# Smacking Children?



## Skhosu (21 September 2006)

Yes or No? There are 4 of us, 3 were smacked if we were very bad when we were very young (5-7ish..) and the youngest has probably never (perhaps once?) smacked and is the cheekiest child. She would actually hit the parents on the occasion.
She shouts back at them, and is rude and ill-mannered( currently aged 10).
I think if used correctly its fine. Watching th eprogramme on UTV there is one woman who is hitting her child, and that's not proper I don't think. Any other ideas?


----------



## Nic (21 September 2006)

I do, but not being a parent I'm not best placed to comment.


----------



## pixie (21 September 2006)

I was smacked (not hit or beaten!) as a child and am glad for it.  They always gave me warning and made sure that it was very clear why I was being punished. I can't actually remember it very well, but I believe it instilled a great deal of discipline in me and respect for my parents and other people.  I would never dream of hitting/shouting at my parents, its just not in my nature.
I think a quick smack when the child is young will help a lot in the long term.


----------



## barneyandem (21 September 2006)

Im not a parent so i prob cant really comment, but i agree in it if the parent is in control (i.e. its not their initial reaction when they start to lose contol), calm and has a reason...


----------



## kayleigh_and_rocky (21 September 2006)

Yes i agree with smacking whole heartedly.  I'm not a parent but if i was i know it is a way i would go with my child.  I was smacked as a child (only when i was very bad AND after being warned and told i would be smacked if i didnt behave) and its done me the world of good.


----------



## haybales (21 September 2006)

i think it's all relative, what other discipline you use, how badly the child behaves to deserve the smack, how frustrated you felt at the time etc

personally, as a child and not a parent i can say that i wasnt smacked and still was able to be disciplined and respect my parents.


----------



## clipclop (21 September 2006)

I can remember being smacked twice by my Dad and twice by my Mum in my whole life. All four incidents were for extremely bad behaviour or for my own safety. I knew this to be the absolute limit and neer pushed my luck that far ever again.

I certainly don't feel I was treated badly. Infact I look back on those incidents as moments where my parents were scared for me and needed to nip the problem in the bud. (I am glad they did)!

If my little boy ever pushes his luck too far I will probably smack him too. 

I guess there are such varying degrees of temper.

I can see the other side of the arguement. 

A friend of mine has a wayward teenage son. He spent hours and hours standing infront of her trying to wind her up,,calling her names, poking her and being nasty.

She asked him to stop, she tried ignoring him and then she lost her rag and grabbed her broom and beat him with it. She really regrets the incident as it gained nothing and it frightened her how easily she could have seriously hurt him. Since then she has refrained from smacking any of her other children.

This subject is another of those subjects where there will be differing opinions and everyone will just have to agree to disagree! 
	
	
		
		
	


	





Cheers
C x


----------



## cockergirl (21 September 2006)

I am a parent- I have a toddler and a teenager. I smacked my son when he was younger on a couple of occasions (he's the teenager now!) but I can't remember the last time it happened- it was years ago. I'm not proud of it, because I'm sure there are better ways for better parents to discipline their children. My daughter, so far, has not been smacked- a simple telling-off is enough for her to stop whatever it is she's doing that is unacceptable.


----------



## Onyxia (21 September 2006)

Am a parent and yes to smacking- as long as it is used as a punishment NOT because the parent is at end of his/her teather and only if the child has fair warning before hand.


----------



## Weezy (21 September 2006)

Interesting fact stated on This Morning (this mornign LOL) - a child seldom remembers being smacked, but tends to ALWAYS remember a parent saying something like "I wish you were never born" etc

I think a smack on the hand or bottom is perfectly acceptable - but yu have to remember there is a thin line between smacking and beating and as Haybales said, you have to ensure you are NOT doing it out of anger or frustration, because if you are it is more than likely not benefitting the child and their education into right or wrong - if you feel guilty for reprimanding your child with a smack, more often than not the smack was not deserved or rightly administered 

Just my take on it


----------



## severnmiles (21 September 2006)

I shall discipline my child for sure!

