# New horse & ive turned into a nervous 40 year old!



## Secondtimearound (26 January 2014)

Hi, Ive just bought my second horse & im 40. Ive been riding for years and owned a horse for a number of years when I was 13. I seem to have turned into a nervous wreck & it seems that now ive got a horse which I wanted for so long, im finding it very hard. I got him last Monday so ive nearly had him a week, which is nothing I know. Hes an 8 year old irish sports horse who has done a few things in his past. I got him from a dealer so don't know much about his history, but I have got 2 weeks to try him and take him back if not suitable which is a comfort. So far, he has been an absolute angel in the stable. He loves attention and people and settled straight away in the stable. He wasn't turned out at his previous home but was ridden 5 days a week. On the second day I had a lesson with my instructor in the indoor school. She lunged him first and then I got on for a walk and trot on the lunge line and then finally on my own. He didn't do anything bad, he was just very tense and looking around. Because I tend to get very tense myself, I found it hard to relax and think happy thoughts! 2 days later I rode him again in the indoor and I got on with the mounting block, but as soon as I was in the saddle he went off at a high speed trot around the arena and it took me a while to get him to walk. I didn't even have chance to get my reins sorted so it was all a bit awkward. We then lunged him and he proceeded to canter round, letting off steam, getting a few bucks in. I then very nervously got on him and walked and trotted around but neither or us were very relaxed and I found it hard to try and use my seat to slow him down and not my reins! Saturday we tried the outdoor school and he seemed much more relaxed. I haven't yet managed to get on him without my instructor being there and because I have seen him hooning round on the lunge bucking, I now have this image in my head which has made me even more tense. He has been out in the field a couple of times since then which I was assured would sort him out. Because we have a two week trial as such, my instructor wants me to be able to get on him on my own and try and do as many things as possible to see how he reacts, which I can see is the best thing to do to save trouble in the future but I am so nervous. He is kept at a busy livery yard with lots of staff around and other liveries who are all lovely, but I don't have someone to hold my hand through the scary bits at the moment. My partner is not a horsey person and doesn't come to the yard. A couple of times this week I have cried when I have got home because I don't know if I can do it and its so scary not knowing how he will react in different situations. I know my instructor will want me to go out on a hack on him on my own but the thought makes me feel sick, even though I did try him out on a hack before I bought him with the owner of the dealers on her horse. I would feel a lot more comfortable on the roads than on a grassy track. Am I beating myself up too much and putting too much pressure on myself to do too much too soon? Is it normal to feel this nervous around a new horse? I am having so many confidence issues with myself, im wondering if I have done the right thing. If I ride my horse in the school for a while until I get more confident, ie for the next 2-3 weeks, will he get completely bored of not going out for a hack? Im just conscious of everything! We have cut his food right down after the first day. Any words of advice would be appreciated.


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## vickyb (26 January 2014)

Your horse may well be tense as he is in a new home, and some horses take longer to settle than others, but that doesn't really help you at the moment. Have you done much riding in the years since you had your last horse/pony? There cannot be much worse than being so nervous of your horse you don't want to ride it. Horses are an expensive hobby, and not to get any pleasure while forking out all that money would be terrible. Personally, I would seriously think about sending him back while you can. Yes, he and you may get better, but then if he continues to scare you, you are a bit stuck.


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## be positive (26 January 2014)

I am usually one to say take your time it will get better but in this case I am going to say send him back, several reasons, you know nothing about his history, I prefer to buy from a private home so you know the ins and outs of the horse, it is not easy to find a good sensible confidence giver but they are out there for sale for genuine reasons if you look hard enough.
He has already knocked any confidence you have, you tried him when he was at the dealers but have not yet hacked alone either there or since getting him, unless you can get him out or someone else can how will you know he will hack quietly when you do decide you are confident enough, this may seriously limit what you can do for some time. You should feel excited about riding your new horse, not sick with fear even at the early stages it should be something you are looking forward to. 
Was he vetted, if not and you are keeping him I would get this done before paying.

I would get out while you can and look for something that makes you smile at the thought of riding it.


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## oldie48 (26 January 2014)

He's almost certainly picking up on your nervousness and as he's in a new home he'll be feeling unsettled and looking to you for his confidence which at the moment, you can't give. It is a huge step having your own horse and I'm sure you are not alone in feeling a bit overwhelmed. If you RI knows your level of riding, could you pay her to do some of the "road testing"? I think someone should do something other than just ride in an arena, you'll want to know he's good in traffic etc, that he won't charge off in open countryside, will pop a little fence sensibly etc. If you don't feel confident to do it, then I do think you need to find someone else to. If your RI or more experienced friend has a problem with the horse, then it's likely you will too and then you can return the horse to the dealer. Good luck, I hope you start to feel happier soon.


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## TheMule (26 January 2014)

Send him back. He sounds too much of a horse for you, ISH are bred to be sports horses, not quiet hacks. It sounds like you need something really confidence giving for now


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## Secondtimearound (26 January 2014)

TheMule said:



			Send him back. He sounds too much of a horse for you, ISH are bred to be sports horses, not quiet hacks. It sounds like you need something really confidence giving for now
		
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To be fair to him thinking about it now, he was delivered on Monday, and Monday morning he was given his normal food at the dealers in the morning which was a large scoop of 24 hr soaked sugar beet and some conditioning cubes and in the evening at the yard, they fed him double quantity of sugarbeet that was soaking for the next day, by accident. So he had a huge portion of sugar and probably by Thursday as he had only really been for a quick trot around on the lunge on Tuesday, he was ready to pop. After he had been out Thursday afternoon and Friday, he was a lot better on Saturday and he was more like the horse I tried in the outdoor school. Definitely not as lively as he was in the indoor school. Im thinking maybe he is not used to the indoor school. I am actually going to ride him on my own tomorrow in the indoor school and see how we get on. Then I have another lesson on Tuesday. I think I might get someone to hack him out for me as suggested to see what he is like. I haven't got a clue where I would be going anyway on my first time so I would be worried about getting lost.


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## Secondtimearound (26 January 2014)

Thanks oldie48, that seems sensible.


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## Tobiano (26 January 2014)

OP I have been there - send him back.  Yes, he might get calmer but you won't feel calmer until he does, and if you are nervous he will pick up on it.  I have made the mistake at least twice and it has cost me a fortune and a lot of anguish and worry.  It is of course your decision but that is my firm advice.  Good luck x


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## WandaMare (26 January 2014)

Just a quick comment..I wouldn't let him bucking around on the lunge scare you...all the horses I have owned have done ridiculous things on the lunge that they would never do with me on their back...my current mare is a complete looney on the lunge and yet is a lazy, laid back type of mare when she's ridden.

