# Partner hitting my dog



## PonyAndMutt (27 September 2020)

Regular-ish poster who doesn’t want my partner to be identified just in case people know who I am IRL from my forum posts!

I would really appreciate some outside advice on a situation that is causing me a lot of stress and upset. I have a lovely little dog who is very very attached to me. I thought I had done everything right with her as a puppy to get her independent - leaving her, crate training etc. At the time I wasn’t living with my partner so she was very much my dog, but she never whined and was a happy confident little thing. 

The issue we have now (a year later) is she hates to be left alone - she whines and howls. Hates it. Usually will be ok for a short while (5-10 minutes) before she starts. She won’t do it consistently but when she is doing it she is very persistent about it! In terms of managing behaviour, I am positive, reward based, ignore the bad praise the good etc.   A “modern” dog owner apparently... I buy the books, watch the YouTube videos etc. I have bought a kong to fill with something yummy to leave her with when we go out. My partner is the opposite. He is from a farming background where apparently negative reinforcement/punishment is the done thing, and I’m a soft touch for not stopping this behaviour physically. He hits her on the nose for it (ie. dog is barking, she hears him approach the house, stops barking, he comes in and hits her on the nose) now to me that’s a) not going to do anything about the behaviour and b) actually create a more anxious fearful dog who is therefore MORE likely to create havoc when left as she won’t know where she stands, and fears being punished randomly. As (please please correct me if I’m wrong) dogs are unable to process consequences in the same way we are. 

This is just one example of a situation where physically he is punishing my dog. It is never any more aggressive than a bop on the nose with a hand as far as I know. He will also do it if she is whining for me when he’s with her (for example I’ve come over to see him when he has her at work, she whines as I leave, he hits her across the nose). 

It has been the cause of multiple huge arguments as I am firmly in camp “don’t you dare hit my dog” and he is in camp “you can’t control your animal so I have to in the tried and tested way I’ve seen my friends treat their dogs out shooting”. I’m finding it very upsetting to go through this as he will not respect the fact I don’t want my dog treated like that. I’ve tried not to be too emotional in this post as I don’t want to influence what people think, but I would really appreciate some perspective on the situation and what I can possibly do here 😔 I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place, I can’t protect my dog, and I can’t get through to my partner that what he’s doing is wrong 😔


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## Amymay (27 September 2020)

Tell him to f*(£ the hell off.  And if he *ever* touches your dog again, you’re gone.

What an absolute filthy scum bag 😡😡😡


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## Roxylola (27 September 2020)

Your dog, your rules. If he cant or wont accept that there will be other lines he will cross


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## Pearlsasinger (27 September 2020)

She is your dog, so your rules.  Just don't leave the dog alone with him.  Personally, I would bop him on the nose every time he does it.  I am definitely not a 'soft' dog owner and will smack on the bum with the flat of my hand occasionally but only while the behaviour is continuing, no point afterwards.
I am not surprised that she whines when you leave her with him.  If she was fine before he came into your lives, that should tell you something.

ETA, what will happen if/when you have children, will you still be disagreeing about discipline?


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## Nicnac (27 September 2020)

In Mumsnet terms LTB. Unacceptable. Would he treat children the same? Poor dog.


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## Tiddlypom (27 September 2020)

You have to choose between him or the dog. One has to go.


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## Sandstone1 (27 September 2020)

Not acceptable.   She is your dog, not his and no dog should be hit.  Whats his view on children?  Would he abuse them too?


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## Sandstone1 (27 September 2020)

Tiddlypom said:



			You have to choose between him or the dog. One has to go.
		
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I agree, and I know which should go too.


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## limestonelil (27 September 2020)

Oh goodness, horrible situation. And I thought straight away your OH could be doing it deliberately to annoy you and wind you up. Very unpleasant behaviour and I wouldn't want to stay with someone who does this. How does he react to other situations which he finds irritating?


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## PonyAndMutt (27 September 2020)

I actually brought up the subject of children a couple of days ago. He said it would depend on the scenario and although he doesn’t think it’s ok, he can’t for certain say that he would never do it as he doesn’t know all the possible scenarios.
I don’t know what to do. We’ve been together 2 years and are buying a house together.


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## Pearlsasinger (27 September 2020)

PonyAndMutt said:



			I actually brought up the subject of children a couple of days ago. He said it would depend on the scenario and although he doesn’t think it’s ok, he can’t for certain say that he would never do it as he doesn’t know all the possible scenarios.
I don’t know what to do. We’ve been together 2 years and are buying a house together.
		
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I would re-evaluate the relationship before you make any joint financial commitments.  I wouldn't be surprised if OH is jealous of your attachment to your dog.


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## Sandstone1 (27 September 2020)

Id be gone. No way would I be with someone like that.


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## Mrs. Jingle (27 September 2020)

Oh he is going to make a lovely Dad somewhere down the line isn't he?    If you are in his house I would move out straight away - if he is in your house kick him out the door as fast as you can.  What a total gobshite moron you have landed yourself and your little dog with.


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## CorvusCorax (27 September 2020)

All these threads are confirming for me why I'll never share the care of a dog with a partner or anyone else for that matter. I've dumped people for bemoaning how much time I spend with my dogs, if anyone lifted a hand to mine, it would be the last thing they would do.
Well, they wouldn't have a hand left, but you know what I mean.

And as to your question, a dog makes a link between a behaviour and a consequence, either positive or negative,  between 0-5 seconds.


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## Amymay (27 September 2020)

Op, it’s not on in any shape or form, when I got my dog my oh and I had very recently bought our first house together.  As a puppies can be, mine was naughty from time to time. At one point my partner got really cross about something that had happened and was going to smack my dog ( she didn’t deserve it).  I picked her up, put her in the car and left.  It was as simple as that.  

No one hits my animals - it’s a nasty trait in any person. And was certainly not something I was prepared to tolerate.


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## meleeka (27 September 2020)

if you are sometime in the future thinking about having kids, he doesn’t sound like father material at all.  I think the point is, it doesn’t matter if his behaviour is right or wrong, it’s that YOU feel upset about it and he’s not willing to respect your feelings on the matter.


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## blackcob (27 September 2020)

PonyAndMutt said:



			I can’t protect my dog, and I can’t get through to my partner that what he’s doing is wrong 😔
		
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Do not buy a house or make any other financial commitment tying you to this man. If he won't respect you on this, how are you going to agree on the 'big stuff' further down the line?


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## Equi (27 September 2020)

Bye Felicia.


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## TPO (27 September 2020)

Speak to your partner and explain calmly how upsetting you find his treatment of the dog and that its causing you a lot of worry and stress.

