# How can i persuade my mum to buy me a hprse? Please help!



## BethHasSwag (6 April 2015)

Hello
I have loved horses since I was very little. All my other friends grew out of the I love horses phase but I didn't. I have been riding for three years, and last year my mum said I could loan, but whenever I brought the topic up she cut me off. Since the end of last year I keep researching horse ownership- costs, local yards etc. It wont cost very much to keep a horse at my local yard. Whenever I tell my mum about it, and everything else to help persuade her, she either interrupts me or comes up with an excuse. I'm starting to think I'm never going to own a horse 

What can I say to my mum to help persuade her?
(money isn't the problem)

Thanks in advance 

-Beth


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## Overread (6 April 2015)

Volunteer.

One of the biggest risks of any pets for a family member other than ones self is the caring of that pet. For a parent its the worry that the child will grow out of the phase faster than they think (esp when you get to the menial tasks that have to happen every day without fail and which are dull, boring and smelly). Because then you've got a pet they've got to look after whilst you don't. For a dog or cat its not a huge imposition - for a horse it is (esp as then the subject of selling the horse or giving up the loan comes up which causes even more tension).

However if you prove you'll work at least once if not more times a week on the menial tasks for a good block of time it starts to show not just your keenness, but your dedication.


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## Shay (6 April 2015)

Overread is right.  Parents (and I am one) are impressed by hard work and dedication.  See if you can volunteer at your local riding school.  If you are over 12 ask about being allowed to take your BHS stages.  It will help if you volunteer at a BHS registered school ideally offering the exams - but that could depend on where you are based.  Join your local pony club center and work your way up through the progressive tests.  If you are old enough for a weekend job see if you can earn enough to pay part of the livery bill.  I know you say money isn't an issue for your family but if you can prove you are committed enough to this to work to pay the bills then that might help.

But if all else fails - don't give up.  Many people didn't get to own their first horse until they were adults.  The number of children who wanted ponies and actually got them is, I'm afraid, a minority.  And all the work and qualifications you get will set you in good stead, both for whatever you want to do as an adult and as a future horse owner -  at whatever age.


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## cobalobM (6 April 2015)

its not just the cost of keeping it at your local yard, you will need to think about insurance, tack, rugs, vets fees, farrier, vaccinations, hay, feed, bedding, petrol to drive there twice a day, or pay for help in the mornings, lessons, competitions etc!! 

if you show your dedication and money isnt an issue then maybe your mum will think about it more seriously, could you get a share pony instead? that way the cost is alot less, you dont have to worry about any extras like feed, vets fees, farrier etc and you could ride 1-3 times a week?

trust me, i've been trying for 10 year, now 19 and no where near owning my own.... maybe when im 40!! I've just had to except that my family is in no financial position to have a horse, so i will have to wait till i have a stable full time job, learn to drive/get a car, my own place to live then maybe think about a horse


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## Exploding Chestnuts (6 April 2015)

There are several options, one is to share a pony.
Sometimes a Riding School will allow a share IF you agree to only ride when it is not in use, this often means pony is a bit tired, but it does mean you get to look after it, groom it, and enjoy it that way.
Or you can share a pony with someone like yourself who owns it and who is willing to let someone ride it maybe 3/4 times a week, you are expected to look after it on those days.
You can loan a pony and have it just for you, a huge commitment of time ..........  Sometimes it means getting up in the dark and the rain, puting pony out, and after school plodding through mud and catching it etc etc. So a lot of work and not a lot of fun at some times of the year.
The costs can be horrendous, yes sorry good to do a budget ,,,,,,,, stable, feed, vet, insurance, shoes,  your kit, horse kit and so on can easily add up to £1500 - £3000 per year, that is £30-60 per week, and that assumes there is no problems.
One major problem is that to improve your riding skill you still need to take lessons ......... and this can be very difficult for parents to accept/understand, but riding is a very difficult skill to learn to be really good at it.
Now your parents may be able to afford this money, and it would be lovely if they were keen, but they will need to be convinced this is ESSENTIAL, and that takes some doing.
Good luck. 
PS I have mentioned ponies, because they are generally more fun,  can be more naughty, but also may be easier to handle, and cheaper all round.
Keep your lessons going, maybe get a part ime job so you can buy extra lessons every week, this shows your commitment.
There may be horse mangement courses to go on too, or a pony club run by a RS with weekly lessons on management. Horses and ponies are very complex in some ways, and it takes a lot of time even to realise that!


