# Low confidence and a stroppy mare



## Mollysue (6 March 2015)

Hi

I need some advice please.

I have a 6 yr old cob mare, who I purchased from my local riding school. I used to have lessons on her then the owner said she was going to sell her so I deided to buy her. I kept her at the school on working livery where she was used 3 hrs a day 6 days a week. I'm 48 and she's my first pony.

However, I decide to move to DIY as I wasn't getting chance to ride her much so we moved in September last year. 

A week before we moved she bronced me off. I later found that she had a very badly fitted saddle which was causing her pain. She now has a lovely new one. However my confidence took a real battering and I'm having a big problem getting it back. 

I've started to have lessons again but TBH Im scared to ride her & she knows it. She is also starting to be a bit naughty on the ground. Barging me in the stable, having a strop when I lunge her and not letting me pick her feet and kicking out. She knows she is bigger and stronger than me. She has turned into a bit of a nightmare. My instructor says she is lazy and needs to be taught some manners which, yes I agree. But I work full time and don't have any experience in schooling horses. 

She has gone from being used nearly every day to nothing. Plus she is stabled in the week as there is no-one at the yard to turn her out in the morning for me. She quite likes it inside and is extremely calm in her stable and i do lunge her everyday.

What I would like to know is where do I start getting some respect from her? At the moment she just sees me as someone who feeds her and makes her work for half an hour. She used to be fabulous and a really lovely girl. I know I'm part of the problem but she knows how I'm feeling and is taking advantage. 

Any constructive advice/ criticism would be very much appreciate.

Thank you


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## Exploding Chestnuts (6 March 2015)

If she is stabled and hardly ridden this will make her even worse, as they seem to store up energy.
Re lunging every day, it not a particularly great idea, it is obviously not helping her behaviour anyway.

Regarding her not having manners, horse handling is a skill that needs to be learnt by both the horse and the handler, its not really a matter of brute strength, otherwise no one could cope with anything bigger than a sheep [and some big sheep are quite a handful].

Can you find someone to help you with her, there may be someone out there who has the time and the experience to sort things out. A lot of people share their horse, sharing costs and the work, but in your case you have specific requirements, so might need to give up the money side of things or make it a token payment, or none... . Depends on how bad she is, some people would want payment for schooling your horse for you.

You need a competent and confident rider who will sort her out for you, ride during the week, and turnout every morning. I assume she will be out 24/7 for the summer, say May to November.

From what you said your instructor is not helping you, really you need help, not being told what is wrong, but shown how to sort it.
Personally, I would find a good instructor who is willing to come down every day for a few days and sort the problem out while you are there. This will cost money, but there is no point in keeping going this way, it is no fun, and in the end it may get worse.
Your horse is a big animal, he is like many horses, if there is any doubt as to who is in charge, he will take over. Problems like this are quite common, but I don't know if that makes you feel any any better.
PS, it is a common mistake [we have all done it] to imagine that the horse looks at life in the same way as we do, they do have their own ideas, but don't spend time worrying about it, find out how to sort the behaviour , the handling , and the riding.


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## Midlifecrisis (6 March 2015)

Turn horse out every day - she needs horsey company and exercise - get an instructor to have lessons together and up her ridden exercise...oh and check you aren't feeding her at the same rate as she was when in daily work.  You should see an improvement in her behaviour and return of your confidence in her.


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## Joanne_Stockport (6 March 2015)

Well done for sorting out the saddle!
Make sure that it is regularly checked as she will probably change shape again. 

I think the first and most important thing is that you need to find a way to have her turned out everyday for as long as possible.
Either move her to full livery or pay someone to turn her out/bring in.

Learn (with a good instructor) how to be consistent with her on the ground (lunging or other). Do not allow her to be rude to you.
Lunge her before riding her and if possible pay someone to ride her/school her a few times a week.

I think it's quite normal that she behaves like this. She was obviously quite in shape being ridden for 3 hours every day and now, she is stuck in a stable all day long.

