# Why do time wasters make a hard decision harder?



## flaxen (15 September 2012)

I have had to put my beloved hombred 2yr old up for sale due to having a baby and husband not helping and also cant afford child care so am unable to go back to work so cant pay for them.

I have had 1 person ring from other end of the country wanting to pay for him monthly.

I have had 2 people arrange to view then not bother turning up with no explanation or the decentcy to return call.

Despite horses description Ive had someone wanting him for a complete novice.

Ive had someone else wanting to view him but they say they can only afford half of what hes priced at.

Ive been completly honest in his advert but all I seem to be getting is time wasters.

Its a hard and upsetting sale which I wouldnt be doing if baby didnt exist but the only choice I have as I cant afford to pay to have him broken, I dont get any time to spend with him except to muck out at 6am every morning before baby wakes up and have about 30 mins on an evening to bed down, get them in, change rugs and pick feet out as thats the longest she will sit in her pram for.


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## thatsmygirl (15 September 2012)

Why can't your husband have the baby while u do the horses? 
tax credits pay for my child care, have u looked into that?
I would explain this to your husband and ask for help.
I use to park the car outside the stable with my child so I could multi task.


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## mcnaughty (15 September 2012)

Have you considered sending him away to one of those youngstock yards - just to be turned away with a load of other babies?  Don't believe they are very expensive at all.  What about a loan?  Some people just like to play with babies.

Best of luck though - hard decision


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## Gingerwitch (15 September 2012)

Sorry to be harsh - but when folks are loosing "beloved" animals that they would move heaven earth and go to hell and back a 100 times over - you really need to work out if it is "beloved" or not!

I would have worked 24 hours a day to find the money to pay for my big lad.

You choose 3 years ago to put the mare in foal, and you choose to do the same for yourself - so get off your butt, stop your winging and deal with the bed you have made.


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## ribbons (15 September 2012)

Blimey Gingerwitch, that was to the point. I do tend to agree with you though. Circumstances often change for all of us but few tend to look ahead further than next week, and think what would 
happen before they take on a horse.


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## redheadkelj (15 September 2012)

I don't understand the need for that comment! Someone is looking for advice and support and people come out with things like that! If I had started the thread and got a comment like that I would be deeply hurt and upset by it!


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## Wigglypigs (15 September 2012)

Harsh but I agree with Gingerwitch to a degree. I would never have bred a foal only to have to give it up at 2. There are too many horses in the world as it is.


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## Gingerwitch (15 September 2012)

The day does not start at 6am, I was up and at the yard by 5am when i was nursing the big lad, and still doing last night checks at gone half 10, and i did this for months.

Have you seen the sad news posted recently on here, the poor young horses that really are "beloved" whose owners would have done anything for and have been lost due to some horrid quirk of nature - not because someone has not thought their action through,

I cant turn feelings on and off, depending on the size of my purse, or when the new shiney baby comes along - so i dont really care how harsh my post is - when folks stop breeding without thinking of the long term then we wont have as many ruined horses, or onces that are destined for slaughter.


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## ladyt25 (15 September 2012)

I do tend to agree with Gingerwitch I'm afraid and personally I feel people (as in the couple) need to make these decisions before having babies. If you really want to keep your horse you find a way (in my mind) and I do wonder why on earth your husband can't help with the baby - he halped make it after all!! People have managed with young babies and horses for years and a 2 yo horse does not NEED excessive amounts of attention in reality, as long as it has food, water and all the neccesities are taken care of they do ok, you don't HAVE to break in a youngster at a particular age.

Do you not have any friends who could help you out? If I was in this position, I still would be asking why my husband couldn't help if he cared about how i felt about my horse?!!


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## zoon (15 September 2012)

If my husband was that much of an ass that he wouldn't help with HIS child then I'd leave him. My other half doesn't help with the horses unless he really has to, but does more than his fair share of looking after our son!


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## snopuma (15 September 2012)

I think I would get shot of the husband and the baby, keep the 2 year old horse it would be more fulfilling than the other option no question!

Time wasters are everywhere in buying circles, it just a fact of life, it sounds to me as though you don't want to sell at all, therefore every buyer will have a fault, If I were you I would have a rethink about what to do, afterall that baby will be in playgroup/pre-school before you know it and you will have time on your hands, also let your husband know that its 2012 and not 1812 and that he has to help out with baby too!

Good Luck!


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## Kat (15 September 2012)

If you love your horse and want to keep it then look for grass livery. It will do a 2yr old no harm to live out with daily checks and minimal attention for a year. It will also be cheaper. Then you can save for a decent sales livery when the horse is three and more saleable. 

I have to say you really should have given this some thought when you bred your foal, and before you took the decision to have a baby yourself. You also had plenty of time during your pregnancy to sort out how you would cope with a baby and a horse, for example making it clear that husband would need to help with either baby or horse.


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## maisie06 (15 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			Sorry to be harsh - but when folks are loosing "beloved" animals that they would move heaven earth and go to hell and back a 100 times over - you really need to work out if it is "beloved" or not!

I would have worked 24 hours a day to find the money to pay for my big lad.

You choose 3 years ago to put the mare in foal, and you choose to do the same for yourself - so get off your butt, stop your winging and deal with the bed you have made.
		
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Bit uncalled for. If people didn't sell their horses, how would you have got yours? Circumstances change and have you ever thought that (no offence OP) that the baby may not actually have been planned? With a baby to care for you simply CANNOT work 24 hours a day that is just silly, where would you find time for a horse while you were working? what enjoyment would be gained, you would end up resenting it. 
It is also simply not feasible to disturb a young baby from it's sleep to go and do the horse. It is also none of our business why the father is unwilling to help out.
OP was just putting things in writing to hopefully feel better but in true HHO style the witches came out and jumped!!
Yes, you should think long and hard before breeding but sometimes you have to make the best of a bad situation and there are better ways of putting things than the way you wrote this comment. NASTY.
OP you have 2 options - try ringing local studs. Some take youngstock on grass livery so this will take the pressure off, you can either leave the horse there or sell from there. There will be someone who will turn out a good owner just takes time.


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## sychnant (15 September 2012)

I had 3 horses on DIY livery when I fell pregnant, It was not planned, I was on the pill, just one of the tiny percentage who it failed for.

I went back to work part time and got tax credits to help pay for childcare. I was a single mum and my mum had the baby a couple of evenings a week. I also got him into the routine of sleeping while I mucked out.

It's hard, but it can be done.


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## 111ex111 (15 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			Sorry to be harsh - but when folks are loosing "beloved" animals that they would move heaven earth and go to hell and back a 100 times over - you really need to work out if it is "beloved" or not!

I would have worked 24 hours a day to find the money to pay for my big lad.

You choose 3 years ago to put the mare in foal, and you choose to do the same for yourself - so get off your butt, stop your winging and deal with the bed you have made.
		
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very uncalled for. she obviously loves her horse- otherwise she would have sent it to the first buyer who turned up. 
Maybe the pregnancy was unplanned? You do not know her life story.
She is putting the baby first- which IMO a baby should come before anything else

all the OP was asking for was a little bit of support, she is obviously upset by having to sell her horse in the first place- let alone people like you knocking her down and bullying.


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## FfionWinnie (15 September 2012)

Ginger witch that is totally uncalled for.  You have no ideal of the op's circumstances. For all you know she could have a violent husband or PND. 

Flaxen I'm sorry you are in this predicament. I still feel you need to tackle the bigger picture, which will be hard but better for you in the long run.


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## Black_Horse_White (15 September 2012)

Time wasters are a pain in the ass, but in all fairness so are some sellers. Hope you manage to work things out that is best for you and your horse.


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## MrVelvet (15 September 2012)

My baby was a complete surprise, I panicked but I manage. I go to the yard before OH goes to work (and before baby gets up) and if I need to go through the day she comes with me and either toddles around or eats raisins in her pram and then I go when OH is home if I want to work him or play etc. I went back to work when she was 3 months old - just part time so child care wasn't much of an issue but I earnt enough to pay for my horse and a bit towards the bills so I didn't feel bad for OH paying for everything. If you go to work and do 16 hrs you get tax credits and help with childcare which may help you keep your horse?


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## lastchancer (15 September 2012)

I suspect that you may be better getting rid of the husband and keeping the horse. 
If he wont help with the child now he never will so you might as well get used to managing by yourself. Ask local farmers, some of them will let you turn a youngster away for a year or two for not a lot of money.


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## SonnysHumanSlave (15 September 2012)

Why cant you take the baby with you to the yard? 

I had horses during and after pregnancy, and just take them to the yard with me.

Why wont your husband help? He needs a boot up the Wazoo to be honest.


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## Natz88 (15 September 2012)

maisie06 said:



			Bit uncalled for. If people didn't sell their horses, how would you have got yours? Circumstances change and have you ever thought that (no offence OP) that the baby may not actually have been planned? With a baby to care for you simply CANNOT work 24 hours a day that is just silly, where would you find time for a horse while you were working? what enjoyment would be gained, you would end up resenting it. 
It is also simply not feasible to disturb a young baby from it's sleep to go and do the horse. It is also none of our business why the father is unwilling to help out.
OP was just putting things in writing to hopefully feel better but in true HHO style the witches came out and jumped!!
Yes, you should think long and hard before breeding but sometimes you have to make the best of a bad situation and there are better ways of putting things than the way you wrote this comment. NASTY.
OP you have 2 options - try ringing local studs. Some take youngstock on grass livery so this will take the pressure off, you can either leave the horse there or sell from there. There will be someone who will turn out a good owner just takes time.
		
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Agree with this, I think some of the reply's have been a little uncalled for. I have a daughter who wasn't planned & had to give up work when I had her (for reasons I can't go into), but I have been lucky enough to have supportive family & OH which has allowed me to keep my horses, but not everyone is this lucky. As others have said have a look into grass livery as that will take some strain off you.

OP I hope it all works out for you & you can find a solution for you & your horse


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## Amymay (15 September 2012)

Tell your OH to get his priorities in order.

And agree about grass livery. Perfect solution.


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## navaho (15 September 2012)

Alot of posts condemning OP, but as we dont all know her situation it does seem a little harsh. How do we know her OH doesnt work really long shifts & it totally knackered when hes home, having a baby is taxing on both parents & its a total shock to the system & also very life changing. Personally if i was in OP's shoes i would find grass livery & turn it out so its less work, making a rash decision under stress of a new baby is not good & you can almost guarantee that you will regret it later down the line. Let your life settle down, get used to the routine with a baby & then make a clear decision without anything else influencing you. You will find a few months down the line life will get easier


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## Auslander (15 September 2012)

Poor OP. A brief search of previous posts will reveal what an impossible situation the poor woman is in. Some nasty thoughtless posts on here. I would be thoroughly ashamed if I'd ripped into her without first making sure I knew the facts.


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## ester (15 September 2012)

amymay said:



			Tell your OH to get his priorities in order.

And agree about grass livery. Perfect solution.
		
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iirc the horse is at her OHs farm anyway and there are turnout limits. 

I do think many posts have been quite harsh, hopefully the OP has created a nice well handled 2 year old for someone else to take on.


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## sarahann1 (15 September 2012)

OP, so sorry you've found yourself in this situation, hopefully you find the right home for your horse soon.


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## HBM1 (15 September 2012)

OP, I am really sorry but if I were you (having read one of your previous posts), I would put the 2 year old on grass livery - he really will be fine living out with other youngsters, even if you send him to a stud where they do all the daily checks etc and you see him when you can.  I would then take the chance to leave that uncaring louse of a husband you have and move back with my parents, or other family member whilst I got housing sorted out.  Men don't tend to change wholeheartedly overnight so I am assuming he was  fairly self-centred and a lazy arse prior to becoming a father but I would not wish to be with anyone who thought it was a chore to take care of their own children.  Being tired is no excuse, I know a policeman friend who does long 12 hour shifts but when he walks in the door to his children he is ready to play/cook etc, whatever is needed, in order to be their dad.  

Solve one problem at a time, get horse safely settled, then work on your own future.  He won't improve in time I fear....


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## SnowPhony (15 September 2012)

Some people need to realise there are more to life than horses. Don't be so quick to judge, it's quite obvious this is a difficult situation for OP to be in.

All these people that put their horses at a higher priority than anything else had better be prepared for a lonely life.....


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## Booboos (15 September 2012)

So sorry you are having a long drawn out, upsetting sale! The people who make an appointment and never turn up are the worst! 

Realistically we're coming up to winter and it's going to be tough to sell any horse, is it worth re-thinking the asking price for a quick sale?


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## smokey (15 September 2012)

Auslander said:



			Poor OP. A brief search of previous posts will reveal what an impossible situation the poor woman is in. Some nasty thoughtless posts on here. I would be thoroughly ashamed if I'd ripped into her without first making sure I knew the facts.
		
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Well said, there are a few who should hang their heads! Must be great to be so sorted that nothing would ever shake their worlds. 
OP, I have seen previous posts from you, and I am sorry you find yourself in this situation. I agree that grass livery may be the best thing at the moment. It would give you some breathing space and maybe give you a chance to figure out your way forward. Ignore the awful comments from some here, uncalled for, and totally unfair.


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## Miss L Toe (15 September 2012)

I am selling, I rspoke to someone last week, made arrangement to view this week, no call, no nothing, and I have paid for someone to give him some schooling lessons this week. They advertised for a suitable pony, but the ad has disappeared, I will know in future to take all details including phone number name and address. These free ad sites attract idiots.


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## Amymay (15 September 2012)

It's actually not about the horse, Tashy. More to do with the supportive attitude of op's OH.


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## lula (15 September 2012)

FfionWinnie said:



			Ginger witch that is totally uncalled for.  You have no ideal of the op's circumstances. For all you know she could have a violent husband or PND.
		
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you what?!! 

how have we come from a thread having a rant about time wasters to someone suggesting the OP might get beaten black and blue by her husband every night? !!

blimey, people do have imaginations! i think your comments may be more offensive to the OP than anything gingerwitch said


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## Dubsie (15 September 2012)

Why not look for  work you can do with the baby? What's your skill set? Can you adapt to doing something from home? http://www.familyfriendlyworking.co.uk/

Why not get a sling and carry your baby while you muck out, groom or whatever, if the horse is sensible enough ie not going to misbehave I see no reason you couldn't do a fair bit of bombproofing and handling with little one in a sling, if you're not working you'd have lots of time. www.littlepossums.co.uk


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## joeanne (15 September 2012)

A very good solution from Dubsie.....get a sling, pop baby in and off you go!


