# Dont want to be clingy. but........ sold him ............ and...



## Exploding Chestnuts (1 December 2013)

OK, long story, but basically found a new home for My Boy, and it was all very traumatic.  
Since then have had a brief reply to my one email, obviously the new owner does not want me involved, long story.............
But really, I want to be re-assured that horse is happy, after all that was the purpose of the exercise.


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## Patterdale (1 December 2013)

Why doesn't the owner want you involved?

If you've had a brief reply, and all is well, I'd leave it.


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## GeorgeyGal (1 December 2013)

Maybe they are worried about feeling 'checked up on' I'd leave it a few months and then ask how they are getting on.


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## Exploding Chestnuts (1 December 2013)

GeorgeyGal said:



			Maybe they are worried about feeling 'checked up on' I'd leave it a few months and then ask how they are getting on.
		
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Its been six weeks and three days.......... he was  my soul mate..........


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## Wagtail (1 December 2013)

I think you need to give more details if you want advice. Don't want to sound mean, but if he was your soulmate, why did you sell him?


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## dogatemysalad (1 December 2013)

I'd glad he has a good home. Keeping in touch after a sale does depend on the new owners goodwill and the settling in period is often a tricky time when the owner is finding out what makes the horse tick. 
 So often you wonder what on earth you've bought until the dust settles. 
Give them time and maybe send them a brief best wishes email at Christmas, perhaps with a nice photo of him when he was younger. It'll enable you to keep a line of communication open at least.


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## GlitterPup (1 December 2013)

Wagtail said:



			I think you need to give more details if you want advice. Don't want to sound mean, but if he was your soulmate, why did you sell him?
		
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^^^


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## wildwest (1 December 2013)

i feel for you op i was in a similar position 4 yrs ago made the biggest mistake of my life and sold my soul mate as i thought he deserved more :{ until the day i spotted him back up for sale in feb this year , they had me over a barrell i sold everything i could and i now have my boy home where he will stay until his last day.
never give up hope x


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## Exploding Chestnuts (1 December 2013)

Wagtail said:



			I think you need to give more details if you want advice. Don't want to sound mean, but if he was your soulmate, why did you sell him?
		
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I can't ride any more, and he needed a home.


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## Exploding Chestnuts (1 December 2013)

dogatemysalad said:



			I'd glad he has a good home. Keeping in touch after a sale does depend on the new owners goodwill and the settling in period is often a tricky time when the owner is finding out what makes the horse tick. 
 So often you wonder what on earth you've bought until the dust settles. 
Give them time and maybe send them a brief best wishes email at Christmas, perhaps with a nice photo of him when he was younger. It'll enable you to keep a line of communication open at least.
		
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I'll send him a card............ and it is his official birthday 1st Jan, was thinking of sending him a waffle sweat rug, but not sure he needs it where he is. He is fairly straightforward with an experienced rider, and he will soon show them his foibles!
Not too bothered about the owner not looking after him, obviously no one knows him like me, but I am sure one of the girls will take to him.


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## paddi22 (1 December 2013)

I'd be a bit odd if my horses last owner sent me stuff for him. You found him the best home you could, so you have to trust he's ok and move on. One of my horses last owners, who seems really really lovely, send me a nice text a few weeks after i got him to ask how he was getting on. I thought that was lovely and I had no problem friending her on facebook so she could see how he was. She's been really nice and liked a few pics but doesn't get involved really, which is exactly what i'd do in her position. 

I'd be a bit freaked out if an old owner kept sending me stuff every year. I mightn't like the colour, i might have one already, I mightn't have anywhere to store it. I'd be worried i didn't use and then i'd bump into you at a show and you'd be asking why i wasn't using it etc! 

It sounds harsh but he's not your horse anymore. You seem to have a massive attachment to him still, and that would have me running a mile if i was his new owner!


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## Exploding Chestnuts (1 December 2013)

paddi22 said:



			You seem to have a massive attachment to him still, and that would have me running a mile if i was his new owner!
		
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I won't be doing any stalking, I just want to be re-assured that he is having fun in his new place, as promised, the new owner wanted to send me a video, that might be nice, but is he enjoying his new life?
I wont be meeting owner or horse at a show as I don't do horses any more.
The only reason I would go to see him [public yard], was if I was not sure he was being looked after as promised............ there was a deal............


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## lurcherlu (1 December 2013)

The old owner of my horse is I contact with me , more me keeping her updated. She only hadher6 months after weaning and she's now 3 and half , I'm in contact with her breeder too. I know she's happy healthy and thriving and have nothing to hide, mrsd send me the waffle rug  I'd love it if I got fre stuff


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## Exploding Chestnuts (1 December 2013)

Maybe I should mention his sale price was not related to his value.


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## Exploding Chestnuts (1 December 2013)

lurcherlu said:



			The old owner of my horse is I contact with me , more me keeping her updated. She only hadher6 months after weaning and she's now 3 and half , I'm in contact with her breeder too. I know she's happy healthy and thriving and have nothing to hide, mrsd send me the waffle rug  I'd love it if I got fre stuff
		
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What  size? 
I will be sending all My Boy 's  stuff to charity eg Belwade. 
but which centre is doing "the most good"


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## Supertrooper (1 December 2013)

I think you've got to move on, I know it's hard but if you wanted more involvement you could of put him on loan xx


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## Exploding Chestnuts (1 December 2013)

Supertrooper said:



			I think you've got to move on, I know it's hard but if you wanted more involvement you could of put him on loan xx
		
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I had the knackerman booked cos I had no place to keep him............ horse lovers............ Dunoon................


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## doriangrey (1 December 2013)

Sorry you are feeling so bad, it's hard to let them go when you don't really want them to.  Been there but sometimes it is for the best.  Feel better x


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## Marydoll (1 December 2013)

Ive just bought my horse that i was loaning, had him 6 months, his owner, who loves him couldnt manage him and his needs after her new baby. She knows i love him and will care for him well, hes been with me 6 months, we're friends on fb and she sees how we're getting on through there, i find it a good way of her seeing how we're getting on without feeling watched, so I can understand what youre doing, but tbh i think you need to back off a wee bit, he's her horse now let her enjoy that feeling of the new relationship and the build up of the partnership,without possibly feeling overwhelmed by you and your relationship with the horse, by all means keep in touch but dont smother or she might send you packing. My boys previous owner  is welcome any time to see him, and she knows that, but we keep things up by pictures and tagging in fb, i wouldnt like it if i felt i was being checked up on


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## Tiddlypom (1 December 2013)

MrsD123 said:



			I had the knackerman booked cos I had no place to keep him............ horse lovers............ Dunoon................
		
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You have mentioned this before. I am sorry that you had to sell him but it's a bit weird that you keep referring to this, how come you couldn't put him at livery further away? 
If you have got a reputation for being a little strange, maybe the new owner wants to make a clean break.


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## Auslander (1 December 2013)

Marydoll said:



			Ive just bought my horse that i was loaning, had him 6 months, his owner, who loves him couldnt manage him and his needs after her new baby. She knows i love him and will care for him well, hes been with me 6 months, we're friends on fb and she sees how we're getting on through there, i find it a good way of her seeing how we're getting on without feeling watched, so I can understand what youre doing, but tbh i think you need to back off a wee bit, he's her horse now let her enjoy that feeling of the new relationship and the build up of the partnership,without possibly feeling overwhelmed by you and your relationship with the horse, by all means keep in touch but dont smother or she might send you packing. My boys previous owner  is welcome any time to see him, and she knows that, but we keep things up by pictures and tagging in fb, i wouldnt like it if i felt i was being checked up on
		
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Agree with this. My no2 horse arrived this summer, and I told his previous owner that she was welcome to visit/call any time if she wanted to. I also added her on FB, and she can see how he's getting on there. I know she sees his pics, and she always answers texts if I have a question, but she has left me to get on with it - after all she wouldn't have let me have him if she didn't trust me to give him a lovely home


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## Exploding Chestnuts (1 December 2013)

Marydoll said:



			Ive just bought my horse that i was loaning, had him 6 months, his owner, who loves him couldnt manage him and his needs after her new baby. She knows i love him and will care for him well, hes been with me 6 months, we're friends on fb and she sees how we're getting on through there, i find it a good way of her seeing how we're getting on without feeling watched, so I can understand what youre doing, but tbh i think you need to back off a wee bit, he's her horse now let her enjoy that feeling of the new relationship and the build up of the partnership,without possibly feeling overwhelmed by you and your relationship with the horse, by all means keep in touch but dont smother or she might send you packing. My boys previous owner  is welcome any time to see him, and she knows that, but we keep things up by pictures and tagging in fb, i wouldnt like it if i felt i was being checked up on
		
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I am not checking up on an owner... My Boy is working for a living, but that is not a problem, main thing is that he has a home for life and be looked after in a professional yard, be looked after according to his needs, and have lots of fun and games, and also be playing with his friends in a field, I am sure he will occasionally object to things like discipline, but he will accept it.............


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## saddlesore (1 December 2013)

If you have got a reputation for being a little strange, maybe the new owner wants to make a clean break.
		
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This.  If I was the new owner I'd be feeling very uncomfortable! Sorry you had to sell but the deed is done.  Move on and let the new owner enjoy him without interference.


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## Exploding Chestnuts (1 December 2013)

saddlesore said:



			This.  If I was the new owner I'd be feeling very uncomfortable! Sorry you had to sell but the deed is done.  Move on and let the new owner enjoy him without interference.
		
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Why would you feel uncomfortable ..... you promised to provide a home for life with fun and games............ in exchange you got a nice, sound horse in his prime with a case history and saved him from the bullet.

I have sent one email asking how He is and advising him that he owes £10 to the girl who looked after Him for a day or so....
I left some stuff for Him, His feed,  His bit and his passport and other kit.
I want the feed, and other stuff if he does not want it.
Now I have to ask , did  you pay the groom, and did you take the goods, else I will have to go and collect them... and pay the groom......


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## BlackRider (1 December 2013)

Once the horse is sold, sorry, that is it, there is not guarantee that the new owner will keep in contact.

I also think it would be odd if you sent a rug etc.


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## Supertrooper (1 December 2013)

As i said if you felt you needed to check up on him then you should of put him on loan, you've got to move on and it's up to them if they get in touch. He's not your horse anymore, sorry but that's how it is.