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## Exploding Chestnuts (6 April 2015)

Its very difficult for a non horsey parent to think of taking on a horse or pony, for a start they may actually be scared of them! 
They may just want you to be a nice "perfect lady", not someone who comes home in tears about your latest exploit with Ploddy Pony who has just depostied you in a smelly ditch, or stood on your toe, necessitating a visit to A&E.
Usually these things don't happen, but a parent may want a a quieter, more predictable life.
Point out to mum and dad the advantages:
They know where you are
They know who you are with.
You are never ever going to break their rules because the pony will be  "down the road"


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## Ponycarrots (6 April 2015)

Oh god I was inyour shoes til I was 13. 
I have completely non horsey parents! My mum thinks they're beautiful and lovely but has never ridden. She had one lesson because I was so into it but hated it so never rode again, and my dad says he'd never dare get on one. He thinks it's a bit mad!
I found if I dropped hints all the time it worked. I'd say things like "when I get a pony I want to ride it down that path there and try galloping there." Or "when I get a pony I'll try that show" etc. etc.
Eventually...They told me i could get a pony if...
I kept improving my riding; making sure I was confident and good at staying on 
I improved my upper body strength (they knew leading a horse about was hard work if it wanted to be naughty and as I was a feeble girl they said I had to get stronger)
I found a place to keep it that was nearby (so I could cycle or walk so they didn't have to drive me)
I found a suitable pony who wasn't too expensive.
I agreed to pay half for the pony with my savings from my building society.

I did all this and true to their word they paid half and I paid half and I got one arse of a cob who taught me a hell of a lot about riding and staying on!


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## Jazpaige (6 April 2015)

If I were you, I'd show her that you are ready by doing an awful lot of research, I'd also look for horses online and get a feel for what you want. Show her you are ready to take on the responsibility by volunteering to help at your local yard, or maybe she just doesn't know a lot about them so sees it as hassle, maybe get her involved and say it could be something you both do together, but definitely make sure she knows you are ready for all the hard work and responsibility that come with owning your own horse


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## TGM (6 April 2015)

I agree that finding a share pony might be a good place to start, as not quite the same commitment as taking on a full loan.  And yes I agree show your commitment by volunteering in whatever equine sphere you can.  I helped a riding schools for years and then joined the Pony Club even though I didn't have a horse or pony.  I did all the unmounted activities and helped out at events, and eventually my parents capitulated and bought me a horse!  Helped by a little pressure from the Pony Club DC!


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## Barnacle (10 April 2015)

Oh Beth I know the feeling! I starting riding when I was 4 and spent my whole childhood asking for a pony - and I never got one. Now that I'm an adult, it's my decision to make... I don't think there was ever a way to convince my parents so you shouldn't set your heart on it. Instead, I think you should do what a lot of people have already suggested - try to find a share pony. It's not just riding schools that offer shares. There are private owners who do them too. There are even some advertised on Horse & Hound haha... You may be able to find a really nice pony that you can ride whenever you want and all you have to do is pay every week (it's not usually expensive - less than a riding lesson) and treat the pony as if it's your own. If you can show that you are hard-working and committed, maybe you'll get lucky and your parents will see how much passion you have for horses and buy you one. But sharing can be just as good as having your own horse but with less worry!


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## Sukistokes2 (11 April 2015)

Also remember Beth parents do not always tell their children everything. You say that money is not an issue but that may not be the case. Times are really hard and it sounds like you Mum is trying to avoid the issue. It might not be about you, there could be other issues. I was lucky my parents did buy me a pony when I was14. However I had been begging for years , I had to wait until they felt I was ready and they could afford it. Also having a pony is a LOT of work, I know you know this but the reality it's  even worst. It is tradition in my family not to open Christmas presents until after dinner, why? ......... Because the horses and animals came first.  My livery is a 15year old, she thinks nothing of leaving her horse in all day because she is in bed, or not turning up for the farrier because she wanted to go out with her friends. I know you would be more dedicated( would Not be hard) but you have to turn up for that horse every day, whatever the weather, no matter how Ill, tried, fed up you are. It is something to think about. If you think you can cope you need to prove this to your parents. You could advertise yourself as a helper, I had a young girl( she's is now a mother herself....boy I'm old) as a helper, I would never dismiss someone because of age. You would learn about horse care and learn how hard it is and maybe prove you could do it.
Good luck


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## Spreebok (12 April 2015)

Aaah, to be young and desperate for a pony, a position almost all of us here have probably been in!

