# Building a bond?



## Teddyboy (15 July 2013)

Hi, I've recently bought my first pony to school and hack and was wondering if anyone had any tips or ideas on how i could help build a bond between us? I was thinking taking him down to the school and doing join up (dont want to do loads of natural horsemanship stuff) But if anyone had any other ideas of games or tricks i could teach him that may help build a bond or things I could do in the school i would love to know? Thanks


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## Meowy Catkin (15 July 2013)

I found that as I look after my horses myself, they learnt who I was very quickly and started to shout at me whenever they saw me ('hurry up where is my breakfast/dinner' no doubt ). I didn't really feel that I had a special 'bond' or whatever you want to call it, until I needed a wee when out with my grey. So I handed her over to be held by someone else (who she knows) while I popped in to the toilet. Well she tried to come with me and was most put out that she couldn't. As soon as I opened the door to come back out, she let out the biggest neigh and was actually really pleased to see me even though I had no food. 

So looking after, feeding, grooming and spending time with them is the way to go IMO.


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## ZoeF (16 July 2013)

I'd second Faracat, this is how I've built my bond with my Boy, he was very much a one person horse when I took him on so I made sure that he was pulled in and groomed every day regardless whether I was riding or not, I lunged him and schooled him in hand, he had his feed in the yard with me while I was doing other jobs like tack cleaning, poo picking was done with him in the field, what ever I was doing I was in sight of him and chatting away to him. Even just taking him to graze in hand for a bit, it all helps to build that bond. Now as soon as he sees me he's calling and straight over to the gate waiting for me which, when you've waited 20+years for your own horse, it's the loveliest thing ever


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## Cortez (17 July 2013)

Any "bonding" will come naturally, with time, mutual respect and care. Just treat your pony right, and they will respond according to their own personality. I find that horses, unlike dogs, prefer to make their own approaches and often don't like being mucked about with.


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## Elsbells (17 July 2013)

I found in hand grazing builds quite a bond and very quickly. It makes sense to me because if you watch horses in a field, you'll see that they'll choose to graze with a trusted friend, in the wild that friend would keep a watch out for danger and possibly save their life.


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## RainbowDash (17 July 2013)

I agree with what the others have said.  Spending quality time with your horse is the key.  Days off where you don't ride but walk inhand to a spot they can graze why you 'stand guard' builds trust.  Grooming, chatting to the horse and just generally being in each others company.

Riding is important too - but take it steady to begin with and above all enjoy your horse


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## Kelly9512 (17 July 2013)

The best initial 'bonding exercise' that I found useful is simply grooming... Close contact gets them to know who you are  Talk to them throughout the process in a calm and soothing voice. I have also heard that grazing in hand is good but I have never tried this.

Looking after the pony yourself will let them know that you are the one who cares for them and they will associate you with good experiences such as feeding and affection


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## Pearlsasinger (17 July 2013)

As others have said, grooming, in-hand grazing, talking, catching without working and imo above all being trustworthy in the horse's eyes, so always being consistent in your approach and your demands - not moving the goalposts on a whim and rewarding expected behaviour will all help your horse get to know you.


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## Teddyboy (17 July 2013)

Thanks everyone, will deffinatly try the in hand grazing idea. I have been going up almost everyday and getting him out his stable for a groom (which he seems to enjoy) However as friendly as he is, he can very bulshy and i guess rude when it comes to handling him (he has dragged me across the yard to get to the grass a few times but does come back with me as soon as i catch him again.) so i've recently decided to take more charge and get a bit firmer with him to prevent him from deciding he's the boss and it becoming a regular thing. Also though it seems to be starting to work and i'm getting a bit more respect from him, i just feel that all i'm ever doing at the moment is telling him off and putting him in his place which i don't want to be doing all the time. I don't want him to see me as a negative or 'not like me'. Anyone have any advice or will it all come in time?


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## Antw23uk (17 July 2013)

Cortez said:



			Any "bonding" will come naturally, with time, mutual respect and care. Just treat your pony right, and they will respond according to their own personality. I find that horses, unlike dogs, prefer to make their own approaches and often don't like being mucked about with.
		
