# Fear of horses taking off



## Jazz2304 (29 June 2022)

Wasn't sure where best to post this as I'm not a new rider. I just don't know what else to do to get over this mental block and sadly I'm not lucky enough to have any eq friends to turn to for advice anymore 

About a year ago I had a scary fall on a hack with a large riding group. I wasn't physically harmed but I was very confused after and i dont remember hitting the ground - I think I went into shock or passed out (no head injury).

I ride at riding schools still at 30 as I can't afford my own, so I was riding a 17.2 hunter who I soon learned was very excitable in large groups. Anyway, long story short halfway through in this field I lost control and he took off away from the group and I couldn't stop him - it was just a fast canter from what I remember but we were going straight towards a fence and I felt so out of control as he's so big. I was turning him in a big circle and then it gets a bit hazy after that, I think I ran out of energy.

But, the point is - I didn't stop riding, I actually changed riding schools a few months later and pushed myself to go hacking again and have ridden consistently. However, I thought pushing myself and keeping going would mean I'd get over it, but I'm getting to the point now where I feel more of a nervous wreck than ever, I've got worse.

I am absolutely terrified of horses taking off with me now / not being able to stop, even in arenas if they feel a bit fresh / hold their head up high / resist the brakes, I just shut down. I've been riding long enough that I can force my make my body relax, but my brain is a mess, my heart rate goes through the roof and I'm saying no / ending up in tears so much recently. I was so anxious last jump lesson that I had chest pains after. On my last hack the horse I was on was quivering with energy and squealed and bucked when those in front began to trot which set me off too.

As I never know who I'm going to ride at yard, and cant choose, I'm now at the stage where I feel sick before I go and I just don't enjoy it anymore  the list of horses that scare me is growing.

How do you get over this? I'm one to always want to face my fears but this is exhausting and I'm wondering if its not fixable. Ignorance is bliss, and the more I go through with riding I feel like the more I focus on the negatives, and the less I enjoy it.


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## Glitterandrainbows (29 June 2022)

You need to ride a trusted steady Eddie that wouldn’t even think about taking off with you if you ask about someone will have one good luck it’s a awful feeling but it does pass!


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## moosea (29 June 2022)

Hi Jazz,

I'm probably going to post a huge long reply! Sorry!! 



Jazz2304 said:



			Wasn't sure where best to post this as I'm not a new rider. I just don't know what else to do to get over this mental block and sadly I'm not lucky enough to have any eq friends to turn to for advice anymore 

Click to expand...

You've got access to one of the best networks for advice on horses on the internet today within this forum  Rest assured that there are many people on this forum who have been through similar.



Jazz2304 said:



			About a year ago I had a scary fall on a hack with a large riding group. I wasn't physically harmed but I was very confused after and i dont remember hitting the ground - I think I went into shock or passed out (no head injury).
		
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Couple of things - did you remount and continue?
You are aware that you can have concussion without a direct trauma?
Did you get any medical advice?



Jazz2304 said:



			I ride at riding schools still at 30 as I can't afford my own, so I was riding a 17.2 hunter who I soon learned was very excitable in large groups. Anyway, long story short halfway through in this field I lost control and he took off away from the group and I couldn't stop him - it was just a fast canter from what I remember but we were going straight towards a fence and I felt so out of control as he's so big. I was turning him in a big circle and then it gets a bit hazy after that, I think I ran out of energy.
		
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Dosen't sound like you and the horse were a partcularly good match.



Jazz2304 said:



			But, the point is - I didn't stop riding, I actually changed riding schools a few months later and pushed myself to go hacking again and have ridden consistently. However, I thought pushing myself and keeping going would mean I'd get over it, but I'm getting to the point now where I feel more of a nervous wreck than ever, I've got worse.
		
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It's funny ( in an ironic sort of way) that horse riders feel like they HAVE to get back up and carry on regardless.
If you'd been in an accident on a motorway no one would tell you to go back and drive on motorways if you were worried about it. Yet as horse riders that's just what we do!
It's not working for you at the moment so stop doing the same things and expecting the outcome to be different. Take a few steps back. Recognise that you have had a frightening experience and allow yourself some down time - even a year later - to recover and build up your confidence. Stay in your comfort zone and take tiny steps forwards when you want to.



Jazz2304 said:



			I am absolutely terrified of horses taking off with me now / not being able to stop, even in arenas if they feel a bit fresh / hold their head up high / resist the brakes, I just shut down. I've been riding long enough that I can force my make my body relax, but my brain is a mess, my heart rate goes through the roof and I'm saying no / ending up in tears so much recently. I was so anxious last jump lesson that I had chest pains after. On my last hack the horse I was on was quivering with energy and squealed and bucked when those in front began to trot which set me off too.
		
