# Bullied and Accused to the point of ending everything. Help



## ebonyallen (8 March 2016)

Some of you may remember me and Ebony with my disability and how well we were doing, well not so good now. Have been on the farm for 26 years and never had to deal with any thing like this. A new woman has come with her horses and we thought she was really nice and wanted to help me with Ebony and my new girl Dallas to go to shows etc. Well just before Christmas she started to say that she was finding my filing cabined draws open and the tack room door open, we are on very small farm only 3 of us here, because in the past we got to find out that she seems to make up all sorts of stories for no reason apart from attention. Weeks went on and again told this had happened then she says that her saddles and a bridle have gone missing out of a locked tack room and a few days later they turned up in the hay barn and I got accused of stealing her saddles, confronted her and she denied it.

She then plasters all over social media that her stuff has been stolen and everyone knows hardly anyone keeps their horses here, no sign of a brake in and she said the Police were involved and had finger printed everything, this was back in Dec still waiting to be spoken to as nothing to hide. Next thing she is telling everyone I have beaten her horses around the head and made then head shy, another lie. This does not seem a lot to you but its a daily thing that she rings people up and plasters vile hate over facebook and I have reached the point that I want to put my girls out on loan as think I am about to have a breakdown or worse, Have no one at home to talk to and cry myself to sleep most nights as I can not see an end to this.

Yard is owned by farmer old boy not interested just takes the money and does not want to know so have no support here, move I hear you say and I so want to but where we are not that many places and because of my stupid leg it has to be flat along with other things unlike most of you who could just pick up and move. This has impacted on how I feel about myself saying if was normal could just move but its not that easy for me. Have got my name on the only place really that we could go to but because I have two again not that simple. Dallas has my new young girl has been diagnosed with Lymphatic cancer and it is so hard at the moment really think I can not take much more of this sorry I just need to talk to someone as I think I am going mad. Went to bed last night and thought it would be so easy if just did not wake up in the morning and this is one vile person has done to me. Sorry to go on about nothing really just needed to get it out. My day to day life is a hard struggle and my girls keep me going but do not want to be there anymore.

Thank you for taking the time to read


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## FfionWinnie (8 March 2016)

I think you should speak to the police about the online victimisation. 

What does the other person at the yard think?

You are a very brave lady so don't let this person stop you enjoying your girls and your life. It can definitely be sorted you just need to find the right people to help you. Coming on here was a good start.


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## Regandal (8 March 2016)

Dear God,  that is awful. What is the other livery saying about all this?   And whereabouts are you,  someone on here may know of a suitable yard?


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## Red-1 (8 March 2016)

I am so sorry to hear this, your post with the photos last year made me and my husband cry with happiness for you, I am so sorry you are feeling so bad.

I would report this lady to the Police, for harassment. I would screen shot anything on the internet. She has been on a course of conduct, as it is not just one instance.

I would also contact your doctor, ask for a talking therapy, especially if you have no one at home to talk it all through with. 

I wish there was more I could help with.


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## gothdolly (8 March 2016)

Oh how dreadful. I think you should speak to the police too. And so sorry about Dallas


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## ebonyallen (8 March 2016)

Thank you both, the other person is an older lady who does not want to get involved I did burst into tears this morning in front of her and said that no one was backing me up or saying anything, she just likes a quiet life and trust me I do and I do not need any extra grief so she is no real help. Other people that know this person say she is the same where ever she goes and causes trouble so is known for it, but not everyone know it and she goes around the shows spouting off her mouth to anyone who will listen.  We are down near Hawkinge Kent. I am sorry now I have sat here I feel silly for putting this up


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## eggs (8 March 2016)

So sorry to hear that this woman is giving you such a horrible time.  Apart from having a face-to-face talk with her I'm not sure what to recommend.  I do hope things improve and fingers crossed that she decides to move yards.


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## FfionWinnie (8 March 2016)

You aren't silly so don't think that. 

You could block her on FB for a start.


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## Goldenstar (8 March 2016)

I think it's a job for the police.
I would however approach the yard owner first he may not manage the yard actively but I think it would be a good idea to let him know before you involve the police .


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## ebonyallen (8 March 2016)

Red-1 said:



			I am so sorry to hear this, your post with the photos last year made me and my husband cry with happiness for you, I am so sorry you are feeling so bad.

I would report this lady to the Police, for harassment. I would screen shot anything on the internet. She has been on a course of conduct, as it is not just one instance.

I would also contact your doctor, ask for a talking therapy, especially if you have no one at home to talk it all through with. 

I wish there was more I could help with.
		
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I have thought about going to my doctor but I am not really a depressed person but I really do think I need help as this is bringing on all the feeling of how useless I am and whats the point of it all and that really is not me. I do try and put up shut up and not winge about my leg as its not going to grow back but its all just got too much to bear, so think I must speak to him. Thank you x


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## poiuytrewq (8 March 2016)

Oh OP this makes me so angry. How dare she! I just cant get my head round why a fully grown person would behave this way, i mean it would surely be a pleasanter experience doing her horses for her if you all got on?! 
Total lunacy. What does the third livery think to this? 
I'm so sorry for what your going through and if i was anywhere close to you id be doing anything i could to help- even if that only involved being a shoulder to cry on. hugs xx


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## Regandal (8 March 2016)

Definitely involve the police. Hasn't there just been new laws introduced to combat this type of thing?


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## Red-1 (8 March 2016)

ebonyallen said:



			I have thought about going to my doctor but I am not really a depressed person but I really do think I need help as this is bringing on all the feeling of how useless I am and whats the point of it all and that really is not me. I do try and put up shut up and not winge about my leg as its not going to grow back but its all just got too much to bear, so think I must speak to him. Thank you x
		
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It is a common misconception that depression means you walk around miserable, it actually manifests in different ways. Feeling unable to cope is one, feeling useless is another. Everyone can have times when things get ontop of them, it does not mean you are weak or generally a winger. 

I would go back and have a look at your wonderful photos from the show, I know I have just re-visited them. They are a reminder that good times happen. They are also a reminder of what you have achieved. You are fantastic.


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## _OC_ (8 March 2016)

Oh dear....Oh dear.....what a mess!
Please STOP thinking about not waking up.....you can forget that one.....to allow a vile person to make you think like that is totally wrong!
How does the OP on yard get on with her? I would not allow her to drive me out, but as you are on a low this bitch has latched on to this and appears to derive pleasure from making your life hell! I would speak to the farmer and say I know the money is your priority , but she will drive me out because of her deranged behaviour and any future liveries  that you get.....because, as sure as hell once she has done with you she will pick her next victim. You have two choices either move or stick it out....because, eventually these types will come unstuck....if it was me I would keep a diary of any doings that you have with her that cause you grieve. Chin up....ignore her and enjoy your horses.


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## ROMANY 1959 (8 March 2016)

Three years ago, I left a job I loved due to work place bully...but I got my own back once I was settled in new job, I outed the bully on FB and sent a letter to my old HR department telling them all about it and had copies of emails sent ect.. What she is doing is cyber bullying and harassment, start taking note of what she is saying and doing, keep record if you can, screen shot any FB activities she does, and then go to the police, they will be understanding, if they go and talk to her and warn her about her behaviour, it could be enough to force her hand and she may probably move on.. May be worth having a word with her previous yard owner to see if she moved on because of same thing.. I so feel for you, but please keep your spirits up, people like this thrive on being able to belittle and harassment of others, xxx


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## gothdolly (8 March 2016)

If you are having suicidal thoughts please go to your doctor.....I think you sound like an incredibly positive person but anyone would crumble after what you have been through, and are going through. Wish i could help. Please please inform the police too x


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## Kaylum (8 March 2016)

I know this is going to be really really hard to do but you have to ignore her.  Don't speak to her or get involved even if she involves you, move away from her whenever she is around and turn your back on her.  Keep yourself our of her way. Ignore the rubbish she puts on social media in fact block her just blank her out of your life as much as possible.  She wants you to react to her she obviously has big problem and your reactions are what she wants.  Hugs xxxxx


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## ebonyallen (8 March 2016)

Again thank you everyone for your advise. The farmer has already said when she told him her saddles were stolen that it was noting to do with Livery and to take it off the yard, he really is very unwilling ever to do anything. The classic in all of this she does not even pay her rent she has four horses and up till a couple of months ago she owed a years rent. We can all see who pays as he has a board and does not cross you off until you have paid. She fed him a sob story when she came and he lets her get away with it. She cleared the debt but is back to owing three months again and this is what I am up against. The previous yard she was at was just five mins down the road and she was on her own there but that farmer chased her all the time for money and that's why she left I live in hope she will go as been with us about one year and half now but where else would you not have to pay in advance or in fact pay at all..................................


