# A Note to eventing lot about to invade BS



## PaddyMonty (29 June 2012)

Just though I'd explain a few things before war erupts at comps all over the country.
1) We dont DO the silly left to left rule.  Our horses can turn on a sixpence and do not require 10 strides advance warning for a change of direction.  We dont care which side you pass or how close as long as you don't crash.

2) Looking up where you're going instead of down checking your horses neck line helps with point 1

3) The practice fences do not have silly tape indicating the max warmup height for the class. The rule book does but we ignore that anyway.
When a fence is wacked up to 1.20m for a BN do not try to rationalise it in terms of need.  It is all about oneupmanship. Just get over it (literally).

4) Trot is not required at anytime during warmup or competition, it just wastes time.

5) We do not walk on an inside track and canter on the outside track. If everyone did this it would be a tad tricky turning in to the practice fences.

6) Warm up on just one rein IS acceptable.

7) people putting up the practice fences are there to be abused (if you're brave enough). Shouting is acceptable and often encouraged.

8) Going for a steady double clear is not really entering in to the spirit of it. If you do manage to get through to the jumpoff, pretend you are now going XC.

9) 4 faults is NOT a good round!

10) use of drawreins in warmup IS normal and within rules.

Hope the above is helpful 
Welcome to our world  Nice place to visit but dont stay too long


----------



## tinap (29 June 2012)

Hehe made me chuckle!! 

Are there any dress rules they need to know too?!


----------



## meardsall_millie (29 June 2012)

Could you confirm the position on bling, tight white breeches and draw reins please - compulsory or optional?


----------



## PaddyMonty (29 June 2012)

Tinap555 said:



			Hehe made me chuckle!! 

Are there any dress rules they need to know too?!
		
Click to expand...

Pants are optional.


----------



## Super_starz (29 June 2012)

Hehe *like*


----------



## PaddyMonty (29 June 2012)

meardsall_millie said:



			Could you confirm the position on bling, tight white breeches and draw reins please - compulsory or optional? 

Click to expand...

Position on bling - where doesn't matter, the more the better.

Tight white breeches (with full length logo down leg) are actively encouraged provided you are size 8 with long blond flowing hair.  Not sure what people who dont fit this description wear as we never look at them.

Draw reins - what the hell does optional mean?


----------



## _EVS_ (29 June 2012)

Brilliant!!!


----------



## Ferdinase514 (29 June 2012)

PMSL....

Nothing beats setting clear expectations


----------



## _EVS_ (29 June 2012)

Oh and can I add that hairnets are a no-no too (see earlier point re blond flowing hair!)


----------



## dafthoss (29 June 2012)

very funny! Should add that more than 10 fences is normal to that list, you need to try blind the opposition with your bling and the more matchy stuff you have the better  Oh and hair nets are not needed .


----------



## PaddyMonty (29 June 2012)

dafthoss said:



			Should add that more than 10 fences is normal to that list
		
Click to expand...

Thanks for that, forgotten about this.  I should also add the standard figure 8 is not used. You will be required to change direction several times AND  sometimes approach a fence on a curve. This is legal!


----------



## digger2 (29 June 2012)

PaddyMonty said:



			Pants are optional. 

Click to expand...



Is this in the rule book too?

Just what we need on another wet fri, something to look forward too he he


----------



## SpottedCat (29 June 2012)

Do not forget that as only good results go on your record, it is acceptable and even encouraged to keep entering classes in the vain hope that your horse will start jumping. There is no need to get upset when you get E at the first fence because it does not go on your record. 

I once watched someone get E in the BN, E in the discovery (not getting past fence 3 either time) then go into the main ring at a multi day show and win the 1.10 class.


----------



## Jingleballs (29 June 2012)

Love it!


----------



## 3Beasties (29 June 2012)

PMSL, Love it!!


----------



## PaddyMonty (29 June 2012)

digger2 said:





Is this in the rule book too?
		
Click to expand...

Yes! in the 18 to 28 years section. No mention of it in veterans


----------



## TheoryX1 (29 June 2012)

Love it - has brightened up my Friday afternoon.

However, PM. do I need to change my  dress in any way from eventing mummy to SJ mummy so I fit in?  Do I need to change my brand preferences from Musto, Ariat Joules, Dubarry, accompanied either by Dubarry bag or Cath Kidstone stuff to something a bit different.  Have just finished SJ shopping for Mini TX and need to start on me.  Also, do I need to alter behaviour as well, as am normally extremelty well behaved, leaving the yelling to Mini TX until well after the xc bit........... that bit is kind of dangerous, so dont usually want to mess with her concentration etc ......

PS  Am not a size 8, but Mini TX is so it probably wont matter as nobody will be looking at me.

Just wanders off to see if Mini TX can go and pop up the yard and dig out our old pair of draw reins in readiness .......


----------



## Mike007 (29 June 2012)

Just one further point regarding those of us who have to put the poles back up after your eventing elephant has strewn them over half the warm up areas. This is ok! What is not ok is to make me spill my cup of tea while diving for cover , or worse still ,TO FLICK SAND IN IT


----------



## PaddyMonty (29 June 2012)

SpottedCat said:



			Do not forget that as only good results go on your record, it is acceptable and even encouraged to keep entering classes in the vain hope that your horse will start jumping.
		
Click to expand...

Agreed! This action helps boost prize money for those that can complete the course.

I would also like to mention when reporting back on HHO afterwards. In BS there is no such thing as 'not a good day on paper but.....'.
You come home with prize money = Good day.
You come home without prize money = crap day
There is NO grey area in between


----------



## SpottedCat (29 June 2012)

PaddyMonty said:



			I would also like to mention when reporting back on HHO afterwards. In BS there is no such thing as 'not a good day on paper but.....'.
You come home with prize money = Good day.
You come home without prize money = crap day
There is NO grey area in between 

Click to expand...

I think you need to alter the first one to include jumping DCs surely?!


----------



## PaddyMonty (29 June 2012)

TheoryX1 said:



			However, PM. do I need to change my  dress in any way from eventing mummy to SJ mummy so I fit in?  Do I need to change my brand preferences from Musto, Ariat Joules, Dubarry, accompanied either by Dubarry bag or Cath Kidstone stuff to something a bit different.
		
Click to expand...

What a silly question  You aren't riding a horse in the comp so no one will give two hoots about you let alone speak to you.


----------



## PaddyMonty (29 June 2012)

SpottedCat said:



			I think you need to alter the first one to include jumping DCs surely?!
		
Click to expand...

NO. Getting a DC without winning prize money makes you the biggest loser who really wasn't trying (see my initial post).

Its gonna be chaos I tell yer


----------



## ellie_e (29 June 2012)

TheoryX1 heres a good place to spend lots of money http://www.equiport.co.uk/


----------



## Festive_Felicitations (29 June 2012)

Very funny!


----------



## PaddyMonty (29 June 2012)

Mike007 said:



			Just one further point regarding those of us who have to put the poles back up after your eventing elephant has strewn them over half the warm up areas. This is ok! What is not ok is to make me spill my cup of tea while diving for cover , or worse still ,TO FLICK SAND IN IT

Click to expand...

Mike, I support you fully on this one. It goes way past the acceptable level of fenceputterupper abuse.


----------



## Jambo (29 June 2012)

Love it!!


----------



## LEC (29 June 2012)

I have embraced BSJA this year but still retain the tweed but am totally incorrect and wear it with white breeches!


----------



## TheoryX1 (29 June 2012)

PaddyMonty said:



			What a silly question  You aren't riding a horse in the comp so no one will give two hoots about you let alone speak to you. 

Click to expand...

Phew, what a relief.


----------



## TheoryX1 (29 June 2012)

ellie_e said:



			TheoryX1 heres a good place to spend lots of money http://www.equiport.co.uk/

Click to expand...

Whoooaaa, what a lot of shopping opportunities I have missed,  A whole new world of consumerism is opening up and I feel a large dent coming in my credit card.


----------



## AandK (29 June 2012)

Mike007 said:



			Just one further point regarding those of us who have to put the poles back up after your eventing elephant has strewn them over half the warm up areas. This is ok! What is not ok is to make me spill my cup of tea while diving for cover , or worse still ,TO FLICK SAND IN IT

Click to expand...