I'm not going to be much help in ways to persuade your parents (mostly because I was never successful lmao), but I do think it's a bit mean of your Mum to say yes and then just completely avoid the topic.

However, I am going to say, that even if it doesn't happen now, if you want it, it will happen. I was desperate for my own pony since I was tiny, obsessed to the point where if we took a slightly different route home from somewhere, I would quietly get so hopeful we were just going to turn up at a yard somewhere and boom, pony. Of course, that never happened 
However, I'm now 22, and in Feb this year, I got my first pony, and she is all mine. I found her, chose her, paid/pay everything all off of my own back, and that doesn't half feel blooming good. Yes, it caused me years of angst and frustration, but now I'm here, I appreciate it so much more. It also works out more expensive than you expect, take a sensible estimate and add half on top lol.

So I've lost my train of thought here, but I think my point was not to think it'll never happen. It will. It may just take time, but I can guarantee that knowing you've worked for it and being able to do it all yourself without relying on others for transport, money and so on just makes it that much better


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## Dry Rot (12 April 2015)

Oh, how you are going to hate me! 

If you want to impress your parents work really hard at your school work so you don't go showing off your bad spelling and inability to read through and correct what you've written to everyone here. Then, when you're older, you will be so rich you will be able to own your own racing stables! 

They are horses, not hprses. You've missed a comma in the first line. "I love horses" should be in inverted commas as it is a quote. "Wont" needs an apostrophe, so "won't".

There, I did warn you! You can tell I used to teach, can't you? Your parents are more likely to be impressed by how hard working and responsible you are than any argument.


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## MiJodsR2BlinkinTite (12 April 2015)

OP I was in your shoes when I was your age.......... luckily we lived in the country and my uncle was a farmer, so it was easy to let my pony run with his cattle, but my heart just goes out to anyone who wants, and yearns, and dreams...........

You don't know what your parent's financial situation is like, very probably, and this is making things very difficult right now - as your mum has "promised", yet there seems to be this distance between "promise" and "reality". 

You also will hate me for saying this, but "Dry Rot" IS right, in that you need to use these years to concentrate on your schoolwork; the aim being that you will be then able to get yourself a well-paid enough job so that you can keep your own horse, when you are old enough. Unfortunately horses don't come cheap, and you will need to be able to support both yourself AND horse if that is what you want to do. Good well paid jobs need qualifications, and experience, and commitment, and it is very very hard to do that and have horses as well. I was a model student at school: simply because I knew very well that if I didn't work hard and get good results then my parents' commitment to keeping my pony for me might well wane! So I worked hard, did the homework (OK, so it was on the bus!!) and got the results I wanted, and the job that paid for my pony when I left school, but I still struggled to keep both myself and my pony in the early years. The price I paid was having to shop at charity shops and not go out clubbing at night when everyone else was, simply because I couldn't afford to do nice clothes, parties, AND pay the livery bill as well. So be prepared that keeping a pony is not going to be all joy and pleasure, you will have to make sacrifices and face some difficult choices.

As others have said, if you want something badly enough, it WILL happen for you; do all the riding you possibly can now on as many different horses as you can to get wide experience of riding different types, so that when the choice comes to choose yours, you will have a good idea of what you want. Also offer to care for horses and just be around people who have experience, not just of riding, but of handling horses in a firm yet respectful way, so that you are developing good habits and broadening your experience. Get to as many clinics as you can and watch how the experts/professionals do it. Also read as much as you can - there are lots of horsey magazines out there - inc H&H!!!

In short, even if you can't have your own horse yet, don't spend these years in frustration: make every single experience you can count. Of course, if a chance comes up for you to loan a pony, or share one (even better) then if you can, then go for it.


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