I am in no way condoning his behaviour but he is possibly behaving the only way he knows how to if that is the treatment of animals that he has witnessed and those animals then "behaved".

You could suggest, or just outright book, a dog trainer to come out to BOTH of you and teach OH methods to resolve the behavioural issues he has with the dog. E.g. ways to deal with separation anxiety, barking when left and how to behave when returning to the house when she has stopped barking.

While a "bop on the nose" is distressing for you he obviously thinks that he is giving a "gentle" reprimand. There are clearly some communication issues  between you as he isnt taking onboard how upsetting you are finding this and neither party seems to be suggesting alternatives. A third party, like a trainer or behaviourist, should help and be skilled in explaining to OH things like the timing of his "barking punishment" being doled out etc. 

Surely your OH isnt being intentionally cruel or you wouldnt be looking to buy a house with him. It does read like its two contradictory approaches to dog training. Again in no way am I condoning his behaviour but he perhaps needs properly educated about dogs.

For example you have said that he bops her nose if she whines as you leave. That gives me the impression that you continue leaving and didnt about turn and put a stop to it the very first time it happened. To him, the same as with a dog or horse, that is allowing bad behaviour and rewarding it.

Based on the info provided I dont think your OH is a cruel animal beater, but he does need proper training on how to be around animals including how to correct behaviours, nor do I think hes going to beat any future children but I do think there is something fundamentally wrong in a relationship when it's not possible to have an honest and frank discussion about something that he does that is distressing for you. If you cant have open and honest conversations with a partner then go and do not get bound together by a mortgage.


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## Archangel (27 September 2020)

So dog is fine. 
You meet your partner and your dog becomes unsettled, whines and howls. 
Hmmm...
I think the dog is telling you everything you need to know about your OH.


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## SusieT (27 September 2020)

Ok, translate this to how your parenting styles are going to differ- and he is not allowing your opinion to be right. 
I would be asking myself if the attitude is one you want to be partnered with. Either he and the dog have no interaction if he cant be reasoned with to adjust his method of training (and if he cant - is he really someone you can stay with?) or it may be a deal breaker.


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## PapaverFollis (27 September 2020)

Regardless of the training effectiveness of his actions, regardless of whether he's just doing what he knows/has seen his friends do, regardless of whether it's a bop or a bash.... YOU have tried setting a boundary regarding how the dog should be treated and he has IGNORED that.  If you set a boundary in a relationship it should be respected, although they can be discussed and negotiated because compromise etc BUT him just ignoring your wishes regarding the dog... nope.

Kick him to the curb. Or you'll forever be fighting for any other boundaries you wish to set.


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## Clodagh (27 September 2020)

Now I’m normally in the compromise is everything camp, but not in this case. He never hits your dog again or you leave, that would be my take on it. He can beat his own dog if he likes (and you can stand it) but he never touches yours.
There is another poster on here who could not work our why her dog would not stop messing in the house. It eventually came to light he was being cruelly treated by another family member. Cruel person moved out, messing stopped. 
Never leave her alone with him!


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## LadyGascoyne (27 September 2020)

My husband grew up on a farm.

I have never, ever, ever seen him raise a hand to an animal.

I actually asked him because I found the thread really worrying, and I wondered if it was just me.

I asked him if he had ever hit a dog, and he was absolutely horrified - of course he hasn’t.

Then I asked if he had hit any animal, and he said he thinks he has probably smacked the odd horse - an open hand smack on the neck with one that would bite, or a tap with a whip behind the leg to back up aids. Never ever ever on the nose, or anywhere near the head.

My husband does value good manners in animals but is very quiet, firm and consistent which tends to do the job.

I’m sorry OP, it must be hard to hear but I don’t think you can relate this behavior to being ‘firm’ or being a farming type.


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## ycbm (27 September 2020)

PonyAndMutt said:



			I actually brought up the subject of children a couple of days ago. He said it would depend on the scenario and although he doesn’t think it’s ok, he can’t for certain say that he would never do it as he doesn’t know all the possible scenarios.
I don’t know what to do. We’ve been together 2 years and are buying a house together.
		
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Please put the house purchase on hold.  
.


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## PonyAndMutt (27 September 2020)

Putting house purchase on hold is very difficult... completion imminent. I need to talk to him (again) I know. It’s so difficult to know how to say it to get it to actually sink in how serious I am. We’re currently on hour three of silence since I told him off for ‘bopping her on the nose’ this evening.


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## PapaverFollis (27 September 2020)

The silent treatment too? Hmmmm.


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## PonyAndMutt (27 September 2020)

The silent treatment is for saying it loudly in case the new neighbours hear. He drove off and left me there for 20 minutes/half an hourish and there’s just been silence since.


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## PapaverFollis (27 September 2020)

So...


He's worried about what the neighbours think of him hitting the dog... but not you?


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## PapaverFollis (27 September 2020)

Also. The silent treatment in response to you calling out him not respecting your boundaries.  Very manipulative.


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## Amymay (27 September 2020)

PonyAndMutt said:



			Putting house purchase on hold is very difficult... completion imminent. I need to talk to him (again) I know. It’s so difficult to know how to say it to get it to actually sink in how serious I am. We’re currently on hour three of silence since I told him off for ‘bopping her on the nose’ this evening.
		
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But you haven’t completed....


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## Blanche (27 September 2020)

What people will do in front of other people is only the tip of the iceberg compared to what they do when there is no one around. Your dog needs you to look after her welfare. It will only get worse. The fact he thinks he may hit your future children does not bode well.

ETA The silent treatment is not on. You really need to get yourself out of this situation because it will only get worse.


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## Cortez (27 September 2020)

My late husband was not brought up with animals and wasn't good with them. He once slapped my dog for growling at him (told you he wasn't good with them...). I quite calmly told him if he ever did that again I would ask him to leave (we had bought the house together at this stage). He never did it again, and did try to understand the animals, although he never really did "get" them he knew what they meant to me.


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## Gloi (27 September 2020)

Run and don't look back. More because of him not respecting you than just how he treats your poor dog.


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## Pearlsasinger (27 September 2020)

I think you have posted asking for advice just in time.  Get out now, while you can - and take your dog with you.


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## ycbm (27 September 2020)

PonyAndMutt said:



			. We’re currently on hour three of silence since I told him off for ‘bopping her on the nose’ this evening.
		
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That's even worse than hitting your dog 
.


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## JennBags (27 September 2020)

He sounds like a controlling and manipulative person.  Stop the house purchase and get out while you have your self respect and your dog.  You'll regret it if you stay with him.


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## Ellietotz (27 September 2020)

If you haven't exchanged on the house yet, you can still pull out. 
With the fact he may do this to any future children and that he can't even guarantee he wouldn't do it, I'd be taking the pup and running a mile.