The wooden spoon and horse whip never did me any harm!


----------



## kildalton (21 September 2006)

I too was a child of the wooden spoon and riding crop !!


----------



## Onyxia (21 September 2006)

Cant agree more Weezy!
My pet hate is parents who hit(and I mean hit not smack) their children at home but wont do it in public- to me that just screams that they know its wrong- so why do it?
IMHO a smack is a tap on the bum, not hard enough to hurt/mark the child at all.The shock of getting a smack is what does the trick, not how much it hurts.

Personally, myself and OH will use smacks as a form of punishment when we feel it is warented even if it is banned by government.


----------



## Weezy (21 September 2006)

I use it as a reinforcement of "what I say goes" - however I NEVER smack if the kids are being *violent* against each other - smacking as a reprimand for hitting a sibling - what lesson does that teach!!!!


----------



## PapaFrita (22 September 2006)

I can think of several children who need a sharp smack... 
	
	
		
		
	


	




 NOT the same as hitting or beating, of course. I was smacked on occasion and bloody well deserved it!!


----------



## suebingham (22 September 2006)

I am a mom of 5 and grandma of 6 and so far, so good (no axe murderers or republicans yet). To me it's seems like a little swat to the backside can kinda break the tension sometimes. Count me amongst the yea-sayers.


----------



## Jazz1 (22 September 2006)

I was smacked &amp; thank my parents now for doing so!!
There is a difference between a smack &amp; beating up so as long as the line isnt crossed then thats fine. With most children including myself it was more the shock that I had been smacked that made me behave, my Dad used to do them with a good sting to them rather than a hard smack that hurt a lot!!


----------



## eekmon (22 September 2006)

Yes I was smacked and I have smacked both my boys! 
	
	
		
		
	


	




 Not beaten but smacked!


----------



## Mandz (22 September 2006)

have to say that I agree with a short sharp smack when warranted.

Both my girls know that I have a limit and it is a very rare occasion that I do smack.  I think the shock is more what hurts than the smack itself.  They are given fair warning when they are pushing it and I will try all avenues before resorting to a smack,

I was smacked as a child and I did'nt turn out too bad


----------



## RachelB (22 September 2006)

[ QUOTE ]
I think the shock is more what hurts than the smack itself.

[/ QUOTE ]
I agree, I was smacked as a child by my dad, but he knew when to use it and when not to, and I always got told off first before it came to smacking. I was always so shocked that I had been so bad that I cried and cried, but not because I had been smacked, just because I had been bad and I knew it.
I know one person who was beaten as a child (she's an older woman now so it was a long time ago) and as a result she wouldn't think twice about beating a horse to make it behave or do as it was told (eg loading) as 'it never did me any harm'. That is the reason parents have to know their boundaries, because if they don't then how are they going to teach their children boundaries?


----------



## sevenoceans (22 September 2006)

I was smacked as child and learnt alot from rights to wrongs and never did me any harm... I am now well behaved young lady (sometimes he he he he!!) and i never went off the rails.


----------



## Alibear (22 September 2006)

Nope dead set against it , things it wrong. I don't think any human has a right to hit another human. 

So no I have never smacked my boys and i never will and since I get complimented on them all the time I figure I am doing an OK job. There are a lot of other ways of disciplining kids. 

Do you want a smack? Is the furthest I ever have to go.


----------



## Sooty (22 September 2006)

No. I didn't smack my children, who grew up with perfect manners. Smacking is causing another human being pain, in other words it is violence. If one smack doesn't work, what next? Two smacks? Then what? I am a believer in disciplining children, just not with violence.


----------



## lillie07 (22 September 2006)

I was shocked at some of those parents on "I smack and am Proud" last night, it was disgraceful the way they treated there children. How is any child meant to respect someone they are petrified of!! And the language used towards such young children..... No wonder these kids have a problem with there language....


----------



## Sooty (22 September 2006)

[ QUOTE ]
 I am a mom of 5 and grandma of 6 and so far, so good (no axe murderers or republicans yet).  

