# Sexism when buying/ training a horse



## Emily T (25 December 2017)

Ok, so this really makes me made. Ive had more men (and women) tell me to sell my slightly wild and spirited horse because hes no ladys horse. Like, what?! No ladys horse? Im sorry gentlemen, but why dont you ride him? Am I jut not good enough because Im a 54 thirteen year old girl and this is a 15hh, strong cob? What if I were a boy? Honestly I want to slap these men. Apparently my ability doesnt matter. Because Im a young pony girl (Ive been called that too along with it being suggested that all Im good at is reading my little pony books and baking cupcakes with icing shaped like unicorns on them) 
When I got my horse assessed I was told I should get rid of him because hes no little girls pony and hes dangerous and cant be fixed. A few weeks later of intense training and after one of my little stunts (I rode him without my instructor riding him first to get the kick out. I only did it because my instructor was a no show!) I was told that wow, shes a brave one to get on THAT horse!. My very strong horse was assessed again and I was told that it would be a long road ahead for me to be able to control my horse. I can stay on him, cant I? And hes the kind of horse who wants to be asked, not told, but thats what works for me. And the farrier also chipped in last week by telling me I should let my dad ride him and buy a sweet little pony. Im the only rider in my family and because my horse hates the farrier and bit him hes now so dangerous that I wasnt allowed to keep my gelding calm. But my dad was. Even women and a few friends have said he isnt right for me because hes too strong or wild and that Im a girl. I get funny looks when Im riding him and asked if I came off that lesson, was i still keeping him, would I ever sell him and so forth. And, by the way, Im the only one who can get him to lift a foot nicely, follow me and lick me. Im the only person in the world who he walks across a frozen field for and then walks out of the gate and waits for me to get his head collar on. Hes even stood his ground against a larger cob who bullies him for food when Im there because he knows Im a lot smaller. He even watches me leave the yard as I walk up this really long track which goes up to the yard. The one time he bit me in the early days and I walked off to show him that he couldnt bite me and that I wouldnt stay. Next thing I know my mums shouting hey! Look out! I turn around to see my horse sprinting down the lane towards me. Hey, it took him ten minutes to notice what had really happened but he never bit me again. 
As I walk up the track he follows me along the gate until I get to the end and go out of sight. He loves me, and its clear, so let this lady have this horse. We might be an odd match but we are making progress. For one, if he hears me panicking if he bolts or something I can watch his ears turn towards me a listen to my voice as he stops. He knows me because Im the only Ive who uses a pet name for him etc. This lady loves her horse, so just let us be. 
Sorry for the rant! Just needed to let that out!


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## stormox (25 December 2017)

I dont believe its 'sexism' - more that you are obviously a child, and people are thinking that a more experienced adult would be more able to handle what sounds like a rather bolshy, stubborn cob.
I have never come across 'sexism' in my 50 odd years of horses, more that some people suit certain horses more than others both temperamentally and physically.


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## ycbm (25 December 2017)

I said on your other thread, you are 13 , you are out of your depth and you need an experienced adult to help you with this cob who has been a bolshy so and so since a few weeks after you bought him. You posted about him in the last school holidays and not again until now, during which time things have got a lot worse.

You are a child, if you are for real, do what the adults are telling you before you end up in hospital for New Year.


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## Shay (25 December 2017)

Tend to agree with that.  You are clearly quite young and slight in build.  Its annoying to be patronised when you feel you are almost an adult but as a mum I do have some sympathy with the grown ups around you who warn you that your lad could potentially be dangerous to you.  Not because he would necessarily intend to hurt you but because he is bigger, stronger and clearly not particularly well mannered.  (The term lady's horse means well mannered - not specific to which gender can ride.) The sad fact is that if you had a well mannered smaller horse or taller pony you could be doing a great deal more than you are now.  You have very little time as a junior - and as a young person - and it is great to get out and try everything to see what you want later.  That is much easier on something that is more mannerly.

It is great you love your horse and you get on with him.  Do think about working with him to be sure he is mannerly for everyone not just you because you are only 13.  You need to be sure that he can have a home if you decide to go to Uni or, if once you are independent, you can't afford to keep him.

And enjoy your Christmas day with him today!


