# To get a cat or not, am I being selfish?



## VioletStripe (11 January 2021)

Hi all, 

I've never ventured in here before! Bit of a weird question I guess...

My partner and I currently live together, and later at some nebulous point in the future will be moving. We were planning on it hopefully being within the first half of the 2021, but due to Covid and not needing to be in an office for a while yet, we have decided to sit tight and wait as we don't *need* to move. This could be in a few months, or depending on what's happening, maybe at the end of 2021 or into 2022... So, there is no set plan on when we would be moving by.

We would love to get a cat. He has had cats his whole life, where as I have always had dogs as my mother was allergic to cats. The plan was always to get a cat when we moved into our new house, however obviously we now don't know when this might be. 

My partner isn't keen on getting a cat until we move, as he doesn't think it is fair to move cats. I would really love to have one, as we don't know when this might be anyway - so I would rather get our pet and enjoy it! However, if it isn't overly fair and cats don't tend to adjust well to moving, then obviously I would prefer to wait. 

So, seeking a second opinion - what are people's thoughts? Would it be unfair to have a cat where we are for a few months at the minimum, to then move them? 
We would be moving to a similar environment, just a different location to accommodate where my new job is. I know cats are territorial and sensitive to their home, do they not adjust well to moving? Would it be utterly selfish of me/us to not hold off? 

Cheers!


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## HufflyPuffly (11 January 2021)

Mine have flourished since I moved! 

The original two moved from my first house, to briefly with my Grandma's (approx 6 months) when I sold the house but was still looking, to the cottage I'm in now. They adore where I am now (much more rural, fewer other cats overall to impinge on territory though there are still a few!), Lillycat even turned into the most prolific hunter here whereas neither really ventured out before and certainly not past the garden fence!


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## cobgoblin (11 January 2021)

I would wait until you've moved and have the time to fully enjoy your new kitten. Moving is always a busy time. That way you won't have to worry about the cat adjusting.


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## Equi (11 January 2021)

I’ve taken in cats who’s owners were moving or otherwise couldn’t keep them and they always settled here very well with no issues. All the upheaval of packing furniture and the like it’s probably more stressful than the actual moving itself so it wouldn’t be a bad idea to find someone able to keep it for a week or two/cattery so that they basically leave a home and come back into a set up home.


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## smolmaus (11 January 2021)

There are ways to minimise stress when moving cats, Jackson Galaxy has a good starting point with his Cat Basecamp. His channel is a great resource if you haven't had a cat yourself anyway, my partner found it very helpful before we got our two! If they have a secure place with all their familiar things that you can then replicate in the new home it will make things as easy as possible for them. 

The cats would be stressed but they'll cope with the right support. And if you're planning on rescuing then a home with a future move is nicer for them than sitting in a cattery for longer! But if your partner isn't happy then I personally wouldn't push it. You could see if a solid Basecamp would alleviate some of his misgivings but him feeling rushed into getting a cat might take the shine off the process a little bit for him, which isn't fair. It's supposed to be positive for everyone!


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## asmp (11 January 2021)

Our last cat moved numerous time with us as husband is in the army.  He even came with us to Germany and back.  He took it all in his stride, living to an old age.


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## Equi (11 January 2021)

Lifes too short...get the cat lol


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## Sussexbythesea (11 January 2021)

I wouldn’t wait unless moving was imminent cats adapt fine especially a young one if you’re looking to get a kitten. 

Even moggies are not cheap at the moment though so that may factor in unless you are looking for a pedigree anyway.


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## Equi (11 January 2021)

Sussexbythesea said:



			Even moggies are not cheap at the moment though .
		
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Are they ever. I saw some "my unspayed cat came home pregnant" kittens recently for £120 each. I wondered if they ever actually sold any...


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## SOS (11 January 2021)

Without sounding horribly negative I always think it’s a good idea for partners to have their ‘own’ pets. Therefore if the worst happens it saves a lot of arguments and heart ache. Get the cat under the pretence it’s yours. When you move in with each other of course let your partner love him like their own. Get the cat, enjoy it!


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## 9tails (11 January 2021)

YOLO.  Get a cat.  Get two.  I've had rehomed cats come to live here, none have left or been unduly stressed after the initial settling in stage.


