focus on preventing the preventable, when the unpreventable happens it has less impact on your day.


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## merlinsquest (28 April 2014)

I had prepared well for yesterday's show. Coach informs me on weds she is jumping well & you can see miles out she is going.  Bathed polished & beautified we arrived in plenty of time.  Entered tacked up walked course & warmed up.  So far so good! Entered the ring , bell rings,  me feeling confident as a result of good prep gets a little in front of her at first fence,she spooks & props & I fell off. Fabulous end to the day!


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## Flame_ (28 April 2014)

The idea that you can make your own luck is ridiculous. Luck is the thing that accounts for what you can't control. Its the thing that can give you a fortunate outcome despite bad planning, poor skills, general uselessness, etc, or a terrible outcome even after giving it blood, sweat and tears, bottomless finances and preparation down to the last letter. Its not something that you can influence - that is judgement and consequences. Luck is the element to the outcome that throws it up in the air, and it probably does work out fairly equally in the long term between people how often you get luck go your way or not.

The point is not to attribute things to bad luck that you DO have control or influence over.


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## TarrSteps (28 April 2014)

LPL said:



			He has had a hell of a lot of exposure to shows. I work hard to prep in all 3 phases. We don't haut trundle along to the odd show and expect to win. I have to be economical with outings as well I still have to rely on my dad for lifts and he certainly does not want to go out every weekend. I spread my time between lessons, comps and practice. 

He is just a dick on the ground just bargy rude and never stands still as soon as you sit on his back he is a lamb. I could really do with a spare person to sit on him whilst I get ready. And also it isn't all the time - just most of the time lol - 2 weeks ago he stood quietly for 5 hours at an unaff ODE whilst we waited for sj to start. But that was a real rarity. 

His feet did get sorted he had 3 months off without shoes and very careful management through winter and unfortunately pulled off a shoe and took half his foot off with it last week whilst we were xc schooling for a last practice before this weekend. It got fixed but UNLUCKILY it just seemed to flick off before the dressage. Nothing happened it just seemed to sling off. 

I must be coming across as a dreamer but when finances are so limited, time is limited and you still have to rely on your non horsey dad to take you to and help at shows (when he absolutely hates it) it is really hard work. I'm not saying I don't love the hard work. I'd jack it in if I couldn't be arsed believe me. But it doesn't mean I can't be frustrated when our hard work isn't paid off because of stupid circumstances. 

Buying a new or another horse to run alongside this beast just is not an option I literally have no money. The horse I have isn't worth anything to any one else. It's put up with it (and have a grumble) or don't do it at all which is just not an option. 

JFTD I love that and certainly agree haha.
		
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By your own admission you have limited time, money, and opportunity. Therefore you can expect limited results. You may not be able to change many aspects of your situation but you can manage your expectations.


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## Prince33Sp4rkle (28 April 2014)

also, if he is (by your own admission)bargy and rude then you CAN work on that.


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## TarrSteps (28 April 2014)

Prince33Sp4rkle said:



			also, if he is (by your own admission)bargy and rude then you CAN work on that.
		
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I came back to add this but PS beat me to it. I understand you can't reproduce the competitive situation but you certainly can get the ground work absolutely spot on at home and that will help if you are dedicated about it. I do a lot of work with problem loaders, spooky horses etc and there are almost always obvious holes in the groundwork/slow work that don't seem to be a problem when the horse isn't stressed but are the seeds of what goes wrong under pressure. It's not some magic cure but if you are limited in what you can do it's a cheap and easy element to improve.


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## Goldenstar (28 April 2014)

Someone very very sucessful once told me " to be a competitor you have to lose your losers limp " and he won a gold medal on a very alternative horse .
What he meant was to be be a sucessful competitor you just can't say if I am not sucessful because of x y z you have to push through the issues by completely positive planning .
This a mental training thing .
To Fail to plan and is to plan to fail.
However you don't ' need ' to complete to enjoy training a horse and owning it's perfectly valid to keep a lovely horse at home enjoying training it and owning it if you don't want to complete ( or are conflicted about competing that's me  btw ) .
You don't have to spend a fortune in money and hours training a horse if you like to hack but to enjoy yourself I think you need to honest with yourself about what you want to do.
Bad days are learning experiances and it's perfectly possible to have fun on a not successful day as long as it does not involve a trip to causality ,that IME is a spoilt day .
Strive to achieve what you decide to do within the allowances of what you have plan diligently use your time wisely.
If you don't want to do it don't .
Honestly with yourself is the key to contentment in this area .


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## khalswitz (28 April 2014)

LPL said:



			He has had a hell of a lot of exposure to shows. I work hard to prep in all 3 phases. We don't haut trundle along to the odd show and expect to win. I have to be economical with outings as well I still have to rely on my dad for lifts and he certainly does not want to go out every weekend. I spread my time between lessons, comps and practice. 

He is just a dick on the ground just bargy rude and never stands still as soon as you sit on his back he is a lamb. I could really do with a spare person to sit on him whilst I get ready. And also it isn't all the time - just most of the time lol - 2 weeks ago he stood quietly for 5 hours at an unaff ODE whilst we waited for sj to start. But that was a real rarity. 

His feet did get sorted he had 3 months off without shoes and very careful management through winter and unfortunately pulled off a shoe and took half his foot off with it last week whilst we were xc schooling for a last practice before this weekend. It got fixed but UNLUCKILY it just seemed to flick off before the dressage. Nothing happened it just seemed to sling off. 

