# Need a bit of hand holding re: elderly cat.



## southerncomfort (8 April 2022)

Willow is 18 and started going downhill a few weeks ago I.e not grooming herself, losing weight and appearing very lethargic.

We took her to vets and lots of tests later, the vet couldn't find a thing wrong with her and declared her to be just very, very old.

Over the last week or so she's deteriorated: completely lost her appetite and is looking very skinny and haggard now, won't leave the kitchen (and the under floor heating) even for a sunny spot on the sofa, doesn't want any attention and has stopped purring.

I'm trying to coax her to eat by using tuna juice or gravy to make her food more appealing but she's eating very little.

I know she's coming to the end of her life but seeing her like this is heartbreaking.

I'm in no doubt that if I take her to the vets it'll be a one way ticket and I don't want that end for her.  But neither do I want this long slow deterioration.

It's made more difficult by my husband's refusal to accept or talk about what's happening so I can't discuss with him whether it's ethical for her to go naturally, or better to ask the vet to come here and PTS.

Our last old cat had diabetes and kidney disease so it was an easy decision. 

Any gentle words of wisdom?


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## TPO (8 April 2022)

Better too soon than a second too late.

It is the final kindness that we can do for them. Far better to let them go with some quality of life and dignity.

You should both be proud that she has reached such a grand age. Sadly it does sound like someone is needed to intervene as she is not eating and appears to be too weak to move. I'd rather an animal go peacefully by vet than "naturally" because they cannot eat/move/drink.

I am so sorry that you are facing this loss and it is heartbreaking as an owner. This is the final thing that you can do for her with love.

Take care of yourself too x


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## Sandstone1 (8 April 2022)

If her time has come I would get the vet to come to your house  and gently put her to sleep in her own home.  Its the least stressful way and to let her go naturally could be a long and painful process.  Its very rarely a nice thing and as much as we would all like them to go peacefully in their sleep it does not often happen sadly.


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## paddi22 (8 April 2022)

Better too soon than an hour late. We had an elderly pony die of old age and vet said it's body gradually just shuts down functions. Our pony didn't look in pain but vet said it would need to be PTS as you don't know what's happening internally and they are often too weak/confused to express what they are feeling.  It isn't kind to leave an animal losing functions like that and at some stage the animal will start to suffer and be in pain.  We don't leave humans to die without pain relief and medial support, it's the same with animals, even more so as they can't tell us they are in pain and are often too weak to express discomfort they are feeling.

There is nothing wrong with death, it comes to everything.  Your cat is going to die,  the only thing you can control is if it has a dignified end, or its timespan gets drawn out as it's body shuts down more and more.

As an owner you are in charge of her comfort and the kindest thing to do is as Sandstone said and get vet to PTS, preferably in own home of possible. It's the hard side of having enjoyed a great life with a much loved animal and it is a heartbreaking and difficult decision to make.


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## meleeka (8 April 2022)

Can you get a vet to come to you?

I’m of the opinion that PTS is usually kinder than just dying just because she won’t know what’s happening.   I’m pretty sure death naturally can’t be painless. 

For me, watching that decline is worse than putting my brave pants on and doing something about it. 

Doing the right thing is never easy and thoughts are with you x


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## Sparky Lily (8 April 2022)

We noticed that our old cat was beginning to fail, but although thin and eating very little, she appeared to still be enjoying life - going out when the sun was shining, choosing warm and comfy places to sleep etc. But she had stopped purring. We were at the point of contacting the vet to come on his next routine visit to our island, 4 days away. I found her dead later that morning. I still feel guilty that we had not acted sooner.


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## Lindylouanne (8 April 2022)

Going into first lockdown Holly at 17 started showing the same signs. 6 months earlier she had passed her annual blood tests with flying colours but she too began going downhill very fast. She stopped eating and drinking on the Saturday and first thing Sunday morning I took her to the vet who confirmed her organs were shutting down and I had her PTS. It was so hard but I felt I did the right thing even though I know she probably wouldn’t have lasted the day. 