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## saddlesore (1 December 2013)

MrsD123 said:



			Why would you feel uncomfortable ..... you promised to provide a home for life with fun and games...........
		
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I would feel uncomfortable because this is weird!  You sold him,  you need to move on sorry.


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## ihatework (1 December 2013)

MrsD123,
I am sorry you had to give up your horse but I think you really need to let this go as you are coming across a bit weird (and I suspect new horse owner thinks the same).
Forget the £10/food etc, its not important. If the others involved want to speak to you they will get in touch.


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## Exploding Chestnuts (1 December 2013)

He is not in a private home, he is working for a living:  the new [business]owner suggested he would send me a video, that was his suggestion, not mine, the new owner told me he would provide a good home for life with a pension plan!  I have no reason to doubt that [got a reference]
I have not been stalking the new owner ....... see the title.............. I am not weird!
I might have known some idiots on here would go for my jugular.

The £10.00 is something I would owe to the groom if she has not been paid by the new owner, as it happens I don't leave debts when I leave a yard.

AND I dont want the nasty people on the yard to benefit from stuff that has been left in good faith for the horse.


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## Marydoll (1 December 2013)

MrsD123 said:



			I am not checking up on an owner... My Boy is working for a living, but that is not a problem, main thing is that he has a home for life and be looked after in a professional yard, be looked after according to his needs, and have lots of fun and games, and also be playing with his friends in a field, I am sure he will occasionally object to things like discipline, but he will accept it.............
		
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You might not think youre checking up, but your posts make you sound like you are. If it were me id feel very uncomfortable with your behaviour and would stop contact with you if it continued and once the tie is cut on these terms its unlikely you will have anything to do with him again. Step back, leave them until into the new year then if you still feel the need to follow the horse, text and ask how theyre getting on together or you might find yourself out of his life completely


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## Wagtail (1 December 2013)

I would contact the groom and ask her if you are worried.

I must have missed previous threads so don't know what happened to make you have to part with the horse. Had I seen them I would have suggested that if you can't ride, but he was your soul mate, to try to find a sharer, then you could still be involved in his day to day care. Riding is not by any means the most important part of horse ownership. It seems to me that you are regretting the sale and perhaps mourning him? Could you buy him back, find a sharer and a livery yard to keep him? If you are not prepared to do that, then you have to let him go.


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## webble (1 December 2013)

Has he gone to a riding school

Why don't you just pay the groom and have done with

I would find it odd if my mares old owner wanted to buy her things and it would make me uncomfortable too


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## Tiddlypom (1 December 2013)

MrsD123 said:



			I am not weird!
I might have known some idiots on here would go for my jugular
		
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MrsD123, no one has gone for your jugular. You sound rather stressed, it is time to let this go.


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## Zero00000 (1 December 2013)

Sorry MrsD, He isn't 'My Boy' any more, he is 'Their Boy' You sold on ownership.

I wouldn't be freaked out by being sent a card/bag of treats for a horse I knew meant a lot to someone and had to sell on, but rugs etc. is going a bit too far.

Take a step back, He has a good home, you know he is being cared for, you will scare the new owner off if you carry on, and you will never get any update,

I've bought 3 horses and not contacted or had contact from owners once, and one was an old boys best friend, but he lost his sight and couldn't carry on, I know it hurt him, he didn't let on, but that horse had so much respect for his owner and would follow him round like a puppy, but he knows he is cared for, and knows he no longer has a say (unless welfare is an issue) 

I for one am concerned by how you are speaking, maybe it is worth having a bit of counselling or speaking to someone close to you, you must be holding a lot in.


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## Exploding Chestnuts (1 December 2013)

I am not thinking of buying stuff for him, it is sitting here and will  otherwise go to charity along with saddle and all sorts.
The new people agreed to pay the groom, but have not confirmed it, and they were supposed to go and pick up the feed and stuff, but have not confirmed it.

I have not done anything weird, just asked folks on here how they think I might proceed.
I think it is odd that the new owner has not given me an update on his progress. In his position, I would have done [but then maybe I AM weird]


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## BethanT (1 December 2013)

MrsD123 said:



			Maybe I should mention his sale price was not related to his value.
		
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I fail to see how this is relevant? Many horses are being sold for prices much lower than their actual value. 

I understand that this must be really hard for you but it does sound like you need to take a step back and let them contact you, other wise you run the risk of losing contact all together.


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## Supertrooper (1 December 2013)

I think the problem may be that you haven't really explained the situation and I certainly read it that you sold him to a private home. Have you sold him then to a professional set up? 

You did also say that you were thinking of buying him a rug. 

If you do have a contract that the new owner keeps you informed then yes out of courtesy it would be nice if that happened but if money has exchanged hands and he is now theirs then it's really up to them xx


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## WelshD (1 December 2013)

If after a long active horsey lifestyle you can no longer ride any more then this must have been a huge decision to make. It marks the end of an era for you and unless many on here have a 60 year long horsey life behind them its very very hard to imagine what you are feeling right now

That aside you will scare them off if you arent careful. I would get in touch nearer christmas to wish them a happy one but beyond that would do no more Other than keep my ears out for news. Remember that bloke even at the best of times arent ones for keeping in touch. As a professional yard i am sure they have everything under control - a miserable horse is not a productive one after all

What he doesnt have after living there for six weeks he is unlikely to need

If your old yard is unconnected to the new one i would take a trip there to collect anything left behind, check if the groom was paid and say hi to everyone 

Trying hard not to sound patronising but when you are feeling a bit brighter maybe consider offering your knowledge to the RDA or maybe as a non riding member at your local riding club - judging, logging entries etc 

I wish you the very best


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## Exploding Chestnuts (1 December 2013)

Marydoll said:



			You might not think youre checking up, but your posts make you sound like you are. If it were me id feel very uncomfortable with your behaviour and would stop contact with you if it continued and once the tie is cut on these terms its unlikely you will have anything to do with him again. Step back, leave them until into the new year then if you still feel the need to follow the horse, text and ask how theyre getting on together or you might find yourself out of his life completely
		
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But I have not repeatedly contacted you, [the new owner], I have sent one email regarding the payment owed to the groom and asking how the horse is getting on.
I am perfectly happy that I found the best place possible, the new owner suggested he would be sending me a video, all  I asked on here was............. oh forget it.............


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## Patterdale (1 December 2013)

I think people are being a little harsh on the OP. 

OP, I can totally see that this would have been a hard sale for you, and of course you want to see how your old horse is doing. A light and breezy 'how are you getting on?' type email is fine, but I think that asking if he's paid the groom crosses the line into checking upon him, and things like this will probably make him distance himself. 
In future, I'd just ask the groom


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## Patterdale (1 December 2013)

WelshD said:



			If after a long active horsey lifestyle you can no longer ride any more then this must have been a huge decision to make. It marks the end of an era for you and unless many on here have a 60 year long horsey life behind them its very very hard to imagine what you are feeling right now

That aside you will scare them off if you arent careful. I would get in touch nearer christmas to wish them a happy one but beyond that would do no more Other than keep my ears out for news. Remember that bloke even at the best of times arent ones for keeping in touch. As a professional yard i am sure they have everything under control - a miserable horse is not a productive one after all

What he doesnt have after living there for six weeks he is unlikely to need

If your old yard is unconnected to the new one i would take a trip there to collect anything left behind, check if the groom was paid and say hi to everyone 

Trying hard not to sound patronising but when you are feeling a bit brighter maybe consider offering your knowledge to the RDA or maybe as a non riding member at your local riding club - judging, logging entries etc 

I wish you the very best
		
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Great post


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## vickyb (1 December 2013)

Yes, it's nice to know how your horse is getting on (if it was a decent one - I have sold ones in the past who I really didn't want to hear any more about!), but one phone call is enough - please don't go buying things for him; there's no guarantee he will get to use them anyway. Save your pennies and try and move on.
Just to add I sold my cracking pony in 1983, and was very sorry to see her go. The girl who bought her loved, and I mean was totally besotted with her, much more than me. We exchanged Christmas cards until 2005, when the pony died of old age. That pony had a wonderful life, I was so happy for her and her owner.


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## Exploding Chestnuts (1 December 2013)

WelshD said:



			If after a long active horsey lifestyle you can no longer ride any more then this must have been a huge decision to make. It marks the end of an era for you and unless many on here have a 60 year long horsey life behind them its very very hard to imagine what you are feeling right now

That aside you will scare them off if you arent careful. I would get in touch nearer christmas to wish them a happy one but beyond that would do no more Other than keep my ears out for news. Remember that bloke even at the best of times arent ones for keeping in touch. As a professional yard i am sure they have everything under control - a miserable horse is not a productive one after all

What he doesnt have after living there for six weeks he is unlikely to need

If your old yard is unconnected to the new one i would take a trip there to collect anything left behind, check if the groom was paid and say hi to everyone 

Trying hard not to sound patronising but when you are feeling a bit brighter maybe consider offering your knowledge to the RDA or maybe as a non riding member at your local riding club - judging, logging entries etc 

I wish you the very best
		
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Thanks, yes, it is difficult to give up horse riding, when I retired from racing 2002], I tried RDA and all that stuff, but then went down the horse handling/pony route. I am not really interested in walking alongside plods. I have really only been interested in racing, in conditioning and training. Personally, I don't do "schooling" in the BHS sense, i get someone to do it for me, even if I have to pay.. and for this one I had to find a BHSII to school him.

Giving up riding was not the problem in this case, the only reason I kept on riding was that I owned a difficult horse ......... I did try to loan him, I tried to sell him, "needs experienced rider" ......"my wife is a beginner and my daughter is nervous, would he do?, "what does nappy mean? "not first pony, yes she has ridden for six weeks, ridden three ponies! Needs confident handler ... yes,  she is twelve! ......... 
Needs more flatwork... don't worry we dont' jump!
I could go on, never seen so many people who can't ride!


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## Marydoll (1 December 2013)

MrsD123 said:



			But I have not repeatedly contacted you, [the new owner], I have sent one email regarding the payment owed to the groom and asking how the horse is getting on.
I am perfectly happy that I found the best place possible, the new owner suggested he would be sending me a video, all  I asked on here was............. oh forget it.............
		