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It takes time, every horse is different but as above you just do your thing every day with them and they soon start to recognise you as a fixture in their life. ..... trust me the first time they call for you as you walk on the yard/ In the field is THE best feeling in the world


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## nikicb (17 July 2013)

Find your horse's scratchy spots if he has them.  That's been a big thing with my horse.  He's almost like a dog when he asks to be scratched.  Although one disadvantage is that his favourite scratchy spot is on his quarters so when he's in his stable and after having chin and shoulder scratches, he often presents his ample back end for scratches too.  The lovely thing is though that he will now stay lying down when I go into his stable and this morning we had morning cuddles which is just absolutely wonderful and a testament to the trust he has. I've had him just over a year though and I really think it takes that long to totally bond. 

From this morning.....


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## Kelly9512 (17 July 2013)

I would say don't look at it as you being negative, you have to be assertive otherwise he will not respect you! Just make sure you reward him when he is being good... He had to learn right from wrong


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## Teddyboy (17 July 2013)

nikicb said:



			Find your horse's scratchy spots if he has them.  That's been a big thing with my horse.  He's almost like a dog when he asks to be scratched.  Although one disadvantage is that his favourite scratchy spot is on his quarters so when he's in his stable and after having chin and shoulder scratches, he often presents his ample back end for scratches too.  The lovely thing is though that he will now stay lying down when I go into his stable and this morning we had morning cuddles which is just absolutely wonderful and a testament to the trust he has. I've had him just over a year though and I really think it takes that long to totally bond. 

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Haha aww! His itchy spot is inside his ears, pulls the funniest face when i do it!


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## Antw23uk (17 July 2013)

Teddyboy said:



			Thanks everyone, will deffinatly try the in hand grazing idea. I have been going up almost everyday and getting him out his stable for a groom (which he seems to enjoy) However as friendly as he is, he can very bulshy and i guess rude when it comes to handling him (he has dragged me across the yard to get to the grass a few times but does come back with me as soon as i catch him again.) so i've recently decided to take more charge and get a bit firmer with him to prevent him from deciding he's the boss and it becoming a regular thing. Also though it seems to be starting to work and i'm getting a bit more respect from him, i just feel that all i'm ever doing at the moment is telling him off and putting him in his place which i don't want to be doing all the time. I don't want him to see me as a negative or 'not like me'. Anyone have any advice or will it all come in time?
		
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Are you going up _almost_ everyday because he is on full livery? (I hope so)
In my opinion (and my opinion only) having a horse on full livery is like going to a posh riding school! If you don't have the time and commitment to see to your horse yourself then .... well that's another post im sure 

Don't worry about the telling off all the time. You are just getting used to each other and testing boundaries. When I first got Gizmo we went through about four lead ropes in two days! on the second day when he broke the lead rope AGAIN!! I really shouted at him and pulled him back to his tie up place .. well the look of total devastation on his face that I had told him off so harshly ...... made me melt so I realised that although he is big and a bit opinionated he is also incredibly sensitive to how you deal with him .. just an example of how you bond and grow together  You will also need to adjust your ways, its a 50/50 relationship you now


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## Teddyboy (17 July 2013)

Antw23uk said:



			Are you going up _almost_ everyday because he is on full livery? (I hope so)
In my opinion (and my opinion only) having a horse on full livery is like going to a posh riding school! If you don't have the time and commitment to see to your horse yourself then .... well that's another post im sure 

Don't worry about the telling off all the time. You are just getting used to each other and testing boundaries. When I first got Gizmo we went through about four lead ropes in two days! on the second day when he broke the lead rope AGAIN!! I really shouted at him and pulled him back to his tie up place .. well the look of total devastation on his face that I had told him off so harshly ...... made me melt so I realised that although he is big and a bit opinionated he is also incredibly sensitive to how you deal with him .. just an example of how you bond and grow together  You will also need to adjust your ways, its a 50/50 relationship you now 

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I go up everyday with out fail but i mean the days i don't ride 'i go up almost everyday' JUST to groom him and bond with him otherwise i still go up just to turn him out and see him if i have work etc... I',m just at a private yard, i'm the only livery person  and what do you mean by ajust my ways? Like how and why? Thanks for your advice


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## Teddyboy (17 July 2013)

Kelly9512 said:



			I would say don't look at it as you being negative, you have to be assertive otherwise he will not respect you! Just make sure you reward him when he is being good... He had to learn right from wrong 

