# Lethal inection



## Wagtail (26 October 2013)

Which drug do most vets use for this in the UK? Is it barbiturates or succinylcholine? Thanks.


----------



## Auslander (26 October 2013)

Wagtail said:



			Which drug do most vets use for this in the UK? Is it barbiturates or succinylcholine? Thanks.
		
Click to expand...

Cant speak for others, but in my experience, they have used Somulose, which is a barbiturate


----------



## Polos Mum (26 October 2013)

Ones I have delt with use barbiturate overdose - hence the need to get enough in promptly to overdose and avoid the 'high' that a lesser dose can generate.


----------



## hayinamanger (26 October 2013)

Somulose is commonly used by our vets.


----------



## foraday (26 October 2013)

Somulose again

Very quick and painless


----------



## Mahoganybay (26 October 2013)

Just this morning sat with my friend whilst her lovely horse was PTS, vet used Somulose, horse was already down so he went very peacefully.

RIP Ollie xx


----------



## Wagtail (26 October 2013)

Thank you. I am just dreading it.


----------



## Hippona (26 October 2013)

My horse went very peacefully.
The sense of loss was devastating for me, but he was no longer in pain and that's what mattered.

Be brave....it's your final kindness to her xx


----------



## Mahoganybay (26 October 2013)

Whilst sat with my friend whose horse went down suddenly with colic yesterday resulting in him being PTS this morning, we discussed how she was giving him her final act of kindness, doing the right thing by him, putting an end to his pain etc etc.

Whilst the drug was taking effect, myself, another friend and the horses owner were all crying / sobbing and i tearfully said to the vet, 'i bet this is the worse part of your job, doing this and having to listen to owners / women / men crying and he said no, the worst part of his job is when owners etc don't give a rat's ass, tell him to get on with it and walk away.

He said my friends horse went with three women telling him what a lovely boy he was, which he reckoned was not a bad thing. His pain is gone, it was not delayed, he was calm and comfortable. Seriously if you could plan your own end of life this is what you would choose. 

This was of course sudden, yesterday morning he was fine, it was upsetting yes, we all cried, his owner no doubt will cry for weeks to come but the horses best interest was taken care of. 

You will be fine.


----------



## Wagtail (26 October 2013)

Thank you. I think this is the hardest thing I have had to do in my life. I have lost three other horses, but all were emergencies and the decision to PTS was a no brainer. Now I am faced with a situation of a mare who is bright and perky in herself. Who greets me every time I walk out of the house with a whinny. Who still plays with me in her stable (she's always nudged me around and nibbled me gently). Who I have owned for 14 years and have an incredible bond with, and who I love more than I can even begin to describe. I could control this laminitis by cutting her feed down even further and box resting her, but she is already on the best diet possible and cutting her down further is unacceptable to me, as is long term box rest. I don't want her ending her days a skinny bag of bones confined to a 12 x 12 stable. 

I have taken some of her tail. I don't want to cut it off her dead body. I spoke to the vet yesterday, and I have agreed to keep her in over the weekend in a last ditch attempt to try to stabilize her enough to have heartbar shoes put on. But if there is no improvement Monday, then arrangements will be made to PTS.

It has been so hard to make this decision, especially as she is not ready to go yet in herself. But my head tells me it will only be down hill from now on, as it has been really for the past year. I will not have any regrets about leaving it this long though, as I 100% know she has enjoyed the majority of this last year as the pain has been very low grade. But since coming in for the winter, she has taken a down hill turn.

I am devastated.


----------



## ridefast (26 October 2013)

So sorry to read it's come to this wagtail. Did you try her with salt?


----------



## Shilasdair (26 October 2013)

It's hard for you as the owner, but the horse doesn't know anything except for settling down for a drowsy sleep.
Thinking of you.
s


----------



## Wagtail (26 October 2013)

ridefast said:



			So sorry to read it's come to this wagtail. Did you try her with salt?
		
Click to expand...

She has a rock salt lick in her stable which she devours very quickly and the pro hoof she is on has sodium in it. Do you think she would need more?


----------



## honetpot (26 October 2013)

I think you have made the decision, which is really the hard bit, now you just have to learn to let go. I let my old mare have a summer of an unrestricted diet on old pasture, she lasted until the second week in October with no symptoms and died in the field with her friends doing her favourite thing, eating.


----------



## dunkley (26 October 2013)

Wagtail - I have followed this for some time, and not commented.  I think you have made the bravest decision any horse owner can, and now is the time to enjoy your time with your girl.  Spoil her, and love her and be secure in the knowledge that she will be going before her life becomes utterly miserable, and will look fantastic - far better to have those memories of her, than of a thin, unhappy horse. You could not have done any more for her than you have, and you should be commended for that. x


----------



## Clodagh (26 October 2013)

My old companion horse went to the kennels on Tuesday, I feel awful as he was actually looking pretty good. His owner said 'Why should he suffer so you don't feel guilty?' which is absolutely right. I know that wasn't the point of this thread at all but she isn't agonising about your choices.


----------



## mynutmeg (26 October 2013)

dunkley said:



			Wagtail - I have followed this for some time, and not commented.  I think you have made the bravest decision any horse owner can, and now is the time to enjoy your time with your girl.  Spoil her, and love her and be secure in the knowledge that she will be going before her life becomes utterly miserable, and will look fantastic - far better to have those memories of her, than of a thin, unhappy horse. You could not have done any more for her than you have, and you should be commended for that. x
		
Click to expand...

exactly


----------



## BlackRider (26 October 2013)

I lost my 32 yo in the summer, in he final day she had a lovely morning in the field, and then it was done, it was quick and peaceful.
Like you I agonised over if I was doing the right thing, as it wasn't an emergency, but the old a week to soon, then a day to late, is comforting.


----------



## Adopter (26 October 2013)

So sorry Wagtail, it is so hard and devastating, but your horse is lucky to have had your love and care, she will not know anything about it.  You are right and brave not to let her deteriorate, and the options you mention of less food and staying in are not what any of us want for our horses or ponies. 

Sending hugs


----------



## ridefast (26 October 2013)

Wagtail said:



			She has a rock salt lick in her stable which she devours very quickly and the pro hoof she is on has sodium in it. Do you think she would need more?
		
Click to expand...

Oh no that's probably enough. Was kind of hoping it could be the miracle cure..


----------



## Wagtail (26 October 2013)

Thanks, everyone.

Ridefast, I am going to add a tablespoonful in any case. The lethal dose is 300 mg so it should be quite safe, and what can I lose?


----------



## ridefast (26 October 2013)

Oh um I've just remembered a friend earlier in the year had her horse crippled with lami and was about to pts but found something called Bentonite which had made a difference within 48 hours. Might work, unless you've tried that?


----------



## Amymay (26 October 2013)

I think your vet has acted appallingly Wagtail,  and made this situation 100 times worse for you. 

Make the appointment and do what you know needs to be done. 

I feel so, so upset for you - but also terribly angry at the lack of real support given to you by the vet.


----------



## SusieT (26 October 2013)

amymay how do you know the vet has acted appallingly and not actually seeing an animal that does not need to be pts? We can sometimes get overwrought about these things and work ourselves into thinking nothing else can be done-personally I would have heartbars on before I pts and vet has been quite correct about arthritic horse wintering out rather than standing in for 21hours a day so how is that appalling?


----------



## MiniMilton (26 October 2013)

SusieT said:



			amymay how do you know the vet has acted appallingly and not actually seeing an animal that does not need to be pts? We can sometimes get overwrought about these things and work ourselves into thinking nothing else can be done-personally I would have heartbars on before I pts and vet has been quite correct about arthritic horse wintering out rather than standing in for 21hours a day so how is that appalling?
		
Click to expand...

Agreed I think its unfair to criticize the vet without actually witnessing the conversations or the horse in question. 

Wagtail did anyone ever mention trying rubber wedges with normal shoes? I found them amazing for my lami.

If it really is PTS time then good luck and virtual hugs


----------



## wyrdsister (26 October 2013)

Looking at the invoice from losing my lad last month: Domosedan, Torbugesic and Somulose. I'm so sorry to hear it's come to this, Wagtail. Wish I could think of a miracle cure for you. *hugs*


----------



## touchstone (26 October 2013)

I think the vet in this situation understands how much the horse means, and is suggesting what might extend her life; but I also think that once a horse is repeatedly suffering laminitis/abscesses that it is a downwards spiral and can cause further heartache and worry for the owner by prolonging things.  

I do think the arthritic horse will benefit from being out rather than pts at the moment though.

Once an owner has made a firm decision then I think most vets would happily pts, and owner who is indecisive may encourage the vet to suggest alternatives to avoid the owner taking the final step and then turning round and blaming the vet for not trying all options.  Not saying that this is what Wagtail would do, but there must be owners out there who would.

We pts our neighbours oldie this summer after he went down in the field, he got up with help, but we knew his time had come.  He went happily muching from a bucket of feed and simply drifted off, it was how I'd like all living things to be able to pass over and I have no qualms about helping our friends on their way.   I'm sure it will be the same for your mare Wagtail if you decide to go that route.  Try not to let the fears of what you think could go wrong make the situation harder for you. xx


----------



## Love (26 October 2013)

Nothing useful to add as I can't find any of the papers for when my pony was pts by lethal injection, but just wanted to say i'm thinking of you Wagtail x


----------



## eahotson (26 October 2013)

Just thinking of you.Horrible situation.


----------



## Spring Feather (26 October 2013)

Wagtail said:



			Which drug do most vets use for this in the UK? Is it barbiturates or succinylcholine? Thanks.
		
Click to expand...

For horses who are awake, barbiturates will be the most common drugs as they close down the brain first.  The other drugs available end the life by other means and aren't normally used unless the horse is already under anaesthetic.

I'm sorry you are going through this tough time Wagtail.


----------



## Queenbee (26 October 2013)

When I made this decision for ebony, it was gut wrenching I know your pain.  I just looked at my old thread to see if I could find a post describing what happened, but I never did write that post.  It was incredibly calm and peaceful, I fed her grass in the paddock, spoke with words of love to her and cried and trembled a lot, I stroked her face and looked into her eyes, I saw no pain in her eyes, her knees buckled and she sank gracefully to the ground.  It was a while until her heart gave up but she was not aware from the second she lay down.  I don't have to teach you to suck eggs, but cover the eye, I found the change in the eye disturbing as to me that signalled the finality of it all, it would have been my undoing if I'd watched that change.  I can only say to you the beautiful words of comfort that you provided me with at the time I said goodbye to ebony.



Wagtail said:



			She told you she was ready and you listened... No horse could wish for more.
		
Click to expand...