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Ok .... Never said you did ??  Quite happy to forget it


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## lurcherlu (1 December 2013)

MrsD123 said:



			What  size? 
I will be sending all My Boy 's  stuff to charity eg Belwade. 
but which centre is doing "the most good"
		
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6'6 or 6'9 .....

Mrsd I'm in total support f you n this entire thing xx


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## cptrayes (1 December 2013)

If he's working for his living then presumably he's in a riding school thats open to the public.

I advise you to let go emotionally if you can,  and leave them to it. But if you can't, why can't you just go and visit him to see if he's happy?  

Think very carefully before you do this. What are you going to do if you think he's unhappy?


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## Exploding Chestnuts (1 December 2013)

Ownership was transferred to him at an agreed time, he was advised that any costs were his after that time, the horse still needed looked after from that time until he got it home. 
I arranged for this to be done, but he had to pay.
The groom,  was asked by the yard to poo pick his paddock, I did not arrange this, all I said to new owners was "all costs are yours". The groom would be too polite to ask him for the money, she did not know our arrangement. 
Its nothing to do with the fee, but he agreed to pay the groom fee, he should have advised me that he had done so.


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## dogatemysalad (1 December 2013)

I must be really odd then. I keep in contact with the owners of my former horses and when invited to visit, I always bring a gift for the horse.


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## lurcherlu (1 December 2013)

dogatemysalad said:



			I must be really odd then. I keep in contact with the owners of my former horses and when invited to visit, I always bring a gift for the horse.
		
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This is what I let my o.d owners do


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## Exploding Chestnuts (1 December 2013)

lurcherlu said:



			6'6 or 6'9 .....

Mrsd I'm in total support f you n this entire thing xx
		
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You missed out there,  he is 5'9"!


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## lurcherlu (1 December 2013)

MrsD123 said:



			You missed out there,  he is 5'9"!
		
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Ill put her in for a hot wash


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## Exploding Chestnuts (1 December 2013)

I would like to be invited to go and see him, but I would not go otherwise. It would definitely be weird.
Main thing for him is to have a secure home for life, I am 100% sure he is not going to be abused.


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## Spring Feather (1 December 2013)

Just phone the groom up and ask if she has been paid.


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## Exploding Chestnuts (1 December 2013)

Spring Feather said:



			Just phone the groom up and ask if she has been paid.
		
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I am not on here to ask what do about paying my groom, I only mentioned this as one of the things he should /could have confirmed with me. 
I do not wish to pay her to do something I did not ask her to do............. it was the yard who must have asked her to poo pick, not me. I am particularly annoyed because the yard put him in this tiny wet paddock against my wishes, well more than that they lied to me about where he was going.
But obviously my groom is not involved in that problem and should not be out of pocket.
And there was no reason to poo pick the paddock, it was not poo picked before he used it, but had been used by the tiny ponies occasionally in summer but not now.


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## gingernut81 (1 December 2013)

I can understand how you feel as I had to sell mine a few years ago due to financial hardship but once they are sold and left your care unfortunately it is up to the new owners whether they want to stay in contact with you or not.   I would not push it too much.  I would be inclined to leave it a little longer before emailing again and if you don't get a response you really need to move forward.  :0) x


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## cptrayes (1 December 2013)

MrsD123 said:



			I would like to be invited to go and see him, but I would not go otherwise. It would definitely be weird.
Main thing for him is to have a secure home for life, I am 100% sure he is not going to be abused.
		
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Why would it be weird to visit him in a riding school?  Friends of mine did when theirs was sold to  riding school. No one thought it was odd.


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## Ibblebibble (1 December 2013)

regardless of whether he is at a professional yard, riding school, private home or the queens household he is no longer yours and you have no right to updates or anything, it's harsh but it's reality. if the groom has been paid or not is not your concern either as it was an arrangement made between her and new owner, if she hasn't been paid then it's up to her to chase it not you. 
I sold a horse early this summer who i adored but had just reached the end of the line with, i have had 1 update and although i often wonder how he is getting on i know that it's not my business as he is no longer mine, if his new owner wants to update me she will and i will be pleased, but if she feels he is now hers and my involvement in his life is over then i will totally understand and leave her in peace. some people do not want old owners looking over their shoulder, when we sell we have to accept that, or not sell.


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## HBB (1 December 2013)

I remember you first posting about having to sell your boy:
http://www.horseandhound.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?484211-Selling-my-best-pal
You have been through a lot of heartache and stress with selling him. I hope you get an update from his new owner soon and give you some peace of mind.


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## Exploding Chestnuts (1 December 2013)

cptrayes said:



			Why would it be weird to visit him in a riding school?  Friends of mine did when theirs was sold to  riding school. No one thought it was odd.
		
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It is weird because it was not a normal transaction, and owner asked me not to visit, so I 'd have to go "incognito", the whole point of the post is that the owner has not encouraged communication


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## Exploding Chestnuts (1 December 2013)

blackbess said:



			I remember you first posting about having to sell your boy:
http://www.horseandhound.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?484211-Selling-my-best-pal
You have been through a lot of heartache and stress with selling him. I hope you get an update from his new owner soon and give you some peace of mind.
		
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Yes , its been really bad: I thought I had found him a good home, and then had to rescue him from starvation and abuse, and that was only the beginning!
This time ownership has passed, and I found him a forever home, which was essential for him as he is rather a sensitive soul, he needs an experienced home and just cannot cope with being moved around any more................


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## Exploding Chestnuts (1 December 2013)

As  last posting on this subject:  I have looked after hundreds of horses, owned a few, loaned a few,  this was the only one who really needed a particular type of ownership, who  needed an experienced home........... and at last I found one.


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## Roasted Chestnuts (1 December 2013)

You are coming across as weird OP. You have sold the horse to the best home you could find for him, take solace in that. He's not 'my boy' anymore he is someone else's horse and you have to get that through your head. You might not mind people who have previously owned your horse contacting you but done people aren't like that. 

I've sold horses on and haven't been kept in the loop, I was sad but had to respect the wishes of the new owner as when I have up ownership i gave up any rights to knowledge about the horse and it's future.

If you had gone on about him being you boy and soulmate in front of the new owners I can totally see why you have had this response as if it were me I'd have been backing off as soon as the horse was on my trailer and paid for. Not being nasty but if you wanted him to have his things you shock have included them in the sale. Jot used them later as an excuse to keep in touch which yes May not be your intention but it's how it comes across.


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## Exploding Chestnuts (1 December 2013)

The stuff was included in the sale, I never met the new owner.


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## 3Beasties (1 December 2013)

MrsD123 said:



			The stuff was included in the sale, I never met the new owner.
		
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You sold your 'soul mate' to someone you had never met?


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## doriangrey (1 December 2013)

MrsD123 said:



			As  last posting on this subject:  I have looked after hundreds of horses, owned a few, loaned a few,  this was the only one who really needed a particular type of ownership, who  needed an experienced home........... and at last I found one.
		
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Tbh, I wish every owner who had to sell a horse was as caring as you especially as he went through some trying times and you were there to help him through - even if it meant him being pts rather than going to an unsuitable home.  Luckily he is OK now, it must be hard to let go particularly when you don't really want to and you had such a special bond.  At least you know where he is and can keep a sneaky eye on him


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## Exploding Chestnuts (1 December 2013)

3Beasties said:



			You sold your 'soul mate' to someone you had never met?
		
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yes


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## Roasted Chestnuts (1 December 2013)

MrsD123 said:



			The stuff was included in the sale, I never met the new owner.
		
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Really??? You sold your soulmate to someone you haven't met nor seen?? And your wondering why your getting the response you are??

You know this story is just getting weirder and weirder and is starting to smell funny, I'm off out of it good luck op.


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## Chestnut horse (1 December 2013)

'Stop wasting your time, looking for the key to happiness..............
the door is open and unlocked........
Just walk through it.............

If you find this strange I guess it's because the whole thread is pretty.......... odd'

Though I do love this quote.....


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## FlyingCircus (1 December 2013)

Am I the only person that thinks selling your "soul mate" to someone you'd never met = beyond crazy.
Also being ok with this new owner saying you're not allowed to visit the horse.

Er, that screams suspicious to me. 
I know any sales I've been involved with/around for the new owners are usually going above and beyond to reassure the previous owners that the horse will be well cared for and often say they're welcome to come check on them (even though they may not actually expect them to - the offer is usually put out there).

I personally would never sell my "soul mate" to someone i'd never met, especially after the horse was abused in a previous home and required rescuing before.


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## CobsGalore (1 December 2013)

MrsD123 said:



			It is weird because it was not a normal transaction, and owner asked me not to visit, so I 'd have to go "incognito", the whole point of the post is that the owner has not encouraged communication
		
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Why would the owner ask you not to visit?


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## Chestnut horse (1 December 2013)

Absolutely 'Flying Circus'


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## Patterdale (1 December 2013)

I hope the OP does not mind me saying this, but she has PMed me with some more details about this, which I totally understand her not posting on the open forum to be picked over. 

I also totally understand how she has sold her horse to someone without meeting them, yet still knows it will have a good home. 

I think some people on this thread need to remember that there's a real person on the other end, and to be a little kinder. 

OP I think you've done a very caring thing for your horse. I completely understand you still calling him 'my boy,' after all, it hasn't been very long. 

Hopefully if you back off for a bit and let the dust settle, then contact again around Christmas, the new owner may be a little more receptive to contact


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## Tiddlypom (1 December 2013)

Thanks, Patterdale. Best to draw a line under this thread, people, please.


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## Roasted Chestnuts (1 December 2013)

Well the above is what happens when you post a thread on the open forum that you can't post specifics to. Unless you willing to give out information then all people can go on is what's above. If this wasn't poster that it I'd if imagine the thread would have been shouting troll before it got to page two.

I don't post anything I wouldn't actually say to someone if this story was being told face to face do to speak. Maybe think before starting a thread should be the motto as sometimes you don't always get the sympathy you think you deserve and then the pming to get people to understand wouldn't be necessary.

As I said previously good luck op you have had some good advice.


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## Chestnut horse (1 December 2013)

It's very nice of you to post this 'Patterdale' I guess it gets difficult on a post when we get so many different things said - some a bit odd..... hopefully the OP is genuine and can now take a break knowing their horse has gone to a great new home.


