# The annoying child - How to deal with this ? Calling all parents



## niagaraduval (3 April 2014)

My horses are kept in a field about 2 miles from my house in the summer. I check on them twice a day and have neighbors and farmer check on them too every day.

A few weeks ago I went to fill up the water bins as usual and this girl (around 12 ?) came out of her house and started talking to me, asking what my horses names were, their age etc.

Now I am really really bad with children, I just don't like them (not to offend anyone it's just the way it is).

So I sweetly told her their names, how old they were and answered her many questions. I finally got rid of her by saying I am about to go (which she questioned too).

However, each time I go up she suddenly appears from her house (I think it's actually her grandparents house) as I usually turn up in the morning and evening so she isn't at school.

She keeps bugging me and getting in my way, She keeps wanting to go in the field and asks me non stop if she can. 
The first time I saw her I said she could if she stood next to me and she went and started stroking my oldie (didn't have a problem with that he is sweet as sugar) but from the start she has given herself rights. She likes the sound of her own voice and constantly talking at me and asking me every question she can think of. 

It's not that I mind, but my horses are my getaway after a long day and her constant yapping just annoys me and stresses me out even more.

Now I fill up these big white water containers and carry them to the field (the tap is about 10 m from the field) and as I finished filling them up she just went and started carrying (struggling!) it over to my field. I took the container off her and told her I would do it  (my field, my horses, my responsibility !). 

However, I have tried ignoring her (I hate it), tried showing her I have no interest in her, tried telling her I don't want her in my field when I come, I don't need any help with my 'ponies' ( 16,2hh & 17hh) and have told her that horses are dangerous. But she has an answer to everything. It's got to the point where I dread going to see my horses every morning and night as I know she will be there waiting to pounce! Even my OH got so fed up he left me at the field and drove home saying he would get me  when I was done !!

She came up yesterday as I arrived with her little brother, now the fence is barbed wire, and I have another electric fence round the whole lot so horses can't touch the barbed wire fence, but this little boy (around 6 ?) was climbing in and out of the wire and got his foot stuck and almost fell on the barbed wire. I got so angry that I ended up shouting at them just to get them away from me and my horses as I'm sure I would have their lovely parents on my back if they got hurt.

How can I deal with this situation? I am quite a patient person, but at the end of the day, too much is too much and I'm certain that me telling their parents will change nothing.

Thank you for any advice.


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## jrp204 (3 April 2014)

Can you go and see the Parents/Grandparents? I would also tell her that she is not 'insured' to be around your horses and if anything happened you would be held liable so, sorry, but please stay away from your horses and yard, for her own safety.


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## springtime1331 (3 April 2014)

It's a difficult one. I would speak to the grandparents and explain that you don't want her to be responsible in case she got hurt. Or you could go to the other extreme and ask them if she could help you and make her do lots of poo picking, fence repairing etc until she starts avoiding you...


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## cronkmooar (3 April 2014)

I was once this child - only difference being, the people I pestered were happy to let me pat their ponies and grateful that I would spend all day grooming, mucking out and generally helping them out just to be near a horse - any horse!


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## Amymay (3 April 2014)

Oh bless her, she's just being an interested and curious 12 year old.  She sounds like a sweetheart. Don't be such an old grouch!

However I absolutely would go and speak to the parents and tell them that the 6 year old is not to come over without parental supervision - due to the obvious dangers.


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## TGM (3 April 2014)

I would definitely speak to the grandparent/parents.  You could go for the harsh option of telling them to keep her away entirely.  Alternatively, you could perhaps compromise and ask she only comes to see the horses one set day a week, for example.


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## niagaraduval (3 April 2014)

I probably am being a grouch but even my OH who loves and really wants kids couldn't stand it any longer so I think that's saying something.

Going through my grooming bag and letting herself in my field whilst my back is turned is annoying though and horses are my getaway so having someone constantly annoying me is far from enjoyable and if that is the definition of being a grouch than that doesn't bother me as I am the one who works hard to look after and pay for the privilege.

Regarding getting her to do jobs, this might be a good way but also letting her work with my horses might be misleading and let her think that she can go and do as she pleases when I am not there.


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## JillA (3 April 2014)

Speak to her guardians, (tell them no way is the 6 year old safe around horses) and if they agree, give her jobs to do. Poo picking is usually a fairly off putting one and if she isn't put off by that, she is keen enough to develop a genuine love for horses. Fetching and carrying, real menial stuff, the kind of thing no-one ever realises has to be done when you have responsibility for equines.
And if she argues about anything (permissions, time to go, stuff you aren't happy for her to do etc) my favourite phrase is "I'm not arguing, I'm TELLING you" (can you tell I was  Primary teacher back in the day??) Boundaries are really important for her safety so get them in place.


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## Horsewithsocks (3 April 2014)

Move your horses asap, I would not be happy being so far away of these out of control kids are hanging around them.


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## Fides (3 April 2014)

Just tell the grandparents she isn't welcome. They may think that because you haven't said anything you are ok with it...


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## blitznbobs (3 April 2014)

Tell her that they bite and kick - sometimes and stick electric fencing up... And tell them that if they come again they r trespassing and you'll call the police... If that doesn't work
And you've talked to the parents and they are no help send a written letter to the parents asking them not to let their children enter the field...

Or alternatively use her to help...


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## Amymay (3 April 2014)

niagaraduval said:



			Going through my grooming bag and letting herself in my field whilst my back is turned is annoying though and horses are my getaway so having someone constantly annoying me is far from enjoyable and if that is the definition of being a grouch than that doesn't bother me as I am the one who works hard to look after and pay for the privilege.

Regarding getting her to do jobs, this might be a good way but also letting her work with my horses might be misleading and let her think that she can go and do as she pleases when I am not there.
		
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But you just set boundaries.

You tell her that she is not to go into the field without you by her side. And she is not to 'rummage' through your stuff without permission.

But obviously, if you really can't bear to give an interested child any of your time - then the simple answer is to go to the parents and tell them she's not welcome.


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## miss_c (3 April 2014)

Hmmm...

Having been a child who was desperate for any contact with horses I can see where the child is coming from.

However being a grouchy adult who works with kids whose horses are my chance to 'get away' I can also see the OP's side.  It is INCREDIBLY rare that I will allow children on the yard.  The exceptions are my nephews when they visit and G-I-T if we are going to a competition.

At the end of the day OP, they are your horses and if you don't want the child around them then it is your decision.  You need to talk politely (but firmly!) to the parents/grandparents/guardians/whoever and let them know.  I think the suggestion to move yards is completely over the top, with boundaries set this isn't an issue, it is just getting the boundaries in place.


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## swampdonkey (3 April 2014)

I have my own children and do love children but I think even I would find this annoying.
Speak to the grandparents and explain that your horses are not particularly safe around children and you are concerned for her safety. Explain that you are not insured if anything was to happen to her.
I would take the phone number of a local riding school and prompt them to arrange a lesson in the proper environment where there are correct safety measures put in place.
Good luck, rather you than me


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## BBP (3 April 2014)

I'd be the same, I can't stand spending time with kids, even if I know they aren't trying to be annoying. I'm grumpy too like that, horses are for quiet time. If it was me I'd go to the guardians and say I know the little girl is curious but that horses are dangerous and I don't have time and am not qualified to teach her to do everything safely, especially as your horses are so big. I'd give them the details of a local riding school and say that if she really wants to learn to do everything properly maybe she could go there. That way you've given the parents another option. It may be that they've seen you talking to the child and think you are happy to let her play.


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## Ladyinred (3 April 2014)

Is it only me that finds this post rather sad? I was once that 12 year old, as was my daughter, and we both found lovely people who were very patient and kind to us.

Why not tell her that you don't want her there every day but she is welcome on specific days when she can 'help'? A little bit of patience and kindness might change that childs world.


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## Amymay (3 April 2014)

Ladyinred said:



			Is it only me that finds this post rather sad? I was once that 12 year old, as was my daughter, and we both found lovely people who were very patient and kind to us.
		
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Really sad........


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## Fides (3 April 2014)

Ladyinred said:



			Is it only me that finds this post rather sad? I was once that 12 year old, as was my daughter, and we both found lovely people who were very patient and kind to us.

Why not tell her that you don't want her there every day but she is welcome on specific days when she can 'help'? A little bit of patience and kindness might change that childs world.
		
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But surely that is the parents responsibility rather than the OP?


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## cauda equina (3 April 2014)

Fides said:



			Just tell the grandparents she isn't welcome. They may think that because you haven't said anything you are ok with it...
		
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I agree . The grandparents may be actively encouraging her to hang round you , she may be driving them mad too . 

Giving her jobs to do , even tedious ones , wpuld probably just be seen as an invitation to carry on as she is ; or  she may assume 'rights' as she is doing 'work' . I think being straight with the kids, parents , grandparents about what you want ie for them to go away and stay away would be the best plan . If she is dying to be around horses there must be other ways to achieve that , albeit with some effort on the part of her own family , without making your life a misery .  Good luck !


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## Goldenstar (3 April 2014)

She sounds like a lovely talkative horse mad curious child .
And a lucky child to be able to have the chance to form a friendship ( one sided admittedly ) with a non family member once all kids could do this I cold and did now it's harder.
However it needs some boundaries and the younger one needs dealing with I would not baby sit a child as young as the brother .
Go and talk to the grand parents at once .
Explain you need some me time with the horses and try to it nicely it would be nice if you did not cut off contact completely that would hurt her however I would be strict with the grandparents and say that one of them must be with the boy .
If your horses are in a public place and people will come to talk to them you can't get round that .
Poor kid .


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## ribbons (3 April 2014)

Oh dear, I really feel for you AND this young girl in equal measure.

I know exactly what you mean about your chill out time with your horses. I also have little patience with other people's children, I don't consider myself a grump, I just don't want other people's children in my face.

I also sympathise with a young pony mad girl. It matters not a jot to her that yours are horses, anything vaguely equine will do to a girl like that.

When I was young, the local riding school was the natural outlet for that passion. Kids who's parents couldn't afford lessons would work and learn for hours and hours just to be able to groom, lead or (oh pure heaven) actually ride a horse.
Those days are long gone. Partly due to massive health and safety rules with litigation hanging over everyone's head, and partly due to kids no longer willing to work for the vague chance of a ride.

This girl sounds perfectly willing to do anything to just be near a horse, and that's a shame, but its not your problem. What is your problem is the risk of an accident. It wouldn't be treated like it was when I was a pony mad girl. That's not nice for her, but its a fact of this ridiculous 'modern' world.

If this was my situation, I would write a brief letter to the parents/grandparents (keeping a copy) explaining that you recognise the child's love of horses and desire to be involed with them, but sadly, due to the dangerous environment of horses and their equipment, and the fact that your insurance would not cover her being in contact with them, you have to refuse her very enthusiastic offers to help.
Should she take it upon herself to continue to enter the horses environment, you will not be responsible for any accident that is likely to happen when an inexperienced child makes contact with large unpredictable animals. 
Suggest they contact a local riding school to see if they might accept her help around the yard.
 Unlikely they will do that of course, that would involve some effort on their part, much easier to let her out the back door to satisfy her passion at your expense.

It's a very difficult one, as I say, I really feel for both of you.


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## Amymay (3 April 2014)

Fides said:



			But surely that is the parents responsibility rather than the OP?
		
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What, to show patience and kindness?


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## Tnavas (3 April 2014)

Aw - she's horse mad!

I'm good with kids but know how you feel about the ones that bug you. Really think you need to talk to her guardians - she may only be there on holiday so may be gone soon.

As others have said, explain that you don't want her hanging around when you are there as this is your special private time.


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## Goldenstar (3 April 2014)

amymay said:



			What, to show patience and kindness?
		
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Exactly we all live in this world together once I would have walked anywhere to stand next to a horse , kindness is greatly unvalued.


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## DJ (3 April 2014)

Another who feels for you, I`m not a child fan either (even though I one of my own, I think that`s what put me off lol  ) and would be speaking with the grandparents/guardians etc and pointing them in the direction of a riding stables. Good luck, I have a feeling you may need it.


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## blitznbobs (3 April 2014)

Yep sad...


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## Elsiecat (3 April 2014)

Aww bless her. This thread has made me so sad. Equally though, I understand that the horses are your 'chill time'. 
Could you not speak to the grandparents and explain they are your relaxation every day so you'd appreciate it if you could spend it alone, however you're happy for granddaughter to come up on *insert day* and do grooming etc with you? 
Poor kid, I was once her!


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## Tobiano (3 April 2014)

Gosh OP I think some people are being a bit harsh here.  I can totally understand how this child and her behaviour around you / your horses are stressing you and I don't blame you for that!  Would definitely suggest you go and visit the (grand) parents and explain that you are sorry but you cannot allow the child to spend time around the horses.  (I agree, explain about insurance).  With the school holidays not far off I'd be worried about her deciding to visit them when you are not there and possibly even trying to sit on one.  You need to explain that that is not acceptable and the child's safety is at stake.  

It's a shame if she is really keen on horses but your rights are as important as hers and there are other ways for her to fulfil her dreams.  

Hope you can get this sorted.  Otherwise, honestly I'd look for somewhere else to keep the horses.


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## niagaraduval (3 April 2014)

She may be pony mad but she has never been near a horse, If she knew basic rules of safety it wouldn't be half as bad I don't think.

I see where you are coming from as I too was pony mad but I went and worked at the local stables for free rides where I learnt a lot.

Also, I'm not willing to baby sit, as sad as it is if I wanted kids I would have my own, but I don't and I want to make the most of my horses, Also, Not wanting sympathy but especially as my old boy is 25 and I'm not sure how much longer he will be around and I'm also considering taking the hardest decision ever of having my other horse PTS for health reasons, which I know this kid isn't responsible for but I do feel as if I am babysitting and not making the most out of my two horses whilst I still have both of them.


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## HaffiesRock (3 April 2014)

I am another who can see both sides. I don't like children either, and on my last yard, a lady had 3 of them. She had her own horses, but these kids used to follow me everywhere! I too love my pony peace time and dont like babysitting other people's children either.

I went along the lines of insurance too and told the lady in question that my pony was unpredictable and kicked (he didn't, but I didn't know what else too do!)

I feel your pain. Could you talk to the parent/grandparents and suggest a local riding school where the girl can safely be taught about horses, with full insurance? Good luck with it.


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## webble (3 April 2014)

Fides said:



			But surely that is the parents responsibility rather than the OP?
		
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THis poor op just wants to spend time with her horses in peace, it would drive me crazy too. OP I would speak to the adults and say its a problem, she isnt insured and could they take responsibility for her


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## cauda equina (3 April 2014)

niagaraduval said:



			She may be pony mad but she has never been near a horse, If she knew basic rules of safety it wouldn't be half as bad I don't think.

I see where you are coming from as I too was pony mad but I went and worked at the local stables for free rides where I learnt a lot.

Also, I'm not willing to baby sit, as sad as it is if I wanted kids I would have my own, but I don't and I want to make the most of my horses, Also, Not wanting sympathy but especially as my old boy is 25 and I'm not sure how much longer he will be around and I'm also considering taking the hardest decision ever of having my other horse PTS for health reasons, which I know this kid isn't responsible for but I do feel as if I am babysitting.
		
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So sorry to hear this .

If your time with your horses might be limited of course you want to enjoy them to the full while you can .
It 's  surely much better for the horses too , to have a chilled out you around them , rather than a frazzled you and an ignorant ( however well-meaning ) child


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## ester (3 April 2014)

Is there a localish RS you can direct her too, I was also a pony mad, pony less child so cycled a 10 mile round trip to help at the local riding school which is more set up for it (and more kids so more fun really!)

Our field at home is surrounded by houses, including some retirement properties who have grandchildren to stay. One is now about 12/13 and does come round to help occasionally BUT - she rides at home, it is always by prior arrangement with her Grandparents for one or two afternoons of her stay - ie when it is ok with us (she will bring one in/groom/help put jumps up etc  ). All others including a young permanent neighbour have only come round after 1) parents have checked it is ok and 2) usually had parents with them. Whether you want her there or not I think a chat with the parents/grandparents is in order. 

- we also have some children on the current yard, they live in the caravan, oldest about 10 and they do like to say hi to the horses. But they are not allowed on the yard area without asking/an adult to supervise and if you give a reason they don't mind being told no.


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## hairycob (3 April 2014)

I can understand your feeling frazzled by the child - been there. But I have also been that ponyless, pony mad child - I would cycle miles just to look at a horse in a field. If someone had let me poo pick I would have thought I had died & gone to heaven.  I think I would go & see the parents & I would try & make a deal - she can come & poo pick (other chores available) once a week. She must follow instructions to the letter & a parent must come along as well to supervise (at least until the boundaries are established). You never know when it is going to be handy to have an extra pair of hands to help & it helps to cultivate neighbours to keep an eye on any problems. Explain that doing the horses is your relaxation time & that you must be left alone except at the agreed time.


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## TheSylv007 (3 April 2014)

Goldenstar said:



			She sounds like a lovely talkative horse mad curious child .
And a lucky child to be able to have the chance to form a friendship ( one sided admittedly ) with a non family member once all kids could do this I cold and did now it's harder.
However it needs some boundaries and the younger one needs dealing with I would not baby sit a child as young as the brother .
Go and talk to the grand parents at once .
Explain you need some me time with the horses and try to it nicely it would be nice if you did not cut off contact completely that would hurt her however I would be strict with the grandparents and say that one of them must be with the boy .
If your horses are in a public place and people will come to talk to them you can't get round that .
Poor kid .
		
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This.  I was probably once that kid and am eternally grateful to the adults who took me under their wing and let me 'help' and learn from them.  I know things are different nowadays and you can get into all sorts of bother if anything happens and this child does sound like she hasn't got any boundaries but I can't help feel sorry for her.


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## Meowy Catkin (3 April 2014)

If you were nearer N, i'd lend you my gelding. He'd corner the child (not in a nasty way, but he's super friendly and hard to get rid of) and keep her occupied and she'd probably not want to go near him again. 

On a serious note I understand where you are coming from and I think that the way forwards is to speak kindly to the grandparents and as mentioned, go armed with riding school details so that she can go somewhere that is set up for teaching novice children.


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## Emilieu (3 April 2014)

I really feel for you - I know what people are saying re horse mad kids but it is hardly the OP's fault the kid doesn't have access to horses. I'm a teacher so not exactly anti kids but they are very hard work and I totally would not appreciate having one hanging about in my free time - that is why i don't have any! 
I don't think you are a grouch at all OP, in fact you have been nicer than i would be. I agree that the only thing you can do is tell both the kid and the grandparents that you don't want her around - although i am a wimp and hate situations like this so would probably just suffer and grump in miserable silence. Which soulds dreadful.


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## Honey08 (3 April 2014)

I can see both sides too.  I was that little girl once.  Our neighbour rented our fields and had event horses, but I was never allowed to go near them or touch them.  She was quite grumpy and unfriendly.  I had to put up with gazing at her horses from a distance!  She moved about five years later and I got a pony after that.  Years later she taught me at pony club camp and we got on really really well.  Its a shame she hadn't given me a moment of her time earlier.

However I once lived somewhere where there was a child obsessed with my dog, knocking on the door every five minutes wanting to walk her or play with her etc, and the lack of privacy and time to relax did eventually drive me mad.

I think a compromise is needed.  Meet the parents, tell them you're not getting a minute to yourself and its a nuisance, but perhaps arrange one or two evenings or an afternoon at weekend where she is allowed to come over under strict arrangements (ie, she follows your rules) and learn a bit and help out.  Then when she does come, tell her she is not to touch anything without being told to, and if she does she won't be allowed back.

With a bit of work initially she could turn out to be a nice girl and helpful.

ps, I've met a few kids that lived with their grandparents and they seemed to be chatterboxes who didn't know how to speak to adults!


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## Emilieu (3 April 2014)

Honey08 said:



			I think a compromise is needed.  Meet the parents, tell them you're not getting a minute to yourself and its a nuisance, but perhaps arrange one or two evenings or an afternoon at weekend where she is allowed to come over under strict arrangements (ie, she follows your rules) and learn a bit and help out.  Then when she does come, tell her she is not to touch anything without being told to, and if she does she won't be allowed back.
		
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Excellent advice. Much better than my 'plan'!


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## exracehorse (3 April 2014)

Horsewithsocks said:



			Move your horses asap, I would not be happy being so far away of these out of control kids are hanging around them.
		
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Bit OTT


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## noodle_ (3 April 2014)

I love kids....but pony time is free time away from the stresses of life.... i wouldnt appreciate a kid coming over pestering....


