# Amusing things you hear on the yard



## Kellys Heroes (29 January 2011)

Got me thinking the other day when I was on the yard. One of the girls had taken her dad down with her (a self confessed novice).
As she began to pick pony's feet out her dad says "have you got another of those (hoofpicks) I'll do his other ones" 
Just had to laugh!!! 

Give us your stories!
K x


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## Cedars (29 January 2011)

LOL! Thats hysterical!


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## mulledwhine (29 January 2011)

LOL, that is funny, and I cant beat that, although my dad did say today when we were buying stuff..

I thought horses lived outside and just ate grass if they can get it !!!!

I replied that is why my sister and I have horses and you dont, he is right, but if only it was that simple and cheap


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## Kellys Heroes (29 January 2011)

Oh yeah!  we can dream...!!
I think he realised what he'd said after she patiently explained horses can't stand on two feet....xD
I've also seen people coming down to turn out their OH's horses - and putting the headcollar on upside down, so the 'attachy bit' (??? LOL talk about novices...!) is on their noses.. and the buckle is fastened under their chin!
K x

ETA in no way poking fun at novices....we all have to learn and all made mistakes - a fave of mine was forgetting to do the girth, and coming back onto the yard, clinging onto ponys neck as pony trotted along probably thinking "what the **** is she doing, get her off me!" - its just that once we've explained whatever it is, we do have a giggle about it


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## *Spider* (29 January 2011)

My horse frequently rests one his hinds while I pick out a front. Farrier finds it most annoying also, when he loses his balance (on two legs) and nearly falls over. Daft pony.


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## Cedars (29 January 2011)

I did have a girl at school ask me once how horses put their coats on when it rained....


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## unicornleather (29 January 2011)

lol


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## Kellys Heroes (29 January 2011)

flamehead said:



			I did have a girl at school ask me once how horses put their coats on when it rained....
		
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Lmao brilliant. Then again wouldn't put it past Kelly. She manages to get her rugs off fully fastened alright!!
K x


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## Kellys Heroes (30 January 2011)

*bump*


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## skint1 (30 January 2011)

Well not as funny as yours but just yesterday I was having lunch with my dad and he asked what my daughter was doing and I said 

"Oh she's having a riding lesson then doing blahh blah"

He says "Riding lesson?! If she doesnn't know how to ride a horse after all these years she should get another hobby"


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## *Spider* (30 January 2011)

My Dad refers to Obie's rugs as jackets/macs.
My Mum also came with me to look around the local saddlery and said I should be buying so many fancy shoes for Obie to wear?!?!?


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## NicoleS_007 (30 January 2011)

I work at a RS and must admit i have accidently sent out ponys with no sturrips or girths a couple of times  Very embarrassing lol ... Theres also someone who keeps putting one of the horses rugs on inside out!! How the heck can they not notice its the wrong way!! ... When my horse got pts because of a severely fractured pasturn my mother said "Is he ok surely they can fix him!!" hmmmm no mother!! She is a bit of a numty when it comes to animals, bless her. Oh and my wee sister once told a friend that if she touched the inside of her horses ear it would die!!! Friend believed her lol i kindly informed her it was not true ... after much laughter


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## elsiex (30 January 2011)

Lol my other half does come out with some gems.

Refers to rugs as cloaks, and haynets as "balls of hay". Also has a habit of watching me ride going "how are you getting her to go faster, you aren't doing anything!!".

Also assumed that when walking a SJ course, you memorised it, then taught it to the horse!! If only!!


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## jokadoka (30 January 2011)

Having had horses for more years than i care to remember, my husband still asks me when I'm tacking up "When are you going to put his "chair" on".......


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## Achinghips (30 January 2011)

"What a lovely Tb you have. I do like the chestnuts, she would be perfect for my 12 year old"


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## hannah87 (30 January 2011)

I was away for a night in the Autumn and left my OH to check on my mare. She needed her rug on at night and off during the day - I told him this and to tie her up to the string on the gate whilst he does it. I got a text saying " Bramble has her rain coat on, she kept wandering off so I tied her to the fence with a double knot, oh and she doesnt like the hay" - he had given her straw and tied her straight to the wire fence (OMG!!) but managed to put her rug on perfect!


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## ClobellsandBaubles (30 January 2011)

used to help with  kids lessons at RS few years back still remember some of the claasics for example:
have any of these ponies laid any eggs? 
have any of these ponies been into space?
or i want the orange one! 
also explaining the difference between male and female ponies and then onto gelding got quite interesting thems were the days lol 
have also seen 2 kids try and pick out a ponies feet at the same time poor little pony got a bit confused but did try bless him


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## dafthoss (30 January 2011)

my mum calls rugs blankets  In the tack shop yesterday she asked what the big flap on that was then I told her it was a stud girth and explained it but then I had to show her what studs were as well.


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## Topstripe (30 January 2011)

I work as an Equine Underwriter and was in meeting with our Insurers quite a few years ago and the guy that was supposedly doing an audit on my scheme said to me

"OOOOO I am so worried about this scheme - I think it has been underwritten completely wrong - most of the policies I have reviewed I have had to pull up because the horses don't live at the postal address - we can't be having horses living somewhere different to the Proposer!!!!"

WTF - I was so shocked I just stood there like a goldfish until I burst out into laughter
I then asked him how many horses does he normally see in peoples back gardens LOL LOL LOL eating the flowers!
I explained about people keeping horses in livery and he then understood but i must admit I did wonder how they can audit the scheme without any idea of horses.

Luckily over the years it has changed!!!


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## Chestnut mare (30 January 2011)

skint1 said:



			Well not as funny as yours but just yesterday I was having lunch with my dad and he asked what my daughter was doing and I said 

"Oh she's having a riding lesson then doing blahh blah"

He says "Riding lesson?! If she doesnn't know how to ride a horse after all these years she should get another hobby"
		
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My OH says the same thing when I want a lesson lol  he said I ride everyday I must kno how to do it by now!


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## mik (30 January 2011)

We had a lady come to ride at the school, all new gear on, and we asked politely if she had any experience, thinking new gear, novice. She said yes she was very experienced, then we politely helped her put her chaps on the right legs and gently persuaded her she didn't need long (upside down) dressage spurs, on the horse she was riding today, needless to say we learn't how to go into wallk, stop and turn that day.....


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## MrsMozart (30 January 2011)

mik said:



			We had a lady come to ride at the school, all new gear on, and we asked politely if she had any experience, thinking new gear, novice. She said yes she was very experienced, then we politely helped her put her chaps on the right legs and gently persuaded her she didn't need long (upside down) dressage spurs, on the horse she was riding today, needless to say we learn't how to go into wallk, stop and turn that day.....
		
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That made me giggle 

Well done on being so gentle with her


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## caitlineloise (30 January 2011)

mik said:



			We had a lady come to ride at the school, all new gear on, and we asked politely if she had any experience, thinking new gear, novice. She said yes she was very experienced, then we politely helped her put her chaps on the right legs and gently persuaded her she didn't need long (upside down) dressage spurs, on the horse she was riding today, needless to say we learn't how to go into wallk, stop and turn that day.....
		
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Must admit I once went to a riding lesson with my chaps on the wrong legs! But I can ride (In a fashion)

I absolutely p'eed myself when I realised, as did my mother. This was after the lesson was over and was at home however, whoops!!


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## Bettyboo222 (30 January 2011)

When I very first started looking after B, I had to get someone to show me how to do a rug up  

The RS ponies arn't rugged .....


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## 3~2~1 (30 January 2011)

"do you think she'll be ok to ride out on, her front shoes have fallen off but she's got both backs on so should be balanced" !!!!!!! dohhh and this person really wasn't having a laugh ................