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## FlyingCircus (1 December 2013)

Whilst it's fair enough that there's more information that we're not getting - we are only able to form opinions on the information we are getting. What we are getting is a confusing and weird half-story. We're all just posting our opinions based on what we have been told.

OP - If I were in your shoes, i'd try to accept that he is safe and being treated well (otherwise you presumably would not have sent him there) and wait for the new owner to make contact.


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## Ibblebibble (1 December 2013)

Patterdale said:



			I hope the OP does not mind me saying this, but she has PMed me with some more details about this, which I totally understand her not posting on the open forum to be picked over. 

I also totally understand how she has sold her horse to someone without meeting them, yet still knows it will have a good home. 

I think some people on this thread need to remember that there's a real person on the other end, and to be a little kinder. 

OP I think you've done a very caring thing for your horse. I completely understand you still calling him 'my boy,' after all, it hasn't been very long. 

Hopefully if you back off for a bit and let the dust settle, then contact again around Christmas, the new owner may be a little more receptive to contact 

Click to expand...

people can only comment/judge on the info they have, not their fault if there's a lot more to the story than the OP is willing to give on an open forum, if it is that sensitive an issue it is perhaps best not to raise the matter on an open forum. no one has been unkind, unless expressing confusion and misgivings over what comes across as a very odd situation is considered mean these days.


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## cptrayes (1 December 2013)

MrsD I understand your anguish but the only way forward now is forr you to let this go. It's in no-ones interest including his for you to fret about him any more. I think maybe some sort of bereavement counselling could really help you if you can find some. Best wishes.


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## kizmund (1 December 2013)

I am going to assume he is now in a riding school? This hadn't been confirmed, but surely if he is, you could offer to help for an afternoon a week then you'd see him and get to know others on the yard? 

But also read that he is quite challenging so has he gone to blood bank? College? Would make it easier to answer your questions with this basic info.


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## paddi22 (1 December 2013)

MrsD123 said:



			Nah, its not just The Horse [formerly known as My Boy], day to day, I'm kinda stuck for something to do! But for sure, I won't need to ask for advice on here again. To be honest, I'm not too bothered about the nig-nogs, that's expected.
		
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i'm sorry but thats just rude. you post part of a story that makes very little sense and then get annoyed when people psychically and magically don't know the back story. 

Whatever issues you have in your personal life, you are now projecting onto a new owner who deserves none of that baggage. 

If you have the time and energy you would be very welcome and useful in any horse rescue or charity group, especially with your experience.  Surely that would be a more positive thing to do instead of focusing energy on a horse you sold.


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## FlyingCircus (1 December 2013)

There's lots of horsey things you could get yourself involved in. 
There's even more non-horsey things you could get yourself involved in too.

You just have to want to be involved and make the initial step, rather than dwelling on the fact the new owner of your old horse has not yet sent you a video or whatever your problem is. (What exactly IS your problem? He said he'd send you a video?? Would be good enough for me).

Of course you're going to be stuck for something to do if you have no motivation to find something.


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## Bojingles (1 December 2013)

MrsD123 said:



			I'm not too bothered about the nig-nogs, that's expected.
		
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_*WHAT??*_ Do you have any idea what you're saying??


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## Exploding Chestnuts (1 December 2013)

Bojingles said:



_*WHAT??*_ Do you have any idea what you're saying??
		
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Sorry if i/ve offended people, but i did say enough is enough, i thought it was a simple question.............. but obviously not.
There really is nothing to  get involved in round here, that is why I got my own ponies in the first place.


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## sandi_84 (1 December 2013)

MrsD123 said:



			Sorry if i/ve offended people, but i did say enough is enough, i thought it was a simple question.............. but obviously not
		
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I think bojingles is referring to the useage of that term, it is a racist term for a black person although I don't think you meant it like that?


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## Exploding Chestnuts (1 December 2013)

sandi_84 said:



			I think bojingles is referring to the useage of that term, it is a racist term for a black person although I don't think you meant it like that? 

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No i kinda thought that's why he got upset, did not realise at the time of posting it meant that, sorry.


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## Shysmum (1 December 2013)

Have I entered the Twilight Zone here ?


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## Amymay (1 December 2013)

Why have you set up a second account op?


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## lastchancer (1 December 2013)

Shysmum said:



			Have I entered the Twilight Zone here ? 

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Just what I thought 

OP I hope you get yourself sorted, your obviously in some distress.


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## southerncomfort (1 December 2013)

I suspect you feel this way as he's gone to a working establishment rather than a private home.  Perhaps you worry that he might not be getting the personal attention he's used to, that he isn't being cared for as you would have cared for him.

I think that is perfectly natural, and even wanting to send things for him is understandable in that light.

I'm so sorry that you had to let him go.  And I can understand you wanting to know how he is.  You obviously love him very much.  Perhaps when you last contacted the new owner he/she was very busy and didn't have the time to reply in much detail?

Maybe leave them be for the time being and give them a ring in the New Year just to check on him and then I guess after that it's up to them if they want to keep in touch.  I hope they do.  x


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## Amymay (1 December 2013)

Ok, looking back on the pm's you sent me some time ago it's clear that the 'situation' was very upsetting and stressful for you. There also seems to have been some conflict with various people. The situation was resolved with the horse being purchased (signed over?) by the person who has the horse now (a professional involved in equine welfare).

I don't think it's unreasonable for you to want to know that the horse is happy and settled in his new home - especially given the circumstances surrounding his initial sale, subsequent 'rescue' and recent transfer of ownership. The last six months must have been very stressful and upsetting.

I do hope that the new owner will allow you to visit,  and then follow it up with an update in the new year. It will allow you closure and the ability to move on.

I'm in the position of perhaps being a bit more informed than the  majority of posters on this thread. And I would just like to say to everyone that this situation is not usual. Please cut the op some slack.


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## Spring Feather (1 December 2013)

FlyingCircus said:



			Whilst it's fair enough that there's more information that we're not getting - we are only able to form opinions on the information we are getting. What we are getting is a confusing and weird half-story. We're all just posting our opinions based on what we have been told.
		
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Tbh the full story is just as weird too, probably more so.


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## Whoopit (1 December 2013)

I've gotta say, this is probably the weirdest reading post I've ever seen on here!

I understand people wanting to keep in touch regarding a horse but if a new owner goes to the trouble to tell you to stay away, you do just that. What I find really peculiar is that the new owner hasn't even been met so if a person you haven't met tells you that, is that not really really odd?? And on top of that you want to check the horse isn't being abused? Why sell it to a home you suspect might be mistreating it?

And as i'm sure others have already said - if you're going to post, post a full story, not bits of it that might make people jump to the wrong conclusions.


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## GeneGenie (1 December 2013)

Whoopit said:



			And on top of that you want to check the horse isn't being abused? Why sell it to a home you suspect might be mistreating it?

And as i'm sure others have already said - if you're going to post, post a full story, not bits of it that might make people jump to the wrong conclusions.
		
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She stated that she's 100% sure the horse isn't being abused, it's just that 'wanting to see for oneself'. I can understand and I wish I knew the full story to understand why she has been asked not to visit. I hope he's ok. Glad he was saved from the knackerman.


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## Bojingles (1 December 2013)

amymay said:



			this situation is not usual. Please cut the op some slack.
		
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Well, fair enough Amymay, although I have to say your concise responses do not always cut anyone any slack. To a certain extent I understand the delicate situation OP is in, even if I don't have all the details. What I cannot accept is the casually racist language, regardless of disclaimers. Nul n'est censé ignorer la loi; ignorance is no excuse. And if someone called me a w*****, I would not be sympathetic.


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## Aarrghimpossiblepony (1 December 2013)

Bojingles said:



			Well, fair enough Amymay, although I have to say your concise responses do not always cut anyone any slack. To a certain extent I understand the delicate situation OP is in, even if I don't have all the details. What I cannot accept is the casually racist language, regardless of disclaimers. Nul n'est censé ignorer la loi; ignorance is no excuse. And if someone called me a w*****, I would not be sympathetic.
		
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It isn't racist language if it isn't directed at anybody because of their race or the poster is unaware of racist connotations.

I would have thought it was pretty obvious from the post that it wasn't, more like a derivation of "niggardly", or people who niggle.

"Niggardly" was wrongly deemed "racist" for a time as it happens.


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## Copperpot (1 December 2013)

I've googled it and it can be someone silly in Yorkshire, was a term used years ago. Perhaps the OP is older and from that area?

I do wish people wouldn't jump on the "racist" band wagon at every opportunity.


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## Marydoll (1 December 2013)

Whether it was intended as a racist comment or not, it can be percieved as one, and that isnt acceptable on a public forum where it may cause upset to people.
At least the op apoligised but i see her name has gone pale so assume shes been banned for it, but this whole threads been a bit strange really


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## Shysmum (1 December 2013)

Oh dear, BANISHED !! 

Seriously though, this is a thread to read whilst smoking something highly illegal...


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## Bojingles (1 December 2013)

Copperpot said:



			I do wish people wouldn't jump on the "racist" band wagon at every opportunity.
		
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I've never jumped on any bandwagon at any opportunity. But "nig nog"??? Come on! It may have been a quaint Yorkshire saying at some point (really?) but since the 70s it surely has only meant one thing. Would you feel the same if OP had said "******"?


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## Patterdale (1 December 2013)

amymay said:



			Ok, looking back on the pm's you sent me some time ago it's clear that the 'situation' was very upsetting and stressful for you. There also seems to have been some conflict with various people. The situation was resolved with the horse being purchased (signed over?) by the person who has the horse now (a professional involved in equine welfare).

I don't think it's unreasonable for you to want to know that the horse is happy and settled in his new home - especially given the circumstances surrounding his initial sale, subsequent 'rescue' and recent transfer of ownership. The last six months must have been very stressful and upsetting.

I do hope that the new owner will allow you to visit,  and then follow it up with an update in the new year. It will allow you closure and the ability to move on.

I'm in the position of perhaps being a bit more informed than the  majority of posters on this thread. And I would just like to say to everyone that this situation is not usual. Please cut the op some slack.
		
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This. Ill say it again - some people on this thread need to remember that there's a real person on the other end, who's going through a stressful time. 

'Not knowing every last detail' is no excuse to be nasty.


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## Spring Feather (1 December 2013)

Copperpot said:



			I've googled it and it can be someone silly in Yorkshire, was a term used years ago. Perhaps the OP is older and from that area?