I also bought a horse from a riding school and took me a year to get to the point when we can hack on our own and schooling is getting better.
Do little steps at a time. I also did not know how to school a horse but I had no choice with my gelding as he is young and green (I only have been riding 1 year prior to buying him). I persisted ..it went worst before it got better (to the point of him not wanting to move in the school , or squashing my leg on the fence.etc..) but in the last 2 months there have been so good improvement (with a different instructor). If you are patient and keen to develop your knowledge and skills you can do it but it will take time !


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## Exploding Chestnuts (6 March 2015)

You may be able to take her back to the R.S. and put her back on working livery, but specify that she is only to work a max of two hours in any one day, [ask for a record], and you will have her on Sat and on Sunday for half the day. This will keep her settled, and you will have her when it suits. They may not agree, but if she is a good RS type, they will probably consider it.
You might sweeten them up by having lessons on her, so they really have a no brainer ...... a free horse and and some income from you.
She should be out as much as possible, she is a horse and needs to have her own time to be a horse.


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## Mollysue (7 March 2015)

Thank you for the replies and good advice. They have given me something to think about.
When I 1st moved, I moved with a friend and her pony, and she put her out in the morning but she has now left. I have asked a few people but they have said no they don't want the responsibility. I even offered to pay!! I would put her out myself but I start work at 7, 20 miles away and the YO will not let's us leave them out all day as the field is like a bog so she needs bringing in at 1, which I can't do as I'm at work. 
I really like to yard i am at. It's a mile from home, great facilities and hacking, lovely people and £28 a week. 
My instructor is good & I like her and so does my pony. When I first started lessons with her I wouldn't even trot on her but now I will. I will speak to her and see if she can come in the day and school her for me. 
I have thought about part loaning her as well just so she is being used in the day. 
I want to persevere with her as I know she can be a great pony. 
I wouldn't go back to the RS as the owner will not let the working livery ponies be used by their owners at the weekend and would use them when it was our allocated time if someone just turned up wanting a lesson, trek etc. That's why I left. They are also the reason she threw me off as the saddle I bought from her, never and never would have (according to a qualified saddle fitter) fitted her. It was bouncing on her back when anyone trotted on her.
Well it's the weekend and at least she will be out for a couple of days. I think I'll talk to the YO later and see if she will let her be out all day for a couple of days next week.


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## be positive (7 March 2015)

Being shut in all the time after having such a lot of work will make her difficult for you, as already said above she needs turnout, the yard may be ideal in many ways but if they set rules as they are they must provide services so owners can work within those rules, thinking ahead to next winter you will be in the same position so if the YO is not going to either allow some turnout that is realistic or offer services it would make sense to have a look around for somewhere more suitable or to find someone to help you that could go each day and turnout/ get in and possibly exercise, you would benefit as would your pony.

If she has been doing all that work in a badly fitting saddle she will still be sore for some time as her back recovers and she will change shape, I would get her checked by a physio as sometimes they can remain very tense in the back if not given some help.
The RS sounds a nightmare for owners, I have seen this happen with working liveries the RS treats them as if they still own them, charges the owners a decent amount of livery yet the owners never ride, one girl used to miss her lesson most weeks so her horse could have a rest, going back would not be good for you or the pony, she probably needs more work but not on those terms.

With more time out and help from a good instructor it will get better, the days are getting longer so you will be able to do more with her, explain to the YO that you like the yard but with the rules it may be that you need to think about looking elsewhere, if they value you as a client they should be able to offer solutions to help you.


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## 9tails (7 March 2015)

You're at the wrong yard. If you can't turn her out due to field restrictions and nobody else will do it for cash your horse will and has become a handful. With her badly fitting saddle history, have you had her seen by a physio? She may still be sore. But your main issue here is finding somewhere that suits you and your horse.


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## Meowy Catkin (7 March 2015)

9tails said:



			You're at the wrong yard.
		