I must be coming across as a dreamer but when finances are so limited, time is limited and you still have to rely on your non horsey dad to take you to and help at shows (when he absolutely hates it) it is really hard work. I'm not saying I don't love the hard work. I'd jack it in if I couldn't be arsed believe me. But it doesn't mean I can't be frustrated when our hard work isn't paid off because of stupid circumstances. 

Buying a new or another horse to run alongside this beast just is not an option I literally have no money. The horse I have isn't worth anything to any one else. It's put up with it (and have a grumble) or don't do it at all which is just not an option. 

JFTD I love that and certainly agree haha.
		
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TarrSteps said:



			By your own admission you have limited time, money, and opportunity. Therefore you can expect limited results. You may not be able to change many aspects of your situation but you can manage your expectations.
		
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I don't even have an unhorsy dad to give me lifts. I have nothing. I therefore hack, up to an hour and a half, in wind, rain, sleet etc. I have no one to help me, so have to pack everything in saddle bags, and plan my times to perfection as I have no where to tie.  I also earn next to nothing, and an sometimes counting pennies for fuel and entries. I still did all the above.

Obviously not everyone would, and I do regularly get told to take things less seriously and get reminded Im not at 4*, but I am always organised, prepared, put in the training both at home and competing (practicing competing is still training!) and despite my cheap, not particularly well conformed ex racer with a Serious attitude, am finally seeing some results.

But then I look at these things as obstacles to overcome not excuses for my poor results.


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## LPL (28 April 2014)

I did that until I got him. I used to hack to all my shows with my pony by myself. 
He isn't bad on the ground at home though. He is fine. I own a horse to compete I don't enjoy mucking out or hacking around that isn't why I own a horse. If I couldn't compete I wouldn't have one. 

Also might add my results aren't even  bad hahaha we most people would be happy with them and I am but that doesn't mean that the reality of competing is much more stressful and irritating than the theory. And it's always nice to be in the ribbons isn't it?


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## JFTDWS (28 April 2014)

Goldenstar said:



			Someone very very sucessful once told me " to be a competitor you have to lose your losers limp " and he won a gold medal on a very alternative horse .
		
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I guess that falls under the mentality of bouncing back up whenever you're knocked down.  I don't know how people do that, though - are they just so arrogant they don't consider that they might be wrong, or not capable, or just sufficiently self-assured.  As an individual, how do you tell if you're blinkered to the truth (that you're not up to it) or that you've just had some set backs?

I'm just musing.  I think too much...


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## Blythe Spirit (28 April 2014)

I don't think that just because I don't compete much and I don't fancy HT's or Hunting that makes my horse an almost useless pet. I ride most days, hack, school, jump, do clear round and dressage and fun rides. my horse behaves well at all these events so he is hardly a paddock ornament. Its just that not everyone gets their kicks from going fast and jumping fences. There must be lots of dressage horses who never do more then dressage who can not be hacked or jumped but no one would say these horses are paddock ornaments surely?


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## loobylu (28 April 2014)

LPL said:



			I did that until I got him. I used to hack to all my shows with my pony by myself. 
He isn't bad on the ground at home though. He is fine. I own a horse to compete I don't enjoy mucking out or hacking around that isn't why I own a horse. If I couldn't compete I wouldn't have one. 

Also might add my results aren't even  bad hahaha we most people would be happy with them and I am but that doesn't mean that the reality of competing is much more stressful and irritating than the theory. And it's always nice to be in the ribbons isn't it?
		
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Could you save up to sit your trailer test and speak to your Dad about whether he would be happy for you to pay to add you to his car insurance? It won't be cheap but it would give you more options to go out to training evenings etc.


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## TGM (28 April 2014)

JFTD said:



			I guess that falls under the mentality of bouncing back up whenever you're knocked down.  I don't know how people do that, though - are they just so arrogant they don't consider that they might be wrong, or not capable, or just sufficiently self-assured.  As an individual, how do you tell if you're blinkered to the truth (that you're not up to it) or that you've just had some set backs?

I'm just musing.  I think too much...
		
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I don't think it is arrogance at all.  It is the mentality that when something goes wrong, rather than saying 'woe is me, I'm so unlucky' or 'I'm so crap, I'm never going to be any good', instead they analyse what actually went wrong and whether there is anything they can do to change things.  They then make a plan for improvement and put it into action.

What would be arrogance would be to have a series of disasters (eg horse being eliminated at consecutive events) and just to continue on competing at the same level, without changing anything and just hoping that things might improve just by magic!


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## Blythe Spirit (28 April 2014)

TarrSteps said:



			To be fair, I don't think Valegro, Big Star or Quimbo (not even mentioning Dances With Wolves, Hickstead - I know but you can't deny he's one of the best jumpers of the current generation - or Nereo who all look a lot less ridable) would be cut out for those gigs and I bet they are all super fun to ride. 

But, as you say, it's what people want to get out of it. Super sensitive horses can be fantastic to ride when they are relaxed but exhausting and not much fun when wound up. More phlegmatic types, who can keep their heads in your average fun ride may not always be the most exciting at home. If you want to compete and have an easy life, it does help to have the "right" horse for the job, which is part of that "perfect preparation" people are talking about.
		