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## claret09 (11 January 2021)

definitely agree with the get two. i have a brother and sister who i had as 18 month old rescues from team cat rescue in birmingham. they are the best thing i have done in years. i can't imagine life without them. they are indoor cats and have the run of the house/garage. i normally come in having been to the horse and find them curled up together. they sleep on my bed every night (except if it's too hot for them).


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## Equi (11 January 2021)

Yeah i was just gonna say, two is always better lol esp if they are kittens. More the merrier. 

Things tend to snowball on HHO.


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## HufflyPuffly (11 January 2021)

Love how we’ve gone from, should I get a cat, to definitely get at least two cats 😂.


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## ycbm (11 January 2021)

I have 2. A brother and sister,  same litter.  They hate each other and haven't slept together since they were a year old.  Two is not always better.


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## Cloball (11 January 2021)

Cats will do what cats want to do 😉 sometimes they move without you! My family cats have moved multiple times with no issues. 

When one got super ancient (didn't want her to die in the cattery 🙄)she came on holiday with us to my grandparents (up the road from our old house from several years ago). She remembered which neighbours had fish and chips on Friday much to their shock when she rocked up. That warranted a very concerned phone call thinking our geriatric cat had walked from Cumbria to Hampshire for 🐟.


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## Equi (11 January 2021)

Cloball said:



			Cats will do what cats want to do 😉 sometimes they move without you! My family cats have moved multiple times with no issues.

When one got super ancient (didn't want her to die in the cattery 🙄)she came on holiday with us to my grandparents (up the road from our old house from several years ago). She remembered which neighbours had fish and chips on Friday much to their shock when she rocked up. That warranted a very concerned phone call thinking our geriatric cat had walked from Cumbria to Hampshire for 🐟.
		
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Cats are funny old things. Many years ago when we moved (i was 2) the family cat snowy was fine with us for years and i remember him well so i must have been about 5 when he disappeared. I remember being told he went to the old house to see who lived there. Ages later i asked my dad drive me to the old house to check on snowy (him knowing that the cat was likely long dead/gone but was humoring me) and lo and behold there was snowy haha he was happy with his new family in his old home so thats where he stayed.


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## Equi (11 January 2021)

ycbm said:



			I have 2. A brother and sister,  same litter.  They hate each other and haven't slept together since they were a year old.  Two is not always better.
		
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This can happen with opposite sexes i often find. Always better to have two males, or one female. So if you want two...get two boys.


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## Sussexbythesea (12 January 2021)

I got two kittens both times. I find they get on as kittens but not so much as adults. My old girls were from the same litter and they tolerated each other their entire lives living to 16 & 18 years. My two boys from different litters got on as kittens but then fell out. The ginger one has moved out to live with an old lady. The remaining black cat loves being top cat.


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## scats (12 January 2021)

I have two litter mates.  They were adorable together as kittens but the male bullies the female now and it’s horrible.  It’s not all the time, but she’s terrified of him as a result.  They were so close as kittens, it’s really sad to see how they are together now.


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## Cloball (12 January 2021)

My old ginger cat adopted a stray. I have never seen an adult cat clean another cat and be tolerated so well! He lost his other pal a few years before and had been quite depressed and got bullied by the neighbour kitten. My parents still have the stray 3 house moves later. Cat and westie play hide and seek in the garden and go on walks together.


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## ownedbyaconnie (12 January 2021)

My OH is military so moving every few years is the price I have to pay for a man in uniform  we rescued our cat in July 2019 and moved April 2020 and will be moving again August 2021.  When we move we keep him in for a week/10 days/2 weeks depending how relaxed he seems then when I do let him out I sit in the garden with him with some treats and watch him explore.  It's always nervy that first time they jump over the garden fence but they know their way home.  

And then for the next few weeks he battles it out with every poor cat in the new neighbourhood for top cat status.  The amount of times Mabel (dog) kicked off during the night because she could hear Teddy fighting.  I can now pick his specific yowl out from a chorus of fighting cats.


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## HufflyPuffly (12 January 2021)

It's interesting cat family dynamics, Tiger and Lilly are litter mates and still happily cuddle up, groom each other etc, they are 6 now. Tiger will play and wash the two younger ones, but doesn't snuggle them. Huffle and Squirrel adore each other so far, always curled up together, playing, washing each other etc, they are about 16 months and 9 months now. Lilly does complain to me a lot about the influx of nasty kittens  but she tolerates them well, just judges them with a hard stare from somewhere high up normally, then tells them off when they bounce on her! Maybe because they're all girls they get on well?