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## ester (25 December 2017)

Keeping safe is about more than staying on. He bit the farrier :eek3:


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## cobsarefab (25 December 2017)

I think people are more worried for your safety than anything else. I'm 14 and had a cob with a lot of issues but once I found my instructor we could gradually work through them. But it was sheer luck I wasn't killed twice before she started training her. You need somebody who can help you with her. You're mum is probably only saying that because she is worried about you.


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## stormox (25 December 2017)

This thread, and others like it, makes me rather concerned that unhorsey parents are going out and buying unsuitable animals, possibly from slightly unscrupulous dealers who would say anything to sell a horse, for their children rather than spend the money on lessons and getting the child experience with horses with pony camps etc.
Is this part of the 'I want I want ok you get' culture that is prevalant now?


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## The Fuzzy Furry (25 December 2017)

Sorry, but you need help. Re-read ycbm's advice on both your recent threads OP.

#schoolholidays 

bah humbug


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## Cortez (25 December 2017)

The horse world in the UK is about 90% female so I highly doubt it is sexism causing these comments, more like concerned common sense. For goodness sake get a good instructor before you are seriously hurt. Silly girl (<< not sexist).


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## Emily T (25 December 2017)

Tbh the farrier did start shoving him about and it I guess it hurt his ego


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## Emily T (25 December 2017)

The thing is, my cob isnt dangerous. Hes just got that go in him. He isnt crazy or anything, just strong and every time I fell off (before, I havent come off in about four months) he always stood still and waited patiently for me to get back on &#128514;


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## Emily T (25 December 2017)

Yes, but it isnt I much about me not being old enough, but more the fact that many people are telling me hes a mans horse. Its just the way they never once say that it might not have anything to do with Im a girl. This guy told me that it was typical for a girl to get so attached.


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## Emily T (25 December 2017)

In all honesty he has improved while riding and has only bolted about three times in about 20 weeks which is a lot better than before here he was bolting every time I asked for canter. The bucking has also stopped but only with me. When others ride him you can see that he still has it in him. Whenever I ha be a friend ride him i have to keep talking so he wont freak. The only thing that has gotten worse is his stress but that might be linked back to the face that Im away at school 8 to 6 every school day so Im not around as much as I used to. Hes also young and high strung and is terrible about farriers


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## Beausmate (25 December 2017)

It's not sexism, it is sense.  If you were a boy, people would still be telling you that it is a man's horse.

Basically, they are saying he is too much horse for you, you aren't in proper control of him (biting the farrier?!) and are at risk of getting hurt.

There is not shame in admitting defeat with a horse and going for something less challenging, safer and more fun.

After all, Mary King gave up the ride on Chili Morning because he was more of a man's ride, likewise I think it was Ginny Leng who gave up with Murphy Himself to Ian Stark for the same reason and these are pro riders at the top level.


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## Xtra (25 December 2017)

iagree with all replies.  Some horses are better suited to men and some to woman.  Its not sexist they are individuals and so are riders and finding a good match is the key to a good and happy partnership.  I gave up a good jumping horse as he was out and out strong and was used to being ridden by men.  I am small and light framed (or was lol) and we just didn't suit.

I hope you get some good help to sort out the issues you are having before it ends in tears.


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## stormox (25 December 2017)

Emily T said:



			Tbh the farrier did start shoving him about and it I guess it hurt his ego
		
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Horses dont have ego's. Humans do. He probably bit the farrier because the farrier was making him behave! Maybe you let him do as he likes more.
'He's only bolted 3 times in 20 weeks which is a lot better'.... WHAAT???? Are you serious? (Although i doubt ithey were proper bolts, more like you just werent able to hold him).
Get a good instructor and listen to them.


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## stormox (25 December 2017)

stormox said:



			This thread, and others like it, makes me rather concerned that unhorsey parents are going out and buying unsuitable animals, possibly from slightly unscrupulous dealers who would say anything to sell a horse, for their children rather than spend the money on lessons and getting the child experience with horses with pony camps etc.
Is this part of the 'I want I want ok you get' culture that is prevalant now?
		
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And now OP is saying 'when he was playing up my mother straight away offered to buy me another horse.
The words 'spoilt brat that doesnt listen to people who are trying to help' springs to mind.......
Sorry if that sounds rude, OP but you do need help and you need to listen to whoever you get to help you.


