# Absolutely Terrible Day



## Crystal-Rio (9 April 2016)

Hello everyone.

This is my first post.

I have been a lurker on HHO for a long time but made an account a few days ago, as I was going to ask for advice as to how to move my horse to a new yard.  The reason that I was worrying is that he is a total stress head - he is a WB X TB and lived in the same home on a smallholding with 2 othr horses all his life before he came to me 15 months ago.   He is highly strung in the extreme - does not do routine change AT ALL and if he finds himself without any other horses around him - in circumstances other than ridden or longreining work - he becomes positively dangerous.  He has severe separation/anxiety issues.

I am not a novice and have owned horses for 18 years but he has stretched my ability to cope to the extreme.

After having him on the same yard - which I've been on for 15 years - not with this horse obviously, but its always been home to me for as long as I can remember - we  had the awful news 5 weeks ago that the yard was closing.    Rio also has a bad back, so needs working either in ridden work or longreining, at least 6 days a week.  This limited my options because there is a massively severe shortage of yard with good grazing and an indoor school - a must in the winter with a horse like  him - is for me.

I was fortunate in the extreme to be offered a box at a yard that is nearer to home, cheaper, with a huge indoor and about 15 miles of hacking 3 weeks ago.  Bearing in mind I knew how awful he was at having his routine changed, I have been stressed to the extreme.   Boxes at this yard are like hen's teeth, so I was lucky in the extreme to be offered it. 

Today - a friend has loaded him onto the box, driven him there and I swear to god - couldn't believe my eyes.... but he went into his new stable, no problems whatsoever - no box walking/kicking/rearing/barging which I have had to deal with when I even moved a stable on the same yard last year - I couldn't actually believe my luck.

I have a sharer, who is an absolutely wonderful person - she never lets me down - does more than she actually needs to and is always there if I need her for anything - to be honest in 18 years of horse ownership she is the Willy Wonka Golden Ticket of sharers.

The problems started when the girl who took me to the new yard - in a 26 foot horse box - tried to leave.

She just couldn't manouvre the box out of the yard.   Its massive and there was a car parked in the car park which prevented her from reversing back enough to get enough room to drive out.  Despite about 4 of us trying to  help her, she ended up getting wedged between a huge fir tree and the muck heap.  We were all starting to panic.

My sharer decided to go up to the house to see if it was the yard owner's car that could be moved, so we could get the box out.   we have been into the house on a couple of occasions when sorting out coming to the yard.  she knocked on the door, didn't get an answer (and here's where it all goes completely pearshaped) but she opened the door, stepped a few paces  into the kitchen and shouted the yard owner.   Big, big mistake.

she didn't get a reply, so she came back out and we all continued trying to move the wagon as best we could, backwards and forwards, to try and get it off the yard.   A few moments later, the back door opened and the husband of the yard owner (who we didn't know at the time had been sleeping as had been on nights the night before) asking to know who had been in the house.   My sharer didn't hear him, as she was at the front of the lorry, trying to guide it out, and at that time I also didn't know that she had done more than knock on the door.

He was absolutely furious, but he got in the lorry and managed to manouvre it out of the tight space that it was stuck in, but then demanded again to know who had been in his house.  My sharer by that time heard him ask and admitted that she had opened the door and had come in a few steps and had shouted for Gill, as she thought the black car in the car park was hers ( it was actually her husbands) that she was sorry, but he was absolutely furious.  Understandably so, to be honest, but she really didn't mean any trespass or disrespect.  We were all panicking as to what to do, this huge lorry was wedged and I think she acted rashly out of fear.  The fact remains though, that she entered someone's house without their permission. 

My yard owner's husband was, understandably though, really upset and has told us we have to leave.   I have spoken to my yard owner when she came home about an hour later tonight, I was in bits to be honest - have apologised in every single way that I can - my sharer was in tears and told her that she didn't mean any harm, we were all frightened and she acted on impulse and shouldn't have done it.   My new yard owner is absolutely lovely, but obviously she has said that she needs to talk to  her husband before she can give me a definitive answer as to whether we can say.  

I am sat here tonight in absolute bits.   

I have text her again to apologise and have bought a decent bottle of red wine and some beers for her husband to apologise again, in the hope that when he is not as tired and irritable and being woken up when on nights by a stranger shouting in his house (and I completely understand him being really p*ssed about today) that he will let us stay.

the yard I've just left is closing and there is nowhere with an indoor school that is within my travelling distance apart from where I've moved today, so if the answer is no - you have to go - I am completely stuffed.

I am feeling absolutely desperate tonight.   I was expecting a stressful move, but not in this way.

any advice of what else I can do to make things better?


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## Evie91 (9 April 2016)

Wow what a predicament! This is not going to help you at all, but I would be furious too if a stranger had entered my house. If I had a yard I would not people on it who thought it was acceptable to do that. I would be worried that if someone thought it ok to take a liberty like that within the first few minutes where will it lead! 
Really hope for your horses sake that your yard owner manages to talk her husband round!


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## GirlFriday (9 April 2016)

Well. Sounds like you may have done all you can for now. Obviously you can drop the gifts off tomorrow (?) when you go up to see neddy but really I wouldn't stress too much. Harder for others to see it as the quite little thing it is if you are making it big too. You sound like you've both done enough to show you understand, now it is time for some perspective. End of the day, you are buying a service, YO's hubby parked in an inconvenient place for customers and left door open. So, whilst not ideal you can see how it happened! 

Also: not quite sure why you need an indoor - would lights on an outdoor work too?


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## LiffWee93 (9 April 2016)

dont want to read and run, no advice, but *hugs* x i hope it all blows over.. xx


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## skint1 (9 April 2016)

Hopefully the YO's husband will calm down and realise it was a moment of panic and that it isn't something you or your sharer would do on a daily basis


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## WelshD (9 April 2016)

Do not panic just yet, after some decent sleep the chap may well have calmed down and quite possibly its not really his say as to who gets to stay on the yard and who doesn't, the YO would be silly to lose a paying livery over this

Hopefully your sharer is telling the truth about how far she went in to the house, if it were just a few paces goodness knows why she just didn't say she merely opened the door, leaned in and shouted!


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## Crystal-Rio (9 April 2016)

Evie91 said:



			Wow what a predicament! This is not going to help you at all, but I would be furious too if a stranger had entered my house. If I had a yard I would not people on it who thought it was acceptable to do that. I would be worried that if someone thought it ok to take a liberty like that within the first few minutes where will it lead!
		
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I absolutely agree, and to be honest, If I had been the one to go to the house to try and find the yard owner, i would have knocked on the door and having found no answer, I would have gone away.   I was furious with my sharer for a while, but then I realised that she did it without thinking - we were all panicking at the time and she just didn't think through what she was doing.   she meant no harm but as a result my yard owners' husband is seriously upset.   I would be too, if I were him, I completely understand how he's feeling.

I'm just devastated because I was expecting nightmares from my horse in moving, who has been like a little lamb, but then we are now faced with being kicked off.


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## RubysGold (9 April 2016)

Oh dear :-( 
I hope he calms down when he isn't so tired and he let's you stay 
You have done every thing you can to show you are sorry so hopefully they take that on board


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## Doormouse (9 April 2016)

I'm sorry you are in such an awkward position.

To be honest although I can imagine the husband being cross about being woken up, how on earth were you supposed to know he was there sleeping during the day because he was on nights and really I don't think taking 2 steps into someone's house to shout is really a big deal. If she had gone in and used the loo or made a cup of tea that might be a bit different but really to get so stressed about it seems a bit much.


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## Crystal-Rio (9 April 2016)

ThursdayNext said:



			Also: not quite sure why you need an indoor - would lights on an outdoor work too?
		
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Not in the North West of England unfortunately.... most yards with outdoor sand paddocks either get flooded or frozen in the winter - I've been on a couple before and if I can't work Rio at least 6 days a week his back problem just regresses and I'm back to square one.  He is extremely high maintenance.


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## Asha (9 April 2016)

Don't panic ! He sounds exactly like my hubby. He'd react just like that too. I would imagine he will calm down by tomorrow and his wife will have talked a bit of sense into him.  I would imagine the beers will do the trick. 

Look on the bright side, your horse is happy &#55357;&#56836;


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## rachk89 (9 April 2016)

It might be ok you never know. Men tend to be even more grouchy on less sleep than women my dad can get a bit scary if he has been on nights and is sleep deprived. 

Definitely wrong of your sharer maybe they will just ban her? Still not great for you though. Hopefully he will be understanding of it eventually. I think you have done all you can really for now. Drop the gifts off tomorrow and see what happens. Hope it all works out for you.


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## Evie91 (9 April 2016)

Crystal Rio - you've done what you can. Take the gifts as planned tomorrow. I'd also be tempted to write a note of apology too.
Think your course of action would have been the correct one. Tbf I do not think moving a lorry is enough is enough of an 'emergency' to enter someone's house. If it were me, I'd be tempted to give you a chance but wouldn't want the sharer.
Then again I am particularly  harsh, live in the sticks, love where I live as no direct neighbours and really value my privacy!!
Good luck hope it works out ok


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## Crystal-Rio (9 April 2016)

Thanks everyone.

My sharer has also told my yard owner that if needs be, she won't come anymore if that enables me to stay but I honestly don't want to lose her if I can help it, she is an absolute godsend and my horse adores her.  However, if that is the only option on the table, then I might have to just swallow it as there is literally nowhere else that I can go in reasonable distance of my house that has the facilities that I need.  I am hoping that it won't come to that though.


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## MotherOfChickens (9 April 2016)

I am sure everyone will calm down, I am awful if woken up suddenly. Your sharer made a mistake but hardly a shooting offence-hopefully a storm in a teacup  no point in stressing until you know you have something to stress about.


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## Crystal-Rio (9 April 2016)

Evie91 said:



			Crystal Rio - you've done what you can. Take the gifts as planned tomorrow. I'd also be tempted to write a note of apology too.
		
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I've put a card in with the wine and beer with a written apology.


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## ozpoz (9 April 2016)

Poor you. I think all the stress of moving is making this feel worse than it really is, although I do understand the man's "my home, my castle" attitude. 
I hope they accept your apology, and find a sense of humour about it all - and forgive your perfect sharer, too.


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## Illusion100 (9 April 2016)

Take a deep breath!

The yard seems to be the wife's business and the husband has a completely different job/hours, he was understandably livid at being woken up by a 'stranger' coming into his house, let's face it he has probably had this happen to him quite a few times in the past and your sharer got the frustration taken out on her because his wife wasn't there to oversee her 'responsibility' and he got the short end of the stick again. Yet, he sorted the lorry issue out when he didn't have to, so he's not a bad guy at all. 

Nobody meant to cause anyone else harm here and I'm sure they realise you both are sincere in your regret and apologies. Imo, this is more of a husband/wife issue than anything else. That said, this may be a clue as to the YO/husband dynamics, so just bear that in mind. 

Please don't panic or stress anymore tonight, things are always different in the morning.


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## Leo Walker (9 April 2016)

rachk89 said:



			It might be ok you never know. Men tend to be even more grouchy on less sleep than women my dad can get a bit scary if he has been on nights and is sleep deprived.
		
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Honestly my OH is the loveliest and kindest person in the world, but he works nights and if that had happened he would have been a total pig about it! Theres something about sleep deprivation that makes people horrible! I actually shouted at and then slammed the door in the face of someone knocking doors for a living the other day. I would never, ever have done that normally as I door knocked for a living when I was at uni.

But I was knackered and asleep and some horrible primal part of myself took over and I told him to **** off and then slammed the door! Once I'd had some sleep I was mortified, but if you'd seen me I looked possessed with rage! Totally out of character! So hopefully you will find the same


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## SusieT (10 April 2016)

well, I'd be more concerned your new yard owner isn't the type to be reasonable.
4 girls, panicking with a big lorry. It was probably better than his yard being damaged that he fixed it however he may feel your going to need your hand holding and he doesn't want that.
Surely a 'in future don't ever come in without invitation' would have been more reasonable no matter how wrong it was - any reasonable livery yard knows how stressful horse life is 
I think you come across as a little precious however and girly, which if you come across as that in real life may be why he isn't interest in building bridges rather than locking gates! Good luckw ith apology - just go somewhere with lights if no other indoors.


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## atropa (10 April 2016)

Sorry but I think everyone has overreacted here. Not being able to move the lorry out, whilst a stressful situation, wouldn't be something for me to panic or become frightened enough over to barge into someone's house. On the other hand, your sharer hardly let herself in and made herself at home, and I think YO's husband has been a bit out of line too. I have worked solid nights before and understand it can make you irritable, but surely he will gain some perspective and understand it was a stressful situation...expecially when faced with a genuine apology and beers. I imagine it could make things a bit awkward in future though for both of you on the yard. Not the best start I'm afraid but I hope it works out OP :\


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## Zero00000 (10 April 2016)

I too work nights, and if I am woken up for anything i am in a rage!! 
And if I was woken to someone I didn't know in my house shouting I'd be seething.
But I'd calm down after some sleep and rationat thinking 

Hope it all blows over for you all


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## peaceandquiet1 (10 April 2016)

I don't think what your sharer did was all that wrong, after all it was very difficult circumstances, the door was unlocked, and help was needed......am sorry for you situation and hope it blows over too.


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## Jazzy B (10 April 2016)

From the sounds of it I think every overreacted but I don't think what your sharer did was that awful!  If there had been something wrong with a horse would he have roared and bellowed at being disturbed?  It's not like your sharer went in and made herself a cup of tea!  Personally, if your yard owner and husband won't forgive and I think you have done more than enough to apologise I would find somewhere else for the horse.


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## Red-1 (10 April 2016)

Much as it will be hard, I would leave the YO with space and time to sort it out. She has said she will speak with him, so let her do that. It may take a day or two. Nothing wrong with wine, beer and a card, but other than that I would not try to approach him. If he comes over than by all means give another apology, but don't ask  him for an answer, as he already gave HIS answer, you need to wait for her to change his mind.

