# Feeling judged



## MarniL (3 August 2014)

Not sure if this is the right place for this, sorry if it's not.

I'm generally quite a solitary rider; for various reasons I prefer it to just be me and my horse. Of course there are times when I wish I was more social and had friends to ride with, but I keep holding myself back because I always feel like people are watching me and judging my riding and talking about me behind my back. I'm quite an anxious and paranoid person by nature and I'm trying to work on it but of course it's not a quick fix. Maybe it's just me, but I feel like equestrians have a tendency to be a bit, for lack of better words, bitchy and two-faced? Whenever I have to ride in front of people it can feel like the nine years worth of experience just completely go out the window! I compare myself to others constantly. Just wondering, and almost hoping, that I'm not the only one who feels like this?


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## Arizahn (3 August 2014)

MarniL said:



			Not sure if this is the right place for this, sorry if it's not.

I'm generally quite a solitary rider; for various reasons I prefer it to just be me and my horse. Of course there are times when I wish I was more social and had friends to ride with, but I keep holding myself back because I always feel like people are watching me and judging my riding and talking about me behind my back. I'm quite an anxious and paranoid person by nature and I'm trying to work on it but of course it's not a quick fix. Maybe it's just me, but I feel like equestrians have a tendency to be a bit, for lack of better words, bitchy and two-faced? Whenever I have to ride in front of people it can feel like the nine years worth of experience just completely go out the window! I compare myself to others constantly. Just wondering, and almost hoping, that I'm not the only one who feels like this?
		
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Some people will watch because they are judging, some will watch because they are interested, some will watch because they are besotted with your horse, and some may just be trying desperately to pass the time/remain conscious until the vet/farrier/etc finally arrives 

Try not to compare yourself to others. Everyone is on their own journey through life and riding is no different. We are racing against ourselves at the end of the day. Focus on your horse and remember that whatever anyone says about anyone else is always a reflection of they themselves.

<don't know why I'm so mellow today but it's probably connected to all this chocolate...>


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## heebiejeebies (3 August 2014)

MarniL said:



			I'm quite an anxious and paranoid person by nature
		
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Think you answered your own question here


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## MarniL (3 August 2014)

Arizahn said:



			Some people will watch because they are judging, some will watch because they are interested, some will watch because they are besotted with your horse, and some may just be trying desperately to pass the time/remain conscious until the vet/farrier/etc finally arrives 

Try not to compare yourself to others. Everyone is on their own journey through life and riding is no different. We are racing against ourselves at the end of the day. Focus on your horse and remember that whatever anyone says about anyone else is always a reflection of they themselves.

<don't know why I'm so mellow today but it's probably connected to all this chocolate...>
		
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Thank you, I will definitely try to keep that in mind whenever I start to worry. &#128522;


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## Gentle_Warrior (3 August 2014)

maybe they are watching to learn your better way of doing things or they don't know what you are doing?  they of course wont admit to this, the biatchy front is to cover up their own insecurities


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## Princess Rosie (5 August 2014)

Gentle_Warrior said:



			maybe they are watching to learn your better way of doing things or they don't know what you are doing?  they of course wont admit to this, the biatchy front is to cover up their own insecurities
		
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Fab point and this is generally the case, not sure why people aren't more open to admitting they don't know it all! 

Above all have confidence in your own abilities, everyone rides differently and have different aspirations but who cares what others think and enjoy your horse and time together.


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## SaddleUpSin (5 August 2014)

MarniL said:



			Not sure if this is the right place for this, sorry if it's not.

I'm generally quite a solitary rider; for various reasons I prefer it to just be me and my horse. Of course there are times when I wish I was more social and had friends to ride with, but I keep holding myself back because I always feel like people are watching me and judging my riding and talking about me behind my back. I'm quite an anxious and paranoid person by nature and I'm trying to work on it but of course it's not a quick fix. Maybe it's just me, but I feel like equestrians have a tendency to be a bit, for lack of better words, bitchy and two-faced? Whenever I have to ride in front of people it can feel like the nine years worth of experience just completely go out the window! I compare myself to others constantly. Just wondering, and almost hoping, that I'm not the only one who feels like this?
		
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You sound a bit like me! I'm very paranoid and anxious as a person and you can't be expected to cut off your personality when you ride, it's impossible! Being a equine student I know how bitchy and two faced horsey people can be (having to work and ride with people you don't get on with exacerbates this) and it bothers me when people watch me ride. ESPECIALLY jumping. Everything just goes **** us in all honesty because the fear/anxiety clouds my mind and I panic and fall to pieces. I feel like I ride better away from being watched by anyone or with a couple of people I really trust. It makes life difficult, I know. Especially with an instructor yelling at you, 8-20 people watching you and whispering and your heart feeling like its going to burst out from beating so fast! But its a case of having faith in yourself  you've been riding for almost 5 TIMES as long as me, so you're most likely significantly better and probably very talented ^_^ If someones bitchy or nasty to you, it means nothing because your horse loves you AND you're probably far better than you think


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## LuckyMare (6 September 2014)

