# New rider



## Lauren198 (23 January 2019)

Hi all, hopefully posting in the right spot. Iâ€™ve been riding for a little over a year, once a week. I also suffer from anxiety, it was a massive struggle to get started and I still struggle each week when it comes up to my lesson( once Iâ€™m at the yard Iâ€™m fine but the anticipation of the lesson wrecks my nerves). It means on occasion I miss out on my lessons because I end up talking my self out of going. I guess Iâ€™m just looking a bit of reassurance that missing the occasional lesson isnâ€™t a big deal, my anxiety tells me Iâ€™m the worst rider ever for missing them which then impacts on my confidence at the lessons despite my obvious improvements since my first lesson. Also if anyone has any advice on dealing with lesson anxiety thatâ€™s also appreciated. Thanks in advance!


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## Ash2312 (23 January 2019)

Hi Lauren! If you miss a lesson, it does not make you the worst rider ever! However, I do think itâ€™s important to establish what is making you anxious and then working on that? Is it one thing in particular?

I think some nerves are a good thing - it shows that you care!


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## Starzaan (23 January 2019)

Hello - welcome to the forum and the wonderful world of horses! 

May I ask what it is that you're getting anxious about? That will help me answer. There is no need to worry about missing lessons. I used to teach people who would come sporadically and only actually have a lesson maybe once every two months. It will definitely slow your progress down, but it isn't a problem at all.


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## Highflinger (23 January 2019)

I think it just takes time. Riding once a week for a year ( and also some weeks not) is not long at all.  I have never been a confident rider and used to have butterflies  every time I tacked up my pony .  One day I realised I was no longer worried but it probably took me a year of riding 5 times a week to get there. Is  there the opportunity to go more often as this may help your confidence.  Also set your self small goals and discuss these with your instructor. Don't be afraid to let them know you are anxious - a good instructor should help you with this.  There are a lot of instructors  who specialise in anxious /nervous riders - there are a lot of us and even usually confident riders can have periods of anxious "I can't ride" wobbles!  
Remember most people would never get on a horse at all so the fact you do is a great achievement.
it may help if you could just spend more time around horses - is there the option to do some helping out at your riding school or help at a local RDA centre or rescue centre.
Good luck and I hope you continue with your riding and get a lot of enjoyment from it.


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## Lauren198 (23 January 2019)

I suffer from generalised anxiety so literally random things make me anxious, Iâ€™m not particularly anxious when on the horse and have no problem with pushing my limits and comfort on higher jumps, new horses etc, I just have an awful habit of letting my anxiety talk me out of going ( it makes me feel sick to my stomach so it can be hard to push past when I feel like I might be sick). Unfortunately I have a full time job which makes it difficult for me to go more often however I am trying to fit in extra time whenever I can sort out a set working timetable so I know when I can and canâ€™t ride. I just want to ensure that Iâ€™m not disadvantage for myself by missing a week here and there because I beat myself up then for missing one week because others in my lesson never seem to miss however they are younger than me and not in work so the possibly have more free time and probably more horse experience and confidence. Will look into getting involved with rda as there is one a stones throw from my house.


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## Lauren198 (23 January 2019)

I want to be good at it, I just think sometimes I place a lot of pressure on myself to be better than I am which then in turn makes me anxious about going in case Iâ€™m not actually that good. Vicious cycle I suppose, canâ€™t get better if I donâ€™t go.


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## HEM (23 January 2019)

Hi Lauren, welcome! 

I suffered quite a bit with anxiety a few months ago where it was making me sick too so I understand completely what you are going through! I also coach young adults and children gymnastics and see a lot of nerves in them when at competitions. 

Honestly there is no reason to feel worried about missing a lesson. You are doing this for you and no one else and that's what you have to remember. Pressure is the biggest cause for anxiety and nerves and once you take that pressure away it really eases the stress and simple things become easy again. I agree with the above about it taking time but you need to be selfish with it and not force yourself. 

If you don't feel up to going don't go... and don't worry about what people are thinking/saying, you will never know what people are saying about you so don't dwell on it! If you are feeling nervous push yourself, 80% of what we do is mental, tell your self you are the dogs boll*cks and believe it when you say it! It's amazing what you can do when you think you can do it! (I've seen a lot of kids tell me they can do a skill which I don't even think they are close to being able to do but because they believe in themselves they can!) 

The best advice I can give is to just breath, relax, take that pressure away and remember you are paying to do this because you enjoy it not because someone is paying you to!!

**sorry for the long post just seen this situation a lot in the past!


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## Lauren198 (23 January 2019)

Thanks you HEM, just need to remember itâ€™s for me and hopefully I can start to calm my nerves a bit


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## Rumtytum (23 January 2019)

I've been riding just over two years and still get butterflies before and on the drive to the riding school. They are getting smaller but still there . Like you, once I'm physically on the yard/horse I'm fine. It's weird but I just accept it, and if the pre-lesson nerves are escalating I physically DO something - anything- to take my mind away, and it usually works. Worst thing is to sit and let negative feelings take over, that's  when the temptation to cancel could win. Good luck!


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## Surbie (23 January 2019)

I was nervous/scared about getting on my spooky horse in high winds because that's when he is the most flighty and at the beginning I only had plasticine instead of muscles. I was very scared about falling off mid-spook until I did and it didn't hurt nearly as much as I thought it would. 

The best thing I was told was to turn the emotion around, if you can before it really takes hold. If I interpreted being worried and nervous into being excited it made the BIGGEST difference to me and to my riding. Laughing also helped me - you might not want to try this in a group lesson situation! 

Neither of these might work for you - it depends on what it is that is making you worried.

