# Bought a pony and feel totally out of my comfort zone



## WanderLust (8 August 2016)

Hi all,

I've just joined up and looking for a bit of support.  I bought a pony for me and my son to share and she's been at the livery stables for only three days. She's not allowed out in the field for two weeks with the other horses, so her routine is totally out. 
On Sunday morning we both rode her and she was an angel. I couldn't ride her tonight as I didn't have time, so I just took her around the yard. She clearly wants to go out and keeps calling for the other horses and didn't really want to go back to her stable. 

I'm a bit nervous and overwhelmed with it all after the initial euphoria wore off. 

How long will it take for all this to feel normal? Right now I can only describe the feeling as the same one I had when I brought my newborns back from the hospital, terrifying and intense. I almost want to cry! 

Is it normal to have mixed emotions when you get your first pony? I've waited years and years for this moment and I feel totally clueless.


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## Exploding Chestnuts (8 August 2016)

Yes indeed, perfectly normal, lol,
What a pity she can't get out in a paddock as keeping her inside is likely to make he a bit fizzy, so best keep her on plenty of hay but not many nuts, if any.


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## WanderLust (8 August 2016)

Thank you Bonkers. The previous owner was giving her nuts and chaff, but as she's overweight, she's only having hay. She seems to be settling ok, but was a bit put out when I took her back to her stable earlier. I feel bad, I know it's only two weeks, but it's going to feel like a lifetime!


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## Kylara (8 August 2016)

Normal, don't worry. Once you get a routine going you'll feel better! 

If you can, get her a swede or something like a jolly ball to roll around the stable and keep her occupied. 

Assuming in for QT, but I'd also suggest sorting a worm count now before out in the field with others!

Take your time and enjoy! As you're on a livery yard there will be plenty of lovely people to help you out (hopefully!) if you have any questions.


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## alainax (8 August 2016)

I've had horses for over 20 years, and currently stressed out that mines is in quarentine! Once she is out and you are all into a routine it gets much easier


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## WanderLust (8 August 2016)

Yes, the quarantine thing is stressing me out too. I work all day Monday and Tuesday and could barely concentrate today as I knew she would be in her stable probably feeling frustrated and confused. Also, there was only the yard owners daughter there and she was busy. Really I wanted to say 'please come over and talk to me and walk around with me!' But I managed to hold it in....&#55357;&#56833;


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## Amye (8 August 2016)

Totally normal!! Got my first horse almost a year ago and the first night I left him I was anxious to get back and make sure he was ok!! Took a while but now I'm comfortable enough to just feel like 'ahh he'll be fine' if I'm not quite sure he had the right rug or some little thing that really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things!

I did spend a few times thinking had I taken on too much at first but now I don't at all


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## WanderLust (8 August 2016)

I had that feeling last night! I couldn't get to sleep for worrying! I've got to call the farrier, send off her passport, arrange for rug cleaning and register her at the vets. It's still sinking in that this is my responsibility. She's on part livery so I'm relieved that there are experienced people all around me answering my stupid questions!


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## Amye (8 August 2016)

WanderLust said:



			I had that feeling last night! I couldn't get to sleep for worrying! I've got to call the farrier, send off her passport, arrange for rug cleaning and register her at the vets. It's still sinking in that this is my responsibility. She's on part livery so I'm relieved that there are experienced people all around me answering my stupid questions!
		
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I know it's crazy to think that you are responible for this beasty who you don't even see for most of the day! I had only ever loaned before so always had someone to ask or tell me how the horse would react in situations and stuff and it's so odd that it's all up to you to know these things! Don't be afraid to ask all the silly questions though  most people are happy to help out and try not to worry too much and enjoy your pony!! She aounds lovely


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## WanderLust (8 August 2016)

Amye said:



			I know it's crazy to think that you are responible for this beasty who you don't even see for most of the day! I had only ever loaned before so always had someone to ask or tell me how the horse would react in situations and stuff and it's so odd that it's all up to you to know these things! Don't be afraid to ask all the silly questions though  most people are happy to help out and try not to worry too much and enjoy your pony!! She aounds lovely 

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I'm still a bit nervous around her, even though she's very sound! I wanted to put fly spray on her but I don't know if she likes it. I knew I was taking on a big responsibility, but I don't think anything can really prepare you for it. 
Thank you, she is lovely. I just hope I feel much more confident in a few months time.


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## Amye (8 August 2016)

WanderLust said:



			I'm still a bit nervous around her, even though she's very sound! I wanted to put fly spray on her but I don't know if she likes it. I knew I was taking on a big responsibility, but I don't think anything can really prepare you for it. 
Thank you, she is lovely. I just hope I feel much more confident in a few months time.
		
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I'm sure you will! I did after a few months  just takes time to get used to them. When I got mine everyone said it takes a full year to know them properly as you go through all seasonal changes and everything with them and I think that's true. I feel completely relaxed with my boy now and it's nearly been a year. 

if you're worried about anything just take small steps. My boy doesn't really like spray but he tolerates it just fidgety. If you're concerned just spray a bit by her, not at her, first and see how she reacts. If she's fine the spray a little bit on a non-sensitive area


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## Abi90 (9 August 2016)

I got my first boyo nearly a year ago. I had plenty of experience with working with horses but I'd had a break before coming back into riding and then had a fairly bad fall so my confidence was off.

He didn't settle in his first yard (neither did I) and I had really started to regret what I had done. Especially as he was very green, a bit skittish and although had apparently done some showjumping (with picture evidence) would freak out walking over a pole.

12 months on, he's turning into a fantastic little horse, has given me my confidence back (despite not being the easiest to ride) and he's the cuddliest loveliest thing and he's just great. I think I began to stop worrying and start enjoying it about 4 months in! And part livery is great as people help you out and you learn fast


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## Midlifecrisis (9 August 2016)

Just adding support to others...yep totally normal to "feel" the responsibility but it will diminish and become a "normal" kind of responsibility..just like bringing the baby home for the first time..good analogy. Good luck  - look forward to reading how you feel in a months time.


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## WanderLust (9 August 2016)

Thank you everybody for your kind words. Tonight I finish work late so I'll be going to see her, but is it ok for me to not take her out of her stable and just make a fuss of her in the stable instead? I know I'll be a bit stressed and don't want her to feel it. My son has a lesson on her tomorrow, will she be ok until then do you think?


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## Amye (9 August 2016)

WanderLust said:



			Thank you everybody for your kind words. Tonight I finish work late so I'll be going to see her, but is it ok for me to not take her out of her stable and just make a fuss of her in the stable instead? I know I'll be a bit stressed and don't want her to feel it. My son has a lesson on her tomorrow, will she be ok until then do you think?
		
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Difficult to say really! I think I would go on how she seems when you get there. If she seems chilled out and happy then I don't think leaving her in there will do her any harm. If, when you arrive she seems full of energy and wants out it might be worth taking her for a walk round the yard just to stretch her legs perhaps? Or, you could even just tie her up outside her stable for a change of scenery  and give her a good groom and fuss.


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## Kylara (9 August 2016)

Does your yard have a horse walker? Might be worth asking if you can pop on for 20 minutes to give her something to do and a leg stretch etc.

If she is chilled then fine to leave in stable, give a good groom - you'll feel better and less stressed  and she'll enjoy it too!

One of my liveries is seriously moulting at the minute so he gets a good 10 minute curry comb in the mornings at the minute before going on the walker and back into his stable. He's coping very well and is shedding the pounds and started again on 1 hour turnout every other day. He can be a little on his toes if you hop on (haven't for a while as too fat for saddle, so long reining instead) but nothing bad, just got to stay relaxed and work through the initial excitement


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## Exploding Chestnuts (9 August 2016)

I think you should be taking her out of the stable twice a day, for a walk and a nibble at grass verges, it is best to establish a routine,  unfair to have her in a stable days on end when she is perfectly healthy.
I assume she is in quarantine, but any yard which insists on quarantine should have isolation facilities.


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## WanderLust (9 August 2016)

I finish early tomorrow and then that's my working week done, so I'll be taking her out loads as of tomorrow afternoon. There is no suitable hacking where we are and I have to cross a busy main road to get to a bridle path so she is only able to go in the schools or around the yard at the moment. 
It's very frustrating being at work all day knowing she's itching to get out! I will try to stay calm.


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## Mince Pie (9 August 2016)

Does she lunge, or are you allowed to let her loose in the school for 20 minutes to give her a proper leg stretch? Would also be a good way for her to learn your voice aids.