----------



## babymare (26 October 2013)

Oh Wagtail my heart goes out to you. it really does hun.when i said goodnight to baby inaugust she looked amazing truelly healthy and happy .But her sight had moved and her stress starting to get worse. i cried and argued with self for months - once having to pull car over as sobbing - but i deciided better to go happy than to wait. she was 14 and in my life for 7 years. Once i had made the call to vets i felt a sense of relief that call was made.she went by injection peacefully with me by her side and my vet was there to help me esp as she know about babys past. given her background,given all she had given me my last act of love was to make that decision. hunnie of course i miss her more than words can say - her squeal when she saw me her beautiful soft eyes and the way she made a bad day good but she deserved that final show of love whilst she was good healthy and happy. to watch her stressing was horrendous. Once call to vets was made i put that "day" to back of mind and soaked every moment up with her.even sitting in field just watching her. i also took mane and tail like you have. hun these next few days will be tough but i will be thinking of you as that call is hardest part  . x x


----------



## nutsaboutbarney (26 October 2013)

It is a hard decision to make. I have taken to long to make that decision, (with our cat), and he did end up a bag of bones. I now have a horse who at some time will need to be PTS and I don't intend to leave it too long again. I do think the best kindness is not waiting until they are unhappy.


----------



## Wagtail (27 October 2013)

Thank you so much for all your kind words. They really do help. Since yesterday, I have made 3 changes to her feeding regime. Firstly I am adding extra salt, secondly, I have completely removed the pure feeds easy (which I believe contains soya), and thirdly, I am soaking her forage in hot water which removes more sugar. I don't really expect them to make a real difference, but I have to try. She is on borrowed time. I tasted the water after soaking the nets and it was much sweeter than when I have used cold water, and I haven't been soaking so long as I don't want to encourage bacteria. Worth a go!


----------



## Goldenstar (27 October 2013)

The worse time is now .
It really will be easier after ,thinking of you.


----------



## Sandstone1 (27 October 2013)

Im sorry.  Its a horrible time for you.  I had simalar with my old mare, All I would say is make sure you have her sedated before hand.  My vet messed up and it was not a nice end.  Just make sure you get a experienced vet.


----------



## Wagtail (27 October 2013)

I am so sorry to hear about your mare. That is what I am terrified of. I think I am going to ask for the head vet. There is certainly one vet in the practice that has bundled a few things for us.


----------



## Sandstone1 (27 October 2013)

Thank you, Im sure if it comes to that it will go well for you, just would not want what happened to my mare happen to anyone else.  I know the injection is a kind, peacefull end in most cases and I was unlucky.


----------



## fatponee (27 October 2013)

Wagtail I too have been following your story and not yet posted but feel I should now.    My mum and I are in a similar situation with her mare.  Long story which I won't go into now, but mare has lost a lot of condition and we are facing the awful situation of do we PTS as bright, otherwise healthy horse who is a big part of our life.

The one thing I constantly remind myself with my animals is that I only want to look back and think 'no regrets'.  Knowing that I did the best thing for them and didn't let them suffer no matter how hard it is/was for me.  It is our responsibility to them.

I think we can all see how hard you are trying to do the best for your horse.  I can't offer any advice I'm afraid, but hugs and much love to you both.


----------



## MiniMilton (27 October 2013)

Wagtail said:



			Thank you so much for all your kind words. They really do help. Since yesterday, I have made 3 changes to her feeding regime. Firstly I am adding extra salt, secondly, I have completely removed the pure feeds easy (which I believe contains soya), and thirdly, I am soaking her forage in hot water which removes more sugar. I don't really expect them to make a real difference, but I have to try. She is on borrowed time. I tasted the water after soaking the nets and it was much sweeter than when I have used cold water, and I haven't been soaking so long as I don't want to encourage bacteria. Worth a go!
		
Click to expand...

There's a big difference in soaking in cold water and soaking in warm water. Better still change the water a few times to maximise sugar loss and maintain the warmth. And use plenty of water. Seemingly the more water used the faster the sugar removal. I assume its hay and not Haylege you're feeding her?


----------



## MiniMilton (27 October 2013)

I hope this link works

http://thelaminitissite.myfastforum.org/sutra545.php


----------



## Wagtail (27 October 2013)

She has vastly improved! I led her out of her box to muck out and she walked out almost sound. Still on two danilon so not counting my chickens but she is HUGELY better than yesterday. I have given her the forecourt to walk around on to get the circulation going and we will see how things go.







Oh God this is so emotionally draining!


----------



## Wagtail (27 October 2013)

Minimilton, she has been on soaked hay, but I have switched now to the blue Marksway haylage and am soaking that. She seems to do better on that soaked than on soaked hay. Whatever change I made seems to be working and she is vastly improved! I do hope it continues and is not a blip. I almost had a breakdown yesterday. I can't take much more of this!


----------



## Wagtail (27 October 2013)

minimilton said:



			I hope this link works

http://thelaminitissite.myfastforum.org/sutra545.php

Click to expand...

Thank you I will take a look.


----------



## MiniMilton (27 October 2013)

Wagtail said:



			Minimilton, she has been on soaked hay, but I have switched now to the blue Marksway haylage and am soaking that. She seems to do better on that soaked than on soaked hay. Whatever change I made seems to be working and she is vastly improved! I do hope it continues and is not a blip. I almost had a breakdown yesterday. I can't take much more of this!
		
Click to expand...

If the hay was being cold soaked and the Haylege is being warm soaked that could explain the difference. Haylege is often a trigger for laminitics so it would be very unusual for her to do better on Haylege, even if its labelled as laminitic friendly.

I'm delighted there's an improvement. Mention to your farrier the rubber wedges. They offer support but its nice and cushioned unlike heart bar shoes


----------



## Wagtail (27 October 2013)

minimilton said:



			If the hay was being cold soaked and the Haylege is being warm soaked that could explain the difference. Haylege is often a trigger for laminitics so it would be very unusual for her to do better on Haylege, even if its labelled as laminitic friendly.

I'm delighted there's an improvement. Mention to your farrier the rubber wedges. They offer support but its nice and cushioned unlike heart bar shoes
		
Click to expand...

I know it is odd that she does better on the Marksway Hi fibre haylage, but last time, even cold soaked, she was better than on the hay. I think it is because it is carefully monitored and tested to be guaranteed under 3% sugar, whereas the hay varies quite a lot. She was fine on one batch, but not the next. I will stick with the haylage now as she is making progress. I don't want to rock the boat.


----------



## Goldenstar (27 October 2013)

I know someone who sold meadow hay to a very serious competition yard the hay was analysed and come back higher in sugar and protein  in and lower  in roughage than the yards haylage.
Hay is very very variable .


----------



## Wagtail (27 October 2013)

I'm really pleased I thought of using hot water to soak the haylage. It's meant that she has had non stop nets all day and is still improving. If she is sound tomorrow, then I will start to cut down the danilon and see what happens. IF and it's a big IF, she pulls through this time, I've decided I will turn her out in the field with her muzzle during the day and bring in to the hot soaked haylage at night. Her laminitis had been under control before she came in. But she had been going out in the sand with two others and sharing hay with them. I think this is what tipped her over the edge. I can't afford to put them all on soaked Marksway Horsehage, so the field and a muzzle is my only option for her I think.

I had also been reading that soy can cause laminitis in some horses. Thinking back, her first ever attack coincided with the change in feed to one containing soy. So who knows?


----------



## L&M (27 October 2013)

Where there is life, there is hope.....

Keeping everything crossed for you and your mare x


----------



## Fjord (27 October 2013)

I nearly didn't read all the posts because I was getting upset, but I'm glad I did. Keeping everything crossed Wagtail.


----------



## ridefast (29 October 2013)

Just caught up on this, is she still improving? Hope so!


----------



## Wagtail (29 October 2013)

She has stayed the same. I thought she had got worse this morning as she was very sore first coming out, but the bedding had packed into her foot and was like walking on a lump. Once I picked her feet out she was the same as yesterday. Sound in walk in a straight line, still sore on the foot with the abscess on tight turns. Still not got that real bounce to her step and still on two danilon. I am feeling very pessimistic but as she is not suffering at the minute and is getting about and seems happy pottering around on the concrete with free access to her stable and a horse in the next box for company, I will give it a few more days. One thing I do know is that when I decide to do it, I will not be telling my nearest and dearest as I almost had a breakdown over the weekend having made the decision and various family members, trying to help and asking me if I was 100% certain. Well no, I am not 100% certain! But I am doing the best I can for her and had made the decision for both our sakes to end it, and then they go putting doubts in my mind and I am back to square one. So if she doesn't improve in a few days time (I want to get her down to one danilon and sound at least), then I will be ringing the vet and doing this thing alone.


----------



## longdog (29 October 2013)

Wagtail said:



			Thank you. I think this is the hardest thing I have had to do in my life. I have lost three other horses, but all were emergencies and the decision to PTS was a no brainer. Now I am faced with a situation of a mare who is bright and perky in herself. Who greets me every time I walk out of the house with a whinny. Who still plays with me in her stable (she's always nudged me around and nibbled me gently). Who I have owned for 14 years and have an incredible bond with, and who I love more than I can even begin to describe. I could control this laminitis by cutting her feed down even further and box resting her, but she is already on the best diet possible and cutting her down further is unacceptable to me, as is long term box rest. I don't want her ending her days a skinny bag of bones confined to a 12 x 12 stable. 

I have taken some of her tail. I don't want to cut it off her dead body. I spoke to the vet yesterday, and I have agreed to keep her in over the weekend in a last ditch attempt to try to stabilize her enough to have heartbar shoes put on. But if there is no improvement Monday, then arrangements will be made to PTS.

It has been so hard to make this decision, especially as she is not ready to go yet in herself. But my head tells me it will only be down hill from now on, as it has been really for the past year. I will not have any regrets about leaving it this long though, as I 100% know she has enjoyed the majority of this last year as the pain has been very low grade. But since coming in for the winter, she has taken a down hill turn.

I am devastated.
		
Click to expand...