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## ester (15 September 2012)

apart from the posts by Gingerwitch amymay who has made no reference to the problematic (and frankly not very nice sounding OH). Just that the OP needs to stop winging and deal with her lot (rather than making what many would see as a sensible decision) and that the OP is turning her feelings for her horse off because she has a shiney new baby... 

Anyone would think noone ever bought or sold horses. 



Gingerwitch said:



			You choose 3 years ago to put the mare in foal, and you choose to do the same for yourself - so get off your butt, stop your winging and deal with the bed you have made.
		
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Gingerwitch said:



			Have you seen the sad news posted recently on here, the poor young horses that really are "beloved" whose owners would have done anything for and have been lost due to some horrid quirk of nature - not because someone has not thought their action through,

I cant turn feelings on and off, depending on the size of my purse, or when the new shiney baby comes along
		
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## ester (15 September 2012)

lula said:



			you what?!! 

how have we come from a thread having a rant about time wasters to someone suggesting the OP might get beaten black and blue by her husband every night? !!

blimey, people do have imaginations! i think your comments may be more offensive to the OP than anything gingerwitch said
		
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because the OP has posted previously so people have made some assumptions about the the sort of man he is, that might not be correct but he has certainly been portrayed as very controlling.


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## lula (15 September 2012)

ester said:



			because the OP has posted previously so people have made some assumptions about the the sort of man he is, that might not be correct but he has certainly been portrayed as very controlling.
		
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ah, well if the OP herself has insinuated as much then i apologise. 

Im only remarking on this thread and haven't been through all the OP's back posts so didnt know there might be a whole other back story here.


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## Amymay (15 September 2012)

Unsupportive.


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## lula (15 September 2012)

..id just like to add though, whether Op's OH is violent or not id still kick his lazy arse into next week!


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## smokey (15 September 2012)

lula said:



			you what?!! 

how have we come from a thread having a rant about time wasters to someone suggesting the OP might get beaten black and blue by her husband every night? !!

blimey, people do have imaginations! i think your comments may be more offensive to the OP than anything gingerwitch said
		
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If you look back at previous posts from OP, you will see that she is in this situation largely because of her OH's lack of support in all areas. I don't think she would be considering selling her youngster if he was a bit more helpful. . The poor girl sounds thoroughly down about the whole thing, and the awful comments about getting off her butt, having made her bed etc etc are unhelpful to say the least. Talk about hitting someone when they're down! .


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## luckyoldme (15 September 2012)

I think its simple... the 'buyers' have noidea of your personal circumstances and the only part of your life they are interested in is the advertised horse. You have advertised it for sale and all sorts of potential buyers and weirdo s may ring.
This happens every single day in my business I am working away making an order up and someone rings and i have to spend 10 minutes discussing the ins and outs of an order they may or may not place.
Thats life!


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## riding_high (15 September 2012)

i went a few months of not having a horse after having my last one pts i vowed not to get another one as it was too upsetting for myself and my kids. during the gap of not having a horse i found out i was pregnant and i just felt so worthless and useless, my 2 older kids had difficulties, i was struggling with a pregnancy (emotionally) and my OH would come home fromo work and complain about a few crumbs on the floor or toys being scattered around. he didn't give me a moments thought and in the end he started chatting to an old friend and was arranging to meet up. i got more and more depressed and couldn't work out why.
after frank discussions with my OH about what was going wrong and how i was feeling he bought me a horse. it was the best thing ever. i started to feel more than just a mother and frump (from being pregnant) and it gave me a reason to get out of the house each day and put a spring back in my step.

i had my baby and i worked things around my horse and baby, as in i would go to the yard and muck out etc when it was babys' nap time, my horse got used to seeing a pushchair around the place and they seemed to really bond. 6yrs on i still have the horse and my son and horse are closer than any other pairing i know. 

what i'm saying is that if you sell your horse you will feel more isolated than you do now, you will start to resent your baby and your OH and it will bubble under the surface until one day you will have a massive arguement and end up seperating (possibly). your OH needs to help you more, the child is half his as well and if he can't help and support you through that then he is selfish. ok you want a horse but that is/will be your release from being around baby all the time, does he have any hobbies that take him away from you for a few hours? if so is he going to give them up?

i agree with looking into tax credits, speak to someone and find out what you are entitled to, speak to your OH and ask him what he's willing to do for you and the baby before you sell your horse. 

i didn't have any family around me and was in a new area so had to do it alone but i managed and to be honest having the horse was my lifeline! good luck.


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## smokey (15 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			The day does not start at 6am, I was up and at the yard by 5am when i was nursing the big lad, and still doing last night checks at gone half 10, and i did this for months.

Have you seen the sad news posted recently on here, the poor young horses that really are "beloved" whose owners would have done anything for and have been lost due to some horrid quirk of nature - not because someone has not thought their action through,

I cant turn feelings on and off, depending on the size of my purse, or when the new shiney baby comes along - so i dont really care how harsh my post is - when folks stop breeding without thinking of the long term then we wont have as many ruined horses, or onces that are destined for slaughter.
		
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Well aren't you just the perfect example of humility! I actually missed this post earlier, but can't ignore it now. I hope you never find yourself in the same position as the OP. no-one can see what's ahead of them, and no-one has the right to be so judgemental of another. Shiny new baby? That comment alone is totally vile. 
And FWIW, if you care to look back at previous posts, I think you will find that OP's OH is not only unsupportive physically, but also refuses to pay for the horse since the OP is no longer earning.  You would probably get on quite well with him.


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## ester (15 September 2012)

lula don't worry about it noone expects peeps to read everything written  but it would perhaps be useful for some to note that not everyone is as robust in life as they are and not everyone has the same support around them. 

OP I hope you are ok? for the most part this forum is very helpful.


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## Penny Less (15 September 2012)

Gingerwitch you are well named.


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## charlie76 (15 September 2012)

I can't believe a bunch of people on a forum feel its appropriate to judge and dictate to some one about selling their horse! It's their horse and their decision.  If the op cannot afford the time or money to keep the horse,  whatever the reasons may be,  then the sensible thing is to sell it.  
Horses don't have emotions towards humans.  Op,  there is more in life than horses.  Get you sorted,  your daughter and your marriage sorted and when you are in a better place get another horse and enjoy it.


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## FfionWinnie (15 September 2012)

lula said:



			you what?!! 

how have we come from a thread having a rant about time wasters to someone suggesting the OP might get beaten black and blue by her husband every night? !!

blimey, people do have imaginations! i think your comments may be more offensive to the OP than anything gingerwitch said
		
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You and I have no idea of the ins and outs of this, however I have read the previous posts and you clearly haven't.


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## FfionWinnie (15 September 2012)

lula said:



			..id just like to add though, whether Op's OH is violent or not id still kick his lazy arse into next week!
		
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Again had you read the previous thread you would know that the op is not in a position to kick his lazy arse anywhere. 

The op has come here for support and it is clear she really needs it.


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## Littlelegs (15 September 2012)

On these types of post I'm usually the first one to say stop whinging, a horse & a baby is easy, get on with it etc. However the op is pretty stuck. As a single mum or with a low earning oh, she'd get help with childcare to work. But short of stealing from her oh, she can't pay for the horse herself right now, or find a job to do so. Physically its do-able to provide the daily care for a horse without any support from oh or family, but op is stuck financially. My best advice is ditch the husband. If that's his attitude now, how do you think life will be in 10yrs?


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## WelshD (15 September 2012)

Life changes suddenly sometimes, I was made redundant last year and faced losing everything, something I could not have forseen the previous year.

OP, go back and speak to the person who offered half what he is worth and maybe meet them with the aim of delicately finding out what their situation is, it could be that they really did offer half whilst being skint and wouldnt be able to afford his care or it could be that they offered half as that's a more realistic value for him and they didn't want to say that

Unless he is exceptionally well bred it could be that he simply isn't worth what you are asking and seeing him in a good home and being able to breathe a sigh of relief may be the best thing x


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## Fools Motto (15 September 2012)

Sadly nothing really useful to add.
But, I'd just like to say I've read the thread, feel for the OP and think some comments have been a little harsh. 
Keeping horses isn't easy, nor cheap. Juggling beloved horses with precious babies is even more far from easy. Some make it work, anyhow/somehow, some however can not. 
I wish the OP the very best.


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## lula (15 September 2012)

FfionWinnie said:



			Again had you read the previous thread you would know that the op is not in a position to kick his lazy arse anywhere. 

The op has come here for support and it is clear she really needs it.
		
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tbh winnie, i just commented on the thread that i took at face value and i apologise if i came down on your comment suggesting the OP's OH was violent but i took it on face value on the context of this thread.. as perhaps did others, i dont know.

Although doubtless, as it seems there is a back story here - knowing it would be useful and i didnt, but not everybody has read every thread from the Op or has the time to trawl through all their back posts to know it if those facts are not alluded to by the OP in a new/recent thread and people cant always be critisized for that, as im sure you'll agree.


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## smokey (15 September 2012)

littlelegs said:



			On these types of post I'm usually the first one to say stop whinging, a horse & a baby is easy, get on with it etc. However the op is pretty stuck. As a single mum or with a low earning oh, she'd get help with childcare to work. But short of stealing from her oh, she can't pay for the horse herself right now, or find a job to do so. Physically its do-able to provide the daily care for a horse without any support from oh or family, but op is stuck financially. My best advice is ditch the husband. If that's his attitude now, how do you think life will be in 10yrs?
		
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I'm inclined to agree with this. You put it in a nutshell Littlelegs. Sounds like a nightmare situation to be in, and I can't imagine that she is happy at all. OP, for your sake and your baby, you need to find a way of making this right. Personally, I think ditching hubby is your best plan.


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## putasocinit (15 September 2012)

get on gingerwitch and all the others who agree, if you really want something you work 24hrs to keep it, and hubby should fit in or ****** off to, so many sad tales like this these days.


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## smokey (15 September 2012)

putasocinit said:



			get on gingerwitch and all the others who agree, if you really want something you work 24hrs to keep it, and hubby should fit in or ****** off to, so many sad tales like this these days.
		
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Oh dear, wouldn't it be just great if life were that simple!


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## mle22 (15 September 2012)

Sometimes I think there are some quite mad people on here - its only a horse the OP is selling - not her granny! There is no way I'd get up at 5.00am with a new baby as well as an unsupportive husband to look after a 2 year old horse that could quite happily be owned by someone else. I wouldn't put my baby in a papoose to carry around while I worked with a 2 yr old either!


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## putasocinit (15 September 2012)

OP is is very simple, get hold of your housing estate department, tell them you have a child and are scared of your OH, they will put you in a house/flat whatever, fill out all the paperwork you can to get some income, put horse on grass livery or let out as a companion for a year or two and tell OH that you are going, bye bye.  

And the baby, well there was many a mother over the years who managed to survive with a baby in a pram and her toe on the foot bar rocking it to sleep whilst she did something else which no doubt would have brought in some money, you gotta be strong. 

Trust me there is a world out there but to get it you also got to go for it.


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## putasocinit (15 September 2012)

smokey - actually i worked up to 2 weeks off giving birth and was back at work when the babe was 1 week old, yes breast feeding him with one hand on the phone taking a stationery order, whilst my usless EX husband lay in bed with a hangover, so dont make out to me that life it that easy, its how hard you go out and deal with it. 

Where I come from there is no such thing as benefits of any kind, you work or you starve.


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## Littlelegs (15 September 2012)

I agree op should ditch the husband. However last time I looked you didn't get a house/flat just because your husband scares you. Even if you have a range of police documents to prove you have good reason. And whilst ops husband sounds a ****, op hasn't mentioned anything about abuse so I doubt women's aid etc would be able to help. Op does need to go imo though.


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## smokey (15 September 2012)

putasocinit said:



			smokey - actually i worked up to 2 weeks off giving birth and was back at work when the babe was 1 week old, yes breast feeding him with one hand on the phone taking a stationery order, whilst my usless EX husband lay in bed with a hangover, so dont make out to me that life it that easy, its how hard you go out and deal with it. 

Where I come from there is no such thing as benefits of any kind, you work or you starve.
		
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Well, good for you. Medals all round. FWIW, I've done it 6 times, 3 of them sections. Let's not turn it into a competition. Regardless of how well you coped, or I coped, or the world and his granny coped, the OP is not coping, and doesn't need to hear about how she should just get on with it. Another poster said it, we are not all as well equipped to cope as you appear to be.


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## hairycob (15 September 2012)

There are some really bitchy posts on here. Some of you need to get your heads out of your proverbials & realise that life can deal people some pretty tough blows sometimes.
Added to that I'm SO glad to here that I am working 45+ hours per week so my taxes can subsidise some of you having a nice expensive hobby. News - tax credits are meant to support your family you know those little nuisances that you have to palm off on someone else so you can spend time with your horse instead. Enjoy your riding while I'm stuck in the office until 7pm paying for it.


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## liss1987 (15 September 2012)

I think of the comments have been a bit harsh rather than constructive, but I agree that if I had a baby, I would be working out how I'm going to care and pay for my horse from the moment I found out I was pregnant as I know it would be another drain on finances and another "dependant". People really should stop breeding their horses for the sake of it and if you can't afford to keep a youngster anymore then sometimes you may need to meet the buyer half way, as a good home is more important than price.


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## smokey (15 September 2012)

hairycob said:



			There are some really bitchy posts on here. Some of you need to get your heads out of your proverbials & realise that life can deal people some pretty tough blows sometimes.
Added to that I'm SO glad to here that I am working 45+ hours per week so my taxes can subsidise some of you having a nice expensive hobby. News - tax credits are meant to support your family you know those little nuisances that you have to palm off on someone else so you can spend time with your horse instead. Enjoy your riding while I'm stuck in the office until 7pm paying for it.
		