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## Shay (25 December 2017)

I actually don't see this as just a spoiled brat - but a young girl desperately looking for someone - anyone - to tell her something different from what everyone else is telling her.  And in fairness what her heart is probably telling her too if she is starting to mature a bit. (But the point about over indulgent non horsey parents I am totally with!) But the end point is the same.  The pony needs qualified and adult care.  Much as she won't think so now - and I'm a Mum too - she will be happy again with another.  And she will love another one.  (Bit like men really... the first crush is devastating!)


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## AShetlandBitMeOnce (25 December 2017)

I personally see it as a 'my horse is a wild spirit and I am the only one who can understand/tame him, everyone is telling me how I can't do it but I am determined to beat the odds.. please praise me everyone'.  
But then maybe I am grumpy because I'm hoovering on Christmas day!


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## JFTDWS (25 December 2017)

AShetlandBitMeOnce said:



			I personally see it as a 'my horse is a wild spirit and I am the only one who can understand/tame him, everyone is telling me how I can't do it but I am determined to beat the odds.. please praise me everyone'.
		
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I see someone who has read too many silly pony books and has an ego the size of Mexico.  I think the OP needs a heavy dose of reality, and parents with enough common sense to sort this situation out for her.


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## ester (25 December 2017)

Its hard not to wonder how much some peoples parents dont like them if what they say is accurate.


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## Theocat (25 December 2017)

JFTD said:



			I see someone who has read too many silly pony books and has an ego the size of Mexico.  I think the OP needs a heavy dose of reality, and parents with enough common sense to sort this situation out for her.
		
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I see a normal naive teenager - and parents who probably don't have a clue, but who have at least worked out that this cob needs to go, and are happy to replace it with something safer if that's what it takes to move this one on.

OP - you are surrounded by help and advice. If you do not take it, you will end up injured, or with your confidence ruined for life. You might destroy the joy you find in horses.  

More importantly, you are doing your horse no favours- if his behaviour continues or gets worse, what exactly do you think the likely outcome is for him? You can't "fix" him - you have been trying for weeks - and the longer you keep him, the most likely it is that he'll be ruined for life. For both your sakes, he needs a new home asap, and you need a been-there done-that horse you can have fun with. I'm sorry - it's tough - but I wish someone had given me the same advice twenty five years ago when I was in exactly your position.


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## SpringArising (25 December 2017)

stormox said:



			The words 'spoilt brat that doesnt listen to people who are trying to help' springs to mind.......
Sorry if that sounds rude
		
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Yes it does. What an awful thing to say to a child.


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## Cortez (25 December 2017)

SpringArising said:



			Yes it does. What an awful thing to say to a child.
		
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Really? Why? Seems highly likely....


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## Xtra (25 December 2017)

To be fair I am not a spoilt brat and have not completely unhorsey sensible parents but I don't know they would have intervened if other knowledgeable people said it was OK.  This may come down to lack o professional help as I always had experienced people around on yard to advise and I learnt through working with them.  this seems a rarer situation now


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## ester (25 December 2017)

But all the knowledgeable people have said it is not ok?


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## Xtra (25 December 2017)

Ah sorry I thought I read that the instructor was saying it needed ridden on? getting a bit muddled with the various threads running now.  In that case they need to be listened to.


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## Frumpoon (25 December 2017)

Vintage trolling at its best


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## Talism4n (25 December 2017)

I feel for you, OP, but I agree with the other posters that this is a dangerous situation for you. I was in the same boat not too many years ago when I got my boy as a teenager. He was, and remains, absolutely lethal in the wrong hands and my parents were horrified once they realised how far removed he was from the stubborn but safe natives I'd grown up on. Knowing what I know now, I can understand why I was being told by so many people to give up and I can honestly say they were right. The first difference is, I had an amazing instructor who went to the lengths of letting him live at her yard for free with set lessons twice a week and expert supervision at all times until we got through to him. The second difference is that my boy was reacting due to fear, not lack of manners. We worked out his triggers and built trust with him in environments where he felt safe so I never had to truly confront  dangerous behaviours that we're the symptoms of his lack of trust. You can't do that the same way with a rude cob. Your horse sounds like he needs an experienced adult who won't let him get away with anything and I fear you don't have the sheer physicality to lay down those much needed boundaries. You need help, OP, and you need it now. My boy turned out to be the best horse I've ever ridden, but if I'd insisted on doing it my way we'd likely both have ended up hurt or worse. If you really want what's best for your horse, you have to listen and you have to know when you're out of your depth. Good luck to you both


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## Talism4n (25 December 2017)

Double posted


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## {97702} (25 December 2017)

OP there is as much likelihood of you being 13 as of me being the next astronaut going into space....