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I feel that the part which has worried you most is not being in control and maybe thats something to work on in an enclosed space - field or arena - until you are confident that you can respond calmly and that you have the tools to deal with situations like this should the happen again.
Have some lessons on your seat, balance  - maybe on the lunge with no reins to help you engage your core muscles.
You might be able to hoodwink humans that you are relaxed but I think that the reason you are getting responses like this from the horses you are riding is probably because you're not fooling the horse.




Jazz2304 said:



			As I never know who I'm going to ride at yard, and cant choose, I'm now at the stage where I feel sick before I go and I just don't enjoy it anymore  the list of horses that scare me is growing.
		
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You are not at the right yard or you have not told them about your experiences. The right yard would be looking at keeping you on the same horse - one well below your experience level, who will keep you as safe as possible.
You need to be really honest with the yard with how  you are feeling and what services you would like them to provide - including giving you a confidence building horse until you are ready to move on to others.



Jazz2304 said:



			How do you get over this? I'm one to always want to face my fears but this is exhausting and I'm wondering if its not fixable. Ignorance is bliss, and the more I go through with riding I feel like the more I focus on the negatives, and the less I enjoy it.
		
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How do you get over this? slowly. With support. Stop forcing yourself to push so far beyond your comfort zone.

Before you ride.

Eat  - preferably an hour or so before you ride - no one wants to ride full up with food, but you need energy to do physical activity.

Speak to the yard - talk about having the same horse each time you ride for a while, until you are more confident.

Stop bullying yourself!! you are riding for fun - do the things that make it fun for you!! 

Before the next ride arrive 10 minutes early. Spend that time sitting quietly and think of the 10 best moments of riding. This helps us not to focus on only the bad bits.

Also remember that you got through the 'bad' bit and you are ok! You did great


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## Jazz2304 (29 June 2022)

moosea said:



			Hi Jazz,

I'm probably going to post a huge long reply! Sorry!! 



You've got access to one of the best networks for advice on horses on the internet today within this forum  Rest assured that there are many people on this forum who have been through similar.



Couple of things - did you remount and continue?
You are aware that you can have concussion without a direct trauma?
Did you get any medical advice?



Dosen't sound like you and the horse were a partcularly good match.



It's funny ( in an ironic sort of way) that horse riders feel like they HAVE to get back up and carry on regardless.
If you'd been in an accident on a motorway no one would tell you to go back and drive on motorways if you were worried about it. Yet as horse riders that's just what we do!
It's not working for you at the moment so stop doing the same things and expecting the outcome to be different. Take a few steps back. Recognise that you have had a frightening experience and allow yourself some down time - even a year later - to recover and build up your confidence. Stay in your comfort zone and take tiny steps forwards when you want to.



I feel that the part which has worried you most is not being in control and maybe thats something to work on in an enclosed space - field or arena - until you are confident that you can respond calmly and that you have the tools to deal with situations like this should the happen again.
Have some lessons on your seat, balance  - maybe on the lunge with no reins to help you engage your core muscles.
You might be able to hoodwink humans that you are relaxed but I think that the reason you are getting responses like this from the horses you are riding is probably because you're not fooling the horse.




You are not at the right yard or you have not told them about your experiences. The right yard would be looking at keeping you on the same horse - one well below your experience level, who will keep you as safe as possible.
You need to be really honest with the yard with how  you are feeling and what services you would like them to provide - including giving you a confidence building horse until you are ready to move on to others.



How do you get over this? slowly. With support. Stop forcing yourself to push so far beyond your comfort zone.

Before you ride.

Eat  - preferably an hour or so before you ride - no one wants to ride full up with food, but you need energy to do physical activity.

Speak to the yard - talk about having the same horse each time you ride for a while, until you are more confident.

Stop bullying yourself!! you are riding for fun - do the things that make it fun for you!! 

Before the next ride arrive 10 minutes early. Spend that time sitting quietly and think of the 10 best moments of riding. This helps us not to focus on only the bad bits.

Also remember that you got through the 'bad' bit and you are ok! You did great 

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Thank you so much, you have no idea how much I needed this message x

To answer your Qs:
Couple of things - did you remount and continue? 
I was very out of it and confused but I was put on another horse ive ridden previously, I don't think I wanted to but its very fuzzy. When I started asking what day it was and why I was riding they got me off a few minutes later and I was supposed to be driven home, but she ended up calling an ambulance as I got sick and groggy and we had to pull over. This also added to the trauma of it all as my mum works for the ambulance service and I didnt want to waste anyone's time and was embarassed - I was checked over, but they made me go in because of the height of the horse I fell from at speed. All checked and was fine thankfully.

You're right about the comfort zone. Up until now I've been embarrassed to ask the riding school or tell them how I've been feeling - they heard small bits when ive had wobbles but I've never raised my voice about wanting to take a step back or ride a steadier horse. You've encouraged me to do that so thank you, I'll speak with them.

I think because I'm 30 now I really want to be further ahead and see progression. Most people my age have had their own for years now (hence making horsey friends is hard) and the thought of going backwards is upsetting. I can't imagine sharing either now as hacking alone is my worst nightmare.