Id have a word with her parents/guardian purely as if you dont when you arnt there a word with her may not be enough? go higher....


If you wanted a helper advertised for one...unless someone asks you "can i help"...then no sorry child is in the wrong... and yes i was that pony mad child! i was lucky to ask a few people if i could muck out for them (!) and help on trecking centres but i wouldnt dream of planting myself and annoying someone - my parents wouldnt let me!


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## exracehorse (3 April 2014)

amymay said:



			Really sad........
		
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Agree. I was lucky as my parents bought me a pony.  She may be lonely.  And in a world where most teenagers sit in front of the tv or on Facebook,  it's refreshing to hear of a 12 yr old who wants to get some fresh air outside


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## Shay (3 April 2014)

I remember being that kid too...

But this is a different time and a different legal environment than when I was that young.  (About 30 years different!)  Liability and insurance are such that, tough though it is, I think you might have no choice but to write (and keep a copy) explaining that both kids must have no contact with the horses what so ever unless accompanied by you for safety and legal reasons.  You can then visit and explain that you are not available to babysit on a whim (you'll have to put it nicer than that..)  Once you meet the grandparents or whoever the responsible adult is you will be able to get a feel for what level of contact you can cope with.  It might be that the family are great and responsible and willing to enforce supportive boundaries - in which case you might want to ask her to help a little etc knowing it won't be abused.  But sadly the opposite could also be true and you will want to stop all contact for your own peace of mind.


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## PollyP99 (3 April 2014)

I totally get the op's issue, chatterbox girls are the worse type of child and they drive me nuts too.  Some are real know it all's too and don't listen if you tell them not to do x or y, we had the same issue again a public field, child hangs around, I'm not miserable and did talk to her,  my sister, softer than me, let her watch help . Any-who the inevitable happened she's was found in the field with the horses one day  and all he'll broke loose, she wasn't hurt but was given her marching orders, totally not safe as my old gelding was a mugger and could so easily have knocked her over if she was packing carrots.  

So I do get it, she needs telling for everyone's sake.


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## Mince Pie (3 April 2014)

I second the 'one day a week' compromise. I used to be like you (well, I still am really!) until I found my little sharer who is 11 and an absolutely lovely kid. However she is quiet, listens, and soaks up information like a sponge and I'm really enjoying teaching her. A chatter box who has an answer for everything would be given short shrift and asked to leave! I used to deal with one who, when I told her how to do something would always reply "but X told me to do it this way", my answer was "if you want to do it that way then you can do it somewhere else, these are my horses and this is how I want things done. It is your choice." eventually she got the hint and actually became quite pleasant to be around in the end.
Have you actually spoken to her (grand) parents about her?


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## *sprinkles* (3 April 2014)

I think it's really unfair saying this is sad and the kid only wants to help. It is not the OP's responsibility to teach every child who rocks up and shows an interest about horses !! I would certainly be extremely irritated and would have spoken to the grandparents a long time ago. My horse time is just that - horse time. Not babysitting time. OP - you really need to speak to who is responsible for this child otherwise you risk her getting too confident and entering your field when you're not there etc and that's just an accident waiting to happen. It's very unfair on you that your time is being spoiled, horses are expensive and hard work. You should be able to enjoy them on your own terms.


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## Copperpot (3 April 2014)

That would drive me mad too. I don't want kids of my own and I certainly wouldn't want to be baby sitting someone else's whilst trying to spend time chilling out and doing my hobby.

After a long day at work I look forward to a bit of peace and quiet up the yard and wouldn't want it ruined. 

Yes I'm sure the girl does just want to be around horses, but it's not OP's responsibility to give her that. If it's ruining OP's time at her horses that she works hard for and looks forward to, then it unacceptable.


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## ILuvCowparsely (3 April 2014)

niagaraduval said:



			My horses are kept in a field about 2 miles from my house in the summer. I check on them twice a day and have neighbors and farmer check on them too every day.

A few weeks ago I went to fill up the water bins as usual and this girl (around 12 ?) came out of her house and started talking to me, asking what my horses names were, their age etc.

Now I am really really bad with children, I just don't like them (not to offend anyone it's just the way it is).

So I sweetly told her their names, how old they were and answered her many questions. I finally got rid of her by saying I am about to go (which she questioned too).

However, each time I go up she suddenly appears from her house (I think it's actually her grandparents house) as I usually turn up in the morning and evening so she isn't at school.

She keeps bugging me and getting in my way, She keeps wanting to go in the field and asks me non stop if she can. 
The first time I saw her I said she could if she stood next to me and she went and started stroking my oldie (didn't have a problem with that he is sweet as sugar) but from the start she has given herself rights. She likes the sound of her own voice and constantly talking at me and asking me every question she can think of. 

It's not that I mind, but my horses are my getaway after a long day and her constant yapping just annoys me and stresses me out even more.

Now I fill up these big white water containers and carry them to the field (the tap is about 10 m from the field) and as I finished filling them up she just went and started carrying (struggling!) it over to my field. I took the container off her and told her I would do it  (my field, my horses, my responsibility !). 

However, I have tried ignoring her (I hate it), tried showing her I have no interest in her, tried telling her I don't want her in my field when I come, I don't need any help with my 'ponies' ( 16,2hh & 17hh) and have told her that horses are dangerous. But she has an answer to everything. It's got to the point where I dread going to see my horses every morning and night as I know she will be there waiting to pounce! Even my OH got so fed up he left me at the field and drove home saying he would get me  when I was done !!

She came up yesterday as I arrived with her little brother, now the fence is barbed wire, and I have another electric fence round the whole lot so horses can't touch the barbed wire fence, but this little boy (around 6 ?) was climbing in and out of the wire and got his foot stuck and almost fell on the barbed wire. I got so angry that I ended up shouting at them just to get them away from me and my horses as I'm sure I would have their lovely parents on my back if they got hurt.

How can I deal with this situation? I am quite a patient person, but at the end of the day, too much is too much and I'm certain that me telling their parents will change nothing.

Thank you for any advice.
		
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I feel for you, I too don't like children (no offense to those who have them).  I had these two irritating boys who's mum owned the place and they would always repeat questions even though I answered them, I left there in the end as it drove me mad.

 All I can advise is speak to the adults, or just tell the child nicely to please leave you alone.


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## thewonderhorse (3 April 2014)

Ladyinred said:



			Is it only me that finds this post rather sad? I was once that 12 year old, as was my daughter, and we both found lovely people who were very patient and kind to us.

Why not tell her that you don't want her there every day but she is welcome on specific days when she can 'help'? A little bit of patience and kindness might change that childs world.
		
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Totally agree.

 I was the same at her age, just desperate to be around horses! I was 30 when I got my first horse as I was never allowed one as a child.


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## DJ (3 April 2014)

*sprinkles* said:



			I think it's really unfair saying this is sad and the kid only wants to help. It is not the OP's responsibility to teach every child who rocks up and shows an interest about horses !! I would certainly be extremely irritated and would have spoken to the grandparents a long time ago. My horse time is just that - horse time. Not babysitting time. OP - you really need to speak to who is responsible for this child otherwise you risk her getting too confident and entering your field when you're not there etc and that's just an accident waiting to happen. It's very unfair on you that your time is being spoiled, horses are expensive and hard work. You should be able to enjoy them on your own terms.
		
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This completely ^^^^ It certain is NOT up to OP to offer free babysitting and coaching to this child, no matter how much people say "awww but she`s just wanting to spend time with horses". That is down to the parents/grand parents/childs family to sort out. I wouldn`t dream of expecting someone else to take my child on just because said "activity" is just over the road. It`s just plain Rude. I too was this child once, and I went and helped out at a local riding school as so many others have, mucking out and grooming in exchange for rides. I was lucky in that we had our own too, as my mum has always had horses, but even so, I would never have been palmed off onto a local who had them. 

IF the parents/grandparents had approached OP to ask, or find out more, then fair enough, but they haven`t, and had this happened i`m sure the OP would have kindly given them the local riding schools details.  

OP .. I do hope you get it sorted one way or another, and that you get back to the peace and quiet as soon as possible.


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## abb123 (3 April 2014)

OP, I have a similar child that lives next to my horses. 

I can completely understand why you would find it annoying and would want to limit the time. I spent 10 mins with this child and was left exhausted. 

I was also the little girl that was obsessed with horses so felt sorry for her.

It is nice to find time to indulge the child but it has to be on your terms. Could you limit it to strictly at weekends and for a set amount of time?

I compromised and set some very clear boundaries. 1. She must not go into the field on her own and must ask me permission before she comes over. 2. She must ask permission from her parents every time she comes over so they knew where she was. 3. She was allowed to feed the horses one carrot each a day and nothing else (she had been putting her rabbit hay in for them..) 3. She must follow the safety rules that I had set out and that if she didn't then she wouldn't be allowed to come back.

This seems to have nipped it in the bud - particularly the asking her parents permission to come over. I think they realised that she was annoying and limited it on my behalf.


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## Pamfyson (3 April 2014)

We had a child like this move next door to us.  She got so persistent that we felt as if we were being stalked.  Everytime I looked around she was there.  She came down to help and while helping I started to ask her questions.  "Why do you think we do this?" etc and then set her homework to see just how interested she was.  Homework didn't materialise and then I said "No homework, no helping"  That cracked it and she went and pestered someone else.  I rather got the impression that, although she liked the horses, what she really wanted/needed, was the attention of an interested adult.  Try the homework route, it might just put her off without you having to resort to being the bad cop, if you follow.


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## WelshD (3 April 2014)

Shay said:



			I remember being that kid too...

But this is a different time and a different legal environment than when I was that young.  (About 30 years different!)  Liability and insurance are such that, tough though it is, I think you might have no choice but to write (and keep a copy) explaining that both kids must have no contact with the horses what so ever unless accompanied by you for safety and legal reasons.  You can then visit and explain that you are not available to babysit on a whim (you'll have to put it nicer than that..)  Once you meet the grandparents or whoever the responsible adult is you will be able to get a feel for what level of contact you can cope with.  It might be that the family are great and responsible and willing to enforce supportive boundaries - in which case you might want to ask her to help a little etc knowing it won't be abused.  But sadly the opposite could also be true and you will want to stop all contact for your own peace of mind.
		
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I think this post is very good, If you are interested then ask to meet the parents

If not then nip it in the bud. Yes we were all that pony mad child once and some of us got excellent chances with wonderful people but not before we had lots of knockbacks. she will survive.


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## *hic* (3 April 2014)

As a parent I'd be mortified if it were my child being this "helpful". But then I'd also expect to know where my child was so it's possible that she's told her parents / grandparents that you've said you're happy to have her there.

I fear you need to to go and have a chat to those in charge of her, and tell them that whilst you appreciate her position, having been that child yourself, you can't allow her to go there unsupervised and that having to supervise her is not your intention. As said before, if you can take some info about local riding schools etc that might help or if you can agree that she can, say, come and help you for a couple of hours at a set time once a week. She might yet prove to be an asset - and of course someone who can see your horses from their window / garden / walk to and from school or whatever could be a great reassurance to you if she notices something amiss.

And yes, I was that child too, but I would never have dreamt of speaking to the owners of the ponies I admired from afar. I was extremely lucky / dreadfully taken advantage of, depending on how you look at it, when a daft old woman in our village decided to "rescue" a load of unbroken Welshies and we were encouraged to get them handled and rideable one summer! The owner had no input whatsoever, just provided some scruffy bridles and a saddle or two and we got on with it from there, I don't think the owner saw them at all whilst we were involved with them.


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## HashRouge (3 April 2014)

Could you not give her a "day"? I think that she will be hard to get rid of, unless you move your horses or can get her parents/ grandparents to ban her from leaving the house. I would go and speak to the parents/ grandparents and explain that you are a bit worried about her being around the horses all the time/ that it makes it hard for you to get on and do things when you're in a hurry as you feel you need to supervise her. But maybe suggest she could have a set day where she actually comes and helps you out properly? Then she can do little jobs and maybe have a little ride etc, and you will keep the peace.
I do see both sides here. I can imagine it is annoying when you just want some me time and to get on with things without being hassled. But at the same time, I relied so much on the kindness of adults when I was a horse-mad child. I was lucky enough to have a pony on loan at 10, but goodness knows I'd have been stuck if it hadn't been for all the adults who were happy to take me hacking and run me home afterwards etc.


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## Amymay (3 April 2014)

jemima*askin said:



			As a parent I'd be mortified if it were my child being this "helpful". But then I'd also expect to know where my child was so it's possible that she's told her parents / grandparents that you've said you're happy to have her there..
		
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I'd be delighted. She sounds like a sweetheart. But I agree, as a parent I'd want to know where she was and who she was with.

However, given that she was yelled at on her last visit, I'd be surprised if the poor kid visited again.


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## fatpiggy (3 April 2014)

I would certainly speak to the grandparents. They may be totally unaware that the child is even over with you.  I suppose you could also point out that speaking to strangers is a no-no these days - if a man said would you like to come and play with my puppies, no parent or grandparent is going to agree to that, so why should it be any different with a woman and horses?  It sounds to me like the girl is bored and lonely.  The chattering is just part of that.  I was that overtalkative child 40 years ago but at least I did listen. Having my own horse was just a dream until I was 32.  I used to have a couple of young children pestering me on my old yard, despite the fact that their own family had 5 horses. But is was my horse that they were mad about!  One was only 3, the other about 7.  Both bright children who weren't getting the attention and stimulation they should have from their family members who basically just shouted at them all the time.  I gave them jobs to do and took the opportunity to teach them the safe way to do things and they were as good as gold and quiet while they undertook their tasks, diligently I should add.


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## ester (3 April 2014)

While it would be great if the kid could find some well meaning adult happy to be a horsey mentor, the OP doesn't have to be it, as WelshD says, even those that managed it weren't without their knock-backs.

(we used to borrow neighbours dogs too, but it took a bit of asking/politeness etc before a couple happily let us be involved/take them for walks etc)


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## *hic* (3 April 2014)

amymay said:



			I'd be delighted. She sounds like a sweetheart. But I agree, as a parent I'd want to know where she was and who she was with.

However, given that she was yelled at on her last visit, I'd be surprised if the poor kid visited again.
		
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Ah yes, that was a stupid choice of words on my part! In our house "helpful" is what the dogs are when you're trying to put your shoes on and everytime you bend down you get your route to your shoes blocked by large over-excited bodies or when you've just got out a load of crockery that you want to use for cooking and "someone" tidies it away or when you're trying to load a fallen branch that the horses have ignored for months onto a trailer - at which point it becomes the most interesting object they've ever seen. Pushy and interfering would have been a little stronger than I intended though.

However, imagine how you'd feel in your house if everytime you went into your garden the next door kids asked you what you were doing, whether they could walk the dog / brush the dog / cuddle the dog, what were you doing NOW, why you were doing that, with no apparent off switch. They might be being sweetly intereactive but they're also a bloody nuisance - especially when all you wanted was to sit quietly in the sun and read the paper.


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## Amymay (3 April 2014)

It wouldn't bother me.

Sorry, I think the op is quite frankly, mean spirited.


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## el_Snowflakes (3 April 2014)

Ladyinred said:



			Is it only me that finds this post rather sad? I was once that 12 year old, as was my daughter, and we both found lovely people who were very patient and kind to us.

Why not tell her that you don't want her there every day but she is welcome on specific days when she can 'help'? A little bit of patience and kindness might change that childs world.
		
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It is a bit sad, yes. But I can sympathise with OP. OP works hard to to keep her horses & for some of us it's the only luxury of time time to ourselves. I would suggest to the the grandparents/ parents that they take her to a riding school where she can learn to ride or even just spend time helping out with the horses. Meanwhile she is welcome to watch them over the fence. A private yard is not the place to so this. I keep my horse on private livery for this reason. I would explain that it's not safe for her & her brother to be there & that you don't have time to supervise these children when you are busy with your horses. Hopefully they will understand. TBH I think it sounds like she is just curious & likes to see what you are doing rather having a genuine interest in the horses, if this is the case I'm sure she will get over it.

Just to add: if I were the parents/grandparents I wouldn't be letting a 12 yo & 6yo hang around someone who i didn't know. Do they know the kids are there? If not it's really quite irresponsible.


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## Prince33Sp4rkle (3 April 2014)

amymay said:



			It wouldn't bother me.

Sorry, I think the op is quite frankly, mean spirited.
		
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and i think you are picking an argument for the sake of it.........................

just because it wouldnt bother YOU, we are all different, have different stuff going on and sometimes actually cant cope with any more than we already have on our plate.

just to use a personal example, on the face of it, ive got it made, nice horse, nice house, nice yard, lots of support from family and friends etc.
under the surface we are currently going through an absolute nightmare with a very ill family member who cannot be left to her own devices. Each and every one of us is having to compromise and accomodate other stuff to help look after her.
its stressing everyone out to the absolute max and for me (and NMT if she reads this) the yard and the horses are our/my time, my headspace, my relief.

i wouldnt want and could not cope with someone elses kids putting any more onus on ME to do one single more thing to help someone else. Thats not mean spirited thats stress, and life.

This situation would drive me to tears and im afraid id be telling the parents or grandparents not to let her come and pester me-if i wanted to be responsible for the physical and mental welfare of a child, i would have my own.

it sounds like the OP just doesnt want, need, or to be forced to cope with this so why the heck should she feel obliged. The Op doesnt have to explain why to the great HHO, she s already made it clear she doesnt want the intrusion.

ridiculous.


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## MotherOfChickens (3 April 2014)

amymay said:



			It wouldn't bother me.

Sorry, I think the op is quite frankly, mean spirited.
		
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really? 

my attitude towards kids has softened with age but I wouldn't want a random kid hanging about constantly. I didnt have kids for a reason! So certainly don't want other people's hanging about. So if being polite, then setting boundaries didnt work Id be paying the guardians a visit.


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## weebarney (3 April 2014)

This is one of the downsides to having your horses near civilisation. I'm glad there is no one living near my horses as I really wouldn't want to be in this awkward situation either.
 I too was a pony mad child who would get into the field of any equine I could find and pretend it's my own. 
It could be worse, a field we used to have came with a village of weirdos and one in particular who was very creepy would follow me round the field and turned up one day with a shot gun, me and my mam thought we were going to die!


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## Tiddlypom (3 April 2014)

amymay said:



			It wouldn't bother me.
		
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That's the difference, then. It wouldn't bother you, so you wouldn't mind this child knocking about, but it DOES bother the OP, who doesn't want the hassle/responsibility of having her about the place.

Each to their own. FWIW, I would be driven bonkers by an incessantly chattering girl, too. I have two sons, now 18 and 19, who luckily always preferred to devise their own play and activities, rather than needing to be 'entertained'.Worked out well for them and me!

It doesn't mean I'm a child hater, but my patience would rapidly be exhausted by a child such as the one in this case.


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## Patterdale (3 April 2014)

I was once a pony mad kid desperate to hang around with ponies too - but I was never THIS child, because I wasn't brought up to impose on others. 
If she's desperate to help and learn then she can go to a riding school like countless other children do, or find someone who enjoys looking after other people's children for free. 

I really don't think that OP should be vilified for not wanting to give up her enjoyable time with her horses (which she presumably works to pay for) in order to provide a free child are service.


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## Mince Pie (3 April 2014)

OP where in the country are you? Perhaps one of the posters who would be happy to take this girl on are near you and can help her?


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## twobearsarthur (3 April 2014)

I will openly admit I don't like children and will avoid them at all costs often to gasps of horror from friends, family & strangers. 
And yes I was that horse mad chattering child. 
However my mum & dad were responsible for me, not some random woman at the end of the street who happened to have horses and honestly could be anyone (no offence OP). 
To work with children you need an enhanced DBS (previously CRB) and would be covered my your own or your employers liability insurance. 
Why the OP would want to in effect babysit this child for free even one day a week is beyond me. Never mind the consequences if something were to go wrong (the same reason so many riding schools can't afford to run now due to the high risk of litigation & insurance costs) 
My horses, my time is my rule. 
If I wanted bread snappers I would have had a litter of my own 
Now I'm sure people will think I'm mean spirited etc etc well so be it I'm the grinch and I'm comfortable with that. 
I would be very polite to the grandparents and explain the dangers of allowing their little darling to wander around chatting to strangers unsupervised as well as the not being insured to have their grandchildren involved bit.  
I would even give them the number of the local riding school.


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## niagaraduval (3 April 2014)

amymay said:



			It wouldn't bother me.

Sorry, I think the op is quite frankly, mean spirited.
		
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Ok, I get that I am a very mean person, I'll send the kid to you.

Now - Back to the point of this post.