I lost my beloved horse of a lifetime the same way - 6 years ago. It is grim, but my daughter & I sat with him while he quietly went to sleep & wept many bitter tears. However, looking back, I'm glad I had it done this way as he went with both of us telling him he had been a total star & how much he was adored by us & that we would be looking for him on the many wonderful rides & competitions we did with him. Hugs to you for next week xx


----------



## Honey08 (29 October 2013)

Nothing to add other than what people have already said.  You must be exhausted from all this, it is truly a rollercoaster ride for you.xx


----------



## 2horsesnomoney (29 October 2013)

Wagtail, thinking of you at this really difficult time the only thing i can add is that you will know when the time is right one day you will see her and it will be the right desision in your mind and no question. I am pleased she has picked up if only a bit. Sorry not followed all of your posts but i assume you have tested for cushings and EMS ? also maybe look at the wooden clog shoes/ suppors. Thinking of you x


----------



## Wagtail (29 October 2013)

Yes, she has mild cushings but has been recently tested and on prascend and her levels are normal. The is obviously EMS even though she tested negative and was on metformin for a few months, but is now off it as she didn't need to lose any more weight. She has easy bppt trails but they make no difference to her when she's bad. She had imprints and again they made no difference until she stabilised and then they were great. I want to get her stabilized again and try the heartbars my vet wants to try. They are the only thing I haven't tried with her. But I am not sure we will get that far.


----------



## SusieT (29 October 2013)

be careful of expecting to much- I had a horse who was very sore with similar chronic mild lami. Until she got the heartbars on she was still very sore even on smooth surfaces-with heartbars she strode out and was field sound which was my criteria-I didn't expect her to be sound on a circle on the concrete or even 100% sound on concrete as it is a hard surface. But comfortable in day to day life was my criteria and the heartbars made all the difference but barefoot she kept bruising and yo yo ing lameness wise


----------



## Wagtail (29 October 2013)

SusieT said:



			be careful of expecting to much- I had a horse who was very sore with similar chronic mild lami. Until she got the heartbars on she was still very sore even on smooth surfaces-with heartbars she strode out and was field sound which was my criteria-I didn't expect her to be sound on a circle on the concrete or even 100% sound on concrete as it is a hard surface. But comfortable in day to day life was my criteria and the heartbars made all the difference but barefoot she kept bruising and yo yo ing lameness wise
		
Click to expand...

Thank you. That is encouraging. The last time she was shod was with normal shoes and she went instantly lame. I am worried the same thing would happen again. My vet says she needs to be stable before we have the shoes put on, so I want her to be as comfortable as she is now, but on only one danilon a day before calling the farrier.


----------



## bitlessbill (29 October 2013)

My farrier was telling me a story of a pony last week that was due to be pts with lami and as a last resort they called in a horse healer and the result was a miracle. As I was reading your post I noticed the card he had given me sticking out from under my computer, I don't know where you are but it might be worth a phone call if nothing else, I am guessing she is local to me in Herts, her no is 01438 222992 and her name is Helen Hilliard.


----------



## Wagtail (29 October 2013)

Thank you


----------



## Annagain (29 October 2013)

Lovely photo - she's beautiful. Best of luck, however it works out.


----------



## WandaMare (29 October 2013)

Hi Wagtail, just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and wish you both all the best x


----------



## Wagtail (29 October 2013)

annagain said:



			Lovely photo - she's beautiful. Best of luck, however it works out.
		
Click to expand...




WandaMare said:



			Hi Wagtail, just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and wish you both all the best x
		
Click to expand...

Thank you!


----------



## Megibo (29 October 2013)

Sorry to hear you are in this situation Wagtail, thinking of you.


----------



## YasandCrystal (29 October 2013)

Sending your mare and you good vibes Wagtall.  Regarding the salt - a lick is insufficient you need to add 2 tablespoons to feed daily to counteract I belive the imbalance caused by grass. <<<<<<<Hugs>>>>>>


----------



## splashgirl45 (29 October 2013)

just wanted to wish you luck and hope she carries on improving.  i agree with not telling family etc, i have always told them after the deed as i didnt want anyone trying to change my mind as it is a hard enough decision to make.  you have thought long and hard and everyone on here knows how difficult it has been.  fingers crossed you will have her happy and comfortable for a bit longer.


----------



## Wagtail (30 October 2013)

Thanks everyone. 

Today she is better than yesterday. She willingly went into trot on the concrete and trotted up sound barefoot. She is turning much better too. But she is still on two danilon. I will possibly boot her up and turn her out in the field tomorrow with her muzzle on. Fingers crossed.


----------



## HappyHooves (30 October 2013)

Have pm'd you


----------



## Adopter (30 October 2013)

Just wanted to send thoughts and hugs, you must be drained, the one day at a time waiting to see results is very hard on you.


----------



## Wagtail (30 October 2013)

Adopter said:



			Just wanted to send thoughts and hugs, you must be drained, the one day at a time waiting to see results is very hard on you.
		
Click to expand...

Yes it is, and it has made me quite depressed. But I have received some lovely messages of support and people are so kind on here. My Dad was in the yard this morning and he is totally unhorsey. He looked at her and said 'She's a happy little soul, isn't she?' She was pottering about in front of her stable. And those were the exact same words as a very accomplished horseman said to me only yesterday when he dropped by at the yard to leave a card for his services. So whilst she is bright and notably happy, then she deserves every chance. If she was miserable, then the course of action would be obvious.


----------



## ridefast (30 October 2013)

Wagtail said:



			Thanks everyone. 

Today she is better than yesterday. She willingly went into trot on the concrete and trotted up sound barefoot. She is turning much better too. But she is still on two danilon. I will possibly boot her up and turn her out in the field tomorrow with her muzzle on. Fingers crossed.
		
Click to expand...

Everything crossed!


----------



## Wagtail (31 October 2013)

She was just the same this morning but I decided to boot her up and turn her out in the field in any case. The boots helped her a lot over the stones. She went mad when I turned her out, galloped to the others and had huge bucking fit. Unfortunately the boots were no good in the mud and one was soon hanging off her so I had to remove them. I am a bit worried about leading her back from the field later as the track is stony. Also, I hope she isn't crippled after her antics. Though she looks happy enough grazing in the field. But why on earth did I turn her out without a rug? Just look at that mud. She is plastered from head to toe!


----------



## dianchi (31 October 2013)

Bless her looks happy!


----------



## be positive (31 October 2013)

She looks very happy to be out, I dont envy your job later getting that mud off but I bet she really enjoyed rolling without a rug. 
I hope she will continue to improve, more movement often helps get things back on track.


----------



## texas (31 October 2013)

Oh bless her, at least you know, whatever happens, she's had some happy time 

I used to boot mine up just to walk to and from the turnout and leave them off for the actual turnout.


----------



## MiniMilton (31 October 2013)

I used to put old carpet over the stones to the field! My friends thought it was hilarious that my mare was getting the red carpet treatment. The carpet was in sections so when she reached the end of one section she waited patiently until I moved the next section into place. Then I managed to get front shoes on her so I could ditch the carpet treatment


----------



## PolarSkye (31 October 2013)

Oh just look at her sweet happy face .  What a lamb she is.  

How are you holding up - this all must be exhausting you?

P


----------



## puss (31 October 2013)

Oh wagtail I feel for you my horse very bad ligament damage so bad vets wanted to put to sleep there and then. But he was bright happy and still very cheeky being seventeen age was against him as well I did six months box rest he was still on three out of four lame First booking to have Pts then let him be a horse chucked him in the field he jumped two five foot fences to be with his mates. Vets canceled then took shoes off sound in walk 2 out 4 lame in trot after three months vets booked again its not fair booked end of month. Then went sound vets canceled again  This went on year and half I was wrecked no sleeping eating couldn't function gave up my job no one whats awalking zombie and after all this he put me though hes still alive kicking in full work and sound on no bute. But it took me months to recover from my zombie state. I wish you the very best how ever it goes.


----------



## Wagtail (31 October 2013)

dianchi said:



			Bless her looks happy!
		
Click to expand...

She is extremely happy. I am delighted to see her really enjoying herself being a horse.



be positive said:



			She looks very happy to be out, I dont envy your job later getting that mud off but I bet she really enjoyed rolling without a rug. 
I hope she will continue to improve, more movement often helps get things back on track.
		
Click to expand...

Yes thank you. She came in from the field really marching. She slowed down a bit on the stones, but nothing too ouchy!



texas said:



			Oh bless her, at least you know, whatever happens, she's had some happy time 

I used to boot mine up just to walk to and from the turnout and leave them off for the actual turnout.
		
Click to expand...

Good idea. Her poor boots have had to have a good hosing and they will be a few days drying out. Luckily she wasn't as bad as I though she would be on the stony track.



minimilton said:



			I used to put old carpet over the stones to the field! My friends thought it was hilarious that my mare was getting the red carpet treatment. The carpet was in sections so when she reached the end of one section she waited patiently until I moved the next section into place. Then I managed to get front shoes on her so I could ditch the carpet treatment
		
Click to expand...

Aw, what a pampered horse. Glad she is ok now.



PolarSkye said:



			Oh just look at her sweet happy face .  What a lamb she is.  

How are you holding up - this all must be exhausting you?

P
		
Click to expand...

I am feeling very positive today seeing she came out of the field as good as she went in. But it really is a rollercoaster ride.



puss said:



			Oh wagtail I feel for you my horse very bad ligament damage so bad vets wanted to put to sleep there and then. But he was bright happy and still very cheeky being seventeen age was against him as well I did six months box rest he was still on three out of four lame First booking to have Pts then let him be a horse chucked him in the field he jumped two five foot fences to be with his mates. Vets canceled then took shoes off sound in walk 2 out 4 lame in trot after three months vets booked again its not fair booked end of month. Then went sound vets canceled again  This went on year and half I was wrecked no sleeping eating couldn't function gave up my job no one whats awalking zombie and after all this he put me though hes still alive kicking in full work and sound on no bute. But it took me months to recover from my zombie state. I wish you the very best how ever it goes.
		
Click to expand...

What a wonderful, positive story. He's a lucky boy to have you. Sorry it took so much out of you. I honestly felt so bad a few days ago I thought I was cracking up. 

My poor mare has had to endure a bath after she came in tonight. We have hot water to the hose thankfully and she is now wrapped up in her stable with two fleeces. Will definitely put a rug on her tomorrow.


----------



## 3OldPonies (31 October 2013)

Hi wagtail, I've been lurking on this thread and only now dare to come and say well done - to both of you.  You have been through so much together and I really do wish you all the best.  Your horse looks soooo happy all nicely covered in mud and being able to be out and about in the field. Here's hoping that things just keep on getting better.


----------



## Wagtail (31 October 2013)

3OldPonies said:



			Hi wagtail, I've been lurking on this thread and only now dare to come and say well done - to both of you.  You have been through so much together and I really do wish you all the best.  Your horse looks soooo happy all nicely covered in mud and being able to be out and about in the field. Here's hoping that things just keep on getting better.
		
Click to expand...

Thank you


----------



## Spring Feather (31 October 2013)

I'm wishing you luck too Wagtail.  I've also been where you are and I chose persevering also and thankfully it paid off in the end.  And my mare hasn't had a relapse in 10 years so I am so very happy that I've been able to spend that time with her and that I didn't just go ahead and have her put down without trying every single I could think of.  It's difficult.  It truly is.