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## exracehorse (25 December 2017)

Lévrier;13694000 said:
			
		


			OP there is as much likelihood of you being 13 as of me being the next astronaut going into space.... 

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lol.  My youngest is 12 and would never be able to write such a post.


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## Zero00000 (25 December 2017)

I have to agree Lev
Not just what had been posted on the other post, but also.. 13 and on hho on xmas day at that time of the morning?


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## {97702} (25 December 2017)

exracehorse said:



			lol.  My youngest is 12 and would never be able to write such a post.
		
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Sorry no, read the other thread the troll has kicked off this morning - I am being grossly unfair and of course the OP is legit 13 according to the HHO massive, so of course it must be true


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## cobgoblin (25 December 2017)

Jingle trolls, jingle trolls, trolling all the way
Oh what fun it is to ride in a one cob open sleigh!


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## paddi22 (25 December 2017)

jingle troll..... what 13 year old can spell 'pessimism', 'negativity' but not the word 'clever'?  I've also never met a 13 year old that says 'aside from' at any time in conversations.  kids these days say 'apart from' on the whole


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## Goldenstar (26 December 2017)

paddi22 said:



			jingle troll..... what 13 year old can spell 'pessimism', 'negativity' but not the word 'clever'?  I've also never met a 13 year old that says 'aside from' at any time in conversations.  kids these days say 'apart from' on the whole
		
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Jingle troll ..I really like that


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## Equi (26 December 2017)

I read this and my immediate thought was "this was not written by a 13yo" so there is that. The other thing was that they glamorize this horse like one would see in a typical "horse" movie. 

Re the mans/womans horse thing, its harping back to the 1800 when a horse was to be perfectly behaved and controllable for a lady and a mans horse had to be a little bit spicy cause it made them feel more manly to be able to stay on/ride it (aka usually a younger horse or new horse) Its 2017 and things have not changed much other than the fact we no longer need a womans horse to be a meek little darling. We can bloody well sit on that wild beast too.


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## Auslander (26 December 2017)

Lévrier;13694078 said:
			
		


			Sorry no, read the other thread the troll has kicked off this morning - I am being grossly unfair and of course the OP is legit 13 according to the HHO massive, so of course it must be true  

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No need for that. I commented on that thread, so assume you include me in the snarky "HHO massive" comment.

I'd rather be duped by 1000 trolls, and help one person personally. The constant troll calling on here is really unpleasant to read, whether or not it's justified.


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## Shay (26 December 2017)

Absolutely Agree A.  I too would far rather risk feeding a troll than fail to help someone in need.  Especially a child.


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## stormox (26 December 2017)

equi said:



			Re the mans/womans horse thing, its harping back to the 1800 when a horse was to be perfectly behaved and controllable for a lady and a mans horse had to be a little bit spicy cause it made them feel more manly to be able to stay on/ride it (aka usually a younger horse or new horse) Its 2017 and things have not changed much other than the fact we no longer need a womans horse to be a meek little darling. We can bloody well sit on that wild beast too.
		
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We dont ride sidesaddle like they used to then!!   A ladies sidesaddle hunter had to be polite, mannerly and comfortable


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## DD (26 December 2017)

stormox said:



			This thread, and others like it, makes me rather concerned that unhorsey parents are going out and buying unsuitable animals, possibly from slightly unscrupulous dealers who would say anything to sell a horse, for their children rather than spend the money on lessons and getting the child experience with horses with pony camps etc.
Is this part of the 'I want I want ok you get' culture that is prevalant now?
		
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agree


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## Hack4fun (26 December 2017)

This is a rather sad thread. I, for one, don't find the tone of some of the responses helpful, regardless of the merits of their contents. Sorry, that's my opinion.


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## PaddyMonty (27 December 2017)

Emily T said:



			Like, what?! No ladys horse? Im sorry gentlemen, but why dont you ride him?
		
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I most probably could but then some of those sexist girl riders do keep telling me a don't ride like a man so probably would be able to handle him. That said, for a cupcake with iced unicorn I would give it a go.