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I agree, some very intolerant posts here. So, I have to wonder why you add to it by suggesting that you are working your butt off so we can all have a ball on our horses. Some bitchy comments, yes, now the martyrs are coming to play


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## lesleypt (15 September 2012)

Sad to say there are so many of them about these days. But sometimes it goes both ways.

I recently went to view a horse, told the owner I would contact her within 24 hours to discuss a 2nd viewing or make an offer, in this case it was the latter. 
She gave me first refusal, great I thought! So when I called to make an offer, she told me she had sold him. 

Less than a week later, email arrives saying "sale fell through!" So arranged to go back and try again today! 

Got a text this AM saying sorry just sold him!!! 

GRRRRR


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## lula (15 September 2012)

smokey said:



			I agree, some very intolerant posts here. So, I have to wonder why you add to it by suggesting that you are working your butt off so we can all have a ball on our horses. Some bitchy comments, yes, now the martyrs are coming to play

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smokey, are you having a bad day or something?.. you seem itching for a fight!


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## Jools1234 (15 September 2012)

now much as i love my horse and my daughters horse too (and of course my daughters), they are horses and your family especially when they are so young have to come first in my book.
i think selling the horse is the right thing to do, then you will hopefully have a bit of breathing space to cope with other things that may or may not need sorting out-sometimes we load too much pressure on ourselves to cope (others loading it on is just unfair)
well done to everyone who has managed to cope with everything that has been thrown at them to date-i hope you never  find yourselves in a situation that you cant cope, its not a nice place to be

chin up OP it will work out in the end


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## Gingerwitch (15 September 2012)

Hang on - dont come on here posting about a "beloved" animal - when you can do something about keeping it !

I just wish i like many others had the choice to keep really "beloved horses"

I am not on about buying and selling of horses on a general scale but to the fact that she is having to sell her "beloved youngster". If it was beloved she would be putting up a darn sight better fight to keep it.

And the biggest time wasters around are those that breed without thinking through full their actions and winge about the fact she cant move on a 2 year old in one of the worst selling markets - just before the winter.


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## hairycob (15 September 2012)

There are 2 reasons people saying get tax credits to pay for your horse pisses me off.
1) is because statements like that give ammunition to all the politicians who would love to be able to say - well if that's what it's paying for lets stop it. Now I know that there are plenty of families who need that system to put a roof over their kids heads & food on the table & I don't begrudge them having that at all not for 1 minute. In fact the thing I hate about tax credits is it gives an excuse to pay a below living wage. 
2) If people are using a benefit system designed to keep a roof over their kids heads & put food in their kids bellies to ensure they can maintain a luxury hobby then I think it is they & not the OP who needs to rethink their priorities.
And no you can't do it without the contributions of people like me & if you don't like to think about that - tough!


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## hairycob (15 September 2012)

Gingerwitch I think there have been enough posters explaining that the OP is in a very difficult situation.


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## mle22 (15 September 2012)

jools1234 said:



			now much as i love my horse and my daughters horse too (and of course my daughters), they are horses and your family especially when they are so young have to come first in my book.
i think selling the horse is the right thing to do, then you will hopefully have a bit of breathing space to cope with other things that may or may not need sorting out-sometimes we load too much pressure on ourselves to cope (others loading it on is just unfair)
well done to everyone who has managed to cope with everything that has been thrown at them to date-i hope you never  find yourselves in a situation that you cant cope, its not a nice place to be

chin up OP it will work out in the end
		
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I agree totally with this -


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## Gingerwitch (15 September 2012)

Life is tough isnt it? I have had to have a "beloved" horse put to sleep in very unfortunate circumstances - would i have sold a "beloved" horse - no way -on this earth or the next one.

So dont insult us that work our butts off to pay for our horses by calling something "beloved" when it clearly isnt.

Its insulting to those that have truley lost a beloved animal


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## DragonSlayer (15 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			Sorry to be harsh - but when folks are loosing "beloved" animals that they would move heaven earth and go to hell and back a 100 times over - you really need to work out if it is "beloved" or not!

I would have worked 24 hours a day to find the money to pay for my big lad.

You choose 3 years ago to put the mare in foal, and you choose to do the same for yourself - so get off your butt, stop your winging and deal with the bed you have made.
		
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God forbid nothing goes wrong in your life....


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## joeanne (15 September 2012)

How the hell has this gone from advice on shifting a non-selling youngster to telling someone what to do and how to run their life and jumping to all sorts of conclusions?
The OP didn't ASK any of you to tell her how to leave her partner/husband.....she asked for advice on selling her horse!
Christ alive.....


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## SnowPhony (15 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			Life is tough isnt it? I have had to have a "beloved" horse put to sleep in very unfortunate circumstances - would i have sold a "beloved" horse - no way -on this earth or the next one.

So dont insult us that work our butts off to pay for our horses by calling something "beloved" when it clearly isnt.

Its insulting to those that have truley lost a beloved animal
		
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You have no idea what life holds for you so how can you say that you would never sell?


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## DragonSlayer (15 September 2012)

joeanne said:



			How the hell has this gone from advice on shifting a non-selling youngster to telling someone what to do and how to run their life and jumping to all sorts of conclusions?
The OP didn't ASK any of you to tell her how to leave her partner/husband.....she asked for advice on selling her horse!
Christ alive.....
		
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Innit marvellous? 

The only advice I'd give OP is to NOT ask advice here!


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## Littlelegs (15 September 2012)

As said I'm usually the first to say shut up & get on with it, but op can't magic money out of her backside, regardless of how much effort she puts into daily jobs. And as to tax credits, iirc they were mentioned in reference to ops husband not being willing to pay for childcare. If op finds a job tomorrow, she'll have to pay childcare before receiving a wage. Which means either husband or tax credits in her case. And neither is an option. 
  I'll also happily admit to keeping a horse whilst on income support for a few months & later on tax credits. And I don't give a flying **** who knows or judges me for it. I sold one horse, but no way was my pet going because my ex happened to be scum. And as for tax credits, you receive them up to a reasonable income. So the majority of recipients have luxuries, like cars, mortgages, new clothes etc. If my luxury happened to be my pony, its no different. Incidentally I once totted up what I have received from the taxpayer, including education & healthcare, versus how much tax I have paid. And I'm very much in the black still thanks! 
  And agree with all smokeys posts too.


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## Littlelegs (15 September 2012)

Incidentally gingerwitch I did sell one beloved horse when pregnant. Because I loved both enough that I'd prefer one going to a good home, even though 8yrs later I still miss him like hell, than keeping & watching them both do without basic stuff from lack of money. Not being 12, I'm not going to get into arguing over who loves there horse most.


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## putasocinit (15 September 2012)

in support of my posts, (1) i wish someone had given me advice how to leave the lazy drunken sod e.g. housing (2) i work until 8pm to pay for peoples sad situations in life (3) i was only trying to give the OP an example to say that there is light at the end of the tunnel but it isnt going to turn on by itself.  

If every single person that OP ever speaks to that just says "oh shame" she may never be given the kick up the butt (pardon the pun) that she may need without being nasty.  And i agree the selling of the horse should have been thought of before.

Posters should read a bit deeper in to other posts before judging that they are just out to be nasty when they are not.  

Lets remember we actually do not know each other or what has taken place in our lives so lets not get emotional.


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## HBM1 (15 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			Life is tough isnt it? I have had to have a "beloved" horse put to sleep in very unfortunate circumstances - would i have sold a "beloved" horse - no way -on this earth or the next one.

So dont insult us that work our butts off to pay for our horses by calling something "beloved" when it clearly isnt.

Its insulting to those that have truley lost a beloved animal
		
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It is actually insulting to say your version of beloved is far and beyond anyone else's.  The OP bred her horse, which gives you a different depth of love and responsibility for them.  It doesn't mean that circumstances don't change - to me the OP seems caught with a new baby and a husband who won't  lift a finger to help, that wasn't something that could have been foreseen 3 years ago. 

OP, do think about grass livery, if only for a while, as it will give you some breathing space and also if you do end up without the husband you may bitterly regret being without your horse too.


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## Gingerwitch (15 September 2012)

Hang on - who put the mare in foal ?
Who knew over 9 months at least ago that a baby was on the way?
Why have you waited all summer to sell a youngster?
Why on earth do you expect someone to rock up and take off this youngster just as winter is setting in?

So far its your OH's fault, the babys fault and the time waster's fault and now its poster on here faults, because we have not come out with the there there approach.

The only thing i care about in this whole saga is the poor mite you are now trying to offload just before winter.


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## hairycob (15 September 2012)

Gingerwitch - there is an old saying - better to keep quiet & people think you are a fool than to open your mouth and prove you are. Yes, you lost a horse. Yes, you are very sad - understandabe. But your situation is not the OPs. The OP is prioritising her baby above a horse - good on her. 
Maybe it wasn't a wise decision to breed the horse but it can't be unbred  & now she has to deal with the situation as it is. Her life is apparently complicated at the moment & if the horse has to go, even if it breaks her heart, to enable her to give her child a decent life then that is the way it is. Life is like that sometimes. 18 months ago I came close to having to sell my own horse after OH was made redundant for the 3rd time in 2 years & a couple of other bits of bad luck. It would have broken my heart but if the alternative was not being able to pay the mortgage & my whole family being homeless then the horse would have to go - end of. 
I just hope you never get dealt a really bad hand in life because from the way you post about your horse dying I really don't think you would be able to cope. I've lost a horse after a horrid illness too & believe me there is far, far worse that can happen in life.


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## Gingerwitch (15 September 2012)

Hairycob - you know nothing about me, my life or my experiances.

Like i keep asking - why wait till now to sell the poor thing - it stands no chance - there are quality horses out there going for peanuts.


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## rhino (15 September 2012)

Sometimes loving a horse means accepting that they will be better off elsewhere. 

I also don't see how suddenly he's a 'poor little mite'; he's a healthy, well handled, competition bred 2 year old.


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## Gingerwitch (15 September 2012)

Rhino - thats great - but why did she not move it on in the summer - everyone is dumping stock onto the market, and a 2 year old is in no-mans land -and why the big worry about having him/her backed just now - why does she not wait till the spring?


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## rhino (15 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			Rhino - thats great - but why did she not move it on in the summer - everyone is dumping stock onto the market, and a 2 year old is in no-mans land -and why the big worry about having him/her backed just now - why does she not wait till the spring?
		
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Maybe she was hoping that things would change


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## hairycob (15 September 2012)

You are right Gingerwitch I know nothing about you - but that is the impression your posting give. 
Ditto you don't know the OP. Maybe she has spent the summer desperately trying to find an alternative solution because the horse is "beloved". May be she has been trying to move heaven & earth to keep it. You don't know that but you are happy to claim that she can't really love it. Doesn't stop you being holier than thou about whether she does.


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## sarahann1 (15 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			Like i keep asking - why wait till now to sell the poor thing - it stands no chance - there are quality horses out there going for peanuts.
		
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Possibly because the OP really does love her horse and hoped desperately that something would change for the better. Now she appears to between a rock and a very crappy hard place, and she's taken the decision to do what's best for her and her newborn. 

OP if you are still reading this, and let's face it no one would blame you if you've given up, I'll say again how sad it is to read your selling and having problems. I wish you all the best getting back on top if life again.


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## Gingerwitch (15 September 2012)

I am really sorry to appear so harsh - but the fact is that hundreds of people put mares in foal without thinking fully of the consequences, and again its a bloody awful time to be selling - what will happen if it does not find a home?


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## Kelly1982 (15 September 2012)

GIngerwich have you got any children of your own? 

I don't, and my horses are my life!! I would also move heaven and earth to keep them and I have done in the past!!

BUT if I found myself in a situation where I ended up having a baby and felt that I couldn't spread finances or time fairly then the my child would be my first priority every time!!!!

You can find a horse a loving home where it can fulfill it's potential etc but you can't rehome a baby!!!

I think admitting that your struggling and making the decision to sell because u want the best future for your horse I'd far far braver than working your bones off to keep it but horse suffers because then u dont get no quality time with it and it's just dumped in a field with whatever little time u have spread between it and the baby!!!

I do understand u are grieving GW which is probably the reason for such an outburst but sometimes the best decision we can make for our beloved horses is to let them go.

Noone knows what the future holds!!! 

OP I don't know ur story but I really hope u find a solution xx


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## maisie06 (15 September 2012)

There really is no need to be sooo nasty GW. I am very sorry that you lost a horse, wouldn't wish that on anyone. No one is giving a "there there" approach at all. What we are trying to do is advise next course of action. There is absolutely no need and no point in going around in circles criticising the OP'S life choices and the fact she bred the horse. Fact is it's here now and OP wants to sell. I bred a foal - I sold it, suppose you have a problem with that too?? Makes me evil I suppose? Tell that to the pony's new owners who are having a fabulous time driving her and got in touch.


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## Sussexbythesea (15 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			Hang on - dont come on here posting about a "beloved" animal - when you can do something about keeping it !

I just wish i like many others had the choice to keep really "beloved horses"

I am not on about buying and selling of horses on a general scale but to the fact that she is having to sell her "beloved youngster". If it was beloved she would be putting up a darn sight better fight to keep it.

And the biggest time wasters around are those that breed without thinking through full their actions and winge about the fact she cant move on a 2 year old in one of the worst selling markets - just before the winter.
		
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Gingerwitch I was going to comment on your post this morning but I didn't get the time in the end but seeing as you are still in the same frame of mind.... Some of the things you are saying are very unkind  - you got plenty of support during your hard times. It seems to me your personal grief is making you say things which perhaps you would not have before you lost your horse? If not then sadly you are living up to your name.  

Just remember you are not alone in suffering grief over a loved one be that man or beast or the only one who has ever faced difficulties - remember this and try to be more tolerant and maybe avoid posts like this during this vulnerable time.


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## Gingerwitch (15 September 2012)

Hairy cob - as long as i have a breath in me I would not sell anything breathing that was beloved.

Holier than thou - thats fine by me, i did not breed a foal and then a baby without thinking of the consequences


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## putasocinit (15 September 2012)

OP for all the posts on here, people get emotional about horses, its something about horse lovers which you fully understand because you love yours, so do not take what has been said personally, its an emotion thing, but I do wish you the very best of luck and try every avenue to find a solution for you, baby and the horse (chuck it in a field if you can) but most of all head up high and be strong, and by the way, 9/10 times a woman tells her man she is leaving he actually gets off his arse.  Good luck.


