# First Horse-How do you know he is "The One"



## MissJessica (16 March 2013)

Pease don't respond to my post by gushing...it was love at first sight, or I knew as soon as I sat on him because to me this isn't helpful. 

I am a cynic. I struggle to trust, I don't really believe in the certainty above, I am about to take the leap from loaning horses in the past to being a horse owner. 
I am competent, capable but not confident. However, I know I don't want another cob as I've always had cobs and I really want something to keep forever, with that bit more ability for when I'm ready. (And feeling brave). 

Today I tried a connemara, 8yrs 15.1hh he unbalanced me a little when he went into trot & I tensed/fretted/worried/stressed/thought the worst pulled my hands back & lent forward (I know I shouldn't of) & he reacted but rushing off but stopped after a few strides. Probably when I released by breath (good boy). This happened again when a loud bang unexpectedly happened. I know it was me being cautious/nervous & I know once we got to know each other I wouldn't be bothers but its such a big step up. From a laid back older cob to a connemara but we all have to make that leap. 

I want to know, are we ever sure. Is anyone else out there scared of the thought of being home alone & getting on for the first time in your own ménage? 
How do we all feel, the horse had a fab temperament & if I don't want another cob I need to understand the next step up has more life. Is it ever easy to make the step up?

Thank you


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## iconique (16 March 2013)

I'm a cynic too and my answer is "you won't!" 
Only once you've got the horse home and built a relationship over time will you be able to make that decision. Many people profess to have the one and quite often it isn't. I've been around horses most of my life and only found one that is my real could have gone anywhere and done everything horse and I got her too late in her life! But I do have a good relationship with my horses and love them to bits!
If you are buying a horse the answer is that whilst your feelings are important they aren't everything, go back several times and try different things, sellers quite often don't ell everything and a horse is usually for sale for a reason, financial is the most often quoted because we don't question, but if you look at some of the posts on here many will go without a lot before selling and how many posts of I've got it home or this, that and the other...
It's not going to be easy, but take your time, use an experienced person to help and go with you, check out the seller and most of all - if in doubt don't. There will be the right one, its patience!

I also suggest if you are looking at changing horse types then go ride a few different horses and you might then feel more prepared when trying one to buy?


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## HaffiesRock (16 March 2013)

I have had my pony for 8 months, I went to see him because A) He was a Haflinger and that's what I wanted B) He was very cheap. I cancelled the viewing initially thinking he was too cheap and would have major issue other than what I knew already (hard to catch and had a mounting issue) OH encouraged me to go and even came with me. When I got there pony was very nervy and skitty and I didn't like him! He didn't look like I wanted him too either (no picture on the advert) I tried to make friends but he was just jumping all over the place.

She asked if I wanted to ride and OH said (bearing in he is so anti horse and had seen how skitty he was) that I should ride. If I was on my own I would have said he wasnt what I wanted and left. Anyway, a little girl got legged up onto him and off we went onto the housing estate behind the allotment he was in. He looked great so I hopped on and off we went. He hacked perfectly and that is exactly what I wanted. I said i'd think about it and left. OH was adamant that the pony had potential and I should buy it. So I did!

We have taken time to build a bond and he is amazing. He comes to call now and although still a little nervy with mounting, he is tons better. 

I have just reached the point where I can get on him, on my own with nobody else around and know he wont do anything silly. He doesnt kick, buck, bite or rear and is turning into my dream pony. He isnt the loving type so when he came over and gave me the biggest, bestest snuggly cuddle today I knew he was the one.

Sometimes you need to take a leap of faith if you are unsure, but dont make any rash decisions and always make sure you have a plan if things dont work. 

And good luck! xx


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## Todmiester (16 March 2013)

Ive sat on some horses and naturaly felt at home on them and just known that we would get on, and there have been others that its taken some time for us to build up a relationship.

The Todmiester I saw but didnt actually sit on him till I took him home. The 1st couple of times I sat on him I made sure I was in company just incase things went wrong. He was a very green and was unbalanced initially. However I knew I was sitting on someone rather special. And yes Im going to gush as he is my Pony in a Million, it just took 20+ years and many ponies for us to finally meet.

Connies are lovely most are sensible smooth rides with gentle personalities. If I were you Id go back and ride this Connie again and see how you feel. Natives are great.


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## MissJessica (17 March 2013)

Thank you so much for all your comments & please people keep them coming. 

