# Help! Nervous, spooky horse & nervous creaky rider!



## FionaM12 (9 August 2011)

Hi, Im new here and could do with some advice please. I was a keen rider when I was young and had my own horse. But, I was also very ill and was forced to give up totally as it turned out my life-threatening illness included a devastating allergy to horses.

Im in my 50s now and bizarrely am not only finally reasonably healthy but also no longer allergic. So Ive returned to horses after a gap of 35 years. I had a few lessons last year, then rode out regularly on  hired horses locally before deciding to take the plunge and get my own again.

I wanted a safe, quiet hack for myself and my daughter (a beginner) to ride. An old friend who lives far away found me what she believed to be a suitable mare, Mollie, and delivered her back in June. She is 17, 14.2hh, beautiful and gentle.

When Mollie arrived after her long journey, she was very nervous and jumpy which I assumed was the effects of travelling. Shed lived somewhere remote and rural (she was trekking pony) and where I live is busy by comparison and the farm is next to a motorway. Previous to her move shed been out at grass 24/7 and unridden for 8 months.

However, 2 months on, shes really no better. She spooks at everything. Shes very hard to get in from the field. When I ride her, she spooks and shies and when I take her out onto the road Im scared shell shy into traffic. Shes not scared by traffic, its just every bit of litter, road sign etc! She's nervous in her field and nervous in the stable.

I took her out the other day with two other calm horses (who she knows) and riders and while they plodded along she jumped about, spooked, trotted on the spot, and sweated copiously. I was actually very scared as I felt I had little control. I dont know which of us was more relieved when we got back to the farm! 

Returning to riding at my age is a bit like being a beginner again. Im not confident, strong or very fit. However, I wasnt overly nervous riding other horses, but Mollies behaviour frightens me.  I realise my anxiety will pass onto Mollie and make things worse, but dont know how to overcome it.

Returning her to her previous owner is NOT an option. I dont want to sell her either. But, do you think she should have settled by now? People who knew her previously say she wasnt nervous in the past.

Yesterday, on the way in from the field, she shied at something the wind had caught. She ran back so unexpectly and violently she heaved me off my feet. I didnt let go and managed to calm her and carry on past the object, but I have nasty rope burns on my hands, and my arms and shoulders hurt today. 

Shes out at grass most of the time, with other horses. She comes in for a few hours most days and I groom her, fuss her, walk her about the farm in hand and I ride every few days. She eats only grass, hay and a few carrots. 
Any advice would be appreciated! Thank you.


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## swalk (9 August 2011)

Some horses who have been in riding schools/trekking centres just don't do well out of that environment, maybe she is one of them.
Why is her previous owner unable to take her back? Would she consider exchanging her from something else?
If I was you and I wanted one horse who I could enjoy hacking out on then I'm afraid Mollie would be out the door....being terrified is not an enjoyable and relaxing way to spend your spare time! Does your daughter ride her at all? Only you said she was for both of you.


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## splashgirl45 (9 August 2011)

hi and welcome.  i am in my 60s and bought my current horse when i was 56 after losing my previous one at age 24.  i had always been a confident rider and would ride anything but lost my confidence on my mare and would be nervous even riding her in the fields where i kept her.  i seriously considered selling but had become very fond of her as was worried that she might not get a kind home as she was VERY spooky and not a novice ride.  anyway i decided that i would not be beaten and eventually we formed a partnership and although she is still a bit spooky, she calms quicker because i do not tense up.   i found that talking to her heped me to relax as i realised that iwas holding my breath when she spooked, so talking made me breathe. (one of my friends sings to her horse when she gets worried!!!)  have you tried lunging her for 20 mins before riding, it may just take the edge off and get her to relax before you get on.  good luck with her and dont give up...


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## FionaM12 (9 August 2011)

I can't send her back because (long story) she came from several hundred miles away. A nine hour journey, in fact. A friend got her for me in good faith, believing her to be just right for me.

I don't want to give up on her yet. The time may come when I have to, but I'll perservere for a while first. No, my daughter hasn't ridden her. I'd wanted a horse she can learn on and as yet Mollie's not safe for that.


