# When you want another dog but your husband doesn't....



## pippixox (27 November 2017)

Has anyone wanted to add to their 'collection' of dogs but there other half doesn't? 
We have had our rescue collie for nearly a year. All good. We did foster a collie puppy for a bit as well, but sadly he had huge issues with men due to abuse and despite trying our best to get him to trust my husband he could not cope. I would of happily kept him but he freaked out when ever my husband was home. Which wasn't fair on either of them.

So I fell my husband has been put off due to this experience.
We had always said we would have 2 dogs one day (this used to not be possible as our last dog was reactive with most other dogs- although we started to consider a well matched second before we sadly lost him very young to cancer)

I have found what sounds like a perfect second dog from the rescue I got sky from and fostered for. But husband keeps saying stupid excuses: yes we don't have tonnes of space but all you need in the house is a bed, we are out lots, time wise- we have a dog already so not much extra time other than training new young dog and money wise I now have a job (Dogs come with me to my horses- I just have a girl who I care for come for work experience) 

Anyone been in this situation and changed there OH mind? I want to respect him and not just pick him up!


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## Clodagh (27 November 2017)

Have sex first.  
Apart from that is there a compromise you can offer, that is not really a compomise? I have given up having a horse so can now put that up as an argument for more dogs! 
Try to keep calm and face each of his issues with a solution.


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## Amymay (27 November 2017)

I wanted a second dog for a long time, but oh was adamant that he didn't.  So we just have the one. I've too would look for ages for that special addition for our family and try to persuade him ect. But nothing worked, so I have up.

Not worth falling out about imo - it's his home too after all.


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## Red-1 (27 November 2017)

Whenever I wanted a new pony or puppy and he did not, I just started acting broody for a baby. New puppy or pony was achieved pronto!

As I am now 50 I am not sure how that will work out in the future!


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## Clodagh (27 November 2017)

Red-1 said:



			Whenever I wanted a new pony or puppy and he did not, I just started acting broody for a baby. New puppy or pony was achieved pronto!

As I am now 50 I am not sure how that will work out in the future!
		
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I did that too! I got a foal out of it.


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## alainax (27 November 2017)

I do long term plans. He says no, I say yes of course not just now, but maybe summer next year. 

To be fair I do need kept in check or it would be like a zoo here...


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## pippixox (27 November 2017)

Hehehe! 
The thing is he just has no valid reason other than not really wanting one as he is not dog broody like me! 
We have a 15 month old baby boy and definitely feel like I want another dog before any other baby humans!

I'm not sure wether to keep chipping away at him

Also I have made quite a lot of sacrifices: I sold one horse in the spring and selling my disco 4x4 to save the running costs as I never go anywhere with me trailer anymore. I guess I've accepted horses will be on the back burner for a while where as I can enjoy the dogs company and walk them with my toddler. He upgrades his mountain bikes with no consultation with me! (I'm not suggesting a dog is the same as a bike but his arguement over cost is irrelevant due to bike spending never being an issue! Plus bikes now all in shed so more dog space)


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## LadySam (27 November 2017)

Red-1 said:



			Whenever I wanted a new pony or puppy and he did not, I just started acting broody for a baby. New puppy or pony was achieved pronto!

As I am now 50 I am not sure how that will work out in the future!
		
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Hmm.  I'm 47 and never wanted children so I don't think this boat would float.  Any other ideas?

We lost our beautiful and very special cat in August.  I'm pretty much ready for a new kitten but I don't think he ever will be.  I need an animal of my own.  I'm missing having one dreadfully.


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## Leo Walker (27 November 2017)

I do it in stages. "I'd love a new puppy" "we arent having anymore dogs" "oh not yet, in a few years" 

Then the in a few years becomes next year. Then I gradually drop the time frame and its just "when we get the new puppy". 

When hes suitably accustomed to that I will make more concrete plans. He will usually try to kick up a bit of a fuss but as its become part of every day life and he cant quite remember whether he did say yes or not, we are good to go!

This works brilliantly with my OH who loves the dogs but gets really funny about change. If hes pushed he gets really stressed and worried. This way it eases him into the idea without him really knowing its happening :biggrin3:


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## meleeka (27 November 2017)

Clodagh said:



			Have sex first. .
		
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That works for me   youve got to get them when they arent thinking straight and when theyd do anything for you!


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## Red-1 (27 November 2017)

LadySam said:



			Hmm.  I'm 47 and never wanted children so I don't think this boat would float.  Any other ideas?

.
		
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I was 47 when we got Hekkie, and we had a no more dogs policy.

He was a find though, just before Xmas in 2014, starving and freezing cold, dodging cars in the road. I brought him home to take him to the kennels, but as it was just before Xmas they said they would just PTS. I advertised him widely, but no owner turned up, so £1,300 or so in vets fees later he is still here!







Not quite what I would have chosen, but hey, he was a new dog!