Hahaha!!  

Love this thread, OP - thanks for the advice!!


----------



## applestroodle (29 June 2012)

Brilliant!!!


----------



## PaddyMonty (29 June 2012)

I'm getting quite concerned that people seem to think that my original post was in jest. 

You'll learn


----------



## ArcticFox (29 June 2012)

You forgot to add

Plaiting is unnecessary,
Pre - entry is not required
Make sure you have at least 3 grooms with you, and make them wear your name embroidered on their jackets, just so everyone knows they are with you. 
When you go in the ring, a rein back is necessary, followed by walk to canter.


----------



## BeckyD (29 June 2012)

Love it but from my brief and hopeless forays into BS shows, scarily accurate 

The putting the jump up huge thing is mad.  The height of the warm up oxer for an 80cm open had my eyes watering!


----------



## Gamebird (29 June 2012)

Mike007 said:



			Just one further point regarding those of us who have to put the poles back up after your eventing elephant has strewn them over half the warm up areas. This is ok! What is not ok is to make me spill my cup of tea while diving for cover , or worse still ,TO FLICK SAND IN IT

Click to expand...

Ah. That would have been my elephant. Apologies


----------



## SpottedCat (29 June 2012)

Oh, and you forgot: The schedule may say first class starts 9am prompt, but in showjumperese, that is the time the first lorries will start rolling onto the showground. It will also say that numbers may be limited, entries will close after X number etc - these are lies designed to make you arrive early and/or pre enter. No BS show has ever closed entries, and they will accept them even as the last person is in the ring for that class. It is perfectly acceptable to enter at that point, before your horse is even tacked up, then make everyone wait until you are ready. If they say no entries accepted after X time, you can tag another 30-40 mins onto that no problem.

Confusingly, when the judges say 'if the next competitor isn't in the ring in 2 mins we will shut the class', they actually mean it.


----------



## PaddyMonty (29 June 2012)

SpottedCat said:



			Confusingly, when the judges say 'if the next competitor isn't in the ring in 2 mins we will shut the class', they actually mean it.
		
Click to expand...

SC makes some good points 
I should alos warn you that unlike DR and XC judges, BS judges are not to be spoken to and should be avoided when at all possible.

I give you an example. I approached the juges one hot summers day (remember them?) and asked...
Me "Are jackets required today?"
Judge "We normally dispense with them if its hot"
Me "so we dont need them today then?"
Judge "Is it hot today?"
Me "Erm (sightly confused by now) yes I think so"
Judge " well then you wont need them will you"

Like I said, keep away


----------



## Charem (29 June 2012)

I believe the correct etiquette for the warm up ring is that the biggest/flashiest/most out of control horse has the right of way.

Oh and between classes one is expected to have a fag in ones hand, riders and grooms.


----------



## PaddyMonty (29 June 2012)

Charem said:



			I believe the correct etiquette for the warm up ring is that the biggest/flashiest/most out of control horse has the right of way.

Oh and between classes one is expected to have a fag in ones hand, riders and grooms.
		
Click to expand...

I see you are well versed in the ways of the showjumper and require no further enlightenment.


----------



## BeckyD (29 June 2012)

PaddyMonty said:



			SC makes some good points 
I should alos warn you that unlike DR and XC judges, BS judges are not to be spoken to and should be avoided when at all possible.
		
Click to expand...

Hmm I encountered this.  

Me "Will I get eliminated if I have 2 refusals?"
Judge "You will be eliminated if you exceed the number of refusals allowed for the class"
Me "So how many refusals are allowed for *this* class?"
Judge "Yes"
Me 
Me "So if I have 2 refusals in *this* class I will get eliminated"
Judge, looking exasperated, "yes".

So, I had 2 refusals, I left arena and the tannoy announced that I had retired after 2 refusals  

Oh....and....if you compete on a ticket, they will mention that you are a ticketed rider at every possible juncture; on entering the ring both at beginning and end of reading out your name, and then again when you leave the ring.  This is to make you feel useless and show everyone else that you don't belong there and can be safely ignored.


----------



## KatB (29 June 2012)

Agree with communicating with judges...I was reprimanded by one the other week, they're a formidable force  oh, and around us, the bigger you are, the whiter and blingier the breeches I find... Also repeated refusals at a practise fence means you now OWN it, and anyone else trying to warm up around you should be shouted at and scowled at, as obviously its their fault your horse doesn't want to jump....


----------



## Jane_Lou (29 June 2012)

From our first ever BS outing last weekend it is also necessary to sit on your horse other than when walking the course, regardless of how long it is until you are jumping again.

On the judge front - we were quite shocked to see a car being driven through the horse walk, there were horses and riders scattering like skittles, this car was stopping for no man, or horse - I joked at the time, it must be the judge and sure enough it was!


----------



## fabscd (29 June 2012)

BeckyD said:



			Hmm I encountered this.  

Me "Will I get eliminated if I have 2 refusals?"
Judge "You will be eliminated if you exceed the number of refusals allowed for the class"
Me "So how many refusals are allowed for *this* class?"
Judge "Yes"
Me 
Me "So if I have 2 refusals in *this* class I will get eliminated"
Judge, looking exasperated, "yes".

So, I had 2 refusals, I left arena and the tannoy announced that I had retired after 2 refusals  

Oh....and....if you compete on a ticket, they will mention that you are a ticketed rider at every possible juncture; on entering the ring both at beginning and end of reading out your name, and then again when you leave the ring.  This is to make you feel useless and show everyone else that you don't belong there and can be safely ignored. 

Click to expand...

Nooo, they announce you are on a ticket so the other competitors know you're not after their prize money and so are in no way a threat


----------



## Llanali (29 June 2012)

Please do not be the only person in a warm up of 15 horses going the wrong way. Fine, if you can avoid others, but most of the time you can't, also fine if you are a local pro. 

Never complain if you are bumped down the list - some of us show jumpers have six odd to jump in the class. And no, we shouldn't get there early to put numbers down first. And no, you're wrong..... Our game, our rules and we will do it how we like.


----------



## PaddyMonty (29 June 2012)

Llanali said:



			And no, you're wrong..... Our game, our rules and we will do it how we like.
		
Click to expand...

I'm likin yer style. A true showjumper


----------



## Llanali (29 June 2012)

And to think I used to event! I got fed up of hard ground, soft ground, cancellations, never knowing what the course would be like, pre entry, long trips to go anywhere, being broke......


----------



## Little Nell (29 June 2012)

ArcticFox said:



			You forgot to add


When you go in the ring, a rein back is necessary, followed by walk to canter.
		
Click to expand...

  Always!!


----------



## Mrs Pink (29 June 2012)

Charem said:



			I believe the correct etiquette for the warm up ring is that the biggest/flashiest/most out of control horse has the right of way.

Oh and between classes one is expected to have a fag in ones hand, riders and grooms.
		
Click to expand...

Charem, you forgot that the other hand must be holding a phone 

Love this thread


----------



## PaddyMonty (29 June 2012)

Wrong. The correct procedure is walk in to areana fully flexing horse left and right then reinback (halt not required) and canter flexing twice each way as you go. 
Amateurs


----------



## littlespritz (29 June 2012)

This post has made my day!! brilliant!! although slightly ashamed to be a showjumper...!


----------



## GT_02 (29 June 2012)

Ha ha, love it!!


----------



## Kokopelli (29 June 2012)

You've forgot to add about the overly tight bright red show jackets. I don't understand how some people breathe in them combine that with the tight white breeches and you have a winning combination.


----------



## wildcard (29 June 2012)

i feel slightly afraid to take my 4 year old BS in a couple of weeks now... any good advice to just stay hidden and take in the experiences lol


----------



## digger2 (29 June 2012)

Charem said:



			I believe the correct etiquette for the warm up ring is that the biggest/flashiest/most out of control horse has the right of way.

Oh and between classes one is expected to have a fag in ones hand, riders and grooms.
		
Click to expand...

And of course texting on phone whilst like talking to your mate walking round collecting ring 2 abreast on long rein

Sorry: edit to say Mrs Pink got there before me on the phone comment  must have seen teh same collecting ring


----------



## PaddyMonty (29 June 2012)

wildcard said:



			any good advice to just stay hidden and take in the experiences lol
		
Click to expand...