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Its also about what YOU are cut out for. See personally I am quite decent at flat work and experienced so I am happy and confident to train and compete my quite sharp little horse in that area. but I am NOT experienced at XC. I have never actually jumped more then 3 xc fences in a row (that would be either xc schooling or a fun ride). It always made me nervous and I was just never motivated enough to get past that as I enjoy doing what I do. So I do not feel confident to train and compete my horse at XC events. I am not saying my horse is too hot to do it, if I started small, took him training, got some lessons, joined up the training fences in 'rounds', rode out so that going fast but under control was an every day experience rather than a one off once a month, and started at tiny events. I expect I could do it. Truth is though I am not that brave - when i read posts like one above where hot young mare went crazy at clear round and reared full height in the arena several times, i think Kudos to you but that's NOT my idea of fun at all. I would almost certainly have fallen off and achieved nothing in the process except showed my horse how to terrify me! So its also about having the right horse and right rider for the job in hand!


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## LPL (28 April 2014)

That is my plan for the summer. I practice around the farm and I'm pretty competent now at maneuvers  and we are looking at insuring me on my dads car so I can get some road exp. 

I know you all think I sound like a bratty, bad loser but I really do try my best for my horse and myself and I am realistic about our abilities. I love competing and we are pretty successful I am just agreeing with the OP in that sometimes the competition experience is MUCH better in theory than in reality. Today I have forgotten about how much of a dick he was on the ground and I can only remember the storming clear XC he gave me. It's that that keeps me going and counting down the days till we're next out (Richmond 12 days lol)


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## Henry02 (28 April 2014)

So for the avid planners... how would you suggest to someone like LPL with limited funds and transport to "prepare" the horse better? (Apart from the groundwork suggestion!)


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## TGM (28 April 2014)

We also have a horse who used be a pain to get ready at competitions as he can be quite hyped when he gets off the box (it doesn't help that he hunts so he is always anticipating a bit of excitement when he goes out).  He has improved a lot over time, but we do find it helps to have a plan for getting ready and to be really organised.  We used to leave him on the box until daughter was all kitted out ready to get on - last minute bits like whip and gloves are placed on the mounting block ready to be put on.  He is then tacked up on the box, unloaded and then she is all ready to get on straightaway.  And yes, he did used to paw and kick the box when he first arrived at an event, but he has since been persuaded of the error of his ways!


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## dieseldog (28 April 2014)

Henry02 said:



			So for the avid planners... how would you suggest to someone like LPL with limited funds and transport to "prepare" the horse better? (Apart from the groundwork suggestion!)
		
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From her posts the groundwork seems to be the biggest issue - she seems to be getting the results she wants? I think though you have to be realistic and accept that as you have limited funds that maybe doing BE is not the way forward as she could compete unaffiliated at half the cost and use the spare cash to pass her driving test and therefore make herself independent, which in the long run is a good thing to be.


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## dieseldog (28 April 2014)

Here is my view on things - I think people put too much pressure on themselves and try to do what they think they should be doing rather than what would actually make them happy.  I've been competing for years but had a horrific accident, it utterly destroyed my confidence (and arm) and I have now made the decision to only do what I want to do and not listen to people telling me what I should be doing.  If someone suggests something and I don't like the sound of it I say no, as I am not here to make them happy - its all about me - which sounds really selfish but it is my time, effort, money and horse and if I come out of it enjoying myself I really don't care about other people's views - but the funny thing is, all that your friends really want is for you to have a good time and if you are happy they are happy too.

I know that if I put the effort in then my horse is very well behaved and it will go well, however if for some reason I don't jump her for a month then she is so happy to be out that it can get a bit wild - but that isn't bad luck that she is fresh - its my fault for not jumping her enough.  With luck you need to recognise it and bad luck a lot of the time is just you getting things wrong and as long as you can see that and hold your hands up it does make the day a lot more enjoyable - even for masters of disasters.


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## TGM (28 April 2014)

dieseldog said:



			Here is my view on things - I think people put too much pressure on themselves and try to do what they think they should be doing rather than what would actually make them happy.
		
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I agree with this entirely!  I also think that forums like this can increase the pressure as people read the reports of high-achieving members and feel that they ought to be doing the same, even if they really  haven't got the confidence, funds, skills, dedication, horsepower or real desire to do so!


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## khalswitz (28 April 2014)

Henry02 said:



			So for the avid planners... how would you suggest to someone like LPL with limited funds and transport to "prepare" the horse better? (Apart from the groundwork suggestion!)
		
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As another one with limited funds and NO transport, like I said above - lots and lots of competing. Doesn't have to be expensive - enter one class at your local unaff sj - up here its £8 a class plus £2 first aid so doable to do every week/every fortnight just for exposure. And practice what he's bad at whilst there.

When there is no lift from Dad, try asking fellow liveries (offer to pay all their petrol as this lowers their costs for going anyway, doesn't hurt to ask), or if Dad doesn't like hanging around all day which is fair, then get him to lift you and then unhitch and leave you with your things in the trailer and pick you up later. There's also van hire for specific days. If all else fails, hack. I moved yards specifically so that I could be within an hour and a half hack of three comp venues.

If you really want it, you'll find a way.

And LPL - I don't think you're bratty at all, sorry if that's how I've come across. But there are always ways to make things happen if you really want them to. Something has to change, whether it's where you are, what you're doing (i.e. do dressage for show exposure/practice as dad has to wait around much less than at say an event), how you plan it... if things keep going wrong, then it's silly to expect them to change by themselves.

And to be fair, sometimes we all get down and start comparing ourselves to others, or taking what we have for granted. I'm terrible for looking at my horse and going, "17hh with a short, steep croup, slightly camped out hocks, poor (comparatively, they're much better than they were) hindquarter muscles due to chronic shivering, tight shoulders, a short back and very long legs and neck... sharp as a tack, a bad attitude and can buck like a rodeo bull"... and not taking into account how far he has come in a very short space of time, and how well he copes and goes despite all his problems. Personally, I'd kill for even a grumpy, unkeen Dad whom I could bully into taking me further afield than I can hack to once a month/fortnight, and the chance to actually get eventing - I'm dying to event, but I don't waste my time and money doing it now whilst still sorting out the issues - we do lots of dressage/sj/hunter paces etc whilst we get both of our confidence up and sort out the stupid ring behaviour before I start expecting him to pull anything out of the bag.