Iconique - thank you for not making me feel like a woman scorned & that its ok to be cynical. 
HaffiesRock - I really liked your story, small compromises like your haffies mounting have made you two the team you are today, possibly like I need to trust the connie when he shot forward. We'll understand one another in time. 
Todmiester - good point as when I got on the connie I did feel at home & safe, we just maybe had a misunderstanding. And his temperament was exactly as you described. Beautiful.


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## SNORKEY (17 March 2013)

Think of the most important thing to you, ie the horse has to be 110% on the roads and to handle in the yard, if you want a horse that's a real steady Eddie then make sure you feel you could really relax with it. If you take the horse out on the road and it spooks at a crisp packet but looks so handsome/ pretty, don't fall for it and move on to the next, as your never feel confident.
The last horse I've brought was one that I wanted to be a real plod type, he isn't broken but when I went to see him I took him away from his field mate for a walk and his mate went mad but my boy didn't bat an eyelid, and he still is very laid back.
Don't feel rushed and I'd try the horse out at least twice, when I've sold horses before I insist they come back and do everything with the horse, get it in, groom, tack up, take out on the roads and in the schooling area. 
If you don't want a cob then your need to be careful what you buy, the reason I've brought a cob is because after 9 yrs of unhappy riding on my nutty arab x Appaloosa I've had enough and I'm going to sell him to someone who likes faster and more quirky horses. There's nothing wrong with a good old trust worthy cob but what about a horse from a riding school? They usually have all types available and are usually a bit dead to the leg so you won't feel like its going to tank off if you put your leg on a bit firm!


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## Cortez (17 March 2013)

You won't know if he's the "one" until you've been identified the "two" "three" "four", etc. I suggest that you engage an instructor pronto to help you make him the "one"; these things take time, input and luck.


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## YorksG (17 March 2013)

I won't say how to tell if the horse is going to be the one, as different people have different experiences. What I will say is that it will hit you like a tonne of bricks that this is YOUR horse, whatever happens you are responsible for its welfare and well being  I can remember when we got our first horse, nearly forty years ago, how that felt! If it feels like the right horse when you try it, be prepared to think you have made a huge mistake as you get to know each other, this will pass as you develop the relationship


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## alainax (18 March 2013)

MissJessica said:



			I am competent, capable but not confident. However, I know I don't want another cob as I've always had cobs and I really want something to keep forever, with that bit more ability for when I'm ready.
		
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From your new horse you are asking two things. 
To be quiet enough for now. Capable enough for later. 

For now, you may not be able to tell what will be later. 


You have to make a choice. A horse who 100% bomb proof safe beasty, who will likely take you further... but will you get bored?

Or a slightely above your confidence animal who you will learn to trust, become a great team and go far..... but can you learn the confidence needed?



Your choice, we cant make it for you. All I can say is the perfect one if out there, you just have to find him. But before you do, work out what you 100% want. Before another poor horse is passed pillar to post.


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## Ahrena (18 March 2013)

To be fair, the only one out of my 3 horse's I felt was the 'one' as soon as I saw her, I blooming wish i didn't buy as she is very difficult, very opinionated and now retired as a chronic rearer (not entirely my fault although as I was 15 and she 5 when i bought her i do feel I'm not blameless  )

My current riding horse...I meant to only have him on loan for a summer before uni, so although he didn't light my world on fire when i saw him, i liked him, he seemed pleasant and he could do the job i wanted. 

It took a couple of weeks but 2 years on he is just a superstar. I absolutely adore him and can do anything with him and he has made countless dreams come true.

So perhaps head over heart is a good thing sometimes!


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## MyBoyChe (18 March 2013)

I dont think you will know you have made the right choice until you've had the horse for quite a while and have got to know him.  Its a bit like people isnt it, you wont get on with everyone, some you will tolerate, others you will have no time for and others will be friends for ever.  For now I think you need to choose a horse that you like, feel confident handling and not scared when you're on board.  A little bit of apprehension is no bad thing, stops you being reckless, and over time that should go.  Dont be afraid to admit to making a wrong decision if it turns out that way, even the professionals get it wrong sometimes!


