# Worried to death!



## gemm13 (21 March 2015)

Hello all, am new on here and am really hoping to get some friendly and good advice.
I returned to riding about 3.5 yrs ago after a break of about 15 years. (An odd ride in that time only). I'm nearly 40 now. I always had my own ponies and rode and competed for others too but gave up due to work.
I've wanted my own horse again for so long and now I'm older and am lucky enough to have a house with stables and a bit of land I've taken the plunge and have bought one.
I've bought an 8 year old cob mare as I was careful not to over horse myself. The trouble is - she's here now - she's lovely - but I am in absolute pieces. I am crying all the time and I think it's because of the responsibility and I don't know if I can deal with it. I've ridden her quite a bit and she's fab to hack. 
She's in her own field with horses next door and some opposite for her to see and 'chat' to. The first few days I turned her out she seemed fine. Yesterday though I went to check on her at lunchtime and the top bar of the 6 bar gate was bent. I have no idea what happened. She is unharmed. The vet has been since to give her her jabs. I can only think she just slammed into it. She's been out again today - there was no problem and she was fine.
The trouble is - now all I can think about is not being able to cope and her doing something to hurt herself. It is making me into a nutcase. For the past week I've been unable to sleep from worry and have had a week off work to settle her in but am back at work 4 days next week and am terrified of it. My other half works at home and can check her throughout the day but he is non-horsey really and I can hardly bear to think about it. 
I don't know what to do - am I being completely bonkers or has anyone else been through the same or similar? I have never been like this before. 
I have never had a horse myself, completely alone before without it being on livery (even tho it was mostly DIY) and I think this is a bit to do with the problem. The owner of the horses next to mine don't live anywhere near me and don't check as often as I would so they couldn't help. 
My routine would be to let her out before I go to work, other half check get once or twice during the day and then I'd bring her in on an evening when home from work. I've got 3 days off a week from work too. 
I don't know what to do - I must be crying about 4 times a day through fear and worry. If I can't do it then I worry about what the point of buying this house with stables was... I know it's a lot to ask but can anyone empathise or offer any advice please??? Thank you


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## SpringArising (21 March 2015)

Horses are tougher than you think, and you're extra lucky in that you have a hardy Cob. She won't melt when you're gone and she's not going to fall to pieces!

It sounds like she has a great life with you and I'm sure you're doing a great job. In a year's time you'll probably look back and laugh at how worried you were.


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## forelegs (21 March 2015)

When i first got my horse I had not ridden regularly for three years, and had never had a horse like him (he's a high maintenance TB). Even though he was on livery and the yard staff were great I was always worried about him, and that I was doing something wrong. Over time I've learned he's hardier than I think (and he thinks sometimes!) and I am now able to recognise when something is a bit off, very wrong, or he's absolutely fine. Its about practice and getting comfortable with a horse and getting to know them, and it takes time!
You shouldn't worry (I know its easier said than done) because you will learn all about your horse in time, and wonder why you were ever so silly (I know I do!)

The only other suggestion I have is perhaps you could get a little companion pony on loan? I know your horse can see others but perhaps if you were happier that she had company you might feel better leaving them to their own devices?

Don't panic, you sound like you're doing fine!


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## Merlin11 (21 March 2015)

It can be daunting having them at home with no support. I would second a companion. This should help settle her and make you feel happier about leaving her.


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## madmav (21 March 2015)

It's a bit like when you take a newborn baby home for the first time. I remember, going woah, who the hell let me be in charge of this fragile little thing? But babies, like horses, are remarkably resilient. So please give yourself a break. Sounds like a lovely horse and a nice set-up. Is there room for you to have a little companion pony or maybe someone who could be a DIY livery with you?
 Also, your OH may not be horsey, but if it's a sensible horse and he has some common sense, they will work it out together if there's a problem.


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## Equi (21 March 2015)

Its called buyers remorse. I get it every time i get a new one or decide something big (when i decided to try for a foal i literally had a panic attack) youll settle down 

As for a companion, i would hold off personally. If you feel this way with one, two may be worse. If shes ok at the mo don't change things. The best time i ever had with my horse was when he was alone cause i felt more obliged to go visit him and spend time with him. When he got a friend it became more of a work like thing, we only saw eachother to ride lol


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## gemm13 (21 March 2015)

Thanks to all of you for being so helpful and encouraging - much appreciated. I haven't cried for the past 3 hours now so you've obviously helped a great deal!! I might hold off on the companion as suggested above - only because she does have others over the fence and really don't think I could cope with 2 at the mo - both in terms of emotion and finance. I will keep an eye on the situation though... X


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## 9tails (21 March 2015)

I wouldn't be surprised if she scratched her arse on the gate. You seem to be doing fine, apart from the anxiety of course. She seems to be doing well too.