I worked nights, and I too would have been furious for someone to barge into the house. It stinks of "my parking issue is greater than any reason you may have for not answering the door." If there had been a fire then OK. But a parking issue with a lorry? When you say it was stuck I don't suppose it was wedged on top of a precipice, I take it that it was more that the driver was inconvenienced as she may have to wait for someone to come so she could un-park. 

Being as the man who was just woken off nights was able to drive the dratted thing out, then I don't suppose the car was THAT badly parked. Being woken up by someone who was unable to manoeuvre their own vehicle in a perfectly good space, and then them declaring it an emergency, then barging into my house, would have upset me too, especially on nights!  

I am happy that your horse has settled well. I hope that the sharer is allowed to continue to visit the yard. I don't suppose you will disturb the YO's OH again, unless it is a genuine emergency. Genuinely give her time to talk him round. Trying to rush that also smacks of your 'discomfort waiting' being more important to you than complying with their wishes (in this case to be allowed to talk him round herself).


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## Clare85 (10 April 2016)

Hope it gets sorted out for you OP. Hopefully the husband will calm down after some sleep and your apology gifts will help. Honestly, I think he has just overreacted due to his tiredness and will hopefully be more reasonable when he is rested up. How were you or your sharer supposed to know he would be asleep in the middle of the day if you'd only been on the yard 5 minutes? The YO should make it clear to new liveries that they are not to disturb him if he's been working nights. Fingers crossed they let you stay


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## AdorableAlice (10 April 2016)

Another one with a hubby that did, thankfully no longer, permanent nights.  It is a SH%t routine and being disturbed is annoying.  I expect the livery situation will right itself with a written apology and a bottle.

The fact that the driver could not drive her lorry is worrying.  28' is not big, if she can't control it in every situation she should not be in it and without her inability to driver her wagon you would not be in this situation now.


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## FfionWinnie (10 April 2016)

You sound like a right load of drama queens. Not surprised he doesn't want you on the yard. I would stop hassling them and go about your business on the yard like a normal person and maybe they will realise you aren't actually as daft as you appeared on the first day.  

As an aside, I work my horse 7 days a week with no school at all, in Scotland, so there's another thing you are getting overly dramatic about. Where there's a will there's a way, maybe think about calming down and your horse might too!


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## honetpot (10 April 2016)

Sorry I think he is a total t***. I worked nights for eighteen years and the number of times I have been woken up by other people and my children, if I went off the deep end every time, well! When you go to bed you lock the doors, if you have not locked the doors you just a bit stupid.
   I might be a bit grumpy when I am first woken up, but I would rather sort out a problem than leave someone in a mess and how were you to know he was on nights? To be honest I think its the YO fault for not being there when you arrived to help.
  I hope it all settles down but honestly I do not think I would want be near someone with so little understanding.


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## Pedantic (10 April 2016)

Husband sounds like an over reacting Richard Head, if you run a business and a livery yard that means people around and noise, did he think you had a crystal ball to know he's on nights, your friend wasn't stealing stuff and rummaging through drawers, she was stressing and panicky, first off the door wasn't locked, secondly any signs saying don't ring or knock during the day ?, if you end up staying I bet he will be a pain and you will have more problems, if the guy can't understand this then maybe your best out of it.

Hope you get sorted and it all works out for you for the best.


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## Regandal (10 April 2016)

I work nights and would be homicidal if wakened. Forget the wine,  go for the hard stuff. A nice malt. And seize the chance whilst your horse is behaving and set real boundaries. Get a control head collar and do ground work.


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## Princess16 (10 April 2016)

What's done is done so no point over analysing it all now. 

I would keep your head down, leave them alone and go about your business. Creeping round giving gifts etc will only make things worse IMO. 

Really hope they let you stay for the sake of your horse if nothing else.


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## Nativelover (10 April 2016)

I have worked many, many nights and the only thing you think about is getting sleep. Some people really struggle sleeping through the day, so I sympathise with him completely. I too would be like a bear with a sore head if I was woken. However the YO should have said not to disturb the house as he would be sleeping.
That said, I don't know what your sharer was thinking!!?? Walking into a strangers house and shouting??? I'd be furious, nights or not!!
Was there any other liveries around to ask?? 

Still whats done is done, I know moving yards is stressful but you all sound like it was made worse by your drama queen attitudes ( as someone else put it).
I'd go with the letter/card with profuse apologies in it, plus the wine and beer/whiskey and keep out of their way. Hopefully by the time the OH has slept and thought about it he will say his threats were just a reaction and not his real feeling. Good luck OP as the yard sound perfect for you!


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## shannonandtay (10 April 2016)

Although I can understand him being angry about what happened, I really do think he over reacted and if he doesn't calm down and they do tell you to go, then I would say this is not the right yard for you.  Would you want to be on a yard where the owners can be like this over a genuine mistake. Would he rather the lorry backed into his car? Sometimes these things have a funny way of happening for a reason, but I do think it will calm down and be ok in the end.  I did once look at a yard with a lovely lady yard owner, met her husband and he was a rude ogre, I dint go for that reason even though he didn't directly have much to do with the yard.  Let us know what happens and good luck.


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## el_Snowflakes (10 April 2016)

I think the man probably overreacted a little, but he's within his rights to be annoyed. Woud it help to pop round with a wee card & wine just to let him know you are truly sorry & to clear the air? He might have had a chance to calm down as It would be a real shame to spoil things over something so silly!


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## xspiralx (10 April 2016)

So sorry you've had this experience OP. I know exactly how stressful it can be to move a horse, and can imagine just how terrible you're feeling right now.

For what its worth I think the whole situation has been blown way out of proportion. In hindsight perhaps your sharer shouldn't have gone into the house and shouted for the yard owner - however it's hardly the crime of the century. This was very badly managed on their end - YO should have been around or have told you how to get hold of her if there were any problems when you arrived - particularly if she wasn't going to be home. She should also have let you know that her husband works nights and therefore not to go near the house during the day. The husband should have had the door locked, and it would make sense to have a note on the door to advise liveries not to knock or disturb.

I also think he has massively overreacted. It was a genuine mistake and you all apologised profusely. Demanding that you leave the yard is a ridiculous overreaction in my view - a clear instruction not to knock at the house or enter without permission again would be all that is needed. If you then disregarded this instruction I could understand them asking you to leave, but this was a silly mistake in a stressful situation and you had not been informed that the YO was not home and that the husband works nights.

Giving some wine/beer is a nice gesture - if he refuses to accept it then to be honest I'm not sure it's the kind of place I'd want to keep my horse at anyway. Hard as it is, I'd try not to keep dwelling on it - you really haven't done anything that terrible.


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## peaceandquiet1 (10 April 2016)

xspiralx said:



			So sorry you've had this experience OP. I know exactly how stressful it can be to move a horse, and can imagine just how terrible you're feeling right now.

For what its worth I think the whole situation has been blown way out of proportion. In hindsight perhaps your sharer shouldn't have gone into the house and shouted for the yard owner - however it's hardly the crime of the century. This was very badly managed on their end - YO should have been around or have told you how to get hold of her if there were any problems when you arrived - particularly if she wasn't going to be home. She should also have let you know that her husband works nights and therefore not to go near the house during the day. The husband should have had the door locked, and it would make sense to have a note on the door to advise liveries not to knock or disturb.

I also think he has massively overreacted. It was a genuine mistake and you all apologised profusely. Demanding that you leave the yard is a ridiculous overreaction in my view - a clear instruction not to knock at the house or enter without permission again would be all that is needed. If you then disregarded this instruction I could understand them asking you to leave, but this was a silly mistake in a stressful situation and you had not been informed that the YO was not home and that the husband works nights.

Giving some wine/beer is a nice gesture - if he refuses to accept it then to be honest I'm not sure it's the kind of place I'd want to keep my horse at anyway. Hard as it is, I'd try not to keep dwelling on it - you really haven't done anything that terrible.
		
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Well said


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## Flicker (10 April 2016)

xspiralx said:



			So sorry you've had this experience OP. I know exactly how stressful it can be to move a horse, and can imagine just how terrible you're feeling right now.

For what its worth I think the whole situation has been blown way out of proportion. In hindsight perhaps your sharer shouldn't have gone into the house and shouted for the yard owner - however it's hardly the crime of the century. This was very badly managed on their end - YO should have been around or have told you how to get hold of her if there were any problems when you arrived - particularly if she wasn't going to be home. She should also have let you know that her husband works nights and therefore not to go near the house during the day. The husband should have had the door locked, and it would make sense to have a note on the door to advise liveries not to knock or disturb.

I also think he has massively overreacted. It was a genuine mistake and you all apologised profusely. Demanding that you leave the yard is a ridiculous overreaction in my view - a clear instruction not to knock at the house or enter without permission again would be all that is needed. If you then disregarded this instruction I could understand them asking you to leave, but this was a silly mistake in a stressful situation and you had not been informed that the YO was not home and that the husband works nights.

Giving some wine/beer is a nice gesture - if he refuses to accept it then to be honest I'm not sure it's the kind of place I'd want to keep my horse at anyway. Hard as it is, I'd try not to keep dwelling on it - you really haven't done anything that terrible.
		
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^^^. Was going to say almost exactly the same.


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## SO1 (10 April 2016)

Difficult situation sharer definitely in the wrong to enter someone's house without their permission the fact he was sleeping was irrelevant. 

In hindsight you should have called the YO rather than just going straight to the house and if the YO did not answer just turned off the lorry until you could get someone to help be it a more experienced driver or managed to get hold of YO.

I can understand that the husband was angry that your sharer had entered his house without permission and not tried to contact his wife first and that it was not an emergency either. His first impressions of you are not going to be great, ultimately if the yard is his home as well and it is understandable that he does not feel comfortable having people on his property that would consider entering his home without his permission. 

If they don't have trouble finding good liveries then there is no reason for them to have people on the yard that they do not feel comfortable with. 

I have only been on the 3 yards in the eight and half years I have had my pony but in all cases the YO or a member of staff was there when I bought my pony on to the yard to welcome me and help us settle in. I would normally have expected someone to be there when you arrived to make sure everything was ok or see if you need any help. 

Hopefully they will calm down and let you stay but I would not surprised if they said the sharer was not welcome in future.


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## Sandstone1 (10 April 2016)

I can see why he was angry, I'd be furious if someone walked in to my house and shouted. Very rude and thoughtless.
Just think what she may have walked in on!
However a apology, gift and card may smooth things over.
Hope you get it sorted.


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## PerfectCoffee (10 April 2016)

I think you need to get things into perspective, I was expecting dead or badly injured horses or people from the title of the thread.  You are OK, your horse is Ok and the YO husband is likely to calm down and relent.  If the worst comes to the worst you can find another yard with an outdoor school for the summer whilst you keep looking for one with an indoor.

I'm sure it will work out fine in the end


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## EstherYoung (10 April 2016)

PerfectCoffee said:



			I think you need to get things into perspective, I was expecting dead or badly injured horses or people from the title of the thread.  You are OK, your horse is Ok and the YO husband is likely to calm down and relent.  If the worst comes to the worst you can find another yard with an outdoor school for the summer whilst you keep looking for one with an indoor.

I'm sure it will work out fine in the end 

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I agree. One of three things will happen:
You and/or sharer will be asked to leave, which is annoying but not insurmountable. Alternatively, you will be allowed to stay but the chap will turn out to be a massive tool and you will spend the next X years/months walking on eggshells at the yard until you decide to leave. Alternatively, he will calm down and all will be right with the world, albeit he may gently rib you about it and your collective inability to manouevre horse boxes for years to come.

Hopefully you've calmed down a bit with some sleep too. I'm not great with conflict either, but as they say up here in Yorkshire, it'll be reet. Good luck.


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## catroo (10 April 2016)

To be honest it sounds like the three of you were flapping, not being able to get the lorry out is not an emergency and I can see how he'd been annoyed at the combination of being woken up, intruder and having to sort out the situation which the driver of the Horsebox should of been more than able to do.

I do think you apology is more than sufficient though and I'm sure time has helped put things in perspective.


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## Nancykitt (10 April 2016)

I'm another one who thinks that leaving the door open was not the best idea. I can totally understand someone being very angry if they were sleeping but there's no way I'd be leaving my door open, full stop. In theory, anyone could have walked in and stolen something  - who would they have blamed? 
Sounds like a very uncomfortable day but it's the sort of thing that will diminish in time because at the end of the day no harm was done. 
Let us know what the outcome is.


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## Crystal-Rio (10 April 2016)

So many thanks for all the positive replies.

I have been down to Rio this morning and managed to catch my YO.  I left a gift bag at the gate with some wine and beer with a card - I do appreciate people saying that this might be creeping, but in the circumstances an apology of this sort is the least I could do.

she has not managed to speak to her husband at any length, as he was on nights again last night and when I got there this morning just after 8 - he had come home and gone straight to bed, but she did say that he was not at all happy.   She still couldn't give me an answer as to whether I can stay or need to go.   She did look harassed to be honest and the thing that I feel badly about is causing her all this stress when I have been there 5 minutes.   I have been on my previous yard for 15 years without a minutes problem with anyone in all that time.

She said that she will try and talk to him later today, but still couldn't say what the outcome will be, so I'm just waiting with fingers crossed.   

I have spoken to my previous YO and she is more than happy to have me back - my stable has been taken now (one of the nicest ones on the yard) but there is another that I can have.   Despite the yard closing this will be 6-8 months down the line, so if the worst comes to the worst - I will go back and try and find something else in the meantime.

Will update when I have an answer from new YO.

Thanks to you all again.


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## Flicker (10 April 2016)

Husband sounds scary.  Not sure I'd want my horse on a yard with someone so volatile, quick to anger and with so much control.


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## Red-1 (10 April 2016)

Crystal-Rio said:



			So many thanks for all the positive replies.