Youve made me think about having the right 'tools' in place to be prepared. If it happened again now i think the same would happen. Thank you so so much for your kind and helpful words,

X


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## Jazz2304 (29 June 2022)

Glitterandrainbows said:



			You need to ride a trusted steady Eddie that wouldn’t even think about taking off with you if you ask about someone will have one good luck it’s a awful feeling but it does pass!
		
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You're right, that's all I want right now x thank you


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## paddi22 (29 June 2022)

hypnotherapy! I got it after an accident and it was amazing. I genuinely don't think I would have ever fully recovered my confidence without it. it was expensive but worth it. got me back confident riding after 3 sessions!


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## moosea (30 June 2022)

Jazz2304 said:



			Thank you so much, you have no idea how much I needed this message x
		
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I used to specialise in confidenence issues when I taught, and I've seen skilled,talented riders in tears at the thought of getting on a horse. So next time you get on, think how great you are to be where you are.




Jazz2304 said:



			To answer your Qs:
Couple of things - did you remount and continue?
I was very out of it and confused but I was put on another horse ive ridden previously, I don't think I wanted to but its very fuzzy. When I started asking what day it was and why I was riding they got me off a few minutes later and I was supposed to be driven home, but she ended up calling an ambulance as I got sick and groggy and we had to pull over. This also added to the trauma of it all as my mum works for the ambulance service and I didnt want to waste anyone's time and was embarassed - I was checked over, but they made me go in because of the height of the horse I fell from at speed. All checked and was fine thankfully.
		
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I thought that was probably what happened.



Jazz2304 said:



			You're right about the comfort zone. Up until now I've been embarrassed to ask the riding school or tell them how I've been feeling - they heard small bits when ive had wobbles but I've never raised my voice about wanting to take a step back or ride a steadier horse. You've encouraged me to do that so thank you, I'll speak with them.
		
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Please do speak to them. They will understand 



Jazz2304 said:



			I think because I'm 30 now I really want to be further ahead and see progression. Most people my age have had their own for years now (hence making horsey friends is hard) and the thought of going backwards is upsetting. I can't imagine sharing either now as hacking alone is my worst nightmare.
		
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Ahh good old progression!!
Every time you ride you progress.... Sometimes not in the direction you intended!! But you progress!!!
You set your goals, no one else. I bet you set yourself really tough goals like most riders do?
Next time you ride set yourself the goal of having fun!
I should think there would be plenty of people with two or more horse who would like an experienced, capable hacking buddy so absolutely no reason not to think about looking at shares if you are in a position to do so.




Jazz2304 said:



			Youve made me think about having the right 'tools' in place to be prepared. If it happened again now i think the same would happen. Thank you so so much for your kind and helpful words,

X
		
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I look forwards to your next update post 


Edited to add:
Not sure if you've done any riding on roads training but I'd highly reccomend working towards doing some form of road craft course. I did my Riding and road safety before you were born ( oh gosh, I'm old! ) and it's been the exam that I used the most. Also, when you do start to look for a share it shows you have a certain level of competency*.*


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## Skib (30 June 2022)

After any fall, I get back into it after allowing 6 weeks healing time and by tiny steps. 
You should find a RS where you can ride a safe horse in walk only until you feel safe to do more. Dont think that due to your age you have to be advanced. It is best to tell a school that  you dont know much and be given slow safe horses to ride. The first session after my fall, I took my rope and whip into the school and did groundwork.
If you want to hack, you should learn to hack again by finding a good hacking school where they take out people on a lead rein ride on a private hack.
Funnilly enough while I was learning to ride, I was run away with many times by my favourite Connie and thus I learned to ride fast and straight.  Even if I couldn't stop the horse, I stayed in the saddle.
Our bridle track has several long straight canter stretches and my advice to you once you are happy hacking again would be to learn to ride  straight stretches at speed. I know you fear this but the combination of speed and control can be really enjoyable. One can progress to this safely by riding trot canter transitions, counting the steps.. 20 trot 20 canter. Any horse I hack, has to be able to do this for me.
If a horse is running away with one, and one bends the horse by pressing one leg against its side, as one might do in posiitioning the horse on the track or guiding it to cross a bridge, that will slow the horse slightly but, as I discovered to my cost in  January, if there is room to make a proper turn and you make the turn too fast (to avoid a collision with something)  you are likely to come off over the shoulder. But most horses dont run unless they are frightened. Horses do not waste energy.

I did the BHS Riding and Road safety course. Yes, it shows you how to control a horse in traffic or going past road works but it doesnt teach you how to stop a horse that is running away with you.   Clearly I wasnt capable of turning and stopping my current share. But having discovered that, and discovered how she ran when scared out of her wits, I resolved next time just to let her run. We are lucky in that we have long lengths of track creating a circuit and I long ago resolved that if a horse insisted, I could let it charge on until it eventually decided to stop.
It may not seem a sensible thing to suggest on a riding forum, but the honest truth is that my bailing out didnt work and so next tme I will try to stay on.