I have spoken to the grandparents, who seem totally un phased by the whole thing, so obviously that's why I would like to find another way, which preferably doesn't include letting her have one day a week with my horses. I am not a baby sitter and I only have a limited amount of time to give to my 2 horses and I don't want to be bothered by a child that has no understanding of the word 'no'. In fact, it feels like I spend more time watching over and keeping an eye on what this child is doing than with my horse.  I constantly have to go and check the gate is closed (as she has already let herself in once and left the gate open when she was in the field), every time my back is turned I feel like something disastrous will happen. 

And finally, I admit, I just hate having someone yapping at me non stop and following me about and asking questions, which no answer you could possibly give is satisfying, I can't even tie my horse up and pick out his feet without her getting in the way. Is that really that bad ? Is it really that terrible for me to want to spend some quiet quality time with my horses after a long stressful day at work ?


I'm really starting to dislike posting on HHO.


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## putasocinit (3 April 2014)

Poor lass, what an introduction to the horsey world.  Maybe this is the only equine and human interaction she gets, not all grand parents, guardians are chatty people to children otherwise she wouldnt be looking for something to fill that hole. Agree OP wants to get on and do her horses without being interrupted, and i am the same.

I have found when children of this age have come to be in my presence i have enjoyed explaining to them why we do the things we do with horses and explaining the dangers and setting the rules and they have been more than grateful for the advice.

Instead of breaking her little heart, speak to her grand parents and set a day like a sat morning when she can visit the horses, explain your time is valuable and after work you just want to get on with the jobs so you can go home.

You never know maybe her beady eyes might see something wrong with your horses whilst you are at work. Tell her no one else is allowed near the horses and she should tell you if she sees someone.

No one is asking you to babysit her, just that she can visit the horses for 5mins on a sat when you are there only. A polite hello how are you today, thank you the horses are happy. Okay off you go now bye bye. Doesnt hurt anyone


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## YorksG (3 April 2014)

This may not be helpful, at this stage, but it would never have got to this if it were me. I do not offer any form of social care out of working hours, so the child would have been given short shrift at the first visit. I would have told her it was private land, not told her my horses names and ignored all the silly questions. This child is desperate for attention and the OP has been manipulated by the child, into giving that attention. The child is the responsibility of parents/grandparents and as such, mean spirited or not, I would have sent it packing.


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## The Fuzzy Furry (3 April 2014)

OP, it would drive me insane too!

Go back and speak to the grandparents again ,mention much of the stuff that twobearsarthur has posted a couple of posts above. If necessary, go back to them a repeat time (just like their child is doing to you).
Finally, if necessary put it in writing to the grandparents so there is no reason for any doubt.

Anyone who thinks you should be taking child for instruction/handling or jobs etc needs their marsh-mallow head examining quite honestly! 
Things are NOT the same as they were even 10 years ago, with liabilities & child protection etc.
Also, OP has a right to privacy in her own place without unwanted visitors or trespassers of any age.

OP, hope you can sort it out sooner than later before the longer evenings really set in


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## RLS (3 April 2014)

I think some posters are being rather unfair to the OP. What if the little girl gets kicked by one of her horses? And injured? You can bet the grandparents will suddenly take a great interest at that point. Along with lawyers and lawsuits.
The child should be supervised by her own parents/ grandparents, not by the OP. And then possibly be allowed to visit the horses.


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## WelshD (3 April 2014)

I can see why the OP doesn't want the child there. Its far from a time saving situation, yes she could do jobs but then needs teaching and supervision. There are plenty of people out there that do like kids and will spend the time with them. I don't know why the OP is getting a guilt trip over this

I have a 13 year old that comes to see my ponies each week, she is great but she was already horsey and is mature for her age and just slotted in perfectly, she is capable and nice to have around. All other children that come to the gate are politely and firmly rejected. No one has been inconsolable. Kids bounce back.

If the kid is genuinely interested in horses she will find her niche or beg for riding lessons


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## putasocinit (3 April 2014)

The OP can insist the child does not enter the field and touches the horses noses through the gate, just by insisting on that she is setting boundaries and there is little chance of the child being injured. As one poster said seems she is lonely and curious about what you are doing and will soon become bored. Good luck either way


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## Fides (3 April 2014)

Broke_But_Happy said:



			OP where in the country are you? Perhaps one of the posters who would be happy to take this girl on are near you and can help her?
		
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What a really good idea! 

Another thing that no one has mentioned - is it a good idea for a 12 year old with no experience to be handling 16-17h horses? Surely a pony would be more suitable.


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## twiggy2 (3 April 2014)

Ladyinred said:



			Is it only me that finds this post rather sad? I was once that 12 year old, as was my daughter, and we both found lovely people who were very patient and kind to us.

Why not tell her that you don't want her there every day but she is welcome on specific days when she can 'help'? A little bit of patience and kindness might change that childs world.
		
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I find it very sad.

Fides it takes a community/extended family to raise responsible kids not just parents, everyone expects kids to know how to behave in different circumstances and social groups but how can they learn what they never experience.

maybe speak to the people responsible for the kids and say not the 6yr old due to responsibility and safety but give set days and times that the 12yr old can help if you are there, make the boundary that the field is off limits when you are not there known to everyone then everyone can take responsibility for it in your absence


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## twobearsarthur (3 April 2014)

niagaraduval said:



			Ok, I get that I am a very mean person, I'll send the kid to you.

Now - Back to the point of this post.

I have spoken to the grandparents, who seem totally un phased by the whole thing, so obviously that's why I would like to find another way, which preferably doesn't include letting her have one day a week with my horses. I am not a baby sitter and I only have a limited amount of time to give to my 2 horses and I don't want to be bothered by a child that has no understanding of the word 'no'. In fact, it feels like I spend more time watching over and keeping an eye on what this child is doing than with my horse.  I constantly have to go and check the gate is closed (as she has already let herself in once and left the gate open when she was in the field), every time my back is turned I feel like something disastrous will happen. 

And finally, I admit, I just hate having someone yapping at me non stop and following me about and asking questions, which no answer you could possibly give is satisfying, I can't even tie my horse up and pick out his feet without her getting in the way. Is that really that bad ? Is it really that terrible for me to want to spend some quiet quality time with my horses after a long stressful day at work ?


I'm really starting to dislike posting on HHO.
		
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As a fellow member of the mean spirited children eater clique I feel your pain as I already said I would have my own if I wanted them and honestly can't think of anything worse than being bugged and mithered during my "me time" my horses aren't cheap and I don't want it spoiled by anyone. 
If the grandparents aren't taking on board your gentle nudges maybe a more formal letter would do the trick. I know it may sound harsh but you really need to stop this as it is affecting your enjoyment of your horses. I know I'm a selfish person but hey ho I can live with that. 
Maybe try and catch the parents if they are on the scene. If not I think you might have to bite the bullet and explain to the girl that she can't come over anymore. I'm sure you'll need to give her reasons. Do you know anyone that would welcome a chatty prepubescent girl? That you could direct her towards? If all else fails hope she gets interested in boys sooner rather than later!!!!


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## abb123 (3 April 2014)

If the child is a liability and is not willing to do as she is told then the only choice you have is to tell her that she is no longer welcome.

I would be very firm and tell her that she has broken too many rules and can't be trusted around the horses. I would say this to the grand parents in writing and make it clear that she is not allowed on the land.

It is nice to be able to give an opportunity to a horse-mad kid but that has to be within acceptable boundaries. Ignoring clear instructions is rude, naughty and dangerous and in that situation I wouldn't be feeling so generous with my time either.

She isn't your responsibility to get stressed about and nor should you feel duty bound to 'raise' this child. Ironically, by doing the above you will be teaching the child a valuable life lesson not to throw away opportunities by not doing as you are told.


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## Crazy_cat_lady (3 April 2014)

KatPT said:



			I'd be the same, I can't stand spending time with kids, even if I know they aren't trying to be annoying. I'm grumpy too like that, horses are for quiet time. If it was me I'd go to the guardians and say I know the little girl is curious but that horses are dangerous and I don't have time and am not qualified to teach her to do everything safely, especially as your horses are so big. I'd give them the details of a local riding school and say that if she really wants to learn to do everything properly maybe she could go there. That way you've given the parents another option. It may be that they've seen you talking to the child and think you are happy to let her play.
		
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I'd also be like this, say how the riding school environment will be a lot safer for her but again I was also this child but was luckyeenough I was able to go to and help out when old enough at an rs.


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## Horsewithsocks (3 April 2014)

putasocinit said:



			Poor lass, what an introduction to the horsey world.  Maybe this is the only equine and human interaction she gets, not all grand parents, guardians are chatty people to children otherwise she wouldnt be looking for something to fill that hole. Agree OP wants to get on and do her horses without being interrupted, and i am the same.

I have found when children of this age have come to be in my presence i have enjoyed explaining to them why we do the things we do with horses and explaining the dangers and setting the rules and they have been more than grateful for the advice.

Instead of breaking her little heart, speak to her grand parents and set a day like a sat morning when she can visit the horses, explain your time is valuable and after work you just want to get on with the jobs so you can go home.

You never know maybe her beady eyes might see something wrong with your horses whilst you are at work. Tell her no one else is allowed near the horses and she should tell you if she sees someone.

No one is asking you to babysit her, just that she can visit the horses for 5mins on a sat when you are there only. A polite hello how are you today, thank you the horses are happy. Okay off you go now bye bye. Doesnt hurt anyone
		
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Yes and she may, leave the gate open when you are not there, go into the field and get injured - cue police etc.  Also do you know what else she may be up to when you are not there.  If the child does not appear to be going to school I would report to social services and then find somewhere else to keep my horses.


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## Goldenstar (3 April 2014)

niagaraduval said:



			Ok, I get that I am a very mean person, I'll send the kid to you.

Now - Back to the point of this post.

I have spoken to the grandparents, who seem totally un phased by the whole thing, so obviously that's why I would like to find another way, which preferably doesn't include letting her have one day a week with my horses. I am not a baby sitter and I only have a limited amount of time to give to my 2 horses and I don't want to be bothered by a child that has no understanding of the word 'no'. In fact, it feels like I spend more time watching over and keeping an eye on what this child is doing than with my horse.  I constantly have to go and check the gate is closed (as she has already let herself in once and left the gate open when she was in the field), every time my back is turned I feel like something disastrous will happen. 

And finally, I admit, I just hate having someone yapping at me non stop and following me about and asking questions, which no answer you could possibly give is satisfying, I can't even tie my horse up and pick out his feet without her getting in the way. Is that really that bad ? Is it really that terrible for me to want to spend some quiet quality time with my horses after a long stressful day at work ?


I'm really starting to dislike posting on HHO.
		
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No reason to dislike posting just because people disagree with you.
You get a range of views here that what's good about it .
What happens when say to the child I need to be on my own please will you go .
Have you tried explaining this to her about how you need time on your own .
What did the grandparents say about the six year old that I would not tolerate .


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## Penumbra (3 April 2014)

In some ways it is sad for the girl, but on the other hand, if I were the OP, I also would not be keen. 

At many riding schools, an inexperienced 12 year old wouldn't be allowed to go into the field with horses, especially if she wasn't very safe and didn't listen to the word "no". It sound like looking after this child is really hard work for the poster, and is really stressing her out. I would also be worried about the implications if she decided to go into the field by herself, especially as it sounds like she doesn't have much common sense (e.g. making sure the gate is properly shut). 

There are lots of excellent riding schools around the country which are so much more set up to teach children how to look after horses- so she would be much better going to one of them. However, it sounds like that would be too much effort for her (grand) parents. Ultimately it's not the OP's responsibility to make up for this. 

I would perhaps say to the grandparents that she is not allowed into the field without a hat and some safe footwear for her own safety and insurance reasons. I imagine that they will not want to go to this level of effort and expense. You could also recommend some local riding schools. 

However, it is not the responsibility of every horse owner to pander to every horse mad child- if it's something you want to do that's fine, but if it's bothering you, you don't have to do it. Personally in this situation I would be very worried about the girl going into the field when you weren't there and potentially getting hurt.


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## twiggy2 (3 April 2014)

at 10-12yrs old I used to hover about at a little private block of stables where there were 4 Arabs, 3 mares that foaled each year and one stallion (Horace)-he was stunning, I never went in the field alone but would just stand around stroking the noses of such beautiful horses, Horace was an amazingly well mannered stallion and was turned out in his own paddock next to the mares every day and stabled next to them at night-I never saw him put a foot out of line but was always told to stand the other side of the yard post and rail fencing whilst he was out of the stable- I shall always be in the owners debt for the contact he allowed me with those horses, I did ride at a yard but could only get there with a lift for about 7 months of the year and my mum did not always have a car.

give a youngster of 12 some responsibility and the chances are they will rise to the challenge


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## Mince Pie (3 April 2014)

twiggy2 said:



			at 10-12yrs old I used to hover about at a little private block of stables where there were 4 Arabs, 3 mares that foaled each year and one stallion (Horace)-he was stunning, I never went in the field alone but would just stand around stroking the noses of such beautiful horses, Horace was an amazingly well mannered stallion and was turned out in his own paddock next to the mares every day and stabled next to them at night-I never saw him put a foot out of line but was always told to stand the other side of the yard post and rail fencing whilst he was out of the stable- I shall always be in the owners debt for the contact he allowed me with those horses, I did ride at a yard but could only get there with a lift for about 7 months of the year and my mum did not always have a car.

give a youngster of 12 some responsibility and the chances are they will rise to the challenge
		
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I bet you didn't talk incessantly, have an answer for everything and disobey the owner though, did you? I also was given opportunities as a child, the first one I blew because I thought I knew more than I did and nearly caused an accident. I was given my marching orders, learned my lesson and made the most of my second chance.


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## Gwyntbryn (3 April 2014)

niagaraduval said:



			Ok, I get that I am a very mean person, I'll send the kid to you.

Now - Back to the point of this post.

I have spoken to the grandparents, who seem totally un phased by the whole thing, so obviously that's why I would like to find another way, which preferably doesn't include letting her have one day a week with my horses. I am not a baby sitter and I only have a limited amount of time to give to my 2 horses and I don't want to be bothered by a child that has no understanding of the word 'no'. In fact, it feels like I spend more time watching over and keeping an eye on what this child is doing than with my horse.  I constantly have to go and check the gate is closed (as she has already let herself in once and left the gate open when she was in the field), every time my back is turned I feel like something disastrous will happen. 

And finally, I admit, I just hate having someone yapping at me non stop and following me about and asking questions, which no answer you could possibly give is satisfying, I can't even tie my horse up and pick out his feet without her getting in the way. Is that really that bad ? Is it really that terrible for me to want to spend some quiet quality time with my horses after a long stressful day at work ?


I'm really starting to dislike posting on HHO.
		
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Don't givre up OP, I'm entirely with you! I am not just a parent but also a grandparent - but while I love my grandchildren there is no way I'd want someone else's grandkids pestering me when I'm doing the horses. In fact there is a housing estate going up adjacent to my field which is why I am moving out - as I just kjnow that this sort of thing is going to happen. You are quite within your rights to ask that this child does not come into your field. Why should you be treated as an unpaid babysitter? The child is not your responsibility. Tell the grandparents that you are not prepared to be responsible, lock the gate, and if she comes back ask her to leave.


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## samleigh (3 April 2014)

Just wanted to say I feel the OP's pain would feel the same and I have children of my own, some children are lovely some are not, same as adults.
Unfortunately the Grandparents are using the OP for a bit of babysitting & a break from the 12yr old, probably desperate themselves for some peace. I would make the child wait at the gate, access to the field is 100% NO GO even with you there, and try to move/do the horses out of ear shot for a while, she'll soon get bored of standing there on her own. If Grandparents say anything, just say safety 1st don't have the time to supervise.


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## ILuvCowparsely (3 April 2014)

MotherOfChickens said:



			really? 

my attitude towards kids has softened with age but I wouldn't want a random kid hanging about constantly. I didnt have kids for a reason! So certainly don't want other people's hanging about. So if being polite, then setting boundaries didnt work Id be paying the guardians a visit.
		
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^ this, I too chose not to have kids for a reason, why should Op be pestered every time she goes to see her horse.  I would  be really irritated after being at the office all day driving up for some horse time.  Only to have children going on and on asking questions.

  Some off us don't like being pestered by kids, and it looks like the other side cannot see it from our point of view, so if OP is being mean spirited then you better tar us all with the same brush.


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## niagaraduval (3 April 2014)

That's true, but calling me mean hearted isn't actually helping in anyway ! 

I have read every reply, Thanks all for your input, I will try and have another go, I'll write out a note, that might get through better.

I agree, my bad, shouldn't have answered her questions and told her their names. It's just annoying I have to pass in front of her house to get to them, so no escaping her.


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## Woolly Hat n Wellies (3 April 2014)

In the short term I would get a padlock for the gate. It doesn't solve the problem, but you sound like this situation is really stressing you out, so at least a padlock may stop you worrying about the gate being left open while you're not there and relieve a little bit of the stress? I can't suggest anything other than what has been suggested above as an actual solution to the problem, but knowing the horses can't be let out might at least make you feel a bit better?

My sympathies. I'm terrible with people, particularly those I don't know very well, and I, too, NEED my alone time. I would be absolutely tearing my hair out in your situation.


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## Hackie (3 April 2014)

niagaraduval said:



			That's true, but calling me mean hearted isn't actually helping in anyway !
		
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FWIW I don't think you are mean.  Horse owner is not synonymous with babysitter...


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## onlytheponely (3 April 2014)

Niagaraduval, if you are in France, just go and speak to your Maire. If yours is anywhere near as helpful as mine they will take the safety issue seriously and visit the family, explain the situation and reinforce your request for her not to pester you. 
I had a problem two years ago with the grandchildren of a lovely neighbour. They come every summer and stay for a week with her and because we are so rural they are just left to roam the countryside without worry. They climbed the gate into one of my fields with my broodmares and foals and the youngest who was 4 at the time got kicked in the head (a glancing blow and he was absolutely fine I was assured) by the dominant mare who is a nasty girl with a foal at foot. 

Our fields do not surround our property and are all over the place, out of view of everyone so no-one knew what was going on until this happened. I felt terrible but it was not my fault, all fields had a sign clearly saying no entry and that they were electrified but they still went in. They don't go anywhere near my ponies now unless I invite them to come with me. It's a real treat when I get one in for them to have a ride round the school each but it's only ever on my terms and the Maire gave them a real talking to and our lovely neighbour!


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## windand rain (3 April 2014)

Actually although I love kids and dont mind having them about I do understand how annoying it would be to have one hanging around when she isnt wanted I too enjoy my ponies for peace and quiet and again although I usually dont mind them being around and always offer to let the little darlings have a sit on the pony when I say no I mean it and it is the first thing they learn. I dont suffer badly behaved children at all and I am old fashioned enough to have very strict house rules which a lot of kids don't understand but are made to comply with its my way or the highway I am afraid


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## ezililaur (3 April 2014)

I really feel for you OP. It would also drive me to distraction!

I had a similar problem with a previous neighbours child who would follow me around the park with my dog! I would politely say "Does your parents know where you are?" She also had an answer for everything! She was only 9 and suddenly I had a scary thought that the parents could accuse me of kidnapping her. One day on my return, with her in tow, her dad saw us and said, "She's not driving you mad is she?". I couldn't believe how unconcerned he was that his daughter was with a stranger! 

This child is NOT your responsibly. No way should you offer to give her a day with your horses. She sounds the type who would take a mile, given the chance. I am always perplexed at how some people think that everyone must indulge a child's every whim. I suppose it's upbringing, I know my parents would have been mortified if I was doing something like this, not that I would have ever done it.

I would padlock your gate. Say hello when she approaches and then just ignore her. She has obviously not been taught any manners or been coached on not talking to strangers!


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## Elf On A Shelf (3 April 2014)

I am more than happy to tell kids to sod off! Im not having any because I don't like them! 

I had someone stop at the end of my driveway and send their kids down to my stables to talk to my ponies. Luckily I saw the damned things from my window and fetched them back and went and gave their parents a mouthful!

People have no respect these days and seem to think that they can leave their kids to do as they please - if something goes wrong then it's always someone eelses fault.

Tell her your insurance doesnt cover her and tell her to bog off.