I have been down to Rio this morning and managed to catch my YO.  I left a gift bag at the gate with some wine and beer with a card - I do appreciate people saying that this might be creeping, but in the circumstances an apology of this sort is the least I could do.

she has not managed to speak to her husband at any length, as he was on nights again last night and when I got there this morning just after 8 - he had come home and gone straight to bed, but she did say that he was not at all happy.   She still couldn't give me an answer as to whether I can stay or need to go.   She did look harassed to be honest and the thing that I feel badly about is causing her all this stress when I have been there 5 minutes.   .
		
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As I said before, I would not be pushing for an answer. As it stands you do not have to leave. Push and you may be told what you do not want to hear. It would be better if she does not feel pushed to ask while he is still on nights (from personal experience), and it also gives you chance to prove you can fit in. 

I would not be trying to catch the YO at all, and hoping that she does not ask for a day or two


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## Sandstone1 (10 April 2016)

You've done what you can now. I'd be keeping my head down and not pestering the yard owner now. Leave things be.  You will just have to wait and see.


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## Illusion100 (10 April 2016)

In your shoes, I'd be moving back to your original yard and looking for somewhere else in the interim. 

The husband and wife appear to have a bit of a stormy relationship and it is spilling over into the livery business that seems to have little to do with the husband in the first place. I think this incident has given insight as to how things might be more often than not and for me, it wouldn't be worth the hassle.


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## peaceandquiet1 (10 April 2016)

Flicker said:



			Husband sounds scary.  Not sure I'd want my horse on a yard with someone so volatile, quick to anger and with so much control.
		
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yes to this


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## sarcasm_queen (10 April 2016)

He was probably mad at your friends' inability to drive her lorry...


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## mytwofriends (10 April 2016)

I think the husband was totally out of order. Ok so he may have been woken up and wasn't thrilled at someone (a client for goodness sake) in his house asking for help, but the fact that he was so very angry wouldn't sit well with me in the slightest. He sounds vile, especially as OP and sharer have bent over backwards to apologise.

I'm not sure I'd want to keep my horse on his property. 

I'm sorry for your situation, OP, and I know your horse isn't the easiest to keep settled, but in your position I'd be thinking of moving on and taking your poor sharer with you. 

I have no time for bullies.


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## MotherOfChickens (10 April 2016)

Flicker said:



			Husband sounds scary.  Not sure I'd want my horse on a yard with someone so volatile, quick to anger and with so much control.
		
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you don't know what else is going on tbh, could be that this is the nth time he's been woken up by a livery. honestly, so much drama over nowt though, makes me glad I am not on livery anymore.


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## Dr_Horse (10 April 2016)

Jeez i hope this all comes right for you eventually!


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## Goldenstar (10 April 2016)

Tbh if you keep your head down I think this will come right .
And you have learned a big lesson about boundaries on your new yard .
Just be mega polite in a quiet sort of way and fingers crossed the dust will settle .


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## Nightmare before Christmas (10 April 2016)

I wouldn't like my liveries to pester me. I would rather they sorted moving a Lorry them selves. It's really not that hard. But he does sound a mardy ****** too


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## Boulty (10 April 2016)

Fingers crossed that once he's calmed down, had some sleep and had his wife talk to him that he will relent and realise he was being a bit daft and over-reacted.  Can understand him being peed off at being woken up but perhaps he needs a sign for the door for when he's asleep stating that nobody is to knock unless the place is burning down or something.  Here's to hoping a bit of common sense prevails


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## Clannad48 (10 April 2016)

Ok sticking my head above the parapet here.....  We recently moved to a new yard, the yard owner is lovely and asked us to tell her when we were on our way so she could meet us and the horses as we arrived, very friendly and a lovely set-up, she and her husband live on site.  Now she has told us that if we need anything and she is not around to go to the house and knock, if no reply to open the door and give her a call.......
At a previous yard the YO was a competitor who was out competing the day we arrived so we just got on with it, we had arranged it and got the keys etc the night before, and the day we left she was out competing as well so when we left, we cleaned up, loaded up and locked up leaving the keys in a pre-arranged place.

I must admit that if the YO husband worked nights it might have been a good idea for the YO to let the new livery know in advance that the house was out of bounds due to his working nights except in an absolute real emergency.  Not in any way excusing either the sharer going in and calling out, or the husband going mental but sometimes it is a good idea to step back and think before doing anything.

I hope it all gets sorted and calms down.


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## Princess16 (10 April 2016)

You have done all you can now so I would leave it be.

TBH if it were me I would be looking to move as I wouldn't feel comfortable or secure there thinking that one more slip up and that would be it.  Think you may be living on a knife edge there. Just my opinion.


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## YorksG (10 April 2016)

If you go into a shop and there is no one behind the counter, would you go into the living area to find someone to deal with an issue you had in the car park? If the answer is no, then why on earth would you go into someones house to ask them to sort out the problem caused by the driver of the waggon being unable to sort out turning the vehicle round? As for saying they should lock their door if they don't want random people going into their house, that beggars belief IMO!


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## sjp1 (10 April 2016)

IMO, yards are yards, and if you take lots of money for livery, you have to accept the fallout!!  My YO or husband would not over react and tell you to get off the yard - they would probably take the pee that you had got wedged in but we are a small yard and are friends.

We farm and have boys working for us, they are in and out of the house constantly for cups of coffee if its cold or to find someone if there is a problem with something lambing - even if we are asleep - think your YO's husband massively over reacting and he needs to get a grip!!!  But I guess we are more agricultural and thats the way it is!!


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## tristar (10 April 2016)

its a yard for horses and their owners, you are paying you should be treated with respect.

I for one have been I situations of varying degrees of stress with horses and it is mind blowing almost as if you don`t function as normal or can`t, you are arriving somewhere new and worried about your horse you are nervy something goes wrong, they should have been there for you and come out to welcome you and help you get sorted, I have no time for ignorant, bullying and frankly stupid people, and have every sympathy with you.

and as for knocking on the  door and looking in for someone, I think that is perfectly acceptable and only to be expected! if you had gone and done something without asking they would have been the same,  they sound plain thick to me, how can you have a yard and not have people knocking on the door? for sake sake!


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## Pedantic (10 April 2016)

tristar said:



			its a yard for horses and their owners, you are paying you should be treated with respect.

I for one have been I situations of varying degrees of stress with horses and it is mind blowing almost as if you don`t function as normal or can`t, you are arriving somewhere new and worried about your horse you are nervy something goes wrong, they should have been there for you and come out to welcome you and help you get sorted, I have no time for ignorant, bullying and frankly stupid people, and have every sympathy with you.

and as for knocking on the  door and looking in for someone, I think that is perfectly acceptable and only to be expected! if you had gone and done something without asking they would have been the same,  they sound plain thick to me, how can you have a yard and not have people knocking on the door? for sake sake!
		
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^^^^^^^^^ This as well as my own previous comment, too many happy to take the money but not the responsibility.


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## Fiona (10 April 2016)

The hubby sounds horrible,  why on earth wasn't the door locked if he was in bed...

Where I live everyone bangs on the back door, and if its open just walks in...

Fiona


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## Nancykitt (10 April 2016)

YorksG said:



			As for saying they should lock their door if they don't want random people going into their house, that beggars belief IMO!
		
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Sorry but I do lock my door, especially if there are people around. It would be nice if we didn't have to, but we do. 
A few weeks ago a friend of mine, who has a small yard, had someone walk in, pick up her car keys and drive off. This wasn't one of the liveries. 
The insurance company were very unimpressed that she had left her door unlocked. 
I don't think it 'beggars belief'. I think it's just common sense to lock a door if you don't want to run the risk of some unscrupulous person helping themselves.


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## YorksG (10 April 2016)

Nancykitt said:



			Sorry but I do lock my door, especially if there are people around. It would be nice if we didn't have to, but we do. 
A few weeks ago a friend of mine, who has a small yard, had someone walk in, pick up her car keys and drive off. This wasn't one of the liveries. 
The insurance company were very unimpressed that she had left her door unlocked. 
I don't think it 'beggars belief'. I think it's just common sense to lock a door if you don't want to run the risk of some unscrupulous person helping themselves.
		
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But this was a livery customer, who decided to just enter the house! Our back door is unlocked, because the yard gate is locked, no-one who has no need to be there could get into the house, but people who have legitimate access to the yard could, no-one has ever been rude enough to do that!


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## Nancykitt (10 April 2016)

YorksG said:



			But this was a livery customer, who decided to just enter the house! Our back door is unlocked, because the yard gate is locked, no-one who has no need to be there could get into the house, but people who have legitimate access to the yard could, no-one has ever been rude enough to do that!
		
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Admittedly I haven't been on a livery yard for some years but the YO did not leave the house door open. It was his family's home and we knocked on the door  - if we didn't get a reply we had to walk away as the door was locked. Also, there were people on that yard who were not very trustworthy - I had several things stolen and we were all told to keep everything locked up. Very sad in a way, but there you are.


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## tankgirl1 (10 April 2016)

Fiona said:



			The hubby sounds horrible,  why on earth wasn't the door locked if he was in bed...

Where I live everyone bangs on the back door, and if its open just walks in...

Fiona
		
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I'm not a YO but live in a small village where friends and family knock on, if no answer they open the door and yell, which usually results in me hastily running downstairs as I was either napping or on the loo. If I don't want people opening the door, then I lock it, simples. I think the hubby has over-reacted here - maybe YO promised to lock the door on her way out and forgot and so he's redirecting his anger at the easiest target - OP and her sharer.... OP I'd keep your head down and wait for them to get back to you, you've left a bottle and some tinnies, just lay low for now and don't over think it! xx


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## popsdosh (11 April 2016)

Nancykitt said:



			Admittedly I haven't been on a livery yard for some years but the YO did not leave the house door open. It was his family's home and we knocked on the door  - if we didn't get a reply we had to walk away as the door was locked. Also, there were people on that yard who were not very trustworthy - I had several things stolen and we were all told to keep everything locked up. Very sad in a way, but there you are.
		
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You shouldnt need to lock your door!! Its common courtesy not to just walk in. 

I am sorry if people dont agree but thats how I was brought up. To much fuss has been made about this I can really understand why he was not happy. When we had liveries it was always made clear where the yard finished and our private space started otherwise you never get a break.
I am also sure that if things were just left it will sort itself out however posting a thread on here may not help much ,the horse world is a small one.
To those who think the husband is terrible,remember he did sort out the lorry situation if I was really angry I would have left you to it.


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## fatpiggy (11 April 2016)

I lock my front door behind me as I go in, I certainly wouldn't leave it unlocked if I was asleep, even if it was just having a nap on the sofa.  Yes, you should be able to leave it unlocked, but in this day and age you just can't, end of.  You should be able to leave your car unlocked too, but the insurance take a dim view of that when it gets pinched.  I grew up in the countryside and we only actually locked the doors with a key if we had gone on holiday.  People always used to open the door and shout if we weren't immediately in view.  I think the YO's husband is potentially a nasty piece of work. No-one likes being disturbed but I didn't go off on one when the fire brigade knocked me up at 2.30 am as my elderly neighbour had been taken ill and they needed to know if I had a key.  Hopefully things will calm down but I'd be somewhat wary of the man.  In the meantime, just keep your head down and hope for the best.  Moral of the day - back the lorry in next time!


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## XxCoriexX (11 April 2016)

Have you completely lost your minds!!!! Of course it was rude for the sharer to just walk into someones house! My FRIENDS walk into my house unannounced but I would be furious if someone I had only met maybe once or not at all just walked in because I didn't answer the door! Its my house and if I choose not to open the door to you then you should take that as a sign! 
For those of you saying the husband is horrible and rude.....it never stated that he was furious about being woken up, he was furious that someone had just walked into his home....which is a normal reaction. Perhaps if she had knocked again, and given him time to get up he would have been more than happy to help....which he did anyway! 
Also why in the hell should he have to tell all liveries about what hours he works! its none of their business! She knocked on the door....which no one would have had a problem with if she had just left when no one answered!
maybe I was just raised with more manners and respect for other peoples property than some of the other people out there.


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## MotherOfChickens (11 April 2016)

can't believe this is now all the YO's husband's fault for not locking his door lol. sort of like victim blaming 

Wake me up at the equivalent of 1 or 2am in the morning at your peril-especially if done in such a way as to give me a bit of a fright.


fwiw I rarely lock any door at home but I don't expect people to come in and shout (ie delivery drivers) if they don't get an answer. My ex landlord thought it completely acceptable and its a gross invasion of privacy-I would never dream of doing it.

oh, and paying for a stable for your _horse_, does not give the owner the right to the YO's _house_. Boundaries people, boundaries!


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## DD (11 April 2016)

Anyone know whether or not the OP is still at the yard?


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## Goldenstar (11 April 2016)

Downton Dame said:



			Anyone know whether or not the OP is still at the yard?
		
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Well it crossed my mind that if someone's pointed the yard owner in direction of this thread it's unlikely to help matters .


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## FfionWinnie (11 April 2016)

I cannot believe anyone would think opening the door was fair game whether or not it was locked!

The only house I would walk into would be my parents house where I lived as a child. I would NEVER enter ANY other house without invitation and certainly not someone I did not know. 

This was not any sort of an emergency it was just a few silly girls having a ridiculous melt down about nothing. 

Agree if the YO reads the thread the op is doomed. Probably is anyway to be honest - the more I think about it the more I feel irritated on the YO's behalf.


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## Spyda (11 April 2016)

mytwofriends said:



			I think the husband was totally out of order. Ok so he may have been woken up and wasn't thrilled at someone (a client for goodness sake) in his house asking for help, but the fact that he was so very angry wouldn't sit well with me in the slightest. He sounds vile, especially as OP and sharer have bent over backwards to apologise.

I'm not sure I'd want to keep my horse on his property. 

I'm sorry for your situation, OP, and I know your horse isn't the easiest to keep settled, but in your position I'd be thinking of moving on and taking your poor sharer with you. 

I have no time for bullies.
		
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Agree with this.