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## ebonyallen (8 March 2016)

Kaylum said:



			I know this is going to be really really hard to do but you have to ignore her.  Don't speak to her or get involved even if she involves you, move away from her whenever she is around and turn your back on her.  Keep yourself our of her way. Ignore the rubbish she puts on social media in fact block her just blank her out of your life as much as possible.  She wants you to react to her she obviously has big problem and your reactions are what she wants.  Hugs xxxxx
		
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We do not speak and I do keep out of the way and have blocked her on facebook . Most of the time I am fine and just get on with it but its been three months now and what with Dallas I feel my world is falling in around me I do stay strong for my girls and never let my feeling be known when I am with them, but what has always been the one thing in my life that keeps me fighting and not wanting to give up is them, but its so hard as every time I drive in I am thinking is she there and if not when will she turn up.  How one person can do this to  another is truly beyond me................ I never let her see that I am bothered and upset so of course when get home it all comes out.


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## gothdolly (8 March 2016)

Oh shes one of those kind of people.....I have met some like that on yards before, owes loads of rent, stirs up trouble.....(big hugs) for you. You are better than that, don't let her ruin your pleasure x


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## julie111 (8 March 2016)

I am so sorry to read this, what a horrible person she is!!! Screen shot everything and go straight to the police and report her for harassment! Tell the farmer what has been happening and that the police are now involved. Big hugs I hope things get better very soon! x


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## smellsofhorse (8 March 2016)

I'm sorry you feel so bad.
It's easy to say buy try not to take it to heart.

I think tou need to speak to the police.
Firstly about the suposodid theft from
the yard. Does this lady actually have a crime number?
The yard owner, dispute wanted to stay out of it really need to getbinvolved as if it were true, he's had a theft on his yard. He either needs to take precautions ore prove this women's is lying and kick her out!

Secondly this lady is bullying you and it can be stopped.
Take the the police about it.

Plus go to your doctor. As your help. Someone to take too ect.
Are there local groups you could join to meet up and chat?

Chin up. 
I hope you feel better soon.


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## stencilface (8 March 2016)

Op I feel so sad for you, what a monster  I know what it is to dread going somewhere thinking you'll run into somewhere.

Really you need to see the doctors and the police then continue enjoying your horses. It's so hard to not let it bother you, but doing that I'm sure she will get bored of it. 

I hope things improve soon xx


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## Orca (8 March 2016)

OP, try not to take it personally. You have obviously done nothing wrong and this is obviously just how this woman is - and although it must feel like she always has the upper hand, she doesn't. People like that *always* come unstuck in the end and as time goes on, more and more people will see her for what she is, until she has no-one left at all.

Do speak with the police. Your community team should be able to help and they really can be a great support in situations like this. Sometimes just their involvement can make people like this woman back off and if they believe that her harassment of you might be in any way linked to your disability, they will come down even harder on her.

What you are experiencing is not silly, daft or anything of the sort. It is harassment, libel, slander and actually very serious.


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## dozzie (8 March 2016)

I can't advise as not a solicitor or police but I agree with the person who said collect evidence via screen shots and speak to the police. They will tell you what evidence to collect. Also maybe check this out with a solicitor who may be able to send a warning letter. You are probably not the first and wont be the last and it is due to her own inadequacies not yours. A way to deal with bullies is to laugh at them to their face. A smug smirk can put them on edge...practise it in the mirror. In his own way the farmer was sticking up for you by saying it was nothing to do with the livery etc. A complete alternative is to make her your new best friend. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer as the saying goes....
Whatever, don't consider ending it, think of what you have with your horses. Take care.


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## ebonyallen (8 March 2016)

smellsofhorse said:



			I'm sorry you feel so bad.
It's easy to say buy try not to take it to heart.

I think tou need to speak to the police.
Firstly about the suposodid theft from
the yard. Does this lady actually have a crime number?
The yard owner, dispute wanted to stay out of it really need to getbinvolved as if it were true, he's had a theft on his yard. He either needs to take precautions ore prove this women's is lying and kick her out!

Secondly this lady is bullying you and it can be stopped.
Take the the police about it.

Plus go to your doctor. As your help. Someone to take too ect.
Are there local groups you could join to meet up and chat?

Chin up. 
I hope you feel better soon.
		
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She said they have been up and finger printed everything and yet the farmer knows nothing. I do think that she creates the drama because she likes the attention. The farmer found her saddles two days later in barn and yet she plastered all over facebook they were stolen and some very kind people felt sorry for her and gave her a couple of saddles, but she never went back on and said they had turned up two days later. Some people were starting to smell a rat..........  She then text me to ask me for a phone number of my friend because the police needed to speak to her, so I told her I was not prepared to hand out phone numbers but the police could contact me if they wanted any more info. Did I ever hear NO, she thinks I am stupid, I might have lost most of my leg but not my brain !!!!!!


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## dozzie (8 March 2016)

ebonyallen said:



			She said they have been up and finger printed everything and yet the farmer knows nothing. I do think that she creates the drama because she likes the attention. The farmer found her saddles two days later in barn and yet she plastered all over facebook they were stolen and some very kind people felt sorry for her and gave her a couple of saddles, but she never went back on and said they had turned up two days later. Some people were starting to smell a rat..........  She then text me to ask me for a phone number of my friend because the police needed to speak to her, so I told her I was not prepared to hand out phone numbers but the police could contact me if they wanted any more info. Did I ever hear NO, she thinks I am stupid, I might have lost most of my leg but not my brain !!!!!!
		
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Yay! That made me smile! You see, you can fight back. The problem is when you don't think like people like this it is hard not to get caught out by their tricks.


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## Pedantic (8 March 2016)

Get yourself the book "When I say No I feel Guilty" by Manuel J.Smith, excellent book for learning how people bully and manipulate and how to deal with it, you won't need to read the whole book, I bought it for friend who needed a bit of help as a present, don't let some low life take away your self esteem, the online stuff sounds illegal to me, so as others say maybe a chat with police would be a good idea, chin up, plenty of space on here to get it off your chest x.


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## ycbm (8 March 2016)

The person doing this  to you is either desperately unhappy or mentally ill or both.  She actually needs help. She's desperate for attention and probably very jealous of any 'doesn't she do well without a leg' comments she hears about you. And she must have an ego the size of a dried pickled walnut to need to make her victim someone with your problems.

Keep your chin up.

Fight back.

Get evidence and go to the Police.

 We've all got your back here!


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## honetpot (8 March 2016)

I have seen at close hand what a bully can do to anyone so do not feel that there is something wrong with you.
  As others have said keep a diary and record any evidence. People like this are t**ds that float in on the tide and foul the place they land on. Usually their lies will catch up with them and they will go somewhere else.
  I would get all your evidence together and go and get some advice from a solicitor, it may cost you a couple of hundred quid but a letter from one pointing out she is guilty of harassment may be quicker than the police.
  And talk to people how you feel, get a good friend or family to go with you down the yard, if you were my daughter/or friend I would be so angry that someone has made you feel this way.
 As I have said I have seen a bully at work and they really do pick on what ever weakness they can find, so she obviously knows she upsets you so you are going to have to learn to act like you do not give a sh**. Pity your so far away but I am sure someone on here would come and give you morel  support.
  I would go and see the doctor, if not to have unload but so someone else has a record of how this is effecting you. I would use social media to find out as much as you can about her, knowing where she has been and what she has done may help.


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## ebonyallen (8 March 2016)

Everyone what can I say, I have been away for far too long .............    This is why I have always loved this forum the people on her are so kind, supportive and helpful. I made the mistake of spending more time on facebook and to be honest it is nothing like the sense of community and friendship that is shown on here on a daily basis. You have supported me through the highs and lows with my leg and you have welcomed me back with support and kindness. I have to say I do feel slightly better already what a great bunch of people you are. Thank you Chrissie xx


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## Gift Horse (8 March 2016)

I remember you you're an inspiration. I'm sorry you are having such a dreadful time. In the short term is it possible to go to the yard when the bully is not there, block her on Facebook and aim to avoid her completely?


