# Please tell me it will be ok



## dorsetladette (6 February 2018)

After 3 years of being controlled and manipulated by an old dragon at the yard I finally snapped at the weekend. It was not pretty. I've been looking for somewhere else for a while as I've really had a gut full. Her opinion on subjects will be the exact opposite of what ever yours is noatter how far fetched it may sound. I've been trying to go up when she isn't there but as she's retired she's always there. She speaks to you like dirt and in the last few months has nominated her self as yard manager. So we don't stand a chance of getting rid of her. She worked her way through several other people and has finally arrived at me. 

Someone please tell me there is a nice yard round the corner where there are nice people on there. All my daughter and I want is to enjoy our hobby.


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## Pinkvboots (6 February 2018)

I have found most yards have an old dragon luckily they vary so I am sure you will find somewhere that has a much tamer one, there is definitely hope


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## PapaverFollis (6 February 2018)

Definitely been there.  Those dragons are not always old either!  It will get better.  I'm now on a yard where there is no dragon (well apart from my older mare keeping everyone in line - no human dragon though!) and it is lovely and we can just get on with enjoying our horses.


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## Seville (6 February 2018)

There are nice yards out there. Don't panic. I am lucky enough to keep my horses at home, and I have had diy liveries here....I don't now as it's not as easy as you may think but the atmosphere here was always good . Choose carefully, and I am sure others will answer you with possible suggestions if you let them know what area. Just stay calm and focussed, choose carefully where you go next, and don't be afraid everyone is the same as the person on your yard.


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## vmac66 (6 February 2018)

We have an old Dragon, usually avoid her but got collared by her last week. Came very close to telling  her to ****off.  Made my excuses and escaped as quickly as possible. Hope you find somewhere soon xx


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## Pearlsasinger (6 February 2018)

I'm sure you will find somewhere pleasant to take your horse but the secret to dealing with these people is to not engage with them.  Don't express your own view, don't agree or disagree with them, be very noncommittal and just go about your own business.  The most you need to say to them is 'Good morning'.


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## Sparemare (6 February 2018)

It&#8217;s the self appointed yard managers who are often the worst in my experience.  And the yard owners who say &#8216;I&#8217;m not getting involved, sort it out between you..&#8217;


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## Fools Motto (6 February 2018)

Hi, where abouts are you looking? (I'm assuming you are in Dorset, given your user name?)


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## dorsetladette (6 February 2018)

Thanks everyone. Yes I'm in Poole Dorset. I'm just looking for a dragon free world (she has been called much worse but I can't spell most of them) where I can keep horsey and park the lorry ( and hopefully get horsey a friend soon) . It's not alot to ask is it??


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## Jellymoon (6 February 2018)

Livery yards are notorious for this kind of thing, and the only way to avoid it is to find somewhere to rent of your own. If this is not an option, then I would do a lot of research, go to look at a few, and go with your gut feeling. 

Then when you get there, do not engage!!! Keep your head down, don&#8217;t ask for advice, that just opens the floodgates, make sure you have a trainer/mentor outside the yard, never, ever use the yard one. Definitely do not make friends with the first person who comes up to you, offers you tea and seems really really nice, this will be the yard nutter.
After 6 months, you will have sussed out who is sane and who isn&#8217;t and that is the time to start opening up a little and making friends. But not too much, as soon as you show a weakness, or look like you don&#8217;t know what you are doing, or ask someone&#8217;s opinion, then you&#8217;re doomed. &#55357;&#56834;&#55357;&#56834;&#55357;&#56834;


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## Louby (6 February 2018)

I answered our dragon back, they were as nice as pie to me next time I seen them.  Have you seen your dragon since you snapped?  Hopefully you will be suprised and they will be nice now theyve realised you wont be walked all over.  Hope everything works out for you and it either settles down or you find a new nicer yard to go to x


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## dorsetladette (6 February 2018)

The land owner is a little old man who lives in Portugal so 'yard manager' has free rein until the son inherits at which point it will be sold or developed.


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## dorsetladette (6 February 2018)

Louby said:



			I answered our dragon back, they were as nice as pie to me next time I seen them.  Have you seen your dragon since you snapped?  Hopefully you will be suprised and they will be nice now theyve realised you wont be walked all over.  Hope everything works out for you and it either settles down or you find a new nicer yard to go to x
		
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Not seen her since, but my daughter saw her and her minions the day after and they didn't speak.


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## dorsetladette (6 February 2018)

I had my own place before but finding it really difficult to find anything now. Would love to go back to being in my own. 