I'd keep your head down now and see how things pan out over the next week or so. See if you can start to feel comfortable on the yard and around the YO. Ultimately, if you're going to stay on the yard, you need to feel happy being there. If the bad vibes continue or you are asked to leave, then do so, with your head held high. You did nothing terrible, so if such a small issue cannot be over come, then escape whilst you can. Nothing worse than being on a yard where you feel uncomfortable - no matter how nice the facilties or how close to home it is. If you leave, it might be a crying shame for the sake of the facilities and closeness to your home, but a bad atmosphere and dogmatic, territorial, irritable YO's who are making you feel bullied, aren't worth paying your money to.


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## RunToEarth (11 April 2016)

Illusion100 said:



			The husband and wife appear to have a bit of a stormy relationship and it is spilling over into the livery business that seems to have little to do with the husband in the first place.
		
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I'm mesmerised that you can come to that conclusion based on the posts the OP has put on!!! 

OP - you sound like a complete drama queen and rather the typical neurotic equine related person I try to avoid - you are being completely overbearing and you have been there less than a week. Moving a horse does not need to be that stressful, really. 

To everyone who thinks the husband is a complete monster - how many of you have worked back to back night shifts? I don't work nights and I would be incensed if someone entered my home without permission and yelled, waking me up because some livery's friend couldn't drive her lorry. 

As far as I can understand, the husband is nothing to do with the livery yard - I wouldn't be happy being woken in the middle of the night owing to something that doesn't concern me, this is no different.


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## popsdosh (11 April 2016)

Spyda said:



			Agree with this.

I'd keep your head down now and see how things pan out over the next week or so. See if you can start to feel comfortable on the yard and around the YO. Ultimately, if you're going to stay on the yard, you need to feel happy being there. If the bad vibes continue or you are asked to leave, then do so, with your head held high. You did nothing terrible, so if such a small issue cannot be over come, then escape whilst you can. Nothing worse than being on a yard where you feel uncomfortable - no matter how nice the facilties or how close to home it is. If you leave, it might be a crying shame for the sake of the facilities and closeness to your home, but a bad atmosphere and dogmatic, territorial, irritable YO's who are making you feel bullied, aren't worth paying your money to.
		
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Ive got news for you with that attitude I would show you the gate!!


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## Red-1 (11 April 2016)

Goldenstar said:



			Well it crossed my mind that if someone's pointed the yard owner in direction of this thread it's unlikely to help matters .
		
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I nearly put that too, but lately I must have said the same to 4 or so threads, and it had started to sound like I was some sort of secret loving spoil sport!

If I were the YO I would not be happy that my privacy was invaded with thoughts and speculations on my personal relationships, critique of my OH's supposed bullying etc. 

I think people forget how small a world it is with horses, and I am sure wind will get back, as another livery etc will recognise the yard set up, the facilities, the YO and OH situation etc. 

I also hate advert slating threads, seems unfair on the poor advertiser, if they have not asked for their advert to be discussed in such a public forum. But, I guess at least they put their advert out there in public to be seen, unlike the poor TO's OH, who was just in bed asleep. 

I also agree that people who are saying he was over reacting, that they probably have not worked back to back nights. It is not just an inconvenience at being woken up. Your body is in disarray, sleep is not easy to come by, and it can affect you for days.


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## MotherOfChickens (11 April 2016)

RunToEarth said:



			I'm mesmerised that you can come to that conclusion based on the posts the OP has put on!!!
		
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its hilarious!


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## Pinkvboots (11 April 2016)

I am stunned that some people are calling the yard owners husband a bully! I think he has every right to be angry a stranger just took it upon herself to open his fro the door and shout out to get someone's attention, I could understand the urgency if someone was dying outside but it was the fact that someone could not move there lorry.
I often rent one of my stables and my oh would be furious if the livery just decided to walk into our house on there own accord, just because someone is paying you £25 a week it does not give them the right to just walk into your home.


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## YorksG (11 April 2016)

I just cannot believe how rude some people must be! A new livery who has a parking issue, feels that it is acceptable to barge in to someone elses house, having knocked and got no respons. As someone upthread pointed out, you are paying for a stable and grazing, not constant access to the house and someone to sort out poor driving! If I were the YO, you would be off the yard by the weekend! 
We don't have liveries here and never will, threads like this confirms my view, that too many liveries believe that the world should revolve around them.


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## paddi22 (11 April 2016)

My husband would be furious if a client was to just walk into the house and start shouting. I would never in a million years just barge into someone's house. I remember it happened to me and at the time i was bawling crying over something at the kitchen table in t shirt and knickers, and i was mortified having to explain myself to a complete stranger and completely embarassed!!  You can't just walk into someone's house, and being a client doesn't give you a right to demand that someone deals with you over a minor incident.

I wouldn't class not being able to move an empty  lorry an emergency issue worth panicing over??  Why not just sit and wait till someone arrived who could do it. You's all honestly sound like you just need to calm down a notch of two!

Edited to say: as someone who does night shifts at times i would have reacted the exact same way as husband, especially over something as stupid as someone managing to jam their lorry. If you are tired and sleep deprived its awful being woken up as then you just can't get back to sleep. 

I can understand his reaction as well, as you just can't encourage an open house on a livery yard as they'd have everything thinking it was ok to intrude.

One of my old yard owners had her house on the yard and I never went near her house as it was her personal space and i respected that.


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## Orangehorse (11 April 2016)

Cripes, talk about over reaction!  I can't see why everyone is so cross.  Sticking you head through an unlocked door and shouting "hello" isn't the crime of the century.  They weren't casing the joint.  No wonder there are wars ..................


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## MontysKeeper (11 April 2016)

OP have you managed to talk to over liveries to find out what the husband is normally like? Being on a new yard is hard to suss out what people are really like and depending on what they said would make my decision, on whether to stay or go. I definitely wouldn't be pestering the yard owner for an answer anytime soon! You've apologised and not much else you can do. Hope it all works out for you and your sharer.


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## YorksG (11 April 2016)

Orangehorse said:



			Cripes, talk about over reaction!  I can't see why everyone is so cross.  Sticking you head through an unlocked door and shouting "hello" isn't the crime of the century.  They weren't casing the joint.  No wonder there are wars ..................
		
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The OP states that the sharer knocked, got no answer and went into the house, calling for "Jill". Loud enough and far enough into the house to wake the sleeping person. That is rude and let's remember these people don't know the YO and her husband, they had only just arrived, how many strangers houses would people go into, because they hadn't locked their door!


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## Spyda (11 April 2016)

popsdosh said:



			Ive got news for you with that attitude I would show you the gate!!
		
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What! What for!! Lol. Sheesh, I'd be gone before you had the chance to show me the gate if you expected me to endure feeling intimidated and uncomfortable as a livery on your yard! 

There are far too many YO/YM who become too bogged down with their lives and work, and lose sight of who's paying who and who's supposed to be providing a professional service to their clients (their liveries.) I do think it part of a YO/YM job to make their liveries feel comfortable, welcome and appreciated. If they can't smile and be consistently pleasant to their clients on a daily basis, then maybe they're in the wrong equestrian role. Sure, some liveries can be an absolute nightmare to have on a yard, whilst there may be other individuals that simply can't seem to 'gel' at a particular yard for no obvious reason, and these liveries need to be handled in a professional manner by the yard. 

All I have suggested is that the OP keep her head down for the next couple of weeks and see how things go. If things smooth over and she and her sharer are made to feel welcome and part of the yard and the 'unfortunate arrival' incident can be fully over come, then great - stay. But if not, and let's remember keeping a horse on livery is not a cheap hobby and they are PAYING for a service, and the atmosphere remains chilly and the OP and her sharer are left on tenderhooks about whether they are permitted to stay or not, then move. Why pay to be somewhere that gives you a pit in your stomach every time you pull into the car park of the livery yard you're on because of the atmosphere there or because of an irritable YO you are too nervous to approach. 

Sure, the OPs arrival at this new yard was certainly less than an auspicious start, but it doesn't mean she needs to cowtow and be vilified indefinitely. If the YO and her husband can't get over the unfortunate incident within the next couple of weeks, then the OP needs to shrug it off as a 'bad lot' and spend her hard earned livery money elswhere. If she's been at her last yard for 15 years then she sounds neither immature or a nuisance livery to me - as some commenting have implied.


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## ester (11 April 2016)

YorksG said:



			The OP states that the sharer knocked, got no answer and went into the house, calling for "Jill". Loud enough and far enough into the house to wake the sleeping person. That is rude and let's remember these people don't know the YO and her husband, they had only just arrived, how many strangers houses would people go into, because they hadn't locked their door!
		
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This! 

both I and the YO live on site. Emergencies, absolutely no problem/if I need to get my own horse in or something. Someone struggling to get out because my car was parked in the spot it is always parked in no I wouldn't be terribly happy even if I weren't asleep. Particularly as she wasn't actually stuck if the Hubby managed to sort it out for the driver! Come and knock by all means but step in and holler, just No! I have access to the main house for various reasons and have a key but if I think someone is in I always knock first/go in the back way to see if in the kitchen.


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## atropa (11 April 2016)

Yes, but let's not forget that neither OP nor her sharer were waltzing into this house and demanding 5* special treatment, a foot massage and a glass of champagne under normal conditions...yes they shouldn't have got into such a panic over not being able to move an empty box, but they WERE panicking and who hasn't done something stupid and rash in what they considered desperate circumstances?! Sharer has obviously come to her senses afterwards and thought 'why on earth did I think that was okay to do?', has been so mortified that she has offered to quit the share, and OP is understandably anxious about the future of where her horse is going to stay. It has all been blown completely out of proportion now, and I don't think the behaviour of OP and sharer at what they considered a very stressful time is necessarily representative of them day to day.


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## ester (11 April 2016)

In future the whole advantage of a big lorry is surely that you can give up and make a cup of tea for a bit!


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## Pedantic (11 April 2016)

Some yard owners seems to have their heads so far up their own backsides, I am surprised anyone can make out what they are saying due to the muffling, such a shame they have to lower themselves to deal with paying clients, it's a tough world for those above the bottom feeders, qwik loweer ead ant dof yer cap befar mazzer seez ya lukin im int eyyy..


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## Spilletta (11 April 2016)

I hope everything works out for the best.

Maybe the OP is highly sensitive and worries about every last thing, and can be perceived as neurotic by some. In real life, that may translate into someone who cares and is conscientious: the sort of person who will double-check gates are secured, never borrows things without asking, and so on. (Not saying you have to be neurotic to be check gates, obviously, but hopefully you get my point!)

I also think its clear that OP and sharer wish theyd handled things in a different way, and I doubt the sharer makes a habit of entering houses uninvited. So, whats done is done. As long as lessons have been learnt, the best thing to do is kick on. No point dwelling on the past.

If things dont work out at this yard, maybe it was meant to be. Even when things look bleak, they usually have a habit of turning out ok in the end.


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## Damnation (11 April 2016)

Firstly, OP - You need to chill out, judging by the language you have used, you seem to be one who gets upset/panics very easily. Panicking because a car needed moved, could you not just stop for half an hour and have a cup of tea?? The world wasn't going to end!

Secondly - I only ever walk into my YO's house if they have asked me in for a word prior, I would never just walk into someone's house without prior permission. There are some friends that I will just walk into the house, but they are my friends, they know I am coming and they have told me not to knock.

Thirdly - Leave your YO and OH alone. If you keep trying to "catch" her or pester her about it, she will get annoyed, think you aren't worth the hassle and ask you to leave. Just keep your head down, do your thing with your horse and prove *with actions* that you are not a problem livery. Show them you are no problem and you never know, in 6 months you may all find this funny. In the meantime, you have an escape plan if needed so stop obsessing.

Lastly - I have to say, you can hardly be blamed for your Sharer's actions as you just asked her to knock which was a reasonable course of action. She took it upon herself to enter not you.

I do think that YO's OH is perhaps being a bit precious about it, but then if he works hard and its the 100th he has been woken up by liveries then I can understand it. I live in an area where people just walk in, they don't know what knocking is or possess a doorbell!


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## Sugar_and_Spice (11 April 2016)

YorksG said:



			The OP states that the sharer knocked, got no answer and went into the house, calling for "Jill". Loud enough and far enough into the house to wake the sleeping person. That is rude and let's remember these people don't know the YO and her husband, they had only just arrived, how many strangers houses would people go into, because they hadn't locked their door!
		
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The OP isn't a stranger though, she has a business connection with the yard owners.  If they don't want people to stick their head round a door looking for them they should lock it.  I don't think stepping in through an unlocked door and calling for someone is rude and obviously neither did the sharer.  I'm sure she wouldn't have done it had she known about the husbands night shifts.  

People, in this case the yard owners, need to take a little bit of responsibility for themselves.  If someone living on an ordinary street left their front door unlocked and eg the postman on receiving no answer to a knock popped a parcel just inside a front door, or a friend of one household member popped their head round to call "hello is anyone home?", people on here would be saying "well what do you expect leaving your front door unlocked".  If someone living in an ordinary street left their front door unlocked and got robbed people would be saying "yes it's out of order and they shouldn't have robbed you and there're no excuses for that, but really you were also a bit silly by not helping yourself and leaving the door unlocked, weren't you".  

If people, like these yard owners, don't set their own boundaries (in this case locking the door, or putting up a note to say Do Not Enter) then they shouldn't be surprised and outraged when other people "cross a line" that they didn't know was there.


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## RunToEarth (11 April 2016)

Pedantic said:



			Some yard owners seems to have their heads so far up their own backsides, I am surprised anyone can make out what they are saying due to the muffling, such a shame they have to lower themselves to deal with paying clients, it's a tough world for those above the bottom feeders, qwik loweer ead ant dof yer cap befar mazzer seez ya lukin im int eyyy..
		
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Yes, of course you are right, how dare any yard manager take offense to a stranger wandering into their house, waking up their partner for a complete non emergency which was nothing to do with sleeping husband. 

You wonder where horse people get this entitled reputation from?


