# Forum Bully Behavior - Observation



## In The Real World (29 April 2012)

Hello there,

I have just been reading through some threads (couple of months old) and Im just astonished at how many Bullies there are out there online so much so the poor lady who started one of the threads kept her head down after been beaten to submission by some very opioniated stroopy mare.

I was BUllied at work 12 months ago - I ended up having to leave my position as my health took a turn for the worse. 

I just want to say that - These people need to be stopped and the admins need to take charge! Nasty pasys


----------



## Fii (29 April 2012)

I think there are some on here that have very assertive natures, there are also some that know everything and come across as if you dont know a thing! feelings run high on some threads, but i really dont think there are many "bullies!" if any, they dont stay long as they tendto  let themselves down, and get banned!


----------



## orionstar (29 April 2012)

There is alot that goes on in this forum that I dont know the whole details of, but there are some posters who are nasty to everyone, there are some who have been so horrible to other members that the minute they post they are asking for it, and they are some that have been re-incarnated after being banned so many times we have troll busters to sort them out. There are also Trolls, who may look like they're being bullied but the very nature of the thread dictates this, and this is what they do it for. There are also the minority, by the very nature of the question, whether genuine or not get the response that say's "you really shouldnt be in charge of a live animal". This is an open forum, you're going to get huge differences of oppinions, but until you understand all of the above, you can not make the claim that someone is being bullied. I still profess to being a virgin in this territory


----------



## rhino (29 April 2012)

In The Real World said:



			Hello there,
I just want to say that - These people need to be stopped and the admins need to take charge! Nasty pasys
		
Click to expand...

If you see bullying report it. It is an unmoderated forum so unless you report it it will not be dealt with.

However, don't confuse differences in opinion with bullying, as people are perfectly entitled to their strong opinions.


----------



## Moomin1 (29 April 2012)

OP I too was bullied by a serial bully at work a few years back.  She was found guilty at two (internal and external) enquiries and was got rid of.  I suffered sever depression and anxiety as a result and now take a very strong stand against true bullying. 

I do however think that there is a very fine line between people expressing opinion and being of a strong opinion on a matter, maybe even calling a few harsh names or terms, and someone actually being a bully.  Bullies are people who wreck lives and destroy confidence over a long period of time.  They are people who aim to strip their victim of their personality and confidence in order to gain the outcome they want.

I don't think there are many bullies on here - I think there are some very strong minded and some very rude people on here - but unless someone is harrassing continuously then I don't think it can be classed as bullying.


----------



## Fii (29 April 2012)

I virtually got accused of being a bully last year on here, because i asked a couple of questions that the person obviously didnt like  I certainly didnt mean it to be bullying, and it made me feel bad that i was accused of it, and i tried to avoid her posts afterwards!!


----------



## In The Real World (29 April 2012)

Hello 

Some very good points - I guess I maybe a little over sensitive after having my confidence stripped and made feel worthless at work. I enjoy this forum (even if I just lurk mainly) but you guys have restored my faith 

I just felt one person who continually posted negative know it all comments on this thread I was reading seemed like a reall S**t and brought it all back

Thank you xx


----------



## Rowreach (29 April 2012)

Moomin1 said:



			I don't think there are many bullies on here - I think there are some very strong minded and some very rude people on here - but unless someone is harrassing continuously then I don't think it can be classed as bullying.
		
Click to expand...

You also get groups of people (I won't call them cliques ) who tend to hunt in packs on here.  I've seen it several times since I joined, and I don't like it, but then I tend to ignore threads which they have taken over.  I did get involved a few years ago when one previously popular poster got set upon by an earlier group.  Most of them have gone to AHHO since then.  We now have a new group   I think they stop just short of bullying at the moment, but if you see anything you are concerned about OP, report it.  I know of at least one former poster whose life was totally disrupted by the treatment she received on here.  The trouble is, if not nipped in the bud, these things can get totally out of hand


----------



## Wagtail (29 April 2012)

Rowreach said:



			You also get groups of people (I won't call them cliques ) who tend to hunt in packs on here.  I've seen it several times since I joined, and I don't like it, but then I tend to ignore threads which they have taken over.  I did get involved a few years ago when one previously popular poster got set upon by an earlier group.  Most of them have gone to AHHO since then.  We now have a new group   I think they stop just short of bullying at the moment, but if you see anything you are concerned about OP, report it.  I know of at least one former poster whose life was totally disrupted by the treatment she received on here.  The trouble is, if not nipped in the bud, these things can get totally out of hand 

Click to expand...

I agree with this. There are one or two people who band together and take over threads, though some of the worst offenders seem to have left this forum many months ago.


----------



## maisie06 (29 April 2012)

Rowreach said:



			You also get groups of people (I won't call them cliques ) who tend to hunt in packs on here.  I've seen it several times since I joined, and I don't like it, but then I tend to ignore threads which they have taken over.  I did get involved a few years ago when one previously popular poster got set upon by an earlier group.  Most of them have gone to AHHO since then.  We now have a new group   I think they stop just short of bullying at the moment, but if you see anything you are concerned about OP, report it.  I know of at least one former poster whose life was totally disrupted by the treatment she received on here.  The trouble is, if not nipped in the bud, these things can get totally out of hand 

Click to expand...

I've noticed this too. They stamp on posts and gang up on people. I had one very, very nasty experience on here when I asked for some advice in soapbox, hoping someone else had experience what I was going through, then I got rude and insulting PM's. What is it with people? If I see a post I don't like, I rarely comment on it, I don't abuse the OP through the PM system.

For the most part 95% of forum users are kind, helpful and supportive but that 5% ruin it for everyone. I think because they can hide behind a keyboard they think they have the right to be as hurtful and rude as they possibly can.Take the Jadeyyandlady posts - she asked for advice because the horse was underweight and a few people tore her apart, those SAME individuals then went on the witch hunt after the mare was seen looking great and told her she was irresponsible and that the mare was now to fat....


----------



## cattysmith (29 April 2012)

I must say (and this is only my opinion) personally feel that the true word "bullied" has been slightly overused with the use of the internet and forums and probably the threads you've seen. I don't think these people are bullying, I think true bullying is relentless and endless tirade of abuse mentally or physically that breaks down a person over time, as anyone who has been bullied in real life may understand. I do realise though that there are occasions where people are followed around the internet and barraged with abuse overtime and this IS bullying and is a serious matter that can't always simply be walked away from.  I don't think there are many HHOs who would do that though, but you never quite know who you are getting involved with!

I think what is going on here is that foolish, silly, immature and over opinionated people get a thrill from turning a thread into a good old bitch-fest and feel that slagging off members gives them some kind of power on the internet forum. These users are probably novices in real life who have much less of a clue about the ins and outs of horse care than they may care to think. Some may be the opinionated blunt and insensitive people who we all come across at yards and shows at one time or another and should simply be ignored.

At the moment there's a good example of a cross breed thread where someone has voiced an opinion over a few photographs that may not even be recent. There was no need for the comment and hopefully the OP will be able to brush it off with no hard feelings.

I think that in some escalating situations posters should be encouraged to switch off their computer and perhaps seek advice on other less hostile (at times!!) forums as there are plenty about. The good think about the internet is you can walk away from it.

I do think this forum has gone down hill drastically, but perhaps the morale of the users is low because of the crap weather that we've been having lately. Coming out of winter into spring you'd hope to be out riding and enjoying our horses but instead we're all twiddling our thumbs waiting for it to get better.

People who feel picked on have to try and realise that there are people out there that have very little else to do with their time other than deliberately try and ruin the day of someone else's just because they can.


----------



## Quantock-cob (29 April 2012)

I agree with the OP - there is certainly some bullying behaviour on here. it may be seen by some as "experienced" owners giving advice to "novices" but it often comes across as preaching and demeaning.

However, I feel that this type of behavior is everywhere in the horse world. Horse owners (particularly women) are some of the bitchiest, nastiest people I have met. They seem to delight in telling people how they are doing everything wrong and laugh at people who are new to horse ownership and give them no chance of learning without feeling that they should just give up. My son was a competitive windsurfer for several years and I took him to many events. When i first started I didn't even know how to rig up a board, but there were so many nice people around to help me that I soon learned and then was able to help other newcomers. All the competitors got on really well and congratulated those who had won and commiserated with those who had had a bad day. I have watched young horse riders at local shows and never see this sort of behaviour - i once stood next to a lady i knew who hoped that the young girl in the ring "would fall off and hurt herself to put her in her place"  if this is the attitude of the parents what hope is there for our youngsters!

There was a recent thread on here about the stupid things novice owners have said! This is supposed to be a forum to give help and advice and yet new owners are made to feel useless for asking questions.


----------



## Parker79 (29 April 2012)

OP - I think you make a good point, sorry to hear you had such a horrible experience.

I witnessed the 'horse underweight' and 'look at my horse now!' thread and was appalled, I also saw the 'cross breed' thread and made comment on there to the OP to try and ignore the comments.

I only started using this forum a little while ago, I like it most of the time, but sometimes I just want to slam my computer shut and stop....some people are truly awful...I agree there are 'cliques' too. There are some poster that is you dare to 'disagree' then you will regret it.

It is a shame, I try to stay on here for the nice people and for the good advice. Maybe we should all look after the OP's that are hounded, then the people just looking for a fight may feel less inclined.


----------



## Parker79 (29 April 2012)

LIZ66 said:



			I agree with the OP - there is certainly some bullying behaviour on here. it may be seen by some as "experienced" owners giving advice to "novices" but it often comes across as preaching and demeaning.

However, I feel that this type of behavior is everywhere in the horse world. Horse owners (particularly women) are some of the bitchiest, nastiest people I have met. They seem to delight in telling people how they are doing everything wrong and laugh at people who are new to horse ownership and give them no chance of learning without feeling that they should just give up. My son was a competitive windsurfer for several years and I took him to many events. When i first started I didn't even know how to rig up a board, but there were so many nice people around to help me that I soon learned and then was able to help other newcomers. All the competitors got on really well and congratulated those who had won and commiserated with those who had had a bad day. I have watched young horse riders at local shows and never see this sort of behaviour - i once stood next to a lady i knew who hoped that the young girl in the ring "would fall off and hurt herself to put her in her place"  if this is the attitude of the parents what hope is there for our youngsters!

There was a recent thread on here about the stupid things novice owners have said! This is supposed to be a forum to give help and advice and yet new owners are made to feel useless for asking questions.
		
Click to expand...

^^very well said


----------



## Marydoll (29 April 2012)

I like this forum, and yes there are times it can become "heated" people can have strong opinions about their beliefs,horses and care, its when insults start that it lets itself down,  but to anyone reading insulting posts aimed at them, the insults and negativity can only have the power to make you feel bad if you let them, they are words on a computer screen and believe me 90 % of the hh members reading it, probably think it says more about the poster putting it up.
Its true there are "trolls" who like to wind it up, but its better seeing these posts deteriorate with logic and a good debate than insults 
As to cliques and packs ...... Sometimes it may just be folks with similar views, but when its every post, on every subject,Well theyre easy to spot, and just a wee bit sad imo


----------



## dreamcometrue (29 April 2012)

I have been a member on here for a long time, as you can see, but have rarely posted in the past because I found some of the people quite threatening.  However, I think that in the past year or so HHO has improved tremendously in this respect.  It is altogether a nicer place to be.  

There are some strong characters on here but I think that many have some humility as well.  There certainly aren't the very vicious ones that there used to be.


----------



## DragonSlayer (29 April 2012)

rhino said:



			If you see bullying report it. It is an unmoderated forum so unless you report it it will not be dealt with.

However, don't confuse differences in opinion with bullying, as people are perfectly entitled to their strong opinions.
		
Click to expand...

^^^^This^^^^

Often someone who disgrees with the majority is labelled as a bully, which in itself is a form of bullying when the masses congregate together and point the finger....just because they stand firm in their viewpoint.

I've only lost the plot once, and was rude, but apologised immediately the next morning when I realised I had been in the wrong, it was also done publically. 

HOWEVER, I'll stick by my beliefs and won't be swayed because i'm not all 'fluffy bunnies' - I like to see myself as a 'realist' and not an 'idealist'.


----------



## Achinghips (29 April 2012)

Bullying is repetitive and occurs over time.  

What you get on here is a bit of mobbing behaviour on the occasional thread, and the odd barbed comment from the usual know-it-alls whose behaviour, unfortunately, has probably gone unchecked for most of their lives, leaving them insecure.  Making others feel bad then becomes a peverse way of trying to "even the score".


----------



## JFTDWS (29 April 2012)

maisie06 said:



			Take the Jadeyyandlady posts - she asked for advice because the horse was underweight and a few people tore her apart, those SAME individuals then went on the witch hunt after the mare was seen looking great and told her she was irresponsible and that the mare was now to fat....
		
Click to expand...

Well that's absurd.  Virtually all of the posts on that thread were complimenting Jadeyandady for putting weight on her mare.  I was the one who posted that "fat" (her description of her own mare's condition) was not the same as good.  Afair, I didn't comment on her previous posts, I certainly wasn't amongst the vicious response she got then.  And as a result it was I who got the sharp end of the forum's more charming members   - a response I still feel was uncalled for and downright offensive.  If you're going to use specific examples, Maisy, do try and pick ones which accurately describe what you're talking about 

There are some strong personalities on here, there are some idiots and some complete knobs.  Same as life really, except on here you can utilise the user ignore function!


----------



## Natch (29 April 2012)

Op I am sorry to hear about your work experience, I have expeienced that first hand from my boss, and it destroyed my mental health at the time. Wishing you a swift recovery.

I don't feel that the majority of posts on here are bullying. I have been in the minority opinion-wise and in the majority, and right now it feels as if I am being stalked by a couple of users because we are always commenting on the same threads!  We are often of the same opinion and when we disagree we can do so politely, but I wouldn't say that makes it a clique, just life.

The ebb  and flow of HHO is a wonderful and I think pretty much unique online environment: you can be assured that people won't just nod and agree with you if you are doing something wrong, and if you ask for opinions you will get honest ones! Obviously sometimes people are blunt or just plain rude with that, and that is too much for some people so they stick to other forums which are 'nicer'. I for one can't stand OTT nicey nicey, and HHO has more traffic, so I have stayed.


----------



## quirky (29 April 2012)

I don't think there are out and out bullies on here but I do think people jump on the bandwagon.

You can definitely see some users who must be in contact by other means as their cronies/allies turn up very soon after they have posted and reaffirm their beliefs. You only have to see x post and you know xx will be following soon after .

Sometimes, there are threads that make uncomfortable reading but I think they are few and far between.


----------



## hest (29 April 2012)

I agree that there are some really unkind and unnecessary comments made on this forum. 

I wouldn't say it amounts to 'bullying' in the traditional sense of the term, but the criticism (usually directed at younger OPs) makes for uncomfortable reading. Some posters delight in picking fights, and the 'mob' mentality thatthen follows is dreadful too.

I am new to HHO and have read some fantastic posts giving invaluable advice on here. I have also followed light-hearted posts and laughed til I've had tears in my eyes. There are some very knowledgeable and incredibly funny people on here I have discovered, to my delight!

But I wouldn't be too thrilled to find my own daughter contributing to HHO until she is much older and properly understands the risks involved and how open to abuse she could leave herself by posting on an un-moderated site.


----------



## Hells Bells (29 April 2012)

I wouldn't personally say that there is a lot of bullying on here at all. There most certainly are some very strong views, and that's fine IMO, cos there will always be people with differing views and opinions to your own throughout your life.

 I think a bit of back and forth of opinions is great, it certainly gives me something to think about and I have no problem with it. What really gets me is when people are just plain rude. 

Don't think there is a 'clique' on here, but there is one member (not commented on this thread, only pops up once every few days) who is rude beyond rudeness, make my blood boil with the way he/she addresses people and is the type of person I use the word tw*t for.


----------



## Jesstickle (29 April 2012)

DragonSlayer said:



			^^^^This^^^^

Often someone who disgrees with the majority is labelled as a bully, which in itself is a form of bullying when the masses congregate together and point the finger....just because they stand firm in their viewpoint.

I've only lost the plot once, and was rude, but apologised immediately the next morning when I realised I had been in the wrong, it was also done publically. 

HOWEVER, I'll stick by my beliefs and won't be swayed because i'm not all 'fluffy bunnies' - I like to see myself as a 'realist' and not an 'idealist'.
		
Click to expand...

Same. I have only once totally lost the plot and I felt very silly after. Just as I would have done in real life. 

I expect sometimes I come across as rude as I can be a bit blunt. It's usually because I'm at work and I don't have time to type a great, long rambling answer so just put down the salient points. Apparently even that is enough to make you rude on here if it is half term. I don't think having a strong opinion and sticking to it is bullying. I'm sure other people disagree and think I'm awful. I don't really care though. 


I don't think I've ever seen anyone bullied on this forum. Bullying requires someone to be targeted. I think if someone posts something which any fool can see is not ok (horse in very poor condition, lame horse not getting the vet etc etc) they deserve to be told quite bluntly they are a plank. As long as the every time they post they don't get jumped on for no reason by the same people then that isn't bullying. I've never been sent a nasty PM but to those that have, that is honestly cr*p and the worst side of the forum. I hope you reported it to TFC as that kind of behaviour usually warrants a holiday!


----------



## Jesstickle (29 April 2012)

GG Bells said:



			Don't think there is a 'clique' on here, but there is one member (not commented on this thread, only pops up once every few days) who is rude beyond rudeness, make my blood boil with the way he/she addresses people and is the type of person I use the word tw*t for. 

Click to expand...

I reckon I could make a _ very _ good guess about who that is!!


----------



## Hells Bells (29 April 2012)

jesstickle said:



			I reckon I could make a _ very _ good guess about who that is!! 

Click to expand...

I imagine you probably could!


----------



## russianhorse (29 April 2012)

I think "bullying" is probably the wrong word, but I also have been back reading some old threads recently and thought OMG (make a good read though  )

There is however a clique bandwagon IMO, especially if one believes a poster may be a troll........and then the chase begins


----------



## GinaGeo (29 April 2012)

I'm not a very active member- and haven't been here all that long, mainly a lurker; but there is invaluable advice to be had on here.  I've learnt a lot, from people far more experienced than myself, and am pleased that they are happy to give the advice.

There are of course opinionated people, excentuated by the fact that we're all behind computer screens and so alot of what is said is probably less "moderated" than if we were talking face to face.  Users don't see the effect of what they say, and statements intended to be light hearted and jokey can be interpreted differently and taken the wrong way. 

I think you have to be selective about where you post, it's often clear by the nature of some threads that it's going to dissolve into a blood bath and so if you don't want to be involved then steer clear.  You also have to be open minded and willing to at least try to understand other points of view; even if you don't agree fully with them.

You also have to understand that if you post pictures then you are going to be open to critique, whether you like it or not, and you will simply have to ignore the comments you don't like, or take them on board.  Your choice.

I, personally, haven't witnessed what I would class as bullying on here.  Just opinionated people, who usually express and explain their opinions in a reasoned way.  It's these people debating subjects that allows us to form a reasoned opinion of our own, and I do enjoy reading through them. If I feel uncomfortable than I'll go read another thread instead.


----------



## DragonSlayer (29 April 2012)

GinaGeo said:



			I'm not a very active member- and haven't been here all that long, mainly a lurker; but there is invaluable advice to be had on here.  I've learnt a lot, from people far more experienced than myself, and am pleased that they are happy to give the advice.