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## Gingerwitch (15 September 2012)

Sussexby the sea - yes and i got some pretty awful ones too ! and load of vile pm's


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## hairycob (15 September 2012)

Then you do live up to your name. How sad for you.
I find it hard to understand how someone who can obviously love can be so lacking in compassion to a human being who is suffering. Especially one who has so recently needed to draw on the compassion & sympathy of others herself.


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## Gingerwitch (15 September 2012)

HC - so i live upto my name beacuse I think things through or because i received vile posts and loads of vile pm's

thanks


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## maisie06 (15 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			Hairy cob - as long as i have a breath in me I would not sell anything breathing that was beloved.

Holier than thou - thats fine by me, i did not breed a foal and then a baby without thinking of the consequences
		
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Oh dear. There's no helping you is there. I would hate to be so narrow minded as you are. I really hope for your sake that life doesn't do you a bad deal, lord only knows how you would cope with that attitude.


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## ladyt25 (15 September 2012)

I don't get why anyone sends others on here abusive PMs - why?? What does that gain? The point of a forum is you put a post on andyou need to be prepared for various opinions on what you write about - especially subjects like this!

I still think GW has some very vaild points and, if she has been there and done that then it's not like she hasn't experienced the hardships herself. At the end of the day, we have to take responsibility for what we do. IF we want something enough then as far as I'm concerned you do all you can to get/keep it. There ARE ways, you just have to look for them. I don't agree with the "woe is me" type posts to be honest and hence I would never post one. If you do, you need to be prepared some people may give you some harsh 'advice'!


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## joeanne (15 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			Hairy cob - as long as i have a breath in me I would not sell anything breathing that was beloved.

Holier than thou - thats fine by me, i did not breed a foal and then a baby without thinking of the consequences
		
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Far too unrealistic to say that.
If you lose your job next week, and cannot get another, the bills are mounting and the perfect home came up where your horse would want for nothing and would be getting better than currently with you, you could honestly deny your horse that home?
I couldn't........Ultimately the horse deserves more than he is currently getting. OP can't provide that for her own PERSONAL reasons, and as such is doing the best by him to get a good caring home where he can progress.
Hardly makes her a monster does it?


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## ladyt25 (15 September 2012)

maisie06 said:



			Oh dear. There's no helping you is there. I would hate to be so narrow minded as you are. I really hope for your sake that life doesn't do you a bad deal, lord only knows how you would cope with that attitude.
		
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That's the point though isn't it - many people get a raw deal in life but some people deal with situations better than others even though, at least for a time, it might be bloody hard!


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## ladyt25 (15 September 2012)

joeanne said:



			Far too unrealistic to say that.
If you lose your job next week, and cannot get another, the bills are mounting and the perfect home came up where your horse would want for nothing and would be getting better than currently with you, you could honestly deny your horse that home?
I couldn't........Ultimately the horse deserves more than he is currently getting. OP can't provide that for her own PERSONAL reasons, and as such is doing the best by him to get a good caring home where he can progress.
Hardly makes her a monster does it?
		
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Whilst I agree to some degree, the OP here is married so one would assume made the decision to get pregnant (there are plenty of ways of preventing that!) even though she knew she had a horse that she ultimately wanted to get broken in in the next year or so. Most people do plan these things (ok, accidents can happen!) but, why not have a child later of that's the case? Why bring a child into the equation at all when seemingly the father is being made out to be pretty unhelpful?

If I lost my job tomorrow I WOULD get another job - there are plenty out there whatever people say. Even if it was several P/T jobs. You just do what you have to at the end of the day.


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## Gingerwitch (15 September 2012)

Joanne - she has not got him a caring home though has she ! - that's the whole point - and sorry but its a bit late now to be be-moaning about all and sundry when she is the one that is in the mess.  She had options - she has had options for over 9 months - advertise the youngster earlier this year, now its a panic before winter sets in.


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## FreddiesGal (15 September 2012)

smokey said:



			Well aren't you just the perfect example of humility! I actually missed this post earlier, but can't ignore it now. I hope you never find yourself in the same position as the OP. no-one can see what's ahead of them, and no-one has the right to be so judgemental of another. Shiny new baby? That comment alone is totally vile. 
And FWIW, if you care to look back at previous posts, I think you will find that OP's OH is not only unsupportive physically, but also refuses to pay for the horse since the OP is no longer earning.  You would probably get on quite well with him.
		
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Couldn't have said it better myself.

At the end of the day, I am sure the OP loves her horse, but loves her baby 100,000,000 times more. And that is who her main priority is. The horse will find a new home, the baby won't.


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## hairycob (15 September 2012)

Gingerwitch - you live up to your name because you lack compassion for someone who is suffering. I'm sorry you received vile pms but surely that makes your own attitude to the OP even less understandable - though at least you have the integrity to post in public.  Like I said it would have been better if the horse hadn't been bred but maybe life didn't turn out as the OP was expecting. There are plenty of people I know in real life who are having to deal with really, really horrid unexpected turns of events - kids with life shortening illness, their OH being diagnosed with cancer & being given just a few months to live even though they don't actually even feel ill yet (spotted during a check on a chronic but not lifethreatening condition in case you are wondering) etc. Surely you can't be the only person in the world who has managed to perfectly plan her life.


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## Ibblebibble (15 September 2012)

wow just wow the anger in your posts GW obviously stems from the loss of your Big lad, but is that really the OP's fault, does she really deserve such a tongue lashing from you? if you recieved nasty pms and found them vile and hurtful can you not see that what you are doing here to the OP is no different, are you happy to lower yourself to the same level as the people who sent you nasty comments.  you had the support both emotionally and financially from your OH during your battle for the big lad, the op has neither from her OH which is why she is in this situation. 

And to the OP, yes it is a tough time to sell and timewasters do make it feel twice as bad, i'm selling daughters outgrown pony and have had a few no shows and others promising to get in contact to arrange a viewing and then falling off the face of the earth. I can only agree with others who have suggested grass livery, or do you have any friends who would take your youngster as a companion for 6 months to give you a break?  if i didn't still have the pony i'd offer but i'm at max capacity


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## Gingerwitch (15 September 2012)

I certainly have not had a perfect life - i have had more loss and heartache than most of you put together.

Yes i am bloody angry - I am angry that she has something she says she loves but wont get her life sorted out to keep him.


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## DragonSlayer (15 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			I certainly have not had a perfect life - i have had more loss and heartache than most of you put together.

Yes i am bloody angry - I am angry that she has something she says she loves but wont get her life sorted out to keep him.
		
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Oh get a grip woman.

What a load of tosh. More grief than most us put together, bollox.

YOU have no clue what others have gone through, what a ridiculous statement.

Now is the time to wind your neck in and gracefully retreat before you end up saying something you regret.


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## hairycob (15 September 2012)

Gingerwitch - have you considered counselling it might stop you feeling so bitter & sorry for yourself. Right now you are not putting yourself across as a very nice person which is a shame because I suspect it's just the grief talking.

You have no idea how much anyone on here has suffered - after all you made that point yourself earlier. It might be a good idea to remember that right now.


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## Gingerwitch (15 September 2012)

DS - same back at you


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## HBM1 (15 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			I certainly have not had a perfect life - i have had more loss and heartache than most of you put together.

Yes i am bloody angry - I am angry that she has something she says she loves but wont get her life sorted out to keep him.
		
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you have no idea what losses people have been through, so not sure why you feel it is ok to say that you have suffered more than anyone else here.

Do you have children?  If not, you have no idea about making a choice between a child and a horse.


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## charlie76 (15 September 2012)

Ginger witch.  Have you actually lost the plot? Maybe the op should give her baby away to enable her to keep the horse? Maybe this would be your ideal solution.
What a strange way to carry on! We have all lost horses but to be this bitter and nasty towards someone you don't even know.  .. weird


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## putasocinit (15 September 2012)

Ginger witch you put him down because you loved him and didn't want him to suffer anymore, you must take comfort in that, you are a good person but we cannot change lifes course, we can only deal with it, hugs to you, I think tonight you need it. Be strong.


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## glenruby (15 September 2012)

You are a waste of space GW. What a vile person you are. All of your posts have always been so negative and so angry. The OP has her priories straight - yours are the ones that are skewed. You obviously haven't had kids i guess from your posts - mores the pity, maybe they would have softened your personality. they MUST come first, having a horse is a luxury and often in life luxuries have to be given up to put your family first - the OP is not alone in doing that and most certainly did not deserve your wrath. For what it's worth, I'm sure you don't have the monopoly on having a tough life so pull yourself together - or go back to bathing in self pity - I doubt anyone cares.


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## catembi (15 September 2012)

GW - I am very sorry you lost your horse.  I lost Catembi after the most harrowing 6-month struggle.  I actually **did** move heaven & earth to try & save him, and very nearly managed it. In fact, I thought I'd won and was ecstatic, until he had a sudden relapse.  Even now, 5 1/2 years on, if there was anything I could do to bring him back, I'd do it.

T x


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## HBM1 (15 September 2012)

putasocinit said:



			Ginger witch you put him down because you loved him and didn't want him to suffer anymore, you must take comfort in that, you are a good person but we cannot change lifes course, we can only deal with it, hugs to you, I think tonight you need it. Be strong.
		
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It is lovely that you are able to give Gingerwitch the compassion she seems to be lacking for the OP.  I hope she realises that.


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## charlie76 (15 September 2012)

I don't have kids but if I did and had to choose between them and the horse,  the horse would go.  How any one could argue that is beyond me


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## LollyDolly (15 September 2012)

Hairy cob - as long as i have a breath in me I would not sell anything breathing that was beloved.
		
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Well GW, here's one for you.
My previous horse was very beloved to me, he had his faults but I loved him all the same which, in my opinion, shows a deeper love than someone who just thinks that the sun shines out of their horses a*se 24/7.
He was only 9, drop dead gorgeous, great conformation, ultra fit, fantastically well bred but most of all super talented. Together we won three dressage championships, I owned him for 3 years in total. 
Last summer I was set to start University, I spent all summer trying to loan him out but to no avail, everyone who came to try him was far too inexperienced for such a quirky and riggy horse.
If I were to have kept him, he would have spent all term time in a field and then when I come home for the holidays he would be ridden. However, he still wouldn't have had the chance to compete properly for the foreseeable 3 years as I didn't have the time to properly get him fit enough to compete.
So, towards the end of summer I made the very difficult decision to sell him. 

A year later he is now competing BSJA, qualifying for HOYS Ridden Hunter and just starting out on his BE career.

Now tell me, should I have kept him myself in very light and spasmodic work for a minimum of 3 years despite him being an avid and successful competitor? Or should I have sold him on so that he could do what he loved and go on to do bigger and better things? 

Was I wrong to sell him?


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## joeanne (15 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			I certainly have not had a perfect life - i have had more loss and heartache than most of you put together.

Yes i am bloody angry - I am angry that she has something she says she loves but wont get her life sorted out to keep him.
		
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Oh good grief this is NOT a competition over who has had the hardest life, and the most loss....FFS grow up and start acting like an adult.
Accidental pregnancy can and does happen, and even if it WAS planned, circs have obviously changed in that OP cannot cope, financially or timewise.
Its not for any of US to judge, but perhaps to have a bit of bl00dy heart and be a bit sympathetic to the fact this obviously IS a hard situation for the OP.
Ladyt25....once the baby is here all the part time jobs in the world are not going to help if there is nobody to hold the baby, so to speak!


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## attheponies (15 September 2012)

putasocinit said:



			Ginger witch you put him down because you loved him and didn't want him to suffer anymore, you must take comfort in that, you are a good person but we cannot change lifes course, we can only deal with it, hugs to you, I think tonight you need it. Be strong.
		
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Agree with this, GW you have been through so much and must still be in so much pain, for what it's worth glenruby I do care and think it horrendous that someone should receive abusive pm's for whatever reason. The OP must make a difficult decision - I hope they make the right one for both human and equine baby.


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## FfionWinnie (15 September 2012)

Eh the op keeps her horse on her husbands family farm where she has to pay for the privilege and isn't allowed to turn it out half the time. Her oh doesn't sound like he wants the baby or the horse frankly. 

To me it's not unreasonable to be married to a farmer and expect to keep a horse on the farm for nothing while she rears the child and grandchild of the family fgs. The fact she can't in its self points to a controlling relationship. 

I am in agriculture and I can just imagine the situation the op is in with some of the farmers I come across. A large proportion of them don't like their own children never mind their children's spouses. 

And GW your posts could push someone in despair over the edge. Maybe you should think about that and avoid emotive threads. Do you enjoy being this wound up.


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## putasocinit (15 September 2012)

Farmers where do they get off. I recall one farmer whom I asked if my horses could go in his field, he told me that horses just eat all the time and damage the grass, what the ***** do cows do then.


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## joeanne (15 September 2012)

Cows create a living and pay the bills putasockinit


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## Natz88 (15 September 2012)

I am appalled by certain respones, I think it's disgusting & you should be bloody ashamed. The poor OP has come on here for help & a bit of support, she clearly loves her horse hence why she is trying to do right by him. 

I love my horses & would do anything for them, but if I had to choose between my daughter & them sadly they would have to go & that is because I love them & woudln't want them to loose out.

I really hope things work out for your OP


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## FfionWinnie (15 September 2012)

Yeah well to be fair horses do wreck the grass but if you have cattle and sheep to rotate the grazing it's easier to control it . (cattle don't crap in one place and the refuse to eat grass there anymore)

And cattle make milk and beef. Horses make erm dung and not much else. Lol


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## attheponies (15 September 2012)

Completely off topic but a neighbouring farmer's cows frequently escaped onto my front garden where I would help to round them up. Same farmer complained bitterly when my shetland escaped onto her fields as "he was eating all the grass!!.