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## kirstyl (9 August 2011)

Poor you, this sounds awful. Can you find yourself a sympathetic instructor who can assess whether this pony is ever going to be suitable for you (and if so, support you) and if not, help you sell the pony on.  I think you need to get in touch with the previous owner and say exactly what the pony is doing. You say she is 17, and I have to say, unlikely to change dramatically in behaviour. Just remember that life is short, and horses are expensive. Make the decision sooner rather than later, and if she proves not to be suitable, try not to feel guilty. It's not your fault! And there are lots of very nice horses who will be suitable for you and your daughter. Wishing you the very best of luck


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## be positive (9 August 2011)

She has come from a very different life where she probably spent most of her time following the tail of the horse in front of her.
Most treking horses are worked fairly hard during the busy times ,several hours a day,with little stimulation just routine.
She has come out of this "safe " environment to a totally new world,in her eyes.
She was probably totally unsuited to you and your much less rural area and may not find it easy to relax.
I think you have several options a]send her back. b]sell  c]persevere with some help  d]send her away for some professional retraining
She will be lacking self confidence which is not going to help your own confidence and the situation can unfortunately get worse as time goes on.
It sounds as if you have tried really hard with her, but you should be able to enjoy your riding.
Just to add if you decide to sell and buy another one please go and try it yourself so you can hack out and test how they will be with all the "horrors" out there.


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## D66 (9 August 2011)

I agree with the advice to get some help.  Mollie might be unsettled with the move, need a bit of schooling, and you might need some help in handling her.
it's possible that she may be unsuitable but you want to give your friend the benefit of the doubt.  
An experienced instructor  who can work with you and the horse will be much better placed to judge than us on here!  But come back here to tell us what happens - and for support.
Good Luck.


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## FionaM12 (9 August 2011)

I know it sounds foolish that I bought her unseen, but because I'd been so long away from horses I had no confidence in finding the right one myself. Then an old friend who's a life-long professional horse woman (dressage rider, BHSI qualified instructor & breeder) offered to help. She lives very far away, so I had to trust her judgement. She found Mollie and arranged transport to me.

I haven't the heart to contact her and tell her all the above.


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## D66 (9 August 2011)

You should tell her.  If she knows horse she shouldn't be too surprised and she can help you find someone local to fix the problem.


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## KrujaaLass (9 August 2011)

Try giving her some rescue remedy. It may just take the edge off her


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## kirstyl (9 August 2011)

I think you need to get in touch with your friend - she is the experienced one! Be honest, no matter how difficult. You and your daughter need to have a safe horse that you can both enjoy


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## be positive (9 August 2011)

Your friend is an experienced person she will have sympathy and have experienced this type of situation before,she will also feel responsible. Although she obviously had thought the pony was ideal she did not know how much it would change in a new home.
I would contact her ,she has no reason to feel she has done anything wrong,we can all make errors of judgement ,I would if I were her,wish to know that things are not working out .
She may be able to offer advice as she knows the pony and you.
Good luck.


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## FionaM12 (9 August 2011)

Thankyou everyone for your feedback. It's given me some things to think about.

I don't give up on animals easily. All my life I've adopted dogs with problems and rescued creatures of all types. And generally, they're with me till they die. However this time I wanted a steady, safe hack as I feel too old and rusty to tackle a problem horse. That hasn't really worked out so far!

I want to work with Mollie and help her settle, but I don't want to put myself or my daughter at risk. I think you're right, it's time to seek professional help.


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## Mike007 (9 August 2011)

Please dont vanish from the forum ,I see you are new here. We all have problems with horses (if we are honest).There is a lot of good advice (ok and a bit of rubbish advice)on here. I admire your enthusiasm and desire to return to horses. Some horses will always be sharp. My beloved "Bob the not a cob" is as sharp as a razor. He sees everything and if anything startles him he slams on the anchors and looks. Not particularly nice but a great deal better than what he used to do. We have worked past the " its every horse for himself" stage and now he is more like a gundog who is pointing out a hazard . An intelegent horse will always react to a sudden input, they cant help it. You need to give the horse the confidence that despite the surprise it will all be OK because "mum" will deal with it.Incidentaly I am also in my 50,s and I still get slammed about when my horse shies at a bit of paper.Find yourself some good local help. A good instructor . Maybe a goodsharer to help you. I am sure there is a lot that can be done . Feel free to pm me. regards Mike.


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## SpruceRI (9 August 2011)

Hi there

Having had several horses in my lifetime, I think it takes a good 6 months for me to gel with them and vice versa.

But, seeing as your pony has come from a specific environment, I would try to replicate that for her for a while, and try moving her to a riding school where you can join in group lessons, group hacks, and she can perhaps be kept as a 'working livery'.... because, as someone else mentioned, horses that in the past have been used as a 'trekker' will be used to working for several hours a day, and be a 'follower'.