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## WanderLust (9 August 2016)

I think I might try her on the lunge later if I can, it will release a lot of energy that she's been building up. She's a bit unfit so I expect it won't take long!


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## Whizza (9 August 2016)

I cried every day for the first 2 weeks after getting my mare. I was convinced I had done the wrong thing and the responsibility of owning her was crushing! I was terrified of her at times (she never put a foot wrong! It was my own anxiety holding me back). It took a good 6 weeks for things to fall into place for us. You sound just like me, the fly spray esp lol I didn't dare spray it on her because I didn't know how she would react. Are you still in touch with her previous owners? 
I've had mine nearly 5 months now and we have settled into a good routine and she's happy, which is the most important thing. I can't and don't want to imagine my life without her now. 
Just take each day at a time...


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## Kylara (9 August 2016)

In regards to fly spray - a new livery turned up on tuesday (an unseen speed purchase my mother made *rollw eyes*) and went to spray him and he freaked out. Lots of strokes and soothing and he calmed down quickly. Found a flannel thingy so I'm spraying that and then wiping on him. He had no reaction to the bottle (usually horses that don't like it do) so I was a bit surprised, but if you are worried, then spray away from her to gauge reaction and then spray a non sensitive part of her - if no reaction then spray away! If you get a reaction then grab a sponge or flannel type thing, spray that and then wipe 

Don't worry too much, especially as part livery will be very supportive!


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## WanderLust (9 August 2016)

Whizza said:



			I cried every day for the first 2 weeks after getting my mare. I was convinced I had done the wrong thing and the responsibility of owning her was crushing! I was terrified of her at times (she never put a foot wrong! It was my own anxiety holding me back). It took a good 6 weeks for things to fall into place for us. You sound just like me, the fly spray esp lol I didn't dare spray it on her because I didn't know how she would react. Are you still in touch with her previous owners? 
I've had mine nearly 5 months now and we have settled into a good routine and she's happy, which is the most important thing. I can't and don't want to imagine my life without her now. 
Just take each day at a time...
		
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Thank you Whizza, it makes me feel so much better hearing that this is all normal! I still could ask the previous owner I suppose, but she would be bombarded with texts from me! I just have so many questions and I pretty much just ask the staff at the yard. You describe the feeling so well, crushing, that's exactly how it feels,  and she's not giving me any reason to feel nervous, I just am. I'm glad that it all gets better in time. I gave her a good groom last night and she seemed to settle down quite nicely.


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## WanderLust (9 August 2016)

Kylara said:



			In regards to fly spray - a new livery turned up on tuesday (an unseen speed purchase my mother made *rollw eyes*) and went to spray him and he freaked out. Lots of strokes and soothing and he calmed down quickly. Found a flannel thingy so I'm spraying that and then wiping on him. He had no reaction to the bottle (usually horses that don't like it do) so I was a bit surprised, but if you are worried, then spray away from her to gauge reaction and then spray a non sensitive part of her - if no reaction then spray away! If you get a reaction then grab a sponge or flannel type thing, spray that and then wipe 

Don't worry too much, especially as part livery will be very supportive!
		
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Thank you Kylara, I'll try that tonight as flies are landing on her in her stable and she keeps itching the same spot. I would like to try a fly mask on her as well, but one step at a time...


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## Whizza (9 August 2016)

WanderLust said:



			Thank you Whizza, it makes me feel so much better hearing that this is all normal! I still could ask the previous owner I suppose, but she would be bombarded with texts from me! I just have so many questions and I pretty much just ask the staff at the yard. You describe the feeling so well, crushing, that's exactly how it feels,  and she's not giving me any reason to feel nervous, I just am. I'm glad that it all gets better in time. I gave her a good groom last night and she seemed to settle down quite nicely.
		
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Your welcome  

To start with I felt like I was constantly texting her old owner, but now it's just the odd time if I think of something I need to know. 

I also found that taking her out in hand as much as I could really helped her start to trust me. Even if it was just for 10 mins, it all helps  lots of luck and remember to breath xXx


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## luckyoldme (9 August 2016)

Im another one who wondered what the hell i had done after buying my first horse. 
It was awful , my husband works away all week and felt very anxious every time he rang, my whole mood depended on how I had got on with the horse. We had a shaky start to say the least.
I have had him about 7 years now and I absolutely adore him and somehow bought another one. My first horse is almost fully retired now and getting on a bit...Im going to be totally devastated when i loose him, which is amazing considering for the few first months i had days when i was totally at my wits end with him. Best thing i ever did!


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## WanderLust (9 August 2016)

I feel very anxious today, so I've just bought some rescue remedy, hope it helps


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## Kylara (9 August 2016)

If you are feeling anxious then spending time with her will help. Your heart rate well slow in an attempt to match hers and if you focus on stroking or grooming then you'll quickly feel better. Horses are very good at reducing anxiety - you just have to be close to them!


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## WanderLust (9 August 2016)

Well, I went to the yard after work and a couple of the girls helped me lunge her, and then one of them managed to get her to have a fly mask on and fly spray. I'm so glad she is at this yard as they are really helpful. I was speaking to another lady who has her horse on livery and she said she felt exactly the same five months ago when he first got there. 
One of the girls said she would lunge her again in the morning, so I'm really relieved tonight! Still scared stiff, but relieved to have so much help. My goodness, they must think I'm a right muppet!


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## Theocat (9 August 2016)

You're not a muppet - this is totally normal! 

I'd treat the isolation as an opportunity to get to know her. Walks in hand, grooming, groundwork, long reining, riding, horse massage, carrot stretches ... Even just pulling manes or practising plaiting! It will all help the relationship and will keep the horse happier and occupied  x


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## Mince Pie (9 August 2016)

Have you got any photos? Glad you're at a nice helpful yard, they make all the difference


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## WanderLust (9 August 2016)

Theocat said:



			You're not a muppet - this is totally normal! 

I'd treat the isolation as an opportunity to get to know her. Walks in hand, grooming, groundwork, long reining, riding, horse massage, carrot stretches ... Even just pulling manes or practising plaiting! It will all help the relationship and will keep the horse happier and occupied  x
		
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Thank you Theocat. Tomorrow I will have the afternoon to spend with her and then my son is having a lesson on her.  She seemed to enjoy being lunged, but the lunge line scared her a little bit. 
Also, as I am now off work until Monday, I will be more relaxed when I go up to the yard.


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## WanderLust (9 August 2016)

Mince Pie said:



			Have you got any photos? Glad you're at a nice helpful yard, they make all the difference 

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Yes, I will try to upload some from my phone if I can.....


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## Leo Walker (9 August 2016)

Honestly, I've owned horses for more than 25yrs and getting a new one still gets me all wibbly! Current boy I've owned since he was 2.5yr old and hes now 6yr old. I moved yards yesterday and am back to feeling like a clueless idiot! Bearing in mind I worked with horses for a living full time for more than 10yrs. There is just something about a new horse and specifically about a new yard that turns confident, competent people into quivering wrecks! :lol:


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## WanderLust (9 August 2016)

FrankieCob said:



			Honestly, I've owned horses for more than 25yrs and getting a new one still gets me all wibbly! Current boy I've owned since he was 2.5yr old and hes now 6yr old. I moved yards yesterday and am back to feeling like a clueless idiot! Bearing in mind I worked with horses for a living full time for more than 10yrs. There is just something about a new horse and specifically about a new yard that turns confident, competent people into quivering wrecks! :lol:
		
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. I was hoping to be really chilled out and cool, but they already know what I'm like so I would never have got away with it anyway!


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## Amye (10 August 2016)

Sounds like you are on a fab yard with lots of helpful people. That always helps 

I agree - we want pictures! 

Let us know how your lads lesson goes too


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## WanderLust (10 August 2016)

Can I upload photos from my iPhone? I did have a look but I couldn't see a way to do it


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## Amye (10 August 2016)

WanderLust said:



			Can I upload photos from my iPhone? I did have a look but I couldn't see a way to do it
		
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I think you have to upload them onto something like Photobucket first and then use the 'add image' button to put in the URL (or just copy and paste it in the post and people will be able to click)


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## Nasicus (10 August 2016)

You'll get there. QT is a pain, but necessary. I had to do it with my yearling when we moved yards, who was about 8mo at the time. I made sure to give her time in the school to bomb around and have fun, and would take her for little inhand walks too.
I got her a likit, and a treat ball (such a godsend) as well as a jollyball on a rope (prefer the rope haha), and I would hide treats in her hay, and she coped well, got a little silly when out towards the end, but for a baby she was fantastically behaved all in all. Just little things to keep her mind ticking over will help. You can stuff a bit of hay in the treat balls to make the treats harder to get out, making the fun last longer.