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## Vinney (3 April 2014)

Without adding fuel to the fire, if you were working with children you would have to be CRB checked.  No matter what any one says, a child of this age should not be your responsibility nor should you have to lose the enjoyment of your horses.  My grandchildren are about this age and if they were pestering someone in this way they would be made to stay away.  They are lucky and have two horses to enjoy and I can understand the fascination of this young girl with your horses. Most riding schools have clubs that girls can join where they learn about horses and how to keep them and if this girl is so keen her parents/grandparents should be looking into getting her involved where she is insured, shown how to do things properly and has someone qualified to teach her.  Imagine the outcry if she were to get hurt whilst in your field. In this day and age of "where there is a claim there is a gain" society I would be very careful. Check your insurance. Are you insured if anything happens to her while she is in your care?  If she persists in entering your field, send her parents/grand parents a letter stating your objections just to cover your back. (keep a copy of it). I dont want to sound harsh regarding a young girl, but no one should have to put up with other peoples children if they don't want to.


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## stormox (3 April 2014)

I must admit I haven't read all the posts so I could be repeating something already said. But as a horse owner, I am only too happy to see children interested in horses. Too many kids are only interested in playing virtual computer games and checking their mobiles. I was once a horse-mad child without my own horse. I was so grateful if anyone let me stroke theirs, or let me (attempt!) to help them. Horsey children should be encouraged, or there'll be no riders in 50 years time.
Also, I think horse owners have a snobby reputation. Being friendly to kids is the one way to prove we're nice people!


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## Suelin (3 April 2014)

stormox said:



			I must admit I haven't read all the posts so I could be repeating something already said. But as a horse owner, I am only too happy to see children interested in horses. Too many kids are only interested in playing virtual computer games and checking their mobiles. I was once a horse-mad child without my own horse. I was so grateful if anyone let me stroke theirs, or let me (attempt!) to help them. Horsey children should be encouraged, or there'll be no riders in 50 years time.
Also, I think horse owners have a snobby reputation. Being friendly to kids is the one way to prove we're nice people!
		
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I really don't think the op needs to prove anything.  Her horse, her time, to do with as she pleases and that doesn't have to include other people's children quite honestly.  If this child has an interest it is her family's responsibility to foster it, not other random folk.  I'm sure the op wouldn't mind if this child only put her head around the corner occasionally, it's the constant plaguing that is getting on her nerves.  It would get on mine as well.


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## el_Snowflakes (3 April 2014)

OP I think some of these posts are quite unfair to you. It's not up to you to try not to 'break this girls heart'. You have obviously been really generous with her and it's now getting on top you. TBH the girl doesn't really sound like the most well mannered if she is rummaging around in your things. If anyone should be responsible for making sure she isn't left heartbroken it's her family. I would have been that child when I was that age but my parents wouldn't have let me harass some adult/stranger & certainly wouldn't have been left around a stranger & some large horses either. Perhaps a firm & polite letter might hit home to the family. At the end of the day you are not responsible for the kids.


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## BBH (3 April 2014)

I haven't read all the posts but wanted to sympathise OP.

I don't like children all that much and don't have the patience for all the questions. My horse time is my quiet personal time for me and I would not want kids spoiling that.

I would go across and speak to the grandparents to say you don't want the responsibly of them and are distracted from your horses because you are having to worry where they are and what they are doing . If the kids are genuinely interested in horses they can find an insured controlled riding centre for lessons in riding and stable management .


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## Mardy Mare (3 April 2014)

I don't think OP is being mean at all.  I love kids and will happily chat to them about horses.  But it would start to grate on me if they were bugging me everytime I went to see my horse and were leaving field gates open etc.

OP, I would take some headphones on the days you arent in the mood to converse!


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## 3OldPonies (3 April 2014)

I've been lurking on this thread, and while I haven't read everything the one message that did stop me in my tracks was the one where OP was thinking of not posting on this board anymore.

Please, please, please OP don't leave us.  The forum is all about discussion and some people do get a bit near the knuckle with opinions with which you may not agree, but that is the nature of things.

However, that aside, I just wanted to sympathise with you.  My field has a footpath running through it and I live in dread of finding myself in a situation like yours.  Like you and several others on the thread I too am not that keen on children and certainly wouldn't be happy if any just decided that they were going to get involved, rummage about and behave how they like around my horses.  

I think you need a big padlock, a written note to the (grand)parents telling them that the little girl is no longer welcome as she cannot behave properly, give instances if you feel it necessary, and then to be totally hard hearted and just ignore her if she still turns up at the gate.  If necessary, even take her back to the grandparents a few times if she climbs over or anything like that.

Sorry to go on a bit.


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## putasocinit (3 April 2014)

I do believe children are not stupid, far from it, and if explained to them why they should close a field gate behind them, then they would and if explained to them why they should not go in to the field on their own, then they wouldnt. Reading OP's original thread the child entered the field when the OP was already there in the field, the OP could have stopped her in her tracks and told her to get out, so in fact it is not entirely the childs fault, she is just a child after all.

Its those who think that children and adults for that matter have a crystal ball which explains all about life and dont ever need to be told why things happen and why they dont, maybe this childs carers are unaware of her love of horses or do not know where to find out about riding schools, so I ask you, please do not taint this child as being badly brought up with no manners and very annoying, speak to her like an adult and explain that you cannot have her at the horses incase she gets hurt, tell her it is not allowed by the police.  Children have heard of the word Police before and usually listen.  Then get hold of the grandparents or whoever they are and do what you think is best.

Agree with your post Twiggy2


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## Eggshells (3 April 2014)

I've not read all the replies so my apologies if I am repeating what others have said. My sympathies lie both with the OP and the child. I once was that child, although I hope I respected peoples rules and regulations more than this one seems to. I was desperate for any contact with horses and therefore feel giving her some access to your horses would be a kindness. 

However, I have also been in the position where every time I set foot outside of the house with one of my foster dogs I was waylaid by a young girl. It started off being lovely as she would simply run over and say hello to Sascha whenever she saw us and then head off again, but after not very long it began to feel like every time we set foot out the door she was there, she began to get really demanding and possessive of the dog and stopped listening to what I was saying. It did get very exhausting and I started to dread bumping into her and tried very hard to avoid and deflect her. Dog found a new home and I ended up stopping fostering so the problem was solved.

End of the day: your horses, your time, your decision. If you want to sever all contact with her you can, but you risk her going there when you are not to keep seeing the horses. I would suggest maybe trying to reduce it to certain days of the week, or only 5 minutes a time to give you some space and hopefully stop you constantly looking over your shoulder waiting for you to appear. Precocious children are very full on! And definitely speak to parents/grandparents!

Good luck.


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## putasocinit (3 April 2014)

reading the threads so - broke-but-happy you made a mistake once and learned from it, if no one is prepard to teach the child what she isnt being taught at home, then how is she going to know she is making a mistake.

one poster suggested she may get interested quicker in boys, well thats nice, just go and get yourself pregnant girl and lets have another unwanted child on this earth who would no doubt become like the girl its mother because how could she teach it when she wasnt taught herself. 

with nothing to take your mind off your pain and misfortunes at home whilst you are doing the horses you are leaving yourself open to think too much, use this time to make a little girl happy, your 25yo might enjoy some attention from a little one too. Just my feelings

Amymay i agree with your posts.  I do believe that everything we do on earth is seen from up above, and is recorded in the big book of life.


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## ClobellsandBaubles (3 April 2014)

Mardy Mare said:



			I don't think OP is being mean at all.  I love kids and will happily chat to them about horses.  But it would start to grate on me if they were bugging me everytime I went to see my horse and were leaving field gates open etc.
		
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My thoughts too I think it's great to see kids interested in horses and it reminds me of being a horse mad child but I never went and bugged strangers or trespassed. I have worked in a kids pony camp several times and some kids are lovely and so helpful and other I could happily strangle. This child appears to be the latter, OP hasn't asked to be a baby sitter, she isn't set up for it at all and it's driving her mad. 
If it was just the odd time I am sure that would be more bearable but at the end of the day it is the OP choice how she spends her time and having someone elses child thrust upon them isn't it and they do sounds a little trapped which isn't a nice situation to be in and it needs to be sorted. We live in a litigious society unfortunately and I would hate for this to end badly especially as the girl doesn't seem to want to listen or learn.


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## Fides (3 April 2014)

twiggy2 said:



			I find it very sad.

Fides it takes a community/extended family to raise responsible kids not just parents, everyone expects kids to know how to behave in different circumstances and social groups but how can they learn what they never experience.

maybe speak to the people responsible for the kids and say not the 6yr old due to responsibility and safety but give set days and times that the 12yr old can help if you are there, make the boundary that the field is off limits when you are not there known to everyone then everyone can take responsibility for it in your absence
		
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Twiggy 2 - I am not the OP.

but why should OP take responsibility for teaching morals to someone else's kids? Yes a community raises a child, but that community should be the ones immediately involved with the family ie an extended family, not a random stranger who just happens to have a horse...

OP - could you explain to the parent that loans/shares usually involve a financial contribution and a contract and without either the child is not welcome. 

I too was that horse mad kid but I would never have imposed-I helped a lady with 4 who's children had lost interest... There are plenty of people wanting help - she could go to them and it's win-winl.

are any of the ones that are for the OP having the child around local to the OP and willing to take the child off her hands?

OP you really shouldn't be in this position


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## cheeryplatypus (3 April 2014)

I wouldn't be keen on kids hanging round my ponies but I was once a pony mad little girl who would think nothing of entering a field near my grans and grooming someone's horse.  The horse was old and pretty much abandoned as had been too much for the owner to ride.  The owner popped down to see what I was up to and after that pretty much left me too it.  I was grateful for the escape from the rather miserable time my parents were having and appreciated the kind ear of the old horse to talk to, when he was bored he would walk off and I would just watch him for a while.

However things were less litigious back then (we knew that if a dog, horse etc bit us then it would be considered our fault! ). I think probably easiest to speak to her family about the visits and say you aren't insured for others to help with your horses.

Ps 
I was totally mad and had saved up my pocket money to buy brushes and hoof oil for the old chap who kindly stood and let me smarten him up!


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## teabiscuit (3 April 2014)

I'd be very worried that the child would get hurt. I'd find it very stressful as horses are large, unpredictable and I still get injured after years of experience. 
I once saw a toddler,seemingly on her own, and went to check she was ok, only to get a vicious glare from the mother who was some distance away. 
I'd do the same again, but I am damned if I'd volunteer for more responsibility.
I was a horse mad kid, my parents didn't allow me to bother anyone.


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## shadowboy (3 April 2014)

RLS said:



			I think some posters are being rather unfair to the OP. What if the little girl gets kicked by one of her horses? And injured? You can bet the grandparents will suddenly take a great interest at that point. Along with lawyers and lawsuits.
The child should be supervised by her own parents/ grandparents, not by the OP. And then possibly be allowed to visit the horses.
		
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This was my thinking too! 

Plus when you're tired and need to unwind after a tough day at work the last thing you'd want is worrying about where someone's child is and if they are safe. I'm pregnant and would hate to think any child I bring up would be a pest to someone else! It's a bit like someone trying to sit watch a movie or read a book in order to unwind and a child coming along asking questions about what's going on every 2 minutes! You'd get no peace! Pony mad or not it's not up to the OP to dedicate her free time to this child - it's for the carers to organise!


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## Runaground (3 April 2014)

OP I totally agree with you. 

 Infact I think you have been more than patient.  I don't like children either and while I always try to be polite with them, ( too well brought up not to be) I am quite happy to tell them to leave me alone. 
 If being polite isn't working however, I think you may need to be more blunt to both the Grandparents and child.  A written request to be left alone, with explanation of the dangers perhaps, to the guardians, (keeping copy) and telling the child to her face to go away and leave you alone and not come back.  

I would back this up with a notice on your gate, something like "private no entry" and as it's children involved I think you might be wise to add a non verbal notice like the ones used on building sites to warn off those who cannot read, (look up Occupiers Liability Act) a padlock would also be a wise precaution.  
If you still get pestered, then I think you will have to shout, swear, get angry, anything to scare her enough to get her to push off permanently.   
Ultimately a solicitor's letter although hopefully unnecessary could be considered later if things do not improve just to cover yourself, and before people jump up and down at the idea, it's a last resort and better than being sued later.

I support your position completely, you are far from unreasonable, your life, your choice, don't feel bad if you have to "upset" the poor little darling, other people's children should not be anyone else's problem.  I don't subscribe to this very odd," society is responsible" idea.   Parents chose to have them, THEY should look after them


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## Goldenstar (3 April 2014)

Runaground said:



			OP I totally agree with you. 

 Infact I think you have been more than patient.  I don't like children either and while I always try to be polite with them, ( too well brought up not to be) I am quite happy to tell them to leave me alone. 
 If being polite isn't working however, I think you may need to be more blunt to both the Grandparents and child.  A written request to be left alone, with explanation of the dangers perhaps, to the guardians, (keeping copy) and telling the child to her face to go away and leave you alone and not come back.  

I would back this up with a notice on your gate, something like "private no entry" and as it's children involved I think you might be wise to add a non verbal notice like the ones used on building sites to warn off those who cannot read, (look up Occupiers Liability Act) a padlock would also be a wise precaution.  
If you still get pestered, then I think you will have to shout, swear, get angry, anything to scare her enough to get her to push off permanently.   
Ultimately a solicitors letter although hopefully unnecessary could be considered later if things do not improve just to cover yourself, and before people jump up and down at the idea, it's a last resort and better than being sued later.

I support your position completely, you are far from unreasonable, your life your, choice, don't feel bad if you have to "upset" the poor little darling, other people's children should not be anyone's else's problem.  I don't subscribe to this very odd," society is responsible" idea, parents chose to have them, THEY should look after them
		
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It's France the legal situation will be different to here .


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## Floxie (3 April 2014)

I guess from the tone of some of the replies that the suggestion "turn the hose on her" wouldn't be universally appreciated..


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## niagaraduval (3 April 2014)

Floxie said:



			I guess from the tone of some of the replies that the suggestion "turn the hose on her" wouldn't be universally appreciated..
		
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Now there's an idea ! 

Regarding France - I think it is the same here, I haven't seen many differences between here & England and can say the French are just as good at suing people as anywhere else.


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## littleshetland (3 April 2014)

Well you know what they say about kids - they're a bit like farts, you don't mind your own, but other peoples, blleugh!


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## Honey08 (3 April 2014)

As I said previously, I can see both sides and I would try and compromise and let her spend a limited time there, but if that's not your thing, fair enough, its your yard and your life..  Its not mean spirited.  Direct her (via her parents/grandparents) to a local riding school or something.  As I said, I was her once upon a time  and was shooed away and told not to even stroke the horses over the fence.  It was a shame, but I found other ways of being involved with horses and found my own path...  She will too.

And don't go off the forum just because someone has said something that stung you.  We've all had it at some point.  At the end of the day we are just strangers and it doesn't matter what we say..  You can get a lot of help and support on this forum, you can also get a lot of criticism.  You have to filter things a bit!


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## missk (3 April 2014)

Not sure of your set up but think of the benefits, you could pop into Grandma's and use the loo, have a cuppa, surely the Grandparents won't mind in return for letting their Granddaughter help out . Do they drive? Maybe they could be kind enough to give you a lift home and save your OH having to collect you when he can no longer take the horsey chit chat and goes home. All these things would be of a great help to you especially if you spend longer there at weekends and when the weather turns warmer.


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## Meowy Catkin (3 April 2014)

I think it's got lost in the thread that the OP is struggling with possibly having to have two horses PTS shortly. She has every right to want to enjoy the time she has left with her horses. 

I really think that the girl needs to be directed towards a proper horse riding establishment, so she can get her horsey fix.


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## dieseldog (3 April 2014)

amymay said:



			It wouldn't bother me.

Sorry, I think the op is quite frankly, mean spirited.
		
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Amymay you live in South Wales don't you?  A lady I work with has a ponymad 12 year old daughter who is desperate for some horse time - I live 50 miles away and the wrong side of the bridge so cant help, she is going to come help when I go to Broomies. Reading your posts on this thread can you PM me your number and I'll pass it on to her.  Thanks!!


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## AntxGeorgiax (3 April 2014)

Just a suggestion for your letter - can you insist if the child is intent on persisting on coming into your field and questioning you, that they have independent insurance taken out and that they MUST under no uncertain circumstances wear boots, gloves and correct attire if they are to even get within 3 feet of your field and it's gate, and that if they do, they must show you proof of the insurance and be in the correct gear, I would hope the expense of purchasing all of this plus a fairly abrupt 'you may only visit if I am here and if you are welcomed by me' would put them off.


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## pip6 (3 April 2014)

Personally see no reason why OP should be a free responsible adult babysitter because child wants horse fix. Be firm with gp, say you will not take responsibility for either child, horses can be dangerous & you are not prepared to be responsible for their safety. The horses are totally out of bounds. Lock the gate, put up no entry signs. Tell them to go to the local riding stables.

I used to ride a pretty welsh pony who had been beaten & abused by children so hated them to the point she would attack them given the chance. I was forever being expected out hacking to stop & let the darlings pet the pony (not unless you want them to loose their heads). Indeed if I nicely said no they would get really rude. I got to the point I'd be very gruff & tell them where to go, rather than wait for the abuse (bit like the pony really). Some children are so spoilt they think they can have everything they want, & there are plenty of 'parents' willing to indulge them. You are not a petting zoo! How irresponsible of the gp, you could be anyone. Just because you have a horse doesn't guarantee good morals wrt children. If the child is that desperate, they can do it safely & correctly through a rs.


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## twobearsarthur (3 April 2014)

putasocinit said:



			reading the threads so - broke-but-happy you made a mistake once and learned from it, if no one is prepard to teach the child what she isnt being taught at home, then how is she going to know she is making a mistake.

one poster suggested she may get interested quicker in boys, well thats nice, just go and get yourself pregnant girl and lets have another unwanted child on this earth who would no doubt become like the girl its mother because how could she teach it when she wasnt taught herself. 

with nothing to take your mind off your pain and misfortunes at home whilst you are doing the horses you are leaving yourself open to think too much, use this time to make a little girl happy, your 25yo might enjoy some attention from a little one too. Just my feelings

Amymay i agree with your posts.  I do believe that everything we do on earth is seen from up above, and is recorded in the big book of life.
		
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I was that poster who JOKINGLY said if all else fails hope she gets interested in boys soon.  
And for the record I have been interested in boys/men for nearly 40 years now and have managed to not get pregnant. 
I never mentioned a 12 year old getting pregnant!!!!


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## atropa (3 April 2014)

I cannot believe that the OP is being accused of being mean spirited on this thread. She, like most of us, works hard to earn money to provide for her two horses and as such has the absolute right to enjoy them in whichever way she sees fit. I know I certainly use the yard as downtime after a hard day at work and would hate to be consistently pestered by someone whilst trying to relax.


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## peaceandquiet1 (3 April 2014)

OP I have not had time to read whole thread, but -as a mother of three-I totally understand your feelings. Your horses are your property etc. When I was younger I too was pony mad-my parents sent me to a riding school then bought me a pony when sure of my commitment. I would not have been allowed to pester a random horseowner. I would not allow my children to do this either. When I kept my ponies near a public path I was pestered by  various people-adults and kids, and adults with kids-who seemed to think they could enter my field, feed/groom my ponies, stand and stare at me etc. etc. If there is an accident you will get the blame.


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## twobearsarthur (3 April 2014)

atropa said:



			I cannot believe that the OP is being accused of being mean spirited on this thread. She, like most of us, works hard to earn money to provide for her two horses and as such has the absolute right to enjoy them in whichever way she sees fit. I know I certainly use the yard as downtime after a hard day at work and would hate to be consistently pestered by someone whilst trying to relax.
		
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Very well said.


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## Sologirl (3 April 2014)

I was in a similar situation with my guinea pigs (lol) - I used to have a lot of them and stupidly allowed the little urchins from over the road come and see them one day...well that was it. After that, they were hammering on my door ever day wanting to see them, running into the shed and opening up cages/poking them, and they brought more and more friends each time! The line was crossed when I ended up locking the outer gate to stop them getting in and they climbed over the wall!! I completely see where the OP is coming from. Not only is it a risk in case she is injured doing something she is not supposed to be, the OP has every right to enjoy her horses in peace. I do feel for the child but it is not OP's responsibility - suggest you find the parents/grandparents, let them know you aren't happy and express your concern about her getting hurt etc. Good luck!!


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## Sologirl (3 April 2014)

littleshetland said:



			Well you know what they say about kids - they're a bit like farts, you don't mind your own, but other peoples, blleugh!
		
