# HELP! My horse is starting to scare me!



## AABBCC (6 July 2016)

Sorry, it's a lot of reading, It's kind of a vent as well as a cry for help!

As title says; I recently got my first horse, a gorgeous 8yo 15.1/15.2hh thoroughbred mare called Nellie. Some background; she competed about BE100 with her previous owners and did quite well. I went to try her in a big open field and she was great, didn&#8217;t speed up at other horses and listened to me perfectly, after we ought her she went to my trainers yard for about 3 weeks where I&#8217;d see her + ride her every day. She was amazing to ride but she did have a few testy times with her manners (slightly nippy/girthy but not too bad, a bit bargy going to the field). She has recently been moved up to my livery which we are both new to and she has now been there for about a week now, settling in really well and being impeccably behaved, to begin with&#8230;
Obviously I was really excited of the prospect of everything we could do; pony club, competitions and I was planning that eventually it&#8217;d be her to take me up the levels of jumping but, she has really quickly gotten worse and worse both riding and on the ground and she is beginning to knock my confidence (I&#8217;m not a confident person to begin with) and even scare me which has gotten me really down in the dumps because I really don&#8217;t feel like she is listening to me at all and it is making me feel like I am not a good enough rider for her. 
Basically, on the ground, she is getting more bargy and I have to hold her tightly all the way to the field and have my wits about me otherwise she drifts into me getting my caught between her and the fences, a place I really don&#8217;t feel comfortable in! I tried lunging her today to take some energy off as I thought that might be part off my issue but she went a bit mad and wouldn&#8217;t listen to my cues at all; running off without me asking and not slowing down. 
To ride; she was a dream for the first we weeks at my trainers and the first few days up at my yard, a bit spooky but nothing serious. However, the past couple of days she&#8217;s not listening to me at all and doing whatever she wants. For example, she spooked at a fox outside the arena and decided to bomb around the arena afterwards and then the same thing the next morning about a car, she is getting more and more difficult to slow down and it is beginning to scare me. She shakes her head around and generally uses her strength to do whatever she damn well pleases. 
I don&#8217;t really want to just put her in a strong bit etc because I want to solve the problem but I&#8217;m geniounly starting to get really nervous and scared around her as she is beginning to use her strength against me. I am planning on getting the vet out and having her teeth checked in the up coming weeks, I&#8217;m also planning on having natural horsemanship lessons with her every week to try and build a rapport and get her to respect me and she really doesn&#8217;t at the moment. She&#8217;ll be going back to my trainer for 3 weeks in a few weeks time which isn&#8217;t ideal as she&#8217;s moving around but it has to be done due to other things. 
If anyone could give me some advice on getting her to listen to me and help building my confidence I&#8217;d appreciate any help as I definitely don&#8217;t want to &#8216;give up&#8217; on her but as I keep saying, I haven&#8217;t got a tonne of confidence in myself all the time and she is scaring me, not the way I imagined my first horse at all :-/ got me really far down in the dumps&#8230;


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## JDH01 (7 July 2016)

I would strongly advise you to let her settle in one place, could you get the trainer to come to you. We are all different and so are horses.  At this point you and her have no relationship and that is what you need, build it.


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## honetpot (7 July 2016)

Sorry to here your having problems. I would find someone who will come out and give you some  lessons on the ground, quickly.
  Mares are super smart and she has found your weakness, it's summer and she is feeling good. I know you do not want to give in but rather than get hurt of frightened turn her away, think of it as a tactical retreat, until you can get some help. I think you need help where you are, a good teacher shows you how to 'win' and not just gets the horse behaving for them.
 Our old pony used to bully my daughter when she was about 12. We would stand either side of him, if I held the rope he would stand still, if she held the rope he would try and head butt her. He was a nice pony he just knew when someone was wary of him and would take advantage.
  Unfortunately with horses the more relaxed you appear to be, even if inside you are unsure, the less likely they are to take the pee. They associate tension with fear and flight.  I would suggest reading, Riding with Your Mind,https://www.amazon.co.uk/Ride-Your-...4_4?ie=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=7KM7HTPBZNF8SVFXM2MN https://www.amazon.co.uk/Ride-Your-Mind-Essentials-Innovative/dp/1872119522 as it explains how your body effects the horse, and what you can do about it, and teaches you relaxation techniques .


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## Shay (7 July 2016)

This happens all the time.  You get a new horse - or a pony - and it is lovely for a while.  Anything from a couple of weeks to a couple of months.  Then it all goes south quickly.  We called it the "new pony horrors".  For a while you are riding off the back of the old owner's schooling and discipline.  Then they figure out that they are not going back and want to find out where the boundaries are now.  So they test everything.  How long it lasts depends on a combination of you as an owner and their tenacity as a horse.

In this case your new pony horrors are compounded by the fact you have a mare and that you have moved her around a lot.  Mares tend to need a relationship to perform well and to feel safe.  Far more so than geldings do.  They are mostly smart and opinionated.  They lead the herd and are responsible for everyone's safety so they have to accept you as a better leader for them.  She has scared you, so you are tense and so she does not see you as a safe leader and the cycle continues.