And don't worry, I think most of us probably though 'oh my god, what have I done' when we bought our first ponies, heck, I felt the same when I bought my second haha!


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## WanderLust (10 August 2016)

Nasicus said:



			You'll get there. QT is a pain, but necessary. I had to do it with my yearling when we moved yards, who was about 8mo at the time. I made sure to give her time in the school to bomb around and have fun, and would take her for little inhand walks too.
I got her a likit, and a treat ball (such a godsend) as well as a jollyball on a rope (prefer the rope haha), and I would hide treats in her hay, and she coped well, got a little silly when out towards the end, but for a baby she was fantastically behaved all in all. Just little things to keep her mind ticking over will help. You can stuff a bit of hay in the treat balls to make the treats harder to get out, making the fun last longer.

And don't worry, I think most of us probably though 'oh my god, what have I done' when we bought our first ponies, heck, I felt the same when I bought my second haha!
		
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Thank you Nasicus, I might pop over and get her something tomorrow. 

Today they lunged her and gave her a wash so she was all clean and shiny for my son to have his lesson on. Oh my, she was an absolute dream in the school, I feel really lucky.

I still need to sort out the photo thing....


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## Mince Pie (10 August 2016)

Why don't you also start taking your boy out on hacks? That way she won't get 'ring sour'


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## Esme2015 (11 August 2016)

Just had to reply to your thread although I can see so many people have already shared their experiences.  I got my first horse at age 40, was a late learner - started learning only 18 months previously.  My childhood dream and I am not joking, I think I was In shock for at least a year haha! The first night my mare was in quarantine, I left the hay store open (in the quarantine field, it was full!!!) and gave her chaff without any water (no one told me it needed water in it!)! I didn't brush her tail properly for about two months as was so scared she would kick! (She hasn't kicked any human on purpose as far as I know!).   She was a bit nippy when I first had her too, but I actually think it's because I wasn't brushing her hard enough and was tickling her! Forward seven years, and our bond is incredibly strong, we have learnt so much together, she is teaching my complete novice partner to ride and is a one in a million school mistress.  It DOES get easier.  I now have her daughter too, who is two, and it's funny, I'd forgotten all the fears I had when I first got my mare but they have come back to me now I have her daughter, which is a whole different ballgame! I think I must be mad! Good luck.  I think it took my mare and I three years to really bond, but I can safely say that groundwork really does make a difference, just being around my mare helped me and my confidence.  I was also lucky in that I had lots of help round me, I do think that's important initially because I had to ask the most basic of questions.  What a learning curve in the first six months, I think my brain was constantly smarting from all the information I was ingesting daily about horse ownership!


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## rachk89 (11 August 2016)

I was exactly the same and still am at times. I am neurotic anyway and also worry about the smallest of things. I am getting better though he has gone almost the whole of summer without a rug on despite me wanting to put one on at times and he has survived. He loves his new yard really so despite worrying about moving him he has been fine other than reaching his stage in life where he thinks he can get away with everything.


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## WanderLust (11 August 2016)

Thank you so much for all your kind words!! Really pleased I signed up and I think I've linked the photos properly. Let me know if not.


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## WanderLust (11 August 2016)

http://s1320.photobucket.com/user/Gladragged/library/

Gah! Don't think that other one works, let's try this one....


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## Amye (11 August 2016)

WanderLust said:



http://s1320.photobucket.com/user/Gladragged/library/

Gah! Don't think that other one works, let's try this one....
		
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She looks lovely and your son seems very pleased with her too  They look like a very good fit together!

I love the last photo with the cheeky smiles  (from your son and the pony!)

How was his lesson yesterday on her?


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## WanderLust (11 August 2016)

Amye said:



			She looks lovely and your son seems very pleased with her too  They look like a very good fit together!

I love the last photo with the cheeky smiles  (from your son and the pony!)

How was his lesson yesterday on her?
		
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Awww, thanks! His lesson went great, very relaxed and she responded to him really well. His instructor asked if he wanted to canter but he said not yet as he's not used to riding her. I knew he wouldn't as he's very cautious. She really looks after him and doesn't seem bothered by anything around her.


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## Mince Pie (11 August 2016)




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## Mince Pie (11 August 2016)

She's lovely OP!


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## WanderLust (11 August 2016)

Mince Pie said:



			She's lovely OP!
		
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Thank you, she really wants to graze, poor thing. Not long to go now though. We just went to see her and my son rode her again. It's really nice to be able to just turn up and have a pootle about on her!


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## Mrs B (11 August 2016)

Smashing pony and lovely photo of your boy outside her box!

It really is natural to feel nervous - but you're obviously aware of the fact it is a huge responsibility, which is good! Too many people buy a pony, chuck it out in a field, play with it when they feel like it and mentally shrug their shoulders, abdicating that responsibility to ... who knows? The Yard Fairy? The God of All Small Ponies?

Anyway. It will get easier, you will pick things up quickly and she'll become a member of your family. There really are NO silly questions and it sounds like you have a good set-up and a good instructor, so don't be worried about asking them stuff.

You'll also learn whose advice to listen to, in time. I have ridden & owned for coming up to 50 years and I'm still learning every day.

So how do I choose who to listen to, on a yard? I look at how an owner/rider interacts with their horse. Their demeanour (plural), how they look, how they work as a team. The ones with a happy, calm, workmanlike & contented relationship with their horses are the ones I want to learn from, as that's the type of partnership I'm always striving for too.

But even THEY ask questions. There are folk on these boards who are vastly more experienced/knowledgeable than me and who are generous in sharing what they know ...  so when I see they've posted a question, I prick up my ears immediately ... not just to see what they're asking, but to see what others suggest. And I squirrel that information away, to mull over it and apply it in future myself, should the situation ever arise. (JanetGeorge is one such poster, as an example. Sorry if that made your ears burn, JG  )

Good luck, keep us posted, have fun with her and you really will be fine, especially when she's out of quarantine ...


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## WanderLust (11 August 2016)

Mrs B said:



			Smashing pony and lovely photo of your boy outside her box!

It really is natural to feel nervous - but you're obviously aware of the fact it is a huge responsibility, which is good! Too many people buy a pony, chuck it out in a field, play with it when they feel like it and mentally shrug their shoulders, abdicating that responsibility to ... who knows? The Yard Fairy? The God of All Small Ponies?

Anyway. It will get easier, you will pick things up quickly and she'll become a member of your family. There really are NO silly questions and it sounds like you have a good set-up and a good instructor, so don't be worried about asking them stuff.

You'll also learn whose advice to listen to, in time. I have ridden & owned for coming up to 50 years and I'm still learning every day.

So how do I choose who to listen to, on a yard? I look at how an owner/rider interacts with their horse. Their demeanour (plural), how they look, how they work as a team. The ones with a happy, calm, workmanlike & contented relationship with their horses are the ones I want to learn from, as that's the type of partnership I'm always striving for too.

But even THEY ask questions. There are folk on these boards who are vastly more experienced/knowledgeable than me and who are generous in sharing what they know ...  so when I see they've posted a question, I prick up my ears immediately ... not just to see what they're asking, but to see what others suggest. And I squirrel that information away, to mull over it and apply it in future myself, should the situation ever arise. (JanetGeorge is one such poster, as an example. Sorry if that made your ears burn, JG  )

Good luck, keep us posted, have fun with her and you really will be fine, especially when she's out of quarantine ...  

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Thank you, I just came back from seeing her, got her out of her stable and let her graze. She DID NOT want to go back to her stable! My instructor asked if I'd rented two stables, one for me and one for the pony as I'm always there! 
When she's able to go out in the field I think I'll definitely relax a lot more.


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## Mince Pie (11 August 2016)

Mrs B said:



			(JanetGeorge is one such poster, as an example. Sorry if that made your ears burn, JG  ))
		
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I instantly thought of her when you said that!


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## WanderLust (12 August 2016)

My son had another lesson earlier but the pony was really wound up and spooked then bucked him off!
Currently sat in the waiting room at the hospital. I cried so much!! I don't want to let him back on her now. In fact, I don't want her at all, it sounds horrible, but it was quite a dramatic fall and he banged his head. I don't know what to do now!