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## Regandal (8 March 2016)

FB has its uses,  if you've lost your cat.  Most of the time, it's the refuge of the mad,  the bad and the sad.  Toxic place at times.


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## EmmasMummy (8 March 2016)

ebonyallen said:



			She said they have been up and finger printed everything and yet the farmer knows nothing. I do think that she creates the drama because she likes the attention. The farmer found her saddles two days later in barn and yet she plastered all over facebook they were stolen and some very kind people felt sorry for her and *gave her a couple of saddles*, but she never went back on and said they had turned up two days later. Some people were starting to smell a rat..........  She then text me to ask me for a phone number of my friend because the police needed to speak to her, so I told her I was not prepared to hand out phone numbers but the police could contact me if they wanted any more info. Did I ever hear NO, she thinks I am stupid, I might have lost most of my leg but not my brain !!!!!!
		
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So she used a sob story to obtain goods by deception?  Has she given the saddles back? If it was me I would be speaking to the police, explaining everything re the saddle theft and how she has said they are following it up and see what they can advise.  , and also message (if you know who they are) the people who gave her the saddle and tell them that they need to ask for their items back as she has her "stolen" ones returned.


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## AShetlandBitMeOnce (8 March 2016)

Didn't want to read and run! Hope you are feeling better soon and if you ever need a moan or a rant you can obviously do so on here. 

Bullies are usually very sad and insecure people, I would feel sorry for her. Just ignore the toad and carry on with your day to day life, not rising to her sympathising with her, laughing or being mad at her will make her seethe inside as she will not be getting the attention she craves and needs.


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## Spottyappy (8 March 2016)

I haven't anything useful to add, it's all been said above, but you are definatley a real inspiration to many people.
I hope the farmer will see sense, and get rid of the trouble maker, and you can go back to enjoying your hobby. Hope your new girl recovers too.


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## Lyle (8 March 2016)

No advice really, but didn't want to read and run. I'm so angry on your behalf, it really grinds my gears that people go out of their way to upset other people! I hope you can sort it out OP, from your other posts it's obvious you have the strength and determination to see it through. Chin up xx


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## spike123 (8 March 2016)

just sent you a message on FB. I didn't realise things had got so bad for you. She's a complete cow to do that and i recall the scenario over the missing tack etc.


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## PeeGee (8 March 2016)

It makes me so angry to hear this, I would do as others have suggested and contact the police.More than likely they have had dealings with this person before. I don't know what it is but horses seem to attract some of the weirdest people, (present company excepted, of course!) who take great pleasure in the misery of others. I do hope you manage to sort things out and hopefully this woman will go elsewhere to spread her poison.


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## Remi'sMum (8 March 2016)

What a b*tch this woman is!!

OP, I haven't seen your previous posts, but I don't need to in order to know that you're soooooo much better than her.

No advice to add really. As others have said, don't let her see that you're upset. Collect evidence in as cold and matter-of-fact sort of way as you can, and consider legal advice (some solicitors do a free half hour consult? Maybe use that to find out where you stand and what could be done?)

Stand tall, breathe deeply, smile even if you don't feel it inside, and remember you're sooooo much better than this lowlife pond scum excuse-for-a-human &#128522;


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## ebonyallen (8 March 2016)

spike123 said:



			just sent you a message on FB. I didn't realise things had got so bad for you. She's a complete cow to do that and i recall the scenario over the missing tack etc.
		
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I thought you would remember its really got out of hand, my problem is not everyone knows what she is like YET x


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## Rollin (8 March 2016)

OP Contact the National Stalkers Helpline and keep screen dumps of the FB pages if you can.

I really feel for you bullies should be dealt with.  So sad to read your post.


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## Cinnamontoast (8 March 2016)

Goldenstar said:



			I think it's a job for the police.
I would however approach the yard owner first he may not manage the yard actively but I think it would be a good idea to let him know before you involve the police .
		
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This. Make an appointment to see a police officer and get everything logged. If you have a decent local officer, he may speak to her off the record, although these days, they have to log everything, so she will receive what's known as a nominal record, just means she'll be flagged up as having been spoken to. If you make a complaint, the police will investigate and pursue. They will be able to give you words of advice. 

Maybe just mentioning to her that you've spoken to the police will shut her up. She sounds like a nightmare. Don't let her get you down.


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## laura_nash (8 March 2016)

Just wanted to add most medium to large organisations have a HR package that includes counselling.  Its often buried in a handbook and not advertised, but if you or a OH work it would be worth checking.  They are usually independent and often very good if you need someone to vent to.


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## Spot_the_Risk (8 March 2016)

Ebonyallen I'm so sorry for the stress you're going through.  Others have come up with great advice; I just want to say that you'll always be supported here, and that I for one have loved seeing your photos in the past.  Chin up girl and sort this woman out somehow, I expect karma will catch up with her in the end too.


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## Vodkagirly (8 March 2016)

Sounds horrible.  Your a strong person and while you are going through a rough time, your so much better than her. 
Take care of yourself.


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## SO1 (8 March 2016)

Terrible behaviour and why should you have to think about leaving somewhere that you are happy with just because of her.

I think you can say to her you are concerned that her saddles went missing and you were not involved so if you were not involved and neither was the other livery it must have been some stranger and you are worried about your things going missing so are going to speak to the police and the YO about improving security at the yard, including perhaps installing camera's in the locked tack room and other areas on the yard. You can also buy saddle racks which have something that folds over them and is lockable so you can suggest that you can purchase these to make all your tack more secure.

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Horze-Sto...table-Accessories-/150988300022?hash=item2327

If the police have not come and she is lying I expect she will not want to be found out and may move on to another yard herself.

I think you might also want to speak to her about her telling people you are hitting her horses. Ask her why she thinks you are doing this and what evidence she has of this. If she has no evidence then maybe say to that you need to arrange to get the police to come to the yard to speak with her and you as it appears that there may be a stranger coming on to the yard who is moving her tack and beating her horses and that needs to be dealt with and as these things never happened before she arrived perhaps this stranger is somehow linked with her.


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## Dave's Mam (9 March 2016)

If she says the cops have been, call her out and ask for an incident number.  It will be in the form of ####(date of report).

She sounds a tad unhinged to me.

Head up, be strong.  I remember your reports & pics from before.  You are a strong & lovely person.  Good luck.  I'm at your back, as are the rest of us.


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## Adopter (9 March 2016)

I am so sorry to read about the way you are having to cope with this woman on your own,  please do try and find someone to talk to for support, you have done so well and  your two lovely horses need you to be there for them.

It does sound as if you should report this as a Hate Crime, this is a service run by police and through it you should get support and hopefully someone to talk to this person to make them realise picking on you in this way is a crime.


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## hackneylass2 (9 March 2016)

Hatefull bullies such as her need to be stood up to.  You need not do this yourself, indeed, any tangling with such a strange character would not be advised.  Please do tell the police, they will help, so don't feel you are putting anyone out of their way, do it now before she can make your life more miserable.  You will feel better for reporting her.  I would not speak to her at all, just leave all that to the police...and get some help for yourself too, others here have given good advice.

Take care, and be strong xxxxxxx


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## luckyoldme (9 March 2016)

i ve had  quick read this morning , it sounds as if you are dealing with all this very well op.
Normally with these types of manipulative people the best thing to do is just to ignore, but its hard not to rise when you find out the stories they are telling and realise that some people actually fall for it. Its the worst thing in the world when they turn up in livery yards.
I agree with others, go and have a chat with the police, I bet you would nt be the first to have been the target of her behaviour.


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## Abby-Lou (9 March 2016)

Dig deep do not budge from that yard ! collect evidence she will either get bored or it will blow a storm at least you will ready with the evidence ! she sounds a nut job ! big hugs you will be a stronger person after this one - And we are here for support xxx


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## madlady (9 March 2016)

As others have said OP go to the police.  

This woman sounds like slime at worst and a nutter at best and I'm sure the Police will support you.  I hope you get a resolution


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## Merrymoles (9 March 2016)

Ebonyallen, it is not often I say something like this as I'm generally a reasonable person  but, if I were nearer, I would dearly like to come and give her a slap. However, you are much braver and tougher than you think you are and you will survive this - I remember your posts in the past when you were having to wear 16 layers of brave pants to achieve something you wanted to achieve with Ebony and I know you can cope with this.

