# I hate this feeling..



## ruby92 (28 April 2021)

I've just brought a new horse after 5 years without owning my own .. hes a lovely gent not a bad bone in his body unfortunately I've not had great horses in the past my old horse would take off as soon as my foot was in the stirrup leaving me once dangling and stuck .. and was very unpredictable.. sadly these demons are affecting getting on with my new horse I can stand for ages on the mounting block and il get flash backs of that moment.. I do eventually get on and feel utterly stupid for taking so long .. and once on I think any minute my horse i going to take off with me which I know he won't but again my demons are telling me otherwise I hate this I just want to push past it 😪


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## brighteyes (28 April 2021)

Give it time.


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## PapaverFollis (28 April 2021)

I've never had a horse take off with me at the mounting block but I recognise the "foot into stirrup" fear!  It's very much how my riding nerves come out. Once I'm on I'm usually OK.

Don't be hard on yourself about it.  The more you go through the process the easier it will get.  Take as much time getting each time as you need.  Have someone hold the horse if it helps for as long as you need to do that. 

It will ease.  I only get the very occasional jolt back to it now.


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## ruby92 (28 April 2021)

PapaverFollis said:



			I've never had a horse take off with me at the mounting block but I recognise the "foot into stirrup" fear!  It's very much how my riding nerves come out. Once I'm on I'm usually OK.

Don't be hard on yourself about it.  The more you go through the process the easier it will get.  Take as much time getting each time as you need.  Have someone hold the horse if it helps for as long as you need to do that.

It will ease.  I only get the very occasional jolt back to it now.
		
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Thank you


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## SOS (28 April 2021)

Maybe do some groundwork to get him parking up to the block and really solid in standing there? It might make you feel safer about getting on him. I’m no expert in these things though!

Or alternatively can you get on without putting your foot in the stirrup? So use a mounting block but mount similar to if getting on  from the ground by vaulting on. I never put my feet in the stirrups for the first few strides on horses I think may react badly to being mounted as that way I can quickly get off! That said it’s a rare occasion they do react and training is always the answer.


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## brighteyes (28 April 2021)

Not to be depressing, or 'owt, but it takes _at least_ 12 months of proper, regular, riding and interaction to form any kind of understanding and get that feeling of 'well-worn slippers' and all but complete trust in one another.


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## ruby92 (28 April 2021)

SOS said:



			Maybe do some groundwork to get him parking up to the block and really solid in standing there? It might make you feel safer about getting on him. I’m no expert in these things though!

Or alternatively can you get on without putting your foot in the stirrup? So use a mounting block but mount similar to if getting on  from the ground by vaulting on. I never put my feet in the stirrups for the first few strides on horses I think may react badly to being mounted as that way I can quickly get off! That said it’s a rare occasion they do react and training is always the answer.
		
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That's a good idea thank you


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## Gloi (28 April 2021)

Give him a treat from the saddle when you get on. It will give both you and him something to think about other than him moving off.


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## Wishfilly (28 April 2021)

Does it help to persuade yourself that all you have to do is get on and ride around the arena once? Set yourself a tiny goal, and then if you feel good, do a bit more! 

If it takes your 15 or 20 minutes of standing at the block to get on, that's ok too. 

And if you really don't feel it, then just leave it or do something inhand. Over time, your confidence will start to come back, I think. 

Lessons with a good instructor who "gets" you will also help.


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## mini_b (28 April 2021)

brighteyes said:



			Not to be depressing, or 'owt, but it takes _at least_ 12 months of proper, regular, riding and interaction to form any kind of understanding and get that feeling of 'well-worn slippers' and all but complete trust in one another.
		
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it really does. I would never have thought it took this long but it does..
You go through different stages of them settling in, getting used to you and then facing challenges together to build that trust.


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## ycbm (28 April 2021)

I've been riding for fifty years,  but I still get that fear on a new horse or a young horse.  I wear an air jacket and I clip it on before I even put my foot in the stirrup, even on a horse I broke myself and have been riding 3 years without him ever putting a foot out of place.