There are of course opinionated people, excentuated by the fact that we're all behind computer screens and so alot of what is said is probably less "moderated" than if we were talking face to face.  Users don't see the effect of what they say, and statements intended to be light hearted and jokey can be interpreted differently and taken the wrong way. 

I think you have to be selective about where you post, it's often clear by the nature of some threads that it's going to dissolve into a blood bath and so if you don't want to be involved then steer clear.  You also have to be open minded and willing to at least try to understand other points of view; even if you don't agree fully with them.

You also have to understand that if you post pictures then you are going to be open to critique, whether you like it or not, and you will simply have to ignore the comments you don't like, or take them on board.  Your choice.

I, personally, haven't witnessed what I would class as bullying on here.  Just opinionated people, who usually express and explain their opinions in a reasoned way.  It's these people debating subjects that allows us to form a reasoned opinion of our own, and I do enjoy reading through them. If I feel uncomfortable than I'll go read another thread instead.
		
Click to expand...

Good post.


----------



## Ladydragon (29 April 2012)

cattysmith said:



			I must say (and this is only my opinion) personally feel that the true word "bullied" has been slightly overused with the use of the internet and forums and probably the threads you've seen.
		
Click to expand...

I agree...  An internet forum shared with totally unknown individuals is hardly the same as the more closed environments of school, work, home relationships etc where any victimisation is personal...  

Report dodgy pms...use the ignore feature if you think someone has moved from an opinion to an unwarranted insult...and accept that others have opposing views that may be assertively defined - irrespective of who agrees with them or not...  If a post by a random stranger on the internet is going to effect the emotional state of someone and they let it continue into their home life - perhaps an unmoderated forum is not the place to visit...

Rude people exist outside the front door too and it's not that difficult to sort well meant, genuine advice from anything else that pops up...


----------



## Parker79 (29 April 2012)

russianhorse said:



			I think "bullying" is probably the wrong word, but I also have been back reading some old threads recently and thought OMG (make a good read though  )

There is however a clique bandwagon IMO, especially if one believes a poster may be a troll........and then the chase begins 

Click to expand...

This is a good point, bullying may be the wrong word.

I understand that some people dont have time and dont like the 'fluffy bunny' approach (that is NOT a dig at the people that posted this), I understand that 'fluffy bunny' is sickening.... but if a horse is not being treated in the right way.. then being diplomatic towards an OP may mean that the OP is more likely to stay on the forum and seek further advice...I would rather that... than they feel frightened to ask for further advice.


----------



## LittleMouse (29 April 2012)

its happened to me on my cross breeds post as mentioned before. i dont think its bullying so much as people thinking they know everything! but, admittedly, it is an instinct to fight back. to have people insulting my pony and calling me a bad owner (or at least implying it), especially since it was completely unreleated to the purpose of the post, did make me very angry. it is difficult not to respond. i know it is horrible and sad, but when people are able to hide behind a computer screen it is inevitable. at least me can now report it


----------



## Flame_ (29 April 2012)

GinaGeo said:



			I, personally, haven't witnessed what I would class as bullying on here.  Just opinionated people, who usually express and explain their opinions in a reasoned way.  It's these people debating subjects that allows us to form a reasoned opinion of our own, and I do enjoy reading through them. If I feel uncomfortable than I'll go read another thread instead.
		
Click to expand...

Exactly this. Or you could always start a new thread about how horrible and bullying HHO is to give everybody the chance to moan about HHO/make subtle digs at people who may or may not know who they are/moan about RL/moan about moderators/moan about lack of moderators/moan about cliques/moan about the whole internet/drag up old arguments to pick them up where they were left off/drag up old posts to prove random points/have a few flouncy departures over.......

It depends how bored you are really, and obviously the OP is very bored or has a victim complex.


----------



## Wagtail (29 April 2012)

Flame_ said:



			Exactly this. Or you could always start a new thread about how horrible and bullying HHO is to give everybody the chance to moan about HHO/make subtle digs at people who may or may not know who they are/moan about RL/moan about moderators/moan about lack of moderators/moan about cliques/moan about the whole internet/drag up old arguments to pick them up where they were left off/drag up old posts to prove random points/have a few flouncy departures over.......

It depends how bored you are really, and obviously the OP is very bored or has a victim complex.
		
Click to expand...

Ooooo!


----------



## abitodd (29 April 2012)

LIZ66 said:



			However, I feel that this type of behavior is everywhere in the horse world. Horse owners (particularly women) are some of the bitchiest, nastiest people I have met. They seem to delight in telling people how they are doing everything wrong and laugh at people who are new to horse ownership and give them no chance of learning without feeling that they should just give up. My son was a competitive windsurfer for several years and I took him to many events. When i first started I didn't even know how to rig up a board, but there were so many nice people around to help me that I soon learned and then was able to help other newcomers. All the competitors got on really well and congratulated those who had won and commiserated with those who had had a bad day. I have watched young horse riders at local shows and never see this sort of behaviour - i once stood next to a lady i knew who hoped that the young girl in the ring "would fall off and hurt herself to put her in her place"  if this is the attitude of the parents what hope is there for our youngsters!

.
		
Click to expand...

This is so true and very sad. I work in the music industry and the same is true there. I was stunned when I took up archery. The people were encouraging and supportive. So different from my other life!



hest said:



			I agree that there are some really unkind and unnecessary comments made on this forum. 

I wouldn't say it amounts to 'bullying' in the traditional sense of the term, but the criticism (usually directed at younger OPs) makes for uncomfortable reading. Some posters delight in picking fights, and the 'mob' mentality thatthen follows is dreadful too.

I am new to HHO and have read some fantastic posts giving invaluable advice on here. I have also followed light-hearted posts and laughed til I've had tears in my eyes. There are some very knowledgeable and incredibly funny people on here I have discovered, to my delight!
		
Click to expand...

Agree with this. However,to my shame,(perhaps its my ancestry),I do enjoy reading a bit of a heated debate. It saves me going to the local pub where they have regular fistycuffs!


----------



## Calla (29 April 2012)

I've been a lurker on this forum since Jul/Aug last year, but as you can see I didn't join until this year. I never had time to post, so didn't see the point in joining until I'd some more time to participate. Anyway, I joined after a thread caught my attention, one that I had a strong opinion about. I finally registered, caught up on the posts I'd missed whilst registering and then didn't post. Why? In the time it had taken me to register a "pack mentality" (which is quite common on forums) had descended and started picking on posters with very low post counts. They were either trolls, or people who knew nothing. 
Rather than add to the fire, I clicked back out of the thread and went back to lurking.

I haven't personally seen bullying on this forum, but that doesn't mean it doesn't or hasn't happened. I just haven't came across it in the threads I've read. I have came across strong personalities, pack mentality, what I refer to as the Matilda scenario (where Matilda's dad goes on about "I'm right, you're wrong... I'm big you're small etc.), differing opinions, trolls etc. etc. However, all of these are common on forums and in real life. I think on forums though, a lot of people feel they can hide behind their computers, they almost forget that it's another person on the receiving end of their comments and they may come across in a manner or say things that they wouldn't find acceptable in real life. 
Like someone else previously said, I also hate rudeness and find no excuse for it online or in real life. Yes things can get heated, but some people should remember there's another person on the receiving end, they should treat them how they'd like to be treated themselves and also to act in a manner they'd be happy to act in around their friends and family in real life.

If there is bullying or people feel bullied, I hope they report it as it needs to be nipped in the bud. 

I've more I could say on the entire subject but I'm posting from my phone and it's taken me an age to type this. (I also can't access the smilies unless i type them by hand and i don't know them all of the top of my head =/ ).


----------



## teacups (29 April 2012)

I've definitely seen what I would class as bullying on this forum, and from long-standing active members. The same names often crop up: sometimes they are merely opinionated, and sometimes they are clearly trolling or bullying (IMO).

I've assumed, given that they have thousands of posts to their name, that they will have been reported before and that nothing has been done. 
Either that, or they are very friendly with whoever has the power to tick them off.

Just my observations as a long-time lurker.


----------



## Ceris Comet (29 April 2012)

How ironic that a thread on bullying has attracted a " certain " kind of person !


----------



## ebonyallen (29 April 2012)

rhino said:



			If you see bullying report it. It is an unmoderated forum so unless you report it it will not be dealt with.

However, don't confuse differences in opinion with bullying, as people are perfectly entitled to their strong opinions.
		
Click to expand...

I agree with Rhino, have never had anything apart from great support from the people on here, everyone has their own views on things freedom of speach comes to mind. But if you really see what you think is bullying then it is up to you to report it.


----------



## Wundahorse (29 April 2012)

I agrre that the majority of users are helpful,kind and thoughtful,but have noticed a pattern emerge when some people pounce on some posters without really thinking through the consequences of their actions.They are quick to judge others,over assertive and refuse to accept there are opinions other than their own.I have noticed that the negative posters tend to look for posts which seem to give them an excuse to criticise.These people seldom post on the innocuous threads.Myself and other NHS staff experienced this during the public sector pension thread.


----------



## Karran (29 April 2012)

I sometimes feel intimidated to post or ask for help here as I feel a little self-confident about getting the wrong replies, which is sad because I've learnt a lot from lurking and reading. I do agree that riding in general seems to attract the wrong kind of people. Or maybe it is just the fact that its the hormones.
I often compare riding to scuba-diving of which I and my Mother are definitely nervous nellies about.  
Both are risk sports but yet when I go diving, people who have logged 1000+'s of dives are always helpful, they put their enjoyment second to ensuring that we feel safe and are not pushed out of our comfort zones. My mother has even had a divemaster on his holiday take her out, holding her hand and just take her on a slow pootle around the bay.
Compared to that I've been to dressage competitions as a child where I was told I couldn't and shouldn't compete as I was on an RS pony and didn't have all the gear and then lodge official complaints when I won. 
My mother recently quit riding after a bad back injury but before, when she went for a gentle hack to recover her confidence was told that "if you're nervous, you have no right to be on horseback!"

No real point to this meandering post, just to agree that there's something about horses that often seems to bring out the worst in people.


----------



## DragonSlayer (29 April 2012)

Ceris Comet said:



			How ironic that a thread on bullying has attracted a " certain " kind of person !
		
Click to expand...

Nice to see you joining us then!


----------



## Ceris Comet (29 April 2012)

I rest my case.


----------



## Dave282B (29 April 2012)

From a none too bright blokes point of view some of the problems are definatly down to the vast majority of members being ladies.
Before you all try and kill me let me explain. Other posters have talked about windsurfing, archery and diving which are great sports involving inanimate objects. When you involve living things such as horses or All about Dogs it is like coming between a lioness and her cubs and even to a chap like me you just know its gonna end in tears!
So even well intentioned posts can descend into trouble without Troll "help"  
I timidly await your replies


----------



## Jesstickle (29 April 2012)

Ceris Comet said:



			I rest my case.
		
Click to expand...

huh? Have I missed something? I feel totally lost now!

b_h, nice post. Sums it all up pretty well for me


----------



## Jesstickle (29 April 2012)

Dave282B said:



			From a none too bright blokes point of view some of the problems are definatly down to the vast majority of members being ladies.
Before you all try and kill me let me explain. Other posters have talked about windsurfing, archery and diving which are great sports involving inanimate objects. When you involve living things such as horses or All about Dogs it is like coming between a lioness and her cubs and even to a chap like me you just know its gonna end in tears!
So even well intentioned posts can descend into trouble without Troll "help"  
I timidly await your replies
		
Click to expand...

Ha. I'm glad you said that. You were much more diplomatic than I would be. In RL I usually sum it up thus

'there is nothing in the world more crazy than a horsey girl!' 

But I wouldn't say that on here! Well, not usually anyway   You should hear what my OH says about girls with horses


----------



## Ceris Comet (29 April 2012)

Sorry to confuse you Jess.
It was a remark in reply to the fact that my first post on this thread about the irony of how a thread about bullying and cliques was so quickly jumped on .


----------



## DragonSlayer (29 April 2012)

jesstickle said:



			huh? Have I missed something? I feel totally lost now!

b_h, nice post. Sums it all up pretty well for me 

Click to expand...

CC is implying that those posting here are the bullies. 

By all accounts, my reply has affirmed to CC that yes, I am a bully, CC unfortunately doesn't seem to have the same sense of humour as me, so that apparently labels me as a bully in CC's eyes.

So to summarise, those who are different, must be bullies.


----------



## Oberon (29 April 2012)

In The Real World said:



			Hello there,

I have just been reading through some threads (couple of months old) and Im just astonished at how many Bullies there are out there online so much so the poor lady who started one of the threads kept her head down after been beaten to submission by some very opioniated stroopy mare.

I was BUllied at work 12 months ago - I ended up having to leave my position as my health took a turn for the worse. 

I just want to say that - These people need to be stopped and the admins need to take charge! Nasty pasys
		
Click to expand...

I have seen first hand, many times, how workplace bullying can devastate someone's mental and physical health. More so that I would ever have believed possible.

You need to take some time to heal - you are going to be very sensitive for a while. 

Don't worry about the posters on here or anyone else until you have taken care of yourself.

Avoid any threads that make you feel upset and ignore anything you aren't happy with. This place can seem quite scary - but there's lots of help and good advice on here. 
And online worlds are always more raw than the real world anyway


----------



## Asha (29 April 2012)

jesstickle said:



			Ha. I'm glad you said that. You were much more diplomatic than I would be. In RL I usually sum it up thus

'there is nothing in the world more crazy than a horsey girl!' 

But I wouldn't say that on here! Well, not usually anyway   You should hear what my OH says about girls with horses 

Click to expand...

Agree totally


----------



## Jesstickle (29 April 2012)

DragonSlayer said:



			CC unfortunately doesn't seem to have the same sense of humour as me, so that apparently labels me as a bully in CC's eyes.
		
Click to expand...

Well to be fair DS your sense of humour is pretty dire


----------



## DragonSlayer (29 April 2012)

jesstickle said:



			Well to be fair DS your sense of humour is pretty dire  

Click to expand...

Well, yeah...there is that! Sorry CC!


----------



## quirky (29 April 2012)

DragonSlayer said:



			CC is implying that those posting here are the bullies.
		
Click to expand...

 No way, really??!


----------



## Echo Bravo (29 April 2012)

Strong opinions yes,bullying no and there are some very nice people on here. Not sure what "certain types" you really mean CCSo I must be one of the thicko's, people have talked about.


----------



## Honey08 (29 April 2012)

jesstickle said:



			Ha. I'm glad you said that. You were much more diplomatic than I would be. In RL I usually sum it up thus

'there is nothing in the world more crazy than a horsey girl!' 

But I wouldn't say that on here! Well, not usually anyway   You should hear what my OH says about girls with horses 

Click to expand...

I bet its the same as what my hubby says!  He rides and has a horse, but won't go anywhere near the local riding club or its shows - he says he has spent too long watching me listening to them witter and nit pick!  He much prefers the affiliated events as people are nicer (I put it down to everyone being scared!  I've never met so many people wanting to chat than in the XC warmups!).

I also think that animal lovers are better with animals than humans!  I include myself in that too.


----------



## Ceris Comet (29 April 2012)

Never seen an unkind post of yours b_h and I do follow you adventures with the delicious one on a regular basis !


----------



## rhino (29 April 2012)

In The Real World said:



			I just felt one person who continually posted negative know it all comments on this thread I was reading seemed like a reall S**t and brought it all back

Click to expand...

If there is someone you really can't stomach then using the User Ignore button means that you won't see anything they say. I agree that continually negative posters can get a bit waring.



Wagtail said:



			I agree with this. There are one or two people who band together and take over threads, though some of the worst offenders seem to have left this forum many months ago.
		
Click to expand...

Yep, serial thread hijacker here. I do get silly sometimes but no harm is meant. Obviously can't speak for others though but at the end of the day there is always going to be people you don't get on with or who's posting style you dislike 



maisie06 said:



			then I got rude and insulting PM's. What is it with people? If I see a post I don't like, I rarely comment on it, I don't abuse the OP through the PM system.
		
Click to expand...

I hope you reported them, as that is totally out of order. 

With J&L's thread, I failed to see any 'witch hunt' against her, yet it seemed ok for a group of posters to throw personal insults at someone who put a very valid point of view across.



teacups said:



			I've assumed, given that they have thousands of posts to their name, that they will have been reported before and that nothing has been done. 
Either that, or they are very friendly with whoever has the power to tick them off.
		
Click to expand...

That's a rather serious allegation you are making... I have never found HHO admin or TFC to be anything other than fair. Better to report if you are genuinely concerned than 'assume' I find.



black_horse said:



			BUT a true bully cannot in theory exist on the forum unless their bullying spills into real life where there is a true impact on a persons life outside of the forum.
		
Click to expand...

Completely disagree. Bullying can be just as bad 'virtually' as 'face to face' only I think the bullies don't maybe realise the impact of what they are saying online. I don't think many people compartmentalise their lives so that one thing doesn't affect others - if you are being bullied _anywhere_ it can take over your entire life.

There are people who use HHO as a Question and Answer/Information forum, and there are those for whom it is the 'HHO community'. With the latter, as in real life, you will get friendship groups, you will get petty fallings out and retaliations, and you will get lumbered with people that you simply can't get on with! And yes, you will get the occasional bully, although I think that scenario is amazingly rare on here.

Can I repeat something I said earlier? *This is an unmoderated forum. If you see anything that breaks the terms and conditions, report it otherwise it cannot be dealt with*.


----------



## MrsElle (29 April 2012)

I have only once read a thread and was concerned that the OP, a young girl, was being bullied.  I pm'd her and said I was happy to 'press the button' and report the thread, but she said she was fine and enjoying the verbal sparring   It is all about interpretation.

HHO and its contributors have helped me no end.  There are one or two posters who come accross as rather rude and blunt who have raised my hackles, but thinking about their comments later, they have actually had raised very valid points.  It is just their delivery that could be better 

I used to have a couple of the more abrubt members on user ignore, but I am too nosy and wanted to know what they were saying   And now I 'know' them a bit better I realise they are trying to help, in their own rude and obnoxious sort of way ;p

When you have been on HHO a while you get to know people and their posting personalities.  If you don't like someone, put them on user ignore.  I really do think that if an individual was bullying someone on here the rest of us would comment and report.


----------



## Lolo (29 April 2012)

I just want to say that if I received a PM I believed to be bullying, I'd paste it into the main thread and ask for some clarification  And then I'd report it. Because you don't have to suffer in silence, ever.

I have only ever found this forum to be helpful and supportive. I have received PMs only to offer constructive advice and encouragement, barring one or two. The one or two that weren't got sent back to the sender with "Did you mean this to sound as rude as it did? Please clarify. Thank you!"... Generally got an apology the next day. 

I try hard not to be rude. I get so cross sometimes, but I walk away and come back and if it still angers me I'll reply. Then reread, then post. I refuse to argue on the whole. Some posts recently have really angered me in CR, but mostly because I don't believe in arguing for no reason or unprovoked rudeness. 

I also have missed this clique accusations. I post reports and get replies and advice. I sometimes think people need to man up just a little...