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## TarrSteps (28 April 2014)

JFTD said:



			I guess that falls under the mentality of bouncing back up whenever you're knocked down.  I don't know how people do that, though - are they just so arrogant they don't consider that they might be wrong, or not capable, or just sufficiently self-assured.  As an individual, how do you tell if you're blinkered to the truth (that you're not up to it) or that you've just had some set backs?

I'm just musing.  I think too much...
		
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When you're relatively inexperienced you rely on people who have been there, done that and the horses for feedback, along with competition results. People with the attitude Gs describes generally feel that if someone, somewhere learned and perfected the achievements they seek, then they can do it to with enough of the right work. They.don't just 'think positively' they DO positively.


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## LPL (28 April 2014)

I would love to continue doing unaff which is why I have joined an RC and PC (at the age of 22 haha) to try do some cheaper events. But we have done all the local unaffs which tbh until last year seemed really few and far between and I thought the only way to do more courses and get more exposure and maybe even go up the levels was to affiliate. There is only one local show within 1 hour which does over 1m sj and i won the 1.05 and came 2nd in the 1m

I do put a lot of pressure on myself but only to actually complete. I hate the thought of paying nearly £100 to not finish. Also, what with everything the horse has had wrong with him or my circumstances, I grab any chance I have at competing with both hands. So now whilst he is fit, sound and capable I want to make the most out of it as I will never be able to buy something as talented for the same money ever again. 

I don't do this to show off or make any one else happy or to fit in. Eventing is a dream of mine and I do it for me. 

My dad and I are akin to an F1 team when it comes to getting ready. I get myself ready in the car gloves are ready in jacket pocket spurs attached to boots at all times. The only thing I suppose that could make it easier would be to travel tacked up. But I feel mean making him wear his tack for the 1 1/2 + hour journeys we have to make is a bit mean. Also I'd be gutted if something broke. He stands still in the trailer as long as one of us is stood in it with him. I put on bridle and front studs in the trailer but saddle and back studs I have to do outside and it's just so hard. We are contemplating single breast/breech bars so I could get completely ready in the trailer but again, that's more expense. 

And come on you have got to admit that losing a shoe 5 mins before the dressage is pretty unlucky!!!!


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## khalswitz (28 April 2014)

LPL said:



			I would love to continue doing unaff which is why I have joined an RC and PC (at the age of 22 haha) to try do some cheaper events. But we have done all the local unaffs which tbh until last year seemed really few and far between and I thought the only way to do more courses and get more exposure and maybe even go up the levels was to affiliate. There is only one local show within 1 hour which does over 1m sj and i won the 1.05 and came 2nd in the 1m

I do put a lot of pressure on myself but only to actually complete. I hate the thought of paying nearly £100 to not finish. Also, what with everything the horse has had wrong with him or my circumstances, I grab any chance I have at competing with both hands. So now whilst he is fit, sound and capable I want to make the most out of it as I will never be able to buy something as talented for the same money ever again. 

I don't do this to show off or make any one else happy or to fit in. Eventing is a dream of mine and I do it for me. 

My dad and I are akin to an F1 team when it comes to getting ready. I get myself ready in the car gloves are ready in jacket pocket spurs attached to boots at all times. The only thing I suppose that could make it easier would be to travel tacked up. But I feel mean making him wear his tack for the 1 1/2 + hour journeys we have to make is a bit mean. Also I'd be gutted if something broke. He stands still in the trailer as long as one of us is stood in it with him. I put on bridle and front studs in the trailer but saddle and back studs I have to do outside and it's just so hard. We are contemplating single breast/breech bars so I could get completely ready in the trailer but again, that's more expense. 

And come on you have got to admit that losing a shoe 5 mins before the dressage is pretty unlucky!!!!
		
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Yes, shoe losing is unlucky. My horse lost one yesterday morning before going cross country. No farrier to be had, so out came the farriery tools (not without them now!!) and off came the other shoe. Thankfully he has good enough feet and going was soft, and that I'd given myself an extra half an hour (yes, it took half an hour - but my horse shivers, so it was blooming hard work!!!) - but I'm always prepared for things like that!!! So we made it after all 

Do you have any hacking nearby that you could box too?? Could be worth practising boxing out somewhere 'new', getting tacked and studded, then going for a hack. Then the studding becomes a normal thing rather than an additional excitement for eventing. Then also going out in the trailer doesn't become just as exciting? You could also then do that on an evening and not need a whole day.

I'm also 22 - I know what it's like to be desperate to get out and do what you love, and having limitations.


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## LPL (28 April 2014)

It's things like that that you can't prepare for that throw me out a bit and affect my riding which I know it shouldn't but I can't help being who I am lol. It just stresses me out haha

Hmm yes again though it's about being economical with my outings but we do have a 5 week gap after Richmond so may be able to fit some if that in then. We have travel to my instructor for lessons and he is fine on the ground there but there is not much waiting around. 

I can't even remember what my original post said any more. This thread seems to have become about me and my bad attitude lol.