Dont dress like an eventer. They stand out too much.


----------



## ellie_e (29 June 2012)

wildcard said:



			i feel slightly afraid to take my 4 year old BS in a couple of weeks now... any good advice to just stay hidden and take in the experiences lol
		
Click to expand...

DONT wear tweed, DONT use a 5point breastplate, DONT use those clicky Westropp over reach boots


----------



## wildcard (29 June 2012)

he he think a small shopping spree maybe needed prior to our venture out.., think i may have the get out my way coming through horse spot on tho! lol


----------



## Jesstickle (29 June 2012)

Plaiting is actually coming back in BS. BUT you have to leave the forelock unplaited. 

Do NOT use a hairnet. your flowing blonde hair should stream over your shoulders in a nifty ponytail

(I don't jump but have a friend who takes  it quite seriously. I endlessly plead with her to plait forelocks and use a hairnet  )


----------



## BYR (29 June 2012)

This thread is so right and so funny 

From a showjumpers (albeit amateur ) point of view though we are not all as sterotypical as this some of us are actually quite nice


----------



## Lady La La (29 June 2012)

ArcticFox said:



			Make sure you have at least 3 grooms with you, and make them wear your name embroidered on their jackets, just so everyone knows they are with you. 
When you go in the ring, a rein back is necessary, followed by walk to canter.
		
Click to expand...

These two things are essential. Absolutely essential.


----------



## Jesstickle (29 June 2012)

I don't know names on jackets are essential

Friend has her sponsor's name all over her jacket rather than her own  ?


----------



## SusieT (29 June 2012)

Brilliant


----------



## MagicMelon (29 June 2012)

Very amusing and every point is true (said by someone who does BS and BE)!

Is it bad that I never consider 4 faults a good round (with anything over 4 faults I consider being a horrific round)?  Only a clear is good in my books, god maybe I'm more BS than BE nowadays!  And as for the steady clear thing in the jump off, nahh never bother with that either!  I'm always in it to win it or else whats the point, BS is too expensive to not try!


----------



## Lady La La (29 June 2012)

jesstickle said:



			I don't know names on jackets are essential

Friend has her sponsor's name all over her jacket rather than her own  ?
		
Click to expand...

*someones * name needs to be on your jacket.


----------



## Jesstickle (29 June 2012)

Lady La La said:



*someones * name needs to be on your jacket.
		
Click to expand...

Ah, I see


----------



## Rosiefan (29 June 2012)

Try not to gawp at the amount of slap some riders wear (females that is) or the length and complexity of decoration on the fingernails.


----------



## eishi (29 June 2012)

You forgot that all females whether riders or SJ mummys must wear a bronzer 2 shades darker than their natural skin colour and said bronzer must rub off attractively onto your show shirt collar throughout your round!


----------



## core (29 June 2012)

What is "slap"?


----------



## ArcticFox (29 June 2012)

ellie_e said:



			DONT wear tweed, DONT use a 5point breastplate, DONT use those clicky Westropp over reach boots
		
Click to expand...

I absolutely hate the clickety overreach boots.


----------



## rhino (29 June 2012)

core said:



			What is "slap"?
		
Click to expand...

makeup!

I like the clicky overreaches, or rather I love the response of other horses to them


----------



## georgiegirl (29 June 2012)

There's two ways of looking at the `going in eventing gear theory`

If you turn up in your tweed, jockey skull and 5 point breastplate and have a horror of a round then that's ok `cos eventers can't showjump anyway` and no one will take much notice of you.

If however you turn up in aforementioned eventing get up, do a double clear and win some money then surely you must have some kind of wonder horse.

And yes, they do warm up on one rein only, have found this out to my cost!


----------



## teapot (29 June 2012)

What about the phone wedged under hat strap to ear whilst warming up?


----------



## stencilface (29 June 2012)

Fortunately one thing that isn't required at BS is a ridiculous nickname that all your school chums used to call you, horse teeth, an army of fans wearing tweed and dubarrys and hats that don't meet any safety requirements 

Ah, and a proper warm cafe with bar that you can sit in way from the rain, ground that's neither too wet/dry/sticky/rutted - eventers truly do have the most amount of excuses as to why they have a cricket score


----------



## Rowreach (29 June 2012)

If you choose not to plait the mane (as well as not plaiting the forelock) then it is de rigeur to use a pair of scissors to cut the mane off at a length of about 6".

If you do not already have a blonde ponytail [see page one] then hair extensions are essential.

Remember your jacket should be very very short (like a frill) so that your tight white clad bum may be on display at all times.

If you cannot remember the course, do not under any circumstances ask a fellow competitor, for they will be sure to tell you the wrong one.

And finally, re the jacket/no jacket in hot weather, does anyone remember Sylvia Barnes??  Woe betide anyone who entered the ring without a jacket in her day, however high the temperature


----------



## suzi (29 June 2012)

Ha ha!!

I know now why no-one talked to me when I went to Wales and West for 3 days a couple of weeks ago.

I was on my own without any form of groom or assistant, warmed up fully in trot (on both reins!!) before jumping and didn't jump anything massive.

To make matter worse I was wearing a hairnet and my horse has a 5 point breastplate (with sheepskin - how common of me!) and I have no bling.

To make matters worse I was placed in two classes.....

I thought I didn't really fit in....but know I know!!


----------



## Super_Kat (29 June 2012)

PM, after a move over to the dark side of polocrosse it's been a few years since I've been on the BS scene, I seem to remember though that it was a requirement for any rider not on a horse to have a puppy wedged firmly under one arm (always a small toy breed), is this still the case?


----------



## suzi (29 June 2012)

suzi said:



			Ha ha!!

I know now why no-one talked to me when I went to Wales and West for 3 days a couple of weeks ago.

I was on my own without any form of groom or assistant, warmed up fully in trot (on both reins!!) before jumping and didn't jump anything massive.

To make matter worse I was wearing a hairnet and my horse has a 5 point breastplate (with sheepskin - how common of me!) and I have no bling.

To make matters worse I was placed in two classes.....

I thought I didn't really fit in....but know I know!!
		
Click to expand...

And i forgot to mention the jocket skull cap not 'proper' hat.....after a year BS you'd think I'd learn!


----------



## Sunset1 (29 June 2012)

This thread has made my day! I am an eventer normally, although have dabbled in BD, and had my first BS experience on Wed. I did bottle wearing my tweed but afraid still stuck out like a sore thumb, I needed this thread sooner 
My little event pony looked slightly out of place in her 5 point breastplate and cantering around neatly and me in my jockey skull with no long flowing hair or make upAnyway, she did me proud and jumped a lovely double clear, nice and sensible in the jump off after the commentator had announced more than a few times I was a 'ticketed' rider!! Will take into account all your comments and hopefully blend in a bit better next time!


----------



## Maisie2 (29 June 2012)

What a brilliant thread PM.      Of course when cantering round the collecting ring under NO circumstances check if anyone is jumping the practice fence as you decide to take a short cut across the arena     And Rowreach I remember Sylvia and Gerald Barnes very well and you are so right !


----------



## Rowreach (29 June 2012)

Maisie2 said:



			And Rowreach I remember Sylvia and Gerald Barnes very well and you are so right !
		
Click to expand...

And she didn't care how important an SJer you were, she was boss!!


----------



## Charem (29 June 2012)

Just thought of another, it's been a while since i've BS

When warming up, prior to jumping your chosen practice fence it is correct to holla either cross/upright/spread at top of your voice and then career at speed to said fence, regardless of whether anyone else is jumping/just about to jump it.

Whilst waiting for your turn (generally the done thing is to do this when there is 10 or so left to jump before you're in, the 10 others before you will also be doing this) you must stand by the entrance to the ring and give the current competitor evils. If competitor goes clear you pass a 'the horse carried her round' remark to the other competitors watching, should it fault you half heartidly say 'shame' followed by cheeky smirk...cos it's alright if you do one of those  ....see! 

Oh and gloves are a no no, otherwise how is one supposed to show of one's perfectly manicured nails?


----------



## humblepie (29 June 2012)

Brilliant, haven't show jumped for about 10 years but could described most of it back then other than the texting (didn't exist) and the make up.