As you are nervous and you sound as though you would really like to keep him I would do lots of lunging and maybe some longreining and groundwork while he is settling in to help get used to each other and just ride with your instructor when you feel confident. As long as you take things slowly and think positively your confidence should increase in no time. I wouldn't hack on your own until you are really ready, I would get someone else to take him in the meantime. I paid a pro rider to take my mare out for a while because I lost my confidence after a fall and didn't want to transmit negative vibes to her! It did us a world of good because when I felt ready to hack again, my horse was quite relaxed about going out.

good luck I'm sure you can make this work


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## putasocinit (26 January 2014)

Dont want to be nasty but i feel the horse is being a horse and acting as horses do, you are not confident, he can feel it and is also stressing new home, so send back, and possibly get a few more lessons or a share for a while whilst yoy build your confidence in horse ownership, do it for the horses sake, we can only learn by our mistakes so dont feel bad, happy days.

Or let him be a horse for the winter, turned out and chilling then try again in summer by then he would be relaxed, maybe you have expected too much too soon, he is a dude on the ground


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## Spot_the_Risk (26 January 2014)

I wouldn't be sending him back yet, he hasn't done anything wrong.  Is he getting much turn out, if not, get him out and ride afterwards, not every horse will come straight of the stable and be calm.  Work him on the lunge by all means, personally I would work him until he's a bit puffed then while he's still wondering what's going on I'd be on board and off down the road.  I know you don't have much history - maybe he's never been in an indoors school?  Maybe he's rarely been schooled at all!  He has no idea who you are other than someone who's really nervous around him, spend as much time with him as possible, faffing around in the stable, grazing in hand, whatever works.  You liked him enough when you tried him to bring him home and I can't see that his personality has changed radically in that time.  And FWIW you can overcome this - many years ago my youngster terrified me, I had a few cracking falls and because of work he had to go on loan for a year - when I got him back I was scared to death.  I did little and often, and I mean one circuit of the (titchy) school in walk and then I'd get off, nearly buckling with relief.  We built on that - our first hack I had a friend walking in front, and there were no problems.  Good luck!


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## Secondtimearound (26 January 2014)

tobiano said:



			OP I have been there - send him back.  Yes, he might get calmer but you won't feel calmer until he does, and if you are nervous he will pick up on it.  I have made the mistake at least twice and it has cost me a fortune and a lot of anguish and worry.  It is of course your decision but that is my firm advice.  Good luck x
		
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What happened in your situation tobiano?


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## Tiffany (26 January 2014)

A week is no time at all and he will be a little unsettled being in a new home and having a slightly different routine. You haven't owned a horse for ages so you are bound to be nervous with any horse. is there no one at the yard who you trust and could ask for help? How would you feel about hacking out with a couple of others who had calm horses so you could sandwich yourself in the middle on a gentle walk out. 

It's good of dealer to give you a two week trial although two weeks is not long for you or him to get to know each other.

Feeling sick due to lack of confidence is awful - I've been there although, fortunately I've got it back with help from others and not pushing myself to do anything until I felt ready.

What does your instructor think?


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## Secondtimearound (26 January 2014)

Wandamare and spot_the_risk, I was hoping for some positive answers as I think that's the sort of support I need. When I was 13 my sister and I had a 3 year old who had just been backed. We took her out and did all sorts of stuff on her and I used to take her out on my own every time I rode her. In the early days she used to rear at shows when she didn't want to stand still, whip round out on hacks and occasionally take off. All that and I just got back on the next day without a second thought. As spot_the_risk has said too, I think the point where I lost my confidence was when I fell off last year after getting back into jumping after 5 years off having a child. I only took less than a year off riding when she was a baby and I was riding up until I was 6 months pregnant. I do ride at a fairly good standard, but I can definitely say that since the fall I am more afraid of situations that might make me fall off and now I hold a lot of tension in my arms unfortunately which yes, will transmit to the horse if I don't try and relax. I have to say the first couple of days I was nervous around the horse on the ground, but not overly, just wary of a new horse. Now, a week later I am fine around him in the stable just wary when ive ridden him because so far he has been very forward going in the indoor and quite chilled in the outdoor when we tried it yesterday. I am determined tomorrow that they are bringing him In from the field early for me to ride at lunch time and im going to get his tack and jump straight on him and get on with it. In a normal routine he will be out 4 days a week and im hoping to ride 3 days out of 4. I do feel much better about the fact that I could actually pay someone to hack him out once a week as suggested so that he is used to things when im ready. and I will definitely get someone to hack him out around the farm tracks around the livery yard this week to see how he is and check he doesn't do anything silly before the 2 weeks are up.


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## Secondtimearound (26 January 2014)

Tiffany said:



			A week is no time at all and he will be a little unsettled being in a new home and having a slightly different routine. You haven't owned a horse for ages so you are bound to be nervous with any horse. is there no one at the yard who you trust and could ask for help? How would you feel about hacking out with a couple of others who had calm horses so you could sandwich yourself in the middle on a gentle walk out. 

It's good of dealer to give you a two week trial although two weeks is not long for you or him to get to know each other.

Feeling sick due to lack of confidence is awful - I've been there although, fortunately I've got it back with help from others and not pushing myself to do anything until I felt ready.

What does your instructor think?
		
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My instructor is conscious of the fact that she has been there each time ive got on him, and that's only been 3 times for less than half an hour due to the lunging on the first couple of goes. She doesn't want me to get stuck with a horse I am nervous to get on without her. Which I don't either but it has only been 3 times in one week and she is wanting me to test him out in the indoor school/outdoor school/ up the track to see how he reacts in case he does something that really is too much for me. In a normal situation I can imagine a lot of normal people take things slow, but because we have this 2 week leaway things are a bit pressured to get him out there and see what happens. which I do understand but it puts me underpressure to take things faster than I would like. I have actually bought the horse, so if I did take him back because he was unsuitable for me, they would only swap him for another anyway so I wouldn't be getting my money back. They were a lovely yard so I do trust them and I do believe they genuinely look out for the customer otherwise that's their reputation ruined.


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## Spot_the_Risk (26 January 2014)

Good luck to you OP, I do honestly know just how frightening it can be, a couple of years ago we backed our homebred ourselves and although she never did anything wrong I was terrified of her!  Now I'm riding out my four year old gelding - yesterday I took him out on his own, the first time for four months.  I was conscious to keep a good but elastic contact, I talked and praised loads ie sounded like a fool! and kept him busy... I know he took his confidence from me which was heartening.  I would say get your BP on (I use a Joyriderz jacket) and a neck strap and do whatever you're confident with!   Looking forward to hearing good things from you later this week!


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## Joandripple (26 January 2014)

Dear OP,  I feel for you. I, too, am a mature rider/owner. I got my boy on loan to begin with, he is a 16'2 German Warmblood. I too thought I had over horsed myself, but we just took everything at a slower pace.  I have always had him on DIY or part livery so I do have a lot to do with his welfare, eg feed and turn out.  It is very early days for u and your new horse and they are always tense etc. at a new venue he need time to settle into a routine which is good for both of you. Does he get turn out, if so why not ride him once he has had a chance to chill out in the field for a while. I would definitely  carry on lungeing first if it makes u feel less apprehensive.  I still get the colly wobbles when I have to school my boy (posted about it last week!), coz he is a spooky s**t, but I know him so well now because I have had him for FOUR years now.  
Don't give up until you've given each other a chance.  Good luck.


