# A bit out of my depth



## Green Bean (2 February 2017)

Hi, hoping I can get a bit of reassurance. I had been out of riding for 25 years after owning my previous horse for 8 years and pony clubbing before then on leased horses. I decided, what with my kids grown up and being a bit more financially stable, to take the plunge and start riding again (silly me thinking all those muscles still worked). I went out and bought the first horse I tried 3 months ago, without taking anyone with me (I didn't know anybody at that stage). I bought a Dutch Warmblood mare who I fell in love with. She is a 16.2hh dark bay and has such presence. She had developed in her flatwork doing shoulder ins and what not and has lovely paces....however.... she is such a bouncy horse it took me two months just to be able to do a rising trot without embarrassing myself. She came from a competition yard where she was very fit and had muscles in all the right places. I fear I am letting her down as she has lost muscle in her neck and bum, is a bit spooky at random things which makes me nervous and so I ride her less and less. I have even reached the point where I feel I should sell her and buy something more suited to my lack of talent. Saying all this, I have come off three times now, twice being my fault and each time she has stood where I landed and waited for me to gather myself up again and continue. She walks over to me in the field, is an angel in the stable and as the saying goes - is not mare-ish (all my previous rides were geldings so had no experience with mares). I started having lessons last month and have had some of my riding style corrected (leaning forward at the trot, terrible transitions and so on) but I was out with her yesterday, trotting and trying to get her on the bit (a story for another day) when she spooked once again and I lost it and started, in a very unlady-like manner, swearing at her. I took her back to the stable and got her ready to lunge and lunged her past the latest spooky thing. There was cantering and farting but she eventually settled down and I can see how unfit she has become because I am just so nervous on her. I have had her saddle fitted, made a few changes to her bridle and even bought some 'sticky' jodphurs but alas I just simply don't know what to do. Ultimately I am not a competition mad rider, although this would probably change if I had a competition buddy. Any advice?


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## Nugget La Poneh (2 February 2017)

Keep with the lessons, and maybe look to have lessons on a schoolmaster alongside. If she has been in competition, or treated as such, form day dot until you bought her, then life will be spooky for her, especially as she now got time to think about it all!

Don't put pressure on yourself to do a good job, I don't know how old she is, but I'm sure that a year or so chilling out is not going to do her any harm. It is only 3 months, it can take a long time to learn to ride a particular horse (took me nearly 4 years, but that's due to confidence). I would stop worrying about if she is on the bit, if she's well schooled enough which it sounds like she is, then half the battle is won and the sense of achievement that you will get once you've pressed all the right buttons in the right order will be immense. As for the trotting, WB's are known to rocket their riders into orbit in the trot - it's nothing you are doing wrong!

Just pootle on hacks, no objectives, no goals other than to enjoy being back on a horse. Start with 10 minutes, and build up incrementally. When it feels right, and she's had more exposure to things you'll find yourself going up a gear etc. naturally.

Sit back, relax, and enjoy being back in horses


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## Sparemare (2 February 2017)

If you're enjoying her and enjoy riding her then carry on and take the pressure off yourself.  However, there's no shame in deciding she's not right for you and selling her.  If you wake up feeling fearful of riding at any point then perhaps it's best to look for a different horse.  Horse ownership is about enjoying yourself!


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## Shay (2 February 2017)

Good reply sparemare.

The only other thing I would add - have a look at her feed.  She isn't in much work so if you are still feeding her as if she was still competing then all that excess energy will make her silly.  You may find if you cut her back to forage only or forage and balancer that the spookiness improves.

Sometimes it takes a while to adapt to a large moving horse.  You might find a deeper seat saddle whelps - but if you have only just replaced your saddle that will be an expense you don't need!

But never worry that you are not being "fair" to her or that she is "wasted".  The horse doesn't care if it is competed or not.  Not really even if it has lost muscle or not.  They only care that they are fed and have space to express natural behaviors.  Its your horse - do what you want.  That might include choosing to sell.  But it doesn't have to.


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## Green Bean (2 February 2017)

Thanks for all the comments so far. I really hope we can become a pair as she is such a lovely horse. She makes me get a lump in my throat when she knows I am around the corner preparing her meals on weekends and nickers for me until I pop my head around the corner assuring her I am on the case. Just to answer the query on her age, she is 7 years 10 months so still a spring chicken. Thanks for the support on the lack of progress, I will persevere but will take the hard decision if I find myself making excuses not to ride her. I hope she can be my forever horse


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## Orangehorse (2 February 2017)

I was out of riding for 10 years, and I still did a bit of hunter exercising and was around horses.  When I bought my 15hh horse I thought I was going to get on and take off where I left off, i.e. galloping around cross country courses, etc.  Instead I was a nervous wreck, I was actually shaking with nerves and she seemed enormous compared to the ponies.  I never DID get back into jumping, for various reasons, and had problems with handling her, we were nervous of each other and it was a breakthrough at a natural horsemanship session that turned the corner.

