# HELP scared of my new horse



## ApacheWarrior (23 May 2011)

Please can anyone help - I have owned a couple of horses in recent years and then took a few months off due to a fall involving traffic which altho didnt injure me, it shook me badly.  I was never the bravest of riders in any event, and am only a happy hacker.  I took a great deal of care when looking for my new horse.  Despite it only being almost 4 years old, and bigger than I anticipated (16.2 cob and still growing), he was extremely quiet to ride and I went back three times and rode him in the indoor / outdoor / had a lesson / had a hack thru the village on him and he was quiet and steady in all ways.  (He had been used in a riding school apparently for the last eight months).  Now however, in his new home, he is extremely nervous and edgy and this is scaring me even more.  He panics out on a hack and tried to rear with me the other day resulting in me getting off and walking home.  He wont stand for the blacksmith.  I haven't dared go near him since and can't now even take him out of the field in case the others barge out past me.  My fear seems out of control and I don't know what to do next.  I am getting all sorts of conflicting advice from people on the yard and am being told to just parelli him for the forseeable future.  I've had him for 5 weeks now.  Advice urgently required please.....


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## Sparkles (23 May 2011)

Forgot the Parelli crap.

Get a reputable instructor or rider, go back to basics, start from scratch. If he was good before and going on that he was sold in good faith, then it sounds like it's escalating from your nerves. He's only just rising 4, riding school or not everything will be new to him and he is still a baby.
Get your instructor/rider on him once or twice a week and lessons/eye from the ground instructing in between as otherwise you'll be stuck in a spiral.

Failing that, sell him and get one that's spot-on ideal for you. 

Not intended harshly!


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## Ladybird (23 May 2011)

Did you have him vetted? Might be worth having the bloods checked if there's been a drastic change in behaviour.


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## Beatrice5 (23 May 2011)

Calm down and take a deep breath.

You have only had him 5 weeks poor chap is still settling in. Speak to his old owners to establish what his routine was and how they managed him. They know him the best and I am sure will be happy to help for his sake.

Find a recommended instructor whom you trust or a confident calm friend and get them to help you handle him.

Ground work will help build his trust in you and your confidence in him. I am not a parelli fan but each to their own. But basic commands like stand, back up, move over, walk on will help you get to know eachother. He needs to understand what you want and you need to be calm, confident and consistent.

I had to do 8 weeks of ground work and then aclimatising my mare to tack ( she had a severe saddle phobia) before I even contemplated riding her. Those early weeks paid huge dividends and she is now an happy relaxed easy girl who looks to me for reassurance when something scares her.

Kelly Marks does a great series of books as does Michael peace.

Good luck, step back and get to know him .


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## ApacheWarrior (23 May 2011)

Thanks - I was dubious about the Parelli - as he seems scared of the stick thing when it's behind him and I have spent many hours waving the blooming stick in the air as we march around the arena!  Not really what I bought a horse for.....  I am fine riding him in the arena - once I manage to get him out the field and tacked up and have been out three times with him - in the company of a couple of thorobreds who I think are just encouraging  him to spook.  My instructor took me on a walk around a field over the road the other day (she was on foot) and that was when he reared - I think he totally panicked at being the only horse out.  He isn't a naughty horse, he is just scared, but I am scared too and we are feeding off each other's fear.  I don't know how to break the cycle or whether I should sell him before I ruin him - but how can I sell him when I can't reliably let anyone hack him out or even get a set of new shoes on him in order to try and hack out.


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## Amaranta (23 May 2011)

Ladybird said:



			Did you have him vetted? Might be worth having the bloods checked if there's been a drastic change in behaviour.
		
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Hmmmm sounds much more like a baby horse with a nervous rider rather than anything physical tbh.

Echo Binky, get yourself an instructor to take you both back to basics and help build your confidence.


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## Bug2007 (23 May 2011)

I think you need something a bit older.

A rising 4 year old that has been used in a school for 8 months, was not strong enough or wise enough to do anything wrong, a lot of youngsters are total sweet hearts when broken and then find thier balance and strength and then start to test people.

From what you have said i think maybe something a little smaller and older, 8 or 9 that has been thier and done it and proven to be quiet, a 4 year old is not proven in anyway. 

Better that then scaring yourself and not wanting to ride again.
Not good for a young horse either, if he isn't getting the confidence he needs from his rider.
Sorry to be brash but i think you need to sell him and get a better friend for you.


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## peanut (23 May 2011)

Beatrice5 said:



			Calm down and take a deep breath.

You have only had him 5 weeks poor chap is still settling in. Speak to his old owners to establish what his routine was and how they managed him. They know him the best and I am sure will be happy to help for his sake.

Find a recommended instructor whom you trust or a confident calm friend and get them to help you handle him.

Ground work will help build his trust in you and your confidence in him. I am not a parelli fan but each to their own. But basic commands like stand, back up, move over, walk on will help you get to know eachother. He needs to understand what you want and you need to be calm, confident and consistent.

I had to do 8 weeks of ground work and then aclimatising my mare to tack ( she had a severe saddle phobia) before I even contemplated riding her. Those early weeks paid huge dividends and she is now an happy relaxed easy girl who looks to me for reassurance when something scares her.

Kelly Marks does a great series of books as does Michael peace.

Good luck, step back and get to know him .
		
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This ^^

I would also recommend books by Chris Irwin.


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## jsr (23 May 2011)

He's entering the dreaded 5's.  My angel turned 5 and became the devil himself...he's now 10 and while forward going and strong he's essentially perfect (for me anyway!).  Definately forget the Parelli bo***** and get a good sensible instructor and a very very big bottle of Rescue Remedy and try to relax. 

It will be fine, if he's been a nice quiet chilled out fella once then he will be again. No rush you've got years ahead of you with him and if you take a year off is it really the end of the world?  I had a year of walking my lad out in hand and frustrating as it was I wouldn't change that year for anything because it made us rock solid.


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## GingerCat (23 May 2011)

Some good advice from the others.

I also think you need to take his workload into account, if he was being used in a riding school before he will be used to being worked a lot whereas now his workload will be much less, so giving him lots more energy.
What are you feeding Him? Does he need feeding at all?

Have your nerves affected his?..him being a youngster he's likely to take his confidence from you.

I think it's a little early to give up on him as he seemed so perfect before. I agree that getting an instructor in to help you both would be a good idea.


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## ApacheWarrior (23 May 2011)

Amaranta said:



			Hmmmm sounds much more like a baby horse with a nervous rider rather than anything physical tbh.

Echo Binky, get yourself an instructor to take you both back to basics and help build your confidence.
		
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Yes he was vetted and even the vet said how steady he was - he took bloods but I don't think for one minute it is that - it is, indeed, just me and my nerves and we are both looking to each other for confidence and neither of us is feeling safe.


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## LaurenBay (23 May 2011)

What a bad situation to be in.

