# Instructor has reduced me to tears again



## Wellingtondog (3 August 2015)

Hi all - been reading this forum for a while but first time post.

I returned to horses this year after a six year break and before that I hadn't ridden regularly since I was a teenager. 

I was having a private lesson with the instructor the yard I chose provided on the day I could get childcare and seemed to be making really good progress. Some weeks I did better than others but the only consistent theme has been how stupidly hard I always am on myself to be better/good at everything. 

My instructor has caused former pupils (women in similar situations to mine) and some of the stable staff to complain about him. He's polite to begin with but when things go a bit tits up he drags you right down.

I loan the yard owner's horse. He's hard mouthed and massively strong. But really lovely to ride once you take charge. Sensitive but reliable and amazing paces. He isn't ridden by novices but we've been doing really well, controlled, on the bit and I have taken him over some jumps outside of my lesson which we both loved and instantly clicked. 

The lessons have steadily started frustrating me more and more though - other people joining and so get little or no input, fierce criticism when you don't understand the instructions, bitching about younger work experience girls' riding skills when they've joined and then last week everything fell apart. For some reason the instructor threw out both arms in front of my horse and did a massive burp. (?!) the poor thing was petrified and spent the rest of the lesson swerving and backing away from him - wouldn't let him near us. And I was yelled at for not showing him who's boss, a whip was brought out and I fell apart a bit as I was angry, frustrated and scared as he's usually fine in the arena.

Anyway this week he still won't let instructor near him without napping. Instructor grabbed bridle and shouts at me to get my leg on him. Fine I did and talked to him gently but I also said to instructor "please stop." From then on, he was icy with me and critical and when I said I hadn't enjoyed the lesson much and the spookiness was worrying me I was told "you did that. He never used to be like this. You need to take that on board."

I am heartbroken that I might have now ruined a gorgeous horse and livid that the lesson ended on such a horrible note. I merely said "thanks," dismounted and led my boy away. Crying a lot. 

I know horses sense fear and my nerves after this spooking have been a bit shot but I still get on him with every confidence and hack as well. He goes beautifully for me when we're alone so I know I'm the problem in prolonging it but feel distraught I may have caused it too. Yard manager away so will speak to her when she's back but deputy said he's always been spooky, has never liked men and I just need to relax more when I ride.

Would like to hear thoughts from anyone who's come through a blip or other instructors with advice. Am I doing the wrong thing by having my "own" and not riding someone different each time? I do ride other horses when I work and volunteer at the yard if they need the exercise but this has crumpled me.

So sorry for long post. Congrats to anyone who's got this far!


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## Moomin1 (3 August 2015)

First of all I wouldn't worry about your horse, it's highly unlikely to have caused any lasting behavioural issues.  

Secondly, I wouldn't even contemplate trying to get through a 'blip' with an instructor like this. I would be searching for a different and more responsible/professional instructor instantly.  Any instructor who takes safety for granted with his/her pupils shouldn't be teaching IMO and it sounds like this one is slightly unhinged to be honest.


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## Wellingtondog (3 August 2015)

Thanks Moomin. It'll definitely be my last lesson with him.


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## be positive (3 August 2015)

You are the client, from the sound of things in two respects paying for private lessons as well as loaning the YOs horse, do you actually work there as well or are you giving your time free in order to get more experience?

I think you need to speak to the YO about this rather than a manager, your contract with the loan is with them and they are employing this bully, if it was a one off you could put it down to having a bad day but as it seems as if the attitude is ongoing and destroying your confidence you need to either change instructors or move yards, someone like him will not change, if he thinks you are "ruining " the horse he should be training you to ride him better not winding the horse up and making matters worse, sharing a private lesson is not on, nor is him talking about members of staff in a derogatory way.

If you find the YO unsympathetic, you may well do if she has struggled to get qualified teaching staff, then I would look elsewhere, you could find a lovely loan/ share and an instructor that supports your efforts rather than put up with this.


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## its_noodles (3 August 2015)

find a new instructor


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## its_noodles (3 August 2015)

I was riding with a riding school on and off for 18 years. I thought they were the best school with the best instructors. You put up with things and thought it was part of the learning process...
until one day I thought I could no longer put up with the nonsense and tried somewhere else. Now I really ride with some of the best horses and instructors. You don't know until you took that leap of faith...