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## BBP (27 September 2020)

My partner grew up in a different country where hitting was just how things are done. His parents hit him and his siblings and the dogs. To him that’s how discipline works. A dog was a dog and did what it was told. Usually big aggressive guard dogs. There was no treat giving. So when we got the dog we had to have, and still have, discussions about why other approaches work better. It was more about getting him to try to understand the way the dog thinks and processes things, until it was his own idea to do things differently. (He never ‘hit’ our dog but was tougher in how he was with him than I liked to start with.) In the same vein, I would accept if I was too soft and ineffective. We would have discussions on dog training and why things did or didn’t work, which would leave us mostly on the same page. He adores the dog and doesn’t want to hurt him. I think if you aren’t on the same page it can lead to a very confused, frustrated, anxious dog.


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## Books'n'dogs (27 September 2020)

You NEED to end the relationship NOW! I'm sorry but this behavior is never, ever acceptable. People have mentioned the possibility of your partner abusing children but there is also the possibility that the abuse will be directed towards YOU at some point. There is a man in my family who started out abusing his dog, progressed to going overboard 'disciplining' his children and abusing his wife. He was also notorious for his silent treatments. If you haven't closed on the house it isn't too late to walk away. Please, for the sake of your little dog and yourself, get rid of this man.


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## Bellasophia (27 September 2020)

Do you really want to live like this? Violence in a relationship can start in seemingly small ways,but the fact it is there and your partner justifies his use of it,augurs badly.
if a man were slapping your face to get his way you would hopefully choose to get away from him.
Your  dog is a victim of  your partner‘s  behavior and only has you to stop this escalating. Please don’t invest in this man.He is using physical and also psychological violence. It never gets better.
  if you can get out of this before you get trapped by a mortgage and  any worsening of events,you will have no regrets looking back.
( my ex husband was violent,I dont usually discuss it ,but this post really struck a chord with me.Your  little dog will be feeling sick to her stomach every time this man lifts his hand or raises his voice.Your dog only has you.)


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## PonyAndMutt (27 September 2020)

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to reply, I really appreciate it x
I talked to him - well tried to, difficult when someone just shuts down in a difficult conversation. I said how treating my dog that way is a boundary (probably my only boundary?) and he needs to respect that. His response “ditto”. He says his boundary is my dog whining and if he is disrespectful by ignoring mine, then her whining crosses his boundary which is as bad. 
I’m at my mums.


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## PonyAndMutt (28 September 2020)

*and my little dog is with me of course 💕


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## honetpot (28 September 2020)

I am really sorry, but thank god it's not a child.


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## Bellasophia (28 September 2020)

Stay safe.


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## KEK (28 September 2020)

What an awful situation to be in. I'm glad you have gone to your Mums, with your dog of course. Hopefully you can decide what you are going to do. Take care and keep us posted.


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## PapaverFollis (28 September 2020)

Your dog not whining is not a boundary, not in the same sense at all, what a twisty manipulative mind.  He's shown you who he is. Time to call it quits.

I'm sorry to be being blunt and I'm sorry you're going though this. x


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## JennBags (28 September 2020)

I'm really glad that you've taken this massive step, honestly it's the best thing you could do.  Keep strong xx


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## Red-1 (28 September 2020)

I congratulate you for standing up for yourself.

The 'bopping' was not the red flag for me, many people grew up with that, and need to learn other ways. The change in the dog was, however. Makes me wonder what goes on when you are not there. 

Also, silent treatment was not the red flag, many people shut down when there is a difficult discussion to have, the length and severity of the shut down can show how hurt they are. The reason for the shut down, however, was. If he really thought it was acceptable, he wouldn't worry about what the neighbours thought. 

If you have already exchanged on the property, you need legal advice before pulling out. Once you have exchanged there could be financial implications. 

I hope you got some sleep. X


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## OldNag (28 September 2020)

I have nothing to add to what others have said ^^ I am sorry you and your dog are having  to go through this but I think better to find out -  and get out - now than later. X


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## Clodagh (28 September 2020)

Prior to this dispute has he been a normally tempered person who listens to and values your opinions?
I can’t get over the driving off and now punishing you with silence. Does he have history of stupid, childish, manipulative behaviour? 😳

Sorry I posted before catching up. Hope you’re ok and it all works out for you. X


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## Archangel (28 September 2020)

This is a defining moment in your life - the ultimate sliding doors.
I apologise in advance for being blunt.

People pull out of house purchases at the last minute more often than you would believe.  They really do.

Ring the Solicitor first thing and stop the purchase from your side - *before* you tell bully boy.
Yes it is going to be a bombshell.
Yes you will lose some money.
It won't feel like it - but you are saving yourself.

He is more worried about what the new neighbours think of *him* than what his future life partner and mother of his children thinks about being controlled and punished for expressing her concern at violence to her dog?

My favourite phrase...
What he is doing is not normal behaviour.


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## Tiddlypom (28 September 2020)

Archangel said:



			This is a defining moment in your life - the ultimate sliding doors.
		
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This.

You will look back in time and thank your dog for alerting you to this man’s true character.

If you stay with him, his treatment of you will get worse. Much worse.


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## BBP (28 September 2020)

Hmm, this is a different case than my scenario then. In my case my partner knew one way, thought it was the right way but was open to learning why he might be wrong, and how to do things differently. Although he would occasionally shut down and go quiet, it was his way to process the conversation and come back with a new approach having thought it through. Yours sounds different, and close minded to change. If he isn’t willing to change his approach, then I too would be out of there with my dog, and I would not be willing or be pressured into complete a house purchase. He will probably try to belittle your feelings, you describe it as a ‘bop’ on the nose, which is something I have seen lots of people do. But from the way you describe it he sounds pissed off with the dog whining and like the ‘bop’ could escalate. Just because he isn’t thrashing the dog doesn’t mean he isn’t causing it harm.

I also think if this is how he handles a difficult conversation about a whining dog, how does that line up for your future? Don’t you want to be with someone who you can have open and honest conversations with about whatever subject comes up? I think you deserve better (from what very little I know!)

Good luck with whatever you decide to do, you will be stronger than you realise when it comes to protecting your dog.


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## palo1 (28 September 2020)

Cortez said:



			My late husband was not brought up with animals and wasn't good with them. He once slapped my dog for growling at him (told you he wasn't good with them...). I quite calmly told him if he ever did that again I would ask him to leave (we had bought the house together at this stage). He never did it again, and did try to understand the animals, although he never really did "get" them he knew what they meant to me.
		
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Deleted as irrelevant (my response to Cortez, not the Cortez' post!)