I echo the others, at 5 weeks, he will still be settling in. He has a nervy rider on him and he will pick up on that, so when he looks to you for confidence he isn't getting it. Try inlisting the help of a friend or instructor to give you some groundwork lessons, it will help you bond with your Horse, he can learn to trust you and you can get your confidence back. In the mean time do you have an experienced friend who could ride him for you to help him settle and get used to his new surroundings?

Take a deep breath and relax, his very young so no rush for you, take things slow and enjoy getting a bond with him and being confident on the ground, then start with some schooling lessons, perhaps on the lunge? then when you feel ready introduce short hacks, ask another rider with a calm Horse to ride out with you, to give both you and your Horse confidence.

Good luck x


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## irishdraft (23 May 2011)

I have two rising 4 years olds if I sold them Im sure they would be nervous and upset, dont forget he is a baby, he may have done 8 months work in a RS but that was probably all in the company of other horses, now he is on his own , in a strange place and you are rather nervous. Take it very slowly and try to build his confidence,spend time grooming, practicing picking up feet, lungeing, long reining, all these things you can do without getting on also help build a relationship, 5 weeks is nothing, and also get a quiet reliable horse to hack out with. Im sure he will come right


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## Amaranta (23 May 2011)

ApacheWarrior said:



			Yes he was vetted and even the vet said how steady he was - he took bloods but I don't think for one minute it is that - it is, indeed, just me and my nerves and we are both looking to each other for confidence and neither of us is feeling safe.
		
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Youngsters in particular look to us for their confidence, if you are scared then he will be too, perhaps you need to get something older for both your sakes.

In any event, whatever you do, please do not parelli him, unless you are very practised at this all you will end up with is a more confused baby horse.


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## ApacheWarrior (23 May 2011)

Thanks Gingercat and all others for your sensible and honest replies.  He isn't fed anything and is out 24/7 now.  It is such a shame as I am sure he is a lovely boy, but I cant help this fear of getting hurt!


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## Firewell (23 May 2011)

I really think you need help. The parelli is a load of crap, I can't believe your yard suggested this!

Maybe move yards? It sounds drastic moving him and unsettling him again but I really think you need someone sensible and Knowledgeable to help you and another yard might have a good YO or on site instructor that can be there to give you a hand day to day. 

It's very early days but it's a very fragile time for you both. I think you should have a couple lessons a week and have someone to help you leading in and that sort of thing untill you know your horse better and can cope on your own!

I'm worried about you being at a yard with a big young horse and a lot of people who are trying to get you to wave sticks at him and take you hacking with spooky TB's!


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## jsr (23 May 2011)

TBH his age isn't really something I'd be bothered about...I took on a 3 year old as my first horse, it was a learning curve and I was scared ALOT but it wasn't the end of the world and never once did I concider selling (although lots of 'get rid' comments were given).  I think 5 weeks is absolutely nothing, and everyone advising to sell already...really???? Give the horse a chance, and give the OP a chance! If you sell now what's the say the next one won't have a quirk you don't like? Then the next..then the next...

They are horses..not machines and will have moments of madness and they will have natural reactions to situations, but it's just horse ownership...30 year old at my yard can throw a spook like nothing I've ever seen and he's been there and got the t-shirt!!   

If you are seriously considering selling him after this very short time without giving him time to settle, then I'd suggest give up on owning a horse and just have lessons and hacks at your local riding school because if you really are that terrified NO horse is going to suit you.


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## Bug2007 (23 May 2011)

Sounds like you will have some kind of fear on anything new to you, hence why i think you need something else that is more confident reguardless of it's rider.

Really wish you the best with whatever you do, but remember you are supposed to enjoy your time with your horse and want to get on and ride, not be terrified.


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## hayinamanger (23 May 2011)

You have my sympathy, I know how horrible it is to be a new livery on a yard with a horse you are scared of.

As the others have said, don't panic.  He's a baby, in a strange place, looking to you for leadership and he's not getting it.  Stop what you are doing and get help immediately.

I'd try and find a good pro rider to hack and school him for a few weeks, then take it from there.

Good luck!


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## Spudlet (23 May 2011)

My friend is not nervous of her youngster, but he gets a bit angsty and nappy sometimes through insecurity and so I sometimes walk along with them, with my dog in tow, on little hacks to give him a lead and a little bit of extra confidence if he needs it. Someone calm and confident walking out with you might help?

TBH though he is still very new so I would be inclined to stop riding for the time being and concentrate on getting to know him - bringing him in, giving him a good groom, then chucking him out again, building up to groundwork, then only riding again when you are ready. If there are lots of other horses in the field with him you may well be having trouble, as many of us would, so there is no shame in getting someone to help you with the gate. Again, my firnd is experience but she has a small herd, all youngsters, so it's a lot easier for her to get the horse she wants out with someone to help fiddle with the electric fencing and things.

Also, try something like Kalms or Rescue Remedy to take the edge off your own nerves - you may find something like NLP helpful too


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## RuthnMeg (23 May 2011)

Hi, where abouts are you as a member on here may be able to help if they live down the road. 
I'd go back to the VERY begining. Get someone else on the yard to catch in and turn him out. All you have to do at first is, say groom him. It can't be easy, on both of you, and I assure you, you are not alone.
As for parelli, well, lets not go there eh!?!


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## Hippona (23 May 2011)

Beatrice5 said:



			Calm down and take a deep breath.

You have only had him 5 weeks poor chap is still settling in. Speak to his old owners to establish what his routine was and how they managed him. They know him the best and I am sure will be happy to help for his sake.

Find a recommended instructor whom you trust or a confident calm friend and get them to help you handle him.

Ground work will help build his trust in you and your confidence in him. I am not a parelli fan but each to their own. But basic commands like stand, back up, move over, walk on will help you get to know eachother. He needs to understand what you want and you need to be calm, confident and consistent.

I had to do 8 weeks of ground work and then aclimatising my mare to tack ( she had a severe saddle phobia) before I even contemplated riding her. Those early weeks paid huge dividends and she is now an happy relaxed easy girl who looks to me for reassurance when something scares her.

Kelly Marks does a great series of books as does Michael peace.

Good luck, step back and get to know him .
		
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This is excellent advice.


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## miskettie (23 May 2011)

I know exactly how you feel.  I've had a few horses before and last year completley lost my confidence on my 7 year old quarab, who was a nutcase - I am not a complete novice but not really experienced either.  I sadly lost my quarab later in the year.  I thought, right, now is my chance to get a horse that has been there done that.  I looked at loads of horses, even attempted to buy two of them, but one failed his vetting and the other just didn't work out.

So I ended up going to a dealer (a reputable one).  I fell in love with a 5 year old, who was alot younger than I wanted but he was just perfect except for his age.  He flew through his vetting, with the vet commented on what a fantastic horse he was.