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## EllenJay (30 June 2022)

*Skib*
*Well-Known Member*
Joined6 March 2011Messages1,278LocationLondon
After any fall, I get back into it after allowing 6 weeks healing time and by tiny steps.

Why 6 weeks after any fall?  Sometimes a fall is just a minor bump, sometimes a fall is a bigger issue - but why restrict to 6 weeks, surely its how you feel, not a prescribed timescale?


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## Bob notacob (30 June 2022)

OP , just wanted to say . I have been riding for over 50 years . Up till ten years ago ,i would have had difficulty understanding your problem ... Then I hit the ground hard . Intensive care , 4 weeks in hospital while they tried to figure out what was wrong ,gave up and got rid of me. Tried to ride bob ,who was so glad to have me back he tried a gentle bucking session (onto Epsom racecourse turf ,Bad Bob,lol) Problem was I wasnt ready and it reduced me to tears. I never thought it possible that my nerve could ever crack this badly. But it had. I tried to get my mojo back by schooling around a be 80 course ,all good till he took a fence deep and rattled it hard. All progress completely undone. We now confine ourselves to a little light stressage and hacking. Not sure if there is any advice in all of this ,just saying ,you are not alone .


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## Juniper Jack (1 July 2022)

Jazz2304 said:



			Thank you so much, you have no idea how much I needed this message x

To answer your Qs:
Couple of things - did you remount and continue?
I was very out of it and confused but I was put on another horse ive ridden previously, I don't think I wanted to but its very fuzzy. When I started asking what day it was and why I was riding they got me off a few minutes later and I was supposed to be driven home, but she ended up calling an ambulance as I got sick and groggy and we had to pull over. This also added to the trauma of it all as my mum works for the ambulance service and I didnt want to waste anyone's time and was embarassed - I was checked over, but they made me go in because of the height of the horse I fell from at speed. All checked and was fine thankfully.

You're right about the comfort zone. Up until now I've been embarrassed to ask the riding school or tell them how I've been feeling - they heard small bits when ive had wobbles but I've never raised my voice about wanting to take a step back or ride a steadier horse. You've encouraged me to do that so thank you, I'll speak with them.

I think because I'm 30 now I really want to be further ahead and see progression. Most people my age have had their own for years now (hence making horsey friends is hard) and the thought of going backwards is upsetting. I can't imagine sharing either now as hacking alone is my worst nightmare.

Youve made me think about having the right 'tools' in place to be prepared. If it happened again now i think the same would happen. Thank you so so much for your kind and helpful words,

X
		
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What all did they do when they checked you over at the hospital? It sounds to me like you were concussed. Did they do an MRI, cat scan, anything like that? 
I came l off a 3-year-old nearly 50 years ago and I think I had a mild concussion. I did not get back on the horse; my BIL took me to his parents' home (his dad was a doctor and looked at me). 
After that fall I started having major panic attacks for the first time in my life (I was 22). 
HOWEVER, years later I was diagnosed with Mitral Valve Prolapse Syndrome Dysautonomia and that can also cause panic attacks and high anxiety. So I can't say the panic disorder  is all down to the fall, but I can say that the attacks started badly after that fall. 

Have you ever talked to a therapist/psychologist/other professional counselor about your experiences in your lessons? Hopefully your fears are due to emotional damage from your fall but possibly they have a physical cause, and all the determination and willpower in the world will not fix things.. 

I am sending you huge hugs and lots of sympathy right now, and hopes that you will get this worked out so you can enjoy riding again. I wish I could send you a laid-back steady eddie about 14.2 as well.


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## canteron (1 July 2022)

All good advice above but also look up “emergency stop”.  Ideally you also practice this gently on a horse, but even if you just visualise it, it will help.
Just remember the key is not having continuous pressure (where the horse can run through it)  but more jerky rein pressure!


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## Skib (1 July 2022)

EllenJay said:



			Why 6 weeks after any fall? Sometimes a fall is just a minor bump, sometimes a fall is a bigger issue - but why restrict to 6 weeks, surely its how you feel, not a prescribed timescale?
		
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First, I was not thinking about minor falls in a school where one just hops back on. 
Second as to healing time, Yes I agree, and indeed after a major op I left it 8 weeks till I felt ready.
The 6 weeks rule came from our RI and confirmed by our surgeon daughter that both broken bones and torn soft tissue take 6 weeks to heal.
If you get back on sooner and dont fall, no harm is done. The danger is that you might fall again and re-injure  your head before the first injury has completely healed. It is the bad outcome of re injury that makes doctors suggest 6 weeks.