I do wish people wouldn't jump on the "racist" band wagon at every opportunity.
		
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Oh come on!  The OP is the same generation as me and she comes from Scotland, like me.  I knew the terms she used on this thread meant black people when I was a little kid at school.  I'm another who doesn't like the racist/sexist card being overplayed but in this case, of course she knew what it meant unless she's been living in a cave for the last 50 years.


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## Echo Bravo (1 December 2013)

Lets face it if you sell a horse, you sell a horse like anything it no longer belongs to you and you have no say.


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## Shysmum (1 December 2013)

Bojangles, you are right - that term is TOTALLY   and I am sure the OP (whoever they may be) knows damn well it is. 

That is NOT jumping on a racist bandwagon, it's about keeping the forum safe and clean. What a disgusting term, anyway.  No place for it on a forum such as this.


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## MadBlackLab (1 December 2013)

Bojingles said:



			I've never jumped on any bandwagon at any opportunity. But "nig nog"??? Come on! It may have been a quaint Yorkshire saying at some point (really?) but since the 70s it surely has only meant one thing. Would you feel the same if OP had said "******"?
		
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Sorry I didn't know what it meant but if it's slang in a part of the country and used innocently no one can be offended. in this case OP apologised and said she didn't mean to cause offensive so that should be that


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## Marydoll (1 December 2013)

Bojingles said:



			I've never jumped on any bandwagon at any opportunity. But "nig nog"??? Come on! It may have been a quaint Yorkshire saying at some point (really?) but since the 70s it surely has only meant one thing. Would you feel the same if OP had said "******"?
		
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^^^^ this


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## cptrayes (1 December 2013)

I can't believe anyone has been so petty as to get MrsD banned for a post which was clearly never in a million miles intended to be racist. There is simply no way, unless you know that the people disagreeing with you on the thread are black, that it could have been intended as racist abuse.

Shame on the button pusher


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## cptrayes (1 December 2013)

Bojingles said:



			I've never jumped on any bandwagon at any opportunity. But "nig nog"??? Come on! It may have been a quaint Yorkshire saying at some point (really?) but since the 70s it surely has only meant one thing. Would you feel the same if OP had said "******"?
		
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If she had I would have assumed in the context that she had missed an l out of the word nigglers, which was absolutely clearly what she meant


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## Copperpot (1 December 2013)

Tbh I couldn't care less what terms she used. I'm not easily offended by words, especially ones not used in a racist context. Who was she being racist to? I haven't a clue who the comment was aimed at and it didn't particularly make sense, so it didn't offend me.


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## Patterdale (1 December 2013)

cptrayes said:



			I can't believe anyone has been so petty as to get MrsD banned for a post which was clearly never in a million miles intended to be racist. There is simply no way, unless you know that the people disagreeing with you on the thread are black, that it could have been intended as racist abuse.

Shame on the button pusher 

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Have to agree with this.


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## Roasted Chestnuts (1 December 2013)

The thing I'd though is that you who are defending the op a connection or rapport with her, even to say friendly with her. The rest of us don't so we have nothing to go on but what is posted.

Now I would have said ignoring the naggers not what was posted, she could have edited it but chose not to if a genuine mistake so sorry for me that one doesn't wash.


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## Amymay (1 December 2013)

Black Beastie said:



			The thing I'd though is that you who are defending the op a connection or rapport with her, even to say friendly with her. The rest of us don't so we have nothing to go on but what is posted.

Now I would have said ignoring the naggers not what was posted, she could have edited it but chose not to if a genuine mistake so sorry for me that one doesn't wash.
		
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And in English?? :-D


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## Spring Feather (1 December 2013)

Copperpot said:



			Tbh I couldn't care less what terms she used. I'm not easily offended by words, especially ones not used in a racist context. Who was she being racist to? I haven't a clue who the comment was aimed at and it didn't particularly make sense, so it didn't offend me.
		
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It doesn't offend me either and although I did raise an eyebrow at her use of that term, it's not something I'd personally get het-up about.  However I do find it ludicrous that anyone would try to excuse her for saying it and even more bizarre that they try to find some other "Yorkshire" meaning for it.  Anyone of my generation from Scotland knows full well what the term means and it ain't got nothin' to do with a Yorkshire dimwit :wink3:


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## MadBlackLab (1 December 2013)

cptrayes said:



			I can't believe anyone has been so petty as to get MrsD banned for a post which was clearly never in a million miles intended to be racist. There is simply no way, unless you know that the people disagreeing with you on the thread are black, that it could have been intended as racist abuse.

Shame on the button pusher 

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Agree with this


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## Copperpot (1 December 2013)

I just put it into google and that's what came up. I don't know where OP is from it doesn't show me on my phone.

I just wondered what OP could have meant by it, as I can't see why that term would be used in the post in the way others have perceived it. It doesn't make sense, although not many of her posts have.


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## Echo Bravo (1 December 2013)

But she had sold him on, so no longer anything to do with her, didn't read the posts. But when will people realise when they sell a horse, they sell a horse and they have no say what happens with that animal after that.


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## MudMudGloriousMud (1 December 2013)

Having read the whole thing, and being thoroughly confuddled by it, two things come to mind. 

1) It seems that the horse (who obviously meant the world to MrsD) has gone to a sort of sanctuary type home?? .... possibly because of the neglect he suffered at the hands of his original purchasers? That would explain why the OP wasn't present when he went, and why the new 'owner' doesn't want a visit?

2) MrsD seems to be experiencing quite a large amount of emotional stress.... as someone who suffers from Depression, and who has had breakdowns, I would seriously be worrying that MrsD is on the cusp, if not already falling into an episode... anyone on here who knows her in 'real life' would do well to keep an especially close eye on her.... not least should she hurt herself, but also to provide the emotional cruch (hell, wheelchair) she souds as if she needs.

I'm not going to comment on 'that' comment, it has been dealt with, my 1st concern is to MrsD/MissLtoe's mental health, as the link seems tenuous at the moment...


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## Spring Feather (1 December 2013)

Copperpot said:



			It doesn't make sense, although not many of her posts have.
		
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Well we certainly agree on this point :smile3:  Her PMs don't make much more sense either so even when you know the full story, you're still left thinking ummm okaaaay!


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## MadBlackLab (1 December 2013)

MudMudGloriousMud said:



			Having read the whole thing, and being thoroughly confuddled by the whole thing, two things come to mind. 

1) It seems that the horse (who obviously meant the world to MrsD) has gone to a sort of sanctuary type home?? .... possibly because of the neglect he suffered at the hands of his original purchasers?

2) MrsD seems to be experiencing quite a large amount of emotional stress.... as someone who suffers from Depression, and who has had breakdowns, I would seriously be worrying that MrsD is on the cusp, if not already falling into an episode... anyone on here who knows her in 'real life' would do well to keep an especially close eye on her.... not least should she hurt herself, but also to provide the emotional cruch (hell, wheelchair) she souds as if she needs.

I'm not going to comment on 'that' comment, it has been dealt with, my 1st concern is to MrsD/MissLtoe's mental health, as the link seems tenuous at the moment...
		
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Agree fully with this as a concerned person (not a nasty way)


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## Amymay (1 December 2013)

I would agree, mudmud, about MrsD's health.


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## Copperpot (1 December 2013)

Yes she doesn't seem to know what she is saying some of the time. She seems upset and confused. I don't know the whole story but she obviously feels very helpless about  the whole situation. And her getting banned for a comment which we don't know if was meant in a bad way, won't have helped her. She does seem in a very fragile state of mind.


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## Echo Bravo (1 December 2013)

MUDMUDGLORIOUSMUD, So how could any of us help her? we are all based round the UK? Tell us how and I should imagin most of us will do are best to help.


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## Shysmum (1 December 2013)

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/nig-nog

Perhaps she's not well ? Grief does strange things.


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## MotherOfChickens (1 December 2013)

MrsD is MissLToe?


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## GeneGenie (1 December 2013)

Is it the end now? End of subject?
A lady who seems at the end of her tether was trying to get someone onside, said a wrong term in the fuddle she was in (as we can all see what colour each other is on a forum, can't we?) No way was she being racist. Who at? It's ridiculous how childish people report others at times. It was hardly racist bullying, how can anyone be offended having read all of her messages and seeing how she was tying herself in knots over what she was saying and feeling?
She's now been banned so her self-loathing for parting with her boy will feel so much worse. I don't know her, haven't been on here in a few months but I think whoever reported her is cruel and it was pointless. I think the button pusher must have issues regarding themselves too.


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## Patterdale (1 December 2013)

Fwiw I've heard older people use the term 'nig-nogging' as a slang for niggling. So I read the comment differently to other people it seems. That, and the OP apologised when someone drew her attention to it (too late to edit).


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## Shysmum (1 December 2013)

Genegenie, welcome to the forum !  How's that dealer thread doing ?


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## Echo Bravo (1 December 2013)

So is there anyway we can help????


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## MudMudGloriousMud (1 December 2013)

Echo Bravo said:



			MUDMUDGLORIOUSMUD, So how could any of us help her? we are all based round the UK? Tell us how and I should imagin most of us will do are best to help.
		
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I really don't know to be honest..... if someone 'on the outside' knows her...or knows someone who does, then a knock on her door and a come on, lets have a cuppa will go a long way. 
Someone to sob on is sometimes the only thing you want, or can handle xxx


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## GeneGenie (1 December 2013)

Shysmum said:



			Genegenie, welcome to the forum !  How's that dealer thread doing ?
		
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No idea. Maybe you can tell me, you had a lot to say?


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## Pigeon (1 December 2013)

Patterdale said:



			Fwiw I've heard older people use the term 'nig-nogging' as a slang for niggling. So I read the comment differently to other people it seems. That, and the OP apologised when someone drew her attention to it (too late to edit).
		
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This.

Can't say I know what's going on, but the OP seems deeply unhappy


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## Echo Bravo (1 December 2013)

So has anyone any idea where she might be based?


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## Spring Feather (1 December 2013)

Argyll I believe.  Or thereabouts.


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## MudMudGloriousMud (1 December 2013)

It's quite possible that the only person/people she has to talk to are the people on here.
I'm sure she said that the yard couldn't/wouldn't help with the horse, she possibly doesn't have family, and to have to give up a beloved animal and horses full stop because of an illness or an injury, with no-one to turn to can be traumatic. Like a bereavement in a way.