I've got this problem in nearly every life situation (to the lengths of not feeling comfortable doing things such as playing darts or snooker in a pub, not exercising in any form in company, not being able to write whilst someone's watching me etccc), so you're certainly not alone. But I am a watcher when I get the chance (horses kept at home with no other people, so don't get to that often) and I do it to just take it in, not to criticise or pick apart, simply to admire another person working with their horse. I'm sure some watchers (however intimidating) are there with good intentions


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## MarniL (6 September 2014)

It's good to hear it's not just me that has trouble with social situations, but of course I'm also very sorry that you struggle with it too. Thank you, I will definitely try to remember that next time someone stops and watches me. &#9786;


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## gillybgood (7 September 2014)

I've spent most of my life worrying about what other people think and if they talk about me etc.  But now I'm 35 and for the past few years I have learned to just do my own thing and not bother about other people, and I'm much happier for it!  I think it comes with age and maybe having kids?  Just try and relax, be positive with what you are doing and don't worry about other people x


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## Leitrim (8 September 2014)

On the rare occasion when I go to shows and become, by definition, a watcher I'm mainly thinking how good most of the riders are and wishing I could do what seems to be so easy for them. There are probably lots of people like me so why don't you try to conjure up the thought "Oh, that person wishes she could ride like me" when you feel doubtful. YOU know that you can ride and your horse sounds happy enough so you'll probably be right.


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## MarniL (8 September 2014)

Thank you, I will definitely try that next time!


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## Shilasdair (14 September 2014)

Nobody's perfect.

Try some psychology books -  for example, 'That Winning Feeling' by Jane Savoie.
Ok, she can be a bit over-enthusiastic ('I'm so excited I just can't wait' sounds sarcastic from me rather than positive), but they'll make you think about how you think/ride.
S


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## MarniL (14 September 2014)

Shilasdair said:



			Nobody's perfect.

Try some psychology books -  for example, 'That Winning Feeling' by Jane Savoie.
Ok, she can be a bit over-enthusiastic ('I'm so excited I just can't wait' sounds sarcastic from me rather than positive), but they'll make you think about how you think/ride.
S 

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Thank you, I'll look it up.


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## Jinnie (21 September 2014)

Have a look at Kelly Marks - Perfect Confidence.really enjoyable read. I don't think horsey people are any worse than any others. There are usually a few people whose opinions you can value,the rest you have to learn to ignore. I love watching other people ride but its because I just enjoy it.x


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## JonM1978 (24 September 2014)

Don't worry, I'm a 36 yr old male beginner - a bit atypical; I feel like everyone is watching me and they probably are! However, I think that on the whole, most people are just curious about other people and watch with interest, not necessarily judgement or at least not with unkind judgement. You must remember that when you're feeling anxious or judged, (and particularly if you're comparing yourself with people who appear confident) you're comparing your 'inside' with awareness of your self doubt etc with other peoples' exteriors which hide all those 'inside' things behind what may be a veneer of confidence. Everyone gets anxious in certain situations (I know I do). Just try to keep in mind all the positive things, let go and enjoy yourself...


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## MarniL (25 September 2014)

JonM1978 said:



			Don't worry, I'm a 36 yr old male beginner - a bit atypical; I feel like everyone is watching me and they probably are! However, I think that on the whole, most people are just curious about other people and watch with interest, not necessarily judgement or at least not with unkind judgement. You must remember that when you're feeling anxious or judged, (and particularly if you're comparing yourself with people who appear confident) you're comparing your 'inside' with awareness of your self doubt etc with other peoples' exteriors which hide all those 'inside' things behind what may be a veneer of confidence. Everyone gets anxious in certain situations (I know I do). Just try to keep in mind all the positive things, let go and enjoy yourself...
		
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I will definitely try to remember that next time I start to worry - thank you!


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## diamonddogs (26 September 2014)

I know the feeling well!

I lost my confidence and have only just started riding again. I've had loads of help from my friends on the yard, and they all love my horse and want me to progress.

So naturally when I ride in the school or paddock everyone watches - I know they want to see us working together, but I always think they're criticising or judging, which is ridiculous because most of them wouldn't wait till my back was turned if they had something to say!


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## NeilM (1 October 2014)

Interesting thread.

Like Jon I am that oddity, a male rider, to add to my woes I am over 50, over 6' tall and ride a New Forest pony. You want to be watched, that's a fine combination, especially at fun rides and local shows.

Fortunately, although I am a relative new boy, only riding regularly for the last six years, I am a VERY confident person, I am also extremely self critical and will take any amount of constructive criticism from people whose opinions I respect, but I really don't give a monkeys what other riders think of me, as my observations over the time I have been riding have shown me that most who do the judging / bitching are not people whose opinions count for much.


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## Llee94 (1 October 2014)

I used to worry all the time when I took my mare out. She is not your typical event horse (being a cob x) and I worried that people would judge me and her and think we weren't good enough or didn't deserve to be there. I would constantly compare myself with other riders and horses (not ideal when those people are professionals!). Eventually I realised that I ride for me and nobody else and therefore their opinion doesn't matter. 
Horses are supposed to be fun and we choose to spend our spare time and money on them. If people choose to judge, then that is there choice but I actually find most people are watching because they are interested in what you are doing or admiring your horse. All that matters is that you are enjoying yourself and stuff other people who want to be negative. So just hold your head up high and remember that you are just as good as anyone else and deserve to be there to!


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