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## poiuytrewq (1 July 2022)

Where are you OP? Maybe someone can advise of a Riding centre or school that might be worth trying. 
The bit that jumps out at me in your post is that the list of horses you don’t like riding gets longer and that you don’t like it when a horse puts its head up and gets excited. 
I don’t think that a sympathetic RS would put you on different horses and ones that are not rock steady. Have you explained to the new place what happened and how you feel?


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## poiuytrewq (1 July 2022)

Also want to say there is nothing wrong with being scared after that. It was a big deal and you’ve done really well getting back on and continuing, I just feel that maybe the RS are not helping you out.


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## Jazz2304 (1 July 2022)

Juniper Jack said:



			What all did they do when they checked you over at the hospital? It sounds to me like you were concussed. Did they do an MRI, cat scan, anything like that? 
I came l off a 3-year-old nearly 50 years ago and I think I had a mild concussion. I did not get back on the horse; my BIL took me to his parents' home (his dad was a doctor and looked at me). 
After that fall I started having major panic attacks for the first time in my life (I was 22). 
HOWEVER, years later I was diagnosed with Mitral Valve Prolapse Syndrome Dysautonomia and that can also cause panic attacks and high anxiety. So I can't say the panic disorder  is all down to the fall, but I can say that the attacks started badly after that fall. 

Have you ever talked to a therapist/psychologist/other professional counselor about your experiences in your lessons? Hopefully your fears are due to emotional damage from your fall but possibly they have a physical cause, and all the determination and willpower in the world will not fix things.. 

I am sending you huge hugs and lots of sympathy right now, and hopes that you will get this worked out so you can enjoy riding again. I wish I could send you a laid-back steady eddie about 14.2 as well. 

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Im so sorry to hear that happened to you. I did have scans done at the time yes and all good. I have diagnosed anxiety and panic issues generally so that doesn't always help things out. 

I think the problem is I never properly conveyed how bad my fears were getting so I think communication is the next step - I've tried therapy for other things in life with varying success but I'm not ruling it out!

Thank you for your kind words xx


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## Jazz2304 (1 July 2022)

poiuytrewq said:



			Where are you OP? Maybe someone can advise of a Riding centre or school that might be worth trying. 
The bit that jumps out at me in your post is that the list of horses you don’t like riding gets longer and that you don’t like it when a horse puts its head up and gets excited. 
I don’t think that a sympathetic RS would put you on different horses and ones that are not rock steady. Have you explained to the new place what happened and how you feel?
		
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I can't blame the RS as I haven't communicated how I'm feeling really - only in real panic moments when it gets too much. I cancelled my group jump lesson this week and am going to look at getting some privates in instead to start taking a step back and explaining how I've been feeling. Hopefully then I can get somewhere - this thread has helped massively as I thought the way forward was to push and push myself and pretend everything was fine :/


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## Jazz2304 (1 July 2022)

Bob notacob said:



			OP , just wanted to say . I have been riding for over 50 years . Up till ten years ago ,i would have had difficulty understanding your problem ... Then I hit the ground hard . Intensive care , 4 weeks in hospital while they tried to figure out what was wrong ,gave up and got rid of me. Tried to ride bob ,who was so glad to have me back he tried a gentle bucking session (onto Epsom racecourse turf ,Bad Bob,lol) Problem was I wasnt ready and it reduced me to tears. I never thought it possible that my nerve could ever crack this badly. But it had. I tried to get my mojo back by schooling around a be 80 course ,all good till he took a fence deep and rattled it hard. All progress completely undone. We now confine ourselves to a little light stressage and hacking. Not sure if there is any advice in all of this ,just saying ,you are not alone .
		
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Oh my goodness I am so sorry to hear that happened to you, you are incredibly brave and strong x


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## poiuytrewq (2 July 2022)

Jazz2304 said:



			I can't blame the RS as I haven't communicated how I'm feeling really - only in real panic moments when it gets too much. I cancelled my group jump lesson this week and am going to look at getting some privates in instead to start taking a step back and explaining how I've been feeling. Hopefully then I can get somewhere - this thread has helped massively as I thought the way forward was to push and push myself and pretend everything was fine :/
		
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That sounds like a good idea. Don’t ever feel embarrassed, explain to them what happened and how you feel. 
There’s no need to pretend it’s fine, I really don’t know why we as riders do this 🤷‍♀️ 
When I crashed my car I was seriously nervous to drive and really struggled not to slam my brakes on everytime a car looked like it was heading my way! 
It’s just normal self preservation.


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## sbloom (2 July 2022)

There are so many confidence type coaches out there that could work with you off horse and might even be able to work with you at the RS, definitely worth looking at, whether it's hypnotherapy or something more NLP/CBT etc.