----------



## Rowreach (29 April 2012)

Dave282B said:



			From a none too bright blokes point of view some of the problems are definatly down to the vast majority of members being ladies.
Before you all try and kill me let me explain. Other posters have talked about windsurfing, archery and diving which are great sports involving inanimate objects. When you involve living things such as horses or All about Dogs it is like coming between a lioness and her cubs and even to a chap like me you just know its gonna end in tears!
So even well intentioned posts can descend into trouble without Troll "help"  
I timidly await your replies
		
Click to expand...

Yup, earlier I was going to say that driving people were not as bitchy as other horsey types, then I realised that a large number of driving people are not women


----------



## Spudlet (29 April 2012)

There aren't many sustained bullying campaigns on here IMO, but there are some very unkind people. I was attacked by such a one once, when I was already very low, and it wasn't pleasant. However, this was made up for by the support I got both on the thread and via PM. 

Honestly, I feel a little sorry for these sorts of poster - only an unhappy person can be so unkind to others IME.


----------



## Calla (29 April 2012)

Lolo said:



			I also have missed this clique accusations. I post reports and get replies and advice. I sometimes think people need to man up just a little...
		
Click to expand...

I think a lot of the time, this comes down to the tone in which people read things. One person could read a sentence in a humourous tone, whereas another person could read the exact same thing in an angry tone. It's the joy of written contact, heightened further by perceptions of the writer (true or not).
If you're part of an online forum, I guess you have to accept that things may not be meant in the manner that you perceive it and vice versa.


----------



## Lolo (29 April 2012)

black_horse said:



			There are a few posters on here that annoy the hell out of me....but i wont go there 

Tomorrow is another day 

Click to expand...

Yeah, I totally agree- with some people, it's just drama drama drama and constant attention seeking and it does bug the heck out of me  I've got them on user ignore now and everything is so much nicer  Maybe the TFC needs to have something about UI on the 'sign up' bit?!


----------



## In The Real World (29 April 2012)

Oberon said:



			I have seen first hand, many times, how workplace bullying can devastate someone's mental and physical health. More so that I would ever have believed possible.

You need to take some time to heal - you are going to be very sensitive for a while. 

Don't worry about the posters on here or anyone else until you have taken care of yourself.

Avoid any threads that make you feel upset and ignore anything you aren't happy with. This place can seem quite scary - but there's lots of help and good advice on here. 
And online worlds are always more raw than the real world anyway 

Click to expand...

Thank you Oberon - u echo my feelings I think its going to take time as I have been left feeling oversensitive 

I have found reading all the comments really interesting and helpfull and I just wanted to point out as someone mentioned it earlier in the thread - I am 100% not a Fluffy Bunny  very much in the real world as my forum name suggests 

I do enjoy reading & lurking but was saddened last night to see a very nice & polite lady bombarded with down talk and generally spoken to and about like a complete idiot! It just enraged me and brought my old problem to the surface  


I really do understand about the whole everyone has an opinion and is entitiled etc but what saw was more like dictatorship  my flabber has never been so gasted so to speak. The lady wasnt a novice or someone with champagne taste and lemonade pockets - she was purely wanting to follow her dream and the means to do so and she was stamped on like a creepy crawly - she was kindly advised by most but like so many have said its always the minority who spoil it.


----------



## Booboos (29 April 2012)

Dave282B said:



			From a none too bright blokes point of view some of the problems are definatly down to the vast majority of members being ladies.
Before you all try and kill me let me explain. Other posters have talked about windsurfing, archery and diving which are great sports involving inanimate objects. When you involve living things such as horses or All about Dogs it is like coming between a lioness and her cubs and even to a chap like me you just know its gonna end in tears!
So even well intentioned posts can descend into trouble without Troll "help"  
I timidly await your replies
		
Click to expand...

Perfect post! You should see what happens on Mumsnet! That lot really let rip and take no prisoners!


----------



## Goldenstar (29 April 2012)

Booboos said:



			Perfect post! You should see what happens on Mumsnet! That lot really let rip and take no prisoners!
		
Click to expand...

Mumsnet you are brave enough to go on Mumsnet wow.


----------



## Doormouse (29 April 2012)

Goldenstar said:



			Mumsnet you are brave enough to go on Mumsnet wow.
		
Click to expand...

I'm not, they are seriously scary!!!

I have had some fantastic help and advice from this forum and many people will go out of their way to help so all in all I think it is great.  The only occasions I have had slightly unpleasant remarks is when people have failed to read the post properly and I do think that happens quite often!

Having been badly bullied at school I know how serious it can be, it has affected the rest of my life without doubt and I would hope that anyone on here who posts alot of aggressive things without always thinking first how it will be taken the other end reads this post and just thinks a bit.


----------



## Pedantic (29 April 2012)

Ladydragon said:



			I agree...  An internet forum shared with totally unknown individuals is hardly the same as the more closed environments of school, work, home relationships etc where any victimisation is personal...  

Report dodgy pms...use the ignore feature if you think someone has moved from an opinion to an unwarranted insult...and accept that others have opposing views that may be assertively defined - irrespective of who agrees with them or not...  If a post by a random stranger on the internet is going to effect the emotional state of someone and they let it continue into their home life - perhaps an unmoderated forum is not the place to visit...

Rude people exist outside the front door too and it's not that difficult to sort well meant, genuine advice from anything else that pops up...
		
Click to expand...

Yep.


----------



## Booboos (29 April 2012)

Goldenstar said:



			Mumsnet you are brave enough to go on Mumsnet wow.
		
Click to expand...

I am addicted to Mumsnet! Many rooms are fairly harmless but enter AIBU at your own risk!


----------



## In The Real World (29 April 2012)

Ok whats Mumsnet?


----------



## Oberon (29 April 2012)

In The Real World said:



			Ok whats Mumsnet?



Click to expand...

NOoooo! You are not ready for that yet 
	
	
		
		
	


	




.


----------



## Hells Bells (29 April 2012)

Oberon said:



			NOoooo! You are not ready for that yet 
	
	
		
		
	


	




.
		
Click to expand...

BEST smiley yet!! 

Real World- it is a very powerful forum full of powerful mothers who can group together and change the world bit by bit.

On a serious note, it is a forum for mothers. And it gets heated..and they're scary!!


----------



## Tinseltoes (29 April 2012)

Yes what is mumsnet? 
Theres no need for bullying. There are some really nasty posters who come on here.


----------



## rhino (29 April 2012)

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable

Enjoy


----------



## In The Real World (29 April 2012)

Thanks guys - I can lurk!


----------



## JFTDWS (29 April 2012)

rhino said:



http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable

Enjoy 

Click to expand...

even more crazies than NL


----------



## Hells Bells (29 April 2012)

In The Real World said:



			Thanks guys - I can lurk!

Click to expand...

they'll probably even know that you're lurking...be careful!!


----------



## maisie06 (29 April 2012)

JFTD said:



			Well that's absurd.  Virtually all of the posts on that thread were complimenting Jadeyandady for putting weight on her mare.  I was the one who posted that "fat" (her description of her own mare's condition) was not the same as good.  Afair, I didn't comment on her previous posts, I certainly wasn't amongst the vicious response she got then.  And as a result it was I who got the sharp end of the forum's more charming members   - a response I still feel was uncalled for and downright offensive.  If you're going to use specific examples, Maisy, do try and pick ones which accurately describe what you're talking about 

There are some strong personalities on here, there are some idiots and some complete knobs.  Same as life really, except on here you can utilise the user ignore function!
		
Click to expand...


 TBH  you are one of the individuals who do seem to delight in making others look or feel stupid. In my humble opinion you can come across as a little sarcastic, although not nasty. It's maybe just that way because on a forum we are reading the typed word and have no vocal expression to go on, but sometimes you can come across as a little harsh. I have neither the time, nor inclination to go through posts and quote your viewpoints, but I have read your replies on some threads and thought - wow, that was a bit uncalled for!


----------



## maisie06 (29 April 2012)

JFTD said:



			even more crazies than NL 

Click to expand...

Now this I do agree with!!!!! OMG- Does anyone remember the one about how evil horsey people and dog lovers were for letting ANIMALS near their offspring??!!!


----------



## JFTDWS (29 April 2012)

I'm overwhelmed by how little I care, Maisy06


----------



## Moomin1 (29 April 2012)

maisie06 said:



			TBH  you are one of the individuals who do seem to delight in making others look or feel stupid. In my humble opinion you can come across as a little sarcastic, although not nasty. It's maybe just that way because on a forum we are reading the typed word and have no vocal expression to go on, but sometimes you can come across as a little harsh. I have neither the time, nor inclination to go through posts and quote your viewpoints, but I have read your replies on some threads and thought - wow, that was a bit uncalled for!
		
Click to expand...

I don't ever find find JFTD rude or out of order.  I find her posts honest and straight talking.  She always offers an explanation to her opinions and is the first person on here to take the mick out of herself too which I find endearing in anyone! 

The thread in question where JFTD said that fat doesn't mean good ended up in some extremely personal and nasty comments being made to JFTD - all because she happened to suggest it was not good for a horse to be overweight.  

The horse in question was fat.  No doubt about it.


----------



## rhino (29 April 2012)

Moomin1 said:



			I don't ever find find JFTD rude or out of order.  I find her posts honest and straight talking.  She always offers an explanation to her opinions and is the first person on here to take the mick out of herself too which I find endearing in anyone!
		
Click to expand...

Ssh, you'll either get accused of being a sheep now or of attempting to beat down the newer members of the forum 

HHO's unwritten rules
If you agree with someone you are a _sheep_
If you disagree with someone you are a _bully_
If you agree with someone more than once then you simply must be a _clique member_
If someone doesn't like the way you post even though you don't break any t&c's or make any personal insults whatsoever, you must somehow be a personal friend of TFC/Admin and therefore receiving privileged treatment

Stick to them and you'll be fine


----------



## JFTDWS (29 April 2012)

Moomin1 said:



			I don't ever find find JFTD rude or out of order.  I find her posts honest and straight talking.  She always offers an explanation to her opinions and is the first person on here to take the mick out of herself too which I find endearing in anyone! 

The thread in question where JFTD said that fat doesn't mean good ended up in some extremely personal and nasty comments being made to JFTD - all because she happened to suggest it was not good for a horse to be overweight.  

The horse in question was fat.  No doubt about it.
		
Click to expand...

Thanks, moomin, but sometimes people just want a scapegoat - and I make a fine goat   I do think that sometimes people don't "get" certain types of humour - the downside of t'internet is that you can't always tell when someone's pulling your leg.  

Anyway, AIBU to have stolen a neighbour's cat?  (<genuine mumsnet thread   )


btw - rhino and I must be in a clique because we hit up the same threads so regularly.  I must be in one with moomin too, as I often find myself on the same threads there too...  I say, it couldn't just be because we're all on a forum with similar interests, could it?


----------



## Moomin1 (29 April 2012)

rhino said:



			Ssh, you'll either get accused of being a sheep now or of attempting to beat down the newer members of the forum 

HHO's unwritten rules
If you agree with someone you are a _sheep_
If you disagree with someone you are a _bully_
If you agree with someone more than once then you simply must be a _clique member_
If someone doesn't like the way you post even though you don't break any t&c's or make any personal insults whatsoever, you must somehow be a personal friend of TFC/Admin and therefore receiving privileged treatment

Stick to them and you'll be fine 

Click to expand...

Oops I shall retire behind a cushion now and sip my wine to avoid typing anymore!!


----------



## Hells Bells (29 April 2012)

Another one to support JFTD...don't always agree with her, but even when I don't, I wouldn't say she is rude or trying to make anyone feel stupid. This coming from a very big fluffy bunny.

I will probably get called an arse licker or something on a similar note...but I'm 40 years old now, I don't need to lick any arses thank you very much.


----------



## rhino (29 April 2012)

GG Bells said:



			Another one to support JFTD...don't always agree with her, but even when I don't, I wouldn't say she is rude or trying to make anyone feel stupid. This coming from a very big fluffy bunny.

I will probably get called an arse licker or something on a similar note...but I'm 40 years old now, I don't need to lick any arses thank you very much.
		
Click to expand...

Psst, didn't you read my rules. You are definitely a _sheep_, and if you continue in this manner you will shortly become a _clique member_


----------



## Jesstickle (29 April 2012)

rhino said:



HHO's unwritten rules
If you agree with someone you are a _sheep_
If you disagree with someone you are a _bully_
If you agree with someone more than once then you simply must be a _clique member_
If someone doesn't like the way you post even though you don't break any t&c's or make any personal insults whatsoever, you must somehow be a personal friend of TFC/Admin and therefore receiving privileged treatment

Stick to them and you'll be fine 

Click to expand...

So true. And it's getting worse too! 

And WTF is AIBU? Am I being but what is the 'u'?

I'd stick up for JFTD but as I've met her in real life I would clearly just be in her clique so my opinion couldn't possibly be valid!


----------



## JFTDWS (29 April 2012)

GG Bells said:



			Another one to support JFTD...don't always agree with her, but even when I don't, I wouldn't say she is rude or trying to make anyone feel stupid. This coming from a very big fluffy bunny.

I will probably get called an arse licker or something on a similar note...but I'm 40 years old now, I don't need to lick any arses thank you very much.
		
Click to expand...

I'm sure you're lovely, but I'm very selective about who I allow to lick my arse anyway - I'd be a bit concerned that those bit rabbit teeth of yours (however fluffy) might inflict some pain 




jess, Am I Being Unreasonable?


----------



## maisie06 (29 April 2012)

JFTD said:



			I'm overwhelmed by how little I care, Maisy06 

Click to expand...

Point made = sarcasm!!!!!!


----------



## rhino (29 April 2012)

jesstickle said:



			And WTF is AIBU? Am I being but what is the 'u'?
		
Click to expand...

Am I Being Unreasonable?


----------



## rhino (29 April 2012)

maisie06 said:



			Point made = sarcasm!!!!!!
		
Click to expand...

Excuse me, *you* are the only one on this thread making personal attacks against a poster.


----------



## Moomin1 (29 April 2012)

maisie06 said:



			Point made = sarcasm!!!!!!
		
Click to expand...

I would say that was more a statement of fact!!


----------



## Jesstickle (29 April 2012)

maisie06 said:



			Point made = sarcasm!!!!!!
		
Click to expand...

You poked her with a big bloody stick and then you complain she is sarky? Come on, that really isn't fair! How would you like her to respond to your post. 'Let me change my whole posting style to suit you?' pretty unlikely don't you think?

And Durr. How could I not work that one out?! More lurking on mumsnet is clearly needed. It is good over there, brightens my day immeasurably


----------



## sophiebailey (29 April 2012)

I think that people need to realise if they're going to post threads, then they have to take the good with the bad in terms of the response to those threads. Sometimes the truth isn't something you want to hear, but you need to hear it all the same. If you aren't willing to accommodate other viewpoints than your own, there's no point belonging to a forum. 

Similarly, on the other side of the fence, there's a line between offering constructive criticisms that may unintentionally offend the poster, and being down right *rude*. If you haven't anything nice or helpful to say, don't say anything. Name calling is out of order, as is making assumptions about a poster and stating them as if they are fact. To assume makes an ASS out of U and ME 

Sitting on the middle of the fence now; not one person in this world knows everything there is to know about horses, and not every horse can be managed/ridden/treated in the same way - so therefore what works for you may not work for others, the way you do things may not be the way others do things. 

If someone opposes your opinions/methods this is not bullying, it's just life!  

//end sermon

 love this forum, no matter what the problem there's always 101 ways you can try and resolve it after asking for advice here!


----------



## JFTDWS (29 April 2012)

Shhhh stop being such sheep and beating me to the replies - I no longer have anything witty (or sarcastic) to reply with


----------



## Moomin1 (29 April 2012)

sophiebailey said:



			I think that people need to realise if they're going to post threads, then they have to take the good with the bad in terms of the response to those threads. Sometimes the truth isn't something you want to hear, but you need to hear it all the same. If you aren't willing to accommodate other viewpoints than your own, there's no point belonging to a forum. 

Similarly, on the other side of the fence, there's a line between offering constructive criticisms that may unintentionally offend the poster, and being down right *rude*. If you haven't anything nice or helpful to say, don't say anything. Name calling is out of order, as is making assumptions about a poster and stating them as if they are fact. To assume makes an ASS out of U and ME 

Sitting on the middle of the fence now; not one person in this world knows everything there is to know about horses, and not every horse can be managed/ridden/treated in the same way - so therefore what works for you may not work for others, the way you do things may not be the way others do things. 

If someone opposes your opinions/methods this is not bullying, it's just life!  

//end sermon

 love this forum, no matter what the problem there's always 101 ways you can try and resolve it after asking for advice here!
		
Click to expand...

Agree with most of this - but disagree with the saying 'if you haven't got anything nice or helpful to say don't say anything'.  Helpful - yes, nice - no - sometimes pointing out your opinion is never going to be nice to someone else.  Some people just want to hear nice things - and that isn't always the answer.


----------



## maisie06 (29 April 2012)

JFTD said:



			Shhhh stop being such sheep and beating me to the replies - I no longer have anything witty (or sarcastic) to reply with 

Click to expand...

Now you have let me down - prods with big stick again ****


----------



## Fii (29 April 2012)

Moomin1 said:



			The horse in question was fat.  No doubt about it.
		
Click to expand...

Not overly fat, well covered, and they were bad photos,  and it was a work in progress!
 Sooo i dont agree, does that make me a bully  argumentative, or just airing my view!!


----------



## Moomin1 (29 April 2012)

Fii said:



			Not overly fat, well covered, and they were bad photos,  and it was a work in progress!
 Sooo i dont agree, does that make me a bully  argumentative, or just airing my view!! 

Click to expand...

Clearly a bully!  I am going off to cry into my wine now!


----------



## sophiebailey (29 April 2012)

Moomin1 said:



			Agree with most of this - but disagree with the saying 'if you haven't got anything nice or helpful to say don't say anything'.  Helpful - yes, nice - no - sometimes pointing out your opinion is never going to be nice to someone else.  Some people just want to hear nice things - and that isn't always the answer.
		
Click to expand...

Should have worded myself better, I meant if you can't phrase it nicely (without resorting to name calling, personal attacks, character defamation etc etc etc  phrasing it dramatically but can't think how else to word it!!!) then perhaps don't post until you can offer advice that is somewhat easier to swallow  I agree though, the truth hurts but if you're not open to hearing it, don't ask for opinions!


----------



## Jesstickle (29 April 2012)

Fii said:



			Not overly fat, well covered, and they were bad photos,  and it was a work in progress!
 Sooo i dont agree, does that make me a bully  argumentative, or just airing my view!! 

Click to expand...

You're just horrible Fii  One of the most vile ones on here. You're nearly as bad as Shils, that's how bad you are


----------



## dafthoss (29 April 2012)

Sheep, bullies and cliques the lot of you 


*now must go do some work*


----------



## rhino (29 April 2012)

AIBU in liking to do poos high up in buildings  

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_be...IBU-in-liking-to-do-poos-high-up-in-buildings


----------



## Flame_ (29 April 2012)

What did i say before about dragging up old arguments? 

Maybe someone could post a link to the fat horse thread so we can all rake over who was mean/wrong/bullying/etc?

No flounces as yet though.....


----------



## JFTDWS (29 April 2012)

Fii said:



			Not overly fat, well covered, and they were bad photos,  and it was a work in progress!
		
Click to expand...