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## Mince Pie (12 August 2016)

WanderLust said:



			My son had another lesson earlier but the pony was really wound up and spooked then bucked him off!
Currently sat in the waiting room at the hospital. I cried so much!! I don't want to let him back on her now. In fact, I don't want her at all, it sounds horrible, but it was quite a dramatic fall and he banged his head. I don't know what to do now!
		
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Firstly breathe. The pony has been stuck in a box for days, she's going to have a lot of pent up energy but I'm sure that when she is allowed out in the field she will revert to the lovely chilled out pony you brought home. Lastly you have to remember that sadly falling off is a part of riding, although it is difficult to see your child hurt. I hope he's ok but if he carries on riding then he will fall off every now and again. Big hugs xx


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## Clodagh (12 August 2016)

Try not to stress in front of him, I hope he is fine but children do fall off ponies.
If it makes you feel better my son broke his arm falling of out hunting and I didn't take him to A&E until the next day. Bad mum!
She needs turnout, perhaps don't ride her until she has turnout and learn to do a good lunge. She will be fine, calm down. (Said kindly, and as a mum).


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## Whizza (12 August 2016)

Mince pie is soo right, your pony has been stuck in a box for days and sometimes we forget that our horses do have minds of their own and occasionally will 'rebel'. There is generally a reason for our horses to be naughty and I think Mince Pie has hit the nail on the head. 

My own mare has put in a massive Buck with me today, she scared the living day lights out of me, but I know she must have a reason for doing it as its out of character for her (back man is booked!). At the time I was petrified, but now looking back on it I can see she must have had a reason, also discovered she's lame  

Really hope you and your lad is ok, things will soon settle again once your pony can get out in the field and burn some of that energy off xx


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## Mince Pie (12 August 2016)

Whizza said:



			Mince pie is soo right, your pony has been stuck in a box for days and sometimes we forget that our horses do have minds of their own and occasionally will 'rebel'. There is generally a reason for our horses to be naughty and I think Mince Pie has hit the nail on the head.
		
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Mince Pie is speaking from experience! Took my lovely old boy out for a hack after he'd been on box rest, took him for a trot and he galloped off and started fly bucking sending me flying.. A few days back in the field and he was back to his lovely self


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## Whizza (12 August 2016)

Mince Pie said:



			Mince Pie is speaking from experience! Took my lovely old boy out for a hack after he'd been on box rest, took him for a trot and he galloped off and started fly bucking sending me flying.. A few days back in the field and he was back to his lovely self 

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This is why we love them so much, they keep our adrenaline pumping and keep us on our toes  love them! X


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## WanderLust (13 August 2016)

Thank you everyone! It really terrified me! We're at the hospital as he was sick a few hours after and they said he would need to be seen. I think he's ok, we were brought by ambulance!


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## Mince Pie (13 August 2016)

I hope he's OK WanderLust. He will need a new riding hat if he hit his head xx


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## Mince Pie (13 August 2016)

http://www.horseandhound.co.uk/foru...ve-update-**and-a-big-thank-you-to-everyone**

I can't find her original threads but will give her a nudge, she was exactly the same when she bought her first pony


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## Fizzy candy (13 August 2016)

WanderLust said:



			My son had another lesson earlier but the pony was really wound up and spooked then bucked him off!
Currently sat in the waiting room at the hospital. I cried so much!! I don't want to let him back on her now. In fact, I don't want her at all, it sounds horrible, but it was quite a dramatic fall and he banged his head. I don't know what to do now!
		
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I had a big fall as a kid and my mum decided that she wasn't letting me ride again. So the next time I rode was as an adult. As a mum now myself I totally sympathise with her (and you) but I do wish she'd asked me if I'd wanted to ride again - we didn't have much money so I just assumed we couldn't afford lessons any more so never pushed it.


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## WanderLust (13 August 2016)

Morning all,

Well, 3am we were allowed to come home! I'm totally knackered!
I think I'll let the girls on the yard ride and lunge her until she settles down totally and I think it's a good idea that my son goes back to riding the RS pony he was on before until his confidence comes back. 

Thanks for being so supportive, it means a lot.


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## Mince Pie (16 August 2016)

Wanderlust, how is your son?


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## Exploding Chestnuts (16 August 2016)

Don't worry, too much, you have done all the right things, and things will get better [hugs and kisses]


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## WanderLust (16 August 2016)

Mince Pie said:



			Wanderlust, how is your son?
		
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Hi Mince Pie, he's ok, but he won't even come to the yard now. I must admit, I don't think she's the right pony for him and I've asked the previous owner if they'll take her back, but still waiting for reply. I know it's only been just over a week but I'm struggling. Previous owner said she'd never bucked and she was advertised as a novice learner pony. Apparently she's been loaned out loads of times and been fine. One of the girls at the yard rode her the next day and she behaved beautifully. Maybe she's more suitable for an experienced older teenager. Nothing wrong with her, she's lovely. 
It's all a bit of a mess now.


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## rotters13 (16 August 2016)

Chin up WanderLust! Wait until she's allowed to go out in the field and I suspect you'll find that she calms down. I know I'd go a bit mad if I was cooped up in my room for 14 days straight!


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## WanderLust (16 August 2016)

rotters13 said:



			Chin up WanderLust! Wait until she's allowed to go out in the field and I suspect you'll find that she calms down. I know I'd go a bit mad if I was cooped up in my room for 14 days straight!
		
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Thanks rotters, I'm all over the place with this now! What I find odd is that the previous owner has not given an answer, or any sort of reply! Even a 'sorry, you're on your own' message would be better than silence. 
It doesn't help that I'm beating myself up over all this every day. The guilt is terrible!


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## rotters13 (16 August 2016)

Possibly they haven't as they may be making their own inquiries and working out what their options are. Don't read into it - you just need to come up with a reasonable plan so you aren't panicking so much. How much longer is she left in quarantine?


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## Mince Pie (16 August 2016)

I do think you are being a little hasty, sorry. I really feel that when pony is finally allowed out she will become the quiet pony you brought home. As Rotter's said any pony will become a lot more energetic if they are stuck in for days on end. I'd personally wait until she's allowed out again and then see what happens before deciding what to do next. Sadly kids will fall off ponies - is this his first fall? I know its never nice to watch but it is a fact of life unfortunately. Perhaps some rescue remedy for you and your son? What have your yard said?

I'm in no way trying to make light of the situation but remember the pony is a living, breathing animal with a mind of her own and she can't be expected to be bombproof at all times. Any pony you buy will be the same. In the nicest possible way do you think you're ready to own? I'm really not trying to be nasty, or to make you feel bad but I just want to give straight facts.


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## WanderLust (16 August 2016)

rotters13 said:



			Possibly they haven't as they may be making their own inquiries and working out what their options are. Don't read into it - you just need to come up with a reasonable plan so you aren't panicking so much. How much longer is she left in quarantine?
		
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She's got until Saturday, so not long to go. I offered her back free of charge, but will just have to wait now.


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## WanderLust (16 August 2016)

Mince Pie said:



			I do think you are being a little hasty, sorry. I really feel that when pony is finally allowed out she will become the quiet pony you brought home. As Rotter's said any pony will become a lot more energetic if they are stuck in for days on end. I'd personally wait until she's allowed out again and then see what happens before deciding what to do next. Sadly kids will fall off ponies - is this his first fall? I know its never nice to watch but it is a fact of life unfortunately. Perhaps some rescue remedy for you and your son? What have your yard said?

I'm in no way trying to make light of the situation but remember the pony is a living, breathing animal with a mind of her own and she can't be expected to be bombproof at all times. Any pony you buy will be the same. In the nicest possible way do you think you're ready to own? I'm really not trying to be nasty, or to make you feel bad but I just want to give straight facts.
		
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Honestly, I don't know. I thought I was, but maybe I made a mistake. The good thing is that she's being looked after really well on the yard with experienced handlers. It's not cheap, but I couldn't do it on my own, not as a first time owner.


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## Mince Pie (16 August 2016)

Before the accident would you be happy or sad not to have a pony? What was the decision making process before you bought her?

I really would wait 4 weeks, see what happens after the weekend when she's allowed out, have lessons on her in the school and then reassess the situation then. Again, not trying to be nasty but this does seem to be a bit of a knee jerk reaction, and I actually think you'd regret giving her back in the long run xx


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## WanderLust (16 August 2016)

Mince Pie said:



			Before the accident would you be happy or sad not to have a pony? What was the decision making process before you bought her?