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## paddi22 (11 April 2016)

i don't get the 'well clients have right to open door and walk in and shout". I am my doctors client, i would never open his house door and walk in.  It doesn't matter if their house is on yard or two miles away. People seem to assume because a house is near or on a yard that its part of the business - it's not.  And people shouldn't have to lock their doors to stop people walking in. It's just pure rudeness and bad manners to just walk in.  A friend had someone open her front door, and her dog (which she never lets out unless its on a lead) slipped out and caused chaos in farmers field until they caught it.


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## Sugar_and_Spice (11 April 2016)

paddi22 said:



			i don't get the 'well clients have right to open door and walk in and shout". I am my doctors client, i would never open his house door and walk in.  It doesn't matter if their house is on yard or two miles away. People seem to assume because a house is near or on a yard that its part of the business - it's not.  And people shouldn't have to lock their doors to stop people walking in. It's just pure rudeness and bad manners to just walk in.  A friend had someone open her front door, and her dog (which she never lets out unless its on a lead) slipped out and caused chaos in farmers field until they caught it.
		
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Oh come on "people shouldn't have to lock their doors to stop people walking in"? Really? So why do we live in a society now where everybody does just that?  Nobody seriously bothered about others entering their house leaves any door unlocked and it's not a new thing, people have been locking their doors for years and years now.


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## paddi22 (11 April 2016)

If yard owner is going in and out of her house all day I can understand why she wouldn't lock it.  It's not an invitation for people to just walk in though. Most people lock their doors to discourage burglars. Not locking it doesn't just give an open invitation for anyone to enter! 

It's up to me whether i chose to lock or not lock my door. I expect people to respect my privacy either way.


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## DD (11 April 2016)

everyone here seems to be assuming that the YO husband was actually asleep upstairs after a night shift at work? Sounds to me that he may have been in bed with someone other than his wife or watching dirty videos. Thats why he threw a wobbly when someone walked into his kitchen unannounced. Maybe.


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## MotherOfChickens (11 April 2016)

Downton Dame said:



			everyone here seems to be assuming that the YO husband was actually asleep upstairs after a night shift at work? Sounds to me that he may have been in bed with someone other than his wife or watching dirty videos. Thats why he threw a wobbly when someone walked into his kitchen unannounced. Maybe.
		
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getting funnier


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## ester (11 April 2016)




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## Red-1 (11 April 2016)

Downton Dame said:



			everyone here seems to be assuming that the YO husband was actually asleep upstairs after a night shift at work? Sounds to me that he may have been in bed with someone other than his wife or watching dirty videos. Thats why he threw a wobbly when someone walked into his kitchen unannounced. Maybe.
		
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Do what?

Have you ever done a turn of nights? Nookie with a stranger in valuable sleep time is less likely than anything else. If he has been inviting 'another woman' to his bedroom, in a livery yard full of nosey people, then he is very adept, very confident or very stupid!!!

Oh my, I REALLY hope no-one points this thread out to them. I can only presume you were joking????? Or you don't like OP?????


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## Spyda (11 April 2016)

My point is, what is done is done. No malice was intended. Apologies have been made. Nerves have been frayed. People are now in limbo. The mistake certainly wont be made again! No point in us endlessly dissecting what happened, now that it's done - what matters is how relationships settle down from here on. Some would be outraged at the intrution made by the sharer, other people wouldn't bat an eyelid. Seems the YO OH minded. His right. But where things go from here is all that's worth talking about. Seems OP has waved the white flag and apologised. Now she and the sharer need to back off and see how things go. 

All I meant in my previous posts was that what's done is done and how the YO and her OH deal with it, is what ultimately affects the outcome. The OP can do no more. If the owners can't forgive and forget, then the OP is better off moving on. And IMO, under the circumstances that have been described, I would feel the YO and her OH were being rather precious and intolerant if they cannot move on from the incident that occured after some ground rules were established, and they still felt the need to follow through with their request for the OP to promptly vacate their yard. Seems rather harsh for a 'first offence.'


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## RunToEarth (11 April 2016)

Sugar_and_Spice said:



			Oh come on "people shouldn't have to lock their doors to stop people walking in"? Really? So why do we live in a society now where everybody does just that?  Nobody seriously bothered about others entering their house leaves any door unlocked and it's not a new thing, people have been locking their doors for years and years now.
		
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Really? Maybe if I lived in a built up area and my front door was easily opened by all kinds of nutters, but in normal circumstances it is fairly standard for my door to be unlocked when I am at home. 

I don't expect anyone to walk through my door unless they are close family or good friends. For a livery to walk into someone's home simply because the door is unlocked is unacceptable. It's just a simple case of right/wrong.


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## Red-1 (11 April 2016)

ester said:








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I may have thought it was a funny comment, if I were not concerned for Op and her situation.

Genuinely OP, I would ask for the thread to be taken down. It is irreverent to the YO and her OH, and is likely to mean you don't keep your stable.


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## paddi22 (11 April 2016)

yeah the horse world is so small! would be awful if YO got wind of the thread


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## Sugar_and_Spice (11 April 2016)

RunToEarth said:



			I don't expect anyone to walk through my door unless they are close family or good friends. For a livery to walk into someone's home simply because the door is unlocked is unacceptable. It's just a simple case of right/wrong.
		
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In your opinion.  To many, who have a different culture having only ever lived in built up areas, an open or unlocked door is practically an invitation to enter.  In the world of people who don't live on farms etc, doors are locked if you don't want people coming in, that's just how it is.  I'm not saying that people would walk in and start making a cup of tea etc but poking your head round the door or taking a step inside to call out for someone you're looking for isn't considered "wrong" or "rude" by many.


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## paddy555 (11 April 2016)

Downton Dame said:



			everyone here seems to be assuming that the YO husband was actually asleep upstairs after a night shift at work? Sounds to me that he may have been in bed with someone other than his wife or watching dirty videos. Thats why he threw a wobbly when someone walked into his kitchen unannounced. Maybe.
		
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I have to say if this was my yard the horse would be gone by now. It beggars belief that a situation which has gone from someone who drove a box into a yard and couldn't get out to adultery. (If you drive a lorry you don't get into situations you cannot get out of). 

Without doubt someone on that yard is on here and will have recognised the yard. If it was my yard and someone told me about the thread and a poster was suggesting my OH could have been in bed with someone else I would be furious. 

The horse and owner would be out. Not because they had walked uninvited into my house but because I would be concerned that every tiny drama (and not being able to get a lorry out is a tiny drama) would be on social media for people to pull holes in. If the owner of the horse couldn't cope in this situation how on earth were they going to cope with the horse when something really went wrong. I wouldn't want to take the responsibility of having to deal with them. Sorry OP.


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## ycbm (11 April 2016)

It is absolutely normal in the farming community I live in to knock the door, yell in the yard if the door is not answered, then take two steps into the house if the door is unlocked and call 'anyone home?'  or similar.

If anyone doesn't want that to happen, they lock their door.


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## MileAMinute (11 April 2016)

People seem to be forgetting that despite the husband bring pissed off (and rightly so) he did still help move the lorry.
Doesn't sound like a horrible man to me. I work nights and would be furious if someone came into my house and started shouting that the driver they hired were too incompetent to negotiate a lorry and they needed my help.


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## XxCoriexX (11 April 2016)

Sugar_and_Spice said:



			In your opinion.  To many, who have a different culture having only ever lived in built up areas, an open or unlocked door is practically an invitation to enter.  In the world of people who don't live on farms etc, doors are locked if you don't want people coming in, that's just how it is.  I'm not saying that people would walk in and start making a cup of tea etc but poking your head round the door or taking a step inside to call out for someone you're looking for isn't considered "wrong" or "rude" by many.
		
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What world do you live in?! I have lived my whole life in built up areas and was never brought up on a farm and I don't go around opening peoples doors! In fact if there is no answer after I knock I would leave, and would be so rude and disrespectful as to even attempt to open the door!


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## KittenInTheTree (11 April 2016)

I'm a tad confused as to why any of this is being blamed on the OP. They weren't the one who mucked up turning the lorry - that was someone else. Also, neither OP nor lorry driver went to the house - that was the sharer. OP and lorry driver were both busy trying to turn the lorry without looking for help! IMO, the blame for the disturbance to the husband belongs to the sharer, and is nothing to do with the OP, who simply assumed that the lorry driver could manage their own vehicle, and that the sharer would know better than to wander into the YO's house uninvited. Additionally, it's funny how so many people have assumed that the husband drinks alcohol. Poor chap may well be teetotal!

OP, just leave well alone and let the YO come to you with their decision.


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## mytwofriends (11 April 2016)

Spyda said:



			What! What for!! Lol. Sheesh, I'd be gone before you had the chance to show me the gate if you expected me to endure feeling intimidated and uncomfortable as a livery on your yard! 

There are far too many YO/YM who become too bogged down with their lives and work, and lose sight of who's paying who and who's supposed to be providing a professional service to their clients (their liveries.) I do think it part of a YO/YM job to make their liveries feel comfortable, welcome and appreciated. If they can't smile and be consistently pleasant to their clients on a daily basis, then maybe they're in the wrong equestrian role. Sure, some liveries can be an absolute nightmare to have on a yard, whilst there may be other individuals that simply can't seem to 'gel' at a particular yard for no obvious reason, and these liveries need to be handled in a professional manner by the yard. 

All I have suggested is that the OP keep her head down for the next couple of weeks and see how things go. If things smooth over and she and her sharer are made to feel welcome and part of the yard and the 'unfortunate arrival' incident can be fully over come, then great - stay. But if not, and let's remember keeping a horse on livery is not a cheap hobby and they are PAYING for a service, and the atmosphere remains chilly and the OP and her sharer are left on tenderhooks about whether they are permitted to stay or not, then move. Why pay to be somewhere that gives you a pit in your stomach every time you pull into the car park of the livery yard you're on because of the atmosphere there or because of an irritable YO you are too nervous to approach. 

Sure, the OPs arrival at this new yard was certainly less than an auspicious start, but it doesn't mean she needs to cowtow and be vilified indefinitely. If the YO and her husband can't get over the unfortunate incident within the next couple of weeks, then the OP needs to shrug it off as a 'bad lot' and spend her hard earned livery money elswhere. If she's been at her last yard for 15 years then she sounds neither immature or a nuisance livery to me - as some commenting have implied.
		
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^^^^^^ This. All this!


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## oldie48 (11 April 2016)

Well, if I were running a livery yard and if I hadn't specifically told my clients not to open my back door, I really wouldn't have a problem with people popping their head in and shouting or stepping in and calling me. If I'm not in, the door is locked if I'm in, it's open and frankly I don't always hear the bell. The husband sounds like a rude bullying type and frankly I don't think OP sounds overly hysterical either. All a bit of a storm in a teacup. If I were the YO I'd feel really embarrassed about what happened and why wasn't she there to meet the new client, bad show all round IMO. Frankly I'd be expecting an apology but then again, when I pay for something I expect a professional service ie YO there to meet me, take me through what they provide and don't provide and if necessary, to be told OH works nights and gets rather irate if disturbed!



XxCoriexX said:



			What world do you live in?! I have lived my whole life in built up areas and was never brought up on a farm and I don't go around opening peoples doors! In fact if there is no answer after I knock I would leave, and would be so rude and disrespectful as to even attempt to open the door!
		
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## RunToEarth (11 April 2016)

ycbm said:



			It is absolutely normal in the farming community I live in to knock the door, yell in the yard if the door is not answered, then take two steps into the house if the door is unlocked and call 'anyone home?'  or similar.

If anyone doesn't want that to happen, they lock their door.
		
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Having spent my entire life "in the farming community" it is absolutely not normal for anyone to just come in and yell through the house unless you were a close personal friend or family - my parents would be horrified if I did that to a stranger on a new yard! 



oldie48 said:



			Well, if I were running a livery yard and if I hadn't specifically told my clients not to open my back door, I really wouldn't have a problem with people popping their head in and shouting or stepping in and calling me.
		
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I haven't specifically told any of the lads working at ours not to come in and take a dump in our house or take a nap in my bed, I just expect people to know not to do it - a little bit like letting themselves into a strangers house. 

Honestly if this is normal I really do live in a parallel universe.


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## RaposadeGengibre (11 April 2016)

Downton Dame said:



			everyone here seems to be assuming that the YO husband was actually asleep upstairs after a night shift at work? Sounds to me that he may have been in bed with someone other than his wife or watching dirty videos. Thats why he threw a wobbly when someone walked into his kitchen unannounced. Maybe.
		
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oh, god... i'm going to get popcorn...


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## oldie48 (11 April 2016)

Mmm, not quite the same thing surely??



RunToEarth said:



			I haven't specifically told any of the lads working at ours not to come in and take a dump in our house or take a nap in my bed, I just expect people to know not to do it - a little bit like letting themselves into a strangers house. 

Honestly if this is normal I really do live in a parallel universe.
		
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## Crystal-Rio (11 April 2016)

Oh my goodness! This is all getting way out of hand! I posted for some advice as to how to make the best of a bad situation that is ENTIRELY my fault - well my sharers actually but since she's my sharer the fault lies with me!  This US nothing to do with blame for heaven's sake the fault us all mine and no-one else's!! I absolutely and cometely understand my yard owners husband acting the way be did! I too would be livid - what I was asking for when I posted was how to make things right which might enable me to stay. I'm sorry I asked now to be honest - but I was just looking for a bit of help - the blame for the entire sorry situation is entirely mine.


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## Clodagh (11 April 2016)

Crystal-Rio said:



			Oh my goodness! This is all getting way out of hand! I posted for some advice as to how to make the best of a bad situation that is ENTIRELY my fault - well my sharers actually but since she's my sharer the fault lies with me!  This US nothing to do with blame for heaven's sake the fault us all mine and no-one else's!! I absolutely and cometely understand my yard owners husband acting the way be did! I too would be livid - what I was asking for when I posted was how to make things right which might enable me to stay. I'm sorry I asked now to be honest - but I was just looking for a bit of help - the blame for the entire sorry situation is entirely mine.
		