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## wildwoman666 (30 January 2011)

I took other half to help me as had to do my friends horse . Got them in and was brushing my friends and other half was doing my horse. He says to me there is a hard dirty spot that wont come off on my girls inside legs ( chestnut) as he walks over to me and my friends horse and says he has them to. I say its there chestnuts not mud. He then looks at horse and says ,but he aint chestnut.....pmsl my horse is..


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## mhorses (30 January 2011)

yeah well one dad at the yard tacked up hisd daughters pony and the saddle was put on back to front and she only realised when her foot was in the stirrup ready to mount and then she took a fit and yelled abuse at him!! lol


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## Vikki89 (30 January 2011)

KellysHeroes said:



			Lmao brilliant. Then again wouldn't put it past Kelly. She manages to get her rugs off fully fastened alright!!
K x
		
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I know of two horses who manage to get their rugs off un-ripped and all done up still, I still haven't really figured out how.

Many people I know who don't know about horses call rugs coats and they often ask me why I have/need lessons as I surely know how to ride so know everything.


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## SonnysHumanSlave (30 January 2011)

Yesterday I yard owners dad said "Them two grey horses look happy together."

Then realised 2 grey horses is Mare and gelding, that have broken fence to get in together, and normally we only turnout horses on their own. :s


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## Ginge Crosby (30 January 2011)

in trying to save me some money and save him from mowing his football pitch, my OH's dad said to me just last night:

"if i parked your horsebox on the pitch (he owns by their pub) you could move him up here and he could use the horsebox as his stable....."

i had to explain to him that my horse doesnt like going on the horsebox at the best of times, and would probably prefer to shiver his little TB socks off outside in the rain than venture up the steep ramp of my box on his own. Plus i dont think his football club would appreciate breaking ankles on the divots from his hoof prints. and i think he's under the impression that the horse would dig himself a latrine in the corner of the field and keep the rest clear of droppings.... he also cant get his head around the fact that my horse will need some form of company as he hates being on his own. 

my OH refers to haylage as straw. He calls my horses stable rugs pajamas, and his outdoor rugs his macintosh. my shavings fork is known as the s*it stick. 


oh, and my personal favourite, jodphurs are called 'droppers'


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## ruby1512 (30 January 2011)

I had a potential sharer come to my yard for a look around and see whether she'd liked the situation, she was very novice but wanted to learn, I showed her how to muck out, then after about 40mins she asked 'do you have to do this everyday?' hehehehehehe she didn't stay I think the thought of mucking out everyday put her off!


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## KVH (30 January 2011)

Following along the lines of the rug names, I got a comment on facebook on a pic of my boy frolicing in the school in his rug from a friend in Canada saying 'Awww how cute! He's wearing a coat!' 
It did amuse me, it has to be said.


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## sakura (30 January 2011)

someone once commented on a photo of my previous horse saying "that's a really lovely pink frock!"

my horse was a boy, and the rug was purple! 

Luckily my gelding then outgrew the 'pink frock' and kept with dark blue and grey after that .... just in case


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## Cuppatea (30 January 2011)

one of our grooms was getting a bit picked on while mucking out one of the horses and came out saying ''god!! he's as bad as an animal!!!''
never let her forget that one!


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## PoppyAnderson (30 January 2011)

My OH asked if horses wagged their tails like a dog to show that they're happy! I guess it's a reasonable question if you haven't got a clue. And my friend thinks I'm a total numpty 'cos I have lessons and my horse isn't shod. She thinks other peoples horses are somehow 'posher' if they're shod. It's based on no knowledge at all, as she doesn't know one end of a horse from another!


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## Sanolly (30 January 2011)

Nothing to add, but I am giggling away here!


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## gemmypie44 (30 January 2011)

Vikki89 said:



			I know of two horses who manage to get their rugs off un-ripped and all done up still
		
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Our cob does that!! Want to rename him Houdini. He always looks very pleased with himself....


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## lucyc (30 January 2011)

frequently get asked by little kids why the horses are pooing and weeing while out on treks and have had kids try to tell their ponies off after have a poo not in the toilet!


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## MissTyc (30 January 2011)

My friend once helped me tack up maaaaany years ago. I left her with his tendon boots and came back to find them upside down over the front of his knees :lol:


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## gemmypie44 (30 January 2011)

My mother in law is a novice... And I help her alot with her cob, but I have had to explain 100 times what a numnah is to her its a blanket, rug is a coat, saddle is a seat, anything faster than walk is gallop, shavings and hay is straw, martingale is neck thingy, good thing I understand novice... The poor pony stands still as she slides her self off his side back onto the floor... 
We all need to start somewhere but the names of horse equipment and paces will always be what she calls them now, I do cringe when we speak to horsey people. :/


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## Pixiedust91 (30 January 2011)

Yesterday the OH came to watch me ride for the first time, I nearly pee'd myself when he asked how i got him to "run" faster as I didnt move or do anything, I took great pleasure in telling him that it was telepathy and the proceded to keep changing my "running speed" beween halt walk trot and canter. I was rather amused, especially as he believed me 

Years ago i left my friend with my TB taked up and tied up on the yard as i needed to help another friend get her horse in from the field, I came back 10 mins later to find that he had dismantled my bridle and was feeding him cake..apparently he thought he couldnt eat with that big metal thing in his mouth... I was in stiches


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## Archangel (30 January 2011)

elsiex said:



			Lol my other half does come out with some gems.

Refers to rugs as cloaks, and haynets as "balls of hay". 
Also assumed that when walking a SJ course, you memorised it, then taught it to the horse!! If only!!
		
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## Horseback Rider (30 January 2011)

My OH came up one nite to help when I had to bring horse plus 2 others in. He led mine in to yard and I had other 2. When we go to yard I told him to just stop walking and horse would stop beside him ( which he does ) anyway everytime OH stopped horse would slow down ready to stand and then OH thought he wasn't going to so he would step backward, so while I was putting other 2 away he and my horse where walking round in a circle ! I had to stop laughing before I went to help him ;-)

I love the way OH also tries to tell me that I am to soft on horse as "in the wild " but then I try to explain to OH that " in the wild" he woudln't be fenced in a field etc. Or on the other hand he tells me I am mean for leaving him out when it's windy ??


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## M'n'M (30 January 2011)

dafthoss said:



			my mum calls rugs blankets  .
		
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Over here we actually do call them blankets 

These are hilarious! Once I was teaching my friend how to pick a horse's hoof and told her to not dig at teh frog and she goes, "They have a frog living in their foot?!?!" haha I guess it does sound odd...


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## miss_bird (30 January 2011)

I must have loads bit cant remember them at the mo, but do keep them coming people i am in fits of giggles reading them


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## Horseback Rider (30 January 2011)

forgot to ad OH also thinks horse is a bit thick as he can't teach him to sit & give hoof but can get the dog to sit & give a paw !lol


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## mainpower (30 January 2011)

At my first "big" show, trying to look as "posh" as I thought everyone around me was, my Dad turned up to watch me in the Working Hunter.  We were all walking around at the end of the class waiting for the judge to make his decision when my Dad ducked under the rope and strode over to the judge, pointed at me and said "can you tell my daughter I'm leaving and it's sausages for tea".  The judge did relay the message.... with tears in his eyes from laughing!


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## pintoarabian (30 January 2011)

When my best friend was a teenager, he went on a hack for the first time with another group of novices. They were all given a briefing by the instructor before they set off. When about to cross a bridge over the river, they all stood up in their stirrups. The instructor asked them why they were doing that and they replied, "You told us to stand in the stirrups when the horse was about to pass water." I have never let him forget that.


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## bumper (30 January 2011)

From yesterday.

My OH is a gem, and lets me lie in on a Sat morning whilst he mucks out and turns out my boy. I left a banana for him to take up as pony loves them. The conversation when he came back went like this:

"Did you give him his banana?"
"Yes, but he didn't like it"
"Oh! he normally does!"
"Well he ate the bit that dropped out of the peel"
"Umm...so, you peeled it , right?"
"No"
LOL!!!