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HAHA! So true


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## my bfg (3 April 2014)

I've been in this situation before, at previous yard the YO rented out a house to a family with 3 kids, they watched out for my car morning and night then hurtled down the yard to "help" which usually ended up with them arguing an coming to me in tears to sort it out. I have no patience with kids an quickly retched the end of my tether, went to see their parents (who in my view were very irresponsible letting their kids spend time with someone they didn't know - I could have been someone very nasty) I told them the kids could only help if a parent came with them as I couldn't keep an eye on them at all times, they never came to help again think the parents couldn't be arsed to come with them! X


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## Amymay (3 April 2014)

dieseldog said:



			Amymay you live in South Wales don't you?  A lady I work with has a ponymad 12 year old daughter who is desperate for some horse time - I live 50 miles away and the wrong side of the bridge so cant help, she is going to come help when I go to Broomies. Reading your posts on this thread can you PM me your number and I'll pass it on to her.  Thanks!!
		
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I'd be happy too. However I'm no longer in South Wales. Sorry.


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## Cinnamontoast (3 April 2014)

I'm appalled that people are suggesting that the OP allow the child to help and 'compromise' by telling her a certain day! Why on earth should she? In no way is she being unfair: horse time is precious, no way do I want to be bothered when I've finished work! I don't spend money keeping a horse for someone else to reap the benefit or to be pestered every time I go to the yard. 

Send her a pic of my leg, Niagara! That'll send her away!


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## TigerTail (3 April 2014)

I can completely appreciate the OP's pov, especially having a field backed on to a footpath - had 3 little girls last week aged from 14 down to 7 all wanting to climb the stock fencing (thankfully being deterred by the barbed worse) who all got a lecture on horses who bite, kick and are on special diets to stop them getting ill.

However I do have a young helper, she is 14 this year but has been coming for 2 years - however from the off she was quiet, polite, and very quiet manner with the horses. She has become an absolute star and a real life saver when I put a nail through my hand and had to have surgery at short notice. But her manner is such I wasn't put off by her the second she opened her trap and she's obviously  been brought up to respect other peoples property etc


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## angelish (3 April 2014)

OP i haven't read all of the replies but i would be the same as you that kind of child would drive me nuts !

i once was a horse mad 12 yr old who would loiter about at yards etc hoping some one would let me help muck out or groom them 
BUT i'd have never entered a field without the owners consent , i wouldn't even have asked , i also wouldn't of dreamed of going through other peoples things 

i did know a few children who would go into yards , pretend to there friends the horses were theres and even sometimes try and jump onto there backs and ride them 
i would make it very clear that they are not allowed in the field at all , with or without me , i'd say one was naughty , had kicked/bitten etc 
and stick to that like glue no way do they cross the fence line 

then i'd find the details of the nearest riding school and take it to grandparents explaining that there lovely child was very interested in the horses but yours are not at all suitable to be around children , no insurance , naughty big horses etc 
then hand them the riding school details , i'd also give the details to the child saying that they have lovely child friendly ponies and all the exciting things they do there etc 

hopfully that should work  good luck


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## dogatemysalad (3 April 2014)

What a depressing thread. Do some people really see children as a nuisance and not worthy of their time or kindness ? 

Children don't only learn how to be decent human beings from their parents. It takes a community to help a child grow up.

I'm so thankful for the generosity and wisdom of people who left a life long impression on me when I was a young child. And, so glad my childhood was in a time when everyone in a village felt a responsibility for others from the infants to the elderly.


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## Highlands (3 April 2014)

Sadly with the sueing culture and the gate being left open this is an accident waiting to happen. This child needs to be in an controlled environment with checked people ( sorry original poster I'm not applying anything at all) but no one should be on their own with a strange child, one comment and police would be involved guilty or not, sad world we live in.Horses are too big to play with , the guardians need to step up, it's as bad as letting children ride bikes on the main roads.  Defo riding school, this is only going to get worst as Easter hols coming up. Padlock defo!


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## ILuvCowparsely (3 April 2014)

dogatemysalad said:



			What a depressing thread. Do some people really see children as a nuisance and not worthy of their time or kindness ? 
.
		
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Yep its true (puts hand up) I have never been maternal don't like children which is why I chose not to have them.  I don't see why OP should give up some of her horse time to help someone else ankle biter when she does not want too.  Now if she offered that is different, but clearly she doesn't want to be a baby sitter.

  This reminds me of an incident a few years ago, we are a quiet livery yard and I looked out and saw strange children walking round the stables climbing on the kick bolts to see the horses, I asked can I help you and they said oh mummy said we could see the horses.  Now mummy was in her car  in the car park leaving the kids to roam and run around my yard.  I was not happy and said they must leave as this was not a riding school but a private place that they must not wander around.


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## twobearsarthur (3 April 2014)

dogatemysalad said:



			What a depressing thread. Do some people really see children as a nuisance and not worthy of their time or kindness ? 

Children don't only learn how to be decent human beings from their parents. It takes a community to help a child grow up.

I'm so thankful for the generosity and wisdom of people who left a life long impression on me when I was a young child. And, so glad my childhood was in a time when everyone in a village felt a responsibility for others from the infants to the elderly.
		
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Yes some of us don't have a maternal bone in our bodies. Whether that's nature or nurture I do not know. 
For many years I felt guilty for the way I felt about children (especially coming from an Italian Catholic family). 
Yes I do find them to be a nuisance and as I only have one life to live, no I don't want to waste my time with them. That is why I chose not to have children, despite being told for 30 years I would change my mind. 
That doesn't make me a bad person that just makes me, me. 
I don't see why the OP or anyone else should feel obliged to look after someone else's child if they aren't comfortable with that. 
There are many people who do enjoy children and their company you shouldn't be vilified if you don't.


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## teabiscuit (3 April 2014)

One person isn't a community, horses are dangerous, children are easily injured.


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## AmieeT (3 April 2014)

I agree with the posts saying you should speak to the grandparents/parents. It's like you've told her, she's not insured to be there. Plus technically is she not trespassing onto your land?

I LIKE children (am mentally one myself so we get on great  ) But I have been at my wits end with a friend 3yo telling me what to do and what not to do with my horse- everyone else found it amusing, and I did at first but it wears you down.

Your horses should be your priority not protecting a strangers child from danger. She should not be allowed to wander around and talk to random people IMO. If it is the grandparents, I wonder if he mother and father know...?

Ax


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## skint1 (3 April 2014)

I can see where ND is coming from, that's her escape and this girl is there EVERY time, if it were just once a week or something it would probably be a lot more bearable but in this situation I think her feelings are reasonable.


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## ILuvCowparsely (3 April 2014)

twobearsarthur said:



			Yes some of us don't have a maternal bone in our bodies. Whether that's nature or nurture I do not know. 
For many years I felt guilty for the way I felt about children (especially coming from an Italian Catholic family). 
Yes I do find them to be a nuisance and as I only have one life to live, no I don't want to waste my time with them. That is why I chose not to have children, despite being told for 30 years I would change my mind. 
That doesn't make me a bad person that just makes me, me. 
I don't see why the OP or anyone else should feel obliged to look after someone else's child if they aren't comfortable with that. 
There are many people who do enjoy children and their company you shouldn't be vilified if you don't.
		
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^ agree

I too used to feel I was strange at never liking kids or babies.   You know I only held one of my nieces when they were babies that was it and only 5 minutes and I said that is enough.  I don't like the sound babies make and walk out shops if one starts (don't get me started on kids on planes) .

 We can't all like kids or we would be more over populated than we are, friends say oh isn't my baby beautiful.  I just smile, but inside I think its like all babies bald and fugly.  That is me i cannot change like the rest of the non bearing children people.  Having a kid is not the b all and end all. 

 I have had winging kids go on and on,  I tolerate about 15 minutes then have to walk away.  When your tired after a days work, all you want to do is chill- groom your horse and spent quality time of an hour or so.  Not spend and hour answering mundane questions.

 The sad truth is we get slated and labeled as mean etc to not liking children, and the people wanting kids wont see our point of view or understand why we don't like them.

I bet most of the non maternal group here understand why others want and love kids, but when the shoe is on the other foot, we are not given the same respect.


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## LessThanPerfect (3 April 2014)

Along with the padlock I would also consider putting signs on the gates/ fences maybe along the lines of "Danger--Strictly NO entry" or even "DANGER, horses can bite, do not touch" or whatever wording you think appropriate.

It is a shame, the fact that the grandparents are aware of the situation and are unfazed says it all, the little girl has clearly never been taught appropriate behaviour but it is not the job of the OP to do so, neither is it appropriate for her to do so.

Does your house insurance provider provide a legal advice service (if so they should be able to advise on your responsibilities even though the fields are apart from your house as the horses are your property) or even your horse insurance provider or the BHS. Just to make sure that you are fully compliant with any laws on signage, fencing etc. if any exist ( not to ask them what to do about the kiddie). That way, should anything happen, God forbid, you know that you have done everything you could to prevent it.

Hope it sorts itself out and you can soon get back to enjoying your horses.


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## twobearsarthur (3 April 2014)

HGA-12 said:



			^ agree

I too used to feel I was strange at never liking kids or babies.   You know I only held one of my nieces when they were babies that was it and only 5 minutes and I said that is enough.  I don't like the sound babies make and walk out shops if one starts (don't get me started on kids on planes) .

 We can't all like kids or we would be more over populated than we are, friends say oh isn't my baby beautiful.  I just smile, but inside I think its like all babies bald and fugly.  That is me i cannot change like the rest of the non bearing children people .  Having a kid is not the b all and end all. 

 I have had winging kids go on and on,  I tolerate about 15 minutes then have to walk away.  When your tired after a days work, all you want to do is chill- groom your horse and spent quality time of an hour or so.  Not spend and hour answering mundane questions.
		
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I am fortunate that my friends understand my "phobia" as they jokingly put it. 
My family now accept I will never change my mind and make sure in a restaurant, cinema or event of any kind I am seated as far away from the nearest child as possible in case "it starts" 
They all think it's hilarious how I can coo over a foal/puppy/piglet but wrinkle up my nose at those little fingers and toes lol


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## ILuvCowparsely (3 April 2014)

twobearsarthur said:



			I am fortunate that my friends understand my "phobia" as they jokingly put it. 
My family now accept I will never change my mind and make sure in a restaurant, cinema or event of any kind I am seated as far away from the nearest child as possible in case "it starts" 
They all think it's hilarious how I can coo over a foal/puppy/piglet but wrinkle up my nose at those little fingers and toes lol
		
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My *X* vet said  I cannot have a coffee(when I invited her in), I said why? she said I am pregnant!!!!I said congratulations, what else could I say???? the truth??.  I don't think so lol.


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## YorksG (3 April 2014)

To those who feel that the OP should encourage this badly behaved child, do you open your house to random children and allow them to rummage through your belongings, while they demand information about your life? If not why not?


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## Amymay (3 April 2014)

YorksG said:



			To those who feel that the OP should encourage this badly behaved child, do you open your house to random children and allow them to rummage through your belongings, while they demand information about your life? If not why not?
		
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Where has there been any description of a badly behaved child?


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## Pearlsasinger (3 April 2014)

I am a teacher and I am totally with the OP on this one.
The chid is NOT her responsibility and should not be allowed to pester her neighbours.  It seems that the grandparents are washing their hands of her.  I do not know the law in France but if the chid got injured here, it would be considered that the op had allowed the child onto her land, as she has been talking to her and knows that she is frequently in the field with the horses.
I doubt that I would need to go to talk to the family because I would use my best 'teacher voice' to tell her to stay away from the horses but in OP's position, I would write to the grandparents, keeping a copy of the letter and hand-deliver it, so as to be able to make clear the contents and stress how dangerous and unpredictable horses can be.


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## Jericho (3 April 2014)

Poor child?!?! Poor OP!!! What a horrible situation to be put in.  Write a letter saying you are uncomfortable with responsibility, put up signs and put on padlocks. Hard on child to have dreams dashed but that burden should lie with guardians not you a random stranger. Aside from all the risks etc You are not a baby sitter nor a riding instructor, nor are you doing anything horrible. As YorksG said would you allow the same to happen in your house or garden even if child is polite etc? You have every right to say no!   and I have 2 children myself and generally like children and love sharing my passion with friends children but it's on my terms and this situation would really really upset me.


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## YorksG (3 April 2014)

amymay said:



			Where has there been any description of a badly behaved child?
		
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I would consider a child who goes rummaging in a tack box without permission, who enters a field without permission or invitation, who asks the same question several times, to be badly behaved. Perhaps some people consider this to be acceptable behaviour, I do not.


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## RunToEarth (3 April 2014)

It's all subjective though, isn't it? What one person adores the other one loathes, like someone else says - a fart. 

I was a horse mad 12 year old - I had responsible parents. The future generation of equestrianism does not depend of lax parenting, IMO. 

OP - I don't have a solution but I genuinely hope you find one, fun sponge you may be in some peoples opinions, but horses are an expensive hobby, and I've yet to see stray unmanned children on gold courses, race circuits or melestering mountain bikers - it is the parents responsibility to get them into sports and hobbies.


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## Amymay (3 April 2014)

YorksG said:



			I would consider a child who goes rummaging in a tack box without permission, who enters a field without permission or invitation, who asks the same question several times, to be badly behaved. Perhaps some people consider this to be acceptable behaviour, I do not.
		
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Surely not badly behaved. Just not understanding some of the boundaries and 'rules' around horses. The child described in the original post sounds eager to learn and eager to help.


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## Cinnamontoast (3 April 2014)

RunToEarth said:



			I was a horse mad 12 year old - I had responsible parents. The future generation of equestrianism does not depend of lax parenting, IMO.
		
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Nor on a harassed woman who wishes to enjoy her horses at the end of the day. The child is harassing the OP and if it were an adult, I'm sure lots of people would be outraged and horrified for her and tell her to call the police for advice!


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## spookypony (3 April 2014)

I think it's not that the child is horse-mad that's the issue, it's that she's badly-behaved and hasn't been taught to respect other people's privacy, land, or possessions. I get that she wants to interact with horses, and that's lovely and should be encouraged (preferably by her family), but she also clearly needs to learn some very basic lessons regarding the appropriateness of interfering with strange animals and bothering strangers. At 12, she really ought to know better, and I'd be tempted to go with her and talk to her and her family together, and explain quite bluntly what is bothering me about her behaviour. I too was a horse-mad, precocious, obnoxious, talkative girl, but my parents didn't have on rose-tinted glasses, and taught me pretty early on that constantly imposing on strangers is plain rude. 

I can see arguments in favour of a specified horse helping time once a week, for no more than an hour, in the interests of neighbourliness and community spirit, but you're certainly not obliged. In the meantime, a padlock on the field is probably not a bad idea if she can't be relied upon to stay out of the field and keep the gate closed.


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## shannonandtay (3 April 2014)

HGA-12 said:



			^ agree

I too used to feel I was strange at never liking kids or babies.   You know I only held one of my nieces when they were babies that was it and only 5 minutes and I said that is enough.  I don't like the sound babies make and walk out shops if one starts (don't get me started on kids on planes) .


 We can't all like kids or we would be more over populated than we are, friends say oh isn't my baby beautiful.  I just smile, but inside I think its like all babies bald and fugly.  That is me i cannot change like the rest of the non bearing children people.  Having a kid is not the b all and end all. 

 I have had winging kids go on and on,  I tolerate about 15 minutes then have to walk away.  When your tired after a days work, all you want to do is chill- groom your horse and spent quality time of an hour or so.  Not spend and hour answering mundane questions.

 The sad truth is we get slated and labeled as mean etc to not liking children, and the people wanting kids wont see our point of view or understand why we don't like them.

I bet most of the non maternal group here understand why others want and love kids, but when the shoe is on the other foot, we are not given the same respect.
		
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It's an individual's choice as to whether they want children or not.  I think maternal people can understand why a non maternal person doesn't want children, it's just some people can speak about children and babies as if they shouldn't exist that maybe doesn't quite sit right.  Now going back to the ops problem I can completely understand as even someone like me who likes children can find it annoying and tiresome if it becomes bit too much.  Definately a chat with the grandparents is needed its ashame for the little girl and hopefully they might find her a nice riding school to help out at, maybe even suggest it .


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## Lambkins (3 April 2014)

I say put the child to work ..get her poo picking ..cleaning troughs ..cleaning ur grooming kit ..cleaning ur tack ..cleaning ur headcollars etc ..that will get rid of her ..and if it doesn't get rid of her then she is worth keeping around   
  But if u really don't want her around ur horses then speak the her grandparents ..simples


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## Howe Street (3 April 2014)

I haven't read all of the replies but just because she's horse mad, that's really not your problem! You have been accommodating and polite thus far and perhaps her parents or grandparents should indulge her obvious interest in horses by taking her to a riding school. 

If she had come over to your field once or twice then fair enough but if it's on a regular basis, i.e. every day then I really don't blame you for feeling fed up! You're not a 'kid' type of person and that's absolutely fine, I can't believe some people are giving you a hard time and implying that you're the one in the wrong here. I like kids but even I couldn't be bothered to make conversation every day with a random child, when I just want a bit of quiet time with my horse. 

I'm not really sure what the answer is, but maybe you could come to a compromise, talk to her for 15-20 mins or whatever and then suggest that it's time she heads off home as you want some time alone with your horses. Alternatively you could go and see her parents and tell them that whilst you don't want to appear unkind, you don't appreciate being bombarded with questions and quite frankly it's really annoying you! 

I was also completely horse obsessed as a youngster but I would never have behaved like this and asked non stop questions, I would have considered it inappropriate, even at 12 years old.


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## teabiscuit (3 April 2014)

I'm struggling to understand why anyone would think the OP should feel obligated to take on a child that just happens along and wants to play horses. 
I'd like to see this discussed on a motor bike forum. 
Neighbours child wants to play with my motor bike, I don't want the hassle.. .ooo you selfish man, where will the next Barry sheen come from. ..


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## YorksG (3 April 2014)

amymay said:



			Surely not badly behaved. Just not understanding some of the boundaries and 'rules' around horses. The child described in the original post sounds eager to learn and eager to help.
		
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I consider that this child does not respect other peoples boundaries at all, which in my book is bad behaviour, this may be the result of poor parenting, unless the OP is going to take the child home  with her there is little she can do about this. Not eager to help, eager to show off.


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## Moomin1 (3 April 2014)

YorksG said:



			I consider that this child does not respect other peoples boundaries at all, which in my book is bad behaviour, this may be the result of poor parenting, unless the OP is going to take the child home  with her there is little she can do about this. Not eager to help, eager to show off.
		
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Kids like to show off. It doesn't make them badly behaved - just kids!  

I'm not saying that this particular kid isn't badly behaved - I don't know them so can't judge, but I think to call a kid badly behaved because they are over enthusiastic and a bit of a show off maybe is a bit harsh.


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## Amymay (3 April 2014)

YorksG said:



			Not eager to help, eager to show off.
		
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That's certainly not the child described in the original post, unless there's another one running somewhere with a different description. 

Either way, the point is moot. OP has no interest in extending any goodwill or friendship towards the child. So further discussion is pointless.


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## YorksG (3 April 2014)

The child the OP is having problems with will probably grow up to be a rude adult.


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## Moomin1 (3 April 2014)

YorksG said:



			The child the OP is having problems with will probably grow up to be a rude adult.
		
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Good grief what a bold statement.


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## Amymay (3 April 2014)

YorksG said:



			The child the OP is having problems with will probably grow up to be a rude adult.
		
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That's a ridiculous thing to say.


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## teabiscuit (3 April 2014)

It's about being responsible for someone elses child and all that entails. 
It's a whole big can of worms.


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## MerrySherryRider (3 April 2014)

Poor child. OP's description didn't illustrate a badly behaved little girl, merely an over keen one. 

She'd make me smile, little sweetheart.


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## Lambkins (3 April 2014)

YorksG said:



			The child the OP is having problems with will probably grow up to be a rude adult.
		
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Geez really ? What a horrible thing to say ! She is a 12 year old child .. U don't know her from Adam .. U don't know anything about her or her life . How very sad


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## Howe Street (3 April 2014)

amymay said:



			OP has no interest in extending any goodwill or friendship towards the child. So further discussion is pointless.
		
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Over the past few weeks the OP has been friendly, answered a barrage of questions day after day and more than indulged this child so I think your comment is somewhat inaccurate. If you feel that there is nothing left to discuss then by all means, go and impart your wisdom on another thread.


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## ester (3 April 2014)

I think the children that live on our yard tonight perhaps highlight the differences here and from the descriptions I would not consider the OP's 12 yo to be well behaved. 

'Can we watch you ride Frank' (yes of course - with the odd 'he is being good isn't he' - yes he is ... thrown in)
(slight hiccup when the football ended up in one end of the arena but they even checked it was ok to come in fetch that!), asked if they could watch him be washed off and put back in stable and the 3 year old even came out with 'you did well tonight' praise indeed!   . 