Funnily enough he is more precious than any other dog we have ever had. The only one to have access to sofas, cushions and fleeces. He has jackets too.


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## Moobli (27 November 2017)

Hekkie is gorgeous!!

OP - are you solely responsible for your current dog and do all the walking, feeding, training, grooming etc?  If so, and if this would also apply to a second dog, then I don't really see your hubby's argument against.  

I would point out that he gets a new bike without consultation with you, but as a new dog would be living with you then you thought it only right to let him know that you were considering a second dog.  Tell him you understand about his worries that the last rescue didn't work out but that doesn't mean this one won't.  If all else fails, the remove any sexual favours until he agrees  

In our household it is usually me who has to dissuade my OH from adding another dog (he already has nine!) but I would never dream of saying no outright.  I do have some input as I usually raise his working dogs from pups in the house and do all the socialisation and foundation training before they go out to kennels at around 9 months old.

I have two GSDs - plus the responsibility for one of the working collies who has decided he is too highly strung to work but is not a suitable candidate to find another home for - and a couple of times I have been tempted to add another dog.  A kelpie pup and more recently a rescue working line GSD.  The kelpie would likely have been wrong on many counts and hubby did try to talk me out of it (and showed lots of relief when I decided against going ahead) but he wouldn't ever say no outright, as we are responsible for our own dogs and we are both huge dog lovers.  If I wanted to add another horse that would be a different story .... lol

What is the story behind the dog in rescue? Breed, age, temperament? Do you think it would fit in with your current dog and busy lifestyle?  You could always just persuade hubby to join you to go and meet said dog , just to see ....

Good luck!


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## pippixox (27 November 2017)

Yes workingGSD I am the carer 90% of the time, he just does hugs when he is home from work and an occasional game of fetch or weekend walk.
I think he is just wary of new dog causing any extra hassle! he likes his peaceful evenings after a long days work. But I tire them out all day and our nutty rescue collie just sleeps all evenings! 

I didn't want to rush to get a second, but this boy sounds ideal. 9 months, collie x GSD, used to young children. only being rehomed as tragically owner has cancer. He has had a lot of interest but we are probably the most suitable as can easily meet energy needs and I only work part time in jobs were child and dogs come with me! (horses and child care of a teenager with autism who loves dogs)

He is being viewed by someone else this week- as I have told the lady I'm very interested just need to persuade hubby,so understandably she is keeping options open for other people to meet him- and when I told husband that he did say- well don't worry there are loads of other dogs out there, rather than- well that's good as we don't need a second. So I think I am planting the seed....


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## {97702} (27 November 2017)

Sorry I know I am a bolshy mare who shouldn't be in a relationship   but I would struggle with the idea that he can update his bike whenever he wants without consultation but he refuses to let you have a dog?  AND you are compromising on your horses?  

I am lucky in the fact that the dogs have always been mine, the house was originally mine (well, rented mine) and the BF moved in, so if I want a new dog I shall get one


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## Moobli (27 November 2017)

pippixox - he sounds lovely   And ideal ... fingers crossed you can persuade the hub!


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## MotherOfChickens (27 November 2017)

Lévrier;13678437 said:
			
		


			Sorry I know I am a bolshy mare who shouldn't be in a relationship   but I would struggle with the idea that he can update his bike whenever he wants without consultation but he refuses to let you have a dog?  AND you are compromising on your horses?
		
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tbf a bike is hardly the time and financial commitment of a dog. Although I am the main 'carer' and financier of my dogs and horses, there's no doubt they impact on my OH especially when I am busy or ill. I hardly ever feed his bike or let it out at 7am in the morning  I confess I did once buy a pony when he wasnt that keen on it-still have the pony and the OH but several years later he admitted he'd been really angry about it and I realised I had been in the wrong really.he'd never update his bike or anything without discussing it with me first though.

With my OH, when I first mentioned 4 years ago that in the future, I would only keep 2 dogs (or more) ie no more singletons, he was dead against the idea-really against the time and money. However, the seed was sown and two years later he came round to my way of thinking (tbf to him, he'd only known my psycho collie and high maintenance setter up to then). He'd now not dream of just having the one cat/dog/horse. So to the OP, I'd maybe wait, there'll always be another worthy dog-keep talking to him.


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## Equi (27 November 2017)

Compromise, and get another dog.


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## Pearlsasinger (27 November 2017)

pippixox said:



			Yes workingGSD I am the carer 90% of the time, he just does hugs when he is home from work and an occasional game of fetch or weekend walk.
I think he is just wary of new dog causing any extra hassle..
		
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2 dogs are much less hassle than 1, they keep each other entertained and exercised.


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## Cinnamontoast (27 November 2017)

equi said:



			Compromise, and get another dog.
		
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PMSL! We'd probably have more but Zak would not like it.The OH keeps me on track because he does most of the walks, so I can't really gainsay him.


