# Would you consider buying this horse?



## Ellietotz (30 May 2021)

I've had the opportunity to ride a horse next to my yard who the owner wants to sell due to time and money.

He wasn't what I was looking for at all however. I was looking at 14.2hh max forester style pony.
He is a 15.3hh mid-weight cob, extremely sweet and just happy with life. I've hacked him alone and in company, he is so lovely. Can look at things on his own but nothing stupid like my mare was, off the leg mostly unless he is trying to be a piggy but not fast which is nice change. I just instantly felt safe on him. He is 13 which is also 3 years over my maximum age to what I was looking for and he does have the lightest little click on each step coming from the back end in walk but he is sound. Also piebald and more hair than I'd ever have looked at too!

He also eats an awful lot so there would probably be no grass all year round in my two acres. I'm also sure he'd get on with my mare as he is already bottom of the pecking order so that is a plus.

He would be 3.5k with tack and rugs.

Would you consider this or am I viewing through rose tinted glasses?


----------



## Amymay (30 May 2021)

I’d bite the sellers hand off for him.


----------



## Lipglosspukka (30 May 2021)

Yes. He sounds brilliant. I wouldn't personally be concerned about the clicks. Mine has clicked for the last five years and is sound.


----------



## Ellietotz (30 May 2021)

Amymay said:



			I’d bite the sellers hand off for him.
		
Click to expand...

I honestly can't explain how he made me feel. I braved it and just took him out first time on my own. Seller left the tack for me and left me to it and off we went. I felt so safe, I felt like he would look after me. 
He is such a happy soul. 
I'm worried that perhaps once I have my confidence back, maybe I'd be bored but he is the nicest person. 
We had stampedes pass us today and didn't bat an eyelid. 
If he looks at something, he doesn't really move, just looks and you tell him it's okay and he plods on. Completely happy go lucky sort. 
I was laughing and smiling the whole time on him on my first ride, his entire body moves in canter, he feels like a rocking horse. 
I was in love within 10 minutes 😂


----------



## Lipglosspukka (30 May 2021)

Don't worry about the future. Buy the horse that you need now. He sounds perfect for you.


----------



## Fraggle2 (30 May 2021)

Go for it. Buy the horse that you need now. Not the horse you'll need in 5years or so. He makes you smile and you feel safe on him. Those are the things we ultimately need from our hobby. Good luck with him 🙂


----------



## maisie06 (30 May 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			I've had the opportunity to ride a horse next to my yard who the owner wants to sell due to time and money.

He wasn't what I was looking for at all however. I was looking at 14.2hh max forester style pony.
He is a 15.3hh mid-weight cob, extremely sweet and just happy with life. I've hacked him alone and in company, he is so lovely. Can look at things on his own but nothing stupid like my mare was, off the leg mostly unless he is trying to be a piggy but not fast which is nice change. I just instantly felt safe on him. He is 13 which is also 3 years over my maximum age to what I was looking for and he does have the lightest little click on each step coming from the back end in walk but he is sound. Also piebald and more hair than I'd ever have looked at too!

He also eats an awful lot so there would probably be no grass all year round in my two acres. I'm also sure he'd get on with my mare as he is already bottom of the pecking order so that is a plus.

He would be 3.5k with tack and rugs.

Would you consider this or am I viewing through rose tinted glasses?
		
Click to expand...


You would be mad not to!!!


----------



## Griffin (30 May 2021)

I would buy him, he sounds lovely.

My mare is not at all what I set out to buy (she was a mare for a start) but I just knew inside that she was the right one for me and I was the right owner/servant for her. She had a few question marks about soundness when I bought her but barring field injuries, she has been fine (I just have her on a joint supplement).


----------



## Spirit2021 (30 May 2021)

Definitely buy him


----------



## maya2008 (30 May 2021)

I have a mare who has clicked since backing - still sound aged 15!


----------



## Flame_ (30 May 2021)

No, not a chance personally. I buy 3 - 6 year olds though and don't like riding cobs.


----------



## wills_91 (30 May 2021)

If he is everything you say then in a few years time if you are ready to move on then he shouldn't be hard to sell. If he made you feel safe and happy you would be mental not to.


----------



## Reacher (30 May 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			I honestly can't explain how he made me feel. I braved it and just took him out first time on my own. Seller left the tack for me and left me to it and off we went. I felt so safe, I felt like he would look after me. 
He is such a happy soul. 
I'm worried that perhaps once I have my confidence back, maybe I'd be bored but he is the nicest person. 
We had stampedes pass us today and didn't bat an eyelid. 
If he looks at something, he doesn't really move, just looks and you tell him it's okay and he plods on. Completely happy go lucky sort. 
I was laughing and smiling the whole time on him on my first ride, his entire body moves in canter, he feels like a rocking horse. 
I was in love within 10 minutes 😂
		
Click to expand...

From what you said here I’d  buy him


----------



## Bradsmum (30 May 2021)

I think your post sounds full of happy smiles so yes definitely.


----------



## Hobo2 (30 May 2021)

Pass his details to me I will have him. You would be mad not to get him from what you have said.


----------



## Tiddlypom (30 May 2021)

Yes, definitely, but please get him 5 stage vetted by a good equine vet, the sort who won't be fazed by the odd lump or bump but who would pick up something that might be trouble.


----------



## deb_l222 (30 May 2021)

Yep, two words in your original post, ‘instantly safe’.  How many horses give you that feeling?

I would bite their hand off but my requirement for any horse, even when I was young and stupid, was to aim to stay safe.  Riding should be fun (in my opinion) and not hard work.


----------



## Roxylola (30 May 2021)

He doesn't tick any of your boxes really, yet you want to buy him. For me, that alone would convince me to buy. You likely wouldn't have a problem selling one you decided you wanted something a bit more in the future


----------



## Ellietotz (30 May 2021)

Tiddlypom said:



			Yes, definitely, but please get him 5 stage vetted by a good equine vet, the sort who won't be fazed by the odd lump or bump but who would pick up something that might be trouble.
		
Click to expand...

I am worried he wouldn't pass with his clicking but he is a lovely mover!


----------



## laura_nash (30 May 2021)

wills_91 said:



			If he is everything you say then in a few years time if you are ready to move on then he shouldn't be hard to sell. If he made you feel safe and happy you would be mental not to.
		
Click to expand...

This^^

The advantage with a really safe quiet hack is if they do turn out to have a few health niggles (or develop them later) you aren't stuck if you want to do more in the future, they can usually still find a good home and do a good job for someone.


----------



## Pearlsasinger (30 May 2021)

Yes!


----------



## iknowmyvalue (30 May 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			I am worried he wouldn't pass with his clicking but he is a lovely mover!
		
Click to expand...

If it helps, for what you want to do, as long as he is sound I would have no issues passing him on a vetting. The clicking would be mentioned on the certificate, but certainly not a reason to fail if everything else checks out.

And also, it sounds like he is perfect for you and you “click” with each other. That feeling is my most important factor when considering a horse to buy!! (Possibly why I’ve never bought anything that fits most of my criteria, but I have no regrets)


----------



## laura_nash (30 May 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			I am worried he wouldn't pass with his clicking but he is a lovely mover!
		
Click to expand...

Clicking joints is often just air popping (like when people crack their nuckles) and nothing to worry about.  Obviously see what the vet says but I doubt its anything concerning.


----------



## Ellietotz (30 May 2021)

wills_91 said:



			If he is everything you say then in a few years time if you are ready to move on then he shouldn't be hard to sell. If he made you feel safe and happy you would be mental not to.
		
Click to expand...

Do you think he would sell easily if he was 17+ if that happened? He really is safe and lovely, not a kick along at all. Doesn't buck, rear or bolt. Honestly can't explain what a happy sweet boy he is.

My list for the type I was looking for was:

- 14.2hh max, nothing chunkier than a welsh D, new forest type with little feather.
- No older than 10
- Hacks alone and in company
- No sharp spooking, bucking, bolting, rearing. Napping is okay providing it isn't dangerous.
- Non dominant gelding ideally or mare if right.
- Has the capacity to jump a little bit like logs out hacking really.
- Not a kick along, has to be willing to go forwards.

Ideal thing would be a lovely bay new forest type with a white stripe. Piebald is probably my least favourite!

He is:

- Piebald
- 15.3hh
- 13 years old
- Hacks alone and in company. Not competitive in the slightest, happy in front, next to or at the back. Canters next to others with no care in the world.
- Not sharp or nappy, no bolting, rearing, bucking or silly behaviour. Not phased by stampedes, hidden humans and dogs or anything really! Can look at things but you don't really know he is!
- Non dominant gelding
- Not a kick along unless he is trying to stop for snacks! Once out, he has a lovely forward ploddy walk, trot and canter.
- Not too hairy like a gypsy cob type.
- Comes with made to fit saddle and all his tack and rugs.
- Plus side that he already has met my mare several times being next door too!

Don't know about jumping myself but have seen videos of him popping a little log.

His personality really has won me over though.

ETA: Snaffle mouthed and not strong too!


----------



## Meowy Catkin (30 May 2021)

Well from your description I want to buy him and I'm definitely not looking!


----------



## Slightlyconfused (30 May 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			I am worried he wouldn't pass with his clicking but he is a lovely mover!
		
Click to expand...


One of my friends clicked, passed a 5 stage vet no problem.

Vet said it was somtjing to do with air pockets and joints, can't fully remember but people get it too


I would buy. In five years time he would be ready to slow down and the. Hopefully you will be ready for more.

But he is a bargain and the seller can easily ask double in the current market and he would be worth it no problem.


----------



## splashgirl45 (30 May 2021)

someone who wants a safe happy hacker would want him if you decide you want to progress further, but you have fallen for him and the safe feeling is priceless.  many ordinary cobs can improve with a bit of proper training and you may find that he will have enough potential for you if you have regular lessons.  he sounds gorgeous,  photos please when you have bought him  but do have him vetted first


----------



## Toby_Zaphod (30 May 2021)

Feeling safe when you ride out is what everyone wants. To be wondering when a horse is going to play up, and waiting for bad things to happen, you should not have that with the horse you buy.  People would buy the horse you are looking at all day, they are what the majority of potential buyers want. Thirteen years old is not old in the style of horse he is. At his age he will have had plenty of schooling, have manners & will be ready to go. He's been there, done that & build the factory that makes the tee shirts.  If you decide not to have him send me details as I would buy him in a flash as would most people on this forum. Go for it girl, you know you want to.


----------



## SaddlePsych'D (30 May 2021)

He sounds fab for you! Get the vetting and go for it I say.

I will start an orderly queue for if you decide to sell him on in the future 😉😀


----------



## saddlesore (30 May 2021)

I’m another who would bite the sellers hand off. That feeling of instantly clicking is priceless 😊


----------



## Tiddlypom (30 May 2021)

I think that the queue for this horse if the OP changes her mind has already started and it may not be orderly !

He's a very good price in this market, and comes with tack, too.


----------



## twobearsarthur (30 May 2021)

He made you smile and felt right the rest doesn’t matter. None of us can think about what ifs in regards to the future. If he made you happy now then go for it. This time I was looking for a 7-10 year old warmblood. Ready to go. I ended up with a 6 month old ID untouched. As soon as I laid eyes on him I knew he was the one even though he couldn’t have been further from what I was looking for. Go for it if he makes you happy (and passes a vetting)


----------



## paddy555 (30 May 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			I honestly can't explain how he made me feel. I braved it and just took him out first time on my own. Seller left the tack for me and left me to it and off we went. I felt so safe, I felt like he would look after me.
He is such a happy soul.
I'm worried that perhaps once I have my confidence back, maybe I'd be bored but he is the nicest person.
We had stampedes pass us today and didn't bat an eyelid.
If he looks at something, he doesn't really move, just looks and you tell him it's okay and he plods on. Completely happy go lucky sort.
I was laughing and smiling the whole time on him on my first ride, his entire body moves in canter, he feels like a rocking horse.
I was in love within 10 minutes 😂
		
Click to expand...

apart from being black and white what is his problem? I think I could learn to live with the colour to know he was safe and would go past anything. Other advantages are you have given him a good trial, he has his tack and rugs, you know how he has been kept and you are not going to end up with either a seller you don't know or a dealer and wondering if they are pulling the wool over your eyes. You know he is not buted up, presumably he is the horse on his passport, you don't need lorry transport, don't have to worry about other people chasing to buy him, or worry about making payment or any of  the other things that seem to have cropped up in the past few months from people buying.

As for getting you confidence back you will only do that with a horse like him. If you get something "above" you it won't come back so you are stuck and need something like this chap.


Get a 5 star vetting and find out what is wrong with him and if it is acceptable.
I would have thought this saintly person with his tack for the price quoted is pretty good going.

ETA another advantage is that you don't have to take him home and then wonder what you have bought and if it is going to work out. You already have a bond with him 

I would get a move on with the vet. I expect you will be killed in the rush otherwise. Shame to lose him.


----------



## Mrs. Jingle (30 May 2021)

I second that - get a move on and get vet sorted - if he is sound he is worth his weight in gold, very surprised at the low price tag in today's market so you could well have found yourself with a real gem. Good luck!


----------



## SaddlePsych'D (30 May 2021)

Tiddlypom said:



			I think that the queue for this horse if the OP changes her mind has already started and it may not be orderly !

He's a very good price in this market, and comes with tack, too.
		
Click to expand...

Haha yes! More of an 'elbows out' kind of queuing system 😄


----------



## Bubblewrap (30 May 2021)

Oh my word! Anyone who has spent months trawling the country looking for a new horse, and I have, will say get vetted and buy. 
You have been able to try him out and by the sound of your post he sounds lovely. 
If someone turned up today and bought him how would you feel? That will tell you if he is the one for you, but yes I would buy him.


----------



## brighteyes (30 May 2021)

Heck yes! (he is stunning  - just get him vetted) x


----------



## FireCracker238 (30 May 2021)

SaddlePsych'D said:



			Haha yes! More of an 'elbows out' kind of queuing system 😄
		
Click to expand...

That reminds me of the March 2020 loo roll queues, handbags at dawn 🤦‍♀️😂


----------



## SaddlePsych'D (30 May 2021)

FireCracker238 said:



			That reminds me of the March 2020 loo roll queues, handbags at dawn 🤦‍♀️😂
		
Click to expand...

*shudder* dark times... 😂


----------



## black and brown (30 May 2021)

A horse that hacks out alone with a new rider and without any drama is worth his weight in gold. I would be buying now before someone else gets to hear of him!


----------



## Winters100 (30 May 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			I just instantly felt safe on him.
		
Click to expand...

For me this would be the decision made - I would definitely buy him.

A horse who makes you feel safe is priceless.  When I bought my schoolmistress several people questioned me as she was older and very different to my previous horses. It was the best decision I ever made, mainly because she is reliable, we just don't have 'bad' days where she is spooky or silly, she knows her job and does it without fuss.  2.5 years later I still love riding her, even though my confidence is now back and I am also happy to ride others.  This horse sounds like he is really a horse for fun, one who you can do what you want with, go for a hack alone if no one is around without feeling worried, not have to wonder whether you should lunge him before riding.  Having a horse you trust gives you freedom to try new things, to me is sounds like he will do wonders for your confidence and you will have great fun with him!


----------



## Winters100 (30 May 2021)

paddy555 said:



			As for getting you confidence back you will only do that with a horse like him. If you get something "above" you it won't come back so you are stuck and need something like this chap.
		
Click to expand...

Spot on Paddy


----------



## PurBee (30 May 2021)

He sounds lovely!


----------



## mossycup (30 May 2021)

Well he sounds delightful all round - a happy cob who loves life is a wonderful thing, so get him vetted and secure him before we are all down there to nab him 😂


----------



## Upthecreek (30 May 2021)

People often miss out on great horses because they are thinking too much about the future and whether the horse will be too steady for them in a year or two. A few years ago I made exactly that mistake when buying a horse for my daughter. Buy the horse that is right for you right now and enjoy it. Steady neddies will often step up a bit with good training anyway if they are willing sorts. If the horse makes you feel safe and happy and passes a vetting for the activities you want to do, buy him - particularly at that price.


----------



## SO1 (30 May 2021)

Unless he has a serious health problem he sounds underpriced in the market. Get him vetted though. 

New Forests are a rare breed they are hard to come by especially the sort you are describing which don't come on the open market that often. 

As a comparison my bay forester with a nice white stripe was £3150 13 years ago with no tack. Prices have gone up massively since then.


----------



## Cinnamontoast (30 May 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			I honestly can't explain how he made me feel. I braved it and just took him out first time on my own. Seller left the tack for me and left me to it and off we went. I felt so safe, I felt like he would look after me.
He is such a happy soul.
I'm worried that perhaps once I have my confidence back, maybe I'd be bored but he is the nicest person.
We had stampedes pass us today and didn't bat an eyelid.
If he looks at something, he doesn't really move, just looks and you tell him it's okay and he plods on. Completely happy go lucky sort.
I was laughing and smiling the whole time on him on my first ride, his entire body moves in canter, he feels like a rocking horse.
I was in love within 10 minutes 😂
		
Click to expand...

Read this back then tell us what you’re going to do! From one black and white cob fan to another, grab him and run!


----------



## scats (30 May 2021)

He sounds just what you need at the moment.  I would definitely get a vetting done, but a bit of clicking doesn’t mean he won’t be suitable for what you want.
Keep us posted.


----------



## irishdraft (30 May 2021)

My horse clicks and passed a 5 stage, vet didnt mention it . He has never been lame. . My livery has just sold her 13hh pony who only hacks. is 15 and is unable to canter on the right lead on the left rein although she did pass a 2 stage for £2500. So he sounds like a bargain .


----------



## Jules111 (30 May 2021)

Definitely don't buy him... give me the details and I'll buy him confirm you've made the right decision


----------



## wills_91 (30 May 2021)

I would also jump at the chance of him right now 😂


----------



## hayinamanger (30 May 2021)

He sounds lovely, I would'nt worry about the clicking, it's just joint fluid.


----------



## Peregrine Falcon (30 May 2021)

I'm probably closer than the majority of you..........just saying!😛

If he made you feel safe you best get ringing vets tomorrow. 😁


----------



## Lucky Snowball (30 May 2021)

You should definitely buy him.


----------



## Fern007 (30 May 2021)

I'd snap their hand off and I'm not a cob fan!! Really reasonably priced as well, he could easily fetch double as a safe hack!


----------



## spotty_pony (30 May 2021)

He sounds fab to me! And what a good price too!


----------



## HollyWoozle (30 May 2021)

He sounds positively fantastic! Does he have any brothers?!


----------



## Ellietotz (30 May 2021)

HollyWoozle said:



			He sounds positively fantastic! Does he have any brothers?!
		
Click to expand...

Well no BUT she is thinking about selling his hunter twin as well! 11 years old, 16.2hh (I think), also hacks alone and in company without excitement. Essentially, he is exactly the same but a bit more athletic!

ETA: I only personally like this one as he has a sweet happy go lucky personality. The other one has more like a working vibe, more dominant in the field and definitely the boss.


----------



## Ceriann (30 May 2021)

Another for bite their hand off.  Horses like him are very rare never mind in this market!!


----------



## mossycup (31 May 2021)

So you're arranging a 5 stage and offering to buy him if he passes as soon as the vet opens this morning, yes??


----------



## mossycup (31 May 2021)

And can we have a picture of your new super cob?