So, chin up and kick on. There is some good advice on here about how to deal with it but, most of all, remember you have lots of virtual support.


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## crabbymare (9 March 2016)

echo the others re going to the police with screenshots and explaining what she is doing. if you do want to really make her squirm you could ask her for the crime number and names or numbers of the policemen who came to the yard so that you can arrange to discuss security with the people who actually attended as they will know what the place is like rather than you having to describe it to someone who has not seen it. she will probably say she cannot remember but you can be very nice and just say that you are sure their station will have a record of them  just make sure you get screen grabs of all her posts so that you can be the one who really takes it further and stops her manipulating ways. she does sound like a sad person who has turned to behaving like this to get some attention and make herself look good but it does need stopping as she is going way too far with it. stay strong and remember she is the one who needs help with her life and she is probably very jealous of you and the fact that you appear to be the sort of strong and thoughtful person she dreams of being


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## FubsyMog (9 March 2016)

ebonyallen said:



			She said they have been up and finger printed everything and yet the farmer knows nothing. I do think that she creates the drama because she likes the attention. The farmer found her saddles two days later in barn and yet she plastered all over facebook they were stolen and some very kind people felt sorry for her and gave her a couple of saddles, but she never went back on and said they had turned up two days later. Some people were starting to smell a rat..........  She then text me to ask me for a phone number of my friend because the police needed to speak to her, so I told her I was not prepared to hand out phone numbers but the police could contact me if they wanted any more info. Did I ever hear NO, she thinks I am stupid, I might have lost most of my leg but not my brain !!!!!!
		
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She'll get her comeuppance - in fact looks like she's already started to! 'Beware your sins will find you out' is often a very true saying (even for the non-religious such as myself). She'll tie herself in knots with untruths and someone will catch  her out.


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## fatpiggy (9 March 2016)

Regandal said:



			FB has its uses,  if you've lost your cat.  Most of the time, it's the refuge of the mad,  the bad and the sad.  Toxic place at times.
		
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Couldn't agree more.  I have an account simply so that I can access stuff about organisations I belong to, but I have no profile set up for myself at all, and its staying that way.


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## Sheep (9 March 2016)

Dear goodness, what a horrible situation. I can't add much, you've had some good advice, but just wanted to say you are in my thoughts - I often wondered how you were getting on. I hope things improve soon.


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## MagicMelon (9 March 2016)

FfionWinnie said:



			I think you should speak to the police about the online victimisation. 

What does the other person at the yard think?.
		
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This, I would probably either speak to the woman directly if you're brave enough or write her a letter telling her if she doesn't stop making up lies about you then you will report her to the police. I would try to get the backup of the other person on the yard too if you can. Sadly she sounds rather loopy... but she might listen to a police warning. Definately do not let it carry on, you deserve to enjoy your time there and your horses - don't let a silly woman stop that!

I think I would also speak again to the farmer yard owner, yes he probably isnt interested but if you tell him she's making wild accusations involving police he may realise she could potentially cause issues for him down the line, and that you two may well leave over her so surely its better to have 2 liveries than just 1...?


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## stilltrying (9 March 2016)

I'm in your area, have you tried Welwyn Stud?  Its all on the flat, as I know most yards are very hilly in this area.


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## Hetsmum (9 March 2016)

Nothing to add to the excellent advise you have been given but I just wanted to say we all have your back.  You have been an inspiration to me in the past and are a wonderful person.  The scumbag will get her dues!  Stay strong for your girls xxx


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## ebonyallen (9 March 2016)

Once again thank you everyone for your sound advise and support, have to say I went to bed without sheading a tear and had the best nights sleep I have had for quite a few months. What has come out today is that her horses which are in a different field to us have been interfered with and the note said the police have been informed, no doubt they have been up and fingerprinted the horses in question lol, do not mean to make light of this but again she is telling porkies and to top it all the other livery daughter drove past and caught her daughter listening by the outside of the barn which really none of us would have a reason to go down that track if it was not so sad it really could be funny But on the plus side taken on board all your replies and will be speaking to Police and also have a had a couple of lovely people come forward to offer me a place if it all gets too much, What can I say again you truly are amazing xx


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## Orca (9 March 2016)

Her behaviour is just beyond belief! I'm glad the other livery caught her daughter out and that you've been offered some other options if need be. There's nothing worse than feeling stuck in a situation like that.


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## Patchworkpony (9 March 2016)

Ebonyallen I am so angry for you that I could hardly eat my supper. First of all remember you are the better human being - she is worthless scum which is why she needs to bully people. However it is time to take control!!!!! You need to find out her exact address and phone number and then you plan a long, long, long course of revenge. There are so many way to do this without it ever being linked to you - just put 'revenge websites UK' into Google and you will see what I mean. If you feel you can't do this then PM me with her details and I will undertake the whole operation for you - this may be your best option. I used to be an international journalist so I have plenty of tricks up my sleeve. I won't tell you anything so it won't be linked to you but be assured she won't get away with what she has done to you. I hate bullies and have dealt with many in my time. Please call the Samaritans if you feel really desperate - they are excellent, very kind and talk a lot of sense. I will truly help you fight this woman if you need me to - but DON'T let her drive you to the brink. It is always best to take action rather than feel afraid - in fact it is very empowering to fight back.


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## Slightlyconfused (9 March 2016)

Patchworkpony said:



			Ebonyallen I am so angry for you that I could hardly eat my supper. First of all remember you are the better human being - she is worthless scum which is why she needs to bully people. However it is time to take control!!!!! You need to find out her exact address and phone number and then you plan a long, long, long course of revenge. There are so many way to do this without it ever being linked to you - just put 'revenge websites UK' into Google and you will see what I mean. If you feel you can't do this then PM me with her details and I will undertake the whole operation for you - this may be your best option. I used to be an international journalist so I have plenty of tricks up my sleeve. I won't tell you anything so it won't be linked to you but be assured she won't get away with what she has done to you. I hate bullies and have dealt with many in my time. Please call the Samaritans if you feel really desperate - they are excellent, very kind and talk a lot of sense. I will truly help you fight this woman if you need me to - but DON'T let her drive you to the brink. It is always best to take action rather than feel afraid - in fact it is very empowering to fight back.
		
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Remind me not to get on your bad side.......

Hugs op. Some great advice.


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## LadyGascoyne (9 March 2016)

I'm another who thinks you are just amazing and loves your updates. You are a remarkable, strong and inspirational person.

Can't add much to the advice you've been given, except to say that it is important to remember that what you are going through is real; it is legitimate, it is not overreacting. It is a problem, and you will be able to solve it. It is not your fault, or your imagination. We are all in agreement on this. You have every right to feel all that you are feeling.

If you can keep in mind that this is one, horrible event - an isolated one- and that this is not your whole life, nor an example of how you usually cope, then it may not be so overwhelming. Any one of us, with or without our disabilities, would not be able to cope with this level of animosity AND a sick horse. You are not weak, in fact you are far stronger than most of us, and you've demonstrated this time and time again in your amazing attitude to your leg.

I have so much respect for you.


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## Spiritedly (9 March 2016)

Just remember that you are stronger than her and that you have support from your friends...and a bit more support on the yard, I promise to try and keep my hands off your saddles ...The odds are now in your favour and the pd and gb won't know what hit them if anything is said when I'm around x


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## ester (9 March 2016)

Ebony you are amazing and inspirational and I don't think anyone on here would disagree with that so never forget that.x


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## Holly Hocks (9 March 2016)

Have you tried suggesting to bully bitch that if she keeps getting her things nicked then maybe she should move yards as she is obviously not happy there. You are strong and you will not let her get you down. She isn't worth it. 

Why is that loads of yards - IME DIY yards, seem to have an oddball who goes around making wild accusations but when challenged they generally can't provide evidence or proof of anything - usually because it has never happened.  What they never seem to realise is that they just look like attention-seeking idiots to everyone else.


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## LD&S (9 March 2016)

SO1 said:



			Terrible behaviour and why should you have to think about leaving somewhere that you are happy with just because of her.