----------



## splashgirl45 (31 October 2013)

so pleased you managed to get her in the field, she obviously had a great time, she looked VERY happy, great to see a happy muddy girl!!!!!!!


----------



## babymare (31 October 2013)

Thats a happy horse wagtail whose also so lucky to have such a loving caring mum. Please remember that x x


----------



## Pearlsasinger (31 October 2013)

Well, Wagtail, I was one who advised pts but I'm so pleased to hear that you didn't and your mare is doing so well.
Long may it continue!


----------



## Wagtail (1 November 2013)

Spring Feather said:



			I'm wishing you luck too Wagtail.  I've also been where you are and I chose persevering also and thankfully it paid off in the end.  And my mare hasn't had a relapse in 10 years so I am so very happy that I've been able to spend that time with her and that I didn't just go ahead and have her put down without trying every single I could think of.  It's difficult.  It truly is.
		
Click to expand...

I am really pleased to hear that SF. I just hope my girl can do that well. You are right, it IS very difficult.



splashgirl45 said:



			so pleased you managed to get her in the field, she obviously had a great time, she looked VERY happy, great to see a happy muddy girl!!!!!!!
		
Click to expand...

Thank you. It really was lovely to see her being a horse again. I just wish I could take her muzzle off. I daren't risk it at the moment, but there isn't much grass in the paddock she goes in, so maybe once I get her stable, I will try.



babymare said:



			Thats a happy horse wagtail whose also so lucky to have such a loving caring mum. Please remember that x x
		
Click to expand...

Thank you. 



Pearlsasinger said:



			Well, Wagtail, I was one who advised pts but I'm so pleased to hear that you didn't and your mare is doing so well.
Long may it continue!
		
Click to expand...

Thank you. I am so pleased I hung on in there. Even seeing her yesterday was worth it! I will have to see what she is like when she goes out this morning.


----------



## Wagtail (1 November 2013)

She was quite a handful to put out this morning. So obviously no ill effects from yesterday. I have called the farrier to arrange for the heart bars.


----------



## Bertolie (1 November 2013)

I'm another who has been avidly following this thread but not posted until now.

I am so pleased to hear that she seems to be doing well at the moment.  Fingers crossed she continues to improve.  

She really looks like she is happy and enjoying life, well done for persevering


----------



## Wagtail (2 November 2013)

Thank you. 

I have cut her danilon down to one a day now. Yesterday she came back from the field really well over the stones though we did have one ouch when she must have stood on a stone and it caught her worst foot. I am hoping when she's shod it will help her. She was so strong and excited that she jogged sideways most of the way. It's lovely to see her like that. I'd forgotten what a hot head she is sometimes.


----------



## MrsNorris (2 November 2013)

So glad to read this, have followed all your threads about this mare and have everything crossed for her. Do you think her problems and recovery could be related to the PPID seasonal rise? I know she is medicated, but maybe just struggles a bit more in the autumn? 
Best of luck with her, she looks so happy in the pics and is very fortunate to have such a dedicated owner.


----------



## SusieT (2 November 2013)

great update.


----------



## ILuvCowparsely (2 November 2013)

Wagtail said:



			She has a rock salt lick in her stable which she devours very quickly and the pro hoof she is on has sodium in it. Do you think she would need more?
		
Click to expand...

Sorry wagtail only just caught up with this due to my parents accident etc

 Have you seen this??? my mare had it  http://www.trinity-consultants.com/index.php/store/product/135-set-back-salts-greater-1kg
 speak to them, they are really helpful. 

 I met Yasandcrystal yesterday, she told me  some of what you are going through,
 sorry if this has been mentioned, have you tried imprint shoes??


----------



## Nudibranch (2 November 2013)

Wagtail I am pleased to hear she has pulled round. Been through all this myself and it is awful - but remember it's probably worse for you than her! Fingers crossed she keeps on improving. 

However I just wanted to say that as you're considering the injection for when the awful decision has to finally be made, please make sure the vet sedates her first. I won't go into it here but I will never allow it without. It just gives her, and you, extra security and extra peace.


----------



## Wagtail (2 November 2013)

hollybear said:



			So glad to read this, have followed all your threads about this mare and have everything crossed for her. Do you think her problems and recovery could be related to the PPID seasonal rise? I know she is medicated, but maybe just struggles a bit more in the autumn? 
Best of luck with her, she looks so happy in the pics and is very fortunate to have such a dedicated owner. 

Click to expand...

Thank you. I have recently had her tested and the level was 19. I have also put her on angus castus which seemed to help until this latest flare up.



SusieT said:



			great update.
		
Click to expand...




Leviathan said:



			Sorry wagtail only just caught up with this due to my parents accident etc

 Have you seen this??? my mare had it  http://www.trinity-consultants.com/index.php/store/product/135-set-back-salts-greater-1kg
 speak to them, they are really helpful. 

 I met Yasandcrystal yesterday, she told me  some of what you are going through,
 sorry if this has been mentioned, have you tried imprint shoes??
		
Click to expand...

Thanks leviathan. Yes, she has had imprint shoes and they were really good. However the price of them is just too much for me especially as she is being turned out in a muddy field. I think I would be losing them all the time. She managed to lose one in the sand turnout, and I still haven't found it!



Nudibranch said:



			Wagtail I am pleased to hear she has pulled round. Been through all this myself and it is awful - but remember it's probably worse for you than her! Fingers crossed she keeps on improving. 

However I just wanted to say that as you're considering the injection for when the awful decision has to finally be made, please make sure the vet sedates her first. I won't go into it here but I will never allow it without. It just gives her, and you, extra security and extra peace.
		
Click to expand...

Yes, I will make sure I do. I think I remember reading about your awful experience on here. I could not bear that to happen to her and I am so sorry you went through it.


----------



## ILuvCowparsely (2 November 2013)

Wagtail said:



			Thanks leviathan. Yes, she has had imprint shoes and they were really good. However the price of them is just too much for me especially as she is being turned out in a muddy field. I think I would be losing them all the time. She managed to lose one in the sand turnout, and I still haven't found it!

t.
		
Click to expand...

may i ask who did it???  the ones Diamond had  set so hard you have to file the glue off before you prize it. No way would these come off

http://www.imprintshoes.co.uk/


----------



## hayinamanger (2 November 2013)

I have not opened this thread for a few days, was fearing the worst, but this is such encouraging news.  She is a lovely horse and she looks a long way from pts at the moment.  Wagtail, you must be drained, look after yourself, too.


----------



## YasandCrystal (5 November 2013)

I agree re the Imprint shoes - they have to be rasped off. Do you know what shoe size she is? I ask as hubby started a pair for Crystal here that were too small, so he won't reuse and I think they remain up the barn. I would be happy to send them if they are the right size.


----------



## Wagtail (5 November 2013)

hayinamanger said:



			I have not opened this thread for a few days, was fearing the worst, but this is such encouraging news.  She is a lovely horse and she looks a long way from pts at the moment.  Wagtail, you must be drained, look after yourself, too.
		
Click to expand...

Thank you! I am feeling much better this week.


----------



## Wagtail (5 November 2013)

YasandCrystal said:



			I agree re the Imprint shoes - they have to be rasped off. Do you know what shoe size she is? I ask as hubby started a pair for Crystal here that were too small, so he won't reuse and I think they remain up the barn. I would be happy to send them if they are the right size.
		
Click to expand...

Thank you. I have had the heart bars fitted today. I have mixed feelings about them though. She walked away neither better or worse than barefoot. Sound in walk on the concrete, but lacking that real bounce I look for in her stride to know she is 100% comfortable. I will know more tomorrow when I turn her out. Keep your fingers crossed for her!


----------



## ATrueClassAct (5 November 2013)

Fingers crossed for you guys xxx


----------



## Circe (6 November 2013)

Fingers and toes crossed for you
Kx


----------



## touchstone (6 November 2013)

Good luck Wagtail, hope everything goes well for you both.


----------



## Wagtail (6 November 2013)

Thank you!

I am very pleased to say that the heart bars have really helped her. Although she came out of her stable quite gingerly (I think she always expects it may hurt) she was soon marching along the stony track. The bounce has come back into her stride. I am generally anti shoeing, but if these give her some extra quality time then I will have to put aside my worries and just enjoy her for however long she can have a quality life. She is out in the field having a good time.


----------



## Pearlsasinger (6 November 2013)

So pleased to see your good news!

I saw that you had posted again (I missed yesterday's update) and wondered what I was going to read.  I'm so glad that she's comfortable.


----------



## HazyXmas (6 November 2013)

Great news. So pleased that she is happy & comfortable at the moment


----------



## splashgirl45 (7 November 2013)

so pleased for you, at least she now is having a better quality of life and you must be feeling better...good luck hope it continues and she can be a muddy field bunny again!!!!!


----------



## RoughcutDiamond (7 November 2013)

Hi Wagtail

Been lurking for a while but missed all the positive stuff!  Was thinking what a pretty lass she is after seeing pic in the yard, but the mud monster photo made me laugh out loud.  SO glad things are looking up after so much heartache and hope to see more positive updates! xx


----------



## Wagtail (8 November 2013)

Pearlsasinger said:



			So pleased to see your good news!

I saw that you had posted again (I missed yesterday's update) and wondered what I was going to read.  I'm so glad that she's comfortable.
		
Click to expand...




HazyXmas said:



			Great news. So pleased that she is happy & comfortable at the moment 

Click to expand...




splashgirl45 said:



			so pleased for you, at least she now is having a better quality of life and you must be feeling better...good luck hope it continues and she can be a muddy field bunny again!!!!!
		
Click to expand...




RoughcutDiamond said:



			Hi Wagtail

Been lurking for a while but missed all the positive stuff!  Was thinking what a pretty lass she is after seeing pic in the yard, but the mud monster photo made me laugh out loud.  SO glad things are looking up after so much heartache and hope to see more positive updates! xx
		
Click to expand...

Thank you!

Well things HAD been going really well and she was walking out sounder by the day and was off the danilon. Turned her out as usual this morning and all seemed well. But just as I was tipping a barrow on the muck heap, I caught sight of some very fast movement out the corner of my eye. I turned to see her galloping after the yearling (basically being a bully) and trying to catch him with her teeth. However, she lost her footing and almost did the splits in front due to the mud. Sadly, she has reinjured her biceps brachii tendon (that she had almost ripped off the bone over three years ago). She is very sore but I managed to get her in very slowly. I don't THINK it is too bad as she is not on three legs like she was when she first injured it, and the tests the vet showed me to check whether the tendon is in place were good. So she has tweaked it rather than ruptured it. But she's on box rest for a few days until it settles. So frustrating. 