----------



## poiuytrewq (31 May 2021)

mossycup said:



			And can we have a picture of your new super cob?
		
Click to expand...

Yes! Photos would be good, he really does sound a one in a million type. Good luck x


----------



## eahotson (31 May 2021)

Lipglosspukka said:



			Don't worry about the future. Buy the horse that you need now. He sounds perfect for you.
		
Click to expand...

You will always be able to sell him if you want to of course.He sounds delightful.Do have a vetting though.


----------



## Ownedby4horses (31 May 2021)

Snap him up! Would also love to see photos once the deal is sorted. He sounds perfect.


----------



## Pearlsasinger (31 May 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			Do you think he would sell easily if he was 17+ if that happened? He really is safe and lovely, not a kick along at all. Doesn't buck, rear or bolt. Honestly can't explain what a happy sweet boy he is.

My list for the type I was looking for was:

- 14.2hh max, nothing chunkier than a welsh D, new forest type with little feather.
- No older than 10
- Hacks alone and in company
- No sharp spooking, bucking, bolting, rearing. Napping is okay providing it isn't dangerous.
- Non dominant gelding ideally or mare if right.
- Has the capacity to jump a little bit like logs out hacking really.
- Not a kick along, has to be willing to go forwards.

Ideal thing would be a lovely bay new forest type with a white stripe. Piebald is probably my least favourite!

He is:

- Piebald
- 15.3hh
- 13 years old
- Hacks alone and in company. Not competitive in the slightest, happy in front, next to or at the back. Canters next to others with no care in the world.
- Not sharp or nappy, no bolting, rearing, bucking or silly behaviour. Not phased by stampedes, hidden humans and dogs or anything really! Can look at things but you don't really know he is!
- Non dominant gelding
- Not a kick along unless he is trying to stop for snacks! Once out, he has a lovely forward ploddy walk, trot and canter.
- Not too hairy like a gypsy cob type.
- Comes with made to fit saddle and all his tack and rugs.
- Plus side that he already has met my mare several times being next door too!

Don't know about jumping myself but have seen videos of him popping a little log.

His personality really has won me over though.

ETA: Snaffle mouthed and not strong too!
		
Click to expand...


Apart from being a bit bigger than your ideal, he ticks all your boxes as far as I can see.  I don't know why you are hesitant!   What is it that you might want to do that you think he can't/won't do?


----------



## FestiveFuzz (31 May 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			Well no BUT she is thinking about selling his hunter twin as well! 11 years old, 16.2hh (I think), also hacks alone and in company without excitement. Essentially, he is exactly the same but a bit more athletic!

ETA: I only personally like this one as he has a sweet happy go lucky personality. The other one has more like a working vibe, more dominant in the field and definitely the boss.
		
Click to expand...

If she does decide to sell his hunter twin would you be able to PM me details please? We’re not actively looking but have a stable to fill and ideally would like to find something safe enough for my ballsy but novice husband to have the occasional sit on while also being a more fun/slightly less neurotic hack than my divas for me.


----------



## PapaverFollis (31 May 2021)

Yes. 

You really can't say no to that "instantly safe" feeling.

I went against some of my criteria to buy MrT because I got on and cantered him in a forest without even having a second thought, despite having no confidence at the time.  I haven't regretted it.


----------



## MiJodsR2BlinkinTite (31 May 2021)

Follow your heart; but pause just a while to get him vetted before you commit yourself.

I went horse-shopping five years ago now. Had a list of everything I said I "didn't want", i.e. youngster, hairy-with-feathers, mare, coloured, pony - and guess what I brought home!! Best thing I ever did.

So yep, I would say this horse sounds ideal and I very much suspect that he has "found" you; but I really would suggest you get a vetting before you commit yourself. Don't delay though as he sounds the type that will fly off the shelf!


----------



## PapaverFollis (31 May 2021)

But also yes, definitely get him vetted.  I think it's even more important when you've had that "love at first sight" thing because there's a risk you've overlooked something in your happy haze!


----------



## Ellietotz (31 May 2021)

Pearlsasinger said:



			Apart from being a bit bigger than your ideal, he ticks all your boxes as far as I can see.  I don't know why you are hesitant!   What is it that you might want to do that you think he can't/won't do?
		
Click to expand...

I guess I'm just worried about having two really!


----------



## Ellietotz (31 May 2021)

FestiveFuzz said:



			If she does decide to sell his hunter twin would you be able to PM me details please? We’re not actively looking but have a stable to fill and ideally would like to find something safe enough for my ballsy but novice husband to have the occasional sit on while also being a more fun/slightly less neurotic hack than my divas for me.
		
Click to expand...

Of course! Pop me a PM and I'll start a queue 😂


----------



## Rosietaz (31 May 2021)

Do it!!


----------



## Pearlsasinger (31 May 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			I guess I'm just worried about having two really!
		
Click to expand...


Ah, well that's a different thing really.
You certainly need to decide if you want/can cope with 2.  If you decide yes, don't hang about!


----------



## Nicnac (31 May 2021)

Why are you asking? Seriously he sounds perfect for you.  Yes he's a little bigger and a smidge older but ticks every other one of your boxes and more.  You've been able to ride him and he makes you smile.  You wouldn't get the same opportunity if you were buying from somewhere else.  He's also really cheap in today's market!


----------



## EventingMum (31 May 2021)

I have one that clicked as a 5yo but still passed a 5 stage vetting to event which she duly went on and did successfully, she's now 21, sound as a pound and has never had a lame day in her life!  He sounds just like what I'm on the lookout for just now and struggling to find, I'd definitely buy him!


----------



## Surbie (31 May 2021)

He sounds ace. I would be on the phone to the vets before someone else discovers he's for sale. You're on the lookout for another so you must have thought through whether you could manage two - this one's just a little bit bigger.

As an aside, half the RDAs in the country are looking for a horse like that too...


----------



## Ownedby4horses (31 May 2021)

Unless it’s finances of keeping two have suddenly hit you and that’s causing you to hesitate, then get the vet out and get the deal done ASAP before the owner mentions him being for sale to anyone else. He will get snapped up from underneath you.


----------



## Sussexbythesea (31 May 2021)

A friend has just done this after losing her horse. She’s bought one off someone else on the yard who wasn’t even thinking of selling. He’s a known quantity and makes her feel safe. A couple of weeks in and already really enjoying him and doing way more than she could on her old horse partly due to physical issues but also he was much more unpredictable. 

I’d absolutely go for it.


----------



## Apercrumbie (31 May 2021)

I'll have him if you won't!


----------



## Ellietotz (31 May 2021)

Okay so here are my doubts currently:

- As he is bigger than I'd planned on looking at, he would require a lot more hay during winter which I worry I won't have enough storage space for and I do only have two acres, currently my mare and the donkeys have too much grass but I think with him, they'd have to have the whole lot so there would be no resting fields and possibly even require hay in summer too. He eats an awful lot.
- I'm only 5ft2 and I cannot seem to get away from his back enough in canter without going really far forwards to stop the saddle hitting me in the bum unless I just sit to it. If I shorten my stirrups more, I'd be riding like a jockey. He is very wide.
- He is very attached to his field mate and he was bloody rude today while his mate was out being ridden. He doesn't have a lot of manners and was trying to nip because he was agitated. Not a huge issue as I can teach him manners and he may need a dually headcollar or something similar as he gets very pully for grass etc. This doesn't bother me much but it is a bit irritating. He has been taught habits of grazing while riding too which is annoying but again, something that can be sorted.
- When his mate came back, I could finally tack up and take him out but he whinnied for him the whole ride, not sure if he was tired after galloping around the field waiting for his friend to come home or not but it was hard work just doing a short ride today.
- If I buy him, he will literally be in the field just down from his friend and I'm not sure how well he would cope.
- I have heard the owner has said she wants to sell for years and cancelled people last minute so I am concerned paying for a vetting and losing the money if she changes her mind.


----------



## ycbm (31 May 2021)

My gut reaction that i never got round to posting was that he is so much bigger than you were looking for that you should keep looking.  It's still my gut reaction. 
.


----------



## DabDab (31 May 2021)

ycbm said:



			My gut reaction that i never got round to posting was that he is so much bigger than you were looking for that you should keep looking.  It's still my gut reaction.
.
		
Click to expand...

Yep, ditto. Appreciate that it is going against the grain of this thread and temperament-wise he might be perfect, but buying a horse that doesn't suit you physiologically for hacking is a mistake ime. Also a kickalong type for hacking gets old really quickly if that's not the sort of type that you actively enjoy.


----------



## Sleipnir (31 May 2021)

Don't buy him. He's clearly not the horse for you. You will eventually find a better one, that fully fits your needs. 

Now take a second to analyze, how my words make you feel. Relieved? Then, really, don't buy him. Anxious, robbed, longing to claim him yours, worried that your life won't be the same if you let go of this opportunity? Then, perhaps, consider him after all. He might be the one.

By the way, I'm only 5ft3 and I ride a 16.3hh mammoth with a truly wide back. You get used to it, and I ride with long dressage stirrups, but canter in a half seat does not make me being hit by the saddle.


----------



## Ellietotz (31 May 2021)

DabDab said:



			Yep, ditto. Appreciate that it is going against the grain of this thread and temperament-wise he might be perfect, but buying a horse that doesn't suit you physiologically for hacking is a mistake ime. Also a kickalong type for hacking gets old really quickly if that's not the sort of type that you actively enjoy.
		
Click to expand...

Yes, agree with you and YCBM. He is like doing the splits compared to my mare. Height wise is somewhat okay but it's almost the width of him that is the issue. My stirrups are pretty much jumping length at the moment and when he canters, I physically cannot get out the saddle enough and I don't like the fact I'm banging on his back so I end up sitting or going really far forwards.
He is responsive which is nice but maybe I got him on a good day on Friday. He was so lazy today it was kind of painful as much as I didn't want to admit that to myself. He just kept calling and pulling towards home.

Even though my mare was sharp and could be quick when she went for it, I found her slowness wandering out boring too. Perhaps it was just a nice change and my glasses became too rose tinted.


----------



## Ellietotz (31 May 2021)

Sleipnir said:



			Don't buy him. He's clearly not the horse for you. You will eventually find a better one, that fully fits your needs.

Now take a second to analyze, how my words make you feel. Relieved? Then, really, don't buy him. Anxious, robbed, longing to claim him yours, worried that your life won't be the same if you let go of this opportunity? Then, perhaps, consider him after all. He might be the one.

By the way, I'm only 5ft3 and I ride a 16.3hh mammoth with a truly wide back. You get used to it, and I ride with long dressage stirrups, but canter in a half seat does not make me being hit by the saddle.
		
Click to expand...

It's hard to say really. I think if someone else came along and said they wanted him, I'd accept it and feel a little gutted but deep down know it is probably the right thing. Though over the weekend, before today's ride, the owner said someone else might want him and it did upset me so I don't know really.

I have ridden 16.2hh Irish sport type horses with no issues coming away from their back but with him, it's like his body moves so much that his back meets me even if I'm stood right up. I've also ridden traditional type cobs at 14.2hh with no issues either. His saddle is very deep seated and possibly a bit narrow too as it is quite uphill so that might not be helping.


----------



## SatansLittleHelper (31 May 2021)

Go with your gut. Something is holding you back clearly.
Toss a coin, yes or no....before the coin hits the ground you will know which you want it to be x


----------



## Sleipnir (31 May 2021)

I think if someone else came along and said they wanted him, I'd accept it and feel a little gutted but deep down know it is probably the right thing
		
Click to expand...

There you go.


----------



## dixie (31 May 2021)

You are saying how great he is and then coming up with excuses for not buying him. This tells me that you don’t really think he’s the one. Go try some more and if he’s still for sale you can re-think.


----------



## Ellietotz (31 May 2021)

dixie said:



			You are saying how great he is and then coming up with excuses for not buying him. This tells me that you don’t really think he’s the one. Go try some more and if he’s still for sale you can re-think.
		
Click to expand...

Before I rode him today, the last two rides were great and I was pretty set on him. Today's ride was somewhat frustrating, with the constant calling and pulling towards home, he was a lot slower. I still think he is really sweet and I love just being with him. I love being on him too, he is so comfy and I do just feel so safe. 
I don't know if today's ride was just a blip and he is tired but I'm guessing that is a gamble anyone takes when buying a horse because how do you know after one ride what they will be like! 
It is mainly the space I have that is a worry with a horse of his size, limited hay storage and of course, having two. In an ideal world, I'd just have the one!


----------



## Mrs. Jingle (31 May 2021)

I think from your latest post listing your doubts he might not be quite so perfect for you as I previously thought.

The only thing I will say, I am only 5'4" and my horse (admittedly haven't ridden since accident and wont again until hips replaced) is 17.3 and built like a tank. After initially feeling like he was far too wide for me and struggling with his action, after a few rides I settled into it and with a change of saddle I found him so comfortable and seemed to be able to sit much deeper in the saddle, when my saddler had sorted us out.

The right saddle can make so much difference to how you can actually ride a broader a horse I think, especially the big ones. Are you happy with the saddle you were riding in?

As for space for an extra one, I have a good few acres but in the summer both my horses and my two donkeys are only on 3.5 acres of it which I rotate into 3 paddocks - he is a big eater but also a very good doer, so the limited grazing suits him and the others. I do occasionally chuck a bit of hay in with them if we have had very little growth due to drought (not often here in Ireland !)

My other concern is that you would not be keeping him that far away from the horse he does not want to be separated from, that cause big issues if they start shouting out to each other.

Perhaps time to really think how much you would feel cheated if you saw a new owner riding him out and about when he could have been yours?

Just edited to say I was considering getting a smaller slimmer horse next spring when I hope to be riding again, then it dawned on me I can trust my big chap 100 per cent on the narrow lanes with big farm machinery and he is a very safe but forward going hack. Feeling safe is a huge thing for me.


----------



## Ellietotz (31 May 2021)

Mrs Jingle said:



			I think from your latest post listing your doubts he might not be quite so perfect for you as I previously thought.

The only thing I will say, I am only 5'4" and my horse (admittedly haven't ridden since accident and wont again until hips replaced) is 17.3 and built like a tank. After initially feeling like he was far too wide for me and struggling with his action, after a few rides I settled into it and with a change of saddle I found him so comfortable and seemed to be able to sit much deeper in the saddle, when my saddler had sorted us out.

The right saddle can make so much difference to how you can actually ride a broader a horse I think, especially the big ones. Are you happy with the saddle you were riding in?

As for space for an extra one, I have a good few acres but in the summer both my horses and my two donkeys are only on 3.5 acres of it which I rotate into 3 paddocks - he is a big eater but also a very good doer, so the limited grazing suits him and the others. I do occasionally chuck a bit of hay in with them if we have had very little growth due to drought (not often here in Ireland !)

My other concern is that you would not be keeping him that far away from the horse he does not want to be separated from, that cause big issues if they start shouting out to each other.

Perhaps time to really think how much you would feel cheated if you saw a new owner riding him out and about when he could have been yours?

Just edited to say I was considering getting a smaller slimmer horse next spring when I hope to be riding again, then it dawned on me I can trust my big chap 100 per cent on the narrow lanes with big farm machinery and he is a very safe but forward going hack. Feeling safe is a huge thing for me.
		
Click to expand...

His current saddle is extremely comfortable, he feels like an arm chair to ride though either he is quite uphill or the saddle is slightly too narrow as I do have to rise up and forward in trot if that makes sense! In canter, sitting to it is lovely. I just can't seem to get away from it enough if I'm cantering out of the seat. 

Space-wise, my mare isn't a particularly good doer so whilst the lack of grass might work for him, it probably wouldn't work for her. I like to be able to rest a paddock as well to prepare for winter. 

Yes, I think I would feel sad seeing someone else on him and missing that opportunity. Feeling safe is also the biggest thing for me too and it did pretty much overall my criteria at the time but part of me thinks I could find something else safe that is smaller as the field space and other doubts might be a bit of a risk.


----------



## Spirit2021 (31 May 2021)

Without sounding negative the horse market is crazy at the moment so you looking at horse costing you 8 thousand and up  if you’re looking for a new one . I wouldn’t consider a horse that is 13  old. Do you feed hay / haylage because it sounds like you  only relie on grass .


----------



## Ellietotz (31 May 2021)

Spirit2021 said:



			Without sounding negative the horse market is crazy at the moment so you looking at horse costing you 8 thousand and up  if you’re looking for a new one . I wouldn’t consider a horse that is 13  old. Do you feed hay / haylage because it sounds like you  only relie on grass .
		
Click to expand...

No, I mentioned that I would worry about not having enough storage for hay for them both. I have enough for her and a second of similar size but with him as well, I'd need a lot more than originally planned for. 
I rent my fields too so I can't have them seriously overgrazed.


----------



## Pearlsasinger (31 May 2021)

The other thing to consider is your budget.  He sounds like a bargain in the current market.


----------



## Flame_ (31 May 2021)

There are loads of safe, genuine 14.2s that haven't got it in them to do things that scare or hurt you. If he's not your type, he's not your type. He'll be a good buy for somebody.

Some people are happy with a horse that is willing and able to do the job they want them for, others are more particular. I think you need to keep looking.


----------



## southerncomfort (31 May 2021)

If he's a cob you might find you don't actually have to feed as much as you think.

He sounds like a good horse at a good price that you enjoy riding.

If his management is all that's holding you back and the owner is dithering about selling, would she let you take him on LWVTB?


----------



## SO1 (31 May 2021)

Depends on what your budget is 3.5k with tack and rugs is a very good price for a safe hack with the potential to do some low level RC. Having said that he does sounds like he might be prone to separation anxiety and has he ever been turned out with mares before because it sounds like you will be turning him with your mare. 

Height wise I am 5.2ft and my new forest is 14h. 15.3 would be way too big for me for general handing, tacking up, rugging, putting bridle on so much easier with a smaller pony for me than a big horse. I want to be able to easily get on and off from the ground if out hacking etc. 

14.2 is a very sought after height and you are then competing with the pony club mums who are looking for safe ponies for kids as well as the small adult market. Looking at happy hackers on horse quest a 14.2 standard coloured cob is around 5k a new forest type would be significantly more an actual NF would be around £6,000 or more at current prices. If you have decent budget then maybe hang out for what you actually want if you have limited funds then maybe you might want to take a chance on this cob even if not exactly you were after.



Flame_ said:



			There are loads of safe, genuine 14.2s that haven't got it in them to do things that scare or hurt you. If he's not your type, he's not your type. He'll be a good buy for somebody.

Some people are happy with a horse that is willing and able to do the job they want them for, others are more particular. I think you need to keep looking.
		
Click to expand...


----------



## Winters100 (31 May 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			No, I mentioned that I would worry about not having enough storage for hay for them both. I have enough for her and a second of similar size but with him as well, I'd need a lot more than originally planned for.
I rent my fields too so I can't have them seriously overgrazed.
		
Click to expand...

I am not really sure that a 15.3 eats a lot more than a 14.2, especially if it is a cob. I have never owned one, but from what I understand from cob-owning friends they basically get fat as soon as they see grass.  Speaking personally my poor doer mare eats much less than my good doer gelding, even though he is much bigger.

I think the more important point is that, having had time to think about it, and another ride, you seem not convinced about this horse and not to enjoy him as you did on the previous try.  You also seem not convinced about a second horse in general.