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## Secondtimearound (26 January 2014)

Thanks guys, I really appreciate the positive comments and the support. I do feel a lot better now. Hes actually going to be out in the field in the morning so im going to go up there at lunch time, tack him up, jump on before I do anything else, and spend some one to one time with him in the indoor school, and whatever we do in there im sure It will help us bond. Ill keep you posted!


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## louiselowe (27 January 2014)

I was the same as you had an accident and getting back on the mare months later i broke my wrist and bruised my coxyxx was a nightmare she was so tense because i was a friend of mine said when i feal fear sing a nusery rhyme it worked it calmed me down which made her calm down i then made a list on my mp3 player of relaxing soothing music that i would stick in one ear with headphones while i was riding out to blot out my fear of tractors and lorrys going past. Options send him back, as for another few weeks . Or as someone else said back to basics groundwork lunging long rein and ride with instructor. Good luck i hope you can conquer your confidence issues xx


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## luckyoldme (27 January 2014)

Im another 40 year old (when i bought my horse) returning to horses after not being around them since i was a teen.
I experienced much the same as you, when i tried to take the horse back the dealer went back on his word so i was stuck with him. 
you are in a tricky situation because as well as your nerves you have enourmous pressure to make a descision in just two weeks. Like others say the horse is looking to you for confidence in his new surroundings.
Would it be an idea to see how he goes for your experienced instructor?
Incidently ive still got my nightmare ish.....but he is a different horse, I think because he was turned out to chill and we could take our time to sort ourselves out, at a steady pace. I have to say that im not a brilliant rider and had to build my confidence up slowly but he has turned out to be a brillliant happy hacker and we have a lovely bond... without being negative i don t think this is something that can be done in just two weeks!


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## PaddyMonty (27 January 2014)

OP I understand exactly where you're coming from but from the other side and feel complelled to tell you a little story.
3 weeks ago i replied to an add for someone to ride a 16.2hh chestnut mare. In the add the owner admitted the horse was quirky and she had completely lost her confidence. Like you she was returning to riding in her 40s having been a very confident teenager. She's had other people at the yard ride the horse but nothing had helped her with the mare.
So off I toddle to meet this fire breathing dragon (horse not owner). Someone at the yard rode the horse first but after about 3 minutes I just asked if I could get on. I got on well with the mare (after removing all the gadgets she was wearing. Owner liked the way I rode her (horse is very precious to her despite the problems) and we agreed I would start riding her 4-6 times a week. 
I also had a serious chat with the owner about her long term plans for the mare as I've spent too many years sorting out (supposedly) problem horses only to lose the ride once horse is going well. Owner stated the horse would NOT be going anywhere and that in her heart she would love to think that one day in the distant future she might be able to ride the horse again but she wasn't getting her hopes up. She'd already bought a much old, less comp orientated horse to try to rebuild her confidence.
Anyway for two weeks I schooled this horse working on getting her to carry herself, ride from a light contact and go forward freely off my leg in a relaxed manner. Horse is actually really nice, just needed riding in a consistent sympathetic way. Last monday owner came off her steady eady when it spooked in the school and spun. All credit to her she did get back on it a little bit shakey. I then rode the horse in question eho was going beautifully so I told the owner to get her hat as she was getting on her. Look of pure horror on her face but to her credit she put her trust in me and hopped on.
I immediately told her to drop all contact and ride like her reins were just pieces of cotton. 10 minutes and some walk and trot later owner had the biggest grin you can imagine on her face. Sure she had a few surprises as horse transitions immediately and does it from behind now instead of pulling from the front so feels a lot more powerful.  Cloud 9 doesn't come close to where she was that night.
Plan now is when ever I feel the horse is right (mood, relaxation etc) the owner will get on for 10 minutes at the end of the session. She understands she still has a long long way to go with this horse but she sees a light at the end of the tunnel and her confidence has soared as a result.

Now my point is, why is your instructor not managing the situation.  In their shoes I would have worked the horse for first part of the session until relaxed before you got on. When a rider is nervous everything is an issue, when a rider is confident no mountain would seem impossible. Your instructor should be working on your confidence, not pushing you to do things that are likely to end in a problem. Not because this is a bad horse, just because you aren't in the right place confidence wise.
Use experienced people at the yard to test the horse, settle it. Whatever needs to happen. Seeing it behave will give you confidence.
Consider a sharer like me who can work the horse and hold your hand and guide you through encouragement without pressure. 
There are far better ways to go forward than the suck it up and get on with it method.
Taking the horse back might be the right thing to do but will the next horse be any different? Who knows. Will your confidence still be an issue? Yes. This is what needs to be sorted in an understanding way with appropriate support.
Just to add, I'm not applying for the position. Already have 3 neds to play with.
Good luck, plan your way forward, get the right people around you and keep us updated.


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## Secondtimearound (27 January 2014)

Fantastic advice thank you all. Well...I think I turned a corner today and I feel happy with myself.  As soon as I woke up this morning the inside of my stomach started to churn. I realised that it wasn't because I thought the horse would do anything bad, it was something to do with me. I went up to the stables as planned at lunch time and he had just been brought in. So I wasted no time in tacking him up and jumped on before I got in the indoor school to avoid any scares in there if he was unsettled. There was one other person working in there so we wernt completely alone. He was an absolute diamond in the end! He trotted round a lot more relaxed than he had done before. He has very high head carriage naturally so that's something I need to work on in getting him to soften and go on the bit. Last time I rode him in there he was trotting on too much and I didn't feel completely in control. This time he trotted round nicely and only had a couple of moments where he sped up. I even cantered him a couple of times on both reins! All the way through this I was talking to him and myself to try and keep myself breathing, and gave him a few pats to reassure him. It couldn't of gone any better.  When I got off I felt pleased as punch with myself! and so much more bonded with him. I have felt the last couple of days since Saturday when I rode him that he is starting to get used to me and trust me a bit. If he hasn't got his head stuck in a hay net, he has the sweetest temperament. Hes got a really kind face, that's what drew me to him in the first place. 

I now feel slightly anxious about tomorrow as I have a lesson at 11 and she wants to walk with my up the track.
I did suggest to my instructor that someone else could take him round the farm track which is quite out in the open, but her answer was she would walk with me. I cant imagine she would walk all the way with me either as its supposed to be 40 minutes at a walk on a horse. I have never been round there as im new to that area but have been told by other riders. I think her thinking is that I must do it on my own if im to really want this horse, which is a bit unfair really or maybe it isn't, but if I can do today like I did, maybe I can just get on with it. Doesn't help the weather forecast is s**t tomorrow! At least today I feel I can take him in the indoor school on my own which is a relief.


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## Joandripple (27 January 2014)

Well done secondtimeround.  Please do not feel scared about your little hack out tomorrow, I am sure it will be fine, just dismount and lead him if you feel like its all too much.  My first ride on my boy was a round trip of about 20 mins along farmers tracks and I told someone at the yard where I was going - OMG I was sh***ng myself! but all was well (now I prefer hacking to schooling) and I am sure you will be ok.  Don't forget your confidence will grow and grow the more u get on him.