They are allowed to come say hi/the eldest do some brushing etc sometimes (I have asked when we can train poo picking ) but on our terms/usually at the weekend not when I've been at work all day and want to get in the house. I don't like children but am much better with them and horses .

It seems to me that OP has been more than patient so far but child is taking it further than the OP would like too!


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## Lambkins (3 April 2014)

Howe Street said:



			Over the past few weeks the OP has been friendly, answered a barrage of questions day after day and more than indulged this child so I think your comment is somewhat inaccurate. If you feel that there is nothing left to discuss then by all means, go and impart your wisdom on another thread.
		
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Maybe that's half the problem ..maybe she should have never indulged the child at all ..start as u mean to go on and all that jazz


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## Howe Street (3 April 2014)

Lambkins said:



			Maybe that's half the problem ..maybe she should have never indulged the child at all ..start as u mean to go on and all that jazz 

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If the OP had told the girl to b"gger off on day one then I could perhaps see the point of AmyMay et al but I find the numerous suggestions that she is 'mean spirited' 'unkind' 'unfriendly' and whatever else has been banded about, quite frankly, ridiculous.


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## abracadabra (3 April 2014)

HGA-12 said:



			I bet most of the non maternal group here understand why others want and love kids, but when the shoe is on the other foot, we are not given the same respect.
		
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I'd have laughed, but reading this it appears to be all too true 



atropa said:



			I cannot believe that the OP is being accused of being mean spirited on this thread.
		
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I thought the comment saying that was incredibly mean spirited in itself, actually.



YorksG said:



			To those who feel that the OP should encourage this badly behaved child, do you open your house to random children and allow them to rummage through your belongings, while they demand information about your life? If not why not?
		
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Of course they would...until something like it happens to them and they don't like it, no doubt  
If people are actively looking for a helper or sharer, they would do just that...look for one.  It's not a position available for the first person that turns up on your land hassling you enough till you let them.


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## Capriole (3 April 2014)

Howe Street said:



			If the OP had told the girl to b"gger off on day one then I could perhaps see the point of AmyMay et al but I find the numerous suggestions that she is 'mean spirited' 'unkind' 'unfriendly' and whatever else has been banded about, quite frankly, ridiculous.
		
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Ditto


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## Lambkins (3 April 2014)

But had op nipped it in the bud ie day one ..there would be a need for a thread


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## Howe Street (3 April 2014)

Indeed and I bet she wished she had now!


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## mle22 (3 April 2014)

She doesn't sound like a horrible child - just a child. I don't mind children, I've had two myself - but I do understand where the op is coming from.


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## MadJ (3 April 2014)

amymay said:



			Either way, the point is moot. OP has no interest in extending any goodwill or friendship towards the child. So further discussion is pointless.
		
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Why should she?
I was in a similar situation to the op and now I've been a big meany my stress levels have plummeted and the yard is safer for it. I can totally understand where the op's coming from. The whole time I was at the yard I was holding my breath waiting for an accident to happen, there were many near misses, until it got to one near miss too many.
The parents have a responsibility to this child. What would happen if the child had a horse related accident when the parents weren't there?
This was my dilemma, despite numerous discussions about appropriate behavior and what areas to stay away from I was repeatedly ignored. Would I have been negligent if child had been injured on say the harrow or would the parent be at fault for not keeping an eye(another frequent occurrence)?
Sadly times have changed and "accidents" don't exist in the same way they used to. There now HAS to be someone to point the finger at.


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## Bedlam (4 April 2014)

Has OP tried telling the child what to do?

For example......

'Hi - I've been waiting for you to come to do the horses and I'm here to help'

'Thank you - but I don't need your help and would rather you didn't hang around here quite so much. I haven't got time for you today so please go home. Now.'


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## Bedlam (4 April 2014)

By the way - that's not how I personally would have dealt with it.

I would welcome a helper that I could educate.....assuming that I felt I could educate him/her. Another pair of eyes locally when I am a few miles away from my horses would be extremely useful. 

I think I would try to get a happy medium somewhere here.....


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## Voxhorse (4 April 2014)

Faracat said:



			If you were nearer N, i'd lend you my gelding. He'd corner the child (not in a nasty way, but he's super friendly and hard to get rid of) and keep her occupied and she'd probably not want to go near him again. 


Laughing my butt off....reverse psychology  seriously though it's not the OPs fault, and you have been more than polite. Speaking to the Grandparents is not easy as you may get a negative response but you do have a right to speak up!! Good luck x
		
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## Pebble101 (4 April 2014)

I'm with OP on this, the odd day is fine but every day is just not on.  If nothing else it's so time consuming.  I know this from when we have nieces and nephews around.

I met a new neighbour last week with his son, probably about 10.  I was getting one of my boys out of the field and he seemed to think I would be OK with his son having a ride.  I stopped that one by telling him that the horse is retired due to injury and he isn't ridden any more.  It's true but I don't know why parents think it's OK to offer their children rides on other peoples' horses.  If I put him on my other horse he would probably end up in hospital and no doubt it would be the horses fault.


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## MissCandy (4 April 2014)

This is ridiculous!

I don't encourage my own children to come to the yard with me, unless I don't plan on actually doing anything with my horse while I am there.  I don't get much 'yard time' and I don't want to spend it checking that my children are safe every 2 minutes.  Why should OP, or anyone, do it for children that don't belong to them and whom they don't even like?

OP, I would speak to the grandparents and be clear that the girl can't spend time at your field/with your horses.  You don't need to give a reason or make an excuse but if you feel it is necessary I would go the safety route.  Good luck!


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## Peregrine Falcon (4 April 2014)

Phew, that's some reading of all the threads.  I feel for OP and child.

OP wants quality time with her horses, don't we all?  I have 2 children, work at a school and love kids.  This situation would drive me bonkers though.  I have no issue with teaching children about ponies, I took a group to a local riding school when I was in my previous job and done talks at my children's school.  I also invite my son's friends up if they are interested so they can see the ponies.  OP isn't fussed about children, not everyone is.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing but the OP wanted advice not criticism about how the situation had developed.  I'd be padlocking the gate for security and speaking to the grandparents again.  My time is my ponies is MY time so I can appreciate where you are coming from.  All the best and I hope you manage to resolve the issues soon.


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## Voxhorse (4 April 2014)

amymay said:



			It wouldn't bother me.

Sorry, I think the op is quite frankly, mean spirited.
		
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If OP was mean spirited, she would have told the kid to do one from day one !


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## twiggy2 (4 April 2014)

Broke_But_Happy said:



			I bet you didn't talk incessantly,
		
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I did that one, it is how my parents met their closest friends for 20 yrs-he was building a house and I used to stop and talk at him every day for weeks on end (on my way home form school aged 6yrs) my parents used to have to come and collect me from the house building project every day-he was a captive audience as he was working.

In the op position I would want the child on side, given a job and boundaries I think there is far less likely that there will be problems.

Fides I know you are not the OP my previous comment was in response to one of yours


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## cptrayes (4 April 2014)

amymay said:



			It wouldn't bother me.

Sorry, I think the op is quite frankly, mean spirited.
		
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But it bothers the OP.

So how is it fair for you to call her mean spirited if it wouldn't bother you?


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## Flame_ (4 April 2014)

I'd just carry on ignoring her until I'd had a bad day, then she would get most of the OP spouted to her with a big "go away and don't come back".


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## skint1 (4 April 2014)

I really don't think the OP is mean spirited, nor are people who just don't want to spend time with children, particularly other people's children.

There's a young girl who comes to our yard, she's about the same age as OP's girl. She doesn't have a horse but she "helps" people in exchange for riding, some of the liveries have spent a great deal of time with her and given her a lot of opportunities to ride, even taking her to events so she has done ok out of it

She used to ride my horse a lot and "help", she was nice enough  but to be honest I was relieved when she decided she needed something more challenging and moved on to "help" someone else. I guess this makes me a heartless old baggage but really, unless it were the child of family/close friends (and even then I wouldn't want it ALL THE TIME) , I have no inclination to provide free pony club camp for people's kids.


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## Dry Rot (4 April 2014)

My neighbour asked if I could find her 12yo son "a few small jobs" on the farm. No way! I managed to get out of that one reasonably tactfully but I am still labelled the grumpy old ***** next door. 

I even hesitate to employ an adult when I think about all the Health and Safety implications. Not least, I would be required to sit down and write out a risk assessment for each task, take out extra insurance, provide protective clothing and a first aid kit, and then check up on employment law. Has the OP had a police check to ascertain that she is not a pedophile??


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## Maggie2009 (4 April 2014)

I can relate to the child;that was me many years ago and without horsey parents i channelled my interest in other directions.Nurture her interest and maybe guide her towards the nearset riding school.Not all children have access to riding,or horsy family so please try to appreciate it from the childs perspective.Speak to the family and set ground rules.She could be an asset to you. Children are curious and want to know things,so what is the harm in answering her questions.You may abhor children but if you did have your own child you would approach this dilemna from a different perspective.
You were once a child,so try to tap into your inner child.


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## Jsye (4 April 2014)

Why should the OP effectively 'babysit' this child for free providing free entertainment at expense of her own time and sanity? If it were me I couldn't put up with this - fair enough maybe let her visit once/twice a week and give the horses a stroke and a carrot but not every day for the whole time she's visiting her horses.

I do feel for the child but the OP's horses are BIG horses, not little ponies suitable for a child to be running round after and grooming alone! I know they are most likely lovely but due to their size they could do a lot more damage. If the girl wants to visit I think her parents/grandparents should at least go along to supervise and so the OP can have a word with them.

Maybe find out if there is a riding school in the area and point her and her parents in that direction? So then she can have a go at riding too or helping out properly.


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## RunToEarth (4 April 2014)

Dry Rot said:



			My neighbour asked if I could find her 12yo son "a few small jobs" on the farm. No way! I managed to get out of that one reasonably tactfully but I am still labelled the grumpy old ***** next door. 

I even hesitate to employ an adult when I think about all the Health and Safety implications. Not least, I would be required to sit down and write out a risk assessment for each task, take out extra insurance, provide protective clothing and a first aid kit, and then check up on employment law. Has the OP had a police check to ascertain that she is not a pedophile??
		
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That is such a good point, and something that I am really conscious of. When I was younger my little brother was very nearly killed in a farm accident - farms are not playgrounds and that point has been slow to filter through to the industry because most farms are family businesses. 

Livestock and horses are incredibly unpredictable as most of us will know, taking on someone else's child around two large horses is a big ask - I know there are lots of people who have been 12 year old girls and found kindness in horsey women, but the culture we are in now does not really favour the ones with the liability ie the horse owner.


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## touchstone (4 April 2014)

I don't dislike children, except precocious or ill mannered ones, and I've worked with children for many years previously; however I don't like having other people's children effectively foisted on me.   I pay plenty of money and work hard to keep a horse, and when I was a child I also worked hard in return for being around horses, why should this child's parents effectively have all the perks for free?  It is hard work supervising kids, especially gobby ones that are in to everything!  

I'm afraid I'd also be having a word with the grandparents and padlocking the gate, in my experience the polite hard working kids that are desperate to be around horses won't force themselves on anyone, and I've also had bad experiences with kids who think they can do what they like and even steal things when they've been given an inch and taken a mile.  Horses are owned for your pleasure, and if that means spending time on your own with them for stress relief without feeling obliged to cater for every horse mad kid then that's what the op should do.  This is why riding schools exist.


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## martlin (4 April 2014)

I have had similar local problem, OP, with a lad and his sister/cousin/whatever, they are about 10 years old and have been found ''playing'' in a stack of heston straw bales, ''playing'' with the JCB, with the new born calf in its mother's pen - it was all pretty horrifying, but actually the final straw came when after a whole night spent in the lambing shed, I was standing in the shower at 6.30 am, glanced through the bathroom window and there they were, telling me, through the window into my bathroom, that no 58 is running around the shed looking for its mother... That morning I went and told the mother that I appreciate the children are hard work and that she cherishes the moments they are out of her hair, but I would appreciate if she didn't consider me a free babysitter. She doesn't speak to me now, but the kids never appeared again.


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## pansymouse (4 April 2014)

I really feel for the OP; I don't like children and I love quiet time with my horse. I'm a pretty grumpy and stand-offish person so don't tend to get pestered by children thank goodness. My horse is an expensive hobby that I work hard for and I'm not minded to share the experience with random strangers for free.  I was a pony mad child whose parents paid for lessons and got me a loan pony; I would have been skinned alive if I had pestered horse owners.


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## Cowpony (4 April 2014)

I haven't read every page so apologies if this has been suggested before, but as a parent I suggest you go and talk to the parents/grandparents and scare the living daylights out of them with all the hair-raising/tragic stories out there about kids being injured or even killed by horses.  You won't see them again once the carers realise the risks!


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## Runaground (4 April 2014)

HGA-12 said:



			^ agree

I too used to feel I was strange at never liking kids or babies.   You know I only held one of my nieces when they were babies that was it and only 5 minutes and I said that is enough.  I don't like the sound babies make and walk out shops if one starts (don't get me started on kids on planes) .

 We can't all like kids or we would be more over populated than we are, friends say oh isn't my baby beautiful.  I just smile, but inside I think its like all babies bald and fugly.  That is me i cannot change like the rest of the non bearing children people.  Having a kid is not the b all and end all. 

 I have had winging kids go on and on,  I tolerate about 15 minutes then have to walk away.  When your tired after a days work, all you want to do is chill- groom your horse and spent quality time of an hour or so.  Not spend and hour answering mundane questions.

 The sad truth is we get slated and labeled as mean etc to not liking children, and the people wanting kids wont see our point of view or understand why we don't like them.

I bet most of the non maternal group here understand why others want and love kids, but when the shoe is on the other foot, we are not given the same respect.
		
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I totally agree with twobearsarthur and HGA - 12.  I was born non maternal, hated dolls etc. and yes I've been happily married for nearly 30 years to a MAN.  We are not all programmed to reproduce and do not wish to be lumbered with other people's offspring, who actually can make me feel quite nauseous.


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## Sleipnir (4 April 2014)

I'm a non maternal person as well and I fully understand you, OP. Lots of sensible advice has already been given, so I'm just chiming in to support you. I still remember how a mother expressed well-meant advice for me to get a different horse, just because I refused to give her darlings a free ride on my youngster! She honestly thought that I'll have "no real use" for an energetic and opinionated horse, just because I'm "not able" to give rides to random kids, and what good is a horse if he's not suited for a green beginners' horsey fix, eh? What a cheek!


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## Gwyntbryn (4 April 2014)

Another thought - how about insisting that she can only come to the field if she has one of her gransparents with her - they'll soon get fed up with that!


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## MotherOfChickens (4 April 2014)

Sleipnir said:



			I'm a non maternal person as well and I fully understand you, OP. Lots of sensible advice has already been given, so I'm just chiming in to support you. I still remember how a mother expressed well-meant advice for me to get a different horse, just because I refused to give her darlings a free ride on my youngster! She honestly thought that I'll have "no real use" for an energetic and opinionated horse, just because I'm "not able" to give rides to random kids, and what good is a horse if he's not suited for a green beginners' horsey fix, eh? What a cheek!
		
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its worse when you own ponies. apparently that means anyone can randomly come along and feed them/get in field with them and expect pony rides. my ponies are not children's ponies-I wouldn't do that to them


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## Sleipnir (4 April 2014)

Thank gods I have a 16.3 hand heavyweight beast then!  True, it doesn't always intimidate needy people who think they are always right.

"Can I give him a snack?"
"Er, no, please don't, besides - he may bite."
"Oh, don't be silly, I KNOW he won't bite me!"
*a quick hand motion to shove something in his mouth*
"OW, he bit me, why didn't you tell me that?!"
*sigh*


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## MerrySherryRider (4 April 2014)

This thread reminds me Mark Rashid's description of his first stolen encounters with someone else's horses at the age of 10. 
Lucky for him, the old man who owned the horses was generous in giving his time to a small boy who hung around his property. 

 Perhaps back in 1972, the Health and Safety excuse was still called commonsense, and perhaps the notion that giving time to children wasn't seen as babysitting for free.


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## Elbie (4 April 2014)

Sleipnir said:



			Thank gods I have a 16.3 hand heavyweight beast then!  True, it doesn't always intimidate needy people who think they are always right.

"Can I give him a snack?"
"Er, no, please don't, besides - he may bite."
"Oh, don't be silly, I KNOW he won't bite me!"
*a quick hand motion to shove something in his mouth*
"OW, he bit me, why didn't you tell me that?!"
*sigh*
		
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What is it with people being so insistent with animals! We used to have a dog that really didn't like strangers so it was always a bit of a problem when we had guests round. He was fine if you left him alone and generally after 10-15 minutes he would come to check you out and if you remained indifferent to him you could normally stroke him after a while. HOWEVER...you would always get some pain in the butt who would insist on trying to stroke him and be his friend (9/10 it would be men). We would say over and over "just ignore him" but people couldn't accept what we, the owners, were saying. No, they were convinced that they could force him to like them!  

Anyway...sorry post hijack! I don't think the OP is mean-hearted, sad, whatever. I like children but to be fair this would annoy me! OP is not a free babysitter and should be allowed to sort her horses out alone. I was horse mad as a child but I wouldn't dare venture into other peoples fields and badger them. I was polite and would only go where I was invited. I don't think OP should even have to compromise and give the child jobs to do.

As someone else has said, if the grandparents are indifferent I would say one must be present with the child at all times. I'm sure the visits would be less frequent! And then you could say she is allowed only when you are there, and with a GP and she is not to touch ANYTHING, if she does she is not allowed back


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## Serianas (4 April 2014)

Sorry but I would be of the 'not on your life' camp.

I have waited 20 years for some me time in the form of my boy, and would not be willing to be pestered or even sued in the worst case scenario.  I dislike children and atm I am going through a few things regarding family so my usually long fuse would be considerably shorter.

Plus he bites...


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## PinkFairy (4 April 2014)

I don't think the OP is being mean either, not everyone likes children and we are all entitled to our own opinions and views and shouldn't be made to feel they are wrong just because people don't agree. Just because one person might be ok with it doesn't mean she has to be. 

I also find it quite surprising that despite the OP saying she doesn't want the child around, suggestions are being given for her to allow the child a day or afternoon with her which is clearly not something she wants so is unfair to say she should compromise.

I too, was a horse mad child and loved visiting my nan who lived in the countryside. Every time we heard the clip clop of hooves, my horse mad cousin and I would rush outside to watch the riders hack past the house and I'd admire them from the front garden. Sometimes the riders would stop to chat and allow us to pet the horses or even give a treat to them but not everyone would and if they didn't, I never thought them as rude or mean spirited at all. There was also a field behind my Nan's house which had the most gorgeous big black horse in to graze and myself and my cousin would often go up of an evening and watch him from the side of the fence (there were no gates on the side that went by my Nan's house) but it was post and rail fencing so we would sometimes stand on the rails to see him better if he was far away. My nan knew the owner and said we could go and visit which we did, but we stopped outside the gates and asked permission to say hello to the gorgeous black horse we'd been admiring. The owner politely declined but still allowed us to watch from the yard gates but we got the message from her that we weren't welcome on the yard and we were fine about it although devastated that we couldn't see the horses up close and would have to settle for watching from afar. The owner also had told us we weren't to feed them because they were event horses with special diets and that was also why we couldn't go on the yard. We never bothered her again.

Years later I was allowed to visit (under supervision of one of my parents until the owner was confident in me) a private yard once a week for two hours to bring in, groom and turn out the horses there. I was 11 years old and was looking after a little welsh mt pony and a much larger ex racehorse! I stuck to the commitment for about 5 years, until both horses had sadly passed away from old age and then I went on to go to an equine college. 

I didn't live in an area close to riding schools so was extremely grateful for those Saturdays I got to spend with the horses and for how much it taught me.

Sorry to ramble on and hi jack the thread!

I would definitely padlock the gate, especially as the child has left it open - I find this appalling and extremely thoughtless when you think of what could have happened - horses escaped etc... It's not always about injury to the child, what about the child causing (not intentionally) injury to one or both horses through her actions? I would also put notices up saying no entry and tell the child that there is a notice now up so she is no longer allowed to visit. 

If the grandparents aren't particularly bothered about her being a nuisance then I'd also send a letter informing them that from now on she is not allowed to visit, there are now signs up and the gate is locked due to her coming up unsupervised (by the grandparents) and she left it open... And inform them of the dangers and you could even include an address and phone number for a local riding school where she would be more appropriate at and to be honest it would be a better learning experience for her and as another poster said, she would be around other kids her own age.