In my opinion you need to have a hard think about whether you want a second one at all.  My experience is the added work of additional horses is mainly in the riding and training, but then I am at a yard where I don't do my own boxes.  With additional horses it is easy to manage as long as they are all easy to handle, for example I can bring my 3 in from the paddock together, and if I am pushed for time I can ride 1 and lead 2 to exercise.

Your latest posts throw a different light on this for me.  If a subsequent ride has shown a different side to the horse there is no shame in saying that he is not for you.  At that price the seller will have no problems, so I think best would be to be straightforward and inform him/her asap if you don't want him.

Have a good think and make sure that whatever decision you make it is one that you are happy with.  Good luck!


----------



## Winters100 (31 May 2021)

Winters100 said:



			Speaking personally my poor doer mare eats much less than my good doer gelding, even though he is much bigger.
		
Click to expand...

Spot the obvious error!  Clearly I meant to write much more!!


----------



## Tiddlypom (1 June 2021)

If he doesn't float your boat, then that's fair enough. There won't be many more safe and sound horses around at that price, though, even 13 yo ones.

I expect that the OP's inbox is now getting bombarded with PMs asking for the owner's contact details - he sounds just like what many people are looking for .


----------



## Red-1 (1 June 2021)

Tiddlypom said:



			I expect that the OP's inbox is now getting bombarded with PMs asking for the owner's contact details - he sounds just like what many people are looking for .
		
Click to expand...


----------



## Ceriann (1 June 2021)

Tiddlypom said:



			If he doesn't float your boat, then that's fair enough. There won't be many more safe and sound horses around at that price, though, even 13 yo ones.

I expect that the OP's inbox is now getting bombarded with PMs asking for the owner's contact details - he sounds just like what many people are looking for .
		
Click to expand...

I’ve been sat on my hands - he could be perfect for my hubby as a happy hacker!


----------



## Ellietotz (1 June 2021)

southerncomfort said:



			If he's a cob you might find you don't actually have to feed as much as you think.

He sounds like a good horse at a good price that you enjoy riding.

If his management is all that's holding you back and the owner is dithering about selling, would she let you take him on LWVTB?
		
Click to expand...

I've asked about loan but she said she'd rather sell unfortunately. If I could have him on loan, I probably wouldn't hesitate. The buying just worries me in case it doesn't work or she changes her mind last minute after I've paid for vetting!


----------



## Ellietotz (1 June 2021)

Winters100 said:



			I am not really sure that a 15.3 eats a lot more than a 14.2, especially if it is a cob. I have never owned one, but from what I understand from cob-owning friends they basically get fat as soon as they see grass.  Speaking personally my poor doer mare eats much less than my good doer gelding, even though he is much bigger.

I think the more important point is that, having had time to think about it, and another ride, you seem not convinced about this horse and not to enjoy him as you did on the previous try.  You also seem not convinced about a second horse in general.

In my opinion you need to have a hard think about whether you want a second one at all.  My experience is the added work of additional horses is mainly in the riding and training, but then I am at a yard where I don't do my own boxes.  With additional horses it is easy to manage as long as they are all easy to handle, for example I can bring my 3 in from the paddock together, and if I am pushed for time I can ride 1 and lead 2 to exercise.

Your latest posts throw a different light on this for me.  If a subsequent ride has shown a different side to the horse there is no shame in saying that he is not for you.  At that price the seller will have no problems, so I think best would be to be straightforward and inform him/her asap if you don't want him.

Have a good think and make sure that whatever decision you make it is one that you are happy with.  Good luck!
		
Click to expand...

The current owner has several large paddocks that she rents for just the two of them that they are rotated around constantly and they eat it to the ground within a matter of hours so I'd worry that my mare would end up needing hay feeding as she wouldn't have enough, even though he could manage with as little as possible.

It's hard because I do really like him! I do think he may have been tired yesterday, he is quite unfit and he had done an hour and a half hack the day before and yesterday was the 4th day in a row that he had gone out. Straight after galloping around like a loon waiting for his friend to come back too and it was a hot day so there are those factors that may have played a part as well. I still enjoyed his company out riding despite him missing his friend the whole time. Perhaps he wasn't over the fact his friend had gone for an hour, just come back and he had to leave him behind straight away!

I tried getting him out while his friend was out too and he was just a sod. Apparently they aren't used to being tied up... he was very agitated which I do understand as he is clearly very attached. I don't know how he will cope being apart from him, especially being out of sight but close enough to hear each other.

I know that I'm not going to know if the space I have works until I actually do it but it is just a worry.

Then I also wonder if once he is fitter and going out more regularly, he would be more forward like he was on Friday...

I don't think I want him to go anywhere either! I hate my brain!


----------



## Errin Paddywack (1 June 2021)

Another thing to think of is his size on your grazing and the damage his feet will do.  My mare is only 15.1 and reasonably lightweight but the damage she does is way more than my sister's two ponies combined.


----------



## Ellietotz (1 June 2021)

Errin Paddywack said:



			Another thing to think of is his size on your grazing and the damage his feet will do.  My mare is only 15.1 and reasonably lightweight but the damage she does is way more than my sister's two ponies combined.
		
Click to expand...

Yes that was another concern too. I hate my fields getting churned up!


----------



## Casey76 (1 June 2021)

OP, what ever you do, don’t feel pressured one way or another by HHO . Do what you feel is best.


----------



## Ellietotz (1 June 2021)

Casey76 said:



			OP, what ever you do, don’t feel pressured one way or another by HHO . Do what you feel is best.
		
Click to expand...

I honestly wish I could show pictures of him, aside from his description, you'd all think I was even more mad if I let him go lol! He has such a sweet face!


----------



## sunleychops (1 June 2021)

The fact he is nothing like what you were looking for and are considering him tells you everything. He's clearly the one.


----------



## Odyssey (1 June 2021)

Really not wishing to put a downer on it, but I'm just wondering if you  have quite enough space for another horse/pony. 2 1/2 acres isn't a lot for 2 horses and 2 donkeys, as you don't have much space to store hay. I don't imagine that a 14.2 would eat vastly less than a 15.3, but I could be completely wrong.


----------



## KittenInTheTree (1 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			My list for the type I was looking for was:

- 14.2hh max, nothing chunkier than a welsh D, new forest type with little feather.
- No older than 10
- Hacks alone and in company
- No sharp spooking, bucking, bolting, rearing. Napping is okay providing it isn't dangerous.
- Non dominant gelding ideally or mare if right.
- Has the capacity to jump a little bit like logs out hacking really.
- Not a kick along, has to be willing to go forwards.

Ideal thing would be a lovely bay new forest type with a white stripe. Piebald is probably my least favourite!
		
Click to expand...

There is a five year old 13.2hh bay New Forest mare advertised on Horsequest UK at the moment, and a number of other New Forest ponies too, for that matter.

I wouldn't rush into deciding.


----------



## Ellietotz (1 June 2021)

Odyssey said:



			Really not wishing to put a downer on it, but I'm just wondering if you  have quite enough space for another horse/pony. 2 1/2 acres isn't a lot for 2 horses and 2 donkeys, as you don't have much space to store hay. I don't imagine that a 14.2 would eat vastly less than a 15.3, but I could be completely wrong.
		
Click to expand...

The donkeys would go back to YO as they are only there to be a companion for my mare and wouldn't be required if I had him.

I usually get those massive square hay bales, are they maybe 12ft? My mare gets through 1 slice a day during winter with access to both fields. So one of those bales lasts me a month, there is around 30 slices per bale. Where that is stored at the moment sharing with the YO, I have space just for the one bale.

I have a single shelter in the middle of my closest field that I would shut off and use for hay storage instead, though this does mean having hay dropped by the gate and transported several slices at a time by wheelbarrow to get it in there as the gate isn't tractor sized but now thinking about it, he would probably need a slice and a half over winter so I'd actually have space for quite a few bales. I was planning on putting a hay box on the hard standing in front of the shelter so I can literally just chuck hay straight into that. I will just have to get over not being able to feed them their hay in their shelter but they will have access to the big double shelter too. I can always tie a small hay net up each in there if it's raining and I feel guilty! Reasoning for this is after a certain point in winter, it will be hard to get a wheelbarrow with hay in to the big shelter as that field is downhill and can get quite wet.

So that leaves me with the field likely getting trashed with his big cloppers as I like to have a bit of grass growth coming up to winter to prevent there being so much mud. I am religiously squashing down divets as it is lol. Although, it is salvageable with harrowing which I can do myself but then there is also the risk that it gets so ruined that grass doesn't grow back without reseeding or it gets turned to dust in summer.

I wish I could turn my worry off and just buy the damn horse lol!


----------



## ycbm (1 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			I've asked about loan but she said she'd rather sell unfortunately. If I could have him on loan, I probably wouldn't hesitate. The buying just worries me in case it doesn't work or she changes her mind last minute after I've paid for vetting!
		
Click to expand...

I think I would try and get a text record of her agreeing to pay for the vetting if she pulls out of the sale.  Failing that I might ask her to sign a one clause contract saying the same.  If she won't sign,  you have your answer. 
.


----------



## Pearlsasinger (1 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			The donkeys would go back to YO as they are only there to be a companion for my mare and wouldn't be required if I had him.

I usually get those massive square hay bales, are they maybe 12ft? My mare gets through 1 slice a day during winter with access to both fields. So one of those bales lasts me a month, there is around 30 slices per bale. Where that is stored at the moment sharing with the YO, I have space just for the one bale.

I have a single shelter in the middle of my closest field that I would shut off and use for hay storage instead, though this does mean having hay dropped by the gate and transported several slices at a time by wheelbarrow to get it in there as the gate isn't tractor sized so now thinking about it, he would probably need a slice and a half over winter so I'd actually have space for quite a few bales. I was planning on putting a hay box on the hard standing in front of the shelter so I can literally just chuck hay straight into that. I will just have to get over not being able to feed them their hay in their shelter but they will have access to the big double shelter too. I can always tie a small hay net up each in there if it's raining and I feel guilty! Reasoning for this is after a certain point in winter, it will be hard to get a wheelbarrow with hay in to the big shelter as that field is downhill and can get quite wet.

So that leaves me with the field likely getting trashed with his big cloppers as I like to have a bit of grass growth coming up to winter to prevent there being so much mud. I am religiously squashing down divets as it is lol. Though, it is salvageable with harrowing which I can do myself but then there is also the risk that it gets so ruined that grass doesn't grow back without reseeding or it gets turned to dust in summer.

I wish I could turn my worry off and just buy the damn horse lol!
		
Click to expand...


Grass will come back almost anywhere


----------



## Onlywayisup (1 June 2021)

l don't think you are really interested, your making so many excuses not to buy. Let the lovely cob find someone who will appreciate him, thirteen is no age.


----------



## FireCracker238 (1 June 2021)

This probably sounds silly but if the current owner rents the paddocks she keeps her two boys in and one is rehomed and one comes to you is there no way you could take over the rental on "her" paddocks if you could afford it, then you could rotate more often and possibly get away with not needing to store more hay bales


----------



## Peregrine Falcon (1 June 2021)

After reading your updated posts it seems you are not so sure about him. Perhaps he is not quite the horse/pony you are looking for.


----------



## Ellietotz (1 June 2021)

FireCracker238 said:



			This probably sounds silly but if the current owner rents the paddocks she keeps her two boys in and one is rehomed and one comes to you is there no way you could take over the rental on "her" paddocks if you could afford it, then you could rotate more often and possibly get away with not needing to store more hay bales
		
Click to expand...

Unfortunately, it would be an extra £200 a month roughly I think for him and my mare or £100 for just the one I think if he would stay on his own which would be okay but the paddocks she rents have no shelter or natural shelter (other than what you have to put in yourself so the current shelter would go, I don't have 4k to buy it from her!), no storage or hard standing and nowhere to tie up so I'm quite lucky with what I have and I only pay £100pcm! I think I would have enough space with my current fields, I just might have to feed hay most the year and I'd need to make sure the fields don't get stupidly overgrazed so I don't upset the field owner!


----------



## Lamehorses (1 June 2021)

Your more recent post about him being a bit rude could be a game changer - 13 is quite old to be changing ingrained habits.
As far as the being too wide - is he very fat, that could change, sounds like he could be eating too much.
Not being able to get out of the saddle could be the saddle is too big for you - my horse came with a 17.5 saddle & changing to a 16.5 to fit my arse helped enormously with my riding


----------



## Ellietotz (1 June 2021)

Lamehorses said:



			Your more recent post about him being a bit rude could be a game changer - 13 is quite old to be changing ingrained habits.
As far as the being too wide - is he very fat, that could change, sounds like he could be eating too much.
Not being able to get out of the saddle could be the saddle is too big for you - my horse came with a 17.5 saddle & changing to a 16.5 to fit my arse helped enormously with my riding
		
Click to expand...

He is rather round yes and the saddle is slightly too narrow I think as it is a fair bit higher at the front. It isn't level to his back so it could do with widening or him losing weight! 

He was rude as he was agitated with his friend being out but it was nothing that I'm not used to. I'd have been better to have just left him in the field until he got back really but I wanted to see what he was like. It wasn't unmanageable and is a pleasure to handle when his friend is home!


----------



## Odyssey (1 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			The donkeys would go back to YO as they are only there to be a companion for my mare and wouldn't be required if I had him.

I usually get those massive square hay bales, are they maybe 12ft? My mare gets through 1 slice a day during winter with access to both fields. So one of those bales lasts me a month, there is around 30 slices per bale. Where that is stored at the moment sharing with the YO, I have space just for the one bale.

I have a single shelter in the middle of my closest field that I would shut off and use for hay storage instead, though this does mean having hay dropped by the gate and transported several slices at a time by wheelbarrow to get it in there as the gate isn't tractor sized but now thinking about it, he would probably need a slice and a half over winter so I'd actually have space for quite a few bales. I was planning on putting a hay box on the hard standing in front of the shelter so I can literally just chuck hay straight into that. I will just have to get over not being able to feed them their hay in their shelter but they will have access to the big double shelter too. I can always tie a small hay net up each in there if it's raining and I feel guilty! Reasoning for this is after a certain point in winter, it will be hard to get a wheelbarrow with hay in to the big shelter as that field is downhill and can get quite wet.

So that leaves me with the field likely getting trashed with his big cloppers as I like to have a bit of grass growth coming up to winter to prevent there being so much mud. I am religiously squashing down divets as it is lol. Although, it is salvageable with harrowing which I can do myself but then there is also the risk that it gets so ruined that grass doesn't grow back without reseeding or it gets turned to dust in summer.

I wish I could turn my worry off and just buy the damn horse lol!
		
Click to expand...

The donkeys going back would make it a lot more doable, sorry, I didn't realise that they're on loan. With what you've described, it sounds like you can make it work with the hay. It must be very hard to make a decision with so much involved. I really envy decisive people, my procrastination drives me mad! Good luck with whatever you decide. 🙂


----------



## laura_nash (1 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			[...] I will just have to get over not being able to feed them their hay in their shelter but they will have access to the big double shelter too. I can always tie a small hay net up each in there if it's raining and I feel guilty! [...] 

So that leaves me with the field likely getting trashed with his big cloppers as I like to have a bit of grass growth coming up to winter to prevent there being so much mud. I am religiously squashing down divets as it is lol. Although, it is salvageable with harrowing which I can do myself but then there is also the risk that it gets so ruined that grass doesn't grow back without reseeding or it gets turned to dust in summer.

I wish I could turn my worry off and just buy the damn horse lol!
		
Click to expand...

I never feed in my shelter as I don't want any food guarding affecting their ability to share nicely.  I have an overhang on one side where I will put hay if its very wet, but mostly they have to go outside for it.  I guess it might matter more for bad doers. 

Is he shod and if so does he actually need to be? Shod hooves make much more mess in the field.


----------



## I'm Dun (1 June 2021)

If you cant afford to pay another £100 pcm, when you only pay £100 pcm now then I dont think you should be taking another one on. The margins are far too tight.


----------



## Ellietotz (1 June 2021)

Odyssey said:



			The donkeys going back would make it a lot more doable, sorry, I didn't realise that they're on loan. With what you've described, it sounds like you can make it work with the hay. It must be very hard to make a decision with so much involved. I really envy decisive people, my procrastination drives me mad! Good luck with whatever you decide. 🙂
		
Click to expand...

I know that feeling, I drive my partner mad with my procrastination as well as myself.
Thank you!


----------



## Ellietotz (1 June 2021)

laura_nash said:



			I never feed in my shelter as I don't want any food guarding affecting their ability to share nicely.  I have an overhang on one side where I will put hay if its very wet, but mostly they have to go outside for it.  I guess it might matter more for bad doers.

Is he shod and if so does he actually need to be? Shod hooves make much more mess in the field.
		
Click to expand...

He is shod yes but I'd possibly try him barefoot as he might not necessarily need them.


----------



## Ellietotz (1 June 2021)

I'm Dun said:



			If you cant afford to pay another £100 pcm, when you only pay £100 pcm now then I dont think you should be taking another one on. The margins are far too tight.
		
Click to expand...

I didn't say I couldn't pay another £100pcm. I said it would be okay but there would be no facilities, shelter etc or direct access to my current yard so it wouldn't really work.


----------



## EllenJay (1 June 2021)

Your initial post was very positive - your later ones were trying to find fault.  The horse sounds perfect on paper, but you obviously have doubts - therefore step away, he is not the right horse for you


----------



## timefort (1 June 2021)

My 2p worth, I agree with the poster (Mrs J?) who asked how would you feel if you were told you couldn't have him?

When I went to try my mare I rode her 4times and loved her, she made me feel safe and grin from ear to ear but I couldn't quite believe it would work out. I had so many what ifs it wasn't funny and I developed the attitude of "well if it doesn't work never mind", right up until she failed the vetting. Then I drove off the yard, burst into tears, phoned the owner and said I'd like to buy her anyway (completely ignoring all the really sensible what ifs!!).


----------



## Winters100 (1 June 2021)

EllenJay said:



			Your initial post was very positive - your later ones were trying to find fault.  The horse sounds perfect on paper, but you obviously have doubts - therefore step away, he is not the right horse for you
		
Click to expand...

Have to agree with this.  When buying mine I felt very sure that they were right, and was keen to close the deal.  Do remember that not buying a horse is a lot less trouble than buying one when you are not ready, or buying the wrong one.  Maybe the answer is that you should just wait until you are ready for a second horse?


----------



## Ellietotz (1 June 2021)

EllenJay said:



			Your initial post was very positive - your later ones were trying to find fault.  The horse sounds perfect on paper, but you obviously have doubts - therefore step away, he is not the right horse for you
		
Click to expand...

I definitely do still want him but I am a huge worrier and procrastinate constantly so it takes me a while to make a decision. Then I panic about my decision afterwards procrastinating about it again so its nothing to do with him, it's just me!

I rode him again tonight and he really does make me happy. He stood so nicely being brushed etc, he is just the loveliest boy. 

I lost my stirrup when we were cantering due to a footing error on my part which made him trip and we continued cantering with one stirrup smiling! I just didn't panic at all. 

We did a swap too, I tried out his hunter twin half way round and because the friend I was riding with is taller than me and can get on from the floor, we just stopped them, in the middle of the open forest surrounded by other animals, she got off and I swivelled round in my seat and climbed over, they both stood completely still and quietly. 

Instantly though, I didn't feel right on the other one. I didn't feel as safe as he makes me. He was absolutely beautiful to ride but it just didn't click!