Fii, I'm not starting that debate again, _but _a point I failed to get over clearly on that thread was that I was less concerned by the photos, more by her own description of the mare as "fat" as though it was desirable.  Fwiw, I wasn't alone in thinking the photos did show an overweight horse, but that was irrelevant to my original point


----------



## Moomin1 (29 April 2012)

Seriously though, OP please just give yourself time to heal after your bullying experience at work.  Like I said earlier - I suffered severe depression/anxiety after I was bullied at work, and am still now, three years later, on anti depressants (symptom free for two years now but a wee bit scared to come off them!).  The bullying destroyed my life at that point and I nearly lost my house and my job because of the lies and underhand activities being told by my boss.  Thankfully she was sacked and I held on for dear life and brought myself back to me!! 

It is VERY easy to be sensitive after that experience, but I promise you one thing, given time you will emerge a stronger person and may even find yourself being more outspoken - it certainly happened to me!!


----------



## rhino (29 April 2012)

Flame_ said:



			No flounces as yet though..... 

Click to expand...

Disappointing, isn't it? I'm here waiting with my flounce bingo cards and everything


----------



## Jesstickle (29 April 2012)

rhino said:



			AIBU in liking to do poos high up in buildings  

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_be...IBU-in-liking-to-do-poos-high-up-in-buildings

Click to expand...

You roll your eyes but I can totally imagine this thread popping up in SB and me finding it hilarious!


----------



## JFTDWS (29 April 2012)

rhino said:



			AIBU in liking to do poos high up in buildings  

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_be...IBU-in-liking-to-do-poos-high-up-in-buildings

Click to expand...

it worries me that one of the first replies manages to get Hairy Maclairy into the discussion


----------



## Flame_ (29 April 2012)

rhino said:



			Disappointing, isn't it? I'm here waiting with my flounce bingo cards and everything 

Click to expand...

There's still time, lol.


----------



## Jesstickle (29 April 2012)

I can attempt a flounce if you like?

I'm the least flouncy person in the world but am willing to try for the sake of forum harmony?


----------



## rhino (29 April 2012)

jesstickle said:



			I can attempt a flounce if you like?

I'm the least flouncy person in the world but am willing to try for the sake of forum harmony?
		
Click to expand...

Yay, cards at the ready


----------



## JFTDWS (29 April 2012)

flounce away, Jesstickle! 

I'm dying with laughter at the poo thread still


----------



## Moomin1 (29 April 2012)

JFTD said:



			flounce away, Jesstickle! 

I'm dying with laughter at the poo thread still 

Click to expand...

What poo thread?!! I've missed something!!


----------



## Dave282B (29 April 2012)

Thanks for the Mumsnet link as it was a proper Men behaving Badly type of conversation


----------



## quirky (29 April 2012)

quirky said:



			You can definitely see some users who must be in contact by other means as their cronies/allies turn up very soon after they have posted and reaffirm their beliefs. You only have to see x post and you know xx will be following soon after .
		
Click to expand...

× smug smiley ×
Both x and xx turned up in quick succession 
Chuffed my prediction was correct


----------



## newbie_nix (29 April 2012)

First of all O/P sorry to hear of your bullying experience in real life, that is terrible 

I am a newbie - to horse ownership and also fairly new to this board and at first I was a little intimidated. BUT I find this board to be invaluable to me. It is so full of helpful advice and knowledgeable people. I rarely see what I would describe as really bullying behaviour, just strong opinions and sometimes people can be a bit blunt. But actually bluntness can be a good thing, I have a tendancy to waffle, be too nicey nicey and skirt around a subject. Some would say this is far worse.

The only thing that gets me is occasionally someone will be accused of being a troll when they clearly aren't and this can get in the way of whatever discussion. 

I also dislike it when people are jumped on for asking what others consider to be stupid questions about horse care and are then told they shouldn't own horses. Far better they come on here and ask surely? 

But generally it is a wonderful and informative place to hang out. If anything I see on here starts to wind me up for whatever reason I take a breath, step back and remember things often look worse in 'black and white'... horsey people in real life can be pretty blunt sometimes and with good reason, when you are dealing with a half ton (or more) of animal, sometimes niceties go out the window. 

I am slowly learning not to be overly sensitive to certain comments, not to take things soooo personally, but look for the good advice they might contain. And if they don't contain anything pertinent, I just ignore and move on....


----------



## Flame_ (29 April 2012)

Do you need a real child to go on Mumsnet or will a made up one do?


----------



## Jesstickle (29 April 2012)

Right ok. So if I were really going to flounce (according to forum rules) I would start a new thread but you'll just have to imagine that I have started a thread called, um,

I'm not wasting any more time..  (or, what is the point of forums/I'll say good bye etc)


And then I'd go on to spout something (usually fairly illiterate) umm, I actually don't know. 

Told you I was rubbish at it. Especially as I don't usually read the flouncing threads.

OP, I  hope you don't mind me being silly on your thread. It isn't funny that you were bullied at work, I was bullied at school. It sucks. You take care of yourself won't you?


----------



## JFTDWS (29 April 2012)

Moomin1 said:



			What poo thread?!! I've missed something!!

Click to expand...

the mumsnet thread rhino linked


----------



## rhino (29 April 2012)

Dave282B said:



			Thanks for the Mumsnet link as it was a proper Men behaving Badly type of conversation
		
Click to expand...

That was a very, very restrained mumsnet thread. I'd be banned from here superquick if I linked many others   

Here's one more

AIBU to think that middle aged women are really a bit pointless

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet...-middle-aged-women-are-really-a-bit-pointless

All 34 pages of it


----------



## Moomin1 (29 April 2012)

JFTD said:



			the mumsnet thread rhino linked 

Click to expand...

Oops just realised as soon as I'd posted!!  My mind is boggled tonight - big court case tomorrow!


----------



## Goldenstar (29 April 2012)

Flame_ said:



			Do you need a real child to go on Mumsnet or will a made up one do?
		
Click to expand...

Well you could make one up ,this would fun until they found out and then well I can't think what they might do to you.


----------



## maisie06 (29 April 2012)

Does anyone remember the one on there about how to give beejays??? Now THAT was astounding reading and would have lasted less than 30 seconds on HHO before it was deleted!!!


----------



## Fii (29 April 2012)

Moomin1 said:



			Clearly a bully!  I am going off to cry into my wine now! 

Click to expand...

What a waste!! Hand over the wine now!!  



jesstickle said:



			You're just horrible Fii  One of the most vile ones on here. You're nearly as bad as Shils, that's how bad you are  

Click to expand...

I will take that as a complement then..........maybe ........or not



JFTD said:



			Fii, I'm not starting that debate again, _but _a point I failed to get over clearly on that thread was that I was less concerned by the photos, more by her own description of the mare as "fat" as though it was desirable.  Fwiw, I wasn't alone in thinking the photos did show an overweight horse, but that was irrelevant to my original point 

Click to expand...

OK, i understand,...........i think she was just excited to show everyone the improvement!!   But moving on......


----------



## Jesstickle (29 April 2012)

quirky said:



			× smug smiley ×
Both x and xx turned up in quick succession 
Chuffed my prediction was correct 

Click to expand...

Bully  Being smug and secretive is definitely some form of bullying or another


----------



## Moomin1 (29 April 2012)

maisie06 said:



			Does anyone remember the one on there about how to give beejays??? Now THAT was astounding reading and would have lasted less than 30 seconds on HHO before it was deleted!!!
		
Click to expand...

Don't remember that one - prob before my time - but the one about the err 'unusual position and the bath tap' nearly made me pass out with laughter!  Can't believe how long that one lasted!


----------



## Shilasdair (29 April 2012)

jesstickle said:



			You're just horrible Fii  One of the most vile ones on here. You're nearly as bad as Shils, that's how bad you are  

Click to expand...

I feel bullied.  

I'd like to point out that despite my embarassingly large post count, and in fact owning multiple accounts (well, two) I have never been banned despite being forthright with my opinion.  

It does interest me that certain posters feel the need to call me all sorts of names, with a sort of righteous witch-finding zeal, just because of the 'daemon from Hades' profile.

That damned Fii is the worst though, isn't she?
S


----------



## rhino (29 April 2012)

quirky said:



			× smug smiley ×
Both x and xx turned up in quick succession 
Chuffed my prediction was correct 

Click to expand...

As I'm fairly sure that both your comments were aimed at me, you are quite wrong with your apparent reasoning. The same as in RL, like minded people will tend to congregate. Unless there's telepathic communication going on; there has been no other contact for me anyway  You sound a little paranoid


----------



## Jesstickle (29 April 2012)

Shilasdair said:



			I feel bullied.  

I'd like to point out that despite my embarassingly large post count, and in fact owning multiple accounts (well, two) I have never been banned despite being forthright with my opinion.  

It does interest me that certain posters feel the need to call me all sorts of names, with a sort of righteous witch-finding zeal, just because of the 'daemon from Hades' profile.

That damned Fii is the worst though, isn't she?
S 

Click to expand...


Ah Shils, you know I luff you really 

Didn't know you have two accounts though? Who else are  you?!


----------



## JFTDWS (29 April 2012)

Moomin1 said:



			Oops just realised as soon as I'd posted!!  My mind is boggled tonight - big court case tomorrow!  

Click to expand...

I've told you before, murdering people, chopping them up and putting them under your patio isn't nearly clever enough to stop the police from finding you and taking you to court


----------



## maisie06 (29 April 2012)

Moomin1 said:



			Don't remember that one - prob before my time - but the one about the err 'unusual position and the bath tap' nearly made me pass out with laughter!  Can't believe how long that one lasted!
		
Click to expand...

Oh good god yes - how could we forget that?? I still can't see how, just how you could get into that position!!


----------



## quirky (29 April 2012)

jesstickle said:



			Bully  Being smug and secretive is definitely some form of bullying or another 



Click to expand...

According to CC earlier, anybody who posted on this thread was a bully.
* shuffles over so JT can join me on the bullies sofa *


----------



## Moomin1 (29 April 2012)

JFTD said:



			I've told you before, murdering people, chopping them up and putting them under your patio isn't nearly clever enough to stop the police from finding you and taking you to court 

Click to expand...

But I thought I did a really good job this time!!  Used B and Q paving slabs and everything!  Eurgh suppose will have to try harder next time!


----------



## Jesstickle (29 April 2012)

quirky said:



			According to CC earlier, anybody who posted on this thread was a bully.
* shuffles over so JT can join me on the bullies sofa * 

Click to expand...

Everyone knows _ I'm _ a bully. You, me and Dragon Slayer. Definitely the most horrible people on HHO. 

I think I must have skin like a rhino, I've never felt bullied on here. And I've had disagreements with plenty of people. I've probably got my head  shoved so far up my bottom I just don't notice that everyone hates me


----------



## rhino (29 April 2012)

jesstickle said:



			I think I must have skin like a rhino, I've never felt bullied on here.
		
Click to expand...

   I have lovely skin I'll have you know


----------



## ILuvCowparsely (29 April 2012)

Wagtail said:



			I agree with this. There are one or two people who band together and take over threads, though some of the worst offenders seem to have left this forum many months ago.[/QUO]

 I second this, there are many clique groups on here, bit childish really you can see who they are as the same  members  turn up on their thread. 

 I wont mention all the names  for obvious reasons .
 Its like they feel stronger and more opinionated when they know there are others of their close nit group online at the same time.

 I notice it for months before I started posting.  I think I will do what op is saying  just leave the thread where they are congregating like flies. 
 I have seen so many times where a poor member  has even said within the thread  that they wont come back to H&H forums because of the treatment they got from some.
		
Click to expand...


----------



## Jesstickle (29 April 2012)

rhino said:



   I have lovely skin I'll have you know   

Click to expand...

You'd better report me to TFC then


----------



## Moomin1 (29 April 2012)

jesstickle said:



			Everyone knows _ I'm _ a bully. You, me and Dragon Slayer. Definitely the most horrible people on HHO. 

I think I must have skin like a rhino, I've never felt bullied on here. And I've had disagreements with plenty of people. I've probably got my head  shoved so far up my bottom I just don't notice that everyone hates me 

Click to expand...

Same!!  Except I realise I get a lot of people's backs up with my outspoken nature!  I have never felt bullied on here either - despite a good few heated arguments.  There are some people that do my noggin in though!


----------



## YorksG (29 April 2012)

I think there is very little actual bullying on the forum. I do think there are a few posters who like to think that they know a great deal more about most things, not just horse care, than anyone else on the forum and are not happy to acknowlege when they are wrong. These tend to people who are not aware of the knowledge base and background of other posters and do end up making themselves look a bit silly.


----------



## quirky (29 April 2012)

rhino said:



			As I'm fairly sure that both your comments were aimed at me, you are quite wrong with your apparent reasoning. The same as in RL, like minded people will tend to congregate. Unless there's telepathic communication going on; there has been no other contact for me anyway  You sound a little paranoid 

Click to expand...

Actually you are way off  and I am far from paranoid, looks like you should be wearing that badge 

It just makes me chuckle that these 2 always go together, don't dislike either of them, just makes me  that is all.

I should probably get out more


----------



## rhino (29 April 2012)

quirky said:



			Actually you are way off  and I am far from paranoid, looks like you should be wearing that badge 

I should probably get out more 

Click to expand...







Brilliant! 

Although just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they're not after you


----------



## Moomin1 (29 April 2012)

Leviathan said:





Wagtail said:



			I agree with this. There are one or two people who band together and take over threads, though some of the worst offenders seem to have left this forum many months ago.[/QUO]

 I second this, there are many clique groups on here, bit childish really you can see who they are as the same  members  turn up on their thread. 

 I wont mention all the names  for obvious reasons .
 Its like they feel stronger and more opinionated when they know there are others of their close nit group online at the same time.

 I notice it for months before I started posting.  I think I will do what op is saying  just leave the thread where they are congregating like flies. 
 I have seen so many times where a poor member  has even said within the thread  that they wont come back to H&H forums because of the treatment they got from some.
		
Click to expand...

I do agree that some posts are completely unnecessary and downright rude to some new posters.  But a lot of them are just speaking sense really - particularly if it involves the welfare of the horse.  It does worry me that some new posters come on here and ask questions about how to do basic things with their horse - and IMO they shouldn't own a horse if they don't have that basic knowledge.  I see too many horses suffer or go without their needs because of ignorance on the owner's behalf.
		
Click to expand...


----------



## JFTDWS (29 April 2012)

Moomin1 said:



			But I thought I did a really good job this time!!  Used B and Q paving slabs and everything!  Eurgh suppose will have to try harder next time!
		
Click to expand...

As I said, forensics makes this stuff difficult these days - not like the good old days when you could gut a girl in Whitechapel and walk away uncaught!  You should try melting the body parts in acid or feeding them to wild boar or something.  Next time, watch a few episodes of Bones or CSI for inspiration first  


I've never felt bullied on here either.  I've felt like slamming  a few heads together, and I've felt that others were being unreasonable in their comments towards me before, but never systematically bullied or picked on.  But then, I _am _rubber, and other poster _are _glue.


----------



## Jesstickle (29 April 2012)

YorksG said:



			I think there is very little actual bullying on the forum. I do think there are a few posters who like to think that they know a great deal more about most things, not just horse care, than anyone else on the forum and are not happy to acknowlege when they are wrong. These tend to people who are not aware of the knowledge base and background of other posters and do end up making themselves look a bit silly.
		
Click to expand...

Now you've made me paranoid. This year I've claimed to know about engineers, Monsanto and probably some other things besides 

O dear, the paranoia is clearly catching!


----------



## newbie_nix (29 April 2012)

Moomin1 said:



			I don't ever find find JFTD rude or out of order.  I find her posts honest and straight talking.  She always offers an explanation to her opinions and is the first person on here to take the mick out of herself too which I find endearing in anyone! 

The thread in question where JFTD said that fat doesn't mean good ended up in some extremely personal and nasty comments being made to JFTD - all because she happened to suggest it was not good for a horse to be overweight.  

The horse in question was fat.  No doubt about it.
		
Click to expand...

I read that thread at the time and also thought although it was great that the horse had bounced back, I also felt that the owner perhaps needed to keep an eye on her and make sure she didn't go too far the other way.

I didn't find JFTD's comment rude at all, IMO she was spot on. A little blunt, perhaps, but I could see the good advice and good intentions there. As I have said above, I am on a massive learning curve as a new horse owner and JFTD is one of the members whose opinions I really respect as she clearly has high standards and she would appear to 'practice what she preaches' when it comes to her horse in real life.


----------



## YorksG (29 April 2012)

jesstickle said:



			Now you've made me paranoid. This year I've claimed to know about engineers, Monsanto and probably some other things besides 

O dear, the paranoia is clearly catching!
		
Click to expand...

But did you know about them?  And did you insist that other posters were wrong when they posted something that you didn't want them to be right about? Of course you may just be paranoid


----------



## JFTDWS (29 April 2012)

newbie_nix said:



			I didn't find JFTD's comment rude at all, IMO she was spot on. A little blunt, perhaps, but I could see the good advice and good intentions there. As I have said above, I am on a massive learning curve as a new horse owner and JFTD is one of the members whose opinions I really respect as she clearly has high standards and she would appear to 'practice what she preaches' when it comes to her horse in real life.
		
Click to expand...

I'm going to have to stop you there.  Please _NEVER _take anything I say seriously.  There are many better placed people to advise than me on here 

I mostly just post thread diverting nonsense anyway


----------



## Jesstickle (29 April 2012)

YorksG said:



			But did you know about them?  And did you insist that other posters were wrong when they posted something that you didn't want them to be right about? Of course you may just be paranoid   

Click to expand...

Well, I sort of know about them. But hardly a world expert! But then I'm not an expert about anything! Decidedly middling me. In pretty much everything I do in life sadly


----------



## ILuvCowparsely (29 April 2012)

YorksG said:



			I think there is very little actual bullying on the forum. I do think there are a few posters who like to think that they know a great deal more about most things, not just horse care, than anyone else on the forum and are not happy to acknowlege when they are wrong. These tend to people who are not aware of the knowledge base and background of other posters and do end up making themselves look a bit silly.
		
Click to expand...


^5  I agree to some of  this too .


 There are many on here  who think they know more than anyone else..

The fact is *NO ONE* knows everything. There is always something to learn, new ways of doing things,new treatments. Useful tips someone  has gained who can share the info with others.

 Trouble is where I find allot of the problem is when there is conflict on different vets advise.

 There is no right or wrong way.  You must find the way that best suits your horse, your budget, your vet, your situation.


  I have been in horses 46 year,done BHS exams  and have probably worked in more training yards, livery yards, riding schools  than you would think. I have seen and been involved with more issues - treatment - injuries than most here have been alive, but I would no way would profess to knowing everything . *No one can.*


 Yes times change - treatments change - more knowledge is known about certain treatments .

 That's why we should spend more time finding out these changes and new  treatments. Not go round shutting the door to anyone who offers  their ways of doing things .


----------



## Fii (29 April 2012)

Shilasdair said:



			I feel bullied.  

I'd like to point out that despite my embarassingly large post count, and in fact owning multiple accounts (well, two) I have never been banned despite being forthright with my opinion.  

It does interest me that certain posters feel the need to call me all sorts of names, with a sort of righteous witch-finding zeal, just because of the 'daemon from Hades' profile.

That damned Fii is the worst though, isn't she?
S 

Click to expand...

Worse than you apparently! 
 Two accounts??