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## glenruby (15 September 2012)

FW - I'm afraid I couldn't agree with that being a "farmer " thing tbh - there are many disfunctional families from all walks in life - certainly no more are farmers than any other profession or minority. However I agree, her husband and his family should be supporting her while she brings up HIS child/children - it should be a partnership and if she is home-making then he should be providing for all of them.  
I haven't read all of the thread - I stopped after GW's vile posts however I am sorry to hear she has received vile PMs. I don't see why anyone has the right to torment another. Doesn't change how she comes across though , nor my dislike for her. If you read her posts, every mishap or disaster has to be someone else's fault. Time to take her own advice, stop whining, get up off her ass and get on with it.


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## ester (15 September 2012)

GW are you having a bad day because I haven't noticed these sort of posts from you before? 

Its a shame that the op seems not to have come back but I can understand why.


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## FfionWinnie (15 September 2012)

glenruby said:



			FW - I'm afraid I couldn't agree with that being a "farmer " thing tbh - there are many disfunctional families from all walks in life - certainly no more are farmers than any other profession or minority. However I .
		
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It's probably a different kind of dysfunctional. Father in his 60s won't let 40 yr old son make any decisions and 40 yr old son has worked on farm whole life for no wage just pocket money then father leaves farm to the cats home or the other son who never worked on it. That's the sort of thing I mean.


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## EllenJay (15 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			I certainly have not had a perfect life - i have had more loss and heartache than most of you put together.

Yes i am bloody angry - I am angry that she has something she says she loves but wont get her life sorted out to keep him.
		
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How dare you presume that -  just most of us deal with loss with more dignity that you have.  I just had to read your post about your Big Lad and can not beleive that with the amount of support you received you feel that you can lay into another poster who is having such a bad time.

Surely it is better that the OP is trying to find her "beloved" horse a home than can keep him in better circumstances that she currently is in a position to do so - doesn't make the horse any less "beloved" - in fact more so, as she is thinking of his future rather than being selfish in insisting she keeps him for herself.  Sometimes letting go is the best and kindest thing you can do


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## putasocinit (15 September 2012)

Horses may not make beef but they make hearts beat faster which is good for the system and can turn the most hardened heart to tears, cows can't, lol


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## FfionWinnie (15 September 2012)

putasocinit said:



			Horses may not make beef but they make hearts beat faster which is good for the system and can turn the most hardened heart to tears, cows can't, lol
		
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I've cried over a cow  and they regularly make my heart beat fast when I am chasing them round a field 

Going to teach the horse to work cows soon.


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## devonlass (15 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			I certainly have not had a perfect life - i have had more loss and heartache than most of you put together.

Yes i am bloody angry - I am angry that she has something she says she loves but wont get her life sorted out to keep him.
		
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TBH I don't think you've had much of a life at all,clearly not enough experience to have grown up responses or opinions on things anyway.
I don't think you'd know real loss and heartache of they jumped up and bit you on the backside.I would put money on the fact just by your ridiculous replies that nothing you have been through even comes close the life long struggle,sacrifice and commitment of bringing up a child.

It's a horse,beloved or not it does not even come close on the a priority scale with a human child,get over yourself seriously.

OP I didn't even consider having horses whilst my 3 children were young as I knew with working as well I simply wouldn't have the time to enjoy them.My OH is fab but he had to work too and damned if I was sacrificing family time and money for a hobby.
Horses are a hobby and yes maybe pets for some of us,but as someone else said your child is far more important,not even a comparison for most normal people and parents I shouldn't think.

Lower the price of you have to,and keep the faith that someone will come along who can provide a good home.
Get rid and enjoy your little person and sort out your personal life if that's appropriate (sorry don't know your circumstances but am guessing you don't have the best relationship with babies dad??).Most of all completely ignore all the people on here telling you to 'get on with it'.

Holding a good thought for you that it get's easier and you find a resolution you are happy with.


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## rubysmum (15 September 2012)

I am truly quite puzzled by the tone of some of the posts on this thread, people seem to be suggesting that unless you "move heaven and earth " to keep a horse when it is simply not do-able, then you are somehow a lesser person.
I loved big Ruby and owned her for many yrs, but when the costs of managing a retired, aged, arthritic horse began to seriously impact on my ability to provide for my child ( and this after taking on a second job), she was PTS because as a parent my primary responsibility was the safe keeping of my child.
Stuff happens in people's lives and they have to make tough decisions, but surely common sense dictates that the needs of dependant children come before animals.


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## princessa81 (15 September 2012)

rubysmum said:



			I am truly quite puzzled by the tone of some of the posts on this thread, people seem to be suggesting that unless you "move heaven and earth " to keep a horse when it is simply not do-able, then you are somehow a lesser person.
I loved big Ruby and owned her for many yrs, but when the costs of managing a retired, aged, arthritic horse began to seriously impact on my ability to provide for my child ( and this after taking on a second job), she was PTS because as a parent my primary responsibility was the safe keeping of my child.
Stuff happens in people's lives and they have to make tough decisions, but surely common sense dictates that the needs of dependant children come before animals.
		
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i couldnt agree more xxxxxxx


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## putasocinit (15 September 2012)

I used to love rounding up the cows on horseback, note on horseback, so as much as we may like cows we still our good old steed to carry us, and they also need grass to eat.

Sister was married to a farmers son, life was just as you explained it, worked his fingers to the bone and got nothing out of it not even a decent salary. 

I hope the OP does come back and read this post because amongst the thorns there are some very valuable posts, some may agree some may not, but even god couldn't please all the people all the time.


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## brighthair (15 September 2012)

I've been and read some of the OP other posts. I hope she won't mind me saying she seems to be in an awful situation with a financial controlling and (I'm sorry, but he is) emotionally abusive partner. She must be heart broken and so so tired trying to deal with him, a baby and horses without any financial or emotional support whatsoever. She is just fighting a losing battle full stop, from what I can gather he doesn't help around the home, doesn't help with the child, and isn't interested and won't have anything to financially do with the horses.
Fair enough about working, but how is she meant to do that when he won't have anything to do with the child, or around the house? Stuck between a rock and a hard place
OP - do you have any good friends that would take horse on grass livery for a while? I would hate to think you chose to sell and realised a few years down the line you had made a massive mistake. I also think you need to look at your OH - life is not meant to be this hard sweetie, he should be crazy about you and your child, and helping at home is part of being a family. I hope you find the strength to tell him to man up, or get rid, because he is being an emotionally leeching parasite


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## StrawberryFields1 (15 September 2012)

EllenJay said:



			How dare you presume that -  just most of us deal with loss with more dignity that you have.  I just had to read your post about your Big Lad and can not beleive that with the amount of support you received you feel that you can lay into another poster who is having such a bad time.
		
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This!


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## maisie06 (15 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			I certainly have not had a perfect life - i have had more loss and heartache than most of you put together.

Yes i am bloody angry - I am angry that she has something she says she loves but wont get her life sorted out to keep him.
		
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HOW DARE YOU make this assumption. Why be   as nasty, sanctimonious   and downright condescending and rude?  I am quite disappointed, most of your posts seem to contain reasonably sensible advice.

I love my horses but if I could not keep them in the manner they are accustomed to I would not be so stupid and SELFISH as to keep them and let them go without basic needs. I am wasting my time with this reply I know. All I can think is that you are a deeply unhappy person who needs to get out of your bubble and get a grip on reality.


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## Booboos (15 September 2012)

GW if you are so moved by the plight of this young horse offer it a home. Apparently you have time and money for horses as well as an empty stable so help the OP out and give this story a happy ending.


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## noodle_ (15 September 2012)

rubysmum said:



			I am truly quite puzzled by the tone of some of the posts on this thread, people seem to be suggesting that unless you "move heaven and earth " to keep a horse when it is simply not do-able, then you are somehow a lesser person.
I loved big Ruby and owned her for many yrs, but when the costs of managing a retired, aged, arthritic horse began to seriously impact on my ability to provide for my child ( and this after taking on a second job), she was PTS because as a parent my primary responsibility was the safe keeping of my child.
Stuff happens in people's lives and they have to make tough decisions, but surely common sense dictates that the needs of dependant children come before animals.
		
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^^^ this





OP i feel really sorry for you - if im honest id find a way (if you can) to keep him on grass livery - it can be pretty cheap depending on where you are etc...

just for a few months until you have sorted with the baby etc and id hate to see you regret it - but i would be kicking the OH into place - your his partner, not his workmate or beneath him....i read on a diff thread how you did night lambing etc trying to justify another horse a long time ago... i would never attempt to justify anything that i wanted - if i could afford it and it was for me etc....




good luck - tough decision - but bear in mind - grass livery! youngster love living out - mines also two and she lives out 24.7!!! hates it when it rains but she wont melt!


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## Mince Pie (15 September 2012)

GW I very rarely feel the need to do this, but I do now - button pushed.


OP I hope you manage to get something sorted, perhaps you could put your location as someone here may know someone looking for a youngster who can help. I do also think you need to really think about the situation with your OH. I can appreciate that the idea of being a single mum can be scary, but from what you have said it wouldn't be much different than where you are now. Thinking of you and sending big hugs your way.


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## Cedars (15 September 2012)

Wow, Ginger Witch, what a fantastic display. 

I sincerely hope you're just hurting rather than this is your true colours. 

Pathetic.

OP: sorry to hear your predicament. I'm absolutely no help with regards to selling the foal but I know what it feels like to be between a rock and a hard place. Chin up. Xx


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## smokey (15 September 2012)

littlelegs said:



			As said I'm usually the first to say shut up & get on with it, but op can't magic money out of her backside, regardless of how much effort she puts into daily jobs. And as to tax credits, iirc they were mentioned in reference to ops husband not being willing to pay for childcare. If op finds a job tomorrow, she'll have to pay childcare before receiving a wage. Which means either husband or tax credits in her case. And neither is an option. 
  I'll also happily admit to keeping a horse whilst on income support for a few months & later on tax credits. And I don't give a flying **** who knows or judges me for it. I sold one horse, but no way was my pet going because my ex happened to be scum. And as for tax credits, you receive them up to a reasonable income. So the majority of recipients have luxuries, like cars, mortgages, new clothes etc. If my luxury happened to be my pony, its no different. Incidentally I once totted up what I have received from the taxpayer, including education & healthcare, versus how much tax I have paid. And I'm very much in the black still thanks! 
  And agree with all smokeys posts too.
		
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Thank you Littlelegs, honestly, the small minded ness and judgemental behaviour of some people is quite depressing. Lack of empathy is such an unattractive trait!


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## smokey (15 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			I certainly have not had a perfect life - i have had more loss and heartache than most of you put together.

Yes i am bloody angry - I am angry that she has something she says she loves but wont get her life sorted out to keep him.
		
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I am sorry, I was accused earlier by another poster of itching for a fight. I'm not, but to be perfectly honest I think you may be. 
How bloody dare you tell anyone here that you have suffered more than them? What do you know about anyone here? Only what they have disclosed. Do you only have empathy if someone lists their personal tragedies in chronological order so you can decide if they are worthy of it! 
I understand you have had your share of tough times, we all have. Doesn't mean we have to be immune to someone else's pain.


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## risky business (15 September 2012)

Wow...

Um anyway, OP I hope you can get yourself sorted and find happiness no one deserves to be unhappy people and animals alike. 

I wouldn't blame you if you didn't return, but you've had some great advice and support off some members! The great thing about forums is you can pick and chose which advise or posts to take on or posts you just bypass .


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## LittleWildOne (16 September 2012)

I have to say that I am thoroughly shocked by your posts on this thread Gingerwitch .
As someone who has just loaded up and said goodbye to a VERY much loved youngster due to circumstances outwith my control, I actually find your replies here extremely hurtful.
Yes, you had a very hard time with Big Lad. I was completely in awe of you for the commitment and dedication you gave to do the best you possibly could for him. That and the outstanding support you had not only from your OH, but your vet and farrier and everyone on HHO who supported you all the way through your tragic circumstances.

Ok, so, just over a year ago I had the most beautiful pony grazing in a field less than 2 miles from home. She was due to foal in May 2011. ONE phone call, and MY life was turned upside down. My 5 year old mare was seriously ill. Her foal, a beautiful palomino colt, was born 4 weeks early and died an hour later. By 1.30pm the following day, my beautiful mare was DEAD.
They were very cruelly taken from me at 5 years old and 1 hour old by acute grass sickness !
That mare was my life. I bought her after being dumped by text by my boyfriend of 3 years after I was diagnosed with arthritis of my spine and both SI joints. Not only that....I was being BULLIED in my workplace BECAUSE of my back condition. My pony kept me strong when it felt as if the entire world hated me.
I bought another pony, then a 3 year old Welsh D. Still working full time in a workplace full of bullies. A few months later, my lovely employers decided that I was no longer of any use to them. They very kindly "put me out to pasture" on ill health retirement. What hope in hell do *I* have of any employer wanting to employ ME now, when I have a permanent, degenerative condition of my spine ? Feel worthless or what ?
My IHR lump sum slowly ran out, and I tried my damndest to find a new home for my BELOVED Welsh D filly. How hard do you think that was, when her date of birth was 1st April.....The date my beautiful colt foal died ?
She was advertised for MONTHS with not even a hint of any interest, which got me into debt with my livery. I can not say how grateful I am for the help and support I had (and still do) from my YO. I finally found the best home ever for her through replying to a wanted ad. I settled my debt with my YO, and my BELOVED Welsh D stayed on the same yard until I loaded her up yesterday to see her away to her new home. BOY did I cry like a baby when the box pulled away !
Thankfully, I am able to keep my 3 year old New Forest filly. Especially as having experienced first hand the DEPLORABLE attitudes of so called human beings !
Stop feeling sorry for yourself Gingerwitch, and please have a bit of compassion and understanding towards others....especially since you know yourself how quickly life events can turn bad and there's not a lot you can do about it !


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## SnowPhony (16 September 2012)

GW, for a start you would do well to learn how to grieve with a bit of dignity.

Also you are not the only one to have experienced loss and it's not an excuse to behave the way you have.

OP, selling is hard at the best of times and you seem to be in a really difficult situation. Fwiw I think you are doing the right thing given the circumstances, but please do have a good think about your current situation. From what you have said here (and I apologise if I have this wrong) but your husband sounds very controlling. I'm not suggesting you just walk away as with a young baby I know it's not that easy but he needs to change his ways. For starters it sounds like you are going to really end up resenting him and your child if things carry on the way they are and it's just not fair for you to be doing everything, have no money and have to give up your horses.