----------



## Ellietotz (1 June 2021)

timefort said:



			My 2p worth, I agree with the poster (Mrs J?) who asked how would you feel if you were told you couldn't have him?

When I went to try my mare I rode her 4times and loved her, she made me feel safe and grin from ear to ear but I couldn't quite believe it would work out. I had so many what ifs it wasn't funny and I developed the attitude of "well if it doesn't work never mind", right up until she failed the vetting. Then I drove off the yard, burst into tears, phoned the owner and said I'd like to buy her anyway (completely ignoring all the really sensible what ifs!!).
		
Click to expand...

I would definitely be upset and would probably have done exactly the same thing!

Perhaps it's because I'm not quite certain the owner will sell yet and currently, between me and another, we get to share them in exchange for poo picking with as much riding as we want but if he was actually on the open market, I wouldn't hesitate at all because I don't think I could lose him now so currently, it is quite a nice arrangement in a way and I get an opportunity to get to know him more. If she then does get really serious, I'm pretty certain I will snap him up and I don't care what I'd need to do to make it work!


----------



## saddlesore (2 June 2021)

He sounds like ‘the one’ 🤩


----------



## 18hhOlls&Me (2 June 2021)

Agree with all the above- have you seen the amount of people that are looking to buy something safe and straightforward for a reasonable price and can't find anything at all?? Groups full of riders whose criteria is basically 'a nice gelding/mare that I can enjoy riding and isn't more than 5 figs...' who are coming up with nothing. You may have had an idea in your head of what your dream horse may look like aesthetically but that is never the best basis for buying a horse!! Plus 3 years difference (13 years not 10 years old) isn't that much at all- he still has plenty of rideable years in him. I would go for it before someone else (possibly someone on this thread lol 😂) beats you to it!! As others have said, you will easily be able to sell him even in 4 or 5 years, and who knows- he may have hidden untapped potential that you haven't seen or hasn't been untapped yet- I admittedly am not an expert on cobs but a lot of people are huge fans who say when schooled correctly can turn their hoof to anything and you often see them at low to mid competitive levels (and higher in showing obviously!). Unless you are aiming for Fox hunter or something I think you've found the one, which is great   Good luck and let us know what happens!

PS As you have already said you are doing, definitely go for the vetting though- someone mentioned the kind of sensible vet who won't fail him because of 'lumps and bumps' but will notice a chronic issue.


----------



## Ellietotz (3 June 2021)

This is becoming more complicated that I'd hoped for... 
At the moment, the owner has the two boys with several people riding them in exchange for chores. Since I got involved, it felt like some of the people weren't happy with me and I could be completely wrong but I feel like I am to blame for the owner selling even though she has wanted to do it for years. I did explain to them that they were there first so not to prioritise me riding over them etc and they were all happy with us all sharing. 

Anyway, they are saying she won't do it and just to carry on as normal. The owner is saying she is definitely going to sell this time and will be advertising next week. 

I am so worried about losing him but I don't want to upset anyone in the process.


----------



## splashgirl45 (3 June 2021)

has she offered him to the others, if not and she wants him to go to you and you do want him, then dont worry about the others...if she advertises him at that price he will be snapped up very quickly so have a good think about how you would feel if this happens.....if you cant bear it , tell her you want him but make sure you have a vetting....good luck


----------



## Surbie (3 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			This is becoming more complicated that I'd hoped for...
At the moment, the owner has the two boys with several people riding them in exchange for chores. Since I got involved, it felt like some of the people weren't happy with me and I could be completely wrong but I feel like I am to blame for the owner selling even though she has wanted to do it for years. I did explain to them that they were there first so not to prioritise me riding over them etc and they were all happy with us all sharing.

Anyway, they are saying she won't do it and just to carry on as normal. The owner is saying she is definitely going to sell this time and will be advertising next week.

I am so worried about losing him but I don't want to upset anyone in the process.
		
Click to expand...

If you want the horse and the owner is at the point of going to advertise, contact her about it now. Don't rely on hearsay, the other people don't own the horse. If she sells him, they will lose the ride anyway.

If you don't want him, do send me the link to any advert - my local RDA would like 4 of him please.


----------



## Ellietotz (3 June 2021)

splashgirl45 said:



			has she offered him to the others, if not and she wants him to go to you and you do want him, then dont worry about the others...if she advertises him at that price he will be snapped up very quickly so have a good think about how you would feel if this happens.....if you cant bear it , tell her you want him but make sure you have a vetting....good luck
		
Click to expand...

Yes, they aren't in the position to buy either of them. I really don't want to lose him!


----------



## splashgirl45 (3 June 2021)

well , you know what to do and you need to make a decision before she realises that she could get more for him,  he sounds like a lovely horse and if he passes the vet you should have no problem selling him in the future if you decide you want something with more potential....buy the horse you can have fun on now and dont overhorse yourself as we have seen from so many posts on here, and you have had the benefit of a nice long trial,


----------



## Errin Paddywack (3 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			I really don't want to lose him!
		
Click to expand...

If you really don't want to lose him, get proactive and tell her you want him.  As others have said, if she sells him elsewhere the other people who ride him will lose him anyway.  Don't for goodness sake be in the position of wishing 'if only I had made it happen'.  Stop dithering.


----------



## Ownedby4horses (3 June 2021)

OP! Just buy him!! You obviously adore him and I think your main worry is the owner will change her mind about selling him once you’ve paid for the vetting, so I think you are trying to convince yourself not to buy him so you’re not disappointed! Don’t rely on what the others say, speak to the owner and ask if you can put a deposit on him subject to vetting. DONT wait until he’s advertised as he will be snapped up within hours at that price.


----------



## Annagain (3 June 2021)

You can't care what the other riders want, of course they don't want you to buy him as they'll lose their chance to ride. You have to do what you want. If owner is selling both horses, could you rent her fields instead and move your mare if they're more suitable?


----------



## Pearlsasinger (3 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			This is becoming more complicated that I'd hoped for...
At the moment, the owner has the two boys with several people riding them in exchange for chores. Since I got involved, it felt like some of the people weren't happy with me and I could be completely wrong but I feel like I am to blame for the owner selling even though she has wanted to do it for years. I did explain to them that they were there first so not to prioritise me riding over them etc and they were all happy with us all sharing.

Anyway, they are saying she won't do it and just to carry on as normal. The owner is saying she is definitely going to sell this time and will be advertising next week.

I am so worried about losing him but I don't want to upset anyone in the process.
		
Click to expand...



Take no notice of everybody else!   The only person who knows what she wants to do is the owner.  If she is telling you that she wants to sell him and you don't want to lose him, tell her that you would like to book a vetting, if she is sure and take it from there.  With a big smile explain to her that if he passes a sensible vet and she then changes her mind, you will expect her to cover the cost.
Honestly far too many people let themselves be swayed by other people -don't let her advertise him, if you want him!

ETA the other sharers are obviously  worried that he won't be available to them, if you buy him, forgetting that she could sell him to someone from the other end of the country.  I'm not surprised she wants to sell, why on earth should she pay to keep a horse for loads of other people to ride?


----------



## southerncomfort (3 June 2021)

Sometimes in life you have to just elbow your way to the front of the queue to get what you want.

The others can't buy him, you can.  And it sounds like you've made up your mind that you really want him.  So go to the owner and tell her you will buy him subject to vetting and just say 'Before I go ahead and book the vet do you need more time to think about this or are you 100% sure that you want to sell him?'.


----------



## Ellietotz (3 June 2021)

Annagain said:



			You can't care what the other riders want, of course they don't want you to buy him as they'll lose their chance to ride. You have to do what you want. If owner is selling both horses, could you rent her fields instead and move your mare if they're more suitable?
		
Click to expand...

I know but I just don't want people to be angry with me!
Her fields have no shelters, hard standing, storage, running water or even tying areas so I definitely have the better set up aside from the tiny annoyance of having to get slices of hay individually to the shelter to store it. Worst comes to worst though I could always get the farmer to just chuck a round bale over the fence for me! I just like to be able to manage the hay rather than give them all of it. 

I know it is really stupid that I'm worrying about the others but I just feel like if it wasn't for me, maybe she wouldn't be selling just yet!


----------



## Pearlsasinger (3 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			I know but I just don't want people to be angry with me!
Her fields have no shelters, hard standing, storage, running water or even tying areas so I definitely have the better set up aside from the tiny annoyance of having to get slices of hay individually to the shelter to store it. Worst comes to worst though I could always get the farmer to just chuck a round bale over the fence for me! I just like to be able to manage the hay rather than give them all of it.

I know it is really stupid that I'm worrying about the others but I just feel like if it wasn't for me, maybe she wouldn't be selling just yet!
		
Click to expand...


She has been thinking about selling him for years!  Now she has found someone who can afford to buy him, likes him and who she knows will give him a good home.  B*ggar the others!


----------



## Annagain (3 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			I know but I just don't want people to be angry with me!
Her fields have no shelters, hard standing, storage, running water or even tying areas so I definitely have the better set up aside from the tiny annoyance of having to get slices of hay individually to the shelter to store it. Worst comes to worst though I could always get the farmer to just chuck a round bale over the fence for me! I just like to be able to manage the hay rather than give them all of it.

I know it is really stupid that I'm worrying about the others but I just feel like if it wasn't for me, maybe she wouldn't be selling just yet!
		
Click to expand...

If that's the case, she likes you enough to want her horse to go to you and she's the only one who matters. They may not be happy with the situation but that doesn't mean they're angry with you. And if they are angry with you about something that's not your decision (if she doesn't sell to you, she'll sell to someone else), they're not the sort of people you need in your life anyway. If they're putting you off, it's for their own selfish reasons so they don't care about your feelings, why should you care about theirs.


----------



## Surbie (3 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			Yes, they aren't in the position to buy either of them. I really don't want to lose him!
		
Click to expand...

I fell for my lad on sight, while he was still at the RDA. A year later I nearly lost the chance to have him because of something similar - not wanting to tread on the toes of someone else who'd been around longer but wasn't, it turned out at the very last minute, in any position to afford to keep him.

I went through 3 months of being utterly heartbroken, before being reunited with him. His owner could easily have found someone else. Don't do yourself the same disservice.

And as soon as he passes his vetting pls post pics! He sounds super and I'd really like to see him.


----------



## Tiddlypom (3 June 2021)

OP, you do seem to worry too much about what *others* think. This has been a running theme throughout your ownership of your mare.

If you do buy this gelding, can you foresee his current riders hanging around and you feeling intimidated by them? Or would they have nothing left to hang around for?


----------



## Ellietotz (3 June 2021)

Tiddlypom said:



			OP, you do seem to worry too much about what *others* think. This has been a running theme throughout your ownership of your mare.

If you do buy this gelding, can you foresee his current riders hanging around and you feeling intimidated by them? Or would they have nothing left to hang around for?
		
Click to expand...

I know, I really can't help it, it drives me mad!

Yes, they do actually have their own horses already but they use them for friends/partner's to ride with them so they would still be there. I wouldn't be intimidated by them, I rarely see them if I'm honest, I just don't like there being negative feelings with anyone really!


----------



## Amymay (3 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			Yes, they aren't in the position to buy either of them. I really don't want to lose him!
		
Click to expand...

Then phone her now and buy him. It’s absolutely nothing to do with anyone else on the yard.


----------



## Flame_ (3 June 2021)

If you're sure you want him, get moving and get the vetting booked. You can't please everyone, but if you now know he's what you want and his owner wants you to buy him, forget everyone else and get on with it, lol.


----------



## splashgirl45 (3 June 2021)

its your life,   dont worry about the others.  if you really want him, contact the owner now!!!!!!!    think how upset you will be if he goes to someone else,  act now....


----------



## FestiveFuzz (3 June 2021)

Just to echo the others, please don’t wait until he’s advertised to make your move else I fear he’ll be snapped up before you even have a chance to book the vet.


----------



## Ceriann (3 June 2021)

Echo those who say move quickly.  Nice horses are sold in hours at the moment.


----------



## Widgeon (3 June 2021)

As someone who bought a horse who was a couple of inches too tall, a couple of years too old, a bit clicky and more than a bit too piebald, I would say go for it! I haven't regretted mine for a moment because he makes me feel safe.


----------



## Ellietotz (4 June 2021)

Right, I got a video of him walk and trotting in hand tonight if anyone wants to PM me to see what you think before I go forking out money! 

Another lovely ride tonight, I just bloody love him.


----------



## Honey08 (4 June 2021)

Just get him vetted.  And go buy him.  You clearly want to.

we sent my stepson’s racy jumping pony back because it was too sharp for him and bought a really cheap coloured cob. He was a 13.2 version of what you’re buying.  We thought he’d be too quiet in the future, but would be ok to get confidence back.  That pony was such an honest little chap he was amazing.  As my stepson got confidence the pony upped his game.  They won everything at pony club. His name is engraved on every trophy the pc had, from handy pony to games to Xc.  I cried my eyes out when he was outgrown and had to be sold.

But as a slight red flag - my mare’s hocks started clicking a couple of years before she got pretty bad arthritis. So do get it checked.


----------



## Lois Lame (4 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			This is becoming more complicated that I'd hoped for...
At the moment, the owner has the two boys with several people riding them in exchange for chores. Since I got involved, it felt like some of the people weren't happy with me and I could be completely wrong but I feel like I am to blame for the owner selling even though she has wanted to do it for years. I did explain to them that they were there first so not to prioritise me riding over them etc and they were all happy with us all sharing.

Anyway,* they are saying she won't do it* and just to carry on as normal. The owner is saying she is definitely going to sell this time and will be advertising next week.

I am so worried about losing him but I don't want to upset anyone in the process.
		
Click to expand...

Ah, I'd been wondering about this. 'Who,' I asked myself, 'are these people saying she won't sell?'

Ignore them. What you do and what the owner does is up to you and the owner. The nay-sayers are of no concern.


----------



## Lois Lame (4 June 2021)

Errin Paddywack said:



			If you really don't want to lose him, get proactive and tell her you want him.  As others have said, if she sells him elsewhere the other people who ride him will lose him anyway.  Don't for goodness sake be in the position of wishing 'if only I had made it happen'.  Stop dithering.
		
Click to expand...

A lot of us are great procrastinators for various reasons so don't think you are alone. You're not. Put your brave pants on and do what needs to be done.

[Big encouraging smiley]


----------



## Lois Lame (4 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			I know but I just don't want people to be angry with me!
Her fields have no shelters, hard standing, storage, running water or even tying areas so I definitely have the better set up aside from the tiny annoyance of having to get slices of hay individually to the shelter to store it. Worst comes to worst though I could always get the farmer to just chuck a round bale over the fence for me! I just like to be able to manage the hay rather than give them all of it.

I know it is really stupid that I'm worrying about the others but I just feel like if it wasn't for me, maybe she wouldn't be selling just yet!
		
Click to expand...

Aha! You're heaping all the blame on you. Why do we do that? 

The owner wants to sell. She's told you. You can't believe it because ____________________________________ [insert daft reason].

But believe us, she really does want to sell.


----------



## Lois Lame (4 June 2021)

I'd love to see the video, Ellietotz.


----------



## Goldenstar (5 June 2021)

Just ignore all the white noise and get the vetting booked .
I felt instantly safe .... buy him


----------



## DabDab (5 June 2021)

Forget all the other stuff and get that vetting booked. You'll get given all sorts of opinions on a video. Without wanting to sound too abrupt, I think you probably need to stop looking for validation for everything you do and start focussing on what it is you _want _to do.


----------



## brighteyes (5 June 2021)

timefort said:



			My 2p worth, I agree with the poster (Mrs J?) who asked how would you feel if you were told you couldn't have him?

When I went to try my mare I rode her 4times and loved her, she made me feel safe and grin from ear to ear but I couldn't quite believe it would work out. I had so many what ifs it wasn't funny and I developed the attitude of "well if it doesn't work never mind", right up until she failed the vetting. Then I drove off the yard, burst into tears, phoned the owner and said I'd like to buy her anyway (completely ignoring all the really sensible what ifs!!).
		
Click to expand...

Well, you can't leave it there! What happened?


----------



## brighteyes (5 June 2021)

Also, you could sell him on for at least his cost if he passes the vet if it turns out you were too hasty!


----------



## Ellietotz (5 June 2021)

Lois Lame said:



			I'd love to see the video, Ellietotz.
		
Click to expand...

I will PM you.


----------



## Kat (5 June 2021)

If he makes you feel safe and happy buy him without hesitation. It is the most important thing. 

He will sell in no time on the open market, very ordinary cobs are being advertised for more so don't delay!!! 

If you decide to sell on in future safe happy hackers can sell into older age as it isn't physically tough work and safety for a nervous novice is so important. However cobs are capable of more than many people expect and from what you say about your plans I am sure he will be capable of doing what you want.


----------



## Pearlsasinger (5 June 2021)

Tell the owner *today* that you will buy him subject to vetting and get the vetting booked pronto!  The weight of HHO is greater than the weight of a few sharers on a livery yard


----------



## Kat (5 June 2021)

Pearlsasinger said:



			Tell the owner *today* that you will buy him subject to vetting and get the vetting booked pronto!  The weight of HHO is greater than the weight of a few sharers on a livery yard

Click to expand...

Also the sharers are almost certainly looking after their own interests rather than the OPs


----------



## Tiddlypom (5 June 2021)

Kat said:



			Also the sharers are almost certainly looking after their own interests rather than the OPs
		
Click to expand...

This, with bells on.

Don't dilly dally sending the video out for well meaning HHOers to peruse and then waiting for their replies, just get cracking buying him subject to vet.


----------



## Mrs. Jingle (5 June 2021)

Call my a cynic, but you cannot know all H&H'ers are well meaning, we are all hidden behind an ether mist of internet land and sometimes some of us might not be quite what we seem.  Personally I would not show any videos or any pics or anymore clues to this horse.  You would be surprised what information people can glean from a video of someone's school, yard etc.

The horse is obviously a good 'un and if it passes a vetting, in the current market it is worth far, far more than you are being asked to pay. Keep your hands close to your chest now until the vetting and the deal is done.

Just my personal opinion, cynical as ever but would hate to see you lose this horse to someone unscrupulous who might be VERY interested in the horse you describe.


----------



## Fern007 (5 June 2021)

I have been following this with interest as I'm terrible at making decisions as well. Your posts absolutely radiate happiness once you have ridden him. It can take years to find that feeling.  Forget what other people think of your videos, usually its helpful to have someone look but in this instance if you love him and he passes the vet no one else's opinion really matters. Go and have a serious talk with his owner. Good luck x


----------



## Ellietotz (5 June 2021)

Right... it is underway!

I am jittery with excitement!!

He will be moving in next to my mare tomorrow and gradually seeing how they are actually in together over the course of the week. Vetting to be booked for 14th and if all is okay, the cash will be handed over the same day!  

I have got the agreement and receipt filled out ready to sign. I am so excited! I just really hope she doesn't pull out or he fails.

I think he must have been tired when I took him out the other day on his own, he was just brilliant yesterday. Had a super forward going plod and just feels wonderful to ride, his canter is amazing. We have had a couple of spooks but I don't feel scared on him at all. I feel like I could bury myself into his mane if I was worried about something and he would guide us through. He is an absolute saint and I trust him with my life, literally!


----------



## Errin Paddywack (5 June 2021)

Brilliant news Ellie, will keep everything crossed all goes to plan.  I am so happy for you.