She seems happy though and I have given her loads of attention and a thorough grooming.


----------



## Annagain (8 November 2013)

Wagtail said:



			Thank you!

Well things HAD been going really well and she was walking out sounder by the day and was off the danilon. Turned her out as usual this morning and all seemed well. But just as I was tipping a barrow on the muck heap, I caught sight of some very fast movement out the corner of my eye. I turned to see her galloping after the yearling (basically being a bully) and trying to catch him with her teeth. However, she lost her footing and almost did the splits in front due to the mud. Sadly, she has reinjured her biceps brachii tendon (that she had almost ripped off the bone over three years ago). She is very sore but I managed to get her in very slowly. I don't THINK it is too bad as she is not on three legs like she was when she first injured it, and the tests the vet showed me to check whether the tendon is in place were good. So she has tweaked it rather than ruptured it. But she's on box rest for a few days until it settles. So frustrating. 

She seems happy though and I have given her loads of attention and a thorough grooming.
		
Click to expand...

Oh dear, hope it's just a minor setback. On the plus side, she wouldn't have been chasing him if she didn't feel good!


----------



## Adopter (8 November 2013)

Horses, they do like to worry us.  As above she must have felt good to want to chase about, do hope it is a minor set back.


----------



## splashgirl45 (8 November 2013)

bloomin horses!!!!     as others have said she must be feeling pretty good,  lots of good vibes for her and hope its just a blip...fingers crossed.....what a rollercoaster you are on!!!!!


----------



## Wagtail (9 November 2013)

Thanks. She's not brilliant today. She's resting that leg a lot, though only minimally lame. I am gutted to be honest. It took her over two years to fully come sound from the shoulder injury. Now to have reinjured it is just such bad luck. I feel as though she is cursed. I am now having to totally rethink her management. I think the field is just too muddy to be safe for her. But she can't go out with the others in the sand as they are on haylage and that would set off her laminitis again. I will have to see how this injury goes. It may be the final straw, which would be so heartbreaking after everything she has overcome. She's her own worst enemy. I can never trust her to be sensible. She's such a bossy boots with other horses that are not dominant to her. Loves people, but is a bitch to other lower ranking horses. Little madam.


----------



## hayinamanger (9 November 2013)

Oh heck, really hope she gets over this latest injury.


----------



## Wagtail (9 November 2013)

The only positive thing about the injury is that I know exactly what it is, I saw it happen, and she's reinjured it before. Sometimes it has taken her a couple of weeks to come sound again, sometimes only days. Though we had had a period of around two years without her redoing it. But at least it is simple, unlike the dratted laminitis. I hope it is just a few days, otherwise of course it doesn't bode well for her other supporting foot and may prove to be curtains.


----------



## Adopter (9 November 2013)

Sending hugs, so sorry just as you though things were settling down, you are on the emotional rollercoaster again.


----------



## Rose Folly (9 November 2013)

Wagtail, I have always read your posts with interest, because you talk a lot of sense.

Therefore I am doubly sorry for what you are going through. I have been lucky in that my last two horses were both put down as emergencies (twisted gut and broken leg respectively) so I have not had to make the dreadful decision. But I have been with my livery horses and their owners on every occasion and it doesn't get any easier. My thoughts will be with you on Monday if you decide to PTS. But who knows...?

One thing I would like to pick up on, from the many very kind posts you have had. I believe implicitly that the last service you can render your horse is NOT to cry, become emotional etc. That is a luxury you must save for later. The horse, if you have had any kind of relationship, will pick up on your distress. Try, however hard, to be your normal self, stroke and chat to them as if you were grooming them, and their last moments will be of peace and security as they drift away (this of course applies to injection). It also makes it easier for the poor vet. Ours is lovely, matter of fact but gentle, packs his bags and goes on his way quickly and quietly, usually with a little pat and a "poor sausage"! Aam never sure whether he's referring to the horse or me! Bless you both.


----------



## puss (9 November 2013)

That's very sad after all you've gone though but sometimes fate is waiting round the corner as much as we try to avoid it.


----------



## shirleyno2 (9 November 2013)

Have you tried American clogs on her re lami? One of my broodmares was totally crippled after foaling this year, if she hadn't had a foal on her she would very possibly not be here. She wore the clogs for 3 months and is now happily grazing in the field. She's 19 years young!


----------



## Wagtail (9 November 2013)

Rose Folly said:



			Wagtail, I have always read your posts with interest, because you talk a lot of sense.

Therefore I am doubly sorry for what you are going through. I have been lucky in that my last two horses were both put down as emergencies (twisted gut and broken leg respectively) so I have not had to make the dreadful decision. But I have been with my livery horses and their owners on every occasion and it doesn't get any easier. My thoughts will be with you on Monday if you decide to PTS. But who knows...?

One thing I would like to pick up on, from the many very kind posts you have had. I believe implicitly that the last service you can render your horse is NOT to cry, become emotional etc. That is a luxury you must save for later. The horse, if you have had any kind of relationship, will pick up on your distress. Try, however hard, to be your normal self, stroke and chat to them as if you were grooming them, and their last moments will be of peace and security as they drift away (this of course applies to injection). It also makes it easier for the poor vet. Ours is lovely, matter of fact but gentle, packs his bags and goes on his way quickly and quietly, usually with a little pat and a "poor sausage"! Aam never sure whether he's referring to the horse or me! Bless you both.
		
Click to expand...

I really hope that I don't cry. I think if it comes to it I will have to get some valium!


----------



## Wagtail (9 November 2013)

puss said:



			That's very sad after all you've gone though but sometimes fate is waiting round the corner as much as we try to avoid it.
		
Click to expand...

I am not particularly religious, but do believe that we and animals have souls. I think that 'someone' up there must want hers pretty badly. I also believe in reincarnation. Maybe it is her time to go and have a fresh start. I certainly am beginning to think something is conspiring against me. I will give her the weekend and if no better, will get the vet out on Monday. I fear she has more than 'tweaked' it this time. She is easily weight bearing, but swinging the leg forward is giving her difficulty. It was always more of a mechanical lameness than painful (Apart from the initial injury). She is her usually happy cheerful self today, standing on her bad leg to bang her door when she runs out of haylage so I am not worried she is suffering. But if she needs prolonged box rest, on top of her other problems, then it will be a no goer for me.


----------



## splashgirl45 (9 November 2013)

so sorry, after all had been going so well, at least she has has a few really good days being a normal horse.....if you decide its the end , you know you have done all  in your power for her....as you say someone must want her pretty badly.....good luck and remember we are all thinking of you...HUGS...


----------



## Wagtail (10 November 2013)

It really is gut wrenching. But one thing I can say 100% is I do not regret giving her that time out. She really did enjoy the few days she had. I do think that she will be looking at prolonged box rest for this as there has no been any improvement at all this weekend. Also her stable is not neat like it usually is. She does all her poos in one pile at the back and has one place for wee too. But poos are all over the stable. This has told me she is finding moving around difficult, despite being able to fully load the leg. It is a mechanical lameness. But I don't want this for her. Unless I see a good improvement by tomorrow, I think things are looking very bleak. Poor, poor girl.


----------



## be positive (10 November 2013)

Thinking of you, this should not get taken the wrong way but maybe the decision will be easier to make now it is not just the laminitis that is your concern, still very hard but with a prolonged period of box rest ahead you can take a day or two to come to terms with things and arrange that she goes peacefully knowing that you really have done everything possible for her.
She had a few lovely days hooning around remember that, she has had the best of care throughout and would have asked for nothing more  xxxxx


----------



## Wagtail (10 November 2013)

Thanks BP. I have given her the stables forecourt today to potter around on. She looks stiff all over so maybe the little bit of movement might help her. She does look a little better for it already. It's a lovely day and she s out in the sunshine with soaked haylage and a trug full of chopped oat straw (watered down) which she is thoroughly enjoying.


----------



## puss (10 November 2013)

Oh wagtail im so sorry for you I know how gut wrenching the roller coaster is and soul destroying it is they keep giving no its not time then the next day it really  should be. Its so hard I booked my boys five times and broke my heart five times. My heart really does go out to you sometimes its not just to stop their suffering its yours as well. I wish you and your mare the best


----------



## Wagtail (10 November 2013)

Thank you Puss. It is the vets busy day tomorrow as it is free visit day, and I don't want to rush things. I think I will book an appointment for Tuesday and specify that depending on what they find, it may be a PTS. I am so sad for her. She really is a fighter but I don't want to put her through prolonged box rest. I am pretty sure it would mend again, but it would be months, and effectively, I would never dare turn her out on the grass again unless it is really dry and the footing excellent. I think she would soon reinjure it.


----------



## splashgirl45 (10 November 2013)

not much else to say except i really feel for you and know you will do the best for her.   i absolutely agree about long term box rest when a horse is older,  my mare was 24 and tweaked her stifle(she already had arthritis in her knee) she came in from the field hobbling on the sunday and even on lots of strong painkillers and box rest was still quite bad on the wednesday so i made the decision  to PTS and called my vet wed afternoon( friend had to take the phone and translate my message as i was in bits), he came next morning first thing and agreed as he said she would need quite a while on box rest and would stiffen up everywhere else.  she was sedated and i fed her mints till she was almost asleep then walked away and vet PTS by shooting.  my friend was there and made  sure she was gone....i have never regretted it but still miss her , i owned her for 23 years.  sorry this has turned into a long saga but hope it may  help you.  lots of luck for tuesday...hope all goes well if you make the final decision...


----------



## Adopter (10 November 2013)

Sending thoughts and hugs Wagtail, whatever you decide will be the right thing for your mare.  So very sorry you have to go through all this, you have tried so hard to find solutions.


----------



## Wagtail (11 November 2013)

I have the head vet coming to see her this morning so long as he has plenty of time, otherwise it will have to be tomorrow. He saw the original injury. I said I may want to have her PTS depending on what he says. My main concern is if I nursed her back and she did it again, but worse. What if the injury was catastrophic? She seems to be walking pretty well on it this morning and is very happy pottering about in front of the stable block so I am not so concerned about her being there for a couple of weeks or so. But realistically the only turnout she will be able to have this winter will be in the arena. And even in the Spring summer, she will only be able to go out on the grass if it's really good conditions.


----------



## ihatework (11 November 2013)

Wagtail, I never like to interfere in someones decision of when to PTS, because it's such a personal thing.
But in this case maybe this is the time to do it, as hard as it will be for you there surely has to come a point where enough is enough?