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## Penny Less (22 March 2015)

In a couple of weeks you will be fine !  Unless she is the type that is forever doing something silly once you and her are in a routine
you will calm down.  I was terrified the first horse I had, luckily she was on a diy yard, but I was going up there 4 times a day just to make sure she was still in one piece!  She sounds a lovely type and you will have great fun


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## chestnut cob (22 March 2015)

Are you keeping her at home?  I wonder if it is worth moving her to a livery yard for a few months where you will have plenty of support, until you've got to know her better and are feeling more confident.


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## Shady (22 March 2015)

you sound just like i was when i got my first horse at 43 only i bet i was worse! honestly i was a loony and almost certifiable , if somebody had offered me vallium i would have kissed their arse i was so frantic with worry. i was constantly checking them , wouldn't let OH leave the house, crying ' what have i done ' every five minutes, terrible.
but it will pass, i promise you, honestly she sounds lovely and you just need time, i realised that they are pretty tough and not as stupid as i thought and that i needed to have a little faith in me and them and after a few months i was fine.
i will add that i really do live in the middle of nowhere and had nobody at all , just me!!! eeekkk.
i do laugh about it now and so will you , i promise , you will be fine. xxx


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## Fun Times (22 March 2015)

The bent gate is almost certainly the result of a butt scratch. Far more likely than her running into the gate. Next time, check her tail and rump and there will probably be some tell tale signs. I was a bag of nerves for the first year or so of ownership, it does wear off witj time!


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## gemm13 (22 March 2015)

Thanks so much all: really helpful. Thanks Shady for letting me know I'm not the only one! Been better today so hopefully will continue... X


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## Shady (23 March 2015)

gemm13 said:



			Thanks so much all: really helpful. Thanks Shady for letting me know I'm not the only one! Been better today so hopefully will continue... X
		
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 there are loads of people like us, many just don't admit it!!!, the information on looking after horses is overwhelming and what i did was think about how i wanted my horses to live and what would work for me and what routine suited us all and i took it a day at a time and tweaked it a bit here and there, i was on a yard to start with ( just for a few months) and i hated it, always somebody ' doing it better ' made me feel a right idiot but i appreciate the right yard could help you but ultimately you will be where you are now, i remember going out and watching my 2 charging around and yelling at them to stop bloody running around or i was going to have a heart attack !!
glad you feel a bit better, keep in touch so we can have a laugh in a few months. xxxx


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## honetpot (23 March 2015)

madmav said:



			It's a bit like when you take a newborn baby home for the first time. I remember, going woah, who the hell let me be in charge of this fragile little thing? But babies, like horses, are remarkably resilient. So please give yourself a break. Sounds like a lovely horse and a nice set-up. Is there room for you to have a little companion pony or maybe someone who could be a DIY livery with you?
 Also, your OH may not be horsey, but if it's a sensible horse and he has some common sense, they will work it out together if there's a problem.
		
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  I was going to say this. Even though you probably don't need it physically I would find someone like a professional groom or instructor and pay them to come and do something so you have another pair of eyes and a sounding board until you relax.


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## applecart14 (23 March 2015)

Horses are meant to be fun but sometimes they are the very opposite. I know where you are coming from.  This isn't intended as a 'woe is me post' as I have been accused off previously.

But I lost my first horse after nearly three years following complications due to an accident on a fun ride, the second horse I owned for 13 months before he broke his leg in the field, the third horse I owned for 2.5 years and he dropped dead of a heart attack in the field, and the fourth horse I lost with wobblers syndrome. It was harder each time I lost a 'best friend' to carry on, but I am so glad I did as I have my horse of a lifetime now although it took me many years to 'gel' with him as I felt like he wouldn't be around long either!  I was very paranoid (and still am I guess) although I have an uncanny ability to foresee accidents before they happen, am always on the phone to the vet and have spent thousands on Bailey over the years on healthcare and vets fees in an attempt to always do the best for him.  I've had him almost eleven years now and I am so glad I didn't give up on horses.

in the end I had to speak to a 'horse whisperer' who assured me that my horse would be around until he was 21.  I had support from my doctor and from my friends and my partner.  Above all my parents were a god send and I spent many many times weeping onto my mums shoulder and hours talking things through with my Dad who helped me to find another horse each time feeling the devastation of loss himself.