It’s a the hardest decision we have to make as pet owners but it is by far the kindest thing we can do for them. Sending hugs and a virtual hand hold xx


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## Equi (8 April 2022)

Did the vet do any bloods? I’d wager the kidneys are shutting down and everything else following. Such a sad time for you both but it can’t be stopped only helped.


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## pistolpete (8 April 2022)

If she’s off her food she’ll be getting weaker. Very difficult time. Sending virtual hugs. X


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## DirectorFury (8 April 2022)

I'm very sorry to say that this is exactly what happened with my mid-20s Siamese girl.

Her blood tests 3 months previous had been absolutely perfect (much to everyone's surprise) and then over the course of two weeks she just seemed to take a nose dive - no appetite, not grooming, not purring, and just generally looking miserable; though she was still seeking out sunny spots and jumping up on worktops.

The vets did another blood test and her kidneys had completely packed up, her heart was failing, her thyroid levels were insane, and her white blood cell count indicated some form of cancer somewhere.
The vet tried her best to make her comfortable and she came home on the Friday for one final weekend with us, with PTS booked in for the Monday morning.

It was clear by the Sunday morning that she was dying, and I felt that inflicting another 24 hours of that on her was tantamount to torture. We owed her far better than that for her ~23 years of love and companionship and she was PTS by the emergency vet on Sunday morning. She took a piece of my soul with her.

It's a horrible decision to have to make but your lovely cat only knows that she feels awful, she doesn't have a concept of tomorrow or a bit more time. A 'natural' death in cats is often not peaceful, particularly if there are kidney issues, and you don't want to taint your happy memories of her with memories of waiting for her to die.
Sending you strength x


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## Pearlsasinger (8 April 2022)

If you know what the vet will say, I don't see how you can justify any delay. Doesn't the 18 years of joy, laughter and memories earn your cat the right to a peaceful pain free end? If not, please don't ever get another cat!

It is a difficult decision and I am sorry that you are having to make it


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## Lady Jane (8 April 2022)

Its so sad and heart breaking - be brave - sending virtual hugs to you all x


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## Highmileagecob (8 April 2022)

Aw it's a sad time. I think you know she is coming to the end of her days. If she was prowling around yowling and obviously distressed then I think you would have picked up on that, as it is she is quietly fading. This is what dying is, a decline and sleeping a lot, appetite reduces to nothing, and sleep increases.....Hugs to you which ever decision you come to.


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## southerncomfort (8 April 2022)

Pearlsasinger said:



			If you know what the vet will say, I don't see how you can justify any delay. Doesn't the 18 years of joy, laughter and memories earn your cat the right to a peaceful pain free end? If not, please don't ever get another cat!

It is a difficult decision and I am sorry that you are having to make it
		
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That is the cruellest, nastiest thing any one has ever said to me either online or in real life.

I could stick up for myself but what's the point with someone so judgemental and so lacking in compassion to their fellow humans.  You just made a heartbreaking situation even more unbearable.

Thanks to everyone else for your kindness, but at this point I'm out.


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## Birker2020 (8 April 2022)

southerncomfort said:



			That is the cruellest, nastiest thing any one has ever said to me either online or in real life.

I could stick up for myself but what's the point with someone so judgemental and so lacking in compassion to their fellow humans.  You just made a heartbreaking situation even more unbearable.

Thanks to everyone else for your kindness, but at this point I'm out.
		
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I am prepared to stick my neck on the line by saying, I agree with you.  That was decidedly out of order for PAS to say that.  Having had equally upsetting things said to me and no one brave enough to say "Oi that's too far" I feel I must say what I think whatever the repercussions.

I am sorry for your troubles, I can see what a loving owner you are or you'd not have bothered to come on here to ask this question and you are feeling overwhelmed. It's evident you are struggling to make a decision and no one can blame you for that and piling guilt on you is not the answer.  Thinking of you.


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## KittenInTheTree (8 April 2022)

If she's not showing any signs of distress, then I would just pamper her and let her be. Lots of choice bits of food such as tinned fish and so on. Our last elderly cat to pass went in his sleep on the kitchen bench. Obviously, if she stopped passing waste normally or displaying signs of pain or distress then it would be better to intervene, but if she's just slowing down to a gradual halt, then honestly, it's okay to simply be there for her.