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## khalswitz (28 April 2014)

LPL said:



			It's things like that that you can't prepare for that throw me out a bit and affect my riding which I know it shouldn't but I can't help being who I am lol. It just stresses me out haha

Hmm yes again though it's about being economical with my outings but we do have a 5 week gap after Richmond so may be able to fit some if that in then. We have travel to my instructor for lessons and he is fine on the ground there but there is not much waiting around. 

I can't even remember what my original post said any more. This thread seems to have become about me and my bad attitude lol.
		
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Just to try and be helpful (not criticising I promise!) have you tried tacking him up before unloading? Not travelling tacked (I know you've said you partially do this anyway) but Doing studs/saddle before unloading once at venue? Means he can't barge you. My old horse was impossible to tie up at shows, so he stayed in the box unless I was on him, everything got done in there. Saved a lot of stress.

Honestly not bad attitude, just that nothing about competing is usually plain sailing, and the ops point about expecting it to be wonderful and always going wrong is unrealistic - things will always go wrong, it's just dealing with it, either by training or by organisation beforehand.


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## Goldenstar (28 April 2014)

TarrSteps said:



			When you're relatively inexperienced you rely on people who have been there, done that and the horses for feedback, along with competition results. People with the attitude Gs describes generally feel that if someone, somewhere learned and perfected the achievements they seek, then they can do it to with enough of the right work. They.don't just 'think positively' they DO positively.
		
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This exactly , you do positively it's about analysis ,planning , goal setting in a realistic way and at every level .
But you need to honest with yourself to have insight into what drives you .
Then you make a plan .
Short term Medium term , long term I write them down . I work out how I am going to strive to achieve them I think like this all the time ,When I am constantly assessing what happening am I on track for today what would I adjust .
Each horse has a book I write things down as I think of them .
If I have an off time and can't be bothered with horses for a few days I think right I can't be bothered have three days off but I plan all the time , when I ride I work diligently towards where I am heading if I feel like time off I take it .
If something knocks me off track an horse injury say .
I reassess rewrite my goals and make a new plan .
I have plan for each horse in my head all the time .
I have just read this , ok I am nuts I admit it.
Some of this of course costs money and I am lucky to have money to spend but a lot of it is not about money it's about planning and graft .


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## JFTDWS (28 April 2014)

TGM said:



			What would be arrogance would be to have a series of disasters (eg horse being eliminated at consecutive events) and just to continue on competing at the same level, without changing anything and just hoping that things might improve just by magic!
		
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That's rather my point actually.  I doubt anybody sits there thinking "well I almost died today, but I'm sure it'll be magically better next time"...  Most people probably think they have a plan of action, and that their plan is reasonable.  How do you know it is?  Trust your trainer?  What if they're wrong?  Personally I look at my horse for feedback, mostly, but I know other people put their faith in trainers / other people, or in themselves.  And sometimes you need to ride out a few bumps before your plan really yields good results, so I think there is an element of confidence (bordering on arrogance) while you're sticking to the plan in the interim.

Like I say, I think too much.  This is all hypothetical anyway, I'm quite happy with my situation.


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## paddi22 (28 April 2014)

there has to be an acceptance as well of what limitations are going on in your life - a new baby, stressful job, transport limitations due to money, time limitations due to job. Of course you can't always be on your A-game if you have sleep deprivation or part of your brain somewhere else, no matter how much you want to be focused. I tried competing when my mum was sick and a lot of my focus went on moving up levels mainly to distract myself or to prove i could still do it despite all the rest of the cr*p in my life. It was a massive relief when i just saw sense one day and said 'why am i putting this pressure on myself on top of everything else?' I still competed but i kept to the same level perfecting stuff without pressure. A few years later when circumstances changed it was much easier to reassess and say 'yep this is the right time now'

people have a habit of being their own worst enemies at times and adding stress unnecessarily instead of accepting that circumstances aren't ideal for a year or two and taking the pressure off.


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## khalswitz (28 April 2014)

paddi22 said:



			there has to be an acceptance as well of what limitations are going on in your life - a new baby, stressful job, transport limitations due to money, time limitations due to job. Of course you can't always be on your A-game if you have sleep deprivation or part of your brain somewhere else, no matter how much you want to be focused. I tried competing when my mum was sick and a lot of my focus went on moving up levels mainly to distract myself or to prove i could still do it despite all the rest of the cr*p in my life. It was a massive relief when i just saw sense one day and said 'why am i putting this pressure on myself on top of everything else?' I still competed but i kept to the same level perfecting stuff without pressure. A few years later when circumstances changed it was much easier to reassess and say 'yep this is the right time now'

people have a habit of being their own worst enemies at times and adding stress unnecessarily instead of accepting that circumstances aren't ideal for a year or two and taking the pressure off.
		
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Exactly. I'm DESPERATE to event, but I know that without my own independent, regular transport, it is going to be too stressful and too much pressure on my boy. So we are working away on the SJ and dressage at comps within hacking distance and with the odd lift, with the odd XC outing for fun and maybe even an unaff event this year if we manage, and once we finally sort out transport we can aim higher. But until then there's no point spending ridiculous sums on hiring boxes etc just for him to have a tantrum and not make it to the XC phase. And the work we put in in the meantime will put us in good stead for later.


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## Firewell (28 April 2014)

Here in my area of Cali ( I don't know what the rest of the US are like) most people don't compete. I am at a big hunter/jumper yard and I am the only one who has gone out to shows this year! They think it's very driven of me to trundle off in my trailer every few weeks to compete! 
All the people at my yard spend a fortune keeping beautiful horses, they ride every day, have lessons and train all the time but only one or two other people are interested in 'showing' as they call it and even then they do just 2 maybe at a push 3 big shows a year.
I find it fascinating.
People either show (compete) or they don't. There isn't the 'why own a performance type horse if you don't want to compete' thing here. People are very happy to keep nicely bred horses for lesiure and lessons only.