[/ QUOTE ]

Love it!!


----------



## GinaB (22 September 2006)

I'm not a parent but a good slap never done me any harm. even then it was never anything major.


----------



## lordflynn (22 September 2006)

I am not a parent myself but the OH has kids. personally I am against smacking, I was never smacked myself and I have never seen a time when these kids needed smacking. Use of the naughty step or equivalent/losing a treat etc does the trick as long as you follow through. 

From what I have seen, shouting and smacking leads to the kids shouting and smacking IMHO.

I would never have cheeked/disrespected my parents either but it hadnt nothing to do with the fear of a smack!


----------



## Oaksflight (22 September 2006)

I always got a smacked bottom when I was little, nothing wrong with it, as long as it's the last resort of the child doing something dangerous. We had a conversation about in psychology this year, me and my friend both said nothing wrong with it etc, but were the only ones! Rest were going on that one minute its a smacked bottom, the next it's a punch round the face ?! Erm.. not really. 

My Mum still says to me "It's not too late for a smacked bottom Sophie!" at the age of 18!


----------



## tw1nn1ejo (22 September 2006)

i've been smaked on the bum once when i was little but i know i must have been doing something v. naughty or cheeky so i deserved it!


----------



## Christmas_Kate (22 September 2006)

As a parent of two (aged 6 and 21 months) I agree with smacking to a certain extent. One of the ladies on the programme went too far, actually hitting the child's fingers quite hard with a spatula! 
Both my children have a warning. After the warning comes the time out step. That usually puts paid to whatever behaviour. 
I remember my son running out in the road once, and yes, i smacked him. His behaviour was dangerous. My daughter has had a smacked hand, for touching a plug. Rather her have a smacked hand and recoil at the shock than get electocuted. I never threaten to smack unless it's something dangerous they are doing, as I think that's the only appropriate time. They then know, if they get a threat of a smack that what they're doing is really bad and they must stop. 
I was smacked as a child, it did me no harm. 
I am often comlimented on how well behaved my kids are when we're out so i can't be going that far wrong.


----------



## teapot (22 September 2006)

Ditto Jazz entirely


----------



## Chambon (22 September 2006)

Absolutely!  It didn't do me any harm and it certainly taught me some respect.  

The majority of children today have no respect for anybody or anything.  Unfortunately, in this sick and twisted world, it is more likely for the parent to receive a smack than a child.


----------



## bellgave (22 September 2006)

There is a huge margin between Smacking and abusing a child. Whilst I was never really smacked very often as a chid, I am sure I would have been had I been a little monster. 

A friend of mine is a head teacher at a school in Nottingham and the kids are all so rude and vile it sounds like they could do with more than a smack to get some manners into them!!

Sadly our country is turning into a Health and safety haven ruled by idiot do gooders, the sketch show Little Britain is sadly a bit to close to the reality of how our younger generation are developing (not all I hasten to add but certain social groups)

If a child is being a little so and so and warnings etc dont work, then yes I feel a smack is OK, I smack a horse if it bites me, same with a dog, why not a child?


----------



## pixie (22 September 2006)

I liken it to using a schooling whip to reinforce your leg aids.  There's no point in niggling away with your legs if the horse just won't respond (dead-to-the-leg ridingschool cob anyone?).  A short sharp touch with the whip reinforces what you do with your leg, so that next time the horse is more likely to respond to gentle leg pressure.


Also, my parents smacked me, and I was NEVER petrified of them, what utter rubbish.  I think a child would only be petrified if the parent were beating them.


----------



## tashyisaudrey (22 September 2006)

I got a smack once when I ate all the chocolates in my advent calender early  ( I was eight or so) 
	
	
		
		
	


	








 I still remember it.


----------



## parsley (22 September 2006)

No - I don't agree with smacking anyone.  I would like my children to be able to find other ways of communicating their displeasure or that something is unacceptable to them and think that smacking them as an adult gives them the wrong example.  I also find the idea of an adult hitting (and I think that a "smack" is another word for hit, albeit not hard) a child with the idea that child is expected to take being hurt without responding in a similar way abhorrent.