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## EarsofaSnowman (2 July 2022)

My suggestions are ones that you've got planned - I find private lessons a godsend for my confidence as we can focus on what I need, with the horse I'm riding. If I'm riding a confidence giver I may do more fast work, but if I find the horse more challenging I may not get out of trot. Regardless, I get something out of each lesson.
I've also had to take a step back a few times, but now I think of it more as consolidating my learning. As a RS rider it's difficult to practise what you've been learning, but I find taking a step back reinforces the basics, and I know I'm a better rider because of it.
Other things that you may find help is singing or talking to help you breathe, positive visualisation before your lesson, and Bach's rescue remedy!
Good luck, and I hope you enjoy your private lessons.


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## Rumtytum (2 July 2022)

Having been in a similar situation you are doing the right thing, private lessons on a horse you get to know and trust, tell the instructor exactly how you feel and don’t put any expectations (i.e. pressure) on yourself. It worked for me, good luck!


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## Oldernewbie (2 July 2022)

Hiya Jazz. So sorry to hear you’ve been having such a rough time of it. 
what really stands out for me from your post is a) you are putting yourself under a huge amount of pressure to ‘progress’ and seem to be comparing yourself to others. 
The second thing is ‘not wanting to make a fuss/ speak up. 
Firstly don’t forget you are a CUSTOMER of the riding school. They should be providing you with a suitable horse and unless you are an advanced rider an big excitable horse with questionable brakes doesnt sound a good fit, not your fault and not a great position to be put in. Its absolutely ok and should be expected that you can communicate your loss of confidence/ nerves/ anxiety and they should be supportive and coming up with a plan to help you. Secondly, theres no point in comparing yourself to others where horses and riding are concerned. We are all at different stages and have different goals, and also its ok to review and  revise our goals as we gain more experience. For example, when I first started out I thought I wanted to reach a level I could do. 60/70 Xc course but now I know I wouldn’t enjoy it and my goals are different- more about developing trust in my mount and feeling confident enough to try some different hacking routes etc.
For context I really only learnt to ride as an adult at 43/44 ish. I suffer with anxiety generally and like you I wanted to reach a point I felt like a good rider. My previous posts on here will show you it hasn’t worked out how I imagined and having owned two horses I’ve come full circle and am sharing a lovely confidence giving older horse and I’m back to really enjoying my tiding again! Good luck, don’t give up and above all TALK to your RS about how you are feeling.


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## Skib (2 July 2022)

Jazz2304 said:



			I cancelled my group jump lesson this week
		
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Jumping and riding in a group are both higher risk than pottering around in a private lesson on your own. I began to ride when I was 61 and I have never done either. Never jumped and never ridden in a group.


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## SO1 (2 July 2022)

Very common problem. This happened to me when my pony got a bit tricky to ride when he had no turnout for 6 months due to an injury and was being brought back into work. 

I had to get a professional rider to ride him and I also had a lesson on him once a week. To start off with I had to go back on the leadrein. I am 49 and have ridden most of my life. 

You need to explain to the riding school what your situation is and they should be able to find you something less forward going to get your confidence back on. They probably think you look like you ride well enough to ride a more advanced horse without realising you are frightened.


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## Juniper Jack (2 July 2022)

Jazz2304 said:



			I can't blame the RS as I haven't communicated how I'm feeling really - only in real panic moments when it gets too much. I cancelled my group jump lesson this week and am going to look at getting some privates in instead to start taking a step back and explaining how I've been feeling. Hopefully then I can get somewhere - this thread has helped massively as I thought the way forward was to push and push myself and pretend everything was fine :/
		
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I think your plan sounds like a good, sensible one, and I hope it will work well for you. 
I spent decades pushing and pushing myself, believing everything was fine even while I could not understand why I wasnt. My mother (a very good mother) was always telling me, sympathetically, that "Sometimes you just have to push yourself." I believe she had to do this to herself for much of her life, especially in her working life. 
Now that I am old I still have to "push" myself sometimes, but I'm trying to NOT do it as much as possible, but give myself some free rein to say I don't want to do some things and to have peace about that. 
(Of course, just last year I was pushing myself to get out to the local riding club arena and take lessons I could ill afford on a lovely little mare almost as old as me in horse years with a wonderful kind, non-pushing trainer! I loved eery minute of it, once I got out there to the arena. I had to stop for lack of funds and transportation, but it was wonderful while it lasted, just plodding around the arena playing low-key gymkhana games and pretending I was riding with Clint Eastwood because the "lessons" were western.)


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## ArklePig (2 July 2022)

I'm so sorry you're going through this, I can really relate. I'm 31, and last year I had a nasty fall off a riding school pony (he was only 14 2 so probably not as bad as yours!). I physically couldn't get straight back on due to injury, but I still forced myself to ride a week later while still in pain and absolutely terrified. There's so much pressure we put on ourselves to get back on the horse ASAP, it's not always the right thing to do. 

I now have a share with the steadiest pony who is 90 percent angel and 10 percent shitbag. I forced myself to do so much when I started riding him when I should have taken it slower and given myself a break. In reality he should have been a confidence giver but he wasn't, because I beat myself up and was afraid. So I've had hypnotherapy (session 4/4 tomorrow) and I cannot tell you how much it's done for me already, so I really recommend looking into that if you can't get past it. For me, I didn't want to ride and I didn't want to give up riding so I had to do something. 