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## HashRouge (28 September 2020)

PonyAndMutt said:



			Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to reply, I really appreciate it x
I talked to him - well tried to, difficult when someone just shuts down in a difficult conversation. I said how treating my dog that way is a boundary (probably my only boundary?) and he needs to respect that. His response “ditto”. He says his boundary is my dog whining and if he is disrespectful by ignoring mine, then her whining crosses his boundary which is as bad.
I’m at my mums.
		
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Christ, maybe if he tried being nice to her she wouldn't whine when you left her with him! I'm glad you're at your Mum's OP, hugs from me x


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## Pearlsasinger (28 September 2020)

I am sure you have done the right thing for you, not just for your dog.  As above plenty of people pull out of house sales, for all sorts of reasons, it is not that unusual, contact your solicitor for advice.

I bet your dog will soon start to behave more confidently again.


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## Roasted Chestnuts (28 September 2020)

A constant whinging whining barking dog can be irritating. My downstairs neighbours dog whinges and barks whenever he leaves, for hours. It grinds my gears. It’s irritating and frustrating so yes your dogs behaviour will be getting on his nerves. I don’t condone the hitting however.

Personally I think you all need to get some behaviour training together. He needs to stop being childish and open his mind and you need to sort out the dogs behaviour and or another solution for when you are at work. You might get neighbours who aren’t as lenient with your dogs noise. If I had to work from home I would be having stern chats with my downstairs neighbour about the noise and if it continued I’d have the ASB team out.


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## Pearlsasinger (28 September 2020)

Cheeky Chestnut said:



			A constant whinging whining barking dog can be irritating. My downstairs neighbours dog whinges and barks whenever he leaves, for hours. It grinds my gears. It’s irritating and frustrating so yes your dogs behaviour will be getting on his nerves. I don’t condone the hitting however.

Personally I think you all need to get some behaviour training together. He needs to stop being childish and open his mind and you need to sort out the dogs behaviour and or another solution for when you are at work. You might get neighbours who aren’t as lenient with your dogs noise. If I had to work from home I would be having stern chats with my downstairs neighbour about the noise and if it continued I’d have the ASB team out.
		
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Did you read the post that said the dog was confident and quiet until she had to live with the OH?


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## Roasted Chestnuts (28 September 2020)

Pearlsasinger said:



			Did you read the post that said the dog was confident and quiet until she had to live with the OH?
		
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I did but I also wonder why should that matter? If my horse didn’t like my partner would I dump him? No I wouldn’t. If I had a dog and it didn’t like my partner then I would do the work rather than just kick someone I love out. There needs to be work done here by all parties. I love my animals but I love my partner as well. It’s very easy for us strangers on the net to just say Dump him. I have been bitten by a possessive dog I was house sitting for and required stitches, behavioural issues here need addressed human and canine.  

If he says me or the dog then that to me is an ultimatum. I personally won’t live with anyone who issues them regardless of what it’s about but he hasn’t, they just are not communicating very well about a sensitive issue.


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## AFB (28 September 2020)

PapaverFollis said:



			Regardless of the training effectiveness of his actions, regardless of whether he's just doing what he knows/has seen his friends do, regardless of whether it's a bop or a bash.... YOU have tried setting a boundary regarding how the dog should be treated and he has IGNORED that.  If you set a boundary in a relationship it should be respected, although they can be discussed and negotiated because compromise etc BUT him just ignoring your wishes regarding the dog... nope.

Kick him to the curb. Or you'll forever be fighting for any other boundaries you wish to set.
		
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This 100%, worded much more eloquently that I was trying.


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## Pearlsasinger (28 September 2020)

Cheeky Chestnut said:



			I did but I also wonder why should that matter? If my horse didn’t like my partner would I dump him? No I wouldn’t. If I had a dog and it didn’t like my partner then I would do the work rather than just kick someone I love out. There needs to be work done here by all parties. I love my animals but I love my partner as well. It’s very easy for us strangers on the net to just say Dump him. I have been bitten by a possessive dog I was house sitting for and required stitches, behavioural issues here need addressed human and canine. 

If he says me or the dog then that to me is an ultimatum. I personally won’t live with anyone who issues them regardless of what it’s about but he hasn’t, they just are not communicating very well about a sensitive issue.
		
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Your horse doesn't have to live with your partner.  But the advice to leave the OH isn't about the dog's behaviour, or even the way the OH treats the dog but about the way he seems to have no respect for OP's opinions/rules/boundaries.


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## Roasted Chestnuts (28 September 2020)

Pearlsasinger said:



			Your horse doesn't have to live with your partner.  But the advice to leave the OH isn't about the dog's behaviour, or even the way the OH treats the dog but about the way he seems to have no respect for OP's opinions/rules/boundaries.
		
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So my partners parrots attack me, to draw blood, however we have to live with them. How do you suppose I solve that problem? I’ve had to bat them away a few times before I lost an eye or had to have stitches. Did I leave him? Did he leave me? No we had an argument then we sorted out solutions. There is no training a parrot to like you when they have decided they don’t.  You cannot keep telling people to dump people. The dogs behaviour is relevant as it is causing the friction regardless of when it started.

Ok so here is a scenario, op dumps this guy, dog settles down, meets another guy, dog starts again, dumps that guy etc on and on. There is behaviour issues on all sides here.

I get that we are all animal lovers here and tempers run high but you need to be rational.


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## CorvusCorax (28 September 2020)

A short story. No man is worth that crap. Our animals are always there, men will come and go. The End


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## Clodagh (28 September 2020)

Cheeky Chestnut said:



			I did but I also wonder why should that matter? If my horse didn’t like my partner would I dump him? No I wouldn’t. If I had a dog and it didn’t like my partner then I would do the work rather than just kick someone I love out. There needs to be work done here by all parties. I love my animals but I love my partner as well. It’s very easy for us strangers on the net to just say Dump him. I have been bitten by a possessive dog I was house sitting for and required stitches, behavioural issues here need addressed human and canine. 

If he says me or the dog then that to me is an ultimatum. I personally won’t live with anyone who issues them regardless of what it’s about but he hasn’t, they just are not communicating very well about a sensitive issue.
		
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I really love my husband, a lot. He is my world. TBH would I love him if he sulked/refused to speak to me/didn't acknowledge my opinions? Probably not. Have we had rows/disagreements/differences of opinion? Yes of course.
I never say dump him to any poster, but I at least say 'whoooaaa' to this one. I think you may have missed the refusing to acknowledge her right to a differing POV, which is far more relaevant than whether or not the dog gets a whack. (Although I can't bear hitting on the muzzle).