Give yourself a pat on the back for getting on at all.  It will get easier from here on. 
.


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## paddy555 (28 April 2021)

I would start by assessing the risk. Does your horse stand still, will he still stand still once you get on until you ask him to move? If he is going to move off then you have a problem that needs addressing. From your post however it doesn't sound as if he is going to move off so in fact there is no actual risk. I think you should do this yourself (not just read what I have written) your brain needs to understand you have considered this risk and understand it is so remote. If you are worried about your foot getting trapped in the stirrup look at safety stirrups/cage ones. Address the risk. Be satisfied it is safe. If necessary get someone else to mount him so you can be sure he is going to stand. 

Then stop thinking. Position the horse, walk up the steps,  one step, two steps, three steps, four and your foot is in the stirrup, five and you are on the horse. Count to say 5 and then get off. 
You have done it, horse is still there, you are safe  and have done brilliantly. 

Keep repeating again and again until it is second nature. Increase the 5 to 10 then to 20 etc. 

If necessary have  someone standing not holding the horse but able to grab him if he should move until you satisfy yourself he is going to stand safely. 

Same thing once you are happy you are on top and ready to move. If you only manage a couple of steps that is great. 

try setting goals, say tomorrow is get on, sit for 5 secs and get off. Repeat 5 times. Once you have done it congratulate yourself for doing so well then forget riding and train him in hand, long reining, take him for a walk etc 
tiny tiny baby steps each day pushing yourself very slightly but nothing that is going to scare you.


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## ruby92 (28 April 2021)

paddy555 said:



			I would start by assessing the risk. Does your horse stand still, will he still stand still once you get on until you ask him to move? If he is going to move off then you have a problem that needs addressing. From your post however it doesn't sound as if he is going to move off so in fact there is no actual risk. I think you should do this yourself (not just read what I have written) your brain needs to understand you have considered this risk and understand it is so remote. If you are worried about your foot getting trapped in the stirrup look at safety stirrups/cage ones. Address the risk. Be satisfied it is safe. If necessary get someone else to mount him so you can be sure he is going to stand.

Then stop thinking. Position the horse, walk up the steps,  one step, two steps, three steps, four and your foot is in the stirrup, five and you are on the horse. Count to say 5 and then get off.
You have done it, horse is still there, you are safe  and have done brilliantly.

Keep repeating again and again until it is second nature. Increase the 5 to 10 then to 20 etc.

If necessary have  someone standing not holding the horse but able to grab him if he should move until you satisfy yourself he is going to stand safely.

Same thing once you are happy you are on top and ready to move. If you only manage a couple of steps that is great.

try setting goals, say tomorrow is get on, sit for 5 secs and get off. Repeat 5 times. Once you have done it congratulate yourself for doing so well then forget riding and train him in hand, long reining, take him for a walk etc
tiny tiny baby steps each day pushing yourself very slightly but nothing that is going to scare you.
		
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 Great il give that a try thank you


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## neddy man (28 April 2021)

Similar to p555 if you have the use of an arena lead your horse in close the gate and have a mounting block in the arena close to the fence say 3 mtrs from where the horses head is facing so horse only has a short distance before having to turn and no chance of taking off, do a couple of laps and dismount move the mb to a different place but 4mtrs from the fence 2 laps dismount then 5mtrs away from fence continue until you are happy. ALWAYS use a soft calming voice with lots of stand  - goodboy - stand - walk on - good boy commands and praise to him, ( and some silent "well done" ones to yourself) take your time you will soon be free of the worries.


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## FFAQ (29 April 2021)

I have one horse who takes treats really politely and one who responds better to scratches, so he has a telescopic back scratcher that i use as a reward. I give a left treat/scratch and a right treat/scratch when I get on, and then periodically throughout the ride. The positive reinforcement works so well for them that I'm thinking of adding a saddle bag of sweets for me! A mars every time I go past the pig farm, a snickers when I sit out a spook...


