# Is it time to just give it up?



## Tronniehead (11 December 2013)

Feel very defeated! 
Quick back round been riding for 16 months. Took a loan horse in April, private yard, 21 yr old horse not done any work for years. From day 3 my confidence started to fade and I did not listen I persevered with it! After not taking out horse for about a month, only ride lately in arena - bores him to death! I got other half to come with me on foot out on a ride, got as far as 100 yards down the lane and horse is spooking, I'm spooking and enough! 
I got off, horse starts eating grass I can't stop him! Get a pep talk about how weak I am lol 
Other half then grabs horses Raines gives him a telling off a tug and he bucks at the pressure and gives in, follows happily behind other half, try's again to go for grass, other half again does not give into him and he willingly with out fight takes him as the leader! My non horsey no experience other half!!! I am a joke! 

But I also feel bad, horse I loan owners are old and they struggle with the jobs and they don't ride any longer. I feel he will be just left there in a field with his buddy. Also I feel owner will think I have jacked it in as its winter.

now the other issue is if I can't control an old 14.2 highland how do I expect to pursue riding! Maybe I am just not confident or strong enough. I have a lesson at RS tonight and there I am fine!  

sorry it's long


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## MadBlackLab (11 December 2013)

Do you have lessons? If not I'd advise you do to help with your confidence with this horse


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## Tronniehead (11 December 2013)

MadBlackLab said:



			Do you have lessons? If not I'd advise you do to help with your confidence with this horse
		
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I have lessons at RS on RS horses. I don't have lessons with loan horse. I really think though that loan horse is just not suitable for me and my confidence is taking a nose dive. I'm thinking give up the loan, continue with lessons and hacks with RS build my confidence if I can and then when I am in a better place may be again consider a loan next summer or the summer after? I can't see any other option.


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## MadBlackLab (11 December 2013)

Maybe try lessons on loan horse before giving up with him. You never know it maybe the solution to the problem


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## HipoH (11 December 2013)

Please don't give up, you said the magic word "Highland" find your way to the Highland Pony Enthusiasts Club (HPEC) we have a forum and trust me many of our members will feel your pain and all have come out the other side and so will be able to offer a great deal of support. Highlands are an amazing breed but they are smart cookies with a wicked sense of humour.....!!


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## Buddy'sMum (11 December 2013)

I think you might be being a wee bit hard on yourself! ;-)

I spent a year falling/being chucked off my first pony, THE most stubborn, sneaky, fabulous, HighlandxArab. Having your own horse is totally different to having lessons in the safe, controlled environment of a riding school. Sounds like this pony has you sussed as a bit of a novice and is taking the pickle. Are you taking him to your RS for your lessons? If not, then do, or have your instructor come to you. Is there someone with a well behaved, good in traffic horse you can ride out with until you both gain a bit of confidence? Also, if you haven't already, maybe get your vet and saddle fitter to give him a check over to make sure he doesn't have any issues that could be causing any pain, he's an oldie who has been out of work for years so better to just make sure.


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## FestiveFuzz (11 December 2013)

I too would try having lessons on your loan horse before giving up hope completely and maybe do a bit of work on the ground to get the horse listening to you a bit more. 

That said if you do decide to part ways with the loan horse perhaps don't tell the owners you might look for something more suitable next summer or the summer after if you don't want them thinking you were only looking for a ride for the summer.


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## Pinkvboots (11 December 2013)

It sounds like you just need a bit more experience and confidence, riding school horses can be very different to privately owned horses they tend to be easier, dont give up get some help have lessons on your loan horse.


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## Pearlsasinger (11 December 2013)

Tronniehead said:



			I have lessons at RS on RS horses. I don't have lessons with loan horse. I really think though that loan horse is just not suitable for me and my confidence is taking a nose dive. I'm thinking give up the loan, continue with lessons and hacks with RS build my confidence if I can and then when I am in a better place may be again consider a loan next summer or the summer after? I can't see any other option.
		
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I think you are right.  If you work out how many lessons you have had in the last 6 months, it probably won't really be very many.  Continue with your RS lessons, ask the RI if you can ride as wide a variety of horses as they can offer you, go on a riding holiday next summer to get a different kind of experience, maybe even go to a different RS for some lessons, take the BHS Owner's Certificate and try loaning again the following year but find a horse which hasn't got used to only doing its own thing in a field for years.  An older horse is a good idea as a first horse but only if it is used to being in work.  Good luck!


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## webble (11 December 2013)

This definitely lessons on him will help ride him and deal with him and any quirks. You may even find you get more out of the lesson than a school one 



MadBlackLab said:



			Maybe try lessons on loan horse before giving up with him. You never know it maybe the solution to the problem
		
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## YasandCrystal (11 December 2013)

You are being very hard on yourself especially if you have only been riding for 16 months!  I second the idea of getting some lessons on the loan horse and how about your OH accompanying you on hacks - he could even lead you to get your confidence up. Good luck OP.


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## hnmisty (11 December 2013)

I too would advocate lessons on him before you give up.

I had lessons on RS horses weekly throughout the 7 years I had my ponies at home and could ride regularly. I rode some right little sods in that time, could get round 2'9" course clear on them. I'd jump my pony up to 3' at home, but as soon as I got her to a show I noticed the scarcity of lessons on her specifically. 

Having said that, I definitely also advocate keeping having lessons on other horses too! 

If you really don't feel confident, then there is absolutely no disgrace in admitting so. I've just admitted it with my horse and plan on getting something I feel happier on...and he doesn't do anything naughty!