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## Shady (12 January 2021)

From personal experience i'd have to say the mixed sex pairs get on better, including my 2 newbies but really much depends on breed/ character and lifestyle. Many indoor only cats will remain close all their lives as they never really develop past a certain point. Usually a change in relationship occurs when young cats start going out into the world and meet other cats and challenges. They then have 2 separate lives and that impacts on their home life and relationships they have with their owners and other cats.

As to moving . I made a quick add up and iv'e moved with my cats about 40 times and had cats for 35 adult years . Iv'e never had a problem, but again much depends on the cats character and it's relationship with its owner and other family pets and where it moves from and to. 
So I wouldn't bother waiting if you both really want a cat but there is no certainty that he or she won't be affected when you move. Equally they might be like most of mine over the years and absolutely love exploring each new home.
I'm not going to say whether you should get one or two as I think that depends on your lifestyle and whether the cat will go out or not or be left alone all day.
There's a poster on here who decided to adopt  1 adult cat as she's at home all day, and by the look of it both are extremely happy.


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## FinnishLapphund (12 January 2021)

When my Brother-in-law grew up they had a cat that moved with them from the Northern parts of Sweden down to their Summer house on Gotland island every year, almost without any problems. There was 1 year when the cat had gone out hunting, and didn't return for a few days, during precisely the same days as they were going home again. So his mum had to make two, or three extra weekend trips back, and forth, before she managed to find the cat again (a neighbour helped them put out some cat food during the weeks). 
Before anyone thinks it's not the same when you do it regularly, there is always the first year it happens when you have a new cat. And that was back in the days when they had never heard about not letting out a cat straight away when you move it to a new place.

I have cat enclosures for my cats, but similar to B-I-L's cat, they have to move with me from city house to Summer cabin. So, a few months after that I get a new cat, it needs to move to for them yet another completely new place. It never caused any problems.

Who knows for certain with the Coronavirus/Covid-19 problems, you might get stuck at your current location for another year. Besides, if you get two, they'll have their buddy with them as support on a new territory, whenever you do move.
ETA As Shady mentions, the dynamic between 2 (or more) cats might change a bit with time, but as I recall it, it feels as if my cats seems to get more tight the first time in a new place.


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## VioletStripe (12 January 2021)

SOS said:



			Without sounding horribly negative I always think it’s a good idea for partners to have their ‘own’ pets. Therefore if the worst happens it saves a lot of arguments and heart ache. Get the cat under the pretence it’s yours. When you move in with each other of course let your partner love him like their own. Get the cat, enjoy it!
		
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I very much like this idea. 


We've always thought about getting 2, to keep each other company. My new job is going to be remote going forwards anyway, with probably 2 days a week max. in the office. The days I'm away, partner will most likely be wfh for at least one of them anyway (mad how the world of work and expectations to go into the office has changed...)

My thinking is, we know it's going to be 3-4 months at the absolute minimum of us living here, probably longer, so I am tempted to just bite the bullet and get one. Life is short, and if cats adjust well and there'll be plenty of company then maybe it's not a totally silly idea. Moving is stressful but we're not moving many of our possessions over there - where we are now is pre-furnished, so there won't be much packing and unpacking for us to do...?

They would be allowed access to outdoors at both our current place, and wherever we move - we are only going to move to a pet-friendly property with appropriate outside space, away from main roads. Would that make a potential difference, if it's not an indoor cat? 

Side note - is the trick to put butter on their paws when they first go outside/first go outside in a new place legitimate or not? Partner's mum said that's what they always did with their cats when she was young!


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## smolmaus (12 January 2021)

VioletStripe said:



			I very much like this idea.

Side note - is the trick to put butter on their paws when they first go outside/first go outside in a new place legitimate or not? Partner's mum said that's what they always did with their cats when she was young!
		
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Never heard that one myself! Can't say that I see any logic in it either tbh. 

The advice I've always heard is to let them out just before you would normally feed them. If they're hungry they won't want to venture too far away and miss breakfast/ dinner. And to go outside with them for short periods in the beginning. I've also heard to sprinkle used litter around the garden so it starts to smell like them. 