Missing a lesson here and there won't make you worse. And comparing with other people's riding feels a bit pointless because they aren't you and you never know, they may be battling with their own issues.

I hope you find something that works for you. Do let us know when you do, it might well help someone.


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## Lauren198 (23 January 2019)

Thanks guys ,appreciate the advice ðŸ˜


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## thommackintosh (24 January 2019)

Some great advice there.
One thing I'd suggest... It might make a difference, might not but worth a shot. Do you have any opportunity to visit the yard to spend some quiet time with your favourite horse? Time without an actual lesson. Perhaps building a bond with the horse, and requesting them for your future lessons will help alleviate some anxiety by putting you more at eases and tipping the scales in the direction of popping up to visit a buddy. 
From personal experience I was overhorsed at a yard years ago and they kept insisting he was the right horse for me to be riding. I used to dread going for lessons until I spent some time on the ground with him, got to lunge him and build a bond. We ended up getting on famously.


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## Rumtytum (24 January 2019)

Agree wholeheartedly with thommackintosh!  After my lesson I have an hour in the stable with 'my' horse, grooming, massaging, just being with him.  Our quiet time is as good if not better than the lesson and a great calmer of nerves.  We definitely have a bond now and I love him to bits.


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## numptynovice (27 January 2019)

As a fellow anxiety suffered, my tips are:

- Avoid drinking coffee the day of the lesson!

- I say to my instructor if riding a horse that Iâ€™m not 100% confident on that I will only canter/jump if I feel comfortable - I almost always do but giving myself permission not to makes me feel less nervous. 

- telling my instructor about the anxiety helps (only works if you have a sympathetic instructor though). As soon as I say the words the anxiety start to disappear....

I do find myself thinking about cancelling every week, the reason I donâ€™t is that I KNOW how much riding and being around the horses helps with my anxiety overall- once Iâ€™ve ridden Iâ€™m so much more relaxed.


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## Trinket12 (28 January 2019)

A technique my therapist gave me for when the thoughts start happening, is to visualize the word STOP in what ever format works for you (I think of a red Stop sign) and then use a kind voice to reassure myself. So for example, today I was also feeling anxious about my lesson (you're rubbish, your coach doesn't like you, you're going to make a stupid mistake) I thought the word STOP and my kind voice re-assured me and reminded me how much I love my lesson.

Apparently this helps re-train your thought pathways, and while the thoughts may never entirely go away, my therapist assures me it does make changes. I have been using this process for about a month, and I have felt a difference.


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## soapy (16 August 2019)

i agree with the zero caffeine thing.  Also there are lots of great meditation apps like headspace and insight. I find that even a 10 minute session where you just concentrate on breathing quells anxiety.  
Good luck.


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## dogatemysalad (16 August 2019)

Lauren198 said:



			I want to be good at it, I just think sometimes I place a lot of pressure on myself to be better than I am which then in turn makes me anxious about going in case Iâ€™m not actually that good. Vicious cycle I suppose, canâ€™t get better if I donâ€™t go.
		
Click to expand...

You're unlikely to ever be Carl Hester, so why do you want to be good ? If it's because you are worried that other people think you're a poor rider, then forget it, such opinions are worthless. Just go to a local show and you'll see a few shockingly bad riders, who are unfortunately gifted with self delusion. 
The other reason why you want to be a good rider,  is because you want the horse and yourself to enjoy the ride. You want the horse to be relaxed and comfortable. That means not banging about on his back and hauling his mouth. Horses are forgiving creatures, but I suspect that you are a sensitive and sympathetic rider who beats herself up for not being perfect. 
Like any skill, it takes time and improvement is two steps forward and one step back. Be patient with yourself, be kind and forgiving of your mistakes. You're doing this for fun, not to beat yourself up. I think you're probably better than you think you are.


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## Trouper (17 August 2019)

Becoming a good rider is not a destination - it is a never-ending journey.   Even those at the top of the profession still have lessons so if you can re-set your mind to this it might help.  There are also good days and rubbish days when having lessons - it doesn't mean you are not making progress if this happens or you miss a lesson.  Agree totally in spending "ground" time with the horses - you learn so much about them and build a strong bond which only helps with the riding.  Keep going!!


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## Noodle13 (17 August 2019)

Have been riding for all my life but not regularly for last few years, due to last horse having serious health issues. Started going for lessons with good local person on horse I liked during one of them I chickened out halfway through & just spent rest of time sobbing into horses neck in stable. No one judged me & helped me identify its not horses am scared of its my own thoughts when you're younger so much easier to just get on & do it. You take as much time as you need & i hope you feel that you can get support, don't ever give up on yourself


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## AlessaDarling (21 August 2019)

Do you only have group lessons? 

Iâ€™ve been in group lessons for about 18 months and still find them quite high pressure, get butterflies before because itâ€™s unpredictable as to what we might be doing that day.

 However, when possible I try to fit in a private lesson, when the instructor knows I am keen to work on my confidence, position, seat etc, as that gives me a nice calm atmosphere and I can think back to that to reassure myself that I can do it. Had a great lesson this morning starting on the lunge, no reins, no stirrups, and achieved a lot more after that than I expected. Also, I try to fit in regular hacks as it is pure fun, so nice to get out of the school and take in the scenery and thatâ€™s also a lot less pressure!


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## HazuraJane (23 August 2019)

So many good bits of advice here - only thing I can add is this: try arriving early to lessons. Find a quiet spot and run in place for a good one-two minutes. It *may* give you the relaxed let-down body that you want for riding. Arriving early also affords you the chance to observe what's going on that day at the yard. When my nerves were problematic, I asked if I could tack up the horse for my lesson, and the simple acts of picking out feet, brushing, saddling - it got me past the fright.


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