What I will say, and these are all things people told me but I didn't take on board: 

There's no 'should'. You shouldn't be doing anything. As long as you and horse are safe and happy it doesn't matter if all you want to do some days is walk or if you don't want to ride a particular horse. Don't beat yourself up by thinking 'I should be jumping/cantering/fast hacking'. 

It's too dangerous and expensive to not enjoy it so speak up for yourself at the riding school. No one will think any less of you and if they do they're not worth thinking about anyway. Your plan of a few private lessons sounds great, and low pressure. 

Like I said I really do empathise so I hope it gets better for you. It's a horrible way to feel.


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## Cob Life (4 July 2022)

Hi Jazz, I struggle with exactly the same issue!

I had a few horses really take off with me and a few bad falls that shattered my confidence, I’ll ride buckers but bolters or tankers terrify me.

I found a good instructor who has worked slowly with me in private lessons on her horses, starting on the school masters and moved to the schoolmaster who is slightly sharper but still an angel. the most important thing is she listens to me, when I get on she always asks “how are you feeling on him today?” a lot of my nerves are about canter so she never assumes I want to and if I don’t want to we do something else.

shes got my confidence to where recently one of the other horses I ride has taken off with me twice (unusual so physio is going to come out) and it shook me but I didn’t panic and freeze up.  


Somedays I get on and just go for a walk, some days I’m cantering figure 8s and doing flying changes, just take each day as it comes.


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## Oreo&Amy (5 July 2022)

Jazz2304 said:



			Wasn't sure where best to post this as I'm not a new rider. I just don't know what else to do to get over this mental block and sadly I'm not lucky enough to have any eq friends to turn to for advice anymore 

About a year ago I had a scary fall on a hack with a large riding group. I wasn't physically harmed but I was very confused after and i dont remember hitting the ground - I think I went into shock or passed out (no head injury).

I ride at riding schools still at 30 as I can't afford my own, so I was riding a 17.2 hunter who I soon learned was very excitable in large groups. Anyway, long story short halfway through in this field I lost control and he took off away from the group and I couldn't stop him - it was just a fast canter from what I remember but we were going straight towards a fence and I felt so out of control as he's so big. I was turning him in a big circle and then it gets a bit hazy after that, I think I ran out of energy.

But, the point is - I didn't stop riding, I actually changed riding schools a few months later and pushed myself to go hacking again and have ridden consistently. However, I thought pushing myself and keeping going would mean I'd get over it, but I'm getting to the point now where I feel more of a nervous wreck than ever, I've got worse.

I am absolutely terrified of horses taking off with me now / not being able to stop, even in arenas if they feel a bit fresh / hold their head up high / resist the brakes, I just shut down. I've been riding long enough that I can force my make my body relax, but my brain is a mess, my heart rate goes through the roof and I'm saying no / ending up in tears so much recently. I was so anxious last jump lesson that I had chest pains after. On my last hack the horse I was on was quivering with energy and squealed and bucked when those in front began to trot which set me off too.

As I never know who I'm going to ride at yard, and cant choose, I'm now at the stage where I feel sick before I go and I just don't enjoy it anymore  the list of horses that scare me is growing.

How do you get over this? I'm one to always want to face my fears but this is exhausting and I'm wondering if its not fixable. Ignorance is bliss, and the more I go through with riding I feel like the more I focus on the negatives, and the less I enjoy it.
		
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That’s a really difficult one. A bad fall can mentally throw you off for a long time. But there are lots of private trainers who specialise in building back up confidence. Instead of just forcing yourself to carry on, step back a few steps and have some private lessons with someone who fully understands how you feel inside and can train you back to feeling calm and confident. It won’t happen overnight but have faith, ask your trainer to find the right horse for your sessions (a schoolmaster/mistress) and take it slow. In a couple of seasons you will be getting back to enjoying every minute (well nearly every minute- everyone has the scary moments!!). Good luck. I’ll try and ask my contacts for a good confidence building trainer- there are lots about xx


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## QueenT (14 July 2022)

paddi22 said:



			hypnotherapy! I got it after an accident and it was amazing. I genuinely don't think I would have ever fully recovered my confidence without it. it was expensive but worth it. got me back confident riding after 3 sessions!
		
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I could write a similar long story current status being that the horse is now for sale (wonderful mare but not the right match, I need a more sensible plod) so after having forced myself to ride - and getting worse - I have an appointment with a hypnotherapist early August. Am hoping to at least enjoy riding again, even if not on that horse


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## JumpTheMoon1 (14 July 2022)

You  said you cant choose who you ride at the yard ???? YOU are paying for the ride so take control and decide who you want to ride on.Choose the old plodder that would never bolt  - get your confidence back and stop holding onto all this fear and trauma.
If you cant then give up as you are collecting a whole heap of stories around this.