I have indoor cats so not an expert. If you're going to be at home a lot permanently for company you could consider just having housecats. Eliminates a lot of dangers.


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## VioletStripe (12 January 2021)

smolmaus said:



			Never heard that one myself! Can't say that I see any logic in it either tbh.

The advice I've always heard is to let them out just before you would normally feed them. If they're hungry they won't want to venture too far away and miss breakfast/ dinner. And to go outside with them for short periods in the beginning. I've also heard to sprinkle used litter around the garden so it starts to smell like them.

I have indoor cats so not an expert. If you're going to be at home a lot permanently for company you could consider just having housecats. Eliminates a lot of dangers.
		
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That's a good idea, re the litter. I would worry about the cat accidentally getting out generally, so I think our plan is to have them freely out during the day, but in once dark? 

I think the butter is supposed to help them track the scent? Who knows! My friend from university said her mum had said the same thing!


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## Meowy Catkin (12 January 2021)

Cats like butter. They lick the butter off their paws and then come back to ask for more.* 

* I may have tried this with our old Burmese once...


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## 9tails (12 January 2021)

Butter is at least 50 years out of date.  Short supervised garden visits (echo the before dinner recommendation), then slightly longer while you stand wringing your hands at the backdoor with a bag of Dreamies.  Then you just need to hope they like you enough to come back!


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## smolmaus (12 January 2021)

VioletStripe said:



			That's a good idea, re the litter. I would worry about the cat accidentally getting out generally, so I think our plan is to have them freely out during the day, but in once dark?

I think the butter is supposed to help them track the scent? Who knows! My friend from university said her mum had said the same thing!
		
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They are more than capable of tracking their own scent back home without the butter lol Well, saying that, the risk is if they panic and run so don't have the time to lay down a proper scent trail they can get lost. But I don't think butter would help in that situation. Wonder how that one got started lol 

Depending what kind of garden space you end up with you could always do a cat proof fence so they have access to their own outside space but can't go wandering all over. 


9tails said:



			slightly longer while you stand wringing your hands at the backdoor with a bag of Dreamies.  Then you just need to hope they like you enough to come back!
		
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Even if we weren't right beside a busy main road I couldn't handle this stress, I don't have the mental fortitude 😂 "Luckily" one of ours is scared of his own shadow and also doesn't have the mental fortitude to be an outside cat anyway so easy decision to keep them in.


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## 9tails (12 January 2021)

smolmaus said:



			Even if we weren't right beside a busy main road I couldn't handle this stress, I don't have the mental fortitude 😂 "Luckily" one of ours is scared of his own shadow and also doesn't have the mental fortitude to be an outside cat anyway so easy decision to keep them in.
		
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I'm so fortunate to live in kitty paradise.  I back onto 50 acres of allotments so they have a huge amount of safe play.  But I've also spent many a dark evening walking over there with a flashlight calling for one when they've failed to show up for dinner.


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## Sussexbythesea (12 January 2021)

When mine start to go out they’re supervised in the garden first. Practise calling back and rewarding with food. When you feed them generally use particular words and tones to associate with feeding. Then generally they’re only out when I’m in and I open the door for them or leave it open then finally they use the catflap to go in and out as they please. 

Things like Dreamies are good for getting them in. However I’ve found the ultimate lure is tinned tuna. So if that doesn’t work I shout “tuna” in a specific and annoying high pitched way and tap a bowl or saucer. Never failed if they’re in earshot. And of course they must get some tuna as a reward 😄.


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## VioletStripe (12 January 2021)

With all of this I think you are convincing me  I'll continue to chat with partner and see how we feel over the next week or so. Maybe by that point some more details re lockdown and life as we know it might be clearer... doubt it though


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## HufflyPuffly (12 January 2021)

Just in case you're not fully convinced...


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## VioletStripe (12 January 2021)

why would you do this to me


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## smolmaus (12 January 2021)

Well if we're just doing shameless peer pressure now... Look at the riches your local rescue center could have just sitting, waiting to be loved! 😂


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## VioletStripe (12 January 2021)

Had a look but honestly there isn't much available where I am! I will be keeping an eye out - if possible I would love to adopt....


