# How long does it take to bond with a horse?



## tangoharvey (2 December 2014)

I've had my project two year old a month now and days of rope burn, nearly being jumped on are taking their toll. I've gone from being really impressed with her progress, to thinking 'what am I doing?!' My last horse in my signature was a safe happy hacker and now I've got this semi wild two year old. I'm dead pleased I rescued her from the dealer and treated all her sores and wounds. But I'm just wondering am I doing the right thing?! 
This could just be a bad day, or not...


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## SadKen (2 December 2014)

A month isn't very long, especially not for a flighty young thing with a difficult past. If you generally like the horses and are a bit put out that she's not loving you back as much as you'd like given all you've done for her, don't worry, it'll come. Probably when you've given up caring whether she likes you back! I think she's a teenager now so she will be testing the boundaries, and as with training any young animal there are peaks and troughs. 

Could you just dial it down a bit for a few days and enjoy being with her instead of 'school' every day? I did my entire ride yesterday in walk in the school and it was one of the best rides I've had (helicopter notwithstanding!). Sometimes horses and people just need a break.


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## misskk88 (2 December 2014)

I honestly don't think their is a finite time it takes. Depending on a horses past, the owner, the methods used, its age, personality etc can all influence how long it takes a horse to bond, or to gain trust in its owner. Some never do for a massive number of reasons. Some will from day 1.

I would expect one who has had reason to doubt or mistrust humans will take longer to bond with, especially as she is also young and has the world to still learn about. At times it may feel that you are taking one step forwards and two back. However, as long as progress on an overall scale, is moving forward, even if very slowly, I would be happy with that at this moment in time. I also wouldn't be scared to ask for help if I needed a hand.

My horses were older and not rescues, so I can't really draw comparison, but my old gelding I felt I bonded with from day 1, although my current horse... some days I feel we are bonded, and others we are not on the same page at all! I think that is part of owning a mare though. She tends to tolerate me on some days, and others she absolutely adores the fuss, the ridden work, the grooming. So whilst I remain consistent with handling etc, I will treat her as I find her and will work with it.

I think once you reach a point though where progress has stopped where you are not at a safe/good relationship or regressing (or if you are simply overhorsed) then that is the point you would question if you are a match... however after a month, you aren't there yet... so persevere. Time and patience is key and will work wonders. She still has lots to learn and to get to know that all people aren't going to cause pain. Good luck with her.


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## HaffiesRock (2 December 2014)

For me and my gelding (who was a 10 year old rescue at the time) it took about 18 months for full trust and a bond to form. I trust that boy with my life now, but if you'd spoke to me at the year point, I would have said he was free to any home who would take him!


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## Firefly9410 (2 December 2014)

It took a year with my mare. She was not really what I wanted, but she needed a home and I though I thought she would be adequate and she is. She is very different to my lovely oldie though. She was a bit wild, knew nothing and scared of her own shadow. I could manage her and she was making good progress but I was not enjoying riding her. She bucked, she tried to tank off, she planted herself refusing to move, she reared vertical once and I thought then I could never sell her because I would have it on my conscience if someone was injured. This went on for months. I could ride her but it needed nerves of steel and was not relaxing or fun. I felt as if I was stuck with her whether I liked it or not.

All I wanted was to ride my oldie but he needed a quieter life. That was the problem really. Apart from her silly ways, I sort of took against the mare just because she was not my lovely perfectly behaved old man. I moved yards to get her some turnout, then moved again to get her an arena, since she was scared of the outside world. It really worked out. I like riding her now, she hacks out and is still a little spooky, but riding is fun and makes me smile. I always liked her personality and liked having her around but now I love her as much as my other one.


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## paddi22 (2 December 2014)

my rescue took 2 years to click with me properly. He had been moved to so many homes before me that it took him ages to relax and realise i was around for a while. We have a great relationship now, but it definitely took time and heartache. 

My other ISH took about a year, but he's very reserved and it took a while to win him over.