Over the winter used to like seeing eventers turn up to show jump (easily identified by tweed jacket and stock and breastplate (horse not rider)), as made up the numbers so more prizes but not very likely to go fast in jump off.

Those were the days.


----------



## siennamum (29 June 2012)

Personally I think it's important to not be shocked that people actually compete whilst being overweight and middle aged. Often it is compulsory to also smoke and be knackered after the first round. The combination of middle aged spread and blinding white breeches isn't an ideal sight too early on a Sunday morning, but it hasn't stopped anyone competing Internationally.


----------



## Jnhuk (29 June 2012)

ArcticFox said:



			I absolutely hate the clickety overreach boots.
		
Click to expand...

It is the inner showjumper in you! Hah


----------



## almostthere (29 June 2012)

_EVS_ said:



			Brilliant!!!
		
Click to expand...

Brilliant....absolutely brilliant.....


----------



## Katyharriet (29 June 2012)

Also if you dare not to be a member and enter on a ticket eek they will announce this about 5 times and make you feel like you really should just go home!


----------



## smellsofhorse (29 June 2012)

Ha!


----------



## Anglebracket (29 June 2012)

What are clickety overreach boots?


----------



## rossiroo (29 June 2012)

Is it  true that showjumpers are banned from useing a simple snaffle  ? you have to use a long shanked gold bit with rope noseband and a foriegn name.And I think that sheepskin saddle pads are now compulsary?


----------



## cptrayes (29 June 2012)

rossiroo said:



			And I think that sheepskin saddle pads are now compulsary?
		
Click to expand...

This is correct but it is illegal to have the sheepskin in contact with the horse's back.


----------



## TheoryX1 (29 June 2012)

eishi said:



			You forgot that all females whether riders or SJ mummys must wear a bronzer 2 shades darker than their natural skin colour and said bronzer must rub off attractively onto your show shirt collar throughout your round!
		
Click to expand...

I'm off to buy some tomorrow for us both.


----------



## monkeybum13 (29 June 2012)

Has anybody mentioned the (very obvious!) bright red thong under the very tightly stretched white breeches? You have to worry when you can't tell what is red underwear and what is cellulite


----------



## Gamebird (29 June 2012)

Show-jumping in Yorkshire (the home of show-jumping) probably requires a whole new thread, but even up here it's customary to at least try to remember to drop the fag before you go in the ring.

It is generally compulsory to bring a wagon-load (6 in each class when there's only 12 entries in total), be male, 5'2, have a jacket that might have fitted your size 20 mother, have a fag glued to your lower lip, have won the Cock o' The North in 1974 and speak (if at all) in monosyllables, none of which would be allowed on the BBC before 9pm.

If (heaven forbid) you happen to be an eventer and between you and your fellow eventer you've managed to come 1st and 2nd in two consecutive classes it's generally considered to be the done thing to pack up and go home and let the 'proper' jumpers have a go at the next few classes


----------



## CaleruxShearer (29 June 2012)

Gamebird said:



			Show-jumping in Yorkshire (the home of show-jumping) probably requires a whole new thread, but even up here it's customary to at least try to remember to drop the fag before you go in the ring.

It is generally compulsory to bring a wagon-load (6 in each class when there's only 12 entries in total), be male, 5'2, have a jacket that might have fitted your size 20 mother, have a fag glued to your lower lip, have won the Cock o' The North in 1974 and speak (if at all) in monosyllables, none of which would be allowed on the BBC before 9pm.

If (heaven forbid) you happen to be an eventer and between you and your fellow eventer you've managed to come 1st and 2nd in two consecutive classes it's generally considered to be the done thing to pack up and go home and let the 'proper' jumpers have a go at the next few classes 

Click to expand...


Best post yet!


----------



## JustKickOn (29 June 2012)

No personal experiences, only as a spectator, is the back side bouncing down heavily in the saddle a few times after every fence the done thing??


----------



## rossiroo (29 June 2012)

Is it also correct to think that in yorkshire you are only aloud to compeate if you are wearing your fathers/grandfathers hunting boots?


----------



## Baggybreeches (29 June 2012)

Gamebird said:



			Show-jumping in Yorkshire (the home of show-jumping) probably requires a whole new thread, but even up here it's customary to at least try to remember to drop the fag before you go in the ring.

It is generally compulsory to bring a wagon-load (6 in each class when there's only 12 entries in total), be male, 5'2, have a jacket that might have fitted your size 20 mother, have a fag glued to your lower lip, have won the Cock o' The North in 1974 and speak (if at all) in monosyllables, none of which would be allowed on the BBC before 9pm.

If (heaven forbid) you happen to be an eventer and between you and your fellow eventer you've managed to come 1st and 2nd in two consecutive classes it's generally considered to be the done thing to pack up and go home and let the 'proper' jumpers have a go at the next few classes 

Click to expand...

I will one day introduce you to my uncle, who is that exact person! (And possibly went to the same 'farrier finishing school' as your farrier   )


----------



## Llanali (29 June 2012)

Stencilface said:



			Fortunately one thing that isn't required at BS is a ridiculous nickname that all your school chums used to call you, horse teeth, an army of fans wearing tweed and dubarrys and hats that don't meet any safety requirements 

Ah, and a proper warm cafe with bar that you can sit in way from the rain, ground that's neither too wet/dry/sticky/rutted - eventers truly do have the most amount of excuses as to why they have a cricket score 

Click to expand...


Now that's more like it. And really, what kind of organisation has rules about the _shade_ of your breeches and which coat goes with what, anyway?


----------



## Luci07 (29 June 2012)

You did forget to add that having a fit horse iand rider is also a complete no no...!!


----------



## Mickeymoo (29 June 2012)

Brill thread. It really is another world, but I love it.

Do all venues time the course walk?  I still hadn't learnt the super long course, when the buzzer goes and everyone leaves the ring.  But I don't know where I'm going. 

Was just about to go in the ring on horsey when the hawk eyed steward spotted my top button wasn't done up, although my tie was squeezed tight on my neck.  So,  I've gone blank on the course, somehow fasten my top button, then proceed to do my round on half my normal intake of oxygen. 

Can't wait for next time


----------



## pigsmight:) (29 June 2012)

Stencilface said:



			Fortunately one thing that isn't required at BS is a ridiculous nickname that all your school chums used to call you, horse teeth, an army of fans wearing tweed and dubarrys and hats that don't meet any safety requirements 

Ah, and a proper warm cafe with bar that you can sit in way from the rain, ground that's neither too wet/dry/sticky/rutted - eventers truly do have the most amount of excuses as to why they have a cricket score 

Click to expand...

BOOOM  That is more like it a bit of sport  right back at you eventer folk! I think that whatever equestrian sport you partake in you are officially insane, so why not wear a bit of slap and sparkle... infact go crazy   and then at least the tweed wearing folk have something to mock and look down on


----------



## Jesstickle (29 June 2012)

So, does the fact my school friends actually call me jesstickle mean I am an eventer in the making?


----------



## mik (29 June 2012)

Brilliant!  May I share this on facebook please  PMSL


----------



## Gamebird (29 June 2012)

rossiroo said:



			Is it also correct to think that in yorkshire you are only aloud to compeate if you are wearing your fathers/grandfathers hunting boots?
		
Click to expand...

Only if they're wide enough round the calf to ensure that you'll probably drown if it rains.

Also you can only compete wearing a coat that has a very bright shiny patch on the left breast where you've removed the Union Jack that was granted to the coat's previous occupant.


----------



## marmalade76 (29 June 2012)

jesstickle said:



			So, does the fact my school friends actually call me jesstickle mean I am an eventer in the making?



Click to expand...

Go on, I dare you !!!


----------



## npage123 (29 June 2012)

Thank you Paddymonty - this is an excellent thread!

Is it frowned upon to turn up to the show in anything other than a massive, newly painted lorry with the rider and horse's name stencilled on all sides?


----------



## Mike007 (29 June 2012)

npage123 said:



			Thank you Paddymonty - this is an excellent thread!

Is it frowned upon to turn up to the show in anything other than a massive, newly painted lorry with the rider and horse's name stencilled on all sides?
		
Click to expand...