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## Clodagh (28 September 2020)

Cheeky Chestnut said:



			So my partners parrots attack me, to draw blood, however we have to live with them. How do you suppose I solve that problem? I’ve had to bat them away a few times before I lost an eye or had to have stitches. Did I leave him? Did he leave me? No we had an argument then we sorted out solutions. There is no training a parrot to like you when they have decided they don’t.  You cannot keep telling people to dump people. The dogs behaviour is relevant as it is causing the friction regardless of when it started.

Ok so here is a scenario, op dumps this guy, dog settles down, meets another guy, dog starts again, dumps that guy etc on and on. There is behaviour issues on all sides here.

I get that we are all animal lovers here and tempers run high but you need to be rational.
		
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So does your partner now expect you to allow the parrots to draw blood? Or have you reached a compromise?


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## PapaverFollis (28 September 2020)

It's really not about how the man is treating the dog.  It's about how the man is treating the woman.   I wouldn't dump someone for simply bopping the dog (depending on level and circumstances of bopping... and I'm definitely a no bop person myself). But if it was my dog and he was bopping it and I told him not to a_nd he continued _and then gave me the storm off silent treatment when called out for disregarding my very reasonable wishes THEN I would be seriously considering the future with him. And on top of that the "don't say it so the neighbours can hear"?  Swear words.


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## Goldenstar (28 September 2020)

You have done the right thing .
Don't go back , your little dog has saved you from an enormous mistake .
Just keep thinking that .
Hes an manipulative thug move forward only see him to sort stuff out .
I am so glad you had your Mums to go to .


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## jnb (28 September 2020)

OP. I think you have (or are about to have hopefully) a lucky escape. Men with this attitude to women (or animals - or anything tbh) who disrespect your right to an opinion or wishes are all over Mumsnet, with partners desperate to escape but they can't because, children, houses, finances etc etc..
So glad you are out of there, if he bops your dog on the nose, when will it be you because you disagree with him? The silent treatment, the sulking, the mental abuse? 
Your dog has shown you what he really is, I hope you run and don't look back. 
This isn't about him hitting your dog (though that is bad enough), it's about a controlling man who wants his own way and isn't prepared to compromise. Living with such a man is hell. Getting away from them once you're sucked in, is worse. 
Please as someone else has already said, contact your solicitor and get out of buying that house no matter what the cost. It will be a hell of a lot cheaper than buying it and getting out of it all in 6 months (if at all)


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## Roasted Chestnuts (28 September 2020)

Clodagh said:



			So does your partner now expect you to allow the parrots to draw blood? Or have you reached a compromise?
		
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We have reached a compromise, however wanted the parrots clipped, he didn’t, he wanted me to allow them free run and I just had to deal, I wasn’t for Doing that  as I am there too so we argued back and forth until We reached a compromise and the parrots have been restricted to certain areas when not under hand or if I’m there alone. My point is we didn’t dump each other because we didn’t agree on animal training.


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## CorvusCorax (28 September 2020)

iT's nOt aBouT tHe aNimAl tRainIng


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## Goldenstar (28 September 2020)

CC this is not about animal training it’s about a happy confident dog whose behaviour has changed .
It’s about the manipulative use of silent treatment to train OP not to confront him It’s about what OP is is not posting .


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## Arzada (28 September 2020)

PonyAndMutt said:



			*and my little dog is with me of course 💕
		
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Stay there and cancel the house purchase then regroup with the support of your real friends and family. I'm so sorry for your situation.


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## paddi22 (28 September 2020)

you are doing the right thing being at your mums. there are a ton of red flags in how he treats you. you have broached an issue about a behaviour that is unacceptable to you, and he has dismissed it, not compromised at all and has no respect for your opinions. he has confirmed he thinks violence is acceptable towards future children. and when you try to discuss it further he shuts you down and gives you the cold shoulder. If this is how he acts over this issue, this is how he will react to any future issues you have. it's very worrying.


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## paddi22 (28 September 2020)

Cheeky Chestnut said:



			We have reached a compromise, however wanted the parrots clipped, he didn’t, he wanted me to allow them free run and I just had to deal, I wasn’t for Doing that  as I am there too so we argued back and forth until We reached a compromise and the parrots have been restricted to certain areas when not under hand or if I’m there alone. My point is we didn’t dump each other because we didn’t agree on animal training.
		
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the bigger issue the OP has is nothing to do with the dog, it's about her partner totally dismissing her concerns and shutting down any communication. your own post shows you had a similar issue but you and your partner obviously have a strong enough relationship and communication that you could discuss it openly, both air and hear each other's different views and come to a compromise. The OPs partner isn't willing to do this at all. that's why people are saying to leave, it's over a bigger issue than the dog.


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## honetpot (28 September 2020)

Cheeky Chestnut said:



			We have reached a compromise, however wanted the parrots clipped, he didn’t, he wanted me to allow them free run and I just had to deal, I wasn’t for Doing that  as I am there too so we argued back and forth until We reached a compromise and the parrots have been restricted to certain areas when not under hand or if I’m there alone. My point is we didn’t dump each other because we didn’t agree on animal training.
		
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 If only it was just about animal training. My husband knows that he rarely wins an argument with me, when we were younger to get at me he used to be horrible to the dogs, he didn't hit them, but just shouted at them, for being dogs. So we had some huge rows, because its just not fair on the dogs, and if he has a problem, pick on me, because I can defend myself. If he could not understand what he was doing, and why it was so abusive, one of us would have been out the door. 
  When men ask women not to 'make a fuss', it rings alarm bells, if you are unhappy you should be free to express that. Different families have different ways of coping with confrontation, some just ignore problems and hope they will go away. My attitude is unless you know what is wrong, how can you possibly put it right, and the silent treatment is the classic passive aggressive, you're so wrong I am not speaking to you as its pointless,'because you're so unreasonable, stupid'etc.


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## PonyAndMutt (28 September 2020)

The lack of compromise is a recurrent theme. Without going in to too much detail this is a personality trait of his.

Again, I really appreciate all your responses. I'm trying to remain objective and so all points of view are important and useful x


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## paddi22 (28 September 2020)

that's a tough personality trait to live with. the only thing that could help is counselling so you can both learn a way to handle it. to be tied with a house and future plans is tough but this is the stage where you CAN walk away without going through the difficulties of being tied to someone through a house/marriage/kids. the other option is a future where you live with someone who thinks it's ok to hit your dog and possibly kids and who ignores you and stonewalls you so he can get his own way. it's so unhealthy, it would be very beneficial to go to a counselling session.


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## YorksG (28 September 2020)

The partner in this scenario will not welcome counselling, at this stage, as until now it appears that his behaviour has got him what he wants. He has had no incentive to change, if this is the wake up call he needs, then it may be of value, but I wouldn't be expecting any immediate change.