----------



## Amymay (11 November 2013)

I agree Wagtail, with ihatework.

I will be thinking of you today.


----------



## babymare (11 November 2013)

Just in my thoughts. you have been on a rollercoaster but please please remember you have given your all to this mare and will continue to do whats right for her. ))) hug((( x x


----------



## Wagtail (11 November 2013)

I don't have any regrets about not putting her to sleep so far. She has had a blast the past week, and was never on box rest more than a few days. She was striding out brilliantly in her new shoes and the vet had said I would soon be able to ride her again. But this shoulder injury has been a bolt out of the blue after I thought it was well behind her. Even today she looks sound walking on it. My concern is about reinjury and the stability of the joint. I need the vet to confirm my fears and will PTS if that is the case.


----------



## Pearlsasinger (11 November 2013)

It is always so hard to make the decision when it isn't an emergency but it really does sound as if now is the time.  I'm so sorry.  As you say though, she had a brilliant time in the field this last week and you will be able to remember that she was comfortable and thoroughly enjoying herself for that time.


----------



## texas (11 November 2013)

thinking of you this morning.


----------



## dianchi (11 November 2013)

Having been away a week and read the highs and lows wagtail I just wanna hug you!

You will know whats right for you and your girl, thinking of you


----------



## Wagtail (11 November 2013)

It's done. It was quick. She knew nothing. I am heartbroken. Was it a day too late? No. I don't regret one second. The vet was excellent. He put no pressure on me, but once I made the decision I wanted it doing there and then. He told me I had made the right decision, but only when I was adamant.


----------



## Spring Feather (11 November 2013)

So sorry Wagtail.  Have no regrets, you did your best for her and now she rests peacefully.


----------



## texas (11 November 2013)

((((((hugs)))))) for you Wagtail.  You shouldn't have regrets for any of it.


----------



## Amymay (11 November 2013)

I'm so sorry Wagtail.  You're in my thoughts xxxx


----------



## babymare (11 November 2013)

In my thoughts Wagtail. x x


----------



## ihatework (11 November 2013)

I'm so sorry xx


----------



## Hetsmum (11 November 2013)

Hugs Wagtail.  So sorry for your loss xxx


----------



## be positive (11 November 2013)

I am thinking of you and think you made the right decision for her and also for yourself, certainly not a day too late as there was no way you could have foreseen her damaging herself in the field, you can move on knowing that you did absolutely all you could, and more than many, she had a lovely few days in the sun and a quick painless end.

The worst part is over for you, smile and think of the good times you enjoyed with her xxx


----------



## ozpoz (11 November 2013)

So sorry Wagtail.
You put her best interests first and acted unselfishly. She was lucky to have you there for her.
xx


----------



## Shadow the Reindeer (11 November 2013)

So sorry Wagtail :'( xx


----------



## WelshD (11 November 2013)

I am so sorry

You have dealt with the whole situation very well


----------



## EllenJay (11 November 2013)

I am so sorry for your loss xx


----------



## YasandCrystal (11 November 2013)

So sorry Wagtail - what a rollercoaster for you.  She had a good few days out being a normal horse again and she is out of pain and out of the cold, hopefully running free with my mare Crystal in a better place xxxx


----------



## Sussexbythesea (11 November 2013)

So sorry to hear your sad news. She was lucky to have someone like you looking after her so well and trying everything humanely possible. I hope you are at peace with your final gift and have no regrets x


----------



## unbalanced (11 November 2013)

I'm so sorry xxx


----------



## dianchi (11 November 2013)

Sorry Wagtail, but you definitely gave her a lot longer than most of us did.

Run Free on rainbow bridge XX


----------



## Dollysox (11 November 2013)

So sorry Wagtail - thinking of you.  The right decisions are sometimes the hardest, but you put her first in everything you did. xxx


----------



## PolarSkye (11 November 2013)

Wagtail said:



			It's done. It was quick. She knew nothing. I am heartbroken. Was it a day too late? No. I don't regret one second. The vet was excellent. He put no pressure on me, but once I made the decision I wanted it doing there and then. He told me I had made the right decision, but only when I was adamant.
		
Click to expand...

Oh Wagtail - how very sad I am for you . . . you made the right decision and I hope that gives you at least a little comfort.

Please be kind to yourself - thinking of you.

P


----------



## eahotson (11 November 2013)

Very very sorry.


----------



## Archangel (11 November 2013)

So sorry Wagtail, she was a lovely mare.


----------



## Clare85 (11 November 2013)

Terribly sorry for your loss. What a roller coaster you've had with your mare. Haven't commented on the thread before now but have kept up to date and fwiw I think you have made the right decision for her. She was lucky to be so loved. Take care of yourself x


----------



## Fools Motto (11 November 2013)

Sorry for your loss, but have no regrets, you DID do the right thing at the right time. Bless her, hugs to you. x


----------



## Wagtail (11 November 2013)

Thanks everyone for your messages. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do as even this morning she was still perky and cheeky. But she had no future. The vet said the shoulder would mend, but it would be weeks, maybe months on box rest, and then I would be terrified of turning her out. On top of that I would still be restricting her diet for fear of laminitis. He could not guarantee the injury would not recur and be much worse next time.

I loved that mare SO much and it hurts really badly right now.


----------



## doriangrey (11 November 2013)

Oh no, I'm so sorry.  You knew her better than anyone and it shone through how much you loved her.  How wonderful you got to share your lives with each other.  Take care of yourself x


----------



## Amaranta (11 November 2013)

So very sorry for your loss x


----------



## *hic* (11 November 2013)

As you said, she went whilst perky and cheeky. You've borne so much pain through your love of her and your attempts to do always do the right thing for her and keep her pain free. Now take your time to grieve but you can always remember that you did your best for her and at the end you let her go whilst she was still perky and cheeky. And there is no greater gift that can be given to someone you love so much.

I'm sorry for your loss.


----------



## GrumpyHero (11 November 2013)

So sorry for your loss Wagtail. You always had her very best interests in mind.
RIP xx


----------



## BlackVelvet (11 November 2013)

Im so sorry Wagtail, I have been meaning to comment on this post for a while as I have followed your posts for a while. 
She was a beautiful mare and a credit to you, life is unfair sometimes. My thoughts are with you at this horrible time x


----------



## myhorsefred (11 November 2013)

I am so sorry Wagtail.  I had my beloved horse PTS a month ago so know what mental anguish you are going through.  Your horse was lucky to have you.  You are in my thoughts.


----------



## Doormouse (11 November 2013)

So very sorry Wagtail, awful day for you. I have lurked and followed your story with her for a while, never commented because I had nothing useful to contribute, your love for her and commitment shone through, no horse could have asked for a better owner, and how lovely that she was able to enjoy herself in the field before she went.


----------



## Annagain (11 November 2013)

So sorry. Defintely the right decision - not that you need anyone to tell you that. 
You've had such a rollercoaster over the last few weeks, now that it's done I hope it's easier for you. I know it won't be straight away, but in time. She was beautiful.


----------



## Tiddlypom (11 November 2013)

So sorry Wagtail, I've been following the roller coaster ride that you had with your mare and your love for her shone through it all. You did your absolute best by your girl, she had those happy days out in the field and you can can look back and know that you tried everything that there was to be tried, and more. 

She was a very lucky girl to have you as an owner.


----------



## Janesomerset (11 November 2013)

I have been following your thread and I am so sorry for your loss. You could have box rested her for months and got her right, then she could easily have gone belting around on her first time out and damaged herself even more...as I well know, you can't stop a horse leaping around, even in a small paddock. A lucky mare to be loved so much. So many horses never know a kind word. Thinking of you. xx


----------



## ridefast (11 November 2013)

So sorry for your loss, but it sounds like she's had a lovely last week and you've done absolutely the right thing


----------



## touchstone (11 November 2013)

I'm so very sorry Wagtail, but she was one lucky horse to have gone at just the right time.   I hope you get comfort from knowing that she had a good life, a good ending and was loved, what more can a horse want?  I hope you have many treasured memories to draw on and can appreciate having had a wonderful soulmate in your life.  Take care of yourself. xx


----------



## pines of rome (11 November 2013)

I am so sorry about your girl, especially as things seemed to have got better for her! I know how awful you must be feeling as I was in the same position as you with my last old boy and it broke my heart to let him go!
My thoughts are with you today! x


----------



## Adopter (11 November 2013)

Sending thoughts and hugs.  You did everything right, but it is so devastating for you.


----------



## MissGee (11 November 2013)

Struggling for the right words... I've followed this thread but never commented. 

I feel for you so much and appreciate how hard it has been for you but you've done the last kindest thing any owner can do for their loved horse. 

Big hugs Wagtail and run free princess. xxx


----------



## catdragon (11 November 2013)

So sorry Wagtail. Have been following your thread and your girls journey, she was a lucky mare to have you. Hugs at this difficult time X


----------



## Wagtail (11 November 2013)

RIP pretty Penelope (Penny to her friends or Conder Diamond Star to give her her posh name). I really will miss you. I have never known one like you before or since. Run free my darling.


----------



## Clare85 (11 November 2013)

What a beautiful girl


----------



## Caramac71 (11 November 2013)

MissGee said:



			Struggling for the right words... I've followed this thread but never commented.
		
Click to expand...

Me too.  What a beautiful girl.  Thinking of you xx


----------



## Lynsey&Smartie (11 November 2013)

So sorry, you gave her every chance and have done the right thing by her x


----------



## MrsMozart (11 November 2013)

A beautiful girl, may you rest in peace.

You're in our thoughts Wagtail.


----------



## Merrymoles (11 November 2013)

Lovely girl! Echo MrsM - you are in our thoughts and we all know you have tried incredibly hard to do the right thing at the right time. Hugs


----------



## AshTay (11 November 2013)

Have followed your story quietly and have huge respect for your strength and how much you've given this mare. So sorry for your loss.  xxxxxx


----------



## Wagtail (11 November 2013)

Thank you everyone who has posted on this thread and messaged me with their support. It really does help. So many people have been through similar experiences. Not one person has been judgemental, all have been tactful no matter what their views.

I am in a daze right now and cannot believe she is no longer there. But I have no regrets and believe that I did it at just the right time. I am so grateful for that. I know 100% that I tried everything I could for her. I am just so, so sad that I could not fix her. 

The end was quick. She did fall quicker and harder than I would have liked, but we did it in the arena on a sand and rubber surface so she did not bang her head. As the vet said, they are all different, and the exact same thing happens during 'knock down' for an operation. Some sink gracefully down, others go with a thud. I am saying this in case others reading the subject need more details on what to expect. One second she was munching food, the next she fell, and kicked for no more than a second or two at the most. I am happy that she knew nothing from the second she stopped munching.