"All horse boxes are to be parked in the main car park, Will Eventers please park their cattle trucks in the overflow car park,Thank you"


----------



## Mike007 (29 June 2012)

Gamebird said:



			Only if they're wide enough round the calf to ensure that you'll probably drown if it rains.

Also you can only compete wearing a coat that has a very bright shiny patch on the left breast where you've removed the Union Jack that was granted to the coat's previous occupant.
		
Click to expand...

Baler twine must also be involved somewhere .


----------



## Mrs B (29 June 2012)

Mike007 said:



			"All horse boxes are to be parked in the main car park, Will Eventers please park their cattle trucks in the overflow car park,Thank you"

Click to expand...

Love this thread! And Mike's post reminds me of flash lorries I see saying "Show Ponies on Board" which makes we want to go and do the same but paint "Bog Standard Happy Hackers of Slight Dodgy Conformation & Temperament On Board" down each side...


----------



## pearcider (29 June 2012)

brilliant thread 

just to confirm will I be eliminated if I wear beige jods...

.just off top prep for sunday this will include a spray tan and false eye lashes...


----------



## Mrs B (29 June 2012)

pearcider said:



			brilliant thread 

just to confirm will I be eliminated if I wear beige jods...

.just off top prep for sunday this will include a spray tan and false eye lashes...
		
Click to expand...

Don't forget your Juicy Couture tracky bottoms to keep your jods clean...


----------



## pearcider (29 June 2012)

thanks for the tips so tomorrow we will leave the horses in the field and prep ourselves for our sj party...should I wear sunglasses obviously large ones when getting the horse ready??..


----------



## Charlie Bucket (29 June 2012)

This thread has made my day - so funny, and true!!


----------



## silu (29 June 2012)

Really giggled at reading some of the posts.Have always rather enjoyed the us and them scenario between BS ers and BE ers. Dead give away of the BE ers is Dubarry boots and pearl stud earrings "uniform", a definite no no for BS. Likewise a per-ma tan Dan look is actively encouraged as some BS ers would like you to at least think they have been on the sunshine tour. While BE ers have tack coming out of their ears, BE ers do not look surprised at BS shows when there is a quick swap of a saddle from 1 horse to another (often not remotely the same size/shape) as often observed if a rider has say 2 horses in a jump off. BS ers aren't stupid enough to spend £1000s on so called saddle fitters when plenty of pads will do the job nicely.


----------



## brighteyes (30 June 2012)

Never mind the silly running order and start times. You can always wriggle in somewhere more convenient, or shout 'I'm not ready' and someone else will take your place.


----------



## yeeharider (30 June 2012)

I love my westropp clickety over-reach boots and will continue to wear them with pride,they drive other riders mad Why???? They drive my instructor Richard Barton mad Why???? I find them very theraputic. They are part of my kit, live with it Dont care who is jumping in same class have beaten them all already John and Micheal Whittaker, Harvey Smith legend that he is Ha must have put them off with my noisy over-reach boots


----------



## Lyle (30 June 2012)

Brilliant, very true in many aspects! 

It's acceptable to have a horse of mediocre fitness, in order to pass of rails on the second day of competition because 'he's tired'. Just try not to be the eventer who won the last class of the event because their horse was barely noticing that it had jumped in 3 other classes, and jumps the only clear round. A quiet 'Thank you' and a hasty exit must be in order.


----------



## hairycob (30 June 2012)

O gosh, I think I might have a show jumper in the making. Although we only have a lowly IFW it does have a picture of my son's horse on the side - does that count?


----------



## Rowreach (30 June 2012)

Oh and don't forget the shiny £400 hat which you only wear when you absolutely have to, and then generally with the strap undone


----------



## blood_magik (30 June 2012)

*takes notes* 
the lack of sheepskin and minimal bling is obviously where I've been going wrong.


----------



## Twizzel (30 June 2012)

From my observances being an event photographer...

When walking the course you must have a tiny toy dog rat thing that is no bigger than a squirrel, that you pull behind you because it's not used to being on a lead and is out of puff by the time you reach fence 3. 

You must always blame the photographer if your round doesn't go to plan, even if they are stood at the side of the ring whilst you're jumping. 

When there are nearly 200 in your class and it's been going on for 8 hours, it's still acceptable to make the judges wait and threaten to close the class in 2 minutes no less than 4 times.

It's illegal to look like you're having fun whilst jumping, smiles are banned!


----------



## ArcticFox (30 June 2012)

Anglebracket said:



			What are clickety overreach boots?

Click to expand...

these: http://www.westropphorseboots.co.uk/wob_mark_ii.html

anyone got a video to demonstrate the noise 


JNHUK - I think it probably is the inner SJ'er in me that hates them, but nothing would make me wear them!!


----------



## stencilface (30 June 2012)

pigsmight:) said:



			BOOOM  That is more like it a bit of sport  right back at you eventer folk! I think that whatever equestrian sport you partake in you are officially insane, so why not wear a bit of slap and sparkle... infact go crazy   and then at least the tweed wearing folk have something to mock and look down on 

Click to expand...

Well thats the only thing they can comment on, I think collection is something that eventers think only exists within the white boards, it doesn't occur to them that their dangly legged ex racer might need some time to organise itself before its hurtled at the fences, because you know, the faster your approach, the cooler is it 

And of course when their horse does have a cricket score, it will be because 

- the depth of the arena adds to the height of the fences, at least 2"
- the corners are too tight
- the course is too twisty
- fillers are too scary
- they got lost
- distractions from the cafe/warm up/bling on other competitors 
- etc etc etc etc, I think BE must send out a list of excuses with their rule book


----------



## MandyMoo (30 June 2012)

haha! Brilliant! Its a good job us show jumpers can take banter!


----------



## MagicMelon (30 June 2012)

These posts do make me laugh.  I've done plenty of BS and BE over the years yet my partners father who is a BS judge always feels he needs to comment that I'm an eventer whenever I win a class at BS, usually along the lines of "just shows that some eventers can show jump"!!  Which I always find slightly insulting especially as my horse is very multi-talented and actually has won a lot of BS classes, although I dont really care as I find it more fun that an "eventer" can beat the BS lot regularly...  My horse is now broken but I used to quite enjoy turning up at BS competitions with him who was usually a slightly grubby grey (grubby because I kept him out 24/7 unlike the immaculate showjumpers who rarely see grass) and with my basic eventing tack to then do well   I'd hate to look the part because then people EXPECT you to do well, I'd rather be the unexpected!


----------



## Twiggy14 (30 June 2012)

I can just imagine some 10 year old reading this and saying to their parents...
"Muuum, when I get my 18.2hh black stallion, remember I need 'bling' and sheepskin...whatever they are! Oh, and a little doggy, and proper tack! Don't bother teaching me rising trot they don't do that....oh I can't wait to get out BSing!! Whatever that is...."


----------



## ClobellsandBaubles (30 June 2012)

pearcider said:



			brilliant thread 

just to confirm will I be eliminated if I wear beige jods...

.just off top prep for sunday this will include a spray tan and false eye lashes...
		
Click to expand...

Noticed a fashion emerging for khaki green coloured ones if that helps?
Also snake-skin/ patent combo on boots and matching hats  I quite enjoy the plethora of different coloured jackets and matching combos of belts, saddle cloths, brow bands, fly veils etc.. 

Oh and if your a man you can get away with a tie but only if it's worn over ones shoulder. 

Can an someone explain to me why eventers seem to have grey velvet hat silks? I can't find these anywhere.

Finally not only do the practise jumps have to be hugely high but also at least a metre wider than necessary. If some poor unfortunate (me) has the ordacity to try and move the oxer in a bit you are entitled to jump them as well whilst they are in the middle.


----------



## teapot (30 June 2012)

Cloball said:



			Can an someone explain to me why eventers seem to have grey velvet hat silks? I can't find these anywhere.
		
Click to expand...

They were probably once navy  All the competing outdoors in torrential rain has washed them out...


----------



## ClobellsandBaubles (30 June 2012)

I thought as much. Does that mean you can tell how long some one has been an eventer by the extent of fading?


----------



## Thistle (30 June 2012)

Cloball said:



			I thought as much. Does that mean you can tell how long some one has been an eventer by the extent of fading?
		
Click to expand...