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## PonyAndMutt (28 September 2020)

To add, he is not a bad person. He is kind and generous, he will drop everything to help someone else. I love that about him! His heart is very giving. He isn't cruel by nature. However he *needs* to be running the show in the decisions in his life and that does impact me and how much influence I have in the relationship.


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## Widgeon (28 September 2020)

TPO said:



			Speak to your partner and explain calmly how upsetting you find his treatment of the dog and that its causing you a lot of worry and stress......
		
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Yes....all this sounds like great advice. He must be a decent enough person or you wouldn't be with him in the first place, so there must be some failure of communication going on here. Getting a third party involved seems like a sensible plan.


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## PonyAndMutt (28 September 2020)

Widgeon said:



			Yes....all this sounds like great advice. He must be a decent enough person or you wouldn't be with him in the first place, so there must be some failure of communication going on here. Getting a third party involved seems like a sensible plan.
		
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I have done this several times already. The response is that he will stop doing it when he doesn't have a reason to anymore, ie when the behaviour doesn't happen anymore. She is a dog, I can't guaruntee that she will never whine or bark. And my attempts at supportively training the behaviour out is thwarted every time she is physically punished as from what I can see it sends her backwards, getting more anxious and wanting me to be with her more...


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## CorvusCorax (28 September 2020)

He sounds very like my dad (heavy handed with animals, huffy/silent treatment, driving off and leaving, controlling). He's not a bad person deep down either, just emotionally stunted and not right for my Mum, who is a very soft natured person BUT highly intelligent and independent and a bit over-emotional (IE 'uppity') and I am glad I was not forced to grow up in such a toxic atmosphere for a prolonged time. He has been happily married to his current wife for over 30 years, they are a much better match and right up each other's street. Plus he has definitely mellowed with time and knows a lot of his behaviours were because of a completely loveless upbringing.
They got together far too young and divorced at a time when it was really pretty uncommon in a relatively rural area, and have both gone on to live happy and fulfilled lives (although my mother does carry a bit of baggage).
Just look down the road a bit and have a think about what happens if he 'wins' this one.


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## jnb (28 September 2020)

What is his response, now that you have shown it is a deal breaker if he hits your dog?
I suspect he will say he will change, promise you the moon on a stick but when the house is bought and he's got you where he wants it will start again. Manipulative.
I see you say he he is lovely, can't help others enough - but you, he can't listen to one simple request (and don't say anything in casethe neighbours might hear).
Honestly,OP this is chilling me to the bone, I have a friend who was sucked in by someone similar, it started with him not liking her spending time with her horse, I haven't seen her now in 3 years as he's separated her from all her friends, she can't go out without him unless work, horse is retired in a field somewhere....


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## Roxylola (28 September 2020)

If he cannot compromise or allow you your point of view please dont go back. You will become eroded by thousands of small reasonable concessions to keep him happy


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## Firefly9410 (28 September 2020)

@PonyAndMutt you said you have no boundaries except not hitting the dog? For real? That is so not healthy. Normality is everyone has boundaries.


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## Clodagh (28 September 2020)

PonyAndMutt said:



			I have done this several times already. The response is that he will stop doing it when he doesn't have a reason to anymore, ie when the behaviour doesn't happen anymore. She is a dog, I can't guaruntee that she will never whine or bark. And my attempts at supportively training the behaviour out is thwarted every time she is physically punished as from what I can see it sends her backwards, getting more anxious and wanting me to be with her more...
		
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I'm not sure why anyone thinking hitting a nervous/stressed dog will make it less nervous/stressed?
As an aside, my brother had a working lab that whined on the peg. (A complete no no). He walloped that dog for a long time, threw things at it, shook a can of stones at it, and all he ended up with was a dog that lay pressed to the ground with it's eyes shut...whining. He gave up working it in the end and they had a happy life together, he had to learn the hard way too. But at least that was his own dog.


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## ycbm (28 September 2020)

PonyAndMutt said:



			The lack of compromise is a recurrent theme. Without going in to too much detail this is a personality trait of his.

Again, I really appreciate all your responses. I'm trying to remain objective and so all points of view are important and useful x
		
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After 42 years marriage I can tell you unequivocally that no long term relationship survives without compromise. If he is like this now,  then this relationship is likely to end sooner rather than later anyway,  possibly after you have become a browbeaten shell of your current self. 

Please stay with your Mum while you back out of the house deal if at all possible.

Best wishes whatever you choose to do.
.


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## Roasted Chestnuts (28 September 2020)

Op all I’m going to say is that you need to look at this objectively, you entered into a relationship with this person and are building a life with them for a reason, if you don’t want to do that anymore then fair enough but I wouldn’t be happy with allowing random strangers on the net to be ripping into the character of my partner, Regardless of what he has done to piss me off. That to me sends more of a message than anything. If you want to leave him them do it.  

If you are going to leave then do so and take your dog however make sure a it’s what you want and not off the back of mass faceless opinion on the net.


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## honetpot (28 September 2020)

The thing I have told both my daughters is, you can not expect to change your partner, if you start a relationship thinking they will change, that you can make it 'right', its just not going to happen.
 My daughters twelve year relationship with her husband has broken down, the things she helped him to 'fix', have not been fixed, in fact the truth has been hidden from her for a long time. If you met him, he appears a very kind quiet person, he has a good job and no one knew what was really going on. When you love someone you want to help them, but really if they do not want to help you, even at the start, it's never going to work. It's his problem, he has to sort himself out, you can not make him do anything. I would leave him to it no matter how much it hurts now, it will hurt much more later.


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## fankino04 (28 September 2020)

I think there are obviously other things in OPs relationship that have rung alarm bells and she has been trying to ignore as you wouldn't move out and back to your mum's just because some strangers on a forum told you there were serious problems in your relationship, this must have made her look hard at the relationship so well done op for that. Hopefully moving out will be the kick up the bum he needs to realise his behaviour is not acceptable and agree to some councilling so he can learn to communicate and compromise. If not better to only spend 2 years with the wrong person than 20. Good luck op and well done for taking a stand x


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## paddi22 (28 September 2020)

Cheeky Chestnut said:



			Op all I’m going to say is that you need to look at this objectively, you entered into a relationship with this person and are building a life with them for a reason, if you don’t want to do that anymore then fair enough but I wouldn’t be happy with allowing random strangers on the net to be ripping into the character of my partner, Regardless of what he has done to piss me off. That to me sends more of a message than anything. If you want to leave him them do it.  

If you are going to leave then do so and take your dog however make sure a it’s what you want and not off the back of mass faceless opinion on the net.
		