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## 1t34 (28 April 2014)

The luck thing is interesting, I personally don't believe in it. Hard work and crucially having the right horse who is suited to your ambitions and lifestyle I think is vital. Life throws unexpected things at you often at innoportune moments. For example the worst luck that can be probably occur is something like an illness which might limit your competition abilities. What is interesting in this context is an ability not to say (admittedly after a bit of why me/life can be a complete b*gger) I can't do x and its all pretty unfair but to say I will do x as well as I can, make adjustments perhaps through extra help/support etc. Crucially its also important to have a back up plan which includes y which you can do and will work hard to achieve. That is not to say life wouldn't be easier or better without the illness but it is to say I willnget the best out of life and compete or train to do the best I can. So in terms of this post, don't dwell on what you can't do, work out ways to make it happen, have a plan B in your back pocket in case you need it! Enjoy your horse and if he or she isn't the right one dont spend your life being disappointed change it!


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## Mike007 (29 April 2014)

The worst luck you can have is to have the horse you should have had at 16 and not 60. and to know that his honesty and ability is frankly ,wasted.


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## TGM (29 April 2014)

JFTD said:



			That's rather my point actually.  I doubt anybody sits there thinking "well I almost died today, but I'm sure it'll be magically better next time"...  Most people probably think they have a plan of action, and that their plan is reasonable.  How do you know it is?  Trust your trainer?  What if they're wrong?  Personally I look at my horse for feedback, mostly, but I know other people put their faith in trainers / other people, or in themselves.  And sometimes you need to ride out a few bumps before your plan really yields good results, so I think there is an element of confidence (bordering on arrogance) while you're sticking to the plan in the interim.
		
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Well you do see some people going out having bad days again and again at the same level, without seeming to change anything.  I think there are competitors who just think things will improve by 'trying harder' and 'being more determined' but not actually sitting down and looking carefully at the roots of their problems.  And in some circumstances that approach will work - if the horse is just a little insecure then 'being more determined' may be all that is necessary.  However, if the horse is in discomfort in some way, or the rider's style is hindering the horse's performance, or the horse's technique needs improving, then 'being more determined' is not the answer.  Another thing I have noticed, is that some people get stuck in one specific answer to any problems - with some it is always the horse's back, with others it is bitting, whilst again others always blame the feed.  So always check that you are looking at all the options, and not just get stuck with your 'favourite answer' - make sure you have a wide variety of tools in your toolbox!

As for whether you trust your trainer, I think it is important to soak up information on your discipline from lots of sources - forums, videos, books, magazines, clinics, demos, discussion with other competitors, etc., so you have a background pool of knowledge to judge your trainer's advice against.  And, yes, you have to listen to your horse as well, as some trainers have an approach which may only suit a certain type of horse.  (For example, I know trainers who are great with stoic, steady types that need galvanising into action, but not so good with sensitive, hot types).  If the trainer is competing, then a look at their record is interesting - not so much whether they win the top competitions, but are they regularly bringing different horses up the levels successfully without too many blips.  And it helps to let the trainer know that you will appreciate all advice, even if it may be very critical and not what you want to hear.

(PS: when I say 'you', I don't mean 'you' personally, just easier to write it like that!)


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## LEC (29 April 2014)

There is a big difference to trying hard and working smart. I have always tried hard but now I work smart. This comes with a great trainer and with experience.

There will always be an element of luck with horses. I seem to get to my second season at Novice and they go wrong. Pretty sure its not my management or training as one killed itself by falling over on concrete just as we were due to go out hacking (3 years of blood, sweat and tears down the drain in a freak accident) and the other had spavins. Just one of those things. 

Does it make me go woe me? No it just makes you look at the bigger picture, dust yourself off, lick your wounds and get on with it. Does it piss me off that I am back to doing 80cm again on another green horse having had a good start to novice last year? Yes it does, but there is nothing I can do about it and I want to achieve my goals.


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## Goldenstar (29 April 2014)

Mike007 said:



			The worst luck you can have is to have the horse you should have had at 16 and not 60. and to know that his honesty and ability is frankly ,wasted.
		
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No horse is wasted if it's giving you joy .
I have one I would have liked at thirty five but that's life .
He's happy having a nice time he does not know he's "wasted " it bothered me for a while but I am over that now .
I just thank my lucky stars he's mine .


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## TGM (29 April 2014)

LEC said:



			There is a big difference to trying hard and working smart.
		
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 I think that was what I was struggling to say, but you put it much more clearly and succinctly!


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## TarrSteps (29 April 2014)

A good article on perspiration. . .http://www.chronofhorse.com/article/champions-made-no-one-looking


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## milliepops (29 April 2014)

Great article TS  I had this thread in mind when I was giving myself a kick up the bum last night... it was a good motivator at the end of a long day when I just wanted to crawl home to the sofa!


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## TarrSteps (29 April 2014)

TarrSteps said:



			A good article on perspiration. . .http://www.chronofhorse.com/article/champions-made-no-one-looking

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I posted on my phone while I was multitasking and meant 'preparation' obviously! But the Freudian slip works too!


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## GreyCoast (29 April 2014)

Firewell said:



			Here in my area of Cali ( I don't know what the rest of the US are like) most people don't compete.
		
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That's funny. At my local barn here in NorCal, they compete nearly every weekend. There's a complicated board of who is going where with whom. Also, being a college-based barn, we have IHSA teams who go out competing without horses, which is super weird. We hosted a competition the other week and I've never seen such a quiet venue!