I am only saying this to say that you are not alone.  I would agree with Shay and Sparemare.  The horse doesn't have ambitions, they don't care what they do.  Keep on with the lessons and maybe try and get fit with some other exercises like pilates.
Your riding will come back. If your horse is a sweetie to handle, that is worth a lot.  See how it goes through the summer, maybe try some very low key dressage, i.e. walk and trot test and have it read out!  

And yes, my riding did come back, not to the same level as before, but I went on to show and do competitions, only I found that 2' 3" is my maximum height!


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## PenttiTepponen (4 February 2017)

Hi, 

I was also out of horse for many years and it is mad how those nerves creep in. So YOU ARE NOT ALONE. What has made a big difference to me is to take a pressure off myself and simply not ride. I have recently (3 months or so) started loaning an ex racer, he was literally off the track (I am a succer for the poorly rescue ones...). I have spent three months working him from the ground, including "hacking" him on lead - like a dog! I have learned how to work a horse in hand, do lateral work with him and get him lovely and supple and relaxed in hand. It has been a great way to get to know him and most importantly it has taken the pressure off bth of us.

And as people have said - why do we put on all this stress on ourselves saying we need to keep horses competition fit and compete them? Arent they supposed to be our friends and pets effectively WAY before anyting else.

Enjoy having her and spending time with her. I am sure she will love it too!


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## Imogenpj (15 February 2017)

Well firstly, I feel for you. I think most people have been in a situation at some point or another where they feel out of their depth, maybe not with a horse they own. I think if someone has never, not once, felt that they may be a tad out of their depth, maybe they are telling porkies or maybe they are just the most saintly, well thought out, sensible bores ever. Rant over (not sure where that came from).
Right, you've identified there's an issue, you're willing to do something about it and you love the mare - GREAT. So 3 things to do to get you on track.....
Hang out with her and do lots of ground work, you'll develop your bond and you'll both gain confidence in each other.
Have lessons, everyone should. 
Take the pressure off yourself, yes you bought a great horse. Remember, the horse doesn't care if she's not winning ribbons - you're not letting her down. Great advice from sparemare re: monitoring that it's still fun-if it's not then cut your losses, it's not a failure.


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## Morgan123 (16 February 2017)

Would you consider a sharer? I know when I've felt like a horse is too much for me or I've been unsure, it's very reassuring to see someone else doing things on the horse first - plus it helps with the fitness, money, time..... she sounds like a lovely horse and that it wouldn't be too hard to find someone to work with her.


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## rachk89 (17 February 2017)

Try not to give in. I bought a similar horse when I was in a dreadful state for nerves. Couldn't ride his trot at all either, you have to develop the muscle required by trotting lots. It does take time and I still struggle to sit to his trot. Its not as easy as cobs or TBS I love getting on other horses now as I know they will be more comfortable.

For the spooking try and ignore her. Its very hard I know I try using shoulder in past spooky things so he listens to me rather than overreacting. Push her forwards too with your legs again I know its the opposite of what you want to do but it works on my boy. They gain confidence if you keep the leg pressure on, it tells them they are safe. Take it off and tense up and they will over react. I know its hard though, I still have moments where I don't manage to be brave but for how talented these horses are its worth it. Just build up slowly you will get there. She sounds like my boy, genuine and wants to please but doesn't have a clue how to.


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## Cortez (18 February 2017)

If I were you I'd sell this mare to someone who will enjoy her, and go buy something more suitable for the stage you are at now. There is no shame in admitting you are over horsed; riding is supposed to be fun, not something that frightens both you and the horse.


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## Tnavas (19 February 2017)

What are you feeding her? - If you can take her right back to just hay, good quality meadow hay - she may just be too full of goodies. Also add Magnesium to her food - it works to calm them down. Lunge her before you ride so you get the high jinks out of her. Don't give  up - you are definitely doing the right thing by having lessons


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## Exploding Chestnuts (19 February 2017)

Keep a finger in the neck strap. Feed no molassses. Lunge properly [get a lesson in this] twice a week. Maximum turnout. 
She is sound, that is a great thing for you, it sounds as though you migh benefit from a sharer who is a good rider, but these are hard to find..


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## oldie48 (19 February 2017)

Cortez has a point, if you are over horsed and don't feel you can up your riding, then it's sensible to sell. However, if you think you can raise your game and want to continue then I think its all about finding the right trainer. It's still very early days but if you think she is basically straightforward, then you need to work on "control" and being her leader. It is pretty basic stuff stuff but it's taken me a long while to understand what's it's all about but for me it has been life changing. Good luck for whatever you decide.


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## Vodkagirly (20 February 2017)

My approach would be to get a good instructor and look to do some intensive lessons 2/3 times a week for a period of say a month to start. Then assess where you are, if things are getting better great, if not look to sell. My advice for anyone getting a new horse would be to budget for lessons straight off as it can nip issues in the bud.


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