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The OP posted to get other people's views and opinions on a situation, which is what people are doing. I'd assume they are an adult and won't make a decision based on what random internet strangers say.


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## Clodagh (28 September 2020)

honetpot said:



			The thing I have told both my daughters is, you can not expect to change your partner
		
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That’s the best bit of advice any mother could give a daughter.
And any mothers of sons... don’t bring them up to be entitled little so and sos.


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## Bellasophia (28 September 2020)

Hi Cheeky chestnut..if you go back to OP s first post she says she is one of us...her temporary new name is for her protection from her partner to avoid him identifying her here..so people here are not “random strangers“,and OP will know each and every one of us by their regular handles....

How are you any different? how is your advice any better?
you speak about parrots biting you and your retaliation...this is very different to a man slapping his partner‘s small dog on the most sensitive part of its body,repeatedly.

your “cheeky “name bemused me,as it is so far from your posts,your avatar, however,inspired me to look up the wilkipedia of an old chestnut.

*old chestnut*
informal

a subject, idea, or joke that has been discussed or repeated so often that it is not funny any more:
I wondered whether there might, after all, be some truth in the old chestnut that one's school days are the happiest of one's life.
SMART Vocabulary: related words and phrases
Tedious and uninspiring

anonymous
banal
basic
be (as) dull as ditchwater idiom
bland
leaden
lifelessness
marginal
meh
menial
middle-aged
pallid
slow
stale
staleness
stodgy
stolidly
stuffily
stuffy
turgid


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## Archangel (28 September 2020)

PonyAndMutt said:



			he will stop doing it when he doesn't have a reason to anymore, ie when the behaviour doesn't happen anymore.
		
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Will he by golly. He will carry on even though:
It isn't his dog.
You don't want him to do it.
It upsets and stresses you.
It isn't working anyway.
But he is going to keep on doing it because he is right, he is n charge, your opinion is irrelevant, in fact - you can't stop him can you? 




			She is a dog, I can't guaruntee that she will never whine or bark
		
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Nor should you.


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## Blanche (28 September 2020)

I am not sure I have mentioned this in any previous post but just want to reiterate something. He has said that he doesn't like the dog whining, he has also said that he is not sure he won't hit your child (if and when) if you have any. Crying babies can send any sane person mad but one that doesn't like a whining dog will likely be driven too far. My midwife told me many, many moons ago( before I had my first baby) that if your baby has been fed, winded, changed and you've tried everything you can to stop the crying and the baby is still crying and you are getting to the end of your tether, put it in it's cot and walk away. She said many parents don't realise how much they drive you insane , until it happens to them. She said put them safe in their cot and walk away before you do something you regret. Calm down and then go back. The point of this post is , do you think he will be able to walk away from a screaming baby? 
Another thing is people who are abusive, in whatever capacity, in the home are often very charming outside the home, putting on a front. 

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/What-is-abuse


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## Mule (28 September 2020)

Blanche said:



			I am not sure I have mentioned this in any previous post but just want to reiterate something. He has said that he doesn't like the dog whining, he has also said that he is not sure he won't hit your child (if and when) if you have any. Crying babies can send any sane person mad but one that doesn't like a whining dog will likely be driven too far. My midwife told me many, many moons ago( before I had my first baby) that if your baby has been fed, winded, changed and you've tried everything you can to stop the crying and the baby is still crying and you are getting to the end of your tether, put it in it's cot and walk away. She said many parents don't realise how much they drive you insane , until it happens to them. She said put them safe in their cot and walk away before you do something you regret. Calm down and then go back. The point of this post is , do you think he will be able to walk away from a screaming baby?
Another thing is people who are abusive, in whatever capacity, in the home are often very charming outside the home, putting on a front.

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/What-is-abuse

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That's a good point about a baby. They can be very stressful. Your midwife also sounds very sensible.


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## FinnishLapphund (28 September 2020)

I'm a firm believer in that most people can change their bad behaviours, from wifebeaters to alcoholics, if they reach the point where they want to change their behaviour.

But your partner doesn't want to change. You've talked to him about it several times, and when you finally told him that his way of reprimanding your dog crosses your line, he childishly responds with saying your dog crosses his line. Add to that he's using the silent treatment. It makes alarm bells ring as loud as church bells in my head.

I have to admit that the thought of a man doing that to 1, or all my 3 bitches, makes me think you should not just dump him, I think you should crush his balls with a pair of clogs, then leave him. In fact, I have several pairs of clogs, I can send you some if you want to.


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## Pearlsasinger (28 September 2020)

paddi22 said:



			The OP posted to get other people's views and opinions on a situation, which is what people are doing. I'd assume they are an adult and won't make a decision based on what random internet strangers say.
		
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In the majority of cases when people post asking for opinions about a relationship matter it is so that they can see others validating their own opinion, telling them that they are not being unreasonable in asking for whatever it is that they are asking for that their partner is denying them.


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## meleeka (28 September 2020)

OP - What does your mum think about it all, someone who presumably knows both of you well?


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## Goldenstar (28 September 2020)

Pearlsasinger said:



			In the majority of cases when people post asking for opinions about a relationship matter it is so that they can see others validating their own opinion, telling them that they are not being unreasonable in asking for whatever it is that they are asking for that their partner is denying them.
		
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I think something like that’s is perhaps easier to do on a forum like this .
Once you have told your family and friends you can’t unsay it but you can on here , and I think it easy for people to doubt themselves and think am I being silly ,am I wrong and being unreasonable .


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## Meowy Catkin (28 September 2020)

Bellasophia said:



			your “cheeky “name bemused me,as it is so far from your posts,your avatar, however,inspired me to look up the wilkipedia of an old chestnut.

*old chestnut*
informal

a subject, idea, or joke that has been discussed or repeated so often that it is not funny any more:
I wondered whether there might, after all, be some truth in the old chestnut that one's school days are the happiest of one's life.
SMART Vocabulary: related words and phrases
Tedious and uninspiring

anonymous
banal
basic
be (as) dull as ditchwater idiom
bland
leaden
lifelessness
marginal
meh
menial
middle-aged
pallid
slow
stale
staleness
stodgy
stolidly
stuffily
stuffy
turgid


Click to expand...

I don't agree with everything that Cheeky Chestnut wrote as I also see warning signs about this man.

However posting this wiki word search is really mean and unkind of you Bella. CC is clearly named after her chestnut horse. If you disagree with her posts say so without the personal attack.


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## ester (28 September 2020)

I couldn't fathom the relevance of that comment at all.