Yes, you have the right idea! Look can also be achieved by leaving the hat on the parcel shelf in the car


----------



## MrsMozart (30 June 2012)

So, if I've got this right, D1 will need....

A couple of dead sheep? Oh what the heck, lets go for half the flock and be done with (seat saver, under seat, under saddle cloth, girth cover, tendons boots, noseband, rein covers).

Bling: Lots and lots of bling - Rider: round the hat (must it be one of the Gatehouse hats, or have I got that mixed up?!); gloves; nose; and ears. Horse: across the horses nose/brow/along the reins. Can we get any on the saddle? There might be some bits showing in amongst the dead sheep 

Hair (rider's): It's long and purple... Hm. Hair extensions. Definitely no hair net - it must be all nice and ready to whap her in the face when she looks round quickly.

Tack: saddle - as hard as a plank of wood; over-reach boots; tendon boots; complicated bit; fandangled noseband.

Fag: hm. She doesn't smoke. Will the Nicorette type thing do the trick?

Attitude: tick.

Horse: Whappy - tick.

Breeches: tight - tick; white - tick. Will have to find red g-string...

Grooms: half a dozen - tick (must remember to have jackets embroidered).

Lorry: sign-written. Hm. Will a trailer with peeling paint do for now?

Exercise sheet? Have a Thermatex in her colours, but is that okay? Do we need to bling it up?



Am just wondering if, to pay for all of the above, we can start a Pimp My BS business...


----------



## sam-b (30 June 2012)

This thread has actually had me laughing out loud and cheered me up loads


----------



## kerilli (30 June 2012)

This whole thread is brilliant, and oh so true, but this comment



Stencilface said:



			I think BE must send out a list of excuses with their rule book  

Click to expand...

is by far the truest of all! There even used to be an 'Eventer's Excuses' T-shirt (do they still make those?) but some of the ones I've heard are unbelievable!

As for the original post, I really wish I'd known all that before I went back to BSing years ago, because I was the lone person in the collecting ring trying to warm up on both reins occasionally, NOT cantering circles across the landing sides of the warm-up fences, NOT jumping them from both ways, etc etc... you see, Eventers have Etiquette...


----------



## ArcticFox (30 June 2012)

MrsMozart said:



			Bling: Lots and lots of bling - Rider: round the hat (must it be one of the Gatehouse hats, or have I got that mixed up?!); gloves; nose; and ears. Horse: across the horses nose/brow/along the reins. Can we get any on the saddle? There might be some bits showing in amongst the dead sheep 

Am just wondering if, to pay for all of the above, we can start a Pimp My BS business...
		
Click to expand...

You forgot the bling stirrup irons

and bling round the collar of the riding jacket (saw that last weekend )


----------



## MrsMozart (30 June 2012)

ArcticFox said:



			You forgot the bling stirrup irons

and bling round the collar of the riding jacket (saw that last weekend )


Click to expand...

Blast!

Will add to the list 

Ah, along the pocket flaps as well? And the lapels?

Maybe along the stictch line of the breeches? Will it fit in amongst the emboridery of her name?

And why do they need their names embroidered on everything... Is it in case they get whapped in the face by their pony tail and forget who they are?


----------



## Doris68 (30 June 2012)

Don't forget the cigarettes (for those old enough to smoke if they REALLY must..!) - held over-casually in left hand (mobile in right) and wafted around in the faces of anyone within several feet.  Low-rise jodhpurs with diamond-studded belt (to match over-large solitaire on left hand).  This person exists, because I saw her at Hickstead last week..... ;-))


----------



## BronsonNutter (30 June 2012)

Cloball said:



			Finally not only do the practise jumps have to be hugely high but also at least a metre wider than necessary. If some poor unfortunate (me) has the ordacity to try and move the oxer in a bit you are entitled to jump them as well whilst they are in the middle.
		
Click to expand...

On the other hand, getting your groom to walk into the middle of the oxer is a perfectly acceptable method of sabotaging someone else's warm up  (I have fallen victim to this!)


----------



## louisem (30 June 2012)

My wine just came out of my nose!


----------



## louisem (30 June 2012)

Mike007 said:



			Just one further point regarding those of us who have to put the poles back up after your eventing elephant has strewn them over half the warm up areas. This is ok! What is not ok is to make me spill my cup of tea while diving for cover , or worse still ,TO FLICK SAND IN IT

Click to expand...


----------



## Anglebracket (30 June 2012)

ArcticFox said:



			these: http://www.westropphorseboots.co.uk/wob_mark_ii.html

anyone got a video to demonstrate the noise 


JNHUK - I think it probably is the inner SJ'er in me that hates them, but nothing would make me wear them!! 

Click to expand...

Thanks for clarifying.


----------



## louisem (30 June 2012)

Gamebird said:



			Show-jumping in Yorkshire (the home of show-jumping) probably requires a whole new thread, but even up here it's customary to at least try to remember to drop the fag before you go in the ring.

It is generally compulsory to bring a wagon-load (6 in each class when there's only 12 entries in total), be male, 5'2, have a jacket that might have fitted your size 20 mother, have a fag glued to your lower lip, have won the Cock o' The North in 1974 and speak (if at all) in monosyllables, none of which would be allowed on the BBC before 9pm.

If (heaven forbid) you happen to be an eventer and between you and your fellow eventer you've managed to come 1st and 2nd in two consecutive classes it's generally considered to be the done thing to pack up and go home and let the 'proper' jumpers have a go at the next few classes 

Click to expand...

So *like* this


----------



## Doris68 (30 June 2012)

Gamebird - I've pressed the "like" button!!


----------



## kirstyhen (30 June 2012)

MrsMozart said:



			Bling: Lots and lots of bling - Rider: round the hat (must it be one of the Gatehouse hats, or have I got that mixed up?!); gloves; nose; and ears. Horse: across the horses nose/brow/along the reins. Can we get any on the saddle? There might be some bits showing in amongst the dead sheep 

Click to expand...


My Dressage Saddle has bling on it  It has silver trim  So you are only doing bling half arsed if you haven't any on your saddle!


----------



## MrsMozart (30 June 2012)

Yikes!!

*digs out glitter and glue*

Oh, and a small dog - we have four..., could go matchy


----------



## MrsMozart (30 June 2012)

....matchy-matchy...


----------



## dieseldog (30 June 2012)

MrsMozart said:



			....matchy-matchy... 

Click to expand...

That's BD not BS


----------



## rhino (30 June 2012)

dieseldog said:



			That's BD not BS 

Click to expand...

I think it's more technically called 'branding' in BS


----------



## Apercrumbie (30 June 2012)

Everyone seems to be talking about red g-strings/thongs but aren't we forgetting the red thongs with bling?  Honestly guys, get your bling together!


----------



## dieseldog (1 July 2012)

Apercrumbie said:



			Everyone seems to be talking about red g-strings/thongs but aren't we forgetting the red thongs with bling?  Honestly guys, get your bling together!
		
Click to expand...

Please no guys in red bling thongs


----------



## MrsMozart (1 July 2012)

Ah  Sorry. My bad  


*waddles off to write out 100 times*


----------



## Shazzababs (1 July 2012)

I love the clickety overreach boots...I find them great for clearing out the practice ring.


----------



## Luci07 (1 July 2012)

Didn't know you could still buy the noisy clickers overreach boots ....I had those over 20 years ago!! 

We do drag a variety of dogs around us at events though so will make doubly sure they come to BS as well. To date, 3 staffords ( mine ). 1 nutty Dalmatian puppy, older lab and hyper JRT...all very capable of walking a course without breaking a sweat!


----------



## monkeybum13 (1 July 2012)

dieseldog said:



			Please no guys in red bling thongs

Click to expand...

Commando then?


----------



## PaddyMonty (2 July 2012)

monkeybum13 said:



			Commando then? 

Click to expand...

The pain that would cause does not bare thinking about.


----------



## ljohnsonsj (2 July 2012)

MrsMozart said:



			So, if I've got this right, D1 will need....

A couple of dead sheep? Oh what the heck, lets go for half the flock and be done with (seat saver, under seat, under saddle cloth, girth cover, tendons boots, noseband, rein covers).