----------



## 18hhOlls&Me (5 June 2021)

Fantastic news!!!!


----------



## southerncomfort (5 June 2021)

Pearlsasinger said:



			Tell the owner *today* that you will buy him subject to vetting and get the vetting booked pronto!  The weight of HHO is greater than the weight of a few sharers on a livery yard

Click to expand...

100% this! 😀

And please be aware that their is the odd doom monger amongst HHOers who are convinced they see lameness in absolutely every horse they see.  😉  Frankly I'd leave it to your vet.


----------



## southerncomfort (5 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			Right... it is underway!

I am jittery with excitement!!

He will be moving in next to my mare tomorrow and gradually seeing how they are actually in together over the course of the week. Vetting to be booked for 14th and if all is okay, the cash will be handed over the same day! 

I have got the agreement and receipt filled out ready to sign. I am so excited! I just really hope she doesn't pull out or he fails.

I think he must have been tired when I took him out the other day on his own, he was just brilliant yesterday. Had a super forward going plod and just feels wonderful to ride, his canter is amazing. We have had a couple of spooks but I don't feel scared on him at all. I feel like I could bury myself into his mane if I was worried about something and he would guide us through. He is an absolute saint and I trust him with my life, literally!
		
Click to expand...

Hurrah!!


----------



## Ellietotz (5 June 2021)

I am at work and I just can't relax lol! I am literally so utterly excited!


----------



## Bellaboo18 (5 June 2021)

Fantastic news!! 🤞 for the vetting!


----------



## ycbm (5 June 2021)

Congratulations, looking forward to some photos. He's a bargain at that price in this market!  
.


----------



## SatansLittleHelper (5 June 2021)

Congratulations,  I'm so glad you have bitten the bullet. I think there are very few of us that ever actually buy the horse we set out to...even with our *must* list clutched in our hands 😉😎


----------



## Pearlsasinger (5 June 2021)

I can't tell you how pleased I am!


----------



## BallyRoanBaubles (5 June 2021)

Brilliant! Fingers crossed for the vetting


----------



## Coblover63 (5 June 2021)

Been following this with interest so I'm very happy to see that the right decision has been made.  Exciting stuff!


----------



## ester (5 June 2021)

Finally! lol


----------



## Surbie (5 June 2021)

HURRAY!!!! So very pleased for you and everything crossed for the vetting!

Looking forward to seeing photos. 😀


----------



## Ellietotz (5 June 2021)

Does the owner need to be there for the vetting? I don't think she will be able to be but he will be living in my fields by that point so I won't need her there necessarily.


----------



## ester (5 June 2021)

nope


----------



## Ellietotz (5 June 2021)

ester said:



			nope
		
Click to expand...

Thank you! So I just need to get his passport first?

I really hope she doesn't change her mind.


----------



## Tiddlypom (5 June 2021)

It's easier if the owner is there simply so that she can be the one to do the trot ups, lunging etc while you look on with the vet, although a spare friend would be a useful stand in for this.

But really it's up to her, it's not a requirement for her to be present.


----------



## wren123 (5 June 2021)

Great news, I am so looking forward to pictures once he's yours.


----------



## Peregrine Falcon (5 June 2021)

Fabulous news


----------



## splashgirl45 (5 June 2021)

great news,  fingers and toes crossed for a good vetting.  i feel excited as well.  looking forward to the photos....when i bought my last horse i was looking for a 15hands approx  dark bay gelding, i ended up with a 15.2 liver chestnut mare!!!!  good luck


----------



## sjb10 (5 June 2021)

Great news, hope all goes well. It is lovely when it feels so right!


----------



## Spirit2021 (5 June 2021)

Great news


----------



## Odyssey (5 June 2021)

That's fantastic, so pleased for you! He sounds an absolute diamond. I've got everything crossed that he passes the vetting. Can't wait to see pictures. 🙂


----------



## Ownedby4horses (5 June 2021)

👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍


----------



## Red-1 (5 June 2021)

Thank goodness! Oh, and congratulations!


----------



## Ceriann (5 June 2021)

Super pleased for you - pics when you are ready.  He sounds a rare find in this market - fate and all that.


----------



## Ellietotz (5 June 2021)

What stage vetting should I get? 😬


----------



## ycbm (5 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			What stage vetting should I get? 😬
		
Click to expand...

Five.


----------



## Mrs. Jingle (5 June 2021)

Five


----------



## Tiddlypom (5 June 2021)

Definitely a 5


----------



## Ellietotz (5 June 2021)

Just seen his passport. He is 11! So I got the ages the wrong way round, bonus!

Measured him as 15.3hh tonight too although fairly high withered.

Though so plump I couldn't actually get the ends of the weight tape to touch...


----------



## saddlesore (5 June 2021)

I’m delighted for you! I’ve been hoping you would take the plunge having felt so happy with him. And bonus he’s only 11!


----------



## splashgirl45 (5 June 2021)

5, and what a bonus he is only 11.  how exciting


----------



## wren123 (5 June 2021)

Oh gosh that is excellent news he is 11!


----------



## brighteyes (6 June 2021)

PHEW!


----------



## Ellietotz (6 June 2021)

Okay so he has been in next to my mare for most the day now.
She is obviously in season and in love, he hasn't called for his buddy once though a slight concern is that he is a little riggy it seems.
9 out of 10 times, he is taking no notice but other times he is pawing, getting his bits out and chasing her along the fence. I hope this isn't going to be an issue.


----------



## DizzyDoughnut (6 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			Okay so he has been in next to my mare for most the day now.
She is obviously in season and in love, he hasn't called for his buddy once though a slight concern is that he is a little riggy it seems.
9 out of 10 times, he is taking no notice but other times he is pawing, getting his bits out and chasing her along the fence. I hope this isn't going to be an issue.
		
Click to expand...

Mine does this with new mares, but when they're in together he never gets further than prancing round like an idiot to show her what a catch he is. He gets bored very quickly and after the first few days, will just sniff the mare if she's flirting with him but then walks off to the more important task of stuffing his face.


----------



## Ellietotz (6 June 2021)

I just tried tying him up next to the gate to brush him, my mare wandered off and he got so upset, wouldn't stand still, called and nipped if I got in the way. Same as he is with his other field mate. I'm starting to feel low that this isn't going to work.


----------



## Casey76 (6 June 2021)

Give him a chance to settle in.  His world has been turned upside down.  He needs to get used to a new space to live, a new owner and a new routine.

Be firm with your handling, but also be understanding.  He is confused and upset.  Especially if he has been with a gelding previously, and now he’s with a flirty mare.


----------



## Ellietotz (6 June 2021)

Casey76 said:



			Give him a chance to settle in.  His world has been turned upside down.  He needs to get used to a new space to live, a new owner and a new routine.

Be firm with your handling, but also be understanding.  He is confused and upset.  Especially if he has been with a gelding previously, and now he’s with a flirty mare.
		
Click to expand...

I know, I just hope it works out.
I do try to be firm when he is acting up when tied up but he just tries nipping like he did before with his usual field mate being out and of course, I don't know his boundaries yet. My mare will retaliate with her legs if she is told off! I hope we can work through that in time and he will chill out when he realises his new girlfriend isn't going anywhere.

The riggy side of things, we will just have to see.


----------



## J&S (6 June 2021)

Why not tie up the mare fairly close by so she can't disappear whilst you groom.  He is bound to be a bit clingy to start with.


----------



## Ellietotz (6 June 2021)

J&S said:



			Why not tie up the mare fairly close by so she can't disappear whilst you groom.  He is bound to be a bit clingy to start with.
		
Click to expand...

Yes, I will probably move her somewhere where she can't wander off too far or something but I'm hoping that getting them both out every time I want to brush/tack up won't be a permanent thing.


----------



## TheresaW (6 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			Yes, I will probably move her somewhere where she can't wander off too far or something but I'm hoping that getting them both out every time I want to brush/tack up won't be a permanent thing.
		
Click to expand...

When AE’s Max moved in, Dolly turned on all her womanly charms! He was interested for a day at the most. Give them time.


----------



## Bellaboo18 (6 June 2021)

I think you're right to have concerns, he needs to fit in with your setup but it's brilliant you've got this time to see if he can. 

I'm sure he will settle in so give him time but at the end of the day if it doesn't feel right it's not x


----------



## ycbm (6 June 2021)

This behaviour doesn't sound as if it's new?  Are you saying that he was the same before he moved to you, when his companion was a gelding? 
.


----------



## scats (6 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			I just tried tying him up next to the gate to brush him, my mare wandered off and he got so upset, wouldn't stand still, called and nipped if I got in the way. Same as he is with his other field mate. I'm starting to feel low that this isn't going to work. 

Click to expand...

Give him a chance... it rarely ever works out perfectly straight away.  Be firm about what is acceptable/unacceptable behaviour and keep in mind that he might be a bit clingy for a while.


----------



## Ellietotz (6 June 2021)

ycbm said:



			This behaviour doesn't sound as if it's new?  Are you saying that he was the same before he moved to you, when his companion was a gelding?
.
		
Click to expand...

The riggy behaviour is new to me, he isn't like this with his usual gelding field mate who is the leader of the two of them. I have asked the owner if he has lived with mares before so waiting to hear back.

The rudeness when he is agitated when his field mate has gone isn't new but I am hoping this can be sorted.


----------



## Ellietotz (6 June 2021)

scats said:



			Give him a chance... it rarely ever works out perfectly straight away.  Be firm about what is acceptable/unacceptable behaviour and keep in mind that he might be a bit clingy for a while.
		
Click to expand...

I think my biggest concern is someone getting hurt and him running my mare down when she is in season or perhaps even mounting her which does really worry me with her issues, especially being a dainty 13.3hh and him a heavy 15.3hh chunk.


----------



## DizzyDoughnut (6 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			I think my biggest concern is someone getting hurt and him running my mare down when she is in season or perhaps even mounting her which does really worry me with her issues, especially being a dainty 13.3hh and him a heavy 15.3hh chunk.
		
Click to expand...

Mine lived with a shetland mare his whole life and others upto about 16hh, he is 13hh. When the Shetland first arrived he was 2 and still thought he was gods gift to women, he was an absolute idiot. But if he ever took it to far the mare would always tell him to get lost and he always did no matter how much he might have disagreed. Some mares encouraged him but as I said before he soon got bored of them and his belly took over!


----------



## Mrs. Jingle (6 June 2021)

I don't think he is necessarily showing he is a rig (but do mention at vetting if you _really  _think that might be a possibility) When my big chap arrived and was put in with my mare and two donkey geldings he strutted around the place arching his neck, pawing the ground, waving his todger at anyone who cared to notice...fortunately nobody took much notice lol! 

In the early days if he really irritated my mare when she was in season she simply double barreled him until he accepted she is herd leader, not him,  and to back off.  All settled within a few weeks of everybody (particularly him!) adjusting to the new routine.


----------



## Surbie (6 June 2021)

As others have said, give him time. Mine's lived out with mares most of his life - only been in gelding herds since he's been with me. With the majority he is totally oblivious but every now and then he turned into a total pillock, bouncing about with everything on show. He tried to have a go just once. With a stroppy 13.2hh Highland mare. She decided he was far too much of a wally for her and wellied him. He's never tried since, just prances around at a safe distance to show them what they are missing.


----------



## splashgirl45 (6 June 2021)

its early days,  be patient and keep your mare close for the first few days so he realises he is not alone,  remember he has moved somewhere strange away from his friend.  good luck and think positive...


----------



## Ellietotz (6 June 2021)

Mrs Jingle said:



			I don't think he is necessarily showing he is a rig (but do mention at vetting if you _really  _think that might be a possibility) When my big chap arrived and was put in with my mare and two donkey geldings he strutted around the place arching his neck, pawing the ground, waving his todger at anyone who cared to notice...fortunately nobody took much notice lol!

In the early days if he really irritated my mare when she was in season she simply double barreled him until he accepted she is herd leader, not him,  and to back off.  All settled within a few weeks of everybody (particularly him!) adjusting to the new routine.
		
Click to expand...

This is reassuring, thank you. My mare is definitely the dominant one and will double barrel him if he does something she isn't happy with so hopefully he doesn't push it or get angry! 
I've just known a gelding to chase a mare in season, angrily, until he got her cornered and hurt her so it really worries me. There was no stopping him either.


----------



## splashgirl45 (6 June 2021)

could you split your field to start with if you are worried, you could use electric fence so he gets used to her over a few days...dont give up at the first hurdle,  its fixable


----------



## Ellietotz (6 June 2021)

splashgirl45 said:



			could you split your field to start with if you are worried, you could use electric fence so he gets used to her over a few days...dont give up at the first hurdle,  its fixable

Click to expand...

That's how it is at the moment, hopefully no one gets hurt!


----------



## splashgirl45 (6 June 2021)

im keeping my fingers crossed for you,  it would be a shame if you give up on him as he sounds like he makes you happy ..


----------



## Ellietotz (7 June 2021)

Is it normal to get cold feet? Feeling super nervous about it all now!


----------



## Bellaboo18 (7 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			Is it normal to get cold feet? Feeling super nervous about it all now!
		
Click to expand...

Definitely normal! 🙂


----------



## Casey76 (7 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			Is it normal to get cold feet? Feeling super nervous about it all now!
		
Click to expand...

Oh yes... Even with my third, the moment I’d signed the paperwork I was like “what the hell have I done?”


----------



## Surbie (7 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			Is it normal to get cold feet? Feeling super nervous about it all now!
		
Click to expand...

Oh yes! I had them (briefly) when I was offered my lad on loan and then there was even a fleeting 'oh sh*t' moment when he was given to me. It hits home what you are taking on and I think it's a good sign.

For me it reassured me that I had considered the options and thought of what I would need to make it work, as well as what to do if it didn't. But then I like to plan stuff. A lot.


----------



## Nasicus (7 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			Is it normal to get cold feet? Feeling super nervous about it all now!
		
Click to expand...

Totally! I've had that for all four of the horses I've acquired so far! And with the dog too haha!


----------



## Caol Ila (7 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			Is it normal to get cold feet? Feeling super nervous about it all now!
		
Click to expand...

I definitely got cold feet with my PRE. I was worried she would be too wild, too unhandled. Did not, however, expect her to be too pregnant.


----------



## Ellietotz (7 June 2021)

Caol Ila said:



			I definitely got cold feet with my PRE. I was worried she would be too wild, too unhandled. Did not, however, expect her to be too pregnant.
		
Click to expand...

Ah I have been watching your thread closely waiting for pictures of the baby! A slight surprise but you aren't stuck, there are always options.


----------



## Ellietotz (7 June 2021)

I am so glad it isn't just me and this is normal then! 
Plan B options would be to split or sell but I'm just hoping that it will go as planned. They are still hanging around with each other on either side of the fence today, clearly in love. Still not fussed on his other field mate, he has a girlfriend now so why would you? Other field mate is calling a bit but not running around upset luckily, just calling in between mouthfuls of grass! 

Vetting is booked for 17th so at least that gives me this week to settle them next to each other and potentially put them in together for a few days before the purchase is finalised to really confirm that they should be okay together. 

I am nervous though that they will just beat each other up but I am just thinking the worse! 

I was planning on shutting off my single shelter if they are living together as I worry about them fighting in there. Do you think I should?


----------



## Mrs. Jingle (7 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			I was planning on shutting off my single shelter if they are living together as I worry about them fighting in there. Do you think I should?
		
Click to expand...

I would - well especially to start with, but I am not keen on field shelters for multi horses anyway, unless they are very generous with one side completely open for easy escape if anyone is likely to corner another one.


----------



## ester (7 June 2021)

Yes, the reason ours don't have access to stables is because it caused arguments in small spaces even though he was pretty devoted to her this didn't carry when arguing about stable spaces


----------



## Ellietotz (7 June 2021)

Mrs Jingle said:



			I would - well especially to start with, but I am not keen on field shelters for multi horses anyway, unless they are very generous with one side completely open for easy escape if anyone is likely to corner another one.
		
Click to expand...

Yes, my other one is a double with a full open front so plenty of room to get in and out.


----------



## Ellietotz (7 June 2021)

Found out he hasn't lived with mares before so I hope he will be okay.


----------



## splashgirl45 (7 June 2021)

yes, normal to be apprehensive at first....  keep at it


----------



## Ellietotz (8 June 2021)

He petrified me tonight. 

I took him out with my YO and her daughter. He walked out fine but when we all agreed to have a little trot and canter, as soon as they started trotting, he just took off throwing in a buck in the process. I had absolutely nothing in terms of control and never felt him gallop that fast, I didn't think he had it in him if I'm honest. When we all pulled up, he stood there with his head in the air snorting.
We carried on for a little bit and then there was a stampede of other horses and it felt like he was about to explode. He was literally twitching on the spot. When they had passed, the others went to walk on and he was so hypersensitive that he nearly shot forwards when asking to walk.
A few minutes later, he was just jogging with his head in the air, spooking at things and it was just horrible to be honest.
I cut it short and went home on my own. I just wanted to get off. I couldn't even walk back on him without holding his mane passed things and I don't want to feel like this.

I spoke to the girl who has been riding him and the other one for a year and she has never heard of him being like this and he has been out in company with his field mate and other horses he doesn't live with. Bearing in mind, we haven't moved, he is in the same place, just a different field so same hacking too.

Maybe I'm asking for the impossible for a horse to be sane in these situations, hacking alone and in company with one or two others but safety was my biggest priority and I was willing to overlook the other two issues for that but I didn't feel safe tonight.

Not only that but how would you ever know when buying horse what they will be like in all situations. It is such a risk and I just feel like my confidence is really going to effect this whole thing now.


----------



## EllenJay (8 June 2021)

I am really worried. I don't think this is the right horse for you. All along you have expressed your doubts, even though you intially enjoyed riding him.
Not being critical, but every day there is another thing you are not happy with - if this horse makes your heart sing then these issues wouldn't be a problem.  My advise, for what it's worth, this horse is a goldmine, but not for you.
This is not dissing you as an owner/rider but you seem to be unhappy with everything he throws at you. There will be something that suits you better out there


----------



## Ellietotz (8 June 2021)

EllenJay said:



			I am really worried. I don't think this is the right horse for you. All along you have expressed your doubts, even though you intially enjoyed riding him.
Not being critical, but every day there is another thing you are not happy with - if this horse makes your heart sing then these issues wouldn't be a problem.  My advise, for what it's worth, this horse is a goldmine, but not for you.
This is not dissing you as an owner/rider but you seem to be unhappy with everything he throws at you. There will be something that suits you better out there
		
Click to expand...

I was happy to overlook the other issues for how happy and safe he made me feel. We cantered across a common side by side with his field mate with no issues at all. I honestly didn't think he had it in him to be like this. He comes across so sane and happy when ridden usually but tonight he was just wired. 

How would I ever know if any horse I look at isn't just going to turn into this? I'm just not confident enough after my mare and I never used to be like this.


----------



## Flame_ (8 June 2021)

I really don't know what to say except sorry to hear it's not all progressing well.

I wouldn't be expecting to be able to hack in all paces, alone and in company on a new horse within this time frame, though maybe it is a reasonable expectation if you are buying an older horse, mainly because it is an established safe hack. You could take some steps back and build your relationship more in safer situations if you wanted to.

Personally, I generally find big, broad horses behaving undesirably more unnerving than when little, lightweight horses do it, so if you have that same predilection towards small horses, that may be what you need to get your bottle back.