I hope everything works out for you.


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## niagaraduval (16 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			Sorry to be harsh - but when folks are loosing "beloved" animals that they would move heaven earth and go to hell and back a 100 times over - you really need to work out if it is "beloved" or not!

I would have worked 24 hours a day to find the money to pay for my big lad.

You choose 3 years ago to put the mare in foal, and you choose to do the same for yourself - so get off your butt, stop your winging and deal with the bed you have made.
		
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Might be harsh but this is how I feel too. 

Too many horses ending up slaughtered through irresponsable breeding.


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## smokey (16 September 2012)

niagaraduval said:



			Might be harsh but this is how I feel too. 

Too many horses ending up slaughtered through irresponsable breeding.
		
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Unbelievable! Have you read the whole thread? Previous posts by OP? Or indeed the horrible posts by GW? 
Walk a day in the OP's shoes before you jump in and make a sweeping statement. 
I notice the poor girl hasn't come back, I don't blame her.


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## Gingerwitch (16 September 2012)

I am horrible I am vile, the post must be pulled - why because someone has the balls to turn around and state that you should not be able to knock out foals, dogs and kids and expect the rest of the world to look after them.

The op has had over 9 months to sort her "plight" out and if the husband has big enough balls to fill a pram then he should be looking after his wife and child.  But oh no - its the muggin tax payers that will pick up this bill, and the horse that is obvioulsy over priced.


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## SnowPhony (16 September 2012)

There's a difference making your feelings known and then there's being a nasty, vile cow. 

You really are making quite a show of yourself.


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## ester (16 September 2012)

where the hell did the tax payer come into all this...sheesh! Or indiscriminate/irresponsible breeding for that matter.. this could well be a nice competition youngster who has been well-handled and will be an excellent purchase for someone. How do you know it is over priced? do you know things we don't?

She is proposing the sale of a horse, people do it day in day out otherwise we would all be short of one and selling is often the best thing to do for the horse whether that be monetary or because you don't suit its requirements. I really struggle to understand why you have such a bee in your bonnet about it.


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## Nightmare before Christmas (16 September 2012)

Oh boy I feel sorry for you OP.


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## LollyDolly (16 September 2012)

this could well be a nice competition youngster who has been well-handled and will be an excellent purchase for someone. How do you know it is over priced? do you know things we don't?
		
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^^^This.

Judging by the pictures of the horse I think that he is lovely, an Arabian x Appaloosa with gorgeous markings and good conformation. 

If I was horse hunting he would certainly be on my list, I think that he will make a stunning and flashy riding horse when he matures.


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## nikicb (16 September 2012)

This forum can be so supportive sometimes, but I never understand why some people seem to derive so much ermm pleasure (is that the right word?) kicking someone when they are down.

The OP didn't come on here to be insulted, she came on here to have a rant about timewasters.  She probably knows that life isn't all it's cracked up to be at the moment and would probably benefit from some real life support from family/friends/GP.  She certainly doesn't need to be told that she can't love her horse that much because she is putting her child first.  Unbelievable. 

Flaxen - I really hope you come back.  There is a huge amount of support available here and there are probably quite a few people who have been through similar things.  I hope things work out. xx


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## Shantara (16 September 2012)

16 pages...has OP even replied? 

If you read this Flaxen, I hope you're ok!


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## FionaM12 (16 September 2012)

tashy said:



			GW, for a start you would do well to learn how to grieve with a bit of dignity.

Also you are not the only one to have experienced loss and it's not an excuse to behave the way you have.
		
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Fair comment. Gingerwitch, we are all sorry at your recent loss. However, your tantrum on this thread, your vile attack and lack of any empathy and compassion are not excused by it. If you are so angry in your grief that you want to pick on others and be offensive, I suggest you step away from the keyboard.

Appalling behaviour, IMO.


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## joeanne (16 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			I am horrible I am vile, the post must be pulled
		
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I would have to agree with you on that one GW.
Whilst I can appreciate that you are hurting, that does not excuse your crass, disgusting attack on a member who is not as fortunate as you in support.
The ONE place she COULD come was here.....and now you have denied her that also.
Give yourself a pat on the back eh!


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## HBM1 (16 September 2012)

Gingerwitch I had hoped you had woken up this morning regretful of how yesterday went - yet you have just come back with an even more vile attack on Flaxen.  I am astounded by your cruel comments to be honest.  You have no right whatsoever to comment on someone's baby, particularly with such venom.  No matter how long a pregnancy takes, no one but no one can know exactly what it is going to be like when a husband takes no role - you just can't.   It isn't about you "having the balls to speak honestly" this is about you attacking another poster in an unkind and venomous way, you are the only one who can't seem to see it.  I have lost all sympathy for you about your own loss, you don't deserve any.  You are obviously able to cope with anything and everything with the wonderful support network you have at home...a blessing as some don't have it.


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## Twinkley Lights (16 September 2012)

Op I hope you are ok this must be such as difficult time for you hun as it's hard to part with your much loved horse. If you are near South Yorks, North Notts borders I have a field that needs grazing until you can sort yourself out, mine come in at night but if it's well handled no issue. Sort everything one bit at a time at the moment baby must be number 1.

I have read this thread and it made me shudder, I'm Scots and we have strong and sometimes passionate views with no fear of expression but good god it made me blanche. It's fine to have a view but it's how and when you express it that matters as we don't have the luxury of body language or eye contact on here.  We Scots also have a lovely saying about never giving someone a "sair heart" and I end with that thought.


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## EllenJay (16 September 2012)

HBM1 said:



			Gingerwitch I had hoped you had woken up this morning regretful of how yesterday went - yet you have just come back with an even more vile attack on Flaxen.  I am astounded by your cruel comments to be honest.  You have no right whatsoever to comment on someone's baby, particularly with such venom.  No matter how long a pregnancy takes, no one but no one can know exactly what it is going to be like when a husband takes no role - you just can't.   It isn't about you "having the balls to speak honestly" this is about you attacking another poster in an unkind and venomous way, you are the only one who can't seem to see it.  I have lost all sympathy for you about your own loss, you don't deserve any.  You are obviously able to cope with anything and everything with the wonderful support network you have at home...a blessing as some don't have it.
		
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Very well said!


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## princessa81 (16 September 2012)

shaking head in disbelief


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## Natz88 (16 September 2012)

HBM1 said:



			Gingerwitch I had hoped you had woken up this morning regretful of how yesterday went - yet you have just come back with an even more vile attack on Flaxen.  I am astounded by your cruel comments to be honest.  You have no right whatsoever to comment on someone's baby, particularly with such venom.  No matter how long a pregnancy takes, no one but no one can know exactly what it is going to be like when a husband takes no role - you just can't.   It isn't about you "having the balls to speak honestly" this is about you attacking another poster in an unkind and venomous way, you are the only one who can't seem to see it.  I have lost all sympathy for you about your own loss, you don't deserve any.  You are obviously able to cope with anything and everything with the wonderful support network you have at home...a blessing as some don't have it.
		
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Agree with this.

Hope OP is ok!


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## smokey (16 September 2012)

Shivvy said:



			Op I hope you are ok this must be such as difficult time for you hun as it's hard to part with your much loved horse. If you are near South Yorks, North Notts borders I have a field that needs grazing until you can sort yourself out, mine come in at night but if it's well handled no issue. Sort everything one bit at a time at the moment baby must be number 1.

I have read this thread and it made me shudder, I'm Scots and we have strong and sometimes passionate views with no fear of expression but good god it made me blanche. It's fine to have a view but it's how and when you express it that matters as we don't have the luxury of body language or eye contact on here.  We Scots also have a lovely saying about never giving someone a "sair heart" and I end with that thought.
		
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A kind offer, I hope the OP can take you up on it. 
I think the OP already has a sair heart, and some comments on here have done nothing to alleviate it. Shame!


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## joeanne (16 September 2012)

Shivvy I would PM your kind offer to the OP.
She must be feeling very despondant and unable to comment on this thread now *shocks of shocks* where as she may get email notification telling her she has a personal message.


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## smokey (16 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			I am horrible I am vile, the post must be pulled - why because someone has the balls to turn around and state that you should not be able to knock out foals, dogs and kids and expect the rest of the world to look after them.

The op has had over 9 months to sort her "plight" out and if the husband has big enough balls to fill a pram then he should be looking after his wife and child.  But oh no - its the muggin tax payers that will pick up this bill, and the horse that is obvioulsy over priced.
		
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I would suggest that you take yourself off and sort out your own plight. You are obviously unable to offer any kind of constructive support, despite having received plenty yourself.
Are you like this in RL? What a shame! 
I think you have probably offended everyone here now, so feel free to leave. Thank you.


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## grandmaweloveyou (16 September 2012)

I saw some of this thread last night and was appalled and therefore refrained from joining in but it has been bumped to the top again tonight and is still going down such a hideous route that I cannot believe it is continuing on here and it definitely stops people that need help from asking.

I, previously, have started to type a question and then stopped and deleted it because I have been nervous of asking something / being attacked on here, I now have more balls and don't personally give a ***** if people behind a keyboard are rude to me as I ignore those and concentrate on the positive members, of which there are plenty.

I am in awe of many on here and am grateful for their advice, I have learnt so much and still do learn but I just don't get the impression the OP is strong enough to be so blaze as some of us tougher nuts.

Shame as I think she, seemingly, is in a sad situation (I wont summise/assume/put words in mouths) & just wanted some anonymous support.


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## ester (16 September 2012)

I find it sad that someone who has so recently received a lot of support on this board is unable to extend the same courtesy to another member.


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## Gingerwitch (16 September 2012)

Urm.... now let me think - just how many years did I live in County Durham for ..... ? small world isnt it.... still wonder now why the op has not re-shown???????????


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## horsesatemymoney (16 September 2012)

Shivvy said:



			Op I hope you are ok this must be such as difficult time for you hun as it's hard to part with your much loved horse. If you are near South Yorks, North Notts borders I have a field that needs grazing until you can sort yourself out, mine come in at night but if it's well handled no issue. Sort everything one bit at a time at the moment baby must be number 1.

QUOTE]

What a lovely offer  Gingerwitch, can you not see that you're embarrassing yourself? What if a friend of yours came to you with this situation in RL? Would you be equally as rude and judgemental? 

Click to expand...


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## putasocinit (16 September 2012)

OP I have pm'd you, I have an overlooker sewing machine that could do with some work, you could make things for animals, people nd sell them to make yourself some money and put it away to help you when you need it more, pm me, good luck.


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## HBM1 (16 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			Urm.... now let me think - just how many years did I live in County Durham for ..... ? small world isnt it.... still wonder now why the op has not re-shown???????????
		
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because you have been so vile?


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## Nightmare before Christmas (16 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			Urm.... now let me think - just how many years did I live in County Durham for ..... ? small world isnt it.... still wonder now why the op has not re-shown???????????
		
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Why bother carrying on?


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## Frumpoon (16 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			Urm.... now let me think - just how many years did I live in County Durham for ..... ? small world isnt it.... still wonder now why the op has not re-shown???????????
		
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Do you know OP personally? Are things not quite how they seem?


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## smokey (16 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			Urm.... now let me think - just how many years did I live in County Durham for ..... ? small world isnt it.... still wonder now why the op has not re-shown???????????
		
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Are you still talking? God Almighty woman, give it a rest. No one wants to read any more of your nasty personal attacks. 
This forum is an excellent place for advice, I'm going to give you some now, go and get help, you need it. You are clearly sad, hurting and lacking insight into your own state of mind


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## joeanne (16 September 2012)

Frumpoon its neither here nor there if GW "knows" the OP in real life.....and if she has gone to the trouble of hunting her down in order to further try and justify her behaviour then shame on her. Shameful behaviour!


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## Xander (16 September 2012)

Shivvy said:



			Op I hope you are ok this must be such as difficult time for you hun as it's hard to part with your much loved horse. If you are near South Yorks, North Notts borders I have a field that needs grazing until you can sort yourself out, mine come in at night but if it's well handled no issue. Sort everything one bit at a time at the moment baby must be number 1.
		
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That is a very kind offer Shivvy - you have a good heart. If Flaxen can't take you up on this she might be lucky and find another friend nearer to her who can help.

I read this thread earlier and it's been bothering me all day. I can't offer practical help with the horse or other things, I'm afraid, but I did have a few thoughts (which may or may not be helpful/correct).
It seems to me that Flaxen needs to sort one problem at a time.The horse is a problem because she has no money herself and the OH won't cough up or help with the baby so she can get some. It seems to me horse is some kind of a weapon in a family dispute. What would happen if he wasn't sold?
Assuming Flaxen does 'want' to sell him then maybe take whatever she can get for a good , safe home and make sure the money goes into her bank account. She's paid for him after all.
Flaxen - you sound very isolated. Are there any mother and baby groups around you? The WI? Church group? Maybe you could find someone willing to babysit in exchange for you doing the same? It would get you some time and a bit of space to yourself. Perhaps even enough for a part-time job? You can always come on here and chat to people, if all else fails (and you are welcome to PM me). I do think you need some real-life support though, and you need to get some independance back.

I know this may sound a bit airy-fairy to you lot but I do believe things can be better for the OP - she's just a bit overwhelmed at the moment. 

Re Gingerwitch - I actually agree with some of the points she's made, but I don't agree with the way she made them. She's obviously really upset, so perhaps I could suggest we cut her some slack for a while?


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## nikicb (16 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			Urm.... now let me think - just how many years did I live in County Durham for ..... ? small world isnt it.... still wonder now why the op has not re-shown???????????
		
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Bizarre!


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## HBM1 (16 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			Urm.... now let me think - just how many years did I live in County Durham for ..... ? small world isnt it.... still wonder now why the op has not re-shown???????????
		
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Gingerwitch, have you gone away, realised what an idiot you have made of yourself, made a judgement that the OP won't come back because you have been so awful and now you are going to try to justify yourself with making out all is not as it seems?  You would do better to go away for a while and leave this thread alone.