On the way home (january) he was involved in a horsebox accident and when I finally got him home after being at the vets, he was the grumpiest sod ever (he did have injuries).  I was so scared of him as he tried to bite and kick.  I was so upset and almost gave him back.  The best move I did was to get in contact with a natural horsemanship lady (which is not parelli!) and she came out to me for half a day.  She was fantastic and showed me how to handle him - what she showed me was just all common sense no mumbo jumbo - there were no games or anything like in parelli, it was just things that people learn anyway and it helped because she was confident in handling him.  She even helped me load him and even came in the horsebox, which was the first time since his accident.  I know the horsemanship lady I got out will ride clients horses, take them for hacks etc etc to help with problems.


Although my story differs a bit from yours as to ride he was a star (albeit a baby - spooky etc) and was what was described - it has taken a good three months for me to feel comfortable on him.

From there on in, it all started looking up and things are now going brilliantly.  I still get scared sometimes when riding him, as he is a baby but this is getting less and less.  I have fantastic horse I take him out with and this has been great for his confidence.  I have taken him out a few times by himself and he's been ok (though on his toes).

From what you describe it sounds like your new horse is just feeling unsettled and being the baby that he is.  Try and find support - I know that I wouldn't have been able to cope without my mum and other helpful people (including the HHO crowd).

I have written all of it in a blog (bottom of my sig), whilst it was happening, so you can see how close I was to throwing in the towel.

I wish you all the best and hope things work out. x


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## teddyt (23 May 2011)

ApacheWarrior said:



			I've had him for 5 weeks now.  Advice urgently required please.....
		
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5 weeks is nothing! You have a big, young horse. His life experience is very limited as he is 4 years old. His world has just been turned upside down by moving to a new home with everything in his life changing. And you are nervous. So he will be feeling anxious and if you are too then that won't help him, which in turn doesn't help you.

Get yourself some experienced help and be patient. 

Good luck


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## ApacheWarrior (23 May 2011)

Thanks Spudlet - and all the others who have replied.  I feel so much better for knowing Im not alone in this - this was my first post ever on a forum and you have all been terrific.  I will take my time with him and try and find some help for bringing him in and helping me on the ground before I contemplate riding him for a while.  Fingers crossed we can work it out as this is definitely my last attempt at horse ownership and yes, maybe I should not have ventured down this route, but I have, so I have to deal with it.


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## ApacheWarrior (23 May 2011)

Miskettie - you are wonderful - feel so much better after reading your post - I will be sure to read your blog too as soon as I can.  Thank you x


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## Wagtail (23 May 2011)

It takes at least 6 months for a sensitive horse to settle into a new home and it is usually closer to a year before you finally get that bond. I am a very experienced horse person and it still takes that long to really get to know each new horse that arrives on my yard. Obviously some are quicker than others, with some settling within days but those are the ones that come with owners, not the ones that arrive on their own. So jut be patient and don't try to do too much to soon. Get him into a routine so that he startsto feel secure. Bring him in, feed him a tiny feed. Give him a groom then put him back. Do this each day and gradually add more things, perhaps just leadhim round the arena, then on the next occasion lunge him for five minutes. Build it up slowly so that he's really secure with each stage before moving on to new things. Parelli has some useful techniques but I don't think it's suitable for nervous horses and there is a danger you can get sucked into spending a fortune and never getting anything useful done wth your horse. I prefer clicker training for nervous or sensitive sorts.


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## Kat (23 May 2011)

Five weeks isn't much for a baby to settle in. And it speaks volumes about the start he has had that he has been in a riding school as a three year old. 

I think you need to get him on livery so there is absolutely no pressure on you and all you need to do is build your relationship with him. I would find an instructor who is experienced with youngsters, not all are and it is important, mine has worked breaking horses along with starting several of her own so she's great, but some may never have ridden a four year old themselves so won't know what is normal and what isn't. 

Take it very easy. Groom him, scratch him, make friends with him. Don't worry about riding him, a bit of time off won't hurt, you can always get your instructor to ride him for you if you need someone to. 

When it comes to riding take it easy. When my four year old first arrived I lead her round in hand in the school before getting on to make sure she wasn't too fresh or spooky. We also built up hacking gradually, going out with a sensible old horse and experienced rider on a safe route with dh on his bike as back up. We then went out with just dh on his bike or just one other horse. This was all walking on quiet lanes just seeing the sights. Then we tried bigger groups, longer routes etc before going alone. Only after three months have we started to canter on hacks, and only in safe places not in huge open fields. 

That might sound really overcautious but I want to ensure she doesn't have any bad experiences and that I have no reason to feel nervous about riding her either. She is only young so there is no hurry. 

You need to have some help and support from people experienced with babies who know the challenges they present. It is invaluable when you are struggling with something.


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## Luci07 (23 May 2011)

irishdraft said:



			I have two rising 4 years olds if I sold them Im sure they would be nervous and upset, dont forget he is a baby, he may have done 8 months work in a RS but that was probably all in the company of other horses, now he is on his own , in a strange place and you are rather nervous. Take it very slowly and try to build his confidence,spend time grooming, practicing picking up feet, lungeing, long reining, all these things you can do without getting on also help build a relationship, 5 weeks is nothing, and also get a quiet reliable horse to hack out with. Im sure he will come right
		
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Agreed. Horses are pack animals and pick up what their friends are doing. My 5 year old is quite bold but if out with a spookier horse is much more on edge. Also another one who says forget Parelli. Pick the steadiest horses you can to go out, continue with your lessons and give yourself a little time to get used to him. It might even be a good idea to go and have lessons at a RS on the quietest most laid back horse they have just to give you more confidence. Good luck!


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## miss_bird (23 May 2011)

Hi appachewarrior
where abouts are you based, there is bound to be someone on here who is nearby or knows someone who is that can help you.
I know its hard, but try taking a deap breathe and calm down, he will be feding iff your nervous and looking for a leader and not finding it in you is getting stressed and worried himself, relax (rescue remedy if need by) catch him, deep breathe, bring in, spend time with him all with your being the leader and showing hi there is noting to be scared of.
I know it all sounds silly but ground work now will pay off loads in the future


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## brucethegypsycob (23 May 2011)

The only comment I will add is the time of year! Probably getting plenty of spring grass in his tummy, feeling good about being out in his field with his mates. He will be testing the bounderies of what he can and cannot get away with. Its early days for both of you so as someone else said - stand back, take a deep breath and do lots of groundwork and getting to know you work.
Your instuctor will be the best one to advise you as to whether this horse will be ok for you or whether you should sell him on.  If you do sell him on its not the end of the world - i sold on a youngster that was way too much for me - he`s now in the right home doing stuff I never would have but, thanks to a very dear friend I now have a smaller gypsy cob albeit another younster who is much easier to handle and ride and with whom i have done stuff i only ever dreamed about. 
Just remember - we keep horses for fun and pleasure - not to be scared witless.
Take care - and good luck.