She's probably totally unsettled by her new 'do it on your own' environment.

Good luck


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## Boulty (10 August 2011)

Hey, I totally agree that you need to find yourself some professional help but I'd advise you to find someone willing to help not just with the riding side but someone who will help you to teach her ground manners and remind you how to school her and desensitize her to scary objects. If you don't feel safe hacking her out at the moment, even in the company of others then don't. You are right in thinking that she will pick up on your nerves and this will make her more tense. Go back a few steps and think about what you ARE happy doing and how far outside this "comfort zone" you can push yourself without feeling nervous. Is there a school of some kind or at least a field that you can ride in at your yard that is a safe enclosed space? If you are worried about her spooking one thing that you could do is gather up a load of scary objects and slowly introduce her to them on the ground until she isn't bothered by them any more (Probably best to seek some help with this if you are unsure so as not to create any dangerous situations). This will give both of you a bit more confidence as you will be able to reassure yourself next time you encounter similar hazards that nothing is going to happen because you have worked on this at home and if you feel more confident then so will she. Some of this probably is due to being unsettled, a 9hr journey to a totally new environment is a big upheaval (also all your hacking routes are totally new to her, trecking ponies will be used to going the same routes over and over again) , her being out of work for several months probably hasn't helped either (my boy is always  more spooky initially after periods of time off), your nervousness and being unsure will also unsettle her as she may not 100% trust your judgement (well if you're not sure of yourself why on earth should she be?) so likely a combination of things that could have created this.


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## Chavhorse (10 August 2011)

Hi and firstly welcome to the forum.

I know exactly where you are coming from)

I am now 47 and following a bad accident on a loan horse 3 years ago am certainly not the "gung Ho" fearless rider I used to be, add to that a young horse who desperately needed a 100% confident rider to give him confidence we were not the best match!

Eventually after yet another lesson where we managed to do nothing more than scare each other to death, I put him on an exercise livery with a very down to earth friend who owns a riding school.  Six weeks on he is now hacking out, schooling and has been entered for his first dressage competition and jumping nicely, the only thing that has changed is that he has had 6 weeks of only being ridden by confident riders who's whole attitude is "come on you may just enjoy this".  For me seeing him just out doing things with no drama has given me so much more confidence in him that I am ready to start riding him again.

So could you maybe find someone who does not have the wibbles that you not surprisingly do to excercise Molly for you for a while?  someone who can just do stuff with her in a very down to earth matter of fact way to give her some confidence.  At the same time a good instructor or Recommended Associate who can give you some ground work lessons so you can get your confidence with handling her on the ground and then once you are both feeling more confident some riding lessons together.

Best of luck with what ever you decide to do.


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## Booboos (10 August 2011)

Sorry to hear you're having problems, It can't be easy to get back into riding after having such a tough time and end up with an unsuitable horse.

A couple of things you should consider:
- was the horse vetted? Has it been seen by a vet since? Bad behaviour can often be the result of pain, e.g. teeth and back are the usual suspects, but also eyes, ulcers and lameness should be checked out by an experienced equine vet. 

- why had she spent 8 months in a field? This is usually a very alarming sign. In general horses spend time in a field doing nothing if they have had an injury or if they are in some way difficult to ride. It is rare for a gem of a bombproof, beginner's hack to be left unridden for so long as there are so many people who could ride it.

- have you had any professional help with her? No disrespect to your friend but someone who procures a horse that's been doing nothing for 8 months, unseen (unvetted?) for a novice does not come across as very reliable/experienced. Has any other instructor given you lessons or ridden the mare? If there is no physical problem causing her behaviour and you want to percevere with her get a really good instructor to give you frequent lessons (once a week) and also ride her out to get her into better habits. Trekking ponies are used to a lot of low grade work in a group - change that and you may have problems. 

Best of luck and keep in mind that riding is supposed to be pleasurable!


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## FionaM12 (10 August 2011)

There was a reason why she'd been off work for 8 months.

Her previous owner used her for trekking in the summer season only. All the horses went out to grass from October. This spring she decided for personal reasons not to re-open the trekking business so all the horses were put up for sale.

Thanks again everyone. I'm off to work now for 24 hours. Will check the thread on my return tomorrow.