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CR, don't worry, you are new on here, HHO can make an argument off topic in seconds, also we can disagree on the colour of the sky.
Don't panic, I'm sure it will be OK, if he was asleep he should have locked the door. People shout in our back door quite often (farm) and it really isn't the end of the world. Just ignore the off topic rowing. I hope it works out OK for you.


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## honetpot (11 April 2016)

ycbm said:



			It is absolutely normal in the farming community I live in to knock the door, yell in the yard if the door is not answered, then take two steps into the house if the door is unlocked and call 'anyone home?'  or similar.

If anyone doesn't want that to happen, they lock their door.
		
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 Yep, same here.


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## paddi22 (11 April 2016)

yeah i think it just wandered off your original post and off into its into its own debate on whether you can stick your head through someones door!


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## Crystal-Rio (11 April 2016)

All I want to do is make things right - not offer up excuses. There IS no excuse fir what my sharer did - I keep  going over and over as to why I didn't go and knock on the door instead of her - because if I had got no answer I would have walked away. I wouldn't have thought in a million years to go inside someone's house I hardly knew in a million years. The only defence for er is that we were all panicking and she acted without thinking through what she was doing - again - no excuse.- yes some have said that if you can't manoeuvre a lorry then you shouldn't be driving one but this is not my business - a friend had given me a lift for which I am extremely grateful, having no transport if my own.  Thanks for all your help.


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## Pedantic (11 April 2016)

RunToEarth said:



			Yes, of course you are right, how dare any yard manager take offense to a stranger wandering into their house, waking up their partner for a complete non emergency which was nothing to do with sleeping husband. 

You wonder where horse people get this entitled reputation from?
		
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1 not yard manager but yard owner, there is a big difference.
2 they weren't strangers they were paying customers, MASSIVE difference.
3 it was emergency to the customer in their mind, not everyone has a couldn't give a toss attitude the kin lorries stuck sod it it can stay there mentality.
4 no one knew anyone was asleep in the house as they ain't psychic.
5 it has everything to do with him as he owns and lives on a livery yard

If people don't want what goes with running a livery business, then do something else, don't take it out on the customer.

Maybe they should stop the livery business and just live and sleep there, then no annoying plebs ruining their peace and quiet.


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## paddi22 (11 April 2016)

This isn't directed at op, its more a general debate about the above points!

But just because they are paying customers doesn't give them the right to act as they did. You are a paying customer to your hairdresser, would you walk into her house if you had an issue with your hair? or would you ring or text her and wait for her reply. I have paying customers but i still expect them to respect my privacy and my time, and trust i'l reply as soon as i can. 

One of my horses is on a yard, and unless the yard owner is on the premises during her work hours I don't bother her. I don't text or ring her after 6. I don't even call into her house as it's her private space. If it was a life threatening emergency i would, but anything else i don't. I wait for her to get back to me. 

An emergency is someone in danger or an injury, anyone with a sense of perspective would understand the difference between that, and someone who could easily wait a few minutes for someone else to help them out.  If i was a yo i'd be tempted to get rid of a livery who considers that an emergency. 

Just because he lives on a livery yard doesn't mean he is under obligation to get involved in it. He works elsewhere and has his own job elsewhere - he just lives in a house with someone who owns a livery yard. There's a big difference.  He is not involved in the yard. He is under no obligation to be involved in it.


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## Whoopit (11 April 2016)

I wouldn't have been panicking about getting a vehicle stuck unless it was sinking or id hit something so hard it was about to collapse.

But I also wouldn't go mad if someone stepped into my house to shout, regardless of whether I was on nights or not. 

In future they should make it blatantly clear that nobody knocks on at the house unless there is an emergency that they and only they can deal with.


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## paddi22 (11 April 2016)

Do you do night shift work though?

I do shift work sometimes, and if you are on a heavy shift or coming off a run of hard days you would be a monster is someone woke you, especially over something trivial like that that wasn't my business to fix in the first place.  There's a level of tiredness you get on some shift work and if you don't get a proper nights sleep before starting another one you are like the walking dead the next day.  Also if you are sleeping and get woken you don't get back to sleep properly at all, so you're body is only on half the amount it needs. I am not surprised the husband was narky and annoyed, but in fairness he did come out and help.


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## Crystal-Rio (11 April 2016)

paddi22 said:



			Just because he lives on a livery yard doesn't mean he is under obligation to get involved in it. He works elsewhere and has his own job elsewhere - he just lives in a house with someone who owns a livery yard. There's a big difference.  He is not involved in the yard. He is under no obligation to be involved in it.
		
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This!!!  He was in bed, asleep after working nights for heavens sake!    I'm the OP and I know that there is a massive difference from being asleep in bed to someone knocking on your door, to being asleep in bed and then hearing a total stranger shouting in your kitchen!!   My sharer was utterly in the wrong, and all that I was trying to do when putting up this thread was to ask if anyone had any advice as to how I could make it up to them.    I understand obviously that as it is a public forum, then people can argue back and forth as to whether it is correct to go into someone's house or not - and I can see quite clearly that opinion is divided, but I came back from the yard on Saturday night very upset and wanted some advice from other Yard Owners/Liveries as to how I should deal with a crap situation that is effectively, by proxy, of my own making.   The Yard Owner from the yard that I have just left is in Cyprus, so I couldn't ask her - I was desperate and looking for advice, that is all.   I'm still none the wiser as to what I should to, to be honest, apart from what I have already done (left a bottle of wine and a few beers with a card apologising outside) - I guess honestly there is nothing apart from wait and see.  

In 20 years of horse ownership I have never ever caused a livery yard owner a minutes trouble so to have this happen to me in the first hour on being at a new yard, to such a degree, when actually - it wasn't me that did the deed - has upset me more than I can put into words.


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## paddi22 (11 April 2016)

yeah its a very frustrating situation for you. i would have done the bottle of wine and apology card as well. and then it is just a case of wait to see what their reaction is. Hope it works out for you!


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## cobgoblin (11 April 2016)

Honestly this is a storm in a teacup.
Yes, it would be annoying to be woken up if you are on nights....and maybe he's one of those people that wake up grumpy anyway...but he didn't have to come out of the house and he didn't have to sort the lorry out.
In hindsight your sharer probably shouldn't have stepped inside the house...but he could have locked the door if he really didn't want to be disturbed...after all, no house is very secure with just a sleeping occupant. It's not unusual around here for someone to open the door and give you a shout.
OP you have done everything you can to make this right, if the yard owner or her husband want to continue making an issue of it and can't see the funny side in the cold light of day...well you know exactly what you are dealing with and are better off moving even if another yard is not so ideal. Far better than staying and being made to feel permanently uncomfortable when you are the one handing over money.


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## Bionic Boy (11 April 2016)

paddi22 said:



			yeah its a very frustrating situation for you. i would have done the bottle of wine and apology card as well. and then it is just a case of wait to see what their reaction is. Hope it works out for you!
		
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This. You have done what you can so all you can do is keep your head down and hope it works out.


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## Crystal-Rio (11 April 2016)

cobgoblin said:



			Honestly this is a storm in a teacup.
.but he didn't have to come out of the house and he didn't have to sort the lorry out.
		
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To be honest, I think he came out of the house because he was awake and was utterly incensed by the fact that a total stranger had been in his kitchen shouting!  Completely understand that.  Coupled with the fact that there was a huge lorry outside the house that had had its engine running for about 20 minutes with a load of women shouting, trying to back it up, make it go foward.... the entire situation must have been an utter nightmare for someone that had just done a 12 hour shift on nights.  

But as you say - he got behind the wheel and got the lorry straight, which he didn't have to do, for which I am very grateful.

Every 5 minutes in my head, though, I am bloody kicking myself as to why we just didn't unload everything on the lane just outside the yard which has a massive lay-by - all this could have been so easily avoided.  

Shoulda/Woulda/Coulda/ and all that.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, isn't it???


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## Michen (11 April 2016)

I really feel for you! It's amazing how one simple thing can cause such utter stress and fall out. But.. No one died, no one is injured, in the grand scheme of things although it's utterly horrible and you obviously feel terrible.. It will work out in the end! Has the yard owner said whether you can stay or not? To be honest- I would probably go anyway as I think you'll just feel really awkward being there now and tip toeing around. 

Try not to worry, what your sharer did really wasn't that bad and you aren't really responsible for her- she's an adult! Chin up xx




Crystal-Rio said:



			To be honest, I think he came out of the house because he was awake and was utterly incensed by the fact that a total stranger had been in his kitchen shouting!  Completely understand that.  Coupled with the fact that there was a huge lorry outside the house that had had its engine running for about 20 minutes with a load of women shouting, trying to back it up, make it go foward.... the entire situation must have been an utter nightmare for someone that had just done a 12 hour shift on nights.  

But as you say - he got behind the wheel and got the lorry straight, which he didn't have to do, for which I am very grateful.

Every 5 minutes in my head, though, I am bloody kicking myself as to why we just didn't unload everything on the lane just outside the yard which has a massive lay-by - all this could have been so easily avoided.  

Shoulda/Woulda/Coulda/ and all that.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, isn't it???
		
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## CeeBee (11 April 2016)

I hope it all blows over and you are allowed to stay. It's a shame the yard owner wasn't there to meet you and maybe this could all have been avoided. Good luck, I hope it all works out for you


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## WelshD (11 April 2016)

the situation hasn't been helped by the YO offering no words of support or comfort or even condemnation and not coming back quickly to say whether the OP needs to leave, its horrible to feel in limbo

Having said that I'd still keep your head down for now!


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## tinycharlie (11 April 2016)

I hope you get to stay op, obviously your sharer shouldn't have gone into the house but I do think its a major overreaction on the husbands part, all she did was step into the house and shout, if the yo had been there she probably would have helped and it wouldn't be a big deal . I'm always doing this as part of my homecare job lol


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## Roasted Chestnuts (11 April 2016)

If you haven't been kicked off then just keep your head down and stay out of the way. 

Chances are he has snapped at you and said something in haste and with hindsight he will calm down. 

No your sharer shouldn't even have popped her head in the door, that to me is inexcusable but if you keep your nose clean and stay out of the way it may well blow over now that you have verbally apologised and gifted. 

If that doesn't help then perhaps you're better off back at your old yard for now. Crap happens on yards and if you aren't temperamentally suited to random acts and surprises not matter what time of the day or night you went to bed then you shouldn't be running a yard from your house. 

YO should however have been there for your arrival. I had to call my YO when we left the previous yard so that they knew I was on my way and I was greeted and everything sorted and explained with YO there.


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## cobgoblin (11 April 2016)

WelshD said:



			the situation hasn't been helped by the YO offering no words of support or comfort or even condemnation and not coming back quickly to say whether the OP needs to leave, its horrible to feel in limbo

Having said that I'd still keep your head down for now!
		
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This is so true ^^^

I find it odd that the YO wasn't there to settle you into the yard. Even odder that she didn't immediately accept your apology and say something like ' don't worry about him...he's a grump and I'll sort it', which is what I would imagine most women would say. 
There may be problems there that no amount of wine and beer can solve. As others have said , what happens if there is a major horsey emergency during his sleep time? Will it all turn into anger central?


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## ycbm (11 April 2016)

No your sharer shouldn't even have popped her head in the door, that to me is inexcusable
		
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Seriously?  Personally, I think walking in and beating up  the husband perhaps, but this house was at a business premises. Surely it was an excusable mistake to think that someone who leaves the door open when there are loads of liveries and other visitors around wouldn't mind if you call out to see if anyone can help?  If it was a parcel delivery and the parcel needed a signature or it would be returned to depot, would he have got equally angry?   I'm hoping you only used that as a figure of speech. 

OP I hope everything calms down tomorrow.


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## gothdolly (11 April 2016)

Wow. On our yard we are allowed to go in and make a cup of tea, use the downstairs loo and our yard owner would always come out to help in an emergency, even if it was only a perceived emergency.


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## Cinnamontoast (11 April 2016)

Thought someone had died from the title. 

Round my way, no-one could just walk in, it's all Yale locks, so the door locks when it shuts. Thought this was pretty standard, even on older doors. Ruddy pain to have to turn a key or whatever to lock it every time. 

Sharer was wrong (bit hysterical?) to go in, not something I would dream of. However, it's not a hanging offence, although strikes me as really odd.


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## Roasted Chestnuts (11 April 2016)

The yard is the business the house is a dwelling and to me deserves the same respect as my house and I wouldn't want some random stranger I don't know walking in shouting. My Ym lives on site and I have been there two years now and I would never just walk into her house and I'm on good terms with her, her husband who also works shifts including night shift and her kids. 

So I stand by what i put above the yard is the business the house is private unless stated specifically otherwise by the YO.


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## willhegofirst (11 April 2016)

Crystal-Rio, how has your horse settled at the new yard? As others have said, keep your head down and wait for the YO to approach you. My husband used to work shifts, it does nothing for their temper, you have done all you can for now with the wine, beers and card. All the best hopefully things will settle down.


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## DragonSlayer (11 April 2016)

This is one of the craziest threads I've read in ages!


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## cobgoblin (11 April 2016)

DragonSlayer said:









This is one of the craziest threads I've read in ages!



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That cat is obese!  Stop feeding it popcorn at once.


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## ycbm (11 April 2016)

cobgoblin said:



			That cat is obese!  Stop feeding it popcorn at once.
		
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That cat looks like it's been stuffed. And I don't mean with popcorn


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## J&S (11 April 2016)

I feel that the YO is very much to blame for the situation.  a) she should have been there to welcome you and give all relevant info regarding rules and regs. or b) the rules and regs and best place to park/unload etc should have been clearly explained to you in advance if she was unable to be present.  Either of these scenarios would just be plain common sense and politeness to a new client.
Do you think her lack of communication now, after the event, is perhaps a certain amount of embarrassment on her part?  TBH I would be worrying about what else she hasn't "quite explained"!