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## KittenInTheTree (28 September 2020)

PonyAndMutt said:



			The silent treatment is for saying it loudly in case the new neighbours hear. He drove off and left me there for 20 minutes/half an hourish and there’s just been silence since.
		
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This counts as emotionally abusive behaviour. Do you want to remain in a relationship with someone who uses psychological manipulation and/or coercion to control you? If yes, then please rehome the dog. She has no say in any of this.


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## Bellasophia (28 September 2020)

Old chestnut ?...old chestnut is as described ,an idea that is repeated over and over as to become tedious and uninspiring( as stated in the quote I posted).  Probably better if I’d cut the quote off there...the long list was probablysuperfluous,as I’d made the point I intended.
Cheeky chestnut had repeated to four or more posts about her  parrot scenario which is not relevant to Ops situation at all imo..
..in one parrots are biting C.C. ..she and her partner discussed things and resolved..
Without bringing up the original posters issues again,we are talking about several very different,more serious issues.
Of course everyone is entitled to their opinion,but C.C. was  so far off  track  I didn’t agree.
Also referring the everyone as random strangers and saying not to take their advice,whilst giving her own,really was a contradiction.


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## Roxylola (28 September 2020)

Cheeky chestnut, would you have even asked about your situation? I'm going with a no, perhaps because you resolved it between you, perhaps because you spoke to friends or family about it because you wanted a sounding board and you could.
Op has posted here for opinions/ideas. With a new user name. This alone sets alarm bells going for me. They want anonymity, I'd guess because they know really there is more to this behaviour, and they therefore dont want to speak to friends or family, because they know this isnt really ok. 
I'd also suggest that in a situation like this, there is likely a lot that's not been said.
If he will only cooperate or compromise  conditionally subject to things beyond your control OP he isnt cooperating or compromising at all. We shouldn't need reasons or tasks completing to do things that make our loved ones happy


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## FinnishLapphund (28 September 2020)

Deleted (I was watching my old Herriot DVDs with one eye, and looking at the forum with the other, and suddenly had managed to post a Quote reply without intending it).


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## Goldenstar (29 September 2020)

Been thinking of you pony and mutt .
How is it going ?


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## Cinnamontoast (29 September 2020)

The silent treatment-manipulative, controlling.

Telling you the dog whining is _his _boundary so he’ll carry on hitting her when she whines? Controlling, unwilling to compromise.

Drives off to stop you arguing back? Controlling. Emotionally immature.

Unable to change his behaviour which he’s learnt from others. Emotionally immature.

You say she’s been going to work with him, OP? I’m worried she’s been abused whilst with him. No wonder she whines for you! 

You say he has to be in control. Honestly, do you _want_ to be the less important person/subjugated by him for the rest of your life? Please, think hard. You are not less than him, he is not more worthy than you.


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## deicinmerlyn (29 September 2020)

PonyAndMutt said:



			I actually brought up the subject of children a couple of days ago. He said it would depend on the scenario and although he doesn’t think it’s ok, he can’t for certain say that he would never do it as he doesn’t know all the possible scenarios.
I don’t know what to do. We’ve been together 2 years and are buying a house together.
		
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Get out now! He is showing a side of him that you will always be at odds with. Unless you have the same values and basic beliefs in life I’m afraid you’re heading for ongoing stress and anxiety. The warning signs are there. His behaviour toward your dog is unacceptable.


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## Ranyhyn (30 September 2020)

Not acceptable.

I'd just like to say that is NOT a farming thing.  My partner is a third generation farmer and whilst he is far more straight when he handles the dogs, its STRAIGHT and not BULLYING them.


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## Clodagh (1 October 2020)

Goldenstar said:



			Been thinking of you pony and mutt .
How is it going ?
		
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This. Any update?


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## Bellasophia (1 October 2020)

Op said she was seeing  the vet on Saturday..I also was hoping to hear the update..we’ve put in a lot of support ,I really hope OP will let us know this dog’ s fate/ outcome.


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## Clodagh (1 October 2020)

Bellasophia said:



			Op said she was seeing  the vet on Saturday..I also was hoping to hear the update..we’ve put in a lot of support ,I really hope OP will let us know this dog’ s fate/ outcome.
		
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Different thread I think? I also want an update for n the elderly dog but did think no point asking before Saturday 😊


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## Bellasophia (1 October 2020)

You are so right !!!,this is the smacking and not the pooper post..forgive my senile moment...Thanks for the heads up.
....I’m distracted...I’m in crisis mode atm...I have my sons wedding a week away and can’t find a pair of shoes to fit  my XxxxxL wide feet. 
ive got to walk him up the aisle as they do in Italy ,and I’m torn between Wellington’s,slippers or trainers..as they seem to be all that fit my feet atm.


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## ycbm (1 October 2020)

Bellasophia said:



			You are so right !!!,this is the smacking and not the pooper post..forgive my senile moment...Thanks for the heads up.
....I’m distracted...I’m in crisis mode atm...I have my sons wedding a week away and can’t find a pair of shoes to fit  my XxxxxL wide feet. 
ive got to walk him up the aisle as they do in Italy ,and I’m torn between Wellington’s,slippers or trainers..as they seem to be all that fit my feet atm.
		
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Shall we vote on it? 

I'm for the Wellies, so very British!


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## Bellasophia (1 October 2020)

They have to be green Wellies to match my dress..so they do designer wellies?


(best to divert this as I don’t want to take over the ops post,which is a serious issue..)


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## ycbm (1 October 2020)

Bellasophia said:



			They have to be green Wellies to match my dress..so they do designer wellies?
		
Click to expand...


But of course!

Iconic name,  there are more flamboyant ones: 

https://www.hunterboots.com/gb/en_gb/womens-wellington-boots


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## Bellasophia (1 October 2020)

thankyou ybcm..to keep the elegance i think these shorter,green (to match my dress),will do the trick.I could even glue flowers on to keep the mood upmarket...no?
https://www.hunterboots.com/gb/en_gb/womens-ankle-boots/womens-original-chelsea-boots/green/6894


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## Clodagh (1 October 2020)

Joules do very fancy wellies, and welliebobs which are little short ones. 😃

Good luck for wedding. Sorry OP!


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## TheOldTrout (1 October 2020)

Another one who doesn't think this man is someone you should be in a relationship with. Are you still staying at your mum's? Just wondered what her thoughts were.


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## Moobli (2 October 2020)

I can only reiterate what so many others have advised.  Think long and hard about whether you have a future with this man.  Hitting your dog is definitely not okay, but ignoring your requests not do so, giving you the silent, sulky treatment and showing no interest at all in a compromise would be enough to send me running for the hills and never looking back.

How are things now?  What does your mum or any other family members or friends think of him and how he treats you?


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