----------



## dafthoss (29 April 2012)

quirky said:



			× smug smiley ×
Both x and xx turned up in quick succession 
Chuffed my prediction was correct 

Click to expand...




rhino said:



			As I'm fairly sure that both your comments were aimed at me, you are quite wrong with your apparent reasoning. The same as in RL, like minded people will tend to congregate. Unless there's telepathic communication going on; there has been no other contact for me anyway  You sound a little paranoid 

Click to expand...

Or aimed at me and JFTD  yes we do know each other in RL and tend to post on the same threads but thats because we tend to have the same opinions on stuff. 

Any way I'll flounce off for you rhino as I really must do this assignment so take that as my flounce


----------



## newbie_nix (29 April 2012)

JFTD said:



			I'm going to have to stop you there.  Please _NEVER _take anything I say seriously.  There are many better placed people to advise than me on here 

I mostly just post thread diverting nonsense anyway 

Click to expand...

LOL ok then, I will do as you say and will take your posts with a pinch of salt, especially this last one 

Seriously though, there is a lot of good advice going around on this board, most of the 'usual suspects' seem to talk a lot of good sense and the banter just makes it more fun IMO


----------



## JFTDWS (29 April 2012)

dafthoss said:



			Or aimed at me and JFTD  yes we do know each other in RL and tend to post on the same threads but thats because we tend to have the same opinions on stuff. 

Any way I'll flounce off for you rhino as I really must do this assignment so take that as my flounce 

Click to expand...

Quite.  We have similar interests and therefore tend to post on similar posts.  Because we have similar interests and similar ideas, we post similar things.    Because of both of those things, we hang out in RL too.. Amusing circularity, really.  I ought to flounce off and do some work too


----------



## JFTDWS (29 April 2012)

newbie_nix said:



			there is a lot of good advice going around on this board, most of the 'usual suspects' seem to talk a lot of good sense and the banter just makes it more fun IMO
		
Click to expand...

well said - there are some great posters on here and a lot of good humoured banter.  What more could you want in a forum?


----------



## Moomin1 (29 April 2012)

JFTD said:



			Quite.  We have similar interests and therefore tend to post on similar posts.  Because we have similar interests and similar ideas, we post similar things.    Because of both of those things, we hang out in RL too.. Amusing circularity, really.  I ought to flounce off and do some work too 

Click to expand...

Quite!! But some people can never look outside of the box can they?!   In the eyes of some anybody who tends to agree with someone else must be a butt licker rather than just, well, merely agreeing with them!!

Just realised I posted the word 'quite' at the start, as did you - must make me part of the clique for using the same language!! Lol!


----------



## dafthoss (29 April 2012)

And by the same logic if you dont agree then you are a bully . 


Now really must go need to write 900 words still


----------



## JFTDWS (29 April 2012)

Moomin1 said:



			Quite!! But some people can never look outside of the box can they?!   In the eyes of some anybody who tends to agree with someone else must be a butt licker rather than just, well, merely agreeing with them!!

Just realised I posted the word 'quite' at the start, as did you - must make me part of the clique for using the same language!! Lol!
		
Click to expand...

bend over dear, my neck's getting sore licking your butt 



dafthoss said:



			Now really must go need to write 900 words still 

Click to expand...

Go on, shoe!  I have more like 39,000 still to write


----------



## dafthoss (29 April 2012)

Yeah you win on words left to write but mines due in tomorrow morning


----------



## JFTDWS (29 April 2012)

get off the bleedin' forum then, scram!


----------



## LaurenBay (29 April 2012)

I have never felt bullied on here. I like that some posters are staright forward and cut straight to the point, I admire that quality in a person. However some posters just come accross as very arrogant (even if I agree with the point they are making) I feel that there are better ways of saying things and being considerate to others feelings. I have strong opinions and have always said what is on my mind. But I hope I have not come accross as nasty or insensitive in the way I have written them. I too find that some posters stick together and seem to enjoy taking the mick out of other posters. I tend to ignore there posts as I don't want to have to look at them. But I have learnt so much from being on here and have found most of the posters to be friendly and helpful.


----------



## Ladydragon (30 April 2012)

Well...this thread sprouted legs...  Is it one of those take over thingumys? 



Flame_ said:



			Do you need a real child to go on Mumsnet or will a made up one do?
		
Click to expand...

You can make one up...  It'll be far better though if you manage to steal or purchase one and describe your happy experience...  Many members will wish to forward their fond regards...  

GD in Digital Spy can be another spot where an all out mudslinging scrap can occur... Not for the faint hearted...


----------



## Arabelle (30 April 2012)

Leviathan said:



			There are many on here  who think they know more than anyone else..

The fact is *NO ONE* knows everything. There is always something to learn, new ways of doing things,new treatments. Useful tips someone  has gained who can share the info with others.

 Trouble is where I find allot of the problem is when there is conflict on different vets advise.

 There is no right or wrong way.  You must find the way that best suits your horse, your budget, your vet, your situation.


  I have been in horses 46 year,done BHS exams  and have probably worked in more training yards, livery yards, riding schools  than you would think. I have seen and been involved with more issues - treatment - injuries than most here have been alive, but I would no way would profess to knowing everything . *No one can.*


 Yes times change - treatments change - more knowledge is known about certain treatments .

 That's why we should spend more time finding out these changes and new  treatments. Not go round shutting the door to anyone who offers  their ways of doing things .
		
Click to expand...

Now this I agree with.  There are some posters on this forum who act like they know everything.  They are the posters whose opinions I am least likely to take seriously, as they are either naive or so entrenched in their own 'expertise' they are now incapable of reflective learning to improve their knowledge and skills, which is self limiting.

I also dislike unpleasantness under the guise of 'it is because I care so passionately about horse welfare.'  If horse welfare is a primary concern it is more productive to enagage with, rather than antognise, the owner whose animal you claim to care so much about.  

I do not think there is bullying on this forum, but there is much nonsense spouted as 'wisdom'.


----------



## Kaylum (30 April 2012)

I like this forum it's entertaining.  The stick togethers I ignore now they bore me.  If they start to attack just don't go on that thread.  But yes there is a lot of it about.  The conversations between themselves they are by that point bored and tobehonest I think boring off topic rubbish and don't bother looking at that thread again at its pointless rubbish.  As I see a lot of the others do from this thread so don't know what they are actually achieving.


----------



## Hedgewitch13 (30 April 2012)

Yes the stick togethers make for very boring threads... One or two do like the sound of their own voice on here (HHO).


----------



## Wagtail (30 April 2012)

dafthoss said:



			Or aimed at me and JFTD  yes we do know each other in RL and tend to post on the same threads but thats because we tend to have the same opinions on stuff. 

Any way I'll flounce off for you rhino as I really must do this assignment so take that as my flounce 

Click to expand...




JFTD said:



			Quite.  We have similar interests and therefore tend to post on similar posts.  Because we have similar interests and similar ideas, we post similar things.    Because of both of those things, we hang out in RL too.. Amusing circularity, really.  I ought to flounce off and do some work too 

Click to expand...




Moomin1 said:



			Quite!! But some people can never look outside of the box can they?!   In the eyes of some anybody who tends to agree with someone else must be a butt licker rather than just, well, merely agreeing with them!!

Just realised I posted the word 'quite' at the start, as did you - must make me part of the clique for using the same language!! Lol!
		
Click to expand...

Well ladies, I HAD thought you were a bit cliquey, but now you have fully persuaded me you are not.


----------



## Wagtail (30 April 2012)

Kaylum said:



			I like this forum it's entertaining.  The stick togethers I ignore now they bore me.  If they start to attack just don't go on that thread.  But yes there is a lot of it about.  The conversations between themselves they are by that point bored and tobehonest I think boring off topic rubbish and don't bother looking at that thread again at its pointless rubbish.  As I see a lot of the others do from this thread so don't know what they are actually achieving.
		
Click to expand...

Completely agree.


----------



## Persephone (30 April 2012)

Kaylum said:



			I like this forum it's entertaining.  The stick togethers I ignore now they bore me.  If they start to attack just don't go on that thread.  But yes there is a lot of it about.  The conversations between themselves they are by that point bored and tobehonest I think boring off topic rubbish and don't bother looking at that thread again at its pointless rubbish.  As I see a lot of the others do from this thread so don't know what they are actually achieving.
		
Click to expand...

Ditto


----------



## xxMozlarxx (30 April 2012)

Wagtail said:



			Well ladies, I HAD thought you were a bit cliquey, but now you have fully persuaded me you are not. 

Click to expand...

LOLv
It's those who spout, "I've never been banned", yet who pride themselves on the subtle insult who I find quite strange. The off topic posts do become a bit tedious I agree, jumping to each others defence tends to promote the sense of cliqueyness, let people fight their battles... Unless theyre being bullied of course!


----------



## suestowford (30 April 2012)

IMO a bully is nasty to others in the hope that it will cause them pain, mental or physical. Often there is a personal element in this.

It is not the same as people who are nasty because they are rude/unpleasant in general.


----------



## amandap (30 April 2012)

I've seen some nasty bullying on one forum. Users continually mocked in veiled humour relentlessly by a gang of superior know it alls. I got so upset and angry for those targeted I left until the mockers were banned.


----------



## PaddyMonty (30 April 2012)

This forum scares me which is why I dont post very often.


----------



## Marydoll (30 April 2012)

amandap said:



			I've seen some nasty bullying on one forum. Users continually mocked in veiled humour relentlessly by a gang of superior know it alls. I got so upset and angry for those targeted I left until the mockers were banned. 

Click to expand...

I find that quite sad, that you felt you had to leave a good forum because some of some people behaving like the " school bully and their wee gang of sychophants." glad you decided to come on again.


----------



## amandap (30 April 2012)

marydoll said:



			I find that quite sad, that you felt you had to leave a good forum because some of some people behaving like the " school bully and their wee gang of sychophants." glad you decided to come on again.

Click to expand...

It wasn't H&H.  

I used to find it very scary here but whether it's because I post more or this forum has become more 'open' I don't know but I don't find it scary anymore.
Not even NL that I inhabit most these days.


----------



## Marydoll (30 April 2012)

amandap said:



			It wasn't H&H.  

I used to find it very scary here but whether it's because I post more or this forum has become more 'open' I don't know but I don't find it scary anymore.
Not even NL that I inhabit most these days. 

Click to expand...

Oops lol wherever it was its still bang out of order to do it


----------



## Lady La La (30 April 2012)

JFTD said:



			Fii, I'm not starting that debate again, _but _a point I failed to get over clearly on that thread was that I was less concerned by the photos, more by her own description of the mare as "fat" as though it was desirable.
		
Click to expand...

But you seemed to fail to grasp the sense and tone of her post. The word 'fat' was used yes, but it's easy enough to gather from the amount of exclamation marks and smiley faces that the post had a cheerful, excited and somewhat jokey tone to it. As a regular poster of smiley faces, jokes and sarcasm I would have expected you more than anyone to understand that. 

Without dragging it back up anymore than it has already been... I didn't think the mare was a 'fat beast' and I didn't think your first comment on the thread was helpful or sincere in the slightest. I don't think it makes you a forum bully, or anything of the sort but I do think that you come across as rather hypocritical at times. You seem to think you can post 'whatever you like' as long as it is either followed by this  or  this  or this  ... but apparently no one else can.   

I'm sure I'll get lynched for this because I've used an incorrect word, or because your friends feel that my opinion is wrong, but that's fine. Perhaps I am incorrect, that seems to happen a lot so I wont rule it out  
FWIW a lot of the time I enjoy your posts, the same as I do everyone else's on this forum but it would be a boring world if we were all in agreement the whole time.


----------



## scarymare (30 April 2012)

I go through phases with this forum, sometimes entertained but sometimes bored to tears - so I just don't go on then.  I'm really not sure how you could get bullied on a forum, if it starts then just don't log on.

Ditto the point on the stick togethers though.... sighs...... wouldn't be so bad if they actually had anything useful to say.


----------



## scarymare (30 April 2012)

Lady La La said:



			But you seemed to fail to grasp the sense and tone of her post. The word 'fat' was used yes, but it's easy enough to gather from the amount of exclamation marks and smiley faces that the post had a cheerful, excited and somewhat jokey tone to it. As a regular poster of smiley faces, jokes and sarcasm I would have expected you more than anyone to understand that. 

Without dragging it back up anymore than it has already been... I didn't think the mare was a 'fat beast' and I didn't think your first comment on the thread was helpful or sincere in the slightest. I don't think it makes you a forum bully, or anything of the sort but I do think that you come across as rather hypocritical at times. You seem to think you can post 'whatever you like' as long as it is either followed by this  or  this  or this  ... but apparently no one else can.   

I'm sure I'll get lynched for this because I've used an incorrect word, or because your friends feel that my opinion is wrong, but that's fine. Perhaps I am incorrect, that seems to happen a lot so I wont rule it out  
FWIW a lot of the time I enjoy your posts, the same as I do everyone else's on this forum but it would be a boring world if we were all in agreement the whole time.
		
Click to expand...

That was the one post I did think was bullying.  Poor girl got slaughtered year before cos her horse was too thin, was SOOOO proud of herself and then just got brought down for no good reason.  She wouldn't even have had the chance to log off as the comments came so quickly.  Talk about putting someone down.  It was damaging and that's my experience (legion) of bullying.


----------



## Lady La La (30 April 2012)

scarymare said:



			That was the one post I did think was bullying.  Poor girl got slaughtered year before cos her horse was too thin, was SOOOO proud of herself and then just got brought down for no good reason.  She wouldn't even have had the chance to log off as the comments came so quickly.  Talk about putting someone down.  It was damaging and that's my experience (legion) of bullying.
		
Click to expand...

I disagree that it was bullying, and I think that if someone had genuine concerns over the mares weight then telling the OP was the right thing to do, but there and ways of doing things. For someone who was already aware of the history with this particular poster, I felt JDFT could and should have worded her concerns differently. It's just my opinion, doesn't make me right.


----------



## JFTDWS (30 April 2012)

Lady La La said:



			I do think that you come across as rather hypocritical at times. You seem to think you can post 'whatever you like' as long as it is either followed by this  or  this  or this  ... but apparently no one else can.
		
Click to expand...

LLL, really?  I genuinely don't believe that poster was being sarcastic.  I believe she was saying that her mare is so far away from the condition she was in the previous year that she is now fat - a description which a number of people seemed to agree was in line with the photos she provided (even if you disagree).  If she were being sarcastic then surely she deserves as much wrath from other forum members as I do for being sarcastic, since according to some on here, it is the 8th deadly sin  

I'm not sure why you feel I have a problem with others posting "whatever they like".  I don't, within reason.  However, there were a handful of very personal insults thrown at me on that (and previous threads), which were in breach of the T&Cs, and though I didn't report them, since they were removed by TFC, that is not my subjective opinion, but actual fact.  Other than those specific cases, I have never suggested that others can't post exactly what they please.  However, on an open forum, they may get replies they dislike.  I certainly do...


eta - who do you expect to "lynch" you?  I certainly won't, but I will discuss salient points with you.


----------



## ponypilotmum (30 April 2012)

I will mention no names, but there are those who feel ONLY their opinion is valid, and when someone has an opposing view all the other person's friends come on and start backing them up. Sarcasm is only funny if it's in keeping with the tone of the post. 
As for taking over almost every thread with a group of three or four discussing their own personal 'in' jokes about whether their pony or another member's WB is the mightier or not (?) - yawn, it's ruining some very informative threads, and putting people off posting.  
I just feel that there are some people who need to realise that just because their friends / mummy/ au pair think they're the bees knees and the best horse rider in the whole wide world, doesn't mean the rest of the world has to think it too or face the wrath of their friends. 
If you post nasty remarks on someone's thread, then don't cry when they get annoyed with you. Honesty is one thing, cruel remarks just to show off because you think you're some kind of expert is another... and it's easy to see the difference. 
Bullying? no
Immaturity? yes. 
Sorry, just my opinion


----------



## Lady La La (30 April 2012)

JFTD said:



			LLL, really?  I genuinely don't believe that poster was being sarcastic.  I believe she was saying that her mare is so far away from the condition she was in the previous year that she is now fat - a description which a number of people seemed to agree was in line with the photos she provided (even if you disagree).  If she were being sarcastic then surely she deserves as much wrath from other forum members as I do for being sarcastic, since according to some on here, it is the 8th deadly sin  

I'm not sure why you feel I have a problem with others posting "whatever they like".  I don't, within reason.  However, there were a handful of very personal insults thrown at me on that (and previous threads), which were in breach of the T&Cs, and though I didn't report them, since they were removed by TFC, that is not my subjective opinion, but actual fact.  Other than those specific cases, I have never suggested that others can't post exactly what they please.  However, on an open forum, they may get replies they dislike.  I certainly do...
		
Click to expand...

I didn't say she was being sarcastic, I said the explanation marks and smiley faces made for a jokey, excited feel. I am not and never would condone any personal insults being thrown towards another poster, its not something I've seen you do and it's certainly not something I think you should have had to put up with. The point I was trying to make is that unless it is you that is posting, you seem to have very little tolerance for what is being posted.
For example, I do not think that Jadeyy *really* thought her mare was 'a fat beast' just the same as I do not think that you *really* lopped off Ferg's front legs... You both wrote something joke like in a thread, and you both used these  ... but aparently Jadeyy doing it wasn't allowed because she was making light of her horses gross weight. Despite the fact the horse wasn't grossly over weight. 

As I've said above, if you had concerns over the mares weight then I do believe that yes you should have brought it up with the OP, but not in the unhelpful way that you opted for, _especially_ as you were aware of the posters history with her horse. You could have posted in a way that would have been far more beneficial to a novice horse owner battling with a horses weight problems.


----------



## JFTDWS (30 April 2012)

Lady La La said:



			For example, I do not think that Jadeyy *really* thought her mare was 'a fat beast' just the same as I do not think that you *really* lopped off Ferg's front legs... You both wrote something joke like in a thread, and you both used these  ... but aparently Jadeyy doing it wasn't allowed because she was making light of her horses gross weight. Despite the fact the horse wasn't grossly over weight. 

As I've said above, if you had concerns over the mares weight then I do believe that yes you should have brought it up with the OP, but not in the unhelpful way that you opted for, _especially_ as you were aware of the posters history with her horse. You could have posted in a way that would have been far more beneficial to a novice horse owner battling with a horses weight problems.
		
Click to expand...

I do think that it's somewhat different to describe your horse as "fat" than to say you chopped its legs off.  I think the ridiculous-ness of the latter implies that it is spoken in jest.  Sadly the prospect of an owner having a fat horse is not ridiculous - given the epidemic of equine obesity in this country right now.  I never said she wasn't "allowed" to say it, but if you do say it, surely you expect replies like that?  I know I would if I posted similar on here.  I should stress that while you don't think that the horse is overweight, I do think the photos showed an overweight horse at the start of spring (allegedly, this is apparently spring?) which were of concern to me.

Yes, in hindsight perhaps I should have worded it differently.  I didn't expect the statement to be taken in the way it was - it was meant as a lighthearted, though somewhat abrupt way of making a point - not some obscure point, the exact statement I made was the point - it was not sarcastic or obtuse.  Iirc, I did re-word several times before posting, but I felt that elaboration diluted the point itself and appeared condescending to the OP.  Ironic that it was worded thus so as not to offend the op, and yet it sparked such a debate.