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## nikkimariet (27 December 2017)

Sounds like you're a kid only one ride away from getting hurt? Listen to the 'sexist' folk.


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## Floxie (27 December 2017)

Eh, I used to write like that at her age. It smacks of showing off and wanting to appear more grown-up, now, which I figure was exactly my problem  I was also the insufferable sort who was secretly glad when my horse started napping dramatically on a busy residential street, because then surely lots of people would see what a good rider I was  So yeah - this all sounds genuine enough to me..!


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## missmare (27 December 2017)

Completely understand where you&#8217;re coming from!! I&#8217;m 5ft 24 years old but look very very young..  people often speak down to me like I don&#8217;t no Anything  It&#8217;s very frustrating!!if your happy with your horse and feel like your managing well with him then ignore every one else!! There always people that want to put others down! Showing worry or concern is one thing but when they start putting you down then that when it&#8217;s best for there comments to go in one ear and out the other!  just remember most of these people are probably just worried about your well being and coming from a good place so try not to get too upset 

Good luck!!


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## Slightlyconfused (27 December 2017)

paddi22 said:



			jingle troll..... what 13 year old can spell 'pessimism', 'negativity' but not the word 'clever'?  I've also never met a 13 year old that says 'aside from' at any time in conversations.  kids these days say 'apart from' on the whole
		
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I cant even spell those words without google &#128584;&#128586;


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## zaminda (28 December 2017)

This could have been me at 13. My pony was an absolute goat at times, including running off with me regularly, I used to think he was bolting, as I've got older I realise I just couldn't stop. I remember one day he ran under a tree, and knocked me off when he had tanked off, I was knocked out and it was a pretty unpleasant few days, as I could hardly stand up, yet I rode home first!
The problem is these days people will sue there instructor if they are injured, or rather your parents might, which will make them very wary about teaching you. I'm very gung ho, including with my teaching, but there are things I wouldn't let kids do that I used to because of health and safety.
As to sexism, I worked in racing for over 15 years, and saw a lot of it. There would be lads rides (big strapping colts ) and girls rides (mental fillys that might flip over) and that was how it was. I worked for a trainer who would rarely put a girl on a colt when I went there, although that has changed a lot!


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## Emily T (24 July 2018)

My horse is the most important thing in my life and I was actually down the yard


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## Emily T (24 July 2018)

I kept him and hes actually changed so much thanks to professionals which have helped me. Hes way better now and Im even more in love than I was at the start


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## Emily T (24 July 2018)

Not so much as buying a second horse but more of a trade in. We actually ended up keeping him and hes changed so much hes a new horse.


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## Emily T (24 July 2018)

well Ive kept him and hes like a new horse these days!


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## Emily T (24 July 2018)

I didnt want praise I just wanted so see if others had gone through thd same thing. And i actually knew I needed help and I didnt want him tamed. I wanted him to cooperate with me! And looks like I did beat the odds as hes actually a lovely ride these days


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## Hack4fun (24 July 2018)

I know you don't want praise but forgive me for saying well done for sticking with him and working through the challenges.


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## MagicMelon (24 July 2018)

Im confused, is OP the same girl who said her horse bolted and was also a real handful only a few days ago?  But is now saying hes a "new horse" and is "lovely to ride these days"?

With regard to the post - Ive never come across sexism with horses. I do think some horses suit women or men for whatever reason but at the end of the day it doesnt sound like they're being sexist as much as just worrying about you due to your age and inexperience and what sounds like a difficult horse. The fact he bit the farrier is pretty horrific IMO!


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## Chinchilla (24 July 2018)

MagicMelon said:



			Im confused, is OP the same girl who said her horse bolted and was also a real handful only a few days ago?  But is now saying hes a "new horse" and is "lovely to ride these days"?

With regard to the post - Ive never come across sexism with horses. I do think some horses suit women or men for whatever reason but at the end of the day it doesnt sound like they're being sexist as much as just worrying about you due to your age and inexperience and what sounds like a difficult horse. The fact he bit the farrier is pretty horrific IMO!
		
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No different people. This OP is 13yo with 15hh strong cob that they could not control.


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## MagicMelon (24 July 2018)

Chinchilla said:



			No different people. This OP is 13yo with 15hh strong cob that they could not control.
		
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Aah right thanks for clearing up my confusion!  Oh well, if the cob has changed so much over the past 6 months thats great and well done to you.


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