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## GirlFriday (28 November 2017)

OP your child will very soon be at school. That will leave you in a position to be able to take on more/better paid employment during the school day. If only you wouldn't be leaving one poor lonely dog at home alone... And think of how many lovely new bikes (or horses, ponies for the little one etc, but shhh) you could buy with your increased earnings...


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## honetpot (28 November 2017)

Men only see problems, usually because they do not want to be disturbed in their routine.
  I sold my last dog on the fact we needed more security, and needed to get it settled before we moved house. She loves my husband, and she is also very obedient, so once she was through the door she was in. She is also a very good guard dog.
  So keep thinking of the advantages.


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## Amymay (28 November 2017)

And of course, typically, a little male Bichon has just popped up on my timeline needing to be rehomed. 

I did ask - the answer was still no &#128547;


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## Chiffy (28 November 2017)

That&#8217;s sad amymay!


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## ILuvCowparsely (28 November 2017)

pippixox said:



			Has anyone wanted to add to their 'collection' of dogs but there other half doesn't? 
We have had our rescue collie for nearly a year. All good. We did foster a collie puppy for a bit as well, but sadly he had huge issues with men due to abuse and despite trying our best to get him to trust my husband he could not cope. I would of happily kept him but he freaked out when ever my husband was home. Which wasn't fair on either of them.

So I fell my husband has been put off due to this experience.
We had always said we would have 2 dogs one day (this used to not be possible as our last dog was reactive with most other dogs- although we started to consider a well matched second before we sadly lost him very young to cancer)

I have found what sounds like a perfect second dog from the rescue I got sky from and fostered for. But husband keeps saying stupid excuses: yes we don't have tonnes of space but all you need in the house is a bed, we are out lots, time wise- we have a dog already so not much extra time other than training new young dog and money wise I now have a job (Dogs come with me to my horses- I just have a girl who I care for come for work experience) 

Anyone been in this situation and changed there OH mind? I want to respect him and not just pick him up!
		
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not dog no but horse and hubby did not unfortunately he won but have one on loan


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## jsprince (28 November 2017)

Oh that is sad, sometimes you don't realise how much they need another dog as a companion until you see them with one in the home environment.  I thought my boy was if not ecstatic on his own was happy but seeing him since Teddy shows me how much he missed my other boy. 
I hope your oh comes round but you are right there is no point causing disharmony because of it.


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## Alec Swan (28 November 2017)

I'm saddened to read of those on here who advise us that to get their own way they either withhold or offer sex.  Doubtless and as I am,  they'll be relieved to hear that they share neither a bed nor a life with me. 

Alec.


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## Alec Swan (28 November 2017)

honetpot said:



			Men only see problems, usually because they do not want to be disturbed in their routine. &#8230;&#8230;.. .
		
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&#8230;. and many perhaps have learned by bitter experience and have learned to ignore &#8230;. 'Oh it'll be alright'! 

Alec.


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## Alec Swan (28 November 2017)

equi said:



			Compromise, and get another dog.
		
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The shrewd approach would be to start out wanting another 3 and them settle for just the one &#8230;. that's how it's previously worked in my experience.

Alec.


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## Morag4 (28 November 2017)

I work on the "better to ask for forgiveness than permission" approach! &#9786;&#65039;


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## KittenInTheTree (28 November 2017)

Option 1 - Accept that your husband really doesn't want a second dog, and just focus your broodiness on your existing dog - take up a new activity with him, go for longer walks, buy him expensive toys or food with the money that would go on the second dog, and just generally pamper him more.

Option 2 - Go ahead and get a second dog with the understanding that your husband doesn't want it and possibly never will, which in turn could lead to resentment on his part and stress all round. There's also the risk that the second dog would turn out to be a problem in other ways - health or behavioural issues, current dog might react badly to having a second dog in the household, twice the effort needed, twice the expense, etc.

Either way, nagging or otherwise "persuading" someone to come around to your way of thinking isn't fair.


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## Beth206 (4 December 2017)

I fell lucky with acquiring our 2nd dog. I looked after him for my old bosses whilst they went on holiday, when they got back they never asked how he was or wanted him back. 3 years later they still haven't asked about him and he is still mine  I have since left that job too. He was never particularly well looked after and he is such a happy old man now.

My OH isn't really bothered about my animals to be honest, he planted the seed by getting me a puppy for Christmas 5 years ago. I care for them all, pay for them all and attend to their every need so he really doesn't have a leg to stand on. TBH my OH takes more looking after than my menagerie!

2 dogs, 2 rabbits and a horse later I don't think I've done too bad getting what I want


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## Cinnamontoast (4 December 2017)

My trainer mate has just taken on a cocker in need of training/behaviour rehab. (She suddenly has Thistle as a mutual friend!) My OH looked at him and said we'd probably have more were it not for Zak!! There's hope after all!


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