Bling: Lots and lots of bling - Rider: round the hat (must it be one of the Gatehouse hats, or have I got that mixed up?!); gloves; nose; and ears. Horse: across the horses nose/brow/along the reins. Can we get any on the saddle? There might be some bits showing in amongst the dead sheep 

Hair (rider's): It's long and purple... Hm. Hair extensions. Definitely no hair net - it must be all nice and ready to whap her in the face when she looks round quickly.

Tack: saddle - as hard as a plank of wood; over-reach boots; tendon boots; complicated bit; fandangled noseband.

Fag: hm. She doesn't smoke. Will the Nicorette type thing do the trick?

Attitude: tick.

Horse: Whappy - tick.

Breeches: tight - tick; white - tick. Will have to find red g-string...

Grooms: half a dozen - tick (must remember to have jackets embroidered).

Lorry: sign-written. Hm. Will a trailer with peeling paint do for now?

Exercise sheet? Have a Thermatex in her colours, but is that okay? Do we need to bling it up?



Am just wondering if, to pay for all of the above, we can start a Pimp My BS business...
		
Click to expand...

Have you got an animo showjacket? Without this and matching(embrioded,obviously) fly veil and saddlecloth you should'nt even bother...


----------



## Jnhuk (3 July 2012)

This thread is so fun. 

Just wondering what trends will be the next.

Has anyone got their name/horses name picked out in bling on the back of the cantle yet?


----------



## Festive_Felicitations (3 July 2012)

The Sjing trend is international! How scary! Though most eventers here compete in black jackets... 

Is it mandatory there on ponies (only so far thank God) the clipping of hearts, stars, other shapes normally associated with quater-marks into the coat?


----------



## Javabb94 (3 July 2012)

This thread is hilarious!
Having just rejoined BS for the first time since 2006 you all have me rather terrified!

Although my first BS is Saturday at my yard so shouldn't be too terrifying, it's the collecting ring that worries me!


----------



## sarahann1 (3 July 2012)

From a spectators perspective, you seem to have forgotten the need for females to be wearing enough make up to give the make up counter girls a run for there money.


----------



## MrsMozart (3 July 2012)

ljohnsonsj said:



			Have you got an animo showjacket? Without this and matching(embrioded,obviously) fly veil and saddlecloth you should'nt even bother...
		
Click to expand...



*trundles off to find animo jacket, and ring the embroiderer*

I'm sure D didn't really need a holiday in the sun this year


----------



## ihatework (3 July 2012)

This thread is hilarious!!! And oh too true!


----------



## leflynn (3 July 2012)

jesstickle said:



			Plaiting is actually coming back in BS. BUT you have to leave the forelock unplaited. 

Do NOT use a hairnet. your flowing blonde hair should stream over your shoulders in a nifty ponytail

(I don't jump but have a friend who takes  it quite seriously. I endlessly plead with her to plait forelocks and use a hairnet  )
		
Click to expand...

Ah the showjumping ponytail :lol:


----------



## leflynn (3 July 2012)

In shock no-one has mentioned the patent leather boots with bling?  Normally in a size 2 small that cuts off circulation, but because you paid an arm and a leg for them you will wear them even if your feet feel like dropping off....


----------



## Talented Mare (3 July 2012)

Quote:
Originally Posted by monkeybum13  
Commando then?  




PaddyMonty said:



			The pain that would cause does not bare thinking about. 

Click to expand...

o what a sight if those overly tight white breeces rip...


----------



## Dukey (16 April 2013)

When I go BS people look at me like I'm an alien, yes I have invested in a 'showjumping' jacket, I'm a size 8 with blonde hair but I wear my body protector, yes you hear correctly, my body protector... every time my young horse has had me off he has galloped over the top of me, but still to a group of people who often don't wear hats a bp is unheard of! 

Also I always get compliments on how natural my 6yo is over a fence, then I'm asked where in Europe did I find my 6yo or what type of warmblood is he I have to pick them up off the floor when I say he's Welsh DxTB with a Walsh passport despite being 17hh this is all true...


----------



## Supanova (16 April 2013)

Brilliant post..........although I have to say i take tight white breeches and a fitted red jacket over tweed, canary yellow breeches and a skull cap with the silk sticking up at a jaunty 90 degree angle any day!!


----------



## RCP Equestrian (16 April 2013)

LOVE this!! 

Showjumper through and through with my jacket that has about 1 million swarofski crystals on 

Oh and horses HAVE to have the long straight manes, none of this pulled short cr*p for plaiting 

The elastic breastplates round the front on the horse, that do nothing, but look good!

Mocking my own kind, how bad of me 

Another vote for never talk to the judges...my experience:

Me: Sorry, I've forgotton my show jacket today, is it ok if I wear this coat?
Judge: Hmm.
Me:  (feeling like I needed to explain myself) erm, I left it on my lorry and I have come with my friend today?
Judge: Well, just don't do it again then!!
Me:  Yes mam.... 
Left the judges box like I'd just had a telling from my mam 

Also, do NOT shout "UPRIGHT!" or "SPREAD!" when coming in to the practice fence, it just makes us giggle. If someone is in the way just circle and come again. 

Oh, and because of previous rule....it is an OXER not a SPREAD! 

Good luck eventers!


----------



## RunToEarth (16 April 2013)

Gamebird said:



			Show-jumping in Yorkshire (the home of show-jumping) probably requires a whole new thread, but even up here it's customary to at least try to remember to drop the fag before you go in the ring.

It is generally compulsory to bring a wagon-load (6 in each class when there's only 12 entries in total), be male, 5'2, have a jacket that might have fitted your size 20 mother, have a fag glued to your lower lip, have won the Cock o' The North in 1974 and speak (if at all) in monosyllables, none of which would be allowed on the BBC before 9pm.

If (heaven forbid) you happen to be an eventer and between you and your fellow eventer you've managed to come 1st and 2nd in two consecutive classes it's generally considered to be the done thing to pack up and go home and let the 'proper' jumpers have a go at the next few classes 

Click to expand...

You forgot that baler twine is acceptable to use in every possible scenario, and if you are going to jump in a german hackamore/snaffle combo, it is acceptable to use a black spur strap to affix the two together, but it is actively encouraged to use baler twine. 

Last time I went BS was when it was BSJA and I actually got laughed at, accepted I was on my coloured and the only thing I had swapped from out hunting get up was the hat and the saddle pad.


----------



## kirstykate (16 April 2013)

PaddyMonty said:



			Just though I'd explain a few things before war erupts at comps all over the country.
1) We dont DO the silly left to left rule.  Our horses can turn on a sixpence and do not require 10 strides advance warning for a change of direction.  We dont care which side you pass or how close as long as you don't crash.

2) Looking up where you're going instead of down checking your horses neck line helps with point 1

3) The practice fences do not have silly tape indicating the max warmup height for the class. The rule book does but we ignore that anyway.
When a fence is wacked up to 1.20m for a BN do not try to rationalise it in terms of need.  It is all about oneupmanship. Just get over it (literally).

4) Trot is not required at anytime during warmup or competition, it just wastes time.

5) We do not walk on an inside track and canter on the outside track. If everyone did this it would be a tad tricky turning in to the practice fences.

6) Warm up on just one rein IS acceptable.

7) people putting up the practice fences are there to be abused (if you're brave enough). Shouting is acceptable and often encouraged.

8) Going for a steady double clear is not really entering in to the spirit of it. If you do manage to get through to the jumpoff, pretend you are now going XC.

9) 4 faults is NOT a good round!

10) use of drawreins in warmup IS normal and within rules.

Hope the above is helpful 
Welcome to our world  Nice place to visit but dont stay too long 

Click to expand...

Hope you dont mind I am pinching this for facebook!!!!


----------



## Deleted member 104317 (16 April 2013)

This is brilliant! Though definitely keeping my elephant for eventing - the show jumping world sounds far too scary for us!


----------



## Zerotolerance (16 April 2013)

Oh paleeaze - do not under any circumstances shout upright or spread - or we'll know you're not a real SJer - it has to be vertical or oxer and only in emergencies, not every time you jump. Too much shouting may cause your foundation mask to crack.


----------



## gunnergundog (16 April 2013)

Eventers.....your ned may be familiar with the various water complexes at Badminton or Burghley, but IF there is a water tray under one of the obstacles on the SJ course then it is *compulsory* for you to show it to your horse prior to the bell going!  Ignore the rulebook - SJers have been doing this since time immemorial;  however, it would appear that nowadays you don't need to be at all subtle about it!