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## Rumtytum (14 July 2022)

QueenT said:



			I could write a similar long story current status being that the horse is now for sale (wonderful mare but not the right match, I need a more sensible plod) so after having forced myself to ride - and getting worse - I have an appointment with a hypnotherapist early August. Am hoping to at least enjoy riding again, even if not on that horse
		
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Good luck with the hypnotherapy!
Just swapping the horse to one I trusted worked for me.


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## Goldie's mum (14 July 2022)

Echoing all the above encouragement & good wishes. Nothing useful I can add except I fully understand that you might have had trouble getting the RS to put you on a plod when you are obviously a good rider. I'm between horses & riding at various RSs & trekking centres but I have a problem with them "promoting" me to bigger, more forward horses once they know me. I think the steady ponies are in big demand for beginners & in danger of being over worked. Stick to your guns & ask for a certain mount by name otherwise there will always be the tendency to be given the horses that not everyone can ride. Be yourself, do what you enjoy, refuse everything else.


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## QueenT (14 July 2022)

Goldie's mum said:



			Echoing all the above encouragement & good wishes. Nothing useful I can add except I fully understand that you might have had trouble getting the RS to put you on a plod when you are obviously a good rider. I'm between horses & riding at various RSs & trekking centres but I have a problem with them "promoting" me to bigger, more forward horses once they know me. I think the steady ponies are in big demand for beginners & in danger of being over worked. Stick to your guns & ask for a certain mount by name otherwise there will always be the tendency to be given the horses that not everyone can ride. Be yourself, do what you enjoy, refuse everything else.
		
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I have stopped telling riding holidays/trekking centres etc that I am an experienced rider, as I always got the horse that was too forward/ill mannered/spooky and rarely used... when I am on holiday I just want to walk on with the rest. One time years ago I had the same little horse for three days, very strong but nothing else wrong with it, he was very well-mannered after. I think they should've paid me!


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## Goldie's mum (14 July 2022)

QueenT said:



			I have stopped telling riding holidays/trekking centres etc that I am an experienced rider, as I always got the horse that was too forward/ill mannered/spooky and rarely used... when I am on holiday I just want to walk on with the rest. One time years ago I had the same little horse for three days, very strong but nothing else wrong with it, he was very well-mannered after. I think they should've paid me!
		
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Oh absolutely. First time or if I'm only going once I really exaggerate my age & need of something non-spooky !
If someone is riding at the same place regularly though, like myself or OP, I've found you have to be very assertive not to be channelled to the one that "needs work".


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## Fjord (15 July 2022)

OP, you have my sympathy, confidence is so hard to build but so easy to lose.

Definitely try and find somewhere with a nice Steady Eddie that you can pootle about on, on lead rein if necessary, while you build up your confidence again. You will get it back, but you need a safe horse to remind you that it is going to be OK, and that you can relax and enjoy riding again. Good luck.


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## RylandLodge (7 August 2022)

*@Jazz2304 
I feel your pain!*

*I am in my mid 30s and had a really bad fall on my 16.3 TB. Thankfully nothing was hurt much apart from my pride, confidence and a good winding. I spectacularly came over her neck and shoulder, landed on my head/shoulder and lay flat out on the floor while hubby and said horse stood next to me checking I was still alive. 
I got back on and was fine...however, the second time i got on her a few days later, this insane fear crawled over me that she was going to bolt again and I got off 5 minutes after getting on. I totally understand and share your fear. I have gone back to baby steps and have a very good friend who rides her first in an arena and then I get on for 10-15 minutes. I'm now up to 20 minutes and practising trot and going over poles. I feel so baby-like but have found it easier to hold my hands up and say, "you know what? I'm scared that she's going to bolt (she hasn't bolted before, she fell down a mole hill when I came off) but I'm going to put my big girl pants on and try my hardest to trust her again" It also helps having an amazing friend who is very understanding and patient with me! Don't give up, take things at your own pace and only do what you are comfortable doing! *


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## Pinkvboots (8 August 2022)

You need to take a step back tell the riding school how you feel, it might be an idea to have a few lesson in the school on something really safe and take it from there.


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## Wizpop (21 August 2022)

Echoing what someone else has said- NLP/ hypnosis- you will be amazed!!!!


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## Wizpop (28 August 2022)

sbloom said:



			There are so many confidence type coaches out there that could work with you off horse and might even be able to work with you at the RS, definitely worth looking at, whether it's hypnotherapy or something more NLP/CBT etc.
		
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Absolutely second this! As an NLP/ Hypnosis practitioner, I know that working on yourself and how you think,  will help so much- see if you can find anyone in your area- there are lots of us about helping people to enjoy and live their lives to the max!


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## Lois Lame (23 September 2022)

How does one go about finding a good hypnosis practictioner? I've been thinking about doing this now for a while.


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