I think you can say to her you are concerned that her saddles went missing and you were not involved so if you were not involved and neither was the other livery it must have been some stranger and you are worried about your things going missing so are going to speak to the police and the YO about improving security at the yard, including perhaps installing camera's in the locked tack room and other areas on the yard. You can also buy saddle racks which have something that folds over them and is lockable so you can suggest that you can purchase these to make all your tack more secure.

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Horze-Sto...table-Accessories-/150988300022?hash=item2327

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I think that is a brilliant idea as is asking for the incident number. I hope that the livery moves sooner rather than later, as you have said there aren't many yards on the flat like that but you never know if you decide to look elsewhere you may find somewhere with better hacking, the lane though not busy is very narrow.

I hope you sleep well again tonight


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## moosea (9 March 2016)

Sounds shocking ... moving tack? horses interfered with .... I'd be telling this girl that if anymore incidents occur then you would need to install cctv.....


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## maree t (9 March 2016)

Hi , I live fairly close . Please let me know if I can help . I bet she is known locally and will probably have been thrown off most local yards . pm if you prefer


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## ozpoz (10 March 2016)

Just read this and I'm so shocked and peed off for you.  I'm happy to see h+H rally round and there is some very good advice here. Please follow it up.   : )
Don't let this weird person hold you back. You inspired lots of people with your lovely photos.


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## Irish gal (10 March 2016)

What has happened is horrific OP. This person has obviously got deep problems, I hope you can find a way now not to let her have such an effect on you. Just because she is unhinged, I know it is extremely hard and so stressful worrying about her spreading rumours, but you must protect yourself. 

I second a lot of the great advice here, is there any counselling service you could avail of without it costing an arm and a leg. There are often subsidised services out there that you could use quite cheaply. The counsellor will be able to give you techniques to let what this woman is saying go over your head, so she has less power to distress you. Is very upsetting to hear of such a kind person as yourself being targeted in this way. Please stay strong and don't let her destroy your life - we are all behind you. Hugs xx


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## figgy (10 March 2016)

Sending you a hug, please don't let this horrible lady make you give up on what you love. ......I would go to the police and also set up CCTV .
I'm not a million miles away....I know we don't know each other but Im happy to come to you & help in anyway I can.
Keep your head high & stick two fingers up the her !!!!!! Xx xx xxxx


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## hairycob (10 March 2016)

Gosh Ebony, if you were in my area I would wonder if we knew the same person. The one I knew had been at the yard town's & I only found out once we were there that she had driven loads of people away. Luckily it turned out that we & the other people who came just after us just ignored her spiteful ways (though one of her antics did lead to me being injured) & in the end she had a mega tantrum & did a flit the next morning. Hold on in there. Just keep saying "oh dear, let me have the incident number son if I get any useful info I can pass it straight to the police". Dark glasses to avoid eye contact & earphones so you can pretend you can't hear are also useful tactics. If you have a smart phone put it on voice record & pop it in your pocket if you think there might be a confrontation. Good luck.


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## luckyoldme (10 March 2016)

i moved yards because of someone who sounds very like the ops problem person!
I did nt really like where i was so it was a no brainer, and for a long time afterwards i felt sick when i saw her. Last year she started visiting the house next door and one night just walked straight into my house. In a way it was a turning point for me, I made it known i was bored of her behaviour and any more I would be going to the police. I know i would nt be the first. I think one of the strangest things she did was phone the yo and tell him i had opened the stable doors and let the horses out, (the horses were all in their boxes) When i proved she was lieing she turned the water works on and somehow managed to convince the yo i was a bitch for going out of my way to prove her wrong! She approached my husbnd and tried to convince him i was a bitch, turning on the charm and telling him she did nt have a problem with him! He told her that if she had a problem with me she had a problem with him., 
I have no idea what drives these people, they put a lot of time and energy into making other people unhappy, but i suspect the root of it is jealousy . All i know is i was not the first and most definately won t be the last..no doubt there is someone out there right now who s life she is making a misery,...what a way to live your life!


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## ivandenisovich10 (10 March 2016)

I'm in Kent, not a million miles away. If I can do anything atall to help. Please let me know.


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## PeterNatt (10 March 2016)

I feel so sorry that this individual has made things so unpleasant for you and I hope that the good advice given to you will help you resolve this situation.


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## fatpiggy (10 March 2016)

I have no idea what drives these people, they put a lot of time and energy into making other people unhappy, but i suspect the root of it is jealousy . All i know is i was not the first and most definately won t be the last..no doubt there is someone out there right now who s life she is making a misery,...what a way to live your life![/QUOTE]

They must lead incredibly petty, boring lives I think and as you say, are jealous of those they see who apparently have "normal" lives.  I do think it is a form of mental illness, although that is not to say it automatically excuses them.  I've twice had people tell the yard owners that I had done things (which were so ridiculous) to spite them.  One said I was preventing people from using the tap outside my stable - since I was at work all day and it took me nearly an hour to get there after work so almost everyone else was finished and gone before I arrived, had I padlocked it or something, and the other claimed I was only putting water in the field for my own horse - in a large trough which could be accessed from two sides, so how could I have prevented her horse from drinking it?  To my face though of course though, they were both all sweetness and light because they were both making very good use of me.  Weird people and having spent 5 years at an all girls school, not uncommon in the female of the species I'm afraid.


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## Luci07 (10 March 2016)

She has serious mental issues and I would suspect that an earlier poster got it right when she suggested this woman is jealous of you.  She is an awful creature and please don't let her win.

So glad you are fighting back and good suggestions on here. Could I suggest you get this thread moved to the club house though so it can't be found on Google?


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## DD (10 March 2016)

^^^^^^
this.
What a Bl&&%^m Awful woman!!!!!! Shes a complete nut job, fruit cake.
Do please tell the Police. 
((((HUGS))))


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## Clodagh (10 March 2016)

Luci07 said:



			She has serious mental issues and I would suspect that an earlier poster got it right when she suggested this woman is jealous of you.  She is an awful creature and please don't let her win.

So glad you are fighting back and good suggestions on here. Could I suggest you get this thread moved to the club house though so it can't be found on Google?
		
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It wouldn't do the bullying cow any harm to read this and to se what people think of her and her behaviour. There are far too many of these people around.


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## el_Snowflakes (10 March 2016)

What a shame- I really feel for you. No idea why some people like to make other miserable but it really says more about her than it does about you. I've only ever had one person try to make trouble for me by telling lies & still have no idea why but I was lucky to be able to cut all ties with that person & put it down to malicious attention seeking behaviour & strangely enough the person disappeared.

Having achieved so much in life, do not let a person of this calibre bring you down. People like this always get caught out. Best wishes x


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## mcnaughty (10 March 2016)

OK - I'm not going to pussy foot around here.... She very obviously has some  serious issues and you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and deal with this before it really gets you down.  Can I suggest you confront her about all the lies and tell her that you are going to speak to the police to clear up the stories.   Its all very well everyone saying poor you and yes they are right but you need to make a decision as to whether you are will for this lady to force you out or if you are going to fight back?  Get all your facts together and confront her.  It really is the only way with bullies and if you need anyone  to stand at your shoulder then make sure they know all the facts too ad that they are intelligent enough to stand their ground without raising voices.  Do not go down the route of a shouting match!


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## Merlod (10 March 2016)

I had similar happen to me  even now I am still to scared to put it out there for fear of repurcussion. I typed it all out and then deleted it though I am happy to share it by PM, but here are the best tips

-Don&#8217;t move yards or back down (I put my name on a waiting list for another, yard the woman found out so I thought even if I move she&#8217;s going to make my life hell still)
-keep evidence of EVERYTHING, I printed off every text message, every facebook status about me, everything about her horse (ie how crippled it was, but the next week she rode it up town, and then how crippled it was again but never a vet visit!)
-Do not retaliate on social media or text, if you do have to reply make it very formal.
- Hand a copy of the evidence to the police and report the threats.. they will give you an incident number and you make damn sure this POS knows that you have this incident recorded against her.
-Lock up as much of your stuff as you can.
-Even though the farmer doesn&#8217;t want to get involed (mine didn&#8217;t either) keep them updated but don&#8217;t get emotional
-This one is really stupid, but the presence of a man does help!