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## asommerville (18 March 2013)

my boy on paoer was the opposite of what i wanted, he was 3, uncut and unbacked witha bit of arab in him!  however he also had a bit of ID, stood perfectly in a dark shes full of sh&t with nimerous other colts running round us and came away from.them to go a walk and trot up the road.  he was a bit of a mess and wev had some momenta where i have wondered WhY lol  but generally i am so glad i bought him and 3 years later he is a lovely wee man


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## Skipadeedooda (19 March 2013)

Buying a horse is always a bit risky, I'm not sure you are ever 100% certain. Some people make an emotional choice, some go with gut instinct and some go with their heads (what ticks the boxes). You do need to consider like another poster mentioned what's more important to you a confidence giver or something with scope for you to grow with. There is always a compromise and whether you would consider buying a horse to do a job - build your confidence then sell on or are you looking for a horse for life. Either way you must feel comfortable and safe on the horse, even if they are quirky you can still get that "I feel comfortable with this feel". If you are unsure or nervous then I wouldn't consider it as take the horse out of its comfort zone you could be in real trouble. Relationships tend to build over time so if you will be getting regular lessons and support chances are you'll progress quicker and build that bond quicker. If you will be riding alone etc then perhaps the confidence giver type is more important. Take an instructor with you as they will know your riding and what horses you can work with and which partnerships may not be so good.


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## celticdiamond (20 March 2013)

I didn't know my connie was the one till 4 years after purchasing him, probably not helpful but had it not been for my parents saying stick with him, he would have been long gone years ago, but 6 years on and he's turning into my horse of a lifetime that will remain with me until the end of his days (currently he's only 10!)


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## wyrdsister (20 March 2013)

I don't know if this will help, because with most of my horses, I've gone on 'gut instinct' and I've yet to be wrong. But, trying to rationalise at least one of my purchases, I knew Blond was 'the one' when I watched him being put through his paces by his then owner and he spooked and ran out at a fence. She checked him quietly, put him back over it, pulled up, looked at me, shrugged and said 'he does that sometimes.' At the time, I'd had my confidence wrecked by my previous horse and was barely willing to get on anything, even horses I knew well and had ridden regularly. I stood there looking at this strange horse and thought: I can cope with that. For me, it was about not being afraid of *this* horse at the moment when I was pretty much scared of riding full stop. I felt the same way when I got on him and when I got him home. Even when he was silly, spooky, overexcited or just being a ditz, I found I could trust him and I didn't doubt my ability to handle him. I knew I'd made the right decision that first day and that was 16 years ago. I've still got him, crazy old man that he is now!


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## Twinkley Lights (20 March 2013)

I would make sure I had a good support network set up including lessons before I went from a cob to a connie as they really do have a few more gears when they choose to

To answer your orig question I don't think you will know as that sort of relationship and love has to grow.


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## chestnut cob (20 March 2013)

What sort of support network do you have?  Where will you keep the horse once you've bought it?  You made a comment in your OP about being "home alone".  Does that mean you're a nervous rider who is going to keep their horse at home on its/your own?  That would ring alarm bells to me.  Or do you mean once you're at your livery yard, but in the arena trying to work alone?

I would suggest first of all you get a good instructor and get them to go with you to see horses, even if it's for a second viewing (ie, you go on your own first).  Regardless of the horse you buy, you'll benefit from lessons as you're getting to know it but this is particularly important if you buy something sharper than you are used to.

As for what is right for now and in the future - I've bought horses that I said would be my "forever" horse and ended up selling because you can outgrow each other.  Something that suits now may not suit in a year or years, so I think you have to buy the horse that suits you now.  I don't mean it has to be totally bombproof or a donkey, but you have to be able to feel you can ride it or at least *learn* to ride it and not dent each other's confidence in the process.  Plus, just because something is a cob doesn't mean it has to be a plod. My new horse is, I guess, part Connemara and part cob.  He is the sharpest thing I've owned and he is really deceptive - sharp, super sensitive, stroppy but incredibly intelligent, loves to learn, fabulous to hack, hunt and XC, enjoys SJ and has lovely paces to boot.  But.. I've owned him for 9 months and we are only just gelling WRT flatwork.  I could hack him for hours, hunt him all day long, am entering some HT, we've done DR and SJ but I do find him tricky on the flat.  I knew when I first sat on him that he would be tricky and I'd have a steep learning curve *but* I also knew I could work with him and we'd get there with good, regular training.  On the other side of the coin... I went to see a stunning ISH that was right at the top of my price range.  Had been BE90, hunted (jumped the moon), looked great, lovely on the flat.  He was a 5 or 6yo and although he was bold to jump, he was also quite green and v sensitive.  I really liked him but felt he was just too green and sharp, too much of a horse to forgive any mistakes on my part.  I felt he would worry if I got things wrong and I'd end up denting his confidence and mine.  The one I bought has that pony brain, sorts himself out (he was also a 5yo but a totally different head), forgives my mistakes and doesn't get upset if I do things wrong.  In time I might have been able to ride the other but I couldn't risk it - I'd have needed a lesson or two a week really, he'd have needed daily work, and it felt like too much work TBH.  