Do you have some help from any professionals to help you get the measure of your new boy?

Could you have over-estimated what it was that he did? Was he really out of control or did you just feel what happens when this horse is in tense and excited mode (they all feel it sometimes), because tbf he didn't actually hurt you or unseat you? Do you just need to take things a bit steadier until you feel more relaxed, and consequently, more reassuring to your new horse?


----------



## Regandal (8 June 2021)

That’s a shame. Has his feed or grass intake changed?


----------



## EllenJay (8 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			I was happy to overlook the other issues for how happy and safe he made me feel. We cantered across a common side by side with his field mate with no issues at all. I honestly didn't think he had it in him to be like this. He comes across so sane and happy when ridden usually but tonight he was just wired.

How would I ever know if any horse I look at isn't just going to turn into this? I'm just not confident enough after my mare and I never used to be like this. 

Click to expand...

Hi - I'm not being critical, but sometimes the "perfect" horse isn't the right horse for you.  You did express a number of doubts, but the general consensus of opinion on this board was "snap him up" which on paper and the information given was right.  But all along, to me, you have had doubts.  These need to be listened to.

When you find a horse that makes you heart sing, all his/her faults/issues become minor - this isn't happening with this boy.  I am sure he is lovely, and on paper I would buy, but it's not right for you.  You will find the right one xx


----------



## splashgirl45 (8 June 2021)

.  its a shame as he sounds like the horse so many people are looking for.  maybe he heard the other horses and they spooked him.  i have just been on a hack on a riding school horse as i haven t ridden for 2 years and wanted a safe ride.  it was pouring with rain and horses were galloping about in the field next to us and my horse was very excited and was snorting and was quite difficult to pull up, the lady taking the ride had never seen him like that , he then calmed down and was fine for the rest of the ride, so even a riding school plod can have his moment..i cant wait to ride him again ...it may be best to pull out of the sale as you dont sound confident enough at the moment..maybe invest in lots of lessons and ride different horses,maybe at a riding school so you get more experience..if you really wanted him you would be wanting to sort the problem out the same as me wanting to ride the same horse again at the riding school,  good luck


----------



## shortstuff99 (8 June 2021)

The plus to it though, you were able to stop him and regain control so he is rideable when things go wrong. 

It is very hard to find a horse that has a bit of oomph about them that doesn't occasionally be a bit sharp. 

But from reading this thread it seems you have quite a big confidence crisis right now, new horses might do some random things you aren't used to. It might be worth finding lessons or similar to help build your confidence?


----------



## Ellietotz (8 June 2021)

Flame_ said:



			I really don't know what to say except sorry to hear it's not all progressing well.

I wouldn't be expecting to be able to hack in all paces, alone and in company on a new horse within this time frame, though maybe it is a reasonable expectation if you are buying an older horse, mainly because it is an established safe hack. You could take some steps back and build your relationship more in safer situations if you wanted to.

Personally, I generally find big, broad horses behaving undesirably more unnerving than when little, lightweight horses do it, so if you have that same predilection towards small horses, that may be what you need to get your bottle back.

Do you have some help from any professionals to help you get the measure of your new boy?

Could you have over-estimated what it was that he did? Was he really out of control or did you just feel what happens when this horse is in tense and excited mode (they all feel it sometimes), because tbf he didn't actually hurt you or unseat you? Do you just need to take things a bit steadier until you feel more relaxed, and consequently, more reassuring to your new horse?
		
Click to expand...

I wouldn't have expected it either from a different horse but he has been hacking the same route for years and knows the way of the forest so it's not like it is new to him.

I do think the fact that he is a lot bigger and stronger than what I'm used to makes me nervous but every other time I've ridden him, he has been good as gold.

He had done it when we were just supposed to be trotting. He was wired, the others could see it too. Looked like a bomb about to go off and I could feel it. The way he stopped when we pulled up with his head in the air snorting and trembling, it was really unusual for him. He was totally different.

I don't have any professionals that I know personally.

I feel like he probably won't even be like this again for a while because it's just not him but I know he has it in him and I don't want to feel scared that he can switch at any point. I don't know what has caused it.


----------



## Ellietotz (8 June 2021)

Regandal said:



			That’s a shame. Has his feed or grass intake changed?
		
Click to expand...

No feed and less grass than he had before.


----------



## Ellietotz (8 June 2021)

EllenJay said:



			Hi - I'm not being critical, but sometimes the "perfect" horse isn't the right horse for you.  You did express a number of doubts, but the general consensus of opinion on this board was "snap him up" which on paper and the information given was right.  But all along, to me, you have had doubts.  These need to be listened to.

When you find a horse that makes you heart sing, all his/her faults/issues become minor - this isn't happening with this boy.  I am sure he is lovely, and on paper I would buy, but it's not right for you.  You will find the right one xx
		
Click to expand...

Thank you.
I really appreciate it. I know I've been finding faults, I'm just quite a worrier and have to overthink and analyse everything before making a decision. He really does make me happy when he is being good.
Part of my brain is also telling me I'm stupid for spending £300 odd on a vetting for a horse that has an obvious click too. 
He is just so sweet and I guess I'm also doubting that I'll find anything better too. X


----------



## EllenJay (8 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			Thank you.
I really appreciate it. I know I've been finding faults, I'm just quite a worrier and have to overthink and analyse everything before making a decision. He really does make me happy when he is being good.
Part of my brain is also telling me I'm stupid for spending £300 odd on a vetting for a horse that has an obvious click too.
He is just so sweet and I guess I'm also doubting that I'll find anything better too. X
		
Click to expand...

There are hundreds of horses out there - if it doesn't feel right there is a reason.  Can you ask for a longer trial before you make a decision?


----------



## Ellietotz (8 June 2021)

splashgirl45 said:



			.  its a shame as he sounds like the horse so many people are looking for.  maybe he heard the other horses and they spooked him.  i have just been on a hack on a riding school horse as i haven t ridden for 2 years and wanted a safe ride.  it was pouring with rain and horses were galloping about in the field next to us and my horse was very excited and was snorting and was quite difficult to pull up, the lady taking the ride had never seen him like that , he then calmed down and was fine for the rest of the ride, so even a riding school plod can have his moment..i cant wait to ride him again ...it may be best to pull out of the sale as you dont sound confident enough at the moment..maybe invest in lots of lessons and ride different horses,maybe at a riding school so you get more experience..if you really wanted him you would be wanting to sort the problem out the same as me wanting to ride the same horse again at the riding school,  good luck
		
Click to expand...

He was next to them and we all asked them to trot at the same time. It was like the sound of their hooves just wound him up and he thought it was time to go but he never came across competitive before. I wondered if maybe its because he didn't know the horses? They weren't giving off any vibes of excitement or nervousness, both completely sane so I don't think it was that.
I used to be so confident, my mare was so sharp and unpredictable a lot of the time and extremely quick. We could go full speed dodging trees, jumping logs, even her spooking at absolutely everything, we would be all over the place and I'd just smile and roll my eyes at her antics but towards the end when her spooking got worse and she was spinning constantly before retirement, she had made me lose so much confidence and I'm finding it hard to not feel like every horse is going to slam on the brakes and spin at any given moment. He was the first one to not make me feel like that.


----------



## Ellietotz (8 June 2021)

EllenJay said:



			There are hundreds of horses out there - if it doesn't feel right there is a reason.  Can you ask for a longer trial before you make a decision?
		
Click to expand...

I have until next Thursday but I'm now scared to even try that again if I'm honest.


----------



## Ellietotz (8 June 2021)

shortstuff99 said:



			The plus to it though, you were able to stop him and regain control so he is rideable when things go wrong.

It is very hard to find a horse that has a bit of oomph about them that doesn't occasionally be a bit sharp.

But from reading this thread it seems you have quite a big confidence crisis right now, new horses might do some random things you aren't used to. It might be worth finding lessons or similar to help build your confidence?
		
Click to expand...

I'm confident in the school as I guess it's like a safe place. The forest is very unpredictable with different animals, monsters in bushes etc so there are a lot of "hazards". Can you get hacking type lessons?


----------



## SatansLittleHelper (9 June 2021)

I personally think it's all a bit too early to write him off BUT only you can decide what to do and if he's right for you. If he's alot bigger than you are used to it's worth bearing in mind he's not getting any smaller so if size is an issue give it serious thought. 
I think your confidence has taken a bit knock of late and I suspect that you will have these worries with ANY horse you have at the moment....confidence rebuilding takes time so go easy on yourself.


----------



## Red-1 (9 June 2021)

I would say, take a breath and step back for a day or so. 

Think about how you would feel if someone else bought him.

Think about how you would feel if you bought him.

Just sit with the thoughts and let your feelings come clear. 

It is right that no horse feels perfect, but some make you not mind the tricky bits. You don't have to buy. It is supposed to be fun.


----------



## brighteyes (9 June 2021)

Are you having 'flashbacks' and are you a nervous rider generally? 
If his plan is to remove you, regardless, that is a problem. He doesn't know you either and the relationship you have to build to get that is key. 

I thought I was a sensible, 'I know my limits', intermediate type of rider and in no way interested in riding complicated sharpness. But it must be how we perceive it. Not knowing the horse beneath you can magnify the behaviour so it seems worse than it is. 

My new horse pulled some occasional nonsense for the first maybe 12 months, BUT he never actually harmed me - other than one time about 12 months in he did some stupid hopping about and I was dislodged beyond the point of staying on! Boy did I tell him that was *not* acceptable and I swear he frightened himself more than me. He has NEVER done that thing since. Added to the times he _could_ have easily removed me (during the long process of retraining a successful hurdler) and didn't, I don't see him as sharp, unpredictable or difficult at all. In fact I feel as safe as I have ever felt, yet his reputation in work was of a sharp and highly focussed horse. My boy is kind. Beyond that he is a horse and they do stuff. 

The main differences here are my length of time as a rider of all types and the fact I haven't had to buy him! I think I'd view him very differently if the trial period was brief and I was parting with a lot of money. I haven't the guts now to buy one, so I totally get where you are.


----------



## Meowy Catkin (9 June 2021)

I spoke to the girl who has been riding him and the other one for a year and she has never heard of him being like this and he has been out in company with his field mate and other horses he doesn't live with. Bearing in mind, we haven't moved, he is in the same place, just a different field so same hacking too.
		
Click to expand...

OK so you have apparently experienced him at his very worst and most wound up.

You need to decide if you can cope with it or not.

When you are out and about, stuff happens that you cannot control. You meet a car with flat tyres being chased by the cops, a steam engine, two men with a canoe, a cross swan, a loose horse, a flock of runaway sheep or a helicopter that's just landed and you have to deal with it.

BTW - my crazy list is all things that I have encountered out hacking. Shit happens. You know what he's like when things go a bit wrong, can you deal with it?

There is no shame in saying 'no' and looking for a quieter horse.


----------



## southerncomfort (9 June 2021)

Regandal said:



			That’s a shame. Has his feed or grass intake changed?
		
Click to expand...

This is what I was wondering.  Do you have more or richer grass in your field than he is used to?

If he's literally never done it before then I'm going to say he's giddy on spring grass, added to which a lot has suddenly changed in his life and its all blown his brain a bit.

I'm certain he will settle, and you know you'll have to go through this period with any horse you buy, however to me you've never sounded 100% certain about him.  And to be honest, cobs aren't for everyone.   They can become downright rude if not kept in check.

I think its OK to say that cobs aren't for you and if you're not happy with him I wouldn't buy him.


----------



## Ellietotz (9 June 2021)

brighteyes said:



			Are you having 'flashbacks' and are you a nervous rider generally?
If his plan is to remove you, regardless, that is a problem. He doesn't know you either and the relationship you have to build to get that is key.

I thought I was a sensible, 'I know my limits', intermediate type of rider and in no way interested in riding complicated sharpness. But it must be how we perceive it. Not knowing the horse beneath you can magnify the behaviour so it seems worse than it is.

My new horse pulled some occasional nonsense for the first maybe 12 months, BUT he never actually harmed me - other than one time about 12 months in he did some stupid hopping about and I was dislodged beyond the point of staying on! Boy did I tell him that was *not* acceptable and I swear he frightened himself more than me. He has NEVER done that thing since. Added to the times he _could_ have easily removed me (during the long process of retraining a successful hurdler) and didn't, I don't see him as sharp, unpredictable or difficult at all. In fact I feel as safe as I have ever felt, yet his reputation in work was of a sharp and highly focussed horse. My boy is kind. Beyond that he is a horse and they do stuff.

The main differences here are my length of time as a rider of all types and the fact I haven't had to buy him! I think I'd view him very differently if the trial period was brief and I was parting with a lot of money. I haven't the guts now to buy one, so I totally get where you are.
		
Click to expand...

Yes, flashbacks is definitely the right way to put it. My mare would suddenly slam on the brakes and spin constantly at anything. I only ever came off her once so that isn't what made me lose confidence, I think it was just the fear and how scary it was when she did it. 
I don't think he was trying to remove me, he just got very excited and because I don't know him, I don't know how far he would go which is the same for any new horse.
I expect if I knew that that is how far he would go and that I'd have control, I'd have just rolled my eyes and thought he was being funny. Maybe now that I know that he can do that, it wouldn't be so bad and I could possibly cope with it. Although, he was very spooky and the whole thing I wanted was to not have spooking like that. I don't mind his usual looking and moving away or quickly shooting forwards a couple of steps but he did get quite sharp when he was on his toes. However, he is so wide that it doesn't unseat you so it isn't scary but I still have the memory of how my mare would react. 
I have never bought a horse before so it is daunting and new.


----------



## Ellietotz (9 June 2021)

southerncomfort said:



			This is what I was wondering.  Do you have more or richer grass in your field than he is used to?

If he's literally never done it before then I'm going to say he's giddy on spring grass, added to which a lot has suddenly changed in his life and its all blown his brain a bit.

I'm certain he will settle, and you know you'll have to go through this period with any horse you buy, however to me you've never sounded 100% certain about him.  And to be honest, cobs aren't for everyone.   They can become downright rude if not kept in check.

I think its OK to say that cobs aren't for you and if you're not happy with him I wouldn't buy him.
		
Click to expand...

My field is a hedge away from his usual one so I wouldn't have thought so? He has much less grass than he did.
Could it have been that he was with new horses so it was exciting?
He is unsettled this morning so not quite sure what is going on. He has never lived with mares before so not sure if that is playing a part or not too.
My mare is now not in season too so she isn't fussed on him and happy to hide in the shelter out of sight of him so maybe he is suddenly very attached already?


----------



## Ellietotz (9 June 2021)

Meowy Catkin said:



			OK so you have apparently experienced him at his very worst and most wound up.

You need to decide if you can cope with it or not.

When you are out and about, stuff happens that you cannot control. You meet a car with flat tyres being chased by the cops, a steam engine, two men with a canoe, a cross swan, a loose horse, a flock of runaway sheep or a helicopter that's just landed and you have to deal with it.

BTW - my crazy list is all things that I have encountered out hacking. Shit happens. You know what he's like when things go a bit wrong, can you deal with it?

There is no shame in saying 'no' and looking for a quieter horse.
		
Click to expand...

That is some very random hazards! 
When I rode him with his usual field mate, we encountered a stampede then too and walked right passed a 4 horse carriage too with no issues. Essentially, last night was like being on a massive version of my mare which wasn't what I was looking for but if it is just a one off then that isn't the end of the world.

I did find out that one of his sharers actually came off him and broke her back. I am told that they were riding him with his field mate, they got excited when cantering, he went in one direction and she went the other.


----------



## Ellietotz (9 June 2021)

Red-1 said:



			I would say, take a breath and step back for a day or so.

Think about how you would feel if someone else bought him.

Think about how you would feel if you bought him.

Just sit with the thoughts and let your feelings come clear.

It is right that no horse feels perfect, but some make you not mind the tricky bits. You don't have to buy. It is supposed to be fun.
		
Click to expand...

When I pulled up last night, I saw someone out riding and it looked exactly like him and my heart just dropped. I thought someone had taken him out and I felt sick! 

I told the owner last night about what happened just to see if this was out of character for him. I was bombarded with messages about if I still wanted him and said about 3 times I still wanted to give him a chance at least until the vetting. 
I had a message from his sharer today saying she has asked her to take him from my field and put him back as I don't want him! Fuming to say the least. She won't do it and rightly so, she can't come onto my fields or YOs land without our permission. I have told the owner again that I still want to give him a chance so she has accepted this, I think, though who knows what she is saying to the sharer. I'm sure buying a horse shouldn't be this stressful!


----------



## Mrs. Jingle (9 June 2021)

I really do feel you now need to back away from this purchase, for your sake and the sake of this horse. I was one of the posters who felt this horse sounded great for you, going by your description of him and how you initially felt about him. 

I now think he is very possibly one of those horses that takes its confidence from it's rider and just cannot deal with a nervous rider on their back. From your further posts it does seem as though you are ultra nervous on him despite how much you initially felt good about him. There is no shame into that whatsoever, been there got the Tshirt - you just have to accept he is not quite the perfect gent you thought he was, and he needs a confident rider to keep him focused and calm in all situations. And sadly you are not that rider and he is not that horse you had painted in your mind.

I can think of several horses I have owned when I was younger who I rode quite happily without any issues, I know now I am much older and my confidence is not great, that  they would have reacted in exactly that way if I rode them today. They just know!

If this was a new yard, new horses, new hacking route I would be saying give it time - in this case I think walk away.  So sorry OP but that is my very honest opinion.


----------



## brighteyes (9 June 2021)

Meowy Catkin said:



			OK so you have apparently experienced him at his very worst and most wound up.

You need to decide if you can cope with it or not.

When you are out and about, stuff happens that you cannot control. You meet a car with flat tyres being chased by the cops, a steam engine, two men with a canoe, a cross swan, a loose horse, a flock of runaway sheep or a helicopter that's just landed and you have to deal with it.

BTW - my crazy list is all things that I have encountered out hacking. Shit happens. You know what he's like when things go a bit wrong, can you deal with it?

There is no shame in saying 'no' and looking for a quieter horse.
		
Click to expand...

I'd cr@p myself if any of that happened and I trust my lad! But I'd not blame him for his reaction.


----------



## Ellietotz (9 June 2021)

Mrs Jingle said:



			I really do feel you now need to back away from this purchase, for your sake and the sake of this horse. I was one of the posters who felt this horse sounded great for you, going by your description of him and how you initially felt about him.

I now think he is very possibly one of those horses that takes its confidence from it's rider and just cannot deal with a nervous rider on their back. From your further posts it does seem as though you are ultra nervous on him despite how much you initially felt good about him. There is no shame into that whatsoever, been there got the Tshirt - you just have to accept he is not quite the perfect gent you thought he was, and he needs a confident rider to keep him focused and calm in all situations. And sadly you are not that rider and he is not that horse you had painted in your mind.

I can think of several horses I have owned when I was younger who I rode quite happily without any issues, I know now I am much older and my confidence is not great, that  they would have reacted in exactly that way if I rode them today. They just know!

If this was a new yard, new horses, new hacking route I would be saying give it time - in this case I think walk away.  So sorry OP but that is my very honest opinion.
		
Click to expand...