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Thanks, will deffinatly take your advice for rewarding him more when he's not being bulshy. That way i won't feel i'm telling him off ALL the time


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## Victoria25 (18 July 2013)

If you're just on your own - even better as you can do as you like 

me and a friend share a private yard - we never use headcollars - its very au natural ha - my two just follow me about, we sunbathe together (Ok well me sunbathing and them stood as close as soddin possible to me), I forever take my tea up andall eat at the same time (yep they love chips and gravy!) ... just spend lots of time 'with them' rather than working them ... my two are like big dogs - everyone who visits scream laughing at how 'humanised' they are ... even when they come into the barn .. I open their stable doors and say 'in your stables' and in they go although must admit they both end up in the same one half the time 

My arab especially ... I'll be mucking out - she'll be loose in the barn and will follow me down to the muck heap then comes back to the barn with me - such a good feeling that they're chosing to be close to you when they've got acres and acres of space to be in!


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## Brightbay (18 July 2013)

Teddyboy said:



			Thanks, will deffinatly take your advice for rewarding him more when he's not being bulshy. That way i won't feel i'm telling him off ALL the time 

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It's actually far more successful to reward when he's doing the right thing than to tell off when he's doing the wrong thing.  This is for a simple reason: when you tell him off, you've told him that you don't like what he's doing - but you have left it totally up to him what he does instead   If, instead, you focus on rewarding him with a nice scratch and a good boy when he's doing the right thing, he understands that's a good thing to do and he'll do more of it.

In terms of building a bond, you need to think of it as a bank account.  If he doesn't have many good associations with you in the account, you can't make very big withdrawals   When he comes to associate you being there with nice things happening, he will be more willing to work with you even on things that he might not at first understand.

"Respect" is a very nebulous concept - it's easier to just focus on what you want him to do and how you're going to teach him that.  If you do that successfully, everybody will look at you and say "wow, her horse really respects her" (when we all know it's just good training).  At the same time, though, you will mean a lot to him 

A very good way to build up your "trust fund" is to do a bit of clicker training with him. This has a twofold good effect - he learns that when you're around, really really nice things happen - but you can also use it to train useful behaviours. Have a look at e.g. Hannah Dawson's website for ideas... http://www.hannahdawsonequine.co.uk/my-horses/


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## oldie48 (19 July 2013)

Well as daft as it sounds my horses like me to sing to them, pref irish ballards (I'm not even Irish) I've tried other stuff but nothing works like the Irish folk songs. I have no idea what is going on here, but they love it and so do I. Is this the key? Find something you both enjoy doing where there is no pressure, no expectation just a closeness. well it's Friday night and I've had a glass of wine or two so I'm probably being a bit silly but sometimes I think we try too hard.


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## Brightbay (19 July 2013)

oldie48 said:



			Well as daft as it sounds my horses like me to sing to them, pref irish ballards (I'm not even Irish) I've tried other stuff but nothing works like the Irish folk songs. I have no idea what is going on here, but they love it and so do I. Is this the key? Find something you both enjoy doing where there is no pressure, no expectation just a closeness. well it's Friday night and I've had a glass of wine or two so I'm probably being a bit silly but sometimes I think we try too hard.
		
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lol, the cob mare I used to ride liked it when I sang.  I sing very badly, and only know one song - Molly Malone.  Worked for us   Passers-by used to turn up their iPods...

ETA - I am Irish - but I still can't sing...


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## Teddyboy (19 July 2013)

Hi, Thank you everyone for your advice and tips. The last few days i've been trying to remember all your comments when i've gone up. For example instead of constantly telling him off for being so rude and bolshy, i've really concentrated on praising him more for standing still (and NOT pawing the ground and being a pain in the arse everytime i turn my back), moving over when asked and not walking all over me when tacking him up. He has seemed to really respond well to my change in attitude and for the last few days has not pulled me over to the grass when i try and put his bridle on and is just generally more responsive and respectful with me. He also seems to be happier with me around and doesnt look at me as if to say "god whats she going to tell me off for now" everytime i walk over. He now knows i'll most likely give him a good scratch for being good however still knows i'll be firm if i have to.