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## Seahorse (30 January 2011)

One of my ex boyfriends asked me if I was going to do my horse 'two tone' it took me ages to work out that he meant having a trace clip!!

Someone else asked me when my pony was going to grow up to be a man...

I had 2 TB bay geldings, they were both the same age and were turned out in the same field. A little girl came and asked me which one was the Mummy and which one was the baby, bless her! She looked very upset when I explained they were both boys and not related at all!


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## juliette (30 January 2011)

Left my daughter to tack up pony, when she first started sharing it, for literally a few seconds, came back to find she had walked underneath the pony with the girth as it was "easier" than leaning under from the other side to reach it! Luckily pony is very easy with kids and tends to keep very still when they are doing her!!!


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## Pharphar! (30 January 2011)

on the dad theme..... not technically yard based but my dad commented on me taking warm water up to the yard in the snow:

dad- 'whats that warm water for?' 
me- to try and stop his buckets freezing why?
dad- 'dont forget warm water gives them collar!

bless he meant collic.... poor dad. n when asked hi opinion on my darling oss he replied 'nice meat for burgers'. sigh


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## tabithakat64 (30 January 2011)

The best things I've heard recently have all been from someone who has years of experience working with horses and has competed to a high level.

When she reaches 500kg we'll be able to show her in a heavyweight cob class.

'Horse' will be fine for cob classes as she has 9 and a half inches of bone above the knee.  

Barren mare classes are for mares that are unable to have foals.

I had to go and sit in the car and have a little giggle to myself.


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## bumper (30 January 2011)

tabithakat64 said:



			The best things I've heard recently have all been from someone who has years of experience working with horses and has competed to a high level.

When she reaches 500kg we'll be able to show her in a heavyweight cob class.

'Horse' will be fine for cob classes as she has 9 and a half inches of bone above the knee.
		
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OMG!! That's not so much funny as misguided lol


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## Latiano (30 January 2011)

skint1 said:



			Well not as funny as yours but just yesterday I was having lunch with my dad and he asked what my daughter was doing and I said 

"Oh she's having a riding lesson then doing blahh blah"

He says "Riding lesson?! If she doesnn't know how to ride a horse after all these years she should get another hobby"
		
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I regularly hear that from my non-horsey family


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## sprite1978 (30 January 2011)

I went to see a mare for sale, and i looked under to see a sarcoid high on the inside of a rear leg........... The very novice DEALER said "Are you sure? I think its a nipple" "anyway whats a sarcoid?"

She also wore a riding hat the second she got out of the car until she got back in the car to leave the yard - Oh...and she didnt ride.


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## TJP (30 January 2011)

My son is 5 and has had his pony for 4 years.  He is convinced she is the youngest thing in the yard as she is the 'littleist' (his words)  Now he knows the foals were born this year, the yearlings last year etc.  He also knows his pony has been with him 'forever' again his words.  No matter how much I explain it etc he just replies 'she is the littleist so she is the youngest'.  Ahhhhhhhhhh  & his teacher says his maths is well above what she would expect of a 5 year old child.....


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## c2b (30 January 2011)

Once had a woman on our yard......she didn't last long. Had supposedly kept horses for 46yrs!! Didn't know how to do up a rug, pick out hooves, put a bridle on and forget taking bridle apart for cleaning. I digress.
She had a super little heavyweight cob with fantastic flowing feathers. She clipped his feathers off as they were too heavy and causing him  to trip.


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## E_Lister (30 January 2011)

My non horsey dad thought that rearing was when the "rear" of the horse went in the air so by process of elimination bucking was the front end in the air. 

This actually didn't come to light at the yard, but when I was in hysterics because someone else on here said their OH believed that, I thought it was so funny I told my dad who replied "well whats funny about that, that is how it goes isn't it?".......


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## tasteofchristmaschaos (30 January 2011)

juliette said:



			Left my daughter to tack up pony, when she first started sharing it, for literally a few seconds, came back to find she had walked underneath the pony with the girth as it was "easier" than leaning under from the other side to reach it! Luckily pony is very easy with kids and tends to keep very still when they are doing her!!!
		
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I've never done this at all...
Or wheeled a wheelbarrow underneath him as he refused to move to let me round...
Then again, when they are 18.1 you don't have to duck much!


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## frostie652 (31 January 2011)

I pointed at a bay pony and asked my oh what colour it was.. he said arab
.... bless


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## miss_c (31 January 2011)

My Mum is one of those who constantly refers to hay as straw... I keep reminding her that I don't use straw AT ALL.


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## piggyinablanket (31 January 2011)

My Daughters friend asked me if the metal thing in his mouth would stop our pony breathing...


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## diet2ride (31 January 2011)

My oh, can't understand why the horse gets more new shoes than he does... Asked can't we pay out a bit more for better ones that last longer  

Also taken a few conversations to explain why a gelding can't have babies.


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## AFlapjack (31 January 2011)

These are brilliant!! 

When I was little, me and a friend were going to a riding lesson (my mum was driving us there). Somehow we got onto the subject of stallions, mares and geldings  My mum was trying to explain the difference between stallions and geldings when I blurted out, "Geldings have their balls chopped off" and my friend took a big gasp and said, "So my dad's a stallion then?"


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## Carefreegirl (31 January 2011)

flamehead said:



			I did have a girl at school ask me once how horses put their coats on when it rained....
		
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I get that all the time at work - only its do you put a blanket on your horse when its cold ? 

A comment made to me at my old yard by another livery who every time she came back from a show declared that the British team selectors were there and were interested in her horse (they weren't believe me) watched me do a walk to canter transition and called over "nice transition AND on the right diagonal".


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## Aoibhin (31 January 2011)

i had someone stop and ask if i should have such a small baby horse out on the road with its mummy last year & they got quite cross with me & drove off calling ME simple because i had explained he was a section A pony, my mare was a welsh cob & they were not related.


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## MosMum (31 January 2011)

LOL these are great!

I was babysitting my friend's 4 year old yesterday, he's got his own shetland and they're a very 'horsey' family. Anyway M was looking out the car window and says: "I can see horses!" a few minutes later, "I can see cows!... They're not horses, because horses have heads!"

Hmmmm what kind of scary-ass cows live near HIS yard???


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## Spotsrock (31 January 2011)

my friends non horsey son thought it would be a good idea to ride her driving pony. Pony didn't think it was a good idea at all.

It took me a minute to work out what he meant when he said it pulled a wheelie. When I stopped laughing I asked if it was a front wheelie or a back wheelie. Apparently it was a front wheelie, I think pony reared!


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## [59668] (3 February 2011)

These are making me laugh!

I was having a conversation with a non horsey member of the family at Christmas about my very heavyweight coloured gypsy cob, and he came out with "well he must be fast, cos piebalds as a breed used to be prized over thoroughbreds for their speed...."

Where would I start correcting that statement?!


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## Kellys Heroes (3 February 2011)

Fantastic - got to admit, the 'most experienced' people or non-horsey people are the best!!
Not so much heard, but my first part loan pony had another sharer come to try him out - I got down there one day and found him happily munching on his bed - she'd only gone and put a bale of hay down for a bed and a leaf of straw in his net!!!
K x


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## orionstar (3 February 2011)

I've mentioned this before but had to again.  I had booked the dentist for the new 3 yr old I bought with my sister.  Sister has ridden for years but never owned one.  17hh warmblood could be a bit headshy so I was worrying about whether to sedate or not.  I got a phone call from sis saying she was in Asda and had found a really big toothbrush so we could practise before the dentist got there.  I still laugh when thinking about it!


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## 9tails (3 February 2011)

A few from the parentals:

Num-num for numnah
Stripy socks for reflective legwear
"Surely it doesn't go out when it's raining" 
"She had a little gallop while I was leading her in" <- jog
Jackets and nighties


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## paisley (3 February 2011)

Someone I used to house-share with and had horses was adamant that Shires were surprisingly speedy and "can gallop as fast as thoroughbreds!"
Remind me someone, when is the Shire Grand National again?