How do you find out who owns a bit of land? Does anyone know x


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## Pearlsasinger (6 February 2018)

dorsetladette said:



			Not seen her since, but my daughter saw her and her minions the day after and they didn't speak.
		
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Good heavens!  I thought you must be a teenager.  How on earth did you let yourself get into a situation where a fellow livery was controlling  and manipulating you?


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## sunshine100* (6 February 2018)

dorsetladette said:



			I had my own place before but finding it really difficult to find anything now. Would love to go back to being in my own. 

How do you find out who owns a bit of land? Does anyone know x
		
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put advert in local tack shop-speak to staff too as they usually know people-FACEBOOK is always good if you put a shout out there and get in your car see a field you like and ask local farmers-most like face to face and are not on social media!

I have also in the past contacted the local riding school/pony clubs to see if they knew anywhere..they did!

put abit of effort and time in..good luck!


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## dorsetladette (6 February 2018)

Pearlsasinger said:



			Good heavens!  I thought you must be a teenager.  How on earth did you let yourself get into a situation where a fellow livery was controlling  and manipulating you?
		
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We're a small yard of 4 people and try to work together to get things done like fencing and hay and what not. I'm just up for an easy life really and I don't know how I let it happen but before you know it this woman is dictating what you feed the horses what time they are fed what time your allowed to groom, which way you stand when you fart. Its not till your half way home in the car that you think 'hang on a minute, she done it again'


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## dorsetladette (6 February 2018)

sunshine100* said:



			put advert in local tack shop-speak to staff too as they usually know people-FACEBOOK is always good if you put a shout out there and get in your car see a field you like and ask local farmers-most like face to face and are not on social media!

I have also in the past contacted the local riding school/pony clubs to see if they knew anywhere..they did!

put abit of effort and time in..good luck!
		
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Pony club/riding schools - I'll get on to that tomorrow. have adverts on fb and today contacted all land agents and local estates. I've seen a field I like the look of which I know has been empty for years. so will put a note on the gate and do some door knocking tomorrow. 

Thanks for the advise.


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## Baroque (6 February 2018)

dorsetladette said:



			How do you find out who owns a bit of land? Does anyone know x
		
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Do you mean that you know of a piece of land that looks good and would like to know who to approach about it? If so, you can do a map search on the Land Registry web site. If the land has been registered payment of £3 will get you a copy of the title deeds which will show a plan of the land and the registered owner.


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## cowgirl16 (6 February 2018)

Baroque said:



			Do you mean that you know of a piece of land that looks good and would like to know who to approach about it? If so, you can do a map search on the Land Registry web site. If the land has been registered payment of £3 will get you a copy of the title deeds which will show a plan of the land and the registered owner.
		
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Very useful information - I've often wondered how to go about this myself. Thank you Baroque.


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## Haphazardhacker (7 February 2018)

Sad you are not in Bucks, we are just looking for a person who knows what diy means and wants to just enjoy their horse. Rather than be the yard bully and drama queen. 
Hope you find a lovely yard.


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## ycbm (7 February 2018)

Pearlsasinger said:



			Good heavens!  I thought you must be a teenager.  How on earth did you let yourself get into a situation where a fellow livery was controlling  and manipulating you?
		
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Plenty of adults get controlled and manipulated by other people PaS. I was surprised when I scrolled across and saw that it was you who wrote this, you're usually more supportive of people who are not as able to fight their corner as others.


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## asmp (7 February 2018)

Keep an eye out on nfed.co.uk. There's nothing that I can see at the moment but places do come up in Dorset.


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## jnb (7 February 2018)

No victim-blaming from me - believe me, I can stick up for myself but I've been belittled, bullied, whispered about, downright gossiped about to my face (daring me to react) walked into, pushed out of the way, my horse's rugs soaked because there was a downpour so I closed the barn doors as the rain was coming in - Queen Bully opened them deliberately (she didn't even want to go through them!) - I closed, them, she opened them - FIVE times! I gave up and moved my rugs - all 6 of them.

I used to feed all the horses at 6.30am in the week as I was first up and one horse kicked the door waking the yard owner up - at weekends, I'd leave a note if I didn't want my horse fed as I rode early....Christmas morning I arrived to find all others fed, mine not! Even though I'd left my board asking for him to be fed & haynet put in please. (Weekend staff arrived before me, Weekday one, after)
It was awful.
I lost my temper totally eventually with Yard Queen's No 1 sidekick and told her what I thought of being bullied and she never had a go at me again, but Yard Queen ramped it up....it only ended when I left after I lost my horse (slightly related, but won't go into it here)

I have a young horse now and found a yard of my own. Bliss!