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## MrsMozart (10 August 2011)

Hopping in to say Hello 

A few things sprang to mind:

It can take a horse up to six months to settle 

It's a whole new life for the lass, so might take longer 

Try a magnesium supplement. I've used Nupafeed to good effect; 

Ditch the carrots. A number of horses are highly sensitive to the sugars in them; 

Keep her on a no/low molasses/sugar diet (things suitable for laminitics) 

Get some professional help to desensitise her, and to give you some confidence. You don't say where you are in the country - if you give us a rough idea, someone will know someone who can help

Wear gloves when handling her. Rope burns are not a good look no matter what one's age 

Do you have an instructor? If not, get one. Word of mouth is usually a good guide, just remember that you might not click, so be prepared to try a few 

And hang on in there m'duck. It sounds like you love this lass, and there is still much to try


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## Amymay (10 August 2011)

It's such a shame that you did not get better support and advice when returning to horse ownership - as clearly this is not the horse you were looking for.

I would not ride her yourself - but get someone who is a confident jockey to ride her for you, and in return you ride something that is a real confidence giver to get your confidence back.

Once your little horse is more settled, then start riding her again.

What part of the country are you based in?


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## CHH (10 August 2011)

Remvoe the 'emotive' and financial issues from this scenario - and what do we have?

A horse it seems you didn't (correct me if I am wrong) go and visit prior to purchase and was living in a trekking centre.

Trekking centre horses live and move generally in a group, the only horses required to think remotely are the lead and the rear horse. If she has been one safely in the middle, simply following the tail infront and secure with a nose up her own tail, then that has been her security.
This doesn't mean for one minute these horses are broken correctly or schooled, and in our previous experience take some experience in handling and retraining to deal with.

You are not going to do either of you any good, we have an old saying,:

green+green = black & blue

You are green, you have a massive gap from being involved in horses, and this horse has NOT had an independent life.

I think you could have far better fun and enjoyment to sell this horse, go and have lessons for a period of time and then have a patient and well thought out search for the RIGHT animal for you, your livery circumstances and to make sure this is an enjoyable hobby - afterall isn't this why we keep horses if we don't do it for a living.

I hope this isn't harsh sounding, but if you are nervous and 'a little mature' then a horse who is feeling lost and insecure needs someone confident and experienced.
Yes, you could throw loads of money at an instructor who could come out and make a living out of you, but realistically - are you having fun?

I really feel for you, after such a long break finally getting into a position to own and now dealing with your own nerves and a horses.


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## northernnewfiediva (10 August 2011)

Sorry to hear of your problems, I am also a very mature horse owner with an incredibly sharp ex s/j TB who spooks,leaps, plunges into traffic, bounces at every little thing ( except big lorries - explain that!). My biggest success in solving the ' I don't even want to get on' feeling was to change her feed to Mollichaff calmer it has magnesium and another herbal additive and it has made a world of difference to her approach. It didn't take long and her whole approach too everything became more considered which helped me breathe and sing when hacking!. She is still sharp but much less scary and I don't feel that she is trying to kill herself or me when hacking. She now looks at strange bits of grass/stones/road signs rather than going into full on panic.
It also worked wonders for my 'bad tempered with other horses pony'. 
Old age doesn't bring courage but it does bring cunning!!!!
Very best of luck


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## Hovis_and_SidsMum (10 August 2011)

Firstly hello and welcome to the forum.
I'm sorry your return to riding hasn't been quite what you hoped for yet.
If I were in your shoes i would probably do the following:

Talk to the friend who found the horse for you - if she is a friend then she'll understand and if she is as experienced as you say might be able to offer help.

Find a local instructor to come and look at you and the horse and offer an honest opinion on whether you can over come the mare sissues or if this is a match that is not meant to be.  A good instructor can look at all options an dmore importantly can SEE whats happening -something which we on this forum cannot.  Ask about for reccomendations though (tack shops / other liveries etc) as you do not want someone who is merely going to take your money and fill you with false hope.  If you are prepared to say whereabouts you live then perhaps people on here could also recommend someone?

Also talk to the instructor about calmers etc but to be honest this sounds (see my point about the fact we can't SEE this mare) more like the mare is institutionalised to the riding school mentality rather than needing lots of things shoved down her neck.  

How much work is she getting?  Bare in mind when they are in work riding school horses may well be used every day sometimes more than once in a day.  Is she in a steady routine?  Again its surprising how many horses need that security of a routine to feel settled.

Is there anyone on the yard who could help handle her with you?  If not again it might be worth getting some assistance for some gorund work and desensitising.

With regard to your daughter can you get her lessons at a local RS to help build her confidence and ability?