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## brigantia (3 February 2011)

My friend was riding her horse out in his rhythm beads which kind of look like a rosary. A guy we passed walking down the road asked, "Is your horse Roman Catholic?" LOL.


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## tasteofchristmaschaos (3 February 2011)

paisley said:



			Remind me someone, when is the Shire Grand National again?
		
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Usually when I call to mine whilst rustling a packet of polos!


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## FanyDuChamp (3 February 2011)

First yard we were on was large and busy. We were up having a cup of tea and a visitor came in asked whose horse the "palomino girl horse" was and said he thought she was dead. Never moved so fast, only to find my chestnut lad sprawled out  sunbathing. The gentleman could not understand why we were all laughing at him!
FDC


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## FanyDuChamp (3 February 2011)

Orionstar said:



			I've mentioned this before but had to again.  I had booked the dentist for the new 3 yr old I bought with my sister.  Sister has ridden for years but never owned one.  17hh warmblood could be a bit headshy so I was worrying about whether to sedate or not.  I got a phone call from sis saying she was in Asda and had found a really big toothbrush so we could practise before the dentist got there.  I still laugh when thinking about it!
		
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This reminded me of the woman in a tack shop I went to who tried to sell me a tooth brush for my horse, now I love to spend money on him, but really?
Just in case no-one believes me.
http://www.equidentltd.com/

FDC


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## KL93 (3 February 2011)

prob not as good as previous ones but my mothers boyfriend was driving me up to the stables past a load of horses in a field, suddenly he stoped the car dead saying "oh, my god thats cruelty right! they've made it so their horses are blind!" there was a serious look of horror on his face. lol it was a fly mask.


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## dafthoss (3 February 2011)

paisley said:



			Someone I used to house-share with and had horses was adamant that Shires were surprisingly speedy and "can gallop as fast as thoroughbreds!"
Remind me someone, when is the Shire Grand National again?
		
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Having ridden a shire across a stubble field I can confirm that they are very fast when they want to be  but not thoroughbred fast. 
I'm always getting asked why the pony is blind folded in the summer and have to explain it's a fly mask the best one is the woman who put the saddle on backwards when I went pony trekking years ago we told her it was wrong but she didn't believe us then when the person who worked there told her it was she said we had told her to put it on like that :O same woman also decided to come for a canter insisting she could ride then nealy fell off after the first few strides!! Strangely enough she didn't try again and didn't speak to us for the rest of the day.


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## finnywinny (3 February 2011)

Sometimes I think its just the choice of non horsey words that sounds so funny. 

Walking with my (non horsey) OH past a field of immaculate eventers who get turned out for about 2 hours a day. "Look at that one" he exclaimed, pointing,  "its got its hair all tidy and organised". Said horse had neatly pulled mane lying beautifully on the correct side.

 Its now a joke between us - whenever i'm going to the yard to groom, plait etc I say I'm just off to tidy and organise some hair...


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## Vixstar (4 February 2011)

lol these are great!

I had one the other week that really made me laugh; I was in my local tack shop and there was a pretty blonde lady wearing high heel boots, hair imaculate and very obviously a "towny" with her young daughter kitting her out in all the safety gear (why? Just plonk the kid on the pony and off she goes!!) she was asking the shop attendant about getting a made to measure body amour! 

Anyway she looked over at me and wrinkled her nose at my stable boots (just turned the horse out, so yeah my boots were pretty muddy) and she said "how does that not bother you?!" I said "What, the mud?  That's what these boots are for!"  I had to explain that I wouldn't wear my "going out" clothes up the stables, that's why I wear old jeans and these "digustingly muddy" boots! haha!


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## Vickijay (4 February 2011)

MosMum said:



			LOL these are great!

I was babysitting my friend's 4 year old yesterday, he's got his own shetland and they're a very 'horsey' family. Anyway M was looking out the car window and says: "I can see horses!" a few minutes later, "I can see cows!... They're not horses, because horses have heads!"

Hmmmm what kind of scary-ass cows live near HIS yard???
		
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LOL


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## maletto (4 February 2011)

Topstripe said:



			I work as an Equine Underwriter and was in meeting with our Insurers quite a few years ago and the guy that was supposedly doing an audit on my scheme said to me

"OOOOO I am so worried about this scheme - I think it has been underwritten completely wrong - most of the policies I have reviewed I have had to pull up because the horses don't live at the postal address - we can't be having horses living somewhere different to the Proposer!!!!"

WTF - I was so shocked I just stood there like a goldfish until I burst out into laughter
I then asked him how many horses does he normally see in peoples back gardens LOL LOL LOL eating the flowers!
I explained about people keeping horses in livery and he then understood but i must admit I did wonder how they can audit the scheme without any idea of horses.

Luckily over the years it has changed!!!
		
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haven't read the rest of the thread so don't know if anyone's said this but I remember yonks ago (back in the days of Pony mag - is that still going?!?!) they had a letters page or something. 

A girl wrote in to say that she'd tried to have her pony insured and the insurer she spoke to asked her what colour the pony was. 

She said fleabitten grey to which the guy replied "oh, I'm sorry, but if she's already fleabitten I don't think there's much we can cover"


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## mrsbt (4 February 2011)

Someone at work once asked me how i fed my horse as horses are meat eaters aren't they! I laughed and then realised he was quite serious and was very surprised when i explained they do not eat meat!


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## Chico Mio (4 February 2011)

I clip my horses - just a nice apron clip to stop them overheating in the daytime temperatures we have here in the winter....comments I have had:

What happened to your horse? Why has his hair come off like that?

Why is your horse two colours like that? Is it to make him look pretty?

Mainly it is just a lot of pointing and whispering - and that's just from the adults. 

They also have hoof boots which cause endless amusement:  'Look, Jose! That horse is wearing trainers!'

We put rain sheets on them so they can go out all day and one day when OH and I were rugging them up someone asked us if we were going to ride them in the rugs as they had never seen a horse in any kind of rug before.

We were accused of being cruel for puttng 'blindfolds' on them so they couldn't see - yep, fly masks.

Over here people call saddles 'chairs' all the time if they are speaking English, as that is the direct translation - silla de montar is 'riding chair'.


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## Reindeer Rider (4 February 2011)

My friend and I were discussing a bridle lame horse and after explaining to another livery what bridle lameness was she says "Well, I'd just ride it in a headcollar then!"

Same girl tells me "I have fleas in my stable, no wait, I mean headlice"  They were woodlice!

Same girl led her horse up to a mounting block and said to me how does this work then?

Priceless!


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## showjumpergirl (5 February 2011)

FranBeattie said:



			Someone at work once asked me how i fed my horse as horses are meat eaters aren't they! I laughed and then realised he was quite serious and was very surprised when i explained they do not eat meat!
		
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Someone wants to tell this to my mum's pony - he'll quite happily eat a few sausage rolls if they're about (we don't feed them to him or anything, he steals them of his own accord when they're offered to the riders at fun rides etc ).

I was once told by a hunting-anti who happened to pass the field in their car while we were (drag) hunting, that it was cruel to do so because the "horses don't know what they're doing", as if a horse would refuse to hunt because it disagreed with the morality!

Oh, and I was told that it's ridiculous to ask horses to work with their heads in (on the bit), especially while jumping, as it temporarily and partially blinds them  This person was a novice to say the least, and was quietly corrected, but her horror was hilarious all the same


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## Natch (5 February 2011)

Chico Mio said:



			They also have hoof boots which cause endless amusement:  'Look, Jose! That horse is wearing trainers!'
		
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I used to get a lot of comments from young boys about my horse wearing shinpads - they were combi knee & brushing boots 

Best ever non-horsey quote was when I was riding in a forest with high viz on and a lad asked "Are you a forest ranger?" "Um, no, afraid not" "Oh. Well then are you forest police?"