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## miskettie (23 May 2011)

ApacheWarrior said:



			Miskettie - you are wonderful - feel so much better after reading your post - I will be sure to read your blog too as soon as I can.  Thank you x
		
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You're welcome - I to wrote a very similar post to yours a few months ago on another forum.  Everyone was so nice and helpful and shortly after things really improved.  My boy now isn't going anywhere.  It's difficult keeping at it but hopefully all works out for the best in the long run. x


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## team barney (23 May 2011)

ApacheWarrior said:



			I am getting all sorts of conflicting advice from people on the yard and ameing told to just parelli him for the forseeable future.  I've had him for 5 weeks now.  Advice urgently required please.....
		
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Please, please, please don't subject the poor horse to the terrors of Parelli.  It is a cruel training system that suppresses horse into "behaviour" via learned helplessness, no horse deserves the Parelli treatment


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## ApacheWarrior (24 May 2011)

Thanks everyone - I am in Northumberland/Durham area..... could do with an expert instructor if there is anyone recommended?


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## irishcob (24 May 2011)

Hi there.  There has been some great advice, as yes your horse is just a baby, and away from his friends and in an new environment, he's not getting the leadership and reassurance from you that he needs (yet!).  I'd highly recommend giving Sarah Dent a call.  She covers the Durham area, and is very experienced and talented, and good at helping not just the horse, but also teaching the owner too!  

Like Rosie Jones (who helped Miskettie), Sarah Dent is an Intelligent Horsemanship Recommended Associate.

Why not give her a call for a chat, and see where it gets you.
01423 322172 (www.gallabarfarm.co.uk)


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## PonyIAmNotFood (24 May 2011)

I really sympathise with you, it's horrible to be scared of your own horse. I agree with everyone else about the instructor and ground work, how about kitting you both out with hi vis, lunge line, gloves and hat and take him out on in hand hacks all over the place, get him used to routes, crossing strange things, walk him round the block and get him used to cars and dogs etc. Sounds like he just needs some confidence, and doing this will build both your confidence up as he see's you're not scared and you see an improvement in his behaviour from the ground.


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## ApacheWarrior (24 May 2011)

I have hacked him out 3 times in company of others then fourth time was to be with my RI walking alongside - he trembled and shaked and eventually freaked out and I jumped off.


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## Dianem (24 May 2011)

I'm in the same situation as yourself.  I haven't had time to read all the above comments.   He will be testing you and they can feel your tension, which doesn't help.  I bought my horse, normally a very laid back warmblood, aged 4, seven months ago.    In new situations he becomes scared and so do I, I have had 2 serious falls,  because I think i'm over horsed as he is very athletic in his movement and jump.  My trainer and I have made the decision that it would be best to sell him.  He is going next week, a very hard decision, but safety comes first.  All the best


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## PonyIAmNotFood (24 May 2011)

Just another thought, would you not consider moving him to a RS on working livery? Then he gets schooled and lots of exercise, you get to ride on a busy yard with plenty of instructors about and they have some safe nanny type horses for you to ride with? i know a RS near me does this and has transformed loads of 'problem' horses and their owners into brilliant pairings.


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## Bertthefrog (24 May 2011)

Hi - don't know if I am the only one to hear alarm bells ringing regarding his history.

You've said he is only just four, yet he has supposedly worked in the riding school for eight months prior to his purchase?

Riding school licenses only permit the use of horses over four years of age, so either:

a) He's older than you have been led to believe (but at that age he should be easy to age relatively accurately.)

b) They have been economical with the truth regarding the his experience.

c) They do not have, or are trading not in accordance with, a riding schools license!


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## ApacheWarrior (24 May 2011)

Oh Dianem - Im sorry to hear your horse is having to go.... It will be for the best though I am sure.  I am now in a situation where I would not be able to sell as he can't be tried out other than in the school - not helped by not being able to be shod either.  Hes not a naughty horse, just nervous of his new life and me so I am hoping to find a good RI and get a bond going with my horse (although I can't even contemplate taking him out the field in this windy weather).


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## Dianem (24 May 2011)

ApacheWarrior said:



			Oh Dianem - Im sorry to hear your horse is having to go.... It will be for the best though I am sure.  I am now in a situation where I would not be able to sell as he can't be tried out other than in the school - not helped by not being able to be shod either.  Hes not a naughty horse, just nervous of his new life and me so I am hoping to find a good RI and get a bond going with my horse (although I can't even contemplate taking him out the field in this windy weather).
		
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If you did need to sell him, can you not put him to someone else who could sell him for you?  I did that with my last horse as she was too sharp for me.  She needed a braver rider!


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## Bertthefrog (24 May 2011)

ApacheWarrior said:



			Please can anyone help - I have owned a couple of horses in recent years and then took a few months off due to a fall involving traffic which altho didnt injure me, it shook me badly.  I was never the bravest of riders in any event, and am only a happy hacker.  I took a great deal of care when looking for my new horse.  Despite it only being almost 4 years old, and bigger than I anticipated (16.2 cob and still growing), he was extremely quiet to ride and I went back three times and rode him in the indoor / outdoor / had a lesson / had a hack thru the village on him and he was quiet and steady in all ways.  (He had been used in a riding school apparently for the last eight months).  Now however, in his new home, he is extremely nervous and edgy and this is scaring me even more.  He panics out on a hack and tried to rear with me the other day resulting in me getting off and walking home.  He wont stand for the blacksmith.  I haven't dared go near him since and can't now even take him out of the field in case the others barge out past me.  My fear seems out of control and I don't know what to do next.  I am getting all sorts of conflicting advice from people on the yard and am being told to just parelli him for the forseeable future.  I've had him for 5 weeks now.  Advice urgently required please.....
		
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To add to my previous post, I hate to say this - but how reputable were the people selling this horse? I would never, regardless of the horse's temperament, recommend a client of mine to buy such a big, young, horse, if they were as nervous as you say you are. It has nothing to do with your ability, or whether the horse is a saint or not. At that age, by far the majority of youngsters will test the boundaries at some point, and you, by your own admissions, are not confident to cope in these scenarios - which has been proven by your post.

They may have well worked this horse into the ground before you tried him, or used calmers, etc - you have no way of knowing either way.

He's a big boy, and a baby, you are already scared of him. My honest advice to you, from someone who has seen so many friends and colleages purchase horses that were unsuitable for them, and have seen people become miserable, and lose confidence, is to find a competent person to get your young chap going for you and sell him to a home where he will come on and be loved.

Then you can have a look for your perfect companion - and don't overlook the many old timers out there that have been around, got all the T-shirts but are still hale and hearty enough to be your horse of a lifetime.

Please don't take offense from this post, I don't mean to be patronising or condescending. From the info given, I can't see how any amount of expert, or well meaning, help, will make you and your horse into a successful partnership.