Lastly good luck with whatever you decide to do.  Please come back and ask any daft question you feel the need to or indeed just to have a moan/ vent.  No matter who we are or how good a rider we think we are, we've all had days when its a nightmare: I remember vividly sobbing my heart out on a boxing day 4 years ago that i'd made the biggest mistake of my life because my big 4 year old horse wouldn't pick his feet up for his nervous novice mum - 4 years on i love that horse more than life itself and we're a team.  

I hope to see you on here again soon with tales of your plan - whatever you decide you want to do xx


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## sue12345 (10 August 2011)

It's possible that i know this horse and have ridden her. I'll pm you.


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## Fellewell (10 August 2011)

If I were you I would concentrate on the positives. You haven't parted company out on your hacks and yesterday when she tried to get away on the ground you won What breed is she? (send her back if she's welsh). 

The other thing I would say is get the tack checked. What is the saddle like? If it's from a trekking centre it won't be good. Also I doubt she needs supplementary feeding. Grazing should be enough, maybe half an apple when she comes in for a fuss.

There isn't an equestrian on the planet who hasn't, at some point in their life, been ready to make a Faustian pact with the devil for a result from a wayward equine Join the club!


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## BonneMaman (10 August 2011)

I really would tell your friend - it seems rather a strange decision to make to get this mare for you on the back of her being off work for 8 months.  How on earth did she know how she went?

I really would consider selling her and getting something both you and your daughter can enjoy.  I persevered for 18 months with my mare but once I had taken the plunge to sell her the relief was wonderful!

I am in my mid 40s and had given up completely for the 10 years previously for kids and family reasons and yes you are certainly not alone in the "creaky rider" syndrome!!   I used to ride anything and everything as a kid and competed at all levels of RC,PC I have gone through the "TB type horses" stage and am now back on hairy ponies and loving it!!

The only other thing you could do would be to try to desensitise her to plastic bags etc - ie get a large tarpaulin, loads of plastic bags, road signs, cones, poles, bunting etc and set it up in a field and work her through, through, through, through and through it all some more!


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## intouch (10 August 2011)

FionaM12 said:



			Thankyou everyone for your feedback. It's given me some things to think about.

I don't give up on animals easily. All my life I've adopted dogs with problems and rescued creatures of all types. And generally, they're with me till they die. However this time I wanted a steady, safe hack as I feel too old and rusty to tackle a problem horse. That hasn't really worked out so far!

I want to work with Mollie and help her settle, but I don't want to put myself or my daughter at risk. I think you're right, it's time to seek professional help.
		
Click to expand...

You sound like a really kind and genuine person, so please don't feel offended if I say you are not (yet) an ideal owner!  Would I be right if I suggest you need to develop some assertiveness?  Horses don't judge people, but they need a leader.  If you are not showing her leadership qualities (and I don't mean bossiness or bullying) she will feel she needs to take the lead - that's just what horses do.  So if she sees what she perceives as danger, she needs to tell you about it - and if you happen to be on her back at the time, that's scarey.

"The only other thing you could do would be to try to desensitise her to plastic bags etc - ie get a large tarpaulin, loads of plastic bags, road signs, cones, poles, bunting etc and set it up in a field and work her through, through, through, through and through it all some more! "

I'd agree with this, but I think it would be best if you can get help with it.  So-called Natural Horsemanship has a lot to recommend it in making safe horses and competent handlers/riders.  See if there are any clinics in your area, and toddle along to fence sit.  If you like it, take your horse along to the next one, and you will really learn.

Or see if there are any Horse Agility trainers in your area, that's a great fun way of getting to know your horse on the ground.

Your horse is fine, and sounds lovely.  Let her teach you what you need to know - with a little experienced help.

THe other thing you might look at is Emotional Freedom Technique (google it) I find it very effective for nervous riders, as well as a lot of other things!  Sounds flakey, but works.


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## Penny Less (10 August 2011)

I feel for you, being in the same boat. From my own past experience, if you are basically not that confident it is very difficult to change your own character. Having with a previous problem horse sought the help of a good instructor, said horse gave instructor very little trouble, but when returned to me because of my "shortcomings" horse reverted to being a spooky so and so .  Unfortunately you can never guarantee that a "bomb  proof" type is not going to be different with a new owner and home.  I hope you manage to sort out this horse if you are really attached, but if you can bear to part with it I would.