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## hippo-horse (5 February 2011)

When my OH was new to me and horses,we were up the yard and he asked me how long it would take for the smallest pony to grow to the size of my horse(15H).He thought it went foal-pony-horse!Im still not sure what he thought shetlands were.


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## Ilovefoals (5 February 2011)

My OH wondered if my friends Sec A would be pregnant for as long as my warmblood "cos it's smaller".


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## Zerotolerance (5 February 2011)

We told woman (who reckoned she'd competed at really high level all her life - yeah right!) that horse needed a clip on top bolt, as he kept undoing it, so could get a leg trapped etc. Her response - oh I don't think so as how will he open his door to escape if there a fire!
 I told her not to worry as one of mine would call fire brigade on their mobile!!

So glad to hear about other OHs - thought it was just mine (who does ride!):
bag of straw = hay net  Packet of sawdust = bale of shavings

When will he ever learn that standing in front of the horse holding the headcollar open does not mean the horse will stick it's head in and is more likely to result in a smack in the face when he then shakes it at them! Aargh!


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## twisteddiamond (5 February 2011)

when my non horsey OH was helping make up the feeds, he asked me how much 'slop' they got, took me ages to figure out he meant sugarbeet lol
he also calls stable rugs 'pyjamas' and turnouts 'coats'
i also heard someone refer to foals a 'puppy horses' which did make me giggle slightly


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## Geraldine (5 February 2011)

I call my horses rugs PJ's and coats!! 

Tom used to call Speedibeat Biddiebeans (he was 5) and Anya calls it Mud (she's 3). She has also asked why there was Dragon Poo in Bob's bed............


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## KVH (5 February 2011)

Haha these are brilliant!!
Really needed a laugh after the day I'm having!


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## JessandCharlie (5 February 2011)

I have tonnes. 

A DEALER (and friend) once came to ride my horse years ago (who loved doing giraffe impressions) and she told me it wasn't a schooling issue, he was actually very sweet and had his head in the air to try and keep me on 

My non-horsey friend is fascinated by horses wearing "Gladiator sandals" (leather tendon boots) and having "Two textures" (clipped)

But my favourite and most recent was my (surprisingly horsey) Dad. Pone had decided for some unknown reason that a head collar and lead rope is in fact horse eating and there was no way he was going to let me catch him. (He's nearly 14. ) I started trying to catch him at lunch time and gave up at half ten that night, went up first thing the next morning to continue  We tried absolutely everything; hay, feed, treats, chocolate biscuits, no head collar, just opening the gate in the hope that he'd come in, taking all the other horses away so he'd want to join them, join up, ignoring him etc etc etc.
I get a phone call at twelve ish on the second day. "Jess, look. I'm coming up to help" "Thanks, but I'm fine thanks, I think it's a one man job, I'm nearly there" "But Jess! I have a plan!!!" "Oh? What's that?" "I'm bringing a CARROT!"

Hmm. Thanks for the offer, it was thoughtful, but that had occurred to me 

J&C


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## cumbriamax (5 February 2011)

I remember when non-horsey parents bought teenage daughter who'd had four riding lessons an ex racehorse- used to find bananas in trough and porridge oats as they had no idea what to feed him and when he cast a shoe they were horrified that he wouldn't GROW another, then next time he cast a shoes they were horrified again as they just assumed they would stay on forever- this horse didn't last long with these owners


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## Brownmare (5 February 2011)

When I asked my parents for a stud girth for Christmas my Dad asked if it was really likely a stallion was going to jump on Belle


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## Smitty (5 February 2011)

My neighbours were very concerned that my horse couldn't see through its blindfold (fly mask!)

Badminton X country day many years ago a young child asked her Mum why the horses had bandages on.  Mum replied they needed them as they all had bad legs  It was a year when the Queen was there so a lot of people just went to see her

My ex when he picked up my dressage sheet:  'I don't know whether this is good or bad, none of the others had it, it says "above the bit".

A friend on hearing his racehorse had mudfever:  "Oh my God, thats terrible.  She hasn't even been abroad".


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## Toffee44 (5 February 2011)

tasteofchaos said:



			Usually when I call to mine whilst rustling a packet of polos!
		
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Normally when the shires my OH look after have broken out (again), see the truck and gallop away from it. Its a rather nice sound of galloping hooves first thing in the morning


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## tallyho! (5 February 2011)

LOL These are wonderful...


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## charlimouse (5 February 2011)

Not long after I had got my first horse I had gone out for the morning, when I got home at lunchtime my Dad (all proud of himself!) told me he had mucked out my stable for me. I thanked him, and didn't think too much more of it, until I went to bring my horse in from the field. In the stable there was a perfectly circular pile of straw with banked up sides in the middle of the stable. When I had got in I casually asked my dad why her had bedded down like this, to which he said " I thought your horse would like a nest!"


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## pipper (5 February 2011)

overheard in the office where i work by a 'know it all bloke'

'A baby horse is called a FOWL! then it becomes a shetland, it then grows into a pony and then when fully grown, is a horse - when it becomes old it is a shire horse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PRICELESS!!!


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## Toffee44 (5 February 2011)

charlimouse said:



			Not long after I had got my first horse I had gone out for the morning, when I got home at lunchtime my Dad (all proud of himself!) told me he had mucked out my stable for me. I thanked him, and didn't think too much more of it, until I went to bring my horse in from the field. In the stable there was a perfectly circular pile of straw with banked up sides in the middle of the stable. When I had got in I casually asked my dad why her had bedded down like this, to which he said " I thought your horse would like a nest!"
		
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My mum did the opposite, she used to muck out before getting me from school bless her. And I had recently experienced a horse cast in the stable and explained to her that she needs to make sure the sides are banked up so Toffee didnt get cast too. 

Bought her in and I kid you not the banks were half way up the walls and the bed was at least knee thick. Mums face in the morning after "box walking" Toffee had completly trashed her lovely made bed. I only had her stabled at night for 4 months    


And mum used to call tacking up, tackle your horse up.  

Cant moan without mum I wouldnt have Toffee she definately is no.1 mum  And I think she will seceretly miss Toffee when she moves with me.


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## caramel (5 February 2011)

today there was a group of children learning the points of the horse.

One of them thought his cheekbone was on his leg. Had to have a little laugh really.


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## qaz (5 February 2011)

My horse was imported from Russia & when he was first turned out in company he didn't get on with one of the other horses despite his best efforts to be pals & one of the other liveries said that obviously the other horse didn't understand him if he neighed with a Russian accent!


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## wizbit (5 February 2011)

elsiex said:



			Lol my other half does come out with some gems.

Refers to rugs as cloaks, and haynets as "balls of hay". Also has a habit of watching me ride going "how are you getting her to go faster, you aren't doing anything!!".

Also assumed that when walking a SJ course, you memorised it, then taught it to the horse!! If only!!
		
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Love this!!


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## kellybee (5 February 2011)

We have a riding instructor on our yard who also coaches MGA, sometimes she gets the kids doing gymkhana so they can have a little fun learning about using legs and balance.

A few weeks back one of the more advanced kids, a little boy was doing some games, and the pony was a bit nappy on the start line. His dad was watching (mum normally brings him), and he asked with genuine concern "Are you alright, your horse looks really scared son".

Son replied with "Na its fine dad he just likes doing wheelies while he's waiting his turn".

I witnessed a conversation yesterday where a friend said "mum she's really muddy wheres the bendy whatsit?".

Her mum said "I dont know where you've put it... Kelly have you got a rubber curry comb we can borrow?" I would never have guessed that! Great minds hey.