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## Secondtimearound (27 January 2014)

Joandripple said:



			Well done secondtimeround.  Please do not feel scared about your little hack out tomorrow, I am sure it will be fine, just dismount and lead him if you feel like its all too much.  My first ride on my boy was a round trip of about 20 mins along farmers tracks and I told someone at the yard where I was going - OMG I was sh***ng myself! but all was well (now I prefer hacking to schooling) and I am sure you will be ok.  Don't forget your confidence will grow and grow the more u get on him.
		
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I will try and put my nerves aside and get on with it. (Eeek) I know if it all does go well I will feel so good because I will of cracked the indoor school, a hack and once ive ridden in the outdoor, I will of done everything and hopefully as you say my confidence will grow. Did you feel closer to your horse once you had done it?


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## Spot_the_Risk (27 January 2014)

Brilliant news secondtimearound, I hope you have a tremendous hack tomorrow and come back grinning from ear to ear!


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## Secondtimearound (27 January 2014)

Ill keep you informed! If I can manage to go to the yard to ride without the anxiety one day, it will be so nice. Because its not nice feeling the way I do and its not the horses fault its mine.


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## AdorableAlice (27 January 2014)

OP, I bought a horse in 2004.  I had lost 2 horses in quick succession and although I have owned horses since a teenager, I am 53 now, I am very much a one horse rider as I keep them all their lives and they become totally trustworthy.

My new horse came from a high end dealer, was perfect when tried (twice).  Got him home and within the week he had scared me witless.  He was going back, rang the dealer who was fine about having him back but suggested I gave the horse more of a chance and advised me to keep him another week.  I got some help and soon realised it was me that was winding the horse up.  Ten years on I still have him, retired now but he turned into the most successful horse I have ever had.

Moving on to the subject of nerves and anxiety.  I have been ill and my confidence disappeared big time.  I have started riding again now, but I do things slowly and really try to structure my progression.  Stay in your comfort zone by all means but just try to progress a little each week.  Enjoy tomorrows hack.


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## Izzwizz (27 January 2014)

You obviously like this horse so I would say stick with him.  I returned to riding after a 22yr gap aged 40.  I was so like a novice rider again when as a teenager I would ride bareback, no bridle just with lead ropes as reins.  10yrs later and a lot more experienced now I know it can be done, my current mare is Hanoverian/tb so is as once described by an Instructor "a formidable equine"  I also have an ISH like yours and he is just a dream.  Enjoy your horse, dont put pressure on yourself, Rome wasnt built in a day.  Work with your Instructor and it will all fall into place.  Enjoy what you do and dont worry about  what hasnt happened if you get my meaning.  Have fun!

ps, spend a lot of time grooming, bathing etc, you can achieve a lot by actually not riding...


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## Joandripple (27 January 2014)

Secondtimearound said:



			I will try and put my nerves aside and get on with it. (Eeek) I know if it all does go well I will feel so good because I will of cracked the indoor school, a hack and once ive ridden in the outdoor, I will of done everything and hopefully as you say my confidence will grow. Did you feel closer to your horse once you had done it?
		
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Yes I do feel closer, but i have had him 4 years now.  He can be a little monkey at times, but I know he trusts me when I'm on the ground with him. And I found this out basically 6 months into our partnership, he spooked and would not go forward past the scary bush, so I got off and he immediately shrank and I could see him basically deflate with relief that I had appeared, really weird I know.  Since then life with him has been great (most of the time!) he still has his moments but I would not change him for all the tea in China!


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## louiselowe (28 January 2014)

WELL DONE Now do the same today tack up jump on and do your breathing and maybe a normal chit chat with instructor while walking that will relax you i will you all the luck today and if IF something happens jump back on and get in that school its early days..xx


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## Secondtimearound (28 January 2014)

Well...im back home now and its all done...Yay! It was quite nerve wracking actually as the track is penned off on both sides going round a couple of fields. Past a very scary rubble heap..which I think I was more scared off than he was and through the farm houses back yard almost. He didn't move a muscle! Hes not a spooky horse im learning thankfully, although he does have a good look. It was nice having my instructor walking by the side, so I don't know if he was being good because she was there for his company too or if he would be like that again, completely on his own. I think I will still be terrified on my own but the good thing is its only about a 15 minute if that walk. This was the short version. She did try and explain a longer version but somehow my head was already not listening, ( or maybe I didn't want to know as I had no intention of doing it in the near future). Maybe with company. I do actually love hacking out and would like to go out with someone else but I don't really have weekends free as I have children to look after so I do everything I can in the week, and unfortunately there are not many people around. The good thing was after this, on my own, I rode in the outdoor school for a while to give him a bit of a run round as I have to ride him again tomorrow as he is not being turned out. My anxiety seems to be a lot more toned down today which is brilliant, and the horse is proving to be not so much of a nutter after all.. (so far ;-) ) I think im really feeling I want to keep him now. Now ive started to be able to ride him on my own, can anyone give me some advice on where to start with schooling him? I don't want him to get bored going round in circles aimlessly. Today when I was riding him, he was much more on the bit, although inconsistent. Hes not very responsive to get into canter, and canter is my worst pace as I need to relax more and get my bottom in the saddle. And he seems to go on the wrong leg a lot on the right rein.  Help much appreciated, and im so glad for all the stories because they make me feel so much better, and that its not just me.xx


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## AdorableAlice (28 January 2014)

Well done you, so pleased for you.

Your instructor should be able to piece together a schooling session for you, but I think for confidence building there is nothing better than hacking and just trying to go a little further each day and maybe add in other 'scary' things on the route.


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## oldie48 (28 January 2014)

Well done, i'm so pleased that today went well for you, I was thinking about you! Like AA suggested I'd also suggest some quiet hacking, baby steps really. If you're in the arena why not just do transitions at different markers, changing direction with weight aids, halting or slowing down just using your seat and as little hand as possible etc. Nothing thaqt's going to fizz your horse up but which will give you confidence that you are in charge.


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## Secondtimearound (28 January 2014)

I have to ride him again tomorrow as he's in all day so, I will ride a bit in the school first and then I will really try to get myself to walk the same route as I did with my instructor, even though the thought is scary! Its best to school first then hack after isn't it, rather than the other way round?


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## Spot_the_Risk (28 January 2014)

Really pleased for you - re tomorrow personally I would lunge, school, hack - as the hack is the bit that's worrying you keep the schooling real short, just enough that you feel happy and in control then get outdoors!


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## Tiffany (28 January 2014)

Well done secondtimearound. Just take everything slowly as and when you are ready. He sounds such a lovely boy


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## AdorableAlice (29 January 2014)

Morning OP, hope today's ride was a success for you.


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## 2ndtimearound (29 January 2014)

Good choice of user name OP!  Great minds obviously think alike 

Well done for persevering. I definitely know how you feel after coming back to riding after a large gap (apart from 2 holiday trail rides I hadn't ridden for about 23 years when I got back into riding aged 38 - and I wasn't that good/confident a rider in the first place).  Can't offer any advice having never had my own horse, but I couldn't not say 'hello'!