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## ester (16 September 2012)

I love people who talk in riddles too


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## putasocinit (16 September 2012)

Xander brilliant suggestion for a way forward for the OP,


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## FionaM12 (16 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			Urm.... now let me think - just how many years did I live in County Durham for ..... ? small world isnt it.... still wonder now why the op has not re-shown???????????
		
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Oh okay. This is supposed to suggest to us that the OP is some sort of fraud, and everyone but you has been taken in? 

Now you're really making a bit of a twit of yourself. 

Oh, and you might want to get your question mark key fixed.


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## murphysmummy (16 September 2012)

I've read this whole thread and was shocked at how it degraded into a slanging match! I think that yes most of gw's posts were nasty but I also think the way that most of you have jumped on her is equally as bad.
We are human beings who all share the same passion and turn to this forum for help and support. I believe that both the op and gw need our help so let's all grow up and treat each other with a bit of respect!


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## Apercrumbie (16 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			Urm.... now let me think - just how many years did I live in County Durham for ..... ? small world isnt it.... still wonder now why the op has not re-shown???????????
		
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Ummm I've lived in the same village for my entire life and there are still people I don't know, I don't even know every single horsey person in the area as many keep themselves to themselves.....not sure how relevant that comment is as it is almost impossible to know everyone in a community, let alone an entire county!  
GW  I followed your Big Lad's story with an aching heart having gone through a similar story with my old mare.  The support on here was astounding and from what I read the support you have at home is at a similar level, your OH sounds like a superstar.  This poster doesn't have that support you do so it really upsets me that you could be so cruel.  She may have had 9 months to sort things out but how was she to know that her OH would be so unsupportive once the baby arrived?  You cannot plan for everything in life and the OP is just trying to do best by her child and her horse by finding him a home with more time.    

OP if you are reading this, keep your chin up, the right home is out there.  We all know how frustrating timewasters are but in the end you will find your youngster a lovely home and I hope everything works out for you.


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## smokey (16 September 2012)

FionaM12 said:



			Oh okay. This is supposed to suggest to us that the OP is some sort of fraud, and everyone but you has been taken in? 

Now you're really making a bit of a twit of yourself. 

Oh, and you might want to get your question mark key fixed. 

Click to expand...

Well said! Although I think your confusing your i and a there!


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## HBM1 (16 September 2012)

Quote:
Originally Posted by FionaM12  
Oh okay. This is supposed to suggest to us that the OP is some sort of fraud, and everyone but you has been taken in? 

Now you're really making a bit of a twit of yourself. 

Oh, and you might want to get your question mark key fixed.  

Well said! Although I think your confusing your i and a there!  



Odd, as I read it with an "a" at first and not an "i"...need glasses or it got changed lol


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## FfionWinnie (16 September 2012)

The op could be a fraud. If the op is a fraud it matters not unless you send her all your bank account details. 

However. 

She has been a member for a long time  If she is not a fraud then god forbid the nasty posts on this thread have chased her away for good and she now has no one. 

I did actually pm her when the thread went mental early on and have not had a response.


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## flaxen (16 September 2012)

I never asked to be judged or slated!

This is the first horse I have ever had to sell and being a new experience its one I never want to repeat.

Gingerwitch or whar ever your name is, you arent the only one to have had a horse die. 8yrs ago my jumping pony died from colic 6mths post colic surgery, we had been together for 10 yrs ( she was 13 when she died ) she was my world and my best friend. She had colic surgery on the monday and very nearly died on the table, then had myopathy and had an awfull recovery but made it eventualyy to her feet. 2 days after her surgery while visiting her my vet came out to tell me my fathers work had been on the phone to say my father had had a stroke while driving a 44t lorry. It was touch and go but he did survive although now paralysed, my pony kept me going while everything was upside down. She came back into work tho continued to have mild bouts of colic ( this is common ) and we went jumping again although she had lost some of her stretch so went at a lower level. We had to sell our house as insurance would only pay out on death and being paralysed my dad was no longer able to work.
House was sold 6mths after colic surgery/ stroke and we had a moving out date, went competing on the sunday and despite a long wait we won our classes. My pony was colicing on the monday morning and despite all efforts she deteriorated and gave up her fight and was put quietly to sleep in her stable at 11pm 26/08/2004 with me at her side.

2 days after this we moved out of our house forever and I was homeless and had lost the only hope I had left. There isnt a day goes by where I dont miss her and wish she was with me. Her ashes are on my bedside table and I hahve left instructions that they are to be emptied into my coffin when I die.

Onto the current situation:-

when I put my mare infoal I wasnt with my husband, my horses were my life everything I did and planned revolved around them, the foal was my future competition horse and wasnt going to be bred to be sold.

I also didnt plan or want a human baby, they didnt fit in with what I wanted to do in my life which was competing my horses and setting up an equine ambulance service in the north.

The only sure fire way of not having children is not doing "it" and wouldnt have been an issue for me but apparantly its expected and refusing oh of his bsaic human rights and then you get slated by family for saying you dont want a baby and its expected that you have it.

I spent my pregnancy worrying about my horses ( my mare was put down due to severe bone spavin and becoming unresponsive to treatment and then dislocating her hock while stressing ) I was ill the whole way through and was constantly in and out of hospital, I was then booked in for a section due to my health and almost died due to the hospital cutting my femoral artery, hence a longer stay in hospital and a very large incision to sew the ends back together again. The only reason im alive is because I was already under a ga. My baby also had problems and despite me saying there was something wrong it took them 9 weeks to work out what it was, in those 9 weeks we were at a&e and docs every week and if I got an hours sleep in 24 I was lucky, I was also trying to look after my 2 horses and trying to muck out from the time I was home.

It is not suitable up here for my boy to live out, its a very heavy clay area and wet, he is completly pink skinned bar his markings and wouldnt cope, plus no grass livery in walking distance and we get over a foot of snow. He is also a very intelligent horse who needs something for his brain to think about else he will amuse himself including pulling rails off and throwing things about. 

I never said I hadnt been able to sell him, he had only been advertised a few days, I was complaining about the idiots who were ringing because he stands out due to his colour and markings but with no intention of actually buying him.

I now think I may have found a home for him where he will be doing what his breed excells at, the person is happy to keep in contact and if im ever in the area I will be welcome to visit him.

If I could keep him I would but his is the best option I have. I never spend any money on myself, we dont qualify for tax creditd or child care cedits as hubby earns too much but then he spends it all on his car, he smokes and drinks, has a monthly mag subscription, shoots and has 2 guns, eats take aways 5+ days a week and buys stuff on ebay.

The reason I didnt reply yesterday was my dad has come up for a few days to see his granddaughter and to cheer me up and my husband is being worse than normal ( hes on holiday for 10 days ) spends 12 hrs in bed then ignores us, he went to the pub all afternoon today and stayed out on the farm yesterday, he ignores my dad on a morning and didnt even hold his daughter yesterday.

I dont go out and read this forum on a night when baby is asleep and ive tidied up. Ive never come across such nasty people ( not everyone, the nice ones know who they are ) I have read every page. I will be asking to have my account deleted as have been bullied enough in the past to last a life time and assuming you are adults then certain peoples behaviour is appauling. I have enough on my plate without nasty minded bullies adding to it. You should be ashamed of yourselves!


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## joeanne (16 September 2012)

Flaxen please don't feel you are being judged.
FWIW I think the majority of posters on here have been wanting to support and help you. Do not let the minority spoil the majority.


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## DragonSlayer (16 September 2012)

Don't delete your account


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## horsesatemymoney (16 September 2012)

Flaxen what a measured response considering some of the filth that's come your way and so sad you feel you need to leave if you stay feel free to pm me, if you ever want to vent. Aside from that I hope your situation improves and the sale works out xx


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## maisie06 (16 September 2012)

joeanne said:



			Flaxen please don't feel you are being judged.
FWIW I think the majority of posters on here have been wanting to support and help you. Do not let the minority spoil the majority.
		
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This ^  I really hope things work out for you. If you can possibly find the strength to go it alone - please do. My friend got rid of her cheating, lazy, spendthrift, can't be bothered with his kids husband and has been soo much happier for it. It's been a tough time, but she has come through and hasn't looked back. XX


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## FfionWinnie (16 September 2012)

Flaxen I really hope you don't go.


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## FarriersFriend (16 September 2012)

tashy said:



			Some people need to realise there are more to life than horses. Don't be so quick to judge, it's quite obvious this is a difficult situation for OP to be in.

All these people that put their horses at a higher priority than anything else had better be prepared for a lonely life.....
		
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Well said,I couldn't agree more.


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## StrawberryFields1 (16 September 2012)

Flaxen - If anyone has come across badly on this thread it's GW not you.

No one has the right to judge, especially when they don't know the whole story, only a few posts you've put on an internet forum. It sounds like you've had a tough time of it and I'm sorry to hear it.

Re: Your original post I do think selling your horse is the right decision for both you and him and I hope you find someone soon. Have you considered loaning him  just while you get back on your feet? Also, it sounds like you are unhappy in your marriage also is there anyone you can talk to IRL about that? You shouldn't have to put up with him on top of a new baby so please seek help.


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## FionaM12 (16 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			I am horrible I am vile, the post must be pulled.
		
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I have no idea whether _you_ are horrible and vile, I don't know you. However some of the things you've said here are, and yes, I hope they are pulled.

OP, I hope you can see that most people here are supportive, in fact the vast majority have taken the time to consider your situation and offer advice and support. I hope you stick around.


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## princessa81 (16 September 2012)

flaxon please dont let some people put you off. there are loads of keyboard warriors out there who choose to hide behind a screen before they would dare say a fraction of what has been said on this forum and every other im sure. Regardless you do not need to justify yourself to people whom mean nothing to you. Chin up girly. There are those of us who are actually genuinely kind and caring on here and would and will lend an ear if you ever need. I know myself how i hate to see other women in turmoil. we have all endured some really crappy times and find strength from one another. you have been in my thoughts and i will say a wee please to the universe for you because i think you deserve a break.

all the best

Elizabeth

xxx


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## Littlelegs (16 September 2012)

Op- reading your posts, selling your horse, or a difficult birth & unwell baby don't seem to be your problem. It's your husband imo. So until you sort your relationship problems, anything else is just wallpapering over the cracks.


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## charlie76 (16 September 2012)

Don't delete your account because of the opinion of some one that really doesn't matter.  
I am going to prob make myself unpopular but the award for the most pointless,  over the top,  loss of bull ***** of posts goes to ginger witch! I don't usually get annoyed by posts but yours take the biscuit.
you need to read back at what you have written and maybe you will realise what a prat you look.
honest to god,  berating some one for selling their horse as they no longer can keep it... ridiculous.
if you check the back of the horse and hound there is about ten page of people selling their horses,  better get ringing round them and demand that they keep them all! I am so gob smacked,  words fail me.


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## charlie76 (16 September 2012)

Load of bull **** not loss!


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## lula (16 September 2012)

maybe we should lay off gingerwitch now

the point has been made umpteen times i dont think every single poster needs to have a go. Things are starting to read a bit ugly.

can we just leave it there please.


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## Twinkley Lights (16 September 2012)

Classy response Flaxen to a simply awful thread.  Please know that 98% of posts are with you and the rest well... we should wish them well because life is tough and you need to give and receive support and they may be unhappy at the moment in their own lives and unable to support others.  Looks good that you have a sale in the offing if not my field is waiting as stated PM me. Take care hunny chin up.


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## Burmilla (16 September 2012)

Hi Flaxen -sounds like perfect misery, the life you are living: do you really want to stay with OH? Your dad sounds brilliant and a brave man. More than can be said, by your report abt OH. If you do want to leave, with or without baby, or just need space, again with or without baby, this can be sorted. I was bullied into keeping a pregnancy that I was tricked into ( this was nearly 50 years ago, and I was a naive 19 year old with very low self esteem and no knowledge of the reason for this trickery or how to prevent it) it did not work out well for any of us, especially the baby. I left him with his father and paternal grandmother( who had spent the first four years of his life telling me what a useless mother I was, whilst offering no practical, emotional or financial support at all. . I sold my beloved Arab to a local friend, with whom he had a lovely home for life and left for a strange city where I made another life for myself. It has scarred my life, and that of my son. Both of us have very "successful" lives, he has four lovely children for whom he and his wife are excellent parents. But there is no authentic relationship between us and never has been since I left him and his father. 
You may feel that, realisticaly, you do not have any choices. You do, but need to weigh up the costs and benefits of your actions. There is huge support out here for you, if you can decide what direction you want for your life and that of your child. Well done for getting this far, hope the poss. buyer for lovely 2 year old turns out to be the right one. Pm me if you need technical advice on sorting out specific information/professional support for you n daughter. Lots of love and hugs, meanwhile.


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## LittleWildOne (16 September 2012)

Flaxen, PLEASE stay hun .
I sincerely hope that my last post here didn't offend you. I don't post a lot on here because I have major confidence issues with people. I'll often read for hours on end, but can't pluck up the courage to post a reply.
Reading the responses though from Gingerwitch here made me so annoyed that I just couldn't NOT say anything. I posted my last reply to try to put across the fact that no matter how much someone loves their horse, sometimes the circumstances just don't allow some people to keep their horse for reasons outwith their control.
When GW lost her horse, I replied on her thread offering sympathy and support. I even offered her my own 3 year old pony as a companion, as a temporary loan to keep her other horse company until she decided whether to sell him or buy another of her own.
You have been through a very hard time recently, and I understand the difficulties you are experiencing with your OH, but please don't let a few negative people on HHO take this away from you too.
You know what, If I lived near you....I'd be the first person to come to your door and offer you whatever help I could.
Please stay. (((((HUGS))))) 
Suzanne. xxx


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## Emilieu (16 September 2012)

Flaxen I was so pleased to see that you had responded - especially if there has been good news re a home for your boy. I originally just came on to sympathise as my friend has just gone thru similar trying to sell a youngster but obviously the thread has derailed somewhat since then.
If you find comfort / entertainment from the forum then please don't leave. I believe there is a user ignore function that you could employ instead.
Big hugs and I hope it all gets easier soon xxx


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## smokey (16 September 2012)

Flaxen, there are more good people here than bad, don't delete your account. I think you need to sort out your life, and the first thing you need to consider is your relationship with your OH. it doesn't matter if you sell your horse or not, you will not be happy whilst living like this. 
Please, for your child and yourself, think hard about what you do. I feel so bad for you, if you were my daughter I would be in my car now, coming to take you and the wee one home. 
Can you perhaps talk to your health visitor or GP about the situation? You need to get some support in real life, and get on track for a better future. And remember, there are people here who understand, and don't judge. Be strong, and know that it can be better xx


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## misst (17 September 2012)

Flaxen if you are still here I am very very sorry for how you have been spoken to on this thread. I cannot believe how horrible it has become. I had no idea about you or your circumstances and in a way they are irrelevent. I have only just seen this threat and in parts it is very vicious - awful for you.