I have a horrible habit of calling Alfie (my grey appaloosa) Bluey (which is a grey arab I've had for about 12yrs, who has been in Daventry with a new rider for the last 4 years). As such a new livery said recently "Bluey's been ever so naughty this morning he kept nipping as we walked past his stable". 
"Bluey?" Confused.com
"You own a grey pony called Bluey, dont you".
"Yes but how do you know him?"
"Oh we see him every day". 
"You do?"
"Yes, he's normally very sweet but today he isnt happy at all". 
I'm thinking oh no, he's getting older, must go visit him, what a coincidence. So I call the girl who has him and ask her is everything ok as our liveries know him and they say he's been acting up. She says he's fine, we're away competing for the weekend... in Chepstow. With Bluey.  So I get wondering how the liveries could be in Chepstow first thing and at the farm for 9am (warwickshire). In the evening i went to get Alfie in, wondering if they've confused my bluey with another bluey (there are a few locally), and he nipped at the new livery as she walked past with her feeds. "See, told you he's grumpy today".... Its not even funny when I've had alfie for a year now, and still dont realise I'm always calling him the wrong name. No wonder he's grumpy!


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## swalk (5 February 2011)

Back in the day when vets used to dole out injectable antibiotics with nary a question, a lady on the yard had a TB with an abcess. The vet visited, told her the horse would need a course of antibiotics and asked if she was ok giving the injection, if not the vet was sure that Patsie on the yard would be happy to do it for her. The lady replied 'Well, I'm quite happy to do it but I always have such trouble finding the vein' at this the vet looked very alarmed and said yes well I'll give every thing to Patsie then!!


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## kellybee (7 March 2011)

Hha hilarious!


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## mcnaughty (7 March 2011)

My other half was reading a stud advert in the H&H recently and commented on the stallion's 10 inches of bone.......

Thought it was a bit small......;-)


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## c2b (7 March 2011)

Two friends were riding through a housing estate. A group of kids surrounded them. My friends, one on a 16.2 bay id x the other on a 13.1 piebald cob were wearing hi viz and tried to convince them they were police horses. 
One bright spark said pointing at the piebald, that one isn't it's not big enough. My friend remarked that he was indeed a police horse but had been trained to be a sniffer horse sniffing out drugs. Cue wee pony sniffing said bright spark (looking for treats) his timing was impeccable. 

I too have had lots of Why are those ponies blindfolded comments. I was so tempted one time to explain that they were like that as they kept jumping out of the fields. If they couldn't see where they were going.............I was very good and just politely explained yet again about fly masks.


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## glitterbug (7 March 2011)

Went to clip a horse once and the owner asked for a trace clip. Fine not a problem when I had finished she said 'oh can you not blend the lines in like on his head' 
(Because he had very fine hair you couldn't really see a line where I had taken off half his head.)
when I said no I couldn't she got in right strop and said all her friends out hunting would laugh at her :rollseyes:


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## sjp1 (7 March 2011)

Friends colleague at work was very sweetly trying to have a 'horsey' conversation with her and was suggesting how time consuming it must be - even 'tacking down'.  We laughed and laughed when she told me and now often talk about tacking down when we get back!!


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## Carajack (7 March 2011)

A not very nice Ex thought he knew about horses, the vet came to fit a chip, the horse played up a bit and the vet asked if he had got a twitch, the not very nice ex got quite upset and said no, he had not and told the vet he was very rude to be so personal, I thought it was hilarious and so did the vet.
That is probably why he is now my Ex, good riddence.


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## nikkimariet (7 March 2011)

Haha!! These are all so funny!!

Luckily my family are all horsey, and even my OH knows basic equine lingo (he knows the difference between a leg yield and a half pass, bless!)....

However, people at uni constantly ask when our Shetland will grow into a horse....I find myself explaining using a Chihuahua VS Great Dane argument before introducing the concept of Shetland VS Shire. Some things are just little!!


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## caitlineloise (7 March 2011)

Not heard on the yard but in a tack shop.

Non-horsey family had been told after a couple of lessons to get a schooling whip, I was hanging around whilst they talked about it. 

Mum - "He said it was a long one, not leather."
Dad - "Hmm.." *Continues looking at crops looking very confused.
Mum - *Taps child on the shoulder* "OOooh, here they are!"

The mother had a lovely purple lunge whip in her hand... :rollseyes:

I thought at this point I would show her where the schooling whips where, I think they'd get in a bit of a mess trying to give a horse a tap with that when on board! But the riding instructors missed out on a bit of a laugh!


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## JessnGeorge (7 March 2011)

My mother in law came to help me put the boy away one night, all was ready, feed in, hay, nice straw bed etc. I was filling his water bucket when she said "will he eat all that then", I said yes and she said "are you sure you haven't given him too much?" no, I said (she is not horsey at all)
She thought I had put straw bed down for him to eat.

The other one that makes me laugh is (unhorsey dad) was reading my dressage test to me as a teenager, and all of a sudden said "can you stop a minute I've lost my place"


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## Sophie_Bailey (7 March 2011)

miss_c said:



			My Mum is one of those who constantly refers to hay as straw... I keep reminding her that I don't use straw AT ALL.
		
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My mum does this! We dont even have stables and havent for 2 years....

my non horsey friend came up to the field and asked when my mini is going to get like 'that big one over there' (my 16.1 big lad). When i explain shes a mini and 14yrs old all so it isnt likely to happen, all i get is 'aww so shes like a dwarf then? poor thing'


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## Kellys Heroes (7 March 2011)

Seeing about the wheelie thing, my YOs fb status really made me laugh the other day...

something along the lines of...

'After our peaceful ride around the estate with Christopher (son) went horribly wrong yesterday, (Patrik (older, 'sensible' ID!) once again disgraced himself!) it was decided we wouldnt mention a word to "dad" for fear of repercussions . I nearly choked on my breakfast when Christopher announced, " Dad, Patrik is ace, he can do wheelies, and really big ones!!!"


K x


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## dianeholmes (7 March 2011)

Once on a pleasure ride we passed a couple of small boys on bikes down a dene. They asked what we were doing and we explained, "oh" he said " is that why there is a martian on the top road!!! "Son if there is a martian on the top road then we are all in trouble"!!!

Could hardly stay on for laughing!!!!

Mind you memories of the day one of my livery pals bedded down her horse with rolled oats intended for the cattle instead of shavings always raises a laugh. He really was keen on his bedding that day!!

A non-horsey pal asked why I spent so much time tidying my horse's bed when he would just have to spend all night putting it back how he liked it. I actually did not have an answer to that!!

This thread is so funny!!


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## gonebananas (7 March 2011)

I was once on a hack on my 14hh fell in a quiet area. a woman comes out of her car and shouts excuse me but is that a shetland pony? i reply no. woman says but shes really small :S what breed is she? i say fell. she says awwww will she grow anymore and what breed will she be then? i say shes not going to grow anymore and shes still going to be a fell.
at this point i set off again she was either taking the p*** or was on some other illegal puffable substance.....


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## caramel (7 March 2011)

Not heard on the yard but amusing nonetheless: 
A yard close to us has a confirmed case of strangles. Cue other horse owners debating whether it's airborn (it isn't) and rumours flying that another large RS has it aswell (it hasn't). All this was done over facebook.
A colleague of my mum's was reading all my comments on the subject... and asked "Does it mean there are men going around Clacton strangling horses???" Had a have a giggle  And said yard is in quarantine so shouldn't be too bad. No other yards have it that we know of but there are restrictions nonetheless.


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## Smitty (7 March 2011)

One lady on our yard is a hoot without meaning to be!  She put a new rug on her horse and called me over, wanting to know if I thought it made him look fat

She wanted the YO to move the gates as there was mud around them and apparently he didn't like walking through it

Whilst out hacking the other day we encountered an oldish chap walking his dog.  She was a little way behind me but caught me up very excitely saying that she thought that was her horse's old owner!  I asked why and she said her horse had put his head up when he saw him.  I replied it was unlikely as the horse had come from 2 counties away, the man hadn't recognised him and also my horse had done the same.  Bless!