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## pixie27 (29 April 2021)

Those demons are pesky but they will go away! My old boy would bronc as soon as my bum was in the saddle, and after we overcame that it took a lot of time/work to control the fear and 'what if' when I got on.



paddy555 said:



			Then stop thinking. Position the horse, walk up the steps,  one step, two steps, three steps, four and your foot is in the stirrup, five and you are on the horse. Count to say 5 and then get off.
You have done it, horse is still there, you are safe  and have done brilliantly.
		
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I did similar to this and it's amazing how quickly this becomes habit. I also tried to get on when someone was around/near by. If I was feeling reeeeaaaally wobbly or if it was windy, I'd ask someone to stand next to us while I got on. 

Likewise, my horse was good with treats so I'd give him a polo before I got on and then once I was in the saddle. He wouldn't go anywhere til he'd had his second polo! And it was a distraction for me - I was so busy fishing a polo out of my pocket that I wasn't thinking 'oh what if he...' 

In terms of changing how you think, Warwick Schiller started a v interesting podcast over lockdown. He talks a lot about visualisation and the power of the mind. Won't work for everyone/every situation, but it's certainly changed how how I approach scary situations.


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## Winters100 (30 April 2021)

Poor you, getting confidence back is a long process, but the good news is that it can be done.

Speaking personally what worked for me was time in the saddle.  You have done the right thing buying a nice sane and sensible horse, great decision, now all you need to do is ride him, every day if you can.  It really doesn't matter if this week it takes you 30 minutes to get up, because next week it will probably be 25 and so on.  Be kind to yourself, and give yourself credit for doing it at all.

It seems really strange to me now, but 2.5 years ago when I bought my schoolmistress I remember actually feeling sick just cantering in the indoor school.  Logically I knew that she would not tank off with me, and that there was nowhere to tank off to, but that feeling in the pit of my stomach was still there.  All I did was kept going, every day until the fear left.  Today I am a completely different rider and have added 2 more powerful (but still sane and sensible) horses to the family, but I could never have done this without riding my schoolmistress every day and letting her slowly rebuild my confidence.

I really do wish you luck, because I know it is not easy, but I also believe that you will get there and will one day be looking at your lovely horse and feeling that he is worth his weight in gold with a few diamonds sprinkled on top.


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## Elno (1 May 2021)

I feel you, I suffer with confidence issues too. Even after finally having an amazing (albeit a bit young) horse after a few not so good ones that hurt me and shattered my confidence, I struggle with trusting her. It's almost like I'm waiting for her to make a mistake so I can say to myself and the people around me 'Ha! Told you so! This one is also crazy!'

Funny thing is though, I've had her now for almost a year and I'm hoping I'm on my way to getting to know her and realising slowly that she isn't planning to kill me. She's such a nice 'person' I sometimes really struggle to comprehend that she's actually my horse and not someone's else, because to me it feels unreal that such good horses actually exist, let alone that I happen to be the owner of one, and such a young one at that.

What REALLY helped me was having friends at the yard ride her for me so I could see just how well behaved she is when my confidence was at it's lowest 😊


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## KittyH (1 May 2021)

I would highly recommend some sessions with a sports psychologist. I have used Jenni Winter-Leach of Flying Changes Coaching, and she has made a big difference to my life. It wasn't confidence issues for me but a feeling of not being good enough. If you know that your brain is holding you back try working with someone who can help you train your brain. Good luck x


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## Lois Lame (3 May 2021)

FFAQ said:



			I have one horse who takes treats really politely and one who responds better to scratches, so he has a telescopic back scratcher that i use as a reward. I give a left treat/scratch and a right treat/scratch when I get on, and then periodically throughout the ride. The positive reinforcement works so well for them that I'm thinking of adding a saddle bag of sweets for me! A mars every time I go past the pig farm, a snickers when I sit out a spook...
		
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Oh gosh I love that post


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## littleshetland (19 May 2021)

Loads of good advice here...you could get someone to stand by her head, not necessarily holding her, just by her head and either giving her a scratch or maybe a pony nut.  When you get on, you can offer her a treat too. To stop the worst case scenario 'videos' in your head, just focus on something really mundane, like your big toe, your little finger...and breathe!   good luck - I'm sure you'll be fine!


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