So don't panic, acknowledge that unnecessary worrying is a waste of time and energy, and put your energy into trying to enjoy your horse.
At the end of the day you can't wrap them up in cotton wool, and thinking that you can is an ill advised thought.  Please don't take this the wrong way, but maybe a chat with your doctor might be in order, it sounds like you could be depressed to me, with you bursting into tears and your constant worrying.  It sounds like you may be suffering from anxiety - I had this and still do from time to time and was diagnosed with this and depression by my doctor.


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## Firefly9410 (23 March 2015)

Oh OP do not worry I am sure many of us have been there before. When I bought my first horse I had been working at a riding school and had share horses on a part livery yard, both situations where all the owners and staff looked out for all the horses and everyone helped out where necessary. I bought my horse and moved to a big yard on grass livery. I had planned to visit and ride a few days a week, thinking that with 30 horses on the yard and the YO living on site there would be plenty of people around to check the horses and keep an eye on things and of course I would do my bit and help out where necessary when I was there. 

On day one I went to catch my horse and discovered the field had very little grass and was mostly weeds and that I would need to tie up with a haynet daily, which I had not planned for. Then some horses escaped and a few of us went to catch them. I discovered the fence was poor and we fixed it with string and the others said it would not be repaired properly by YO which shocked me. After a week I arrived one day to ride and saw a horse standing a little apart from the herd, still had not moved off with the rest of the herd when I finished riding so I went to see it. It was on three legs with the fourth held up by the belly tangled in the rug straps. Two people had been up the hill to catch their horses during this time and YO can see field from house. I realised nobody was keeping an eye on anything, that I was completely alone in my responsibility for my own horse and promptly had a bit of a panic thinking what have I done? Within two months I had a horse on complete DIY stabled nights and I had not planned or budgeted for this so it was a bit of a culture shock. You do get used to it all though. 

The main thing is to have a suitable set up which it sounds like you have, know how to care for a horse and carry out basic first aid, know what is an emergency needing a vet immediately and accept you cannot live in the field with them and will deal with anything you find when you arrive. Your OH being there all day is a bonus and if he is truly keeping an eye out he will notice anything majorly wrong.


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## laura_nash (24 March 2015)

Generally cobs are pretty tough and don't get themselves into much trouble.  Everyone's probably right that the gate is just her scratching her bum, but my cob actually did flatten a gate.  He burst out of his stable during the snow a few years ago when YO went in to give him his haynet, slipped on the ice towards the gate, tried to jump it and failed.  He got all tangled up in the gate as he flattened it, then pulled himself out and walked over to the nearest verge to graze.  He was completely unflustered and undamaged, not even a bruise to be found, seemed quite pleased with himself for getting to eat some grass.  The gate was totalled of course!

I now have mine at home, but having had him 5 years I have become quite blase - have to remind myself sometimes he is not actually invincible.  

Even an un-horsey OH will probably notice anything serious, the one time mine has been ill since we got here OH noticed straight away (@ 5am when letting the dog out).  Having someone at home all the time is better than you would have on a lot of DIY yards.


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## wench (25 March 2015)

I'd also second putting your horse on livery for a couple of months? Take away some of the worry, and get to know her whilst you have support around you?


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## Emcat (28 March 2015)

Well, she doesn't seem like the kind that is prone to injuries and it seems she is pretty well behaved. Horses are pretty hardy. It sounds like yall are doing a really good job at looking after her. She's got the fancy life! We let ours out in the morning and put them up at night and they fair quite well. If it would make you feel better there are some pretty good stall cams yall can install best of luck! Sure it will work out fine! Alota people feel this way at first, you are not crazy


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## Princess16 (9 June 2015)

Just caught up with this thread and wondered OP how things are going?


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## gemm13 (9 June 2015)

Hello all! Thanks for asking princess16 - I was planning to update. I can say that everything is fine and I feel really silly for being so worried in the first place. I found another girl with a little mare and now we share the field which is great for them both (not so great for me as I seem to be stuck with all the poo picking - but that's another story!!).
I've just been on a fabulous hack through the moors and she's fab - opens every gate no problem. 
My OH has been great too - after saying he doesn't want anything to do with horses he's learned to lead her to the field, check her over and most importantly how to muck out! 
If anyone else feels even remotely like I did then please don't worry - I have learned as long as you look after them the best you can and keep their surroundings as safe as you can - that is all you can do. 
Thank you again to everyone on here who gave messages of support too - they played a major part in helping me get over the panic attacks. 
Xxx