Thank you, I appreciate this. 
I didn't start the ride unconfident at all, I was probably a bit too confident about it thinking he will be fine, we will plop at the back etc as that is just how he is. I didn't cease up on him, I talked to him very slow and low to keep him calm after it had happened but he did it when I was confident so I wasn't giving him any vibes at that point. Every other ride I've had on him, I wasn't scared at all and felt we could do anything. 
That's the thing, it isn't a new area so there was no apparent reason for it unless it was just because we were with two new horses who he didn't know.


----------



## brighteyes (9 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			Yes, flashbacks is definitely the right way to put it. My mare would suddenly slam on the brakes and spin constantly at anything. I only ever came off her once so that isn't what made me lose confidence, I think it was just the fear and how scary it was when she did it.
I don't think he was trying to remove me, he just got very excited and because I don't know him, I don't know how far he would go which is the same for any new horse.
I expect if I knew that that is how far he would go and that I'd have control, I'd have just rolled my eyes and thought he was being funny. Maybe now that I know that he can do that, it wouldn't be so bad and I could possibly cope with it. Although, he was very spooky and the whole thing I wanted was to not have spooking like that. I don't mind his usual looking and moving away or quickly shooting forwards a couple of steps but he did get quite sharp when he was on his toes. However, he is so wide that it doesn't unseat you so it isn't scary but I still have the memory of how my mare would react.
I have never bought a horse before so it is daunting and new.
		
Click to expand...

As I thought. It is/was exactly the same with my wonderful ex racer Mr B. Also the 'anyone's ride by the end but once rearer/napper due to lack of confidence out on his own' Fintan and my beautiful but so uncertain and never got over her fear of flapping things (except when I said it'll be OK) lovely V. They _will_ do things because they are essentially operating as sole charge before they know and trust you. You NEED the confidence and desire to work through it. Nobody else has had these issues. He is NOT your mare and you need to stop riding with her in your head. If you want him enough, you'll be happy to work through it.


----------



## brighteyes (9 June 2021)

Maybe the difference is I got past the sticky bits and ended up with best friends in and out of the saddle who I've loved beyond everything. I struggle to remember the awful bits!


----------



## windand rain (9 June 2021)

I am a cynic but as the sharers dont want to lose him could this be a bit of sabotage going on. If you feel better on a smaller horse or your nerve will stop you getting on with him then back out but he did sound ideal. I honestly think you need to try him every day until the vetting and then decide


----------



## Ellietotz (9 June 2021)

brighteyes said:



			Maybe the difference is I got past the sticky bits and ended up with best friends in and out of the saddle who I've loved beyond everything. I struggle to remember the awful bits!
		
Click to expand...

Probably why I spent thousands and would go to the ends of the earth for my mare. When I saw those snippets of him being a big riggy with her, I instantly knew that I would rather not ride again than have her get hurt. She is my absolute world and tried everything I could do make her right even if she did scare me at times. 

I also really fell for him and when we got back, he was calm again and the sweetest boy. I don't want to give up but how much effort do you put in for a horse that isn't yours yet before you decide if it's worth it or not?


----------



## Rowreach (9 June 2021)

I have been following but haven't commented before.

I never thought you sounded convinced about him, and that's fair enough, but on several occasions now that you have told us about, it seems like the match definitely isn't there.

I imagine the owner is now panicking about selling him to you in case it all goes pear shape, which is why she just wants to have him back and forget it.  In her situation, I wouldn't even be giving you the choice, tbh.


----------



## Ellietotz (9 June 2021)

windand rain said:



			I am a cynic but as the sharers dont want to lose him could this be a bit of sabotage going on. If you feel better on a smaller horse or your nerve will stop you getting on with him then back out but he did sound ideal. I honestly think you need to try him every day until the vetting and then decide
		
Click to expand...

The sharer that I'm friends with doesn't ride this one and she is really level headed and genuine. The owner on the other hand is very much all over the place so I 100% trust the sharer in this instance. We both know how the owner can be.

I will give him another go tonight but it seems he is unsettled and I can't understand why. He was fine up until yesterday.


----------



## brighteyes (9 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			I don't know what has caused it.
		
Click to expand...

Your subconscious. They can feel it and he probably might have settled faster had you not felt so anxious once he started. When mine does anything I take a moment to let him process his worry, take charge if he is taking the p or laugh if he is just in high spirits. You need to want to get this far into the relationship.


----------



## Ellietotz (9 June 2021)

Rowreach said:



			I have been following but haven't commented before.

I never thought you sounded convinced about him, and that's fair enough, but on several occasions now that you have told us about, it seems like the match definitely isn't there.

I imagine the owner is now panicking about selling him to you in case it all goes pear shape, which is why she just wants to have him back and forget it.  In her situation, I wouldn't even be giving you the choice, tbh.
		
Click to expand...

That's a bit unkind and also not the case. She is desperate for him to come to me and keeps telling me so.


----------



## Rowreach (9 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			That's a bit unkind and also not the case. She is desperate for him to come to me and keeps telling me so.
		
Click to expand...

I'm not trying to be unkind, I am trying to be honest and save you and the horse a lot of hassle.

I don't think you are ready for a horse that is going to be anything other than 100% foot perfect with what you want him/her to do, and also be fine in your field with your mare.

There is no shame in having an issue with confidence, I defy anyone to say it's never happened to them, it's certainly happened to me.  I've been involved professionally with horses for decades, but I wouldn't be riding now if I didn't have the particular mare I bought last year.  And I'm not ashamed to admit it.

The reason I didn't comment before is because I knew you wouldn't want to hear it, and I was right.


----------



## Ellietotz (9 June 2021)

Rowreach said:



			I'm not trying to be unkind, I am trying to be honest and save you and the horse a lot of hassle.

I don't think you are ready for a horse that is going to be anything other than 100% foot perfect with what you want him/her to do, and also be fine in your field with your mare.

There is no shame in having an issue with confidence, I defy anyone to say it's never happened to them, it's certainly happened to me.  I've been involved professionally with horses for decades, but I wouldn't be riding now if I didn't have the particular mare I bought last year.  And I'm not ashamed to admit it.

The reason I didn't comment before is because I knew you wouldn't want to hear it, and I was right.
		
Click to expand...

It's not the rest of what you said that I found unkind as I'm appreciating what everyone has said on here. It's the part where you said you wouldn't be giving me a choice which just didn't need to be said. So no, you weren't right about me not wanting to hear anything as I've been grateful for what everyone has said in terms of the horse itself for me. I don't need your opinion on if you were the owner.


----------



## Mrs. Jingle (9 June 2021)

Rowreach said:



			I imagine the owner is now panicking about selling him to you in case it all goes pear shape, which is why she just wants to have him back and forget it. In her situation, I wouldn't even be giving you the choice, tbh
		
Click to expand...

Ellietotz in defense of this comment by Rowreach I do agree with her and I think you are perhaps reading it as a criticism directed at you.

I dont think it is, I might be wrong, but I read it as my own thoughts, if I were the owner based on your quickly changing day by day of if you want him definitely or not (who knows she may even be on here reading for herself) and if it were my horse, that presumably she knows him inside out.  I would be thinking you are not the right person for my horse and stopping the deal and possibly start offering him elsewhere for the sake of her horse's future. That has to be her first consideration as it is for most of us on here when selling a horse.

I do feel for you but sometimes what we want and what we need we really don't know because we have become so bogged down in questioning every minor detail and I would not want that big 'IF' over my horse's head for its future security.

Edit just to say - Apologies Rowreach for making assumptions and responding to your comment to OP!


----------



## splashgirl45 (9 June 2021)

i think you need to keep riding him out and if he is unsettled before you ride, lunge him for 10 mins or so ,then you know he has had time to settle before you get on.  when i bought my mare i was 55 and very confident, always had hot lively horses and would get on anything... after having a few very scary rides on her i started to lose my confidence so i lunged her each time i rode so i could relax more knowing that she had got her leaps and bucks out of the way.  i did still find her scary sometimes so i rode with a martingale and i would hold it if i felt she was going to spin or leap around, theres no shame in having a neck strap to give you a bit more confidence.  i lost her when i was 70 and she was 25, my loan horse was safe but i still had lack of confidence for about 6 months until i realised that she wasnt going to do the things my mare did.   it can happen to anyone and you have 2 choices, either decide you will have this horse and you are prepared to work through your fears or give him back to the owner and work on your confidence before thinking about buying another.  i think you are unlikely to find something else who doesnt go through settling in problems so you need to bear that in mind as well.. you didnt come off him, he just got a bit excited,  he may never do that again,  you need to think very hard before you decide,  hope this helps a bit..


----------



## brighteyes (9 June 2021)

I loaned my gelding to someone and he displayed this behaviour to an in season mare. My own gelding was like this with my in-season mare and I loaned a mare who provoked her loaner's resident gelding to pester her. All these situations were transient and inconsequential. You sound very all over the place and not 'this'll work out'.


----------



## milliepops (9 June 2021)

brighteyes said:



			Your subconscious. They can feel it and he probably might have settled faster had you not felt so anxious once he started. When mine does anything I take a moment to let him process his worry, take charge if he is taking the p or laugh if he is just in high spirits. *You need to want to get this far into the relationship.*

Click to expand...

don't know if I've understood your comment correctly but the bold bit above spoke to me... OP you have been talking yourself out of this purchase from the start and the way you talk about this gelding is with distance between you, e.g. "give him another chance" etc.
I think the only way this would work is for you to buy into HIM as he is, and change YOU rather than hope that he will morph into the ideal horse shaped gap you have in your head.   He is who he is, largely (they do change a bit but at that age some things are established)  and you either think he's a good bet and therefore figure out how to deal with any not-perfect bits, or you think he's not really what you want after all and walk away.

I understand your anxieties after the issues with your mare and so i think you're probably not ready to just jump in with both feet with this horse.


----------



## brighteyes (9 June 2021)

milliepops said:



			don't know if I've understood your comment correctly but the bold bit above spoke to me...
		
Click to expand...

If that was to me, nope, that's the relevant bit - with infill in another reply about the rubbish I worked through because I was very invested in them all. From day one. I never ever thought - mistake. Not once.


----------



## milliepops (9 June 2021)

yeah same. Each new horse I've acquired has arrived and then there has been a settling in period where we've uncovered little problems or things may have gone wrong etc.  but the way I have always looked at it is, well, you're my horse now so we will figure it out together and get help to do so if necessary. it's the only way really otherwise you just end up more and more miserable.  or sell them on to someone who is a better fit.


----------



## brighteyes (9 June 2021)

milliepops said:



			yeah same. Each new horse I've acquired has arrived and then there has been a settling in period where we've uncovered little problems or things may have gone wrong etc.  but the way I have always looked at it is, well, you're my horse now so we will figure it out together and get help to do so if necessary. it's the only way really otherwise you just end up more and more miserable.  or sell them on to someone who is a better fit.
		
Click to expand...

In the current market an easy thing. But the seller might be a bit fed up!


----------



## Pearlsasinger (9 June 2021)

OP, I think you really need to decide what you want from a horse temperament wise.  Originally you said you thought he might be too boring for you, now he has shown you that you will need to ride him through stuff, you are thinking that he might be too sharp.  You honestly won't be able to find a horse that is the paragon that you seem to have in your head.  I have had several horses that have been 'bombproof' hacks but they were never going to be world-beaters in any competitive sphere, you really can't have everything in one horse.


----------



## Ellietotz (9 June 2021)

Mrs Jingle said:



			Ellietotz in defense of this comment by Rowreach I do agree with her and I think you are perhaps reading it as a criticism directed at you.

I dont think it is, I might be wrong, but I read it as my own thoughts, if I were the owner based on your quickly changing day by day of if you want him definitely or not (who knows she may even be on here reading for herself) and if it were my horse, that presumably she knows him inside out.  I would be thinking you are not the right person for my horse and stopping the deal and possibly start offering him elsewhere for the sake of her horse's future. That has to be her first consideration as it is for most of us on here when selling a horse.

I do feel for you but sometimes what we want and what we need we really don't know because we have become so bogged down in questioning every minor detail and I would not want that big 'IF' over my horse's head for its future security.
		
Click to expand...

The owner definitely won't be on here and she isn't aware of my thoughts on him. She just keeps telling me that she hopes I have him and she has said she is worried about the vetting because she doesn't want it to fail and me not buy him.

Is having lots of questions and potential concerns not the point of a trial though?


----------



## Ellietotz (9 June 2021)

brighteyes said:



			I loaned my gelding to someone and he displayed this behaviour to an in season mare. My own gelding was like this with my in-season mare and I loaned a mare who provoked her loaner's resident gelding to pester her. All these situations were transient and inconsequential. You sound very all over the place and not 'this'll work out'.
		
Click to expand...

I'm not a positive kind of person lol!


----------



## milliepops (9 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			Is having lots of questions and potential concerns not the point of a trial though?
		
Click to expand...

ordinarily you'd only trial a horse you were pretty committed to though.  rather than use the trial to decide if you liked it.


----------



## Ellietotz (9 June 2021)

milliepops said:



			yeah same. Each new horse I've acquired has arrived and then there has been a settling in period where we've uncovered little problems or things may have gone wrong etc.  but the way I have always looked at it is, well, you're my horse now so we will figure it out together and get help to do so if necessary. it's the only way really otherwise you just end up more and more miserable.  or sell them on to someone who is a better fit.
		
Click to expand...

That would be how I would feel if I had already bought him yes, we would work through it. It's just the trial of it and the decision making. 
I just need to get out of my head that he is going to do something like my mare did. When he took off yesterday, I wouldn't have been scared if I didn't keep thinking that he was going to slam on the brakes and spin like she did. I'd be willing to take it slow with him to build up this trust. I still have a week with him and I will take him out as much as I can before making the final decision.


----------



## Ellietotz (9 June 2021)

milliepops said:



			ordinarily you'd only trial a horse you were pretty committed to though.  rather than use the trial to decide if you liked it.
		
Click to expand...

I had fallen for him already so the trial was to see if he would be okay with my mare.


----------



## Reacher (9 June 2021)

If you have a few days left on your trial I would ride him some more, bearing in mind he has had very little time settling in, if possible with someone to “hold your hand” and see how you feel before the day of the vetting.


----------



## Bellaboo18 (9 June 2021)

'He is unsettled this morning so not quite sure what is going on?'

I imagine not having his usual companion and now on individual turnout has unsettled him alot.


----------



## Ellietotz (9 June 2021)

Bellaboo18 said:



			'He is unsettled this morning so not quite sure what is going on?'

I imagine not having his usual companion and now on individual turnout has unsettled him alot.
		
Click to expand...

He has been absolutely fine for the last 4 days and not cared at all so I mean why more so now.


----------



## Mrs. Jingle (9 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			The owner definitely won't be on here and she isn't aware of my thoughts on him. She just keeps telling me that she hopes I have him and she has said she is worried about the vetting because she doesn't want it to fail and me not buy him.

Is having lots of questions and potential concerns not the point of a trial though?
		
Click to expand...

Fair enough - good luck with whatever you decide.


----------



## Casey76 (9 June 2021)

My amazing first horse, Pinto, was very similar to your new guy.  I was an extremely nervous first-time owner with severe PTSD after a riding acciden, and although I was competent enough on school horses, getting my first private horse was an eye opening experience.

I didn’t canter him for 6 months (actually i didn’t canter Tartine for 6 months either 🙄).  It took time for him to settle into a new routine, after being stuck in someone’s back garden for 8 years, he was now in a different environment.  He loved hacking, and solo he was an angel, though he had definite ideas of what pace he should be going, and it took a long time for him to realise he could walk along certain paths.  He never calmed down in a group though, and even after 8 years I was never comfortable hacking in a group (more than 2 others) because he *had* to be at the front and would pull like a train until he got there, and then he completely chilled out.  But because he wasn’t the fastest in the world (being a 14.3 cob), if we were trotting or cantering in a group he became a nightmare.  So I just didn’t do it.

Pinto didn’t like schooling, I didn’t like hacking; however over time Pinto tolerated schooling, and I learned to enjoy (solo) hacking.  I learned to laugh at his spooking as silly things, because he only ever spooked when I was confident.

I was a much more confident rider when I bought Tartine, as soon as I bought her my confidence completely disappeared.  She was much, much more sensitive than i had anticipated, and she spooked at everything, which included 180 pirouettes, levitating to the side and running away.  But as soon as I saw her I knew she was for me, we worked through our issues - over time.  We’ve definitely had ups and downs along the way, but that is just life.

Anyway... the point of this yarning is basically to say - no horse is foot perfect from day 1; you need to learn each other, your quirks and foibles.  There is only so much you can change about their inherent personality. I think you either click first time or  you don’t.


----------



## Lexi_ (9 June 2021)

Hope you don’t mind me chiming in with my thoughts, OP. 

The gist I’ve got from this thread is that you had a trial ride on him and felt super safe, then one where he was massively hard work and you didn’t like him, then he was very rude on the ground, then he was nice to ride again, then he was a bit lively towards your mare, then he was a bit out of control on a hack? Apologies if I’m missing bits! I guess I’d just encourage you to focus on what you really want and be a bit objective about whether he can give you that, because I'm reading a lot more negatives than positives in your posts.


----------



## Rosietaz (9 June 2021)

What’s he like if you ride him in the arena with other horses working in there too?


----------



## Pearlsasinger (9 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			He has been absolutely fine for the last 4 days and not cared at all so I mean why more so now.
		
Click to expand...

Because your mare has nowleft him and gone off to do her own thing.


----------



## Ellietotz (9 June 2021)

Casey76 said:



			My amazing first horse, Pinto, was very similar to your new guy.  I was an extremely nervous first-time owner with severe PTSD after a riding acciden, and although I was competent enough on school horses, getting my first private horse was an eye opening experience.

I didn’t canter him for 6 months (actually i didn’t canter Tartine for 6 months either 🙄).  It took time for him to settle into a new routine, after being stuck in someone’s back garden for 8 years, he was now in a different environment.  He loved hacking, and solo he was an angel, though he had definite ideas of what pace he should be going, and it took a long time for him to realise he could walk along certain paths.  He never calmed down in a group though, and even after 8 years I was never comfortable hacking in a group (more than 2 others) because he *had* to be at the front and would pull like a train until he got there, and then he completely chilled out.  But because he wasn’t the fastest in the world (being a 14.3 cob), if we were trotting or cantering in a group he became a nightmare.  So I just didn’t do it.

Pinto didn’t like schooling, I didn’t like hacking; however over time Pinto tolerated schooling, and I learned to enjoy (solo) hacking.  I learned to laugh at his spooking as silly things, because he only ever spooked when I was confident.

I was a much more confident rider when I bought Tartine, as soon as I bought her my confidence completely disappeared.  She was much, much more sensitive than i had anticipated, and she spooked at everything, which included 180 pirouettes, levitating to the side and running away.  But as soon as I saw her I knew she was for me, we worked through our issues - over time.  We’ve definitely had ups and downs along the way, but that is just life.

Anyway... the point of this yarning is basically to say - no horse is foot perfect from day 1; you need to learn each other, your quirks and foibles.  There is only so much you can change about their inherent personality. I think you either click first time or  you don’t.
		
Click to expand...

Tartine sounds like my mare!
I love hacking solo which seemingly he has been good at other than the one time he was really lazy and calling for his mate the whole time. He was also good in company with his field mate so perhaps he can't cope with being out with more than one either. I do want to make it work. He is so sweet, he comes over and says hello to me in the field. He does have negatives but they all will I suppose. I did want to be able to hack with two others as I'd always done this regularly but perhaps if they were just doing a plod round the block he would be okay but if not, then I could live with that. Maybe cantering in a group was too much for him!