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## Secondtimearound (29 January 2014)

ahh hello 2ndtimearound! thanks for your message. Well... today went well.  My anxiety is definitely dampened which is good news. Ive realised now hes not go to go hooning round bucking as he did on the lunge, hes just getting used to the place and me. I rode him for about 20 minutes in the indoor school. He was much more relaxed still this time. We managed to walk round on a fairly loose rein to start with which we haven't done before. He did get a bit tense after I tried to canter on the right rein which he went off on the wrong leg again, but after a few circles of trot( all be it a bit fast until he settled) he slowed down and in the end me managed a few nice circles of canter on the right leg. It seems to be when he gets tense and im tense he goes off on the wrong leg. Then the scary bit... we went out of the school and he thought he was all done, but I was so tempted to go back to the stable and be nice and safe, but I thought I best get on with it and walk round the track like I had done with my instructor. He let out a hefty holler to his mates as he realised he wasn't going back to the stable, which I absolutely hate! Makes me so nervous the sound of it. And off we went. I tried my best to have a stable contact but a giving one..as mentioned in a previous post and kept my legs on with a squeeze to give him confidence from me. I was petrified actually when we turned onto the grass as I had visions of setting off at a gallop and not being able to stop! but he was absolutely fine. He was looking around with his head quite high but he didn't have one little spook at all! Lets just say I was so relieved to get back and he had big pats from me and I hope I helped him too by trying to be there for him, showing I was on top and it was ok and my non stop chatter! Another day done. Phew!


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## brucethegypsycob (29 January 2014)

Sorry about this but as the others have said, send him back. While you still can. At 8 years he is in the prime of his life. He is a sports horse. He's built for exciting things like hunting and enthusiastic hacks. I've been in the same position as you with an ish. Most beautiful horse I ever owned but I had classically overhorsed myself and had to sell him on . I was lucky cos the girl who travelled down from the other side of the country bought him for eventing. Says it all really. I know have fun with welsh cobs and a gypsy cob. Good luck with whatever you decide.


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## oldie48 (29 January 2014)

Not sure i completely agree with you that any horse is built for an exciting life. They may have the breeding and conformation and temperament to do a particular job well with the correct training but lots of horses are quite happy doing not a lot! Daughter's eventer was ISH, extremely well bred for the job and doing well at all three stages. When she went to uni and decided to sell him, the market was flat but he was sold for a good price to a fairly novice lady but she was keeping him on a professional yard with lots of help (or we wouldn't have agreed to the sale). We thought the prof would continue to event him but no, he's hacked out, does a bit of dressage. Is he happy, you bet he is!


brucethegypsycob said:



			Sorry about this but as the othershave said, send him back. While you still can. At 8 years he is in the prime of his life. He is a sports horse. He's built for exciting things like hunting and enthusiastic hacks. I've been in the same position as you with an ish. Most beautiful horse I ever owned but I had classically overhorsed myself and had to sell him on . I was lucky cos the girl who travelled down from the other side of the country bought him for eventing. Says it all really. I know have fun with welsh cobs and a gypsy cob. Good luck with whatever you decide.
		
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## Secondtimearound (29 January 2014)

brucethegypsycob said:



			Sorry about this but as the others have said, send him back. While you still can. At 8 years he is in the prime of his life. He is a sports horse. He's built for exciting things like hunting and enthusiastic hacks. I've been in the same position as you with an ish. Most beautiful horse I ever owned but I had classically overhorsed myself and had to sell him on . I was lucky cos the girl who travelled down from the other side of the country bought him for eventing. Says it all really. I know have fun with welsh cobs and a gypsy cob. Good luck with whatever you decide.
		
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I think that is slightly unfair brucethegypsycob. I do have all intention when we get to know each other, that I will do more than go round in circles and walk out on hacks. As im beginning to get my confidence Its amazing what a few days can do. Im actually thinking I really like this horse to ride, not just on the ground. He is a very smart horse, I can tell that just by looking at his face but that's what I liked about him and im hoping that when he is schooled properly he will do a nice dressage test. The dealers already said, and the vet when he was vetted, that he was a lovely horse but needed more schooling so im intending to do that with him with support. I have a lesson tomorrow and im hoping that I might even pop him over a small jump. He is a very good jumper and that again is what I liked about him. When I was younger, the horse we had refused at everything first time before jumping and its an ambition of mine of be able to jump round a course of jumps, even if it isn't as high as he can jump. I am definitely going to get a trailer so I can open up my options and maybe join a riding club and even at the end of the day, if I cant get myself to do it, there are plenty of girls that work at the livery yard and riding school that would love to do it for me. So, im thinking he has landed on his feet because if he is the horse I decide to keep, he will surely be a horse for life and wont want for anything.


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## Pidgeon (29 January 2014)

Been following this and so pleased you are perservering with him. I've an ISH and he does everything from hack to event to show and even pretty damn good at gymkhana games even at 17 hands tall!


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## Secondtimearound (29 January 2014)

Is this though a riding club?


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## dixie (29 January 2014)

It sounds like you are coming on in leaps and bounds in a short space of time, so well done.  He sounds like a lovely horse, you've got good support as well, so I'm sure you'll have lots of fun.  

You are bound to feel anxious after a long break and having to make a final decision within two weeks, if you didn't have that in your mind you would be probably be more relaxed, but he does sound super.  Photos soon?


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## Secondtimearound (29 January 2014)

I should really put a picture up but I cant work out how to do it! Or edit my profile for that matter.


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## AdorableAlice (29 January 2014)

brucethegypsycob said:



			Sorry about this but as the others have said, send him back. While you still can. At 8 years he is in the prime of his life. He is a sports horse. He's built for exciting things like hunting and enthusiastic hacks. I've been in the same position as you with an ish. Most beautiful horse I ever owned but I had classically overhorsed myself and had to sell him on . I was lucky cos the girl who travelled down from the other side of the country bought him for eventing. Says it all really. I know have fun with welsh cobs and a gypsy cob. Good luck with whatever you decide.
		
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Rubbish.   My horse has Alme and I Love You as grand parents,  bred to show jump at the top.  Dressage and show horse with me.  Train and feed it appropriately all will be fine.

Well done op, keep enjoying your horse.


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## Joandripple (29 January 2014)

SecondtimeRound.  Well done you, baby steps it is.  Mulling through some of the latest replies, I agree with oldie48 too. My boy has some top bloodlines in him, his dad got a  98% score for some German dressage event!  And when our paths crossed he had been brought to my part of the country for re-schooling because he was stubborn, apparently! I now compete with him albeit at low level, but my trainer thinks he's a good'un, and he, in turn trains with Ferdie Eidleberg!  So IMHO go with your gut, if u two click then stick with it, times may get rough, but this could also happen with a "so called" School Master/Mistress!  