However, as a teacher I can see that people bring their children up successfullyin all sorts of different ways.


----------



## serena2005 (22 September 2006)

i was never smacked, but i answered yes, i think smacking is fine if used within reason, i dont think you can smack a child for everything naughty it does,

i remember seeing a program where the middle child smacked the younger one so the mum smacked him and said "dont hit your brother" she walked away and middle child younger boy again and younger boy hit the dog... so whats the message shes giving them?,... a very confusing one if you ask me!


----------



## goeslikestink (23 September 2006)

yeap a smack is  a short  sharp disapline-- 

better that  than hurt them selves if they not listening  as not to do something--

smacks in most cases are  of protection-- and a warning

and  right from wrong.


----------



## lorenababbit (23 September 2006)

Well one things for sure, i was throughly beaten as a child and frankly by the time i got big enough to argue about it i certainly knew right from wrong. I figured if i wanted to avoid the wooden spoon, hairbrush or fish slice best behave. There was only the fear of what was coming if i transgressed other than that  i was not and am not afaid of anything or anyone (except large spiders). 
   Beatings are a bit extreme but thank god i have decided no children for me as i would be locked up by now particularly as the little darlings are so informed these days and there are so many do gooders dying to find a cause to fight, that even mere smacks will land you in prison when they report you to a teacher next day!!


----------



## Irishcobs (23 September 2006)

Haven't read all the posts but I work as a groom/nanny. I look after my bosses 2 yr old when she's riding/competing/to tired to cope with him etc. She smacks him on the bottom when he misbehaves after 2 warnings. And has asked me to do the same, but so far I haven't needed to.
Her son has a tendance to go in the horses field, particular the brood mares and chase them, the mares gallop around narrowly missing each other and him. He gets asked twice to come out, to which he says NO and carries on chasing them so he gets a smack on the bottom and is taken from the field. 
We could completely block off the fields, putting netting on the gate and fence and chaining the gate up ( he can open them) but then he won't learn not to go in with any horses.


----------



## Tia (23 September 2006)

This story would appear to suggest that smacking doesn't work with this child as he continues to go in the field even after his smack.

I have to admit to disliking smacking and prefer other methods.  Our youngest daughter very rarely gets smacked and probably has only been smacked on the back of the legs literally a handful of times in her 10 years on this Earth.  I don't recall the last time she was smacked or how old she was but when the topic comes up in conversation with other parents my daughter seems to believe that she has NEVER been smacked  
	
	
		
		
	


	




.....not sure where she gets that from because I can distinctly remember smacking her on 3 occasions at some point in time.

The older children; 23 year old daughter was smacked about 5 times and is a lovely but totally misguided adult.  The 22 year old twin boys were smacked pretty much every week from the age of 5 right through to about 10 or 11 years.  They were rarely smacked for the same thing twice but as they were sooooo naughty they would find other things to be smacked over.  I believe it worked with them as they were absolutely fantastic teenagers and are truly lovely lads now.

I don't think anyone can say smacking does or doesn't work with children, I think it totally depends on the child.  I could smack our 10 year old every day and she wouldn't give a damn, therefore smacking is of no benefit to us....so not point really doing it, LOL!!


----------



## Onyxia (23 September 2006)

[ QUOTE ]
I have to admit to disliking smacking and prefer other methods. 

[/ QUOTE ]
Dont we all!
Smacking is always the VERY last resort but it is a usefull method of disipline.
My little brother (now 12) was a nightmare between about 4 and 9(too bloody headstring, family fault,lol!) and would not stay on the naughty step ,well we could have bribed him but then why bother at all?
9 times out of ten simply telling him if you dont stay on the naughty step/in room/whatever you will get a smack ment he would acept the other form of punishment on offer.I cant remember him actulary getting smacked often-the knowledge that he would be stopped him going too far!
He is a completedarling(for now,teen years not started yet 
	
	
		
		
	


	




 ) everyone comments on how pleasent he is to have around.