She died at home with someone who loved her.


----------



## puss (11 November 2013)

Im so sorry wagtail you did your best sending you hugs x


----------



## EventingMum (11 November 2013)

So sorry, no one could have tried harder x


----------



## hayinamanger (11 November 2013)

Dear Wagtail, I am so very sorry for your loss.  I think the timing was exactly right, more box rest would have been too awful for both of you.  Give yourself time to grieve and take comfort from knowing that you did Penny the ultimate kindness.


----------



## splashgirl45 (11 November 2013)

wagtail,   i am in tears reading this, i opened this thread first tonight as had been thinking of you during the day.  you know you have done the best for her and she has had a good few days being a horse....believe me it will get easier although you will never forget her....what a beautiful girl and sounds like she was quite a character.....look after yourself, a nice glass of wine and some chocs wouold be good!!!!!


----------



## Wagtail (11 November 2013)

Yes I have a very large glass of white wine right now. A bit early but heh ho.

I just don't know what I will do to fill the enormous hole she has left. She really was larger than life. All other horses seem so bland right now.


----------



## fatponee (11 November 2013)

hayinamanger said:



			Dear Wagtail, I am so very sorry for your loss.  I think the timing was exactly right, more box rest would have been too awful for both of you.  Give yourself time to grieve and take comfort from knowing that you did Penny the ultimate kindness.
		
Click to expand...

"This"  So sorry to hear your news.  Take care.x


----------



## Spring Feather (11 November 2013)

Wagtail said:



			I just don't know what I will do to fill the enormous hole she has left.
		
Click to expand...

Time will ease it.  We all know that but with these extra special horses the time takes so much longer for us to come to terms with the loss of them.  I still struggle with losing my precious mare back in March.  The hole she left is still gaping and very raw.  I know, like you, that we will recover eventually and all that will be left are those lovely happy memories of our beloveds.  But some days it can be fricking hard.  I do feel for you and I hope you can get over it much quicker than me, as I really can't seem to shake the feeling of intense loss.  Stupid I know, but I can't help it.  If you ever need to talk or have a blub there's loads of us on here who will lend a shoulder for you to lean on.


----------



## splashgirl45 (11 November 2013)

just look after yourself for now, you are probably a bit run down as you have been through so much lately.....maybe go in a different direction, get a dog/cat/guinea pig/rabbit then you wont be comparing all the time..  or have a nice holiday somewhere warm even if its only a week....your girl is safe now and its time for you...


----------



## Wagtail (11 November 2013)

This is my little friend who is trying her best to comfort me right now.


----------



## Wagtail (11 November 2013)

Spring Feather said:



			Time will ease it.  We all know that but with these extra special horses the time takes so much longer for us to come to terms with the loss of them.  I still struggle with losing my precious mare back in March.  The hole she left is still gaping and very raw.  I know, like you, that we will recover eventually and all that will be left are those lovely happy memories of our beloveds.  But some days it can be fricking hard.  I do feel for you and I hope you can get over it much quicker than me, as I really can't seem to shake the feeling of intense loss.  Stupid I know, but I can't help it.  If you ever need to talk or have a blub there's loads of us on here who will lend a shoulder for you to lean on.
		
Click to expand...

I am so sorry it is taking so much time. I can well believe it though. I don't know what it is about mares, I never wanted one, but now I can't imagine life without one.


----------



## MiniMilton (11 November 2013)

Oh God I'm only catching up on the thread now. I'm so sorry for your loss. You poor thing you must be devastated. You can rest easy knowing you went above and beyond what most people would to give her every chance x


----------



## Queenbee (11 November 2013)

Wagtail, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss.  What a lucky girl, to have such a dedicated, caring and true owner.  You gave her every amount of love and dignity.  I know you have a huge hole in your heart, I hope the wonderful memories you made together and the knowledge she isn't in pain can provide you with comfort while you grieve for her.   

True love, is in my opinion, putting the needs of those we love before our own. Xxx

When I lost ebony, another poster shared this on my thread,  I now want to share it with you xxx

*The Foal 

I'll lend you for a little while my grandest foal, HE said.
for you to love while he's alive and mourn when he is dead.
It may be one or twenty years, or days or months, you see, 
but will you, till I take him back, take care of him for me? 
He'll bring his charms to gladden you, and should his stay be brief,
you'll have treasured memories as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return,
but there are lessons taught on earth I want this foal to learn.
I've looked the wide world over In my search for teachers true.
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes, with trust, I've chosen you.
Now will you give him total love? not think the labor vain,
nor hate me when I come here to take him back again?
I know you'll give him tenderness and love will bloom each day,
and for the happiness you've known, forever grateful stay 
But should I come and call for him much sooner than you'd planned,
you'll brave the bitter grief that comes, and someday, understand,*


----------



## Bigbenji (11 November 2013)

What a stunning mare. I am so sorry for your loss. 
You were as lucky to have her in your life as she was to have you. Not many get to go in there own surroundings, in a calm manner and surrounded by those who love them best. 
I had the exact same thing with my horse of a life time and please take it from someone who knows that once the tears are under control you will look back and feel relief that you did the right thing. 
My last memory is of my boy dropping quickly like your mare but with his ears pricked and polos still in his mouth. That memory still comforts me three years on.


----------



## Oddjob's Wife (11 November 2013)

So sorry Wagtail.  May happy memories come very soon to outweigh your loss.


----------



## splashgirl45 (11 November 2013)

Wagtail said:



			This is my little friend who is trying her best to comfort me right now.






Click to expand...

bless her...


----------



## Wagtail (11 November 2013)

Queenbee said:



			Wagtail, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss.  What a lucky girl, to have such a dedicated, caring and true owner.  You gave her every amount of love and dignity.  I know you have a huge hole in your heart, I hope the wonderful memories you made together and the knowledge she isn't in pain can provide you with comfort while you grieve for her.   

True love, is in my opinion, putting the needs of those we love before our own. Xxx

When I lost ebony, another poster shared this on my thread,  I now want to share it with you xxx

*The Foal 

I'll lend you for a little while my grandest foal, HE said.
for you to love while he's alive and mourn when he is dead.
It may be one or twenty years, or days or months, you see, 
but will you, till I take him back, take care of him for me? 
He'll bring his charms to gladden you, and should his stay be brief,
you'll have treasured memories as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return,
but there are lessons taught on earth I want this foal to learn.
I've looked the wide world over In my search for teachers true.
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes, with trust, I've chosen you.
Now will you give him total love? not think the labor vain,
nor hate me when I come here to take him back again?
I know you'll give him tenderness and love will bloom each day,
and for the happiness you've known, forever grateful stay 
But should I come and call for him much sooner than you'd planned,
you'll brave the bitter grief that comes, and someday, understand,*

Click to expand...

What a beautiful poem. It brings me to tears but it really is a comfort. Thank you.


----------



## Wagtail (11 November 2013)

Bigbenji said:



			What a stunning mare. I am so sorry for your loss. 
You were as lucky to have her in your life as she was to have you. Not many get to go in there own surroundings, in a calm manner and surrounded by those who love them best. 
I had the exact same thing with my horse of a life time and please take it from someone who knows that once the tears are under control you will look back and feel relief that you did the right thing. 
My last memory is of my boy dropping quickly like your mare but with his ears pricked and polos still in his mouth. That memory still comforts me three years on.
		
Click to expand...

Thank you. Yes in a way animals that are loved and cared for have it better than humans. We can spare them immense suffering.


----------



## 3Beasties (11 November 2013)

Another silent follower of this thread but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry that you have had to make such a heartbreaking decision, RIP Penny xxx


----------



## ATrueClassAct (11 November 2013)

So so sorry wagtail, my thoughts are with you. 
Rip beautiful Penny. 
Xx


----------



## ILuvCowparsely (11 November 2013)

Treasured Friend


A Treasured Friend and my Soule Mate
Blessed was the day you came into my life
I will treasure this day for ever and for always
You accepted me as I accepted you
I trusted you as you trusted me

Together we travelled through fields high and low
The wind in your mane blowing it in my face
I clung to your neck as we ran swiftly through the grass
Your hooves barely making a sound as we were in full flight.

You are as gentle and loving now as you were all those years back
Never been any sort of animosity towards me
You are the perfect companion for me I hope I am the perfect friend for you
You have looked after me through thick and thin
As I now have to look after you in your time of need.
You are so brave despite the pain
You maintain the brightness in your eyes and the will to fight

I am here for you always my love
And always will be for as long as you need me
I will never give up as long as you have the will to live
I have the will to nurse you
I hope and pray
That maybe some day
will see you running free again
Someday soon
Until the time comes to say goodbye

Sadly the time has now come
I have done all I can for you darling
Your pain will soon be over, but mine has begun
You&#8217;re a fighter darling big and brave
My world will be an emptier place without you
Trust me darling we will be together again one day
Rest and run free over Rainbow Bridge


----------



## Wagtail (12 November 2013)

Thank you. I've had a terrible night just replaying her death over and over.


----------



## Amymay (12 November 2013)

Wagtail said:



			Thank you. I've had a terrible night just replaying her death over and over.
		
Click to expand...

You have to remember her for what she was.  And you said yourself that she went peacefully.  Chin up.  xxxx


----------



## Adopter (12 November 2013)

Wagtail, thoughts with you, it is so very hard, but you did the right thing and she does not know anything about it.  What a lovely photo.
Time passing and happy memories do help, sending hugs.


----------



## Wagtail (12 November 2013)

The nightmare continues. Just lost her best buddy to colic. Vet thinks melenomas inside him due to him being a grey. It happened so fast. RIP beautiful boy.


----------



## Amymay (12 November 2013)

Oh no, Wagtail.  I'm so, so sorry.


----------



## Wagtail (12 November 2013)

He was such a lovely horse and never gave me any trouble. I had just been wondering how he would cope without my girl in the summer, as they used to come in at night together into the sand as they were both lami prone. I was thinking he would be lonely. Poor little man. I really will miss him.


----------



## Amymay (12 November 2013)

Absolutely tragic.  Really, I'm so sorry.


----------



## babymare (12 November 2013)

No words to add wagtail. so so sad for you x x


----------



## touchstone (12 November 2013)

Wagtail said:



			He was such a lovely horse and never gave me any trouble. I had just been wondering how he would cope without my girl in the summer, as they used to come in at night together into the sand as they were both lami prone. I was thinking he would be lonely. Poor little man. I really will miss him.
		
Click to expand...