There's certainly luck involved and I've had it: an amazing, talented honest horse, supportive parents, school hours (don't kids under appreciate those!), a brilliant groom, a hugely successful competing year where we came home each weekend in the money all bathed in the golden glow of the subtropics. Sure, the horse was tricky and on a careful management plan that involved six rides a week under instruction, but nobody is going to argue that I was jolly lucky to have that opportunity. Then I immigrated, the horse I sold as a 1.30m mount went on to do nothing and the groom died of a heart attack despite being only in his 30s and as fit as a fiddle leaving behind a wife and daughter. You couldn't meet a better person.

On a separate note: just as some horses are prone to brain snaps undersaddle, some are prone to brain snaps when being handled on the ground. Just "more groundwork" isn't always the answer, although I appreciate that it is in the vast majority of cases. For one of my horses, the answer involved knee-hobbles. And an easy fun day out came to include watching my horse lean at extreme angles against the float for balance when his brain couldn't be bothered to sort out his legs. Which, after the initial fright, is actually really funny. As is seeing other people's reactions when they see it for the first time. 

But getting back to the original theme, tricky horse had a lot of time off when I couldn't be bothered dealing with him. Nought wrong with that. If I ever decide I want easy fun day out, I'll be riding a different horse. Lots of PC school masters can go around the low levels without needing a ton of work. Sounds like OP would enjoy one of those right now and who can blame them.


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## tootsietoo (29 April 2014)

Great thread!  I understand exactly where you are coming from OP.  However, I think maybe it helps if you stop having that idealised picture in your head all the time and take each day as it comes.  Sure, you can decide you have a goal if you want, but when you have worked out what you need to do (e.g. jump school twice a week, lesson once a fortnight, compete once a month, building up to xyz comp level by end of summer) then forget about the goal and just focus on the day to day work, otherwise you feel you are never getting anywhere (well I do anyway).

I haven't competed since my twenties, but have decided I'd like to compete my nice young ex-racehorse.  However, he's gone lame, scuppering all my plans for the summer, and I really am wondering if it's worth the hassle and heartache.  Maybe I should just get a freebie old cob and be content to hack with the children and escort them out hunting.  But there is this little voice in my head all the time telling me how amazing it would feel to do an event again, to jump a big hedge, to ride down a centre line...... and if I don't do it now, it will soon be too late!


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## nikicb (29 April 2014)

TarrSteps said:



			I posted on my phone while I was multitasking and meant 'preparation' obviously! But the Freudian slip works too!
		
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I thought perspiration was quite apt, especially after my schooling session today in very muggy weather!!  I loved this article, so thank you for sharing.  I will never be a world class rider, but I want us (me and Cam) to be the best we possibly can.  I video most of our schooling sessions, partly because I ride better if I know I have to look at it, but partly to see what is working and what isn't.  I write notes on our blog (facebook page), but these are more for me to look back on that to invite comment.  And we haven't even gone out at BD prelim level yet.  But I need to know that whatever we are doing, we are doing to the best of our ability.  That said, while I love competing, and I go out to 'win', I am not disappointed if on paper the result isn't great.  I look back through the test and compare with the sheet and work damn hard on refining what we can.  As long as we go out and do our best and show off everything we have been practising at home, that to me is progress.   x


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## Cop-Pop (29 April 2014)

I often daydream about competing my horse - either a dressage test or show jumping.  In my dream we do very well and have a lovely time....

Reality = my horse is mentally unstable, can't go in warmups and has to visit a new place several times before she's safe enough to ride and even then gets too stressed to do anything other than look like a wild giraffe and we don't jump so SJ is out too. 

The dream is nice though!


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## indie1282 (30 April 2014)

I have noticed that a lot of people on here all say the same - the horse is too sharp/excitable/nightmare to be at a show ect... 

If that's the case them get another horse if its so much bother? If competing is something you really want to do then the right horse is crucial. I know there's the argument that 'my horse is so well bred/talented/bred for the job but it doesn't matter how good it is - if it doesn't have the right attitude and finds competing too much stress then its no good for the job!!


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## indie1282 (30 April 2014)

Also on the same subject - I'm sure all the horses out there that are naughty/sharp/spooky ect. . would be much happier not competing either!! 

They may find it all too much and get stressed for a reason. Just a thought!!


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## lme (30 April 2014)

indie1282 said:



			Also on the same subject - I'm sure all the horses out there that are naughty/sharp/spooky ect. . would be much happier not competing either!! 

They may find it all too much and get stressed for a reason. Just a thought!! 

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I'd agree with this. Most of our horses and ponies are family members who aren't going anywhere, not something we have in order to compete at a specific discipline. Given this, we have to tailor what we do to their aptitudes / likes and dislikes. If competing at specific disciplines were the main driver, we would choose horses that enjoyed / were good at those disciplines and rehome them if they would be better suited to doing something else.


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## indie1282 (30 April 2014)

lme said:



			I'd agree with this. Most of our horses and ponies are family members who aren't going anywhere, not something we have in order to compete at a specific discipline. Given this, we have to tailor what we do to their aptitudes / likes and dislikes. If competing at specific disciplines were the main driver, we would choose horses that enjoyed / were good at those disciplines and rehome them if they would be better suited to doing something else.
		