Have just read your post re difficulty selling him - a good dealing/sale yard would take him on if you are honest about your problems. Nothing you have said sounds insurmountable, providing you are realistic about price. It's the best time to sell!


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## ApacheWarrior (24 May 2011)

Can I just say to everyone that I have been absolutely overwhelmed by everyone's kindness and helpful advice.  That plus the fact that I have had over 1380 people view this thread strangely gives me some confidence that I am not the worst person in the world nor the only one to feel fearful around horses.  I have taken everyones good advice on board and have just ordered a couple of recommended books, made contact with a couple of RIs in my area, and been to hug my boy in his field - and got a nice hug back!.  I have a mobile phone full of affirmations to give me confidence and a yoga dvd to calm me down.  The Rescue Remedy is by the back door and the carrot stick is firmly locked in the garden shed.  (The latter may well upset my YO unfortunately).  I am also going to ask a friend if she will help me on the ground just by being there to hold a gate for me or an extra pair of hands to groom him etc.  Onwards and upwards!


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## lexiedhb (24 May 2011)

Personally if he is only just nearing 5, has been in a riding school for 8 months, and is still growing I would be tempted to turn him away for a bit.


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## Bertthefrog (24 May 2011)

ApacheWarrior said:



			Can I just say to everyone that I have been absolutely overwhelmed by everyone's kindness and helpful advice.  That plus the fact that I have had over 1380 people view this thread strangely gives me some confidence that I am not the worst person in the world nor the only one to feel fearful around horses.  I have taken everyones good advice on board and have just ordered a couple of recommended books, made contact with a couple of RIs in my area, and been to hug my boy in his field - and got a nice hug back!.  I have a mobile phone full of affirmations to give me confidence and a yoga dvd to calm me down.  The Rescue Remedy is by the back door and the carrot stick is firmly locked in the garden shed.  (The latter may well upset my YO unfortunately).  I am also going to ask a friend if she will help me on the ground just by being there to hold a gate for me or an extra pair of hands to groom him etc.  Onwards and upwards!
		
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In that case - I genuinely wish you all the best, and look forward to hearing about your successes in the near future, good luck!


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## ApacheWarrior (24 May 2011)

Hi Bertthefrog - I understand what you are saying - If it was simply a case of returning the horse then I would I think, but the previous owner (breeder of the horse and dealer / riding school) will not take him back although he said I could keep him there for a couple of weeks to "square him up"  however I don't think that would solve anything as I would still have to return to my own yard and back to the same situation again.  He had been shod twice at previous place, and used in riding school for 8 months and has never bucked or reared under saddle.  he was quiet and contented in all ways when I tried him out - hacked in traffic etc etc.  I need however to get him back to some sort of sensible and quiet frame of mind and get him shod somehow before I can even think about anyone riding him to sort him out for me - his shoes are paper thin and very slippery.


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## ApacheWarrior (24 May 2011)

He's just nearing 4 - not 5!


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## Bertthefrog (24 May 2011)

ApacheWarrior said:



			He's just nearing 4 - not 5!
		
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That's what I thought you had said - so he either hasn't done 8 months in the riding school, or they do not have a license to trade as a riding school, as horses have to be 4 or over to be used in a school!

Either way - I wouldn't recommend them to your friends!!


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## charlie76 (24 May 2011)

Its actully against the law to use a horse in a riding school under the age of 4 yrs old. I would contact the local council and the BHS (if its BHS approved).


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## Paddy Irish (24 May 2011)

jsr said:



			He's entering the dreaded 5's.  My angel turned 5 and became the devil himself...he's now 10 and while forward going and strong he's essentially perfect (for me anyway!).  Definately forget the Parelli bo***** and get a good sensible instructor and a very very big bottle of Rescue Remedy and try to relax. 

It will be fine, if he's been a nice quiet chilled out fella once then he will be again. No rush you've got years ahead of you with him and if you take a year off is it really the end of the world?  I had a year of walking my lad out in hand and frustrating as it was I wouldn't change that year for anything because it made us rock solid.
		
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I agree with this totally , go back to basics , only do ground work and just get to know each other , it's not a race , you've got years ahead and your horse is just a baby really so is looking to you for security - you can't give that at the moment , so only do what is positive , oh and get a good instructor to help you.


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## Magicmillbrook (24 May 2011)

Amaranta said:



			Hmmmm sounds much more like a baby horse with a nervous rider rather than anything physical tbh.

Echo Binky, get yourself an instructor to take you both back to basics and help build your confidence.
		
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Yep - ditto this.  He was probably confident in his old home so could cope with a nervouse rider.  he has now moved out of his comfort zone and is not getting the reasurance he needs from you.  

Work with your instructor, try some ground work too, but not nec parelli, perhaps get someone confident to ride thim from time to time.  If all else fails consider selling him and getting something older and wiser.  Good luck.  Not much fun when it goes pear shaped.


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## Dolcé (24 May 2011)

Will the riding school send someone to help you out a little, even as a one off to show you how to handle him?  I know, from my own experience, that once that fear sets in it is very hard to shift, but you can do it.  I was terrified of one of ours (12.2 if that makes you feel better!!)on the ground, Sarah Dent cured his rearing in a matter of minutes initially then took him for 3 weeks to start him but also to deal with his aggressiveness (caused by my lack of confidence and fear of him).  She also worked with me a little too, showing me how to handle him, I had to fake confidence for a while but it worked.  You need someone who isn't scared of him to support you until you realise he isn't out to hurt you and start to build your confidence with him, so your friend helping will be good.  It can also be amazing how some change when they go to a new home but with confident and consistent handling they will settle reasonably quickly (but think months not weeks).  I would love to see if in a few months you are posting to say you cannot understand what all the fuss was about and you have the wonderful horse you viewed originally.  Good luck!


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## Kat (24 May 2011)

Why not just have his shoes off if he is bad to shoe. He should cope ok with school work and light hacking barefoot, and that will be less stressful for him. It also gives you time to desensitise him a bit before you have shoes on. 

That was my plan with my difficult to shoe youngster, told the farrier to see how things went but he was brilliant with her and we got her shod with the aid of some treats and no calmer or sedation needed. 

Get a good farrier experienced with youngsters rather than just going with whoever the yard use. Ours does racing yards so was unfazed by our mare jumping about but the yard farrier refused to even touch her without the vet sedating her! 

You aren't the only one in this situation, there is lots of support for you here.