Yes you must sort out a photo.  X


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## Pidgeon (30 January 2014)

Some through riding club, others local events. Carry on what you are doing and build that bond with him. My boy looks super confident but that is only because he trusts me and we've built that bond up. When I first had him I came off several times hacking as he'd spook and then slam breaks on! Now if he's not sure I reassure him and all is fine.


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## oldie48 (30 January 2014)

Yes to all of this and with good support (and a willingness to take advice from someone you trust) you can overcome your nervousness. TBH I've felt overhorsed with everything I've bought for the first few months but this is because I took up riding very late in life (first horse at 50) only rode at a RS for a year when I was ten and i am naturally ambitious. So each horse has been more of a challenge to ride well and has had a "bit more about it" I bought current horse 5 years ago (for 60th birthday)and for the first year I was completely out of my depth but I've had really good support and little by little I've improved and learned so much.I've never really been able to express my fear, I'm more like the swan (but very wrinkly) that looks serene but is paddling like mad to stay afloat, but the sense of achievement I get now when I ride and he goes really well, is beyond words! Keep going!



dixie said:



			It sounds like you are coming on in leaps and bounds in a srt space of time, so well done.  He sounds like a lovely horse, you've got good support as well, so I'm sure you'll have lots of fun.  

You are bound to feel anxious after a long break and having to make a final decision within two weeks, if you didn't have that in your mind you would be probably be more relaxed, but he does sound super.  Photos soon?
		
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## AdorableAlice (30 January 2014)

oldie48 said:



			Yes to all of this and with good support (and a willingness to take advice from someone you trust) you can overcome your nervousness. TBH I've felt overhorsed with everything I've bought for the first few months but this is because I took up riding very late in life (first horse at 50) only rode at a RS for a year when I was ten and i am naturally ambitious. So each horse has been more of a challenge to ride well and has had a "bit more about it" I bought current horse 5 years ago (for 60th birthday)and for the first year I was completely out of my depth but I've had really good support and little by little I've improved and learned so much.I've never really been able to express my fear, I'm more like the swan (but very wrinkly) that looks serene but is paddling like mad to stay afloat, but the sense of achievement I get now when I ride and he goes really well, is beyond words! Keep going!
		
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Snap.

No one would think I have to dig deep to climb on my horse now.  In the past I have hunted, competed, broken and ridden away my own etc.  But now in advancing age and with a lengthy gap of not riding much due to putting a good rider on my top horse and 12 months of illness I am a very nervous rider.  What has happened to me is why I am encouraging the OP to keep trying.  Even very experienced people can have major set backs, for me the death of one and the retirement of 2 crushed my confidence in the space of a month.

Keep going Op, and if it helps you to realise how well you are doing I will admit that yesterday I sat on my horse in tears because I was so proud of myself that I had gone on a decent hack alone.  I have had horses for over forty years.  Keep at it OP you can do it.  It is snowing here now so I think I will pass on the hack today.


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## Secondtimearound (30 January 2014)

The stories of people in a similar situation to myself are amazing. It is a wonder why we do this to ourselves, put ourselves in a position where we are out of our comfort zone, but keep going back for more! I was particularly nervous this morning before I got on. I think its was because im tired and had a couple of drinks last night. (Partners birthday). A hangover on a Thursday is not good! I do actually feel a lot better now having completely forgot my hangover whilst riding. My lesson went well! And...we did a jump...woo hoo! Nothing too high but we got off the ground and he enjoyed it and I felt good afterwards. As I wont be riding him at the weekend, this was really my last deciding day about if I should take him back. I decided I wont be as he hasn't put a foot wrong bless him. Its just me that needs to get more  confident but I think we could make a good partnership in the end. Id much rather have a horse with a bit of personality at the end of the day, rather than one with none. Adorablealice, thank you for what you have said. It is so strange how our minds react to a situation that happened and turn us from confident to quivering jelly overnight. I am so sure that it was that one fall that completely turned me upside down with my riding. I was told that I was too tense in all my lessons, and I never had that problem before and then my riding went downhill because after every lesson I felt like I had ridden like c**p and so it went on. One of the reasons why I got my own horse was so that I could build a bond with one horse and improve my riding a lot more which is hard when your only doing it once a week. I know my horse has a bit of spirit but I do genuinely think he is a good lad, and after nearly the end of the second week I still feel nervous but not half as bad as I did. P.s.. I have tried to upload a picture but its too big so I need to work out how to sort it out!


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## oldie48 (30 January 2014)

Please try again to upload a photo, I'd love to see him


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## Spot_the_Risk (30 January 2014)

Very pleased he is staying with you OP


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## Secondtimearound (30 January 2014)

I have uploaded a profile pic of him but it doesn't appear to be showing yet.


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## soft touch (31 January 2014)

My first post! Been following this thread and hoping that you were going to persevere. Well done you. I have had horses all my life but in recent years after loss of a couple of super horses and a bad fall I had a crisis of confidence and know how awful it can be.It is amazing how many other people have experienced the same. Main thing is to be honest with yourself and your instructor. It will all come good as long as you work at your own pace and set yourself achievable challenges, good luck to you and the boy.


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## olivia x (31 January 2014)

so glad to hear things are going well for you and your new horse. =) and that you stuck with it. 
Like you, I am an adult rider returned to riding and have had my new horse for just a week! I was a bit uncertain what to expect for that *first ride*  but it all went off without a hitch. No issues, nothing at all, and it was great. I hope you and your new horse continue with a fantastic partnership. Horses are great but when it is one that is yours, it makes all the difference in the world. =)


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## Tobiano (31 January 2014)

OP I am one who said send him back, but now that you have decided to keep him I wish you many years of fun and enjoyment together


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## Secondtimearound (31 January 2014)

Thank you everyone for the support. Ive still had some quite big nerves this week but its not because the horse has done anything wrong because he hasn't. I did feel guilty today that I didn't ride him as he was in the stable all day, but I have ridden him Monday to Thursday this week and he has the weekend off out in the field. I don't want to put too much pressure on myself to feel like I have to ride him everyday, and especially because I don't know any hacks at the moment I don't want to do too much too soon in the school. Its probably too early days yet for him to get bored as he is still getting used to the place but Im trying to find someone I can hack out with during the week at least one day and the rest I need to spend in the school schooling him as he really needs it. One thing I can say doesn't help at the moment and that is the weather. Roll on some milder weather to lift spirits.


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## Spot_the_Risk (31 January 2014)

OP I think you're doing very well.  Re the hacking routes, whenever I wanted to check out new routes/areas I didn't know I would just go and walk them first, no pressure that way!


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## Flummoxed (31 January 2014)

OP, I am pleased that things are now going better and that you have decided to stick with this horse. Giving up is easy, sticking with it takes guts. You deserve to pat yourself on the back for where you have got to already. 

There will be ups and downs but as time goes by and you build a bond with your horse, you will wonder how you could ever have considered sending him back. I have trodden the same path as you but it is now almost 9 years since I bought my horse and I can't imagine life without him.


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## eahotson (3 February 2014)

Flummoxed said:



			OP, I am pleased that things are now going better and that you have decided to stick with this horse. Giving up is easy, sticking with it takes guts. You deserve to pat yourself on the back for where you have got to already. 