As a precaution for you, OP, I would also be ringing the police to find out how you can stop this from happening. Especially as it is likely she is visiting when you're not there and just the idea of that would bother me greatly if I were in your shoes.

I totally get that she may just be an over eager child, desperate to help and be close to the horses but just because there are horses near her does not mean that OP's field/yard is the place for her to do this and it certainly doesn't mean OP should take the responsibility or else be considered "mean spirited". OP is allowed to do as she pleases with her horses and if she doesn't  want the child around then she is allowed to say so. 

I hope you can resolve this OP, I can imagine it must be a concern while you're at work wondering what the child is up to, if anything, with your horses! It's a worry that you don't need, I am sure.

Sorry for such a long response!


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## Tiddlypom (4 April 2014)

MerrySherryRider said:



			Perhaps back in 1972, the Health and Safety excuse was still called commonsense, and perhaps the notion that giving time to children wasn't seen as babysitting for free.
		
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I think that in 1972, if a child got pushy and was sent away with a flea in its ear for pestering an unknown adult, its parents would have told the child that it got what it deserved, and told it to stop being so annoying.

Make no mistake, having responsibility for someone else's child is a big commitment. I did it voluntarily for several years when I helped out running a local junior cricket club. Some 12 year olds are great, helpful and responsible. Others are a complete nightmare and you need eyes in the back of your head at all times.


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## Tnavas (4 April 2014)

MerrySherryRider said:



			This thread reminds me Mark Rashid's description of his first stolen encounters with someone else's horses at the age of 10. 
Lucky for him, the old man who owned the horses was generous in giving his time to a small boy who hung around his property. 

 Perhaps back in 1972, the Health and Safety excuse was still called commonsense, and perhaps the notion that giving time to children wasn't seen as babysitting for free.
		
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This was me! My parents were totally non horsey, riding was not permitted- far too dangerous - but I saved my pocket money and drove the riding school mad by having a half hour lesson once a fortnight and then picking the hairs off my clothes as I cycled home.

I'd run to the gate whenever I heard hooves on the road and hope and pray the horse owner would offer me a ride. To this day I try to remember what it was like to be pony mad and so allow young people to 'help' me whenever I can. A few weeks ago after a ride on the beach we were getting the horses ready to go back on the float and a family that we had seen out on the beach came back to their car. The little girl I'd guess about six asked if she could stroke Serenity, I sad yes and then asked her if she would like to sit on her. It made her day! 

I also remember all the people who helped me along the way, and many of them were very long suffering and put up with my constant questions. It is now my turn to give back and the main reason I work with Pony Club as I do.

OP try to remember what it was like to be a child, adults are always telling you to go away. Horses can be a real life saver for some kids.


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## Copperpot (4 April 2014)

Letting a random child pat and sit on your horse is a bit different from being constantly pestered every day though. It's a one off thing and I would probably do the same.

However I would not put up with a child coming to my yard every time I was there and annoying me. It's my time and I don't want to share it.


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## TigerTail (4 April 2014)

Copperpot said:



			Letting a random child pat and sit on your horse is a bit different from being constantly pestered every day though. It's a one off thing and I would probably do the same.

However I would not put up with a child coming to my yard every time I was there and annoying me. It's my time and I don't want to share it.
		
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x 2 plus the child is opening gates and going on the property uninvited -thats a HELL NO in my books.


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## TGM (4 April 2014)

PinkFairy said:



			I also find it quite surprising that despite the OP saying she doesn't want the child around, suggestions are being given for her to allow the child a day or afternoon with her which is clearly not something she wants so is unfair to say she should compromise!
		
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I didn't say she 'should' compromise, but that she 'could perhaps' compromise if she didn't want to stop the child coming entirely!  Big difference!  The OP gave the impression that it was the child being there everyday which was the problem so by saying the child can visit for one set time a week allows the OP to take control of the situation.  If the grandparents/parents aren't on side then it seems there is little to stop the child coming to the field gates and being annoying if that is public land, although obviously if she trespasses in the field then OP has the option of threatening to call the police.  However, if the OP allows the child to come in and stroke the old horse for say 15 mins once a week, then she can say that is only on condition that she is left alone for the rest of the week and the child never enters the field without permission, otherwise she forsakes her horsey time.


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## Zero00000 (4 April 2014)

Hand the grandparents with a bill, say this is for the insurance you have had to fork out for their granddaughter to visit your premises.

After all, if the child gets hurt, the blame will be on you, despite asking her not to come. 

I have children and I would not expect someone else to take time out of their hobby to accommodate them, if they say its ok, maybe the odd one off, as it still would not feel right.


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## windseywoo (4 April 2014)

My answer would be to not answer any of her questions apart from with a "go away". Don't look at her, don't say anything that encourages her even saying hello, don't even do a pretend grimace. Report her grandparents to the police for harassment, as imagine how different it would be if this girl was an adult it would be classed as stalking!!! Her turning up every time you go down is ruining your enjoyment of your hobby. Don't just get a padlock for when your not there, but pull into the drive and padlock the gate behind you. If they try to come onto your land just turn them back around and again say go away. If you don't want to entertain this child you don't have to and I think you being nice in the first place has caused this issue for yourself, but I am completely on your side. If people think that your being mean well that's up to them, but your priorities are yourself and your horses. However if something doesn't change then I would seriously think about moving, I wouldn't put up with it and I own my own field. Good luck.


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## lastchancer (4 April 2014)

weebarney said:



			This is one of the downsides to having your horses near civilisation. I'm glad there is no one living near my horses as I really wouldn't want to be in this awkward situation either.
 I too was a pony mad child who would get into the field of any equine I could find and pretend it's my own. 
It could be worse, a field we used to have came with a village of weirdos and one in particular who was very creepy would follow me round the field and turned up one day with a shot gun, me and my mam thought we were going to die!
		
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Hehe I nearly ran into a sleeping tramp on our driveway a few months ago. He was a nice tame sort though lol.

Re Pony mad girls. We had a wonderful 12yo that used to help with mine, she was very sensible and is still into horses in a big now she's grown up. I do think she was an exception though, most times if you let random kids help they prove to be a problem eventually, and often the parents have no idea of the risks involved with horses. I wouldn't put up with the op's situation, this kid seems to have trouble understanding boundaries and is most probably very bored rather than genuinely pony mad.


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## DanceswithCows (4 April 2014)

Sympathies OP, this would ruin my enjoyment completely too - and I have children!  (well, one...)  Letting random kids have a pat and a sit as a one off, or even occasionally is totally OK, but being pestered constantly is awful!  I'm afraid eventually I would snap and ask her 'could you leave me alone please?   I like peace and quiet when visiting MY horse!' or something.  Then she would be completely ignored if she didn't!


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## doriangrey (4 April 2014)

Why not hunker down with this juvenile and explain like you would explain to anyone?  I won't put words in your mouth OP (that's your job) but there is no reason not to be polite and assertive at the same time.  No way should you feel bad because you don't want this child around.   But some of this thread has been distasteful.  If you (not directed at OP) regard children (next generation young adults) as fugly/or 'it' or the thought of someone being pregnant is daft or kids make you feel sick ... that's the kind of response I'd expect from adolescents, and yet some posters are castigating kids!


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## sarahg83 (4 April 2014)

I have the same problem, only it is at my house. I have 2 of my own children, and thats great, but i am not great with other peoples children, frankly i dont like kids apart from my own. 

These children nextdoor, have broken my fence by climbing on it to talk to me at EVERY opportunity, i cant even leave my house without all of them asking me where i am going. I have to go into my garden as quietly as i can or they just climb the fence and come in. They open my car door as soon as i arrive back to the house and some days even take my car keys out the ignition for me and no amount of no will make them stop, they just stare at me and carry on. They call thru my letter box at 6am in the morning and they are generally a nuisance. They never seem to be at school and its a real bug bear that when i have a break from my own children, i still have these little delights to answer constant questions too. Anyway getting to the point, i would say something to the parents now rather that later, the reason being you will probably end up saying something a little to harsh if it continues, like i did one sunday morning. My door bell had been ringing constantly at 6am, i tried ignoring it, but was getting increasing iritated by the fact i could hear the little delights mother just constantly saying to her daughter, dont ring the bell you will wake them up. After about 15 minutes i got out of bed and shouted out my bedroom window how angry i was that i have not had a lay in in over 6 months cos she is ALWAYS ringing my doorbell, and said something along the lines of how one day her grubby little finger would hit my door bell to find its been wired to the mains electric and would blow their chubby fingers off. Obviously i diidnt mean it, i was just really angry, now the parents make life difficult and the child is still not bothered and continues to be the main cause of stress in my life. It sounds mean but when someone rings the doorbell every day at 6am, and grizzles constantly all night you begin to loose your mind lol. So speak to the parents, and save loosing your rag.


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## Meowy Catkin (4 April 2014)

Sarahg83 - That sounds like a horrible situation to be in. Have you thought about removing the doorbell, or at least disconnecting it, so you press the button and it doesn't ring?


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## showpony (5 April 2014)

This thread has made me feel uncomfortable.... My daughter has her own pony but we are on livery at a riding school.. She is egar to learn and constantly asking questions and asks to help groom/hose/ etc..to other liveries when she is done with her pony.. And no one has an issue with it but now thinking they don't like it but just being polite.


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## Mince Pie (5 April 2014)

showpony said:



			This thread has made me feel uncomfortable.... My daughter has her own pony but we are on livery at a riding school.. She is egar to learn and constantly asking questions and asks to help groom/hose/ etc..to other liveries when she is done with her pony.. And no one has an issue with it but now thinking they don't like it but just being polite.
		
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Perhaps ask them if they mind?


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## showpony (5 April 2014)

I've always said to them if any problem to let me know... But now thinking they are just too polite to let me know. 



Broke_But_Happy said:



			Perhaps ask them if they mind?
		
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## Cinnamontoast (5 April 2014)

Sarahg83, you poor poor girl  I'd go nuts if someone did this. How old is the child? Can you speak to her directly and tell her not to do it? How are the parents making life difficult? And why?! Idiots, frankly.

I can't believe people are still banging on about letting the child come up however ten. If someone had annoyed me today when I had an early finish and wanted to groom my horse to the nth degree, I would have gone ballistic.


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## sarahg83 (5 April 2014)

cinnamontoast said:



			Sarahg83, you poor poor girl  I'd go nuts if someone did this. How old is the child? Can you speak to her directly and tell her not to do it? How are the parents making life difficult? And why?! Idiots, frankly.

I can't believe people are still banging on about letting the child come up however ten. If someone had annoyed me today when I had an early finish and wanted to groom my horse to the nth degree, I would have gone ballistic.
		
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I started politly, by just saying i was busy, but she just ignores you, then i stopped answering the door, or acting like she was not their, but she just continues anyway. If i say no she just looks at me with this blank face. I treated myself to a load of horsey lotions and potions one day and she wanted to help unpack the car, but i said no, that i wanted to leave it in the car to take to the yard, she ended up ignoring me like she always does and dropping it and the bottles all burst. All i got was a "woopsie" and off she went. The parents have started parking behind my car so  i cant get out now, when i knock the door they say they cant move it they have had a drink, or dont bother to answer the door. They continue to let their children pester me, constantly. I dont understand why the child likes to talk to me, as i dont ever do anymore than schowl at her now, but still she continues to natter away and knock the door. If a tell her with a firm voice i just get spat at, and she runs home. We have considered moving, but then i feel i should t have too.


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## Mince Pie (5 April 2014)

Sarah, that's awful! Can you speak to the council about them - even if they own their house they can't act like that?


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## sarahg83 (5 April 2014)

Broke_But_Happy said:



			Sarah, that's awful! Can you speak to the council about them - even if they own their house they can't act like that?
		
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My neighbour rings the police on a very regular basis, as he gets the same treatment, and it drives him just as crazy. The police dont care, and he is being driven demented. I dont even understand why the child speaks to him as he is a right old grump to her, but she does not care. He has had worse than me, the kids put stones up his exhaust and rammed them in with a stick at the parents request. Its a shame as all my neighbours are lovely, we all work hard for what we have and we treat each other well, and then theirs the neighbours next door who drive people mad, even people a few streets away complain about them.


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## Mince Pie (5 April 2014)

Speak to the council instead of the police?


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## ezililaur (5 April 2014)

Sarahg83, that is dreadful!

I'd also report to social services about the child. She's obviously not well looked after! 
I had similar with a neighbours child, not as bad as you describe but it was very annoying and frankly quite odd. We haven't got a doorbell but she would knock on the door, a lot. 6am is not on! It's harassment at the end of the day.
I do feel for you.


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## sarahg83 (5 April 2014)

Broke_But_Happy said:



			Speak to the council instead of the police?
		
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Yeah i might do that, its driving me nuts now so i need to do something. This is why i sympathise with the OP. Its hard to get on with other people's children and its difficult to know how to set boundaries with a child who's parents you dont even know, especially if the child just carries on regardless. 

I would be  insane if i didnt have the yard as a escape route, that's the whole point in having a horse, to relax and enjoy yourself. 

Far to many parents these days seem to rely on complete strangers to occupy their children, and its not fair. Especially if your not that keen on kids, which i am not, i like my own and i tolerate their friends but anything else and i dont want to know, their too noisy and ask way to many questions for my liking haha. But it is so hard to make boundaries with pushy kids, who just dont care if you reply or not. Gone are the days where children had respect for their elders!!


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## MerrySherryRider (5 April 2014)

Sarah, your neighbours are antisocial, the child sounds like she needs professional help as her behaviour is beyond normal boundaries. The parents seem to back up their children's unacceptable behaviour. 
 Get the council or your MP involved, especially as your neighbours are also suffering from this family's behaviour.


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## dunthing (5 April 2014)

OP I really do have great sympathy for you. The girl is probably not out to annoy you but the situation is awful. I too was a pony mad kid but never had the courage to enter someone's property and make a nuisance of myself. I used to watch from a distance and finally joined the "gang" at the local riding school where I learned so much and had some wonderful long rides along the Ridgeway in Wiltshire. The girl would be happier with kids of her own age and you could get some peace with your horses.
Sarah, I really feel for you and can only say what others have said, Social Services or the local council are your best bet. I hope you get it sorted out soon. Sounds like an absolute nightmare.


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## hairycob (5 April 2014)

Srah,

I have had experience with a neighbour from hell & you need to get tough with the police. If they block you in give them 1 chance to move it then call the police - they are committing an offence. If the police are not taking your complaints seriously write to the Chief Constable (we found it very effective!). If the child isn't going to school phone the council education department. Do you have legal services on your house insurance - phone them.


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## lastchancer (5 April 2014)

Sarah83 that's horrendous, this is what happens when morons reproduce. Do you have a towbar on your car? If so I'd back straight into theirs when they park stupidly. Tell them also to keep their child away, if they don't then clip her bloody earhole when no ones about. In this country we are far too tolerant of the feckless and ignorant.


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## Dry Rot (5 April 2014)

It seems to me that several on here should contact their local child care/protection services. The incidents may not appear very serious at this stage but annoyances can escalate as evidenced by the poor poster repeatedly woken by the bell ringing child eventually being driven to shout threats out of her bedroom window! I've always found the professionals very helpful as doing something justifies their existence and their job. It also puts the problem at arms length which is never a bad thing when dealing with neighbours.

http://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-we-do/the-work-we-do/adult-advice/advice-for-adults_wda72280.html


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## peaceandquiet1 (5 April 2014)

Sarahg83 you need to contact police and social services asap. The kid's behaviour is abnormal. And make a fuss. Record everything. Also -see a lawyer. Ours gave me good advice when a neighbour's 11yo plagued me.


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## Arizahn (5 April 2014)

sarahg83 said:



			I started politly, by just saying i was busy, but she just ignores you, then i stopped answering the door, or acting like she was not their, but she just continues anyway. If i say no she just looks at me with this blank face. I treated myself to a load of horsey lotions and potions one day and she wanted to help unpack the car, but i said no, that i wanted to leave it in the car to take to the yard, she ended up ignoring me like she always does and dropping it and the bottles all burst. All i got was a "woopsie" and off she went. The parents have started parking behind my car so  i cant get out now, when i knock the door they say they cant move it they have had a drink, or dont bother to answer the door. They continue to let their children pester me, constantly. I dont understand why the child likes to talk to me, as i dont ever do anymore than schowl at her now, but still she continues to natter away and knock the door. If a tell her with a firm voice i just get spat at, and she runs home. We have considered moving, but then i feel i should t have too.
		
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Police, social services, local council, and your local MP. In writing, repeatedly, until they deal with this properly.


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## el_Snowflakes (5 April 2014)

sarahg83 said:



			I started politly, by just saying i was busy, but she just ignores you, then i stopped answering the door, or acting like she was not their, but she just continues anyway. If i say no she just looks at me with this blank face. I treated myself to a load of horsey lotions and potions one day and she wanted to help unpack the car, but i said no, that i wanted to leave it in the car to take to the yard, she ended up ignoring me like she always does and dropping it and the bottles all burst. All i got was a "woopsie" and off she went. The parents have started parking behind my car so  i cant get out now, when i knock the door they say they cant move it they have had a drink, or dont bother to answer the door. They continue to let their children pester me, constantly. I dont understand why the child likes to talk to me, as i dont ever do anymore than schowl at her now, but still she continues to natter away and knock the door. If a tell her with a firm voice i just get spat at, and she runs home. We have considered moving, but then i feel i should t have too.
		
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That's really awful. I would contact the police & push for an ASBO as this behaviour is not normal.


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## Ranyhyn (5 April 2014)

Poor child.  Send her over to me and I'll go tell her grandparents the days she's welcome to come and see my horses and I'll gladly let her mither mine for some time.
I remember being a ponyless, pony mad child and a horse person's greatest blessing to someone horseless, is to share their fortune.


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## Hoof_Prints (5 April 2014)

I agree with the OP that it would be extremely irritating, if you buy a horse then it does NOT come with a responsibility to entertain horse mad kids! I was a horse mad child once, I went and helped out a riding school instead of pestering others. At the age of 10 I was fully aware how annoying it would be to behave in such a way. I regularly let children from the village come and help me with the horses and I will lead/lunge them, but they understand boundaries and do as I say- I did have two girls try to muck out, and left all the stables doors open so the horses escaped :/ very firm telling off sorted that out! However they only come when I tell them they can, they never just turn up. I love relaxing at the stables and enjoy the peace and quiet, it would drive me nuts and make me feel very uncomfortable if I had someone constantly turning up or annoying me. 

I feel sorry for the girl as she is clearly looking for something to do, and trying to help out- but that's not your problem  each to their own, some people love entertaining kids, other don't (or don't know how!) . There's no right and wrong about it and I think OP has been very patient and polite . BTW I haven't read all 24 pages, just skim read. 

Sarahg83 that's horrendous, the kid sounds psychotic ! contact the police. Easy to get desensitised to that kind of thing after a while, but that is really really out of order and strange.


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## MagicMelon (5 April 2014)

springtime1331 said:



			It's a difficult one. I would speak to the grandparents and explain that you don't want her to be responsible in case she got hurt.
		
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This.  Where on earth ARE the grandparents?!  A 6yo shouldn't be allowed off on his own.  I would just speak to the grandparents and say the 6yo got stuck in the fence and the 12yo is getting too close to the horses who are known to kick (make it up!) and you cannot have them around them.  As much as its cute that she wants to help / be interested, your horses are big horses and you'll be the one to get in trouble if they get hurt especially as it sounds like the grandparents aren't even around to witness it.


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## gmw (11 April 2014)

Give the child a break. Speak to guardians of course set your boundaries and try and empathise with her. She is only a child.


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## Cinnamontoast (11 April 2014)

Sorry, but a twelve year old knows fine well how annoyed an adult is and she should leave the OP well alone.

Sarah, please insist that the police do something and phone them each and every time your car is blocked in. You can have their car recovered, you know, because as Hairycob said, it is an offence to block someone in. I'm furious for you!


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## Fides (11 April 2014)

gmw said:



			Give the child a break. Speak to guardians of course set your boundaries and try and empathise with her. She is only a child.
		
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Exactly - so she shouldn't be mithering strangers. If have sent her packing with a flea in her ear...


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## Howe Street (11 April 2014)

sarahg83 said:



			After about 15 minutes i got out of bed and shouted out my bedroom window how angry i was that i have not had a lay in in over 6 months cos she is ALWAYS ringing my doorbell, and said something along the lines of how one day her grubby little finger would hit my door bell to find its been wired to the mains electric and would blow their chubby fingers off.
		