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## Crazy_cat_lady (12 January 2021)

Both myself and my partner have always had cats so it felt really "weird" not having them when we first moved in together

We have one each, he has "The Alley Cat" aka Gary and I have my ragdoll. The introduction was interesting, but apart from when the bundling gets a bit rough they seem to get on very well- they're only a month apart in age and are a boy and girl- my parents have found this combination best too having had 2 girls before. This may be because my parents current 2 are ragdolls, and one of ours is and they're known for their temperaments

We have indoor cats, have done since I was 11, so was keen to continue this on moving out (plus "raggies" aren't supposed to go out due to their lack of perceiving danger) I just couldn't be doing with the worry about them and unfortunately there are also cars around and also even more sadly, too many nasty people that do some sick things. OH sister has twice had cats go missing- one was found but the other never has, I couldn't cope with the not knowing. I don't think I'd ever want another outdoor cat- they will come out in the garden with us in the summer on harnesses. AC is a moggy as well so its not just the pedigrees that cope with don't mind being housecats

I am very biased, but ragdolls are the best





You being cat free are also missing out on all the potential exploits of owning a potential Alley Cat


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## smolmaus (12 January 2021)

VioletStripe said:



			Had a look but honestly there isn't much available where I am! I will be keeping an eye out - if possible I would love to adopt....
		
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That's a good thing I suppose! We had a literal kitten-crisis locally, more cats than anyone knew what to do with!


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## VioletStripe (12 January 2021)

smolmaus said:



			That's a good thing I suppose! We had a literal kitten-crisis locally, more cats than anyone knew what to do with!
		
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If I could, I would come out and do my part


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## VioletStripe (12 January 2021)

Crazy_cat_lady oh they are lovely!!! I would love a Ragdoll, I think they are beautiful. I have heard that about being outdoors... maybe a Ragdoll x Bengal would be ideal, to counteract that for us 

Partner and I were joking about finding a Bengal x Maine Coon for FIL who lives on a 100 acres of farmland. Might have to go and get a lottery ticket!


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## Shady (12 January 2021)

Just adding my two newbie slinkies to the mix!!!


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## Cloball (12 January 2021)

Sussexbythesea said:



			When mine start to go out they’re supervised in the garden first. Practise calling back and rewarding with food. When you feed them generally use particular words and tones to associate with feeding. Then generally they’re only out when I’m in and I open the door for them or leave it open then finally they use the catflap to go in and out as they please.

Things like Dreamies are good for getting them in. However I’ve found the ultimate lure is tinned tuna. So if that doesn’t work I shout “tuna” in a specific and annoying high pitched way and tap a bowl or saucer. Never failed if they’re in earshot. And of course they must get some tuna as a reward 😄.
		
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My mum has a very specific high pitched cat voice. Brings a whole new meaning to cat calling 😉
My old ginger cat used to come to ”yoghurt” if you said it in a high pitched voice or fatty ... 😏


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## Peregrine Falcon (12 January 2021)

Get a cat or two.😀


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## Dontforgetaboutme (13 January 2021)

You will struggle to find one atm. I hate not having a cat in the house, funny how much time I spent talking, playing, fussing, feeding, poo scooping.  Kittens are selling in minutes on Preloved, even where are £200 plus each.  But I agree, depending on temperament cats will cope with moving. My boyfriend wants to wait till we move as thinks off putting to buyers.


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## SOS (13 January 2021)

Just be aware they have zero boundaries and are master manipulators... especially if you get a Ragdoll.

 A story from this morning, his face when I told him I was going to work and making me feel guilty for leaving him. 


Where I found him 5 minutes later when I popped back in to get something I forgot.


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## Crazy_cat_lady (13 January 2021)

SOS said:



			Just be aware they have zero boundaries and are master manipulators... especially if you get a Ragdoll.

A story from this morning, his face when I told him I was going to work and making me feel guilty for leaving him.
View attachment 63178

Where I found him 5 minutes later when I popped back in to get something I forgot.
View attachment 63179

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How could you leave that face 😮

Ragdolls definitely know how to wrap you round their little finger! When they beseech you with those blue eyes they are very hard to ignore. Mine has been sat on my chest while wfh but a purry snuggly ragdoll is very hard to move so I've been typing with one hand and reaching round her, fluff up my nose, as I couldn't possibly remove her!