----------



## Lady La La (30 April 2012)

Yeah, that is pretty ironic.
The point was, Jadeyy did not think her horse was fat. If she did, I'm pretty certain she wouldn't have posted given the greif she's recieved previously regarding the mares weight... 
You didn't lop Fergs legs off, Jadeyy didn't think her horse was fat. 
Anyway, I digress... 
I don't think you're a forum bully, and I'm glad you didn't chop your horses legs off, I spotted you at a horseball match & I think he's rather lovely. 

I don't think I've ever whitnessed bullying on this forum, but then I've been called a bully once or twice so perhaps my judgement is a bit wonky.


----------



## quirky (30 April 2012)

Moomin1 said:



			Quite!! But some people can never look outside of the box can they?!   In the eyes of some anybody who tends to agree with someone else must be a butt licker rather than just, well, merely agreeing with them!!
		
Click to expand...

Actually, the image of somebody licking somebody else's butt makes me feel quite nauseous, so it isn't something I like to think about.

I tend to agree with many people on here ... it doesn't mean I want to get my tongue anywhere near their butt crack and I'm sure those that 'hunt in packs' are of the same mindset


----------



## JFTDWS (30 April 2012)

Whether she thought it or not (I don't know, I'm not a psychic ) I think that the point was well made later in the thread by many posters that she should keep a close eye and ensure her weight is kept in check, which I'm sure she has, so alls well that ends well 



Lady La La said:



			I'm glad you didn't chop your horses legs off, I spotted you at a horseball match & I think he's rather lovely.
		
Click to expand...

Thanks   He's short enough already, without his legs we'd be in real trouble


----------



## Moomin1 (30 April 2012)

Wagtail said:



			Well ladies, I HAD thought you were a bit cliquey, but now you have fully persuaded me you are not. 

Click to expand...

Wagtail I have never met, and am never likely to meet, DH or JFTD!!  Haven't even got a clue what their names are in RL!  

FWIW I only know two people on HHO, one being Pootleperkin, and the other being Cobrastyle.  I am not a member of any 'clique', I have my own opinions and my own brain in my  head (I think!).  If I tend to agree more with JFTD then it is merely down to perhaps having the same ideas/morals/outlook on issues?!


----------



## Achinghips (30 April 2012)

This thread makes me feel sick. Shame on you egoists.


----------



## mcnaughty (30 April 2012)

OP - there is loads of very bad behaviour on here - funnily enough, when you confront them they always blame it on you and say you have taken it the wrong way!  I am continually amazed at this behaviour - though I shouldn't be!

People should read their posts before hitting the send button!  Also, consider "would I say this to someone's face" - answer would usually be NO!


----------



## Wagtail (30 April 2012)

Moomin1 said:



			Wagtail I have never met, and am never likely to meet, DH or JFTD!!  Haven't even got a clue what their names are in RL!  

FWIW I only know two people on HHO, one being Pootleperkin, and the other being Cobrastyle.  I am not a member of any 'clique', I have my own opinions and my own brain in my  head (I think!).  If I tend to agree more with JFTD then it is merely down to perhaps having the same ideas/morals/outlook on issues?!
		
Click to expand...

Of course it is. 

Actually, to be fair, I hadn't had you down as one of them before this thread. I just thought you all protested 'too much'.


----------



## JFTDWS (30 April 2012)

Wagtail said:



			Of course it is. 

Actually, to be fair, I hadn't had you down as one of them before this thread. I just thought you all protested 'too much'.
		
Click to expand...

Well, since an accusation of off forum "rallying" of support was levelled at one of "us" (and I say "us" loosely, we happen to be a group of generally like minded individuals who tend to end up on the same threads on a forum - if that is the latest definition of a clique, then that is what we are) it seemed pertinent to point out the fallibility of that logic.

I've never understood the problem with cliques, anyway.  Surely in any environment, individuals with similar views tend to cluster together


----------



## Wagtail (30 April 2012)

JFTD said:



			I've never understood the problem with cliques, anyway.  Surely in any environment, individuals with similar views tend to cluster together 

Click to expand...

Then why deny you are in one? 

No, there is no problem with cliques unless they cause upset to others.


----------



## JFTDWS (30 April 2012)

Wagtail said:



			Then why deny you are in one? 

No, there is no problem with cliques unless they cause upset to others.
		
Click to expand...

Erm, because not minding them isn't the same as being in one?

I don't see a problem with marching brass bands, doesn't mean I am a member of one!


----------



## DH1 (30 April 2012)

Individuals with a similar interests and views are naturally bound to gravitate towards each other. The thing is that I find interesting though, is just how many threads on a thousand different subjects, attract the same group of posters. Uncanny, you can almost set your watch by the processional arrival of some individuals.


----------



## ELFSBELLS (30 April 2012)

There are a few on here that think by posting on the same threads and making a joke of the thread between themselves, is clever and funny, imo it is bullying, and said people need to grow up, it's the old adage of being somewhat anonymous and thinking there are no repurcutions (spelling ) they need to grow up !!


----------



## Kokopelli (30 April 2012)

TBH I'm still a bit hurt after the many horrible comments and worse PMs on how I neglected my horse, he's so harmed from my 'neglect' now of course as you can see from my signature. :rolleyeys: 

It's part of the reason I come on here because people do jump on the bandwagon, I wouldn't call it bullying but it still isn't a pleasant experience.


----------



## DougalJ (30 April 2012)

As the old saying goes "it's not what you say it's how you say it" and that is portrayed in the tone of replies that are on here. Without opinions, forums would be boring and a good heated debate is good to read, follow and join in. BUT some posters can be a little too choice with their words and they I am sure would not say it to the poster face if you took the computer screen away. I don't believe that we should all have fluffy opinions just to make it like Tellytubby Land but some should think twice before they post in what tone or manner they are portraying. 
I've seen some threads which truly amaze me that they are allowed to get away with their condescending comments. We were all novices once and wanted advice on a hobby we all mutually love. This is why we are on this forum - we love all things equine! Some on here i think forget this.... However the majority of members on here are fab and I've learnt much from the advice that has been given over the years.


----------



## chocolate_cake (30 April 2012)

I only lurk but like the silly posts it would be boring without it. If you don't like it then thats fine but I think saying people are bullies is not on. 

This post seems to have give people the excuse to point a finger at people they dislike or have a sort of grudge against and I think that is just as much bullying as anything I have read on here.


----------



## Goldenstar (30 April 2012)

boe said:



			There are a few on here that think by posting on the same threads and making a joke of the thread between themselves, is clever and funny, imo it is bullying, and said people need to grow up, it's the old adage of being somewhat anonymous and thinking there are no repurcutions (spelling ) they need to grow up !!
		
Click to expand...

If you think having a joke with a thread is bulling you have never seen or experianced it ,now clearly there are threads where having a joke would be inappropriate for example my OH has died and I have to sell my horse making a joke of a thread like that would be clearly inappropriate.
But I make a joke of things in real life  i dont see why I should be different on the forum to protect your sensilbilties and what I see on this thread one persons victim is another's bully it's not up to you (or me )to dictate if others makes a joke.
If you don't like a thread don't read it there are threads I never read, so what . I only remember one thread where a young person was getting a lot of stick but she was flighting her corner well and although I was uncomfortable with it I doult it harmed her
I will joke if I what to joke I am not even sorry you don't like it and I am no bully.


----------



## Wagtail (30 April 2012)

JFTD said:



			Erm, because not minding them isn't the same as being in one?

I don't see a problem with marching brass bands, doesn't mean I am a member of one!
		
Click to expand...

I find this very strange that people mention cliques on here and mention no names, then suddenly you are here, denying you are in one! My comment came after this big song and a dance show you made denying being in a clique. 

Anyway, I just found it all quite amusing, hence my comment.


----------



## Hedgewitch13 (30 April 2012)

Of course bullies never see themselves as that. It's always their 'opinion', which seems to be a get out clause.


----------



## JFTDWS (30 April 2012)

Wagtail said:



			I find this very strange that people mention cliques on here and mention no names, then suddenly you are here, denying you are in one! My comment came after this big song and a dance show you made denying being in a clique. 

Anyway, I just found it all quite amusing, hence my comment. 

Click to expand...

I don't recall any singing or dancing on this thread?  I do recall a few explanations in response to some very unsubtle comments   I think, as with many things on a forum, you see what you want to see and it proves what you want it to prove


----------



## horsegirl (30 April 2012)

In the same way that the people "being bullied" always cry that as soon as someone disagrees? 

How can anyone be bullied on an online forum? No one forces people to come on here. If you don't like what people are saying either put them on ui, stay out of the thread or switch off your pc. IMO people need to stop being so sensitive, grow a pair and take responsibility for their own lives. And if anyone disagrees with me I shall cry "bully" and report the post


----------



## Lady La La (30 April 2012)

I can't quote, but:
"There are a few on here that think by posting on the same threads and making a joke of the thread between themselves, is clever and funny, imo it is bullying, and said people need to grow up"

How is turning a thread into something funny, bullying? I admit it can get quite tedius at times but bullying it aint.


----------



## chocolate_cake (30 April 2012)

Hedgewitch13 said:



			But having an opinion is not bullying. People seem not to understnad the difference between having opinions and being deliberately personall towards someone. You might not like the opinion, you might find it hurtful but everyone is allowed to have, and share their own opinions.

I don't understand if bullying is bad on here why is everybody who is getting upset not reporting it? I think anybody who truly believes there is bullying and who does nothing is almost as bad as the bullies themselves and should be ashamed of themselves.
		
Click to expand...


----------



## Wagtail (30 April 2012)

horsegirl said:



			In the same way that the people "being bullied" always cry that as soon as someone disagrees? 

How can anyone be bullied on an online forum? No one forces people to come on here. If you don't like what people are saying either put them on ui, stay out of the thread or switch off your pc. IMO people need to stop being so sensitive, grow a pair and take responsibility for their own lives. And if anyone disagrees with me I shall cry "bully" and report the post 

Click to expand...

Actually, your behaviour on a recent thread could very easily be construed as bullying. Picking on someone for their bad grammar and mocking them. Shame on you. Quite disgusting behaviour IMO. So why am I not surprised you deny that bullying can take place on forums?


----------



## JFTDWS (30 April 2012)

Wagtail said:



			Actually, your behaviour on a recent thread could very easily be construed as bullying. Picking on someone for their bad grammar and mocking them. Shame on you. Quite disgusting behaviour IMO. So why am I not surprised you deny that bullying can take place on forums?
		
Click to expand...

Harsh


----------



## ELFSBELLS (30 April 2012)

Lady La La, it is not the point of turning a thread into fun, it is the point of making fun of people between a certain few, that is not fun, that imo is bullying !


----------



## Wagtail (30 April 2012)

JFTD said:



			Harsh 

Click to expand...

It needed saying.


----------



## horsegirl (30 April 2012)

The person in question called me an idiot so I think I can say what I like in return.  I believe calling my behaviour disgusting is bullying so shame on you! 

Also correcting people is not the same as mocking, how on earth did you cope at school? What do you do if your boss tells you something is incorrect? Call him/her a bully and run away?


----------



## JFTDWS (30 April 2012)

Wagtail said:



			It needed saying. 

Click to expand...

Do you think?  I disagree.  Respectfully, naturally


----------



## Wagtail (30 April 2012)

boe said:



			Lady La La, it is not the point of turning a thread into fun, it is the point of making fun of people between a certain few, that is not fun, that imo is bullying !
		
Click to expand...

Yes, it certainly CAN be bullying. I have seen both sorts on here. The boring thread hijack and endless pointless posts and in-jokes. (Harmless). The ganging up on another member (not harmless).


----------



## JFTDWS (30 April 2012)

Wagtail said:



			Yes, it certainly CAN be bullying. I have seen both sorts on here. The boring thread hyjack and endless pointless posts and in-jokes. (Harmless). The ganging up on another member (not harmless).
		
Click to expand...

I think you mean "hijack"


----------



## Wagtail (30 April 2012)

JFTD said:



			I think you mean "hijack" 

Click to expand...

Are you picking on me for my spelling? 

*Goes to edit post*


----------



## JFTDWS (30 April 2012)

Wagtail said:



Are you picking on me for my spelling? 

Click to expand...

Yes, I'm a nasty mean bully and I want your lunch money next


----------



## Hedgewitch13 (30 April 2012)

Of course everyone is entitled to an opinion - it's the way it's put over that can be seen as being harsh and unkind (and I have made that mistake myself in the past!). Sadly we aren't all tough old boots on here and some people can take offense and get quite upset by strong words, however intended.


----------



## chocolate_cake (30 April 2012)

Hedgewitch13 said:



			Of course everyone is entitled to an opinion - it's the way it's put over that can be seen as being harsh and unkind (and I have made that mistake myself in the past!). Sadly we aren't all tough old boots on here and some people can take offense and get quite upset by strong words, however intended.
		
Click to expand...

Bullying is a very serious allegtion to make though. The person who started the post had her whole life changed by being bullied. 

Being seen as being 'harsh and unkind' (or straight talking and honest maybe) is not the same as purposefull bullying.
I'm going back to lurking but wish people would not call people bullies so lightly.


----------



## Goldenstar (30 April 2012)

Wagtail said:



			Yes, it certainly CAN be bullying. I have seen both sorts on here. The boring thread hyjack and endless pointless posts and in-jokes. (Harmless). The ganging up on another member (not harmless).
		
Click to expand...

You are spot on here Wagtail but that's not what boe said she said making a joke of the thread not making a joke of a poster.
making a joke of a poster is not nice but it's different to have a ding dong disagreement even where more than one person are going head to head with more than one with a differing view.
I was told I was talking rubbish on Saturday I laughed ( it helped I knew I was right ) as it was about a fact not an opinion within minutes to other posters were on saying they had googled it and I was right that's the forum working well whenever I have seen things going to far others try to smooth the way .
I think cliques is not really the right word for what I see here there are groups with similar views who follow the same threads the barefoot Taliban is one but they are not bullies they have strong views but that's not the same.


----------



## Wagtail (30 April 2012)

horsegirl said:



			The person in question called me an idiot so I think I can say what I like in return.  I believe calling my behaviour disgusting is bullying so shame on you! 

Also correcting people is not the same as mocking, how on earth did you cope at school? What do you do if your boss tells you something is incorrect? Call him/her a bully and run away?
		
Click to expand...


Oh dear...


----------



## Arizahn (30 April 2012)

Someone please let me know if I am in a clique/cult/gang/secret society, etc.

I do use humour to try and diffuse threads that are getting unpleasant. Sometimes it even works. The thread with a certain celebrity rider didn't...she went off and called it "weird" on Facebook...But we got the Sci-Fi Quadrille out of that, which was fun

I also tend to post in response to posters that I am comfortable communicating with. Don't really see anything wrong with that. I try to be balanced and will give advice if I have any relevant advice to give. Sometimes I even bump threads for people in the hope of drawing attention to them

I missed this thread until now...been busy blocking Hippo's old owner from contacting me, as she has made some unpleasant comments regarding whether Hippo actually has a melanoma at all. This from the person that didn't bother to get Hippo's teeth checked in two yearsAnyway, you have my empathy OP, not nice to go through. Have a virtual Jaffa cake. 

The JadeyandLadey thread is a debacle best left buried, to be frank. I remember reading it and feeling that certain posts were being taken out of context to create drama...not nice. Didn't think that JFTD's original post was out of line. Things certainly did go downhill though...

Now let's all be nice and hug one another. Or I shall get the big stick! Joking!


----------



## Flame_ (30 April 2012)

chocolate_cake said:



			Being seen as being 'harsh and unkind' (or straight talking and honest maybe) is not the same as purposefull bullying.
I'm going back to lurking but wish people would not call people bullies so lightly.
		
Click to expand...

Great post, as are Horsegirl's. I have actually seen bullying on an online forum, but never on this one. A much smaller forum with biased admins and a particular member was repeatedly subject to mocking and name calling because they often went against the majority (and mods) opinions (and they were also quite irritating, but that's no crime or excuse for ongoing personal nastiness). It was extremely unpleasant to witness and I gave the site owner a fair bit of grief about it. 

Yet every time the word bullying starts getting thrown around on here, to me it seems nothing more than someone whining about nothing.


----------



## Ceris Comet (30 April 2012)

You certainly flushed 'em out OP


----------



## Lady La La (30 April 2012)

"Lady La La, it is not the point of turning a thread into fun, it is the point of making fun of people between a certain few, that is not fun, that imo is bullying !"

Oh, yeah fair enough. I have never seen any of the above type behaviour, but clearly making fun of another poster isn't acceptable behaviour.


----------



## Kaylum (30 April 2012)

Ceris Comet said:



			You certainly flushed 'em out OP
		
Click to expand...

yep that's very true.


----------



## Goldenstar (30 April 2012)

Ok there is a certain type of person who when challenged throws up their hands and says you can't do that it upsets me like bullying it just another type of controlling behaviour.( retires to bunker ,sorting washing actually but bunker sounds more dramatic ).


----------



## Arizahn (30 April 2012)

Slightly off topic but not really...I know someone with depression and social anxiety disorder who was recently accosted whilst playing one of those multiplayer online games...

Basically they had asked for advice on how to participate in whatever it was the team was doing. The other players ignored them, then turned around and told them to: "Quit gaming, get rid of all your computer stuff and delete all your characters cos you are crap and shouldn't be playing!"

Now that is cyber bullying. If this had happened to this person a few years back, they would probably have taken it to heart and maybe even harmed themselves because of it. Wish I could get my hands on the little scumbags that said it.


----------



## 'S'teamed (30 April 2012)

I thought all the Bullies had been burned at the stake


----------



## Goldenstar (30 April 2012)

'S'teamed said:



			I thought all the Bullies had been burned at the stake 



Click to expand...

You had them burned wow.


----------



## rhino (30 April 2012)

Ceris Comet said:



			You certainly flushed 'em out OP
		
Click to expand...

And just _what_ was your previous user name (or names) on here, just out of interest?


----------



## Lady La La (30 April 2012)

"I thought all the Bullies had been burned at the stake"


----------



## 'S'teamed (30 April 2012)

Or would it be "burnt" at the stake?


----------



## rhino (30 April 2012)

'S'teamed said:



			Or would it be "burnt" at the stake? 

Click to expand...

Could just send 'em all to Potters - pony-lover pies has a certain ring to it, no?


----------



## Wagtail (30 April 2012)

Arizahn said:



			Someone please let me know if I am in a clique/cult/gang/secret society, etc.

Click to expand...

 No none of the above. Is that the right answer?


----------



## Achinghips (30 April 2012)

Kaylum said:



			yep that's very true.
		
Click to expand...

yep, great to see them all in their glory. isn't it?


----------



## Arizahn (30 April 2012)

Wagtail said:



 No none of the above. Is that the right answer?
		
Click to expand...

Cheers for that...was genuinely concerned that I might be a horrible person!


----------



## Jesstickle (30 April 2012)

Right- 

those who think there are bullies posting on this thread why don't you actually post who you think these people are? I think it would only be fair as all this hinting and whispering behind hands is snidey and unpleasant.

I'm sure the people you think are 'bullies' will take it on the chin as they are probably thicker skinned than most (I say this as I suspect it is the reason some are pointing the finger at them)

I for one would love to know if I have/do offend people because I genuinely don't mean to and if I do I'd rather you just told me so I can change how I'm phrasing things!