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You should definitely consider doing this! Or alternatively chuck a bucket of water out of the upstairs window next time.
I cannot believe that people allow their offspring to behave like this, it's disgusting. Those children sound beyond vile, you poor thing having to live next door to them. I would go round and tell the parents that if they ever climb into your garden, touch your car or ring your doorbell that you will call the police.

edited - sorry just read that police have already been called and nothing has been done. Disgusting. Shout louder, make a real fuss about it and don't stop until they have been dealt with. Do you know if your neighbours rent or own? If renting complain to the landlord, either council or private. Please don't feel that you just have to put up with feral behaviour from this vagrant family.


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## Horsemom (15 April 2014)

I have a horsemad 14-year old. We have our own horse now, but before we got him, I was very grateful for the many child-friendly horse owners who allowed her to "help". I did make sure they remained "child-friendly" by ALWAYS coming along ... I remained in the background, but I was there. The minute I sensed she had outstayed her welcome, I removed her. If the owners told me that I could go, I went ... they had my mobile phone number, I was never further than a 10-minute drive away ... and I specifically told them to call me the minute she started getting on their nerves (and they did).

Since we got our boy, we have tried to "repay" the favours we received in the past ... and I SOOO know where the OP is coming from. A lot of the parents (even close friends) are absolutely taking the mickey, I seem to have become a free child-care centre. They come earlier and collect later than agreed to maximise their "me time". On many Sundays, I've missed my weekly shop (supermarket closed before I managed to get there) ... I've had to borrow horse feeds from other owners on multiple occasions, because the feed store had closed by the time they finally came to collect their offspring. The most upsetting part was reading their "out with the ladies for a girly lunch" or "clothes shopping with my lovely sister" status updates on Facebook ... whilst I was looking after their kids and living out of the freezer for the following week.

I did lay down the law after a while ... and whilst we still welcome their kids, it's in line with OUR rules and OUR needs now. I shortened the duration of their stay (so mum won't be tempted to even consider a girly lunch), and I asked mum to leave the unruly toddlers in the car (our horse is very calm, but he didn't appreciate his legs being used as pole-dancing props). If they don't like it, then they are welcome to fork out £50 for a "Have your own pony for a day" experience.

OP, I'd send the girl to get her (grand)parents ... the girl would only be welcome if accompanied by an adult, or if a contact phone number was left for you to call once you had enough.


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## blitznbobs (15 April 2014)

I'd tell the parents that mixing with children breaks you parole conditions and you don't want to end up back inside....


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## Cinnamontoast (15 April 2014)

blitznbobs said:



			I'd tell the parents that mixing with children breaks you parole conditions and you don't want to end up back inside....
		
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PMSL!


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## Elf On A Shelf (15 April 2014)

blitznbobs said:



			I'd tell the parents that mixing with children breaks you parole conditions and you don't want to end up back inside....
		
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That's the best answer yet!!!


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## Horsemom (15 April 2014)

blitznbobs said:



			I'd tell the parents that mixing with children breaks you parole conditions and you don't want to end up back inside....
		
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Great ... this is excellent advice ... any advice how to deal with the coffee I just spat all over my laptop whilst reading your response???


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## blitznbobs (15 April 2014)

Horsemom said:



			Great ... this is excellent advice ... any advice how to deal with the coffee I just spat all over my laptop whilst reading your response???
		
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Control alt delete and a towel??


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## Horsemom (15 April 2014)

blitznbobs said:



			Control alt delete and a towel?? 

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Lol ... shame they don't have a "follow" feature like on Twitter on this forum ... I'd follow you straight away, for horse advice, parenting tips and technical support!


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## cava14una (15 April 2014)

blitznbobs said:



			I'd tell the parents that mixing with children breaks you parole conditions and you don't want to end up back inside....
		
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Love it!!!


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## Bdazzling (15 April 2014)

blitznbobs said:



			I'd tell the parents that mixing with children breaks you parole conditions and you don't want to end up back inside....
		
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Fabulous !! I am definitely going to use that one !!


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## Mike007 (16 April 2014)

Oh god ,am I ever glad i dindnt meet some of you as a kid! My first stables ,helping with the ponies ,age 10,taught me that horses come first and last. That there is a right way of doing things and a wrong way. The yard owner "Shep" was a cantankerous old (but probably no older than me now) git, but he had a heart of gold. It amazes me how often I meet folk in the equestrian world who started at that" crummy back street riding school"and who wont hear a word said against it.The next stage was hanging out at a racing yard age 13/14 and learning a hell of a lot more, dealing with horses worth an awfull lot of money and being expected to do the job. If you are there ,no excuse for age , do what it takes. I remember vividly as a 15 year old , being asked to hold a horse for a blood sample by the vet. Horse is due to go racing that day. I have horse headcollared ,in box . Vet flings door open and waltzes in leaving door open . Horse exits with me hanging on to headcollar (more like dangling from). I bloodywell didnt let go!!! Eventualy we stopped and I led him back to his box ,and as a 15 year old ,respecting my elders and betters ,I called the vet a pratt. yep I guess I was one of those kid you hate.


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## Sleipnir (16 April 2014)

I seriously doubt that anyone here hates a kid. That's a strong word to use. What is more likely to annoy us, to irritate us, is the behaviour of some children in particular - misbehaving, unwilling to learn and treating the horse in question just as another cheap distraction that should entertain them just "because it's a horse". Why should anyone feel morally obliged to provide horsey fix to such people? Our horses - our decisions!


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## Spottyappy (16 April 2014)

sarahg83 said:



			I started politly, by just saying i was busy, but she just ignores you, then i stopped answering the door, or acting like she was not their, but she just continues anyway. If i say no she just looks at me with this blank face. I treated myself to a load of horsey lotions and potions one day and she wanted to help unpack the car, but i said no, that i wanted to leave it in the car to take to the yard, she ended up ignoring me like she always does and dropping it and the bottles all burst. All i got was a "woopsie" and off she went. The parents have started parking behind my car so  i cant get out now, when i knock the door they say they cant move it they have had a drink, or dont bother to answer the door. They continue to let their children pester me, constantly. I dont understand why the child likes to talk to me, as i dont ever do anymore than schowl at her now, but still she continues to natter away and knock the door. If a tell her with a firm voice i just get spat at, and she runs home. We have considered moving, but then i feel i should t have too.
		
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Have you thought about putting up CCTV so you have evidence to back you up? Doesn't need to be installed professionally, as,long as it records  and you can validate the date and time, by showing say the time and date from a tv once a day. You can buy small wildlife cameras from places like Maplin, or even theory install your own CCTV, for about £100. You then have your hard evidence, likewise with the parking  as that is plain hassling you. Maybe an injunction which seems extreme, but may save your sanity.
As to the horsey kids, we often have them appear from the local village. I try to allow them to see the horses, and answer questions, but tell them they may only come in if they ask first, and not just walk in unannounced. So far, that has always worked in over 30 years of owning the yard. None have ever taken riding up as far as I know, which seems to be a sad reflection on their parents not being able or not wanting to take them for lessons.


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## Dry Rot (16 April 2014)

Spottyappy said:



			Have you thought about putting up CCTV so you have evidence to back you up? Doesn't need to be installed professionally, as,long as it records  and you can validate the date and time, by showing say the time and date from a tv once a day. You can buy small wildlife cameras from places like Maplin, or even theory install your own CCTV, for about £100. You then have your hard evidence, likewise with the parking  as that is plain hassling you. Maybe an injunction which seems extreme, but may save your sanity.
As to the horsey kids, we often have them appear from the local village. I try to allow them to see the horses, and answer questions, but tell them they may only come in if they ask first, and not just walk in unannounced. So far, that has always worked in over 30 years of owning the yard. None have ever taken riding up as far as I know, which seems to be a sad reflection on their parents not being able or not wanting to take them for lessons.
		
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Filming young children? Now that might open up an entirely new can of worms!

Contact a child protection agency and seek professional advice&#8230;.oh, and make sure you keep a record of your communications.


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## cptrayes (16 April 2014)

Mike007 said:



			Oh god ,am I ever glad i dindnt meet some of you as a kid! My first stables ,helping with the ponies ,age 10,taught me that horses come first and last. That there is a right way of doing things and a wrong way. The yard owner "Shep" was a cantankerous old (but probably no older than me now) git, but he had a heart of gold. It amazes me how often I meet folk in the equestrian world who started at that" crummy back street riding school"and who wont hear a word said against it.The next stage was hanging out at a racing yard age 13/14 and learning a hell of a lot more, dealing with horses worth an awfull lot of money and being expected to do the job. If you are there ,no excuse for age , do what it takes. I remember vividly as a 15 year old , being asked to hold a horse for a blood sample by the vet. Horse is due to go racing that day. I have horse headcollared ,in box . Vet flings door open and waltzes in leaving door open . Horse exits with me hanging on to headcollar (more like dangling from). I bloodywell didnt let go!!! Eventualy we stopped and I led him back to his box ,and as a 15 year old ,respecting my elders and betters ,I called the vet a pratt. yep I guess I was one of those kid you hate.
		
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Not at all Mike, because the adults in all those places wanted you there.


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## Horsemom (16 April 2014)

Mike007 said:



			Oh god ,am I ever glad i dindnt meet some of you as a kid! My first stables ,helping with the ponies ,age 10,taught me that horses come first and last. That there is a right way of doing things and a wrong way. The yard owner "Shep" was a cantankerous old (but probably no older than me now) git, but he had a heart of gold. It amazes me how often I meet folk in the equestrian world who started at that" crummy back street riding school"and who wont hear a word said against it.The next stage was hanging out at a racing yard age 13/14 and learning a hell of a lot more, dealing with horses worth an awfull lot of money and being expected to do the job. If you are there ,no excuse for age , do what it takes. I remember vividly as a 15 year old , being asked to hold a horse for a blood sample by the vet. Horse is due to go racing that day. I have horse headcollared ,in box . Vet flings door open and waltzes in leaving door open . Horse exits with me hanging on to headcollar (more like dangling from). I bloodywell didnt let go!!! Eventualy we stopped and I led him back to his box ,and as a 15 year old ,respecting my elders and betters ,I called the vet a pratt. yep I guess I was one of those kid you hate.
		
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I think the times are different today ... when I was a kid, I was allowed to roam the streets with my brother. If any neighbor caught us doing something wrong, we were told off, dragged home to our parents, who gave us a another telling-off or even a spanking ... oh, and another one if we dared to ask "why?". 

You can't do that today .... I asked one of the kids who "help" with our horse not do do something ... I did ask nicely and I did say "please". The kid did as I said, but then wept for ages once mum had come back. When we finally figured out why, she told me that the kid was very sensitive to criticism, and could I therefore please not say anything, but wait for her to return so she could find the right words to phrase the request.

Somebody I know once caught a group of kids attempting to damage public property (we are talking about thousands of pounds, not just ripping out a few flowers). When he dragged the ringleader back to the parents' house to complain, he was proudly told that the kid had leadership qualities ... and then threatened with the police for detaining the child.

Many parents today aren't like our parents were. I've had kids dropped off for full days without food or drink, with the expectation that I should feed and water them (healthy eating, of course). They expect you to have the same health & safety standards that schools and nurseries are legally obliged to maintain. Allowing your kids out on the streets or up the yard today is no longer considered the parents' responsibility ... it seems to be considered a "playdate", were the "hosting adult" takes on full responsibility.

So no, I don't think this has anything to do with "hating" kids ... it's more a case of hating to take on responsibility for them without being given the appropriate means to control them.


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## Spottyappy (16 April 2014)

Dry Rot said:



			Filming young children? Now that might open up an entirely new can of worms!

Contact a child protection agency and seek professional advice&#8230;.oh, and make sure you keep a record of your communications.
		
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Not sure it does,it's not actually the child you're recording, but the situation especially with parents blocking car in. We have CCTV at my yard, private yard so no one should be on it anyway without permission, police have advised all ok. I do have signs up. At home,however, we have professionally installed CCTV and no signs, and we are not legally obliged to have them as long as only recording our own property.


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## JoannaC (16 April 2014)

Gosh not sure how I missed this thread before!     Poor Op I feel for you, this child sounds incredibly irritating and to have it hanging around everyday would be awful.   Some people, child or adult can just grate on your nerves whilst other's might not be a problem.    You can't like everyone that you meet.

I don't have children and have never wanted them but I did have two ponies and had a great time borrowing three young girls to ride them and take to pony club.  However this was my choice and they were all nice polite girls.  I wouldn't want one thrust upon me.  I don't mind answering questions once but everyday would have me committing murder!
I do hope you resolve the situation.


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## fatpiggy (16 April 2014)

I suspect that because the child lives with its grandparents, that likely tells you alot about their own parenting skills - their own child isn't capable of bringing up a child.  Apples and trees me think.


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## 3OldPonies (16 April 2014)

MerrySherryRider said:



			Perhaps back in 1972, the Health and Safety excuse was still called commonsense, and perhaps the notion that giving time to children wasn't seen as babysitting for free.
		
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Back in 1972 parents actually used to take care of their kids, not palm them off on someone else at any available opportunity.  That might be harsh, but I know a volunteer youth club leader who had to keep the club open until midnight on two occasions because the parents had gone to a show and out for dinner, thinking that the club leader wouldn't let them go home alone and would look after them until they'd finished their evening out.  (They were excluded from the club after the second occurence).


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## Ibblebibble (16 April 2014)

Mike007 said:



			Oh god ,am I ever glad i dindnt meet some of you as a kid! My first stables ,helping with the ponies ,age 10,taught me that horses come first and last. That there is a right way of doing things and a wrong way. The yard owner "Shep" was a cantankerous old (but probably no older than me now) git, but he had a heart of gold. It amazes me how often I meet folk in the equestrian world who started at that" crummy back street riding school"and who wont hear a word said against it.The next stage was hanging out at a racing yard age 13/14 and learning a hell of a lot more, dealing with horses worth an awfull lot of money and being expected to do the job. If you are there ,no excuse for age , do what it takes. I remember vividly as a 15 year old , being asked to hold a horse for a blood sample by the vet. Horse is due to go racing that day. I have horse headcollared ,in box . Vet flings door open and waltzes in leaving door open . Horse exits with me hanging on to headcollar (more like dangling from). I bloodywell didnt let go!!! Eventualy we stopped and I led him back to his box ,and as a 15 year old ,respecting my elders and betters ,I called the vet a pratt. yep I guess I was one of those kid you hate.
		
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but that was back in the days when kids were still sent up chimneys wasn't it mike    seriously though, back in the day, it was different, kids had respect for their elders and did as they were told or had a clip round the ear!


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## joulsey (16 April 2014)

I haven't read all the replies, but it sounds like I could have wrote this about last summer, although I never loose my rag I just go and sit in the tack room for about 20 minutes! 

Theres 2 sets of kids, 2 boys that live just at the back of the stables, and then a girl who comes up with her grandad (even though its a dead end lane with only the stables and peoples back gardens)

Now the boys, they do ask questions which can be annoying, but they annoy me as I have to ask them several times not to shout and scream and climb on the fence, whacking it with sticks all the time, normally as I am about to mount. Come back from hacks they will suddenly jump out of trees screaming. Towards the end of the year they were finally getting the message. I was just so wondered about them spooking the mare and her ending up on top of them! I haven't seen much of them so far this spring...hopefully it will stay that way!

The girl just asks question after question....why this, why that, whats that whats this. I just try my best to politely answer them, but I do find me self finishing up alot quickly than I normally do just to get out of there, which is annoying as the stables are my get out time.

But....I was probably also one of them annoying kids .....:O


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## Duvetdays (16 April 2014)

Fides said:



			Just tell the grandparents she isn't welcome. They may think that because you haven't said anything you are ok with it...
		
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If this was my daughter, I would be approaching the owner to ensure she was not making a nuisance of herself, not sitting back and allowing her to do this!  I would not be allowing her to do this without checking it was ok.  I can understand the girl, and had a similar experience at an old yard I used to loan at - could've killed this one girl, and even my daughter hated her....nosy, questions, in your face, telling us what to do....drove me insane!!!


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## honetpot (16 April 2014)

I can both sides of this. I came from a non horsey working class family and I basically would have never had the opportunity to ride if it wasn't for annoying people and cadging rides, I started when I was about six with a travellers pony from the fair that was waiting outside the school for his little sister.
  When my children had ponies we always shared them with children that didn't have their own in return for help but I have been a baby sitting service you have to be very clear with the guidelines. I always told the parents their kids were treated like my own in the fact there would be ice creams for all but they would also get told off if they did something silly, just like mine would.
 One winter I had a colt who is very much a Barbie pony in a paddock near some houses. I had a line of electric fence inside the boundary so the children could not get to him and his friend who is a 11.2 thug. The nearby children thought he was lovely and I explained he was a nice pony but a stallion and could give them a crafty nip. I turned up one day to find all of his foot long mane plaited, very smug and pretty he looked.
 As I knew the kids lived in the houses I wrote a nice letter and went and knocked on some doors. Now I have always been taught if you want to get rid of children give them your full attention, that now applies to their parents. I told the parents if their daughters wanted to ride I had a more suitable pony as this one had issues due to it being a stallion, that it was not safe for their children to be in the field and if they wanted to ride ring me at a suitable time and they could bring them over. Never heard or saw them after that and I found out they had loaned a pony.
  I find if you ask the parents to make any effort in supervising their children because of the insurance implications their interest disappears. Probably a bit late for the other poster but kids can smell fear like horses and will play on it to aggravate you more and it would have been better to negotiate a bit of poo picking in return for a 'lesson' and paid a visit to the parents or grandparents and ask them to come and help, now you are just seen as a stuck up posh bird with too much time who they want to get at.
  I think you need to stop this escalating even if its not your fault, think of the least annoying thing she can do with you and get her grandparents involved, its harder to be horrible to someone you know. If you try the nice way and it doesn't work then get the CCTV and a court order but she is just a child who wants to be near a horse and to her its very black and white,


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## LittleMonster (16 April 2014)

Personally I wouldn't not be even thinking about moving, i would be padlocking the gate at all times!
When she showed up i'd tell her she was trespassing and that she has breached trust by turning up and leaving the gate open when you weren't there!
Then i would be going round the grand parents and be either telling them that if anything happens to 'my horses' that they would be paying the vet bills (if it has been caused by the child I.e leaving the gate open) i would also be mentioning that she is in fact trespassing when you are not there and leaving the gate open. 

And to the other lady (can't remember your username! sorry! ) i would be calling the police daily and reporting everything and also recording it if i could, i think a CCTV camera is a good idea, 
for the parking behind your car i would be taking pictures and sending that to the council, as i'm sure it must be parking at the end of drive or making the road to narrow for emergency vehicles??

OR! i would start ringing there door bell at oohh 4am in the morning? (im not a morning person so if that would have happened to me the child might not have been so lucky!!)

What about the paper as well that will grab someones attention!


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## Capriole (16 April 2014)

I'm one that wouldn't tolerate an intrusive, unaccompanied, rude, or irritating child, encroaching on my leisure time.  

Tonight though I had a nice chat with a gaggle of children who were passing by and who wanted to see the horse.  The difference is the parents were there and had the children stand still and well back from the gate while 'the lady' (me, apparently! ) was busy, so as not to spook the horse, and only came forward when I switched off my trimmers and asked if they'd like to stroke the horse.  Lots of questions as to why I was shaving my horse's legs, etc., but nice well mannered children I enjoyed speaking to.  Same situation but with a pushy, omnipresent, child and I would have wanted them to go away.


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## Dry Rot (16 April 2014)

Capriole's post is a lovely example of how it should be. Completely OT, but is there any scope for the BHS, or similar organisation, organising a school visit? Done tactfully, perhaps these horse mad youngsters could have their curiosity satisfied in a safe and constructive way? It might also be an opportunity to point out that pestering owners on private property without being invited might not be a good way to learn! I taught 12 yo's for two years and apart from being a lousy teacher it was probably one of the most rewarding times of my career. They need a firm hand but I found them enormous fun!


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## LittleRooketRider (16 April 2014)

another who thinks that calling OP mean for not wanting this girl around is unfair.

from another perspective the girl is technically trespassing and her dreams, lack of attention, unfulfilled love of horses is not the OP's problem


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## joulsey (16 April 2014)

fatpiggy said:



			I suspect that because the child lives with its grandparents, that likely tells you alot about their own parenting skills - their own child isn't capable of bringing up a child.  Apples and trees me think.
		
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Wow....Seriously?! Talk about speculating, you don't know a thing about them. I spent every day with my Grandparents (and the horses next door) as my mother left my father with three very young children to raise by him self and he needed to go out and work self employed to keep a roof over our heads and food on our plate.


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