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## 825kk (7 March 2011)

I was working at an equine college, whilst taking a walk around and happened to give one of the horses a nice juicy apple.. Which he proceeded eat creating a appley slobbery mess all over the floor..
10 minutes later cue a student running in to the office saying "quick, quick Hectors been sick"

Trying to keep a straight face explaining that it wasnt possible was rather difficult. 
: )


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## nickslynn (7 March 2011)

Many years ago, we were showing at a large county show,and the judge had done the final placings, and handed out the rosettes, I got the last one and a friend was next in line when the judge goes to her and says it was a nice pony just a little naughty, but would the rider like a sweety, the said rider was late 20's early 30's! (Dont think the judge had looked at age of rider just assumed she was a young teenager.)


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## tigerlily12345 (7 March 2011)

wildwoman666 said:



			I took other half to help me as had to do my friends horse . Got them in and was brushing my friends and other half was doing my horse. He says to me there is a hard dirty spot that wont come off on my girls inside legs ( chestnut) as he walks over to me and my friends horse and says he has them to. I say its there chestnuts not mud. He then looks at horse and says ,but he aint chestnut.....pmsl my horse is..
		
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this made me laugh


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## jroz (8 March 2011)

charlimouse said:



			Not long after I had got my first horse I had gone out for the morning, when I got home at lunchtime my Dad (all proud of himself!) told me he had mucked out my stable for me. I thanked him, and didn't think too much more of it, until I went to bring my horse in from the field. In the stable there was a perfectly circular pile of straw with banked up sides in the middle of the stable. When I had got in I casually asked my dad why her had bedded down like this, to which he said " I thought your horse would like a nest!"
		
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Aww, lol! At least he got a "A" for effort!


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## LaurenBay (8 March 2011)

Last weekend, whilst picking up a new livery. The novice owner asked "how do we get him in the trailor then? do we push him" hehe gave me a giggle

My non Horsey mum dropped me at the stables once and whilst looking into the feild said "oh I didn't know they had cows here" they were 2 piebald cobs 

One of my mates came to the yard with me one day when I had my old share Pony, we was turning him out and I said she could lead him, he stopped to eat a patch of grass, friend looked very confused when she shouted "yee haw" and pony didn't move!


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## tallyho! (8 March 2011)

Until this very day, I couldn't really think of anything immediately funny. However, after a run in with a member of the public today.. had to share..... 

Because one half of the paddock is so muddy, I've taken to putting hay out on the far side, much lusher and drier, although backs onto a housing estate - a posh one if I may add.

I heard a patio door slide open behind me and a man said "excuse me?". So I stopped throwing flaps of hay out of my pink wheelbarrow and turned around.

Resident "Why are you doing that?"
Me "I'm feeding my horses"
Res "But why here?
Me "This is thier paddock and it's too muddy over the other side, and it's drier here so thier feathers can dry out abit in the sun"
Res "Horses have feathers?"
Me "Yes, there look"
Res "What? Like birds?"
Me "..... well, sort of..." *does mischievious eye flick* "thats how they fly at night"
Res "Hmmm. Mind the grass doesn't blow onto my lawn"

He walks away, the patio door zips shut and I honestly have not stopped sniggering since....

I know he probably thought I was mad, but the thought that horses could have bird like wings on thier heels really really tickles me...


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## Kinkyangel (8 March 2011)

tallyho! said:



			Until this very day, I couldn't really think of anything immediately funny. However, after a run in with a member of the public today.. had to share..... 

Because one half of the paddock is so muddy, I've taken to putting hay out on the far side, much lusher and drier, although backs onto a housing estate - a posh one if I may add.

I heard a patio door slide open behind me and a man said "excuse me?". So I stopped throwing flaps of hay out of my pink wheelbarrow and turned around.

Resident "Why are you doing that?"
Me "I'm feeding my horses"
Res "But why here?
Me "This is thier paddock and it's too muddy over the other side, and it's drier here so thier feathers can dry out abit in the sun"
Res "Horses have feathers?"
Me "Yes, there look"
Res "What? Like birds?"
Me "..... well, sort of..." *does mischievious eye flick* "thats how they fly at night"
Res "Hmmm. Mind the grass doesn't blow onto my lawn"

He walks away, the patio door zips shut and I honestly have not stopped sniggering since....

I know he probably thought I was mad, but the thought that horses could have bird like wings on thier heels really really tickles me... 

Click to expand...

Lol! I just got told off for snorting reading that!!!!

Xx


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## Rudolph's Red Nose (8 March 2011)

Love this thread, has made me chuckle and remember many years ago...

I was rang at work by a house sitter at a private yard where I kept my horse - she was panicing as her daughter had told her that my horse wasnt very well as it had been bitten by flies..  she was scared of horses and didnt want to go in the field to check him but thought she had better tell me.

I left work thinking allergic reaction, whether to phone vet etc etc - arrived nothing was wrong with him, had a chat with daughter and slowly realised during a conversation with her the previous evening I had informed her he was a 'flea bitten' grey...

Also at same yard, a posh family stayed for the summer with a naughty pony who whilst daughter was riding decided to trot back off down the road heading for home - the girl while passing me said excuse me, excuse me, excuse me - I cant stop, can you rescue me - see manners cost nothing !! bless her..


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## brighthair (8 March 2011)

Dad calls body protectors, body armour. Rugs are duvets, and overeach boots are "those rubber shoes"
I can't complain, he treats horses like big dogs so if you give him a snorting rearing horse on a lead rope, he waits for horse to stop waving it's front legs, and goes "Ready now? come on then" Everything is like a lamb with him because he seems to have no fear

Oh one the other day at work "Riding isn't exactly cardio is it, it just works your thighs and nothing else?"

Mum calls dressage "dancing horses" but seems to have developed a fascination for watching it, and slightly more worrying, for Parelli.......

Weird people on hacks - I seem to meet lots of these

woman walks up to me and asks how old my horse is. I tell her he is 20, and she replies, no, he isn't. I look confused, she walks close to him, opens and roots in horses mouth, goes "Humph" and walked off. I'm not sure who was more shocked, me or poor horse

elderly man walked past on a hack and says "On your way". I said, yes I am on my way. No, the horse. Total confusion until he says "Good horse he was" and I realise he had watched him racing.... his race name was "On Your Way"


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## fidleyspromise (9 March 2011)

Hmm, I can't think of any but this thread has given me a chuckle!!!

The othe day, I posted on FB along with photos of me and pony jumping and mentioned that "I had lost my stirrup over that jump".  My mum came back with comment "what? it just fell off?"  Had a little chuckle before telling her what it meant.


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## buzzles (9 March 2011)

A client once asked me to check was his girdle tight enough, looked at him a bit funny til I realised he meant check his girth was tight!  Another time I led out a horse and a lady exclaimed 'Oh my God do you know that horse has an extra nipple!!'  The horse, a gelding, had a melanoma just behind the girth!


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## little_critter (9 March 2011)

Zerotolerance said:



			When will he ever learn that standing in front of the horse holding the headcollar open does not mean the horse will stick it's head in and is more likely to result in a smack in the face when he then shakes it at them! Aargh!
		
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He should meet my girl - she puts her head in the headcoller, because it usually means she's a) about to be fed or b) about to be turned out.

I'm afraid I'm guilty of saying to Skye when I've finished riding her - "I'll just untack you and then you can go and play in the garden (get turned out)"!


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## Dandycandy (9 March 2011)

well by the sounds of things dads are pretty good at this and mine is no exeption:
are you going cuddy riding today? - are you going horse riding?
sj is cuddy lowping (dunno how to spell that)
little horse i ride dad pats it on the head and says 'hey you would make a nice pan of soup wouldnt you' horse proceeds to cuddle him ' yes we shall be friends coz your little and fat just like me' both are little neither is fat.
they all seem to love him its very funny. 
poll guard on a horse once 'hey i like its hat, you look cool' 
'horse hut' stable.
mums pretty good with the lingo though brushing boots are sometimes leg protectors.
lol
this thread has made me crease though!