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## Greylegs (7 February 2018)

Some of these stories are making me cringe. I can assure you that not all livery yards are full of bullies and control freaks. I'm never going to be lucky enough to get my own place and - if I'm honest - I wouldn't want to. I enjoy the social aspects of being on a yard as much as going up to see/ride my horse and have made some lovely friends at the yards I've been on over the years. The trick is to find somewhere with a good, competent YO (if that person also manages the place and is present most of the time) or YM, who makes it their business to manage the place, and the people on it, properly. My current yard (been there a year) is managed by one such person. She is fair, knowledgeable, approachable and works her socks off to keep the place in good order. These places are out there. Good luck with finding somewhere very soon, and walk away with your head high.


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## chaps89 (7 February 2018)

I'm on a private yard at the moment but shortly due to relocate - only about 25 miles away. I'm so put off finding another yard because of this type of thing I'm contemplating keeping her where she is! I've been in your situation before and it's miserable, I hope you sort it soon.


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## GTRJazz (7 February 2018)

Turn it into a positive this woman and her followers have issue with you so do the thing they will hate the most out ride them.


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## dorsetladette (7 February 2018)

Baroque said:



			Do you mean that you know of a piece of land that looks good and would like to know who to approach about it? If so, you can do a map search on the Land Registry web site. If the land has been registered payment of £3 will get you a copy of the title deeds which will show a plan of the land and the registered owner.
		
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Thanks I'll have a look in my lunch break. This little plot of land is about 2-3 acres with 2 breeze block stables at the back. Its also closer to the good hacking we have near us and relatively flat to school in. I've been in the area (horse has) for about 4 years and the field has never had anything done with it in that time. There are a few houses behind it so I will go and knock some doors after work.


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## dorsetladette (7 February 2018)

dorsetladette said:



			Thanks I'll have a look in my lunch break. This little plot of land is about 2-3 acres with 2 breeze block stables at the back. Its also closer to the good hacking we have near us and relatively flat to school in. I've been in the area (horse has) for about 4 years and the field has never had anything done with it in that time. There are a few houses behind it so I will go and knock some doors after work.
		
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It doesn't look like the land is registered.


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## Ambers Echo (7 February 2018)

I can totally sympathise. My first livery yard (20 years ago now) had a resident dragon too. She bullied me mercilessly. I avoided her as much as possible but she would single me out. She'd march over and give me a mouthful about x,y,z. 

YO did nothing to stop her. I ended up leaving and found out years later that at least half a dozen liveries left because of her until the YO finally chucked her off.  I have never been in quite that situation again though interestingly I ended up trying that yard again after she left as it really was very nice in terms of facilities/hacking etc but the same situation had developed with a self appointed head girl and her prefects bossing everyone else around. They weren't bullies in the same way but I still couldn't be doing with a yard like that. A good YO is really important imo.

But all other yards I've been on have been great. The key is to find a YO who is a) not a control freak themselves (that's even harder to deal with!) and b) is not afraid to intervene when needed.


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## Midlifecrisis (7 February 2018)

dorsetladette I feel for you...yes things will get better..I don't know about other livery yard users but in my experience things seem to come to a head at this time of the year..perhaps because we are fed up about the winter. Jellymoon s post made me smile because the first person all over you does tend to be the yard dragon...almost exactly the experience Ive witnessed at the yards Ive been on..and the reason I smile and keep my distance...now!


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## dorsetladette (8 February 2018)

Quick update on the hunt for a new place. I knocked a few doors last night and found out who owned the field I've had my eye on. A very scary man in overalls with electric gates which I got stuck the wrong side off &#55357;&#56851; I was a little scared to say the least. He did politely tell me he didn't want to rent it out and used it to distance himself from the neighbours. He looked like the bloke out of Texas chainsaw massacre. So I instantly had visions of the dead bodies which I could be joining buried under the lovely long grass. &#55357;&#56834;&#55357;&#56834; So made a quick exit, well tried to but the gates had closed behind me so had to go back and ask him to let me out!!!! 

Well today I had a lovely lady message me asking if I was looking for grazing. She was looking for someone to share with as her horse is lonely. I'm popping over to see her Saturday. Fingers crossed this one will be a success.

The things we do for our horses &#55357;&#56834;


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## tristar (9 February 2018)

good luck, keep on trying.


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