----------



## Arizahn (30 April 2012)

jesstickle said:



			Right- 

those who think there are bullies posting on this thread why don't you actually post who you think these people are? I think it would only be fair as all this hinting and whispering behind hands is snidey and unpleasant.

I'm sure the people you think are 'bullies' will take it on the chin as they are probably thicker skinned than most (I say this as I suspect it is the reason some are pointing the finger at them)

I for one would love to know if I have/do offend people because I genuinely don't mean to and if I do I'd rather you just told me so I can change how I'm phrasing things! 

Click to expand...

Well said


----------



## Ceris Comet (30 April 2012)

I'm sure folk would If they wernt scared of being jumped on.


----------



## kylee86 (30 April 2012)

Wow what an interesting thread. I had an awful experience on here few months ago i was new to the sight and was being acused of all sorts. it was very hurtful and i didnt like the way my thread was hijacked and to find other threads then talking about me. 
luckily once i gathered my thoughts i didnt care what others thought. As what was being implied by other members was not true. my thread waas regarding what i could do with a 10month old colt, this esculated to me being accused of breaking him when he reached 12months of age, and i shouldnt own a colt. then i was being pulled up on my grammar which aagain was directed towards me as a person and had nothing to do with my orignal post. oh and i was also a troll when infact i was a normal person with little knowledge on colts looking for advise. 
thankfuly I havnt had any other threads hijacked in this manner


----------



## Wagtail (30 April 2012)

jesstickle said:



			Right- 

those who think there are bullies posting on this thread why don't you actually post who you think these people are? I think it would only be fair as all this hinting and whispering behind hands is snidey and unpleasant.

I'm sure the people you think are 'bullies' will take it on the chin as they are probably thicker skinned than most (I say this as I suspect it is the reason some are pointing the finger at them)

I for one would love to know if I have/do offend people because I genuinely don't mean to and if I do I'd rather you just told me so I can change how I'm phrasing things! 

Click to expand...

No, Jess, you are just fine.  The only person I thought was guilty of specific bullying behaviour, I told her so on this thread, and why. Her response only served to reaffirm my belief, though a couple of others disagreed. It's all a matter of how you view things that you see going on, I suppose.


----------



## Jesstickle (30 April 2012)

Ceris Comet said:



			I'm sure folk would If they wernt scared of being jumped on.
		
Click to expand...

I don't think that's true. I think the accused might well want to stick up for themselves but that seems only fair don't you think? 

I think the truth is that people like to be snidey snidey. Shame we can't all be a bit more like blokes and say 'I just don't like you' and then get on with it! lol


----------



## Arizahn (30 April 2012)

kylee86 said:



			Wow what an interesting thread. I had an awful experience on here few months ago i was new to the sight and was being acused of all sorts. it was very hurtful and i didnt like the way my thread was hijacked and to find other threads then talking about me. 
luckily once i gathered my thoughts i didnt care what others thought. As what was being implied by other members was not true. my thread waas regarding what i could do with a 10month old colt, this esculated to me being accused of breaking him when he reached 12months of age, and i shouldnt own a colt. then i was being pulled up on my grammar which aagain was directed towards me as a person and had nothing to do with my orignal post. oh and i was also a troll when infact i was a normal person with little knowledge on colts looking for advise. 
thankfuly I havnt had any other threads hijacked in this manner
		
Click to expand...

I remember that. How is your colt, btw? Have you any recent threads/pictures of him?


----------



## Arizahn (30 April 2012)

jesstickle said:



			I don't think that's true. I think the accused might well want to stick up for themselves but that seems only fair don't you think? 

I think the truth is that people like to be snidey snidey. Shame we can't all be a bit more like blokes and say 'I just don't like you' and then get on with it! lol
		
Click to expand...

Terrible announcement to make: Men can be just as bad!


----------



## Wagtail (30 April 2012)

kylee86 said:



			Wow what an interesting thread. I had an awful experience on here few months ago i was new to the sight and was being acused of all sorts. it was very hurtful and i didnt like the way my thread was hijacked and to find other threads then talking about me. 
luckily once i gathered my thoughts i didnt care what others thought. As what was being implied by other members was not true. my thread waas regarding what i could do with a 10month old colt, this esculated to me being accused of breaking him when he reached 12months of age, and i shouldnt own a colt. then i was being pulled up on my grammar which aagain was directed towards me as a person and had nothing to do with my orignal post. oh and i was also a troll when infact i was a normal person with little knowledge on colts looking for advise. 
thankfuly I havnt had any other threads hijacked in this manner
		
Click to expand...

Well done for sticking around! There are many on here that will jump on you if they think you are treating horses inappropriately. Often it is due to adding 2 and 2 and making 5. However, that is not always the case and sometimes they highlight something that is very important in the welfare of the horse concerned. It happens to us all. However, you highlight a good point, and one which I think can define where frank, honest and sometimes harsh comments cross over to bullying. That is where instead of attacking the argument of the subject under discussion, they attack the PERSON. Making the odd quip about grammar is fine, but when it is followed by repeated quips and mocking of the person themselves, then that is bullying.


----------



## Jesstickle (30 April 2012)

Arizahn said:



			Terrible announcement to make: Men can be just as bad!

Click to expand...

Really? All the ones I know are pretty upfront and either just avoid people they don't like (seems sensible enough to me) or make it abundantly obvious they don't like someone! I probably know particularly simple, cave man esqu men!


----------



## Parker79 (30 April 2012)

I'm really surprised this thread is still live...I dont see the point in people naming and shaming...I think it would just cause some arguments.

The OP and others (including me) have said that 'some' people can come across as rude...or worse.  I do not have a specific problem with one person so even if you asked me to name and shame I couldn't anyway.

I personally think the OP was just raising an observation, asking people to be more thoughtful when replying to threads.....can we all go back to normal posts now? I think its a shame this is still running.


----------



## rhino (30 April 2012)

Wagtail said:



			Well done for sticking around! There are many on here that will jump on you if they think you are treating horses inappropriately. Often it is due to adding 2 and 2 and making 5.
		
Click to expand...

I remember that post, it didn't make good reading IIRC.


----------



## Jesstickle (30 April 2012)

Parker79 said:



			I personally think the OP was just raising an observation, asking people to be more thoughtful when replying to threads.....can we all go back to normal posts now? I think its a shame this is still running.
		
Click to expand...

Why? It isn't particularly nasty and it's interesting? To me anyway. I find forum dynamics really fascinating,  I love threads like this. Much more interesting than talking about bloody 'matchy, matchy' ! 

I think pretty much everyone understands why OP posted and has said so and offered support of some kind. I hope OP doesn't mind the direction the thread has taken. I think it's a really valid discussion. Especially as some people _do _ think there is bullying on the forum. How are the 'bullies' meant to know they're offending people if it can't be discussed?! 

I don't really want people named and shamed, I just don't like the snidey comments.

Wagtail and Lady La La have both brought up things they thought were questionable and so has Maisy06 (I think) and it's all been discussed quite calmly by both sides I think


----------



## dafthoss (30 April 2012)

Well if any one thinks I have bullied some one then please do let me know, it certantly wasnt intentional.

As I think that the posting about certain posters without specifying who is actually worse than just saying  who you have had a problem with so that they can either ammend their posting style or ignore the post in future.


----------



## kylee86 (30 April 2012)

Arizahn said:



			I remember that. How is your colt, btw? Have you any recent threads/pictures of him?
		
Click to expand...

my colt is now a gelded he was gelded 8 days ago on his 1st birthday hes coming on leaps and bounds we have been puddle hunting this week as he doesnt like water lol. we have been walking over carpets builders bags and had the dogs round him. hes now loading on the box. so hes doing realy well.


----------



## Wagtail (30 April 2012)

Gorgeous


----------



## Arizahn (30 April 2012)

Kylee86 - Stunning horse! Love the T shaped blaze


----------



## Jesstickle (30 April 2012)

kylee86 said:








Click to expand...

Nawww


----------



## Snickers (30 April 2012)

You're right! I have to say that this forum is particularily bad!! I think you get 'strong characters' (to put it nicely) associated with horses. I stopped posting here for years after experiencing some of it for myself. I've gained confidence in real life now, and grown up, so I really don't care what people say to me online  My tip is to not take any of it to heart, and the bullies are probably lonely old bints with only a computer moniter for company. We should feel sorry for them if anything!


----------



## kylee86 (30 April 2012)

thankyou hes slowly starting to blossom still got the gangly legs lol unfortunatly dnt think he would win any coloured classes as he isnt marked on the other side but i dont mind im not massivly into shows but thought it would be good for him to experience a few. thankgod his mane is starting to grow bk after i had to hack it off to rid the lice


----------



## DougalJ (30 April 2012)

Snickers said:



			You're right! I have to say that this forum is particularily bad!! I think you get 'strong characters' (to put it nicely) associated with horses. I stopped posting here for years after experiencing some of it for myself. I've gained confidence in real life now, and grown up, so I really don't care what people say to me online  My tip is to not take any of it to heart, and the bullies are probably lonely old bints with only a computer moniter for company. We should feel sorry for them if anything!
		
Click to expand...

Have to agree


----------



## Arizahn (30 April 2012)

kylee86 said:



			thankyou hes slowly starting to blossom still got the gangly legs lol unfortunatly dnt think he would win any coloured classes as he isnt marked on the other side but i dont mind im not massivly into shows but thought it would be good for him to experience a few. thankgod his mane is starting to grow bk after i had to hack it off to rid the lice





Click to expand...

I think he's a crackerCongrats on how far he's come so far.


----------



## kylee86 (30 April 2012)

Arizahn said:



			I think he's a crackerCongrats on how far he's come so far.
		
Click to expand...

hes very much a character and every body loves him but at the same time weary of him. cnt wait to tke some pics when he has fully blossemed fingers crossed for some good weather for his first bath


----------



## Echo Bravo (30 April 2012)

With you all the way Jesstickle,if people have bones to pick and names to shame,I'd rather have people say than innuendos where things are left in the air and sour other posts. And I do remember the 10 month old colt post and most of us said take him slowly.


----------



## JFTDWS (30 April 2012)

Kylee, iirc, your thread was definitely a case of 2 and 2 making 5 - and I do believe I apologised for my comments, which were the result of a few posters (myself included) completely misinterpreting a seemingly odd post late in the evening.  Your young lad looks fabulous


----------



## kylee86 (30 April 2012)

JFTD said:



			Kylee, iirc, your thread was definitely a case of 2 and 2 making 5 - and I do believe I apologised for my comments, which were the result of a few posters (myself included) completely misinterpreting a seemingly odd post late in the evening.  Your young lad looks fabulous 

Click to expand...

you did indeed apologise JFTD. i just think that my thread made sense to bring up. as things can get very out of hand on forums with some people reading to much into things. I can understand why op brings up bullying as some comments that arnt necesary can be very hurtful if the threads were perfectly inocent i just think some time people need to take a step back and think before they type. as i do now when posting threads.


----------



## Batgirl (30 April 2012)

I think it is typical of any written communication.  It was the same when email came in.  We rely on body language, voice inflection etc when talking to determine the tone of a question or answer and judge the experience etc of a person.  It is impossible to do so over type, things come across bluntly in type, someone reacts to it and so on and so on.  The other key difference is that when you talk to a group of people and you don't agree with or like someone in the group it is easy to steer yourself away from them but you can't on a thread so it sticks and escalates.

There are some more opinionated and blunt than others on here, for example amymay I find quite confrontational (not picking on you amymay, you often have wisdom to share!) however if something doesn't spark back from the blunter posts then threads don't degenerate into the 'bullying' behaviour where a couple of posters get on a similar line and it then ends up being a long list.

Apologise for the ramblyness!  Was just trying to write my thoughts.  I often rewrite 'negative' or questioning posts so as not cause offence but others may not feel the need.


----------



## Echo Bravo (30 April 2012)

So everyone has had their say, and reading through the posts very little has been said, If you don't like what you call bullies and several have said why don'y you just name them. Call spade a spade. I hate innuendos of this sort.


----------



## Moomin1 (30 April 2012)

Echo Bravo said:



			So everyone has had their say, and reading through the posts very little has been said, If you don't like what you call bullies and several have said why don'y you just name them. Call spade a spade. I hate innuendos of this sort.
		
Click to expand...

Agree.  Why don't people just grow a pair and say who they think they feel bullied by?  Unless they feel threatened in any way then surely there is no harm in raising the issue, even by PM.


----------



## Ladydragon (30 April 2012)

Ceris Comet said:



			I'm sure folk would If they wernt scared of being jumped on.
		
Click to expand...

Or because it's easier just to allude and suggest instead of being up front...



kylee86 said:



			my colt is now a gelded he was gelded 8 days ago on his 1st birthday hes coming on leaps and bounds we have been puddle hunting this week as he doesnt like water lol. we have been walking over carpets builders bags and had the dogs round him. hes now loading on the box. so hes doing realy well.
		
Click to expand...

He's looking fab...  I think I remember that thread too... 



Snickers said:



			I stopped posting here for years after experiencing some of it for myself. I've gained confidence in real life now, and grown up, so I really don't care what people say to me online  anything!
		
Click to expand...

Good on you for realising you needed that break and having a different mind set when you came back...  Forum members (in the main) aren't people we'll have to face over the dinner table or a desk for hours on end...  There is no need for anyone to carry what an anonymous individual on the internet says into our private life unless we choose to - ie, advice worth following...


----------



## Flame_ (30 April 2012)

Echo Bravo said:



			So everyone has had their say, and reading through the posts very little has been said, If you don't like what you call bullies and several have said why don'y you just name them. Call spade a spade. I hate innuendos of this sort.
		
Click to expand...

Yeah, that will help loads  

The snidey digs are, well, snidey, but IMO they are preferable to all out war.   Can't we all just coexist calmly accepting that we don't all like one another?


----------



## Flame_ (30 April 2012)

Ceris, were you Skewby by any chance?


----------



## Moomin1 (30 April 2012)

Flame_ said:



			Ceris, were you Skewby by any chance?
		
Click to expand...

Who was Skewby?  I asked this before but nobody replied!


----------



## Flame_ (30 April 2012)

Moomin1 said:



			Who was Skewby?  I asked this before but nobody replied!  

Click to expand...

Just a forum member who was banned.


----------



## Jesstickle (30 April 2012)

Flame_ said:



			Ceris, were you Skewby by any chance?
		
Click to expand...

Someone's after their HHO CSI badge I see  

Don't know if you're right or  not mind. I'm just impressed you can even make a guess. I am useless at remembering past fights and who hates who!


----------



## Echo Bravo (30 April 2012)

I'm begining to love Ladydragon.


----------



## FionaM12 (30 April 2012)

Moomin1 said:



			Who was Skewby?  I asked this before but nobody replied!  

Click to expand...

Was Skewby the same person as Just-finished-wrapping? Or have I completely lost the plot? 

I've read this thread (well most of it) after not being online much for the last few days. Interesting and entertaining reading!

I don't think there's much real bullying in this forum. There are one or two ill-mannered rude posts from some people but not that often IMO. Also you do get "in" jokes which again, aren't bullying, but can rather exclude those not in the know. It must be a bit like walking into a room, introducing yourself and people carrying on laughing about something which happened earlier, without explaining it to you. 

Poor manners, rather than bullying.

Mostly I've always found this forum helpful and entertaining. I can be quite sensitive myself at times, but I've never felt "got at" here.

There are of course a few posters who only seem to appear on the forum to stir things up, cause trouble and snipe at people. They usually get banned when they take it a little too far. But they come back, under new names, and I do think at least one of them's here on this thread....


----------



## Fii (30 April 2012)

Bullying? Pah! I feel ostracised!!
 Why arent I in a clique??


----------



## FionaM12 (30 April 2012)

Fii said:



			Bullying? Pah! I feel ostracised!!
 Why arent I in a clique?? 

Click to expand...

You're in the "rodents as avator" clique.


----------



## Echo Bravo (30 April 2012)

You FII neverDam have I a start a whatis


----------



## kylee86 (30 April 2012)

tbh i wouldnt be able to name anybody as i have only had 1 post that upset me which was when i was a newcomer so unless i went through al the posts to find it i wouldnt be able to say. I feel i dont need to as iv had nothing but helpful advise since. i just bought my post up as i thought it was a good example how things can be blown out of hand, when it was inocent to start with. a few members from that thread did pm me to appologise that day.


----------



## LaurenBay (30 April 2012)

I don't see how naming the "bullies" will help (not that I feel there are any) it will just esculate into arguement. One of my main gripes is when people correct anothers spelling. I feel it is totally uncalled for and rude. For all they know the poster could be dyslexic. I cannot name names however as I don't always find its the same people who do it. I do feel there is a "in crowd" however I don't feel they bully or try to be nasty. But the "in jokes" do get boring after a while. But I just ignore them threads. Simples


----------



## Fii (30 April 2012)

FionaM12 said:



			You're in the "rodents as avator" clique. 

Click to expand...

That will be just me then....by myself......on my own......again! .....*sniff!*


----------



## Fii (30 April 2012)

LaurenBay said:



			I don't see how naming the "bullies" will help (not that I feel there are any) it will just esculate into arguement. One of my main gripes is when people correct anothers spelling. I feel it is totally uncalled for and rude. For all they know the poster could be dyslexic. I cannot name names however as I don't always find its the same people who do it. I do feel there is a "in crowd" however I don't feel they bully or try to be nasty. But the "in jokes" do get boring after a while. But I just ignore them threads. Simples 

Click to expand...

Isnt that supposed to signify that someone has lost the argument, (after saying you smell) Criticising someone's spelling?


----------



## FionaM12 (30 April 2012)

Fii said:



			That will be just me then....by myself......on my own......again! .....*sniff!*
		
Click to expand...

 My point was, I also have a rodent avator. Do keep up, please. 



FionaM12 said:



			There are of course a few posters who only seem to appear on the forum to stir things up, cause trouble and snipe at people. They usually get banned when they take it a little too far. But they come back, under new names, and I do think at least one of them's here on this thread....
		
Click to expand...

Actually, looking back, at least two of these re-incarnations appear to be here. 


I quite enjoy some of the "characters" on this forum. I don't think it's fair to name them, these are only my (possibly quite wrong) opinions/assessments and I don't want to embarrass anyone. 

There's one who springs to mind who often delivers harsh, barbed comments which all the same sometimes make me shout with laughter.  Telling an anxious Mum to get her child ballet lessons instead, for example.  the same poster seems to me to be very knowledgable and often gives sound, sensible advice though.

Then there's another who clearly invented a second identity whose role was to come in and back themselves up when "losing" an arguement. That was really fun to watch.


----------



## JFTDWS (30 April 2012)

FionaM12 said:



			Then there's another who clearly invented a second identity whose role was to come in and back themselves up when "losing" an arguement. That was really fun to watch. 

Click to expand...

Well now I'm intrigued


----------



## Fii (30 April 2012)

black_horse said:



			Fii you can be in a clique with me if you like 

Click to expand...

But i dont have a beautiful black horse to do stressage on...or a blingy bridle!! 
  Will have to start a new clique......It will be called..............
  * The Poking sharp sticks at people clique !*..............Is that bullying?