----------



## Ellietotz (9 June 2021)

Pearlsasinger said:



			Because your mare has nowleft him and gone off to do her own thing.
		
Click to expand...

Yes, you're probably right. I just didn't think he'd be that attached to her already. He still has horses surrounding him for company.


----------



## Ellietotz (9 June 2021)

Rosietaz said:



			What’s he like if you ride him in the arena with other horses working in there too?
		
Click to expand...

I'm on a private yard so I don't have this option to find out. He is fine out on the forest with lots of other animals moving around though, he doesn't try to go after them if they are on the move and although he felt wired last night when the stampede flew passed us, he didn't bomb off so that's a bonus.


----------



## Kat (9 June 2021)

I think you really need to have a think about whether you actually want to own a riding horse now or whether your confidence and the situation with your mare mean it would be better to get some lessons, hack a school horse and share/borrow. You might just not be in a position to commit to building a relationship with a new horse. 

It seems fairly common that after having a wonderful beloved horse it is difficult to bond with "the replacement" especially if the old horse is still with you but retired. The constant comparisons, and the feelings of disloyalty sabotage the new relationship. 

If you really want to have a new riding horse then this one sounds a good bet. He doesn't seem to have done anything dreadful and is generally safe (no horse is a saint, they can all have an off day and you have experienced what an off day looks like with him). The problem is you have doubts and are questioning yourself. You are wrapping yourself up in questions because this is a trial and you have options and because you want to replicate the feeling you had with your mare. 

Realistically things weren't 100% perfect instantly with your mare, you are remembering the good stuff at the expense of the awkward settling in and getting to know eachother stuff. Plus if you didn't have a trial you probably committed to her sooner and were motivated to make it work rather than mentally hedging your bets. 

If you want a riding horse and would genuinely be gutted if he was sold elsewhere commit to him get out daily with one sensible companion, book some lessons on him, build a relationship and confidence in eachother and give him a fair chance. 

If your confidence is too fragile or you think you have over-horsed yourself, if you don't like him or you need longer to get over your mare's retirement then send him back asap.


----------



## stormox (9 June 2021)

Dont buy him. If you really wanted him you would find a way round problems. Talk about inventing scenarios that probably wont occur!!


----------



## Rosietaz (9 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			I'm on a private yard so I don't have this option to find out. He is fine out on the forest with lots of other animals moving around though, he doesn't try to go after them if they are on the move and although he felt wired last night when the stampede flew passed us, he didn't bomb off so that's a bonus.
		
Click to expand...

Have you got a paddock or something safe enough to ride in? If I were you, before the end of the trial I would have a ride around somewhere enclosed with some other horses too and see if it’s just a “excited about new horses” thing. I’d test out various different things/situations (safely) and see how he copes. It’s so hard to judge an animal with just a week as some take much longer to settle. I like the sound of him, but I think you’ll need to put some time/money/work into getting him where you want him to be, so it just depends if that is what you are willing to do. I reckon some work with a good professional (on the ground and in the saddle) will be beneficial. Good luck, whatever you choose!


----------



## brighteyes (9 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			I'm not a positive kind of person lol!
		
Click to expand...

I am a huge pessimist but VERY stubborn!


----------



## brighteyes (9 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			Yes, you're probably right. I just didn't think he'd be that attached to her already. He still has horses surrounding him for company.
		
Click to expand...

He's being a HORSE!  They need the security and reassurance of others. More so in new situations and if their old company has gone and there are new horses he doesn't know/rank with. You, I'm afraid, will be inconsequential and no help at all, initially.


----------



## Winters100 (9 June 2021)

From what you have written it sounds to me as if you are not ready to buy. Nothing wrong with that, maybe just take the pressure off and find a good riding school, ride lots of different horses, then you can take your time deciding what you really want.  Nothing that you have described would make me think twice about buying, but it clearly bothers you a lot, and if in doubt don't buy.  It sounds like the seller has been really great letting you use the horse many times to try, so I think you should be straightforward with her about your doubts.  You come over as being very nervous and lacking in confidence, I also had a stage like this and it is hard to get through, but if this is not the horse to get you over your fears, and it does not sound like he is, then don't buy.  You seem to be very 'up and down' about him, one day saying that he made you feel really safe and the next saying that he made you nervous. Perhaps you just need a bit more time before buying?  Do remember that no horse is always a better than the wrong horse. Good luck!


----------



## indie1282 (9 June 2021)

Tbh he doesn't sound right for you. You don't sound 100% committed and I think you should take a step back. I would write a checklist of what you want then see how many boxes he ticks.

I also think the owner seemed a bit to concerned about if you would still buy him after your incident 🤔  I would wonder if maybe there is more to it.

Can you not look in to getting something on loan?


----------



## Amymay (9 June 2021)

Kat said:



			I think you really need to have a think about whether you actually want to own a riding horse now or whether your confidence and the situation with your mare mean it would be better to get some lessons, hack a school horse and share/borrow. You might just not be in a position to commit to building a relationship with a new horse.

It seems fairly common that after having a wonderful beloved horse it is difficult to bond with "the replacement" especially if the old horse is still with you but retired. The constant comparisons, and the feelings of disloyalty sabotage the new relationship.

If you really want to have a new riding horse then this one sounds a good bet. He doesn't seem to have done anything dreadful and is generally safe (no horse is a saint, they can all have an off day and you have experienced what an off day looks like with him). The problem is you have doubts and are questioning yourself. You are wrapping yourself up in questions because this is a trial and you have options and because you want to replicate the feeling you had with your mare.

Realistically things weren't 100% perfect instantly with your mare, you are remembering the good stuff at the expense of the awkward settling in and getting to know eachother stuff. Plus if you didn't have a trial you probably committed to her sooner and were motivated to make it work rather than mentally hedging your bets.

If you want a riding horse and would genuinely be gutted if he was sold elsewhere commit to him get out daily with one sensible companion, book some lessons on him, build a relationship and confidence in eachother and give him a fair chance.

If your confidence is too fragile or you think you have over-horsed yourself, if you don't like him or you need longer to get over your mare's retirement then send him back asap.
		
Click to expand...

Teally sensible advice.


----------



## Winters100 (9 June 2021)

indie1282 said:



			Can you not look in to getting something on loan?
		
Click to expand...

Actually Indie is right - a loan would be perfect!


----------



## ycbm (9 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			He petrified me
		
Click to expand...




Ellietotz said:



			I didn't feel safe
		
Click to expand...




Ellietotz said:



			the fact that he is a lot bigger and stronger than what I'm used to makes me nervous
		
Click to expand...

It doesn't sound like this is the right horse for you,  or possibly the right horse but not at the right time. 
.


----------



## Ellietotz (9 June 2021)

Winters100 said:



			Actually Indie is right - a loan would be perfect!
		
Click to expand...

I'd love one if I could find something!


----------



## Ellietotz (9 June 2021)

I think I have sadly made up my mind. This was my list on him:

Pros:
Can hack alone 
Not sharp (when alone) 

Cons: 
Sharp and spooky when in company in a group 
Has to tank to the front in company 
Strong 
Not always easy to handle 
Separation issues 
Bigger than I wanted 
Acts riggy with my mare 

I discovered from the other sharer who takes him out with others who aren't his field mates and that is normal behaviour. He has to tank to the front in company, he gets sharp and strong. 
I spend 50% of my time riding with my two friends so having to deal with that isn't going to work. If he was the same in company as he is on his own then he would be ideal and it would outweigh the cons but that situation last night was how one girl broke her back coming off him.

I took my mare out for a brush tonight, only about 10 feet from the field in clear sight and he ran around calling the entire time too which is also not going to work.


----------



## EllenJay (9 June 2021)

Brave decision - but I think the right one for you.


----------



## indie1282 (9 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			I'd love one if I could find something!
		
Click to expand...

Put a wanted ad out? What area are you in, maybe someone on here has or knows of something suitable?


----------



## Ellietotz (9 June 2021)

indie1282 said:



			Put a wanted ad out? What area are you in, maybe someone on here has or knows of something suitable?
		
Click to expand...

Thank you, I'm in South East area. I will look at putting an ad up.


----------



## Lois Lame (10 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			He has been absolutely fine for the last 4 days and not cared at all so I mean why more so now.
		
Click to expand...

Who has been riding him lately? Previously he had several riders, as I understand it, and now perhaps only one.


----------



## Ellietotz (10 June 2021)

Lois Lame said:



			Who has been riding him lately? Previously he had several riders, as I understand it, and now perhaps only one.
		
Click to expand...

Yes, about 4 people in total. 

Wish I'd moved him back last night. 

He managed to break down the gate and has torn up her back. I have no words for how I feel right now. :'(


----------



## Ownedby4horses (10 June 2021)

You weren’t to know and these things happen. You can’t blame yourself that it hasn’t worked out and that’s he’s damaged the gate. How injured is your mare?

Get him back today and do not feel guilty, it is always difficult with a new horse but there is a horse out there for you and he will find the right human also. 

Try not to worry so much. x


----------



## DizzyDoughnut (10 June 2021)

I'm so sorry it didn't work out. Is your mare is OK?


----------



## Ellietotz (10 June 2021)

Ownedby4horses said:



			You weren’t to know and these things happen. You can’t blame yourself that it hasn’t worked out and that’s he’s damaged the gate. How injured is your mare?

Get him back today and do not feel guilty, it is always difficult with a new horse but there is a horse out there for you and he will find the right human also.

Try not to worry so much. x
		
Click to expand...

He has torn the skin off her back on one side, about 6cm long and 1cm wide, another patch next to it about the size of a 50p coin, very swollen. Looks like he has tried mounting her. Other side there are a few patches where he has torn the skin off.
All superficial by the looks of it but she is very stiff. Luckily we had the osteopath booked in.

He has gone, I moved him back as soon as I heard.


----------



## Pearlsasinger (10 June 2021)

When you look for your next horse, I would narrow your search to mares.  Some gelding/mare pairings work well but with a horse you don't know, I would avoid the potential problems.  I hope the mare is ok.


----------



## Annagain (10 June 2021)

Sorry it hasn't worked out Ellietotz. 

For what it's worth I have a new boy after 15 years of my two (now elderly) horses and even though he's been an absolute star I've struggled, confidence wise. I never had any confidence whacking issues with either of them but that worked against me - simply because I knew exactly where I was with them and all of a sudden I was being thrown into the unknown. Things that were never a problem with them, I was suddenly worried about because "he's not Arch / Mont". Actually he's the perfect mix of the two - generally unflappable (pigs aside ) like Arch, but not as strong and rude; and as compliant as Mont but more forward. It's taken a while for me to realise that and to stop worrying that he's going to be different - different is fine, it just takes a bit of getting used to.

You will find the right one but even when you do, you'll struggle to begin with. It's perfectly normal so don't beat yourself up about it. It took me a couple of months to canter on our local common, not because I was worried about cantering him but because it's totally open to the road with lots of dogs and people on it and I always had that "what if" at the back of my mind. Those "what ifs" are much smaller now but there are still times when I don't canter there as it's too busy. Taking things slowly is just fine.


----------



## Ellietotz (10 June 2021)

Pearlsasinger said:



			When you look for your next horse, I would narrow your search to mares.  Some gelding/mare pairings work well but with a horse you don't know, I would avoid the potential problems.  I hope the mare is ok.
		
Click to expand...

Thank you. The osteo went well and she was surprised how mobile she actually is. She has had a good pamper. 
The reason I hadn't looked for mares is because she gets so attached to them so I was hoping a gelding would be better but perhaps not!


----------



## Ellietotz (10 June 2021)

Annagain said:



			Sorry it hasn't worked out Ellietotz.

For what it's worth I have a new boy after 15 years of my two (now elderly) horses and even though he's been an absolute star I've struggled, confidence wise. I never had any confidence whacking issues with either of them but that worked against me - simply because I knew exactly where I was with them and all of a sudden I was being thrown into the unknown. Things that were never a problem with them, I was suddenly worried about because "he's not Arch / Mont". Actually he's the perfect mix of the two - generally unflappable (pigs aside ) like Arch, but not as strong and rude; and as compliant as Mont but more forward. It's taken a while for me to realise that and to stop worrying that he's going to be different - different is fine, it just takes a bit of getting used to.

You will find the right one but even when you do, you'll struggle to begin with. It's perfectly normal so don't beat yourself up about it. It took me a couple of months to canter on our local common, not because I was worried about cantering him but because it's totally open to the road with lots of dogs and people on it and I always had that "what if" at the back of my mind. Those "what ifs" are much smaller now but there are still times when I don't canter there as it's too busy. Taking things slowly is just fine.
		
Click to expand...

Thank you. 
He turned out more like an XXL version of my mare which is counterproductive sadly but the search continues. I'm not going to rush, he just happened to be for sale when I started riding him. Never mind. 
I will take the next one slow, I'm just worried with her now, I'd rather not ride than her get hurt again.


----------



## Ellietotz (10 June 2021)

The owner is now blaming me for all this and is worried he might be messed up in the head now. Said my mare's scent is strong and she's pushed him to it. I wasn't even conversing with her at this point, she had only asked how my mare was and then blamed me again for the lack of stability in fencing. He didn't even have a hair out of place. The other horse is also slightly lame with a stone bruise which is also my fault because I split them as she said...


----------



## Lexi_ (10 June 2021)

Well that’s the risk she took when letting him go out on trial, isn’t it? Easier said than done, but try and ignore her!


----------



## Flame_ (10 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			The owner is now blaming me for all this and is worried he might be messed up in the head now. Said my mare's scent is strong and she's pushed him to it. I wasn't even conversing with her at this point, she had only asked how my mare was and then blamed me again for the lack of stability in fencing. He didn't even have a hair out of place. The other horse is also slightly lame with a stone bruise which is also my fault because I split them as she said...
You really couldn't make this up.
		
Click to expand...

Just say that you're really disappointed that it didn't work out the way you'd hoped and expected. If she wants to blame you, walk away, let her and move on. 

At least this trial has opened your eyes to some potential problems you hadn't foreseen and you can get some plans in place to make the turnout arrangements work when you are ready to buy a horse.


----------



## Ellietotz (10 June 2021)

Flame_ said:



			Just say that you're really disappointed that it didn't work out the way you'd hoped and expected. If she wants to blame you, walk away, let her and move on.

At least this trial has opened your eyes to some potential problems you hadn't foreseen and you can get some plans in place to make the turnout arrangements work when you are ready to buy a horse.
		
Click to expand...

I have. I've told her these things happen, they're just being horses etc and she keeps telling me that she is worried he is going to be messed up etc and how it's because of my mare. I've tried saying goodnight but she keeps coming back with more.
This situation is just a mess now.


----------



## brighteyes (10 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			I have. I've told her these things happen, they're just being horses etc and she keeps telling me that she is worried he is going to be messed up etc and how it's because of my mare. I've tried saying goodnight but she keeps coming back with more.
This situation is just a mess now.
		
Click to expand...

Block her or turn off her texts. It's late, you are overwrought and things always seem worse at night. You have tried and it hasn't worked. So what - apart from your mare has scrapes? 

He'll settle at home and all will be better tomorrow. Draw a line under it and move on. 

Hope your mare is OK


----------



## Ownedby4horses (11 June 2021)

OP, I’m afraid the owner is sounding slightly bonkers.  Just block her and let her rant on her own time.


----------



## southerncomfort (11 June 2021)

I really feel for you. Its all turned in to a bit of a nightmare and the owner sounds a bit crackers.  

Why not start a new thread with a list of what you're looking for in a new pony and let the legendary HHO horse hunters see what they can find?

In the meantime is their a RS or trekking centre near you that offers hacks?  I think I mentioned before that its enormously helpful to hack out on a steady Eddie when you're confidence has taken a knock.


----------



## Winters100 (11 June 2021)

Ownedby4horses said:



			OP, I’m afraid the owner is sounding slightly bonkers.  Just block her and let her rant on her own time.
		
Click to expand...

She really does sound crackers. She sent the horse on trial, knowing he would be with a mare, and now says it has messed him up?  And quite frankly OPs field is over the road from hers, so if she was too lazy to have a walk around and check the fencing and pasture then she has only herself to blame.

Personally I would not block her, but would just try to diffuse the situation by answering calmly and infrequently.


----------



## Ellietotz (11 June 2021)

Winters100 said:



			She really does sound crackers. She sent the horse on trial, knowing he would be with a mare, and now says it has messed him up?  And quite frankly OPs field is over the road from hers, so if she was too lazy to have a walk around and check the fencing and pasture then she has only herself to blame.

Personally I would not block her, but would just try to diffuse the situation by answering calmly and infrequently.
		
Click to expand...

I have been really polite with her and I'm not sure she is quite understanding as she is telling me to let it go, that she is so hurt and upset by it, she feels sorry for her poor boy etc. I am really trying to stay calm and tell her it's all fine, he is fine, it is done now etc. I think I will just stop replying to her now or only reply infrequently as you say, I've tried diffusing it all and I don't want to continue to take the blame for it.


----------



## Fern007 (11 June 2021)

I think if you had viewed this horse in the normal way you would have bought him and sorted out issues as they arose, like we all do, but because you know him and have tried him several times you get to see his bad points aswell. Whether that's a good or bad thing I don't know!!


----------



## Ellietotz (11 June 2021)

Fern007 said:



			I think if you had viewed this horse in the normal way you would have bought him and sorted out issues as they arose, like we all do, but because you know him and have tried him several times you get to see his bad points aswell. Whether that's a good or bad thing I don't know!!
		
Click to expand...

This is it. I think if I'd have bought in a normal way, I'd have worked on the group riding thing but the living with my mare situation was very important and if he is tearing up her back escaping and mounting her, that wouldn't work so that along with the severe separation anxiety would have been a going back to seller request or selling on as gelding only turnout and not to be left alone sort of set up as I can't facilitate this. If he really was perfect in every other way then I'd have found a solution but sadly there were many issues and it wouldn't be worth it.


----------



## Odyssey (11 June 2021)

She really has got a problem! It's a shame that it hasn't worked out, but the only damage has occurred to your gate and your mare. Nothing has happened to her horse, he'll be fine. I, too, would block her very soon if she continues to contact you - there's nothing more to be said, and she will just continue to stress and upset you about something that's done and dusted. Goodness knows why she can't just accept what's happened and move on.


----------



## brighteyes (11 June 2021)

Ellietotz said:



			I have been really polite with her and I'm not sure she is quite understanding as she is telling me to let it go, that she is so hurt and upset by it, she feels sorry for her poor boy etc. I am really trying to stay calm and tell her it's all fine, he is fine, it is done now etc. I think I will just stop replying to her now or only reply infrequently as you say, I've tried diffusing it all and I don't want to continue to take the blame for it.
		
Click to expand...

I loaned a mare out and after two weeks of being fine, the gelding got kicked on his manly part because she was teasing him and he was being a responsive gelding. She rang me to collect her, which I did, reluctantly as the loan was perfect otherwise.
FF a month and she contacted me again to say she was sorry, could they try again. FF to eight years later and the mare was PTS through a 'no-fault' tragic, turnout accident with nothing else involved after a smooth and uneventful loan. We are still friends from pre 2008 and I have just fixed her up with yet another loan! No need for nonsense behaviour.


----------