I really would wait 4 weeks, see what happens after the weekend when she's allowed out, have lessons on her in the school and then reassess the situation then. Again, not trying to be nasty but this does seem to be a bit of a knee jerk reaction, and I actually think you'd regret giving her back in the long run xx
		
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I did everything by the book, had a really knowledgeable friend go over costs, what I wanted etc. She came with me to viewings. I went away, talked it over, took my boy back, went away, discussed it etc, went back. I asked a lot of questions. 
I don't want it to end badly, but I'm scared that this bucking episode will become a pattern.


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## MargotC (16 August 2016)

I hope your son makes a speedy recovery and is not too scarred by the accident.

As others have said, a pony/horse needs time to settle in a new situation and environment. She doesn't know either of you and establishing trust between horse and owner/rider takes time. Two months would be too short in many cases, never mind less than two weeks. She has already been through a move, has to deal with new surroundings, a new routine, and new people handling her. Then on top of that she hasn't yet been allowed turnout (which will make even settled horses unsettled) or interaction with other horses, and I personally would be wary of expecting/asking too much of her at this point in time, especially with not one but (more than!) two new riders involved.

I am sure you all would benefit from bonding more on the ground before forging ahead with riding and asking questions of her while she is clearly unsettled. You need to get to know each other. Brushing sessions and groundwork are nice options to establish trust from both sides.

You bought her because she ticked the right boxes and you saw how nice she was in a settled environment, there is no reason why she should not get there with you but you need to provide that safe environment for her and with the quarantine that is understandably a little difficult yet.

As above I don't want to make light of a scary situation but don't give up so quickly on an otherwise nice pony because of this. It could have happened to anyone in this situation and she does sound like she deserves a chance. Ultimately safety must come first, especially with children involved, but this could happen with any new horse, or indeed any horse at any time, and the question then becomes are you willing to accept that risk at all to enjoy the animals you love. 

In any case I hope you arrive at the solution that is right for you all.


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## Mince Pie (16 August 2016)

/\ /\ /\ what she said!


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## Whizza (16 August 2016)

Hi Wonderlust.

When I first went and viewed my horse. She was everything I wanted, a nice steady hack, that I could have some fun on. Within 2 days of her being with me, she was a grumpy, bargy, hormonal cow. She was horrible. Coming from a paddock with no grass to mine that had been resting for 9 months and full of grass and coming into her first season of the year made her nasty. She kicked out, bit me and she meant it. I was convinced I had been had by the previous owners... 

It took a good 6 weeks for her to settle and that was with her being out 24/7.  Your little pony must be so frustrated being cooped up and watching the other horses grazing. Please give  her some time, ask your son to sit in the car at the yard and I'm sure curiosity will soon get the better of him once he can see how she is after she has settled into her new home and routine. I'm sure she will be back to the pony you first met. 

Keep us posted xx


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## Leo Walker (16 August 2016)

You need to take a deep breath and a step back. I own an absolutely superb horse, can be ridden by anyone, including me who is disabled and useless. Hes rock steady. If I moved him to a new yard, with new owners and kept him stabled he would be a pain in the backside! Stabling horses can send them a bit whappy, and if you combine that with new owners its a recipe for disaster.

I dont know if you have mentioned it, but check what shes being fed. Lots of part/full livery yards feed them hard feed that first ponies in light work just dont need and that could well be making it much worse!

Give her a month, dont ride her if needs be, get the yard to do it. Then see how she is. I bet she will be a reformed character.


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## MargotC (16 August 2016)

WanderLust said:



			I'm scared that this bucking episode will become a pattern.
		
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From reading your account of the incident, she was wound up (this is to be expected keeping in mind the circumstances), spooked (did anything immediately stand out as being the cause? If yes, you can work to desensitise her to said situation/object with ground work. If not, the new environment combined with being unsettled from no turnout etc. might explain it anyway), and bucked the (new to her) rider off. She was unsettled and scared and reacted accordingly. It was not a malicious action.

Additionally rider differences can be a thing to keep in mind. As riders we do feel different to the horse; me as a tall rider will give slightly different signals than a child: our legs simply rest differently against the horse, for one. This is where getting to know each other as horse and rider comes in and it takes time. Depending on how a spook is sat by the rider (do they lose balance, inadvertedly hit the horse with the leg in a different way, accidentally snag the rein etc.), this might explain a buck as a reaction to the particular situation.

From what you described I would not be worried about a pattern developing at this stage. It sounds situational and not behavioural. I would aim to set yourselves up in good situations and turnout and time will likely help.


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## Amye (17 August 2016)

Do listen to what others have said. Your pony does not sound malicious to me and it seems like a very unfortunate accident. Like others have said, if she is being cooped up for 24 hours a day she is bound to have pent up energy and will react more to situations then when she is allowed turnout. A week is nothing for a horse to settle into a new environment, it can take a while. 

Does the yard not have any isolation fields? At my yard the horses have to be quarantined at first but they have isolation fields they can be turned out in. If not then just do lots of groundwork to build your bond with the pony, she doesn't know she can trust you yet, she will still be unsure of her surroundings. And if you have suddenly disappeared from her life after this incident and even more new people are now looking after her it may be more unsettling for her. 

Explain to your son that sometimes even ponies can get scared and she didn't do it on purpose to hurt him and she is a very very sorry. I'm sure he will come round eventually. Tell him he doesn't have to ride her just come and spend time with her.

I really wouldn't give up yet. You need to give her a chance to settle and get used to everything, if the yard girls are happy to ride for now then maybe let them ride and you and your son just spend time with her and build a bond. Why don't you try walking her out inhand if there's somewhere suitable?? Then no one has to ride her but it will help with building that relationship. 

Once she has turnout and is settled in a routine, then maybe make a decision. She will probably be much better once she is out. 

Also a good point above about the feed, if she is inside and not doing much work she really shouldn't be needing that much food (if any) and if she's getting too much this may be giving her more energy then she requires.


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## WanderLust (17 August 2016)

Hi everyone,

So, after reading all your advice and with all your support, I have decided to keep her and see how we get on. I will have her on working livery for a while so that she is being exercised, but only more experienced riders. That way, it takes a the pressure off and my son can properly bond with her without feeling anxious that he must ride her. 
The previous owner came back to me and was quite upset, but did agree to take her back if that's what I wanted.
I'm taking my son up to have a walk around on her in a while. One of the girls asked me to go up and said she would lead him round on her. 

So, wish me luck! I'm such a worrier and feel like a total idiot!!:redface4:


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## Esme2015 (17 August 2016)

WanderLust said:



			Hi everyone,

So, after reading all your advice and with all your support, I have decided to keep her and see how we get on. I will have her on working livery for a while so that she is being exercised, but only more experienced riders. That way, it takes a the pressure off and my son can properly bond with her without feeling anxious that he must ride her. 
The previous owner came back to me and was quite upset, but did agree to take her back if that's what I wanted.
I'm taking my son up to have a walk around on her in a while. One of the girls asked me to go up and said she would lead him round on her. 

So, wish me luck! I'm such a worrier and feel like a total idiot!!:redface4: 

Click to expand...

Hey there, I don't have kids but I do know how daunting it is buying and bonding with your first horse as an adult (I was 40), and I just wanted to wish you luck. I mentioned in an earlier post about now having my mare's daughter. She is really pushing me in terms of my comfort zone but isn't malicious in the slightest and in fact adores me, but she can be a bit naughty. Scares me to death! I do a lot of deep breaths and take everything in really small steps. Each day I have a little victory - today was her not rearing on being led to her field, even though she started giving me the signs to let her off, I persevered and she stood quietly whilst I let the lead rein go. How about you do things in bite size chunks and each day go home with a positive. You'll soon be having fun on her in no time, I'm sure, and you're doing the right thing having all the support round you. I've had many wobbles with my youngster, but I've heard of such positive stories where people have come through the other side and are so glad they didn't sell. I know I would be completely heartbroken as she's the only thing I've had from birth!!  I can also remember when I got my mare and how nervous I was, and now I can't believe I had those issues with my mare! One thing though, if your pony is still in her stable, do get someone to lunge her before your little boy gets on her today. Am sure you have thought of this already!

Very long-winded way of saying perhaps take everything very slowly, and each day come home with a win that you and your son can celebrate! Even if it's just him sitting on her for 2 minutes!