Lots of people on here have had stuff not work out the way they hoped. Lots of people have lost horses they loved very very much - myself included. I am so sorry for your situation and your pain. I am sure if you had had a crystal ball things might have been different.

Some of the people on here have been unpleasant and cruel and I would like to think they are bitter and angry due to their own losses. Others - I am unsure of their motives.

I hope you have a good resolution to your troubles and wish you well. It must be very hard to part with a youngster you had hopes and dreams for. x


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## devonlass (17 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			Urm.... now let me think - just how many years did I live in County Durham for ..... ? small world isnt it.... still wonder now why the op has not re-shown???????????
		
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She has 're-shown' (is that even a word??),and been far more gracious to you than you deserve.

You're a bit of a silly trout aren't you?? Can't quite decide if you're unhinged in the mind or just a spiteful bint.Either way you should really learn when to shut up.

Flaxen-you have loads of support on here,don't let the very few or one even spoil that for you.Thinking of you and sure there are lot's of virtual shoulders here if you need them.


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## Trinity Fox (17 September 2012)

Flaxen I have just come in at this time after a horsey disaster, do not even listen to any of the rubbish other people on here have said.

I have had some really hideous things happen to me beyond normal, however that is life, having a baby is very hard if you have no support even harder, we cannot judge how people cope by what has happened to us.

You can only do your best , and do not be judged by anyone, pay attention to the people on here who tried to help you.

I actually buy in a few youngsters to sell on, to say you cannot care for a horse you sell is rubbish, you bred yours so am sure are even more fond of him.

I buy in mine at two or three I care for them and bring them on I can honestly  say I hate selling them, have turned down buyers and have had sleepless nights over it.
I have backed them and brought them on step by step, I can  say they have all gone on to better homes than where they came.
If I won the lottery I would keep them all, I am not a bad person have kept all the horrors or real bad uns, am I a bad person.

I think GW has lost something dear to them I may be wrong, as for the op having a baby is hard if you are isolated even harder.

If you have to sell there is someone who can give your horse a good home.


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## brighteyes (17 September 2012)

I now just wish the OP could do for herself what she has hopefully (and admirably) managed to do for her youngster.


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## Puppy (17 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			Hang on - dont come on here posting about a "beloved" animal - when you can do something about keeping it !

I just wish i like many others had the choice to keep really "beloved horses"

I am not on about buying and selling of horses on a general scale but to the fact that she is having to sell her "beloved youngster". If it was beloved she would be putting up a darn sight better fight to keep it.

And the biggest time wasters around are those that breed without thinking through full their actions and winge about the fact she cant move on a 2 year old in one of the worst selling markets - just before the winter.
		
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People move on horses all the time, for various reasons... 

http://www.horseandhound.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=560116


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## hairycob (17 September 2012)

Gingerwitch - I actually spent yesterday worrying about you. I do wonder if you are suffering from depression or a post bereavement reaction. Please seek counselling for your own sake.

Flaxen - I'm glad it looks like you have found a solution for the horse. 1 problem down now you can think about the next one. None of us can tell you what to do in your relationship but I hope that whatever you do decide it works out well for you & your little one.


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## Booboos (17 September 2012)

I am so glad you may have found a good home for your boy, I hope it all works out.

Please do try a specialist forum like Mumsnet for your OH problems. There is a lot of expertise there and they can advise and support you to pursue other options.


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## Shantara (17 September 2012)

I'm so glad you came back Flaxen! I had no idea you were going through such a rough time, from the posts here I thought it was bad, but not that bad :O 
I'm no good at comforting people, but I really really hope you're ok! Don't listen to the silly posts on here, you don't need, or deserve it. *hugs*


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## pip6 (17 September 2012)

Good luck, at least you know where he is & that he will be cared for. If they've offered you visits they clearly intend to do right by him.


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## grandmaweloveyou (17 September 2012)

flaxen said:



			I never asked to be judged or slated!

This is the first horse I have ever had to sell and being a new experience its one I never want to repeat.

Gingerwitch or whar ever your name is, you arent the only one to have had a horse die. 8yrs ago my jumping pony died from colic 6mths post colic surgery, we had been together for 10 yrs ( she was 13 when she died ) she was my world and my best friend. She had colic surgery on the monday and very nearly died on the table, then had myopathy and had an awfull recovery but made it eventualyy to her feet. 2 days after her surgery while visiting her my vet came out to tell me my fathers work had been on the phone to say my father had had a stroke while driving a 44t lorry. It was touch and go but he did survive although now paralysed, my pony kept me going while everything was upside down. She came back into work tho continued to have mild bouts of colic ( this is common ) and we went jumping again although she had lost some of her stretch so went at a lower level. We had to sell our house as insurance would only pay out on death and being paralysed my dad was no longer able to work.
House was sold 6mths after colic surgery/ stroke and we had a moving out date, went competing on the sunday and despite a long wait we won our classes. My pony was colicing on the monday morning and despite all efforts she deteriorated and gave up her fight and was put quietly to sleep in her stable at 11pm 26/08/2004 with me at her side.

2 days after this we moved out of our house forever and I was homeless and had lost the only hope I had left. There isnt a day goes by where I dont miss her and wish she was with me. Her ashes are on my bedside table and I hahve left instructions that they are to be emptied into my coffin when I die.

Onto the current situation:-

when I put my mare infoal I wasnt with my husband, my horses were my life everything I did and planned revolved around them, the foal was my future competition horse and wasnt going to be bred to be sold.

I also didnt plan or want a human baby, they didnt fit in with what I wanted to do in my life which was competing my horses and setting up an equine ambulance service in the north.

The only sure fire way of not having children is not doing "it" and wouldnt have been an issue for me but apparantly its expected and refusing oh of his bsaic human rights and then you get slated by family for saying you dont want a baby and its expected that you have it.

I spent my pregnancy worrying about my horses ( my mare was put down due to severe bone spavin and becoming unresponsive to treatment and then dislocating her hock while stressing ) I was ill the whole way through and was constantly in and out of hospital, I was then booked in for a section due to my health and almost died due to the hospital cutting my femoral artery, hence a longer stay in hospital and a very large incision to sew the ends back together again. The only reason im alive is because I was already under a ga. My baby also had problems and despite me saying there was something wrong it took them 9 weeks to work out what it was, in those 9 weeks we were at a&e and docs every week and if I got an hours sleep in 24 I was lucky, I was also trying to look after my 2 horses and trying to muck out from the time I was home.

It is not suitable up here for my boy to live out, its a very heavy clay area and wet, he is completly pink skinned bar his markings and wouldnt cope, plus no grass livery in walking distance and we get over a foot of snow. He is also a very intelligent horse who needs something for his brain to think about else he will amuse himself including pulling rails off and throwing things about. 

I never said I hadnt been able to sell him, he had only been advertised a few days, I was complaining about the idiots who were ringing because he stands out due to his colour and markings but with no intention of actually buying him.

I now think I may have found a home for him where he will be doing what his breed excells at, the person is happy to keep in contact and if im ever in the area I will be welcome to visit him.

If I could keep him I would but his is the best option I have. I never spend any money on myself, we dont qualify for tax creditd or child care cedits as hubby earns too much but then he spends it all on his car, he smokes and drinks, has a monthly mag subscription, shoots and has 2 guns, eats take aways 5+ days a week and buys stuff on ebay.

The reason I didnt reply yesterday was my dad has come up for a few days to see his granddaughter and to cheer me up and my husband is being worse than normal ( hes on holiday for 10 days ) spends 12 hrs in bed then ignores us, he went to the pub all afternoon today and stayed out on the farm yesterday, he ignores my dad on a morning and didnt even hold his daughter yesterday.

I dont go out and read this forum on a night when baby is asleep and ive tidied up. Ive never come across such nasty people ( not everyone, the nice ones know who they are ) I have read every page. I will be asking to have my account deleted as have been bullied enough in the past to last a life time and assuming you are adults then certain peoples behaviour is appauling. I have enough on my plate without nasty minded bullies adding to it. You should be ashamed of yourselves!
		
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Flaxen you go girl, stating it exactly as it is and p**sing all over the nasty one's fireworks putting them well and truly out.

May I suggest (and it is none of my business, I only comment as you have written publicly on a forum) you use some of that energy now to throw your husband out - he sounds charming, NOT.

I too have read all of this thread, unusually for me as I have neither the time no inclination, and find it strange that those orchestrating such behaviour then comes on asking for help like nothing has happened, and that people are advising - those I guess who have not read this post.

Do not delete your account, why should you? 

Good luck and great news about your boy.


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## FfionWinnie (17 September 2012)

TChamp said:



			F find it strange that those orchestrating such behaviour then comes on asking for help like nothing has happened, and that people are advising - those I guess who have not read this post..
		
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Also thought this!  Quite astounding case of brass neck really!!


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## Littlelegs (17 September 2012)

Not sure which thread you are referring to, but I can guess which poster you refer too. And I think that suggesting they should be put in online coventry & their threads deliberately ignored is far worse behavior than anything they said. Pot & kettle springs to mind.


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## BBH (17 September 2012)

This has to be one of the worst threads I have ever read on here and no wonder horse women enjoy a bad reputation.

Ok GW was strong in her condemnation of the OP but given her own loss you can understand how she would fight heaven and earth to protect those close to her when in her mind the OP was giving up too easily. Loss can do that to you.

What followed has been the worst bullying on here I have ever seen, I've never ever felt the need to repeatedly call someone Vile over their different opinion. The post after post of disgusting personal attack on her has been painful to read. 

You are a bunch of Hyena's closing in for the kill and  I've never read anything on a forum so utterly shameful.


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## Black.Shadow (17 September 2012)

Gingerwitch said:



			Sorry to be harsh - but when folks are loosing "beloved" animals that they would move heaven earth and go to hell and back a 100 times over - you really need to work out if it is "beloved" or not!

I would have worked 24 hours a day to find the money to pay for my big lad.

You choose 3 years ago to put the mare in foal, and you choose to do the same for yourself - so get off your butt, stop your winging and deal with the bed you have made.
		
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W0W!!


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## devonlass (17 September 2012)

BBH said:



			You are a bunch of Hyena's closing in for the kill and  I've never read anything on a forum so utterly shameful.
		
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This astounds me as you have a fairly high post count.HHO has had,seen and done far worse than this me thinks.
I have been gobsmacked in the past at some of the nasty posts I've seen on here (hence why i rarely post TBH despite being a member for several years),this is tame in comparison.

The worst behaviour on this thread has been by GW herself.One bad day is forgivable but she insisted on coming back and not only going for the jugular again but also started talking in riddles trying to get people to doubt OP identity and situation.A case of if I can't get people on my side,I'll at least get them off hers it seemed,that's utterly shameful IMO.

I am as guilty as the next person of saying what I thought no holds barred (well actually that's not true there were several more choice words I would have liked to have said if I were not old enough to know better),but I really do feel on this occasion the tongue lashing was well deserved.

Would be the first person to give credit though if GW came back to apologise.We all make mistakes,it's being a big enough person to admit them that matters.


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## PolarSkye (17 September 2012)

Deleted.  Having read the whole thing . . . I regret contributing at all. 

OP - very glad you found a home for your colt. 

P


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## smokey (17 September 2012)

devonlass said:



			This astounds me as you have a fairly high post count.HHO has had,seen and done far worse than this me thinks.
I have been gobsmacked in the past at some of the nasty posts I've seen on here (hence why i rarely post TBH despite being a member for several years),this is tame in comparison.

The worst behaviour on this thread has been by GW herself.One bad day is forgivable but she insisted on coming back and not only going for the jugular again but also started talking in riddles trying to get people to doubt OP identity and situation.A case of if I can't get people on my side,I'll at least get them off hers it seemed,that's utterly shameful IMO.

I am as guilty as the next person of saying what I thought no holds barred (well actually that's not true there were several more choice words I would have liked to have said if I were not old enough to know better),but I really do feel on this occasion the tongue lashing was well deserved.

Would be the first person to give credit though if GW came back to apologise.We all make mistakes,it's being a big enough person to admit them that matters.
		
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Agree with every word of this, well said! Also agree with Littlelegs that sending anyone to Coventry is wrong. I think that people were originally horrified by the attacks on the OP, and answered them. The fact that this particular poster didn't seem able to judge when to stop resulted in several posters, myself included telling her what we thought of her behaviour. I stand by my opinion on that, and hope that she will see her behaviour for what it was, and apologise.


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## smokey (17 September 2012)

BBH said:



			when in her mind the OP was giving up too easily. 

Exactly, in her own mind! And when she was asked to look at the bigger picture she came back with more personal attacks, which were both unreasonable and unfair IMO. 
I agree, she has her own pain to deal with, but off loading it on someone else who is already suffering is cruel and unnecessary. I hope she can find a way forward.
		
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## Goldenstar (17 September 2012)

Flaxen , I hope you are ok please don't get upset over this frankly bonkers performance .
Please look for support from your own family and friends your personal situation sounds very difficult and I hope you can see a way forward soon , I hope you have told a friend you trust your problems and are not confiding this on here because you find it difficult to admit it to a friend or family member if this the case please talk to someone.
I will be thinking of you .


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## ladyt25 (18 September 2012)

I don't think it's worth deleting your account over thos although that's entirely your decision. However, I DO think you may want to consider 'deleting' your husband!!! 

Ok, so maybe not delete as such but delete him from your life. You say you weren't even with him when you put your mare in foal so sounds like you got involved very quickly and married even quicker. From what you say I have no idea why you are with him. If I were you I'd be off now!!


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## Amymay (18 September 2012)

Bonkers thread.


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