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Exactly my point Ime - at the end of the day the horse doesn't know (or care) if he's worth 1000 or 10,000 pounds, he just wants to have his needs met and be looked after and happy in his work


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## Firewell (30 April 2014)

GreyCoast said:



			That's funny. At my local barn here in NorCal, they compete nearly every weekend. There's a complicated board of who is going where with whom. Also, being a college-based barn, we have IHSA teams who go out competing without horses, which is super weird.
		
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Your lucky, it's not very motivating when your the only one going out! The local shows I have been to so far have had an OK amount of entries but I do see the same people out. I haven't done a rated show yet so that's on the cards. I'll be interested to see how popular they are.
My barn isn't like England, no one hacks or takes their horses out and I'm in the Santa Ynez valley which is meant to be very big horse area . Nice barn though they treat my horse like a prince which makes me happy .


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## Sealine (30 April 2014)

Some interesting replies on this thread re: luck, effort etc.  I strongly believe you make your own luck (to a certain extent) and you get out of anything in life what you put in.  I recently came across the 4 laws of effort:

1. Improvement is never ending &#8211; you will never reach a point of mastery and be &#8216;good enough&#8217; to then move on to something else.

2. The number of ways to improve is unlimited but the time and resources we have in order to get better are very limited.

3. Improvement is best achieved through the focus on training and practice which basically boils down to EFFORT.

4. Effort is fundamentally a combination of Quality and Quantity into the areas you are targeting for improvement.


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## TarrSteps (30 April 2014)

Sealine said:



			Some interesting replies on this thread re: luck, effort etc.  I strongly believe you make your own luck (to a certain extent) and you get out of anything in life what you put in.  I recently came across the 4 laws of effort:

1. Improvement is never ending &#8211; you will never reach a point of mastery and be &#8216;good enough&#8217; to then move on to something else.

2. The number of ways to improve is unlimited but the time and resources we have in order to get better are very limited.

3. Improvement is best achieved through the focus on training and practice which basically boils down to EFFORT.

4. Effort is fundamentally a combination of Quality and Quantity into the areas you are targeting for improvement.
		
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The laws are great! Are they yours? I'd like to reference them on my page but would o like to attribute them correctly.


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## JFTDWS (30 April 2014)

This just came up on my facebook, posted by another HHOer, actually who's very successful with her lovely horses...  And it made me think of this thread!


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## Twiglet (1 May 2014)

Slightly different perspective, but with regards to things going well for people who work hard....when I was competing things rarely went right. 

From horrendous loading, to leaving the lorry keys at home (in London) when the lorry was in Surrey and missing my class, to forgetting a bridle, to hitting the deck and rupturing a hamstring - I can't think of a single outing that was stress free and successful. BUT I know I never worked hard enough  Yes, I had lessons with good trainers, and a nice horse, and I rode regularly, but the pair of us lacked much in the way of discipline, my schooling sessions were often spent chatting, I wouldn't put grids up because it was easier to jump what was already in the school, and I have a tendency to get stressed when people watch me. 
I know if I'd have put more effort and time in (the major issue, as time is scarce), we probably could have done better. We might have got higher marks in our dressage or less poles in the SJ. 
But I do it for fun, and I enjoy my horse, and the day out (quite frankly sometimes I put more thought into what snacks we'd take in the lorry than how I was going to ride my dressage test), and whilst I admire enormously you people who put all this effort in and do well (rightly so), it's not necessarily how I work  

But now I don't have the option and I have a beautiful talented horse sitting in the field unlikely to see out the year, I'd give my right arm to have a disastrous competition, and would probably even put the extra work in   Don't take for granted OP.


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## Sealine (30 May 2014)

Sorry TarrSteps, I've only just read your question.

Unfortunately I can't take credit for the 4 Laws of effort.  They came from a sport psychology company whose emails I subscribe to but the name escapes me at the moment. I think it's an Australian firm but that probably doesn't help


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## paddi22 (30 May 2014)

i agree with the other posters saying that if YOU would love to compete, but your horse hates shows, get a different horse. I love competing and I'm lucky to have a horse that loves it too. He want's to be the fastest, showiest horse there and if there's a crowd of horses he just assumes an air of superiority as if he's the boss. He loves to show off. 

I have another horse who hates it and finds it too much, even though he was very slowly introduced to easy, quiet shows over a long time. I just accept there's no point spending my efforts on him competing as he just isn't right for it, even though he has tons of potential, even more than the other one. Thats why i got the other horse, and we have had a ball going out enjoying what we both love to do.


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## Ranyhyn (30 May 2014)

I can sympathise a little OP.  However I dont think your perspective on it is right.

My very best friend and I have waited to ride and ultimately compete together for 5 years.  5 Years, through lameness, illness, babies, my own horses demise and subsequent horselessness.  Her horses illnesses, changes of horse, lameness.... Finally now we were ready.  Two sound horses.

Mine wouldn't get on the lorry.

That ungrateful bint - doesn't she know how long we've waited for this?!

So the next week my friend brought her lorry over and we practised til we were all bored and we'll keep practising.  In the end we laughed so hard at how bad our luck is.  Last weekend we went together to the cirencester fun ride and had a fab time.

Good things come to those who wait, practise, try and try again.


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## abercrombie&titch (31 May 2014)

Utterly agree with all those who say success comes from hard work  - and lots of it .... the more you get out, the better you and your horse get at it. When things go wrong - and they will - horses aren't machines - you look at what went wrong and work on fixing it. That is what success and improving is
(Wine and chocolate are vital components of the riders armoury for when things go well or go wrong)


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## el_Snowflakes (31 May 2014)

JFTD said:



			This just came up on my facebook, posted by another HHOer, actually who's very successful with her lovely horses...  And it made me think of this thread!






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This is so true....


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