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## Wellingtondog (3 August 2015)

I work there very part time which pays for my loan and gives me the vital experience I want so I can buy my own in next five years. I ride whenever I can but these lessons were a legacy from when I first started. I no longer pay for them which is why I've persevered. There are two or three other instructors I get on with very well I just need to find a mutually convenient slot. Appreciate all the comments and glad I'm not going mad. I adore this horse and love the challenge he gives me to ride him. But worried after this I'm not doing him justice &#128532;


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## be positive (3 August 2015)

So you are basically working for the lessons that makes it tougher to complain to the YO in some respects but may be partly why the instructor is treating you this way, he sees you getting "his valuable time for nothing" or something along those lines, he sounds arrogant enough to think that way!  You are paying with your time, probably far more of your hours than what you are getting back, try and find another slot with a better instructor, I still think you need to formally complain about his attitude it is totally unprofessional.
You are not ruining the horse it sounds as if it is not easy and requires a good rider, you are working to pay for the lessons to help you do him justice, they should be enjoyable as well as educational, there are other places that may well offer you much the same if you look around, I always need an extra rider and do not expect much other than help exercising, there may be somewhere similar if you ask locally.


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## Wellingtondog (3 August 2015)

I need to catch up with the YO anyway about some health stuff for the horse so will mention I don't want to be taught by him anymore. Hoping the others on the yard will back me up as I know some of them have probs with him too.
He still gets paid I think even though I don't pay for the lesson - he comes to teach other lessons too and it's just one of the perks of working there.


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## madmav (3 August 2015)

He sounds appalling. Speak to the yard owner. Unacceptable behaviour.


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## Kat (3 August 2015)

Leave.

There are other places to ride abd other horses to loan, it is not worth putting up with such a nasty piece of work.


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## Wellingtondog (3 August 2015)

Luckily I can avoid him I think - only an issue once a week - he isn't there the rest of the time.


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## Pearlsasinger (3 August 2015)

Yes, definitely avoid this instructor and tell YO why.


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## Leo Walker (3 August 2015)

As someone who taught for a few years, if I thought someone was ruining a horse then I would blame myself! I'm there to give them to tools to improve their horse. There are always clients who make you want to bang your head off a brick wall and who dont always get it. In that instance you use different words or analogies or exercises to explain to them what and how to do it. Different ways of explaining things will often cause a light bulb moment. If that still doesnt work, then thats the point where you go home and have a serious think about how to change the way you teach to get through to them 

The joy of teaching for me was seeing people grow in confidence and knowledge. Thats the whole point surely?


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## epeters91 (4 August 2015)

The instructor sounds like an idiot! He's causing the situation by initially spooking the horse and then by berating you rather than helping you to calm down and work through it. Definitely get lessons with the other instructors and I'm sure your horse will be back to himself in no time 

Can I just say it's so nice to see someone not only loaning and getting regular lessons to improve their riding but also helping out at the yard to gain experience before buying your own horse. Too many people jump into buying without really knowing what comes with owning a horse, your loan horse and your future horse will be very lucky to have you! Wishing you all the best in the future  xx


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## Micky (4 August 2015)

Find a different instructor and if said instructor is bhs qualified, complain to the bhs, appalling behaviour...


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## Wellingtondog (4 August 2015)

epeters thank you - the thought of my ignorance causing issues for any animal of mine is awful so I was desperate to get used to the daily routine and understand as much as I possibly could. I am also taking my road safety and considering stage 1 and stage 2 just as belt and braces. But this has really shaken me as I'm not frightened of the horse but no longer believe in this instructor and that's adding to my misery which he'll be picking up on. 
Thank you everyone for your advice and I'll sort out lessons with different instructor asap...


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## mighty attom (8 August 2015)

change instructors. he should not be making you feel like this.    instructors should be there to teach and encourage not put you down. where are you?


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## 9tails (8 August 2015)

That's not a blip, the only ignorance shown has been from the instructor.  You need a new instructor. Like yesterday.


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## Wellingtondog (8 August 2015)

Thanks for all your support everyone. Just to update that I had a call from the yard owner the next day as soon as she got back and she's backing me 100%. Have alternative instructor who I get on with really well lined up and I had an amazing hack on him today. I did a bit of research online reading advice and other people's tricks for keeping spooky horses calm and found singing, talking and rubbing his withers did the trick. He was a dream today and back to his reliable self. Yard owner is being very supportive so I think we're back on track!


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## Barnacle (8 August 2015)

That's excellent news!


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