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## Sandstone1 (8 April 2022)

Pearlsasinger said:



			If you know what the vet will say, I don't see how you can justify any delay. Doesn't the 18 years of joy, laughter and memories earn your cat the right to a peaceful pain free end? If not, please don't ever get another cat!

It is a difficult decision and I am sorry that you are having to make it
		
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Thats pretty harsh and uncalled for.    The OP has asked for advise and you have not helped a difficult situation with that uncalled for comment.
I can only hope you did not mean it how it comes across..


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## Arzada (8 April 2022)

In case you pop in to look at your thread OP. About a month ago I was in your place with my dear old girl of 20/21 years. I'd been to the vet a couple of weeks beforehand about something else and as we'd only been once before 18 months previous I asked if the practice offered home visits when the time came. The vet said yes but that it was a long way off. It wasn't and only 4 weeks later following a rapid decline I phoned and asked for a vet to visit us at home. It was a Saturday morning and I learned that home visits were only Monday to Friday. Please check which days your vet will be able to visit you at home. Wishing you strength at this very difficult time x


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## NinjaPony (8 April 2022)

Much easier to be objective and harsh when it’s not your cat.
It’s horrible watching your pet fade away, particularly when it’s clearly a much loved and cherished pet. I think you know what you need to do, look after yourself, she’s had a long and very happy life with you xx


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## [139672] (8 April 2022)

So sorry to hear this. Had to have my mum’s cat put down last October. She was also my dad’s cat, which he adored, and we had lost him to vascular dementia two year before and that made it even more difficult for my mum and our family to say goodbye to her. She was a huge comfort and company for him. When she stopped eating and couldn’t move well at all, a company came out and put her to sleep and took her away to be cremated. They were so kind and compassionate and made a very difficult situation a little more bearable. A lady delivered her ashes a few days later, on a Saturday morning. She sat and had a cup of tea with us and we had a lovely chat about what she meant to us and our dad. Gosh, that has set me off now 😥. It is such a difficult call to make but I hope that this information helps. Xxx


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## View (8 April 2022)

OP, so sorry, it’s a wretched situation to be in.

our Beloved Siamese stopped eating and drinking, so the following morning was at the vet.  Bloods showed kidney failure, so she was PTS there and then before she suffered any more.

It’s the final kindness we owe them, for the many years of company and joy they give us.

Hugs, and I hope you are able to persuade your husband to talk about this.  If you are able to let her go peacefully at home, her passing eased by a vet, that would be my ideal.


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## scats (8 April 2022)

So sorry to hear about your cat, it’s always a horrible position to be in, making that final call for them.  It’s even more difficult when a family member doesn’t agree or won’t acknowledge what’s happening. 
Sending a hug xx


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## nagblagger (8 April 2022)

What area are you in? If your husband is not supportive (his way of dealing with it) maybe a HHO could be there with you. I would if you were in Dorset and needed support..


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## Peregrine Falcon (8 April 2022)

I had my old cat PTS just over a week ago. She was 19, she wasn't comfortable breathing so let her go to sleep painfree and peacefully. There was no other option. Sorry you are facing this.


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## fiwen30 (9 April 2022)

southerncomfort said:



			Willow is 18 and started going downhill a few weeks ago I.e not grooming herself, losing weight and appearing very lethargic.

We took her to vets and lots of tests later, the vet couldn't find a thing wrong with her and declared her to be just very, very old.

Over the last week or so she's deteriorated: completely lost her appetite and is looking very skinny and haggard now, won't leave the kitchen (and the under floor heating) even for a sunny spot on the sofa, doesn't want any attention and has stopped purring.

I'm trying to coax her to eat by using tuna juice or gravy to make her food more appealing but she's eating very little.

I know she's coming to the end of her life but seeing her like this is heartbreaking.

*I'm in no doubt that if I take her to the vets it'll be a one way ticket and I don't want that end for her.  But neither do I want this long slow deterioration.*

It's made more difficult by my husband's refusal to accept or talk about what's happening so I can't discuss with him whether it's ethical for her to go naturally, or better to ask the vet to come here and PTS.