There will be ups and downs but as time goes by and you build a bond with your horse, you will wonder how you could ever have considered sending him back. I have trodden the same path as you but it is now almost 9 years since I bought my horse and I can't imagine life without him.
		
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Actually SOMETIMES it takes guts too to admit you were wrong, move the horse on to a more suitable home and look for a more suitable horse yourself.


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## Secondtimearound (3 February 2014)

eahotson said:



			Actually SOMETIMES it takes guts too to admit you were wrong, move the horse on to a more suitable home and look for a more suitable horse yourself.
		
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Thank you flummoxed for that. I had another successful ride today in the indoor school. I'm getting much more used to him now and I'm really pleased that I'm not going to send him back. I do feel that when he settles in we will have a great time 
together. 
From my original worry a week ago when I wrote the post things have changed a lot. I've realised it's not the horse, it's me being unsure that I have this animal that is now mine and it's my responsibility. I think being honest, if I had bought a bombproof cob, I still would have felt anxiety. I saw my horse and I wanted him and I am going to crack my nerves and do well with him. That's my aim. The only reason I would get rid of him now is if he really did turn out to be dangerous horse and so far.. He clearly isn't. I realise now we both need time. It would be very unfair of me, with the horses welfare in mind too, to give him back to a dealer and have his fate put back in their hands when he will have a much loved home with me.


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## WandaMare (3 February 2014)

Hi OP so glad things are going well for you and your boy. I think sometimes trial periods put so much pressure on a new owner as its easy to feel as if everything has to go perfectly in the first couple of weeks. In reality its a huge settling in stage for the horse and a big challenge for the rider getting used to a new horse. It took my current mare a good few months to settle down compared to how she had been when I viewed her and lots of people were questioning why I had bought her. There was something there though which I rarely feel with other horses and I'm so glad now I perservered with her. I hope all continues to go well for you both, he's certainly found a caring owner in you. All the very best with him.


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## olivia x (3 February 2014)

OP, hope that things are still going well for you and your new horse. If I find myself getting into a potentially tense situation with the horse, I do some things to try to relax myself-- and make myself breathe. One of the first things that happens when getting tense or fearful can be forgetting to breathe, or breathing really shallowly. So I talk-- to the horse-- to myself-- because it makes you have to breathe! If no one is around, I sing. I cannot carry a tune in a bucket, really do not want to be overheard singing-- but again, it is great for relaxing, because you breathe. I try to find something to focus my mind on --anything-- other than fearing the fear! Even forcing your face muscles into a smile fools your body into thinking you are really smiling and you get some physiological changes that help you relax!


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## Secondtimearound (4 February 2014)

I've invested in a big bottle of Kalms... Lol. I've heard it works wonders! Will be trying it out today!


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## SarahF (4 February 2014)

Hi OP - I just read his thread and wanted to say well done. It is strange getting back in the saddle many years after being a confident teen - you just expect to be that same person and it's a bit unnerving when you realise you're not (I've recently discovered that myself - and am hoping to buy my own his year too.)

I just wanted to say well done for wht you have achieved so far, and keep it up!
Oh - and Piccies please!!  xx


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## cobmum (8 February 2014)

Just read this post too and I reckon in summer you will be off showing and having a great time, well done


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## Secondtimearound (9 February 2014)

Hi Everyone, Well its another week on and ive had him 3 weeks now. I have to say things are getting a lot easier. I had a really good lesson on him last week. I was really pleased with him and every time I ride him now in the indoor school, he gets more and more relaxed and I don't feel like anything bad is going to happen anymore. I went out with someone from the yard at the weekend, a little bit further round the farm track and again he was absolutely fine, even in the high winds. We are still walking as its so muddy and wet but it gets him out doing something different rather than in the school. My instructor is going to help me lunge him outside this week so ive got another string to my bow to do with him and ill be able to work on my groundwork skills with him and we have a jumping lesson on Thursday which im ok with at the moment but I know I will be really nervous about on the day! Im starting to get less anxious when I know I have to ride him, and when im on him, im absolutely fine. I think the Kalms must be working..lol. Whether its the Kalms or not, im definitely starting to enjoy things more and im so glad I didn't send him back. As you have said cobmum, im sure if I started this journey in the summer it would be a whole different kettle of fish as when the sun is shining and the days are longer everything is so much better. Half the battle is going out in the wind and rain and cold which is pretty yucky at the best of times. Ive put a couple of pics of him on my profile.


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## Spot_the_Risk (9 February 2014)

Brilliant OP, I'm so glad you stuck with him, nerves are horrid but so many of us suffer with them, it can be tough.  Onwards and upwards!


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## SarahF (9 February 2014)

Ah it's nice to hear that your confidence is growing and it sounds like he's settling in and getting used to you too. 
I just checked out the pics he is a handsome lad!


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## el_Snowflakes (11 February 2014)

TheMule said:



			Send him back. He sounds too much of a horse for you, ISH are bred to be sports horses, not quiet hacks. It sounds like you need something really confidence giving for now
		
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Sorry but I tend to agree with this. If you are as nervous as you say you are it's unlikely that you will get your confidence will increase enough in 2 weeks in order for you to try him properly. Better to be massively underhorsed than slightly over horsed if you are nervous!


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## Garnet (11 February 2014)

el_Snowflakes said:



			Sorry but I tend to agree with this. If you are as nervous as you say you are it's unlikely that you will get your confidence will increase enough in 2 weeks in order for you to try him properly. Better to be massively underhorsed than slightly over horsed if you are nervous!
		
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Whoa there!  Half-halt and 20 metre circle round again . . .  How about reading the thread right through and seeing how the OP has progressed over the last ten days?

Secondtimearound - you go girl!


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## Swirlymurphy (11 February 2014)

Secondtimearound - you absolutely rock!  What a lovely update and I am so glad you are progressing.  Lots of baby steps and you will definitely get to where you want.

I just wish I had as much courage to get on Teen 2's horse - I just don't have the requisite pair to do it!


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## Sarah04 (15 February 2014)

I am in a similar situation to you with my nerves. I got my very first pony a week ago. Ive only really ever rode in a riding school on plods but wanted my own pony to hack around our farm so I picked a slightly older native breed but now I feel so nervous about riding him.  He hasnt done anything wrong its just me not knowing him yet . I need to find an instructor to come help me twice a week and hack him out first . Good Luck your doing really well, I hope I progress as well as you


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## Secondtimearound (15 February 2014)

Sarah04 said:



			I am in a similar situation to you with my nerves. I got my very first pony a week ago. Ive only really ever rode in a riding school on plods but wanted my own pony to hack around our farm so I picked a slightly older native breed but now I feel so nervous about riding him.  He hasnt done anything wrong its just me not knowing him yet . I need to find an instructor to come help me twice a week and hack him out first . Good Luck your doing really well, I hope I progress as well as you 

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Hi Sarah04, you do sound quite similar to me. I cant believe ive had him 4 weeks now. I was starting to get rid of my nerves, but I had a bit of a set back last week in my lesson. We lunged him outside first so she could show me how to lunge him with side reins as his head is really high and then she suggested we did some poles and a jump indoors. He must of picked up on my nerves or something as jumping does make me anxious even though I do enjoy it. He was speeding round the school, with his head in the air, completely evading the bridle and coupled with the high speed jumping, my confidence got a real knock again. Im actually letting a young girl from the yard ride him tomorrow to see how he goes for her as I cant ride him at the weekends then ive got a lesson on Monday. I really want to make sure I have a good lesson so I get my confidence back with him because each time I rode him up until then we were making good progress. I guess that is the nature of the game though, dealing with the ups and downs and carrying on. Im sure you will build on your confidence each day like Im trying to do.