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## pottamus (24 May 2011)

I have not read all the replies so I am sure there is good advice to be found. My lad was 5 when I got him and very green. He hacked and schooled great in his home and was calm and relaxed. When I bought him home he was like something wild off the hills and I realised fairly soon that he could not cope with change and was frightened deep down of life itself.
I would say it took him a good 8 months to truely settle down to being what he was prior to buying him. Whilst I am not the best rider technically, I do have a fair bit of bottle to sort the tantrums and issues out calmly...but you may want to look to getting a calm, firm but fair instructor to help you along the way. 
The key to it all is for you to be leader and be calm around your horse so that he can pick up on good vibes and take a lead from them. 
I went right back to basics with my lad, established a rigid routine with him every day and spent a lot of time in his stable with him in the evening getting him used to me, my voice and doing things with him. Just little things like grooming, being touched, handled and getting him used to scary things like bags, material etc being rubbed around his back, neck, legs and head. 
Whenever I handled him, I made sure I did not talk un-necessarily, kept things calm and quiet and made sure that he understood insteructions by using the same voice tones and words for halt, back up, stand etc.
I also did a lot of in hand work with him, long reining him and doing little exercises in a safe confined place.
Ultimately, my lad needs a good routine to his life and is so much happier with it, he needs me to stay calm with him as he worries easily and he needs reassurance.
They are all very different but it can take them a long time to settle and I think if you are worried and nervous, the help of an instructor would be best.


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## flyingfeet (24 May 2011)

I'm probably going to get shot here and will seem unkind 

However if you "are not the bravest of riders" why on earth did you buy a youngster? 

They are going to throw the toys out of the pram and test you to see what happens. If they win ANY fight you will "make" a bad horse, it takes them once to learn a bad habit and around 5 times to correct it. 

Also the settling in thing is nonsense, the best way to settle a horse is with a routine and no allowance should be made for bad behaviour

I do get annoyed when people buy such young horses and don't realise they are going to turn into 'orrible teenagers. They are often weirdly quiet when you start until they find their strength. 

You must stop your bad habits of freaking out and getting off. You are inadvertently teaching him that when he freaks, his rider gets off and he can stop doing whatever he was trying to avoid. Unfortunately if this continues the behaviour could become permanent

You need to be brave or get someone else to ride him

Saying he will not stand for the farrier - why not? Does he pull back? Panic? Firstly get another horse for him to tie up with and do some training. Again its a young horse and you need to train it rather than your farrier. 

I hope you have a support network to help you through this - and I would advise making sure you have a back up rider to work through the kinks.


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## ApacheWarrior (24 May 2011)

Have just spoken to the riding school I got him from - they are going to send someone up to ride him for me and see what the problems are.  They assured me he had been shod before without any problem whatsoever and that he was the quietest horse imaginable.  He has also ridden out alone from there without issue.  There was apparently a 12 year old girl tried him before I did and they wanted to buy him but couldn't raise the purchase price and were gutted when he was sold.  I honestly feel  he is a genuiine horse and the problems are all down to me transferring my nerves to him.  Maybe a valium before I ride??!!


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## Dizzle (24 May 2011)

I had been riding my horse for six months before I bought him, did everything with him and he was deemed safe enough to work in a RS. Doesnt mean we didnt have a nightmare for the first 9 months.

BUT I consoled myself with the fact that it wasnt his normal attitude, so I kept at it, changed his feed, put him on a calmer, got someone out to help with groundwork, got a super safe hacking partner and had some hand holding when riding in the school. I also had a super friend who when he got too much would hop on him in the school or take him to the field for me. Oddly enough no one else has hacked him out except me for a long time as Im adamant thats my job. 

I am pleased to report horse has totally gone back to normal now, weve both grown together and hes my (slightly grumpy) best friend


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## Dizzle (24 May 2011)

ApacheWarrior said:



			Maybe a valium before I ride??!!
		
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I'll be the first to admit to having the odd tot of Port during the difficult times


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## scarymare (24 May 2011)

Hmmm

Trouble is you need to sort out your fear before you get on him.  Too big an ask for a baby to look after you I'm afraid, its just not his role.  An older horse may (or may not) make allowances.  They are flight animals and can sense fear.  He doesn't have enough miles on the clock to ignore yours.

Don't get me wrong - I regained my confidence on my 4 year old BUT I had a bucket load of help (instructor rode him 3 times a week for a year with me having a lesson a week).  Figured it was cheaper than having him schooled and better for me long term.

I think you should perhaps look at getting another horse


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## AndySpooner (25 May 2011)

I agree with those who are advising you to stay away from Parelli, as from your posts I don't think learning such a different technique, is what you need right now.
Obviously, some good advice has been offered, and hopefully you will be able to find a half decent sympathetic instructor, in your area.
Sounds to me like there is nothing wrong with your horse, but you need to get yourself sorted out, as you are the cause of the horses behaviour.


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## ApacheWarrior (26 May 2011)

I totally agree with you - the issue has never been with the horses behaviour, just with my fear and lack of confidence transmitting to him.  We had a great lesson yesterday with the yard RI and cantered lots - even over poles on the ground and then with the middle one raised a couple of inches!! Jumping!!! and we learnt turn on the forehand which he does brilliantly, and we started to learn half pass - which may take a while for us both to understand!!  Turned him out after and rather than heading off to be with the herd he stood with me at the gate for a good five minutes which was lovely.  That's why I want to work with him to resolve my issues.  Hacking out seems to be the scary thing - quite ironic when all I have ever done is hack out and always thought that was my comfort zone and always been terrified of being in a school!  Anyway, lots of positive feelings after yesterday.  Just looking forward to the day he will stand still long enough for me to groom / bath him as a coloured horse in a field with a muddy pond is not a good combination!!


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## Bertthefrog (26 May 2011)

ApacheWarrior said:



			I totally agree with you - the issue has never been with the horses behaviour, just with my fear and lack of confidence transmitting to him.  We had a great lesson yesterday with the yard RI and cantered lots - even over poles on the ground and then with the middle one raised a couple of inches!! Jumping!!! and we learnt turn on the forehand which he does brilliantly, and we started to learn half pass - which may take a while for us both to understand!!  Turned him out after and rather than heading off to be with the herd he stood with me at the gate for a good five minutes which was lovely.  That's why I want to work with him to resolve my issues.  Hacking out seems to be the scary thing - quite ironic when all I have ever done is hack out and always thought that was my comfort zone and always been terrified of being in a school!  Anyway, lots of positive feelings after yesterday.  Just looking forward to the day he will stand still long enough for me to groom / bath him as a coloured horse in a field with a muddy pond is not a good combination!!
		
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Yey  - go you!! Well done - a few more sessions like this and you'll have forgotten all your woes!


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## lexiedhb (26 May 2011)

ApacheWarrior said:



			He's just nearing 4 - not 5!
		
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Well in that case i would definitely be shoving him in a field for 6-12 months.... poor chap, 8 months in a riding school at 3 would not do any horse any favours!


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## ThePinkPony (26 May 2011)

I have a horse the same age as you ApacheWarrior and i will say now, if im nervous-shes nervous.

your horse is young, alone and probably terrified. He needs you to be confident and firm with him, not to freak out and jump away when times get rough. All thats telling him is that when he is scred you bail out on him, why should he trust you? 