I'm useless on computers, but I'm sure someone could dig around and find a general location for her - Argyll is a start.

I don't think this person needs berating, or vilification, I think they need help


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## Tiddlypom (1 December 2013)

MrsD123 said:



			I had the knackerman booked cos I had no place to keep him............ horse lovers............ Dunoon................
		
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I imagine that this is where the OP lives.


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## MadBlackLab (1 December 2013)

Could HHO help us if we say we concerned? Also as Mud said we don't know her whole situation maybe selling her horse was the tip of the iceberg for her and its pushed her right over the edge. *MrsD123* if you can see this pls pm me I'm happy to listen and not judge as I'm currently getting over a break down and a hard time. Here to help


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## Amymay (1 December 2013)

Yes HHO will have her email address.  All that needs to happen is for some to email admin - asking them to pass on their email details to MrsD.

I can't see them refusing under the circumstances.


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## MudMudGloriousMud (1 December 2013)

MadBlackLab said:



			Could HHO help us if we say we concerned? Also as Mud said we don't know her whole situation maybe selling her horse was the tip of the iceberg for her and its pushed her right over the edge. *MrsD123* if you can see this pls pm me I'm happy to listen and not judge as I'm currently getting over a break down and a hard time. Here to help
		
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You are very kind


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## Echo Bravo (1 December 2013)

So you lot in Scotland, start looking for her.


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## MudMudGloriousMud (1 December 2013)

amymay said:



			Yes HHO will have her email address.  All that needs to happen is for some to email admin - asking them to pass on their email details to MrsD.

I can't see them refusing under the circumstances.
		
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Echo Bravo, Madblacklab, I will email Admins, perhaps you would too? x


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## Echo Bravo (1 December 2013)

Yes I can, but I'm in England, if she's in Scotland wouldn't it be best from someone closer to home?


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## Echo Bravo (1 December 2013)

Help how do you email Admins?????


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## MotherOfChickens (1 December 2013)

how do I PM admin these days?


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## MudMudGloriousMud (1 December 2013)

I can't email them - or rather, they won't accept PM's..... technologically stumped!

If we could trace OP, then we could ask the open forum if anyone is close.... or send someone official to her possibly? I'm in the Midlands, but have friends in Scotland that may be able to help.

That said, it could all be a rouse, but I don't want to risk it....


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## Regandal (1 December 2013)

I'm in Perthshire.  Argyll is a fair hike but doable.  I'll contact admin and ask them to pass on message.  If I can contact admin that is.


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## MerrySherryRider (1 December 2013)

I'm so sad that MrsD has been banned. The person who reported her should be ashamed. It was quite apparent that she was distressed and not thinking clearly. Parts of this thread have been more cruel than I have ever known HHO to be.

This is really upsetting. 

Best wishes MrsD. I'm sure your boy is fine and I hope you hear good news about his new life soon. x


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## MudMudGloriousMud (1 December 2013)

Regandal said:



			I'm in Perthshire.  Argyll is a fair hike but doable.  I'll contact admin and ask them to pass on message.  If I can contact admin that is.
		
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Can I PM you my email then Regandal? If needs be I can make the trip, but obviously it would be better if someone more local could check on her xx


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## WelshD (1 December 2013)

Maybe admin would consider reversing the ban and emailing MrsD to that effect?

This isnt the first time someone in a bad way emotionally has been banned and i feel there are always other options than a sudden ban 

It would be a real shame if no good came of this


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## MotherOfChickens (1 December 2013)

I have PM'd the admin team. I'm in South Lanarkshire and am happy to contact MrsD if she would like to be contacted.


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## Regandal (1 December 2013)

I've submitted a message to admin, to pass on if possible.  The OP does not sound in a good place.


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## DEEDEE83 (1 December 2013)

I have a friend who has family in Dunoon. If anyone can find out details my friend knows some of the horsey community there. I feel for this poor lady her grief is very apparent and I genuinely believe she meant no wrong. She has not been racist she may well of said a word deemed to be racist but its clear by her post there was no racism meant. Mental health issues and grief are horrific I really feel for her. I hope someone can reach out to her.


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## Spring Feather (1 December 2013)

I have to say, as a viewer of MrsD/MissLToes posts for as long as she's been on this forum, I see little change today in the way she's posting compared to any other thread she's ever made.  She's never been coherent.  Not sure why the massive concern all of a sudden tbh.


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## MudMudGloriousMud (1 December 2013)

How have you guys messaged Admin? I'm so useless on computers!! I've opened a thread asking Admin to contact me :/ 
Thank you DEEDEE83 - very kind


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## MudMudGloriousMud (1 December 2013)

Spring Feather said:



			I have to say, as a viewer of MrsD/MissLToes posts for as long as she's been on this forum, I see little change today in the way she's posting compared to any other thread she's ever made.  She's never been coherent.  Not sure why the massive concern all of a sudden tbh.
		
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Yes she has been somewhat erratic, but perhaps she has always been mentally ill? I don't 'know' the poster very well, so I can't really say, but I just get a feeling that something isn't right. 

I may well be proved wrong, and look like a complete prat, but I'd rather that than something happen and be left with the realisation that I did nothing.


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## Regandal (1 December 2013)

DEEDEE83 said:



			I have a friend who has family in Dunoon. If anyone can find out details my friend knows some of the horsey community there.
		
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The horsey world is a small one, thankfully.


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## Echo Bravo (1 December 2013)

Because she may need help? That most of us have only found out now, that she needs friends, even if we are many miles apart.


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## Patterdale (1 December 2013)

I don't think there's any need to start tracking her down....just a bit of compassion next time instead of people calling her 'weird' for wanting to keep in touch with her horse, and pulling the racism card.


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## MotherOfChickens (1 December 2013)

MudMudGloriousMud said:



			How have you guys messaged Admin? I'm so useless on computers!! I've opened a thread asking Admin to contact me :/ 
Thank you DEEDEE83 - very kind
		
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just PM the Forum Admin Team I think, thats who I've contacted before. there's no need to panic, MrsD was logged in after she was banned, I doubt its permanent if its a first offence. Even if she were, she could still read this board and know everyone is concerned for her.


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## MerrySherryRider (1 December 2013)

Spring Feather said:



			I have to say, as a viewer of MrsD/MissLToes posts for as long as she's been on this forum, I see little change today in the way she's posting compared to any other thread she's ever made.  She's never been coherent.  Not sure why the massive concern all of a sudden tbh.
		
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Like you,I think those of us who have known MrsD on the forum for a long time are familiar with her way of posting. I do think the last year has been quite hard for her and now her boy has gone, its different.


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## MudMudGloriousMud (1 December 2013)

MotherOfChickens said:



			just PM the Forum Admin Team I think, thats who I've contacted before. there's no need to panic, MrsD was logged in after she was banned, I doubt its permanent if its a first offence. Even if she were, she could still read this board and know everyone is concerned for her.
		
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Thank you MotherOfChickens - that has calmed me  Normally I walk away from these bashing threads, and I have had words with MissLtoe before, so could easily walk away this time, but something just didn't sit right in my gut somehow..... either that or my tea wasn't cooked properly :/


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## Spring Feather (1 December 2013)

MotherOfChickens said:



			just PM the Forum Admin Team I think, thats who I've contacted before. there's no need to panic, MrsD was logged in after she was banned, I doubt its permanent if its a first offence. Even if she were, she could still read this board and know everyone is concerned for her.
		
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No I'm pretty sure she's been banned before, however doubtful this will be a permanent banning regardless.  She hasn't exactly done anything grievous.


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## MadBlackLab (1 December 2013)

I'm England but happy to have email contact. I'm sorry if people can't see the concern but I think its better we try then hear something bad happened. Its nice that we all pulling together here


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## MudMudGloriousMud (1 December 2013)

MadBlackLab said:



			I'm England but happy to have email contact. I'm sorry if people can't see the concern but I think its better we try then hear something bad happened. Its nice that we all pulling together here
		
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Agreed, I'd hate to think of hearing on the news that something we could have prevented had happened. Time and compassion don't cost much.... x


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## shannonandtay (1 December 2013)

Patterdale said:



			I don't think there's any need to start tracking her down....just a bit of compassion next time instead of people calling her 'weird' for wanting to keep in touch with her horse, and pulling the racism card.
		
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^^^ this

What was the panic because she said a silly phrase, it wasn't said in a racist context, people are so quick to point the finger and be judgemental.


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## MotherOfChickens (1 December 2013)

Spring Feather said:



			No I'm pretty sure she's been banned before, however doubtful this will be a permanent banning regardless.  She hasn't exactly done anything grievous.
		
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well, I am pretty dim (and didn't read the whole thread) but it took me a while to click the two posters were the same one-this horse saga has been going on a while and I'm sure its been pretty upsetting.Am not about to stalk anyone but always happy to blether


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## MadBlackLab (1 December 2013)

shannonandtay said:



			^^^ this

What was the panic because she said a silly phrase, it wasn't said in a racist context, people are so quick to point the finger and be judgemental.
		
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Its not because of the phase she put we concerned overall about how she coping with the parting of this horse and her mental state. I'm sorry if you think I'm over-reacting but as someone who needed someone recently and didn't I don't want the same to happen to someone else


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## shannonandtay (1 December 2013)

MadBlackLab said:



			Its not because of the phase she put we concerned overall about how she coping with the parting of this horse and her mental state. I'm sorry if you think I'm over-reacting but as someone who needed someone recently and didn't I don't want the same to happen to someone else
		
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I wasn't referring to people's concern over her well being, that's very kind I meant people over reacting because of something she said and blowing it all out of proportion and branding someone that they don't even know a racist.


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## Caol Ila (1 December 2013)

Hope she's all right.  I'm also in South Lanarkshire, so not desperately far from Dunoon.


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## sarahann1 (1 December 2013)

MotherOfChickens said:



			MrsD is MissLToe?
		
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Yes.

I'm afraid after the whole 'Strangles debacle' I can't find a huge amount of sympathy for her. 'If' there is a mental health issue then that's horrible and needs treated.


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## MadBlackLab (1 December 2013)

shannonandtay said:



			I wasn't referring to people's concern over her well being, that's very kind I meant people over reacting because of something she said and blowing it all out of proportion and branding someone that they don't even know a racist.
		