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## Echo Bravo (10 March 2016)

Name and shame her on here and let the rest of us sort her out and does the other livery not realise if you go she will start on her plus the farmer will be losing a good livery after 26 years. Do what the others have said write it all down and contact your community police person and they will give you an number, I know that you are having a bad time with your new mare but seeing what you have gone through over the years and had the guts to carry on when a weaker person would have given up, you will sort this lady out and face it many people on here know you in real life and see you at shows so they know what she says is not true. Chin up and kick ass


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## hackedoff (10 March 2016)

I would second the idea of getting a police incident report number, and keeping calm and not commenting publicly. I had an awful incident a few years back.when someone decided she didn't like me and assaulted my pony when I tried to ride past her to escape her deluded ranting. I have a police incident number in case of a repeat and now ride with a go pro. I stupidly shouted at her a few months afterwards which made me look like the loose screw as of course poor pony can't back me up by saying that the person grabbed her bit ring and hit her round the head. Aren't some horse "lovers" awful.

Edited to say this made me very stressed about hacking out but then I thought stuff it, the other person would have win their little sad game. I hope you come out the other side of this stronger .


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## Echo Bravo (11 March 2016)

Get a camera that fits in your riding hat


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## ebonyallen (11 March 2016)

Sorry for the late answer, was so tired yesterday went straight to bed. I do feel stronger  about everything now and have really taken my time to read through all your great advise that has been given on here and I will make notes now of everything that has happened. Did forget to say because I have no proof of this but a few weeks ago I went up to bring them in for the night and drove up the lane and was met by my two girls and the other nice livery horse which are all in the same field charging down the lane towards my car.............  this was horrific and again with the one leg I am not very quick and do not find it easy to walk far, they shot past my car down the road, so I parked up and rang a good friend who lives in the Village lucky for me she was in and came straight away and we got them in I felt sick this has never happened in all the years been there. Then have found both Ebony and Dallas bolts have been undone and tampered with but again no proof mention this to farmer who said it was me who did not close things properly as no one would do this. If you have a problem with me fair enough but to endanger the lives of the horses WHY...........  Some of you have said she is Jealous why the hell would she be jealous of me, some days even I do not want to be me lol. She has a way of just getting people to think she is telling the truth and I start to think is it only me that can see her for what she really is, but I did think she was nice until all this started so I was pulled in and then well and truly spat out. A previous livery who has left because of her had her stuff stolen along with hay, feed etc but she just continues to make out she is the victim and people believe her. She put advert up saying selling all horses as giving up because of all the trouble at the yard, which she has caused but again people feel sorry for her and taken in by lies. All I ever did was stand up to her and say please do not accuse me of stealing your tack to her face and since then its turned really nasty Not seen her for weeks as she always comes after dark and really early in the morning, makes you wonder why is sculking about in the dark. All my tack and expensive stuff is either in the car or at home which is a pain but at least I know its safe Thanks again everyone


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## little_critter (12 March 2016)

Just checking in to see how you are. Have you thought more about seeing your doctor? Your comments about not wanting to wake up one day really worried me. 
If you see your doctor don't be all British-stiff-upper-lip about it and say you've just been a little down.  If you've had those thoughts then please tell him.


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## ebonyallen (12 March 2016)

little_critter said:



			Just checking in to see how you are. Have you thought more about seeing your doctor? Your comments about not wanting to wake up one day really worried me. 
If you see your doctor don't be all British-stiff-upper-lip about it and say you've just been a little down.  If you've had those thoughts then please tell him.
		
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Thank you so much for asking.........  I have already got an appointment for next week as my Transplant clinic want me checked again as when they saw me blood pressure was high and very anemic, so that has prob not helped how I had been feeling. I will try hard to be honest trouble is they always see the happy smiley me who just gets on with life and most of the time I do. Had a lovely couple of days with the girls in the nice weather having a bit of us time and no one was around which was lovely, so feeling much better and now in the mind set she will not get the better of me. Thank you so much for caring Chrissie x


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## Luci07 (12 March 2016)

We do. Stay strong.... And padlock your field ...


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## Echo Bravo (13 March 2016)

And at least the other livery now knows what can happen, does the farmer not realize that he could be libel if the horses get loose as it's his reponsablity for the the fencing and gates security


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## Goldenstar (13 March 2016)

Echo Bravo said:



			And at least the other livery now knows what can happen, does the farmer not realize that he could be libel if the horses get loose as it's his reponsablity for the the fencing and gates security
		
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I don't think so,the livery owner is responsible for providing a infrastructure that's fit for purpose .
The strict liability ruling means an owner can be held responsible for injury to a human caused by a loose horse even if they had taken every reasonable precaution to prevent the horse becoming loose .
OP ,
Hang in there make notes every day of any thing that happens watch your back and think a step ahead of her .
Vary the times you go to the yard and remember you can buy a wildlife camera that triggers with movement very cheaply now might you hide one to film the field gate .


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## hackneylass2 (15 March 2016)

Please do not confront her, she sounds like she could have socio/psychopathic and or narcissistic problems.
Memorialise the convo you had with the livery owner, and any further convos directly/indirectly involving her or her actions. Put everything, even if you don't feel at the time it is relevant, in writing.
Great advice regarding wearing shades (it does work) and keeping a smartphone to record any eventuality.

People like her are often pillar of the community types and are seen by many to be beyond reproach, not so. They can be expert at hoodwinking people!  She will have her downfall in the end, in the meantime, stay stong, take the advice you have been given but please please be honest, totally honest with your medical folk.  Put yourself first, your health cannot be monitored properly if you are putting on a brave face to them.

Kudos to you, you have many folk rooting for you xxxxxx

I wish you the best,


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## ycbm (15 March 2016)

Can you explain why she shouldn't confront her?  She's a bully and bullies often back down if confronted.  She doesn't sound to me like she's suddenly going to turn into an axe murderer if someone asks her for a crime number for the theft of her saddles. She's a sad individual, for sure, but if someone stands up to her she'll probably just leave the yard.

Best of luck OP, stay strong.


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## Princess16 (15 March 2016)

ycbm said:



			Can you explain why she shouldn't confront her?  She's a bully and bullies often back down if confronted.  She doesn't sound to me like she's suddenly going to turn into an axe murderer if someone asks her for a crime number for the theft of her saddles. She's a sad individual, for sure, but if someone stands up to her she'll probably just leave the yard.

Best of luck OP, stay strong.
		
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^^ this I too would confront the bi atch as bullies don't like confrontation especially as she is in her own and not with a gang per se. 

Hang on in there Ebony. Glad you had some fun times with the girls - we all need those kind of days  hope things are resolved soon x


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## Wundahorse (15 March 2016)

Sorry to hear this woman is treating you so badly. Sadly bullies target vulnerable people as they are essentially inadequate people themselves. 
I would report her to the police for harassment to show her there is a consequence to her behaviour. 
You gave done nothing that can validate or justify her conduct in any way. Hard though it is,try to distract your unhelpful negative thoughts. Challenge the validity of the spiteful things she is subjecting you too and focus instead on positive thoughts and experiences. It's sounds as if you have already overcome hurdles. Try to muster the strength you had in those bleak times to recall past coping strategies and progress. 
Make small daily goals and ensure they are achievable. 
Try to ignore this ghastly woman if you can. Bullies hate being ignored as they like a negative reaction that validates their thoughts and beliefs. 
Google Mindfulness. This can be helpful. 
Good luck.


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## Mince Pie (15 March 2016)

Patchworkpony said:



			Ebonyallen I am so angry for you that I could hardly eat my supper. First of all remember you are the better human being - she is worthless scum which is why she needs to bully people. However it is time to take control!!!!! You need to find out her exact address and phone number and then you plan a long, long, long course of revenge. There are so many way to do this without it ever being linked to you - just put 'revenge websites UK' into Google and you will see what I mean. If you feel you can't do this then PM me with her details and I will undertake the whole operation for you - this may be your best option. I used to be an international journalist so I have plenty of tricks up my sleeve. I won't tell you anything so it won't be linked to you but be assured she won't get away with what she has done to you. I hate bullies and have dealt with many in my time. Please call the Samaritans if you feel really desperate - they are excellent, very kind and talk a lot of sense. I will truly help you fight this woman if you need me to - but DON'T let her drive you to the brink. It is always best to take action rather than feel afraid - in fact it is very empowering to fight back.
		