I am truly sorry Wagtail, but if it's any consolation reading your above post just made me think that sometimes things seem meant to be. He won't face the stress of being lonely and it was obviously his time too.  As sad and heartbreaking as it is when we lose them, sometimes it can work as a blessing in disguise the way it happens, although it would be much nicer if we never had to say goodbye at all.X


----------



## *hic* (12 November 2013)

Oh bloody hell, so sorry. All I can say is that at least you need not worry about him having to cope without her and that the awfulness of having to make a decision for him has been taken out of your hands.

RIP both old friends.


----------



## buddy's mummy (12 November 2013)

you have the comfort that they are both together running free in the lush green pastures of rainbow bridge. RIP both xxxx


----------



## Hetsmum (12 November 2013)

So so sorry to hear this Wagtail.  At least they are together now.  RIP together old friends.xx


----------



## Adopter (12 November 2013)

So very sorry, what a week for you.  Your emotions must be on such a rollercoaster.  Sending thoughts and hugs.


----------



## Spring Feather (12 November 2013)

Oh no, I'm so sorry.  Maybe a blessing in disguise, but still hard to come to terms with I'm sure.


----------



## Tiddlypom (12 November 2013)

So, so sorry to hear about your boy. Unbelievable.

Wagtail, can you get away for a complete break from the yard for a few days? You must have been running on empty for a long while, you must consider yourself now.


----------



## MiniMilton (12 November 2013)

Oh God you've had a horrific 2 days. Look after yourself. I hope this doesn't sound heartless, but if I recall correctly you had sacrificed your riding to look after these 2 dear horses. Perhaps its time to do something for you, a riding horse may help heal the void in your heart. I hope saying that doesn't cause any offence. I just know if I were in your shoes I'd need a new focus.

Thinking about you at this terrible time


----------



## splashgirl45 (12 November 2013)

so sorry about her buddy, maybe she wanted him with her?   luckily it was quick for him.....hugs for you,


----------



## Clodagh (12 November 2013)

I'm so sorry to hear what you have gone through the last few days.
Take a bit of time out, if you were Essex I would come and do your yard for you tomorrow.


----------



## Wagtail (12 November 2013)

Sorry for any misunderstanding. The poor boy who died today was the horse I was borrowing to ride. He'd been a livery with me for five years and was an absolute darling. I loved him as I would my own. He absolutely adored my mare, who wasn't always very nice to him! But she was very bonded to him. 

His owner and myself were comforting ourselves today with the thought that they are now both 'up there' together, with her still biting his bum.


----------



## Wagtail (12 November 2013)

Thank you! I do feel utterly drained and exhausted. Dealing with that poor boy this morning was just awful. There was nothing anyone could do. One of my liveries did some mucking out for me which really helped. I just cannot believe they are both gone.


----------



## wyrdsister (12 November 2013)

So sorry, Wagtail :-( Look after yourself.


----------



## babymare (12 November 2013)

You need sometime out. of course you are drained and exhausted. you have been on emotional roller coaster recently and you are only human. please please look after yourself. Please take advantage of any offers of help. You have many friends on here. x x


----------



## texas (12 November 2013)

Blooming heck wagtail :-( more hugs for you.  Rip horses. Nearly a year since I lost one of mine to colic, I'm petrified of losing his buddy.  You definitely deserve a duvet day for yourself.


----------



## Fools Motto (12 November 2013)

Sad for today's tragedy, but somehow, maybe it was your girls wish for her buddy to join her. More hugs.


----------



## MrsNorris (12 November 2013)

So sorry Wagtail, you've really been through the mill lately, take care xx


----------



## Nari (12 November 2013)

I'm so very sorry Wagtail x


----------



## Vickijay (12 November 2013)

Oh my goodness what an awful few days you have had. Penny really was beautiful. So sorry to hear about the other boy too. Life can be very cruel sometimes. You are in my thoughts xx


----------



## Pearlsasinger (12 November 2013)

Oh, Wagtail, I'm so sorry to hear your news.  RIP both.


----------



## Honey08 (12 November 2013)

Just caught up on this.  Sorry for the double whammy of losing two, however I'm glad its finally over for you and your mare's rollercoaster ride.  RIP Penny and her friend, and hugs to you.


----------



## Wagtail (13 November 2013)

Finally, waking up this morning I am finding some peace. Memories of my mare's death are fading and I am just thinking what a good horse she was. In her prime we would hack out for miles just the two of us. No obstacle could stand in our way. I remember getting caught in deep brambles and thistles but there was a lovely meadow the other side of the fence. The fence was standard post and rail and she jumped it for me with just a squeeze of my legs from a standstill and out of the brambles. She would go over ditches, hedges and through water. Such a good horse. I do miss her so much.


----------



## splashgirl45 (13 November 2013)

a small step to recovery...glad to hear you are feeling a little bit better, your girl will be happy for you  and there are lots of others on here who will also be  pleased.


----------



## Tiddlypom (13 November 2013)

Glad that you're able to remember the happy times now. Take it steady.


----------



## Adopter (13 November 2013)

She really sounds a wonderful horse, good memories are so important in helping cope with sadness.


----------



## Wagtail (14 November 2013)

Thank you. I have no regrets but I get huge waves of guilt. I know it had to be done, but I feel like I tricked her. She was really happy that morning and I put her to sleep. But I had to for her sake though it doesn't seem that way when they are so perky and happy.

Yes, she was a great horse. I won't find another one like her. She was not easy at first. It took a long time and a lot of work to get that bond. I just don't know if I can face all that again.


----------



## Tiddlypom (14 November 2013)

Guilt is natural, but you did absolutely the right thing. She went happy and bright.

I'm sure many of us on here have kept an animal going that bit too long and wish we had made the call earlier. You tried everything, it didn't work but she was happy at the end.

It is probably too early for you to think of getting another. Take it steady and who knows what might crop up in a while, you may find that just the right horse is out there looking for you right now.


----------



## touchstone (14 November 2013)

I understand how you are feeling completely Wagtail, guilt is part of the course I think, even when we are acting in the horse's best interests. 
 You've got to remember that you saved her from that suffering that would have inevitably happened, both physically and mentally.  

 I have a mare who is also very special to me and who the vet suspects is cushingoid.  I have made the decision that she will be the last, as I know I will feel the same as you. 
 That being said I'm a big believer in ''never say never', so be kind to yourself and see what unfolds in time.  You might feel differently a few months down the line, or you might be happy with not replacing her with another.  Either way you've got to do what is right for you, will be thinking of you.


----------



## texas (14 November 2013)

With her prognosis/issues, better for her to go happy at the point she did, than wait until she was suffering.  She didn't know anything about it, don't feel guilty for being brave and making the right decision. Don't rush thinking about another one, I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and when the time is right, the right one will find you.  That may be weeks, that may be years, who knows.


----------



## Wagtail (14 November 2013)

Thank you.

The yard seems so empty. There are seven stables inside the yard and one just outside. Four stables are empty. It is horrible. I have my gelding out 24/7 with his yearling friend. I will only bring them in if the weather is really bad because his arthritis really hits him hard when he's in, even though he loves his stable. I don't know when would be the right time to ask the owner of the lovely boy that died so suddenly if she wants to keep a stable here. I don't want her to turn up and find I've filled it, but I don't want to ask her too soon as she is probably feeling the same way as me about getting another.


----------



## Sadiemay (14 November 2013)

Dear Wagtail,

I am so very sorry for your losses. I have followed this thread (but never commented) on tender hooks praying for a miracle as the love you have for this special mare shines through in your posts. 

I am holding you in my thoughts so much right now. I lost my precious girl after nearly 20 years together in 2011 it was the most traumatic and devastating experience of my life. I would have moved heaven and earth to save her no matter the cost but it just was not meant to be and nothing could have changed that. Some things just are not meant to be sadly.

You did everything you could and that is all you could have possibly done, no one could have done more. She went quickly and peacefully, in familiar surroundings and with you right by her side. What horse could ask for more.  The decision to put to sleep can be the very hardest thing to act upon for some owners, but as owners but its the final act of love and respect we can give our horses or indeed any animal when its their time however hard it is on us.  And to me it sounds like it was the right time, not a day too soon nor a day too late.

The grieving process is a rollercoaster and affects different people in different ways. I was blindsided by immense feelings of loss and grief for months and months after my mare died.  In the end I had to have counseling to come to terms with losing her. Now 2 years and and 4 months on, I still miss her dreadfully and think of her every day but I feel a sense of calm and peace along with many many happy memories. She is safe now and no one or nothing can hurt her.  She may be gone in body but her spirit lives on, as does Pennys.

Let me share with you a nice poem that my friend sent me when my mare died, I found some comfort in the words and I sincerely hope you do to:

_*If the day should come when I'm in pain,
And you know I won't be well again,
Promise you'll do what must be done,
If this is the battle that can't be won.

It'll break your heart, but please be kind,
Don't let your grieving sway your mind.
For this is when you'll let me see
Just how much you do love me.

Together we've had happy years
The future now can hold no fears.
Please don't let me suffer
so when that day comes, please let me go.

For my usual vet please will you send?
But stay with me until the end.
Hold me steady, speak to me
Till my once bright eyes no longer see

In time I hope you'll come to see
It's the last kindness you'll do for me
One more time please stroke my mane
And know that I'll have no more pain.

And don't be sad that it was you
Who decided this was what to do.
We've been such buddies through the years
Don't let me be the cause of tears.

You'll always see me graze now,
with the sun upon my back
Painful limbs won't tire me now,
however long the hack.

I live now in your heart and mind,
a lovely place to stay.
And what you have in memories,
no one can take away.*_

This one is very true..... 

*You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go
*
RIP Penny, you beautiful and courageous girl.

Take care and be kind to yourself Wagtail you have been through so much, you need to take some time to take care of you now.

Sadiemay


----------



## Wagtail (14 November 2013)

Thank you Sadiemay. Both those poems are lovely, though they make me cry. I was so lucky to have her in my life, as were you to have your precious girl.


----------



## The_snoopster (14 November 2013)

So sorry for your loss x I am currently just about winning my battle with my little lad with cushings/lami, but I have also made the hard choice of pts on his next bad attack. My mare has also been diagnosed with cushings, but not yet had lami, but knowing I shall be fighting another battle with lami in the future is gut wrenching. Thinking of you x


----------



## merrymeasure (14 November 2013)

Just caught up on this. I am so very sorry Wagtail. You did all you could for your beautiful girl, and you did the right thing. She went feeling happy and bright in herself.And I am so sorry to hear of the other horse too. Two grand old friends together forever. Please take care of yourself now, you have had a pretty rough time of late Big (((hugs))) x
RIP two beautiful horses, gallop forever free x


----------



## Wagtail (14 November 2013)

Thank you. All of you. It means so much.


----------