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## rowan666 (11 April 2016)

oldie48 said:



			Well, if I were running a livery yard and if I hadn't specifically told my clients not to open my back door, I really wouldn't have a problem with people popping their head in and shouting or stepping in and calling me. If I'm not in, the door is locked if I'm in, it's open and frankly I don't always hear the bell. The husband sounds like a rude bullying type and frankly I don't think OP sounds overly hysterical either. All a bit of a storm in a teacup. If I were the YO I'd feel really embarrassed about what happened and why wasn't she there to meet the new client, bad show all round IMO. Frankly I'd be expecting an apology but then again, when I pay for something I expect a professional service ie YO there to meet me, take me through what they provide and don't provide and if necessary, to be told OH works nights and gets rather irate if disturbed!
		
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J&S said:



			I feel that the YO is very much to blame for the situation.  a) she should have been there to welcome you and give all relevant info regarding rules and regs. or b) the rules and regs and best place to park/unload etc should have been clearly explained to you in advance if she was unable to be present.  Either of these scenarios would just be plain common sense and politeness to a new client.
Do you think her lack of communication now, after the event, is perhaps a certain amount of embarrassment on her part?  TBH I would be worrying about what else she hasn't "quite explained"!
		
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Totally agree with the above statements, I think OP you have done all you can despite the fact that actually none of it was remotely your fault! you weren't driving, you didn't go in the house to call for YO (which I also don't see a problem with), you weren't the man going crazy at  women and you weren't the YO that neglected your duties. At the end of the day YO should have been there or at least talked you through a list of rules and where best to unload safely. I think both YO and husband have been unfair and unprofessional especially keeping you in limbo for something that wasn't your fault and TBH I would be looking to move ASAP regardless of facilities. Also if you think your feeling bad OP just imagine how much worse your loaner will be feeling and good loaners are even harder to come by than good yards. Hope it all works out for you, keep us posted


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## pepsimaxrock (12 April 2016)

honetpot said:



			Sorry I think he is a total t***. I worked nights for eighteen years and the number of times I have been woken up by other people and my children, if I went off the deep end every time, well! When you go to bed you lock the doors, if you have not locked the doors you just a bit stupid.
   I might be a bit grumpy when I am first woken up, but I would rather sort out a problem than leave someone in a mess and how were you to know he was on nights? To be honest I think its the YO fault for not being there when you arrived to help.
  I hope it all settles down but honestly I do not think I would want be near someone with so little understanding.
		
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This. Without knobs on. He's got plenty already x


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## EmmasMummy (12 April 2016)

He was asleep...with the door open.  If you don't want to risk anyone coming in ..........LOCK the door!


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## Achinghips (12 April 2016)

He sounds  over-emotional and scarey, wouldn't enter a yard with someone like that living there, capable of over reacting out of proportion to a perceived "crime". Imagine the reaction you would get if you asked him to move his car for a hay delivery or if you accidentally left a light on or if your horse kicked the wall and damaged it.  Get out of there before you leave a grooming brush on the floor or a plaiting band on the gravel. Spend your money with people who can exercise some self control and explain boundaries without exhibiting threatening behaviour. If you run a business at home, expect interference from your business.


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## rowan666 (12 April 2016)

Achinghips said:



			He sounds  over-emotional and scarey, wouldn't enter a yard with someone like that living there, capable of over reacting out of proportion to a perceived "crime". Imagine the reaction you would get if you asked him to move his car for a hay delivery or if you accidentally left a light on or if your horse kicked the wall and damaged it.  Get out of there before you leave a grooming brush on the floor or a plaiting band on the gravel.
		
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Exactly! seems crazy, OK so we have all over reacted at times but surely if not for the sake of good manners then for the sake of the business/yards reputation you would laugh it off and apologise, I would be mortified if my OH shouted at a woman in public over an honest petty mistake like that! and for YO to just keep you in limbo this long too is just ludicrous, run quickly!


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## Achinghips (12 April 2016)

Oh and another thing .... You have given an honest, heartfelt apology, diffusing confrontation in as skilful a way as you possibly can and they're still "punishing" you and trying to make you feel bad by leaving you hanging. That is prolonged spite and it's cruel.  Find somewhere where you are treated warmly and as a paying client.  If my husband had acted like that to one of my paying liveries, he'd be on bread and water for a week !


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## Ladyinred (12 April 2016)

We have been the sole livery at our yard for the last eleven years, and have known YO for nearly thirty years. Despite all that time I still won't walk into the bungalow without being asked, in fact I took her a gift of some fresh made bread a few weeks ago and since she wasn't at home I went and found her husband and asked his permission to go in and drop it off.

It's just good manners... something the world seems to be lacking these days.

As for his reaction... to cut a rather long story short, I found someone sat in the passenger seat of my car once, in the pitch dark and I totally lost the plot, shouting and screaming and, yes, swearing. It was pure fear and the resultant adrenaline rush... once I realised it was an elderly lady and a genuine mistake I calmed down and helped her but I was shaking with fright for some time afterwards.


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## turnbuckle (12 April 2016)

I hesistate to add to a thread with a distinct Jeremey Kyle flavour...but although the dread SHOUTER clearly was a bit ill-mannered, the door was un-locked, it wasn't an un-earthly hour of the night and she couldn't know the guy was trying to zizz off.

The husband sounds grumpy graceless and un-gallant.

Hope it all sorts out, because the OP was clearly so excited about the new yard.

An update is needed!


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## peaceandquiet1 (12 April 2016)

Yes whats happening?!!!


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## Clare85 (12 April 2016)

Achinghips said:



			Oh and another thing .... You have given an honest, heartfelt apology, diffusing confrontation in as skilful a way as you possibly can and they're still "punishing" you and trying to make you feel bad by leaving you hanging. That is prolonged spite and it's cruel.  Find somewhere where you are treated warmly and as a paying client.  If my husband had acted like that to one of my paying liveries, he'd be on bread and water for a week !
		
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This, totally! It sounds as though the husband has a lot of say over the livery yard and his wife's decisions, even though it seems he is not involved with the yard, other than living in the house to which it is attached. Apologies if I've got this wrong.

If he was my husband he would've been told to calm down and get back in his box. I would've spoken to the OP to say sorry about is grumpiness but he works nights, blah blah blah, and told OP not to come into the house again.

In fact, scratch that. If I was the YO, I would've been there to meet the OP in the first place and all new liveries would be made aware that my husband is asleep in the house during the day. If the OP and sharer had been made aware then this whole situation would never have happened.


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## peaceandquiet1 (12 April 2016)

Clare85 said:



			This, totally! It sounds as though the husband has a lot of say over the livery yard and his wife's decisions, even though it seems he is not involved with the yard, other than living in the house to which it is attached. Apologies if I've got this wrong.

If he was my husband he would've been told to calm down and get back in his box. I would've spoken to the OP to say sorry about is grumpiness but he works nights, blah blah blah, and told OP not to come into the house again.

In fact, scratch that. If I was the YO, I would've been there to meet the OP in the first place and all new liveries would be made aware that my husband is asleep in the house during the day. If the OP and sharer had been made aware then this whole situation would never have happened.
		
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Exactly. Someone should have been there to greet you or everything should have been explained including not accidentally waking the sleeping husband.


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## fatpiggy (12 April 2016)

XxCoriexX said:



			What world do you live in?! I have lived my whole life in built up areas and was never brought up on a farm and I don't go around opening peoples doors! In fact if there is no answer after I knock I would leave, and would be so rude and disrespectful as to even attempt to open the door!
		
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But you are missing the point - people do live in different situations.  I've lived in both and in suburbia I lock my door. My mum stayed on in the countryside despite being a pensioner on her own in quite a secluded area and she didn't unless she wasn't in the house.  She does open doors and shout hello if the person she is visiting is elderly and possibly hard of hearing or not very quick on their feet, and likewise people did the same in her old house.


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## fatpiggy (12 April 2016)

paddi22 said:



			If yard owner is going in and out of her house all day I can understand why she wouldn't lock it.  It's not an invitation for people to just walk in though. Most people lock their doors to discourage burglars. Not locking it doesn't just give an open invitation for anyone to enter! 

It's up to me whether i chose to lock or not lock my door. I expect people to respect my privacy either way.
		
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But when you go out of the back and a chancer nips in through the unlocked front door....   A work colleague of mine had been out with his wife. They came home and George went outside to put something in the dustbin in the back garden, then went back indoors. After a while their neighbour opposite phoned and asked if they had visitors as she had seen someone moving about in the front bedroom but could still see George and his wife downstairs.  George went upstairs while the neighbour stayed on the phone, found nothing and came down and said so.  A few minutes later the neighbour called again and insisted there was someone there, so George went back upstairs - and met the burglar coming out. He got pushed down the stairs and his wife knocked over as the burglar made his exit with George's new camera which wasn't a cheap one.  It transpired that the burglar must have been hiding in the back garden and when the backdoor was left unlocked, in he crept.  George claimed on his insurance for the camera, but they refused to pay up because the house "wasn't secure" despite the owners being in it at the time.   Likewise some friends on their farm had their 4x4 pinched from outside their kitchen window one teatime while they were having their evening meal and saw it driven past  It wasn't locked and presumably the keys were in it, as many farmers often do, so no insurance payout.  So there you have two examples, one suburbian, one rural that there are people out there who don't give a stuff about privacy, ownership or anything else.  A sad old world.


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## XxCoriexX (12 April 2016)

fatpiggy said:



			But you are missing the point - people do live in different situations.  I've lived in both and in suburbia I lock my door. My mum stayed on in the countryside despite being a pensioner on her own in quite a secluded area and she didn't unless she wasn't in the house.  She does open doors and shout hello if the person she is visiting is elderly and possibly hard of hearing or not very quick on their feet, and likewise people did the same in her old house.
		
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that is an understandable situation though, the person knows you are coming to the house and is someone that you know. Like I said in a previous post I have a few friends who can just walk into my house....the point I am trying to make is that the husband did not know these people, and he wasn't expecting them to come and visit. I have lived in many different situation, including different countries and different cultures....in none of those countries would it be acceptable to just walk into the house of someone you don't know. Friends and family are different if they have told you not to bother knocking etc but that arrangement was never made between these two people, and I feel like it was disrespectful to just enter someone else home.


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## popsdosh (12 April 2016)

Sorry but I am trying to be helpful to the OP here . 

I think some of you need to keep your opinions about the husband to yourselves its amazing how he has turned from somebody who was upset about being woken up yet still sorted out the problem. He asked a question at the start which the OPs friend chose not to own up to, perhaps that didnt help.  He is now being portrayed as somebody yelling all over the place in mass hysteria with a broken down marriage. I suggest you all go back to the original post and calm down or next he will become a mass murdering paedophile!!  

The OP has stated they want to stay here so what do you think his reaction may be if he becomes aware of this thread. 

 I am sorry but this thread has brought out the worst of this forum. I wonder how some of those spouting off would react if he had just walked into their house not knowing them ! most the same way I suspect. Just to clarify do you go around anybodies house checking if the doors locked and if not just walk in and look around ,I suspect not as that is still tresspass under the law. An unlocked door on a private property is not an invitation!


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## J&S (12 April 2016)

In my previous post I laid the blame fairly squarely on the YO for not giving OP any information regarding arrival/unloading etc to her new client.  Lets step back a little further now, possibly the OP should have made a quick reccy of the new yard to ascertain for herself where the best (but safest) place would have been to unload a possibly unsettled horse  AND have room to manoeuvre the lorry!  Always easy to be wise after an event though.


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## paddi22 (12 April 2016)

yeah it is very odd the way the yo wasn't there. did she know what time you were arriving at or had she contacted you to say she'd be late? I don't think i've ever moved on to a yard without a member of staff showing me the right field/stable and a general tour. Very odd. Did no member of staff appear at all?


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## cobgoblin (12 April 2016)

Hindsight is best left in the past...all it does is induce guilt.
On a scale of 1-10 of ***** happening this is a very low 1. As far as I can see the ball is very much in the YO and husband's court now and if they can't handle this then I would question whether they can cope with the day to day running of a livery yard...which is after all, very much to do with coping with owners.


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## Spyda (12 April 2016)

cobgoblin said:



			Hindsight is best left in the past...all it does is induce guilt.
On a scale of 1-10 of ***** happening this is a very low 1. As far as I can see the ball is very much in the YO and husband's court now and if they can't handle this then I would question whether they can cope with the day to day running of a livery yard...which is after all, very much to do with coping with owners.
		
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Well and succinctly said! Agree.


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## popsdosh (12 April 2016)

cobgoblin said:



			Hindsight is best left in the past...all it does is induce guilt.
On a scale of 1-10 of ***** happening this is a very low 1. As far as I can see the ball is very much in the YO and husband's court now and if they can't handle this then I would question whether they can cope with the day to day running of a livery yard...which is after all, very much to do with coping with owners.
		
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They are obviously coping very well and doing a good Job as the OP clearly states they did not think they would get in because of the popularity of the yard . Why does a mistake made and admitted to by the OP have to get turned around. 

Maybe they should have come back and said things are OK sooner ,however there may be no sinister motive just them letting things die down .I am sure if they wanted OP to leave they would have said by now. Any derogatory remarks made as to the YOs handling of this situation wont help just remember they didnt raise the issue on here and I suspect the OP wishes they hadnt.

I will remind you also we havent heard their side of it which may or may not put a different perspective on things.


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## joelb (12 April 2016)

popsdosh said:



			He is now being portrayed as somebody yelling all over the place in mass hysteria with a broken down marriage. I suggest you all go back to the original post and calm down or next he will become a mass murdering paedophile!!
		
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This ^^^ - and he shouted at a woman no less - surely he has the right to be off with anyone in these circumstances, male or female. Can't belive the amount of folk knocking the YO for not being there to meet and greet - for goodness sake I'm sure she has a life and is entitled to leave the premises. If you're responsible enough to be in charge of living breathing animals you shouldn't need your hand holding on arrival. 

None of this is your fault OP but you will just have to own it and deal with any fallout.


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## popsdosh (12 April 2016)

joelb said:



			This ^^^ - and he shouted at a woman no less - surely he has the right to be off with anyone in these circumstances, male or female. Can't belive the amount of folk knocking the YO for not being there to meet and greet - for goodness sake I'm sure she has a life and is entitled to leave the premises. If you're responsible enough to be in charge of living breathing animals you shouldn't need your hand holding on arrival. 