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## lynseylou1 (10 August 2011)

lots of good advice on here I thios could have been written about my mare! I employed the help of a pro/ v exp rider to help me and made massive leaps on, I also found a fab supplement that really helped just take edge off. I have pm you the name and will for anybody else wanting it xx


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## lynseylou1 (10 August 2011)

There isn't an equestrian on the planet who hasn't, at some point in their life, been ready to make a Faustian pact with the devil for a result from a wayward equine Join the club![/QUOTE]

fantastic !


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## Merrymoles (10 August 2011)

I have a great deal of sympathy with you, especially if you have already formed an emotional bond with her (which I probably would have). I'd echo the thoughts of Chavhorse and others about asking someone else to ride her for a few weeks to give her some confidence and to see if they can give you an assessment on whether she could still be the horse for you. Nerves are circular things - she's nervous so you're nervous so she's nervous - so finding a way of breaking that loop is important. If you can accompany whoever rides her on foot or bicycle, it will give you a chance to see exactly what she does without having the nerve factor of being on top of her.
I'd also agree that spending lots of time on the ground with her might help - you need to get to know her and she needs to learn to trust you.
Finally, don't despair. It can take up to a year to "click" with a horse but when it finally happens it's worth it. My old boy was a complete git in terms of spookiness but I wouldn't have changed him for the world. Now I'm riding someone else's rock steady mare and I almost miss the constant OMGs as he took exception to something!


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## furball (10 August 2011)

Hi, im new on here to! I realy think you should sell her as i have been through the same thing, i bought what seemed to be a quiet fell pony had him vetted etc, he turned out to be highly nervous and very very sharp and spooky. I was so attatched to him as he was so sweet to handle on the ground i didnt sell him, i kept him three years in which time my confidence was at an all time low. He even took to bolting with a friend who used to ride him, his back was done twice a year, teeth done 6 monthly, fitted new tack etc, no rhyme nor reason to his behavours.

I made the sad desicion to sell earlier this year, never thought any one would want him, i sold him as an in hand companion only, he found a fantastic home with braver people than me, he is back out showing under saddle. He is still the same but his new owners cope with it, where i couldnt. I took my mare back off loan at a riding school, and my confidence is returning. Im getting to long in the tooth for spooky horses now!!! Please please dont persivere like i did and wreck all your confidence, sell up and find a suitable quiet happy hacker!!!! Make sure you try it thoroughly and get it vetted!!! What about having one on loan? Good luck on what you decide!!


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## highlandponylady (8 November 2012)

I too returned to riding in my 50s.  I too ride a spooky pony.  A friend where I am stabled has taken over a year to get her ex-riding school pony into a place where she can canter her out of the sand school so 2 months is nothing.  We are lucky in that we have a great instructor on site who has patiently brought her on with lots of lungeing.  All I'm saying is it may take a lot longer than you think to reinvent this horse.  Good luck!


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## SadKen (8 November 2012)

Slightly different for me in that my new lad is only a baby at 5- however, he is not as far along with his training as I'd thought, and is effectively newly backed so we have a lot of work to do. 

I'm back to horses after a 17 year break (I'm 34) and although I had a lot of experience bringing on young horses, that was a while ago, and I'm not as confident as I was.  My lad is spooky and jumpy, although not quite as bad as your mare sounds.  The answer for us so far has been lots and lots of groundwork, lunging on (quite loose) side reins to get him used to the contact, and trying to expose him gradually to new experiences.  It does seem to be working, he's a bit more confident than he was a month ago.  Although he wasn't keen on the school lights last night (he doesn't like shadows!).  

I'm prepared to spend some time with him because he's young, doesn't have ingrained habits, just doesn't know what to do and is insecure.  I also have a lot of help from my YO.  If I were in your position, I would probably be thinking about selling, because as your girl is a bit older now, it's going to be more difficult to break the habit.  However, as others have said, maybe schooling from an experienced rider would be a good thing to try before you decide for sure.  I just think life is too short to be worrying like this.  I hope it works out for you, as worrying about what will happen to my lad if I fail him and we can't make him nice and safe does sometimes keep me awake at night. Good luck xx


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## FionaM12 (8 November 2012)

SadKen said:



			Slightly different for me in that my new lad is only a baby at 5- however, he is not as far along with his training as I'd thought, and is effectively newly backed so we have a lot of work to do. 