I've also done in hand grazing the last two days after riding and agree that its a good way to 'bond'  Its nice not to just go up and 'work him' then leave.

I think that only having him for now nearly 3 months, now he's settled, he's trying his luck and seeing how far he can test me :L

I know it's only been a couple of days but it just proves that just spending positive time and just generally looking after your horse does really effect the relationship you have with them. Thank you all for your advice and help.


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## Teddyboy (19 July 2013)

oldie48 said:



			Well as daft as it sounds my horses like me to sing to them, pref irish ballards (I'm not even Irish) I've tried other stuff but nothing works like the Irish folk songs. I have no idea what is going on here, but they love it and so do I. Is this the key? Find something you both enjoy doing where there is no pressure, no expectation just a closeness. well it's Friday night and I've had a glass of wine or two so I'm probably being a bit silly but sometimes I think we try too hard.
		
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Haha, thanks will bare that in mind


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## Brightbay (19 July 2013)

Well done, glad it is working out for you 




			I've also done in hand grazing the last two days after riding and agree that its a good way to 'bond'  Its nice not to just go up and 'work him' then leave.
		
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One of the most useful things you can teach a horse is "head up"   So when you're hand grazing, and want to move on, you don't want to have to be tugging away at the leadrope.

Teach it first when you're nowhere near the grass.  Just apply a little pressure on the lead rope and say "head up".  As soon as head moves upwards at all, release the rope and praise and scratch.  Repeat, until head comes up really easily.  Keep practising, then practise on short grass.  Do the same - head up, praise - and walk a few steps and allow them to graze again (I have an "eat" signal - he's not allowed to eat until he sees me pointing at the grass).  Then do "head up" again, praise and move on to next grazing spot.  Then, once that's working well, move on to longer grass.  Horse should lift head as soon as signalled.

It looks really impressive, and makes hand grazing a more enjoyable experience for both parties


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## Teddyboy (19 July 2013)

Brightbay said:



			Well done, glad it is working out for you 



One of the most useful things you can teach a horse is "head up"   So when you're hand grazing, and want to move on, you don't want to have to be tugging away at the leadrope.

Teach it first when you're nowhere near the grass.  Just apply a little pressure on the lead rope and say "head up".  As soon as head moves upwards at all, release the rope and praise and scratch.  Repeat, until head comes up really easily.  Keep practising, then practise on short grass.  Do the same - head up, praise - and walk a few steps and allow them to graze again (I have an "eat" signal - he's not allowed to eat until he sees me pointing at the grass).  Then do "head up" again, praise and move on to next grazing spot.  Then, once that's working well, move on to longer grass.  Horse should lift head as soon as signalled.

It looks really impressive, and makes hand grazing a more enjoyable experience for both parties 

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Great thanks! I think that would be really benificial as he's soooo food orientated and seems so oblivious to anyone if he's eating, so therefore results in me looking like i have no strengh what so ever trying to get him to stop haha. Will try this tomorrow! Thanks


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## Gazen (22 July 2013)

Grooming is excellent for bonding, especially when you work out the 'special' places.  I especially love being nuzzled back again.  My horse has also worked out that if she points with her muzzle to a place she wants scratched then I will scratch it.  She has me so well trained.
You also have to set boundaries.  When I take my horses feed to her when she is in the stable, before I go in I say 'on your bed' and point to her bed and she walks on to it and waits until I put the feed down and say 'come on then' at which point I give her a small pat and say 'good girl'.  I can also get her into the stable from the yard by just saying 'on your bed'.  I had to do that because in the beginning she tired to barge her way out of the stable to get to the food before I came in.  Just a little pat, tickle or scratch and a kind word go such a long way in reinforcing good behaviour.


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## claribella (29 July 2013)

Going for walks together. I do this a lot so my mare can graze nd get what she needs from the hedgerows. Getting off whilst out on a ride and walking to get her so she sees she isn't just a riding machine. spending time chilling together not even being invasive and grooming. I believe that you respect your horse enough so it sees that it's  a friend and companion more than just a ride and it will respect you back and give you everything. I've done this from the start with my mare and I can now take her out on open moor nd let her go. She will graze but keeps a close eye on me and will stay close even if there are tonnes of dartmoor ponies around. I am able to ride with just a Cordeo and I swear it's mostly down to those long walks that we take.


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