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## AprilsBoy (2 December 2014)

It took my gelding 2 years to trust me. I have now had him 8 years and the bond i have with him is perfect.


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## Wagtail (2 December 2014)

My mare who I lost a year ago was the closest bond I have ever had with an animal and it took a good year to achieve it. That's why I have 'Somewhere only we know' in my sig as when you achieve such a close bond that you know each other inside out, that song is so apt. 

I took around 18 months to bond with my gelding as I misunderstood him to begin with. I read his 'explosions' on the end of the rope that would make me jump out of my skin, as a nervous thing and I had him on all kinds of calmers. But then one day, I just realised that he was doing it because he enjoyed it! This was a total turnaround in our relationship. I started to laugh when he did it and he would then look all pleased with himself as if to say 'NOW you understand me.' He actually did it a lot less after that. I think he was enjoying making me jump. It was his little 'joke', and when it ceased to have this effect on me, he stopped doing it. But he would try it with new people all the time.

I have finally felt as though I have bonded with my current filly. I had been keeping an emotional distance due to losing my mare, and pretty much just left my filly alone in the field on 24/7 turnout just to be a horse. But due to the weather she comes in during the day now and I make sure I do something with her every day, even if it is just grooming. She really seems to be attached to me now and she's a lovely sparky little thing.

So I would say that a month is absolutely no time at all, especially as she's a rescue, as none of mine were and it has taken over a year with all of them.


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## Equi (2 December 2014)

A month is not a long time to a horse but it is a long time to a human. Don't focus on a bond, because it is not something that has a time frame, it may never come with her or it will just smack you in the face one day. Just work on her rehabilitation and remember not to go too fast - slow and steady wins this race.


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## apachediamond (2 December 2014)

only now, 18 months down the line do i feel me and the boy have a bond.  Its definitely been worth the wait


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## Shady (2 December 2014)

equi said:



			A month is not a long time to a horse but it is a long time to a human. Don't focus on a bond, because it is not something that has a time frame, it may never come with her or it will just smack you in the face one day. Just work on her rehabilitation and remember not to go too fast - slow and steady wins this race.
		
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just this^^^^^ perfectly said Equi


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## Grumpy Herbert (2 December 2014)

Wagtail said:



			My mare who I lost a year ago was the closest bond I have ever had with an animal and it took a good year to achieve it. That's why I have 'Somewhere only we know' in my sig as when you achieve such a close bond that you know each other inside out, that song is so apt.
		
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Wagtail, that song is also the "our song" that makes me think of my beloved old boy, who was PTS 10 years ago.  I still well up whenever I hear it, and, oddly, it's been played on the radio around the anniversary of his death every year since.

I have a pretty good bond with both my horses, but it's definitely stronger with my gelding than with my mare.  I think it's because I get more back from him than I do from her - she's very self contained and self sufficient, whereas he is a big, soft lump.  It can take a while to build a bond, and it is very hard to imagine that you'll ever build a strong bond when they are difficult and you seem to get nothing back, but I'm sure you'll get there!


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## swampdonkey (2 December 2014)

I think of a bond like a house, hopefully one day if we're lucky a huge mansion.
Every single time you have a moment with your horse, every minute spent with them, every spook when they look to you, every new smell and sight you share with them builds the bricks that make the house.


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## fburton (2 December 2014)

I like your analogy, swampdonkey!


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## HaffiesRock (2 December 2014)

Wagtail said:



			My mare who I lost a year ago was the closest bond I have ever had with an animal and it took a good year to achieve it. That's why I have 'Somewhere only we know' in my sig as when you achieve such a close bond that you know each other inside out, that song is so apt.
		
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I sing this song to my boy when out hacking alone, for the exact same reason you said.


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## HaffiesRock (2 December 2014)

swampdonkey said:



			I think of a bond like a house, hopefully one day if we're lucky a huge mansion.
Every single time you have a moment with your horse, every minute spent with them, every spook when they look to you, every new smell and sight you share with them builds the bricks that make the house.
		