I'm back to horses after a 17 year break (I'm 34) and although I had a lot of experience bringing on young horses, that was a while ago, and I'm not as confident as I was.  My lad is spooky and jumpy, although not quite as bad as your mare sounds.  The answer for us so far has been lots and lots of groundwork, lunging on (quite loose) side reins to get him used to the contact, and trying to expose him gradually to new experiences.  It does seem to be working, he's a bit more confident than he was a month ago.  Although he wasn't keen on the school lights last night (he doesn't like shadows!).  

I'm prepared to spend some time with him because he's young, doesn't have ingrained habits, just doesn't know what to do and is insecure.  I also have a lot of help from my YO.  If I were in your position, I would probably be thinking about selling, because as your girl is a bit older now, it's going to be more difficult to break the habit.  However, as others have said, maybe schooling from an experienced rider would be a good thing to try before you decide for sure.  I just think life is too short to be worrying like this.  I hope it works out for you, as worrying about what will happen to my lad if I fail him and we can't make him nice and safe does sometimes keep me awake at night. Good luck xx
		
Click to expand...

Wow, not sure how you found this thread! 18 months later, things are much improved but not perfect. Wouldn't sell Mollie for the world though.


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## Goldenstar (8 November 2012)

Ok this is what I would do , 
Call your friend and tell her her advice can help you and secrets damage friendships.
Set aside some money to spend getting her going she needs to ridden for a while five or six days a week by a calm confident rider she needs to get into the kind of work you want to do with another rider.
Meanwhile go for regular lessons your self on suitable horses to get going including hacking.
Get an experianced person on the ground involved to get the diet ( minimal food) and  management  looked at and advise any changes that might help .
Set a time limit and reassess at the end of it .i would say sixteen weeks would be long enough to see improvements  I am not one for giving up on horses but you do need to a time scale on sorting this and make a proactive plan for improving things.
Good luck.


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## FionaM12 (8 November 2012)

Goldenstar said:



			Ok this is what I would do , 
Call your friend and tell her her advice can help you and secrets damage friendships.
Set aside some money to spend getting her going she needs to ridden for a while five or six days a week by a calm confident rider she needs to get into the kind of work you want to do with another rider.
Meanwhile go for regular lessons your self on suitable horses to get going including hacking.
Get an experianced person on the ground involved to get the diet ( minimal food) and  management  looked at and advise any changes that might help .
Set a time limit and reassess at the end of it .i would say sixteen weeks would be long enough to see improvements  I am not one for giving up on horses but you do need to a time scale on sorting this and make a proactive plan for improving things.
Good luck.
		
Click to expand...

Thanks, but check  the date of  this thread! I cleared the air with my friend a long time ago and things are different now. Also, I know more about Moll's history (traumatic, inc major head injury) and understand her more.


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## Goldenstar (8 November 2012)

FionaM12 said:



			Thanks, but check  the date of  this thread! I cleared the air with my friend a long time ago and things are different now. Also, I know more about Moll's history (traumatic, inc major head injury) and understand her more. 

Click to expand...

Oops sorry .


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## FionaM12 (29 July 2015)

I'm just re-reading this, my first post here four years ago.

An update:

Nothing really worked with my Mollie in the end. I moved yards (a lovely yard), I had lessons, excellent help... we made some progress but I never overcame my fears and Mollie never did come to enjoy being ridden. She's now 21.

Research into her past uncovered  dreadful trauma, a major road accident in which she received severe head injuries. Poor old girl.

I've finally given up trying to ride her. Two weeks ago, I moved her again, this time into retirement livery. She is to live out her days (or as long as I can afford it), at grass with company and a huge shelter which doubles as stables if necessary.  She's already bonded with the elderly racehorse she shares her field with. 

A lovely lady at our former yard has offered the use of her quiet gentle cob so I may start riding again. Meanwhile I can see Mollie whenever I want as she's a 5 minute drive away.

It wasn't the outcome I wanted, 4 years ago. But that's life, and that's animals for you.

Thanks for all the advice. I tried.


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## Mahoganybay (29 July 2015)

Thanks for the update FionaM12! I remember you first posting & have seen subsequent posts over the years. Sadly, sometimes things just don't work out, no matter what you try. Glad to hear that Mollie will enjoy some retirement, what a true horse women you are to accommodate that.

I would just like to say that reading through the posts on this thread, how helpful and understanding every poster was, this is the thing that keeps me on this forum when it gets silly sometimes.

I hope you take up the offer of the ride on the quiet cob, and wish you all the best.


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## TIGHT (29 July 2015)

Deleted


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## Yardbird (29 July 2015)

Best wishes for future horsey happiness and please let us know how you get on riding the cob, hope you have fun.