None of this is your fault OP but you will just have to own it and deal with any fallout.
		
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Maybe she was out buying a new red carpet?


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## Wagtail (12 April 2016)

I discussed this with my husband as I run a livery yard and he has a separate job (though doesn't work nights). My husband personally would not have reacted like this (he wouldn't have even got out of bed but he would probably have been a bit peeved at me for not being around to sort the problem). Even though I do not think it is acceptable for a livery to open the door and walk in a yard owner's house except in a serious emergency (such as someone or their horse having a serious accident), we would not dream of kicking a new livery off the yard for such a thing. However, everyone is different and being sleep deprived can bring out the worst in people. I certainly do not agree with people saying the YO husband is a nut job. I hope you get it resolved, OP.


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## cobgoblin (12 April 2016)

The guy was woken up...whoopy do!...almost as bad as tripping over ones shoelaces,...and yes I have worked nights. Probably wasn't the first time and probably won't be the last and in most cases there won't be anyone to blame..no excuse for being furious.

I used to use livery yards and never moved to a new yard without the YO being there to explain the rules, give out keys and codes and generally be welcoming.

Some yards have very good facilities and are in a good geographical position without much competition....they tend to be popular. Some are good and liveries stay a long while. Some have a high turnover despite appearing perfect on paper but will always seem full because of the initial attraction of the facilities.

To leave the OP hanging without knowing where she stands is at best ill mannered , at worst totally derogatory in that, if she does stay, she will be treading on eggshells.

So my advice would be that unless this is sorted out quickly, with a bit of humour and apologies on both sides, then just leave. No one needs 'issues' at the yard they keep their horses at.


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## FestiveFuzz (12 April 2016)

I suspect if vacancies on the yard are like hens teeth the YO is probably pretty selective about who is on the yard and is unlikely to lose any sleep over asking the OP to leave, particularly as they do sound rather dramatic and high maintenance if this thread is anything to go by. 

I'm at a similar yard. YO only has a handful of liveries amongst their comp horses and has said they'd sooner have empty boxes on the yard than have people they don't like or don't fit in with the yard dynamics. 

If this particular yard has a low turnover I suspect it's because it's a great place to be, so it's doubtful the YO/Husband are bullies or worse. 

OP in your shoes I would do as others have said and keep your head down now. Don't pester YO or husband and hopefully they'll let you stay.


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## Enfys (12 April 2016)

I just keep on popping back to see if the OP has posted recently, how are you doing?


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## abb123 (12 April 2016)

OP, it wasn't the crime of the century and it wasn't you that did anything wrong. You have apologised profusely and even brought a present for them. I think that was above and beyond what was needed.

Every right for the OH to be peeved but a simple don't do that again would have been enough. A complete over reaction to ask you to leave the yard because of it, especially as the YO was not there to welcome you and give you the low down on the yard rules!

Try to forget about it. I'm sure it will all blow over and be fine.


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## conniegirl (12 April 2016)

FestiveFuzz said:



			I suspect if vacancies on the yard are like hens teeth the YO is probably pretty selective about who is on the yard and is unlikely to lose any sleep over asking the OP to leave, particularly as they do sound rather dramatic and high maintenance if this thread is anything to go by. 

I'm at a similar yard. YO only has a handful of liveries amongst their comp horses and has said they'd sooner have empty boxes on the yard than have people they don't like or don't fit in with the yard dynamics. 

If this particular yard has a low turnover I suspect it's because it's a great place to be, so it's doubtful the YO/Husband are bullies or worse. 

OP in your shoes I would do as others have said and keep your head down now. Don't pester YO or husband and hopefully they'll let you stay.
		
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I agree OP does seem to be rather high maintenance and a bit of a wet blanket, and my YO would far rather have empty stables than have high maintenance or difficult people on the yard. she currently has 3 empty stables as she asked 2 people to leave. one person because the horses kept going through her fencing (post and rail or electric didnt seem to matter) and because they were novices that didnt have a clue and wouldnt take advice resulting in a small child sitting on an unbroken 3 yr old with no bridle, saddle or hat!
The other was asked to leave because he was constantly mithering her for every little thing, e.g. my horse pulled a tie ring off the wall (I offered to pay for and replace it but YO was fine with it and said she would do it) and rather than use anouther tie ring (there are plenty) he badgered her for weeks! My YO is a farmer, she is wonderful but she sometimes is super busy for weeks on end.
I expect the stables will be full again withing a couple of weeks

Her house is on the yard as well but I always txt before turning up and then knock on the door and wait for her to answer it! I would Never walk in!


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## Nativelover (12 April 2016)

FestiveFuzz said:



			I suspect if vacancies on the yard are like hens teeth the YO is probably pretty selective about who is on the yard and is unlikely to lose any sleep over asking the OP to leave, particularly as they do sound rather dramatic and high maintenance if this thread is anything to go by. 

I'm at a similar yard. YO only has a handful of liveries amongst their comp horses and has said they'd sooner have empty boxes on the yard than have people they don't like or don't fit in with the yard dynamics. 

If this particular yard has a low turnover I suspect it's because it's a great place to be, so it's doubtful the YO/Husband are bullies or worse. 

OP in your shoes I would do as others have said and keep your head down now. Don't pester YO or husband and hopefully they'll let you stay.
		
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Exactly this^^^

I think this thread should be removed now, it's got out of control and could potentially damage the OP's chances of staying put. The 3 girls involved appear to be highly strung and this was made worse by such a stressful and emotional day. The YO and OH have a right to their privacy which was disregarded in this instance, how the OH reacted is really his own business and doesn't need to be justified. Plenty of the replies on here have been gross over reactions imo.
OP I'm sure everything will have calmed down and all will be well. Perhaps you could give us a little update do we all know you are ok.


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## EmmasMummy (12 April 2016)

conniegirl said:



			I agree *OP does seem to be rather high maintenance* and a bit of a wet blanket, and my YO would far rather have empty stables than have high maintenance or difficult people on the yard. she currently has 3 empty stables as she asked 2 people to leave. one person because the horses kept going through her fencing (post and rail or electric didnt seem to matter) and because they were novices that didnt have a clue and wouldnt take advice resulting in a small child sitting on an unbroken 3 yr old with no bridle, saddle or hat!
The other was asked to leave because he was constantly mithering her for every little thing, e.g. my horse pulled a tie ring off the wall (I offered to pay for and replace it but YO was fine with it and said she would do it) and rather than use anouther tie ring (there are plenty) he badgered her for weeks! My YO is a farmer, she is wonderful but she sometimes is super busy for weeks on end.
I expect the stables will be full again withing a couple of weeks

Her house is on the yard as well but I always txt before turning up and then knock on the door and wait for her to answer it! I would Never walk in!
		
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I don't really think that is fair!  The YO husband threw a paddy, rightly or wrongly so.  OP could be arrogant and swan about not giving a toss about what the sharer did.  Then they would be branded as a PITA livery.  

The guy made out he wanted them to leave...to me thats a pretty big deal when you have a live animal to house.


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## Pedantic (12 April 2016)

Nearly 25,500 views but only 175 replies, says a lot, could it be many are frightened to give their point of view in case it upsets their wonderful understanding yard owners maybe.....


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## inthehills (12 April 2016)

I really hope that they accept your apologies and it all blows over.

Just wanted to say I'm amazed how horrified lots of people are that someone just stepped into someone else's house and called to see if they were there. I thought it was quite a normal thing to do. I do it and people do it in my house all the time as I often can't hear anyone knock. If you want privacy- you lock the door. If it's open you assume people are around. Although you wouldn't do more than go past the door mat.
Seems a massive overreaction to me. I know he got woken up but it was a one off. No different than the phone ringing.


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## Wagtail (12 April 2016)

Why has this thread turned into bashing the OP verses bashing the YO? Poor OP sounds like a very considerate and lovely livery who I would be delighted to have on my yard. Quite the opposite of high maintenance because she is very concerned she has offended the YO, rather than not giving a hoot. True, she is worried about losing her place on the yard but who wouldn't be? As for the YO husband, why is he branded as a bully and someone you wouldn't want to be around just because he's grouchy when he gets woken up by a stranger entering his house? I don't understand the extreme and confllicting reactions on here sometimes.


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## Roasted Chestnuts (12 April 2016)

Wagtail said:



			Why has this thread turned into bashing the OP verses bashing the YO? Poor OP sounds like a very considerate and lovely livery who I would be delighted to have on my yard. Quite the opposite of high maintenance because she is very concerned she has offended the YO, rather than not giving a hoot. True, she is worried about losing her place on the yard but who wouldn't be? As for the YO husband, why is he branded as a bully and someone you wouldn't want to be around just because he's grouchy when he gets woken up by a stranger entering his house? I don't understand the extreme and confllicting reactions on here sometimes.
		
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Like


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## Tiddlypom (12 April 2016)

Pedantic said:



			Nearly 25,500 views but only 175 replies, says a lot, could it be many are frightened to give their point of view in case it upsets their wonderful understanding yard owners maybe.....
		
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Nah, just a popcorn thread for me and, I suspect, many others.


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## OWLIE185 (12 April 2016)

Sounds to me as if o.p. is a lovely livery and so probably is her friend.
The partner of the yard owner and the yard owner have clearly over-reacted to what was a minor incident which I would not care about at all.
O.p and friend are more than welcome to keep their horse with me as they both sound very caring owners of what sounds a sensitive horse.
Good luck to them and I hope that all works out well for them and their horse.


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## Zero00000 (12 April 2016)

Guilty of bumping views!!
I keep coming back to see if the OP has updated and hoping everything has


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## Zero00000 (12 April 2016)

I'm guilty of bumping views, I keep coming back to see if the OP has posted and update and hoping it has all blown over


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## popsdosh (12 April 2016)

OWLIE185 said:



			Sounds to me as if o.p. is a lovely livery and so probably is her friend.
The partner of the yard owner and the yard owner have clearly over-reacted to what was a minor incident which I would not care about at all.
O.p and friend are more than welcome to keep their horse with me as they both sound very caring owners of what sounds a sensitive horse.
Good luck to them and I hope that all works out well for them and their horse.
		
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The YO is not the person who has made it into a big deal !  They are being made out to be terrible people which the OP has not at any time suggested they are ! So why are others suggesting they are. 
The OP is not at fault but I would suggest they may have over reacted at a time they felt stressed and this has turned into a nuclear bomb with all sorts of scenarios chucked in from peoples imaginations. I suspect a few posters have used it as a means of venting their own frustrations and some of the posts have been laughable as they have clearly not read from the beginning.

I suspect the OP is keeping her head down and totally embarrassed by where this has gone and I hope some of the comments do not actually make things worse for them.


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## Crystal-Rio (12 April 2016)

Please could someone ask a moderator to remove this thread?? All I was after was some advice as to how to make this situation better and what else I might be able to do to make  it up to my YO.  Whilst I understand that everyone is entitled to their own opinion on this whole sorry mess the entire thread has been blown way out of all proportion.  I am a newbie on here and had no idea thus would happen - had I , I would never have asked fir the help in a million years.

I'm a good person who loves her horse and never wants to cause anyone any trouble - which is why I have been so upset.  This will be my last time on this or any other thread on here - I won't be back.

Please can someone help me?


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## popsdosh (12 April 2016)

They dont like removing threads ! 

I wish you luck and hope everything sorts itself out for you ,its just one of those things that go wrong sometimes  and its very easy to escalate.


Please People lets just draw a line under it and try to help the OP as its their wish to shut it down.


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## Luci07 (12 April 2016)

Oh they are normally a nice bunch on here and I am not sure why your thread was so pounced on!. If you carry on, then is a sep section called The Club House. This is only for members and content can't be found on Google and is really for the more personal issues you would like a degree of privacy on.

PM Admin...or report your own thread and ask them to remove it.


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## Crystal-Rio (12 April 2016)

How dont report a thread?


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## Merrymoles (12 April 2016)

Crystal-Rio I am not sure how to do this but am quite sure others will offer advice but if you go to the FAQs at the top, there may be a way. I think you have to email admin and ask them to remove it but have never been in your situation.

For what it is worth, I am not surprised you are upset by the thread and the way it has been blown up. I read your original post, understood completely, and thought you were handling the whole thing well.

There are some nice people on here but there are also some who get carried away, don't read things properly and shoot from the hip. It would be a shame to see you leave completely as I am sure there are a number of people who hope everything works out well for you and would like to know it's OK but I don't blame you for wanting to remove this thread.


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## Crystal-Rio (12 April 2016)

Sorry how do I report a thread?


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## Luci07 (12 April 2016)

Press the triangle sign under your name (I think!)


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## attheponies (12 April 2016)

Oh what a shame  To be honest I only read your post and then skipped to the end to see if it had been resolved. I feel really sorry for you and your sharer over such an unfortunate incident (I think he completely over-reacted for what it's worth). I hope very much that they accept your obviously sincere apologies. As to unhelpful replies on here, sadly this seems to be the way the forum has been going for a year or two now and is the reason I come on here very rarely now. I think you may be able to contact admin and hopefully they will remove the thread. Good luck in the future, I had a lovely WB with huge separation anxiety issues and I know how difficult it is to manage.


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## Goldenstar (12 April 2016)

It's the little triangle under your details on post I have already done it , but do so your self as well .
I don't know if they will remove it but it's worth a try .
I hope everything is ok with you.


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## alliwantforchristmas (12 April 2016)

I'm so sorry the thread went so badly for you.  I have not posted but watched with mortification at some of the posts made.  I hope you get it removed, and that everything gets sorted out with your yard owners.


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## Pedantic (12 April 2016)

I think the thread has attracted a lot of interest because it strikes a note with a lot of people.


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## EmmasMummy (12 April 2016)

I fear that you have most likely caught most posters mid cycle or in full blown menopuse fever if the temperature has changed - hense the stupid replies!  Don't go, generally not everyone on he is a nutter........


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