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This is very true. 

I have moved both my ponies to my own land now, and although they have settled in like they have been there forever, the new area and scary hacking (think pigs and a scrap yard to hack past to get to the woods) makes them a little nervous. They are always so lovign when we get back and I genuinely think it takes your bond that little bit deeper as they know you kept them safe in the scary situation.


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## TheoryX1 (2 December 2014)

I dont think there is any really definitive answer to that one, and agree with everyone else on that one.  It took me 18 months to really bond with my horse and I can even remember the day it happened, and always will keep that day in my memories.  My daughter thinks it took her nearer to 2 years to bond with her mare, and again, like me, she remembers that time well.  Wagtail, I do really know what you mean regarding 'Somewhere only we know'. as I feel like that with my horse and worry I wont ever find that again, perhaps I will, but it will be different, as to me he is my horse of a lifetime.

I am now going to buy another horse next year and like you my horse is a safe happy hacker, who will be a hard act to follow, just like yours.  You have only had her a month and I guess its a big shift from a safe happy hacker to a flighty 2 year old.  Dont be so hard on yourself, take it a day at a time, enjoy your time and all the new experiences you have together and it will happen,.


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## Grumpy Herbert (2 December 2014)

HaffiesRock said:



			I sing this song to my boy when out hacking alone, for the exact same reason you said.
		
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I think that's partly why that song resonates so strongly with me - I remember all the fantastic hacks I had with my boy, just the two of us seemingly in places only we knew.  That and the getting older and needing someone to rely on bit.  It's just such a poignant song.


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## PollyP99 (2 December 2014)

I'm with everyone else, it differs but 18 months comes up a few times and that's how long I think it took me to understand my mare, the looks she has (as others misinterpreted previously now they get laughed at), her call to me night or day on arrival, I trust her because I know her (I should say this doesn't mean she won't spook/jump/worse, it means if she does I know why and its not nasty, I can read her now) she trusts me for the same reason, it takes time, some longer than others.  You should be proud of what you are doing for this flighty baby and remember she's probably got more to get over and trust than most so when she does give it up it will feel fabulous.


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## burtie (2 December 2014)

I bred my horse and I think it took until he was about 7 years old before we really bonded, not that I didn't like him, just he wasn't 'my' horse in the way his mum was for many little reasons. At one stage at 5 and a half he was a total nuisance and I really didn't like him one bit. I nearly sold him but didn't because I thought no-one would want him and he was my responsibility. We worked through it and by 7 he was amazing, now at 11 years he really is my horse of a lifetime, in many ways more than his mum.


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## Shantara (2 December 2014)

It took me and Neddy more than a year to get a "proper" bond. He liked me well enough and I liked him, but that was where it ended. Now he'll follow me anywhere and trusts that I'm doing the right thing for him


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## Wagtail (2 December 2014)

Grumpy Herbert said:



			Wagtail, that song is also the "our song" that makes me think of my beloved old boy, who was PTS 10 years ago.  I still well up whenever I hear it, and, oddly, it's been played on the radio around the anniversary of his death every year since.
		
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Aw that has made me well up again!


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## Wagtail (2 December 2014)

HaffiesRock said:



			I sing this song to my boy when out hacking alone, for the exact same reason you said.
		
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I would have loved to have thought about it when she was alive. But when she died it was around the time Lilly Allen's version was out. I much prefer the Keane version though.


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## Wagtail (2 December 2014)

TheoryX1 said:



			Wagtail, I do really know what you mean regarding 'Somewhere only we know'. as I feel like that with my horse and worry I wont ever find that again, perhaps I will, but it will be different, as to me he is my horse of a lifetime.
		
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I think it is something you only understand when you have that very special bond with a horse.