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## Sarah04 (15 February 2014)

Aw what a shame about the set back. I have never jumped but my pony did alot of jumping in his previous home so hoping he'll teach me when I eventually feel ready. My main aim is to be able to hack him around our farm land on my own but I will get a friend/instructor to do it first! Ive got a girl coming thursday to give me a lesson. I have a really good friend who rides my pony in walk, trot and canter for 20mins before I get on him then today I walked, trotted and did a small stretch of canter and we ended on a great note which was fab I felt like id got to know him a bit more today and my confidence had grown.How old is your horse?  I hope your next lesson goes really well. I'm sure we'll get there but its just going to be a slow, steady and as safe as possible process x


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## Kittyk (19 February 2014)

Oh I so feel for you!  
I am in my late 30s and have recently had a baby, now I am uber nervous.  I have a horse who I've had for 8 years, I love her to bits but she has always scared me to a more or lesser degree.  That said she intimidates most people!  So I've spent lots of money for other people to ride her and we haven't fulfilled our potential at all.  I ride her every once in a while and sometimes I enjoy it, but mostly I'm scared.

We've had other horses and I may have hopped on for a walk/trot round but I won't do much else.  So we start looking for another horse for me. I tried another liveries 17yr old tb for a lesson and I LOVED it, I couldn't stop smiling for weeks.  If I could I would've bought him there and then, sadly he can no longer be ridden.  In one lesson he gave me so much confidence.  I then tried a youngster and it was a disaster, I felt like crying, he was tense/I was tense.  I went back and tried again with everyone saying how well I'd done etc etc, but I knew in my heart of hearts he wasn't for me even though I wanted him to be.  

I suppose what I'm saying is don't end up like me!  With a horse that scares you (who can't be sold but thats a whole other story), there are horses out there who will give you confidence, they are harder to find but worth waiting for.  It might work out with this horse but honestly the first 6 months are hard but they shouldn't petrify you or reduce you to tears.

I think someone else has said your instructor is key, not sure if you're able to but it is always worth trying a few.

Good luckx


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## oldie48 (19 February 2014)

This may not be the horse for you but as I said in a previous post, I've always felt a b it out of my depth for the first few months with a new horse but I've found it helps to have a time frame. With one horse I gave myself 6 months to feel happy hacking him out as he could be a bit spooky, actually once I got used to him and relaxed he stopped being silly on hacks and I realised it was my tension that was causing the problem. With my current horse, I was happy hacking out in company from the start but as he was much brighter on his own, I didn't put any pressure on myself and just hacked in company (i now hack out alone) however, he could be very challenging to school, so I gave myself a year to get some real improvement. Luckily as I became more assertive with him, he gradually became more amenable to work, he's still not easy but I cope with him fine. Remember, just because you keep him for 3 months, 6 months or even longer, you can still sell at any time. you are not married to him and it is supposed to be fun!.

"I suppose what I'm saying is don't end up like me!  With a horse that scares you (who can't be sold but thats a whole other story), there are horses out there who will give you confidence, they are harder to find but worth waiting for.  It might work out with this horse but honestly the first 6 months are hard but they shouldn't petrify you or reduce you to tears.

I think someone else has said your instructor is key, not sure if you're able to but it is always worth trying a few."

Good luckx[/QUOTE]


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## Secondtimearound (19 February 2014)

Thanks for your posts everyone. Well...doesn't time fly..its been nearly 5 weeks. Since my little episode last week of feeling like my confidence was knocked, everyone thought I was nuts because I rode him last Friday out in the wind and rain on a hack around the farm. I was trying to put his best interests at heart as he had been ridden in the school all week and I was determined to ride him out on a hack that morning. He wasn't too impressed but we did it with no incidents. Then at the weekend with the full sunshine, I hopped on before the girl I know had a ride on him and he was so chilled out in the outdoor school. I think the weather really helped and I had no worries whatsoever riding him around. Monday we had a lesson indoors. The first time since the bad jumping lesson. After he did a little spook when we entered the school, he was absolutely fine. We did some good work to get his head down and listening. Today I rode him outside and again, completely fine and I really enjoyed it. Ive been thinking about things and why I get so nervous. I think its because when he does run around with his head in the air, I have no control and that scares me incase it happens in a situation where I cant stop him. He is ridden in a loose ring French link. My instructor does not think its a good idea to change his bit but I know I would feel a lot safer if I knew I could stop him should something untoward happen. What do people think about this? I think that is one of my main fears. Him being above the bridle and running away from me and him getting even more stressed if I have to hoick him in the mouth to stop him. It just doesn't go together. Id rather have a stronger bit that I can use if necessary and feel safer. Im sure that is the main reason why I get so nervous. He gets a mind of his own and forgets Im on his back.
On another note, I am going to have a session with a horse whisperer that people use a lot at our yard and see if that helps our connection.
Funnily enough I had frank conversation with my other half at the weekend about the horses future and I decided that I would just see how the next few months go, take one month at a time, I would school him up and if necessary get someone else to hack him out at weekends to keep him happy and take it from there. Your right oldie48, im not married to him!


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## oldie48 (19 February 2014)

Take it day by day. I really hope it works out for you but if it doesn't, well in the great scheme of things, how much does it really matter? i think it's very easy to lose a sense of proportion about these sort of things. This is something we do for pleasure and it's easy to lose sight of this.


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## california dreaming (19 February 2014)

Hi secondtimearound.  I feel for you I really do but let me tell you that, I myself was in the same boat as you.  I had my beautiful horse for nearly two years and had great highs and great lows.  I lost all my confidence in the end and decided that I just did not want to ride him any more. I sold him to a dealer because  I could not give him away. No one wanted him in the end.  I felt so guilty for a very long time and honestly thought I would never ride a horse again.  I was totally shattered and hating myself for being so incapable.  BUT after some lovely wise and kind words from a very good instructor and some other lovely people and a year on I have the most fantastic horse ever.  I enjoy riding him in every way.  Jumping, hacking, dressage everything.  This new horse (who I have had for over a year now ) has given me back my confidence and total joy in horses that i honestly thought I would never experience.  So what I am trying to say is this.  If you do decide to get rid, don't feel too bad for too long because there really is light at the end of the dark tunnel.  Also, just to add, the horse i sold to dealer actually found a fantastic home where he was much happier and they loved him.  So it was a happy ending for both of us.


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