I would also agree that turning him away, or at least going back to the basics for a while would be the best bet. If its true that he has been worked the way he has then hes probably got good reason to worry.

Good luck though. find an expert and get help.


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## soulfull (26 May 2011)

ok so forget the hacking for now.

I didn't hack my new horse for a while because I was nervous and was recovering from ankle surgery and he was a touch exciteable.

I built up a bond with him riding him in the school,making sure he did exactly as I asked when I asked, grooming and playing with him.


THEN started hacking him

Worked for me!  Twice!

may be get him some mag ox too!!  it will help settle his nerves


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## milesjess (26 May 2011)

Haven't read through every post but just wanted to add my experience!

I've owned my horse for 6 months now and he's 12 yrs old. When I viewed him he was so chilled out and calm. When I got him he seems to have found a new lease of life and acts like a 5 yr old!
The first 4 months I genuinely thought he wasn't going to be the horse for me and he would be 'too much' to handle. He was perfect in his stable but outside he was strong, spooky, sharp and always on his toes... And we haven't even gotten onto the ridden side of things yet. I hacked him out once (found some courage!) and he was so strong, spooky etc... I soon realised that he had gone from a home of 3 years to having his world turned upside down and was now in a new place, people he doesn't know or trust etc...

Lack of turnout was partially to blame and he was moved to a new home. He is finally settled and now that we know each other we don't have any spooky-ness, pulling and I haven't fallen off for a while  The ridden side of things is finally coming right, but he's put me through every test he could before we got there! 

Anyways, I know it's been said already but he's a young chap and it's going to take months not weeks to get him settled. It will come in time, you just need to be confident, fair but firm with him. Plenty of ground work too will help build trust and boundaries. I often lead mine around the outdoor and yard, getting him to stand, back up, move to the side and so on.

Get as much help as you can with people who know what they are doing and you can trust around him.

As for the hacking maybe leave it for a while until you can see he is settling? 

It's only been 5 weeks so I'd say give him another 3 months at least before you make any decisions about whether he's for you or not  

Try not to take to heart other people saying he's too young for you. That's not up to them to decide that, only you can.

Good luck!


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## ApacheWarrior (27 May 2011)

Thank you for sharing your experience - every day is different for me at the moment in terms of how I am coping but I have to realise the horse is not actually doing much wrong and is probably better behaved than most on the yard!  I also have to decide that he is MY horse, and only I can decide what I should and shouldn't do with him, and not try to listen to everyone elses opinion on the yard.   There's a fine line between constructive help and opinion!


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## Pipkin (27 May 2011)

My OH bought me a 3 year old unbroken filly after I`d had a break from riding for a good few years, when she first arrived she was a total doll, then turned into the fiend from hell, she`d rear in hand, spin try and drag me, it got to the point where i wrote out an advert ready to sell her, then a couple of days later when she was having one of her antics I just had enough I wasnt taking anymore of her crap, i didnt stand there holding onto her rope crying like a baby i grew a pair of balls and made her go where I wanted to go..since then we`ve both come on in leaps and bounds, I have still had an eek moment like the first time she reared when I was on her ( evil dogs came at her) but after two years we both know each other and she`s the only horse I trust totally. It takes time to form a bond with a horse and 5 weeks isnt long enough, you need to gain his trust, spend time with him, sit in the stable with him, read a book, sing; sit in the field with him, go for walks.....he`s still a baby he needs reassurance. 
As others have said have some lessons, when going hacking go with company. He`ll soon trust you and form a bond..
And for god sake no parelli! x


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## milesjess (27 May 2011)

I think you'll both be fine once you get to know each other and settle into a routine 

Completely agree that you need to be the overall decision maker. It's taken me months to realize my horse is mine and I don't have to follow other peoples advice or thoughts if I don't think it's best for him. You'll find someone trustworthy and genuine


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## Echo Bravo (27 May 2011)

He's a baby, broken in too soon overworked in riding school and now with owner who is very very nervous and I would say when he's with you feeding off your nervousness. I'd see about getting advice for your problem not his, as you should be his leader the one to trust, but you don't trust him.


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## ApacheWarrior (5 July 2011)

Well Ive had my boy about 12 weeks now and I feel we have come on really well under the circumstances.  I am not often scared of him now even though he has the odd strop on the ground and tends to plant his feet in the field and refuse to come out.  But I manage him.  He's been shod, and Ive ridden in the school 2/3 times per week.  I therefore decided I would take up someones offer of a quiet walk around the fields last Saturday and turned up only to find there were 5 going out - including YO who proceeded to take us along the lanes and then back via the busiest road she could find - one which I never ever intended riding on due to my fear of traffic accidents and which there is no need to ride on.  Saturday lunchtime in the summer this road can have teams of motorbikes flying up and down and lots of high sided wagons etc.  I was livid that she chose this route to take us on bearing in mind my history... Also I had been told at the vetting not to trot him on the roads for a couple of years until his bones had developed - so what did we do - trot for most of the 1 hr ride.  There was also one night when I had someone over to help me with calming him as the blacksmith was due the next day - and suddenly a party was set up outside the barn - squealing and shrieking and a motorbike being revved for the full 90 mins we were in the stable - he was the only horse in and he was terrified poor thing.  Am I being victimised or am I being neurotic?


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## soulfull (5 July 2011)

I think I would move yards.  At the very least your liveries and YO do not have your safety at heart, at worst they are being nasty.

Also I once had to leave a yard shortly after getting a new horse as someone was giving said horse oats, so that I would be scared of him.  For other reasons it didn't work out and when I did put him up for sale,  guess who bombarded me with phone calls ?


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## LaurenM (5 July 2011)

I think the YO was trying to help but went round it the wrong way. The YO's methods would work for me though as it would mean I wasn't stressing the whole night before etc and can look back at it being a positive - on the basis that nothing happened.

In regards to the trotting - did you not ask to walk? Perhaps rearrange a hack and advise the other person that you would like it just to be the two of you.


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## BorgRae (5 July 2011)

Hi AW,

I'm pleased things have been coming on well for you for the last 6 weeks. And well done for persevering with him 

I must admit, my YO/Instructor, pushes me to do things I wouldn't like/want to do, but in the end, I thank her for it as she actually builds my confidence. Do you think your YO made you go on that main road to prove you would be ok? Maybe she wanted to build your confidence back on the roads (granted this was probably not the best way to do it!!). 

I would say, that if you're not happy there and feel at all victimised, then you should look for another yard where there are lots of knowledgeable people around to help you and your boy. On the other hand, what I wouldn't want is for you to end up moving and stressing your boy even more if he has now settled.

It's a tough one, but try to find the reasons for her taking you on that hack. Perhaps sit her down and explain to her how you feel? Maybe she doesn't realise, and if she does and is just being spiteful, then I would move. 