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## Mince Pie (17 August 2016)

WanderLust said:



			Hi everyone,

So, after reading all your advice and with all your support, I have decided to keep her and see how we get on. I will have her on working livery for a while so that she is being exercised, but only more experienced riders. That way, it takes a the pressure off and my son can properly bond with her without feeling anxious that he must ride her. 
The previous owner came back to me and was quite upset, but did agree to take her back if that's what I wanted.
I'm taking my son up to have a walk around on her in a while. One of the girls asked me to go up and said she would lead him round on her. 

So, wish me luck! I'm such a worrier and feel like a total idiot!!:redface4: 

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Ah wonderful, I have a sneaky suspicion that in 6 months you'll be really glad you kept her  Perhaps sitting down with old owner and just explaining everything, your nerves, the accident and your worries - you never know she might become a good friend - and then she'll understand a bit more as to why to texted/rang/emailed her the other day xx

ETA: where are you OP? Chances are nowhere near me but maybe someone is local and could come and give you a hand/hug/gentle kick up bum as appropriate?


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## Amye (18 August 2016)

WanderLust said:



			Hi everyone,

So, after reading all your advice and with all your support, I have decided to keep her and see how we get on. I will have her on working livery for a while so that she is being exercised, but only more experienced riders. That way, it takes a the pressure off and my son can properly bond with her without feeling anxious that he must ride her. 
The previous owner came back to me and was quite upset, but did agree to take her back if that's what I wanted.
I'm taking my son up to have a walk around on her in a while. One of the girls asked me to go up and said she would lead him round on her. 

So, wish me luck! I'm such a worrier and feel like a total idiot!!:redface4: 

Click to expand...

That's great news  Worrying is part of it but sometimes you just have to take a deep breath and step back. Horses are animals and will be unpredictable sometimes, even the most bombproof ponies can bad days and be spooked by something. Especially when they are in new surroundings with new people. (I used to ride a bombproof cob, he was absolutely lovely and for months I rode him lead of rides and he never batted an eyelid at anything, would have put anyone on him, then one day we were hacking through the woods and someone had a bright red giant umbrella up and he span around and ran to the back of the ride!! He had a fear of umbrellas but nothing else!)

Keep us updated on how you're getting on and try and forget the incident in the past


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## Showmum (18 August 2016)

Hi Wanderlust I have read through your post and just wanted to reply and let you know we're in a similar situation to you. I don't ride but my daughter does. She's 13 so a bit older than your son. We have just bought our first pony and have had him 5 weeks but have just come back (last weekend) from a two week holiday and our bombproof sweet pony has turned into the devil. He previously used to buck on transition into canter (something he's always done with his previous owner) so daughter could handle that but first day back from holiday and he bucked her off from a complete standstill, which she wasn't expecting at all. She was ok and just got straight back on him, give him a telling off and he walked round again and done it again. Since that moment, he's been a right **** to put it politely. He wouldn't let her catch him in the field last night after always coming in so nicely and when lunging he just bolts off. She was in tears with me last night and said she doesn't even know if she wants to keep him. 

On the ground he's still such a good boy, has really good stable manners and when I catch him he's fine with me so I guess he's picking up on her nerves. I've had  word with his previous owner and she was also 13 when she first got him (same age as my daughter) and she's offered to come visit next week to help daughter get through this. She said he was exactly the same with her when she first got him, he's just testing the boundaries and pushing his luck.

I have built up a lovely relationship with him and love him to bits. Daughter did too and I'm hoping she will love him again soon. After he wouldn't let her catch him last night, we had planned for her to ride him but she refused so we just tied him up outside his stable and she groomed him for about an hour and plaited his mane and tail and I think it chilled them  both out a bit. 

As other people suggested above, try taking the pressure of yourself and your son for riding. Just do lots of groundwork with her, grooming, even just walking around the yard. The day after my boy was being such a **** we just walked him in hand around the school, put a couple of poles down and we kept talking to him and praising him and this seemed to take the pressure off him too. We think he's being lazy and not liking being worked at the moment so it helps.

We've also took him for a small hack in hand which he appears to love. it all helps with building your relationship with her.

I hope this helps from a fellow suffering new pony mum! xxxx


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## Mince Pie (18 August 2016)

Showmum, this is the point where your pony will start testing the boundaries to see what s/he can get away with - they are very much like children  Just stick to your guns, keep your routine, and let pony know that you mean what you say so s/he may as well knuckle down and behave!


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## Amye (18 August 2016)

Showmum, was the pony ridden while you were on holiday? Could be a bit of pent up energy/not used to being ridden? Could also be testing the boundaries as Mincepie suggested, maybe its routine has been a bit disturbed since you went away and it just needs to settle again?

If you think about it - you've had in 5 weeks but have been on holiday 2 of those weeks so really only 3 weeks with him at the moment


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## WanderLust (18 August 2016)

Showmum said:



			Hi Wanderlust I have read through your post and just wanted to reply and let you know we're in a similar situation to you. I don't ride but my daughter does. She's 13 so a bit older than your son. We have just bought our first pony and have had him 5 weeks but have just come back (last weekend) from a two week holiday and our bombproof sweet pony has turned into the devil. He previously used to buck on transition into canter (something he's always done with his previous owner) so daughter could handle that but first day back from holiday and he bucked her off from a complete standstill, which she wasn't expecting at all. She was ok and just got straight back on him, give him a telling off and he walked round again and done it again. Since that moment, he's been a right **** to put it politely. He wouldn't let her catch him in the field last night after always coming in so nicely and when lunging he just bolts off. She was in tears with me last night and said she doesn't even know if she wants to keep him. 

On the ground he's still such a good boy, has really good stable manners and when I catch him he's fine with me so I guess he's picking up on her nerves. I've had  word with his previous owner and she was also 13 when she first got him (same age as my daughter) and she's offered to come visit next week to help daughter get through this. She said he was exactly the same with her when she first got him, he's just testing the boundaries and pushing his luck.

I have built up a lovely relationship with him and love him to bits. Daughter did too and I'm hoping she will love him again soon. After he wouldn't let her catch him last night, we had planned for her to ride him but she refused so we just tied him up outside his stable and she groomed him for about an hour and plaited his mane and tail and I think it chilled them  both out a bit. 

As other people suggested above, try taking the pressure of yourself and your son for riding. Just do lots of groundwork with her, grooming, even just walking around the yard. The day after my boy was being such a **** we just walked him in hand around the school, put a couple of poles down and we kept talking to him and praising him and this seemed to take the pressure off him too. We think he's being lazy and not liking being worked at the moment so it helps.

We've also took him for a small hack in hand which he appears to love. it all helps with building your relationship with her.

I hope this helps from a fellow suffering new pony mum! xxxx
		
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It's hard seeing your children upset isn't it? My folks never watched me ride, which was probably a very good thing! 

The more time I spend with the pony the more I am bonding with her. She looks at me with those eyes and I melt. I'm very, very glad I didn't send her back and I'm realising it's better to just relax about it all. Also, now my son knows she's staying and isn't under any pressure to ride he's cheered right up!


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## Mince Pie (18 August 2016)

Woohoo!! So pleased for you, but do be prepared for her to test the boundaries a little bit in the next few weeks, as I said they're like kids trying to see what they can get away with but if you stay consistent you will be fine  xx


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## WanderLust (18 August 2016)

I took my eldest son up to the yard and he was lunging her with help from the girls up there. 

They adore her at the yard and she might be able to go out tomorrow night! If not, it will definitely be Saturday. I've got to say, this has been the longest two weeks ever!!


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## MargotC (18 August 2016)

How exciting to hear.


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## Amye (19 August 2016)

WanderLust said:



			I took my eldest son up to the yard and he was lunging her with help from the girls up there. 

They adore her at the yard and she might be able to go out tomorrow night! If not, it will definitely be Saturday. I've got to say, this has been the longest two weeks ever!!
		
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That's great news. I'm sure she'll love being out and will also calm her down a bit as she can get rid of that excess energy and interact with other horses! 

It's a really good sign that people at the yard like her and are willing to work with her. This shows that she is a good pony and just needs time, if she was a nightmare to work and ride i don't think the yard would be as inclined to help


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## WanderLust (20 August 2016)

Amye said:



			That's great news. I'm sure she'll love being out and will also calm her down a bit as she can get rid of that excess energy and interact with other horses! 

It's a really good sign that people at the yard like her and are willing to work with her. This shows that she is a good pony and just needs time, if she was a nightmare to work and ride i don't think the yard would be as inclined to help 

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Today's the day!! Think I'll let one of the girls take her to the field as she's bound to be too excited!