Click to expand...

This.


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## Mollysue (7 March 2015)

Well I've had a bit of a miracle happen this morning, I couldn't believe it!! One of the other liveries has said if I can turn my mare out she will bring her in for me if I can put her gelding out at the weekends! I'm gonna juggle my hours at work abit so I can put her out at 7 when someone else puts theirs out. I couldn't believe my luck. I gave her a massive hug. Hopefully she'll be better once she's going out.
I had a physio out when we moved yards and have had a follow up after she had her new saddle a couple of weeks. I am going to continue to have her out every 6 months for a check up. 
I need to get my confidence back ASAP. I was a good rider before I came off and am so cross with myself. The warm weather is coming and I want to be able to enjoy the beautiful countryside where I live with my friends.
There are quite a few yards around where I live but vacancies are few and far between. I was looking for 6 weeks before I found my current yard. I have spoke to the YO and she has said that the ponies will be moving fields in a couple of weeks and she will be able to stay out longer, thank goodness.
Thank you for all the advice, it is very much appreciated.


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## Micky (9 March 2015)

Another bonding thing you can do is groom her...ie instead of riding her, tie her up ( if you need to) and give her a lovely long strokes groom, the whole shebang, mane tail body hooves etc.. You dont have to ride everyday, its relaxing to have a day or two off. You could also lead her out on a hack ( if you have safe hacking) on a lunge line ( with hat gloves and hi viz) and just walk and trot her, can only be 20 mins but again its a bond thing... Good luck, you will get there and dont give yourself a hard time, visualise yourself riding tall and confidently and concentrate on Riding when you are on board, Not what could/might happen ( singing helps too )...


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## Olliepoppy (9 March 2015)

Hi, I have had my 6 year old cob for 10 months now and we got off to an awful start due to his age/lack of training/my lack of knowledge.  He has a beautiful nature but can really take the pee if you let him.  I had the same behaviour, barging, not allowing his feet to be picked up, bucking if I asked him to do something he didn't want to do. I lost my confidence with him but through the help of people on this forum, LOTS of reading, and a good instructor we have come on no end.  We still have a very long way to go, which will take lots of time and money but he is worth it.  I am now facing a new challenge with him as he can't bear to be separated from his new pal so there is always a challenge!  All I can say is take baby steps and ditto spending time with her just grooming or picking up feet. My boy changes his mind from day to day on whether he's going to stand still while his feet are picked up but I perservere... Good luck


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## wench (9 March 2015)

I would also suggest getting a good groundwork instructor in as well... these can help as well, especially if you are a little nervous around horses.

If you search "bargy horse" or similar on youtube, you will find loads of training videos, that should at least give you a bit of start of what to do when horse is being a bit bargy or rude on the ground.


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## Little-miss-perfect (9 March 2015)

Mollysue said:



			Well I've had a bit of a miracle happen this morning, I couldn't believe it!! One of the other liveries has said if I can turn my mare out she will bring her in for me if I can put her gelding out at the weekends! I'm gonna juggle my hours at work abit so I can put her out at 7 when someone else puts theirs out. I couldn't believe my luck. I gave her a massive hug. Hopefully she'll be better once she's going out.
I had a physio out when we moved yards and have had a follow up after she had her new saddle a couple of weeks. I am going to continue to have her out every 6 months for a check up. 
I need to get my confidence back ASAP. I was a good rider before I came off and am so cross with myself. The warm weather is coming and I want to be able to enjoy the beautiful countryside where I live with my friends.
There are quite a few yards around where I live but vacancies are few and far between. I was looking for 6 weeks before I found my current yard. I have spoke to the YO and she has said that the ponies will be moving fields in a couple of weeks and she will be able to stay out longer, thank goodness.
Thank you for all the advice, it is very much appreciated.
		
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I'm so pleased for you, that you've got the turnout sorted. It can be really hard when you first have a horse and any help is a bonus, good luck


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