Good luck, I hope you get it sorted!

BorgRae x


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## Cyberchick (5 July 2011)

I haven't read all the replies so I do apologise but just slow down and take a breath. There is no rush. He's young, take your time. Enjoy him. Look at how far you have come already. 
 The hacking situation of the other day? You should have said no. There's always another day, you didn't have to go. You must put you and your horse first. I'm not surprised your horse was uptight and anxious in the stable the other day. Swear to yourself about everything going on and stick him back out.
 My horse is 16 now and i've had him since he was 6. I can hack him out quite happily but I couldn't hack him in a group of 5. He is also stabled but he would have cried over being on his own with all that going on.


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## ApacheWarrior (5 July 2011)

Thanks - I can see how she maybe thought it would help me - but she never looked back once to see if I was okay and ignored my requests to walk. and I seriously think for my first hack out in 7 weeks it was the wrong thing to do.  I think because she told me not to hack out for the forseeable future, and because I didn't get her "permission"  she was trying to prove a point.....


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## Echo Bravo (5 July 2011)

I agree with the above, YO trying to help and went round it wrong way and going out with 5 other horses would have given your horse confidence on the road. But I'm afraid you really must get some help to over come your fears of traffic because when or if you do want to sell him, he's not going to traffic proof and that devalues him. If you cann't ride him  on the roads could you find someone that will help you out on the one issue.


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## NicoleS_007 (5 July 2011)

Bertthefrog said:



			Hi - don't know if I am the only one to hear alarm bells ringing regarding his history.

You've said he is only just four, yet he has supposedly worked in the riding school for eight months prior to his purchase?

Riding school licenses only permit the use of horses over four years of age, so either:

a) He's older than you have been led to believe (but at that age he should be easy to age relatively accurately.)

b) They have been economical with the truth regarding the his experience.

c) They do not have, or are trading not in accordance with, a riding schools license!
		
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They dont always play by the rules  I used to work at a RS, they had a 3yr in lessons sometimes for 3 hours in a row!! They also had a 2yr broke and sold then bought it back and put in lessons at 3. I dont agree with it but it does happen.

OP glad to hear youve had a break through  My just turned 4 yr old goes very spooky and flyty if a new rider gets on her. She only started getting used to me after about 2 months, now she rarely spooks and is very settled with me. Good luck


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## ApacheWarrior (5 July 2011)

Yes that was always my plan - to get a more confident rider to do the roadwork with him - but I wanted to make sure he was settled and happy first before confronting him with potentially 20 motorbikes flying past at 100 mph.  As it was, we were the last ones to turn into the yard and there was a huge highsided wagon crawling behind me  by this point - all the others bar one had turned into the yard and effectively "disappeared" and all the other yard's horses were flying up and down their fields and my poor boy didnt know what to do - in the end we cantered sideways into the yard, almost taking out the YO's two vehicles in the process.


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## jsr (5 July 2011)

I agree I think you need to start looking round for a more sympathetic yard. I moved years ago to my yard when I was having issues and it was the best thing I ever did!!! After years of quiet plods to the beach and back within a few months of moving I was doing dressage, jumping, XC and even drag hunting...all on a horse the other place had told me I'd never do anything on and who would 'kill me' one day!!!

Sounds like you are definatley making progress but your YO was extreamly selfish to not do as you wished and your yard appears to have alot of people who aren't very understanding of your issues. I know it's not up to everyone else to help you but a little consideration goes along way when we are struggling.


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## FestiveBoomBoom (5 July 2011)

Move to a different yard, or alternatively don't hack with them again. It will knock your confidence and you will start to go backwards. I am all for having confidence boosted by trying more challenging things but it would seem your YO was trying to prove a point and went about it in completely the wrong way. Also, I wouldn't be trotting a horse on the roads for an hour non stop regardless of their age.


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## hayinamanger (5 July 2011)

AW you've come a long way since your first post, well done.  Riders who are lucky enough not to have confidence issues can be very inconsiderate.  How may of those on that hack would have swapped horses with you?  I'd take a wild guess and say none of them.

Search for a nice small private yard, ideally with a YO who competes and instructs and will help you with your big baby, wanting you to succeed.


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## Honey08 (5 July 2011)

I too would look for another yard.  Whether your YO was proving a point, or whether you are over reacting, its not the right place for you.  Is there not a yard nearby that is run by  an instructor that you trust?  That would be the best place for you, where you can have lessons on site.  They would also be able to assess whether the horse is the right one for you.  To be honest, it doesn't sound a good choice for you.  With a lot of work and lessons, you will probably get there, but you'd be there a lot sooner with something older, smaller and more experienced, and a more experienced rider would be able to bring the horse on into a confident ride much sooner.  I think that you two together are going to give each other issues - you will not get your confidence for a long time on this horse (your issues and worries don't stem from this horse, they are pre existing), and the horse is going to learn to be spooky in traffic etc as it is getting frightened vibes from you, when at that age it needs a confident rider.  It is a real shame to see someone novice buy a youngster that seemed bomb proof because it was still a dopey baby.  You're not the first, and you won't be the last, but it is generally not a good scenario.    Please don't take that as a personal attack. It isn't.  I'm just saying that just because people on here will tell you stories of how they over came problems with their horses eventually, doesn't always mean that its the best thing. My first pony was like this, and yes I over came it, but as an instructor now, I wish we'd sold it and found it a more suitable home and me a pony that would have given me more confidence.  I'd much rather see someone learn with an experienced horse.  Its your hobby and is meant to be fun, not endurance!


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## Marydoll (5 July 2011)

Im sorry to hear youre having problems, but a nervous rider on a young horse isnt a good combination, that said you have him now and well done you for persevering.
 Ive only skimmed replies so sorry if im repeating others
Firstly, you turned his world upside down when you moved him, he was obviously settled into his schooling work and hacking area, this move will have escalated his anxiety when being ridden and handled in his new environment.
Unfortunately your anxiety is only heightening his.
Find a really good instructor who isnt averse to jumping on and helping you out with schooling issues, and will help him through his antsy episodes.
If you can find a calm sympathetic rider to help who is ballsy enough to take him out and about without feeling the need to go head to head and prove a point, even if in the first instance its just short hacks around your fields.
I really feel from the info he's needing a calm, encouraging, experienced person who has a background in bringing on youngsters with a good toolbox of interventions with any issues thrown up.
Sincerely good luck, i hope it works out for you and your horse


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## Echo Bravo (5 July 2011)

Well said Marydoll


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## attheponies (5 July 2011)

Sorry haven't read all this thread but it sounds to me as though you are doing rather well and I thought it very disappointing that this was nearly all undone by an unsympathetic YO.  I would be inclined to either look for another yard, and/or a sympathetic instructor and/or riding buddy to hack out with.


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