----------



## rhino (30 April 2012)

FionaM12 said:



			There's one who springs to mind who often delivers harsh, barbed comments which all the same sometimes make me shout with laughter.  Telling an anxious Mum to get her child ballet lessons instead, for example.  the same poster seems to me to be very knowledgable and often gives sound, sensible advice though.

Then there's another who clearly invented a second identity whose role was to come in and back themselves up when "losing" an arguement. That was really fun to watch. 

Click to expand...

You don't need to name either of those ones Fiona


----------



## bluewhippet (30 April 2012)

FionaM12 said:



			My point was, I also have a rodent avator. Do keep up, please. 



Actually, looking back, at least two of these re-incarnations appear to be here. 


I quite enjoy some of the "characters" on this forum. I don't think it's fair to name them, these are only my (possibly quite wrong) opinions/assessments and I don't want to embarrass anyone. 

There's one who springs to mind who often delivers harsh, barbed comments which all the same sometimes make me shout with laughter.  Telling an anxious Mum to get her child ballet lessons instead, for example.  the same poster seems to me to be very knowledgable and often gives sound, sensible advice though.

Then there's another who clearly invented a second identity whose role was to come in and back themselves up when "losing" an arguement. That was really fun to watch. 

Click to expand...

I feel like a complete dunce. I've missed all the subtle nuances and people being banned and new identities and notorious bullies. In real life I am quite perceptive. On here I think I turn into an 8 y o pony lover and just like seeing photos of new forests and highlands and hearing about other people's Arabs!


----------



## Merrymoles (30 April 2012)

Blimey! It's taken me hours to read all this and I'm still none the wiser. I don't think I know anyone on here (but who knows!) but I do tend to take some posters' advice more seriously than others, I do want to push the non-existent "like" button for some posters' posts and I do ignore some opinions but I can't remember who's who from one day to the next in most cases! I must be in my own clique...
Off to bed before I'm tempted on to another thread.


----------



## Ceris Comet (30 April 2012)

No I wasn't anyone before ! 
A few cages seem to have been rattled though.


----------



## FionaM12 (30 April 2012)

bluewhippet said:



			I feel like a complete dunce. I've missed all the subtle nuances and people being banned and new identities and notorious bullies. In real life I am quite perceptive. On here I think I turn into an 8 y o pony lover and just like seeing photos of new forests and highlands and hearing about other people's Arabs!
		
Click to expand...

Or, you may just have a life. 


Some of us really need to get out more.


----------



## Fii (30 April 2012)

FionaM12 said:



			My point was, I also have a rodent avator. Do keep up, please. 


Click to expand...

Ahh, but i have avatars and sigs turned off...so cant see, sorry!


----------



## Ceris Comet (30 April 2012)

Sorry if I have offended you b_h. I have offered nothing but support for you and the Delicious one.  I'm sad that you feel otherwise. Just take a look at my posts.


----------



## bluewhippet (30 April 2012)

FionaM12 said:



			Or, you may just have a life. 


Some of us really need to get out more. 

Click to expand...

Thanks, that's a very nice spin on my stupidity - now I must go to bed...


----------



## xxMozlarxx (30 April 2012)

FionaM12 said:



			Then there's another who clearly invented a second identity whose role was to come in and back themselves up when "losing" an arguement. That was really fun to watch. 

Click to expand...

What a strange thing to claim, so that person couldn't have had a friend or even family member fairly recently join the forum then? Certainly that's happened to me, I know few people on here but recently a couple of people local to me have either joined the forum at my say so or made themselves known to me on here...and have had similar views on subjects..


----------



## Ceris Comet (30 April 2012)

Thank heavens for that ! I thought I'd upset you  x


----------



## Spiritedly (30 April 2012)

I am about to attempt to read this thread, it is rather long so may take a while.... please nobody get it pulled before I reach the end


----------



## FionaM12 (30 April 2012)

Spiritedly said:



			I am about to attempt to read this thread, it is rather long so may take a while.... please nobody get it pulled before I reach the end 

Click to expand...

Haha! I arrived quite late in the day and thought the same. It wouldn't be the first time I've got halfway through an engrossing thread when It's disappeared into the ether.


----------



## Goldenstar (30 April 2012)

You could follow this thread without reading all of it .


----------



## JFTDWS (30 April 2012)

xxMozlarxx said:



			What a strange thing to claim, so that person couldn't have had a friend or even family member fairly recently join the forum then? Certainly that's happened to me, I know few people on here but recently a couple of people local to me have either joined the forum at my say so or made themselves known to me on here...and have had similar views on subjects..

Click to expand...

Do they share a distinctive and eccentric syntax with you though?


----------



## FionaM12 (30 April 2012)

JFTD said:



			Do they share a distinctive and eccentric syntax with you though? 

Click to expand...

And always log off the moment you log on, and vice versa?!


----------



## JFTDWS (30 April 2012)

FionaM12 said:



			And always log off the moment you log on, and vice versa?! 

Click to expand...

convenient that, isn't it


----------



## FionaM12 (30 April 2012)

We also had the strange case of the person who came in to slag someone off (a dealer, I think). Then they invented a second ID to defend the slagee and the two argued.  It seemed most likely "both" were in fact the person being discussed. Most odd.


----------



## Goldenstar (30 April 2012)

FionaM12 said:



			We also had the strange case of the person who came in to slag someone off (a dealer, I think). Then they invented a second ID to defend the slagee and the two argued.  It seemed most likely "both" were in fact the person being discussed. Most odd.
		
Click to expand...

Yes that was odd but then the world is odd isn't it ?


----------



## rhino (30 April 2012)

FionaM12 said:



			We also had the strange case of the person who came in to slag someone off (a dealer, I think). Then they invented a second ID to defend the slagee and the two argued.  It seemed most likely "both" were in fact the person being discussed. Most odd.
		
Click to expand...

Nope, there were 3 of them; the final one to register even called himself 'Three Kings'. Fatty was on good form and outed them all on the thread


----------



## Fii (30 April 2012)

xxMozlarxx said:



			What a strange thing to claim, so that person couldn't have had a friend or even family member fairly recently join the forum then? Certainly that's happened to me, I know few people on here but recently a couple of people local to me have either joined the forum at my say so or made themselves known to me on here...and have had similar views on subjects..

Click to expand...

Yes it is strange, but not a claim, it has happened a few times !!
 Best thing to do is leave them agreeing with each other/themselves, in the hope they would get a bit bored after a while!!


----------



## Ranyhyn (1 May 2012)

Once, I bullies myself


----------



## Ranyhyn (1 May 2012)

Sigh...bullied.
I'll get me coat...


----------



## JFTDWS (1 May 2012)

BoolavogueDC said:



			Sigh...bullied.
I'll get me coat...
		
Click to expand...

You seem to be bullying yoursef now - correcting your own spelling   how very rude


----------



## Ranyhyn (1 May 2012)

Oh yes, I find the best arguments can be had with myself!!!!


----------



## Venevidivici (1 May 2012)

Sorry,too tired to read it all but glad I read the last few pages and saw 'slagee'....that is inspired...love it!


----------



## FionaM12 (1 May 2012)

Venevidivici said:



			Sorry,too tired to read it all but glad I read the last few pages and saw 'slagee'....that is inspired...love it!
		
Click to expand...

*takes a bow*


----------



## Littlelegs (1 May 2012)

I've not commented so far as in the time I've been on here I've not seen anything akin to bullying. A few rude posts but that's hardly bullying. But I do have to say 'slagee' is an inspired term. Along with hipposandles.


----------



## Ceris Comet (1 May 2012)

The " we " responses speak for themselves .


----------



## horsegirl (1 May 2012)

BoolavogueDC
Oh yes, I find the best arguments can be had with myself!!!!

Never a truer word spoken eh


----------



## millreef (1 May 2012)

Not come across any bullies but there are a couple of posters who I try and avoid as they're a bit rude. Not any of you of course!


----------



## Jesstickle (1 May 2012)

BoolavogueDC said:



			Oh yes, I find the best arguments can be had with myself!!!!
		
Click to expand...

I miss those days! You were brilliant


----------



## FionaM12 (1 May 2012)

Ceris Comet said:



			The " we " responses speak for themselves .
		
Click to expand...

You are the master of baffling one-liners CC. It's always clear you're having a dig at someone, but who or what your point is are usually beyond me.


----------



## Lady La La (1 May 2012)

BoolavogueDC said:



			Oh yes, I find the best arguments can be had with myself!!!!
		
Click to expand...




jesstickle said:



			I miss those days! You were brilliant 

Click to expand...

Same, you were a spectacle to behold my nasty little side kick


----------



## Ranyhyn (1 May 2012)

sometimes I fancy being naughty again, then I realise I'm not as funny as I used to be


----------



## Lady La La (1 May 2012)

BoolavogueDC said:



			sometimes I fancy being naughty again, then I realise I'm not as funny as I used to be  

Click to expand...

Oh but you are, it's just the hormones


----------



## Ranyhyn (1 May 2012)

I think I'm just getting old and flumpy, like a flumpy flump.  All soft and easy going.  Like a gooey pie.


----------



## Lady La La (1 May 2012)

BoolavogueDC said:



			I think I'm just getting old and flumpy, like a flumpy flump.  All soft and easy going.  Like a gooey pie.
		
Click to expand...

Are you talking about toilet cooking again? If Martlin shows up I'm off


----------



## Ranyhyn (1 May 2012)

I'll have you know all my movements are regular and as expected!


----------



## Lady La La (1 May 2012)

Lights out - All out.


----------



## millreef (1 May 2012)

BoolavogueDC said:



			Like a gooey pie.
		
Click to expand...

Speaking of which I just baked one!  It's over 30 degrees here and humid plus husband thinks he's getting a cool salad for tea but instead I baked a meat and veg pie!  Ate two whole parts and had to stop myself from consuming more but now I'm full and hot (and not hot in a good way)


----------



## martlin (1 May 2012)

Lady La La said:



			Are you talking about toilet cooking again? If Martlin shows up I'm off 

Click to expand...

*waves*   
someone has spoken my name?


----------



## Lady La La (1 May 2012)

millreef said:



			I baked a meat and veg pie!
		
Click to expand...

Omnomnom. Its peeing it down here and that sounds bloody lovely 



martlin said:



			*waves*   
someone has spoken my name?
		
Click to expand...

  Welcome, welcome. Have a seat. Allow me to bake you a cake


----------



## MerrySherryRider (1 May 2012)

millreef said:



			husband thinks he's getting a cool salad for tea but instead I baked a meat and veg pie!  Ate two whole parts and had to stop myself from consuming more but now I'm full and hot (and not hot in a good way)

Click to expand...

Just choked on my coffee ! Are you my twin and is your husband as endearingly optimistic but stupid as mine ? I love meat pie.

_(Trundles off singing 'Bet you wish your girlfriend was hot like me..')_


----------



## Wagtail (1 May 2012)

horserider said:



			Just choked on my coffee ! Are you my twin and is your husband as endearingly optimistic but stupid as mine ? I love meat pie.

_(Trundles off singing 'Bet you wish your girlfriend was hot like me..')_

Click to expand...

 Just picturing that one! Love that song.


----------



## Booboos (2 May 2012)

This is why Mumsnet rules btw
http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1463373-What-should-I-do?pg=1


----------



## Parker79 (2 May 2012)

Booboos said:



			This is why Mumsnet rules btw
http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1463373-What-should-I-do?pg=1

Click to expand...

OMG OMG OMG.....WTF WTF WTF !!!

I am now so late for work...had to read this! I think I have seen and heard everything now! Why does the OP keep posting?? I do not understand!


----------



## PoppyAnderson (2 May 2012)

Booboos said:



			This is why Mumsnet rules btw
http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1463373-What-should-I-do?pg=1

Click to expand...

Brilliant!


----------



## *hic* (2 May 2012)

Parker79 said:



			OMG OMG OMG.....WTF WTF WTF !!!

I am now so late for work...had to read this! I think I have seen and heard everything now! Why does the OP keep posting?? I do not understand!
		
Click to expand...

The disturbing thing is that as she's posting on mumsnet she has presumably been allowed to breed.


----------



## Jesstickle (2 May 2012)

Booboos said:



			This is why Mumsnet rules btw
http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1463373-What-should-I-do?pg=1

Click to expand...

Awesome! That is just so totally, utterly brilliant and bizarre! Love it  Thanks Booboos  

ETS: This is the best put down ever 'Have you looked in tesco to see if they are selling grips? You might want to get one next time you are in for milk, bread etc'

FPMSL


----------



## Hells Bells (2 May 2012)

Christ, that is actually unbelievable! I've never heard such ridiculous logic!

I got to page three and saw this post; 


_rhinosCantDonateBoneMarrow Tue 01-May-12 23:36:04 
Have you looked in tesco to see if they are selling grips? You might want to get one next time you are in for milk, bread etc._


....Rhino...it's not you, is it??


----------



## Hells Bells (2 May 2012)

jesstickle said:



			Awesome! That is just so totally, utterly brilliant and bizarre! Love it  Thanks Booboos  

ETS: This is the best put down ever 'Have you looked in tesco to see if they are selling grips? You might want to get one next time you are in for milk, bread etc'

FPMSL
		
Click to expand...

Oops, sorry for the repetition Jesstickle


----------



## Suziq77 (2 May 2012)

Oh no, I don't even have a child and now I have found something else so bizarre that I'm going to get even less work done this morning 

ETA:  I mean the mumsnet thread, that wasn't meant to be a completely random comment!


----------



## Paddy Irish (2 May 2012)

Booboos said:



			This is why Mumsnet rules btw
http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1463373-What-should-I-do?pg=1

Click to expand...

Just brilliant - makes HHO look ' normal'


----------



## Goldenstar (2 May 2012)

Suziq77 said:



			Oh no, I don't even have a child and now I have found something else so bizarre that I'm going to get even less work done this morning 

ETA:  I mean the mumsnet thread, that wasn't meant to be a completely random comment!
		
Click to expand...

Yup me too when my SIL showed me a thread on Mumsnet it was like wow it had a hideous fanastination I don't have kids but could not resist resist having a look.
However I think it offers a lot of support to isolated mums who perhaps are getting less kindness from their nearest and dearest than they need.
On the MIL and presents thing mine wraps my OH's in wrapping paper and mails it in a jiffy bag mine she puts in the bag with no wrapping paper always does it more than twenty years bizarre .
But that Mumsnet thread makes me wonder if perhaps I should have overreacted a bit more what do you think ?


----------



## Jesstickle (2 May 2012)

Goldenstar said:



			But that Mumsnet thread makes me wonder if perhaps I should have overreacted a bit more what do you think ?
		
Click to expand...

Did she have bare shoulders at your wedding? If yes you should not let OH accept gifts from her. If no, you might be ok


----------



## Suziq77 (2 May 2012)

Why do they say DH instead of OH on mumsnet?  Is it "dear husband" instead of "other half"?  

There is a Sainsburys just near my office, I think I need to get myself down there, pick up a grip and get back on with my job before this takes over the day


----------



## Goldenstar (2 May 2012)

jesstickle said:



			Did she have bare shoulders at your wedding? If yes you should not let OH accept gifts from her. If no, you might be ok 

Click to expand...

No bare shoulders phew returns to avoiding housework.


----------



## Lady La La (2 May 2012)

'Can anyone tell me when shoulder showing season starts?'

'... July 6th'

LMFAO


----------



## Jesstickle (2 May 2012)

Suziq77 said:



			Why do they say DH instead of OH on mumsnet?  Is it "dear husband" instead of "other half"?
		
Click to expand...

Yeah I think so. That or Darling Husband. Yack! My OH would die of shock if I started referring to him as my DH!! Very un-Jess like


----------



## Goldenstar (2 May 2012)

jesstickle said:



			Yeah I think so. That or Darling Husband. Yack! My OH would die of shock if I started referring to him as my DH!! Very un-Jess like 

Click to expand...

Mine would check the stables for a horse he did not recognise .


----------



## Hells Bells (2 May 2012)

They have a mini HHO room!!

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/the_tack_room


----------



## Jesstickle (2 May 2012)

Goldenstar said:



			Mine would check the stables for a horse he did not recognise .
		
Click to expand...

PMSL. Sounds about right  I have been told. No more horses or he'll leave me. Mind you he said that before I bought BH and he's still here! Gullible fool


----------



## Oberon (2 May 2012)

jesstickle said:



			Yeah I think so. That or Darling Husband. Yack! My OH would die of shock if I started referring to him as my DH!! Very un-Jess like 

Click to expand...

Mine would wonder what I'd done 
	
	
		
		
	


	




.


----------



## Suziq77 (2 May 2012)

GG Bells said:



			They have a mini HHO room!!

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/the_tack_room

Click to expand...

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo


----------



## Jesstickle (2 May 2012)

GG Bells said:



			They have a mini HHO room!!

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/the_tack_room

Click to expand...

They even have multiple 'badminton is cancelled' threads


----------



## Hells Bells (2 May 2012)

Quite like the  "this is the most astonishing horse I've ever seen thread' and you'll see the latest post is by 'Rhinocerosceros'.... That's two Rhino related names I've found on there so far 


I think I might join purely to post a picture of my eldest when she was one being held on top of my horse with no hat. See what a stir I can cause


----------



## Suziq77 (2 May 2012)

I dragged myself away from mumsnet for a quick look at the news.

Who says the RSPCA don't act quickly?  http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-birmingham-17920542

I did think of starting another thread but thought I might get told off for being pointless


----------



## Hells Bells (2 May 2012)

Suziq77 said:



			I dragged myself away from mumsnet for a quick look at the news.

Who says the RSPCA don't act quickly?  http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-birmingham-17920542

I did think of starting another thread but thought I might get told off for being pointless 

Click to expand...

They are merely getting their priorities in order


----------



## Jesstickle (2 May 2012)

Suziq77 said:



			I dragged myself away from mumsnet for a quick look at the news.

Who says the RSPCA don't act quickly?  http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-birmingham-17920542

I did think of starting another thread but thought I might get told off for being pointless 

Click to expand...

You should post it. People will like it. You worry too much Mrs 

Bless the poor guy. He must be pretty blimming phobic to be worried by that!!


----------



## ribbons (2 May 2012)

Oh that mums net link was brilliant. My favourite reply was 'if my daughters OH complained about his presents he'd get something alright, and it wouldn't need wrapping.'
Almost choked on my cuppa. Have to say that would also be my response.


----------



## rhino (2 May 2012)

GG Bells said:



_rhinosCantDonateBoneMarrow Tue 01-May-12 23:36:04 
Have you looked in tesco to see if they are selling grips? You might want to get one next time you are in for milk, bread etc._


....Rhino...it's not you, is it?? 

Click to expand...

No, it's not me!

 Maybe we're not so endangered after all. 

This thread was brought to my awareness last night


----------



## Booboos (2 May 2012)

DP = Darling Partner
DH = Darling Husband
DD = Darling Daughter 
etc

But they are taking the piss you know. For real 'darling' partners and offspring you need to log onto netmums, a completely different kettle of fish.


----------



## PoppyAnderson (2 May 2012)

I thought DH was Dear Heart.


----------



## Parker79 (2 May 2012)

If I refer to my OH as DH....It doesn't mean Darling husband !!


----------



## Jesstickle (2 May 2012)

Parker79 said:



			If I refer to my OH as DH....It doesn't mean Darling husband !!

Click to expand...

lol lol lol


----------



## Ceris Comet (2 May 2012)

Fabulous Parker !!!!!


----------