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## Princess16 (9 June 2015)

gemm13 said:



			Hello all! Thanks for asking princess16 - I was planning to update. I can say that everything is fine and I feel really silly for being so worried in the first place. I found another girl with a little mare and now we share the field which is great for them both (not so great for me as I seem to be stuck with all the poo picking - but that's another story!!).
I've just been on a fabulous hack through the moors and she's fab - opens every gate no problem. 
My OH has been great too - after saying he doesn't want anything to do with horses he's learned to lead her to the field, check her over and most importantly how to muck out! 
If anyone else feels even remotely like I did then please don't worry - I have learned as long as you look after them the best you can and keep their surroundings as safe as you can - that is all you can do. 
Thank you again to everyone on here who gave messages of support too - they played a major part in helping me get over the panic attacks. 
Xxx
		
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Brilliant news !


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## Barnacle (10 June 2015)

How great it is to hear that! I hope others who are in a similar position to the one you were in get to read this. I'm sure it'll help them feel reassured


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## Art Nouveau (10 June 2015)

What a timely update! I am pleased to hear things are going well with your mare. I bought a project mare 10 days ago to work with over summer and so far the things I expected to be issues haven't been problems at all, and the things I thought would be easy have turned out to be complicated! Yesterday was a bad day and I felt like I'd made a huge mistake, today was much better and I'm feeling really happy to have my own horse. It's so encouraging to read that this seems to be quite common in the first weeks of horse ownership. I've owned before with my Mum, and had loans and share horses, but this is the first one properly 'mine.'


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## PorkChop (10 June 2015)

Great news - so glad it is going so well


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## npage123 (10 June 2015)

It's great to hear that Gemm13, including that there's a mare to keep yours company.  But you've got to get down to the bottom of this other person not doing their pooh picking - you've got to be firm and set the rules with these things now that it's still early days.  It's your property so you should be content with all the arrangements!

I was just going to add that if you break things down to the very basics, if you can see your horse grazing and walking along fine in the field, then they probably won't have any injuries, and if they are doing regular poohs, then that's great peace of mind too.  Once you've gone through a colic episode with your horse, you become quite (strange but true) happy to see their digestive system working properly.  (I'm not at all saying that it isn't necessary to check your horse over fully every day, before someone shoot me down for what I've said.)


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## theot (6 August 2015)

good one gemm13 lol sunny australia


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## 9tails (6 August 2015)

Glad to hear it!


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## applecart14 (7 August 2015)

gemm13 said:



			I don't know what to do - I must be crying about 4 times a day through fear and worry. If I can't do it then I worry about what the point of buying this house with stables was... I know it's a lot to ask but can anyone empathise or offer any advice please??? Thank you
		
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You poor thing. I know exactly how you feel. my story isn't designed as a 'woe is me' story and I think sometimes when I tell it people think that's the angle I am coming from but I just need to explain what happened to me. 

 I am a one horse owner and always have been. I lost my first horse after owning him 2 years 10 months following an accident on a fun ride, then I lost my second one after 12 months after he broke his leg in the field whilst turned out, my third one after 2 years 8 months from a heart attack, and my fourth one after 2.5 years due to wobblers syndrome.  It was heartbreaking and plunged me into depression from which I eventually recovered. I loved all my horses with all my life and found it very hard to bond with my present horse.  I love him to bits but used to be terrified of him dying or something happening to him and spent four years trying to bond with him.  But after a while I told myself I could live in this state of anxiety forever or decide to move forwards, onwards and upwards so to speak.  So that's what I did. Eventually I stopped worrying.  I still have the odd sleepless night, but these days its usually triggered by nasty and unessecary comments from people who consider themselves to be an authority and have never even met the horse and their unkind words go round and round my head till I feel I want to scream.

I know where you are coming from.  You sound a bit lost to be honest and I feel sorry for you.  I think you need to take a step back, analyse what has happened (for all you know the other horse may have bent the gate) and try and work out why you feel like you do. Maybe you need to go to the doctors and describe your worry as it sounds like you are suffering from anxiety and maybe he had give you somethign for this.

You will be able to cope once you can work out where your feelings stem from and take action to deal with them.  I have every confidence in you, you just need a bit of confidence in yourself hun x


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## brighteyes (14 August 2015)

equi said:



			Its called buyers remorse.
		
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I've had this every time I have bought, but not when I have loaned. It's the realisation that you have signed up fully and wears off in chunks as the horse does more and more to make you love them. Mine is probably worse because I sign up for the life of the horse. 

Could you maybe get a livery to keep you and your mare company?


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