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Ok sorry I appolgise


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## Echo Bravo (1 December 2013)

Are you saying she's a troll?


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## Daytona (1 December 2013)

Patterdale said:



			Fwiw I've heard older people use the term 'nig-nogging' as a slang for niggling. So I read the comment differently to other people it seems. That, and the OP apologised when someone drew her attention to it (too late to edit).
		
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Absolutely agree with this, my mother who is from Glasgow and in her late 60's says it all the time when she feels I'm moaning at her.  

Nig nogger to her is a niggler or picking at her

Absolutely nowt to do with race or colour of someone skin

I hope the pathetic button pusher is chuft for what they have achieved

Upsetting a older woman who clearly was already upset enough

Slept easy tonight won't you .....


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## Shysmum (1 December 2013)

everyone calm down.......and breathe....... this is a public forum, and you meet all sorts on here. You cannot help everyone, or indeed save everyone. This is a horse forum.  NOT a mental health forum ( and I have been on many of those, and this has NEVER happened on them).  Just saying.

Attention seeking and trolling are a way of getting people running around like headless chickens.


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## Roasted Chestnuts (1 December 2013)

amymay said:



			And in English?? :-D
		
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What is you computer keyboard on summat else??  Looks and reads like English to me even though the iPhone predictor text has changed two of the words on the first line. Starts off

The thing is though that you who are ..... The rest is pretty self explanatory


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## Roasted Chestnuts (1 December 2013)

Shysmum said:



			everyone calm down.......and breathe....... this is a public forum, and you meet all sorts on here. You cannot help everyone, or indeed save everyone. This is a horse forum.  NOT a mental health forum ( and I have been on many of those, and this has NEVER happened on them).  Just saying.

Attention seeking and trolling are a way of getting people running around like headless chickens.
		
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Agreed some of us have issues and get upset and have episodes, we don't broadcast them on open forums, well nobody I know does and neither do I. That's what a therapist is for ime


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## MudMudGloriousMud (1 December 2013)

Shysmum said:



			everyone calm down.......and breathe....... this is a public forum, and you meet all sorts on here. You cannot help everyone, or indeed save everyone. This is a horse forum.  NOT a mental health forum ( and I have been on many of those, and this has NEVER happened on them).  Just saying.

Attention seeking and trolling are a way of getting people running around like headless chickens.
		
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And have you thought about why people "attention seek" and "Troll"? It's not always malicious, but it is usually down to mental health. 

No, this isn't a mental health forum, but neither is it merely a horse forum.... it is a community, where people have emotions and conflicts, and where friendships are formed. 

If you have ever had any form of mental illness (assumption based on your frequenting MH forums) then surely you have the compassion to realise that just because someone can be a bit of an a*se sometimes doesn't preclude them from help when they need it?


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## Shysmum (1 December 2013)

thanks BB - need to call mine asap , lol !

edit - MUD - i do not need to justify myself to anyone, and do not care what you think.  The help is out there if needed, and I am sure the poster is not expecting help thru this horse forum - wrong place to look.  

You need to calm down. You cannot change people's actions or opinions, as much as you may want to. You will grind yourself into a hole. Live and let live. people have to fight their own real (or imaginary) battles. 

ps, I am bipolar. And proud of it.


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## MerrySherryRider (1 December 2013)

Shysmum said:



			everyone calm down.......and breathe....... this is a public forum, and you meet all sorts on here. You cannot help everyone, or indeed save everyone. This is a horse forum.  NOT a mental health forum ( and I have been on many of those, and this has NEVER happened on them).  Just saying.

Attention seeking and trolling are a way of getting people running around like headless chickens.
		
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But it costs nothing to be nice. She is a long term poster and her story with her horse has been an eventful one.


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## MudMudGloriousMud (1 December 2013)

Black Beastie said:



			Agreed some of us have issues and get upset and have episodes, we don't broadcast them on open forums, well nobody I know does and neither do I. That's what a therapist is for ime
		
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What if the OP has no one else??? What if her horse WAS her 'therapist'? 
I was left without psychological help for several months because of my age (not a kid, not an adult at the time) - I had several near misses in that time....what if the OP is completely alone?


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## MadBlackLab (1 December 2013)

MudMudGloriousMud said:



			What if the OP has no one else??? What if her horse WAS her 'therapist'? 
I was left without psychological help for several months because of my age (not a kid, not an adult at the time) - I had several near misses in that time....what if the OP is completely alone?
		
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Mental Health is a taboo subject and people round her might not seen the signs and she may help before it too late. As I've said before the selling of her horse may have tipped her over the edge


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## Shysmum (1 December 2013)

Mental Health is way beyond the remit of this forum, trust me !  I send out love to the poster if required, but the help she needs, IF she needs it is not to be found here.

And mental health is FAR from a taboo subject for a lot of sufferers - we are only too happy to explain what is going on. If I can help one single person then I will.


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## Echo Bravo (1 December 2013)

Mudmudgloriusmud. You have hit the nail on the head bigtime  I still remember my very good friend on the forum rosiefronflen, she had as many people know health issues, also she would take issue with any poster, including me that's how I got to know her, so yes many a friendship is born and I miss her very very much, and mrsd123/misstoel may need help or some friends on here.


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## MudMudGloriousMud (1 December 2013)

Shysmum said:



			thanks BB - need to call mine asap , lol !

edit - MUD - i do not need to justify myself to anyone, and do not care what you think.  The help is out there if needed, and I am sure the poster is not expecting help thru this horse forum - wrong place to look.  

You need to calm down. You cannot change people's actions or opinions, as much as you may want to. You will grind yourself into a hole. Live and let live. people have to fight their own real (or imaginary) battles. 

ps, I am bipolar. And proud of it.
		
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Did I ask you to justify yourself? You are as entitled to your opinion on this as any other....and so am I.

I don't need to calm down, I am concerned for a fellow human beings welfare, that is all. 

As the saying goes, "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference." I feel that by offering this person an ear I can change her perception of her situation. Yes, help is all around us, but when you are feeling the lowest of the low, are you really going to seek it out? I didn't. 

Your pride in your Bi Polar is admirable, but does not negate your rudeness.


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## MadBlackLab (1 December 2013)

Shysmum said:



			Mental Health is way beyond the remit of this forum, trust me !  I send out love to the poster if required, but the help she needs, IF she needs it is not to be found here.

And mental health is FAR from a taboo subject for a lot of sufferers - we are only too happy to explain what is going on. If I can help one single person then I will.
		
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Yes I agree this forum is not the place but if someone showing/expressing unsound mind on forum, isn't it better they get offer of support then none at all


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## Aarrghimpossiblepony (1 December 2013)

Shysmum said:



			thanks BB - need to call mine asap , lol !

edit - MUD - i do not need to justify myself to anyone, and do not care what you think.  The help is out there if needed, and I am sure the poster is not expecting help thru this horse forum - wrong place to look.  

You need to calm down. You cannot change people's actions or opinions, as much as you may want to. You will grind yourself into a hole. *Live and let live*. people have to fight their own real (or imaginary) battles. 

ps, I am bipolar. And proud of it.
		
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You make good points and everybody on a forum should be aware that not everything they read is quite as it seems.

Unfortunately, somebody decided they couldn't "live and let live" when an inadvertent turn of phrase was used and they decided to make it an issue.

So now the OP is in limbo and whatever the reason for the thread, reality or fantasy, it can't be resolved for either them, by getting some attention, or for those reading who aren't sure what to make of it all.


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## Shysmum (1 December 2013)

In that case, the only thing to do is to let go (but with compassion).  There is no sense to be made of it, therefore you just have to let go. What will be will be.


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## Echo Bravo (2 December 2013)

I'm going to bed completely demoralised, so at lest from now on I look straight ahead and see nothing.


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## MudMudGloriousMud (2 December 2013)

Echo Bravo said:



			I'm going to bed completely demoralised, so at lest from now on I look straight ahead and see nothing.
		
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Blinkers, it seems, are needed EB.... Sad isn't it x


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## MadBlackLab (2 December 2013)

MudMudGloriousMud said:



			Blinkers, it seems, are needed EB.... Sad isn't it x
		
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very sad. I do hope that nothing comes of this


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## Roasted Chestnuts (2 December 2013)

Oh god this has just gotten ridiculous!! I'm out as someone who has suffered for 15 years with mental health issues this sort of thing really annoys me. People spitting toys out the pram and trying to force guilt trips on people for not excusing behaviour of a poster. Honestly.


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## lastchancer (2 December 2013)

Black Beastie said:



			Oh god this has just gotten ridiculous!! I'm out as someone who has suffered for 15 years with mental health issues this sort of thing really annoys me. People spitting toys out the pram and trying to force guilt trips on people for not excusing behaviour of a poster. Honestly.
		
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Uggh everything you write seems barbed and aggressive. Another one for the UI list I think.


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## FestiveFuzz (2 December 2013)

Black Beastie said:



			Oh god this has just gotten ridiculous!! I'm out as someone who has suffered for 15 years with mental health issues this sort of thing really annoys me. People spitting toys out the pram and trying to force guilt trips on people for not excusing behaviour of a poster. Honestly.
		
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I've not commented on this thread so far (mainly because I couldn't make head nor tail of what was going on for the best part!) but I'm totally with Black Beastie and Shysmum on this one.


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## MudMudGloriousMud (2 December 2013)

Black Beastie said:



			Oh god this has just gotten ridiculous!! I'm out as someone who has suffered for 15 years with mental health issues this sort of thing really annoys me. People spitting toys out the pram and trying to force guilt trips on people for not excusing behaviour of a poster. Honestly.
		
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My toys are still in my pram...so are my dummies... No-one is trying to force you (or anyone else) into anything. 

I get it, you think the poster is a fake or not in need of help, and that we are hysterical, that's fine, we don't need your particular brand of help. 

I don't know why you need to continue to post if you are so certain that we are wrong/the OP is not worth bothering about?

Perhaps I have seen more suffering than you, perhaps you have been soured by a previous attempt to reach out to someone...whatever the reason is, I will certainly keep trying to reach out to this poster, whether HHO is the 'correct' place to do it or not, and I would thank you and your bilious comments to go away.


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## Roasted Chestnuts (2 December 2013)

MudMudGloriousMud said:



			My toys are still in my pram...so are my dummies... No-one is trying to force you (or anyone else) into anything. 