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## VioletStripe (13 January 2021)

I love the Slinkies!! They're like bewitching little elf cats!

I agree - I couldn't leave the Ragdoll with that face 

Dontforgetaboutme - very true. I'm keeping an eye on sites but the prices are mega at the moment! We'll see how the next few weeks/months go with availability... and chatting with the spouse! Watch this space, I hope I will be updating you with our new addition to the family soon...


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## Shady (13 January 2021)

VioletStripe said:



			I love the Slinkies!! They're like bewitching little elf cats!

I agree - I couldn't leave the Ragdoll with that face 

Dontforgetaboutme - very true. I'm keeping an eye on sites but the prices are mega at the moment! We'll see how the next few weeks/months go with availability... and chatting with the spouse! Watch this space, I hope I will be updating you with our new addition to the family soon...
		
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I hope so too . I love all the photos. There are some seriously gorgeous  cats on here.
I have always had a mix of slinkies and fluffters. I love both sorts equally but these two newbies have been named the Gremkitties by the good people on here!! They are bringing an enormous amount of joy to our lives


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## HufflyPuffly (13 January 2021)

Hufflepuff is Ragdoll x Maine Coon, but only a quarter MC, she is now in my bad books after knocking my lovely horse ornament off my mantlepiece , so I'll post her over to you .






To be honest I’d be tempted to let her outside a little more, if I was totally rural as she she does learn, she was wary and hissed at my friends dog but only after she nearly got eaten by my parents dog. I’ve cat proofed the back and have plans for an extended catio!


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## windand rain (13 January 2021)

Aw the cats are so beautiful I am very much a cat person without a cat. When we had the cat we moved a lot in a short space of time we always buttered his paws the reasoning is that when you  them outside they stop to lick off the butter and get their bearings before moving slowly off to explore its supposed to stop them bolting away and getting lost. I would get 2 kittens ASAP if I were you as they will need to be kept in until they are neutered anyway so as its better to wait they cannot go out until done and healed which will be a few months down the line anyway


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## Crazy_cat_lady (13 January 2021)

Shady said:



			I hope so too . I love all the photos. There are some seriously gorgeous  cats on here.
I have always had a mix of slinkies and fluffters. I love both sorts equally but these two newbies have been named the Gremkitties by the good people on here!! They are bringing an enormous amount of joy to our lives

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I think we need a Grem Kitty update on their thread need some new photos of those ears- do they still fold up like they're tucked away for the evening?


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## Shady (13 January 2021)

Crazy_cat_lady said:



			I think we need a Grem Kitty update on their thread need some new photos of those ears- do they still fold up like they're tucked away for the evening?
		
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I shall add some photo's and update asap!!
Remi's ears( the Oriental) have so far stayed slightly folded at the tip, one more than the other, when he's in 'rest' mode. They flap around like little flags when he runs, which is just about all the time now. Such a busy little imp. Rosie's ears have firmed up and go mainly sideways like wings. She is the sweetest little girl I have ever had  but with some serious girl power going on too. Watching her take over the best spot by the fire from the Weimaraner is hilarious!


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## Crazy_cat_lady (13 January 2021)

Shady said:



			I shall add some photo's and update asap!!
Remi's ears( the Oriental) have so far stayed slightly folded at the tip, one more than the other, when he's in 'rest' mode. They flap around like little flags when he runs, which is just about all the time now. Such a busy little imp. Rosie's ears have firmed up and go mainly sideways like wings. She is the sweetest little girl I have ever had  but with some serious girl power going on too. Watching her take over the best spot by the fire from the Weimaraner is hilarious!
		
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You just know you can't say about the ears flapping around like little flags and not upload a video 😮 that sounds so funny to watch, we need to see this 😂 are they noisy yet? I can tell your love for them it's lovely. they look they could feel the cold quite easily? Funny how she has everyone sussed and under her control already!


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## Lipglosspukka (14 January 2021)

I've had one cat who was the most wonderful creature. As a child I would call him in from the garden at bed time and he would zoom straight up the stairs onto my bed and stay there until I was asleep. He would hang out with me like a dog, follow me around the house, play fight with me etc. He was terrific. 

I've never had another cat like that since.


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