So... I think you need to try a few before you know what is right, and for me it was about finding something that was a bit sharper, with some ability but that wouldn't mind me getting it wrong sometimes.


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## 9tails (20 March 2013)

I majorly overhorsed myself when I bought my mare.  I wouldn't recommend it but I'm not a nervous type.  I fell off quite a bit at first, also not recommended for nerves and confidence.  I'll never tap her true potential, but it's a lot of fun trying.  

I bought her because I liked her looks, she was the right size, she was/is flashy and she has a kind eye.  I haven't made a mistake, 5 years on she is still the one.


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## hnmisty (25 March 2013)

I got on a horse for loan a couple of years ago that was described as bombproof (owner then mentioned that she naps when you leave the yard...). I was riding her around the arena and felt like she was going to try to dump me on the floor at any moment. 

As people said- you often don't know. And I think the more experienced you get, in a way the harder it is. I recently started the search for equine no 3, having last bought as a 14 year old, 10 years ago. I am now in the process of buying one, and it took the combined effort of about five horsey friends yelling at me to phone up and say "I'll have her" for me to actually make the call. It was difficult for me as I'd had my first pony for almost 12 years, I got her when I was 11 and she died 18 months ago when I was 23. I needed to keep reminding myself that even though I knew her inside out and trusted her with my life, I had had a very long time to get to that stage, and of course I had to start at the beginning with her all those years ago. It's quite scary having to start over again, but I have to keep reminding myself that I only don't remember this process with Misty because it happened so long ago!


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## MerrySherryRider (25 March 2013)

I don't know how you buy a horse other than on gut instinct. If I have to walk away and think about it, it isn't the right one.


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## brucethegypsycob (26 March 2013)

Just as a side note - don't rule out cobs because they have a reputation of being ploddy. My gypsy cob can spin on a sixpence, canter like a race horse, and turn out a super dressage test. Having said that he can also plod round the lanes if all I want to do is plod round the lanes.


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## Caol Ila (28 March 2013)

I haven't read all replies, but I just want to say that it is possible to have the best of both worlds: a horse with power and ability, but who also will take care of a rider and will dial down the power for a nervous or unbalanced one.


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## Crazycob06 (28 March 2013)

brucethegypsycob said:



			Just as a side note - don't rule out cobs because they have a reputation of being ploddy. My gypsy cob can spin on a sixpence, canter like a race horse, and turn out a super dressage test. Having said that he can also plod round the lanes if all I want to do is plod round the lanes.
		
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I agree! My welsh cob is def only a plod if I want her to be! If I want to have a fun hack I let her go and my goodness she can go!! And she loves it too! All she needs is a tiny squeeze and  to hear 'let's go'! She enjoys jumping too and has a fantastic jump on her and with more schooling could make a good dressage pony too, she is responsive and willing to work. Just young and green ATM. 

She is def not the horse I tried out or viewed! And she scared the life out of me the first few times i rode her at home, but now I can say she is perfect for me! We know each other so well now already and have a great time! 

So what I'm saying really is, you won't know to you have a new one home and settled in IMO and you get used to each other.

I hope what ever you get, you have fun with! Good luck!


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## ShadowFlame (28 March 2013)

As "gushy" as this potentionally sounds, you get a gut feeling about them. If there's not something screaming "yes!" at you, it's probably not the one  

I always go on gut. I bought the third horse I viewed.


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## Skipadeedooda (28 March 2013)

It is true - I bought my first horse 20yrs ago and never looked at anything else, he was a youngster at yard. I couldn't have picked a more suited horse if I had tried. He's no angel whatsoever but couldn't be better matched. Did the same last year arranged to view a horse and thought since I'm travelling all that way there was a yearling on-route that I thought I'd go and see but wasn't looking for one that young. Again, instantly thought yeap that's the one, other horse was just ok in comparison. So I 100% agree with gut instince BUT I have a friend who I have viewed lots of horses with and she is definitely more head than heart and even over-thinks to the stage she could talk herself out of the ideal horse with "what-ifs". We are all different, that's what makes it fun.


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## Booboos (28 March 2013)

Buying a horse is always risky. You only view them for a very short period of time and any horse can change in a new environment and with a new rider. In addition you also now want something that can take you to a higher level so you need to balance getting a horse that challenges you enough to improve but doesn't challenge you so far you fail and lose your confidence.