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## WanderLust (20 August 2016)

She had a couple of lessons today and was good as gold, then she was turned out for the first time. There was plenty of squealing, biting, kicking etc and then she was grazing quite happily. Still feel all churned up though!


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## Whizza (20 August 2016)

Bless her little heart, bet she'll be like a different horse in a few days xx


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## Mince Pie (20 August 2016)

WanderLust said:



			She had a couple of lessons today and was good as gold, then she was turned out for the first time. There was plenty of squealing, biting, kicking etc and then she was grazing quite happily. Still feel all churned up though!
		
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Is she on working livery? I'd be wary of them doing too much or she could end up fitter than you want her to be 

Sounds like she had a good day bless her.


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## WanderLust (21 August 2016)

Mince Pie said:



			Is she on working livery? I'd be wary of them doing too much or she could end up fitter than you want her to be 

Sounds like she had a good day bless her.
		
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Yes, I've put her on WL for the time being. My son wants to get back on the RS pony he was learning on previously. In fact, his instructor asked me how he was and I said it had knocked the confidence out of him and she replied 'I'm not surprised!'

Watching her in her lesson (she had one of the helpers on her) I could see her getting a bit excited at first, but the girl is an experienced rider so she handled her well. It was a more advanced group lesson and she did really well. 

Things are working out very differently to how I thought they would, but watching her being ridden well makes me feel so much better and knowing that my son wants to ride again is a relief. 

Still feel guilty about it all though.


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## Mince Pie (21 August 2016)

WanderLust said:



			Things are working out very differently to how I thought they would
		
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Welcome to horses  They have an excellent ability to chuck a spanner in the works!




			watching her being ridden well makes me feel so much better and knowing that my son wants to ride again is a relief.
		
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I'm glad, the first fall is always the worst - they get easier after that!


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## WanderLust (21 August 2016)

Hiya. I went to see her earlier and she was good as gold in her stable, no bite or kick marks. The girl who brought her in from the field said she was fantastic, no running off etc.

So, I went into her stable and gave her a cuddle and a fuss. I planned on tying her up in her stable to groom her as normal, but I had her head collar in my hand outside the door and I couldn't go back in! I was stood watching her over the stable door and I was shaking and just felt so nervous. My heart was beating really fast and I was having a mini asthma attack! I do have asthma and it's been a bit bad recently anyway.  I was stood there so long a lady across the way suggested I took her out for a wander around the yard, but I just couldn't do it. 

Eventually I just gave her a tail scratch and left. What is wrong with me?! I'm so angry with myself.


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## rotters13 (22 August 2016)

Take it in steps. You're not: Going to go out for a wander. First thing you're going to do is give her a polo over the door. Then you're going to undo the stable door. Then you're going to walk in and give her another polo. Then you're going to put the leadrope over her neck etc etc. 

Don't focus on the end goal just go with the little ones! I used to have horrible panic attacks before starting XC but I told myself the first step was walking into the start box, then it was to walk round the start box and talk to the starter, then it was to canter out the box, then at this point I was fine and just cracked on!


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## WanderLust (22 August 2016)

rotters13 said:



			Take it in steps. You're not: Going to go out for a wander. First thing you're going to do is give her a polo over the door. Then you're going to undo the stable door. Then you're going to walk in and give her another polo. Then you're going to put the leadrope over her neck etc etc. 

Don't focus on the end goal just go with the little ones! I used to have horrible panic attacks before starting XC but I told myself the first step was walking into the start box, then it was to walk round the start box and talk to the starter, then it was to canter out the box, then at this point I was fine and just cracked on!
		
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Thank you rotters. I will try this when I go tomorrow. Not putting too much pressure on myself is something I need to work on.


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## tristar (23 August 2016)

if you lunge your pony every day it will help her greatly, what a load of idiots  the yard must be to keep in all the time knowing you are a first time  owner, to lock up the pony is a recipe for disaster, also after lunging take her for a long walk round, if not riding her.

i lunge all my horses before riding, if only for a few minutes, it helps them to loosen up and gives me a chance to see what mood they are in, a kind of opening the conversation time

you are in a situation and place which is not your own environment, control is taken away from you, get it out of the stable spend time with it and you will gain confidence from getting to know her.


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## WanderLust (24 August 2016)

I went up today and the girls helped me groom her and then wash her down after her lesson, then I turned her out with some of the others. I had a little pootle round on her. Anxiety levels were high, but I did it. 
I let them know how anxious I am and they assured me they will help me and I'm not on my own.
Feel much better today


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## WanderLust (25 August 2016)

Oh, one thing that bothered me. I tied her up outside to groom her and she threw her front leg out at me and caught my leg with her hoof. She got a slap on the shoulder from the girl who was helping me and she didn't do it again. She was pawing the ground afterwards though. 

Should I be very concerned about it?


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## Mince Pie (25 August 2016)

tristar said:



			what a load of idiots  the yard must be to keep in all the time knowing you are a first time  owner, to lock up the pony is a recipe for disaster
		
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Pony was on quarantine, which I actually find very responsible rather than idiotic 

Some horses do paw the ground WL, blooming annoying but what the girl helping you did is the right way to go if she does more then that. Perhaps a sharp OI would work as well. I still think she'll need time to settle down, she's in a new home with new people and locked in for a fortnight she's bound to still be a bit on edge. Just persevere with getting to know her and getting her trust, might take a little while but I'm sure you'll get there


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## WanderLust (25 August 2016)

Mince Pie said:



			Pony was on quarantine, which I actually find very responsible rather than idiotic 

Some horses do paw the ground WL, blooming annoying but what the girl helping you did is the right way to go if she does more then that. Perhaps a sharp OI would work as well. I still think she'll need time to settle down, she's in a new home with new people and locked in for a fortnight she's bound to still be a bit on edge. Just persevere with getting to know her and getting her trust, might take a little while but I'm sure you'll get there 

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Thank you Mince Pie. That puts my mind at rest. I'll carry on doing what I'm doing.


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## Merrylegs9322 (25 August 2016)

I can hardly say I am surprised you had initial problems. Your pony has gone from a routine of going out everyday and stretching and running around to then being shut up inside for 2 weeks. I wouldn't, however, blame the pony for your kid falling off or use it as an excuse for not doing anything with the horse from that point on. Any horse can spook at something while on a hack even the most 100% boomproof ponies. I would always say that a kid should have someone leading or walking side them while hacking unless they are super experienced riders. The pony has been moved to a new yard so everything is new and then being hacked out in a new area. I would recommend walking the pony in hand round a few routes so it can become familiar with the new area. Daily turnout is also vital for these cob type of horses - I also don't think the pony is overweight from your photos so make sure you aren't starving her by not giving her any hard feed if that is what she is used to having. 
The more you are being anxious and worried about your pony the more the pony is going to start thinking there is something to worry about and then you will have problems. I don't mean to sound harsh but you need to get on with it and stop getting the girls at the yard to help you. If you want to brush her off then you need to go in her stable and brush her off. I also wouldn't be giving the pony polos and treats all the time as that will encourage nipping which will give you something else to worry about. 
If she is unfit, then doing something 5/6 times a week is important. But don't over do it. A 20 minute lunge or a walk in hand, or being led round the block would build her fitness and get her stretched and into a routine. All ponies/horses like a routine! Also make sure that she isn't being over worked being ridden lesson after lesson if on working livery as that is bound to annoy the pony eventually! 
Regarding being ridden by you or your kid. Riding a horse is what builds a bond so even if you or your kid just walks round the school a few times being led it will help you both and will build the bond with the pony. 
Failing that, if the pony really is too much for you and your son, contact the previous owners again. If you have bought your first pony you want to spend all the time you have with it rather than random people attending the yard for lessons.


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## Esme2015 (25 August 2016)

Whilst I agree with the majority of what Merrylegs is saying, I can totally sympathise with your nerves and anxiety, and sometimes you just need people to help you for a week or two before you go it alone. I wouldn't groom her in the stable at all for the moment, but tie her up outside. That way you will be less nervous and she won't pick up on your nerves. I can imagine you're overthinking the fact she kicked out, I know I would be. Us older first time owners don't deal with things in the same way as those of us who've had horses most of their lives or been exposed from a young age. I do think your pony has had a lot thrown at her in a short space of time and also maybe she's better one on one? I thought about working livery when I first got my mare, but actually I decided I needed to bond with her so we could build up trust. I didn't actually ever put her in working livery after that! However, you must do what's right for you. From what you say, you are possibly being a bit timid around her. If you're nervous riding or leading her, try and recite something in your head. I do it when I'm leading my two year old, I say to myself, confident confident confident! The worst thing you can do is to almost back off if you're doing something, they then think it's something to be scared of. Its really hard to do. I don't think people who aren't nervous understand how hard it is, but equally sometimes you just have to be brave! Good luck.