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Can I take you up on that? lol!


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## Spotsrock (15 March 2016)

Goldenstar said:



			I don't think so,the livery owner is responsible for providing a infrastructure that's fit for purpose .
The strict liability ruling means an owner can be held responsible for injury to a human caused by a loose horse even if they had taken every reasonable precaution to prevent the horse becoming loose .
OP ,
Hang in there make notes every day of any thing that happens watch your back and think a step ahead of her .
Vary the times you go to the yard and remember you can buy a wildlife camera that triggers with movement very cheaply now might you hide one to film the field gate .
		
Click to expand...

The land owner is liable for anything that escapes from their land from livestock to flooded rivers if it causes damage or injury


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## hackneylass2 (17 March 2016)

For those who said OP should not confront this weird woman.

I agree, bullies mostly will back down if confidently confronted. However, have you read how OP has been affected by this woman?  IMO confrontation is the last thing she needs for the sake of her health at the moment.  She has enough on her mind without having to think of confronting the person who has caused her so much worry and upset.  'Confront her' is easy to advise if you are not the one who has to do it.  Do you really think that someone in such despair has the gung ho confidence to square up to such a weirdo?


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## ycbm (17 March 2016)

hackneylass2 said:



			For those who said OP should not confront this weird woman.

I agree, bullies mostly will back down if confidently confronted. However, have you read how OP has been affected by this woman?  IMO confrontation is the last thing she needs for the sake of her health at the moment.  She has enough on her mind without having to think of confronting the person who has caused her so much worry and upset.  'Confront her' is easy to advise if you are not the one who has to do it.  Do you really think that someone in such despair has the gung ho confidence to square up to such a weirdo?
		
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She has squared up to the loss of a leg. Yes, I think she can square up enough to ask her for a crime number for the theft of her saddles or tell her if she continues to post about her she will report her for harassment.  And I think she'd feel a lot better about herself if she did. 

Your original post, though you may not have meant it that way, read as if you were warning her that the woman might harm her if she confronted her, and sounded scary.



OP how are things going?


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## luckyoldme (17 March 2016)

hackneylass2 said:



			For those who said OP should not confront this weird woman.

I agree, bullies mostly will back down if confidently confronted. However, have you read how OP has been affected by this woman?  IMO confrontation is the last thing she needs for the sake of her health at the moment.  She has enough on her mind without having to think of confronting the person who has caused her so much worry and upset.  'Confront her' is easy to advise if you are not the one who has to do it.  Do you really think that someone in such despair has the gung ho confidence to square up to such a weirdo?
		
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I really do agree with hackney on this one. ive come up against a couple of people like this and confrontation is playing right into their hands, they love it. In my experience all that happens is that they manage to use the confrontation to convince those around them that they are a victim. Not rising to their pathetic behaviour and distancing yourself from their warped minds and mind games is the only thing that works.


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## Goldenstar (17 March 2016)

luckyoldme said:



			I really do agree with hackney on this one. ive come up against a couple of people like this and confrontation is playing right into their hands, they love it. In my experience all that happens is that they manage to use the confrontation to convince those around them that they are a victim. Not rising to their pathetic behaviour and distancing yourself from their warped minds and mind games is the only thing that works.
		
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I think this too, why lower yourself to their level .
Standing up for yourself does not mean confronting nut jobs , and I totally agree these people are very adept at turning situations like that to their advantage .


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## Ladyinred (17 March 2016)

luckyoldme said:



			I really do agree with hackney on this one. ive come up against a couple of people like this and confrontation is playing right into their hands, they love it. In my experience all that happens is that they manage to use the confrontation to convince those around them that they are a victim. Not rising to their pathetic behaviour and distancing yourself from their warped minds and mind games is the only thing that works.
		
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I agree. OP is not in the right place to do this at the moment. She is an extremely brave lady but, if you read her first post, this, and other things, have badly affected her. I would hesitate to suggest any confrontation that could potentially make her feel worse than she already does.. 

In my mind she has a few options: Not rising to the behaviour; having someone else speak on her behalf; insisting the YO involves himself and sorts it out or moving to a new yard. Moving would be a shame as she has been there a long time, but if it is a decision between moving and her health then that is what she has to do. Really, the YO should step up and intervene before this gets totally out of hand.. he has happily taken hr livery for years, now is the time to show some loyalty back.


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## Toby_Zaphod (17 March 2016)

I've read through some of the posts & this woman is a real headache. She seems to only be happy if she is making someone else's live miserable. She mentions that the Police had been up & fingerprinted everything. This is unlikely as fingerprints can only be taken from a clean surface. The dust etc at a stables means it would be unlikely fingerprints could be lifted. Additionally when fingerprints are looked for areas are dusted with aluminium powder. It's extremely messy & you would see that this had been done anyway. If you haven't noticed the powder everywhere then they haven't been.

I believe that you should keep a diary of things happening at the yard & what is said or implied. Ensure that you are accurate with times & dates & if something needs photographing then take a photo but ensure it is date & time stamped. When you are experiencing harassment etc you need to evidence what happens for future use. Without this accurate information you would be unlikely to get a successful pprosecution with either ensuring successful prosecution or gathering enough evidence to convince the landowner that she is the problem.  

The landowner seems an idiot allowing her to get so far behind with livery, at some point she'll vanish leaving him with a large unpaid livery?


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## skint1 (17 March 2016)

luckyoldme said:



			I really do agree with hackney on this one. ive come up against a couple of people like this and confrontation is playing right into their hands, they love it. In my experience all that happens is that they manage to use the confrontation to convince those around them that they are a victim. Not rising to their pathetic behaviour and distancing yourself from their warped minds and mind games is the only thing that works.
		
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I agree very strongly with this. There is nothing to gain from confronting people like this because they will twist it back on you and perpetuate the cycle, they thrive on it and don't care about collateral damage so to speak.  Not to ill wish the YO but lets hope she does do a flit owing some money  because that might wake him up to the fact that sometimes he does need to step in, and of course the OP, who is certainly a strong person, can continue to enjoy the yard in peace.


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## YorksG (17 March 2016)

Different people perceive strength in different ways, imo the strength to ignore twits like the woman on the yard is greater than the strength to wade in and confront this worm.  The OP has shown immense courage over the years, something that the worm doesn't understand, and never will. The worm probably only ever sees the world as it relates to her and has no empathy for others, so to ignore her will be the only way forward, she will move on in time, no doubt to cause havoc someone else,  as she sounds to be one of those people who has no internal reference, feels bad about herself and can only feel better if she perceives that she feels better than those around her, so tries to make them feel bad (this is a very destructive method of thinking and probably could tell professionals something about her own history, but will only change if she wants it to). Such toxic people are best avoided, I would suggest to the OP that she reports the harrassment to the police and then have no more to do with it all.


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## Damnation (17 March 2016)

YorksG said:



			Such toxic people are best avoided, I would suggest to the OP that she reports the harrassment to the police and then have no more to do with it all.
		
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Echo YorksG. If she still doesn't let up then (and I hate to say it) I would be moving my horses. I know you have been there for a very long time but to be honest, if you have been a good, loyal, well paying livery for the 20 odd years you have been there and the YO "won't get involved" then I wouldn't want to give them my money.

I don't expect YO to come wading in to your defence but he should be taking a more proactive stance against this sort of behaviour. 

At the end of the day it is his reputation on the line too. It doesn't look very good on his part if "tack goes missing" from his yard, or "horses are interfered with" again on his yard, it makes his security look incompetent. (Just to put another spin on it to maybe get your YO to take action).

Otherwise, I would be moving. Life is too damned short to be stuck dealing with toxic people and sometimes we have to just cut our losses and get out of the situation for our own sanity's sake.


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## luckyoldme (17 March 2016)

Damnation said:



			Echo YorksG. If she still doesn't let up then (and I hate to say it) I would be moving my horses. I know you have been there for a very long time but to be honest, if you have been a good, loyal, well paying livery for the 20 odd years you have been there and the YO "won't get involved" then I wouldn't want to give them my money.

I don't expect YO to come wading in to your defence but he should be taking a more proactive stance against this sort of behaviour. 

At the end of the day it is his reputation on the line too. It doesn't look very good on his part if "tack goes missing" from his yard, or "horses are interfered with" again on his yard, it makes his security look incompetent. (Just to put another spin on it to maybe get your YO to take action).