----------



## cobwithattitude (16 April 2013)

what a brilliant thread - thank you and sooo true!


----------



## Llanali (16 April 2013)

Gunnergundog- that's because our governing body listened to us and did not insist on being stuck in 1841 with over use of the phrase "workmanlike".... And made it legal to show fences.


----------



## MandyMoo (16 April 2013)

hehehe


----------



## RCP Equestrian (16 April 2013)

Zerotolerance said:



			Oh paleeaze - do not under any circumstances shout upright or spread - or we'll know you're not a real SJer - it has to be vertical or oxer and only in emergencies, not every time you jump. Too much shouting may cause your foundation mask to crack.
		
Click to expand...

I think they shout it so people are at the right practice fence so they can put it back up after 

MEOW!


----------



## Llanali (16 April 2013)

^ zero tolerance is correct. If you shout, it's because there's an eventer trotting in the wrong direction on the other side. No need to yell ordinarily; just dive on in and keep riding. 

Oh, and we don't whinge to stewards. We are "growed ups" and go for a more challenging approach with the person commiting the foul. Or else we just get on with it, as per the founding post of this guide.


----------



## JoshuatheGingerninja (16 April 2013)

A fabulous read  going to steal it for Facebook


----------



## slumdog (16 April 2013)

This thread is great! Although I've never experienced it myself, I've heard junior bs is worse!


----------



## Llanali (16 April 2013)

Junior BS is the reason I am never going to Scope again. Or any other mixed show where I have to be opened to te foul language- from both children and adults- child abuse, parent abuse, pony adoration, pony hatred and the eternal "my pop out is bigger than yours" competion.

If I ever see another lorry rock with te force of a parent smacking a child for not going inside to fence 4, it'll be too soon.


----------



## slumdog (16 April 2013)

Wow, Is it really that bad? :/


----------



## Llanali (16 April 2013)

Sadly so. Sure it's a minority but it sticks out. 

On the upside of junior BS, the perma tanned mummies could drink frankie cocozza under the table, and the ability to clash with ones daughters red jacket whilst avoiding getting a spur caught in a hoop earring is an enviable one!


----------



## lindsayH (16 April 2013)

This thread is just as funny second time round, I've loved reading it again! Especially as in the mean time I've discovered that every word of it is true...


----------



## rossiroo (18 April 2013)

At county level s/j it is apparently compulsory to have a 6 inch wide strip of grease from the horses dirty mane down the front of show jackets, this is to prove that you have been on the circuit all season without using a washing machine.


----------



## Weezy (18 April 2013)

Yes, in BS it is PERFECTLY acceptable to drag horses in from field or out of stable, and put him straight on to the box without even so much as combing their tails or soaping off stains   Just try not to shed the straw from the tail in the ring...


----------



## showjumpingfilly (18 April 2013)

These are all absolutely brilliant!

Only thing i haven't come across though is horses looking like they've come straight from the field. Or is that a dig that it is definately not acceptable? 
All shows i've been to the riders have taken a huge pride? Ok we don't plait but still.


----------



## Weezy (18 April 2013)

You have obvs never been to Blewbury


----------



## Lolo (18 April 2013)

We still 'advise' Al at competitions with top tips from a BS show they attended: kick and pull, kick AND pull! 

Reg and Al stand out a country mile... Tweed, canary jods, skull cap with faded navy velvet cover at a ridiculous angle, dark brown numnah, brown boots... More poles down than up and effusive praise for this...


----------



## Llanali (19 April 2013)

Indeed they have not Weezy, indeed not. Nor day 3 of a Weston Lawns Amateur Jamboree....

That's ok Lolo, no one will be unpleasant or sneering in the slightest if you represent no threat to our diesel money


----------



## stencilface (19 April 2013)

Lolo said:



			We still 'advise' Al at competitions with top tips from a BS show they attended: kick and pull, kick AND pull! 



Click to expand...

I received some advice in the warm up from a well known showjumper, 'when in doubt, kick, pull and shout'  it was said tongue in cheek, given that she's a very quiet rider!


----------



## lme (19 April 2013)

Weezy said:



			You have obvs never been to Blewbury 

Click to expand...

Or seen us at a BS show


----------



## Avonbrook (19 April 2013)

Well, I swotted up before taking the kids to Cricklands last weekend and it all stood me in very good stead, thankyou very much   And being prewarned, I didn't stare (too much) at the orange "kick-pullers" by the rails.

I have to confess to one transgression when speed-walking B's mind-blown Connemara pony around what had been an empty warmup... until suddenly it wasn't  while child took her time over course walking so that she could delay getting back on her .  Otherwise we slunk in quite well I think 

Although taking a little diesel money in 3 classes with the ayrab might not have been entirely tactful on a number of levels...

ETA we did make the mistake of bathing them before going (the horses anyway) but they did end up with black paint on from the stable doors - does that go some way to making up for it?


----------



## siennamum (19 April 2013)

Stencilface said:



			I received some advice in the warm up from a well known showjumper, 'when in doubt, kick, pull and shout'  it was said tongue in cheek, given that she's a very quiet rider!
		
Click to expand...

It's a bit embarrassing but that really is what I do. Arms flapping, legs flailing shreiking at horse - I even have video evidence. AND I am going to start BS, I will hopefully fit in (especially given how grubby we generally are).


----------



## Llanali (19 April 2013)

^ we have a variation on that theme "Kick, pull and click".

Basing myself on an SJ yard has done wonders for my clicking/whistling abilities....


----------



## showjumpingfilly (19 April 2013)

Sorry  

Maybe i've generally been to the bigger shows? Like hoys qualifiers / second round regionals etc and midweek shows which tend to be stuffed full of professionals and their owners.

Or i'm probably walking around in my own little bubble?

Or maybe I'm so showjumping bling-animo-dead sheep and equiport numnah-fied that i refuse to take any notice of anyone who doesn't fit in?!!!!! :shocked: oh dear, i've turned into a showjumping snob! 

"Hangs head in shame"


----------



## PolarSkye (19 April 2013)

I absolutely love this thread . . . wonder if we could do something similar for BE folks trying to break into BD?  That's got to be a rich vein to mine . . . 

P


----------



## Lolo (19 April 2013)

Llanali said:



			Indeed they have not Weezy, indeed not. Nor day 3 of a Weston Lawns Amateur Jamboree....

That's ok Lolo, no one will be unpleasant or sneering in the slightest if you represent no threat to our diesel money 

Click to expand...

I think people are literally too confused at any event by Al's response to her SJ rounds to do anything but stare open-mouthed...


----------



## slumdog (19 April 2013)

Babyhorse was filthy at WL on Thursday. How I can have him loaded for 7 and still be late for my class at 9 when I live 15 miles away god only knows! However a nice lady on a lovely dark horse told me the unaff course after I'd ran round it, warmed up and forgotten it all again! (she must have been an eventer  ) 

My SJ friend made a comment on Thurs about the 'bloody eventers in their tweed who warm up for 45 minutes on both reins" I thought of this thread!


----------



## PolarSkye (5 May 2014)

I was reminded of this thread by someone today and had to come and re-read - still makes me chuckle!  Also, I have to say that now that I've been exposed to the world of BS (by my lovely YO and her daughter who competes 138cms), it's ALL true - every word of it .  

P


----------



## conniegirl (5 May 2014)

God help us workers lot when we start getting some of ours out for some jumping practice


----------



## PolarSkye (5 May 2014)

conniegirl said:



			God help us workers lot when we start getting some of ours out for some jumping practice
		
Click to expand...

LOL, ha yes!  All that tweed, canary jods and no sparkly plaiting bands .

P


----------



## anna22 (5 May 2014)

Brilliant, this has mad me chuckle no end! I think I am obviously half and half... I warm up for a max 10mins before, jump about 3 fences, one of which must be considerably higher than anything in the ring to ensure I don't have a coronary when I get in there.  BUT, I do warm up on both reins, and we trot.
I do have white jods and a black, bling jacket... and a blonde ponytail! Haha! Great thread


----------



## Fides (5 May 2014)

How have I missed this for so long? Really cheered me up


----------