A good possible start might be to stop thinking along the lines of "she must listen to me..." (because she won't and nothing you can do will make her!) and try to replace that with "What is she telling me?" and "How do I communicate with her".  Less directive - more of a partnership.  She isn't doing this to deliberately annoy or scare you.  She is doing it because her instincts tell her she is not safe.  The old adage of "Tell a gelding, ask a stallion, discuss it with a mare" holds good.

You have recognised this and are getting help - that is good.  The "Ride with your mind" book is good too.  You could also try Total Confidence by Kelly Marks.  The best thing you can do for yourself right now is give yourself a bit of a break.  It takes time for new partnerships to gel.  Take time to know her and build a relationship with her.

That said - there is also value in recognising when you have really over horsed yourself and you need to change horses.  You are no where near that yet - it is really early days. But if it does get to that point there is no shame in it.  Realising the partnership does not work and will not work for you is a mature - and very difficult -decision.  Especially if you have parental expectation to cope with too!  But you're not there yet.  Take heart!


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## TGM (7 July 2016)

Very good advice from Shay above.  Also think about how you are managing her - how much turnout does she get and what is she fed?  A regime of 24/7 turnout and no or little hard feed can often put a energetic, stressy horse in a calmer, more relaxed frame of mind.

I'd also get your trainer to come out and give you a lesson, perhaps riding the horse for you first.


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## AABBCC (7 July 2016)

Thank you so much, this is very helpful. I hadn't realised I'd actually started thinking "she must listen" but I see I have..
Do you suggest I don't ride her for a while and just do a lot of groundwork before getting back on? 
I am really annoyed with myself for making her move so much but I think I was led by different people telling me it'd wouldn't do any harm instead of listening to my instincts, another confidence thing...


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## Damnation (7 July 2016)

I agree with Shay.

Having had an incredibly opinionated/dominant TB mare as my first horse, I also feel your pain! Mares need to feel safe and secure and they need that bond which will come in time. Right now as Shay said, she has scared you and in turn she is probably nervous.

Firstly, she needs to settle, she has been moved twice in a short space of time, it is alot to take in. If it were me I wouldn't have had her at a trainers yard during the interim - it is alot of upheaval for a horse.

Secondly, groundwork helped me with my mare. Making her understand what I expected of her but also guaging what she understood and was happy with then teaching the bits she didn't understand - remember everyone has slightly differnent aids and expectations for horses, even handling them. She needs to learn to understand your tone of voice, your body language and what you mean by them. Learning to respect each others space and getting her to learn to trust your judgement as her leader.

It will come, you need to trust that she won't mow you down or dump you, she needs to trust that you won't put her in a position that is dangerous. It all comes with time!


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## applecart14 (7 July 2016)

All horses try it on after a while with a new owner.  You need to get those natural horsemanship lessons, to me the best yard in the world would have to be one run by Kelly Marks, watching how she deals with Harry her massive horse so easily, and the knowledge and skills she has is amazing.

Please don't take this the wrong way but I think you are probably anticipating her playing up, gripping with your legs, and holding her back with your reins - and who can blame you?   That coupled with the negative thoughts going through your head like 'she is scaring me', 'I am starting to get really nervous around her', 'not the way I imagined my first horse', 'not a good enough rider for her', etc, etc.

So first things first, you ARE good enough for her,  this is ONLY A TRANSITIONAL PERIOD it will NOT last forever.  YOU WILL get help for her, it IS NOT the end of the world.

THen get someone to help you, there are lots of natural horsemanship people about, or people with enough knowledge to know what is going wrong by watching you handle her on the ground and under saddle.

She is taking advantage of you.  But don't worry we have all had it happen to us at sometime or another, my boy cannot get away with it anymore but tries every now and then when he is feeling rebellious!


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## Snuffles (7 July 2016)

Just wondering if she has come into season ? My mare was a real pain when I first moved yards, came into season big time and was a bit unrideable for a week!


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## Fidgety (7 July 2016)

Snuffles said:



			Just wondering if she has come into season ? My mare was a real pain when I first moved yards, came into season big time and was a bit unrideable for a week!
		
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I'd be checking feed (type and amount as well as amount) compared to levels of work and turnout, also. Don't write her off too quickly, a lot has changed in her life recently


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## texel (7 July 2016)

In addition to the replies so far.  Give yourself and your horse a chance.  

She has to get used to a new yard, to you  and learn how to interact with you and you with her.  

We all think we handle horses in the same way but we don't horses notice these subtle differences and they respond accordingly, they can get confused and worried and offer what you see as unwanted behaviours. 

The Kelly Marks books are a good place to start including Perfect Partners. 

You con't have to ride you can spend time just taking your horse out for walks and getting to know each her - horse ownership is a journey and time takes a back seat.


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## twiggy2 (8 July 2016)

Screams ulcers to me, stress of first move followed closely by a second, different routines, riders and handlers etc.
She needs to settle, did she get turn out and ad-lib forage at both yards?
I would goback to basics, strict routine, calm handling, ad lib forage, no bucket feed and if things don't settle speak to vet about scoping.