Otherwise, I would be moving. Life is too damned short to be stuck dealing with toxic people and sometimes we have to just cut our losses and get out of the situation for our own sanity's sake.
		
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Damnation i love your last sentance! i moved my horse to get away from someone just like the op describes...i have a happy life with a good husband and she was ruining prescious days, i just did nt have the time to waste sitting round waiting for others to see through her, im glad i did because it took a further 2 years before they did and she got the boot. By then both me and my horse had moved onto a small holding with a simply delightfull owner and funnily enough the horse totally chilled out too as soon as i moved him. these people are dangerous, playing games with other peoples mental health because they fail to admit they have serious problems themselves.


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## Achinghips (17 March 2016)

Move yards. Your yo isnt helping you and your horses and sanity are at risk.  Get out of there, leaving the whole mess behind, move on and don't look back.


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## hackneylass2 (18 March 2016)

Ycbm,

I did not mean to scare the OP but it was a warning of sorts, because folks with such behavioural problems as OP's tormentor can and do behave irrationally. As Luckyoldme siad, such people are dangerous, and experts in the fields of manipulation and know exactly how and where to hurt people.  They also can have huge meltdowns and well, you just cannot placate or reason with such people.


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## ycbm (18 March 2016)

I understand. And when I used the term confront,  I meant no more than other people who are saying she should 'stand up for herself', but not 'confront' her.  Ignoring someone in a yard of three is a pretty difficult thing to do. It's a sad situation and the bully is a disturbed woman.

OP how are things going?


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## ladyt25 (18 March 2016)

Right.  I have not read all the replies but,  I am going to be brutal.  F@*k 'em! People like this are not worth you worrying about.  You were happy before she arrived on your yard so just continue being happy.  What's she does is not of your concer..  What she may or may not accuse you're of is not your concern.  Who gives a rat's arse about Facebook and what is said on there? Before Facebook what avenues did people have to slag each other off?
There's always going to be people like her.  I will never understand their motives or what they think they'll achieve bit you just have to not care. They are of no consequence in your life so, unless they affect your of your horse's safety then just ignore them.
If you feel you needed to say something then bloody say it to her face.  I am no confrontational person but over the years I have learnt to just think sod it, what's the worst that can happen? 
I am pretty sure you've faced and overcome the 'worst' well before now so just rise above it and f@*k her! &#128512;


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## hibshobby (18 March 2016)

ladyt25 said:



			Right.  I have not read all the replies but,  I am going to be brutal.  F@*k 'em! People like this are not worth you worrying about.  You were happy before she arrived on your yard so just continue being happy.  What's she does is not of your concer..  What she may or may not accuse you're of is not your concern.  Who gives a rat's arse about Facebook and what is said on there? Before Facebook what avenues did people have to slag each other off?
There's always going to be people like her.  I will never understand their motives or what they think they'll achieve bit you just have to not care. They are of no consequence in your life so, unless they affect your of your horse's safety then just ignore them.
If you feel you needed to say something then bloody say it to her face.  I am no confrontational person but over the years I have learnt to just think sod it, what's the worst that can happen? 
I am pretty sure you've faced and overcome the 'worst' well before now so just rise above it and f@*k her! &#55357;&#56832;
		
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Oh yes .... this and more this. Pain in the bum to move (and in theory and after all why should you ?) but in reality and for your sanity -  get out of there and away you go. Live your life, not the one she wants you to have. You've done brilliantly to put up with it so far, but b*gger it,. why should you ?


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## hackneylass2 (19 March 2016)

Ycbm
Thanks for your reply, yes, I get your drift.  I hope OP is making progress!


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## ebonyallen (19 March 2016)

Hi everyone, sorry late replies from me. Well here is the update I have confronted her in the past over the saddles and one other matter in the past and she does not have anything then to say for herself, she has and will never say anything directly to my face just behind my back to other people in the area and in the local show circuit. I think I said she told everyone how cruel I was taking Dallas out to a fun show because she has cancer, the vet told me not to label her and to have fun with her while I she was still well enough and this is what I have been doing. The vet has been out to give Ebony injection and Dallas was on the yard so asked if she could just look her over as she was so worried about her.,,,,,, I am so pleased to tell you that they are over the moon with how well Dallas is doing and she is looking stunning with no outward sign of any illness and long may this last. So I have to say I have better things to think about now and the vile woman is not one of them. Ebony is going out to first show of the year on Easter Sunday so we hope to have a great day out so my whole mindset has now changed for the better the girls are my focus. I am going to another yard on Monday to see because I heard  they had two places coming up and they also do Riding for the Disabled there so I think it would be a great place for me to go with far more support than I have at the moment. I do now just ignore her and it really is quite easy to do she normally comes down with her children and its quite funny really she gets them to spy on us, which they were doing tonight. Now where the other week was at the end of my teather I now find it funny, I am really excited about Mon but I am not going to get down if there is not any room will just carry on. Have a lot to do to get Ebony sorted for the show, and Dallas has now just started to be brought into work and is doing really well so all in all life is not that bad really. Again I have to thank you all for your advise, support, private messages and sorry for the delay in getting back to everyone I am working my way through everything. So fingers crossed for us for Monday I will let you know how it goes. Thanks Chrissie x


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## ycbm (19 March 2016)

That is so great to hear!   Thanks for the update.


PS her poor kids!


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## Dave's Mam (19 March 2016)

ycbm said:



			That is so great to hear!   Thanks for the update.


PS her poor kids!
		
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Brilliant.  Head up, walk on!


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## Pedantic (19 March 2016)

Good to hear you have got things on the up, have a good time on Monday and enjoy yourself


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## spookypony (19 March 2016)

So good to read a positive update! Good luck at the show, and hope you get those livery places!


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## EventingMum (19 March 2016)

Well done on your positive attitude, this woman is not worth wasting a moments thought on. Good luck at the show and I hope the livery yard is suitable for you.


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## honetpot (19 March 2016)

Brilliant.


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## gothdolly (19 March 2016)

I'm so pleased to hear this positive update. I really hope you get those livery places at the RDA centre, sounds perfect. Enjoy Dallas too x


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## fatpiggy (21 March 2016)

Fantastic update.  You never know OP, but this nasty woman may actually have done you a huge favour if you find the new yard is just what you need.  Your current YO clearly isn't prepared to do anything and is likely to find that he is down to one livery on a permanent basis pretty soon - if you go, I bet the other one does too as the evil one will just turn her attention there.  When I left my original one it was a hard decision as I'd been there 8 years with my horse and longer with just myself and the YO was a friend.  But things were going downhill and outside circumstances meant that it wasn't the right place for us anymore, but there was one person, a right trouble maker on and off the yard who had wormed her way into the YOs circle and was basically lying and stealing from her.  So I made arrangements to leave but I also wrote to the YO thanking her for everything over the years and telling her EXACTLY why I was going.  It allowed me to get it all off my chest in a non-confrontational way, with no-one losing their temper and saying things in the heat of the moment, plus she had the right to know what was going on behind her back.  It was then her choice to act or not.

With your mare, I suggest you work to the rule that I did with my mare who lived with a life-threatening illness the entire time I had her - if she is OK today, then that is all that matters.  I learned not to plan ahead and to treat every day as an individual one.  Tomorrow may or may not be the end, you can't predict or do much about it anyway.  Today is good, so enjoy it and do what you enjoy doing with her.  My mare actually lived to nearly 30 and was PTS as a result of old age, not her condition.  My sister's cat was diagnosed with likely internal tumour and she was totally in the mindset of him dying very soon. So I drummed the mantra into her and today the cat is well, my sister is happy and it has been two years since the diagnosis.  Time is something that only humans take much notice of and animals have no concept of the future.


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## el_Snowflakes (21 March 2016)

Pleased to hear you are feeling much more positive  onwards & upwards!


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## luckyoldme (21 March 2016)

great news! Its sometimes a little bit hard to ignore them, but honestly in the end you come to realise just how desperate they are for attention and like you have found its actually quite funny the lengths they will go to.
Long may it last!


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## LD&S (23 March 2016)

I was wondering how you were doing, pleased to see your update, there is also a le trec show at Minnis Moor the 1st weekend of April too, it looks like you could end up being just too busy to give that weirdo any thought, onward and upward.


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