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## Sheep (29 July 2015)

Thanks for the update FionaM12, it is much appreciated. It is a shame that you weren't able to progress as you hoped, but it sounds like Mollie has a number of issues and hopefully she will now enjoy a long and happy retirement with her pals. Well done for making the right decision for her.

Please let us know how you get on with your friend's cob!  Good luck.


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## SadKen (29 July 2015)

I tried very hard with my lad too (I referred to him earlier in the post, which was also one of my first here!) but in the end he was just too much for me and I sold him on for buttons to an Endurance rider.  I think if we've tried our best that's all we can ever do; nobody can ask more. 

I hope the new cob is a lot of fun for you FionaM12!


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## Booboos (29 July 2015)

I am sorry it did it work out but hopefully she will be happy in retirement livery and you will have fun ridding your friend's horse.


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## Equi (30 July 2015)

How lovely that you kept her anyway. What a lucky horse. I'm sorry you didn't have that amazing experience of having your own horse to be confident with but maybe it will happen in the future.


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## poops (30 July 2015)

Mollie is very lucky to have found a kind loving owner who is giving her a lovely retirement. Am glad you are still riding too. I have returned to riding after 35+ years...OMG that long!


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## FionaM12 (30 July 2015)

Thanks everyone. Once I knew her history, I vowed she will never have to be stressed, scared and suffer again if I can possibly help it. So as long as I can afford to do so and she's in good health, she will have a happy retirement. 

I couldn't part will her to an unknown fate. It's sad I didn't fulfill my dream of confidentially riding my own horse again, but there are no certainties with animals.

I had wonderful support and advise here, thank you all.


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## debsflo (30 July 2015)

Lucky Mollie to have found you , that's what being a horse lover is all about.


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## FionaM12 (11 April 2019)

I've just been reading this 8 years on from my original post, and 4 years since my last update. Things have changed since then.

After a few happy years of retirement livery for Mollie, the charity where she lived told me a lady had come looking for a companion for her own retired mare. The mare is very similar to Moll in age, type and temperament. The lady lives about 5 miles away, she keeps horses in a field outside her house, not for riding but for their company. She had two, one had died and her mare was very lonely.

The eventual outcome is that Mollie went to live with her mare. She's her horse now but I can visit whenever I like. Mollie has a lovely secure field, adores the other mare and they have a stable each when needed. She could not be better cared for. 

As for me, I haven't ridden for years. In my 60s but still busy with work, caring for my granddaughter several times a week and my elderly Mum who's had a stroke, as well as a busy life with my husband who I married 2 years ago, doesn't leave a space for horses.

It's not the end though. A colleague and friend has a quiet fell pony, and has invited me to ride. I have a broken ankle at present, but hopefully will take her up on the offer.

Animals, hey? Things never work out as expected. ðŸ˜


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## splashgirl45 (11 April 2019)

thanks for updating, its a shame it didnt work out but mollie is  having her retirement and doing a job as a companion and hopefully you will get to ride again and enjoy it. hope you soon recover from your broken ankle


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## Rumtytum (11 April 2019)

I wasnâ€™t on this forum when you posted but Iâ€™ve just read the whole thread and have to say what a wonderful, caring, loyal person you are. Itâ€™s heartwarming to read how Mollie, after so many tribulations, is living her evening years in peace and happiness. I hope you can take up your friendâ€™s offer and enjoy some relaxed time on her pony, you certainly deserve it.


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## FionaM12 (11 April 2019)

Thank you both for your replies and kind words. I'm happy with the outcome of Mollie and my story. My dream of owning a horse again did come true in the end, even if the riding bit didn't work out. 

Mollie's life now is idyllic for a mare who has been through so much. The field she shares with her friend has lots of natural cover, a stream runs through it and her new owner keeps an eye of them both through her kitchen window. Now well into her 20s, Mollie couldn't wish for more.


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## Pearlsasinger (11 April 2019)

How lovely to 'see' you again!

Thanks for the update.  After some problems along the way, it sounds as if there are a few happy endings, with Mollie's new home, your marriage and an offer of a Fell to ride.  I hope your ankle mends quickly, so that you can take up the offer over the summer.

Keep in touch!


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## FionaM12 (11 April 2019)




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## FionaM12 (11 April 2019)




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## bonny (11 April 2019)

What a lovely ending to your journey with Mollie


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## TotalMadgeness (12 April 2019)

Fabulous story!


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## J&S (12 April 2019)

Happy for you and Molly. x


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