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## zoe101982 (9 March 2011)

My cousin text me last week telling me they were selling cheap horse coats and leg warmers in lidl ha ha


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## Elbie (9 March 2011)

zoe101982 said:



			My cousin text me last week telling me they were selling cheap horse coats and leg warmers in lidl ha ha
		
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Ha ha! Leg warmers for when they go down the disco


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## Elbie (9 March 2011)

My friend's horse wore brushing boots in the field and one of my friends asked why he was wearing football boots / shin guards.

I get annoyed when my horse-oblivious work colleagues ask questions, like when I said we were going to take my friends youngster showjumping (who is 4, only ever popped a couple of small cross poles at home and never been out to a show) but the start height was 80cm so we were put off, they said how tiny that was! and then when i mentioned the horse had hardly jumped before they said surely the horse could just step over it, especially as its legs must be longer than 80cm. I gave up trying to explain everything that was wrong with what they'd just said


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## HashRouge (9 March 2011)

I'm afraid I call turnout rugs "rain coats" and stable rugs "jim jams" and I've owned my mare for 10 years 

I did have hysterics last year though when I got a new, made to measure bridle delivered to my flat at uni. I put it all together and then happily went to go and show it off to my flatmates, only one of whom, L, was horsey. J, one of my other flatmates, asked which way round it went, at which L put the bridle over her own head as though she were a horse and put the ends of the reins to her mouth. I stood behind her and held the reins. We were very proud of our working model but J, after looking at us in confusion for a moment, said: "it just looks like some weird bondage get up"


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## hackedoff (9 March 2011)

' I think I will need a double dose of this wormer as the horse poo'd just as I inserted the wormer tube and the paste came straight back out...'


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## Kellys Heroes (9 March 2011)

Dandycandy said:



			well by the sounds of things dads are pretty good at this and mine is no exeption:
are you going cuddy riding today? - are you going horse riding?
sj is cuddy lowping (dunno how to spell that)
little horse i ride dad pats it on the head and says 'hey you would make a nice pan of soup wouldnt you' horse proceeds to cuddle him ' yes we shall be friends coz your little and fat just like me' both are little neither is fat.
they all seem to love him its very funny. 
poll guard on a horse once 'hey i like its hat, you look cool' 
'horse hut' stable.
mums pretty good with the lingo though brushing boots are sometimes leg protectors.
lol
this thread has made me crease though!
		
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Haha yeah my Dad claims he doesn't care for horses - then will let our mare fall asleep on his shoulder and say 'look she likes me!' xD xx


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## Bettyboo222 (9 March 2011)

I was walking Beauty once and over heard someone say 'be careful thats only a young 'un' ..... B is 44


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## applecart14 (9 March 2011)

pipper said:



			overheard in the office where i work by a 'know it all bloke'

'A baby horse is called a FOWL! then it becomes a shetland, it then grows into a pony and then when fully grown, is a horse - when it becomes old it is a shire horse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PRICELESS!!!
		
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Ha, ha


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## applecart14 (9 March 2011)

KellysHeroes said:



			Got me thinking the other day when I was on the yard. One of the girls had taken her dad down with her (a self confessed novice).
As she began to pick pony's feet out her dad says "have you got another of those (hoofpicks) I'll do his other ones" 
Just had to laugh!!! 

Give us your stories!
K x
		
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Go and take ****** over the fields and get him fit for the fun ride on Saturday (this was on the Thursday).

WHAT??? Is he going to become like Arnold Swarznegger in two days???  Wow if only it were that easy


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## applecart14 (9 March 2011)

Dandycandy said:



			well by the sounds of things dads are pretty good at this and mine is no exeption:
are you going cuddy riding today? - are you going horse riding?
sj is cuddy lowping (dunno how to spell that)
little horse i ride dad pats it on the head and says 'hey you would make a nice pan of soup wouldnt you' horse proceeds to cuddle him ' yes we shall be friends coz your little and fat just like me' both are little neither is fat.
they all seem to love him its very funny. 
poll guard on a horse once 'hey i like its hat, you look cool' 
'horse hut' stable.
mums pretty good with the lingo though brushing boots are sometimes leg protectors.
lol
this thread has made me crease though!
		
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Dad calls fetlocks ankles, travel boots gaiters and rugs coats.


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## Bertie10 (10 March 2011)

Thankfully my husband is great now, but a few years Ago he asked me if he could section off part of my ménage for a BBQ area!?! 
He couldn't understand that I did actually need all 4 corners!!!! 
B x


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## olop (10 March 2011)

skint1 said:



			Well not as funny as yours but just yesterday I was having lunch with my dad and he asked what my daughter was doing and I said 

"Oh she's having a riding lesson then doing blahh blah"

He says "Riding lesson?! If she doesnn't know how to ride a horse after all these years she should get another hobby"
		
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lol - I get that a lot, one of my work colleagues asked me what I was doing one evening & I said I was having a lesson (riding) & her response was "in all those years you have been riding you would think you knew it all now!"  

I wish I bloody did lol!!


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## Kellys Heroes (10 March 2011)

Haha why do we always seem to get that? 
"If you need riding lessons....!"
K x


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## finnywinny (10 March 2011)

Bertie10 said:



			Thankfully my husband is great now, but a few years Ago he asked me if he could section off part of my ménage for a BBQ area!?! 
He couldn't understand that I did actually need all 4 corners!!!! 
B x
		
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LOVE THAT!!! Had friend who wanted to "borrow" small section of my field to store a classic tractor for a week. My horses were at another field at the time but were due to be moved back home at the weekend. Friend went ahead, moved in tractor and dutifully taped off around it "to keep my horses safe". Not bad for a non horsey person - shame the water trough was taped inside the tractor pen though...


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## dibbin (11 March 2011)

Hehe, I booked a riding lesson last week (first one in years), and have had to explain it to at least half a dozen people who've done the "but surely you don't need lessons?!" and "but I thought you knew how to ride?" thing. It makes me lol


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## teasle (12 March 2011)

I did laugh the other day when I stopped to chat to an elderly lady walking her dog. She looked at my horses freezemark and said " are all horses born with numbers on them ? "


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## Kellys Heroes (12 March 2011)

Actually our Vet Anatomy teacher the other day when we were getting a horse out of the yard (to draw the bones and muscles on with chalk, no less!) said "if you want to put him back into his bedroom and put his pyjamas back on so he doesn't get cold...!"
reminded me of this thread 
K x


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## ShowJumperBeckii (12 March 2011)

i was hacking and a old lady across the road shouted out ' you better pull over its feet are coming off' so i went into someones drive.. and looked at her shoes/feet(?) and then relised she ment the wobbling over reach boots


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## -Cadence- (12 March 2011)

'If you've been riding that long, why aren't you at the Olympics?'    
Erm, I don't think it works quite  like that 

'have you got a new horse, he never used to be that color'
Said by someone with their own gray horse, so you'd think they'd know!


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## Serenity087 (12 March 2011)

Loving this thread!

But I have to admit... I am the least horsey horsey person ever... Dorey has Nighties and Coats, dinner and brekki, bedroom, she eats hay and straw to stay trim, which confuses people because her bed is shavings... 

She also eats/drinks anything I do (although, she hates cola...).  So I often talk about her eating/smoking things she really shouldn't be.

I apologise if anyone I talk to then talks to anyone horsey... PMSL!


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## Charlie007 (12 March 2011)

My OH will only bring my boy in if he has a packet of polos in his pocket. His theory is that C loves his polos so will walk calmly by his side. He went to fetch him one evening and he was a little longer than I expected so I looked up the field to see C with his head down grazing with OH still holding the lead rope. I shouted up the filed to ask if he was ok and was there a problem? 'Yes 'came the reply,' I can't walk him any futher, Ive run out of Polo's'!!!


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