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## Tronniehead (11 December 2013)

Thanks so much for all your comments. I am going to give it ago with lessons on loan horse and have placed an ad for local instructor to come to me. Is it to much to ask the instructor to ride said loan horse! So I can see how he responds to an experienced rider? 

Had lesson at RS tonight riding 16+ hands forward going and very excitable horse, who responds to the slight of aids! A horse usually reserved for the more experienced rider at my RS!  And somehow my confidence is restored! Although I spend most of the lesson  having to hold him back - the complete opposite of loan horse. Even did some jumping, yet on loan horse I am now to scared to even canter him in the arena! It makes no sense! But I know I need to continue as I love riding and tonight on my big RS horse I had Fun. Just need to know how I can have fun with loan horse.

Thanks so much for all your messages.


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## Carryonriding (11 December 2013)

You are not alone!!! I've been riding for 11 months and have had a loan horse who was an absolute diamond I can't fault him,other than the fact that I found him boring at times and he had no go! I now bought my own horse 3 months ago. 3 months later and she is the queen of napping and badly behaved where tacking up is concerned. To give you a taster she attempted to double barrel me in the face today when I went to saddle her up! 

We do little bits of groundwork and parelli style stuff daily and we practice making tacking up a positive thing but I won't go into that.... It just helps me to communicate with her and show her I am the leader when she's being dominant. 

I would definitely get lessons on your loan... Trust me if I could do that with mine I would but currently unable to ride her! And seeing you saying you are having RS lessons has made me reconsider that I may start them up again simply for confidence, as I haven't ridden properly for such a long time. 

If I was you, I'd invest in a good, patient instructor who will help you build a bond with your loan. He is definitely testing boundaries, but its never too late to turn it around! Have you tried lungeing him and doing some groundwork?


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## Tronniehead (11 December 2013)

HipoH said:



			Please don't give up, you said the magic word "Highland" find your way to the Highland Pony Enthusiasts Club (HPEC) we have a forum and trust me many of our members will feel your pain and all have come out the other side and so will be able to offer a great deal of support. Highlands are an amazing breed but they are smart cookies with a wicked sense of humour.....!!
		
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Thanks for this I have heard they are very cheeky! He completely is taking me for a fool. The owner all though she thinks is perfect for novice she did worn me don't give him an inch!  He is a crafty little sod!


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## dunthing (11 December 2013)

I've had highlands for years and yes they will take the mickey if they think they can get away with it. HipoH is right, get yourself along to the HPEC. You'll find lots of very good, friendly advice on there. Highlands are not the plods that a lot of people think they are. They are extremely strong in mind and body and they do need good discipline and sometimes, a strong nerve. Once you get the hang of it, you'll find you'll have a horsey friend for life. Good luck with your boy.


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## DancingJester (12 December 2013)

Ask the owner if you can have lessons on their horse. Find somebody who does freelance instructing and has a good rep then go from there. Everybody has confidence issues, some when they are just beginning, like you, and Id like to point out that this is the best time to have confidence issues. I was nervous in the beginning, I know i was only 6 but I was like that for 3 years, I pretended I wasnt scared but I was. My point is that I know people who start riding a bit later, are really confident to the point of being cocky then 5 years after they start they have a bad fall (that usually isnt that bad) and thats it for them. My confidence built up because I took it so slowly, I was at a riding stables that did everything by the book (to the point it was actually boring) I got really irritated by this but now I look back and I can honestly say I owe them my high confidence. Just take it slowly, people try to get ahead way to fast and then lose it in a matter of Seconds. Get a good instructor for this horse, when you feel more confident see if they can walk out with you on a small hack. You will start to realise soon that its not so scary. But seriously dont give up yet, thats the worsted thing you could do, not just for riding but your self esteem, if you overcome this even if in the future you decide its not for you, you can say you stopped for the right reasons and not because fear made you. 

Oh and I was formally under confident, soon Ill be riding racehorses for a living. 
Good luck youll be fine


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## hayinamanger (12 December 2013)

OP, you're not cutting yourself a lot of slack here, are you?

Any 21 year old equine which has been a field ornament for years is going to be a challenge.

Natives are ponies with 'character'.  

Highlands are not the most obliging, having owned some, I feel qualified to say this.  No offence to Highland fans.

Try some lessons on him with someone you trust.


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## Tronniehead (12 December 2013)

Thanks everyone feel so much more positive. Am looking at finding an instructor to give me lessons as soon as possible on Loan horse. Think getting advise on ground work with him to and lessons in the saddle will be beneficial for us both. 
I do think I was giving myself a real hard time and in truth I never really gave much thought about how much time he has spent as you put it as a field ornament and to be fair I think he has basically been that for about 6 years! Bar the occasional pleasure ride! And I mean once twice a year! He is a gentle kind horse, he is just smart and wise and mischievous! He has never tried to be nasty to me, he just has a little laugh at me! And the situation is perfect if I can just overcome the nerves and establish a more leadership role!


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## MadBlackLab (12 December 2013)

Just take it one step at a time and enjoy him. I'm sure your both get on well soon you just have to learn to understand each other


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## Frenchfancy (15 December 2013)

Don't be too hard on yourself.  And don't assume that size is important in terms of controlling the horse.

We have a 14:2 that we have recently had to retire.  On her my confidence was taking a beating and I had more than once thought of giving up.  We retired her due to bad health and bought a 16:2 cob x trotter.  I cannot begin to explain to you what a difference she has made to my riding.  In the space of 3 months I have gone from dreading doing anything other than trotting round the school, to catering, jumping and hacking out alone.  I know it is cruel to think it but I am so glad that I had to get a new horse.  

Yours in on loan, she doesn't suit you, so find yourself a horse that does, you won't regret it.


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