Our last old cat had diabetes and kidney disease so it was an easy decision.

Any gentle words of wisdom?
		
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I think you know the answer for her. I would be arranging for a vet to come out to the house, and help to gently ease her passing. Personally, I would prefer that end for a pet of mine, rather than dragging it out and waiting for her organs to shut down. We’re very lucky in that we’re allowed to spare our animals from that drawn out end.

I’m very sorry, it’s something I had to do for my own cat as his cancer gradually progressed. It was taken a day at a time, until the day when he was just very very tired, and had been curled up on my bed all day. I called the vet to come to the house that evening, spent the day in bed with him, and then he was let go in comfortable and familiar surroundings.

Thinking of you all.


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## Ratface (10 April 2022)

Hi  southerncomfort.  You and your cat have been in my mind since reading your original post.  How are you you and cat doing?  Have you spoken to your vets about the way forward?
I do hope you and your cat have found a kind way through the sadness of her life ending.


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## southerncomfort (11 April 2022)

Just wanted to come back and say thank you.

We took her to the vets this evening and, although she had perked up over the weekend the vet said that she was coming to the end so we made the decision to let her go before she became poorly.

She wasn't stressed, in fact she was very quiet. She went very quickly and peacefully.  It's almost like she knew what was happening and was she was OK with it.

We're all very sad this evening, my children grew up with her, but she had a very long life and lived it to the full.


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## Amymay (11 April 2022)

Hugs SC xx


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## The Fuzzy Furry (11 April 2022)

So sorry to read sc,  its so damned hard even when they have had a good innings,  hugs xx


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## Lindylouanne (11 April 2022)

SC hugs, I’m glad it was a peaceful end xx


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## DirectorFury (11 April 2022)

Hugs SC, you made the final loving decision for her xx


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## nagblagger (11 April 2022)

Hug...right decision from a caring owner.


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## TPO (11 April 2022)

Thoughts are with you. So selfless to put her first and do her a final kindness. Take care of yourself x


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## Errin Paddywack (11 April 2022)

So sorry to hear this, well done for putting her first.


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## Emilieu (11 April 2022)

I’m so sorry for your loss. It sounds like the right time and I’m glad it was peaceful for her. As we say to my wee boy ‘keep her memory in your heart and that will help’


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## View (11 April 2022)

SC, sorry for your loss. It’s so hard, but I hope can find comfort that she passed peacefully.


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## Peregrine Falcon (11 April 2022)

So sorry, but she had a peaceful passing. Mine knew too. ((HUGS))


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## Sparky Lily (11 April 2022)

So sorry, but you made a good decision. Allow yourselves time to grieve and cherish the memories.


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## ycbm (11 April 2022)

You did the right thing.  I hope it hurts less soon, but you did well. 
.


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## brighteyes (11 April 2022)

I'm glad her last days seemed better and you will take them forward with you. It was the right thing to do and you stepped when she needed  you to.  

Kindest thoughts to you both.


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## pistolpete (11 April 2022)

RIP sweet pusscat. She had a lovely home.  Thinking of you.


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## scats (12 April 2022)

Thinking of you xx


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## Birker2020 (12 April 2022)

You made the right decision at the right time, thinking of you x


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## Sandstone1 (12 April 2022)

I am sorry for your loss.


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## fiwen30 (12 April 2022)

Sending hugs, and thinking of you all.xx


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## ellieb (14 April 2022)

Very sorry for your loss SC, I'm so glad she had a peaceful end and a good couple of days before that xx


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## babymare (14 April 2022)

Sending you hugs xx


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## [139672] (14 April 2022)

So sorry to hear that you had to let her go. Xxx


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## southerncomfort (14 April 2022)

Thank you for all your kind messages.

My husband buried Willow under an old pussy Willow in the back garden which seemed very apt.

I'm not really a cat person and I didn't expect to miss her quite as much I do, but the house doesn't feel quite right without her.


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## nagblagger (14 April 2022)

I think you ARE a cat person now - it's amazing how they get 'under your skin'.!
Although extremely sad, it's lovely she is buried at home.


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