Do you have an instructor? The best thing is to take your instructor with you, both for a second opinion on whether the horse is suitable to you and to give you a mini lesson there and then so you get on with riding the horse to the best of your ability.


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## Boulty (28 March 2013)

The short answer is that a lot of the time you probably won't know straight away.

I have bought 3 horses in three different circumstances and I didn't get that "connection" or "feeling" that people talk about with any of them. 

My first pony we tried to do everything by the book and still ended up with a totally unsuitable horse. My second horse was my (and probably a few other people's) horse of a lifetime, although it took me a good 3 years to realize how special he was. He came from a dealer that person who ran yard I was on at time did business with from time to time along with a small herd of other horses so I got to keep him on the yard I tried him at. In the beginning he was a bit of a "you'll do for now" horse as the one I had my heart set on originally would have been outgrown before the year was out and it took a fair bit of pressure from a few different sides to push me into a decision to take him. I did need quite regular lessons initially as going to admit he did scare me a bit as he naturally had very forward paces and then used to try and rush on top of that and I was used to more ploddy types! Current pony I put a deposit down after first viewing and he arrived the following weekend. Still didn't get that "gut feeling" but was impressed by his ground manners and could see the potential for him to be the horse I wanted once I learn to ride him properly (I've erm not had a lesson in about 2 years!) so didn't see a reason not to.


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## ClaretCarrot (29 March 2013)

If you're riding on your own you need to be confident on your mount. I bought a firery warmblood when I moved to my own place. Completely over horsed. Riding a tricky horse on your own is scary, it took me 8 years to get my confidence back (on a different horse) 

That said, connemara's are smaller and more sensible and I'm a big fan. They can also be a bit sharp at times. What about a connie x cob? 
Try a few more out first, and if you have your doubts then listen to them. You want to feel safe on it.
I have a Coloured Connie X.  Fun and safe but with a bit of flash. 
I know cobs that would pop a 1m course so don't rule them out either!


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## Cinnamontoast (30 March 2013)

I took knowledgable friends and my yard owner and got them all to try him too. I narrowed down what I didn't want and went from there. 

As a competent, not confident type, too, I wanted a steady but with potential horse too, which is exactly what I got. I was dead honest with my yard owner who had seen me ride my loan that was sadly PTS so he knew my ability and the sort of horse I should be looking at. He advised (insisted on!) a 5 stage to be very clear about how fit for purpose the horse was, very sensible and worth the money, IMO. 

So take along your instructor and listen to advice. I resented mine for weeks as he wasn't my loan horse but even then, I realised he was ideal for me once he'd been schooled on a bit.


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## FestiveFuzz (10 April 2013)

I'm also probably not going to be much help as when I found my last horse I knew as soon as I rode her that she was perfect for me. It wasn't just a gut feeling but a sense of feeling confident on her from day one. That's not to say she was always angelic and at times she really tested me but the fact I always felt comfortable and secure on her really boosted my confidence when she did act up.


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## hoggedmane (10 April 2013)

I'm probably not much help either as I've had four horses myself but have never replied to an advert for one. Didn't try the first two at all and rode 3rd one for 20 mins in school before I said I'd have him.

First pony bought for me and was in her stable on Christmas day with a note in her bridle. - She was a saint and perfect first pony.
2nd pony arrived on loan after having been out of work for 18months after having a foal. Bought her 2 years later.
3rd horse was on yard and being advertised for £6K. The girls mother got fed up paying the livery and said she's take £1500 to get rid of him so I had him.
4th horse I was helping at a yard my friend kept her horse at by excersing for them. Friend rang to say they had a lovely mare in that I would like (they were dealers too) and sure enough I did and bought her too.

I have bought two through ads for my daughter and neither were a real success - in fact the second was a disaster. I am dreading having to look for a replacement for my mare (she is 22 now)

Good luck - I think it is a minefield buying.


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## MissJessica (10 April 2013)

Thank you for all of your comments. 

I went with my gut instinct & I bought him...he arrived at the same time as the snow! Then....the hurricane winds....he has been spooky in the school, but it is all new to him. Last night was the first time I've taken him in the school & he didn't spook once! We're sticking to walk & a few little trots & just getting to know each other, circles, figures of 8, serpentines etc... my other half has been cantering him. 
I've learnt to lunge & been playing the first 3 parelli games on the ground & I've booked a lesson with my instructor for Monday, just to give me confidence in the spooky areas of the school. 
I know we'll grow together as I do aspire to take him out to shows & fun xc days, hunter trials & I know when I'm ready, he is more than capable! 

THANK YOU!!!!!


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