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## comet! (2 December 2014)

tangoharvey said:



			I've had my project two year old a month now and days of rope burn, nearly being jumped on are taking their toll. I've gone from being really impressed with her progress, to thinking 'what am I doing?!' My last horse in my signature was a safe happy hacker and now I've got this semi wild two year old. I'm dead pleased I rescued her from the dealer and treated all her sores and wounds. But I'm just wondering am I doing the right thing?! 
This could just be a bad day, or not...
		
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I know how you feel.  I bought a youngster in September and I really haven't clicked with her at all, and there is certainly no bond yet.  I too was initially impressed with her and her behaviour.  

I simply can't see her as my horse, there is nothing wrong with her and if she belonged to someone else I'd say she is nice but I don't think she's going to be the one for me unfortunately.  A couple of my friends think I should persevere with her until after spring so that's probably what I'll do.  I feel mean, but I really look forward to going and seeing my other horse whereas with her I feel indifferent &#128532;


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## tangoharvey (2 December 2014)

Comet I'm with you all the way!! I'm only going to do the bare minimum for a few days to give me and her a break and see how I feel then. Thanks for all the comments, food for thought....


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## leggs (2 December 2014)

looking up this video; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GC5E8ie2pdM which illustrates the bond i've had with my first 2 horses (sadly passed after 29 and 26 years with me) Though when this song is on the radio I shut it down for fear of causing a traffic accident, sobbing now again.

can't seem to find this bond with my other (3rd) horse, even though she is great, she does nothing wrong, only broke her at 7.5yrs because of still having too much fun with my oldies. And yeah she spooks sometimes....taking her out on her own for the first time ever in the forrest, who wouldn't be spooked ....her only fault is that she is not Mist and she is not Gardy. She's also been with me as a foal and now 9. She in reality is far better than my oldies, not phased by anything, not like Mist for who, when I went riding, even when she was 28-29 I would stil tekst my mum to say I was going riding, and If I didn't tekst back after  1 hour she knew to come find us....or call the paramedics Gardy was a real handfull at 18.1hh but never unsafe. Bolshy dominant bitch of a mare, love her to bits.

maybe there is only so much love you can give, or allow yourself to receive. When now 4 months ago I had to let go of Gardy I remember saying as she had just passed and lying on the ground in the clinic "I will never love another horse this much- will never let another horse come this close, hurts too much"

I do try, and we're improving. Just 2 days ago I went into the field with the 3 of them ( have 2 mini appaloosa 3yr olds as well) and she's like my shadow, she just has hard footsteps to trace, either that or i'm hanging onto the past way too much.(and it is probalby just that!)


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## Echo Bravo (2 December 2014)

Bonding goes both ways, perhaps she thinks you don't really want her, each animal is like us unique, a couple of months is neither here or there. If you don't like her sell her on.


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## FfionWinnie (2 December 2014)

It's not really about bonding is it, it's about the hard work paying off. She sounds like a toe rag, it will take a while before you see any results from your efforts!


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## blitznbobs (2 December 2014)

I think it really depends on the horse my gelding has never really bonded with me no matter how much I feel bonded to him . He has serious trust issues... I've had him 4 years. My mare came to me as an untouched 3 y o and we bonded within 10 days but she loves people and was kinda looking for human reassurance which I gave her in spades... She actively wanted to bond with someone and I stepped up for her ... I guess it's like people some people need other people and some don't and some are scared of that trust


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## noodle_ (2 December 2014)

erm sorry to disappoint - 2 years.........

i feel like im slowly getting there - we have little setbacks mostly due to her fear which she cant deal with - shes bonded well with me - comes flying over to me in the field, lovely in the stable and over food aggresion n the stable


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## Spotsrock (2 December 2014)

Clicked with big lad as soon as we met, sometimes we still intimidate each other by accident though 2.5 yrs later, he's 2 hands bigger than I'm used to and I'm less firm than he grew up with so he has to set his own boundaries sometimes which freaks him out. 

B1 and I took to each other the day she arrived but as she was a baby her personality took a while to develop.


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