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## Nickyhorse89 (8 July 2016)

I've just joined the horse club to! Had my mare for just over a month. Just like yours she was lovely to begin with, super sweet, perfect manners. That didn't last long haha. She turned into a bargy disrespectful mare. I sought professional help and now she knows who's boss we're making progress. Used to take me at least 30 minutes to get on, yesterday gone on first time. I've been advised to do a bit of groundwork before getting on just to see what mood she's in. If I walk on does she walk, does she stop when I stop, does she turn when I turn or am I in for a tug of war or a bit of skiing. Don't give up!! Don't be scared, it'll get better. It's good you're seeking help. Good luck &#9786;


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## gnubee (8 July 2016)

I would stop riding her for a bit and focus on ground work. Join up, leading, lunging, long reining, basic ground manners. It will get her respecting you and build your confidence. However, if there is someone experienced who can ride her for you to keep her ridden manners whilst you learn to talk to her, you will find your job a lot easier in the long run.
I wouldn't send her to your trainers. Sounds like the horse is fine and you need training, so invest in lessons with an instructor or NH person who will come to you and teach you to handle her in her own environment.


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## AABBCC (8 July 2016)

Thanks, I really appreciate it. I am definitely focussing on the groundwork now, had a good session of it today. Just walking her around her field getting her to listen to me and not barge off. 
We've recently found out that the mare in the field next to hers is REALLY possessive and she constantly calls to her which I don't think is helping her..


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## Pearlsasinger (10 July 2016)

Just as s bit of reassurance, sis and I got our mare, also called Nellie, and she was just the same as yours, perfect when viewed and an absolute nightmare when ridden,/handled on a diy livery yard. We were not first time owners but we seriously wondered what on earth we had bought. We moved her after 6 weeks to a different yard and kept her for the next 24 yrs. She just needed time to get to know us and our funny ways, we needed to get used to having an opinionated mare rather than a forgiving gelding.

Some good ideas above. I would start by cutting food right back.


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## JanetGeorge (11 July 2016)

Horses pick up ANY doubts of yours very quickly, especially mares!  It's not that they mean to beat you up - but if you're unsure, they wonder wtf is going on - so they are unsure - and manners are out the window.  Can highly recommend singing to stop you tensing up.  

Also be very aware of the risk of anovulatory follicles - they are painful and screw up the hormones.  A mare with one will SHOW in season - but she's likely to try killing the stallion, believe me - we had one the other week who kept double barrelling the concrete block wall between them when we teased her.  A PG shot and a week later, she stood like a lamb!


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## Clodagh (11 July 2016)

AABBCC said:



			Thanks, I really appreciate it. I am definitely focussing on the groundwork now, had a good session of it today. Just walking her around her field getting her to listen to me and not barge off. 
We've recently found out that the mare in the field next to hers is REALLY possessive and she constantly calls to her which I don't think is helping her..
		
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That really will not help, as you say.
Was she turned out in a group before? And now is she on single turnout? I loathe single turnout, it tends to make horses feel unsafe in their field as they cannot relax at all. Yes it is safer to an extent but IMO that is offset by the stress it puts them under.
What is the grass like? If it is growing well add some magnesium to her food.
Take her off any heating food, unmolassed chaff and supplements only.
Ad lib hay all the time she is in the stable.


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## applecart14 (11 July 2016)

Clodagh said:



			? I loathe single turnout, it tends to make horses feel unsafe in their field as they cannot relax at all. Yes it is safer to an extent but IMO that is offset by the stress it puts them under.
		
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Hi Clodagh,

I feel I must comment about your reply.  Having had a horse that was shot due to a compound fracture of his tibia due to a hairline fracture most probably incurred from a kick and my current horse incurring a bone chip floating around his stifle (and being told there was a possibility of permanent nerve damage to that leg) I felt that I had no choice but to separate my horse from the others and put him in individual turnout.   In an ideal world horses live as a herd, and are socially active within that herd, but if there is a horse who continually exerts his authority onto a horse who is clueless on what a pecking order is, it can be potentially life threatening. In my experience having owned four imported WB's, none have been savvy about running with other horses, each one has got itself into trouble and each one has been totally unstreetwise in its interactions with others.  I am not sure why this is, but it has been the case with all of them.

My horse has been on its own (but next to others with interaction over the fence) for nigh on ten years now and does not feel 'unsafe' in his field, nor is he put under stress because of it.  Only last night the little pony was running up the fence line of the paddock next door to us, and all the horses in our paddocks (all individual turnouts) were watching, some had gone forward to the front of their fence line to watch.  My horse who was right at the back of his paddock put his head up for a second and then put it straight back down again to eat the grass with his back to the proceedings.  He certainly does not feel insecure.  More and more livery yards are offering individual turnout, unfortunately demand often exceeds availability.


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## AABBCC (11 July 2016)

*UPDATE* 
I had the vet out this morning and he's said he believes she is in season and also that she has colon spasms and has given her a shot for it. She is in a stable without food until tomorrow morning when we'll check again to see how she is and if all is well turn her back out. 
I'll have to wait and see whether her behaviour changes for the better and hopefully I can get back on her in a few days!:thumbup:


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