On the other habd, with me my mother was exceptionly heavy handed,not because I was a menace whole family says I was fairly well behaved given all that was going on while I was a toddler, just that she was so stressed out she hit rather then try anything else.
All that resulted in was me when I was old enough and strong enough to hit back doing so.
Not proud of it but not ashamed either- even as a 24 year old with a family of my own still axcept a smack but was not prepared to let anyone keep hitting me.


----------



## GTs (23 September 2006)

Freud would suggest that being smacked by your mother can only lead to sexual deviance - this theory would be supported by the trends in S&amp;M.


----------



## sojeph (24 September 2006)

[ QUOTE ]
Freud would suggest that being smacked by your mother can only lead to sexual deviance - this theory would be supported by the trends in S&amp;M. 

[/ QUOTE ]

Well I was never smacked as a child


----------



## PapaFrita (24 September 2006)

LOL @ Sojeph!!!


----------



## Onyxia (24 September 2006)

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Freud would suggest that being smacked by your mother can only lead to sexual deviance - this theory would be supported by the trends in S&amp;M. 

[/ QUOTE ]

Well I was never smacked as a child 
	
	
		
		
	


	





[/ QUOTE ]
Maybe its lack off smacking then!


----------



## racingdemon (25 September 2006)

i think it depends alot on the context and setting that has lead to the smack, i was smacked as a child and have always been slightly intimidated by both my parents, even now i still 'worry' about what they will do when something goes wrong etc, 

i haven't decided how i will discipline ym children when i have them, but hopefully they'll be less intimidated by my methods than i was as a child


----------



## WishfulThinker (25 September 2006)

I used to get cold showers!! God that stopped me being a little *beep*.  I did get my bum smacked to! 

I did once get locked in my room as I shoved over a gas fire, and then exploded a bottle of ginger beer (home made ginger beer + sugar = Fountain!!) and would regularly paint the house wit mums makeup


----------



## 4whitesocks (26 September 2006)

Hmmmm this is a really tough one - we were all disciplined as kids with smacks and threatened with the wooden spoon - don't ever remember wooden spoon being actually used though which is a bit odd now that I think about it but I was terrified of it!  

My parents were very clear about right &amp; wrong and smacks were a last resort as opposed to something taken lightly.....

Having said that when my Dad died my Mum had 4 of us to raise and a farm to run and I was quite young (8) and my little brother was only 1 - I turned into a demon and my mother had a very hard time coping...I can remember two occasions where she lost it with me completely and smacks turned into frantic lashing out, I was maybe 11 the first time and it was terrifying not because of the pain but because of the obvious pain I had caused to unleash in her if you know what I mean (I had been caught stealing on this occasion - God I was an awful brat!!!!)

Second and only other time she lost it was when I came home at 4 in the morning aged 17 stinking of booze and cigarettes and she freaked and grabbed a hairbrush and I ended up with bruises down all one side of me (my father was over the limit when he crashed the car and was killed so I can kinda understand this reaction....)

so - not quite sure why I am sharing this but  - there is a very distinct line between smacking to discipline - short sharp shock  - and smacking in anger 
I have no kids yet but would hope to never smack in anger - to discipline? well I honestly think as people have said it depends on the child

(oh and myself and my Mom have a fabulous relationship now and I wasn't scarred for life!!)


----------



## tarbra (30 September 2006)

Smacking I voted yes to. 

But I mean smacking (tapping across the back of the legs, rear end or hand in a very controlled manner never in temper!) and not abuse.

 There is a world of difference between the two, my Dad smacked me once as a child, and I did ask for it, it did me no harm and taught me a lesson, for which I have never held a grudge. 
	
	
		
		
	


	





My Mother was abusive and used to beat me up to the point of nearly killing me, used me as a punch bag on untold occasions, and I will take the physical/mental scares she left me with me to my grave.


----------