Oh and for the moment, perhaps wear a hat at all times when you're handling/leading her in hand. If it makes you feel even better wear a body protector. I wear mine when I'm handling my youngster just to give me a bit of extra confidence. 

I also think, as everyone's said, that groundwork is the key. I wouldn't rush riding her. She needs time to settle and get to know you by the sound of it.


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## Merrylegs9322 (25 August 2016)

I didn't get my first horse until I was older, I then fell off twice within the first week of owning him. I lost my confidence and went through a similar thing where I ended up having other people looking after him as I got nervous. He picked up on my nerves and became scared of me. It then took a very long time for him to gain confidence and trust in me once I got over my nerves and falls. 
*Please do not let that happen to you* Getting a horse is a very exciting thing and you need to try to bond with your horse before your pony becomes nervous of you as currently its only experience of you is when you are nervous and anxious. Bonding happens through grooming, spending time together, walking in hand and riding. I would say though to tie your pony up inside its stable rather than outside. Outside is a big open space whereas the stable is a safe space so the pony will be more likely to be relaxed, which will make you relax and therefore both enjoy the grooming experience.


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## Esme2015 (25 August 2016)

Merrylegs9322 said:



			I didn't get my first horse until I was older, I then fell off twice within the first week of owning him. I lost my confidence and went through a similar thing where I ended up having other people looking after him as I got nervous. He picked up on my nerves and became scared of me. It then took a very long time for him to gain confidence and trust in me once I got over my nerves and falls. 
*Please do not let that happen to you* Getting a horse is a very exciting thing and you need to try to bond with your horse before your pony becomes nervous of you as currently its only experience of you is when you are nervous and anxious. Bonding happens through grooming, spending time together, walking in hand and riding. I would say though to tie your pony up inside its stable rather than outside. Outside is a big open space whereas the stable is a safe space so the pony will be more likely to be relaxed, which will make you relax and therefore both enjoy the grooming experience.
		
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Fair enough, I was 40, I have no idea how old you were however I most certainly agree with you about tbe nerves thing! But I also don't agree with the whole 'just get on with it' Which seems to be so prevalent in the horse world. Because of that, I ended up with a broken horse and a broken me!  Yes you have to be brave but also i believe in taking small steps to build up slowly.  

Re the whole out/in stable thing, if the horse is on a secure yard, I personally would tie it up outside. I talk from experience as my mare was incredibly grumpy when I first got her. Now, 7 years later, things are quite different. 

However, I think there are so many different opinions on what to do in the horse world and so many of us believe we are right. Whatever you do, I hope, OP, that you can start to build a bond with your pony soon and that you and your son grow in confidence. If someone had said to me, seven years ago, I'd be on my own private yard, looking after two horses without any input (unless I text someone), I'd have thought they were insane!!


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## WanderLust (25 August 2016)

Esme2015 said:



			Fair enough, I was 40, I have no idea how old you were however I most certainly agree with you about tbe nerves thing! But I also don't agree with the whole 'just get on with it' Which seems to be so prevalent in the horse world. Because of that, I ended up with a broken horse and a broken me!  Yes you have to be brave but also i believe in taking small steps to build up slowly.  

Re the whole out/in stable thing, if the horse is on a secure yard, I personally would tie it up outside. I talk from experience as my mare was incredibly grumpy when I first got her. Now, 7 years later, things are quite different. 

However, I think there are so many different opinions on what to do in the horse world and so many of us believe we are right. Whatever you do, I hope, OP, that you can start to build a bond with your pony soon and that you and your son grow in confidence. If someone had said to me, seven years ago, I'd be on my own private yard, looking after two horses without any input (unless I text someone), I'd have thought they were insane!!
		
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This is how I want to be! I'm hoping that it will all click eventually. I'm trying my best because I really want it to work out.


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## Mince Pie (6 September 2016)

Any updates?


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## WanderLust (24 August 2017)

Mince Pie said:



			Any updates?
		
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Hi Mince Pie!

Sorry for just disappearing.  I was so overwhelmed by everything I had to take a step back.  So, eventually I decided to gift the pony to the school. I tried my best to persevere, but I wasn't doing myself any favours or the poor pony. My son never went back to riding, it was just too risky for him. I have tried to gently convince him to get back in the saddle, but he is having none of it!

After a year off from riding I have recently started having lessons again and I am really enjoying it. I have definitely learned some lessons! Don't rush into things being one of them. I love horses and I love riding but I need to gain a LOT more experience and confidence before even considering loaning or buying a pony!

Again, sorry for just going AWOL and not responding sooner after everybody was so lovely and supportive


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## Merrylegs9322 (24 August 2017)

Do you still see the pony? Or know how she is getting on?


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## Amye (24 August 2017)

Ahhh I'm sorry to hear it didn't work out! She did sound like a lovely pony.

Glad you're back riding and enjoying it though. You never know, if you carry on enjoying it your son might decide he wants to join you again one day! 

There will be a time for another pony I'm sure  Perhaps a part loan would be best at first for confidence! But for now just spend time enjoying ponies! That's what it's all about after all


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## WanderLust (24 August 2017)

Merrylegs9322 said:



			Do you still see the pony? Or know how she is getting on?
		
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Hi Merrylegs.  I haven't seen her, but I've just been turning up for my lesson and then going home, but I know she's doing well. I don't ride her as she's a bit small for me. Also, she's been out in the field when I've been there. I will see her at some point though I hope.


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## WanderLust (24 August 2017)

Amye said:



			Ahhh I'm sorry to hear it didn't work out! She did sound like a lovely pony.

Glad you're back riding and enjoying it though. You never know, if you carry on enjoying it your son might decide he wants to join you again one day! 

There will be a time for another pony I'm sure  Perhaps a part loan would be best at first for confidence! But for now just spend time enjoying ponies! That's what it's all about after all 

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Hi Amye, I know, she's great, but it just went wrong and then couldn't be rectified.

I would love for my son to get back into it and was thinking the same thing, that he might see me enjoying it and be tempted back. 

I've decided to keep going for lessons for now and if I want to take the plunge again I will definitely loan first. 

Thank you &#55357;&#56842;


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## Merrylegs9322 (25 August 2017)

I think it would be a really good idea for you in terms of moving forward, over coming a hurdle etc. if maybe you asked the riding school if you can bring her in from the field with someone of course and brush her off and maybe ask to have a lesson on her. Even if the lesson is on the lead rein and you just walk and trot I think it would be a real confidence boost and you'll be able to put the experience behind you and move on. And you may even find that you still love her as much as you did when you went to view her initially and could have regular lessons on her. 
If you felt she was safe and sensible enough when you first saw her for your son to be able to ride her then she must be a real sweet pony and was probably very unsettled and insecure when you got her. Going from one environment and routine to another can be really distressing for some horses and it can take them a while to trust and settle. Especially if they have gone from a quiet, one on one yard to a bigger place with lots of people.


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## WanderLust (25 August 2017)

Merrylegs9322 said:



			I think it would be a really good idea for you in terms of moving forward, over coming a hurdle etc. if maybe you asked the riding school if you can bring her in from the field with someone of course and brush her off and maybe ask to have a lesson on her. Even if the lesson is on the lead rein and you just walk and trot I think it would be a real confidence boost and you'll be able to put the experience behind you and move on. And you may even find that you still love her as much as you did when you went to view her initially and could have regular lessons on her. 
If you felt she was safe and sensible enough when you first saw her for your son to be able to ride her then she must be a real sweet pony and was probably very unsettled and insecure when you got her. Going from one environment and routine to another can be really distressing for some horses and it can take them a while to trust and settle. Especially if they have gone from a quiet, one on one yard to a bigger place with lots of people.
		
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Thank you Merrylegs

That is something I am open to and I will probably discuss it with the owner of the yard at some point. She is lovely. 

You're right, it must have been very overwhelming and stressful for her when she moved yards and I was not putting her at ease, which made me feel extremely guilty and like a massive failure! It sounds dramatic, but it was something I had dreamed about since I was a little girl, so I didn't factor in any issues. I think I had my rose tinted glasses on. 

It's been lovely to go back and get back in the saddle because my confidence took a massive knock. I'm excited now for the future and I am just going to take things very slowly. 

Thank you for being so supportive


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