I get it, you think the poster is a fake or not in need of help, and that we are hysterical, that's fine, we don't need your particular brand of help. 

I don't know why you need to continue to post if you are so certain that we are wrong/the OP is not worth bothering about?

Perhaps I have seen more suffering than you, perhaps you have been soured by a previous attempt to reach out to someone...whatever the reason is, I will certainly keep trying to reach out to this poster, whether HHO is the 'correct' place to do it or not, and I would thank you and your bilious comments to go away.
		
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Was wondering when it would get to this point just because someone on the other side of the fence doesn't agree with you, have to say bilious comments is a new one, rather like it actually.

Not likely to go away either as my views are just as valid as yours are and I'm not the one getting upset over this as you seem to be. I'm plain speaking. Always have been always will be, it seems to get applauded by some people and if your not popular enough slammed by others so go figure. 

I have never said at any point I don't have sympathy for anyone suffering but posting nonsense on horse forums is not the best way to get help, speaking to friends and family and your doctor is. Forums cannot provide the correct hands on help that is required when you have am episode and can actually make your episodes worse. Learned this in my years on forums.


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## MudMudGloriousMud (2 December 2013)

I'm not upset  The way I'm typing is calmly, I don't know how you/others read it though. The written word can be easily misconstrued. 

I completely understand, and agree as it happens, that forums can make episodes worse, particularly if you don't get the answers/response you want.... but I'm working on the supposition that if OP is spouting gibberish on an open forum and in PM's then A) she isn't stable enough to be making rational decisions, and B) She probably doesn't have any friends or family. 
We are the lucky ones BB, we have people who care, who will call the experts if we need it, or just give us a hug and a tissue... not everyone has that luxury xx


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## Spring Feather (2 December 2013)

MudMudGloriousMud said:



			.... but I'm working on the supposition that if OP is spouting gibberish on an open forum and in PM's then A) she isn't stable enough to be making rational decisions, and B) She probably doesn't have any friends or family.
		
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OP has been a member of this forum for 4 or 5 years now.  She's always written in greater or lesser extents of 'gibberish'.  I think she's survived this long, it's likely she'll survive another 4 or 5 years on this forum being exactly the same as she's always been.  I don't know how anyone can surmise anything about OP except that when she posts it's almost always incoherent or mildly aggressive.  Tbh I'm bemused by her most of the time.  I like reading her posts even though sometimes it takes a bit of imagination to understand what she's actually saying but she certainly seems like a character.  I hope she's fine, I imagine she is, and she figures out the simple way of remedying her perceived problem :smile3:


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## lastchancer (2 December 2013)

I have to say - The compassion from MudMud, Wagtail, and others the thread, along with the efforts to reach out to this lady are humbling and heartwarming to say the least.  
I hope the OP is OK.


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## jeeve (2 December 2013)

I sold a horse a long time ago and the buyer promised to keep in contact but did not. You pretty much have to assume this will be the case when you sell a horse, and if they do keep in contact you are lucky.

But don't let yourself worry - you have more than likely done the best thing for him.


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## Costypop (2 December 2013)

It looks like MissD is unbanned this morning, hopefully she will update or pm some of you and let know how she is.


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## Amymay (2 December 2013)

Costypop said:



			It looks like MissD is unbanned this morning, hopefully she will update or pm some of you and let know how she is.
		
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Nope - their still 'pale'


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## Goldenstar (2 December 2013)

I think this is very sad , OP is clearly very very unhappy and I hope she can find help .


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## lula (2 December 2013)

amymay said:



			Yes HHO will have her email address.  All that needs to happen is for some to email admin - asking them to pass on their email details to MrsD.

I can't see them refusing under the circumstances.
		
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i can. data protection act.


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## Amymay (2 December 2013)

lula said:



			i can. data protection act.
		
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But as the OP's details are not being asked for data is being compromised.


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## lula (2 December 2013)

Daytona said:



			I hope the pathetic button pusher is chuft for what they have achieved
.
		
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people that button push remind me of being at school and those kids who were always running to tell the teacher on  someone.
we are adults here, i think we should be able to deal with things ourselves on this forum in certain circumstances without running for outside help to get someone banned when the circs are not so clear.


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## lula (2 December 2013)

amymay said:



			But as the OP's details are not being asked for data is being compromised.
		
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email add amy>? Im not au fait with data protection. Either way, id be a little surprised if HHO gave out someone's personal email without any imminent concern for the safety of a member which i dont think has been actually proved, rather than people are a little worried about her. Think that concern is valid but, the OP actually might be quite cross about her email being given out even with the best of intentions.

Id be surprised if they would agree but be interesting to see.


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## Patterdale (2 December 2013)

I think what they were asking was that admin would pass on a message with email addresses on so that MrsD could get in touch with them herself - if she wished. 
Not certain though.


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## Amymay (2 December 2013)

lula said:



			email add amy>? Im not au fait with data protection. Either way, id be a little surprised if HHO gave out someone's personal email without any imminent concern for the safety of a member which i dont think has been actually proved, rather than people are a little worried about her. Think that concern is valid but, the OP actually might be quite cross about her email being given out even with the best of intentions.

Id be surprised if they would agree but be interesting to see.
		
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My understanding was that posters were asking HHO to contact MrsD passing on their email details should she wish to contact them.  Which is perfectly legal.


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## Costypop (2 December 2013)

amymay said:



			Nope - their still 'pale'
		
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Yes they are again, but could of sworn it wasn't.


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## MadBlackLab (2 December 2013)

amymay said:



			My understanding was that posters were asking HHO to contact MrsD passing on their email details should she wish to contact them.  Which is perfectly legal.
		
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this is what we asking so MrsD can contact us if she wants. Its just so she know's people are here for her


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## sandi_84 (2 December 2013)

Just wanted to quickly post and say it was me who drew attention to the whole "racist term" but I actually don't think she meant it like that and a couple of people seemed to think she did which is why I brought it to her attention so she could edit or ask admin to remove it before it kicked off big time. However I didn't report her for it because as I say I really don't think she meant it in the way we now view it.


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## MotherOfChickens (2 December 2013)

The admin team tell me they are unable to forward any sort of contact details to MrsD but that her ban is only temporary.


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## Amymay (2 December 2013)

MotherOfChickens said:



			The admin team tell me they are unable to forward any sort of contact details to MrsD but that her ban is only temporary.
		
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How sad.


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## lula (2 December 2013)

amymay said:



			My understanding was that posters were asking HHO to contact MrsD passing on their email details should she wish to contact them.  Which is perfectly legal.
		
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ah, my mistake.


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## MudMudGloriousMud (3 December 2013)

Have been away from my computer....has anyone had any further contact with MrsD? 
I hope no news is good news........


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## MadBlackLab (3 December 2013)

MudMudGloriousMud said:



			Have been away from my computer....has anyone had any further contact with MrsD? 
I hope no news is good news........
		
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Not herd from her and she still banned (name still grey)


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## Echo Bravo (3 December 2013)

Well lets hope she's lurking and knows that we are asking how she is.


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## lastchancer (3 December 2013)

I *think* she was online earlier - say hello MrsB, let us know your ok.


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## GeneGenie (4 December 2013)

I too hope that she's ok. Seemed so frustrated and at the end of her tether hence the flustered misuse of a word. I hope keyboard warriors take a step back before laying into people in future. We knew from the outset we were only getting half a story and things were difficult for her. Hope everyone's New Year Resolution will be to think before hitting that button! Is it necessary? Would a PM be better? Also to stop the Keyboard Warrior stuff. Makes the place unpleasant and we all have one interest in common...horses! We don't need savagery. I was so genuinely worried for Mrs D yet having not been on here in so long I'm as good as a newbie and don't know many people here personally.


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## stormox (4 December 2013)

I'm confused with this thread- is MrsD123 the same person as 'Desparately Seeking' as well as 'MissLtoes' then?


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## Amymay (4 December 2013)

I understand that she has people who know her on this forum - and that she is ok.


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## MadBlackLab (4 December 2013)

amymay said:



			I understand that she has people who know her on this forum - and that she is ok.
		
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Brilliant news glad to hear it


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## dogatemysalad (4 December 2013)

That's nice to know. Take care MrsD and looking forward to your return.


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## touchstone (4 December 2013)

dogatemysalad said:



			That's nice to know. Take care MrsD and looking forward to your return.
		
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From me too x


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## hnmisty (4 December 2013)

Wow. I think I am going to have to start checking every word I write on here in the dictionary to check it doesn't have racial connotations.

I have never before heard that word before, and presumed MrsD meant bits and bobs. A bit of an overreaction, and taken way out of context. If I remember the quote vaguely correctly, a racial insult would have made no sense in it.

I hope MrsD feels a bit better about the situation soon.


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## Exploding Chestnuts (4 December 2013)

OK, thanks to those who were concerned, I am back from Re-hab.......... [not The Priory]


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## MadBlackLab (4 December 2013)

MrsD123 said:



			OK, thanks to those who were concerned, I am back from Re-hab.......... [not The Priory]
		
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Glad your back *MrsD123* and you are ok


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## MudMudGloriousMud (4 December 2013)

MadBlackLab said:



			Glad your back *MrsD123* and you are ok
		
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Echo that.... If you do ever need to talk, please feel free to PM me x


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## MerrySherryRider (4 December 2013)

Hi MrsD. Welcome back


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## Ebenezer_Scrooge (5 December 2013)

Im confused.....what happened?????


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## Leo Walker (5 December 2013)

I hope your ok MrsD. Its never nice selling a horse. I lost track of one of my youngsters as I sold him to someone who wasnt all she said, and its not nice!


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## Exploding Chestnuts (5 December 2013)

Hi, there, yes I have actually owned very few horses, though have worked with hundreds over the years, but I have learned that people do lie to get what  they want, whatever their motive.
The problem was not the selling of this horse, it was finding the right home for him as he needed someone experienced and due to abuse etc,  he really needed a forever home as the moving about had also upset him.
I am pretty sure he will be there forever and be retired locally when needed, but he is in his prime and 100% sound, so should be doing things. Hopefully he will fit in nicely, in the wrong home, things could easily go downhill, he has been quite difficult at times!


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## Clodagh (5 December 2013)

Deleted


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